Breaking the Silence
by SparklingTwilight
Summary: Bella has suffered in silence for 5 years. What happens when EsmexCarlisle become her foster parents, and a perky pixie moves in next door & tries to break her out of her shell? AH ExB, Canon cpls. Rated M for future chapters. Please R
1. Prologue

**AN: Ok, so this is my first ever FF, please be nice...please? LOL. I've read a ton of stories out there, and you all have inspired me to write one of my very own. I just hope it comes out half as good as any of some of the stories on here that I've read! **

**And on that note... onward with this tradgedy train! May the Gods above not let it run off the tracks! **

**

* * *

**

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Twilight, or any of the characters involved....although I wish I did!

* * *

Prologue

I've often wondered how it was possible for people to change as drastically as they often do. Do they really change? Or is it not the people themselves that change, but everything else that has an effect on their surrounding environment and circumstances...thus making it appear more logical to assume that it is indeed the person themselves that has changed and nothing else?

For example..how is it that the people that come and go for brief periods in our lives are only capable of making the most inconceivably minimal changes to our lives, but the ones that come into our lives permanently are capable of creating such drastic changes that the world seems to invert itself? Shouldn't it be the impact of those come and gone, and what they leave behind that's capable of that degree of chaos?

I contemplate this theory daily as I observe my consistently dreary surroundings as well as the people that intermittently occupy them. I haven't always been an observer by nature. In fact, for most of my childhood years, I was quite the opposite. I had friends, I had family, and as far as I was concerned, I had places to go and people to see. The lives and surroundings of those around me meant virtually nothing...well as long as it wasn't affecting my day to day life.

But all that changed. One by one things changed. At first, nothing was entirely noticeable. The changes seemed to affect nothing. Or maybe I was just oblivious to anything outside my own bubble. It seems the only definitive answer I have is that it seems I woke up one day and _everything_ changed. Everything.

If I could go back, I would. But only to see _how_ everything changed so dramatically. I'm not saying that my life this far has been a regular bucket of sunshine, but for the most part I've been as content as I believe possible under the circumstances. I've always been the suffer in silence type of person, even before the silence part of that character trait took on such a drastic new meaning over the past few years.

It's been over 5 years since I've spoken a word. Not one peep, grunt, or even a scream to rid myself of any stress or anxiety. In the beginning, it was just because I simply couldn't, but quickly the reason was taken over by fear. Fear that one even barely audible sound would cause my world to come crashing down around me yet again.

Over time, the silence simply became a protection to those around me. I had lost everything that ever truly meant anything to me, and really it would have been a blessing to have been able to just make one sound to make everything stop. The pain, the inevitable build up of emotions, the emptiness...everything. However, that would have been the most selfish act I could have ever committed. For in the wake of the absolution of my desolate and nightmarish life, the normal and peaceful lives of those around me could and almost undoubtedly _would_ be thrown into chaos unnecessarily. So I vowed to keep silent...if only to spare them my existence.

I know there are probably millions of questions floating around in response to my cryptic explanation, but I promise...in due time all answers shall be received. For now, however, I need to fulfill my seemingly fathomless curiosity. I wonder how many others will answer the following questions as I do. If their answers will be the same as mine, despite the desperation with which I sought for the light at the end of the blackened tunnel.

Is it just because of what I have experienced that leads me to answer as I do, or does everyone on some level retain the knowledge that some things are worth fighting for. That some things are invaluable. That happiness, above all, sometimes requires that a person walk down a path in life that they would have otherwise veered away from at all costs.

With that said...if you could be certain that all the hardships, pain, and frustration you endured would lead you to profound happiness...to what degree would you be willing to suffer? How much would you be willing to sacrifice? How much would you be willing to lose?

My name is Bella Swan...and my answer is..._everything._

* * *

**AN: It's me again... so...hopefully it wasn't too awful...as far as cryptic first chapters go...hehehe I'm evil I know. Anywho..drop a review if ya can. I wanna stop this train if I have to..before it runs off the tracks! **


	2. Silent Initiations for Conversations

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or anything related to it. SM owns it all.**

* * *

Silent Initiations for Conversations

BPOV

"Bella? Bella. Wake up." Esme, my foster mom, was shaking me...attempting to pull me from one of the least fitful night's sleep in my abundant collection of restless nights.

I can't remember the last time I actually slept through a period of time greater than two hours. _Two_ god forsaken hours that only provided the miniscule hope of escaping the horrific images that frequented the backside of my eyelids in the conscious state...and even more frequently in the unconscious state. It truly was a blessing when only darkness would loom around me, and of course it _had_ to be during this darkness that someone would attempt to pull me from it.

"Bella, honey. Please wake up."

Oh, what I wouldn't give to have this blissfully blank state for just a few more hours. I rolled over and roughly started rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I was quite certain that, judging by the puffiness under my eyes, I looked every bit as hellish as I felt.

"Bella, Carlisle and I wanted to talk to you about something important."

I stopped rubbing my eyes, and turned my attention to Esme with a confused expression on my face. I quickly glanced past her to the alarm clock on my nightstand. It was only just past 8am, and it was a Saturday for crying out loud! What could they possibly want to talk to me about? Have I done something wrong? Were they going to send me back to the group home? I shot up, my eyes darting around the room as the panic began to rise and take me over.

"Oh..Bella dear, please calm down. It's nothing bad, and you aren't leaving us," Esme whispered as she clutched me to her chest, trying to ease the overwhelming emotions from taking me over completely.

It's only happened a handful of times..that she's aware of...but nontheless, it isn't pretty. Occasionally, when I'm overcome with panic, I end up catatonic for an indeterminant period of time. Frozen in my body as the panic seizes every nerve and muscle. Like I said, it isn't pretty, but at least it doesn't happen often anymore.

Esme still had her arms wrapped tightly around me, gently swaying from side to side, making quiet shushing noises in my ear. Her warmth and smell comforted me slightly. She was a mother in every sense of the word...nurturing, warm, and kind...but she isn't my mom, and it kills me that I can't be the daughter she deserves. The daughter that she can connect with, share things with, laugh with, and most of all bond with. I feel horrible that she has to crave for something she can never create on her own, her own child to bond with, and instead is left with a shell of a person who is no doubt more work than any worth.

I wonder from time to time how different her life would be had she met another child in the group home I was living in instead of me. Would that child have been able to bond with her and give her the relationship and closeness she so greatly deserves? Would she feel complete right now instead of an utter failure..which she's tried to hide from me, but I accidentally overheard her pouring her undeserved sorrows through streams of tears to Carlisle a few months back.

The panic slowly started to ebb away little by little, leaving only room for guilt. Guilt that I make her feel this way, because I'm damaged... flawed... broken. Damaged...that's a phenomenal word. It alone encapsulates so many levels of imperfection. Something can be damaged but not noticeable...or it can be damaged beyond repair..and every degree of imperfection held between. Unlike broken, which means just that..broken, unable to be fixed, past ability to repair...basically garbage. Yep that's fitting to what I am...I think I'll stick with that.

Esme's voice became clear once again, effectively luring me out of my internal diatribe, "There there, sweetheart. It's alright. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

I just nodded, both to acknowledge that I'd heard her, and to assure her that I was alright and hadn't crossed that metaphorical threshold of panic that rendered me frozen and unaware.

I pulled back slightly when I felt the slight moisture that had seeped into the shoulder of my shirt. I eyed the darkened spot and tentatively brought amy hand up to touch it...internally praying to whatever deity could possibly hear me that this spot was _anything_ other than Esme's tears.

I cautiously turned my head just a fraction to chance a quick glimpse at Esme's face to give me the answer I knew would be in the form of an unanswered prayer. I slowly raised my eyes in the direction of her face and braced myself for what I knew would break me even further. As expected, Esme had shiny trails of tears that had already fallen, running down her gentle face.

I met her eyes with mine, waryness still the dominant expression upon my face, sorrow on hers. It killed me to see her this way. To know that I caused it. To know that because of my existence in her life, she was filled with sorrow.

I slowly brought my fingers to her face, and gently trapped a tear that was slowly making its way over her cheek between my fore and middle fingers. I broke from my gaze and looked down at my fingers and scowled.

It's been years since I've been able to do that. Years since I've been able to release any type of emotion whatsoever. Years. And yet, here Esme is, unable to stop her tears from brimming the edge because I make her feel like a failure. That she somehow isn't capable of being enough for me, when the truth is... I'm far from being enough for what she deserves.

If only I could convey that to her somehow. If only she could see that she's more than I could have ever hoped for in a mother...that in some ways she _is_ more than my own mother. She's so many things that my own mother never was... stable, maternal, nurturing, forgiving to an abhorred degree, whereas my mother was quirky, childish, and often immature...but she was my mother and I loved her friendly childlike spirit. But Esme was more, she was what I always longed for in a mother when my mother was alive, if only I could convey that.

I looked back into Esme's eyes, which had thankfully dried during my struggle to overcome my envy for that moisture still lingering on my figertips, and pouted. It was the only way I knew how to show her that her unhappiness made me unhappy as well. I didn't wish to cause her pain. I didn't want to make her feel this way. If I needed to run to the end of the Earth to make her happy I would, but I couldn't do the one thing that I knew would heal her. I couldn't speak.

After a few silent moments, I suppose she resigned herself to the fact that my voice, as usual, wouldn't suddenly make a miraculous appearance. She sighed and took my hands into her warm ones, giving them a gentle squeeze, apparently steeling herself for what was to come.

I regarded her warily, not knowing what could possibly have her unnerved if it wasn't her telling me that she couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't fathom anything else that would warrant it, but I maintained my focus on her, patiently waiting for her to say something...anything really.

Finally after what seemed like eternity she spoke, "Honey, Carlisle and I have been doing some thinking, and we'd like to ask you to try something with us." She spoke softly, no doubt in hopes that whatever their ideas were I would respond without panic or absolute rejection.

Carlisle chose to enter my room at that point, no longer standing in the doorway watching the scene unfold before him as he had for at least the last few minutes I'm sure. He approached my bed slowly as Esme scooted over, leaving just enough room for him to sit on the edge. She released my left hand and quickly joined her right hand with his left in her lap. She gave him a quick smile and turned her attention back to me.

"Good morning, Bella," he said softly. I managed a tight smile and nodded as my return greeting. Envy quickly invaded my system as I thought of all the people in the world that have the ability to just respond in kind without a second thought about it.

"Bella, we think we've come up with an idea for how we can all communicate better with each other. I'm not saying it will be easy, but it would please us greatly if you could at least give it a try." He regarded me carefully, no doubt choosing his next words wisely.

"I know that we've made some progress with your willingness to write responses to questions on paper, but I can't help to think that there has to be a better way. I think it's safe to say that you hold back a lot of what you could say and resort to using the writing technique only when absolutely necessary." He and Esme both smiled slightly, almost encouragingly before he continued.

"We want you to be able to feel as though you can express yourself, and in a way that doesn't make you feel as though you are inconveniencing us. We could settle for the writing if you promised to actually use it to express yourself when you want to, but we would rather have a method that we could all use. I know that asking you to speak is far too much to ask at this point, but we would like to ask you to learn a different way of speaking with us," he said with a hopeful tone. I immediately froze.

_Different way of speaking? There's only one way of speaking..to speak! And I can't! How can I get it across to them that it isn't that I don't want to speak...it's that I can't! I physically cannot force myself to do it, the fear locks me up instantly the second I brace myself to attempt it. Why can't they understand this?! They've witnessed it firsthand!_

"Bella! Please calm down, we're not asking you to use your voice." His voice was almost frantic in attempts to cease the panic that was making a furious attempt to overcome me. Esme's grip on my hand was almost proof of her trying to keep me in the realm of the conscious and aware.

"Deep breaths, Bella, deep breaths. It's okay, there's nothing to fear." Esme's soothing voice quickly pulled me back from the ledge and forced me to refocus on them.

"Are you okay?" Carlisle asked while cautiously rubbing my shoulder.

I looked to him and nodded briefly, wondering just how bad this was going to get before it was over. He eyed me cautiously as if attemtping to weed out some sign that they should just discontinue this path before it becomes a disaster that no one was prepared to deal with at the moment. He quiked an eyebrow and looked to Esme, whos face clearly represented the fact that she, as well, didn't know if it was safe to continue. I took this as my sign to interject on their behalf.

They had done so much for me already, and it really was unfair that they had to bear the burden of my faults and inabilities. I could do this for them. I could hear them out. I had to. I had to show them that they deserved more. I had to show them in some aspect that I care, that as with as much effort that they expend attempting to help me, that I cared for them enough to put forth effort to help them as well.

I tapped his shoulder with the lightest touch to get his attention, and when he turned to face me I quickly moved my hand in a circular motion, conveying to him to continue. I squeezed Esme's hand to let her know it was alright, and I wanted to hear their idea. At the very least I could listen to it, even if I thought I couldn't follow through with it. At least they'd know I cared enough not to disregard it completely.

Carlisle nodded, then sighed. "Okay."

He pulled out a pamphlet and placed it in front of me on the bed. I picked it up and examined it curiously for a second before looking back at him and raising one of my eyebrows. How was a piece of paper supposed to help me?

He chuckled quietly in response to my muted question, but there was a flash of something in his eyes. I quickly looked to Esme to see that it didn't flash in her eyes, but instead lingered. It was hope. They were _hoping_ that this would be the answer. That this would close that horrible gap between us that kept us from bonding. That wretched distance that could only be caused by non-existant communication.

Another fresh wave of guilt washed over me. Guilt from knowing that it was my fault. The lack of communication was never a fault of theirs, for they constantly involved me in "family" type conversations only to receive perfunctory nods, shrugs, head shakes, and facial expressions with which to decode my responses.

_God what have I put these poor people through?_

I looked back to Carlisle, silently asking him with my raised eyebrows to explain what this pamphlet was all about. I probably could just read the damn thing, but I'd rather hear it from them...this was their idea after all. And cue the hypocrite..Good Lord, I'm a walking conundrum!

Carlisle chuckled again...probably having caught the irony of my latest bout with hypocrisy. Well at least this jest was with myself and not with an inanimate object...but we'll save that for another time.

Carlisle looked up at me, with a genuine gentle smile, and spoke softly,"Bella, it's a pamphlet with information regarding sign language. If it's okay with you, Esme and I would like to learn it with you. We think it would be a great way to not only help you express yourself, but for us to bond as a family. I know you feel as though you burden us... don't give me that quizzical look, it's written all over your face almost habitually... but we don't want you to feel that way. Esme and I love you as our own, and we would do anything to help you, but you must allow it first and foremost."

My eyes immediately snapped to his at the mention of them loving me as their own. How could they possibly? If they had had their own, they wouldn't be broken. They wouldn't have had to work this hard to help their loved ones. They wouldn't have had communication problems, or bonding issues, and they certainly wouldn't have needed to learn an entire new freaking language. Well if it even is a language...huh I never thought about it before.

If you don't use sound to create a word which flows into a fluid river of words thus creating speech and the ability to express thoughts, ideas, opinions etc, but instead use silent gestures..does that still count? Does it matter? As long as it gets the point across...it's just as valid as using verbal language isn't it?

Esme once again broke through my internal dialogue, "Honey you don't have to give us an answer right now. We just thought we would suggest it as a means to help ourselves as a family, because that's what we are...a family. I know I'm not your real mother, and the bond that you shared with her cannot be broken, nor should it be, but I would love to be able to share a bond with you. I never want you to feel as though you are a burden, or that you are unwanted. We love you, I love you, and we want you to be part of this family. Will you please at least consider it?"

I looked up from the paper in my hand and met her sparkling hazel eyes with my own dull lifeless brown ones. Her eyes held everything I needed to know. She was being honest. She loved me, they loved me, they wanted to help me, they hoped I would let them, and she hoped I wanted to be a part of this family as well. I didn't know how this would work...or if it would work even, but I knew I had to try. I had to try for them, for us. I nodded my head briefly and returned my attention to the pamphlet.

"Thank you, for at least considering it. I can't even convey how much this means to us." Esme's voice started out strong, but ended just above a whisper.

I looked up again, curious to see what made her voice weaken...and was shocked when I spotted the fresh tear trailing lazily down her cheek. Again I softly reached up, trapped it between my fingers, scowled at the moisture on my fingers, and then again pouted at Esme. No matter what I do I hurt her. Everything I do, or don't do for that matter, pains her. Esme shook her head quickly from side to side, and I raised an eyebrow at her.

"No," she said firmly. "Bella, I'm not sad. Quite the contrary actually. I'm happy. These are happy tears my dear." A slow tiny smile began to form on my lips, and I nodded slightly to show her I understood.

"I have to get going to work now, Bella, and Esme has a brunch to attend this morning. It's actually sunny out today, and quite warm. Why don't you just relax today, don't think too much about what we've discussed. Just give it some time and when you're ready we'll discuss it again okay?" Carlisle spoke as he got up off the bed.

He bent down and kissed the top of my head in a fatherly gesture before standing up and taking my small hand in his massive one.

"We love you Bella, and we just want you to be happy." He smiled, released my hand and made his way to my door before turning around to wait for Esme. She squeezed my hand that was still in her grasp, and cupped my cheek with her free one before kissing me once on the opposite cheek.

"I love you, Bella. Enjoy your day. I'm just a text message away if you need anything, okay?" I nodded as she made her way off the bed.

Just as she stood and stretched minimally with her back to me, I leaned up onto my knees and tapped her gently on the shoulder. She spun around and looked at me curiously, wondering what I needed. Her face started to show signs of concern as I hesitated.

I wanted...no I needed to show her that I feel the same, but I didn't know how. I didn't know what I could do to show her that. I didn't like being vulnerable, and my position in this family was about as vulnerable as you can get without being an invalid...which I'm damn close to if you ask me. Her face grew more concerned as I continued warring with myself as to what my actions should be.

"Do you need me to get you a pen and paper?" she asked.

Did I? Was this something I wanted to put into writing? Was this something I _could _put into writing? No...definitely not. I shook my head to tell her that I didn't want the paper. Damn paper...only I could be so messed up that I couldn't just freaking say something to end this debacle and put everyone at ease. My face must have shown my struggle because she sighed.

"Bella, I don't..." I cut her off effectively as I launched myself at her, and wrapped my arms around her neck, burying my face in her hair.

I must have taken her offguard because she gasped, but quickly recovered. She wrapped her arms around me fiercly and I let out a giant whoosh of breath that I had been holding in hopes that this gesture would be okay. She squeezed me just a little tighter as I felt her sob just twice. In return, I tightened my hold on her as well.

For a second I started to feel overwhelmingly guilty for making her cry yet again as I thought I felt another sob rack through her body. Only this one was different. It was accompanied with sound, and it sounded remarkably like a chuckle.

I pulled back gently to look at her face, and was shocked when I saw that she was not only soaking wet from tears, but adorned with the most brilliant smile I had ever seen upon her face. She let out another brief chuckle as she carefully pushed a lock of hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear.

"Bella, you have no idea how happy you just made me."

She smiled that breathtaking smile once again, and I smiled in return and nodded. Showing her that yes, yes I did know how happy I just made her. And for once, the guilt of how much pain I had caused her...couldn't touch me.

* * *

**AN: I hope you all enjoyed chapter two...now it's your turn to read and review! God my lines are cheesy! HAHAHA**


	3. MWASOG&SWF

**Disclaimer: As always.. I do NOT own Twilight.. or any of the smexy vampiric characters within! I just have fun with their pretend human forms...**

* * *

Memories with a side of Guilt & Strange Woodland Fairies

BPOV

I laid back down after Esme and Carlisle left my room. I laid still, under my navy, white, and sky blue comforter that Esme had made for me when I first came to live with them. She designed my entire room around the fact that everything I owned when they met me was some shade of blue. Granted that wasn't much, but it was all I had from my old life.

On the wall behind my bed hung the quilt that my Grammy Marie had made for me as a young child before she passed away. She had always commented that she would have loved to have made it in pink or purple, traditional girl colors as she called them, but she laughed, saying was afraid I would have torn it to pieces for being so "girly". I chuckled to myself remembering how happy she looked as I toted that quilt everywhere with me.

When I was about 6, one of the quilt patches came undone, and I cried hysterically until my mother finally broke down and brought me and the quilt over to Grammy Marie's to have her mend it. I never meant anything by it, at the time I just couldn't rid myself of the horrific images of what would remain of my poor quilt after my mother's attempts to fix it.

The quilt was delicate, fragile, and I couldn't trust anyone to save it aside from my Grammy. My chuckle was abruptly halted as I remembered how put out and hurt she was that I wouldn't allow her to attempt to fix it. Even then, before I was broken like I am now, I hurt those I was supposed to love.

I quickly shot out of bed and decided to take a shower. There was no way I was going to let my previous good mood be shot down by an avalanche of memories, of which would only prove to me what a despicable person I truly am.

I gathered up my clothes and headed for the bathroom just outside my room. I'll never understand how Esme and Carlisle ever thought they'd need a house this large. Well I suppose when they bought it they'd envisioned it filled to the brim with the fruits of their marriage.

_And cue the wave of guilt..._ I thought dryly.

This house is like a cemetery for souls that shall never come to be. It's also a walking ground for a person who doesn't deserve to be finding themselves comforted within the walls of a shrine devoted to the failed attempts and lost hopes of a very deserving couple. How they could deserve so much more and end up with something the likes of me is beyond my comprehension. I don't think I'll ever grasp the workings of the cosmos...or whatever it is that controls fate. It always seems that those who least deserve something, get it, and those that deserve it most are left to go empty handed.

I had asked Grammy Marie once, why good people often have to struggle so hard to obtain the things that make them happy, while people who could really care less about those things seem to have them handed to them without question. And her response was as cryptic as ever. She said "Isabella, my dear, when people are handed something it often disappears, whereas when people work for something it often lasts a lifetime." Yep cryptic as ever. Still doesn't explain _why_ it's handed to them in the first place.

I set my clothes on the counter and turned the shower on. I brushed my teeth while I waited for the water to warm, which didn't take long, as there was already steam billowing out from over the glass doors. I hated those damn glass doors. They made me feel entirely exposed, nothing to shield the view of my flaws and scars from anyone who could possibly enter in the midst of my barest moments. I always waited for the glass to fog before I stripped down and jumped in before anyone or anything could see me.

Now, being me, I should know better than to jump into a shower...or do anything quickly for that matter. I have an uncanny ability to trip over dust particles, and the side of the tub is a much larger obstacle than a particle of dust. But still, I do it, because the stupid panic at the thought of someone catching me in a state of undress is unbearable.

I've only tripped a few times, and thankfully none have been too serious. The worst was probably when I smacked my head on the soap dish protruding from the tiled shower wall. Esme about had a heart attack as she rushed me to Carlisle to have my eyebrow stitched up. It was quite embarassing, but thankfully nothing as dramatic as that has happened since, just some scrapes and bruises.

I quickly undressed and hopped into the shower, thankfully without any incidents, and stepped under the water. It was hot and refreshing as it released tension that had been building in me all morning.

As I stood under the steady stream, I contemplated what I would do with my day. I could walk down to the library for a bit, or maybe do some research on that sign language stuff, or maybe just take a book and read on the porch and enjoy the very rare weather.

We live in Forks, Washington. It's reported to be one of the wettest spots in the world...and I believe it. The sun barely ever makes an appearance here, and for a while I swore it was a myth that it existed at all. It wasn't until my family had abruptly moved to Phoenix, Arizona when I was 10 that I realized the sun does actually exist..and in abundance.

It was shortly after that, a few weeks at most, when my parents died and I was sent back to Forks to live with Grammy Marie. Unfortunately, that as well, only lasted a short while until she too passed. The doctors said it was a heart attack that claimed her life in her sleep.

I was overcome with guilt that up until that night I hadn't spoken with my grandmother since the incident with my parents. I hadn't been able to, the physical pain in attempting to do so was too great, and I hadn't fully healed yet. That night, as she tucked me into my bed after singing me a lullaby, I hoarsely whispered "Goodnight Grammy." She smiled, kissed my cheek and said "Goodnight Angel." I found her the next morning, looking peaceful as ever. I haven't spoken a word since.

I quickly climbed out of the shower and dried off after the water ran cold. I had been in there so long that my hands and feet were pruned and wrinkly. I chuckled to myself as I realized that my hands undoubtedly would look this way one day when I was old.

After I got dried off I quickly got dressed, pulling on a pair of dark blue denim capris, and a white camisole with a 3/4 sleeve length lavender button up collared shirt. I never wore shorts, or short sleeved shirts, and usually never anything without a collar. I didn't want anyone to see my flaws, and I certainly didn't want anyone staring at them as people for some stupid reason tend to do.

I quickly brushed my hair, pulling my bangs up and clipping them on top of my head with two bobby pins to keep them out of my face, and pulling the rest of my hair up into a pony tail to keep it off my neck.

I decided that I would just stick around the house and possibly read a book and enjoy the rare dry warmth of the beautiful mid-August day, and since I was sticking around the house, I didn't bother to button the shirt up all the way. It would be too stifling in the heat.

I picked up one of my favorite books, '_Wuthering Heights'_, and made my way out to the front porch. There was a slight breeze, and it was just the right temperature out. Not too hot, and nowhere near chilly. Perfect. I made my way over to the porch swing, and folded one leg underneath me as I sat down. I used the other leg to keep the gentle swinging motion going as I closed my eyes to savor the sounds, smells, and sensation of the air swirling around me.

I was abruptly startled out of my meditative state by a very high and feminine voice, and quickly became acquainted with the wooden planks of the porch floor.

_Well fancy meeting you here Mr. Splinter, may I have my skin back please?..._

"Oh my gosh, I'm _so_ sorry! I really didn't mean to startle you, I swore you heard me coming up the steps," the voice said.

I furrowed my brow and looked up, squinting now that the severity of the sunlight was unleashing itself right in my eyes.

_Seriously, is it not good enough that I'm mute...I have to be blind too? Maybe we could take up braille as a family bonding experience next! Humph! I swear the cosmos are out to get me..._

I held my hand up and shook it in front of the tiny girl, attempting to stop her from apologizing anymore. Hell, I'd probably scared her more than she did me. It's not every day that some freak catapults themselves straight in the air when you say a simple hello.

I quickly became aware of my surroundings, and launched myself to my feet, grasping the sides of my collar to my neck as my insecurities set in. If this isn't the most awkward situation I could get into without anyone home to help me out of it...well hell, then I didn't know what was.

The small girl regarded me cautiously for a moment, probably wondering what had me so spooked that it looked like I'd take off in a full sprint any second. She curiously looked all around us to see if there was something she was missing. Confident that there was no creature lurking that provided some type of imminent danger, she turned her attention back to me and quirked one of her perfect little eyebrows.

_She's probably questioning my sanity...hell I probably would too..._

I took a second to calm down while I looked her over. She didn't look dangerous by any means. She was only about 5 foot tall, and tiny as can be, with black spiky hair, and big brown eyes with beautiful golden flecks in the irises...unlike my ugly lifeless brown ones that resembled mud on their best day. She was quite beautiful.

_I wonder what in the world she's doing here. It'd be great just to ask her that, but I wouldn't want her to not wake up tomorrow morning or something because of me..._

"Are you ok?" she asked yet again.

_Yep she definitely thinks I've lost my marbles...if I ever had any to begin with..._

She lowered her eyebrow, and rocked slightly on her feet while letting her gaze wander around her.

"Oooookay..." she started to say, but I stopped her, probably rudely from her point of view, and waved my hand in front of her.

I held up 1 finger in a gesture to give me a minute. She nodded and I darted into the house. I quickly buttoned up my shirt, and pulled my pony tail holder out as I ran for the kitchen to find a pen and some paper. I didn't need yet another person thinking I'm a complete freak.

_It's bad enough that everyone else at school thinks that way..._

I found the pen and paper and ran back out onto the porch. I felt deflated and dejected when I noticed she was no longer standing by the steps where I had left her. I let out my breath as my hand holding the paper dropped to my side, and I focused my gaze to the wooden planks of the porch floor.

_Cosmos-2; Bella-0..._I thought to myself.

"Quit lookin at the floor like it kicked your puppy," she chuckled.

My head shot up and I looked at her as she giggled and patted the seat next to her on the swing. I smiled quickly, let out the breath I was again holding, and slowly made my way toward the swing.

"I hope you don't mind me sitting here, it looked comfortable and I didn't know how long you would be inside" she said with a smile.

_No, I don't mind at all. I'm actually thrilled you stayed..._

I smiled and nodded while waiving my hands around, hopefully portraying to her that it was indeed alright with me.

I carefully sat down on the swing and turned toward her, with absolutely no idea how to go about explaining to her about my situation, while praying to God that she wouldn't think I was crazy.

_Who are you kidding here Bella...you are crazy..._

Ugh...stupid internal voice. Why couldn't that have gone silent as well 5 years ago? I placed the paper against my thigh, and braced the pen, ready to write, but write what I still hadn't figured out.

The girl tentatively reached out and placed her hand over mine. I looked up at her in confusion and raised my eyebrow. She had an almost pained look on her face.

_Here we go, you haven't even done anything yet and you've hurt her..._

"You really don't speak...do you?" she whispered.

I shook my head sadly and dipped it down so I could focus my vision on the stripes of the swing fabric. The stipes almost immediately began to blur as I tried to focus my feelings away from the dejection I would surely feel when she got up and ran away.

"I just thought it was some type of parental rebellion or something when my mom mentioned that your mom said you don't talk" she voiced just above a whisper.

My eyes darted back up to her face and my eyebrows furrowed together.

_So that's who Esme's brunch was with. And who the hell is she to judge what my silence is about? She doesn't know me from Eve!..._

"I'm sorry" she spoke quickly "I didn't mean to offend you, I just... I... I never questioned her when she mentioned it. I'm so sorry." My brow quickly smoothed and I looked back down to the swing.

_She really hadn't meant anything by it. You shouldn't be so hard on her. She had no way of knowing. Stupid Bella, always being rash!..._

She pulled her hand back slowly, and I braced myself for wall of emptiness that would slam into me when she got up. I waited...and waited..and waited, but she didn't get up. Slowly I lifted my gaze to her, and as soon as I met her returning gaze she began bouncing up and down in her seat. I raised my eyebrow at her.

_What in the hell is she doing? She looks like she just found the hidden treasure of Captain Shithead and his peg-legged cronies..._

I chuckled a little on the inside from the mental picture of that.

_Seriously, what would someone named Captain Shithead bury?..._

She giggled, and I almost questioned if she had heard my one-sided mental conversation.

"Well...I guess it's a great thing that I really don't shut up then!" Her giggles turned into full on boisterous laughter that sounded remarkably like chiming bells.

_I wonder what my laugh would sound like, it's been forever since I've heard it...but it's best I just avoid it right now..._

She stuck her hand out towards me, and I looked at it as I warily placed my hand in hers.

"My name's Mary Alice Brandon, but you can call me Alice" she said still giggling slightly.

I almost had the courage to try and blurt out my own name....almost. Instead, I grabbed the paper and pen, and hurriedly scribbled my name and greeting.

_Hi. I'm Isabella Marie Swan, but you can call me Bella..._

Lame..I know, but what else was I supposed to say? She took the paper from me and read it quickly.

"Well, Bella." she said " I hope we can be great friends." I looked up at her, and upon seeing her genuine smile, I smiled kindly in return.

_She has no idea how good that sounds..._

At the speed of lightning...I swear she was _that_ quick...she jumped off the swing while excitedly screeching "Oh my God this is going to be _SO_ much fun!!" I looked at her curiously.

_Maybe she's the insane one?..._

She started bouncing on the spot, and I giggled silently. She looked _exactly_ like a little woodland fairy! She turned quickly to me and motioned with one finger to wait just one minute. I nodded with a raised eyebrow and she took off down the steps, yelling as she sprinted across the yard "I'LL BE RIGHT BACK! DON'T LEAVE!"

I chuckled as I watched her run. She was so graceful, she didn't even appear to be running. It looked like she could be prancing from one flower to the next in a meadow.

_Yup...definitely a pixie!..._

I waited patiently for a few minutes. Slowly, the fear that she wasn't coming back began to seep in. My eyes darted around the yard looking for any sign of her return.

_You ass...she isn't coming back. She just wanted to get out without making you feel bad. She's a nice person, but she knows when something's just not worth the effort..._

I sighed as I started to get off the swing to go back inside. I grabbed the pen and paper, crumbling the paper into a ball in my hand.

_Stupid paper. Stupid pen. Stupid Bella..._

I had almost made it to the door when I heard her yelling again.

"WAIT...WAIT!!!..WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!" I spun around and saw her sprinting back through the yard.

_Huh...she must live next door. I remember Esme saying that someone moved into the Johnson's old house..._

I shook my head at her and shrugged my shoulders. I really had no idea. She came back up on the porch, not even looking the slightest bit winded.

_God I envy her energy..._

She quickly reclaimed her seat on the swing and plopped a bag next to her. I raised my eyebrow at her as I motioned towards the bag when I sat.

_What could she have possibly brought with her that was so important she had to run home to get?..._

She looked at me and smiled as she spoke, "I had an idea when I was sitting on the swing, and I ran home to get some stuff for it."

_Uh oh. I'm almost slightly afraid of what she could be planning..._

I quickly gestured for her to continue, if it was going to be horrible I wanted to know right away.

_No sense in prolonging your punishment..._

I looked back at her, and her face seemed to betray her exhuberant nature. She looked hesitant, as if she didn't want to offend me somehow. I quickly rolled my eyes and smiled while gesturing for her to continue.

_Get to it pixie!..._

She smiled and let out a quick gust of breath. She opened the bag and reached inside, but paused.

"Now don't laugh at me, I happen to think this will be _awesome!_" she giggled and then proceded to pull out what looked like a journal, along with an impressive collection of colored pens, markers, stickers, glitter gel, hell you name it, it was in there. I looked at her for a moment trying to figure out just what the hell she wanted to do.

_Scrapbooking? What is there to scrapbook with no pictures? Man this sprite is a fruitloop!..._

She took one glance back at my face and burst into a fit of giggles.

"I said don't laugh, okay?" I nodded in response. "Okay, I thought it would be cool to scrapbook our conversations."

I was shocked...scrapbook our conversations? _Why?_ I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Well, you know how most people can just have a conversation, and it's forgotten moments later?" I nodded. "Well I kind of had this idea to do this because...well...for someone who doesn't talk, conversations would mean a lot more to them. Especially ones they participate in."

She eyed me warily for a moment, then sighed and started to put everything back in the bag. I was still shocked. How would she know how much that would mean to me? That there could be actual proof that I wasn't as alone as I felt. That I could remember, and frankly relive, a conversation that didn't involve me just nodding, or shrugging, or stupidly waving my hands around?

_She couldn't know, stupid! You have to show her that it means something to you! And you can start by wiping that damn shocked look off your face!..._

"I'm sorry...I just figured it would be something different that we could do... you know like a secret language between best friends or something." She looked so heartbroken.

_Well you would be too if you tried to do something nice for someone and make them feel included and they just stared at you doofus!..._

I reached my hand out to stop her. Her eyes flickered to mine and a small smile began to play on the corner of her lips. My smile on the other hand, was a big ol shit eatin' grin. For the second time today, I launched myself at someone.

"Oh, Thank God! I really thought I hurt your feelings or offended you!" she said as she giggled in my embrace. I pulled back, and sat back down on my side of the swing, and began bouncing up and down as I began pulling the items back out of the bag. I was filled to the brim with excitement over the thoughtfulness of my new best friend.

_Well my only friend really..._

Alice grabbed the journal from the swing and opened it to the first page. She pulled out a metallic purple gel pen and on the first line she wrote:

**Hi! I'm Mary Alice Brandon, but you can call me Alice!**

She handed the book over to me and I smiled before grabbing the blue metallic gel pen and wrote underneath her entry:

_**Hi back! I'm Isabella Marie Swan, but you can call me Bella!**_

I handed the book back to her and she looked up at me and smiled before dating the entry on the page.

**August 11th, 2007**

* * *


	4. Sunshine With a Side of Happiness

**AN: Well hello there kiddies! Welcome back! I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you all for your kind reviews...You've been freaking FANTABULOUS!! **

**Also...to avoid confusion. Bella's simple thoughts are italicized...whereas her arguements with mental self are bold. ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: same as always.. I don't own Twilight..SM does!**

* * *

Sunshine with a Side of Happiness

BPOV

Alice and I spent the entire afternoon sitting on the swing, writing back and forth with each other. She made it a her own personal mission to not speak one word. She even went as far as to attempt not to laugh, but it was quite amusing when she'd grab the book sporadically and write a simple haha or ha ha ha if she was being sarcastic. She even decorated every page as we filled them up.

I had learned a lot about her this afternoon. She and her family had just moved here from a small town in Connecticut. When I asked why they moved, she just shrugged then proceeded to write that her mom had grown up around here, and she missed her friends that still lived here.

_I wonder if she was friends with Esme?..._

I decided I'd ask Esme when she came home.

_She'll be thrilled that at least you conversed with someone today..._

Alice wrote to me all about life in Connecticut, the school she went to, and how everyone there thought she was a freak. I looked at her dumbfounded when she said that. When she saw my face she slipped out a little giggle, then laughed even harder as she tried to supress it again. It was quite amusing to watch. I took the book from her and wrote:

_**Why did they think you're a freak? They had no reason to. I should know...I am one**_

She immediately took the book back and started hurriedly scrawling across the page.

**Bella! You are not a freak! You're just unique! So what if other people don't understand it...that's their own damn fault! Oh, and they thought I was a freak cause I have an uncanny ability to predict things from time to time. It freaked them out, they thought I was a witch or a psychic or something...I just think it's intuition...**

I took the book back and silently chuckled for a second as I wrote.

_**So, you're not going to randomly grab my hand and tell me all about the guy I'm NOT going to marry, or how many children I WON'T have?**_

She read my entry quickly then rolled her eyes.

**Silly Bella, I don't need your palm to do that! Your husband is going to be gorgeous, and amazing, and perfect, and you'll have 2.5 kids, a cute country house with a white picket fence, a dog, 2 cats, a few fish..... oh and by the way he has beautiful green eyes! Hahaha**

I snatched the book back still shaking from my silent giggles. I read her entry quickly, and almost choked when I read the green eyes part. Only one name popped into my head, the same name that _always_ pops in my head at the mention of the color green. _Edward Masen._

It's quite pathetic really. We used to be friends when we were kids. I can still remember being completely entranced by him even at that young age. He had the most beautiful green eyes I'd ever seen...or have seen since for that matter.

_Stupid Bella, there's no point in thinking about him now! He doesn't even acknowledge you exist anymore! GET A CLUE! He hasn't talked to you since you were 10 freaking years old!!!..._

_Stupid voice._

I quickly turned my attention back to the book and began scribbling my entry in response.

_I really hope she didn't notice me space out back there. That would be WAY embarassing! And people think it's embarassing to voice their secrets...nothing like leaving a paper trail of them behind! Yeah....I think I'll pass on that debacle right now..._

_**Alice, maybe they were right. Maybe you are a freak...cause seriously I had fish once, and I forgot to feed them and they died. I don't think the Humane Society would condone me EVER having a dog and cats! haha OH! And I think you went a bit overboard with the whole white picket fence and 2.5 kids bit!**_

She took the book back and rolled her eyes once again.

**Just you watch Bella. Remember these three words...Gorgeous, Sweet, and Green. When they all collide together, you'll know who to thank... and I only say 2.5 cause you're still undecided!**

_Undecided? What a quack!... _I took the book back and started writing immediately.

_**Undecided? Alice...I don't even want kids period. What good would a mute mother do? How effective would it be to READ your parent's scolding? haha...even I can picture the kid rolling their eyes! I wouldn't eve...**_

She snatched the book back before I could continue.

**That'll change Bella. That's all gonna change.**

I stared at her in astonishment.

_It'll change? How? When? That's IMPOSSIBLE! It's been 5 friggin years!..._

She sat there with a smug smile as I warred with myself in my head.

_IMPOSSIBLE!..._I mentally ranted again.

Seconds later I was broken out of my silent reverie by footsteps coming up the porch stairs. I turned to see who was approaching, and spotted Esme smiling fondly at us.

"Hello girls, are you enjoying your afternoon?" I smiled and nodded, and Alice, bless her heart, kept up her vow of poorly continued silence when she smiled, nodded, and waived at Esme.

_Wow, I think I like her even more at this moment. I figured the silence would be broken as soon as someone worth talking to appeared..._

_**Stupid Bella! She's a nice person, and she's been talking...well writing to you ALL afternoon! She doesn't want the silent kinship to be broken you ass!**_

_Ugh! Stupid voice, shut up!_

**_Maybe one day Bella, and maybe it'll be the day you speak up!_**

_Yeah ok.. so I guess that __means NEVER!_

_**Get over it Bella...until then you're stuck me.**_

_UGH!_

Once again I was broken out of my internal diatribe by Esme.

"Bella, I was going to make some pot roast for dinner, does that sound good?" I turned to face her, smiled and nodded.

"Would you like to invite your friend to dinner with us?" I quickly looked from her to Alice beside me, figuring that Alice would take that as the invitation, but Alice being Alice, just sat there with a smug smile...and pointed at the book. I rolled my eyes and grabbed my pen.

_**Oh great and foreseeing Alice the Majestic...haha...Would you like to join us for dinner?**_

**I'd love to, O' Ye full o'doubt Bella the Skeptic haha :o)**

I took the book back, snorted and rolled my eyes.

_Only Alice!..._

I looked back at Esme, smiled and nodded. Esme smiled in return and there was a sparkle in her eye as she looked at the two of us lying on the front porch side by side with the book between us and all of our supplies scattered all over the floor. She turned slightly to make her way into the house, and I instantly missed seeing the happiness dance in her eyes.

_I can do this. I can make her happy. I can show her how much I care about her and it doesn't have to be with words..._

Just as she was about to unlatch the front door, I slammed my hand down on the ground a few times in a quick rhythm attempting to gain her attention. Alice just looked at me as if I was a toddler about to throw a temper tantrum. I shrugged and pointed at Esme, who hadn't turned around, probably thinking it had something to do with Alice. Thankfully, Alice got the idea and quickly blurted out "ESME!" I quickly smiled to show her thanks and scrambled to get up off the floor.

Esme turned around quickly, looking slightly panicked. My face probably portrayed how nervous I was about this gesture, but I steeled myself to my resolve. After all, I've accomplished it twice today, and so far no one's been hurt. I approached her with confident strides, and as soon as I was within arms reach I wrapped my arms around her middle.

She quickly returned the embrace and nestled her cheek next to mine while taking in a deep shuddering breath. I smiled, knowing how off guard this gesture caught her, and turned my face to the side and kissed her cheek. She gasped, and pulled back to look at my face. I was pleased to see the sparkle was still in her eyes, only now she looked positively radiant with happiness bursting at the seams. The sight made me smile even wider.

"Oh Bella, honey. You're quite welcome. I'm ecstatic that you've found a friend!" she cooed.

I looked back to Alice and smiled widely, thankful myself for my new friend. Alice returned the smile in kind and then silently mouthed "Can I?" I smiled even wider, and nodded, knowing that she wanted to introduce herself to Esme. Alice stood up, and walked over to us, but once again took me by surprise. Instead of speaking, Alice waved, then hugged Esme.

When she pulled back, she smiled at Esme, then did something that confused the daylights out of me. She took a step back and then started making various gestures with her hands, while mouthing the meaning of what she was doing. I chanced a look at Esme, and the profound look of pride on her face was almost enough to floor me. I on the other hand...was still lost. Completely and utterly lost. Alice must have caught my confusion because she laughed her amazing bell like laugh.

"It's sign language Bella, I simply said Hello Esme, it's nice to meet you, I'm Alice, Bella's best friend." I looked at her in awe. Then I looked again at Esme.

The look of pride was still on her face, but it was mixed with something else. Something I could only vaguely describe as....longing? I looked back at Alice who again started gesturing with her hands, only this time she spoke out loud as she made her gestures.

"Thank you both for inviting me to dinner, I'm looking forward to it." I was still stuck in complete awe of this mysterious woodland sprite standing in front of me. Esme's awe must have been broken because she quickly crushed poor little Alice to her chest. Amidst her cradling Esme kissed the top of her head and spoke softly to her.

"No, Alice. Thank you for coming."

Esme pulled back from Alice, and kissed my cheek before she went inside to work on dinner. Alice immediately went back to her spot on the floor and nervously fumbled with some of the supplies that were scattered about. I quickly came to her side and retrieved the book from between us.

_**Alice....What was THAT?!**_

**It's just sign language Bella. I'm sorry I didn't bring it up before, but I didn't know if you knew it when I saw you with the pen and paper, and I didn't want you to fe...**

I grabbed the book from her and started scribbling.

_**Where did you learn that? How do you know that? You can speak...why do you NEED it?**_

**I'm aware that I can speak. I learned it at a community center in Connecticut. I needed to learn it because my older sister, Cynthia, was deaf. She had surgery years ago to attempt to correct it, and it has some...she wears hearing aides to help with that now. I didn't like not having a way to communicate with her. My parents knew sign language and they could converse with her, but I couldn't, and it made me feel left out. I never knew what they were saying to each other. So I asked one of the counselors at the community center that I went to every day, while my parents were at work, to teach me. And then I surprised her when I first spoke to her using it. I'm sorry if I made you feel bad, it wasn't my inten...**

Again I snatched the book from her.

_I'm surprised she hasn't smacked me yet..._

_**No, no, no... I'm not upset! But... do you... do you think you can teach it to me?**_

I passed her the book back and waited with a hopeful expression.

**Of course I can! We can start tonight at dinner! haha I guess this means we're all gonna be Italian tonight!**

_**What does that mean?**_

**Geez... haven't you ever watched an Italian mob movie? They all talk with their hands! Get it?**

_**Yeah I get it Alice...jeez don't have a coronary over there!**_

**Hey do you think Esme will pass on the pot roast and make something Italian in light of our most recent pun?**

_**Well...there's only one way to find out O' Ali the Magnificent!**_

**I like that one better than Alice the Majestic!**

We picked everything up and brought it with us on our search for Esme. If I was sure of anything at this point, it was that tonight's dinner would definitely be interesting.

_I wonder if Esme and Carlisle will get the joke??..._

* * *

**Okay people, you know the drill! And before I forget to mention it.. I aplogize ahead of time in the event that I insult someone..I don't mean to. I myself quite frequently talk with my hands...and I also have a finger that seems to have a mind of its own some days. Sigh..when will I ever learn to control my appendages?!? R&R PLEASE! TY!**


	5. Kodak Moments & Splendiferous Giddyness

**AN: HOLY CROW! I can't believe this story has gotten this many hits/visitors already! IT'S ONLY BEEN A FEW FRIGGIN HOURS! Seriously though...that's awesome. I'm glad you guys seem to be enjoying it. I really thought it was going to be a disaster of sorts. You all make me Splendiferously Giddy! WOOT! Enjoy the next installment!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: yeah yeah yeah I don't own it..don't sue me. I don't have much to give anyhow!**

* * *

Kodak Moments and Splendiferous Giddyness

BPOV

After Alice and I dropped our bag of conversation scrapbooking supplies off in the living room we headed off to find Esme. When we entered the kitchen we found Esme rummaging through the refrigerator, taking out ingredients for her famous pot roast.

Alice immediately elbowed me in the side and attempted to push me forward. I half spun around, dramatically raising my shoulders and hands, along with my eyebrows clearly indicating that I was asking "What do you want me to do?" It's not as if I can just walk up to her and say "Hey Esme, can we have spaghetti tonight instead?"

_Yeah cause that's completely feasible at this moment!_

Alice in turn ran out of the room at a breakneck speed, only to return seconds later with a dry erase board and marker.

_Where the hell did she get that from?! _

I pointed at the board and furrowed my brow. She giggled silently and mouthed "From the bag, Bella...DUH!" She even had the audacity to roll her eyes when she mouthed the "DUH" part.

_Yeah like I knew everything that she stowed away in the bag of tricks. For all I knew she'd pull a damn rabbit out of it next!_

I rolled my eyes back at her and held my hand out for the board and marker. Once in hand I quickly scribbled out a note to Esme on it.

_**Esme, can we maybe have Italian tonight for dinner instead of pot roast? It's been forever since we've had it. Please?**_

I tapped her on the shoulder and braced the board against my chest so she could read it. She quickly read the note, and smiled. I figured she would just answer vocally, but instead she held her hand out for the marker.

I'm positive that my face appeared as dumbstruck as I felt at that moment. I'm pretty sure my point was validated by the tinkling of Alice's unsurpressed laughter in the background.

Esme took the marker and quickly jotted down her response. I flipped the board around and read it.

**I think that's a great idea Bella. How about some chicken cacciatore? **

I smiled widely and quickly scrawled my response.

_**That sounds GREAT! We haven't had that in FOREVER!**_

I flipped the board back over so she could read it. She took the marker once again and wrote another note down.

**Chicken cacciatore it is honey. Why don't you show Alice around and I'll call you when dinner's ready, okay?**

I spun the board back around to read the note. I quickly looked back up at Esme, smiled, nodded, and then leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek. She giggled as I spun around to take Alice on the grand tour with the board and marker in my hand. Just as I was turning the corner Esme called out to me while still chuckling.

"If I would have known chicken cacciatore could make you this happy, I would have made it every night for dinner!" I quickly turned back around and flashed a quick true smile in her direction before turning back around.

I caught up with Alice in the hallway and waved at her to follow me. I took her on a brief tour of the house, I didn't feel the need to explain the rooms...I'm pretty sure she was aware of what they were just by looking at them.

To sum it up, I pretty much just opened doors and let her wander through the rooms. When we got to the last room on the right upstairs, I paused before opening the door. Alice quickly looked at me, questioning me with her eyes where we were. I quickly tapped my chest, then pointed at the door to tell her it was my room. She smiled and stepped forward.

I opened the door for her and stood back as she entered the room. No one besides Esme or Carlisle has ever been in my room. I was curious to see what she thought about it. They always say that you can tell a lot about someone by their room.

I wondered what mine said about me, especially being that it was Esme that had decorated it. I had very few personal touches in there. The effects of which basically boiled down to my choice of books, music, and the few photos I had.

Alice slowly walked around the room, taking it in from all angles silently. When she approached my desk, she tilted her head up and I assumed she began reading the labels on my CD's, attempting to determine my musical tastes.

I can't really say I have a specific taste in music. I enjoy everything from rock, to some R&B, country, and even some classical. If anything my small collection just titles me as eclectic at most.

After perusing the CD's she caught sight of the few photos that adorned the shelves. There was a picture of my mom and dad from their wedding, one of the 3 of us when I was born, and one of me and Charlie (my dad) on a boat while he was fishing, and I was making a face at the worm he was putting on the hook.

There was also a picture of my Grammy Marie with me asleep on her lap all curled up in my quilt. Alice looked at that picture, then turned to look at the quilt. She spun around back towards me and smiled a sad smile before turning her attention back to the remaining photos. She took them in quickly, one by one, until she stopped dead in her tracks at the last one. I almost launched myself forward to tip that one over.

_Oh NO! Not that one! Oh please, stop on ANY one but that one!.... Crap!_

Alice grabbed the photo off the shelf, shrugged and pointed at the people in the picture. I knew what she was asking..."Who are they?" I sighed and headed towards my bed, moving my hand in circles gesturing for her to come with. I sat down on the edge of my bed and held my hand out for the picture. Alice quickly handed it over and flung herself on the bed next to me.

I held the picture frame gingerly in my hands and gently ran my finger over the group of kids it held within. It really was the epitome of a "kodak moment". The picture was taken the summer that we moved, just about a week before hand in fact, and our families had all brought us on our annual end of summer camping trip.

We were all best friends then, inseparable. At least I thought we were. I never thought anything could ever separate us. I felt the lump in my throat rise as I gazed at the picture longingly.

We were all covered in mud. Head to toe mud, and holding onto a giant piece of rope between us that had a muddy red flag tied to it. That day, our parents set up a game of tug of war for us...right over a mud pit. At first we really thought we were winning, and we were all screaming and cheering because of how strong we were.

Yeah we were gullible, and didn't realize that they were, without a doubt, letting us win...which I would have been fine with. Unfortunately, right when we thought we had them, Emmett McCarty had to go and yell out "OH COME ON!! YOU GUYS ARE A BUNCH OF PANSIES!"

Our parents burst out laughing, and with one quick tug on their side we all went tumbling into the mud. It was hilarious at the moment, and it still is thinking about it now. It's one of the few fond memories that I retain.

Alice broke me out of my reverie as she tapped on the glass of the frame. I sighed once again and grabbed the dry erase board and marker. I pointed to the kid on the left of the frame and then made a motion to the right, telling her I would write their names from left to right. She nodded and picked up the frame. I opened the marker and started writing names down.

_**Emmett McCarty, Angela Weber, Jasper Whitlock, Edward Masen, Mike Newton, and Jessica Stanley...I'm the one down in front. **_

She nodded and continued matching the names up to the faces in the picture. I don't know if she'd even be able to recognize them if she ever saw them in person, but I'm sure she'd remember their names.

Alice tapped my arm and then gestured for me to hand her the board. She quickly erased the board and wrote down her own message.

**How old were all of you?**

I quickly read it, and wrote my response.

_**Emmett had just turned 13, as well as Jasper. Edward, Mike, and Jessica were 12, and Angela and I were 11. Well...I was almost 11 anyway. **_

She nodded as she read the message. Then she furrowed her brow and wrote another message down on the board.

**Bella, how old are you now? **

I took the board and quickly jotted down my response.

_**I'm almost 16. How old are you? **_

**I'm 17. I'll be starting my junior year at Forks High this year. Are you going to be a sophmore?**

I chuckled silently and shook my head.

_**No. I'll be a junior as well. My parents had put me in this early start program instead of kindergarden, so I've always been a year ahead of people my age. **_

Alice smiled, then began clapping as she bounced up and down on my bed. She grabbed the board and quickly wrote a message down.

**YAY! I'LL HAVE A FRIEND IN SCHOOL ON MY FIRST DAY!!!**

I smiled and shook my head as she started squealing and giggling loudly. I took the opportunity to write a message down for her.

_**People in school don't associate with me...ever. I don't want you to end up being a social pariah like me. I completely understand if you feel the need to save yourself by keeping our friendship a secret. **_

I frowned as I wrote the last part, and looked away as I handed her the board.

"Oh, Bella! Why on Earth would I want to do that?"

Her statement caught me off-guard so I quickly turned my head to look at her. Her expression clearly showed her disapproval of my suggestion. She shook her head at me and then pulled me into a fierce hug.

"Bella, I would never do that to you. Everyone deserves to have friends, and friends shouldn't keep each other a secret. If they don't want to be your friend then it's their loss, NOT YOURS! Capiche?"

I had to smile at her use of the Italian phrase. I grabbed the board and responded.

_**Capiche, Alice. Thank you. **_

She smiled and hugged me again. After a few moments she jumped off the bed, and she looked to be a bit startled. I raised my eyebrows at her in question. She giggled and turned to me before speaking.

"I guess if I want to eat here tonight I should really ask my parents for permission!" I had to chuckle silently over that. I nodded at her and got up to show her downstairs.

When we reached the front door I held out my hand to stop her. I gestured for her to give me one minute and she nodded her acceptance as I spun and shot myself into the kitchen. Esme was standing at the stove stirring the sauce for tonight's dinner. She spun around as soon as she heard me barge through the entry way. I threw the board on the island counter and furiously began scribbling my note down.

_**Can Alice please spend the night? Please??**_

I figure she guessed I was in a rush, judging by the way I slid into the kitchen at full speed. She just looked up and smiled as she spoke.

"Bella, I think that would be a great idea, but make sure it's okay with her parents first, alright?"

I nodded my head vigorously as I blew her a kiss with my hand and darted back towards the front door, board in hand. As soon as I got there, I erased the previous message with my palm and wrote a new one.

_**Will you please spend the night here? I want to learn as much sign language as I can. Pretty, pretty, please?? **_

I pouted as she read the message, and when she looked up she burst into giggles. She took the board and wrote her message and handed it back to me.

**Sure! On 1 condition though!... we MUST have a mani/pedi night! No girls night is official without one!**

I read the board, and pursed my lips as I deliberated her stipulation.

_**DEAL!!!**_

She laughed and nodded, then headed out the door to make her way back to her own house. I closed the door behind her and smiled bright and wide, as I jumped up and down on the spot. I was positively giddy on the inside.

_For the first time in forever I almost feel normal!!!_


	6. Silent Confessions and Revelations

**AN: So the train's movin along pretty quickly at the moment..thanks to my diabolical gift of insomnia. Hopefully I can keep this momentum going throughout the next few weeks and have this story finished up by mid Feb. That's my goal anyhow..we'll see how it goes. Don't worry though kiddies..there's still a LONG way to go!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: As is custom.. I don't own Twilight, I just play with them in a land of make-believe. hehe. Thank You SM!**

* * *

Silent Confessions and Revelations

BPOV

After Alice left, and I finished jumping up and down, I went in search of Esme. I wanted to thank her for inviting Alice for dinner, as well as allowing her to spend the night. But, there was something else I wanted to ask her. In all the years that I've used that stupid paper to convey something to her, she's never once responded in the same manner.

_Why today? Why didn't she just voice her responses as usual? Does she know what Alice and I were doing on the front porch?_

_**You're such a tool Bella. Really. You don't think that it was strange for her to see how you and Alice became so close so quickly? It's pretty obvious that she connected the dots of your little secret book out there.**_

_Stupid voice. NO! Alice is my age...well close enough. Why would it be strange that I would bond with her quickly? This isn't rocket science you know! _

_**My God you are DENSE! Bella, you were lying down on a porch...with a journal between you...pens in hands...and surrounded by scrap booking material. Does ANY of that scene ring a bell?**_

_Yeah...so? We were scrap booking. Lots of people do scrap booking jerk-face!_

_**Who the hell scrapbooks with NO PHOTOS GENIUS?!?! Oh and by the way... you just called yourself jerk-face MORON**_**!**

_Stupid voice! GAH!!_

I entered the kitchen just in time to see Esme pulling the dinner plates down from the cabinet. I walked over to her, took them from her hand, and headed over to the table off to the side of the kitchen. We only ever used the actual dining room for special occasions, or when we had a large amount of company over for dinner.

I always hated those situations. It was extremely uncomfortable to sit at a table where people talk to you, but then look at you like you're crazy when you fail to respond with anything either than nods, shakes, or shrugs. I can see how it can get aggravating for them, but seriously...they were warned before they graced us with their presence.

One of the first times that happened was what lead me to use the paper and pen method. I spent the entire night stressed out, futilely attempting to dodge people left and right. Where one person would disappear someone else was immediately waiting to take their spot, placing me directly in front of the firing squad of the damn Spanish Inquisition. It's a wonder I didn't rip my hair straight out of my head.

I let out a gust of air and turned my focus back to setting the table. I wandered back into the kitchen to retrieve the utensils and napkins. I was in my own little world, thinking about everything that had happened since I've come to live with Esme and Carlisle. Some good, some bad, but most just mainly indifferent. There were plenty of those days in between the ones that made marks in my memory.

I really do enjoy living with them, but it's just so hard sometimes when I think about how much stress I cause them unnecessarily. The didn't ask for these problems. Sometimes I wonder if they were even aware of them when they took me in, but then were too ashamed to bring me back. I let out another breath of air and turned to head back toward the table.

"Bella, is everything alright sweetheart? You seem to have done a complete 180 from 10 minutes ago. Did Alice say no?" Esme spoke softly as she came around the kitchen island to approach me. I looked up at her and nodded, but she eyed me cautiously...so I shrugged. She gestured with her hand for me to come with her, and she led me back to the kitchen island. Once she got there she picked up the marker and began writing a note.

**What's wrong? You can tell me anything, I promise I won't get upset.**

I eyed her carefully and then nodded and began writing.

**_Esme, why did you choose to write your responses earlier instead of just voicing your answers? And why are you using this now to communicate with me?_**

She took the board and quickly started writing down her answer, after erasing the previous messages.

**I did that because when you were outside I noticed how open you were with Alice. I couldn't help but think that it was because she chose to communicate with you this way. I guess it never dawned on me to try this with you. I always just assumed that it didn't matter whether I did or not, and I'm sorry for thinking that way. I never meant to make you feel excluded or different in any way. I can't tell you how sorry I am for not seeing it sooner. Is it okay that I responded this way to you today? Or would you rather us go back to the way it was before? I don't wish to push you if you are uncomfortable with this.**

I didn't know what to say. I never realized how hard she worked at trying to figure out how to close the communication gap. Hell _I _never realized how simple the answer was...until today. Had Alice not been so excited about it, I probably _still_ wouldn't have had a clue.

_**And right there is your answer Bella. Tell her.**_

_Stupid voice. Well I guess for once I shouldn't call you stupid huh?_

_...silence...that's just awesome! Can't even talk to myself now!_

I erased the board and twirled the marker around in my hand as I contemplated how to form my response.

_**I'm okay with this. Honestly, had it not been for Alice, I wouldn't have known this would work either. You can't blame yourself for not seeing a link that even I didn't see. But on another note, I'm sorry too. I never realized just how much you and Carlisle have struggled in trying to understand my problems as well as attempting to bridge the gap between us. It never occurred to me that the link could be formed as easily as asking you to just respond in kind to which ever way I reached out to you. Had I known I would have saved you 5 years of stress and heartache. I know I haven't been easy to live with, or even understand, but I want you to know that even though I have a hard time showing emotion, I do care deeply for you both. If I ever pushed you away, I'm incredibly sorry. I never meant to, I just didn't know how to reach out without feeling so different. And that's the hardest part. I feel different...from everyone. It makes me feel like I'm all alone. I think that's why I responded differently with Alice's approach. She knew I felt different...so she made us the same.**_

Esme took the board from me and sat down while she read through my response. She had given me a moment of privacy while writing it as she went to mix the noodles with the sauce for dinner.

Shortly after she sat down she looked up at me, and smiled while reaching her hand across the counter to take my hand in hers. She gave it a gentle squeeze and stood up to round the island and wrap me in a warm hug. I let out a deep breath that I had been holding in awaiting her response, and for the first time in 5 years a single, solitary tear made its way across the barrier of my eyelid, and slowly but surely carved its path down my face.

_**Good job Bella.**_

_Thank you!_

"Bella?" Carlisle startled me out of Esme's warm embrace and I jumped with a start. I quickly reached up to my face and caught the tear that had finally made its appearance after years of me wishing for it to come. Carlisle quickly rounded the kitchen island and practically tackled me in the kitchen.

"Bella! You're crying! That's wonderful! Well it's horrible...but it's absolutely wonderful at the same time!" he practically shouted in my ear. I chuckled silently but my shaking gave me away. He pulled back and cupped my cheek gently in his palm.

"I've been watching you and Esme from the entryway for the last 15 minutes. It's amazing how much you've opened up today. I'm so proud of you. How in the world did you two manage to find the answer we've been looking for for so long?"

Carlisle's face was chock full of awe and delight. I couldn't help feeling the same, and for the first time I wanted to share this with him. I wanted to bridge this damn gap that had kept all of us so far apart for so long.

I quickly gestured for him to sit as I bounced my way over to the dry erase board. I stole a quick glance at Esme as I passed her on my way back around to sit next to him. Her face said it all. She was ecstatic, and proud, and grateful, and above all...hopeful. And for the first time, I felt the same way..at the same time. I smiled at her and took my seat next to Carlisle and began writing.

_**It all started this afternoon when I was startled by the girl who moved in next door. Her name is Alice. Mom..I mean Es..**_

I didn't get a chance to finish because Carlisle stopped me. I panicked for a brief second wondering if I had done something horrible.

_It just slipped! Please don't be mad! Please!_

I looked at him with frightful eyes and he just smiled. He SMILED!

_What?_

"Esme, dear. Come here. You don't want to miss this." he said to her quickly.

I tried to grab the board back but he stopped me and chuckled.

"It's alright Bella. In fact, it's better than alright. It's all we could have ever hoped for." His voice was soft and sincere as he spoke. However, that did nothing for my nerves. I regarded Esme warily as she made her way over to us. I briefly wondered how long I could hole myself up in my room without having to come out.

Esme met us at the island and leaned over to read the board. I knew the minute she saw the word because she gasped and covered her mouth. Immediately my head sunk, and a long lost traitorous tear urged its way forward, bracing itself for the fall.

_Stupid Bella. What'd you have to go and do that for? Today was going so well until you pulled that stunt! Stupid tear...JUST FALL ALREADY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! _

It never got the chance though, as I got the wind knocked out of me by Esme clutching me to her chest.

Her voice was almost a blur she spoke so quickly, "Don't you ever feel sorry for calling me mom. Never. You can call me that every second of every day and I'll never tire of it. You are my daughter in every sense of the word, and I have NEVER thought of you as any less."

I quickly flung my arms around her and held her as tightly as I could, relishing the strength of her hold on me. My internal voice had never been as loud as it was at this moment, chanting again and again _She loves me! I'm her daughter! She loves me! _With that, my damn traitorous tear finally broke its way through and trailed down.

I chanced a glance at Carlisle, completely unwilling to break free from my mother's embrace just yet. What I saw surprised me to say the least. There, standing next to the stool that Esme had knocked over in her exuberant tackle, stood Carlisle, with a hand over his heart, and streams of tears coming down his brilliantly smiling face. I did the only thing I could do. I nodded at him, and smiled, while squeezing my mother just a little harder.

* * *

**AN: So at this point I have about 3 more chapters pre-written that just need to be edited and posted. You can probably look for those later today. After that this story might not get updated again until possibly some time Thursday...Wednesday night if I get struck by a bolt of lightning filled with typing energy. It's all in my head..just waiting to spill out until then. Happy reading lovies! As always.. please R&R, TY!**


	7. WSYHTBITTWYH?

**AN: And the moment you've all been waiting for...**

* * *

**Disclaimer: As always, I don't own Twilight..SM does!**

* * *

Who Says You Have To Be Italian To Speak With Your Hands?

It took a few minutes for me to relinquish my hold on Esme, but eventually we managed to pry ourselves apart, smiling the entire time. After I collected myself, I finished recounting the day's events to Carlisle. To say that he was amazed would be the understatement of a lifetime. He was just as befuddled as Esme and I were, that a stranger could crack the puzzle before we could, and we'd been dealing with the issue at hand for 5 years. All of that aside, he was thrilled that we finally had an open communication line. I have to admit, I was thrilled myself. I felt light for the first time in years. I could literally feel the weight lifted off my shoulders. I was no longer bearing the weight of all my issues, and neither were they. The air surrounding us tonight practically sparked with excited energy. We were all excited for ability to finally become a family, instead of the shell-like resemblance of one that we had been living as for so long.

Shortly after I finished recounting everything that had happened today, and writing to Carlisle about Alice, the doorbell rang. I smiled at Carlisle and took off for the door. I flung the front door open and was utterly shocked by the sight that laid before my eyes. Alice, that perky little pixie, was toting enough baggage behind her that I would _swear_ she was moving in.

_What in the world did she bring with her for one night?! She lives NEXT DOOR! How much could she possibly need for just a few hours?!_

Unable to express my thoughts at the current moment, I held my hand out to lighten some of her burden. She passed me 2 bags and proceeded to waddle her way in through the door. I managed to pick my jaw up off the floor as she passed by me, and shut the door behind me. I gestured to the stairs for her to bring her things up to my room, and I followed closely behind. Honestly petrified that the weight of her bags would cause her to topple backwards and get hurt. Not that I could do anything to stop her backwards decent, but at least I'd be able to soften the blow a bit perhaps at the very least.

We finally made our way into my room and she unloaded her bags off her shoulders. I quirked an eyebrow at her as she turned to face me, and I put the bags that I had carried up on the floor by the bed. I turned and sat, waiting patiently for her to explain the need for bringing her entire room with her for one night.

"Bella, don't look at me like that! These bags are all filled with _necessities_ for a night of pampering." Again, I quirked an eyebrow at her.

_How much could you possibly need? Some nail polish and remover at most? She practically toted an entire salon over here from what I can see!_

She giggled lightly, and waved her hands around dismissing the scene in front of our eyes. "Don't worry about it, Bella. We'll get to it all later, but right now I'm _starving_, and something downstairs smells absolutely delicious!" I got up off the bed and followed behind her to the stairs.

_It does smell amazing. Esme's cooking is always phenomenal though. It's a wonder she became an interior designer and not a chef._

When we reached the bottom of the stairs, Alice quickly made her way to the kitchen. She immediately plopped herself onto a stool at the kitchen island, turned and waved to Carlisle next to her. He immediately went to introduce himself, but good ol' Alice put a hand up to stop him, and grabbed the dry erase board from the counter, and quickly wrote her message to him. Recognition of her actions quickly flashed in Carlisle's eyes, and he turned to smile at me before taking the board. I averted my gaze to Esme who was gazing fondly at Alice.

_I think she just adopted a new daughter..._

Carlisle and Alice passed the board back and forth for a while, as Esme and I brought the food and drinks to the table. I stopped next to them on my second trip back to the table, carrying the bread basket. I tapped Carlisle on the shoulder to get their attention, and waved them towards the dinner table. They quickly rose and we all meandered our way over to sit at the table. On the way over I had an idea for something I wanted to do for Alice to show her how much what she did today meant to me. I jogged into the living room and grabbed a pen and notebook, and wrote my note for her on it.

_**I can't even begin to say how much what you did today means to me. In the briefest of moments you broke through the barrier that has held all of us back from being able to communicate with each other for 5 years. None of us knew how simple the answer could be, and you understood what the issue was immediately. It's been what feels like a lifetime for me to be able to express myself without feeling different and alienated. I'm thankful for what you did today, but most of all I'm thankful for you and your ability to befriend me without judging me. It means the world to me. Thank you. =o)**_

I quickly walked over to Esme and handed her the notebook and pen. She read it quickly and smiled up at me with tears in her eyes, and nodded, taking the marker from me to write her own note.

**Alice. Thank you. It seems too simple a statement for how I feel, but there are no other words that can effectively portray just how grateful I am for you. We've struggled for so long, just trying to understand the issue and trying to find the link we were missing from the puzzle, and you found it. I finally have real hope that things will be okay, and it's all because of you. You mean more to us than you can ever imagine, and you will always be welcome here, as a member of this family. From the bottom of my heart, Thank You.**

I took the notebook and pen from her and kissed her cheek before walking over to Carlisle. I glanced at Alice to see her looking confusedly at Esme who was now dabbing her stray tears with her napkin. Carlisle took the items from me, and after reading the first 2 entries, began to write his own.

_**Alice, my dear. You are a miracle. When my family was at its most fragile, you gave us the gift that will enable us to stand strong. No words can express how incredible a gift that is to be able to both give and receive. You've given us a glimpse at our true daughter today. Something we almost never thought we would ever see. In one afternoon, you broke through her walls and made more progress than we had in years. It's amazing. We are all truly grateful for you and your presence in our lives. Thank you for everything you have done.**_

I smiled at Carlisle and took the notebook from him, giving him a quick hug before rounding the table and making my way to Alice. When I finally reached her she looked up from the table, and I almost buckled when I saw her tears.

_No! It wasn't meant to hurt her! Please Alice! Don't cry..Please!_

Alice must have seen my panic, because she shot out of her chair and pulled me into her arms. My panic slowly started to ebb away. I heard her sniffle once, and then she turned her head toward my ear and whispered "What you just did means everything to me. It took me a minute to realize what you were doing, but I don't need words to see what your family feels. And I certainly don't need them to see how you feel, but I'm thankful for them just the same. I'm glad I met you today, I have a feeling we're going to be more like sisters than friends." She pulled back and I smiled brightly at her, and she returned a glorious smile in kind.

She took the notebook from me, and read the passages, with tears flowing freely down her beautiful face. She took in a shuddering breath when she finished and put the notebook down. One by one she rounded the table giving everyone hugs, and whispering her thanks to them while in her embrace.

After everyone had taken their seat, Alice cleared her throat. "Esme, Carlisle, Bella asked me today to teach her sign language, and I was wondering if you would both be interested in learning with her...as a family." She smiled at me as she said the last part, knowing that it was the feelings of alienation that had kept me away from communicating for so very long.

Esme responded first "Oh Alice, that would be wonderful!" She quickly turned her attention to me "Is that alright with you Bella?" I quickly nodded and smiled, and turned my attention to Carlisle. He smiled brightly and nodded as he responded. "I'd love to. I'd like nothing more than to have any possible means of communication available for us to express ourselves to each other." My smile grew even wider, realizing that in no way shape or form, were they going to let this new connection disappear.

Alice quickly started showing us simple signs such as the alphabet, saying that it's the most crucial to learn first, since all you could ever really need is the alphabet to get your point across, even though it would take a lot longer to express your thought. We laughed, me silently of course, fumbled, and even practiced saying things across the table with the alphabet during dinner. It was a riot. At one point Alice burst out laughing at something Carlisle did. He looked at her, his face full of confusion, not understanding what he did wrong.

"Carlisle, I have no idea whatsoever what you just said, but it was incredibly entertaining watching you!" she chortled. By this point I was shaking so hard my sides were hurting. Carlisle let out the loudest guffaw I've ever heard come from him, as Esme nearly toppled off her chair with her fit of laughter.

"Do you realize what we look like right now?" He suddenly chuckled. "Look at us...sitting around the table being boisterously loud, eating Italian food, talking with our hands... We look like an Italian mob family!" He abruptly let out yet another guffaw, and that time I couldn't have held it back if I'd had super-hero strength.

I let out softest of noises as I lost control of my laughter. Immediately I steeled myself between the table and chair and froze. Blackness immediately rolled over me, and I was trapped within myself, unable to find my way out.

_NO! No, no no! Not now! Why now?! PLEASE! Don't let anything happen to them! I'm begging you please! To whatever is up there...please...don't take them away from me. please..._

The last glimpse of any type of light flickered out and I was lost in the silent darkness. Unthinking, unseeing, nonliving....buried alive...within myself.

* * *

**AN: I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Things are starting to spin out of control in Bella's life, and she's going to face some rough times ahead. There are things that she has yet to acknowledge, and truths she has yet to discover...but in time they will come. The next chapter will be in Alice's POV. Fair warning..the next 2 chapters are short. I had thought about just posting them as outtakes...but then decided to just leave them in the story...they belong here..it's like a family haha. Anyways..enjoy!**


	8. Ice Age

**AN: This chapter is incredibly short, but it's only meant to be a glimpse into Alice's reaction to last chapter. Enjoy.**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of it's characters. SM owns them all.**

* * *

Ice Age APOV

APOV

"Bella! Oh my god!" Esme screamed as she launched herself out of her chair towards her daughter. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't even move. I'd never seen anything like that before. I barely even heard the sound escape from her lips, and yet it caused her every movement to screech to a blinding halt. I caught the briefest glimpse of panic in her eyes as she froze. If I hadn't been looking right at her I would have missed it completely. It almost looked as if she were internally pleading for something.

_God, how do I help her? Can she even hear anything when she's like that? _

Carlisle quickly stepped over to her and lifted her frozen body from the chair. Esme carefully moved her limbs to a more comfortable position for her. She literally was frozen, not even limp, frozen. There was no other way to explain it. Carlisle smiled an apologetic smile in my direction before taking off up the stairs with her in his arms, cooing sweet words the whole way. Esme quickly came to my side, and I couldn't contain it any longer. I broke down. Sobs racked my body as the scene that had just unfolded in front of me replayed incessantly behind my eyes.

"E... Esme," I sobbed. "I've never se...seen anyt-thing like that before." My words coming out a jumbled stuttering mess. Esme rocked me in her arms and shushed in my ear, slowly calming my sobs. I took in a shuttering breath and looked at her.

"Is she going to be okay?" I asked. Esme smoothed my hair from my face, and kissed my cheek.

"She'll be fine when she wakes up dear. I promise. It's happened before," she cooed still rocking me back and forth in her brace.

She rocked me back and forth for a few more minutes before Carlisle reappeared downstairs. He approached me and knelt down in front of me.

"She'll be fine Alice, she's in her bed. All we can do is wait for her to wake up."

I nodded to him and looked down to the floor. I was so caught up with everything that had just happened, and the million different things running through my head that I almost missed Carlisle speaking to me.

"Honey, you're more than welcome to stay, but we understand if you'd rather go home. I'm sure Bella will understand when she wakes up." I shook my head and looked at him.

"No. If it's okay I'd like to stay here with her. She's my friend and I need to know that she'll be okay."

He nodded and started picking up dishes from the table and bringing them into the kitchen. I immediately stood and began clearing my spot, but Esme put her hand on my arm to stop me.

"Sweetie, it's alright. We'll clean this up. Don't worry about it dear. You can either stay with Bella in her room or you are more than welcome to the guest room across the hall from her room if you'd like." I nodded and put my plates down on the table.

"If it's alright I'd like to stay with her," I said as I turned to her from the table.

"That's quite alright with me dear. I'm sure Bella will appreciate that when she wakes up as well."

She smiled briefly, but it wasn't the smile I've seen all day. It was a sad, worried smile, and it broke my heart. I smiled briefly in return and bid her goodnight and headed for the stairs.

I stood outside her door, bracing myself for what might come to pass tonight. I looked up to the ceiling before entering her room, pleading silently to whatever forces could be at work above to just give her a little bit of help. Just a little. If anyone deserved it, it was her. She's suffered for so long. I wish I knew what she was pleading for. Maybe she knew how to help her, but couldn't get it out.

_Oh God, is she even aware when that happens to her? Can she feel it? Is she scared when she's stuck like that? I'd be terrified! And she's been alone in her struggles for so long. How in the world is she still functioning? How has she not given up? I can't even begin to understand how strong she must be to still be able to smile after everything she's been through... _

I shook my head sadly as I pulled myself from my thoughts, and turned the handle on her door, silently entering. I quickly made my way to my bag of clothes and took out my pajamas. I took one quick glance at her bed. She was unmoving, but I could hear her breathing as I stood next to her.

_I wish there was something I could do for her... _

I shook my head again and made my way to the bathroom to change and get ready for bed. I sped through the routine, not bothering with the usual nighttime rituals. It suddenly didn't seem as important as I'd always made it out to be. For years, I've put silly things like facials, skin regimes, mani/pedis and such in some of my top priorities, and yet here's a girl in the room across the hall from where I stand, who's main priority in life is to stay conscious. To stay here, with her family, and remain unfrozen. A daily attempt to not get herself lost within her own shell.

It breaks my heart to know that last night, as she was struggling to find a way to feel normal, to find a way to communicate with her family, to just find some way to break through her unwanted armor, I was fighting with my sister over allotted bathroom schedules. I couldn't even find my way past myself to let my own sister in the bathroom while I did my nightly routine, and here she sat struggling for a way to not feel so alone. It made me so ill I almost physically wretched.

_What kind of person am I? Have I always been this way? _

I quickly made my way over to her bed, pulled the blanket and sheet back and climbed in. She looked so peaceful at that moment. I could only pray that she felt as peaceful as she appeared. I'd hate to know that she's screaming on the inside or something.

"Bella, it's Ali. I'm right here waiting for you. You aren't alone, I promise. I'll be here when you wake up."

I watched her for a while longer. Her face never showed signs of discomfort during the time that I watched her. Slowly my eyes began to droop and sleep overcame me.

* * *

**AN: R&R PLS & TY!**


	9. Finding Yourself in the Dark

**AN: Here's another outtake for you. It's BPOV during her catatonic state. I just want to make something clear now..before there's any confusion. Bella can only hear her thoughts in the very beginning and very end stages of her frozen state. Only as she's going into it, and then again as she's slowly coming out of it. This chapter is of her coming out. The internal dialogue is longer coming out than going in because going in happens extremely quickly whereas coming back out is a slow process. During the time of her state where she isn't losing or gaining consciousness...she's nothing basically. She feels, hears, sees, smells..nothing. Hope that clears some things up for ya! =o) Luv u guys! ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: We know this by now.. I don't own it..but still wish I did!**

* * *

Finding Yourself in the Dark

_When will this be over? It feels like it's been days. I just want this to be OVER! I can't take it anymore. Oh God, what am I going to do if they're not okay. I didn't mean to let it slip out. I didn't mean to lose control of it. It's all my fault. If something happened to them it's all my fault. _

_**Calm down! It isn't your fault! They're going to be fine!**_

_HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME?!_

_**Bella...Grammy Marie had a heart attack in her sleep. You didn't kill her.**_

_YES I DID! I spoke to her for the first time that night....and she DIED! And what about my parents?! THAT was MY fault too!_

_**You speaking to Grammy Marie had NOTHING to do with her death. And your parents? THAT wasn't your fault either! You aren't the one that did those horrific things. You were hurt too...or do you not remember that? Do you not recall WHY you couldn't speak for so long after that incident? It wasn't fear that held you back...like it does now...**_

_SHUT UP!! Why are you talking NOW? You've been silent for HOURS!!!_

_**You ass...I've been here the whole time. I have to be...I'm YOU!**_

_But I don't want to listen to you right now! I just want to wake up! I want to make sure that everyone's okay! That I didn't hurt them! And listening to you ISN'T helping!_

_**FINE! I'll go away...but you're going to listen to what I have to say first. It's time you face the truth. You had nothing to do with anything that's happened. NOTHING! Your parents died because someone wanted those men to kill them...and you Bella. Don't you get it? It had nothing to do with you! Why do you think Charlie moved you all to Phoenix? He was trying to protect you from what he knew was coming! He knew what could happen. When the time is right you'll learn all the details of what happened. For now all you need to realize is that it WASN'T your fault. What those men did to your family was barbaric and sadistic...but you, Bella, had NOTHING to do with it.**_

_Yes it was. It __was__ my fault. They found us because of me. If I would have stayed quiet like Dad told me to, they wouldn't have found us. They'd still be alive. We could have been back home...and EVERYTHING would be normal. I would be normal._

_**You were 10. You were terrified. It wasn't your fault. No one can blame you for what happened.**_

_Yes they can. And they SHOULD! I lost control over my voice...just like I did last night! I have to be stronger. I can't let this happen to people just because I lose control! Especially people I love..._

_**You're never gonna get it...just you wait. You'll see. When you wake up and see that everyone's okay...you're going to question everything you believe to be true. And when you finally realize just how wrong you were, I'll be sitting here on the inside, smugger than shit. Because Bella, you are the world's most stubborn ASS! **_

_Whatever....stupid voice!_

_**Quit calling yourself stupid...God you're a MORON!...but that's besides the point. There is going to come a time, when you are going to put all of this past you... **_

_NO THERE WON'T...THIS ISN'T GOING TO GO AWAY!_

_**Quit interrupting and just listen...please. **_

_Fine_

_**There is going to come a time, when you are going to put all this past you. The ONLY thing I want you to know...and remember...is to not be afraid. You've been so strong for so long, but you are going to need to be stronger to get past this nonsense. You're going to have to be strong enough to face your past, and strong enough to overcome it. Strong enough to not only hear the truth about the things that happened, but to accept that truth and put this damn blame that you hold on yourself down...because it ISN'T yours to hold. You have people in your life that love you, and want to help you. And when the time comes...they will be there for you. All this time that you've felt alone...you've been anything but alone. You have to be strong enough to let them in...and not run away like you have been. They're there Bella. You just have to let them in. But for now...it's time to wake up. Be strong Bella...and face the truth head on. If you need me...you know where to find me, afterall...I'm you. Wake up now...your family is waiting for you...**_

* * *

**AN: Hit? Miss? Let me know what you guys think. I know there was a bit of a tease in here about what happened in Phoenix...but trust me the whole story will be revealed when the time is right. **


	10. Maniacal Awakenings

****

AN: As promised...at some point this evening the next 5 chapters will be posted...starting with this one. I just want to say thank you to all of you that are reading this...I'm lovin your feedback! Enjoy!

* * *

Disclaimer: Yup..I still don't own Twilight...nuff said!

* * *

Maniacal Awakenings

Slowly, ever so slowly, the darkness began to fade. The slightest hints of light began to break through, luring me further and further away from my prison. As the light became brighter around me, I became more aware of my surroundings. I could hear birds chirping somewhere in the distance, I could faintly smell the fabric softener on my blanket, I could feel my muscles coming back to life slowly. But, something was different. Something _felt _different, _smelled_ different, and even _sounded..._different. I tried in vain over and over again to open my eyes and find what was so different about waking up this time.

_Are you there?_

_**Of course I am. How could I not be...I'm you, remember?**_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great I talk to myself...how much better can this get?_

_**The only difference between us is that I'm the part of you that you lock away. I'm your voice...but I am YOU.**_

_So that was YOU last night? YOU put them in danger?! How could YOU?!?_

_**Ugh, Bella. I'm a VOICE! I don't have control over that! If I did I never would have allowed you to lock me away in the first place. This is pointless... what does it matter what part of you I am? I'm part of you... that's all that matters. Now what did you want?**_

_Why does this feel so different? It's never felt this way waking up before. _

_**It feels different, because it IS different. When you open your eyes...you'll have your answer. Remember what I said. You have people that love you, and they want to help you.**_

_Okay...hey what did you mean earlier when you said that if I needed you I knew where to find you? If you're me than why would I need to find you? That doesn't make any sense!_

_**Because, when the time comes for you to find your strength and face the truths of your past...you're going to need me. And when you get there, I'll be here...waiting... just as I have been for 5 years. I'll be here, I promise. For now..it's time to wake up. Open your eyes...**_

My mental voice faded as my consciousness became fully aware. I laid still for a few moments, just becoming familiar with my surroundings again. I moved my fingers slightly, getting accustomed to the sensations of using my muscles after being literally frozen for God knows how many hours.

It's always so disorienting coming out of this state. It feels like being slammed into by a wall of sensations after being locked away from any sort of external stimuli for a lifetime. It's extremely overwhelming, and the only thing you can do is wait for the sensations to fade back to a normal level.

It's a truly duplicitous sensation. On one hand, it's the most terrifying part of the whole experience. It even trumps the darkness. At least in the darkness nothing filters through...nothing. No thoughts, no feelings, no sensations...nothing. It's only in the beginning and end stages that you can feel, or hear anything...and only for a short period.

The bulk of the time spent being locked in yourself is just that, being locked up. It's almost as if you don't even exist...It's just empty. Completely silent and blank, yet another duplicitous sensation. It's unnerving to know that not even your own thoughts can't penetrate the darkness in those stages, but yet it's oddly comforting that for that time, you're completely at ease, simply because nothing can penetrate it. It's like a safe haven during those impenetrable hours.

On the other hand, the awakening part is also inexplicably calming. To know that you haven't been lost permanently, to know that you are coming back to those you love, to know that you aren't alone, is soothing. Every time this happens, my biggest fear is not being able to come back...being permanently trapped in that state. It's absolutely terrifying.

As the sensations faded, I slowly opened my eyes. My vision was blurry at first, but I thought I caught a glimpse of something black poking out of the covers next to me. I brought my hands up to my eyes and rubbed them furiously. They felt _so_ dry and itchy. When I opened my eyes again, I refocused my vision on the splash of black on my bed. Immediately my awareness kicked in.

_Alice! Oh my God ALICE! _

I shot straight up in my bed, and carefully moved myself closer to her. My hands were trembling as I sat on my knees and braced myself to pull the covers back.

_Oh...please be alright. Please don't let me have hurt you. Please. _

_**She's fine! Cut it the hell out already!**_

_Shut up!...Stupid voice..always blurting out your thoughts!_

_**Ugh! You're impossible!**_

I quickly prepared myself for what I might find, and slowly began pulling the covers back. I sucked in a deep breath when I saw her face emerge from under the blanket. She looked so peaceful, like an angel. I didn't want to bother her, but I had to know if she was okay.

She was so still that I couldn't tell if she was breathing or not. The panic started to rise in me, and I knew if I didn't act quickly, I'd be lost in the darkness again. I put my hands on her shoulder, and started gently shaking it. She didn't stir, she didn't even twitch. The panic started to overcome me, my vision blurred, and my hearing started to sound like I was in a tunnel.

_Oh shit! What do I do?! It's happening again! _

_**BELLA! GET A GRIP AND WAKE HER UP!**_

_SHE ISN'T WAKING! THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG!_

_**For the love of all that's holy in this world...SHAKE HER BELLA!**_

For once I didn't argue. I couldn't. I didn't have time to. If I hesitated any longer, I'd be lost again. I grabbed Alice's tiny shoulder and shook it with everything I had left in me. If I hurt her, I'd apologize later, I needed to know she was alright. She had to be. I'd never forgive myself if she wasn't.

"Wha...What?!..Bella?! JESUS CHRIST, BELLA!! Are you alright?! What's wrong?! Tell me what's wrong!" Alice screamed as she shot up and grabbed hold of my arms. I stared at her frantic face.

_She's alive! She's okay! Oh thank God...she's alright! ESME! CARLISLE! _

I jumped out of the bed, catching my leg in the blanket in my rush, and fell face first onto the floor. Alice screeched behind me, but I couldn't make out what she said. I had to get up. I had to make sure my parents were alright. I scrambled off the floor and sprinted out the door.

_What if they aren't okay? What's going to happen to me? Where am I going to go? I'm going to be all alone again. Please let them be alright. I can't live without them. They're all I have._

_**Bella. They aren't all you have. You are surrounded by people that love you...you just don't see it.**_

_NO I'M NOT! No one even talks to me! All I have is Carlisle, Esme, and Alice! There's no one else so stop saying that!_

_**Quit being so dense all the time. They're there...you just have to let them in. They've always been there, but you shut them out...when you shut me out.**_

_Don't you get it?! I couldn't hurt them! I couldn't stand to see something happen to them! It was the only way to protect them!_

I quickly made my way down the hall to my parent's room, and catapulted myself through their door. I froze immediately in the doorway. Neither of them were moving. They just looked like lumps under the covers. Completely still...and peaceful. Just like Grammy Marie when I found her. I inched my way closer to the bed and veered off to the right.

I crept closer and closer to Esme's side until her face became fully clear. I carefully pulled the blanket back slowly. They looked so peaceful together. Esme had a small smile playing across her lips. Not a trace of stress to be found upon her face. Carlisle's face was buried in her shoulder, and his right arm was holding her tightly to his chest. Esme's hand clasped firmly in his in front of her.

The stress of this morning finally slammed into me, and I fell to my knees on the floor next to the bed. I felt so helpless. Lost. Empty. I couldn't even find the strength in me to try and wake them. I didn't want to know the truth that they were gone. That they passed peacefully in each other's arms. That they would be together forever, but had left me all alone. I didn't want to acknowledge it. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want them to leave me.

I reached my fingers out towards Esme to brush a stray lock of hair away from her peaceful face. I wanted to remember her face this way. I wanted to remember her peaceful, and stress free, and in Carlisle's arms where she belonged.

My eyes welled up with tears, but they didn't flow over the edge. Ever so gently, I pushed the lock of hair away from her face, and pushed it behind her ear. My chin quivered as I curled the lock behind her ear, and a tear broke it's way over the edge and fell onto my cheek. I tentatively started to bring my hand back, and froze when my sight landed on Esme's open eyes.

She unclasped her hand from Carlisle's, and slowly brought it towards me. Her eyes looked panicked as her hand froze in mid-air. Black spots started to invade my vision, and the world felt like it was fading away. "Bella?" Esme whispered. That was the last thing I heard before the world spun dizzily around me, and I was shrouded in darkness once again.

* * *

****

AN

: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. R&R Please and TY! 


	11. Fainting Spells and Broken Shields

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Twilight...but secretly hoping SM will share!**

* * *

Fainting Spells and Broken Shields

_**Bella..what am I going to do with you? Wake up nit-wit!**_

_Go away. It isn't time yet. This is just the beginning. I don't feel like talking..too much has happened already. I just want the comfort of the silence to come already._

_**Feel free to wait...but it isn't going to come. haha**_

_Of course it will.. it always does when this happens. And why the hell are you chuckling?_

_**When what happens genius? And I'm chuckling because you obliviousness amuses me.**_

_When I freeze up Einstein! Well I'm glad one of us is at least having a good time...humph!_

_**You're not frozen Bella..you fainted jackass! That's what happens when you forget to breathe!...Haha...I swear..completely oblivious.**_

_No I didn't! I froze! AGAIN! And quit laughing at me ass-cookie!_

_**GAH! Bella, listen to me. Don't you realize yet that the silence would have already come? And since when did the world spin before you froze? Hm? Or how about the black spots? Ever seen those before Sherlock?...yeah didn't think so..cause you FAINTED!**_

_What's that noise? There's never been noise in here before._

_**Oh my God!!!!**_

_WHAT?!? WHAT?!? WHY ARE YOU SCREECHING LIKE THAT?!? Are we stuck here?!?_

_**Hahaha, Bella you truly are a tool! That noise is Carlisle calling your name brainiac...I would think that after knowing him this long you'd at least be able to recognize his voice.**_

_How is Carlisle's voice seeping through? It's never penetrated through this before..._

_**BECAUSE YOU FAINTED! It's not the same thing! Quit being so damn daft!**_

_Gah!! Stupid voice! Thinks it knows everything...damn EinsteinJesusSherlockHolmesMother Teresa wanna be! Stupid ass-cookie!_

_**...I'm not even going to retort to that.. just get your damn bearings, collect yourself, and wake up...**_

_Ha! That's what I thought!_

I let my conversation with myself fade away and focused on the other unusual sensations floating around me. I had to admit...it felt nothing like it usually does. I could hear Carlisle's muffled voice, along with Esme's and Alice's as well. That's weird. I could hear them, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. It wasn't clear enough. I felt something faintly brush against my cheek, followed by the muffled sounds of Esme. _Weird. _That's _never_ happened before.

_Huh...maybe I really did faint. I really need to remind myself to breath if that's what really happened._

Suddenly everything that had happened since I had come to slammed into me. Alice, Esme, and Carlisle were all fine. They weren't hurt at all. Nothing happened to them.

_How is that possible? Surely SOMETHING should have happened._

_**Bella..it's like I told you before, the things that happened in your past were NOT your fault. You had nothing to do with it.**_

_But what about Grammy Marie? You can't deny what happened with her...it's not possible._

_**Good Lord..you'll never let it go will you? Do you really think that you could have killed her just by saying goodnight to her? Is that really what you believe?**_

_What am I supposed to believe? I hadn't spoken to her since before the incident, and low and behold the VERY night I grind out those words...she passes away. What am I supposed to think about that? What am I supposed to believe? I never told her I loved her before she passed. I never got the chance to. I never got the chance to say anything I should have, because instead of saying those things, I stupidly chose to say goodnight instead!_

_**Bella, Bella, Bella. Grammy Marie knew all those things. Just because you didn't get the chance to say them, doesn't mean she didn't know you felt that way. She loved you too, ya know. And she didn't get the chance to say goodbye to you either. It was her time Bella. She wasn't a young person. She lived her life, and a very happy one at that. Sure, she struggled, and experienced loss, and grieved. But she also lived, and loved, and laughed. Bella, she thoroughly enjoyed her life. She never took one moment of it for granted. She didn't blame herself for the things that happened in her life the way you do. When she experienced hardships or loss, she faced it head on, and grieved for anything or anyone she may have lost. You still haven't grieved, Bella. You haven't mourned the loss of your parents or Grammy Marie. You haven't been able to relive a single memory of them without blaming yourself for anything that happened. You need to mourn them to get past the pain that comes with remembering them, Bella. But first you need to let go of the blame. Let it go, Bella...just let it go.**_

_Yeah...okay. I'll try to remember that speech when I wake up...which might take FOREVER now since you basically lulled me to sleep!_

_**Ahhh..sarcasm is a wonderful thing Bella, it's been forever since you've used it. You can hide behind it as long as you'd like to, but personally I'd rather witness the anger you keep bottled up inside you. Well any emotion really...aside from guilt. It would be healthier and one step closer to healing than this hiding would be. All in good time though. I think you still need a few eye openers to realize the sheer mass of the veil you've been hiding behind for years...**_

I lost my concentration on what the voice was saying when something started shaking my shoulder. I concentrated on the sensation and allowed it to lure me away from the depths of my mind. I felt so tired...exhausted really.

Light filtered through my eyelids, painting the backs of them almost orange in color. Almost like the orange color that very rarely splashes across the sky at twilight as the sun decends beyond the horizon.

I tried to recall the last time I had seen that color in the sunset here in Forks. It's been years, that much I'm sure of. The vision of it was teetering in the most tantalizing way in the corner of my mind. If I could just reach for it...I know it's there. A sudden glimpse flashed across my eyelids, but all I caught was a giant bleached white tree, with massive roots jutting out at all sorts of angles from the bottom, as it laid sprawled across an endless sea of shimmering rocks in every color.

_Where have I seen that tree before? It looks __so__ familiar._

_**First Beach, Bella.**_

_It's been years since I've been there. Why can't I recall that memory? Why is it being so elusive?_

_**When you're ready, you'll remember it Bella.**_

_You're infuriatingly annoying are you aware of that?_

_**...as are you.**_

"Bella?" Alice's gentle voice floated through my consciousness. "Bella, I know you can hear me. Open your eyes." I furrowed my brow in confusion. _How does she know I can hear her? _

"Bella, your eyes are darting around behind your eyelids, and you've been furrowing your brow on and off for 5 minutes" she said as she giggled. I squeezed my eyes shut to rid myself of that blasted orange color that still taunted me.

"Bella, if you want to go to sleep I think you should get up and go to bed. I don't want to see how cranky you can get after sleeping on a floor!" Alice muttered as her giggles lead into her chiming laughter. I snorted and opened my eyes, and took in the scene in front of me.

Esme was on my right, kneeling on the floor, holding my hand in both of hers while caressing soothing patterns on my palm. Alice, was laying sprawled across the floor on my left, holding her head in her hands as she rested on her elbows and stomach with her feet swinging back and forth behind her. _Yep...still a pixie. _I smiled at her briefly and turned my attention to Carlisle, who was sitting on the edge of the bed looking down at me as I lay sprawled across the floor. "You scared us for a minute there, Bella." he said softly, with a slight smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

It was as plain as day. They were all here, right here, in front of me...alive and well. They hadn't left me, I wasn't alone. It suddenly felt like something cracked in my chest, and something warm and painful and almost beautiful spilled out of the crack. It spread throughout my body rapidly, warming everything it touched as it went. It hurt, but not the physical kind of hurt. I couldn't even begin to explain it.

My eyes darted between the three of them frantically. As the last cold part of my body was heated, my breath hitched. My eyes immediately filled with tears, and my body shuttered with the force of the sob that broke it's way through me. I was crying. _Crying. _And in that instant..I knew what had cracked. My armor, my shield, my _guilt_. Guilt that I had held onto for years, blaming myself for everything that had happened. My shield of guilt that protected me from the onslaught of emotions that come with losing something that you hold dear to your heart. Instantly, I knew what that feeling was that had seeped out of me.

For the first time in 5 years I was experiencing grief. And not for the family that lay in front of me, but for the family that left me behind.

* * *

**AN: As always..R&R Please and TY!**


	12. Unlocking the Memory Vault

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters...SM does!**

* * *

Unlocking the Memory Vault

As soon as my sobs broke through my body, Esme immediately pulled me into her arms. In seconds, I was surrounded by Esme, Carlisle, and Alice as I was curled in Esme's lap. They were all softly speaking to me, but I couldn't make out a word of it over my heaving and sputtering breaths. Hundreds of memories flashed before my eyes at a dizzying speed. Memories I hadn't even given one thought to in years. Hundreds of them.

Few of them went by in a speed that I could actually focus on. Those stood out amongst the others that continued to fly by.

Charlie fishing down in La Push while I plopped rocks into the water while he laughed and said I was scaring the fish away.

Renee and I painting on canvases in the living room after she saw some painting show and wanted to try it.

Grammy Marie and me baking walnut chocolate chip cookies for the school's bake sale.

Charlie putting me on his shoulders to put the star on the tree for Christmas.

Riding my bike for the first time with Charlie holding onto the seat to stable me.

Renee waving a dish towel at a turkey she burned on Thanksgiving one year, with Charlie laughing hysterically on his chair at the kitchen table.

All of these memories, I hadn't thought of in what felt like forever. None of these were exactly unsettling however. It was only the last one in the procession that truly caught me off-guard, as it didn't fly by, but instead lingered. Floating in front of my face as if to prove a point of some kind.

It was a week before Christmas when I was 10...

It had snowed the night before, and when I woke up I looked out of my window into the front yard. There in the front yard stood a giant snowman, complete with a hat, scarf, stick arms with gloves on the ends, buttons, carrot nose, coal eyes, and dotted coal smile. It was perfect, absolutely perfect. I quickly dressed for the cold and ran down the stairs.

Being the klutz I am, I tripped on the last step and went sprawling towards the front door. I quickly got up off the floor and darted to the hooks where our jackets were always hung by the door. Charlie yelled out to me from the kitchen as I flung my jacket on, asking me what I was doing, and I told him I was going outside to see the snowman. I quickly pulled my boots on, grabbed my hat and darted out the door.

I stood on the porch for just a second, and haphazardly yanked my hat onto my head, before taking off down the steps. I stood in front of the snowman, taking in all of it's perfection. Whoever made him, took great care in all of his details. Not a single button was misaligned, and the scarf was tied perfectly, and his smile was flawless.

I'm not sure how long I stood there admiring someone's creation, but I was startled out of my reverie by a smooth velvety voice from behind me. I jumped and spun around, almost losing my footing in the snow, but an arm wrapped around me to steady me. I tilted my head up to see the face of the person who not only startled me, but also saved me from plummeting into the frozen snow.

My eyes immediately latched on to the pools of emerald green looking down at me, and only drifted downward for a fraction of a second when a breathtaking lop-sided smile graced his beautiful face. _Edward._ My eyes instantly snapped back up to the depths of those emerald green eyes when I heard him chuckle softly, and I scowled at him. I felt something shift behind me, but I wasn't sure what it was. Edward still had his arm around me. He brought his hand up to my face, and as soft as the touch of a butterfly's wing, he brushed a wayward lock of hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear before pulling the hat back down to cover it. He chuckled once more as I furrowed my eyebrows at him.

"W...What?" I asked him. He chuckled once more before answering. "I asked you if you liked your snowman, Bella." His voice was so smooth it sent my heart racing at a frantic pace. "It's really mine?" I asked him. He nodded, and his trademark lop-sided grin emerged once again. I looked back to the snowman briefly.

"But..who made it? _Why_ would they make it? No one has a reason to...I'm no one special, they didn't have to do this." I practically whispered the end. There really was no reason for anyone to do that. I couldn't even imagine who would have done something like that. I had really thought Charlie had made him.

Edward curled his finger under my chin and gently brought my face to the side so I could only see him. "I made it for you, Bella. I made it for you because I wanted to surprise you, you deserve it, and you _are_ special, Bella." I looked back at the snowman because his gaze was too intense. It did strange things to my heart, and his voice while he spoke those words only made it worse. "You didn't have to do that, Edward." I whispered. "I know I didn't _have_ to, Bella. I_ wanted _to" he retorted.

I turned to face the snowman, and Edward stepped behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders. "You haven't answered my first question, Bella." his voice was soft and right beside my ear. It made me shiver, and my eyes closed, relishing in the sound of his voice. "What question, Edward?" I asked. He chuckled once more "Do you like your snowman?" I shivered once more, and tilted my head to the side to look at him as I answered "Yes, Edward. He's perfect." I smiled as I said it, and his face contorted in the strangest way, almost as if he was stunned momentarily.

I turned back towards the snowman and took in a shuttering breath. I swore I heard him whisper "Not as perfect as you" from behind me, but I had to be mistaken. Me..Bella Swan..was _nowhere_even remotely in the vicinity of perfect.

"Bella?" Esme called out to me. I opened my eyes and looked up to her. Her face was gentle and concerned. "Are you alright now sweetheart? You've been quiet for a few minutes now." she said softly. I nodded and tucked my head back into the nook between her chin and shoulder.

I didn't want to move. I wanted to relish in the warmth and comfort of her embrace. I felt like I needed the comfort even more now. I'll never understand how we were such close friends so long ago, but as soon as I came back from Phoenix, it seemed as though we had never been friends at all. I hadn't been gone long at all, and yet it seemed that while I was gone everything had changed here. _Everything_. People looked at me differently, even people that I had grown up with. They all avoided me as if I had the bubonic plague or something. I never understood it, but at the same time I didn't care.

I had lost my parents, and the visions of everything that had happened kept me from thinking about anything else. The visions were terrifying, and would often leave me in a shaking mess in corners of rooms everywhere I went. Anyone who saw me just gave me this pitiful look and kept walking. It was humiliating, and frustrating, but they kept on staring when they thought I wasn't paying attention. I always knew though. You can feel it when someone's staring at you, it makes your hair stand on end, and if they stare long enough, you can almost feel the holes burning into you.

Esme held me for a while longer, rubbing my back in soothing circles as she rocked back and forth, and occasionally brushing hair away from my face to kiss my forehead. Alice quietly laid on the floor next to us, holding my hand in hers, and gently caressing her thumb back and forth across my knuckles. She kept her eyes closed, and if it wasn't for her thumb moving rhythmically, I would have thought she was sleeping.

Carlisle had escaped downstairs, and from the smells wafting up the stairs, it seemed he was making breakfast. It smelled delicious, and I was surprised Alice hadn't taken off down the stairs at the smell of it. I learned quickly last night that Alice's size has no correlation what so ever with her appetite. That girl could out-eat an army! No wonder she has so much energy. She'd have to, to be able to burn off all that food.

It was silent for a few moments longer, before my stomach decided to announce its desires for the enticing smells floating in the air. It grumbled loudly causing Alice's eyes to snap open, and Esme to shake with silent laughter. "What was _that_ Bella?" Alice asked as she whirled her head in my direction. I blushed furiously, grimaced, and pointed to my stomach. Alice's tinkling giggles filled the air.

"What do you say we go get some of that delicious smelling breakfast, Bella?" Esme asked. I smiled at her and nodded my head.

* * *

**AN: Yeah you guys know what to do...R&R!**


	13. Breakfast Invites to Teenage Normalcy

**Disclaimer: I still don't own it..**

* * *

Breakfast Invitations to Teenage Normalcy

After Alice, Esme, and I pulled ourselves up off the floor, I headed to my bathroom to wash up. My face felt sticky from all the tears, and I'm positive I looked horrific. When I got to the bathroom, I chanced a quick peek in the mirror and cringed from the sight of myself. My eyes were red and puffy, my face was all splotchy and shiny from the tears, and my hair was atrocious.

I quickly grabbed the washcloth off the rack and soaked it in cool water. I pressed it to my face and savored the coolness of it against my burning skin for a few moments. I quickly washed my face, brushed my teeth, and tried to brush my matted mess of hair as best I could. My hair would just have to be tamed with a shower after breakfast.

I hurriedly moved from the bathroom to my bedroom in search of some clean clothes to wear. I had been wearing these since yesterday, they were crumpled and looked as horrid as I felt at the moment. I pulled a pair of dark grey yoga pants out of my drawer, and went to the closet to pull out my light grey hooded 3/4 sleeve length zip up jacket, and a white tank top.

I locked my bedroom door, so no one could walk in on me, and pulled all the drapes in my room closed. I took a quick glance around the room, and once satisfied that no one could see me, I quickly changed my clothes. I didn't plan on wearing this outfit all day, but at least it was comfortable enough to lounge around in until I took a shower.

I threw my dirty clothes in my hamper in the closet, pulled all the drapes open again, and headed downstairs to join my family for breakfast. As I approached the bottom of the stairs, I heard Alice talking quietly to Esme. I paused briefly to hear what they were talking about.

"Esme, do you think it would be alright if I took Bella shopping with me today? I have to go shopping for some new clothes and such for school this year, and the company would be great." Alice's voice was soft...but there was something off about it. There was a hint of something in her voice that I couldn't identify.

"Alice, are you alright dear? You seem a little out of sorts this morning." Esme's soft voice was full of concern. I can only imagine the look on Alice's face that would tip her off that something was wrong, or maybe she heard it in her voice as well.

"I'm fine, Esme. I just... I don't know... I just feel horrible that Bella has to go through things like this. She's such a sweet and caring person, and she doesn't deserve to have to go through this. But, it's more than that Esme. Yesterday, she told me that people in school don't associate with her...ever. She's such a good person, and she doesn't deserve to be treated that way, Esme. It infuriates me that people could be so cruel to her after everything that she's obviously been through. I just want to be able to make her feel normal, do normal things with her...somehow try to make things better for her." Her voice never wavered, but it remained soft and almost contemplative.

I stood rather shell-shocked on the last step of the staircase. I didn't know Alice thought so highly of me, and she isn't even aware of anything that had happened in my life. I hadn't told her anything aside from the fact that my parents had died. It thrilled me that she truly thought I was a good person...but at the same time it _infuriated_ me that she was trying to take it upon herself to fix my broken life. It isn't her responsibility to care for me, and I sure as hell didn't want her pity. I'd rather be alone than have someone befriend me out of _pity_.

_I'm not that fucking broken. Jesus aged Christ! I'm not a fucking invalid that people need to go out of their way for!_

_**Bella, calm down...she only wants to help.**_

_Well this isn't freaking helping! This makes it __**worse**__!_

_**How so, Bella?**_

_Because she's trying to cover up what everyone else has done...she's trying to make it better __**for**__ them and it isn't her responsibility to do so. All I want from her is her friendship...I don't want her to shoulder the burdens of blame that don't belong to her...it isn't right!_

_**You're right. It isn't right, Bella. But Alice isn't the only party present here today that's guilty of carrying the burden of unjust blame.**_

_How do I fix this? How can I make her see that it isn't her fault and it isn't her place to fix what others have done?_

_**That you have to figure out on your own, Bella. You can't very well tell someone not to do something that you do daily...**_

_Fat lotta help you are..._

"So do you think it would be okay to take her, Esme?" Alice's voice chimed in again.

"I think it would be lovely, dear. But please, ask Bella first... she's never been one for shopping sweetheart." Esme's voice was calm, and it warmed my heart knowing that she knew me well enough to know that I truly didn't enjoy shopping. There are just too many people around, always staring, and I absolutely loathe fitting rooms, they're too damn open. I'd much rather just buy something and try it on at home, and if need be return it another day.

That's how Esme and I have been doing it for a few years now. She would buy various outfits and bring them home for me, and I'd keep only the items I liked, and she'd return the rest.

_Wow...she really has gone out of her way to care for me. And for such a long time too. _

_**She loves you, Bella. She'd do anything for you, but don't you think that maybe it's time for you to step up and possibly carry some of the load that she's been carrying for the last 5 years? You said before that you didn't want anyone's pity and that you weren't an invalid...maybe this is how you can prove that. Stop letting your fears consume you. Find your strength and do something for yourself for a change.**_

_Yeah...okay. I can do this. I can go shopping..it isn't that big of a deal. But I need to get something straight with Alice first. I don't want her goddamn pity._

I finally stepped off the last step of the stairs and made my way over to the kitchen. When I turned the corner, I spotted Esme sitting at the end of the kitchen island with a cup of coffee and newspaper in hand. Alice was sitting to her right on a stool at the breakfast bar section of the kitchen island, pushing food around on her plate absent-mindedly. Carlisle was at the opposite end of the counter from Esme with another section of the day's newspaper in hand, and an empty plate in front of him.

I made my way over to the stool next to Alice and took my seat. Esme put her paper down and reached out for the dry erase board and marker sitting just out of her reach. I smiled at her and pushed it closer to her. She picked up the marker and quickly jotted down her message to me.

_**I'll make your plate for you, honey. What would you like? Carlisle made scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, and home fries. Do you want juice or milk?**_

I took the board from her as she passed it over, and quickly wrote back.

_**Thanks, Esme. I'll just have some eggs, bacon, and toast with jam, please. And some orange juice would be great thank you. =o)**_

She took the board, read the message, and smiled at me and nodded before rising from her seat. Alice looked up at me and smiled, then went to reach for the board, but I snatched it from her. She looked at me with a mixture of shock and confusion as I hurriedly wrote out what I desperately needed to say to her.

_**Alice, I don't want your pity. I don't want you to feel like you need to make up for things that other people do. I only want your friendship. I don't want you to feel like you have to do things for me...especially things that I should be able to do for myself. I heard you talking to Esme before, and I'm sorry that you feel bad...but please I don't want anyone to fucking pity me. Please don't feel bad for something that you haven't done. I'm okay with my life, and the people that are or are not in it. I don't want anyone to feel like they **__**have**__** to be my friend for any reason other than they **__**want**__** to be my friend. So where are you? Have or want? **_

I quickly passed the board in her direction, and tapped on it when her focus remained on my face. I felt horrible that she looked so lost as to what could possibly be bothering me, but I needed her to understand what I did and did not need in my life. And I sincerely needed to know where she stood on the matter.

She finally looked down towards the board, and took a deep breath before reading the message. Almost instantly her eyebrows furrowed, and her face took on a pained expression. I dropped my gaze to the counter in front of me, now dreading what her response would be. That look could only possibly mean that she felt sorry for me, and based her friendship with me on that guilty feeling.

_Go fucking figure...the first person to talk to me aside from Esme and Carlisle in 5 years and she only does it out of pity. Pathetic..._

Esme placed my food in front of me, kissed my cheek, and returned to her seat. I picked up my fork and began pushing bits of egg around my plate, no longer feeling even the slightest desire to eat it. I took a quick peek at Alice out of the corner of my eye, only to see her scribbling furiously across the board. I turned my attention back to my plate and continued moving bits of food around while waiting for her to finish writing.

After a few minutes, that seemed to extend over an eternity, she pushed the board back towards me, before hopping off of her stool to take her dishes to the sink. I let out a deep gust of air, pushed my plate to the side, and focused on her message.

**Bella, I don't pity you. Yes, I feel bad for the way that people treat you, but I'm NOT treating you any differently because of what they do. It infuriates me that people treat you that way and without any regard to how it makes you feel, but that's not why I'm here. I don't blame myself for anything they do, and I'm not trying to make up for anything they've done. I'm simply trying to be your friend. I ****want**** to be your friend. I ****want**** to you to feel normal when we're together..and even when we're not. I ****want**** to be able to make any part of your life easier that I can...and ****NOT**** because I feel I have to. It's because I ****WANT**** to. If I make you uncomfortable, or I make your life more difficult, just tell me. If you don't want me around, I'll go. I don't want you to feel that I'm only here because I feel that I have to be, because that's the furthest thing from the truth. I want to be here, Bella, but only if you want me to be.**

Alice had reclaimed her seat next to me while I was reading her message. She had her head turned in my direction, resting against her palm with her elbow sitting atop the counter. I stared at the board for a few moments after I finished reading, just letting her words sink in.

_She really just wants to be my friend. She knows she doesn't have to be here...she actually wants to be here._

_**PRAISE THE LORD SHE FINALLY ACCEPTS THE TRUTH FOR ONCE!!**_

_Oh...shut up!_

I let out a deep breath and turned towards Alice. She looked so afraid of what my answer could possibly be, so I did the only thing I could do. I hugged her and nodded into her shoulder, confirming that I did indeed want her to be here. She let out a deep breath as my arms encompassed her small frame, and her arms quickly wound their way around mine. I pulled back after a few moments and reached back out for the board.

_**Thank you, Alice. It means everything to me that you want to be my friend. **_

She nodded in my direction, then pushed my plate back in front of me. I smiled at her and picked up my fork, now suddenly ready to devour the meal in front of me. When I finished, I pushed the plate away and looked over at Alice who was bouncing up and down on the stool, with a wicked smile, and an evil glint in her eye. I looked at her with a cocked eyebrow wondering just what she could possibly be up to. She quickly thrust the board in my direction, and I looked down to see what she had written.

**So.....will you go shopping with me?!?**

I looked back up at her and pursed my lips in contemplation. She was bouncing around so much it was a wonder she could even manage to stay on the stool. I couldn't bare to tell her no with how excited she seemed, and I had already been rude enough for one day, so I nodded at her.

She immediately started squealing, startling both Esme and Carlisle as well as myself, and thrust herself off the stool practically knocking me off mine as she hugged me. It was at this moment that I could only think one thing...

_Great Gobstopper!...what have I gotten myself into?!_

* * *

**R&R Please...and TY**


	14. Closet Hall of Lame & Crazy Drivin Dame

**AN: This is the last update for the day...possibly some more tomorrow..we'll see how it goes. Anywho..ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I still don't own it..so don't sue me!**

* * *

Closet Hall of Lame & Crazy Drivin Dame

The rest of breakfast passed by in a blur. Carlisle said he had plans for after breakfast to meet up with some fellow doctors from the hospital for a round or two of golf, and Esme mentioned meeting up with her friend Lizzy for lunch. This of course only made the prospect of Alice's shopping excursion only _slightly_more appealing than staying home alone most probably doing absolutely nothing.

As Carlisle left the table to head out to the golf course, and Esme began cleaning up breakfast, Alice hurriedly ushered me up the stairs towards the shower. We entered my room and Alice immediately went to my closet and started rifling through my wardrobe, repeatedly sighing and shaking her head. I couldn't for the life of me understand what she could possibly find so offensive in my closet.

When she finished rifling through my limited wardrobe, she turned to face me, still shaking her head and clicking her tongue against her teeth. I raised my eyebrows and my shoulders, and held my hands in the air in an attempt to ask her "what?". She giggled and shook her head once more, then waved in the direction of my closet and emphatically said... "This.. Bella...is why we need to go shopping! Everything in there is so _plain_, Bella. You need variety, and for the love of everything holy, some _color_ would be nice too! Everything in there is either blue or grey!"

Apparently she realized quickly that her fashion tirade was completely lost on me as I just stared at her dumbfounded. I didn't see anything wrong with my clothes...okay so they're plain, but they suit me just fine. She stared at me in shock for a moment and then stomped her foot to the floor before ripping into me once more. "Bella! You can't seriously tell me that you _like _these clothes, can you?!" I flinched minutely at her tone, but nodded nonetheless. I did like my clothes, they were comfortable and fairly casual. Geez, it wasn't like my whole wardrobe consisted of holy sweats or something.

"Just give me one day Bella, one day, and you'll be singing and entirely different tune my friend!" she sang out as she turned towards the closet once more.

Ten minutes later she emerged from the closet, with a pair of stone washed capris, a white camisole, and a blue and white plaid button up top. I grimaced at the button up top when I saw that it had capped sleeves rather than the 3/4 length that I was accustomed to wearing. I couldn't even remember when or where I had gotten that shirt, and I was positive that I had never worn it before. Alice caught my grimace out of the corner of her eye and cocked an eyebrow at me. "What?" she asked. "I think it's cute..." she mused.

I sat quietly on the bed, picking at a non-existant piece of lint, debating on how to explain to Alice why I wouldn't wear that shirt. Alice made her way over to the bed and sat down next to me, and I let out a breath I had been holding on to while collecting my thoughts. She passed me the marker and board and I took a deep breath before looking down at it.

**What's wrong Bella? **

_**I can't wear that, Alice.**_

**Why not? It's a perfectly good outfit, and I happen to think you'd look adorable in it!**

_**Alice...I'll be incredibly uncomfortable in that shirt, I don't like short sleeves like that...please any other shirt but that one.**_

Alice looked at the shirt, then turned her head back towards the closet and narrowed her eyes. In a flash she jumped off the bed and disappeared into the closet, emerging moments later holding a plain white 3/4 sleeve length t-shirt. I cocked my eyebrow at her wondering what she was up to.

Alice made her way back to the bed and picked up the plaid shirt. She took it off the hanger, and drooped it over the t-shirt, then pulled the sleeves of the t-shirt through the capped sleeves of the button down, and eyed it speculatively. After a moment, a wide grin crossed her face and she looked at me, her face full of pride. "There...problem fixed! Now get movin!" she giggled as she shooed me out of the room and towards my bathroom.

"Leave your hair in your towel when you come out so I can do your hair before I jump in the shower!" she called as I shut the bathroom door behind me and locked it. I had to laugh silently at her exuberant and persistant nature.

I quickly rushed through my shower, dried off, and got dressed. I twirled the towel around my hair and flipped the towel back before I moved on to brush my teeth. Before leaving the bathroom, I took a minute to double check in the mirror to make sure that anything I didn't want seen was covered up. Once satisfied that my flaws were hidden, I exited the bathroom and made my way to my bedroom.

In the 15 minutes I had spent in the bathroom, Alice had transformed my dresser into a salon. The entire top of it was covered in make-up and hair products. My jaw dropped so fast I swore it would fall straight off. Alice only giggled and waved for me to come sit in the chair she had placed next to the dresser. I slowly approached her, internally debating just how bad of an idea this could be.

"Oh, Bella...don't look at me like that! I'm not going to torture you or anything!" she chided. I cocked an eyebrow at her before taking my seat. "Have a little faith, Bella...please," she commented once before pulling the towel free from my hair.

Twenty minutes later, she had my hair rolled into heated curlers, and she was applying just a dab of lip gloss to finish my make-up. I hadn't ever really worn make-up before, so I was a little nervous to see what she had done. The most I ever wore before was chap-stick...lame I know. Once she was finished with the lip gloss, she took a step back to appraise her work. "Beautiful, Bella. Now, I'm going to take a quick shower, then I'll finish your hair, okay?" she asked. I nodded, and made to get up out of my chair.

"Nah..uh..uh! I don't want you looking in the mirror until you can get the full impact of my hard labor young lady!" she chided. I had to giggle silently...what did she expect me to do while she showered?

Apparently Alice had it all figured out already. She waltzed over to my bookcase, and grabbed the most weathered book on the shelf, _Pride and Prejudice_, and handed it to me. "Here, read this while I'm gone. I'll be back in 15 minutes..tops!" she said. I nodded and opened the book, skimming the pages briefly, looking for one of my favorite parts. That's one of the best things about reading a book so many times...after a while you can just skip to your favorite part, and not miss anything in the story line because you already know it by heart.

Just as Alice had said, no more than 15 minutes later she reappeared in my room, fully dressed, hair done, and make-up applied. _How in the world did she do that, that fast?! _She giggled as she caught my awed expression. "Silly Bella, it doesn't take much to do my hair, and I've been doing it so long it's second nature to me...and I don't believe in wearing a lot of make-up..it's bad for your skin...so it doesn't take me long to get ready," she commented. I shrugged and nodded my head, accepting her explanation.

Alice stepped behind me, and started removing all the rollers from my hair. Once she had them all out, she quickly ran her fingers through the curls, separating and fluffing them up. Then she took a triangular section of hair from my forehead and clipped it on the top of my head with a blue barrette. She took the remainder of my hair and twisted it around itself until it resembled a french twist. She then latched a medium sized hair clip onto the twisted roll of hair, and let go of the top portion of twisted hair, allowing the curls to flow over the clip.

Alice took a step back, and after making a few minor adjustments she smiled brightly, and motioned for me to stand and look in the mirror. To say I was pleasantly surprised would have been a severe understatement. She had kept my make-up very light and natural, using just a little bit of eye-liner, some mascara, a light shimmery eyeshadow, and clear lip-gloss. My hair was cute, and not overdone, which pleased me greatly. I actually felt pretty. I didn't feel like plain ol' Bella. I quickly turned to Alice and wrapped my arms around her.

"I'm glad you like it, are you ready to go?" she asked. I quickly smiled and nodded. I grabbed a pair of blue flip flops out of the closet, put the dry erase board and markers in my messenger bag, and followed Alice out of my room and down the stairs.

"Are you girls all ready for your day of shopping?" Esme asked as we rounded the corner into the kitchen. We both nodded, but I shot a wary look to Esme. She just smiled in return before embracing me in her arms and whispered in my ear... "It'll be alright Bella, dear. If you get too uncomfortable, just tell her, or text me and I'll come pick you up alright?" I nodded into her shoulder and pulled away. Alice gave Esme a quick hug, and we made our way to the front door.

We made it onto the front porch, and Alice gestured for me to wait there. It was surprisingly still sunny out, but it was slightly cooler than the day before...no doubt a storm was approaching sometime in the near future. I sat down on the steps while I awaited Alice.

Esme came out a few minutes later, offered her hopes that I would have a good time, and departed to her friend Lizzy's house. It was only a few minutes later that a bright yellow, flashy, porche pulled into my driveway. I stared at the sports car quizzically, wondering who the hell would come here that would drive that kind of car.

_Huh...maybe it's someone for Carlisle..._

Just as I was beginning to get nervous about who could be in the car, the black tinted window on the passenger side of the car slid down, and a familiar feminine voice floated out. "Come on Bella! Let's blow this popsicle stand!" Again I had to laugh silently at her exuberance.

_I don't know where she gets her energy from, but if I could bottle it I'd make millions!_

I lifted myself off the steps and walked down to the driveway. Alice was in the driver's seat, tapping her hands on the steering wheel, and singing along to the song on the stereo. I pulled my messenger bag over my head and plopped into the passenger seat. Alice turned toward me and pulled her sunglasses down her nose to look at me. A devious smirk crossed her lips before she spoke. "You might wanna buckle up sunshine...you're in for the ride of your life." The chuckle that escaped her after that statement sent chills down my spine and literally had me fearing for my life.

_She couldn't possibly be that bad of a driver could she? Who would allow a bad driver to have a car like this? _

I had barely heard the click of the seat belt and Alice was already peeling out of the driveway and speeding through the neighborhood. My fingers clutched the expensive leather seats for dear life. As soon as we hit the highway, she floored the gas pedal and began weaving in and out of cars. I was absolutely terrified.

Port Angeles is usually about an hour drive from Forks. Alice's driving had us there in 35 minutes. By the time we pulled into the parking lot at the mall, I was covered in a sheen of sweat, and my fingers were stiff and cramped from clenching the leather seat for so long. Alice, having now noticed my still terrified state, began giggling as she opened her door to exit the car. She bent back down and looked inside the car at me. "Oh Bella...come on..it wasn't _that_ bad," she chided. I turned and glared at her before peeling myself off the leather seat and exiting the car myself.

I quickly pulled out my board and scribbled a message to her on it.

_**Alice! That was terrifying! Don't blame me if there are permanent finger marks on your expensive leather seats!**_

I handed her the board, and fished through my bag looking for a tissue to dab away the moisture that had accumulated on my face. Alice just laughed at my message, handed the board back to me and grabbed my hand pulling me towards the mall as I tried to stuff the board back into the bag.

_I can only imagine how the rest of today will go..._

* * *

**AN: That's it for today kiddies! I hope you enjoyed the chapters...it shouldn't be too long for another update. If I don't get the chance to do it tomorrow then I'll definitely make sure you get some chapters by Monday. FYI there will never be an update on a weekend...I work 2-20 hour shifts over the weekend so I am completely unable to do so..sorry about that. Thank you all for keeping up with this story..I'm thrilled you are enjoying it so far! **


	15. Lunch Dates W Frustrated Melodies

**AN: Just because I love you guys, and I'm so ecstatic that you're all enjoying this soo very much.. I crunched out 3 chapters for you on this update session...including a very sought after shopping trip...and an appearance from everyone's most requested character...can you guess who? hahaha. This chapter is a bit of a tease with that person...but there was some much needed foreshadowing to be done. Enjoy this chapter..we've got a bit of a roller coaster ride coming up. Love you guys!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: still don't own it, so please don't sue me!**

* * *

Lunch Dates with Frustrated Melodies

EsPOV

The girls had just walked out of the front door to head out for their day of shopping. I was already running a little behind so I made a quick call to Lizzie to make sure she still wanted to meet up for lunch.

"Hey Lizzie, it's Esme...are we still on for lunch today?" I asked.

"Absolutely! I just have to get a few things finished up around the house before we go. How about you come by here, and as soon as I'm done we'll head out," she said.

"That sounds perfect, Lizzie, I should be there in about 10 minutes then." I responded.

"Perfect, just come on in...the door's open. See you soon, Esme."

"Alright, I'll see you in a few. Bye Lizzie."

I quickly made my way out the front door, and was surprised to see Bella sitting on the steps. I figured she was waiting for Alice to come and pick her up. I told her not to worry too much about the outing and to just try to have a good time, kissed her cheek, and made my way to my car.

_I really hope she has a good time today. She's made so much progress this weekend, she really deserves to have a nice outing. I only wish that things could keep improving from here. I know how hard things are for her, and I hate seeing her struggle. If I could take her pain away and carry it myself, I would in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, that just not how life works. _

Not more than 10 minutes later I pulled up into Lizzie's driveway. As I approached the front door I could hear a beautiful piano melody floating through the air. It sounded wistful and hopeful, but the longer I listened to it, it took on a more angst ridden and longing feel.

_Hmm..Edward must be working on a new piece. I've never heard this one before. It is quite beautiful...even if the emotions it portrays are all over the place. I wonder what inspired it..._

I walked into the house, and stopped in the entry way to the front room where Edward was still playing his melody. He looked so serious and almost desperate working his way through the notes. I continued watching him for a few minutes while he struggled, trying to find the direction of the melody that his emotions were leading him to.

_Poor dear. I do hope everything is alright with him, he's such a sweet boy. _

I shook my head and continued down the hallway towards the kitchen. "Lizzie?" I called out.

"In the kitchen Esme!" she called back. I entered the kitchen and gasped at the site of all the counters covered in pots and pans, and all the cabinet doors wide open.

"Lizzie what in the world are you doing?" I said through my giggles as I put my purse down on the kitchen table.

"You know...this morning I went to get a frying pan to make some pancakes for breakfast, and when I opened the cabinet all these pans and lids started flying out all over the place. I don't even use half of this garbage! The worst part is that any time you need something...it _always_ seems to be on the bottom! So I just figured..why not clean it out and organize it?" she responded.

Lizzie stood up from her crouched position in front of an empty cabinet and put her hands on the island counter in front of her, facing in my direction. "You know, Esme...I really thought this was going to be a 10 minute job! I had _no_ idea what I was getting myself into!" she sputtered out through her laughter. I laughed along with her and joined her in front of the counter.

"Well, where should we start? Is there anything up here that you want to get rid of?" I asked her, as I took in the massive amount of pots pans and lids.

"How about we match up the pots, pans, and lids, and chuck whatever is left over first?" she suggested.

"That sounds like a good starting point to me, Liz. Whatever is salvageable that you don't want after that we can always drop off at that Good Will center downtown on our way back from lunch." I said.

"That's a fantastic idea, Esme. I'm sure someone else could use most of this stuff more than I ever could. I couldn't even tell you how I've been able to accumulate such a mess!" she laughed.

We got to work quickly, matching up anything that we could. We worked in silence for just a few minutes, but the frustrated sounds coming from Edward and his piano caused me to break the silence.

"Is that a new piece Edward's working so hard on, Liz? I've never heard it before...it's quite beautiful and sophisticated." I spoke softly so as not to let my voice carry over into the other room. The last thing I wanted to do was disturb him while he was working so hard.

"No, actually he started it a few years ago...but he seems to have never been able to progress past a certain point, and it frustrates him to no end," she commented, keeping her voice hushed as well.

"Do you happen to know what inspired it? Maybe that would help him figure it out?" I suggested.

"I wish I knew, Esme. There was a lot going on at the time that he started composing that piece. I wish I could pinpoint exactly what it was. These kids today...always back and forth between happiness and turmoil, but he's been different for a while now. A few years ago he was full of anger and frustration, but lately more and more it just seems that he's retreated into himself. I wish I knew what I could do to pull him out of it, but I'm afraid it's just something he has to work though on his own." We both stopped working while she spoke.

I felt so sorry for how helpless she was feeling, but I readily identified with the feeling. "I know how you feel, Liz. If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know." I said quietly. She merely sighed and nodded, appearing to be lost amongst her thoughts.

I know how difficult it can be to see your child in despair, and feel as though there is nothing you can do about it. A pensive silence took over us as we thought of our children. We quietly returned to our task of matching and organizing the kitchenware, each of us lost in our thoughts.

A few more minutes passed, and the frustrated tones of the piano ceased. We put the last of the pots and pans away, and boxed up the unwanted pieces.

"What do you say to a cup of coffee before we head out?" Lizzie asked.

"Sounds perfect, Liz," I responded as I took a seat at the counter. Liz started busily moving about the kitchen, starting the coffee maker, and taking out the cream, sugar, and mugs, then took a seat across from me.

"How's Bella doing? I haven't seen her in years, I miss her dearly," Liz commented.

"She's doing well...well a lot better than she had been doing anyhow," I responded.

"I miss having her around here. I wish I knew what happened between the two of them all those years ago. They used to be inseperable, all of them. I never could understand what made them all split apart so quickly," she mused.

"Liz, what do you mean all of them? I thought it was just Bella that they didn't associate with anymore," I questioned. All these years I thought it had just been that their friendship had possibly drifted apart while she was in Phoenix. I never knew that other friendships within their group had deteriorated as well.

"Oh, no. The entire group of them used to be thick as thieves...but then all of a sudden Edward, Jasper, and Emmett couldn't stand Mike Newton or Tyler Crowley anymore. Then some time went by and the boys no longer associated with Jessica Stanley or Lauren Mallory anymore either. I just thought it was the whole girls have cooties stage or something, but they all still associated with Angela Webber...so I really have no idea what happened. It just seems as though they all broke off into two different groups practically overnight. Almost as if Bella was the glue that held them all together or something," she mused with a contemplative expression about her face.

I quietly thought about everything she said. Is it possible that they all just drifted apart around the same time, or did something else happen to cause it? I know it's common for friendships to fade as children tend to grow apart as they get older, but that many friendships? And so quickly on top of it? Something just didn't seem right about that.

"Hey Mom?! Is it okay if I go to the mall with Jazz and Em?!" Edward yelled from half way down the staircase, startling me out of my internal musing.

"Sure, honey! But stop yelling, and quit being rude and come say hello to our company before you leave!" Liz laughed as she yelled back. I quietly giggled as she rolled her eyes in the direction of the stairs. "Boys will be boys," she chuckled. I snickered and nodded my head. I only wish that I had the privilege of hearing a child yell down the stairs.

Edward's distant voice resounded from the hallway, along with the sound of footsteps coming quickly off the stairs, "What company, Mom? I didn't hear anyone come in." The sound of the footsteps came closer and closer to the kitchen until he appeared in the entry way. I smiled at him as he entered the kitchen.

"Hi, Edward. How are you, dear?" I greeted him.

"I'm doing good, Esme, how are you?" he responded as he embraced me and kissed me on my cheek. He stood next to me with his arm still around my shoulders as he faced Liz. "What are you two up today? No good as usual?" he chuckled. I laughed as he winked at Liz. He's always been such a charmer...it's a wonder he doesn't have a girlfriend that I know of.

"So how is everything, Edward? Are you seeing anyone yet, or are you still just running around breaking hearts?" I laughed and playfully poked him in his side. He laughed and squirmed away, moving a few feet down the counter and resting his elbows upon it.

"No, I'm not seeing anyone..and haven't broken any hearts that I'm aware of yet, _Esme_," he laughed and rolled his eyes as he said my name.

"All in time, Edward, all in time. You get more handsome and charismatic every time I see you. It's a wonder you don't have a fan group following you around everywhere!" I joked.

He rolled his eyes again and flashed me an adorable lop-sided grin before retorting. "I don't know about all that, but if you want to be a groupie I'm sure one of the girls at school can give you an application," he sputtered through his laughter.

I laughed in return and lightly slapped his shoulder. "Always the joker, aren't you?" I chuckled.

Liz brought the pot of coffee over to the counter and poured us each some. I stirred in my cream and sugar while Liz questioned Edward about his plans for the day, and inquired what time he would be home. He's always been such a well behaved young man. It's sad that he and Bella's friendship didn't last. She really could have used someone like him in her life. I have no doubt he would have been willing to help her in any way that he could.

Edward cleared his throat, and I looked up in his direction. He appeared hesitant, as if he wanted to say something but wasn't sure if he should.

"Edward, dear. What is it?" I questioned. He hesitated just another moment before responding.

"Esme?....How..." he paused. "How's Bella?" he asked softly while focusing his gaze on the counter.

_Hm..seems I'm not the only one who thinks it's sad that their friendship didn't last. Maybe some day they'll rekindle their friendship. We can all hope anyway._

"She's fine, dear. She made a new friend recently. A lovely girl that moved in next door...her name is Alice. She's quite an energetic little thing, but she's amazing with Bella," I confided.

"That's good. I'm glad she's doing well..." he said, but his voice seemed full of sorrow. It nearly broke my heart.

"Edward, dear. Is everything alright?" I asked as I reached a hand out toward him as a comforting gesture.

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you Esme. Mom is it okay if I leave now? I have to pick up Em and Jazz," he said in a bit of a rush as he backed away from the counter.

_He's taking this worse than I could have ever imagined. He's never really asked about her before, unless Liz and I had already been talking about her. I do sincerely hope they figure this out. I know she misses him too. She always gets this far away look in her eyes when she looks at that group photo that's in her room. _

"Sure, honey. Have fun and drive safe," Liz said as she kissed him on the cheek before he spun and made for the front door.

"Well, that was interesting..." Liz mused, still looking in the direction where Edward had been standing.

"You don't think there's more to this situation than we're aware of, do you?" I asked as I cocked my eyebrow in her direction. She turned and faced me with a speculative expression.

"I don't know, Esme... but _that_.."she said pointing at the spot where Edward had stood "makes me think there is."

_Well at least I'm not the only one that noticed. I guess there's hope for those two after all._

"Well, Esme dear...are you ready?" Liz asked.

"Absolutely. You take one box, and I'll take the other. I have a feeling the lunch conversation today is going to be _quite_ interesting." I mused as we made our way out of the kitchen.

* * *

**AN: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I truly enjoyed writing playful Edward..even if it was only for a minute! And next chapter up is...drumroll please.... THE SHOPPING TRIP! Just a fore-warning. The shopping trip is written in 2 different POV's..and one is a seemingly long awaited one ::hint hint:: and they have incredibly different feels to them. Anyone who gets offended by the f bomb or general oral raunchyness it's suggested that you skip the 2nd POV...seriously...don't say I didn't warn you. A certain trio have some seriously pent up angst that needed to fly..along with my doodie attitude while writing it hehe. Enjoy my lovelies! R&R!**


	16. ShoppingExcursions&DressingRoomDisasters

**AN: And here it is..the long awaited chapter..well part 1 of 2 anyhow. Again..fore-warning...next chapter has incredibly raunchy language. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! ENJOY! **

* * *

**Disclaimer: still don't own it...keep your lawyer off my bum!**

* * *

Shopping Excursions and Dressing Room Disasters

I led Bella into the mall, practically dragging her behind me as she stared at the floor she was walking on. She looked as if I was leading her to a den of lions for Pete's sake.

_Seriously...I love shopping, and if my new best friend hates it as Esme said, this could create a problem. No worries though...just a few trips with the Great Ali should fix that right up!_

I decided that we should hit the clothing stores first, then some accessories, maybe grab a bite to eat, then hit up the shoes. Might as well get as much done in one day seeing as how it might be a while before she agrees to come again.

I led us into one of the first clothing stores we came across, and I immediately started shuffling through the racks of clothing looking for items for both Bella and I.

_Really, I love the girl to death, but she seriously needs some new threads!_

I shivered as I thought about closet full of bland clothing. With just a few tweaks of her wardrobe she might just find it a bit easier to break out of her shell a bit. The only thing really bothering me was the style of all her clothing. Why does she feel the need to hide herself? She's absolutely beautiful...she has no reason to hide.

_Hopefully today I'll be able to show her that._

I took a quick glance around, making sure that Bella was ok, and found her rifling through some jeans. I took a closer look at the style jeans she was looking at, and was pleasantly surprised to see her looking at the low-rise, boot-cut, sandblasted ones.

_Well at least she has good taste in jeans!_

I grabbed a few of the shirts I had been trying to decide on and walked over to Bella. She had three pairs of jeans on her arm all in different colors. I walked up behind her and took the dry erase board out of her messenger bag.

**Are you ready to try some outfits on?**

I handed her the board and marker and waited for her response.

_**About as ready as I'll ever be, Alice.**_

I smiled at her and led her back to the dressing rooms. She hesitated for a moment, and then started writing something down on the board. Once she was done she handed it to me.

_**Alice, would you mind standing in front of the curtain? I don't want anyone to accidentally walk in on me.**_

"Sure, Bella. I'll be right here when you're finished." I said. I handed her a few of the shirts I had picked out for her. "Here, I picked these out for you. You don't have to get them, but at least try them on, okay?" She rolled her eyes at me and nodded before disappearing behind the curtain.

The shirts were really nice. My favorite was a satiny deep blue button up that had puffy shoulders, and the sleeves came down to just short of the elbow. It was a little shorter on the sleeves than her usual 3/4 length sleeves, but hopefully it would help ease her way into other styles of clothes. It also had a silver loop belt that hung around the bottom of it. The second shirt was an olive green sweater with an ecru band across the chest, and the designer name stitched in the same olive green within the band, a high neck, fitted waist, and the 3/4 length sleeves that she likes so much. I took a chance with the last shirt. I wasn't sure how she'd react to it, but I decided to give it a try anyhow. The worst that could happen would be for her to say no.

The last shirt was satiny, and had a blue and white abstract flower design. The neck of the shirt had a 2" band that snapped together at the back of the neck, and the back of the shirt had a trapezoid shaped opening, leaving her back bare. The sleeves came to mid-arm and would hopefully be long enough to appease her longer sleeved tastes.

After a few minutes, she opened the curtain and glared at me.

_I guess she didn't like that shirt._

She thrust the board at me and I stifled a giggle as I read it.

_**Alice! Is this a joke?! I **__**cannot**__** wear that kind of shirt!**_

"Aww, Bella..why? I happen to think you would look beautiful in that shirt!" I whined. Bella took the board back, hurriedly wrote something down, and passed it back to me.

_**Alice, I'm just not comfortable in it. I'll get the other two if you let this one go...consider it a veto.**_

I looked up at her and grinned, then nodded my head.

_She may have gotten away from that one shirt...but at least she got two other fabulous ones! A small success is still a success!_

Bella grabbed her items from the dressing room and proceeded to wait outside the curtain while I tried my items on. I had only been in the dressing room for a few moments when I heard the most god awful nasally voice echo through the store.

_Ugh, I'd hate to have to be around _that_ noise all day. God bless anyone who has to!_

I quickly changed in and out of the items, deciding which ones I was keeping and throwing the others into a pile on the bench. I was just pulling another shirt over my head when that damn voice made me freeze.

"Oh look who it is...Bella Swan. Did they let you out of the nuthouse for a class trip or something?" she sneered.

_Who the FUCK is that, and what fucking right do they have talking to Bella that way?!?_

I quickly finished pulling the shirt over my head and grabbed a pair of pants to throw on.

"Seriously, Bella..you get weirder every time I see you. Have you ever thought about home schooling? I'm sure everyone would be grateful if you spared them your presence this year," she jabbed.

_Seriously, I'm gonna kick this little snot's ass!_

I ripped the pants up my legs and threw the curtain open.

"Who the FUCK do you think you are?!" I hollered at the girl I assumed was the one taunting Bella. Her face looked like it was permanently set in a scowl, and she wore way too much make-up.

"I'm Lauren, who the hell are you?" she shot back.

"I'm Alice, and I suggest you shut your mouth before you lose it... it's bad enough that that scowl that's permanently etched on your face will give you jowls in a few years." I quipped.

She stared at me in shock for a moment, and out of the corner of my eye I thought I caught Bella snickering silently. Lauren then narrowed her eyes at me, clearly preparing herself for her next attempt at a jab.

"Well, Alice...do you usually butt into other people's business, or are you a fellow cell-mate of Bella's?" she retorted, looking quite pleased with herself. I noticed however that her two little cronies were slowly backing away from her.

_Well at least they have sense enough to not attempt to be so cruel to someone._

"I'd rather be a cell mate of Bella's than an over-done and over-used _prosti-TOT _like you!" I replied as I winked in Bella's direction. She was definitely shaking with silent laughter now. Lauren gasped and spun on her heel, leaving the store in a hurry. I couldn't resist the opportunity, so just before she was fully out of the store I heaved in a deep breath and yelled after her... "IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU LISA!! I'LL BE SURE TO WRITE YOUR NUMBER DOWN ON EVER CONDOM DISPENSER I COME ACROSS TODAY!!"

Bella fell to the floor in her silent fit of laughter, and I joined her. "Man, Bella...is it always this exciting running the streets with you?" I asked through my laughter. Bella grabbed her board and quickly wrote something down and passed it back to me.

_**You think she was bad here...wait til school starts!**_

I frowned as I read the message and looked back at Bella. She just shrugged and picked herself up off the floor. I went back into the dressing room and quickly changed back into my own clothes. I came out and grabbed Bella's hand, leading her to the register. We paid and once we left the store I turned to her and held my hand out for the board. She happily handed it to me and I quickly wrote my note.

**Bella, don't worry about school. I'll be there with you, and if she tries anything you just let me know, okay?**

She took the board from me and nodded after she read the message. She wrote something down and handed it back to me.

_**Thanks, Alice. You don't have to stand up for me...she's been that way for years. But, I appreciate the offer, and I'm glad you'll be there with me. **_

I smiled at her, and linked my arm with hers as we continued walking through the mall.

We had made our way in and out of a few stores, and it seemed that Bella was becoming more comfortable with this outing. We decided to hit up one last clothing store before heading off to find some accessories for our fabulous new outfits. Bella even managed to loosed up a bit and do some shopping herself. I was quite impressed that she was now carrying 5 bags of clothing, and only 2 bags of which I picked out for her. We entered the last store and browsed the racks for a bit.

After a little while, Bella came up to me with an armful of clothing and pointed back towards the dressing rooms. I asked her if she would be ok, and she took a quick look around the store, and noticing that it was empty aside from the workers and us, she flashed me a quick okay sign and took off towards the dressing room. I was so proud of her in that moment. I yelled after her to bang on the wall if she needed anything, and relayed that I'd be back by the shoes. She threw up another okay sign and kept walking in the direction of the fitting rooms.

I was back by the shoes when I thought I heard someone snickering quietly, but I figured it was probably just one of the workers up by the register. My heart plummeted straight to the floor when I heard that damn Lauren girl's voice echo throughout the store.

"Oh my God, Bella! No wonder you change for gym in the fucking bathroom! You aren't fucking weird enough you have to disfigure yourself on top of it! WHAT A FREAK!" she squealed through her horrendous laughter. Her laughter was accompanied by the slightly less rowdy snickers of the people that were with her. I took off running towards the dressing rooms, leaving my one shoe and bags behind me. What I saw when I got there horrified me beyond belief.

Lauren and her fucking cronies were surrounding the dressing room. They had apparently pulled the curtain back on her while she was in the dressing room. Bella was cowered in the corner, shaking, and attempting to cover herself with the piles of clothes she had in there with her. What horrified me the most were the scars that I caught a glimpse of as she frantically tried to hide.

I couldn't take it anymore. My vision went completely red and I stormed up to the curtain and pulled it closed before launching Lauren into one of the divider walls.

"What the FUCK is wrong with you, you evil fucking twit?!" I screamed at her. "She's done NOTHING to you, and yet you fucking take _pleasure_ in hurting her?!" I screeched through my tears. I grabbed her shirt and pushed her back into the corner of the divider roughly. She winced and let out a painful cry, so I did it again. "Don't you EVER fucking approach her again. If I EVER see you anywhere near her again, so help me God, NO ONE will recognize you for the rest of your fucking life..have you got that?!" I spat. I released her shirt as I pushed her towards the front of the store and she stumbled as she took off towards the exit. When I looked towards the exit I spotted three guys looking on the scene wearing masks of horror and pure rage.

I didn't get the chance to even mentally question the looks on their faces as Bella tore out of the dressing room towards the exit. "Bella!...Bella, WAIT!" I yelled after her. I quickly took off after her, not even remembering to grab my shoe or bags. As I passed the three guys, I couldn't help but notice that the one with the reddish brown hair looked positively murderous.

As I made it a few feet out of the entrance, I faintly heard one of the store employees yelling after me. "Miss! Wait! You left your belongings!" she yelled, but I couldn't stop. I had to get to Bella. Those fucking assholes just destroyed the shred of dignity and independence that she had just found in herself.

_They are soooo gonna fucking pay for that!_

Bella made it all the way out to the car before I caught up with her. She too was barefoot, and her feet were bleeding. She was cowered down by the tire of my car, sobbing hysterically. I knelt down next to her and wrapped my arms around her. She went frigidly still for a few moments before crumpling into my frame. I rocked her back and forth, whispering my apologies for not noticing that they were in the store, for not keeping better watch, and promising her that I would make them pay for what they did.

She needed to know that those fuckers were callous, and evil, and she had no reason to be ashamed of what happened. I told her that she was beautiful inside and out, and that it didn't matter if she had a few scars. I told her that to anyone that truly mattered, they wouldn't even see them, because her inner beauty outshines any flaw that they could ever find on the outside. We sat there for what seemed like forever until she raised up her hand and started making sign letters. I had to ask her to repeat it, because at first I hadn't realized what she was attempting to do, because her hand was shaking so badly, and I missed the first few letters. She snorted and started again, and without one error, she clearly asked if we could go home. I told her of course, and opened the door to the car for her.

She sat sideways on the seat, and pointed at her feet. I knelt down in front of her, and unwrapped the cloth wrap that I had tied around my waist over my jeans. I picked up her left foot and winced when I saw the glass pieces still stuck in her skin. I looked up at her apologetically. "Bella, I'm going to clean you up as best I can, okay? Hopefully Carlisle is home when we get there so he can take a better look." I said as softly as I could.

I removed all the glass pieces that I could find, and wiped the excess dirt off with one end of the wrap. I looked up at Bella, and smiled apologetically. "Bella, can you reach into the center console and pull out the anti-bacterial gel?" I asked her. She nodded at me and turned slightly to reach for it. When she handed it back to me I grimaced slightly, knowing this part would sting. "Bella, honey. This part might sting a bit, but I have to clean out the cuts so they don't get infected, okay?" I warned her. She nodded and braced herself against the seat.

It only took a few minutes, and she handled it like a champ. I lightly patted her legs as I went to get up off the ground, and she spun her legs into the car. I shut the door behind her, and started to walk around to the other side of the car. As I came around the back of the car, I noticed the same three guys from inside walking up the parking lot.

The tall, bear looking, guy still looked ready to kill. The one with the reddish brown hair was running his left hand ravenously through his hair as he pinched the bridge of his nose with his right hand. The third one, looked upset but oddly calm, almost like the calm before the storm type of calm. He came jogging up to me, and it took me a moment to realize he was carrying all of Bella's and my belongings.

I peeked through the back window of my car and just barely made out that Bella had her head resting against the passenger window. The guy that had jogged up approached me warily, as his eyes darted from between me to the car and back again.

"Hey," he said softly. His voice was smooth and sensuous. "You seem to have left your belongings behind in your rush, I hope you don't mind that we grabbed them for you," he said quietly. I couldn't help but notice the slight southern drawl. It was absolutely adorable. I couldn't seem to find my voice at the moment, so I just shook my head and smiled timidly.

_What is going on?! I'm __never__ timid around guys...he is really something to look at though._

He seemed a little nervous after speaking, his eyes darting back towards the car again. A pained expression crossed his face momentarily before he looked back to me. He ran a hand down his beautiful face and slightly tugged on his mouth before speaking again.

"Umm..." he paused. "Is..." he paused again and sighed as he looked towards the ground. "Is Bella going to be alright?" he asked as he looked back up at me. I looked back towards the car, then back to him and nodded before responding.

"Yeah, she'll be alright. I'm gonna stay with her tonight to be sure," I responded.

He looked back towards the ground and gently whispered "Thank you...really."

I just nodded at him and stretched my arm out to take our belongings from him. He quickly shifted the bags to his left hand, and stretched his right hand out to mine. He held it gently for a moment before he spoke. "I'm Jasper, and you are...?"

I laughed quietly, "I'm Alice, Bella's neighbor and best friend."

He chuckled quietly, "Well, Alice..it was nice to meet you, and thank you again...from all of us," he said. I looked at him confusedly and he chuckled quietly, releasing my hand to point back to the other two guys that were with him. The bear-like guy smiled at me, and the one with the reddish-brown hair and now tortured face nodded his head in my direction and gave a heartbroken half smile.

I didn't know what to say to that. Hell, why were they thanking me for basically being her friend? It didn't make any sense what so ever. I just smiled timidly back at them and nodded in their direction before turning back to Jasper. I looked up at him and rocked slightly on the balls of my feet. This situation was getting a wee bit too awkward for me.

"Well, I should really get Bella home. Thank you for thinking to grab our belongings for us," I said quietly, holding my hand out to take the bags from him. He handed them over to me and tipped his head down ironically like a southern gentleman.

"Well, Alice. I hope to see you around. And truly, thank you again. It means a lot to us that she has someone like you to help take care of her," he said softly.

_Help take care of her? What does he think she is? Inca-fucking-pacitated? The fucking nerve of this douche!_

I glared at him and spun on my heel towards the driver side of my car. I looked back before I wretched the door open and narrowed my eyes at him before speaking. "She doesn't need to be _taken care_ of," I spat, "the _only _thing she needs is people that care _about _her, and _that_ I assure you..she has." I threw the bags into the back seat of the car, and took one last glimpse in their direction before plopping into my seat and slamming the door. Jasper just stood there with his brows furrowed, the bear-like guy had his mouth practically dragging on the ground, and the one with reddish-brown hair had his face in his hands and his head was shaking back and forth with his shoulders slumped over.

I jammed the key in the ignition and started the car, revving the engine to warn them to get the fuck out of my way. They quickly moved, and I looked at Bella to make sure she had her seat belt fastened. "Bella, hold onto your seat for me, sunshine...I might run over a new speed bump," I whispered the last part. Bella just looked at me in shock, I smiled briefly at her and threw the car into reverse, peeling out of the parking spot. I quickly threw the car into first and took off, leaving those shitheads in a cloud of dust.

_How fucking dare they thank me for being her friend. What's wrong with them that they can't step up to the plate. OOOhh No..they have to thank other people for gladly doing what they can't seem to do. DOUCHEBAGS!_

I was fuming as I sped down the highway. Poor Bella just looked at me like my head had split open and my skull was on fire. Hell my head felt like that's what had happened. I slowly reigned in my anger, and smiled timidly towards Bella. I really did feel bad about scaring her, it wasn't right of me to do that to her just because of them.

Bella reached into the back seat and fished the board out of her bag. She quickly wrote a note down and held it up for me to see.

_**Alice, are you okay?**_

"Bella, I'm fine...I promise. Are you okay?" I asked.

_**Yeah...I'm okay. I just really want Esme right now.**_

"I know, Bella, I know. We'll be there soon. Why don't you text her so she knows to be home when we get there," I said softly.

She nodded and fished her phone out of her bag to send a message to Esme.

_Thank God they are communicating better now. I have a feeling the only thing that's going to comfort her right now is a mother's warmth..._

* * *

**AN: So we got a little sneak peek at a certain bronze haired someone and his ever faithful friends... Is everyone ready for his grand appearance? What? I couldn't hear you... Yeah..that's what I thought! hahaha Enjoy kiddies! R&R!**


	17. Pizza Pies & Hyena Tribes

**AN: I hope you all are ready for some serious brooding and foul-mouthed Edward. I seriously had fun writing this chapter...and I hope those who read it have just as much fun reading it! Again...those who don't appreciate obscene language..this story is rated M and there have been multiple warnings leading up to this chapter. ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: Seriously..I don't own it, must I repeat it?...God this is depressing..I don't own Twilight..that talented lucky lady SM does! ::sniffle::**

* * *

Pizza Pies and Hideous Hyena Tribes

EPOV

I quickly bolted out of the house, and rushed to my car to go pick up Em and Jazz. I couldn't stay in the house any longer...if I had I knew Esme would think too much about me asking about Bella.

_Gah! Bella...I miss her so much. I miss her smile, her blush, her angelic laughter. I haven't seen any of those in 5 years. I wish there was something I could do to help her, but she pushed me away. She pushed all of us away when she came back from Phoenix. _

I never thought I'd have seen the day that we wouldn't be friends. Truthfully, I always thought of her as more than a friend. She was my other half...my better half more accurately. She was so different when she came home from Phoenix. She wouldn't talk to anyone, and if you tried to talk to her she would just keep walking as if she hadn't even heard you call her name. I tried so many times to talk to her, but it always seemed as if she didn't even see me standing there. Em, and Jazz tried to talk to her as well, but always to no avail.

After a while, we just decided that we'd give her some room, and watch over her from afar. Emmett occasionally jokes that we're her Invisible Guardian Warriors. I hate that he jokes about it...but in a way he's right. That's kind of what we are.

We figured that she'd come around and start talking to us again when she was ready...but it never happened. So instead, we continue to watch her from a distance. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to her. I can't bare the thought of her being hurt in any way.

It doesn't help that all the jackasses in school attempt to taunt her relentlessly. I can't even count how many times Emmett, Jasper, or I have caught someone planning some horrendous stunt to humiliate her, and trust me when I say..it's never been a good sight when we were through with them. I mean seriously, hadn't she been through enough? Couldn't they fucking see that? There was a reason she wasn't the same anymore..she was hurt, and broken.

Just thinking about Bella's pain rips my heart to shreds. She's an angel..she hadn't deserved any of this. It broke my heart when her family moved away. They practically left in the middle of the night, not really saying a word to anyone. Few people even knew where they moved to.

Our group of friends stayed in tact for only a short time after Bella's family left. Fucking Mike Newton and Tyler Crowley kept cracking jokes about why they thought her family moved so suddenly. Every fuckin day it was something new. Stupid shit like her father was on the run because he got busted for being on the take, or Renee was pregnant from having an affair..it was always something fucking stupid and it pissed Emmett, Jasper, and me off. After a few weeks we basically just told them to fuck off.

Then after Bella came back, and everyone saw how distraught she was after we heard the news about her parents dying, things just got worse. Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory started spreading rumors that Bella killed her parents for making her move away. Then the next week they'd start a new rumor that Bella's father went crazy and killed Renee before committing suicide, and Bella ended up in a mental hospital.

I never really liked either of them, but after their insensitive and demeaning statements, I came to loathe them as well. It physically makes me ill now when they approach me in their "seductive" ways. Just thinking about it makes me want to wretch.

No one really knows what happened to Bella's family, with the exception of her foster parents, and presumably Bella herself. I never tried to push her for answers, I just figured when she was ready to talk about it, she would, and hopefully she would trust me enough to come to me. I would very willingly be there if that day ever came. But as it is...it's been 5 years...and my hopes for that day have dwindled significantly.

I pulled up to Jasper's house and blew the horn. I know it was rude, but I truly wasn't in the mood to get out and walk up to the door. Jazz and Em came stumbling out of the front door, playfully swinging at each other and attempting to put each other in head locks.

_Idiots..._

Half way across the lawn they both looked at the car and bolted for it, fighting each other for shot-gun.

_Again..idiots._

Jasper beat Emmett to the passenger door and fluidly flung himself in the seat while simultaneously yelling "Sucker" at Emmett. I had to laugh on the inside at Emmett's expression...he looked like someone kicked his puppy.

_All over riding fucking shot-gun...idiots. I love them like brothers but for the love of all that's holy in this world...they are fucking idiots!_

Once they were in the car I quickly pulled away from the curb. Emmett pulled himself between the front seats and decked Jasper in the shoulder. "You're a fucking douche man! You always get shot-gun cause you're lanky n' shit!" he cried out. Jasper just snickered and looked back at Emmett. "Don't blame me...I'm not the one that built you like a damn bear..all slow and bulky!" he retorted. I couldn't help it..I burst out laughing.

"You guys are the biggest bunch of tampon toting pansies I've ever met! Always crying about who rides shot-gun!" I sputtered between my laughter. Jasper cocked an eyebrow at me while formulating his retort. "This coming from Mr. I'm-so-moody I need a regular prescription for Midol!" he cried out. I laughed again and bumped his fist for his clever retort. I quickly turned my head to chance a glimpse at Emmett...he was being too quiet and it was freaking me out. When I met his gaze I cringed...he looked downright evil with his devilish smirk.

I kept my gaze on him through the rear-view mirror. After a few moments he started to speak in a deadly calm tone. "Don't worry my brother, don't worry...I'll get you back for that when you least expect it," he muttered. I cringed again and turned my focus back towards the road in front of me.

It was pretty quiet in the car after that, just the light ambiance of music in the background. The silence started getting to me, so I took the opportunity to break it. "Esme was at my house today..." I said quietly. Both of their heads immediately turned to face me. Jasper spoke up first.

"Did she say anything about Bella?" he inquired. I shook my head, but began speaking again. "No, she didn't bring her up, but I asked her how she was doing. She said she was doing well, and that she made a new friend recently with the girl that moved in next door," I replied. Emmett surprised me by speaking up next.

"Well let's just hope that this girl is a better friend to her than Jessica or Lauren were...cause I really don't think I can handle another clone of them," he spat. I nodded in agreement, as did Jasper. It was quiet again for a few more minutes, as all our thoughts undoubtedly turned to our lost friend.

As we were pulling into the parking lot of the mall Jasper turned his head toward us, away from the window he had been staring blankly out of over the last few minutes. Emmett was still pinched between us, staring downward towards the bottom of the radio console. "Do you think she'll ever come back to us?" Jasper asked, sounding as remorseful as we all felt over the situation.

"I don't know, man. But...we can all hope," Emmett replied, never altering his gaze. I hated seeing them like this. It's been this way for years. We used to be like the 3 Stooges..now we're like the 3 depressed Musketeers. It fucking sucks. Everything about it sucks. It was like Bella was the bonding force between all of us, and when she disappeared, so did the bond that kept us all together.

I pulled into a parking spot and turned off the car. I turned toward Jazz and Em, resting my back against the car door. "Listen guys, the only thing we can do is make the best of this situation. Hopefully one day we can rekindle that friendship, but for now the only thing we can do is be there for her in any way that we can. Whether that be protecting her from the assholes at school when we can, lending a shoulder for her to cry on should she ever need one, or just listening to her should she ever decide to talk to any one of us again...whatever it is we just do what we can," I muttered quietly as I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers. I opened my eyes and looked at them, and they both nodded.

We all filed out of the car and started walking towards the entrance of the mall. I guess Emmett decided he'd had enough of serious time as he kicked the bottom of my shoe as I was walking, making me stumble forward before I caught myself on the trunk of someone's car. "Em..you dick! What the fuck did you speed-bump me for asshole?" I yelled through my laughter. This is what admire about Emmett...he can take the most depressing situation and turn it around in a heartbeat.

"Because you were brooding too much, and my poor defenseless eyes couldn't take that damn scowl anymore," he jabbed. I laughed and punched him in the shoulder. He dramatically fell to the ground, clutching his shoulder while pretending to cry while simultaneously yelling out that he'd been assaulted by a pansy twirp.

_God he's so retarded sometimes..._

Jasper was buckled over with his hands on his knees laughing hysterically. I laughed while I extended a hand to help Emmett up. "Come on Gigantor...the food court is calling your name..I can hear it from here," I joked. Emmett started laughing and shot up, jogging towards the food court. Jazz and I looked at each other, laughed, and took off after him.

We made our way through the food court, and over to our favorite pizza place. Emmett ordered an extra large pepperoni pizza and a pitcher of soda, and then sat at our customary table. We came here almost every weekend, just to shoot the shit over some good food, since there was nothing to really do in Forks. During the school year we come here to discuss things that had happened during school in regards to Bella, and what we did to the offending people to reciprocate their actions. I guess in some way it makes us still feel involved somewhere in her life...though nowhere near the kind of involvement we'd all like to have.

One of the employees brought over our pizza and soda along with plates and cups.

_Thank God they remembered the cups this time...last time Emmett just drank out of the pitcher...friggin slob._

"Hey at least they brought cups this time Em! Now we don't have to drink your backwash you nasty mother fucker!" Jazz sputtered through his laughter. I burst out in boisterous laughter. "Dude! I was just thinking the same fuckin thing!" I shouted as I bumped his fist.

"Yeah, yeah... keep rubbin it in assholes! I was _thirsty_!" Emmett wailed while throwing his arms up in the air. Jazz and I just burst out laughing again at his expression before grabbing a slice of pizza each.

A half hour later, with our pizza and soda finished, we got up and headed out to roam the mall. "Ugh...I feel like I'm gonna explode! I wonder if this is what it feels like to be a pregnant chick? Dudes..look at my fuckin stomach!" Emmett carried on. Jazz and I just laughed at him and his protruding stomach. "Well dickhead...that's what you get for eating half a fucking pizza!" Jasper retorted through his chuckles.

We kept walking through the mall, not really stopping at any stores. We never really shopped when we came here..it was just something to do to kill some time. I had stopped at a window in front of a music store, and I was looking at a pretty sweet Les Paul acoustic/electric guitar when I heard a high pitched girl screaming at someone. I spun my head towards Em and Jazz, we all just shrugged at each other and took off in the direction of the screaming.

When we approached the front of the store where the all the shouting was coming from, I stopped dead in my tracks. Jessica, Tanya, and the rest of their cronies were gathered around a fitting room area, and some little pixie lookin' chick had Lauren by the front of her shirt, and was repeatedly slamming her into the corner of a dressing room divider, shouting at her. I couldn't really make out the words, but I could only imagine what Lauren had done to piss that girl off.

We just stood there in awe of this little girl man-handling Lauren. I was about to bust out laughing when the girl threw Lauren towards the front of the store and she almost busted her ass, but I was caught completely off-guard by the site of Bella bolting from the dressing room, face bright red and full of tears, coming at us full force.

"What" Jazz, "The" Em, "Fuuuuuck" me.

Bella bolted right past us, once again seeming to not even notice our presence. I watched her as she bolted straight through the mall, completely disheveled, and shoeless to boot. I looked back at Em and Jazz as my hands clenched painfully at my sides. Bright red flashed before my eyes as I took a step toward Lauren and her cronies. Emmett's hand shot out and grabbed my shoulder, no doubt to stop me from killing her right there.

That little girl's voice echoed through the store, yelling for Bella to wait for her. Her gaze momentarily caught our expressions as she bolted after Bella. I couldn't do a thing but stare after her as she sprinted through the mall, quickly dodging people that were just mulling about. I turned my attention back towards the store and noticed that Lauren and her _crew_ were nowhere to be found.

One of the store's employees was standing in the entry way, hands full of bags and one and a half pairs of shoes, looking completely lost as to what to do next. I hadn't even heard her yelling after that girl...hell I hadn't even noticed her standing there til that second.

"Umm, excuse me.." she said nervously. We all looked at her, but only Jazz was able to form some kind of reply. "Yeah?" he said, still obviously shocked at the events that had just occured before our very eyes.

"Uhh...You wouldn't happen to know that little girl that just ran out of here....would you?" she asked timidly. Jasper shook his head but then replied, "No, but I know the one that she ran after...why?"

She shifted from one foot to the other, looking more nervous by the minute. "Ummm, you wouldn't possibly be able to return these things to them would you? They kind of left them behind when they ran out of here," she said. He looked to me, and I nodded. At the very least we could bring them to Esme, and she'd get their stuff back to them. Jasper to the belongings from her and she thanked him and turned to head back in the store.

I couldn't stop myself, I had to know what happened...so I asked. "Excuse me, miss?" I said carefully. She turned back around to face me with an expectant look on her face. I furrowed my brow slightly before resuming my line of questioning. "What exactly happened in there?" I asked. Her face fell slightly, as if she was expecting me to ask something completely different.

_This is soooo __not__ happening right now. What the hell kind of person does she think I am?_

"Umm, I don't really know exactly what happened....but from what I caught it seems as though the blond girl that was in the fight with that little one ripped the curtain open on that poor girl that took off out of here. She said all types of mean things to her, but I only caught a little bit of that as I came out of the stockroom," she said remorsefully.

I shook my head and pinched the bridge of my nose roughly. "Do you remember anything that she said to her?" I asked patiently. She heaved in a breath and let it out slowly before responding. "Not exactly word for word, but she said something about her being weird enough as it was, and that she was a freak for disfiguring herself and it was no wonder she changed in the bathroom for gym class. Like I said..not word for word, but that's about as accurate as I can recall," she said softly, looking ashamed for even having to repeat those degrading statements.

I stood shell-shocked at the level of malice those words held for a moment before something triggered in my thought process. "What do you mean disfigured?" I asked her, my brow furrowing acutely in confusion. She sighed and looked towards the floor, reluctant to answer. "I walked out and caught just a glimpse of her in the dressing room before the little girl pulled the curtain shut, and..." she hesitated and almost looked close to tears "and...she had some horrific looking scars that she was desperately trying to hide," she said, her voice trailing off into a whisper.

_Scars? What fucking scars? I've __never__ seen a scar on her...granted she's never worn anything in the last few years that would allow me to see anything like that anyhow. What the fuck happened to her in Phoenix?!_

"Thank you," I muttered before stalking off to look for Lauren and her team of trifling bitches.

_Jesus Christ, Bella what the hell did you go through? Is this why you pulled away from everyone? Are you hiding from everyone you knew? Please, please don't be trying to protect us from anything you went through. I can't handle knowing that you faced this alone._

Emmett's hand on my shoulder pulled me out of my desperate internal rambling. I abruptly spun around to face him. He looked terrified, and I couldn't blame him. If it wasn't for my blinding rage at what Lauren had just done to her, I'm positive me expression would mirror his own. "Dude, you don't think that she's been hurting herself all this time do you?" he muttered, his voice trembling as he fought to get the words out.

"NO," I growled. "She wouldn't do that to herself, she's better than that. Whatever scars she may have, some other fucking piece of shit put on her," I nearly roared. My whole body was shaking with pent up rage, both at those heartless bitches, and at the unknown person that hurt my Bella. Emmett looked to Jasper, who just looked purely shocked, like it hadn't sunk in yet. Emmett looked as if he was about to crumble. I went to reach a hand out to his shoulder when I caught sight of those fucking skanks out of the corner of my eye. Immediately I lost any control I had left.

"HEY YOU!" I roared as I took off in their direction. Lauren's face immediately shot in the direction of my overly loud voice.

"YEAH, YOU!! AND YOUR FUCKING TRIBE OF HIDEOUS HYENAS! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!" I kept shouting as I stalked in her direction. She looked nearly ready to shit herself...and at this moment..if I were her...I probably would have.

I finally caught up with them, Jazz and Em trailing behind me. I got right up in her face and continued my tirade. "Who the FUCK do you think you are pulling some shit like that?! Hasn't she been through ENOUGH?! You USED to be her FRIEND...what kind of fucking person are you?!" I roared in her face. She flinched, and jumped back. Her fucking pack of bitches flanking her.

"What do you care, Edward? You know she's a fucking freak! I don't understand why you waste your time on her when she wants nothing to do with you. Especially when you have every other girl in school trailing after you!" she retorted. She turned to shoot a smug smile at her clones before turning back to me. I was _furious. _If I hadn't of ever been taught _not_ to hit a girl..though I hardly classify her as one...I would have knocked her ass out cold right there on the spot.

"You're a piece of shit, Lauren, you know that?" I seethed. "You and all your so-called friends are fucking pathetic. The only reason you pull this kind of shit is to make yourself feel better, because no matter what she does, or how she looks, or even how she acts...Bella will _always_ be better than you," I spat, my voice doused with venom.

She stood there, completely shocked at my statement, but I refused to back down. "Just you watch, Lauren. One day Bella will have everything that you want out of life. She'll have someone that loves her, she'll have a loving family, and she'll be happy..but you..._you_ will always be an empty, _pathetic_, useless piece of shit...and I personally cannot wait for the day that I can watch her step over your overly made-up, pimped out, lifeless shell of a body with a smug smile on her beautiful face," I seethed.

Yeah, I may have gone too far, and that might be why both Jasper and Emmett grabbed a hold of my shoulders and started to pull me back, but she needed to understand what shit like that does to people when you say shit like that to them. She needed to feel just an ounce of what Bella feels when she attacks her that way. I may have gone too far, but I was _far_ from _ever_ being sorry for it.

Apparently, Lauren reclaimed the use of her eardrum shattering nasally voice just as I turned to stalk off. "I see your still pining for your lost _love, _Edward. Really, it's been years..give it _up_ already. She doesn't love you..she never did..and she never will," she seethed. I turned with a smug smile on my face, "That may be true Lauren, but I'll never stop waiting for her. You all can take that as a hint to back the fuck up off me, cause I promise each and every one of you...I will _never_ lay a single solitary finger on a single one of you," and with that I spun and stalked off, with Jazz and Em flanking my sides.

"Dude, that was totally harsh....but completely fuckin _awesome!"_ Emmett blurted out as we briskly walked towards the parking lot. We exited the front doors of the mall, and I sucked in the fresh air greedily. I really needed to calm down before I exploded. I ran my hand viciously through my hair as I pinched the bridge of my nose in an effort to calm myself as we stalked through the parking lot. When we had made it about a quarter of the way up the row of cars, Jasper elbowed me in my side.

"Hey...isn't that the little girl from the store?" he asked, pointing in the direction of a bright yellow Porsche. I looked in that direction and sure as shit there she was, just rounding the back of the car, heading towards the driver's side.

"Yeah, if the fact that she's only wearing one shoe is any indication of her identity, then yeah I'd have to say that's definitely her," I mused as I realized she was only wearing one shoe. Jazz looked to me quickly as if asking what he should do. I rolled my eyes and told him to go give her the stuff, and make sure Bella was alright.

Emmett, and I hung back while they talked. Emmett just watched them unabashedly, as I varied between watching their exchange and running my fingers through my hair to calm my nerves. I looked up one more time, and all seemed to be going well...until out of nowhere she glared at him and stalked to her side of the car. She spat something at him, and I just hung my head in my hands.

_What the fuck?! Our only ally at this point and he pisses her the fuck off.. way to go dick!_

She slammed her car door and started the car up, revving the engine. I took that as a warning sign and yelled at the two dickheads with me to move the fuck out of the way. That little pixie tore off out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell, leaving us choking on the fucking smoke left behind by the burning of the tread of her tires.

"Jazz, you dick! What the fuck did you say to her to piss her off?!" I yelled. He turned to face me with a confused expression, shrugging his shoulders as he replied, "Dude, all I said was thank you, it means a lot to us that she has a friend like you to help take care of her." I just stared at him.

_Honestly...can he be that stupid to not realize what he just said?_

"What?!" he asked..still looking completely dumbfounded.

_Apparently so._

"What did she say to you in return, Jazz?" I quipped, already knowing where his mouth betrayed him.

"She said she didn't need anyone to take care of her...that she only needed people who care about her, and that I can be assured that she has that....why?" he replied, still fucking confused.

I again just stared at him, contorting my face into the biggest "DUH" expression I could manage, but in my mind, all I could think of was praise for that little pixie.

_Way to go tiger...now __that's__ the kind of warrior my Bella deserves..._

Emmett decided this was his chance to shine as he chimed in. "Dude..you're even more retarded than I am! Even _I_ get why she's pissed off, ya oaf!" he managed to force it out between his guffaws.

Jasper's temper began to show as we refused to tell him what it was that he said wrong. "Well then, will one of you fucking _geniuses_ tell me what I fucking said wrong? Cause seriously...I'm not seeing it," he spat.

"You fuckin ass...you basically just called Bella helpless. You implied that she needed someone to care _for _her as if she's incapable of caring for herself, ya jag-off!" I sounded off, still completely awed that _he _of all fucking people didn't get it.

It was blatantly obvious when the information sunk in, because his face went from pissed off to remorse in a fraction of a second. And his only response....

"Oh _shit."_

* * *

**AN: I seriously hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and I desperately hope it was worth the wait for his appearance. The next chapter is going to be summarizing the weeks leading up to the start of school...this story would move too damn slowly if I didn't pass over a couple more Edward-free weeks...I hope you all appreciate the jump forward into a more Edward friendly zone. The next chapter is pretty drama-free...but rest assured my loyal ones..heads will be rolling from multiple directions once school starts. Hope your looking forward to it as much as I'm looking forward to writing it! As always..R&R. Hopefully I'll get the chance to feed your reading appetites again on Monday..until then..Buenos Noches, Au Revoir, Ciao, Aloha, G'nite and I luv u all! ~Jersey~**


	18. Time Goes By, But Still We Try

**AN: Just because I love you guys and your reviews so very much.. I'm presenting you with an additional 2 part update today. Hopefully it will keep you tided over until the whopper 2 part update comes out hopefully monday. Fair warning..that update will be MASSIVE. It's only 2 chapters...but each is more than double the normal length of my chapters. Hope you are all looking forward to it. Bunches of love! ~Jersey~**

* * *

**Disclaimer: Yup..we all know by now.. I don't own it.**

* * *

Time Goes By, But Still We Try

BPOV

Three weeks have gone by since that horrendous day in the mall. I have since refused to return for the time being, and Alice hasn't pushed the matter, which I'm grateful for. I always knew that Lauren was a bitch, but I never knew she could be that _cruel_. She'd never stooped that low before.

When it first happened, I honestly thought I'd never get over it. Alice, however, refused to let me dwell on the matter. She repeated told me how beautiful I was, and reiterated it over and over again when I would scoff at her. Slowly she's making me realize that my scars are just part of who I am. They're my story, my life, my past...and according to Alice, I should embrace them, because they helped make me the strong person that I am. I scoffed incredulously at her the first time she said it, but the more she repeats it, the more I realize her point. They may not make me physically strong, but they do remind me what I've managed to survive, and that alone is a feat in itself.

Alice has spent almost every single day over at my house, and when she's not here, I travel over to her house. Her sister and parents have been a tremendous help with my learning sign language. When I go over there I am forbidden to use the dry erase board. It makes me laugh when I get stuck on something I can't remember how to sign and end up having to spell it out. They're incredibly patient with me though. They've even made a family night out of it. Twice a week, Carlisle, Esme, and I head over to their house for a night of silent signing. We all get a kick out of it.

Something has bothered me greatly since that day at the mall though. Alice was furious when we left the parking lot, and I doubt her anger was still in reference to the dressing room debacle, because she had calmed down significantly between the time she caught up to me at the car, and when she got into the car. Something else happened, but she won't tell me what it was. She just tells me not to worry about it, but me being the stubborn ass I am, I follow her around relentlessly with my dry erase board and marker, repeatedly asking her what happened.

Last week she finally got sick of me asking her so she sneakily hid my board. She smiled smugly at me as I ran around all over looking for it. When I couldn't find it, I decided to do the next best thing...I went to look for a pen and paper. Only problem was that sneaky lil pixie hid every piece of paper and pen apparently in the house or the vicinity there of. Sometimes I swear she's pure evil. I got one up on her though...and it made me smugger than shit. She thought she had me beat with hiding all my writing supplies, but I caught her off-guard when I started following her around everywhere signing my questions over and over and over. She still won't crack though...and it is seriously starting to infuriate me. I just want to know what the hell happened that pissed her off so badly.

One thing I'm thankful for though, she's never approached the subject of where my scars came from. I know she caught an eyeful of them, and she's seen them repeatedly since then. I came to the conclusion about a week later, that since she'd seen them already, there was no point in me hiding them around her...but only around her. She doesn't pay any mind to them, actually she doesn't even acknowledge that they're there...which I love her for. It allows me brief periods of time when I can forget that they exist myself.

Even though we've mostly been just using sign language around the house lately, Alice and I still write back and forth to each other periodically throughout the day in our conversation scrapbook. We enjoy keeping the tradition going, seeing as it's what brought us together in the first place. I don't think we'll ever stop writing in it..or making new ones for that matter..even if I do ever end up breaking the silence as she so eloquently puts it.

Now there's an interesting subject. Alice has relentlessly been encouraging me to try to speak again...to no avail. I haven't actually been able to mutter a word, or sound for that matter, without the panic rising to the breaking point. I don't know how she's done it, but a few times she actually pulled me back from the freezing point, but there have been a few instances so far where the panic beat her to the punch. She never makes a big deal about that either, and I love her all the more for it. When I wake up she just praises me for actually trying, and makes a date to try again.

The biggest thing I love about her though, she never leaves me alone when I go into that state. She actually turned it into a family event. Now, instead of Carlisle just putting me in my bed when it happens, and over the last 3 weeks it's happened about 4 times, Esme sets up inflatable beds in the living room, and the 3 of them camp out around me, so that when I wake up I'm surrounded by my family and I don't have to panic that something happened to them. So far...it's done wonders for my nerves.

I am thoroughly convinced at this point that Esme and Carlisle have adopted another daughter, as have Alice's parents. I never thought I could ever be this happy...but I'm proven wrong daily. I never thought I'd have a friend as close as Alice, but I've come to realize that I can no longer even picture my life without her. It's almost as if she has always been there.

Esme, Carlisle, and I have also become a great deal closer. I've completely stopped referring to them when I talk to them by their names, and constantly refer to them as just Mom and Dad. They've been ecstatic about that. Esme approached me a little over a week ago with a suggestion to help me with my "grieving process" for my family. I was hesitant at first, but it's been slowly getting easier.

Every night after dinner, we sit in the living room, and I tell them stories from my childhood in sign language. It's helped me with the emotions, and I think it helps them with the sign language at the same time. The only memories I haven't approached as of yet, are the ones pertaining to my childhood friends. I'm just not ready to face those yet...especially since I have to face those very people in just a few short days with school resuming this coming week.

I've also taken Carlisle's suggestion and started keeping a journal of memories that I can recall. He convinced me to do so when he told me that one day, when the pain of remembering them subsides, I'll be able to read through them and be able to happily remember them. It comforts me to think that that's a possibility for the future, so I faithfully write in it every chance I get.

Esme and Carlisle only approached what happened in Phoenix once, and it was just a few days ago. I was telling them about some silly memory from Phoenix, and I broke down half way through it. They both asked me if I wanted to speak to a professional about it, claiming that it might be easier to work through it with someone who I didn't have an emotional attachment to. I understood their point, but told them that I just wasn't ready to face those issues just yet, but when I was ready I'd let them know. They even promised to find someone that can communicate with me in sign language so I don't have to break my hand writing. I laughed silently when they said that.

My biggest problem at the moment...is my fear of returning to school. These last few weeks of summer have been unbelievable, and I'm terrified that it will end when school starts up again. I'm also terrified of what Lauren is now capable of. Alice told me not to worry about it, that she would make sure that Lauren stayed a safe distance from me at all times...which worries me. I'm petrified that Alice will get into trouble for fighting a battle that she doesn't need to partake in...but in all honesty...I'm actually afraid for Lauren. Alice can be down right vicious if she needs to be, as I heard in the store that day.

Aside from that though...I feel about as ready as I'll ever be to face the world of Forks High for yet another year. I'm just silently hoping that somehow the upward motion of this summer keeps heading in that direction.

APOV

I can't even begin to explain the changes that have taken place in Bella since that dreadful trip to the mall. I haven't pushed her to go back, because I know that when she's ready she'll face her fears, and I'll gladly stand beside her as she does so. She's become remarkably stronger over the last few weeks, finally attempting to face the things she's run from for so long. She's even become comfortable around me not wearing completely shielding clothing, which I am _beyond_ proud of her for. I haven't brought up the scars, and honestly I don't even pay any mind to them, simply because when she's ready to open up about them she will.

Her stubborn streak has shown it's relentless side lately as well. When I first met her, she was so timid, but now she's like a freaking tigress prowling around the jungle for what it wants incessantly. It's annoying as shit, but I have to applaud her determination. I even broke down and hid all her damn writing materials to attempt to get her to stop asking me about what made me so furious that day as we left the mall, but that sneaky lil bugger just showed me up and started following me around signing the damn question over and over again.

_Why oh why did I ever teach her to sign?!_

The only reason I haven't told her, is because I don't feel it's my place to tell her what the 3 of them have been doing the last 5 years. I don't think it's right of them to be so distant, but yet act so protective of her. If they really wanted to protect her, they'd stand next to her, and not follow her around like the invisible A-team. It pisses me off just thinking about it, but someday they're going to have to fess up, and I'll be damned if I rob them of the opportunity of looking like jackasses.

My newest mission lately is attempting to get her to speak. I've found that if we participate in calming activities, like doing mani/pedis, or just relaxing in her bed listening to music, it's easier to catch and stop the panic before it completely overwhelms her. I have to admit, it's caught me off-guard a few times, but we've created a remedy for that as well.

The first time she froze up during one of our attempts I remembered how frantic she was when she woke up. I came to the conclusion that the panic she wakes up with is just as vicious as the panic that freezes her up, so I came up with the idea of the family camp out. Esme and Carlisle whole-heartedly agreed with the idea, and we've done it every time since. It gives us a chance to talk about our progresses, and strategies as to how we can make our "sessions" more successful. Carlisle is amazing when it comes to the theory side of it. All in all, I think they're just thrilled with the fact that she's at least attempting to overcome it, instead of just accepting it as a part of her.

Also, every night I come over after dinner and watch as she re-tells memories from her childhood. It's really helping her with the whole grieving thing, and we can all see an amazing change in her. It's so weird to think that just 3 weeks ago she was a closed off, steeled, and concreted shell of a person, and now she's almost completely open. The only memories she's avoided are the ones of her "friends", and Esme and I have some theories about that.

During one of Bella's frozen moments, I told her about the day at the mall. Esme was shocked to say the least, but said that it explained a lot about something she had witnessed in Edward that same afternoon before he went to the mall. She told me all about his frustrated piano melody, and his hesitation when he asked her how Bella was doing. I quickly put two and two together, and told Esme that Edward is in love with Bella...and probably always has been. Esme was doubtful at first, but I guess after mulling it over decided that it was in fact possible. I basically told her to just wait and watch, because regardless if Bella realized it..she was in love with him too. You can tell by how she avoids talking about memories of him at all...it's almost as if it hurts her too much to even think of him because of how much she loves him. Esme was again shocked by my observation, and again I reminded her to just wait...because it was only a matter of time before one, or both, of them cracked. I still laugh when I think of the oblivious nature that the two of them view each other with.

Speaking of Edward and his friends...I still want to run Jasper over. I can only hope that somehow he sees the error of his view of her. I meant what I said when I told him that she doesn't need someone to take care of her...she's perfectly capable of doing that on her own. She's probably more capable of taking care of someone else than all 3 of them put together honestly.

What scares me the most right now, is her fear of returning to school. I know she's afraid of Lauren, especially now that Lauren knows about her scars. I've got a few tricks up my sleeve waiting for her and her disgusting clones. I won't tell Bella what I have planned, but I have no doubt that when I pull it off...she'll know just who did it, and I'll be smiling smug as shit for an entire week..hell maybe even longer!

My only hope right now, is that the improvements that she's made so far only continue to improve, cause I will seriously damage anyone who steps in the way of her recovery. She deserves a chance to be normal, and I'm sick of people kicking her back to square one after every step she takes. I can only pray that one day she'll be as happy as she deserves to be...with a handsome green eyed god.

Didn't think I'd given up on that one did ya?!...Never..and I mean _never_...bet against Alice! hahaha

* * *

**R&R!! YAY! I love reviews...they're better than molten chocolate lava cake w/ vanilla ice cream...well almost anyway!**


	19. All Signs Point To Signing?

**AN: Here's part 2 of your gift my lovelies! ENJOY! **

* * *

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it..but I keep secretly waiting to!**

* * *

All Signs Point to...Signing?

EPOV

It's been three weeks since that dreadful day at the mall. Three weeks since I've had even a glimpse of Bella. It's been tearing me apart being unable to see for myself if she's alright. Pathetically enough, I've even fucking stooped low enough to drive by her house occasionally...just to try and get a glimpse at her to settle my nerves. If my hair was unruly before, well...it's positively unmanageable as of late. The stupid shit just sticks up everywhere from my incessant tugging on it.

A few days after the incident at the mall, I almost broke down and knocked on her little friend's door. I saw the Porsche in the driveway as I drove past one day and recognized it immediately. The only thing that stopped me was the unadulterated fury that had crossed her face the last time I saw her. I hate to admit it, but I sincerely think I'd need back-up to face her in that state again. I wasn't about to risk bodily harm attempting to approach her alone. I figured it would be best to wait until school started. Hopefully she'll be attending Forks High with us, and Bella

Jazz, Em, and I have returned to the mall quite a few times over the last three weeks, in fruitless hopes of seeing her out and about again. It kills me to think that she's locking herself up in her house again. I've even gone to the damn library hoping to possibly see her there...all to no avail. So here we sit again, at our favorite pizza place, making yet another attempt at spotting my Bella here at the mall.

"So do you think she might actually be here today?" Jazz said as he reached for his second slice of pizza.

I shrugged, my eyesight focused on nothing in particular. "I don't know, Jazz. I'm hoping she will be though," I said.

"How do you think school's gonna go for her this year? She had a pretty trying year last year.."Jazz mused.

"Dude, I'm no fortune teller or some shit, but I can promise this... I'll fuckin' murder anyone who tries shit this year. Especially after that stunt the other week," Emmett fumed as he shook his thumb in the direction behind him towards the mall.

"Well, we know who our biggest problems are...Lauren and her pack, Mike and Tyler," I spat their names.

"I think Mike and Tyler are more your problem than Bella's," Jasper forced out through his laughter. I glared at him as he chuckled in his seat.

"Seriously, I know he says some fucked up shit...but really he hasn't ever tried to harm her in any way," Jazz said pointedly.

"That's just it though. He says those things to everyone around him...and yet he doesn't hesitate for a second to follow her around and ask her out. It's sick man...fucking sick. And you don't think she'd be hurt if she heard the stuff he says before he asks her out? She'd be fucking devastated if she heard him!" I fumed.

"Edward, man...she probably knows what he's said. It's not like anyone in that school can keep a secret, and he's definitely _far_ from being discreet in any way, so I'd venture to bet that she knows already," Jazz retorted.

"I'd still be more comfortable if he'd just stay the fuck away from her like we keep telling him to, but that stupid shit doesn't listen," I said.

"I guess we can try to keep closer tabs on him this year," Jazz mentioned contemplatively.

"Maybe it's just time that we approach her again. I miss the shit outta her, and this silent warrior bullshit is seriously getting old," Emmett said as he tossed the crust of his third slice onto the pizza pan.

"You know, I was thinking about that the other day..." I said, my thoughts drifting off to a conversation with my mom "Esme was talking to my mom a little over a week ago, and it gave me an idea."

"Well what's your idea fucker? We're all ears," Jazz sounded off as he punched me in the arm.

"Knock it the fuck off douchebag! What the hell!" I yelled at him.

"Can you imagine someone actually being all ears? How fucking _weird_ would that look?" Emmett mused.

I just looked at him, stunned by the idiocy of his direction of thought. Emmett looked up a few moments later and broke my stunned gaze. "What?" he asked as he shrugged. He continued to look at our confounded expressions for a few moments.

"Oh what the fuck ever...like you've never had an errant thought before?!" he muttered.

I laughed, "Em, I wasn't even aware that you knew there was such a word as errant," I jabbed.

"Oh ha ha ha, I see it's rip on the big fucking dumb one day today. Why don't you just shut the fuck up and tell us your idea already?" he pressed.

I couldn't help it, I laughed again, "Em, I can't very well shut the fuck up _and _tell you the idea at the same time, now can I?"

He shook his head while muttering under his breath. I didn't happen to catch any of it, which is entirely unfortunate.

"So what's this idea? I'm fuckin' dyin' from anticipation over here," Jazz said.

"Well I walked in on my mom talking to Esme last week, and she sounded ecstatic about something Esme was telling her, so when she got off the phone I asked her what was up. She told me about how Bella has been coming out of her shell recently, but something else she said unnerved me," I said softly, once again becoming lost in my thoughts pertaining to that conversation.

"What did she say?" Emmett asked eagerly as he leaned closer to the table.

"Have either of you actually heard Bella utter a single word in the last five years?" I asked.

They both looked at each other confusedly and then back at me.

"Come to think of it...no. I always just assumed it was because she just didn't want to talk to anyone, why?" Jasper replied.

"Because...she _hasn't _spoken in five years...at all," I said softly.

"What? That doesn't make any sense," Emmett said, looking thoroughly confused now.

"Em, Bella hasn't spoken to _anyone_since the incident with her parents. My mom told me how she just recently started communicating with Esme and Carlisle with the help of Alice...her little friend with the Porsche," I said, shifting my gaze between the two of them.

"How is Alice helping her?" Jasper asked.

"Apparently Alice broke her out of her shell with a conversation journal that they were writing back and forth together in, and then Bella started using some dry erase board to communicate with her parents...but the most recent thing is Alice taught them all to use sign language. My mom said that she's really opened up since then. You guys don't think that that's the reason she hasn't spoken to us do you? That she didn't... simply because she _couldn't_?" I asked as the feeling of sincere regret built in my stomach.

_How could I have missed it? It's so goddamn obvious. _

"I'm not sure...it's a good possibility though. So what do we do?" Jasper said, currently looking deep in thought.

"I say we learn sign language. I don't know if she physically _can't_ speak, or she just _won't_ speak, but I say fuck it... let's learn to communicate her way," I said excitedly as I thought of the possibility that it would bring us all together again.

"Fuck yeah!" Emmett shouted, holding his fist out for me to bump...which of course I did.

"So how do we do this?" Jasper said as a wide grin slowly crossed his features.

"Well, I looked into it the other day, and the community center teaches a class for it...but honestly... it would take forever that way. I was thinking we could pick up one of those fucking instructional computer programs and learn it that way. I'm not sure if it will work, but fuck it's worth a shot, right?" I said.

"Shit, man. Anything's worth a shot at this point...I'm just sorry we never thought of it before. I feel like a fuckin' ass not realizing something that huge," Jazz replied, looking truly ashamed.

"Man..it's not your fault. None of us caught it, we all just figured it was her way of pushing everyone away," I said in as comforting a voice as I could manage.

"Well let's get this fuckin' party started!" Em hollered as he started scooting his way out of the booth.

"You're not going to finish that last slice like usual, Hoover?" Jazz sputtered through his laughter. Emmett eyed it carefully for a second, probably seriously debating it.

"Fuck no, I'm too excited to be sitting around feeling like shit," he laughed as he stood from the table. Jazz and I just looked at each other, shocked that Emmett of all people just turned down food right in front of our faces.

"Come on! Let's get this fucking edumacational train rollin' out this bitch!" He hollered back to us as he made his way for the exit.

"Think he's fuckin excited much?" Jazz asked me.

"It's gonna be a _long_fuckin day, bro," I replied as I got out of the bench and we sprinted after Emmett.

* * *

**AN: And there we have it...The remainder of summer for our dynamic duo. Next up will be the infamous return to school, and the emotional roller coaster ride begins. Hold onto your hearts..while I hold onto my stomach (I hate roller coasters!). As I said earlier...the next 2 chapters are MASSIVE..so rest your eyes over the weekend..while I rest my fingers...I seriously think I'm getting some type of lock-joint from blasting these chapters out for you all...but I'm secretly loving it! I love making you guys happy so I'll keep thrashing out these chapters for you as quickly as I can. Enjoy your weekends while I'm stuck at work with smelly patients! C yas on Monday! ~Jersey~**


	20. Sentimental Mornings&Awkward Afternoons

**AN****: As promised...the first day of school is finally here! Yay!...never thought I'd ever say that! I tried to clean up these chapters a bit...just a bit. There are still a few f bombs and such, but I attempted to keep them out of every other sentence...GO ME! Who knows...maybe one day I can apply that ability to my own mouth when I speak...hehhehee evil grin. Okay I've blabbed about nothing long enough...ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer****: Still don't own Twilight, please tell that lawyer to stop calling!!j/j**

* * *

Sentimental Mornings and Awkward Afternoons

BPOV

With school resuming once again, Alice found it extremely necessary to wake me up at the asscrack of dawn. She insisted that perfection takes time. I however didn't see the purpose behind her efforts. It was, after all, just another year of being subjected to hell.

_**Bella, calm down...it won't be nearly as bad as you're imagining.**_

_Oh..and how would you know that Oh Great and Wise Voice of mine?_

_**I see the sarcasm is becoming a regular part of our routine...it's rather amusing you know...**_

_You didn't answer the question Great Wise One...._

_**Because things are changing, Bella. They've been changing quickly since that trip to the mall...**_

_Ugh..I don't even want to think about that day! I can only imagine what Lauren has up her sleeve for this year. _

_**I wouldn't worry too much about what's up Lauren's sleeve. If I were you, I'd pay closer attention to what's up Alice's sleeves.**_

_What do you mean?_

_**Just keep your eyes open, Bella. A lot of things have changed while you've been distant and closed off. You'll be surprised at what you find when you observe your surroundings.**_

_Whatev...OW!_

'Alice!' I signed. 'That hurt!'

"Sorry, Bella...the brush got snagged in a knot. Just hold still...I'm almost finished," she said.

_Damn torturous pixie!_

'Alice, do you think you'll have any classes with me?' I signed to her.

"I hope so, Bella. I want to make sure Lauren keeps her distance today. You've been doing so well, and I'd hate for her to detroy that," she said as she smiled at me.

'Thanks, Ali...but you really don't need to fight my battles for me.' I signed.

"I'm not fighting your battles for you, Bella. I'm simply trying to keep her from attacking without you seeing it's coming beforehand," she replied.

'Thanks, Ali. I appreciate the gesture.' I replied in sign.

"Okay, all done. Why don't you wear that green sweater with the dark jeans we got at the mall. It would look fantastic on you today," she said.

'Okay' I signed quickly before grabbing those pieces of clothing out of the closet, and quickly changing into them. When I finished, I took a quick peek in the mirror to make sure I hadn't messed up my hair or make-up, and then went to put my shoes on as Alice finished applying her mascara.

"Bella, will you ride to school with me today? I know Esme usually takes you, but I'd appreciate the company...I'm kind of nervous," she said timidly.

I couldn't believe my ears...Alice nervous? What the hell for? She had nothing to be nervous about. I already knew that everyone would fall in love with her immediately. It was just her personality, it was magnetic...it pulled you in towards her. I quirked an eyebrow at her and hurriedly signed 'You? Nervous?'

She laughed and nodded before responding in sign now that her hands were empty.

'Yeah..it's the whole new school, new kid syndrome.' she said.

Oh..yeah I can see how that would make someone nervous. I felt that way when we went to Phoenix. 'Sure Ali. I'd be happy to go with you.' I signed to her. She squealed and hopped over to me, enveloping me a tight hug.

We packed our bags quickly and headed down the stairs to get some breakfast before heading off to school. Esme met us in the kitchen, and quickly started gushing in sign language how beautiful she thought we looked. I of course blushed and looked to the floor. Esme came over and kissed me on the cheek, then asked me what I wanted for breakfast. I thought about it for a second and then signed to her that I had a taste for chocolate chip pancakes. Alice apparently thought that sounded fabulous as she started making an mmm sound and bounced around on her stool.

Esme laughed at her exuberant behavior and quickly went to work making pancakes for us. A half hour later we were finishing up our plates and getting ready to head out the door.

Esme approached me and asked if she could speak to me for a minute, I nodded and followed her up the stairs to her bedroom, curious as to what she could want to say to me that she couldn't say in front of Alice.

When we got to her and Carlisle's room she led me over to her dresser, and turned to face me.

'Bella, I wanted to give you something today to remind you of how loved and cherished you are. I know school is usually stressful for you, so I wanted you to have something that could provide some measure of comfort.' she signed.

I was awe-struck. I knew how much she and Carlisle loved me. I didn't need anything to remind me of that. I waited patiently as she fished something out of her jewelry chest. After a moment, she pulled out a beautiful silver chain with a Celtic heart knot pendant. I felt tears begin to prick my eyes as she moved to place the necklace around my neck.

"Bella, this celtic heart symbolizes love, and is traditionally passed between mother and daughter. My mother gave this to me for my sixteenth birthday. I know your birthday isn't for another week and a half, but I really wanted to give this to you today. I hope that should you need any comfort today, that this pendant will remind you of how very much we love you," she said softly as she clasped the chain behind my neck.

I hugged her tightly as a tear escaped my eye. After a few moments, I pulled back and signed my gratitude to her for her gesture. It really meant a lot to me that she thought of me as her daughter, and wanted to pass a family heirloom onto me. It made me realize that much more that I belonged where I was, with this family, with Esme and Carlisle.

Alice came into the room a few moments later, smiling widely. She approached me quickly and fingered the pendant gingerly..smiling even wider as she admired it. I had never seen that expression on her face before, so instinctively I pulled back and signed 'What?' to her.

Alice's grin became even wider as she passed two fingers under the collar of her shirt and made to fish something out from under it. A second later, she pulled the same exact pendant attached to a chain similar to my own out from her shirt. I was stunned at the coincidence that we would have the same exact pendant. Alice laughed at my expression and then signed her explanation to me. 'My mother gave it to me on my sixteenth birthday. Apparently it's a common gift between mother and daughter during that right of passage.' I laughed when she explained, and looked back towards Esme who still had tears in her eyes from our emotional moment.

I hugged Esme once more before Alice dragged me off towards the car. "Have a good day girls!" Esme called after us. I turned, smiled, and waved at her as she stood in the open doorway.

Not ten minutes later, we were pulling into the school parking lot. Alice quickly found a spot and turned the car off. She spun in her seat to face me and quickly started signing. 'Are you ready?' she asked. I thought about it for a second, and came to the realization that whether I was ready or not...we had to go in. I nodded solemnly in her direction and went to grab the door handle. Alice's hand shot out to stop me and she quickly started signing again.

'Bella, I'll be there with you every step of the way, just like you'll be there with me.' she signed while smiling. I smiled back and nodded before throwing a quick thank you gesture towards her, then stepped out of the car.

It was positively overwhelming when I looked around and realized that _every _student in the parking lot was staring in our direction. I quickly looked down at my outfit, briefly considering the possibility that my scars were all hanging out in the open for everyone to see..causing them to stare as unabashedly as they were. After one quick glance I realized that nothing was showing, and they were just staring to stare.

_Fucking idiots. Like there's nothing better to stare at around here. Ugh..why do they have to look at me like I'm some kind of monstrous freak?!_

_**Bella, they aren't looking at you like you're a freak...**_

_Look at them genius! They are so!_

_**No they aren't Bella...they're staring because half of them are trying to figure out if you are indeed Bella, and not someone that just looks somewhat like her.**_

_Looks somewhat like her? What the hell does that mean?_

_**Bella...you look completely different from the last time they saw you. You don't look like a zombie anymore...you look **_**alive**_**.**_

_Gee...thanks for the ego boost there...didn't realize I looked like a member of the walking dead... Ya coulda told me sooner!_

_**Bella..cut the shit already. Now...head up, shoulders back..and WALK!**_

_Yes sir, Colonel, sir!_

_**Such a fuckin' smart-ass...**_

I quickly took my place at Alice's side as we headed to the administrative office to retrieve her schedule. As we stood in place waiting for Mrs. Cope to find Alice's papers, I dug mine out of my bag and looked it over briefly seeing what classes I had this year.

Period 1- AP English w/ Mrs. Guy

Period 2- Spanish w/ Mrs. Capella

Period 3- Trigonometry w/ Mr. Varner

Period 4- Western Civilization w/ Mrs. Morelli

Period 5- Gym w/ Coach Clapp

Period 6- Lunch

Period 7- AP Biology II w/ Mr. Banner

Period 8- Art w/ Mrs. Fredrickson

_Well...that isn't too bad. I'm really not looking forward to Trig though...Ugh...blasted math!_

Alice finally got her schedule and we quickly compared them.

Period 1- AP English w/ Mrs. Guy

Period 2- French w/ Mr. Dubois

Period 3- Geometry w/ Mr. Anderson

Period 4- Western Civilizaition w/

Period 5- Gym w/ Coach Clapp

Period 6- Lunch

Period 7- Biology w/ Mr. Prickett

Period 8- Art w/ Mrs. Fredrickson

_Okay, so we don't have _every_ class together...but 5 out of 8 isn't bad..._

Alice quickly turned to me and squealed while jumping up and down. I hugged her and we made our way out of the office building and headed towards building 3 for English. Just as we took our seats in the class, Alice got that evil glint in her eye. I looked at her in question, wondering what she could be up to. She quickly dove into her book bag and pulled out our conversation scrapbook. I laughed silently and shook my head.

_Crazy sprite!_

Before I could even think about it she slid the open book onto my desk.

**Bella! This will be just like passing secret notes in class! Well...only we have to be more careful cause it's a book and not a piece of paper...but still!**

I quickly wrote back and passed it back to her.

_**Alice..I have an idea.. what if we just used paper and then glued the pieces of paper into the book like a regular scrapbook? That way if we get caught they can't take the **_**whole**_** book?**_

I looked at her as she thought about it and she smiled and quickly wrote something else down in the book.

**That's an awesome idea, Bella! Put the book away..I'll get some paper. We can drop that book off in our locker on our way out of class!**

_Our locker...I really am her best friend..._

_**Did you really assume anything but, Bella? For Christ's sake you two haven't spent a day apart on over 3 weeks!**_

_Ohhh hush! You're being a total buzzkill!_

I put the book in my bag, and no sooner than I sat up was there a piece of folded paper on my desk. I opened it smiling, assuming it was from Alice, but immediately cringed when I saw the handwriting. It belonged to none other than Mike _Newton_. _gag!_

**Bella! Great to see you! You're looking good! Do you have any plans for this Friday night?**

**-Mike**

I thought about how I would respond for a moment, or even if I would. I've come to the realization that he couldn't take no for an answer...he couldn't take silence as one either. I turned to Alice and wondered briefly if she could help me with this in any way. I quickly changed my mind, and decided I would handle this on my own, so I did the first thing that came to mind...I got up and went to throw the note in the trash.

On my way back I glanced quickly in his direction, and upon seeing his narrowed eyes and furrowed brow, I glared at him.

_Seriously schmuck...get.!_

I sat back down and Alice looked at me quizzically. I took out a piece of paper and wrote her a quick note.

_**Vile Mike Newton is at it again... he just doesn't know when to take 'no' for an answer!**_

I stealthily passed the note in her direction...keeping my eye on Mrs. Guy so I wouldn't get caught.

A few seconds later Alice cleared her throat and I put my hand down in between our seats to take the note from her.

**Hahahah that's hilarious...well not for you, but his stupidity is entirely amusing! I wish you wouldn't have thrown that note away though..we could have had fun with it in the scrapbook. =o*(**

I laughed silently as I read her teary pout.

_**Fret not dear Alice...give it a day..or even just a few more classes and we'll have another one! Hey.. before when I was passing you the note a funny thought crept in my head. I was watching Mrs. Guy as I passed you the note..and a rhyme popped in my head.. it went something like this...**_

_**Actin like a spy...**_

_**Keepin a trained eye...**_

_**Focused on ..**_

_**While passin' notes with Alice.**_

_**We have to try...**_

_**To keep on the sly..**_

_**Cause if we get caught..**_

_**Her punishment is sure to be fraught...**_

_**With Malice!**_

_**What do you think?!**_

I passed her the note back silently shaking with laughter, and still keeping my eye on Mrs. Guy as she rambled about writing assignments for the quarter. Alice snorted loudly and then started pretending to choke, dropping the paper to the floor as she smacked herself in the chest. Mrs. Guy looked at her suspiciously and I feared we had been caught.

"Sorry....I accidentally inhaled my gum," Alice said sheepishly with a strained voice. I almost lost it. It took every ounce of effort I had not to shake myself out of my seat with my laughter.

_Sneaky sneaky pixie!_

I started taking notes on the projects Mrs. Guy had planned for us, and a few minutes later the note popped back up onto my desk. I looked up at Mrs. Guy as I opened the sheet of paper, then looked down to read it while pretending to write notes on the paper.

**Bella...that was freaking awesome! We have to come up with more of those...we could make them as silent tributes to the stupidity of our enemies!...This definitely has to be pasted in the book!**

I laughed, and nodded at her before tucking the paper away in my English book. The rest of class went by quickly and without incident.

Spanish class went by dismally slow. There really weren't many people that I knew in that class...well I knew of them but didn't know them personally or anything. Already knowing of my lack of vocal expression, Mrs. Capella handed me a sheet of assignments to complete in place of an oral assignments for the year. I smiled and nodded at her, grateful that she didn't make a big deal over it. Nothing else really happened for the remainder of that period.

Alice's French class was only two doors down from my Spanish class, so we met in the hall afterwards and headed to our math classes. I was pretty bummed that she wasn't in Trig with me, and even more so that I couldn't even ask her for help since she was only in Geometry. Apparently a weakness in math is something else we both share.

I entered my room and took a quick inventory of who was in there with me. My heart sunk as I saw Tanya, Jessica, and Irina sitting in the back corner of the room together. I quickly made my way to the opposite back corner, figuring I could shield myself with the three desks between us, and took my seat. I was surprised when Angela Webber came in. She smiled and gave me a hesitant wave before taking the seat in front of me. I awkwardly waved back with a confused expression on my face.

_What was that all about? She hasn't associated with me in years. I know she's a sweet person and all...but that was out of character even for her..._

_**Bella, like I said..keep your eyes open today. You're going to notice a lot of stuff that has escaped your observations over the last few years.**_

_If you say so..._

Mr. Varner came in a few moments after Angela's and my brief exchange. He started taking roll call, and when he got to my name I raised my hand. He called out my name a few more times, and to my extreme embarrassment he casually mentioned my absence aloud. My hand slapped down on the desk as I brought my other hand to my face.

_This day is just going to get worse from here on out..._

I braced myself to get up out of my seat and point out to that I was, in fact, present in class, when a sharp menacing laugh came from the corner opposite of me.

"Mr. Varner...the freak that you think is absent is in the opposite corner in all her silent glory," Tanya sneered through her laughter.

"Shut up, Tanya! Cut her some slack for once will you?!" Angela shouted while glaring at Tanya's corner, completely stunning me as my eyes darted between her and Tanya. Mr. Varner looked up and studied the scene before him for a moment. His eyes drifted back in my direction and he spoke to me for the first time.

"Are you Isabella Swan?" he asked. I nodded at him. "Why didn't you answer when I called roll at the beginning of class?" he asked. I nervously looked around the room, debating how I could possibly get the point that I don't speak across to him, when Angela surprised me once again. She sighed and shot me an apologetic smile before turning back towards Mr. Varner.

"She hasn't spoken to anyone in years, sir. She..." Angela paused to take in a deep breath before continuing just above a whisper, "she can't, sir."

Mr. Varner looked at me quizzically for a moment. "Is this true Miss Swan?" he asked. I looked up at him, embarrassment flooding my face, and nodded in his direction. "Thank you, Miss Webber. I'll make sure to keep that in mind for future reference. My apologies Miss Swan," he smiled briefly at me before turning to face the corner opposite of mine.

"Tanya, Jessica, and Irina, you will all see me after class to discuss your unnecessary outburst," he spoke sternly in their direction before returning his focus to the remainder of class. I cringed, thinking about what they would do to me if I got them in trouble. Angela turned in her seat towards me, and smiled gently. I returned it with a grateful smile of my own before she turned back around and began taking notes.

_Well...I'm not sure what to think about that..._

_**Think about what, Bella?**_

_Angela stepping in for me..._

_**She cares, Bella. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out...**_

_Why now though? Why after all these years? She's never done anything like that before.._

_**You'd be surprised what she and others have done while you weren't paying attention Bella.**_

_I've _never_ been that unobservant! I would have seen something like that!_

_**Bella...how many classes have you had with Angela over the last few years?**_

_Hell I don't know...I never counted...why?_

_**The answer is 8. How many of those classes did she sit next to you in, Bella?**_

_Ummm maybe 1 or 2?_

_**Wrong...she sat next to you in **_**all**_** 8 of them, Bella. Every year on the first day she has waved at you when she came into class before taking her seat next to you, and every year until today you've missed it.**_

_That's fucking impossible. She used to be one of my best friends..I wouldn't have not noticed something like that!_

_**You would have...and you did.**_

_Well why didn't she just talk to me then?_

_**She tried to in the beginning...but you didn't even acknowledge her speaking. Bella, when you first came back from Phoenix you were slightly different, but then when Grammy Marie died, it's almost as if you died with her. That's when you became the zombie. Nothing she said or did around you was able to break through to you...nothing. Over time she just decided to give you space in hopes that when you were ready, you'd come back around.**_

_How are you aware of this but I'm not?_

_**Because Bella...you locked me away in the same place as every other truth that you didn't want to accept over the years. It's ironic really..most people use their voices to lie, you in turn lock your voice away with a closet of truths..it's astounding...**_

_Jesus Christ..even you..me..whatever..thinks I'm a freak!_

_**I didn't call you a freak you twit...I just pointed out an observation.**_

_Whatever..._

The rest of Trig went by without further incident, casting aside the menacing glares burning holes in the side of my face from the corner opposite of me. I shuddered as my imagination conjured up possibilities of what they would do if they got in serious trouble.

Alice met me in the hallway once again and we headed toward building 2 for our Western Civ class. When we walked into the class I couldn't help but notice Alice's glare in Jasper's direction. It wasn't uncommon for different grades to be smashed together in classes like history or AP and elective courses. I wasn't really surprised that he was in this class, only because he's always been a history buff. I could almost bet that he took an extra history class instead of an elective. What I couldn't understand was why Alice was glaring at him as we took our seats in the back corner of the room. Even more so why her glare increased in hostility as we passed by him on our way to our seats.

_Weird._

I shook it off and pulled my notebook out of my bag. Mrs. Morelli came in shortly after that and took roll call. I braced myself for a repeat of my last class, but Alice being Alice, distorted her voice slightly and called here. I looked at her with an arched eyebrow, and noticed that Jasper did the same.

_Even weirder..._

I opened my notebook and scrawled a quick note to her on a piece of paper, ripped it off, and slyly slid it onto her desk.

_**What was that about, Alice? Now she's going to think I speak!**_

She quickly passed the note back to me.

**I'll take care of it after class...don't worry.**

I shrugged and went to turn in my seat but I caught a quick glimpse of Jasper's face as I turned. He smiled faintly at me and nodded his head before he turned back to face the front of the room.

_Am I in an episode of the Twilight Zone?! What the hell is going on with people today?!_

_**Just keep your eyes open, Bella.**_

_Oh shut up oh ye faithful clairvoyant one!_

Half the class passed by in a bore as Mrs. Morelli droned on and on about the things we would be learning. I nearly fell asleep. I took a quick peek towards Alice and noticed that her head was bobbing as she fought to stay awake. I laughed silently, and took another peek at her, only to notice that Jasper too was snickering away in his seat. He pointed at her and chuckled again, shaking his head as he returned his focus once again to the front of the room.

_I think he's a doppleganger! Aliens must have taken over his body or something..._

_**Bella...you really are an ass you know that?**_

_Piss off!_

I turned back towards the front of the room and rested my head on my hand. A few minutes later, I felt a piece of paper slide under my arm that was resting on the desk top.

**An Ode to Mrs. Morelli**

**She looks like a troll...**

**Sitting on a grassy knoll...**

**Waiting for her prince charming.**

**The years must have taken a toll...**

**For his eyes in her direction the do roll...**

**I think she should have stuck with FARMING!**

I almost died while reading it. She truly was talented! I looked back over at her while shaking silently, and she had her head resting on her arms on top of the desk...her shoulders shaking violently with her silent laughter. Once again Jasper's head turned in our direction and he looked confusedly at Alice before turning his gaze to me. I was still shaking with laughter over her _poetry_, and as he took in my shaking form he smiled widely at me.

_What the hell? Why is he smiling at me like that? Hasn't he ever seen anyone laugh before?!_

_**Bella...he's happy that you're happy. It's been years since he's seen you laugh.**_

_What the fuck does it matter to him?_

_**Ohh Bella...**_

_Zip it...I don't want to hear again how unobservant I am...Just drop it._

_**...okay...**_

_Thank you_

_**You're very unwelcome...**_

_Grrrr_

_**mmhmm...my sentiments exactly...**_

History ended and Alice and I packed up our books and headed to Gym. My panic started to rise as my imagination conjured up scenerios similar to what happened in the mall, only happening in the locker room. I don't even know why we have to take P.E. It's freaking useless. Most of the people just stand around doing nothing anyway.

Alice must have noticed my apprehension as we neared the gymnasium. She wrapped her arm tightly around mine as she continued walking through the gymnasium doors. Coach Clapp had us sit on the bleachers for today, as he handed out uniforms, and instructed us as to what we would be doing the following day.

_Volleyball...fan-freak-ingtastic. I wonder how many people I can injure with one shot._

Alice noticed my grimace and she giggled quietly, her arm still wrapped around mine as we listened to Coach Clapp and his monotonous voice drone on endlessly. Faintly from my left I heard that damn nasally snickering that always gives me the same feeling as someone dragging their nails down a damn blackboard. I looked to my left and sure enough...there was Lauren and her herd of hags. Her glare immediately caught my glance and she turned smug instantly.

"Oh look...how lovely...they're lesbians!" she jousted. My eyes shot open in shock, and Alice's shot up out of her seat.

"I warned you weeks ago Lisa, Lassie, whatever the hell your name is...to stay away from her. Watch your back, because payback is a mother!" she growled with venom lacing her voice.

I just sat there...still in shock. The bell rang and Alice grabbed my arm, entwining it with her own, as she stormed off out of the gym.

"What is _wrong _wrong with her? Was she dropped on her head at birth or something? You've never done _anything_ to her," she grumbled angrily as we crossed the quad. I stopped just before the doors and turned to her.

'Alice. It isn't a big deal. Just ignore her.' I signed as I shrugged with indifference.

"Bella, what she said wasn't a big deal, but the way she comes after you constantly is a HUGE deal, and it's time it stops," she said sternly as she pulled the door open to the cafeteria.

We made our way quickly into the cafeteria and got in line to get our food. Alice let me lead her to the table I normally sat at, and we quickly took our seats. I always sat in the back corner, with my back to the rest of the cafeteria. It was always unnerving to try and eat while people blatantly stared at you. Alice took the seat across from me with her back against the wall. Apparently she didn't mind the stares.

I looked up from my food and brushed my hands together, getting ready to sign something to her, when I noticed her glaring at someone behind me and her head moved just once to the left and back just slightly. I furrowed my brow at her in question and instantly her glare disappeared. Wondering what that was all about I turned around in my chair to see what she could have possibly been glaring at. I didn't see anything unusual though. Some people were staring at our table, and others were just talking amongst themselves. Nothing out of the ordinary.

I quickly turned back around to face her, and she immediately started signing.

'Hey, what do you want to do after school? I have to make a quick trip to Port Angeles, do you want to come?' she signed.

'What are you going there for? You're not going to the mall are you?' I signed back.

'Yes, I'm going to the mall, but only one store. I want to go to Hot Topic to get some of that neon hair dye..I'm thinking of putting a splash of hot pink in my hair. What do you think?' she signed.

I thought about it for a minute. If she was really only going to that one store, I could probably manage that without too much panic. It's not like I'd wind up in a dressing room in that store, and I highly doubt Lauren and her herd of hags would ever enter that store to begin with.

'Alice, as long as it's just that one store I'll go with you. But, please don't make me go into any dressing rooms.' I answered her.

'You have my word, Bella...no dressing rooms.' she signed. I nodded at her and continued eating my lunch. A few moments later she got my attention and started signing something else.

'Bella, I'm going to run to the bathroom, I'll be right back, okay?' she signed. I nodded and flashed her a quick okay sign and she took off. I turned to watch her exit the cafeteria, and was instantly lured in to a sea of green staring back at me. He flashed his million dollar lop-sided grin at me and nodded at me before turning his attention back to Emmett, who was likewise smiling in my direction.

_This day just keeps getting more and more strange..._

Alice came back a few minutes later, and just as she sat down the bell began to ring. She rolled her eyes and stood back up, tossing her bag on her shoulders before once again linking her arm with mine as we strolled off. I noticed as we passed by the table that Edward, Emmett and Jasper were still seated at, that their collective gazes followed us as we crossed through the cafeteria. I swear I saw Alice nod in their direction minutely out of the corner of my eye as we passed their table.

We continued on our way out of the cafeteria building, and made our way to building 5 for our science classes. We parted ways once more as she entered her class and I continued on to my own, just two doors down. I entered class and noticed glumly that both Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley were in this class with me.

_Fan-fucking-tabulous! As if Jessica didn't hate me enough, now I have to share a class with her and her unrequited crush..well one of them anyway. _

At least she has a chance with Mike, it's been no secret that Edward has despised her for quite some time now...though I'm not quite sure why...they used to be friends. Then again...we _all_ used to be friends.

I sat quietly in class waiting for Mr. Banner to enter the room. I was quite pleased so far that I seemed to have my lab table to myself. I could ask for no further blessing in life than that. I pulled out a piece of paper and started thinking of possible odes that I could create to share with Alice next period. After a few moments of silent deliberation inspiration struck. I quickly started writing.

**Newton, Newton..he's no man**

**He thinks he's God**

**But nowhere I look, can I find a fan.**

**Newton, Newton..he's a punk**

**His damn cologne..**

**Reeks of skunk.**

**Everywhere he goes..**

**Gets filled with his gag-inducing **_**funk**_**.**

**I can think of no better place he should be..**

**Than in the part of a car called a trunk!**

**Newton, Newton..what a tool**

**You'll never learn..**

**You're such a fool.**

**When will you see..**

**Next to the definition of the word cool...**

**It's not a picture of you, but a picture of... ME! **

I was abruptly pulled out of my musings when I heard a ghostly velvet chuckle emanate from beside me. I turned slowly to face the person that I _knew_ would be there, and sure enough..there was Edward, chuckling away in the seat next to me. I quickly glanced around the room and noticed that there wasn't a single open seat available anywhere else.

_So that's why he's sitting next to me. Poor thing..I'm sure he'd feel more comfortable sitting anywhere else but here. I feel sorry for him....NOT!_

I glared at him as he continued to chuckle away. He looked over at me, smiled his lop-sided grin and spoke in a velvety smooth voice just above a whisper, "Hi, Bella."

I damn near fainted. From the moment I had turned I had stopped breathing, and it wasn't until I saw the tell-tale signs of the little black dots invading my vision that I remembered to breath. I stared at him unabashedly with confusion marring my features.

_All this time..and he just says hell to me now. All this fucking time!_

_**Bella...cut him some slack. It hasn't been easy for him either...**_

_PIPE IT CORNHOLE! He's had a voice! He could have used it!_

_**Bella....who says he didn't?**_

_I said PIPE IT!_

I glared at him once more and turned my attention to the front of the class. I heard him sigh from beside me, and then he bent down to dig his notebook out of his bag.

_Well at least he's planning on being a good student, not that that makes up for his being a lousy friend!_

_**Bella..**_

_I SAID PIPE IT!!!_

_**GGrrrr**_

_Oh go growl at someone else you rabid derelict!_

I quickly tucked my most recent edition of the ode to the assholes into my notebook and flipped it open to a fresh page, patiently waiting for Mr. Banner to start class. My attention drifted to the window on my left, and I stared out of it unseeingly.

_Why did the fates have to put _him_ next to me? Anyone else would have sufficed just fine..well almost anyone else...I don't think I could bare Newton or Stanley for an entire year. I think if that happened I'd have to drop out._

A few minutes passed and I vaguely heard a piece of paper slide across the table in my direction. Figuring it was a syllabus or something related to class, I turned to look at it. Only it wasn't a syllabus..it was a note...from Edward.

_**That was some pretty impressive poetry, Bella.**_

I glared at the note on the table in front of me.

_So now he wants to be social huh? Yeah well we'll see who gets the last laugh._

I turned in my seat and rested the paper on a book while I wrote...attempting to hide the paper from him.

_**Ode to Edward**_

_**Yup, I'm sure, he's a jerk**_

_**From my pain..**_

_**He does perk.**_

_**Years of silence..**_

_**Now he has no shame.**_

_**He must think my suffering..**_

_**Is just plain fair game.**_

_**I look into his eyes...**_

_**and see the friend I once had.**_

_**It once caused heartache...**_

_**But now I'm just plain ol' fucking MAD!**_

_**How dare you approach me**_

_**When for years..**_

_**Not once did you see..**_

_**The pain the loss of your friendship**_

_**Did unleash unto me.**_

_**I'm regretfully sorry should this hurts you,**_

_**But I'm afraid you must feel...**_

_**The pain that I felt so raw and true.**_

_**The pain that was caused...**_

_**By losing my friendship with you.**_

I passed the note back in his direction and glared at him once before returning my gaze back to the window. Tears started to prick my eyes, and I did _not_ want to cry here. I remembered Esme's words from earlier this morning, and I dug my pendant out from under my sweater and clasped it in my hand. Surprisingly enough...it did bring me comfort.

Edward sighed from beside me, and began ravaging his hair with his hand almost barbarically. I wanted to reach out and stop him from doing that. I didn't mean for him to get so upset. I didn't understand why he _would_ be so upset.

He turned his gaze towards me, and I was shocked when I saw how glassy his eyes were...almost as if they were harboring unshed tears. His brow was furrowed and his face was shot through with unbearable pain. I wanted to reach out and smooth his features. It hurt me to see him in so much pain. I grabbed a piece of paper from my notebook and starting scribbling quickly.

_**Edward, I'm sorry. Please, forget I said anything...I didn't mean to upset you so much. Just throw that piece of paper away and we can go on with our lives like nothing ever happened. Don't worry about it...I know things happen in life and friendships fade. It was wrong of me to take that out on you. Sorry.**_

I quickly passed him the note and looked away. He painfully sighed once again from beside me, and I heard his pen scratching against the paper. Moments later I was graced with another note in his elegant calligraphy.

_**No, Bella. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being there when I should have..it's just... I didn't know what to do. I **_**still**_** don't know what to do. I **_**want **_**to be there for you, but I don't know how. I never meant to hurt you by staying away...I thought you wanted to be alone. It killed me to do it, but I thought if it was what you wanted, it would be better for you somehow. Just tell me what to do, Bella, and I'll gladly do it. Anything. Please, I'm sorry...you don't know how sorry I am.**_

His words pained me to no end. Why couldn't he have said something earlier? Why now? There's no explanation for it. He's had _years_ to make a move to re-establish our friendship..why now.

_Cause he pities me...what the deuce! YOU STUPID ARROGANT SHITHEAD! You really had me going for a minute there! What is with people goddamn pitying me?! I'm not a freaking CHARITY CASE!!!_

_**Bella! Calm down! Trust me when I say he does NOT pity you...he truly misses your friendship, and it's been just as hard on him as it has been on you. He isn't the only one to blame for the way things went between you two. Remember that..**_

_PISS OFF! If you're a part of me...why do you take EVERYONE ELSE'S side?!?!? _

_**Bella...**_

_Piss off...__**seriously**__._

I picked up my pen and wrote a quick note, tossing it in his direction as the bell rang. I jumped up, grabbed my bag and stormed out of the room, leaving Edward and the note behind.

_**Don't worry about it, Edward. You don't have to do anything...I'll be fine.**_

I met Alice in the hallway and wrapped my arm around hers, for once pulling her behind me as I stalked off to art class. Alice nervously looked from me to behind us repeatedly, probably wondering what lit a spark under my ass in the last hour. At some point during our walk she sighed regretfully and stopped looking behind her. I didn't look back to see what made her stop being nervous...I just kept trudging along.

We finally made it to art class and I plopped my bag down on the long table, and pulled up a stool. Alice faithfully took her seat next to me, and eyed me nervously. She took out a piece of paper and started writing.

**Care to talk about it?**

She passed me the paper, and I looked at it for a moment before responding.

_**Nope, I'm good thanks! Hey! I came up with another ode in science class...about none other than...dun dun dun....Mike Newton! Wanna read it?**_

I passed her back the note and she looked at me skeptically for a second. I knew what she was looking for, some sign that I really wasn't okay, so I smiled cheesily at her and rolled my eyes. She giggled and nodded, so I took the ode out of my bag and passed it to her.

She cracked up laughing, and had to shove the note under her arm when Mrs. Fredrickson looked in our direction. She stealthily passed the note back in my direction, and I shoved it in my bag...unwilling to lose it to Old Hag Olga as I had been referring to her for the last two years.

Alice wrote another note on a new piece of paper and passed it my way.

**That was priceless! We need to find a scrapbook frame thing for that masterpiece! Maybe we can stop by an arts and crafts store on the way home from Port Angeles today?**

She passed the note back to me, and I nodded back at her in agreement. Class passed by quickly and before we knew it the bell rang..marking the end of the first day of school..thankfully. I didn't think I could take any more of the Twilight Zone freakiness.

Alice quickly signed an 'Are you ready?' gesture to me, and I gave her the cheesiest smile and thumbs up I could manage, before practically pushing her to the door. She laughed loudly and responded vocally.

"Bella, I've never seen you so excited to go shopping!" she sang as she laughed. She started walking backwards through the parking lot towards her car and I quickly signed her a message of my own.

'If it gets me out of this place quicker...I'd almost venture into a dressing room on our trip!'

Alice got that evil glint in her eye and I halted immediately, and began furiously signing over and over again.

'Almost, Alice...I said Almost!'

_Oh Lord...what have I done?!_

* * *

**AN****: Enjoyable? Sucky? Let me know either way! =o)~ Before anyone goes off on me for Bella's actions...please know that she doesn't realize that she pushed them all away..she was in zombie mode...so she's got a bit of pent up anger towards the situation. Like I said in an earlier chapter..this is going to be a roller coaster ride of emotions until destinations are finally reached. I think that malevolent characters and evil plots are done enough...this story is all about facing and attempting to conquer inner demons..not ones that track you across the country haha. Well...as long as you discount Lauren and her herd of hags anyway...but she's not really dangerous...just immensely cruel. Anyways..coming up next... Edward's first day back at school!**


	21. Rocky Roads & Inflated Egos A La Mode

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight...I swear!**

* * *

Rocky Roads and Inflated Egos A La Mode

EPOV

I woke up earlier than usual this morning, seeing as I had to pick up Em and Jazz before heading off to school. In all honesty...I was dead tired. We had been attempting to learn all the sign language we could from that computer program relentlessly for the past few days. I never thought it would be so fucking hard. My mom made it seem as if Bella, Esme, and Carlisle learned it practically overnight. I guess they had the advantage of Alice though..whereas we only had this stupid fucking computer program, that I sincerely wanted to throw through the window.

I quickly showered, and got dressed. I darted quickly into the kitchen to grab a protein bar before heading out. My mom stopped me as I got to the front door, kissed me and wished me luck. I think she knows what we've been up to the last few days...and obvoiusly why. I thanked her, kissed her cheek, and darted for my car.

I drove quickly to both Jazz's house since his was closest to me. I really wanted to get to school before Bella and Alice. I wanted to see her with my own two eyes to make sure she was ok, and subsequently to judge how she'd fare throughout the day. She always seemed to have horrible days when she looked more vulnerable than usual in the morning. I think those fucking witches pick up on that shit and use it to maximize their undercut blows...it makes me sick.

I pulled up to the curb and Jazz flew out the door. I smirked at him. Apparently I wasn't the only one a little anxious to get to school today. He quickly slid into the back seat of the car, and I eyed him suspiciously for a second. He smirked before speaking.

"I just figured I'd give it up to the big oaf today...he's been rather pissy these last few days with his inability to learn that fuckin program," he mused. I shook my head and chuckled and took off towards Em's house.

When we got there, I had barely stopped the car completely and he was already flinging the door open to the car.

"What's up mah brothers?" he hollered as he slid into the front seat. I laughed at his excitement.

_Am I the only one dead tired and wary about today?_

Em quickly looked back at Jazz and held his fist up to bump him. "Thanks for the shot-gun bro!" he called out. Jazz just chuckled and bumped his fist.

"I figured I owed ya at least one, Shrek," he jeered. I couldn't help it..I busted out laughing. Emmett _hates_when someone calls him Shrek...but it's just such an obvious nickname..well personality aside.

We pulled into the school parking lot 15 minutes later, and I noticed to my relief that we were some of the first ones there. There were only a few cars in the lot, and there was no yellow Porsche to be seen.

_At least luck is on my side today...hopefully the rest of the day goes smoothly._

No sooner than that thought popped in my head, did I spot Mike fucking Newton walking in our direction. I looked at Em and Jazz and tilted my head in Mike's direction. They both nodded and we collectively filed out of the car, slinging our bags on our shoulders.

Mike casually walked up to us, and almost immediately I wanted to pop him one right in the jaw. Something about that kid just _pisses_ me off. He doesn't even have to say anything..he just has to show his smug face, and the fuse is lit.

Em, Jazz, and I sat against the hood of my car and watched as Mike approached.

"Hey guys, what's happenin'?" he asked casually.

"Not much, just waitin' for the bell, Newton," Em replied.

"So...how was your guys' summer? Get any play?" he jested.

_And here's the reason why I always want to slug him..._

"God, Newton... is that all you think about?" Jazz called out through his laughter.

"Oh, come on. Like you guys don't think about it..." Mike responded.

I briefly glanced around and noticed that the lot had filled up substantially...but still no bright yellow Porsche.

_Hm...maybe she isn't attending Forks High..I hope I didn't miss Bella already._

Mike was still rambling about something or another..most likely something as vile as he is. I continued to look around the parking lot, in search of the only face I wanted to see this morning. The whole reason for my being here, and not in bed sleeping.

Mike abruptly brought me out of my search when he dog whistled. I turned my attention in the direction he was facing and caught sight of exactly what I had been searching for...the yellow Porsche.

"Damn...who owns that sweet piece of machine?" he mused as he stared longingly at the car.

_Yeah douche..it's a sweet car. But what I want to see is IN the car..._

I concentrated my gaze on the passenger side...waiting patiently for her to exit. She had to be with her, there's no reason she wouldn't be. They live next door to each other for Pete's sake. After a few moments Alice stepped out, quickly followed by my Bella. She looked _amazing. Alive. _Beautiful...positively freaking _Beautiful. _Of course, Mike had to go and ruin it...

"_Dayum!!!_Bella's lookin' fuckin' _hot!_ And who's that fine piece of ass with her?" Mike blurted out.

_I'm gonna kill him..._

"Mike, really, you have no chance in hell with either of them..just give it up and let it go," Jasper all but growled at him.

_Huh..someone's taking a more protective stance this year...What's that all about?_

"I don't think so _Jazzman_," he sneered, "this is the year. Bella's gonna be all mine this year..I can feel it. And lemme tell you..I can't wait to _feel_ her," he said as he wiggled his eyebrows.

_Yup..today's the day...I'm gonna kill him..._

I pushed myself off the hood of the car in Newton's direction. Emmett and Jasper simultaneously grabbed my shoulders to stop me from pounding his vile face into the ground. Mike looked unfazed by my sudden approach.

"You wait, Masen. It'll happen. Don't worry though..I'll let you sniff my fingers when I'm done," he said as he smugly smirked in my direction. I broke free from Emmett and Jasper's hold and grabbed him by the front of his shirt and threw him into the car next to mine. There was no way I would dent my car with his putrid form, I let the beat up Corolla take the hit.

"You fucking piece of shit," I spat in his face, "You touch her, and so help me God, you won't have a single appendage on your stump of a body left to touch her with. Do you understand me?!" I all but screamed. He looked terrified as I pulled him off the car and pushed him away from me. He backed away a few feet before that goddamn smug expression crossed his face once again.

"Awfully protective of the freak aren't you? You mad that you can't hit that? You know what they say... a freak in the streets is a freak between the sheets man," he called back. I made to stalk after him, but Em and Jazz grabbed me once again, and that little shit took off jogging towards the school.

_I swear to God...one of these days I'm gonna end up in prison._

"Relax, man. You know he doesn't have a shot in hell of ever getting close to her as a friend or anything else," Emmett said calmly. I pinched the bridge of my nose and roughly tossed my bag on my shoulder as I stalked off towards the school. I caught one last glimpse of Bella as she was exiting the administration office with Alice arm in arm. She looked _excited_, and it brought a glimmer of a smile to my face knowing that for once my Bella was doing well...so far.

I thrust the door open and walked into my music class. Mr. Levine greeted me as I entered the room.

"Edward, welcome back. I trust you had a good summer?" he said as he approached me. I nodded at him.

"Yes, sir. It was a pretty good summer," I replied while taking my seat.

"Have you made any progress with that composure you were working on at the end of last year?" he questioned. I shook my head before answering.

"No, sir. Regretfully it's still locked up at the same spot. I just can't seem to force my way through it...nothing fits," I replied exhaustively.

"Give it time, son. Maybe you just need some new inspiration to apply to it," he said thoughtfully.

"You're probably right, sir," I said as I took out my notebook and sheet music folder.

The rest of class went by fairly quickly. We went over some composures we would be working on for some symphony recital that mandated our attendance for a grade during the 3rd quarter. After class, I packed up my bag and headed off to French class.

I was pleasantly surprised to see Alice sitting in the class room when I got there, and even more so to see the seat next to her vacant. I quickly made my way over to the vacant seat and slid in. She glared at me sideways, and made no attempt to acknowledge my presence.

_Thata girl...protect her with everything you've got...I like you more already._

I couldn't stop the smug smile that eased its way across my lips.

"Alice, if it's alright with you...would it be possible to speak with you briefly?" I questioned cautiously. I didn't want her to rip my head off right here in the middle of class. Not that I would completely object to it...if it got her to talk to me at some point.

She pursed her lips and slowly turned in my direction, hostile glare still intact.

_That's it my ferocious little guardian..._

I flashed her a quick and grateful smile before proceeding.

"Alice, I just want to thank you for being such a good friend to Bella. Jazz told me what he said that got you heated the other day, and I for one, don't blame your reaction. We _are_ very well aware that she is completely capable of taking care of herself..." I drifted off to re-evaluate her facial expression. It had softened..somewhat..so I continued.

"I know you probably think that we're the biggest pieces of shit around here, but I assure you that's not our intention. If possible I'd like nothing more than to shed some light on the situation from where I stand...and if possible you could shed some light from your side for me," I paused and watched her contemplate whether or not she would actually go along with this. She let out a deep sigh, and seemed to give in.

"Why?" she asked simply.

"Why what?" I responded, confused as to what she was actually asking.

"Why did you leave her alone? Why weren't you there for her instead of sneaking around behind her trying to protect her when you should have been standing next to her. It's so easy to walk away, why wasn't she worth the fight to stay? Why?" she questioned, her tone hurt, and with good reason. I could easily see her point.

"Alice, it _wasn't_ easy to walk away. I _didn't _want to. None of us did, but she wouldn't acknowledge us..._at all._ It was as if she couldn't see us, like we were_ invisible_ to her. No matter what we tried, she wouldn't let us help her. It was never our intention to abandon her...we just figured when she was ready she would find us...but she never came back. I agree with you completely, she deserved better, and she _is_ worth the fight...she's _always_ been worth the fight. That's why we've done everything we could to stop her from experiencing any more pain caused by the people around here. But we could only stop so much from afar," I said softly, my tone laced with remorse.

"What do you want with her now? Why now? And did you ever stop to think that maybe in the beginning you all _were_ invisible to her? She was _so _overcome with loss and pain that she probably _didn't _see you. She probably didn't see _anything_," she replied.

"I honestly never thought of that, Alice. We were young, I couldn't have understood what she was going through. I had never experienced that kind of loss...that kind of pain. I just thought that she was pushing me away, and I didn't want to make it harder on her by pushing an unwanted friendship on her. It broke my heart to stay away, but I did it for her, not intentionally _to_ her...if that makes any sense," I paused not clearly understanding myself anymore, and highly doubting she did either.

"I understand what you're saying, and for the age you were it makes sense. But, that still doesn't explain what you want with her now," she said rather sternly.

I looked up at her, and met her gaze head on. She had to see the truth behind my eyes. I couldn't hide it from her...it would only make this harder.

"I miss her, Alice. I miss her too much to let another day go by without her, or at least without fighting for her," I said solemnly.

Alice stared at me for a few moments, then minimally nodded. She made an attempt to speak again but we were cut off by Mr. Dubois.

"Well, if you two are quite through we can get started with class. I wouldn't want to disrupt your thorougly invigorating conversation or anything," he sneered in our direction. We both spun towards the front of the class muttering "Sorry, Mr. Dubois" simultaneously. I had to smirk at that.

I wish we had had more time to talk. I still didn't know what to do about approaching Bella. My signing skills were shit..we figured that out over the last few days. Jazz and Em's weren't much better, and I didn't know how else to approach her. I sat there for the majority of the class, contemplating just how I would go about communicating with her. I felt something plop on my desk and I looked down to see what it was.

_Great...another fucking love letter. This is _exactly_ what I need right now..._

I opened the note and smiled widely when I realized it wasn't a love letter, but an answer to my silent search.

**Write her a note...that's what I did =o)**

I looked back at Alice, smiled and mouthed "thank you" before turning forward again, and trying to salvage whatever knowledge I could grasp out of what was left in the lecture....which wasn't much.

The bell rang, and I headed to the door to go to my AP Calculus class. I stopped Alice before we made it to the door and hugged her briefly and said thank you before I left the classroom. I caught a quick glimpse of Bella as I strolled down the hall. She still seemed bright and chipper. I smiled as I continued on to my next class.

I met up with Jasper in my next class, and filled him in on my conversation with Alice. He seemed surprised that she hadn't ripped my head off. Apparently he crossed her path in the hallway and got a death glare this morning. I had to laugh at that.

_It pays to choose your words wisely sometimes.._

"So what are you planning to do...seeing as how we seriously suck at the whole sign language thing," he mused. I laughed.

"Alice suggested I write her a note. That's how she broke the ice with Bella. I'll probably try that route instead of the signing thing...Lord knows what I'll mistakenly say if I use that approach," I chuckled.

"Yeah, I see your point," he chuckled. "Well...good luck, man. I have to find a way to not only approach Bella, but also tame the wild beast that is Alice while I'm at it," he said as he rolled his eyes and faced forward.

"Hah, good luck with that one..just remember to keep your foot out of your mouth while you're at it," I chuckled.

"Yeah...thanks man...you're a real _pal_," he jabbed. I chuckled once more and opened my notebook to copy the math problems off the board.

Sooner than I would think possible, the bell rang and I was off to my AP English class. It was a total bore and the room was filled with old faces and not one of them were anyone I associated with. To make matters worse, every few minutes a new 'love' note would pop up on my desk. After the third one it became a game to swat them away before they made it to my desk. The faces around me seemed none too pleased about that.

_Well shit..I'm not happy about you sendin' them either!_

When the bell rang I quickly got out of my seat and sped my way to the gym. Last year Jazz, Em and I all made varsity level in both baseball and football. The biggest perk of varsity level...no more P.E. class...instead we all met out of the field for practice. All the varsity players, and a few of the non-varsity players had the same gym period to make the daily practice possible. We only had practice after school once a week...and it always changed depending on what days our games were on.

I quickly made my way into the locker room and suited up for our first football practice of the season. As Jazz, Em, and I made our way out of the locker room and towards the doors that led out to the field, I noticed everyone sitting on the bleachers, no doubt getting their uniforms for the year and the rundown of their first activity.

_God I don't miss that..._

I took one more glance towards the bleachers before passing through the doorway, and saw my Bella sitting with Alice...locked arm in arm, listening to Coach Clapp drone on about something or another. She didn't look as happy as earlier, and it worried me that something had happened.

It plagued my mind as we jogged out toward the field to meet up with the rest of the team. Coach Jackson quickly gave us the run down of our drills for the day and dismissed us to run our laps.

_No better place to let it out than on the field..._

I ran as fast as I could, hoping to release some of the pent up aggravation caused by the idea of someone fucking up Bella's day. She had been doing so fucking well all morning.

"LET'S GO! LINE UP! ONE BY ONE...HIT ME AS HARD AS YOU CAN!" Coach Jackson hollered. We all lined up to take our turns slamming into the sacking pad that Coach Jackson was standing on. When it was my turn I hit it as hard as my force would allow, pushing him back at least 8 feet.

"Edward, my man! You're gonna make me regret makin' you a quarterback!" He shouted as he slapped my helmet.

"Alright, that's enough for today..after school practice is tomorrow since it's only a two day week this week. Hit the showers, I don't wanna smell your funk from my office!" He hollered and we all took off towards the locker room.

After a quick shower, I dressed and waited for Jazz and Em, and we head off towards the cafeteria. We're usually the last to arrive, so it was no surprise to see the cafeteria filled when we got there. We quickly grabbed our food from the line and headed towards our usual table. I spotted Bella and Alice sitting together at Bella's usual table, and as usual Bella's back was towards the rest of the cafeteria. I nudged Jasper with my elbow and motioned in the direction of the table. He took two steps in that direction before Alice's glare stopped him dead in his tracks.

_Wow...he wasn't kidding about the death glare..._

He backed off immediately when her head shook back and forth minutely just once as a warning, and we all headed to our usual table. After sitting for a few minutes, I couldn't resist looking in the direction of their table any longer, so I turned around. Bella and Alice were signing back and forth to each other, and it amazed me...fucking amazed me. She was so fluid with it.

_How did she learn that so damn fast?!_

I smiled as I watched them interact with each other. It was the most vivacious I had seen her in damn near forever. Alice caught my smile and returned it as she dipped her head. She knew I was in awe of what they were doing, and she knew how grateful I was for her being able to interact that way with her. I turned back around when their movements stopped and they concentrated on eating.

Throughout the remainder of lunch Jazz kept glancing over at their table and his brow would furrow even further each time he did.

"What, man?" I asked him.

"Alice keeps darting her eyes between me and somewhere else in the cafeteria...I can't figure out what the hell she's doing," he said confusedly.

I turned around to look at her and she rolled her eyes, then glared at Jazz, and then darted her eyes to the front of the cafeteria. I had to laugh at her exasperated expression...and subsequently Jazz's stupidity.

"What are you laughing at fucker?" he said aggressively.

"You're such a tool...she saying meet her outside the cafeteria dumbass," I replied through my laughter.

"Oh..well shit," he said as he got up and stalked out of the room. I turned back around to Alice and she smiled gratefully, and continued to watch Jazz until he was out of sight. As soon as he disappeared around the corner she quickly got Bella's attention and signed something to her, and Bella made an okay sign.

Alice quickly got up and sprinted for the exit. Bella watched her retreating form until it disappeared around the doorway. As she turned back around her eyes locked with mine, and I couldn't help but smile and nod at her, before turning back around to face Emmett. Emmett too, I noticed, was smiling at her.

"She looks great man...I think that's the best we've seen her in a few years," he commented sadly.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm hoping it only gets better from here," I replied.

"That was some amazing shit they were doing...why the fuck do we suck at it so bad?" he voiced with a mixture of awe and chagrin. I laughed.

"Man, I have no idea why we suck so bad at it...but yeah that was definitely some amazing shit," I sputtered through my laughter.

Jazz came back in and sat back at the table with a pleased expression on his face.

_Well...at least he tamed the beast from the looks of it..._

"So...what'd she say?" I asked him.

"Well, I tried to apologize first, but she cut me off and said that you already explained the misunderstanding...which by the way thank you for," I just nodded at him and gestured for him to continue," and then she went on to tell me that from what she understands of the situation.." he paused and looked at me regretfully before continuing, " if there's any chance of regaining our friendship with her..the key to it lies with you," he finished looking straight at me.

"Me?" I asked.

_Why me? Surely we all have to have some part in it..._

"Yeah..you," he said calmly.

"Why?" I asked...completely confused.

"She said that the loss of _your_ friendship... hurt her the most, so if there's any chance of redemption for any of us..it lies within _your _ability to mend your friendship with her," he said solemnly.

"What are we? Chunked liver or some shit?" Emmett cried out.

"Em...it's chopped liver, moron..and no..we're not. But the fact remains that Bella was closer to Edward than she was with either of us. And don't look so put out, it was always obvious. She always loved us like brothers...but Edward was _always_ something different to her..something _more_. And don't try to deny it dick-wad.._you_ of all people know it's true," he said pointedly as he shook his finger in my direction.

I took in a deep breath and sighed, just as Alice and Bella walked by. As she passed, Alice looked pointedly at me, smiled slightly, nodded minutely, and winked stealthily.

_Message received Xena Princess Warrior...I guess it's time to head to battle._

We lagged behind for a few minutes before making our way out of the cafeteria. I had AP Bio II next, and I wasn't really in a rush to get there. Mr. Banner is notorious for starting class late habitually. I slowly made my way outside and towards the science building, mulling over my options as to how I could possibly fix this impossible situation. I finally made it to my classroom, and smiled immediately when I saw that there was only one seat left...right next to Bella. I passed Newton on my way through the class and thanked the heavens above silently for allowing him to _not _be sitting next to her.

_That's one step in the opposite direction of prison today..._

I quietly sat down next to her, and studied her for a few moments. She was writing something, and I couldn't stop myself...I read it from where I sat.

To say that it was funny...couldn't even come close to giving it the justice it deserved. It was fucking hilarious! I tried my best to stifle the laughter that wanted to rip from my chest, but the best I could do was quiet it down to a chuckle.

Bella's face slowly turned to face me, and then she glared at me, and damn near stopped my heart.

_God she's beautiful...but she's absolutely glorious when she's angry.._

The silence was a bit awkward, so I flashed her my crooked smile, dropped my voice to just above a whisper and said, "Hi, Bella."

Her face went completely blank for a second, almost as if she was dazed, but then confusion completely took over the blankness. She glared at me one more time and then turned towards the front of the classroom.

_Well...that went swell._

I pulled out my notebook, contemplating my next move, and whether or not I should actually make it today. I didn't want to push too hard, but I didn't want to back off either. So I did the best thing I could think of...I attempted to break the ice with humor, and wrote her a note commenting on her Newton poem. Her gaze was lingering out the window, so I just slid the paper across the lab table and left it in front of her. She turned to look at it, and then proceeded to glare at it.

_Oh shit...it's just a friggin' note and she's glaring at it...this might end up being more complicated than I had ever imagined._

She spun in her seat and faced the window, taking the paper with her.

_Well at least she writing something back..._

After a few minutes she passed the note back to me and glared at me one more time before turning her attention to Mr. Banner. I picked up the paper and read what she wrote.

_**Ode to Edward**_

_**Yup, I'm sure, he's a jerk**_

_**From my pain..**_

_**He does perk.**_

_**Years of silence..**_

_**Now he has no shame.**_

_**He must think my suffering..**_

_**Is just plain fair game.**_

_**I look into his eyes...**_

_**and see the friend I once had.**_

_**It once caused heartache...**_

_**But now I'm just plain ol' fucking MAD!**_

_**How dare you approach me**_

_**When for years..**_

_**Not once did you see..**_

_**The pain the loss of your friendship**_

_**Did unleash unto me.**_

_**I'm regretfully sorry should this hurts you,**_

_**But I'm afraid you must feel...**_

_**The pain that I felt so raw and true.**_

_**The pain that was caused...**_

_**By losing my friendship with you.**_

My heart felt like it literally broke, and not even because of the pain that her words caused, but for the pain that I caused _her._ I looked back at her, but she was staring out the window again. I ran my hand furiously through my hair in attempts to squelch the burning in my chest, but it wasn't working. My vision blurred with the moisture that started to accumulate in my eyes.

I turned to look at her once more and was startled slightly when her eyes met mine. I watched the anger in her eyes fade, only to be replaced with complete remorse, and I wanted nothing more at that moment than to slam my head right into the lab table. I didn't want her to feel sorry, she had _every_ right to feel that way. It was my fault that I mistook her distance and silence for her not wanting a friendship with me. I should have tried harder...I should have tried for a longer period of time. I gave up too quickly, and lost the chance and remaining in her life.

She quickly looked away and started scribbling something on a piece of paper. I wanted to reach my hand out to stop her, but I was afraid. I was afraid I would hurt her more. Afraid that I would push her further away. Afraid that I would lose her permanently.

She hurriedly passed the paper in my direction and immediately turned her gaze back to the window. I picked up the paper and read what she wrote.

_**Edward, I'm sorry. Please, forget I said anything...I didn't mean to upset you so much. Just throw that piece of paper away and we can go on with our lives like nothing ever happened. Don't worry about it...I know things happen in life and friendships fade. It was wrong of me to take that out on you. Sorry.**_

_Oh, Bella. _

I looked up to the ceiling silently questioning the powers above me, whatever they may be, why they had to cause her so much pain. I would willingly take it all upon myself in a heartbeat. Why couldn't they just leave it all on my shoulders instead of her? She's so willing to lock pain away in herself so as not to hurt anyone else. I wish above anything else that she would just share that pain with me, so I could take some of it from her, give her some type of comfort or anything. She's acting so cavalier about it, but I _know_ it's killing her, because it's killing me too. More than she could ever know.

I had to do something about this. I had to make this right. She has to know that she isn't the one to blame, she isn't the one at fault. I quickly started writing a return note to her and passed it back in her direction.

_How did Alice make this seem so easy..this is by far the hardest thing I've ever done..with the one exception of walking away in the first place._

She wrote something on the paper, but then held onto it. I sat there confused as to why she was holding onto the note, until the bell rang. She tossed the note in front of me and took off out of the classroom. I picked it up and read it, my heart breaking with each word I read.

_**Don't worry about it, Edward. You don't have to do anything...I'll be fine.**_

_Well how's that for disastrous first steps?..._

I picked up my belongings and headed out the door to my final class. History. I walked solemnly to my seat and plopped in it roughly, dropping my bag to the floor before dropping my head onto my arms on top of the desk. I really didn't want to sit here, I just sincerely wanted to go home and crawl in my bed and pull the covers over my head. I don't think I've ever felt this helpless in my entire life.

Someone nudged my arm, and I looked up with a scowl on my face, not particularly wanting to be bothered at the moment. Unfortunately it wasn't someone that I could just glare at and duck my head again. Once I lifted my head I was met by Emmett's giant head leaning towards me.

"Dude, you look like you've just been put through the ringer...what the hell happened?" he asked concernedly.

"I crashed and burned in my first attempt, man," I said before dropping my head back down.

"Damn, man. That sucks majorly..." he faded off probably not knowing what to say. I snorted...loudly.

"Yeah..that's the understatement of the century, Em," I said condescendingly.

"Don't give up Edward. It's just going to take some time. Let her get it out of her system, she'll come around," Em spoke strongly. It amazed me. I'm so used to him being foul and immature, that when he has moments like this it stuns me. It never fails to remind me of just one of the reasons we're such close friends. Even through all of his stupidity...he can sometimes be one of the smartest people I know.

"Thanks, bro. I needed to hear that after that disastrous first encounter," I said as I stuck my fist out towards him. He bumped it quickly.

"That bad huh?" he asked slightly amused.

"You have no idea, Em. It put Hiroshima to shame, man," I said half smiling as I reached down to pull my notebook out for the final time today.

"It'll be a rocky road, bro...but let's face it..she's worth every bump and pot hole and ditch along the way," he said seriously.

I looked back at him and smiled widely, "You bet your ass she is."

* * *

**AN: I love wise Emmett almost as much as I love dumb Emmett...he's such a versitile character haha. Once again..hit? Miss? Anyone forming mobs carrying torches and baseball bats? Should I hide? LOL. Anyways, that's it for Monday's edition kiddies...check back most likely Wednesday for some new chapters. Until then I bid you all adieu!**


	22. Taxi Cab Confessions

**AN****: Well I'm ecstatic to see that some of you enjoyed the first day of school. It's kind of disheartening to see how few reviews are being placed though. To those of you who review faithfully, I present you with a 2 part update gift =o). To those of you who don't...enjoy their thoughtfulness, and I thank you for at least taking the time to read the story. **

* * *

**Disclaimer****: All characters belong to SM...with the exception of some teacher's names..they actually belong to my high school teachers hehe...**

* * *

Taxi Cab Confessions

EPOV

As the final bell for the day rang in the air, Emmett and I packed up our belongings and headed for the door. Jasper met us by the exit, having had class in the same building this period, and we collectively made our way towards the parking lot.

"So, did you ever get the chance to approach Bella today?" Jasper asked sincerely.

I hung my head and shook it back and forth, reliving that horrific hour for a moment in my head. I looked back up at him and responded almost painfully, "Yeah...I got the chance, took it, and she wiped the floor with my ass...but not before making me feel like worse shit for making her feel bad about thinking she made me feel bad. Did that even make any sense?" I mused as an after thought to my statement.

Jasper laughed slightly, "It does if you take it apart before you try to understand it collectively." We continued walking, and I looked around to see if I could spot Bella once more before she left. Luck was once again on my side as I caught a glipse of her before she disappeared into Alice's Porsche. She looked wary, but not really stressed or unhappy, and that put me at ease slightly.

_Well at least her entire day wasn't a complete disaster..._

Alice caught sight of us before she opened her door and she threw us a sneaky little side wave and smile before she too disappeared into the car. Moments later, the porsche and the girls within it, peeled out of the parking lot.

_I'm gonna have to talk to her about driving like that with Bella in the car....she could get hurt._

"Heads up, man. Newton's makin' his way over here," Emmett said slyly as he kept his head down.

"Great... just what I need to finish my day. A visit from the walking virgin version of a womanizer," I said exhausted. Really, the guy never takes the hints that we give him to stay away. You would think that attempting beat the snot out of him would be sufficient...he really is dumber than a sack of bricks.

"YO! What's up guys?...Hey! Did you hear that Bella's a lesbian?! How hawt is that shit?!" Newton belted out as he laughed.

"What the hell are you talking about, Newton? Bella's not a lesbian...you need to lay off the crack pipe," I replied with a smirk.

"Hell yeah she is, and that little chick that's been with her all day is her girlfriend too! Who knew that the two hottest chicks in school would be a lesbian couple?!" he retorted excitedly.

"Newton, Bella's not a lesbian...and neither is Alice. They're best friends. You really do need to lay off the hallucinogenics man...it's not good for your brain...well what's left of whatever was there to start with anyway," Jasper chuckled as he joined in the conversation.

"Whatever, man. My source is _solid_...They're definitely lesbians. And I, for one, can't wait to get my hands on some 3-way action!" Newton crowed gleefully.

It normally would have taken everything I had in me not to pummel him right there on the spot. If I hadn't of been so exhausted all day, neither Em nor Jazz would have been able to hold me back this time, but as fate would have it, I barely had enough energy left in me to bring them home before making a pitiful crawl back up to my bed.

"Don't even waste your breath, Edward. He isn't worth it, and from the looks of it, you're barely standing on your own two feet at the moment, and nothing you can say or do will ever make him show some class," Emmett grumbled quietly next to me. I just nodded in no specific direction and began walking again towards my car.

"Awwww...what's wrong Eddie? Are you depressed now that you found out your not-so-secret love is a carpet-muncher and not a sausage-sucker?" Newton jeered in my direction. I stopped dead in my tracks.

"See what I mean?" Emmett huffed as he shook his head and gestured toward Newton.

_Is he seriously always this vile? No wonder he's still a virgin, because it couldn't possibly be by choice! I wonder if his parents know just how disgusting their spawn is..._

"Newton, you're fucking disgusting, man. Get the hell away from my car before you infect it with your atrociousness," I muttered as I flung the driver door to my car open. Jazz and Em quickly got into the car, and I tore out of the parking lot, wanting nothing more than to be as far from that kid as possible.

"So what exactly happened with Bella today, Edward?" Jasper asked as he leaned in between the two front seats, between myself and Emmett. I looked at him in the rear view mirror as I responded, "Well, at first, I just tried to say hello when it turned out that we were sharing a lab table together in Bio II, but she just glared at me and turned away. When I had first sat down at the table, she didn't even acknowledge that anyone was there. She was too busy writing this hilarious Ode to Newton's vileness..." Emmett laughed boisterously and cut me off.

"How'd it go?! I gotta hear this!" he roared through his laughter.

I chuckled as I thought back to the poem, "I can't remember it specifically...but it talked about him thinking he was God, but everyone thought he was lame. Then something about his cologne being rank and smelling like skunk and belonging locked in a car's trunk....dude it was priceless. That's all I can say."

Jasper and Emmett continued laughing hysterically, muttering about how they wish I had a copy of the poem so they could post it all around the school. I decided to keep that idea safely locked away in my head, hoping that one day, when our friendship was repaired, Bella would want to do the honors of that scheme.

"So, anyway...what happened after that?" Jasper asked after his laughter had subsided.

"Well, I kinda got busted reading it when I chuckled. I tried my best to drown it out, but she caught onto it anyhow. So..she turns and glares at me, and I do the only thing I can think of at the moment...I smiled and said hello. I felt like a complete _ass_ when she turned away from me. I sat there for a bit, contemplating my next move. I wrote her a little note, taking Alice's advice, and commented on how funny her Newton poetry was. Dude..she _glared_ at the paper...freaking _glared_ at it!" I cried out.

"What'd she do next?" Jasper asked as he inched himself further in between the two seats. He seemed so enthralled by the story, you would think I was telling him the plot line for the next war action movie.

"So she glared at the paper for a minute, then grabbed it and spun in her seat, effectively blocking me from what she was writing on the paper. A few minutes later she shoved the note back in my direction, glared at me, then returned to looking out of the window," I replied quickly, not really wanting to relive the whole fiery disaster.

"What'd it say?" Emmett chimed in, now looking just as enthralled as Jasper.

"The note is in my bag...well all the notes are in my bag. Feel free to read them, they'll enable you to be first-hand witnesses to my remarkable failure," I replied slightly angrily. I wasn't angry with her...far from it in fact. I was just angry with the whole situation in general...I'd never realized just how out of control everything had gotten until that fateful encounter.

Jazz fished the notes out of my bag in the back seat and read them quietly. I was extremely thankful for that. When he finished, he passed them to Em, and looked at me in the rear view mirror with his eyebrow cocked and a stupid smirk on his face. I was so tired and emotionally spent that I couldn't even find the urge to want to smack it off his face.

Emmett finished reading the notes and turned in his seat to face me. His expression was half mockery and half pain...it was quite the sight to see.

"Damn, dude. She's got some serious fire brewin' beneath the surface for you," he said jokingly.

"I realize that. Thank you for pointing that out wise-guy," I snapped back at him.

"Edward, relax, it's just going to take time. She doesn't realize what happened, she doesn't know that you never wanted to be away from her like that," Jasper said thoughtfully. It rather surprised me that he would be playing soft guy when he was the idiot with the smirk just moments before. I highly expected him to be the one with the jokes.

I pulled up to the curb next to Emmett's house and he opened the door and exited quickly. Once out of the car, he bent down to look at me as he spoke.

"Don't worry, bro. You'll make headway at some point, even if it takes all year. We're in this for the long haul brother...if you need anything, just let us know, and we'll do what we can to help. It really sucks that this whole thing is riding on your shoulders. I was really looking forward to at least standing on the battleground in this fight to get her back, but apparently I've been benched for the season," he spoke with sincerity dripping from his tone. I thought he was finished, so I put the car back in drive and waited for him to shut the door, but he didn't. I looked at him and he smirked.

"That doesn't mean I can't _strategize_ from the sidelines though," he grinned mirthfully as he spoke.

I laughed at his eagerness, as he chuckled and shut the door. Jazz quickly shot out of the back seat and slid into the front fluidly. As soon as the door was shut, I took off in the direction of his house.

Jazz remained silent for a few minutes. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, and I was actually appreciative of it. I didn't really feel like talking at the moment. I was too damn tired.

"So....I think I like Alice..." Jasper muttered hesitantly and quietly.

"Of course you do Jazz, so do I, she's a great person. My conversation with her only cemented my previously unfounded opinion of her given to me by Esme," I said casually.

"No, bro. I mean I think I _like_ her like her...as in the non-platonic friendship way," he replied cautiously but adamantly.

I slammed on my brakes and the car skidded to a halt in the middle of the road. I turned to look at him in surprise to his confession.

"Jazz, man..you _can't_ be serious!" I wailed. His expression went from cautious to defensive in a fraction of a second.

"Why can't I be, Edward? What's so fuckin wrong about me liking Alice?" he retorted angrily.

"Jazz...bro, listen. She is the _only _link we have to Bella at the moment. What if things go badly between the two of you? Do you _honestly_ think she'll let us _anywhere_near Bella after that?" I said exhaustively. The last thing any of us, especially me, needed was yet another obstacle to overcome on this path, much less a fortified 5 ft version of one that would be impossible to either bypass or go straight through.

"You think you're the _only_ one that has something riding on this, dickhead? She's my friend too, but I happen to think that even if she is mad at me, she would still want me to be happy...and I think Alice can make me happy," he spat.

I took in a sharp breath and shook my head.

_This shit is falling apart faster than I can keep up with. Maybe it's meant to happen this way. Maybe she really is better off without me involving myself in her life._

"Listen Edward. I won't make any drastic moves...just yet. But, I just want you to know, that at some point in the future it's going to happen...it's inevitable," he spoke with complete conviction.

I looked at him and nodded. I didn't have much of a choice in the matter. I couldn't very well pursue someone that makes me happy and tell him that he couldn't pursue someone that did the same for him. It was my duty as a friend to accept his wishes and support him.

"Alright, bro. Just please, give me a little bit of time to try and fix this before anything can happen to take away any chances I might have," I said pleadingly.

"You got it, bro." he replied as he held his fist up in the air. I chuckled humorlessly and bumped his fist as I wondered just how long I had left to make things right.

_Well...luck has been on my side somewhat so far...hopefully time will be too..._

With that, I started driving once again. Eager more now than at any other point in this day so far, just to make it home and into my bed. To the one place where none of this had ever taken place. Where Bella was safe and in my arms...my dreams.

* * *

**AN****: I have just one thing to say....Awwww!! Oh..and R&R Please and TY! Okay so I guess it was 2 things...never been all that great at math...**


	23. Hair Dye & Dressing Room Confrontations

**AN: Here's part 2 of your update gift....ENJOY! I'm gonna go soak my poor fingers in a tub full of hot water and soothing sea salt...they keep trying to fall off of me, but I won't let them. STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE FINGERS! Oops...one of them just took off for the tub..GTG!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it, but if I go just a wee bit crazier I might start thinking I do!**

* * *

Hair Dye and Dressing Room Confrontations

BPOV

Alice and I fled to the car after art class. She was just excited to go shopping, but I... I just honestly wanted to get away from school. Too many weird things had happened today.

Between Jasper and Emmett's smiles, Angela's speaking up for me, and Edward's attempts to communicate with me....I just didn't know what to think anymore. The only thing I wanted, was to be _far_ away from any place that would remind me of anything that had happened today.

Edward's actions alone confused me to no end. Why had he chosen now to approach me? He's known where I've lived, his mom is practically best friends with Esme. He's had no reason not to take the opportunity before now. Hell, he could have used one of Esme's holiday parties as a perfect excuse,and I probably would have bought his attempt as sincere, but he always managed to escape the dreaded holiday gatherings, unlike myself...much to my despair.

Did he honestly think that it would be so easy? Chuckle, say hello, drop a little note with a joke referencing something he shouldn't have seen to start with, and all would be right with the world once again? All rainbows, and magical beings, and a little sprinkle of pixie dust would have me talking and feeling whole once again...

_Yeah, cause that's __exactly__how it happens here in the real world...numbnuts._

I'm sorry, but a little "I'm sorry, Bella. I never meant to hurt you," just doesn't cut it for abandoning me for five years. It's actually rather shallow coming from someone I once thought held the depths of the universe. Once upon a time I swore I could see forever, just by looking into his eyes.

His "apology" was about as shallow as the puddle I sloshed through in the parking lot this morning. It just seems that he only attempted to fix our friendship _after_ I had somewhat healed...or at least appeared to have anyway... but when I was at my worst, and subsequently needed him the most...he ran in the other direction.

_To hell with that! I don't need people in my life that will just disappear whenever it gets rough. If I'm stuck in my life, dealing with the toilsome times and attempting to enjoy the pleasant ones, than those that want to be in my life should want to stand by me during the dark moments and rejoice with me in moments of brightness....Just as I would for them. _

I must have closed my eyes while I mulled over the day's events in my mind, because when I opened my eyes we were parked in front of the mall. I turned to Alice, and she smirked at me before speaking to me in sign.

'Penny for your thoughts?' she asked.

'They aren't worth one really.' I answered.

'From the looks of it, they seem to be worth much more,' she retorted.

'Trust me, they don't, but what do you mean by that?' I asked.

'We've been sitting here for 10 minutes, and you were a million miles away,' she answered.

'Wow, Alice. Your depth perception is way off...I'm only two feet away, at most,' I smiled as I quipped.

'If you say so, Bella. Just know that if you need to talk, I'm here,' she said before turning to exit the car. I followed her out of the car, debating if I really wanted to bother her with all my internal rantings...and finally decided that my arms would get too damn tired. I met her at the front of the car and arm in arm we took off towards the entrance to the mall.

I tapped her on her arm just as we walked through the entrance, and she looked in my direction. I unwound my arm from hers to 'speak'.

'Alice, I know what I said earlier about the dressing room thing...but I'm really not up to it today,' I said.

'Don't worry, Bella. I wasn't going to force you, I know you aren't ready for that yet. It's one store and we're out of here, I promise,' she signed with a comforting smile.

'Thank you, Alice,' I signed in return with a grateful smile.

We interlocked our arms once again and headed off in the direction of Hot Topic. I have _no_idea what inspired her to dye her hair, but I have to say, if anyone could pull it off...she could. It's so pixie-ish, it fits her perfectly.

After heading in the wrong direction at first and having to turn back around, we finally made it there. I know what you're thinking...Alice getting lost in a mall?! Yeah.. I thought the same thing. I even poked fun at her about it, but of course Alice being Alice, she had the legitimate excuse of never having needed to go into that store before since 'goth' really wasn't her style.

Whether or not 'goth' was, or more appropriately _'is'_ Alice's style, is now up for some serious reconsideration. I laughed in silent hysterics as we walked into the store and she fell in love with a variety of plaid, short, and slightly modified versions of the Catholic school-girl uniform skirts. She also found a variety of corsets that she said would look fabulous with jeans and a few of the jackets she had at home. I just laughed and watched her tear through the store like a miniature tornado.

Three skirts, two corsets, two belts, and a pair of pants later, we finally made our way over to the hair color section. I looked at her confusedly as she picked up numerous containers of hair dye. Since both of our hands were full with her anticipated purchases, she used her voice to answer my questioning gaze.

"I'm not sure what color I want to do. At first I thought pink, definitely pink, but there are _so_ many awesome colors here, and I can't decide. Who knows, maybe I'll change the color to match my outfits! That would be positively _mint!" _she cried excitedly. I just chuckled silently and followed her to the register.

We took her bags from the sales person, who by the way seriously freaked me out.

_Really, I wasn't aware someone could have that many piercings on their face! _

Alice, and I walked out of the store, and strolled at a leisurely pace through the mall, heading in the direction of the exit. I started to get thirsty, so I nudged Alice in the direction of the Orange Julius that we were just about to pass. I signed to her what I wanted and she ordered our drinks. A few minutes later we were back to our pleasantly silent stroll when I caught the sight of _that_ store out of the corner of my eye.

I hesitantly walked up to it, completely unaware that Alice had started saying something as she kept walking towards the exit. I guess at some point she realized I wasn't next to her anymore, and she buckled back to find me.

"Bella! What the hell! I was _totally_ talking to myself! No wonder people were staring at me oddly!" she ranted as she approached me. I looked at her sheepishly, sincerely apologetic that I hadn't warned her before wandering off. She stopped in front of me, and quickly looked around to see what made me wander off so abruptly. Recognition immediately flickered in her gaze as she saw the store that we were standing in front of, followed immediately by a painful expression.

"Oh, Bella. Please don't torture yourself. You don't have to face this today, or any day for that matter," she said softly as she looked at me sadly.

_Or any day?... If I always run from anything that scares me or makes me uncomfortable...how am I ever supposed to be normal? Why do I have to be this way? Why does __everything__ have to be so damn hard for me? _

I glared back at the store, incredibly pissed that it was getting the best of me.

_It's just a fucking store! It's three damn walls and a freaking wall of windows full of clothing...it's not a damn horror house._

I took in a deep breath and charged into the store, determined not to let it get the best of me today. I strode right through the middle partition of clothing racks, and stalked towards the dressing rooms.

_Not today...over my dead body will it get the best of me today. I don't care what it takes..._

APOV

"Hey, what do you think we should do for Halloween, Bella?" I asked her quickly, but continued talking before looking her way. I figured it was best to at least get it all out there before subjecting myself to her wrathful glares.

"I was thinking maybe we could get costumes and have a party, or maybe even go to someone else's party?" I started speaking really fast, worried how she would react," because Erika Crawford..she's in my geometry class...invited me to a costume party for Halloween, but if you don't want to go it's okay..we don't have to..I can just tell her that I already had plans..." I trailed off wondering why she hadn't either stopped me yet or stalked past me. I quickly looked to my side only to realize that she wasn't there and there were people looking at me with the oddest expressions.

_That little witch! I've been talking to myself this whole time!_

I turned around quickly and stalked back in the direction opposite of what I had been heading in, looking for her everywhere. I finally spotted her just standing in front of some store glaring at it.

_What the hell is up with her?_

I walked up to her and started ranting.

"What the hell, Bella! I was _totally _talking to myself! No wonder people were staring at me oddly!" I wailed while swinging my bags around in the air. She just looked at me sheepishly.

_What's she standing here looking all apologetic for?_

I took a quick look around and frowned instantly when I saw the name of the store she was standing in front of. It was _that_ store, from weeks ago.

_Oh boy. Maybe I shouldn't have brought her here. Should I just pull her away? She doesn't look like she's too comfortable standing here..._

"Oh Bella," I said sadly, " Please don't torture yourself. You don't have to face this today, or any day for that matter." She turned from me and glared at the store before storming off into it. I took off after her, and watched as she made her way towards the dressing rooms. The sales girl just looked stunned at first, but then almost looked as if she knew who Bella was and what she was doing. I grimaced embarrassingly, whispering 'sorry' as I passed her. She just shook her head and waived her hands around, dismissing the situation she was baring witness to.

I cautiously approached the dressing room curtain, the very same one where the shopping apocalypse took place just weeks ago. I stood outside the curtain for a few minutes, just guarding it from anyone who might approach it. I wasn't sure, but I thought it might be better for her to conquer this on her own.

I started getting antsy after a while, and wanted to check on her to make sure she was alright. There were no sounds coming from behind the curtain, with the exception of the occasional sniffle or gust of breath being expelled. I didn't want to pull the curtain back, I was certain that would make everything worse, so I did the only thing I could think of.

I thrust my hand behind the curtain, next to the partition wall and knocked on it, Unsure if I had her attention or not, I made a thumbs up rotating to a thumbs down gesture before holding my palm open in question. I held my open palm there for a few moments, debating if she was even aware of my gestures. The sales girl looked at me and smiled sadly. I shrugged and returned the smile in kind.

I was just about to retract my hand when Bella grabbed a hold of it and pulled me forcefully through the curtain, causing me to shriek in surprise and tumble into her. We landed half on the bench and half on the floor in a pile of tangled arms and legs. I laughed when I saw that she was giggling silently.

_I guess she's okay after all..._

We disentangled ourselves and sat on the bench facing each other still giggling. There was a sudden knock at the wall and we both turned our heads to acknowledge the voice emanating from behind the curtain.

"I'm sorry to bother you, I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to hang a do not use sign on this curtain so no one bothers you. Please, take all the time you need," the voice said.

Bella and I just looked at each other and silently giggled until the feet retreated away from the bottom of the curtain. We sat silently for a few minutes. I watched as she sat with her eyes closed and her head rested against the wall behind her. Curiosity started to eat me alive, so I tapped her on the knee and her eyes shot open to look at me.

'Bella, are you okay?' I signed with a wary expression.

'I'm great, Alice,' she replied with a bright smile. I smiled brightly back at her, astoundingly proud of her for her determination to overcome what happened right where we sat.

'I'm proud of you,' I gestured as I looked around the tiny room we were in.

'Me too, Ali,' she replied, her smile softening.

'So....what now?' I asked.

'I'm really not sure,' she signed as she shrugged her shoulders and arched an eyebrow in speculation. 'I didn't really think I'd get this far, but it made me realize that I can't continue letting my fears rule my life,' she finished her thought with a look of relief.

'You'll get there, Bella. Just keep taking one step at a time, and before you know it, it will all be in the past,' I signed, trying to keep her optimistic.

'Alice, can I ask you something?" I looked up and nodded before signing 'Of course. Anything.'

'Howcome you never ask me about my past? Anyone else would, especially being so close to me...but you don't. Why?' she asked.

'Bella, I don't ask because I know that when you're ready, you'll let me hear it. To ask you for it, before you're ready and willing to tell it, would not only be hurtful towards you, but it would be selfish of me. I love you for who you are, you're like a sister to me. I know how much your past hurts you, and I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't hurt me to hear what you went through, but I still promise to listen the day that you're ready to share it. I can only hope that sharing the pain with me would somehow take some of it away from you,' I finished my trail of thoughts with a soft smile, hoping to convey to her that her happiness is worth any of the pain I would endure in helping her.

'Alice...' she paused nervously, and looked downward for a minute before her eyes returned to mine with a fierce determination.

'Alice, I think I'm ready..' she signed. I looked at her in shock. She had already taken such a huge and determinate step today...I was in awe that she wanted to take another one.

'Are you sure?' I asked. I wanted her to be 100% sure of this. I wasn't quite sure how it would pan out, and that made me nervous.

'Positive,' she answered.

I nodded and started to gather my bags to get up, figuring she would want to at least be at home to attempt this. Her hand shot out to stop me from rising from the bench. I looked at her in question.

'Don't get up Ali,' she signed.

'Are you sure you want to do this here?' I asked her with a doubtful expression as I eyed the room warily.

'Yes, I think it would help me get over what happened here,' she responded when my attention returned to her.

'Okay, if you're sure then I'm all _eyes_,' I signed as I smiled through a goofy grin. She laughed briefly and silently before her expression became distant and somber. She took a deep breath and looked into my eyes, silently asking if I was really willing to hear this part of her life, and questioning if I'd be able to handle it. I took her hands and squeezed them gently while nodding slowly but encouragingly, in an effort to convey to her that it would be alright and we would do this together, before releasing her hands and leaning back on the wall behind me.

She took in another deep breath and nodded slightly before starting...'When I was ten...'

* * *

**AN: OOOOHHHHH CLIFFIE! Don't blame me...it was the runaway finger's fault! I swear! It's on strike...it says it wants reviews... Please help me reign it back in? R&R PLS&TY!**


	24. Silent Dressing Room Confessions

**AN****: This early update is dedicated to blackmist101 for her relentless support in this story...it is much appreciated! **

**WARNING:To anyone who does NOT want to read anything violent....SKIP THIS CHAPTER! I apologize ahead of time if this is too graphic, but there is a reason why Bella is the way she is...and her experience with her parents death is the majority of it. I seriously debated posting this after it was written, but it was and still is a major part of the plot, as Bella needs to learn to share her pain in order to overcome it. So...yeah, with that said... Enjoy...but not too much. (Keep some kleenex handy...I needed a whole box just to write this damn chapter)**

* * *

**Disclaimer****: Still don't own Twilight, but am afraid of being sued for putting SM's characters through this...**

* * *

Silent Dressing Room Confessions

BPOV

'When I was ten...my parents moved us from here in Forks to Phoenix.' I started, eyeing Alice warily.

_I really hope she can handle all of this. I haven't even shared this with Esme. I've always been too afraid of what it would do to her to know the details of what happened...at least the parts that I can remember._

Alice waited patiently for me to continue. Something I imagine took a great deal of effort for her.

'My parents never told me why we moved, or why so suddenly for that matter. It was summer time, and we had just gotten home from camping a few days before.' I closed my eyes, remembering all the details of the few short days leading up to the sudden move.

'My mom and I were standing in the kitchen making the only thing she could ever bake without ruining...chocolate chunk, marshmallow swirl brownies. My dad came home as we were putting the brownies in the oven, and he seemed nervous. Looking back at it now, I think he was actually panicked, but to this day I don't know why.'

'My mom ushered me out the front door, and told me to go have fun with my friends, so I did. I'll never know what they said to each other that day, and for the longest time I was _angry_ that they made such a drastic decision without even asking me how I felt about it.'

'I came home a few hours later and my parents were waiting for me in the living room. They told me that they were sorry, but we had to move. They told me that my dad's job was taking us to Phoenix. In hindsight...that didn't even make sense. My dad was the Chief of Police in Forks, why would his job take him to Phoenix?' I mused before continuing.

'When I asked them when we were supposed to move, all they said was "this weekend". I couldn't believe it. They only gave me two days to pack up everything I owned, and say goodbye to my friends. I yelled at them about how unfair I thought they were being, and how they ruined my life before I stomped up the stairs and slammed my door.'

'I cried the whole night, thinking of my friends that I would never see again, and my Grammy Marie that wouldn't be a bike ride away anymore.'

'The next day, I adamantly refused to put anything that belonged to me in the boxes my mother put in my room. She came in my room after a few hours of listening to me only throw a ball against my wall as I laid on the floor. When she came in, she sighed and started putting some of my things in the boxes, and I went right behind her taking them back out and returning them to their rightful spot in my room.'

'I couldn't understand why my mom was being so patient. Normally she would have yelled at me, or punished me, or _something_. But she didn't. Instead she looked at me with tears in her eyes and just begged and pleaded with me to help her because we didn't have a choice. I couldn't fight with her anymore after I saw the tears. When I saw them, I knew that this wasn't something she wanted to do either, so instead of fighting with her I begrudgingly helped her pack my things.'

'My dad came home from work that day carrying a black case with a lock on it. He handed it to my mother, along with the keys to unlock it, and told her to always keep it with her. I didn't know what was in it then, and I still don't know what was in it now.'

'After dinner that night, I went straight up to my room and cried as I packed the last of my things away. I stared at my empty room, and the boxes on the floor the whole night.'

'The next morning, my parents carried all of my boxes down the stairs and out to a giant truck. My dad's friend Billy came over to help him load everything in the truck, and when he left my dad handed him the keys to his beat up, but "classic" as he called it, 1954 Chevy pick-up truck, and Billy left in it.'

'I barely touched my breakfast as my parents just stood in the kitchen with their arms around each other, worry etched across both of their faces. I asked to be excused when I couldn't stand to look at my food any longer.'

'I left the house and went to the only other place that ever felt like home. I went to Edward's house. When I got there, I could hear him playing the piano from outside. I knocked lightly on the door and his mom ushered me in and to the front room where the piano was.'

'Edward stopped playing when he saw me, but I quickly made my way over to the bench and sat down next to him, and asked him to keep playing. He nodded and continued.'

'I'm not sure how long he played as I sat quietly next to him with my head on his shoulder, but when he finally stopped he just looked at me and asked me to tell him what was wrong. I told him that my family and I were moving the following morning, and where we were moving to.'

'He got _so_ mad. He hopped off the bench, and started pacing the room, pulling on that damn messy hair of his, as he muttered relentlessly about how unfair it was that my parents hadn't told us sooner. As his pacing increased he started ranting about how I couldn't go, he wouldn't let me. I started to cry and I told him I was sorry, but that just seemed to get him more angry. He started pinching the bridge of his nose as he paced.'

'Finally he stopped pacing and just stared at me. It seemed like he was letting it sink in, that he was trying to accept the fact that I was moving away, that we wouldn't see each other anymore, and when it finally hit...he collapsed to his knees and started begging me not to go.'

'I didn't know what to do, I was already beyond upset, and seeing him hurt that badly only made me hurt even more. I cautiously hugged him and kissed him on the cheek, whispering my apologies, and headed for the front door. I looked back at him just once before I turned the corner, and when I saw his shoulders slumped and shaking, and his head bowed, I couldn't take it anymore...I ran. I ran out of his house and all the way back home with tears blurring my vision.'

'I spent the whole night crying. I never got a chance to say anything to my other friends. I didn't want to. After what I had seen my goodbye do to Edward, I couldn't do it to them as well.'

'The next morning, my father ushered my mother and I out of the house, and into the moving truck. I couldn't even bring myself to look back just once at the house I had so happily called home."

'Two days later, we arrived in Phoenix, at our new home. I hated it immediately. It was so damn hot outside, and everything was brown and dead looking. It was nothing like the vibrant green from here that makes everything look so alive. It was like an alien desert planet.'

'After we got all of our boxes in the house, my parents called me into the living room. I sat down on one of the hideous and uncomfortable couches and glared at them as they warily looked at each other.'

'They started telling me about my new school, and about Phoenix in general, but then they told me that we had changed our names. I couldn't understand why they would do something like that. Why did moving away mean you had to change your name...it didn't make any sense.'

'They told me that they just wanted a fresh start in this new place. That we could be whoever and whatever we wanted with a new name. My dad told me that my mom's new name would be Jody Lynn Sanders, his new name would be John Charles Sanders, and my new name would be Anabella Marie Sanders. He said that I could still go by Bella, but I had to remember that my last name was Sanders and not Swan.'

'We spent the whole evening practicing with our new names, and throughout the evening they kept warning me not to talk to people I don't know aside from kids I went to school with, and not to go anywhere alone. They told me that they had to worry about me a lot more in a big city than they had to in a tiny town like Forks.'

I rolled my eyes at the idiocy of all of it now. I'll never understand why I didn't question everything they had said and done, or furthermore why I ever went along with it. I shook my head quickly to clear it of my internal musings before continuing on with the story of my past.

'I started school the next day, and honestly, it was much the same as it is here in respect to the way students interacted with me anyhow. The school in Phoenix was huge and it seemed like there were thousands of students milling about everywhere. No one paid any mind to me, and the ones that did...weren't very friendly to say the least.'

'I hated going to school there. I hated everything about Phoenix, but I refused to let my parents know how unhappy I was. They didn't seem very happy themselves, and I didn't want to make the situation any worse. I figured, if they at least thought I was happy, than maybe it wouldn't be so bad for them either.'

'A few weeks went by, and my dad kept in constant contact with his old friends from the station, but every time I asked if I could call one of my friends...he said no. Every time he said it, it would make me get even more angry at him. My mom did her best to console me, but I think she knew it was a wasted effort. I didn't understand what the big deal was about calling, or even sending a letter, but he would just look at me sadly and apologize but remain firm in his authority over the matter. It made me furious, and I started taking it out on my parents by avoiding them at all costs.'

'If I ever regret one thing, it would be that. So many things happened that I had no control over, but that choice was solely mine, and I pay for it dearly every day.' I signed as a silent tear rolled its way down my face. Alice reached over and gently swiped it away before smiling softly and allowing me to continue.

'One night, my dad came home from work in a frenzy. He started yelling at my mom and I to hurry up and come downstairs. Everything happened so quickly it was impossible to grasp what was even going on at the time.'

'My dad picked me up and grabbed my mom's hand and led us to a paneled wall in the den at the back of the house. He put me down and slid a bookcase to the left. Behind the bookcase, there was a removable piece of panel, but it wasn't really noticeable. You'd really have to know it was there in order to find it.'

'He told my mom to take me inside of it as he ran off down the hall. My mom held my hand and led me into the small area. It was fairly bare inside. The only things in the room were a small table, some flash lights, a radio, and a mattress barely big enough for just my parents, let alone the three of us.'

'My dad came back a few minutes later carrying two duffel bags. I was so scared, I had no idea what was going on.'

'He came into the small room, lit a flashlight, and turned around to pull the bookcase back in front of the opening before sliding the piece of panel back into place. When he turned around, he leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor holding his head in his hands. I thought my dad had gone insane.'

'My mom crawled over to him and pulled his hands away from his face before asking him what was going on. He started apologizing incessantly, but what really confused me was that he was calling her Renee and not Jody.'

'He pulled her into his chest and started whispering frantically in her ear. She gasped as her hand quickly flew to her mouth, and she started sobbing violently. My dad tried to calm her down, he told her everything would be alright, that we were safe, that this would blow over and everyone would be fine. I watched all of this unfold before my very stunned eyes, but the shock and fear of everything that was happening kept me from moving or saying anything.'

'My mom finally calmed down after a few minutes, and she crawled her way back to me on the mattress. She laid herself down next to me and held me tightly to her. She ran her fingers through my hair with one hand, and held my hand with the other. After a few silent minutes she began humming one of our favorite songs lightly in my ear. I found myself slowly falling asleep listening to hum 'Sweet Angel of Mine' by Kassie DePaiva.' I smiled as I recalled the tune my mother claimed was written just for me because every time she heard it she could only think of me.

'I'm not sure how long I had been asleep, but I awoke in a fright from a series of loud crashes emanating from the house. My dad clapped his hand over my mouth just as I was about to scream, and started shushing me desperately. He sternly whispered that we had to be silent, that we couldn't make a noise. He promised that as long as we were completely silent, everything would be fine. I nodded to let him know I understood, and he removed his hand from my mouth.'

'I stared at the piece of removable paneling endlessly, completely terrified that whatever was making its way so violently through the house, would find where we were.'

'The noises continued to echo through our little space...glass breaking, furniture being toppled over, people yelling, objects being thrown against walls and floors. There's no other way to explain it than utterly terrifying.'

'I tried to stay as silent as I possibly could, but the closer the sounds came to us, the more terrified I became. I had been fighting back the frightful sobs for what seemed like forever, but I was staying silent. I knew that if I failed, we would be found.'

'The noises continued to get louder as they got closer. I heard the glass coffee table that was in the den shatter, and it startled me so badly that without thinking I shrieked out 'daddy' as I flung my arms out towards him, desperately wishing that being in his arms would keep me safe.'

'The noise immediately stopped, and it was eerily silent. After a few moments of only being able to hear my pulse ring in my ears, I heard something scuffling across the floor. It sounded like dragging footsteps.'

'My father handed me back to my mother, and he stood against the wall next to the only exit from the room, listening closely to what was happening on the other side of the wall. I started hyperventilating in my mother's arms I was so overcome with panic.'

'He looked back at us, and held one finger up to his mouth, telling us to be quiet and then pointed towards the corner against the wall behind where he was standing. I climbed off of her lap and quietly but quickly made my way to where he pointed. My mother was right behind me, and when we got to the corner, she placed me at the junction of the walls and took her seat next to me. She turned towards me slightly and wrapped her arm around my trembling frame, gently swaying us side to side. I rested my head against her chest right under her head, and she placed the palm of her other hand against my cheek, gently rubbing a rhythmic pattern with her thumb.'

'Only moments later I froze solid in complete terror. The people that had been destroying our house kicked the paneling in and my father launched himself at them. Gunshots rang throughout the room next to us, and my mom screamed as she pulled us down to the floor in an effort to avoid any of the bullets that might come our way.'

I looked to Alice, unsure if I should continue, or if it had been too much already. She looked horrified, and I seriously debated stopping...it was only going to get worse from that point on. I wasn't sure if she could handle it. I reached my hand out to her, and she quickly took it in hers.

"Bella, I had no idea it was anything even close to being _that _traumatic," she whispered. "I'm so sorry you had to live through that, so sorry. I don't think I would have been able to," she said quietly. I placed two fingers under her chin and pushed her head up so I could look into her eyes. I needed to see into them to see the truth of her answer for my following question.

'Are you sure you want to hear the rest? It only gets worse from here, and I'm afraid of what it will do to you to hear it.' I signed to her.

"It's important for you to share this. I don't care how hard it's going to be for me to deal with it afterwards...you deserve to have someone who cares about you enough to be willing to share your pain, and I'm willing to share it if you are," she said sternly. I nodded and leaned back against the wall. The rest of this story was going to take everything out of me.

'My mother and I laid on the floor sobbing uncontrollably until something felt like it sliced through arm. I screamed and my mom rolled me toward her. When she turned me I saw the blood on my shirt. She pulled the sleeve up and I saw the open bloody wound where a bullet grazed my flesh.'

'When I saw the blood, the whole room started to spin, and everything went silent when I fainted.'

'I'm not sure how long I was out of it, but when I woke up, I couldn't move. My hands were tied tightly behind my back, and my ankles were taped together. I was in a room that was completely black. I couldn't see a thing. I screamed out for my parents, and tried moving from the chair I was sitting in, but I couldn't remove myself from the chair.'

'I started to panic, and tried everything to get myself off of the chair. I didn't even know where I was, but I had to try anything to get free. I could hear screams and angry shouting from somewhere in the house. I thought that if I could maybe break the chair, I could disentangle myself from it. It never occured to me that attempting to do that would be the biggest mistake I could ever make.'

'While rocking the chair back and forth in hopes that maybe the legs would break off, and the rest of the chair would break apart from hitting the floor, I only succeeded in knocking it over. I wasn't aware that anything had been around my neck until the chair tipped and it cinched tightly around my neck causing my screams to come out strangled and broken.'

'My body quickly started to feel heavy and I felt immensely tired as my chest burned like fire from its lack of oxygen. I really thought I was going to die right there, but the door was quickly flung open, and a large man with a rather terrifying scar on his face ripped the cord from whatever it was tied to, causing me to topple the rest of the way down to the floor painfully as I heaved in much needed breaths of air. It was then that I realized I was in a closet, and the cord that was wrapped around my neck had been tied to the clothing rack.'

'When he pulled the cord free, the bar broke and it and the shelf above it came crashing down on me. One of the jagged edges of the bar scraped its way down the side of my face before a pointy edge of the shelf collided with the side of my head just above my left ear.'

I paused to show Alice where the bar had scraped, the shelf hit me, and then I hesitantly pulled up my sleeve to show her where the bullet had grazed my arm. It was the reason I didn't like wearing short sleeved shirts. It looked like a diagonal, pink, and marred burn that stretched from my shoulder and down about three inches.

Alice lightly traced the scar as a single tear trailed its way down the side of her face. I brought my finger to her face and gently wiped it away. She smiled meekly at me as I squeezed her hand. I didn't exactly mind her seeing the scar, but having someone touch it made it feel like a fresh wound almost. It made it too real, and I needed to stay as disconnected as possible to finish telling her my story.

Alice retracted her hand and once again leaned back against the wall.

'The man that opened the door pulled me up by the arm that had been injured by the bulled, and his thumb pressed painfully into the wound as he tugged me and the chair upright roughly. He didn't free me from the chair once I was upright either. He just spun the chair around and dragged me backwards from the closet and through the room.'

'He paused briefly for a moment, and I wondered what he was doing, so I turned my head to see him. He slapped me across the face and yelled at me not to look at him. He grabbed the back of the chair and tilted it backwards causing me to shriek. He laughed menacingly at my fright and started dragging me backwards once again.'

'It wasn't until I felt the first thump that I realized he was pulling me and the chair down the stairs. Every step jarred me in the chair, causing a broken piece of the chair to jab into my back, and my arms to bend painfully in attempts to stop that piece of wood from jabbing me.'

'When we got to the bottom of the stairs, he quickly pulled me into the living room and spun the chair back around.'

'What I saw terrified me more than anything when he spun me around. There were strange men everywhere I looked. There had to have been at least eight of them. But, that wasn't what scared me the most.'

'I wailed out hysterically when I saw my parents. My dad was tied to a chair in a similar way to me, only they had taped his chest against the back of the chair as well. His face was swollen, bruised, and cut up everywhere. There wasn't a single inch of his face that wasn't covered in either blood or bruises.'

'My mom was cowered in the corner, her clothes were all ripped up, mangled, and bloody. Her hair was matted with blood in some areas, and her face had black lines running down it from her mascara. She had her knees pulled up to her chest, and her wrists and ankles were taped together.'

'I continued crying out for my parents. My mom tried to say something to me, but the man standing next to her backhanded her across the face and told her to shut up. My dad still hadn't looked at me yet, and I was terrified of what they had done to him.'

'The man that had dragged me down the stairs, yelled at me to shut the fuck up, but I couldn't stop sobbing. I was so terrified, I had no control over it. When I wouldn't stop, he yanked my head back by my hair and punched me in the throat, still yelling at me to shut my fucking trap.'

'When he hit my throat, it felt like he had crushed it with the force of the blow. I started choking and it felt almost impossible to get any amount of air in me. I tried to scream out in pain, but no sound would come out, just a mangled and garbled wheeze type sound.'

'I wasn't getting enough air, and it was causing me to hyperventilate painfully. It didn't take long for me to fall limp and pass out from the lack of oxygen.'

'When I came to again, I couldn't move at all. While I was passed out, they had taped my head and chest to the back of the chair. They had also taped my mouth shut, making my efforts to breath even more labored.'

'I looked around the room, as much of it as I could see for that matter. My mom was still in the corner, crying inconsolably, but silently. My father's head was slumped downward, but his shoulders moved up and down with his silent sobs.'

'The man that was standing next to him noticed that my eyes were now open, and he grabbed my father's hair and yanked his head back roughly. He started yelling that what happened here could have been avoided, that they didn't want to do this to people, that if people had learned to keep their mouths shut...they wouldn't have had to run for their lives.'

'Everything that man said, made me realize that it was my fault. If I hadn't of made a noise in that room, we wouldn't have been found, and none of this would have happened. My family would have been safe, and not have been tortured like we were.'

'The man that was standing next to my father made a motion towards someone standing behind me. He kept my father's face angled towards me as he whispered to him and pointed in my direction.'

'I don't know what he said to my father, but my father's face contorted in agony. I looked at him frightfully as I panicked over what was surely to come.'

'The man that had dragged me down the stairs came to stand diagonally from me...never blocking my father's sight of me. I started to breathe erratically as he approached me with a straight blade razor, twirling it in his hand. I looked to my father with terrified tears streaming down my face.'

'My dad started begging and pleading for them not to hurt me, that he'd do anything to make them stop, but the man next to him told him it was too late, that this was just part of his punishment. He motioned to the man in front of me once more, and he knelt down to my level.'

'The man took the razor and cut away my shirt, leaving me in just my beginner's bra that was more like a sports bra than a real one.'

'He took the razor, and dragged it across the tape on my head, then my chest, before disappearing behind me. He cut the tape holding my wrists together and freed me from the chair. I tried desperately to get away, but my ankles were still taped together and I fell into a pile of glass on the floor.'

'Shards of glass cut into my chest, abdomen, and my thighs. The man pulled me up by my hair and led dragged me to the wall furthest across the room. There was something drilled into the wall a few feet above my head, and there was a rope dangling from it.'

'The man spun me so my back was against the wall, and after re-taping my wrists together, he thread the rope between my arms before fastening it to the anchor sticking out of the wall. The rope held me upright with my arms stretched above me. I pulled on it as hard as I could, trying to break the anchor free, but it wouldn't budge. It only caused the tape to pull painfully at my skin.'

'My father continued to beg and plead, and the man next to him hit him once again before forcing him to look my way again. I kept my eyes locked on my father, too petrified to see what the man was about to do.'

'My father was gasping as he cried, still attempting to beg for them to let me go. The man with the blade approached me, holding a metal rod and pressed it against my stomach. The metal was searing hot and my attempts to scream at the pain only caused my throat to throb with shooting pains, but not a sound came out.'

'The man repeated this a few times while my dad helplessly begged and pleaded, only garnering him more violent hits in return. I felt ready to pass out from the pain, it was too unbearable. I looked over at my mother just as she managed to free herself from the tape holding her arms and legs together. She quickly pulled herself off the floor and launched herself in my direction.'

I looked to Alice once more, silently pleading for her to brace herself for the last of this story. Of all the memories I have of that day, these are the ones that haunt me relentlessly. She sucked in a deep breath and nodded solemnly permitting me to continue. I closed my eyes as the mental images flickered to life and continued.

'My mother attempted to come at me to protect me from what that man was doing. My father saw her out of the corner of his eye and yelled frantically pleading with her to stop, but she kept coming. The man standing next to my father chuckled humorlessly and pulled a gun out from behind his back and aimed it at my mom. I watched in terror as he pulled the trigger and shot my mom in the back three times.'

'I watched, unable to look away, as the life faded from her eyes as her body fell to the floor. Blood pooled around her, but still I couldn't look away.'

'Muffled voices seemed to fill the air, until one broke through loud and clear to my hearing. My father was screaming at the top of his lungs, using every profanity I had ever heard and then some at the men in our home. I pulled my head up to look at him and he was thrashing violently in his chair trying to break free to get to the man beside him.'

'The man put his face right in front of my father's and said something to him that I couldn't hear. The man's head flung backwards as my father slammed his forehead into the bridge of the man's nose. Blood gushed from the man's nose as he spun around, cradling his face in his free hand.'

'The man stood straight and pounded his foot into the floor repeatedly as he shifted his broken nose back into place. The man wiped some of the blood off his face with his hand before turning to my father and telling him that he just made the biggest mistake of his life.'

'The man hit my father on the side of his head with the handle of the gun he was holding. He then turned to me and told me to say goodbye to my dad. I tried to scream, but nothing would come out. My throat just throbbed and the pain felt like flames licking their way up my throat, searing everything they touched.'

'My dad looked up at me and told me that he loved me, that everything would be fine, and to try not to remember any of this, just to remember the good times, the times before he made any of his mistakes, the times when we were happy.'

'The man turned toward me with an evil smirk and said that I wouldn't need to remember anything, that I'd be joining them soon enough, loud enough for both of us to hear. My dad sobbed and again tried to beg for them to let me go. He told the man that they got what they came here for, that they could leave and I wouldn't cause them any problems, but the man just told him sternly that the time for making deals was long gone.'

'He tipped my father's chair backwards, causing it to resound with a deafening thud as it collided with the floor. He stood over my father's helpless body, and in the middle of my father's pleas for my safety, he pulled the trigger. The sound of my father's voice abruptly silenced, and I attempted to scream once more.'

'The man with the gun turned towards the others in the room. In a cold and vacant voice he told them to finish the job so they could get the hell out of there.'

'Two men approached me, one pulled my on my hair forcing my head backwards as the other approached the front of me. He looked me straight in the eye, and with a mirthful smirk he whispered 'sorry, angel' as he dragged a blade across my throat.'

'I immediately smelled the blood as I greedily pulled air in through my nose. The man behind me let go of my hair, and my head lolled forward. It was the last thing I remember before I was surrounded in darkness, no longer feeling the pain.'

I opened my eyes and hastily wiped the tears that had fallen from them before I looked to Alice. She was still rested against the wall behind her. Her face was soaked with the tears she had shed. I gently reached across the bench to wipe away her tears. Her eyes locked onto mine, and I mouthed 'I'm sorry, Alice.' to her as I tried to catch the newly falling tear drops.

Alice reached up and took a hold of the hand that was catching her tears. She squeezed it firmly, and raised herself up onto her knees, slowly bringing herself foward to wrap her arms around me. The second her arms latched together behind her, I broke. My sobs were silent but explosive, and the tears flowed from me like an unhinged faucet.

I shook violently in her arms as we cried together, but for the first time it didn't feel like I was being ripped apart in a million directions. It felt like Alice's tiny arms were holding me in one piece as part of the pain of my past seeped from the cracks of my inner shield and melted away from me.

* * *

**AN****: Just a little note to let you all know that this is the ONLY chapter that this story will be told in. Anything pertaining to Bella's past from this point out will be completely non-graphic. I can't handle writing anything of that caliber of violence like that again...sorry. There's still plenty of teen drama ahead so no worries..the end of this chapter didn't mark the beginning of a snooze-fest or anything. I can only hope that those of you who have followed this story this far, continue to do so.**


	25. Apologies & Wistful Lullabies

**AN: Wow!!! The response for last chapter was MIND BLOWING! I really hadn't expected that! A lot of you asked if Alice was broken now too...so I decided to give you this chapter early as a way to answer your questions. If by some miracle I manage to get as far ahead as I'd like to, the following two chapters will be posted today as well. I like to stay a few chapters ahead...just in case so if I hit a writer's block at some point,I still have something on hand to provide for all of you. It's not the only reason I horde them before releasing them either..so please don't bombard me with messages demanding them LOL..I keep them until I'm sure that I've passed a point where I'm not going to randomly change part of the plot previously set in those chapters. It would be quite a mess if I did that. Okay..enough of my rambling...ENJOY! **

* * *

**Disclaimer: All Twilight related characters belong to SM...I only own some boring teachers and one briefly mentioned student.**

* * *

Apologies and Wistful Lullabies

APOV

I patiently sat and listened...well more appropriately watched...carefully to Bella's story of her past. I was shocked to say the least. It hurt horrendously to learn of the pain that she endured, and to realize just how much she blames herself for what happened that day. What I couldn't understand though, was why her parents were running. Her father was the Chief of Police, he shouldn't have had to run from anything. I'm not even sure if Bella realizes that that's what happened.

Her parents were running from a source of danger for their family, and it found them anyhow. But why? And how? Couldn't he have gotten help from his department in the matter? Shouldn't they have been safer if no one but his officers knew where they exactly were? It just doesn't make sense.

Her bravery in re-telling her story astounded me. I understand completely why she's never told the story to anyone before, and it humbles me that she would choose to tell it to me. It was obvious how detached she kept herself as she made her way through all of her memories, but honestly, I don't think she would have made it through the entire thing had she not been that way. It was just too horrific of an experience to live through once, much less force yourself to re-live just to allow someone else to know what you've been through.

I wanted to ask her a million questions, most of which pertaining to why she thought _any _of that was her fault, but I couldn't bring myself to do that to her when she finished. The only thing I could do, and wanted to do for that matter, was hold her together when the onslaught of emotions broke through.

We stayed in that dressing room for the better part of four hours. It wasn't until we heard the overhead announcement that the mall was getting ready to close, that we finally cleaned ourselves up and opened the curtain to join the rest of the world once again.

As we exited, the sales girl smiled sadly at Bella, and apologized to her for what she experienced the last time she was in the store. It hadn't dawned on me that she was the same sales person from that day, and it made her looks of understanding from earlier make sense. We thanked her for allowing us to stay in there so long, and also for making it so no one could interrupt us. She was incredibly gracious in this entire situation.

Bella and I made our way to my car silently, but I kept a firm grasp around her arm. I think we both needed a few minutes to sort out our emotions that were running rampid from being exposed to her past.

When we got into the car, Bella's phone immediately started chirp alerting her to an incoming message. She opened the phone, and we were both surprised to see that her inbox was full of incoming messages from Esme, who no doubt was frantic as to Bella's where abouts. I had called Esme on the way to the mall while Bella was lost in her thoughts, but even I hadn't expected to be here this long.

Bella made to send Esme back a text, but I took the phone from her. She looked at me curiously, wondering what I could possibly be up to, but the look turned to understanding and gratitude when I called Esme's phone and apologized for our lack of response to her messages. I told her that Bella accidentally left her phone in her book bag in the car while we were in the mall and we lost track of time. I wasn't sure if she believed it, but it was the best excuse I could come up with. I told her we were on our way home, and we should be there within the hour.

The ride home was completely silent, but when I didn't need my hand to shift, I kept a firm hold of hers. She needed to know that I wouldn't run now that I knew her past, and that she wasn't alone in feeling the things she did. I only hoped that it provided her with some form of comfort as she got lost in her thoughts once again.

True to my word to Esme, 45 minutes later we arrived at the house. We both climbed out of the car and slowly made our way to the front door. We were spent, both physically and emotionally. Once we got in the house, Bella asked me if I'd spend the night, she said she didn't want to be alone. I told her of course, and that I'd be back in a little bit. I had to go home to get anything I'd need for tonight and the morning.

As I made my way back into her house, I went off to find Esme. After checking a few rooms, I finally found her in the laundry room folding clothes. I figured Bella had already gone upstairs, so I took the opportunity to talk briefly with Esme about the days events. I really felt horrible about lying to her earlier.

"Esme, can I speak with you for a moment?" I asked cautiously.

"Of course, dear. What's on your mind?" she replied warmly.

"Well, first of all, I wanted to apologize to you. I wasn't entirely truthful with you earlier on the phone... Bella didn't leave her phone in the car...we just didn't realize it had been going off," I said hesitantly as I looked at the floor.

"I don't understand, Alice. What do you mean you didn't realize it was going off? Where were both of you this afternoon?" she asked sternly.

"We were at the mall. We were only supposed to go into one store, but Bella came across that store where Lauren cornered her that day that we went shopping, and out of nowhere Bella took off into it, and launched herself into the dressing room, pulling the curtain shut behind her," I said quickly, willing Esme to not be angry that I had led Bella back to a source of pain for her.

"Why on Earth would she do that, Alice?" Esme asked worriedly.

"I think she needed to prove to herself that she could overcome her fears, honestly Esme. I never expected her to do that, and I even told her so, but she got this fierce look of determination and took off towards the dressing room. I followed her in the store, but I stopped outside of the curtain, and waited for her to come out. When she didn't, I knocked on the wall and gestured for her to let me know if she was alright or not and she grabbed my hand and pulled me in with her," I said reassuringly.

"Was she alright?" Esme said, worry still marring her beautiful and normally serene features.

"Yes, she actually seemed at peace in there. But it's what happened next that I actually wanted to speak to you about. Esme, how much do you know about Bella's past?" I asked curiously.

"Well...not much exactly, dear. Bella's never opened herself up to anyone about that. The only things I know about her past, and her traumatic experience for that matter, came from the counselor at the group home we found her in. Carlisle and I were debriefed, if you will, about her situation before we took her in. The reports were horrifying, but I have no doubt they didn't even come close to what actually happened to her in Phoenix," Esme replied sorrowfully.

"That's not exactly true, Esme....Bella told me the whole story today. That's why we didn't realize her phone was going off. We sat in that dressing room for 4 hours together as she worked her way through her memories. I just don't know what to do, Esme. I don't know how to help her now that I know exactly what she's been through. I can't even imagine being able to survive through that, much less knowing how to recover from it..." I said anxiously, worrying that now that I knew her past I would be expected to know how to help her move on from it, and I didn't. I didn't know. I had absolutely no clue how to help her.

"Oh, Alice dear..." Esme started comfortingly as she embraced me, "Alice, honey. You don't have to _do_ anything to help her. Just being her friend has helped her in more ways than you know. She's a completely different person than she was just weeks ago. No one expects you to have the answers as to how to fix her overnight. That's impossible with what she's been through. You're an amazingly wonderful young woman, Alice. Please don't feel that you've failed her in any way. She would _never_ think that of you. And she would never expect you to have answers that even she doesn't have, dear," Esme said sternly but in a consoling tone.

"Thanks, Esme. I really needed to hear that," I said gratefully as I smiled up at her. Esme really was as warm and compassionate as they come, and I couldn't imagine a better motherly figure for Bella in the absence of her own mother.

"You're quite welcome, sweetheart. Please always remember that should you ever need to talk to anyone, both Carlisle and I are always here for you. We like to think of you as family, dear Alice, an adopted daughter if you will, and I could only hope that you would feel comfortable speaking to us about anything that troubles you," she said warmly through her smile.

"Thank you, Esme. I think of your family the same way...speaking of adoption though, have you and Carlisle ever considered fully adopting Bella?" I asked curiously.

Esme's face lit up and a wide grin spread across her lips. I couldn't help but smile in return, wondering what pleased her so greatly. She gestured for me to stay put and she took off down the hallway quickly, only to return just minutes later clutching a manila folder in her hands, wide grin still intact.

She placed the folder on top of the dryer and opened it, exposing the adoption papers held within. I smiled widely as I ran my fingers down the papers in front of me before turning towards Esme.

"When?" I asked simply.

"Well, we planned to ask her on her birthday. She absolutely abhors anyone buying things for her, so we thought we would present her with a gift that Carlisle and myself can only hope she wants just as much as we do. A true family," she replied wistfully.

"I think she'll love that, Esme. Truly, I do," I responded honestly.

I stole a quick glance at my watch and realized that it was already after ten. I really needed to get ready for bed if I wanted to be prepared for the day ahead of me.

"Well, Esme. I'm going to head up to bed...I'm utterly spent after today's events," I said softly as a yawn broke its way through my carefully composed energetic facade.

"Good night, dear. If Bella is still awake, please tell her I'll be up in a few minutes to say good night," she said softly as she hugged me and kissed my cheek before releasing me.

"Will do, Esme. Good night," I replied before turning and making my way to the stairs with my bag.

Bella was sitting on her bed with her laptop perched on her lap when I entered her room. She looked up at me and smiled as I put my bag down on the floor and fished through it looking for my pajamas. Once I found them I stood and whistled to get her attention, and quickly signed that I was going to quickly get washed up and changed and I'd be right back. She nodded and looked back at her computer screen.

I made my way to the bathroom, and quickly washed my face, brushed my teeth, and changed my clothes before exiting to return to her room. When I got there, Bella had her laptop put away, and she lay under the covers with only her head, shoulders sticking out from the covers, and her arms resting above them. She had her iPod in her hand, and the ear buds in her ears. Her eyes were closed, and I briefly thought she had fallen asleep.

I made my way over to the bed and climbed in on the opposite side. The movement on the bed alerted her to my presence and her eyes opened as she turned her head to smile at me. I quickly signed to her asking her what she was listening to, but instead of replying she took out the ear bud from her right side and passed it to me. She restarted the song once I had the ear bud in my ear, but I didn't recognize the song. It was incredibly sweet, and I could imagine a mother singing it as a lullaby to her daughter.

I quickly signed to her asking who the artist was and what the song was called. She replied telling me that it was 'Sweet Angel of Mine' by Kassie DePaiva, and that it was the song her mother used to sing to her. I remembered her telling me about it earlier this afternoon, so I nodded to her to let her know I understood. When the song ended, I looked to Bella and saw that a single tear was starting to make its way down the side of her face, but she still had a smile on her face.

I was glad that she could at least find comfort in the song now. I hoped that it made her feel closer to her mother somehow. At this thought, I remembered that Esme had asked me to tell Bella that she'd be up in a few minutes. I patted her shoulder lightly to get her attention and relayed the message from Esme. She smiled and nodded her head as she shuffled through her iPod looking for a new song. It was Paramore's 'Emergency', and I couldn't help but think that the song held more meaning for her than it would for most.

My curiosity was eating me alive, so I turned to her and asked her what this song meant to her.

'It's hard to explain, but I heard it on the radio tonight on the way home, and I felt that it encompassed a lot of what I feel and what I _should_ feel. It makes me realize that I'm alive for a reason, but it reminds me that I need to feel I deserve to be alive. To most, I guess this song would be rather depressing, but for me it's the opposite. It gives me hope.' she replied with a wistful look.

I smiled at her and signed my response as a new song began. I recognized this one immediately as Secondhand Serenade's 'It's Not Over'. I had a good feeling I knew the sentiment for her behind this song. If I was being honest, it's obvious that they both feel the same way about the situation, it's just a matter of Bella realizing it the way he recently has.

'Bella, if anyone on this Earth right now deserves to be alive, it's you. You've been through so much, and lost so much of your life that others take for granted, but yet you push forward through every day. You're incredibly strong, and I have no doubt that one day you will feel complete and whole again.' I replied encouragingly.

'Thanks, Ali. It means a lot to me that you feel that way, I have a hard time dealing with the fact that they aren't here anymore, but somehow I am. It makes me feel like fate made a mistake sometimes and took the wrong people. That it should have been me and not them, but somehow it got reversed.' she signed with a sorrowful look. It broke my heart that she felt that way.

'Bella, do you ever think that things happened the way they did for a reason, and the reason behind it is what keeps you from being able to move past it in a way?' I asked, willing her to see that there _had_ to be something else going on at the time that she was unable to understand at the time.

'Who knows why things like that happen, Ali. They say everything happens for a reason, but sometimes I think that terrible things happen to people just because their strength enables them to survive it. It's a depressing theory, but there has to be a reason why fate never lays tragedy on the weak, and only allows the strong ones to bear the burden.' she replied with a pensive expression.

Esme came in at that point and bid us both good night. She embraced Bella warmly, and kissed her cheek, wishing her sweet dreams as she made her way back out of the room. I hoped that for once she actually would have sweet dreams. All the nights I have spent here, I've been a first-hand witness to her sleeplessness.

She only ever sleeps for 2 hours at a time at most, usually waking in either fright or tears, and it takes her forever to get back to sleep. I can't even begin to imagine how she functions on such levels of sleep deprivation.

Bella shut the iPod off, and I handed her the ear bud as I relaxed back into the pillows. She bid me good night and I returned the gesture. I watched her as she fell asleep, the room only faintly lit by an LED flicker candle on the dresser that she kept lit every night. I'm pretty sure after what I learned today that she did that to avoid waking up in complete darkness. I can only imagine how terrifying that would be for her when waking from a nightmare about what she experienced.

Her face remained peaceful, and her breathing evened out. I allowed her rhythmic breathing to lull me into my own sleep as I hoped and prayed, however vain that hope might be, that she would be able to sleep soundly through the night.

* * *

**AN: I just want to thank you all for your incredible support this far into the story. I sincerely had doubts I would ever make it this far without being flamed and forcing myself to hide in a closet lol. Thanks again for all of your encouraging words! R&R PLS & TY! ~Jersey~**


	26. Suicidal Pixie & Walking Rainbows

**AN****: Just as promised... I managed to get a bit ahead today, so here's your 2 part update. I know many of you are looking for some more B/E interaction, so hopefully this update tides you over for a short while. This chapter is dedicated to melferd, who has been the only one so far to catch on to a vital plot twist to the story...your keen eye and quick thinking deserve a gift. I do hope you've come out of hiding to enjoy this chapter! High 5 to Skittles...just cause they're awesome! ENJOY PEOPLE! **

* * *

**Disclaimer****: As is custom..I don't own Twilight or the characters within... SM does.**

* * *

Suicidal Pixie and Walking Rainbows

BPOV

I fell asleep quickly after telling Alice good night, and as usual my dreams were horrific and vivid, but strangely enough there was one that wasn't. I tried my best not to wake her throughout the night, but I'm unsure of how successful I actually was. Alice has become extremely good at playing possum when I wake in a panicked state, after I assured her that it was routine for me and given just a little time and some quiet I would fall back asleep.

After waking up for the second time, I laid in bed just allowing my gaze to wander around the room. I looked at my pictures on my shelves above the desk for a while, only faintly being able to make out the photographs in the dim, flickering light.

I concentrated on the pictures of my family for a while, wishing that they were happy where they were now, and that they were at peace at least. It would kill me to know that they were as broken as I am wherever they were. I'm not quite sure if I believe in an after-life or anything like that, but I do hope that wherever they are, they are at least together.

My gaze gradually drifted towards the picture of a muddy group of kids that I used to call my friends. It got me thinking about what had happened the day before in school with Edward and Angela. Honestly, it was easier to believe Angela's actions as being sincere only because she would stand up for anyone being harassed by those girls. It's just her nature to be understanding and kind towards others. Beyond that, I'm not really sure it meant anything more.

Edward, on the other hand, wasn't the typical person to go out of his way to protect just anyone. Granted, if he was close to you he would protect you with his life if the situation arose that he would feel he needed to. It was an admirable, if not completely overly dramatic, characteristic of his.

_Ha..I remember when I was 7 and Emmett convinced me to climb a tree, and when I fell out of it and broke my arm, Edward pummeled him right on the spot. If I wasn't in so much pain at the time, I would have laughed at how scared Emmett looked when Edward charged him._

_Oh, Edward...why did you leave? I've needed you more than ever these past few years..._

I rolled back over and stared at the ceiling as tear drops fell slowly from my eyes. At some point I fell asleep thinking of all the years we've been apart, and wondering if by any small chance, he missed me even half as much as I've missed him.

That's when I had the dream. It felt like I was watching it in rewind mode. It was strange, but I seemed to catch the majority of it fairly clearly.

I watched as the events of yesterday played in reverse, straight from going to sleep all the way through Bio II and the notes, his agonized glances, all of it. But what surprised me was all the moments I _hadn't _noticed during the day.

Him looking at me as I sat with Alice on the bleachers in the gym before he left for the football field, him smiling after seeing me in the hallways between classes, him smiling at me when I got out of Alice's car that morning. All of these moments that I hadn't even realized he was anywhere near me.

My dream sped up in reverse to school years prior, and it was the same thing...over and over again. All the agonized looks, the smiles when I was apparently having a decent day, but it wasn't just Edward. It was Jasper and Emmett as well. They seemed to be everywhere I went, always watching from afar, and it confused me to no end.

_How had I never seen them?..._

The dream sped up even further moving through these moments. Moments where people that had taunted me in classes appeared more sullen later in the day than they had in earlier moments where they had been taunting me. Each of these moments colliding with a picture of the three of them standing with crossed arms and protective expressions, watching me cautiously from a distance.

_What the hell does that mean? Good God I'm losing it...I'm freaking imagining things now!_

It finally sped up to the point I could no longer keep up with any of it, but it came to a blinding halt at that damn salt bleached tree on the shore of First Beach. The same one that had plagued my mind weeks ago with the wet, glistening pebbles, and striking sunset.

The abrupt cessation of motion jolted me awake faster than any of my night terrors ever had, and as my eyes opened the bright and vivid colors of that sunset slowly faded into the dim flickering candle light that was ever present in my room at night. I tried my best to fall back asleep, desperately wanting to know what that damn tree had anything to do with the rest of that dream, but it was a futile attempt.

I laid in bed the remainder of the night..well morning...just staring at the ceiling, contemplating the meaning of all of it. Just before the alarm went off, I came to the conclusion that it was just wishful thinking that they, and more specifically Edward, had been there the whole time... just watching and protecting me from a distance.

I shut the alarm off and headed off to the shower, giving Alice just a little longer to sleep. Lord knows she'd need it if I woke her up as many times as I think I might have last night.

I quickly showered, brushed my hair and teeth, put on my undergarments and wrapped myself in a towel to make my way back to my room. It's amazing how much calmer I've been about being spotted not fully covered in protective clothing in my house. And it's all thanks to Alice.

I made my way over to my closet trying to decide what I was going to wear. I spotted the outfit that Alice had picked out for me the first time we went to the mall, and I debated if it would be warm enough out for that today. I peeled the sheer curtains between the thick drapes apart just slightly to get a quick glimpse of the sky, and decided I would have to replace the capris with jeans, but otherwise it would suffice with a jacket.

I walked back over to my closet and pulled out a pair of dark blue, sandblasted, low-rise, boot-cut jeans, and the plaid button up shirt. I then went to reach for the 3/4 length sleeved white tee, but at the last second, my hand stretched toward the white camisole with the lace border. I fingered the straps gingerly, willing myself to be brave enough to wear it instead of the 3/4 length tee. I gently removed it from the hanger and slid it over my head, and over the towel still wrapped around me.

I pulled my jeans on before pulling the towel out from under the camisole, and then I put the plaid shirt on. I looked to my left arm where the scar was and saw it just barely sticking out from under the sleeve. It made me uneasy to know that if I lifted my arms, or if the sleeve rose up a bit, it would be more visible, but it wasn't that scar that had me the most uncomfortable at the moment.

It was the long one across the base of my neck where both the cord that was tied around it had marred the skin along with the scar that remained from where they had dragged that blade through my skin. Some parts of it were faintly pink, but the majority of it was still a horrible and extremely noticeable shade of dark muave almost. It was disturbing to look at, even for me who had seen it a thousand times, much less for people who had never seen it.

I was startled as I examined the scar in my dresser mirror by Alice's voice emanating from behind me.

"I can help you with that if you'd like. You'll never be able to tell it's there if you weren't already aware of it," she said encouragingly. I sucked in a deep breath, debating if I could actually go through with it. After a minute of contemplation I finally decided that I needed to at least try, so I nodded.

Alice took a quick shower and got herself ready while I dried my hair and put it up into a messy bun. She came in a few minutes later and started applying make up to both my face and the scar, making sure to blend everything together so there were no apparent make-up lines, something I for sure would have overlooked in any attempt to do this myself.

When she finished, she smiled at me before tying a matching blue ribbon around the band holding my bun in place. She took a step back and motioned for me to look in the mirror.

I was _amazed._ You really couldn't see it unless you looked extremely closely, and even then you'd really have to know it was there to be able to recognize it. I hugged her tightly and we made our way downstairs.

Esme looked shocked as I walked into the kitchen, and she immediately pulled me into a fierce hug, telling me how beautiful she thought I looked. My eyes misted up, but I was careful not to let the moisture spill over. I didn't want to ruin Alice's hard work.

We ate breakfast quickly and hurried out the door to school. The ride was pleasant, and for the first time, I wasn't dreading coming here. I was all smiles and sunshine, and it felt _fabulous_.

We got to the parking lot, and I got out of the car and waited for Alice to grab her bag. She seemed to be taking longer than I would think reasonably possible to just grab a bag from the back seat, so I walked around the side of her car. She must have either seen me coming or felt my presence standing behind her because she quickly spoke.

"Sorry Bella, just give me a second, some _crap_ spilled out of my bag," she said hurriedly. I just shrugged and turned to look around the parking lot.

It was as if my dream had come to life. Across the parking lot, stood Edward, Jasper, and Emmett, with their arms crossed and stances in full on protective mode, just smiling in my direction. I jumped a bit as it startled me and quickly looked around me to see if there was someone behind me that they were looking at...but there wasn't.

I turned back to look at them and I cocked one of my eyebrows at them questioningly. This just seemed to make their grins even wider.

_Weird...I hope today isn't going to be another replay of the Twilight Zone thing...._

Alice finally emerged from the car, and slammed the door shut, grumbling about something or another as she flung the straps of her bag over her shoulders. Once her bag was in place she quickly looked to me and signed, asking if I was ready. I smiled and nodded excitedly, and she smiled in return as we took off towards our first period English class.

We made it to our classroom and quickly took our seats. I noticed that Mike was staring at me, and it creeped me out, so I turned towards Alice and started signing to her.

_At least no one would know what we're talking about...HA! Take that nosey buggers!_

'Newton's at it again with the staring problem. There's something up with his stares though...they're extra creepy today.' I gestured toward her with a confused expression.

'I noticed that when we came in the room...I wonder what he's up to. I tell ya, sometimes it would pay to have a mind reader as a friend!' she replied as she glanced in his direction and rolled her eyes.

'That would be awesome wouldn't it?' I responded as my shoulders shook with my silent laughter.

'OH! I almost forgot to tell you yesterday...I made an ode to that Lisa girl' she signed excitedly.

'Alice....it's Lauren.' I gestured in return as I rolled my eyes.

_I know she does that on purpose, and I don't blame her...it's hilarious!_

'Whatever...you know who I'm talking about!' she signed sloppily as she laughed out loud.

Alice dug into her bag and pulled out the paper with the ode written on it. I thought I saw some kind of container with a blue label on it in her bag, but I must have been seeing things, cause when I looked back down there was nothing there but her books.

Alice handed me the paper, and I looked around to make sure no one was trying to read over my shoulder before actually reading it myself.

_Thanks for the paranoia, Ed-_ward!

**'An Ode to the Horrible Hagginess of What's Her Name...'**

**Lisa, Lassie, Laura...**

**Whatever your name is..you're a hag.**

**You think your hot..**

**But really, you're not...**

**In fact, you actually make me gag!**

**Your hair's a ratty mess...**

**And you haven't even just an ounce...**

**Of fashion in how you dress!**

**Sure it's fitting..if the image you're going for is Skank..**

**I'm sure at the end of a busy day on a corner...**

**You can take your pretty quarter to a bank!**

**I warned you time and time again...**

**To keep yourself distanced..**

**From my very bestest friend.**

**But still you couldn't see,**

**How very vindictive...**

**I can seriously be.**

**I warned you not to force my hand,**

**But still you didn't listen...**

**And now I'm forced to take a stand.**

**You insist on being crass...**

**And now you can kiss my ass...**

**For your punishment has been chosen,**

**And I do so hope you enjoy the color of grass.**

**Cause when I'm done with you,**

**You'll realize you should have acted with some class.**

**But until then dear hag,**

**This situation's in the bag.**

**I do hope it doesn't hurt too bad...**

**When I use you to wipe the floor like a rag!**

I looked back at Alice with a shocked expression.

'Angry much there, Ali?' I signed to her as I shook with laughter.

'Hey! She called us lesbians in front of practically the whole school...she deserves it!' she signed back defensively. I just laughed silently until a thought struck me.

'Hey, Ali? You don't think that's the reason for the change in Newton's stares do you?' I signed at her, my expression a little more than repulsed. Alice cringed and visibly shivered.

'God...I really hope not. Just the thought of what he could possibly be planning makes me want to scrub myself with scolding hot bleach!' she replied with a horrified expression. I shivered myself as images of what he could be planning ran through my head.

I cautiously took a glance towards Mike, trying to reassure myself that this was _not_ the case, and he winked at me.._winked!_ I cringed away immediately with a disgusted expression, and turned back to Alice.

'Ali...I think we're in trouble...' I signed worriedly.

'I know, Bells...I know.' she signed back nervously.

Mrs. Guy caught our attention just shortly after our last exchange, and she began today's lesson. We were going to be reading and interpreting phrases from Shakespeare's 'Macbeth'. I shot a bored expression towards Alice and she giggled before we paired off and started our assignment.

The bell rang shortly after that and we made our way to our next classes. I caught a glimpse of Edward in the hall, just before I entered my Spanish class, and once again, he was smiling in my direction.

_Damn Twilight Zone..._

Alice and I walked together towards our math classes quickly. I think we just both really wanted to get away from Newton as quickly as possible. I entered my Trig class, and Angela was already in her seat. She looked up at me and gave me a meek little smile and wave, and for some reason, I returned it before taking my seat. Nothing else really happened in class, unless you count the burning glares aimed at my head from the opposite corner, but that was the norm, so I just brushed it off.

Class went by quickly, and I met up with Alice in the hall to make our way over to our Western Civ. class. Jasper smiled at us as we entered the room, and I thought I caught Alice stealthily winking at him, but I could have mistaken it for her blinking from the angle I was standing at.

_This freaky shit never ends!_

We took our seats, and Mrs. Morelli entered the room and quickly started her lecture. I rolled my eyes at Alice and she nodded while she shook with silent giggles. I took out my notebook and began taking notes. We didn't get much of a chance to talk to each other during that class. We didn't even get a chance to write any notes either.

_Damn troll and her boring lectures...can't she just assign chapters or something? Half of what she said isn't even IN the book!_

The bell rang and I stood and waited for Alice to finish packing her bag. I looked towards the door just as Jasper looked back. He ducked his head, kind of like a southern gentleman would do as a greeting, smiled and continued on his way.

_Good Lord! They need to make an episode of that Twilight Zone based on my life!_

Alice and I walked slowly towards the gym. I was really dreading going to this period. With the whole lesbian fiasco that took place yesterday, I was even more apprehensive about going to P.E.

Alice caught my hesitation, and wrapped her arm around mine, dragging me into the locker room. I quickly changed in the bathroom stall and met up with Alice by our lockers. I put my clothes in my locker and fastened the padlock. Alice shot me a cheerful smile and we made our way back into the gymnasium.

We had almost made it to our line up when Alice stopped dead in her tracks. I turned to look at her confusedly, wondering what was wrong with her, when she started whisper yelling at me.

"Bella! I forgot to put on deodorant! I'll be right back...I _cannot_ participate in sports without wearing deodorant!" she said frantically. I laughed silently and shooed her away towards the locker room before taking my spot in our class's line up. Each gym class was split up into 4 groups, and every week or so we would rotate around the activities. It was horrible, but we didn't really have a choice.

Alice came back out of the locker room with a smug smile on her face and took her place next to me in line. Coach Clapp started telling us what we would be doing for the day...volleyball. Can we get a collective Yeah!....NOT!!!

As we made our way over to the volleyball nets, Alice pulled me to the side.

"Bella, try not to get too sweaty today cause we're staying away from the shower stalls...I forgot to pack the make-up from this morning, so I can't re-apply it," she whispered. I nodded and went to take my place.

_Really...I never get sweaty in gym class unless we're running track..and that's only because they hound you to actually run..._

Class went by dismally slow, but it finally ended, and I somehow managed to only assault 2 people in my attempts to actually participate. Thankfully enough though...they weren't part of the herd of hags, and there was no big scene about it. I just grimaced apologetically and they shrugged it off.

Alice and I made our way back into the locker room, and I once again quickly got changed in the bathroom stall. I met back up with Alice, who was just finishing putting her shoes back on. She looked back up at me and I gestured to my neck, asking her if it looked alright.

She reached into the pocket of her book bag and pulled out a small compact. She brushed just a bit of the powder over my scar and smiled at me.

"It's just powder to take away some of the shininess. I always keep this compact in my bag, just in case," she said reassuringly. I nodded and removed my shoes from the locker before locking it back up. I sat down on the bench and put my shoes on before hoisting my bag over my shoulders.

I was just about to stand when I heard a blood curdling scream coming from the other side of the locker room. Alice looked panicked as she grabbed my hand and dragged me behind her as she flew out the door.

Once we made it outside, I tugged roughly on her arm to get her to stop. She turned around and looked at me sheepishly.

'Alice! What was that all about?!' I signed to her wildly.

'Remember that line in the ode to Lauren about the color of grass?' she signed with a diabolical expression. I nodded.

'Well...just keep your eyes out for a bunch of walking skittles.' she signed back while laughing.

_Damn pixie is going crazy now too!_

I just shook my head at her with exasperation. Sometimes I just didn't get her...but that was Alice for you. We headed off towards the cafeteria, got our food, and made our way to our table. I went to take my normal seat, but Alice stopped me and had me sit next to her...facing the cafeteria.

It rattled my nerves a bit to sit there, especially when curious glances would float our way, but Alice did her best to keep my attention from drifting towards the expressions of the people looking our way.

After a few minutes, Alice focused her gaze on the entrance of the cafeteria. I figured she was waiting for something, so I too looked towards the entrance. Not long after, I saw Edward, Jasper, and Emmett stumble through the doors laughing hysterically at something. I tore my heart apart to see them that way, and to know that once upon a time, my place would have been right next to them, laughing right along with them.

I couldn't dwell on that feeling for too long however, as a parade of vibrantly hair colored hags walked through the doors, each scowling furiously as they pushed their way past the guys and took their place on line. Immediately a comment Alice had made earlier about skittles popped into my head and my head snapped in her direction.

Alice was laughing so hard that no sound was coming out, and she was slowly toppling off of her chair. I grabbed a hold of her arm to pull her upright and waited for her laughter to stop.

Alice's complexion is usually pale as porcelain...but at that moment she was damn near violet. If I had to name the color..I'd probably call it Violent Violet. I couldn't even bring myself to laugh, I was so shocked at her amusement with the "walking skittles".

Her laughter finally faded, and she wiped the tears out of her eyes as the last of her chuckles escaped her. I took this as my opportunity to 'speak' with her.

'Alice...what the hell happened to their hair?!' I asked her, my expression still shocked.

'Um...they dyed it?' she signed back in question.

'Ali, I _highly _doubt they would do that to themselves!' I signed back incredulously.

'Well, they may not have _known _they were doing it, per se, but they _did_ in fact do it to themselves.' she replied smugly.

_And there's that smug grin again that she had when she came out of the locker room....WAIT! ALICE!_

'Alice! You did that?' I asked her incredulously as a smile began to play on my lips.

"Taste the rainbow, Bella," she sang out loud as she nodded and started laughing once again.

I looked back at the girls still standing in line, and sure enough...they looked like walking skittles. Immediately I noticed Lauren's bright green hair..remniscent of the color of the bright green baby grass blades and I burst into hysterics. I had tears in my eyes as I took in Tanya's hot pink, Jessica's shocking blue, Irina's pulsing purple, and the other girl's flaming orange, and fire engine red hair.

It was pure bliss to see them so vibrantly colored and panicked looking as they faced the entire cafeteria that was either just staring at them open mouthed or hysterically laughing in their faces.

My gaze drifted over towards the table where Edward, Jasper, and Emmett usually sit. Emmett, the King of Pranks, was bowing in our direction as he kept the camera on his phone trained on the girls. He looked back towards them, and in his booming voice, he yelled across the cafeteria.

"Hey Lauren! How many skittles did you use on that hair? You're supposed to TASTE the rainbow, not WASTE the rainbow!" he shouted through his laughter. The entire cafeteria burst into laughter. Lauren scowled at Emmett, and then shot a death glare in my direction. I quickly looked to Alice in a panic...my thoughts only registering one thing...

_Oh shit! What's she gonna do to me now?!_

Alice and I waited until most of the cafeteria had cleared out to make our way to our next classes. Even Edward, Jasper, and Emmett had departed before us. In truth, I was just savoring our last minutes alive, because Lauren and her herd of hags were sure to kill us. Alice tried to tell me that I was over reacting, that the dye would wash out....eventually. Her reassurances, however, didn't help my overly panicked state. As a matter of fact, at this point, I didn't think anything could possibly calm my nerves.

I slowly made my way into my Bio II class, already stressed from the glare that had burned a hole in my forehead, and was now wary of having to sit next to Edward for an hour.

_Maybe his attention will be diverted by Jessica's shocking blue hair?...One can hope..._

I kept my head down as I passed by Jessica who was scowling at Mike as he laughed uncontrollably next to her. She glared at me as she caught sight of me, and I could swear the side of my face was on fire.

I picked up my speed and closed the distance between where I was and where my seat remained, and once I got there I plopped unceremoniously down onto my stool. Now if I haven't mentioned before that I'm a magnet for clumsy negligence..then I repeat it now, for as I plopped down on the stool, it managed to shift slightly away from me, taking itself as well as me straight down to the floor.

I huffed angrily as I sat on the floor, waiting to hear the unavoidable burst of laughter from all those who witnessed my most recent disgraceful moment, but the quiet laughter around me remained at the same level.

I chanced a quick glance around, and was surprised to find that almost no one had witnessed anything, as they were fully absorbed in Jessica's hair, pointing and giggling amongst themselves.

_Well at least part of that hope wasn't in vain..._

I fully expected Edward to laugh at my lack of grace, especially with him being one so full of the ability himself, but instead he remained on his stool, utterly silent with a small apologetic smile on his beautiful face and his pale hand with his long fingers stretched out towards me in offering to help me get up. I huffed once more before taking his hand, I didn't want to risk toppling back over with the weight of my book bag pulling me down.

The moment my flesh touched his I felt a warm current run straight up my arm. It was almost shocking, and it caused me to stare into his eyes, wondering if he felt it too....or if perhaps I was just more insane than originally estimated.

His smile only grew slightly as he pulled me up, but his eyes...his eyes did this did this almost magical smoldering thing that was beyond _intense_...and oddly familiar, and I was completely lost in it.

_Where have I seen that look before?..._

Suddenly the smoldering stopped and was replaced with what I could only identify as possible worry as both of his eyebrows shot up. It took me a moment to realize he was saying something.

"Bella, are you alright?" he asked in a worried tone, but the smooth velvet remained in the undertones, as he gently cupped my face with his palms. I furrowed my eyebrows.

_Why is he cradling my face and caressing it with his thumbs? _

"Bella, do you need me to get Alice? I'm worried about you, you spaced out on me for a moment there," he said almost frantically as the panic in his eyes increased dramatically. I shook my head minutely and raised my hands to gently remove his hands from my face.

He bent down to right my stool, and then he stepped to my side and gently slid my bag off my shoulders, and placed it on the table. He then turned back to look at me as I stood there in shock at his gentle and caring actions. He looked straight into my eyes before speaking again.

"Bella, are you _sure _you're alright?" he asked pleadingly. I just nodded slightly, unable to tear my gaze away from the entrancing green pools in front of me.

"Really, I don't mind running to get Alice if you need her. I just want to make sure you're okay," he said softly, all traces of panic and urgency gone, only sincerity remaining in combination with the velvety smooth quality. I shook my head, and finally managed to tear my gaze away to take my seat.

I sat on the stool and just stared unseeingly at the front of the room.

_Why is he being so sweet all of a sudden? Since when has he cared about me in the last few years? Why the sudden change in demeanor? God this is so confusing..._

I was pulled from my internal rambling by the sound of a paper sliding across our table. I looked down at it and read it.

_**Bella, are you sure you're okay? Please, I'm worried about you. It's been a long time since I've seen that distant look in your eyes and it frightens me.**_

_It frightens him?! Well...isn't that super! I get lost in his eyes and it frightens him! Perfect..._

I quickly wrote a note back and passed it in his direction.

_**I'm fine...thank you, Edward. No need to worry, I just got disoriented for a moment. **_

He read it quickly and passed the paper back once again.

_**If you need anything, Bella....anything at all, just let me know.**_

_Riiiight....cause when I needed you, you readily offered yourself. And I thought I had issues!_

_**I'm fine, Edward. Thank you though. **_

I passed the note back to him and waited, knowing that another one would come my way. He never was one to give up on something....well except on me. Just as expected, another one came my way shortly after.

_**Bella, please talk to me...**_

I glared at the paper. Why does he want me to talk to him? What does he think he's done in the last 5 years that merits my wanting to talk to him? Really...

_**No. Sorry, but I don't really know you anymore, Edward. Our time for talking passed a long time ago. Thank you for helping me up, and being concerned for me...but really you needn't be.**_

I passed it back to him and waited once more. Just like clockwork...

_**Bella, please. I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say other than I'm incredibly sorry. I was young, and I didn't know what to do to help you. I thought you wanted space from me, so I figured it was the only thing I could do for you. I wanted so badly to be there for you, but I didn't know how to.**_

He passed the note back, and once again I read it and responded.

_**If you wanted to help me, you could have been there Edward. You could have stood by me when everyone else ran, but instead you ran with them. It doesn't make any sense that you would want to be there but you left with everyone else instead. Where were you, Edward? Where have you been the last 5 years? Where did my **_**friend**_** go? Where did my source of strength and comfort go? They left, Edward. They **_**all **_**left the day you disappeared. Why would I have **_**ever**_** wanted space from you? I needed you more than anyone these last years, but you weren't there. If it wasn't for Alice, I doubt you would even be trying to talk to me. It just seems that you waited until you thought that I was at least something close to the girl you once knew and were comfortable with to even try to talk to me...and I'm not sure that I can accept that. I'm not sure that I can accept that someone who wasn't willing to stand by me when I needed them the most is willing to stand by me through anything in the future. It's just not logical.**_

I passed the note back and turned to look out the window. Mr. Banner was showing a video today on plant anatomy and he was completely oblivious to our note passing. A few minutes passed and I heard the shuffle of the paper once again.

_**Bella. I was here. I've been here the **_**whole**_**time. I never disappeared. When you first came back from Phoenix, you wouldn't talk to anyone. We thought you were distancing yourself from us because you didn't want us as friends anymore. I know it's been unbelieveably hard for you these past few years... it's been hard on us as well, and it's been extremely hard on me. I hate seeing you in pain and knowing there's nothing I can do about it. I hate seeing you suffer and knowing that I can't even comfort you. It's been torture trying to distance myself from you, but Bella, I **_**swear**_** on my life that I never wanted to create that distance. Every day of the last 5 years I've wanted to close that distance, and it's only gotten increasingly difficult to stop myself from doing so. I've felt like a piece of me has been missing for years now, and it only comes back to me when I'm near you, but it still isn't connected to me yet. I don't think it will ever fully come back to me unless I can somehow manage to fix the disaster that our friendship has become. Bella, your friendship means more to me than anything else in my life. Even if Alice hadn't come into the picture, it was only a matter of time before I couldn't resist any longer. I was at my breaking point over this past summer as it was. I can't live without you in my life, Bella. I only exist, I don't live. I miss you every day, and it's killing me day by day. Please, I need to fix this for us. Please let me fix this for us.**_

He passed the note back and I read it carefully. It broke my heart to think that he was being honest and sincere, but I had such a hard time believing it. Any time that I'd seen him over the last five years, he never seemed distraught over the loss of our friendship. It always seemed as if he just kept on going, laughing and loving life with his friends. I was at a crossroads, and I wasn't sure which direction I wanted to take. I could give in, and act like nothing ever happened, thereby making myself vulnerable for further pain, or I could refuse and protect myself from any further damage he could inflict. I just didn't know what to do, and it was going to take me some time to figure it out...so I told him that.

_**I just don't know, Edward. In theory, having our friendship back seems wonderful, but I'm just not sure that you can handle being friends with me. I'm not normal, Edward. I'm not the same girl that you were friends with when we were kids. I'm flawed and broken, and I'm not sure that you realize that. Furthermore, I'm not sure what losing your friendship again, should you realize that you can't accept who I am now, would do to me. I don't think I can survive any more heartbreak. My heart is ruined as it is. There's almost nothing left of it, and I'm afraid that with one more crack it will disappear completely. I need time to sort it out, and I think you do as well. You need to realize that I'm not the same person anymore, and be able to accept that. I've missed you too, but that doesn't mean that I can readily accept you back into my life. I hope you can understand that.**_

I passed the note back in his direction and once again looked out the window. I sat there for a few minutes, staring at nothing in particular, as I mentally picked apart everything that he'd said. It filled me with hope that he could have possibly struggled with staying away from me as much as he said he did...but it also pained me greatly that he felt he had to. Deep down I knew that was my fault, and because of that I owed him the chance of a friendship again. It would just take me time to come to terms with it, and also to prepare myself should he decide to make a hasty retreat once again.

Once again I was pulled from my deliberations by the sound of a shuffling paper.

_**I understand that completely, Bella, and I realize a lot more than you know. I know you aren't the same girl that I was friends with years ago, but in my heart...you will always be my Bella. I see a glimpse of her in you from time to time, but I would never expect you to be someone you aren't, Bella. As far as your heart goes...you, Bella, have a bigger heart than any person I have ever known. Even broken as it is, the pieces that are left amount to much more than anyone you or I know. I wish you could see that about yourself. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you...because you're amazing. You always have been, and in my eyes you always will be. I'm not asking for an immediate friendship, just the opportunity to build one at a pace that makes you comfortable. I swear on everything that I am, I will never again put this distance between us unless you specifically tell me to. And I would only do it then because you told me to, never because I wanted it for myself. Take your time, Bella. I promise I will be right here when and if you are ever ready. I promise, Bella....wherever you are, I will be right there.**_

I read it slowly, letting each word soak in. My eyes pricked with tears as I read it. I couldn't believe the things he said, but in a good way. It amazed me that he claims to see so much when he looks at my broken form. It amazed me even more that he still saw pieces of the old me when he looked at me, even though I was fairly certain that nothing had remained of the old me until Alice came along.

The bell rang shortly after I finished reading the note, and I never got a chance to reply. I stood and started to gather my things, completely unaware of my surroundings. I spun around towards the door and slammed right into a solid mass of a person and instinctively my hands shot up to steady myself, landing palm down on the person's chest. I prayed desperately that when I opened my eyes I wouldn't be met with the face of Mike Newton...anyone but Mike Newton.

I opened my eyes, and staring back at me were those entrancing pools of vibrant green. A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips as those vibrant pools stared back into my muddy brown half-lifeless eyes. He smiled his mega-watt signature crooked smile and chuckled softly before his face became serious.

He brought his hands gently to my face once again and looked into my eyes as he spoke,"I promise, Bella. Wherever you are, I'll be there if you need or want me there," he said, his voice overwhelmingly smooth and sincere. I saw an unrecognizable emotion flash in his eyes before he tenderly kissed my forehead. I stopped breathing immediately.

When he pulled away, he stroked my cheeks just once with his thumbs as he smiled once again, before turning to head to his last class of the day.

I walked in a daze into the hall to meet up with Alice and head to art class with Old Hag Olga. Alice eyed my expression curiously, but I just kept walking forward in my daze.

When I finally plopped into my seat, Alice attacked.

"Isabella Marie Swan....SPILL!" she said severely.

I don't think I could have even explained the whole thing to her if I tried. I took out a piece of paper and wrote a note explaining how I fell off the damn stool, and everything that led up to the note passing, and passed my note to her along with mine and Edward's notes from last period to her collectively.

She read through each carefully before turning back to me.

'So what are you going to do? He seems sincere.' she signed.

'I don't know, Alice. It's going to take me time to figure this out. He seems sincere, but what if he doesn't realize what he's getting into? What if he realizes he can't deal with the drama that's associated with being my friend?' I signed back in a panicked rush.

'Bella, I'm not going to try to persuade you to choose one way or the other. This is something you need to figure out for yourself. I can only tell you that I believe he is sincere, and I don't doubt his abilities to be a true friend, nor do I doubt how much pain he has experienced being separated from you. In the end though, it's all about what you believe.' she replied thoughtfully.

'Thanks for understanding, Ali. I really thought you would push me to accept it right away.' I signed with relief.

'I would never push you towards something that has caused you a great deal of pain in the past, Bella. On occasion I may nudge you a bit in directions that I feel would be in your best interest, but I would never forcefully push you into anything that could hurt you.' she replied with a sincere and comforting expression.

'Thanks, Alice. I don't know what I'd ever do without you.' I replied as I smiled gratefully at her.

'Anytime, Bells. I'm always here for you. Remember that.' she signed before she hugged me.

I nodded into her shoulder and released her. I smiled at her once more before turning to listen to the old hag carry on about what she expected us to do today, but of course not before she droned on about how horrible last year's students projects were.

_Hey! I was in this class last year!.....I wonder if anyone will put thumbtacks on her chair again this year...that would be _**mint**_!_

* * *

**AN****: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and the devious plotting pixie as much as I did. I think it's my favorite version of Alice to write. POWER TO THE SKITTLES PEOPLE! Seriously..they helped push me through this chapter...especially the orange ones..they're ever so helpful. R&R PLS & TY!**


	27. Taste the Rainbow

**AN****: How could we ever leave out Edward's POV of his school day? Never! It's a must! So here he is in all his Greek God Glory...ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer****: I own nothing but a dog and a truck...and a few boring characters that disappear in the shadows of SM's Twilight sparkly ones...**

* * *

Taste the Rainbow

EPOV

I slept straight through the afternoon, and halfway through the night after I came home from school yesterday. I woke up at one in the morning, feeling like I was practically dying of starvation. I got up out of bed and went to head down to the kitchen, hoping that there was some of our dinner that I missed last night left in the fridge.

As I approached my door I stepped on a piece of paper. Wondering what it was doing there, I picked it up and flicked the light on to see what it was. It was a note from my mother.

_**Edward,**_

_**I tried to wake you up for supper, honey, but you wouldn't budge. You seemed exhausted so I left you sleep. I do hope everything is okay. I was worried about you. I made you a plate of chicken, potatoes, and carrots. It's in the fridge in case you wake up hungry during the night. Goodnight sweetheart.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Mom**_

I put the note on my desk and headed down to the kitchen. I put the plate that she made in the microwave, and then sat at the kitchen island counter to eat it. I finished the whole thing, but I was still hungry, so I ate a bowl of cereal before heading back upstairs.

I walked into my room and laid back down on my bed, in an attempt to fall back asleep, but sleep evaded me. Something was rolling around in my brain, and I quickly realized that it was a melody.

I hopped up off the bed and made my way over to my keyboard. I couldn't very well start playing the piano at quarter after two in the morning. I plugged the head phones in and dragged my desk chair over and sat down.

As if it was always meant to be part of that damn composition that's tortured me for years, it blended in perfectly at the point where I had been stumped forever. There was something about this new portion of the composition that I readily identified with. It was desperate, and longing ....and it was exactly how I felt about this situation with Bella.

I was desperate to fix things, but above that I longed to have her back in my life in any capacity that she would be willing to provide me. Whether it be just friends, or something possibly more, I would take anything I could get...as long as she was there. She's always been such an enigma to me. Even when we were kids. She doesn't think like everyone else does. She doesn't act like everyone else does. She's different, and I love her all the more for it.

She's an amazing person, and anyone who was lucky enough to have her in their life was truly blessed. I only wish that she could see just how amazing she truly is. When we were kids, she once said that she thought she was selfish, but to anyone that knew her...they knew she was the _exact_ opposite. She's the most selfless person I have ever met.

The only thing is, even though she's an incredibly strong person, both mentally and emotionally, she gets hurt easily. And I hurt her more than I could have ever imagined. I realize that now, and it makes it quite apparent just how hard this road is going to be to navigate.

I decided that if I was ever going to come to the end of this road in one piece, I'd need a plan, and possibly some alternate plans as well. Until now, I only knew one thing. I wanted her back. Aside from knowing what I wanted, I knew virtually nothing else. I had no idea how to go about fixing any of the damage that had been done, but I was determined to try.

By four am I had come to only one conclusion. If I know anything about her at all..it's one thing. She doubts others' intentions towards her simply because she doesn't see what they see. She only sees what people tell her they see, and that needed to change. She needed to hear what I see when I look at her. She needed to know how I feel. She needed to know the truth...and I was bound and determined to tell her the truth.

There's only one thing that needed to be omitted from anything I said to her...and that was that I love her. I've loved her for as long as I can remember...hell I've probably loved her since I first saw her. It's always been that way for me. There were no feelings that grew over time slowly. It was just _there_...always. There's never been anyone else that has come even remotely close to making me feel even the tiniest fraction of what I do for Bella.

However, she's not ready to hear that, and I'm aware of that. You can't go from not talking to someone for years to telling them you love them out of the blue. It wouldn't make sense to her, and it would push her further away from me. I hated having to keep it from her, because she deserved to know, but I'd have to live with that guilt until there came a time, if ever, that she would be able to handle and hopefully accept a confession of that magnitude.

I climbed my way back into bed, and attempted once again to fall asleep. I knew it would only be for about 2 hours, but that would be a welcomed 2 hours in a land where both Bella and I were happy. Cheesy, I know, but it's all I've had for the last 5 years.

I fell asleep quickly, and it seemed like only minutes had passed before the alarm went off. I rolled out of bed, and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I felt energized, I had some form of a plan in mind, and with any luck...I'd get to make a second attempt today. I felt on top of the world for the first time in years.

I moved quickly through my morning routine, dressed, and practically ran down the stairs. My mom looked at me curiously as I entered the kitchen and poured myself a bowl of cereal.

"Is everything alright, Edward?" she asked worriedly. I smiled widely before responding.

"Everything's great, Mom. Sorry about last night, I was exhausted," I said honestly.

"It's quite alright dear. I'm just glad everything is alright...so how did things go with Bella yesterday?" she asked hesitantly. I couldn't help it, my mood was so damn light this morning...I laughed and she looked at me as if I'd gone insane.

"It was _awful_!," I called out through my laughter,"I didn't think it was possible to crash and burn _that _horrendously," I said, still chuckling. My mother just looked at me as if I'd grown a second head, and I'm sure if I was in her shoes I'd look the same way.

"Edward, dear. Why are you laughing if it was so horrible?" she asked with complete concern for my well being.

"Because I realized something earlier this morning when I woke up the first time... I shouldn't have expected it to go smoothly. It's been five years, Mom. It went just as I should have expected it to go, especially when it's Bella," I said seriously, hoping that she would understand where I was coming from.

"So, what are you going to do now?" she asked.

"What I should have done yesterday. Tell her the truth, and if I crash and burn again today...then I'll tell her the truth again on Monday, and every day after that until she either believes me or gets a restraining order," I said while chuckling. My mom looked at me with shock on her face before she burst into laughter at my incredulous statement.

"Well...good luck with that! I do hope it doesn't go as far as a restraining order though," she said through her own chuckles.

"I'd never _really _go that far, Mom. I'm not a stalker or anything. If she told me to stop and leave her alone I would, begrudgingly so, but I would if it made her happy," I replied seriously.

"Alright. Well good luck today, I need to go get ready to meet up with Esme for breakfast, she called last night all excited about something, but wouldn't tell me what. She insisted on telling me over breakfast," she said as she rolled her eyes and chuckled as she made her way for the stairs.

"Thanks, Mom. Tell Esme I said hello," I called out to her as I put my empty bowl in the dishwasher and went to grab my bag before heading out the door.

"Will do, sweetie. Have a good day!" she called back from the stairs.

"I'll try. I love you," I called back as I made my way through the door and shut it behind me.

I made my way to my car and quickly got in. I made my way over to Jasper's house first, as usual. When I pulled up to the curb, I got out and went to knock on the door, but I guess he saw me approaching and came out before I made it there.

"Ready for another day, bro?" he asked as we made our way to the car.

"Abso-freaking-lutely," I replied with a grin.

"Whoa! What got into you since yesterday?" he said, his voice surprised as he stopped and just stared at me. I looked at him over the hood of my car as I stood next to the driver door.

"Just realized that I shouldn't have expected all hugs and blushes first time around," I replied sincerely.

"Yeah, I guess you should have seen that first encounter coming a mile away, huh?" he replied thoughtfully.

"Definitely. Let's go...we still have to grab bozo before we can get to school," I said as I climbed into the car. Jasper followed closely behind, sliding fluidly into the front passenger seat.

The ride to Emmett's house was quick, and fairly quiet. Jasper briefly told me about some fight his parents had the night before. Apparently, Jazz told his parents that he wanted to join the military, and his parents were at odds over it. His father readily approved, he would since he's a military man, but his mother claimed over her dead body. Jazz laughed as he mentioned some of the things they said to one another. All in all, the situation was rather amusing.

We pulled up to Emmett's house, and he came out talking on his cell phone, sporting a goofy grin. That grin alone told me who he was talking to...Rosalie. She's the only one that could ever make that guy grin as stupidly as that. He slid into the back seat of the car just as he was saying his I love you's and goodbyes. When he shut the door, Jazz and I looked at each other and grinned before letting out a combined mocking 'Awwwww'.

Emmett just looked at us and cocked an eyebrow. "You guys are just jealous that I got hot Rosie, and you only have Rosie Palm and her 5 sisters!" he sputtered through his laughter.

"Such a dick..." Jazz said with exasperation as he shook his head and faced forward.

I just chuckled and took off towards the school, anxious to see how Bella was doing this morning. We pulled into the school parking lot just a few minutes later, and I parked in my usual spot. We all got out, and as customary, sat against the hood of the car. Thankfully, Newton decided to stay with his "friends" today. I really wasn't ready for him to spoil my perfectly good mood this morning.

A few minutes later, the yellow Porsche pulled into the lot, and the three of us stood. As if it was planned or some shit, we all stood with our arms across our chests like some type of guardian or something. It was fuckin' hilarious.

Bella made her way out of the car, and I smiled when I saw her. She looked radiant, and I couldn't help but notice that the button up shirt that she would normally wear closed all the way up to the last button, was open revealing her tank top underneath.

_Whatever Alice is doing to help her is unreal...she looks _alive _and _happy. _I hope Alice knows just how unique and special she is to be able to bring Bella this far out of her shell so quickly. _

Bella walked her way around the car, and after looking to Alice who was digging around in the back seat of her car, she leaned back and looked around the lot, immediately catching our gazes. She quickly looked behind her, probably wondering what the hell we were grinning at.

_If only she knew it was her and her happy expression that made us grin this way..._

She turned back towards us and cocked one of her perfect little eyebrows at us, effectively making me grin even wider at her. Alice emerged from the car then, and slammed the door shut, causing Bella's attention to divert in her direction. Alice signed something quickly to her and she smiled and nodded enthusiastically before they took off towards their first class.

"Did you just see that shit? When the hell was the last time we saw that kind of smile on her face?" Emmett said in awe.

"Last day of our camping trip 5 years ago, Em," I responded quietly without thinking.

Both Emmett and Jasper's heads shot towards me with incredulous looks on their faces.

"What?" I asked defensively.

"Dude, you actually remember the exact day you last saw that smile?" Jasper said incredulously.

"It may be pathetic, and I'll probably kick myself in the ass for saying this later, but I can probably remember _every_ time I saw that smile on her face," I replied honestly.

"Damn, bro. And you give me shit over me and Rose," Emmett said through his booming laughter.

"Hey, cut me some slack, I've had 5 years of not being able to see that smile, so I had to keep them in my memory," I snarked at him.

"Whatever, bro. Just don't give me any more shit over Rose and I'll let it go, but don't expect me to be so lenient in the future," Em replied as he cocked his eyebrow in my direction.

"Who can possibly ever turn down that deal," I said sarcastically as I rolled my eyes.

"You guys are both pathetic!," Jazz commented as we started walking towards our classes. I spun towards him with a smugger than shit grin on my face.

"Don't even give me that pathetic shit, Mr. I-fell-in-love-at-first-sight," I said as I laughed at his shocked expression.

"When the hell did you fall in love?" Emmett asked him as he looked at him with pure confusion.

"Probably that day he talked to Alice at the mall!" I barked.

"Shut up asshole...I shouldn't have said a damn thing," Jazz spat as he took off towards his building.

"AWW!!! JAZZ AND ALICE SITTIN IN A TREE.." Emmett started shouting across the lot, but I flung my arm out and hit him in the chest to stop him.

"What the fuck did you hit me for jackass? You know it's funny," he said sternly as he rubbed his chest.

"Bro, keep your mouth shut about it for a while. We're not sure how Bella will take it, and Jazz and Alice aren't officially dating or anything. They're waiting until Bella can possibly accept that they're together," I said severely.

_Shit...I hope that big mouth of his can keep shut. He's never been good at keeping his thoughts in...I swear he lacks a filter between his brain and mouth._

"Oh..." he said as the pieces finally clicked in place. I just shook my head and veered off towards the music room.

Mr. Levine had us work separately on some pieces for the symphony in the third quarter, and class went by quickly. I walked quickly to French class and caught a quick glimpse of Bella as she entered her class. I smiled briefly at her as she disappeared through the doorway.

Classes today seemed to be flying by, and before I knew it I was heading to gym. I quickly changed into my football practice uniform and met Jazz and Em by the doors leading out to the field. I didn't see Bella anywhere on my way out, I figured she was probably still changing for P.E.

_No one better mess with her in the locker room..._

We made our way out to the field and Coach Jackson had us run a few short laps before practicing some plays. Two guys on the team got into a fight on the field and Coach Jackson decided to punish all of us for their retardation. Thanks to them, now today after school we have to run 3 miles before starting practice.

_Thanks assholes..._

Coach Jackson dismissed us after a heavy lecture about how young men were supposed to behave, and warning us that the next person on the team to get into a fight on school grounds would be automatically suspended from the team.

_Great...now I really have to avoid Newton..._

We made our way back into the locker room and quickly took showers. I got dressed and went out into the gym to wait for Jazz and Em before heading to lunch.

I sat down on one of the bleachers on the guys locker room side of the gym. Just as I sat down I swore I heard someone scream and it made me freeze.

_So help me God that better not be Bella..._

I was just about to get up when I saw a wide grinning Alice dart out of the locker room doors on the opposite side of the gym from where I was, dragging a confused looking Bella behind her. Whatever that was about must have been caused by Alice. I chuckled lightly at the possibilities.

I sat there for what seemed like ages. I watched all the girls leave the locker room and head to lunch. It struck me as odd that I never saw the hyena pack exit...I was sure that they had gym this period. I shrugged it off and continued to wait.

Jasper and Emmett finally emerged from the locker room and I got up to walk with them. Jasper went to say something but I stopped him as I swore I spotted something bright green poke through the girls locker room door on the opposite side of the gym. I gestured towards the door and we all stared at it.

"What the hell are we staring at, Edward?" Jasper whispered.

"I swear I saw something almost neon green poke out of the door a second ago," I whispered back.

Not 5 seconds later a tribe of girls with wild colored hair marched angrily through the door, and made their way towards the exit, each apparently grumbling something that none of us could make out.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!" Emmett roared as his laughter boomed througout the gymnasium.

Jasper was buckled over in laughter, and I was nearly ready to collapse onto my knees. All the girls spun around towards us with shocked faces, only making us laugh harder when we realized who they were...it was the damn hyena pack!

_Oh my God...Alice is good...she might be some good competition for Emmett!!_

The girls bolted from the gym, and we laughed hysterically the whole way over to the cafeteria. We were still practically in tears as we entered the room and went to get our food.

As we went to sit down, Emmett pulled out his phone and got it ready to video tape them when they entered the cafeteria. We didn't have to wait long...the whole cafeteria errupted into deafening volumes of laughter as they spotted the girls. I chanced a look at Bella, and chuckled happily when I saw how hard she was laughing...it's probably been forever since she's laughed like that...or laughed at all for that matter.

"Oh man, I can't wait to send this to Rosie," Emmett chuckled.

"I'm sure she'll be laughing for days, she always hated them," I said through my own laughter.

"Who the hell had the balls to pull off a stunt this massive?" Em asked in awe.

"I'll give you one hint...she looks like a pixie," I said as I laughed.

"No shit?" Em asked in awe as he looked at me. I just grinned widely and nodded. He turned slightly after making sure his phone was still aimed at the wild haired girls, and bowed in Alice and Bella's direction.

_Dear God, please let them stay in competition and never allow them to join forces...together they could bring the Apocalypse..._

"Hey Lauren! Are you sure you all aren't the resident lesbians? Cause you look remarkably like a walking pride flag!" Emmett boomed through the cafeteria.

It would have been useless trying to calm this crowd after that outburst. People were falling off their chairs, some were choking on their food, and others looked ready to pass out from lack of oxygen, their faces bright purple.

I looked to the girls just in time to catch Lauren scowl at Emmett before shooting a menacing glare towards either Bella or Alice. I wasn't sure which, but I wasn't happy with either possibility.

"Guys..we're gonna have to be on our toes for a while. Lauren just shot a death glare at the girls. I'm almost afraid of what she'll do in retaliation," I said hurriedly.

"Don't worry, bro. She tries anything and she'll regret it majorly," Emmett responded in a tone that defined warning as he glared back at Lauren's retreating figure.

"It's a good thing we have Alice to help. Lord knows we can't protect her in certain places on campus," Jazz said seriously.

"Yeah, we're gonna have to give Alice a heads up so she knows to be on her toes," I said thoughtfully.

"I'm not sure you guys need to worry about warning Alice. Pulling off a stunt of this magnitude requires some serious planning and forethought...trust me.._I_ would know," Emmett chuckled, "I'm pretty sure she was aware of the possibility of retaliation before she actually pulled it off."

"He's got a point there, man," Jasper replied as he leaned back in his chair. I just nodded absent mindedly, inwardly contemplating what Lauren's plans of revenge could entail.

The bell rang shortly after and we got up to make our way to our next class. I started to get a bit nervous as I entered the science room. I knew what I wanted to do, but I still hadn't really come up with a solid plan on how to go about doing it. I took my seat and decided that I would just have to approach it cautiously. I couldn't use humor to break the ice, because that apparently didn't work out so well the first time, so I would just have to go with sincerity. Hopefully that would at least buy me a bit of time before the whole thing went down in flames.

Minutes had passed and Bella still hadn't showed up. I started worrying that something had happened to her, and I was about to get up to go make sure she was alright when she strolled slowly into the room. She kept her head down, and as Jessica glared at her with all that her blue haired self could muster, Bella sped up to make it to our desk.

She turned the corner of the table and went to plop down on her stool, but her book bag pushed it slightly away from her, causing her to slip off the edge of it and fall to the floor, bringing the stool with her.

I quickly looked around, preparing myself to pound the living daylights out of anyone who even dared to laugh at her, but was surprised when I found that no one had noticed a thing. They were too wound up in Jessica's shockingly blue hair to realize a damn thing else.

_Well thank God for small miracles..._

I turned towards Bella just as she huffed out a breath of air. She slowly looked around her, no doubt checking to see how many people bared witness to her charming clumsiness. I held my hand out to her with a small apologetic smile. I wouldn't dare laugh at her when I knew how much it bothered her when things like this happened.

She huffed once before taking my hand. The moment our skin touched, it felt like I had been shocked. Not a painful shock, but more like a tingle. Almost as if a live current was flowing from her into me. It felt _amazing._ And above that, her tiny fragile hand felt _right_ encased within my own.

I pulled her up and her eyes met mine. She seemed to be looking for something in my eyes, but I wasn't sure what exactly.

_Man...I could get lost in those beautiful doe like chocolate eyes of hers. _

I started to get worried as her eyes seemed to zone out and close off. They weren't as lively as they had been. She almost seemed to be dazed. I hadn't seen that in her eyes in quite a while and it worried me to no end.

"Bella, are you alright?" I asked her worriedly, but she didn't respond. She just stared at me in a daze.

_Shit..what do I do? Maybe I should go get Alice, she would know more about what to do than I would..._

"Bella, please, just nod or blink or something," I pleaded with her as I gently cupped her face with my hands. Her tiny face fit so perfectly there. As I touched her, some life seemed to come back into her eyes.

"Bella, are you alright?" I asked again. This time her eyebrows furrowed.

_Well at least that's some kind of response..._

"Bella, do you need me to get Alice? I'm worried about you, you spaced out on me for a moment there," I said frantically.

She shook her head slightly and brought her hands up slowly to my own, and gently removed them from her face. I bent down to pick up her stool, and gently took her bag off her shoulders, and put it on the table.

I looked back into her eyes and once again asked, "Bella, are you _sure_ you're alright?"

She nodded slightly but still seemed kind of out of it.

"Really, I don't mind running to get Alice if you need her. I just want to make sure you're okay," I said sincerely. She shook her head and took her seat, but she just stared at the front of the room.

I quickly pulled out a sheet of paper and wrote her a note. Mr. Banner was showing some video today, he'd be oblivious to anything all period anyway.

_**Bella, are you sure you're okay? Please, I'm worried about you. It's been a long time since I've seen that distant look in your eyes and it frightens me.**_

She quickly wrote a note back and passed it in my direction.

_**I'm fine...thank you, Edward. No need to worry, I just got disoriented for a moment. **_

I read it quickly and responded, then passed the paper back once again.

_**If you need anything, Bella....anything at all, just let me know.**_

She read it quickly and responded with an aggravated expression.

_**I'm fine, Edward. Thank you though. **_

I read her response, and although she seemed aggravated, she hadn't blown up at me yet...so I wrote her once again.

_**Bella, please talk to me...**_

_Oh shit...she's glaring at the paper again. This isn't going to end well..._

She quickly wrote her response and passed it back once again.

_**No. Sorry, but I don't really know you anymore, Edward. Our time for talking passed a long time ago. Thank you for helping me up, and being concerned for me...but really you needn't be.**_

_Oh, Bella. You still know me. You've always known me..._

I quickly wrote back, trying to salvage this sinking ship of an attempt.

_**Bella, please. I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say other than I'm incredibly sorry. I was young, and I didn't know what to do to help you. I thought you wanted space from me, so I figured it was the only thing I could do for you. I wanted so badly to be there for you, but I didn't know how to.**_

Her expressions changed drastically, and quickly as well. Bouncing all over the place as she wrote. She passed the note back once again and I read carefully.

_**If you wanted to help me, you could have been there Edward. You could have stood by me when everyone else ran, but instead you ran with them. It doesn't make any sense that you would want to be there but you left with everyone else instead. Where were you, Edward? Where have you been the last 5 years? Where did my **_**friend**_** go? Where did my source of strength and comfort go? They left, Edward. They **_**all **_**left the day you disappeared. Why would I have **_**ever**_** wanted space from you? I needed you more than anyone these last years, but you weren't there. If it wasn't for Alice, I doubt you would even be trying to talk to me. It just seems that you waited until you thought that I was at least something close to the girl you once knew and were comfortable with to even try to talk to me...and I'm not sure that I can accept that. I'm not sure that I can accept that someone who wasn't willing to stand by me when I needed them the most is willing to stand by me through anything in the future. It's just not logical.**_

_Well..this is it. If there's ever a time to be honest..it's now. Here goes nothing..._

I wrote quickly, trying to get my thoughts across to her. Desperately wishing for her to find even the smallest amount of sincerity in my words. Just because they were 100% sincere, didn't mean she was going to believe a word of it. I finished writing and sent the note back in her direction. She read it slowly, and cautiously before responding.

_At least she's responding and not writing me snarky odes...that's improvement right?_

_**Bella. I was here. I've been here the **_**whole**_**time. I never disappeared. When you first came back from Phoenix, you wouldn't talk to anyone. We thought you were distancing yourself from us because you didn't want us as friends anymore. I know it's been unbelieveably hard for you these past few years... it's been hard on us as well, and it's been extremely hard on me. I hate seeing you in pain and knowing there's nothing I can do about it. I hate seeing you suffer and knowing that I can't even comfort you. It's been torture trying to distance myself from you, but Bella, I **_**swear**_** on my life that I never wanted to create that distance. Every day of the last 5 years I've wanted to close that distance, and it's only gotten increasingly difficult to stop myself from doing so. I've felt like a piece of me has been missing for years now, and it only comes back to me when I'm near you, but it still isn't connected to me yet. I don't think it will ever fully come back to me unless I can somehow manage to fix the disaster that our friendship has become. Bella, your friendship means more to me than anything else in my life. Even if Alice hadn't come into the picture, it was only a matter of time before I couldn't resist any longer. I was at my breaking point over this past summer as it was. I can't live without you in my life, Bella. I only exist, I don't live. I miss you every day, and it's killing me day by day. Please, I need to fix this for us. Please let me fix this for us.**_

She passed me the note back, and I read each word...praying for some type of reprieve from the firing squad that just moments ago I felt I was sure to face.

_**I just don't know, Edward. In theory, having our friendship back seems wonderful, but I'm just not sure that you can handle being friends with me. I'm not normal, Edward. I'm not the same girl that you were friends with when we were kids. I'm flawed and broken, and I'm not sure that you realize that. Furthermore, I'm not sure what losing your friendship again, should you realize that you can't accept who I am now, would do to me. I don't think I can survive any more heartbreak. My heart is ruined as it is. There's almost nothing left of it, and I'm afraid that with one more crack it will disappear completely. I need time to sort it out, and I think you do as well. You need to realize that I'm not the same person anymore, and be able to accept that. I've missed you too, but that doesn't mean that I can readily accept you back into my life. I hope you can understand that.**_

Yesterday, her words would have agonized me to no end, but today....today they gave me hope. She wasn't telling me to get lost, she wasn't calling me a jerk, and she wasn't holding onto the note pages waiting to throw them at me at the last minute of class. I'd take this over that any day of the week. I quickly started writing my reply.

_**I understand that completely, Bella, and I realize a lot more than you know. I know you aren't the same girl that I was friends with years ago, but in my heart...you will always be my Bella. I see a glimpse of her in you from time to time, but I would never expect you to be someone you aren't, Bella. As far as your heart goes...you, Bella, have a bigger heart than any person I have ever known. Even broken as it is, the pieces that are left amount to much more than anyone you or I know. I wish you could see that about yourself. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you...because you're amazing. You always have been, and in my eyes you always will be. I'm not asking for an immediate friendship, just the opportunity to build one at a pace that makes you comfortable. I swear on everything that I am, I will never again put this distance between us unless you specifically tell me to. And I would only do it then because you told me to, never because I wanted it for myself. Take your time, Bella. I promise I will be right here when and if you are ever ready. I promise, Bella....wherever you are, I will be right there.**_

She never got a chance to reply because the bell rang. She seemed to be lost in thought as she packed up her bag, but I waited for her to finish. I wanted to make sure she knew how serious I was about my promise to her. If it took forever, I'd wait, and if she ever decided she wanted to have our friendship, or anything else for that matter, I'd be there. Ready and willing, I'd be there.

She spun to head towards the door, but instead crashed right into me. She wasn't even aware that I was still standing there. She seemed to be pleading for something internally as she squeezed her eyes shut. She slowly opened her eyes, and as her beautiful brown eyes locked on mine, I saw a beautiful hint of a smile playing on her lips. I smiled and chuckled lightly before recomposing my expression to be serious. What I had to say wasn't meant to be taken as a joke.

I brought my hands to her face once again and cradled it in my palms. I looked right into her eyes as I spoke,"I promise, Bella. Wherever you are, I'll be there if you need or want me there."

I spoke with true sincerity because I meant it. Wherever she was when she needed or wanted me, I would be there in a heartbeat. I loved her enough to drop anything at any time to be there with her.

I slowly leaned forward, and gently pressed a kiss to her forehead. I stroked her face just once with my thumbs as I pulled away and smiled at her once again before turning to make my way to history class.

I had barely made it to my seat when Emmett started interrogating me.

"So how'd it go today? Another fiery disaster?" he asked full of intrigue.

I smiled and took my seat before turning to him.

"No fires or environmental disasters today," I said as I chuckled.

"So what happened then?" he asked as he leaned toward me.

"We hashed out some shit through notes during class. She told me how hurt she was that I basically abandoned her, and I told her it was the last thing I ever wanted to do, but that I thought that's what she had wanted at the time. She told me how skeptical she was that I could really be a true friend to her, and be willing to stand by her during hard times, and I promised her that no matter what I'd stand by her. I also told her what a strong and amazing person she is. She told me she needed time to work through what she really wanted, and I basically promised her that I'd wait as long as she needed until she was ready one way or the other," I replied hastily.

"Wow....well at least it's a step above yesterday, well quite a few steps actually," Emmett replied, still taking in everything I had told him.

"Bro, how late do you think practice is gonna run today? I'm supposed to go up to Seattle to see Rose, but I'm not sure I'll be able to make it if it runs over too late," Emmett asked me nervously.

_I wonder what has him nervous...._

"I dunno, man. Just call Rose and tell her you might be late. Practice can't run _that_ late," I replied encouragingly. "Are you staying the weekend up there on campus with her?" I asked curiously.

"Ummm....yeah probably," he replied hesitantly.

_What the hell is he up to?!_

"Alright, bro. Maybe I'll catch up with Jazz this weekend and play some Halo...cause there isn't shit else to do around this place," I said with a bored tone.

"Uh huh...sounds good," he replied.

_What the fuck is up with him... Oh well...maybe it has something to do with Rosalie._

I tried to pay attention to the lecture but my mind kept wandering off to Bella. I wondered what class she was in right now, what she was doing, if anyone was harassing her, if she was happy, if she was angry, but most of all...if she was thinking of me as I was thinking of her.

_Hm...I wonder what Bella's doing this weekend...._

* * *

**AN****: For those of you that were craving some B/E...I hope your yearning has been sated for a short while...possibly 3 chapters at most. Hope you all have enjoyed these two chapters. R&R PLS & TY!**


	28. Cookies,Garden Parties,& Heart to Hearts

**AN: WOW...I can't believe with this update we'll be over 100,000 words! When I first started this journey, I _swore _this whole story would be over by that number...and we're not even half way...that's incredible! Here's another 2 part update for your reading enjoyment. I'm currently sick as a dog, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to get the next 2 part update out by tomorrow. It might have to wait until sometime Monday..sorry. Hopefully I'll feel a bit better tomorrow and can maintain my focus on what I have long enough to edit it and get it to you all, but I make no promises at this point. Anyhow..ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight related...currently I only own a nasty cold...and a shovel that I have no intention of using to remove the foot of snow from my driveway ^_^**

* * *

Cookies, Garden Parties, and Heart to Hearts

BPOV

Alice and I left art class after the final bell rang for the day, and made our way out to the car. We were half way through the parking lot when I heard someone call out my name. The voice that yelled out made me cringe, and for a second I almost grabbed hold of Alice to make a run for it, but the voice was fast approaching and we never would have made it in time to avoid him.

"Bella! Wait up!...I wanted to ask you something!," Mike called as he jogged towards us.

He caught up to us not seconds later, but we kept walking towards Alice's Porsche. I just wanted to hide behind the tinted windows and forget the possibilities of what he could possibly want to ask.

"Hey, I was just wondering what you were doing this weekend. There's a group of people heading down to First Beach tomorrow night for a bonfire, and I was wondering if you would go with me... as my girlfriend," he said confidently, but the confidence drained away as he said the girlfriend part.

I stopped dead in my tracks and glared at him. Alice, who was snickering beside me decided to answer for me, no doubt retrieving my silent answer from the hostility held within my glare.

"Mike, I don't think Bella would like that very much. As you can see she's not all smiles and sunshine at the moment," Alice snickered.

"Well that doesn't mean that she doesn't want to, maybe she just had a bad day. And no worries, Alice, you can come too. You can both be my girlfriends for the night," he said in I suppose what was supposed to be a sexy voice as he wiggled his eyebrows up and down at us.

I felt the burning sensation of bile creeping up my throat at not only his tone, but his insinuation as well. Poor Alice next to me didn't look any better than I imagine I did.

"Mike..." Alice paused as she appeared to gag, "You're disgusting. There's no way on this planet, or _any_ other planet for that matter, that either I _or _Bella would ever be your girlfriend," Alice said sternly as she grabbed my hand and started backing away from Mike towards the car.

"Come on, Bella...let's go home," she said quietly as she continued to walk backwards, never taking her eyes off of Mike.

He never moved. He just kept standing there with this odd expression on his face, and a glint in his eye that made me cringe severely. When we had gotten more than just a few feet away, Alice spun us around and picked up the pace.

"I don't trust that kid as far as I could throw him....and that wouldn't be very far," she said in a nervous tone as we were almost jogging towards the car.

_Hmm... It's nice to know I'm not crazy for being creeped out by him..._

We finally made it to the car and we both slid in quickly. Alice jammed the key in the ignition and started up the car. I barely even registered the fact that she looked behind her before she tore out of the parking space.

Within seconds, we were making our way back to my house. Over the light sounds of the radio, I recognized the beginning guitar strums of a song that I thought was ironically fitting with what we had just experienced with Mike. It was Alanis Morrisette's 'Right Through You'. I turned up the radio and laughed as I pointed to it, when Alice looked at me. I pointed to my ear and then to the radio as the singing started.

She started listening, and by the second verse she was laughing.

"Oh my God, Bella...this suits him _perfectly._ This is _exactly_ how he treats girls...well tries to anyway. I'm pretty sure he hasn't actually succeeded yet," she said as she laughed.

"The best part is...we actually _can _see right through him!" she chirped.

I laughed and nodded as the song ended. A few minutes later we pulled into my driveway. I twisted in my seat to grab my bag from the back, and when I turned back, Alice was smiling at me. I quickly signed 'what?' to her.

"Ready Ms. Thang?" she asked as she laughed. I rolled my eyes and laughed as I got out of her car. We made our way to the front door and stepped inside. The house smelled wonderful...like warm chocolate chip cookies, and it made my mouth water.

I looked to Alice, and from her expression, I'm sure that if her mouth was open she'd be drooling. I pointed in the direction of the kitchen and she nodded vigorously. I laughed and led the way.

Esme was in the kitchen, pulling out a tray of cookies from the oven as we walked through the entry way.

"Oh, hello dears. Let me free my hands. I'll be with you in just a second," she said as she carried the tray over to a cooling tray on the kitchen counter.

Alice and I looked at each other as Esme's back was turned to us and laughed silently before putting our hands together in front of our faces like we were praying, and putting the best puppy dog pout faces on before turning back towards Esme.

Esme turned around moments later and burst into laughter at our pleading expressions.

"Oh my, you two are so silly," she said as she giggled, "Help yourselves. I'll get you both some milk."

Alice hopped over to a stool at the counter and took her seat. I went to get some napkins, and a plate of cookies, before taking my seat next to her. Esme had made so many different cookies, I wasn't sure which ones I or Alice wanted, so I grabbed two of each for us. There were chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin, snicker-doodles, raspberry tarts, and peanut butter chocolate kiss.

It suddenly dawned on me that it was unusual for Esme to be making so many cookies. With only three, well four with Alice, of us here there was no need for this amount of sugary goodness. I waited patiently for Esme's attention to turn to us. After she placed our glasses of milk in front of us, I quickly started signing to her.

'Mom, what are all the cookies for? Surely we can't eat all these before they go bad...even with Dad's help.' I signed as I laughed.

She laughed out loud as she responded.

'No, no dear, I don't expect you, or Dad for that matter, to eat all of these. They're for a garden party at Liz's house tomorrow. It's the last one of the year. Would you like to go?' she signed with an excited expression.

I thought about it, I really did. I knew it would make Esme immensely happy for me to join her, but I was afraid of what could happen while I was there. Aside from Liz and Esme, I didn't know anyone else that would be there. Well, except Edward and his father, but I'm pretty sure they would vacate the area for something like that. I couldn't imagine them participating in such a thing.

I was also nervous about seeing Liz again. I haven't really been around her since that day that I went to say goodbye to Edward before we moved to Phoenix. I've only seen her in passing moments here and there throughout the years, most of which were comprised of me passing through the house and tossing a meek wave as I fled to my room when she was here.

Yes, it was incredibly rude, and I would constantly berate myself for it, but I didn't have a mechanism for communication then. It would have been horribly uncomfortable for not only me, but her as well, should she have wanted to have a conversation with me.

I knew it hurt her, she was like my second mother as a child, but it was all I could do to protect her from knowing just how bad things were with me. She didn't need to know how hurt a child, that she thought of as her own, really was. It would be too painful for her, and I wished to keep that pain away from her.

'Mom, thank you, but I think it's best if I don't go. I wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable with my silence, and I doubt they all know sign language.' I replied sorrowfully.

She looked at me and deliberated for a moment. I saw something flash in her beautiful hazel eyes, and she smiled at me.

'Bella, I could interpret for you if you wish? Alice could even come if she would like to, that way you won't get bored when everyone's talking about garden club issues.' she signed enthusiastically.

I couldn't bear to hurt her. She looked so excited at the prospect of me joining her. I also had to admit that it wouldn't be _as_ awkward if I had a way to get my thoughts across when someone asked me questions. After everything she's done for me over the years, I owed her this much. I owed her a day to feel happy sharing something with her daughter. I smiled and nodded at her telling her I'd be happy to go. Happy might not be the right word for the anxiety I felt about it, but it would make me happy to see her happy for once.

Esme rounded the island and crushed me to her chest as she laughed.

"Oh, Bella. Thank you! I'm so excited!," she chirped as she swayed me slightly in her arms.

When she let me go, I turned to see Alice smiling at us.

'Will you go with us?' I signed to her with a desperate expression.

'Of course. Silly Bella, like I'd miss this for anything in the world.' she replied as she smiled and rolled her eyes at me.

I smiled and hugged her, then turned to dig into my cookies.

_Baby steps...they're just baby steps...nothing to worry about...it will make Esme happy, you can do this...Alice will be with you..everything will be fine..._

The rest of the day went by in a blur. Alice stayed for dinner, but then excused herself to go home, saying that she desperately needed to attend to her neglected room. I understood completely, and felt horrible that she hadn't really been home much over the last few weeks, aside from our family nights. But even then, most of those nights she would accompany us back to our home.

I did all of my homework at the dining room table, instead of in my room. It felt better to me somehow, like I wasn't closing myself off anymore. I know that in most ways I still am very closed off to Esme and Carlisle, but I hope that that can change someday. I want to tell them everything, but with just having relived it...I can't bring myself to go through it again just yet.

They deserve to know, and I know they would never judge me or pity me for anything that happened. They have a right to know why their child has so many issues, and why it's been so very difficult for them. They never gave up on me, they showed me love and affection, they gave me space when I needed it, and they never got angry with me when I would lash out. They've showed me more understanding than I could have ever imagined people capable of.

Maybe if I open myself up to them all the way, then they'll officially make me theirs. I've wanted it for a while now. For at least the last two years, but they've never taken the steps for it. In the beginning, I thought it was because they just didn't want to, but as time goes by I realize that it's something more. They are unsure if _I_ want it, and with the newly opened doors I'm pretty sure they don't want to risk damaging any closeness we've achieved. I would just ask them to do so, but I wouldn't even know how to go about doing that, and I'm afraid of them saying no.

By the time I had finished my homework, it was already after nine. I put all my stuff away and headed off to find Esme and Carlisle. I couldn't find Esme anywhere, so I settled on just saying good night to Carlisle. He bid me goodnight and kissed the top of my head before I turned to make my way up the stairs.

I laid in bed for a while, just thinking about my parents, both current and past, and the differences between them. They were almost completely opposite. Renee was eccentric and flighty, whereas Esme was refined and constant. Charlie was the definition of authority, whereas Carlisle was the epitome of compassion. There really weren't many ways that they were alike. The only way they were really alike was the way they all tried to protect me with everything they had in them.

Granted, Esme and Carlisle haven't had to go to the extremes that my real parents did, and thank goodness for that, but I do see the little things that they do. They don't think I know, but I am aware of how often they have had meetings with school officials in regards to things my peers have done. They've always intuitively known when something had happened at school, and they did their best to find out what it was and put a stop to it.

I also saw the way they never pushed me to do things that made me uncomfortable or panicked. They did their best to keep me out of those panic induced frozen states, and I was grateful for it. From Esme's shopping for me to Carlisle's writing me medical excuses for missing school when I didn't want to go, it was all in an effort to protect me.

Esme came in sometime during my mental deliberations and sat on the bed next to me, running her fingers through my hair silently. I guess she was aware of how lost in my thoughts I was, and allowed me to remain there quietly. She really did have that maternal instinct that people always talk about.

I turned slightly to face her and she smiled down at me. I smiled slightly back at her. Something was plaguing my mind, and I wondered if she had any input in regards to it, so I hesitantly started signing to her.

'Mom.... do you think my family can see me wherever they are now?' I asked nervously.

'I'm almost positive that they can dear. I'm not sure there's anything that can separate a parent from their child. I like to believe that in some form or another we always stay with our loved ones.' she replied thoughtfully.

'Do....do you think they're sad when they see me?' I asked pensively.

'Of course not, sweetheart. What makes you think that?' she asked concernedly.

'Well... a lot of things really. I think they would have expected me to be stronger than this. That they would be disappointed to see how badly I let everything affect me. And sometimes I can't help but feel that when I call you and Carlisle Mom and Dad that it would hurt them.' I said as I thought about a few of the reasons.

'Bella, dear. You are an incredibly strong and beautiful young lady. Your parents would be proud of how far you've come recently, and even before the changes started to take place they would be proud of how strong you have been to survive everything you experienced. And, please sweetheart, don't torture yourself over calling Carlisle or I anything that makes you uncomfortable. We love you just the same whether you call us by our names or by Mom and Dad. Nothing can change the way we feel about you, please understand that.' she replied with a stern but caring expression.

'But, I _want_to call you and Carlisle Mom and Dad, because that's how I think of you. It just hurts me to think that it would hurt them.' I signed back determinedly.

'Honey, I don't think they would be hurt that you feel that way. I think they would be grateful that you have people that love you, and would want you to enjoy that without worrying so much about what they were feeling. Bella, as parents, we can truly only ask for two things for our children and their lives as they grow...their health and their happiness. They are the two greatest gifts in the world, and if by some miracle our children are presented with both, we, as parents, can find no fault in how it came to be that way. Does that help you at all?' She asked gently.

'Yes, I suppose it does. It makes sense at least. Thank you, Mom.' I signed as I thought carefully over what she just said.

'You're quite welcome, dear. Any time you feel the need to talk, I'm always here okay?' she signed encouragingly. I nodded and smiled slightly at her.

'Alright, sweetie. I'm heading off to bed. Sleep well, dear. Goodnight.' she signed before she kissed my forehead and made her way off the bed. She turned on my candle as she passed the dresser so that I wouldn't have to get out of bed to do so, and closed my door behind her as she left the room.

I grabbed my iPod off the night stand, and turned my lamp off before getting comfortable in bed. I put the earbuds in my ears and turned it on. I listened to my mother's lullaby for me first, and then just let it play random songs on shuffle.

I fell asleep halfway through a song by Our Lady Peace, I believe it was called 'Somewhere Out There', and only one thought registered in my mind before I slipped fully into slumber...

_I know you're out there, somewhere out there...._

_

* * *

_

**AN: If any of you have never heard that song by Our Lady Peace..I strongly recommend it. I listen to it every time I think of people I have loved that have passed on..it's rather soothing to me. They've been one of my favorite bands since I was about 15...damn that was so long ago. I hope you all enjoyed the mother/daughter time. They seriously haven't had enough of it. And onward with part 2! R&R PLS & TY!**


	29. Strange Friends & Sweet Opportunities

**AN: And here's part 2. I know some of you out there are going to be like..Oh God that's so cheesy and overdone with something that happens in this chapter..but I'm only using it as a foreshadow for future events. Pay more attention to the opportunities presented by the events and not so much the actual event. I only use it to show in future chapters just how _far_ Edward will go for Bella..nothing more. ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but a waste basket full of tissues...Ew...ok that was gross..Pardon my word vomit, I seem to have lost control of my fingers under the influence of cough syrup!**

* * *

Strange Friends and Sweet Opportunities

EPOV

Class ended quickly, and Emmett and I made our way out of class to meet up with Jasper. We walked together towards the gymnasium to dress out for practice...which I was _not_ looking forward to. I took a quick look around the parking lot on our way across the quad and spotted Newton jogging towards Alice and Bella. He finally caught up to them, but they kept walking as he spoke to them.

I nudged Jasper in his side and bumped my head in the direction of the girls. He quickly looked that way, as did Emmett. We stopped walking to observe what was going on over there. Something that Newton said made Bella suddenly stop and glare at him. Alice the said something to Newton, and she appeared to be laughing, or at the very least giggling.

"I wonder what he said to her," Jasper said in a distant and contemplative voice.

"I can only imagine what he would say that would cause Bella to glare at him that way," I said as I continued to watch their exchange.

In an instant, Alice's laughter ceased and turned into an almost ill looking grimace. She went to say something to him, but her face contorted and it looked oddly enough like she gagged.

"Well, whatever he said just made that little pranking pixie almost vomit," Em chuckled. Jasper glared at him quickly before looking back at the girls.

Alice said something quickly, then grabbed a hold of Bella, and the two of them started to retreat backwards slowly. The expression on Alice's face filled me with fear as to what he could have possibly said.

When they finally had a decent amount of distance between them, Alice spun them around and they bolted for the car, and within half a minute the car was ripping its way out of the lot.

"What is his fucking problem?" Jasper said angrily.

"I think he's missing some chromosomes or something," I replied in awe of his blatant idiocy.

"Be sure to ask Alice later what he said...I'm dyin' to know," Emmett said as he shook his head. Jasper immediately glared at him, but cut it off real quick when I looked at him, but I caught it just the same. Emmett apparently caught it too, as he quickly looked to the ground and turned to storm off towards the gym.

_Weird...it's not like it's a secret that he talks to Alice...whatever..they're both acting weird today._

Jasper and I followed closely behind and made it into the locker room shortly after. The locker room was filled with the echoes of the typical jests and jeers of sports related male bonding. Guys taunting each other left and right, knocking each other into lockers and such. I chuckled as I made my way to my locker.

_Some things never change..._

We dressed quickly and made our way out to the field to start the first laps of our 3 mile run, courtesy of the two testosterone riddled jackasses that just had to fight earlier. I had just finished my fourth lap when Coach Clapp yelled my name and waved me over. I ran over quickly to see what he wanted, I didn't want to waste much time, and end up being the last one to finish the 3 mile run. We couldn't officially start practice until each one of us completed the laps.

"Hey, Edward. I wanted to talk to you for a minute about some changes for the baseball team this spring. Let's head into my office," he said with authority.

"Sir, I don't mean to be rude, but I have to finish my laps or the team can't start practice," I said apologetically.

"Don't worry about that. You've just been granted a reprieve from that sentence," he said through his laughter as he headed back towards the gym.

I followed him into the building, and then back to his office. When we got there he gestured to a seat in front of his desk, and I fluidly slid into it.

I briefly considered if I had done something wrong to get thrown off the team for the approaching season, but I couldn't think of anything that would warrant that. Coach Clapp also didn't appear angry or disappointed, so I figured I wasn't in trouble, I just didn't know what was so important that it couldn't wait til the season started.

"I brought you here, Edward, to ask you if you would be interested in being team Captain this year. I understand that it's highly abnormal for a new varsity level player to be in this position, much less a Junior rather than a Senior, but I can't think of a better person to lead us into this season," he said, sincerity dripping from his tone.

I was floored. Never, and I do mean _never_, has a Junior _ever_ been team Captain. It's _always_ been reserved for Senior players. I stared at him in shock as he leaned forward, propping his elbows on the desk in front of him, and folding his arms together.

"I've already spoken to Coach Jackson about the situation, and he readily agrees with me that you are the best candidate for the position. I'm not going to lie, it's a difficult position to fulfil. You'll be responsible for coming up with the line-ups and with making sure that each player is in a position that utilizes their strengths. You'll work in collaboration with both Coach Jackson and myself, creating plays and strategies that you will then practice with the team to ensure our path into the state championships. I highly suggest, should you take this opportunity being presented to you, that you take the position seriously, just as all of our past Captains have. We haven't missed the state championships in over 15 years, and of those 15, there have been only 3 where we didn't take the title," he continued sternly.

He sat back in his chair and eyed me for a few minutes. I sincerely had no idea what to think. I had always hoped to make Captain...but I knew that it wasn't even a possibility for another year.

"Sir, won't the other players be a bit... put off having a Junior as a team Captain?" I asked hesitantly.

"Don't worry about them, Edward. I can guarantee that each of the Senior players respect both you and your abilities. They will regard you with no ill will, as they each _know _why they haven't been chosen," he replied encouragingly.

"Thank you, Sir. But, are you _sure_ I'm the right person for the position? I haven't even played a full year at varsity level, only a few short weeks at the end of last season," I said disbelievingly.

"Edward, you are an incredibly strong player. Your abilities far surpass most of the other members of the team. Add that to your level-head and maturity, and you've molded the perfect Captain. You, son, are the epitome of what we look for in our Captains, and it's an honor to be able to present you with this opportunity," he said, his voice full of pride.

I knew how stressful this position could be. I also knew what it could do for me down the road. It's common knowledge that every Captain has been offered a full ride to almost any Ivy League University of their choosing, and I would be a complete fool not to take the opportunity.

"Thank you, Sir. It would be an honor to accept this position...provided that the rest of the team agrees with your choice. As much as I would like to be selfish at this point in time, and accept the position immediately...I do not wish to take the opportunity away from any of those who may need it during their senior year. I am not foolish enough to not realize the opportunities that they could possibly miss out on should I accept this position today," I replied considerately.

"There's no need for that, son. Each member has already been spoken to at one point or another today. They all conceded to the suggestion. In fact, most seemed to be thoroughly pleased that we had chosen you," he said reflectively.

"Well then, Sir, if you all are sure....I accept," I said with a wide grin. He stuck his hand out, and I grasped it firmly with mine.

"I guess this belongs to you then.." he said with a smug smile as he reached behind him and pulled out a Varsity Captain's jacket, and tossed it to me. I held it up in front of me, amazed that I was actually holding it, and it was _mine_.

It was royal blue with white sleeves and gold and white striped trim around the collar and cuffs. The front left chest had a Spartan's head in white and underneath it said Captain in script. I quickly turned the jacket around to see the back and my mouth dropped.

There was a _huge_white Spartan's head on the back, and below it was our team's name, Spartans, in an awesome looking font. Above the mascot head was my name in the same font as our team name, Masen. On each shoulder of the sleeves, it had my number 17 in royal blue with gold trim shadowing the numbers and Cpt. under the number.

I was in _awe_. The jackets were never _this _awesome! They were always cool looking...but shit! This was above and beyond anything I had seen before. I slowly stood from my chair and slid it over my arms and pulled the front closed in front of me to check the fit, and of course..it was perfect.

"Looks good on ya kid!" Coach Clapp barked through his wide grin.

"This is incredible, I don't even know what to say..." I said still completely floored at the new design.

"Hell, ya don't need to say anything to me. Thank your pal Jasper, he presented me with the design at the end of last year. He heard that we were looking to modernize our traditional jacket design, and he came up with this," he said as he waved towards the jacket.

"He also suggested that all the members of the team be able to have their own version of the team jacket, so he came up with a design for those as well. It's not quite as... _bold_, for lack of a better word, as yours, but we think the guys will be ecstatic to receive them," he said as I removed the jacket to look at the back once more.

"What do theirs look like?" I asked out of curiosity.

He pulled out one of the jackets from a box, and it just happened to be Emmett's. It was similar to mine in that it had the royal blue front and Spartan head on the left chest, but under the head it had the number 24. The sleeves of the jacket were gold instead of white, and the collar and cuffs were white and blue striped. He spun the jacket around so I could see the back, and it had the Spartan head on it, but his name above it was in the traditional plain font reading McCarty. There were no numbers on the sleeves or the team name under the Spartan head. It was only slightly different from what the old Captain's jackets used to look like. They were awesome looking, but nothing compared to what I held in my hands.

"I think the guys will probably have a heart attack. There's never been _team_ jackets before," I said admiringly.

"Yeah, well, they better appreciate it because these cost this school a pretty damn penny," he said with a disgruntled tone. I laughed at his expression.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about, Sir. I doubt they'll ever take them off," I said honestly through my chuckles.

"Alright, Masen...get outta here. I've kept you here long enough," he chuckled.

I stood, shook his hand once more, and headed to put my jacket in my locker before I headed back outside. As I headed towards the field, all the guys stopped what they were doing and faced me. Coach Jackson yelled out in my direction.

"SO WHAT'S IT GONNA BE, MASEN?!" he boomed. I laughed.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK?!" I boomed back at him.

"THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT, CAPTAIN!" he boomed once again before the guys on the field started hootin' and hollering, making wolf calls, and high fiving each other.

Once I finally made it over there Coach Jackson stuck his hand out, and I shook it firmly.

"Congrats, kid. You're one lucky S.O.B. you know that right?" he said sincerely as he smiled.

I nodded and responded seriously, "Yes, Sir. Thank you for your support in the decision."

"It was my pleasure, kid. Now get your ass on the field...we've still got an hour left of practice," he said sternly as he pointed to where all the guys were still in a total uproar.

I made my way over to them and thanked each of them as they congratulated me. Jazz approached me with a wary expression before he spoke.

"So...how do you like the new design?" he asked guardedly.

"Jazz, bro. It's...." I paused for emphasis," it's fuckin' _amazing_, dude! I can't believe you came up with that! Maybe you should look into design school instead of the military," I said through my laughter as I threw my arm over his shoulder and smacked his back.

"How's it look, man? I haven't seen it all together yet," he said with a wide grin.

"Dude, it's freaking surreal. I've never seen anything like it...that bitch is goin' to the grave with me," I said as I shook my head, once again in awe that he designed it.

The fact that I owned a Captain's jacket at all was amazing, but the fact that my best friend, and brother, designed it made it even more surreal to me.

Coach Jackson pulled us back in again, and had us run some plays before calling it a day. I didn't mention anything about the team jackets, I wanted that to stay a surprise for them. We made our way back to the showers just before six and dressed quickly.

I took my Captain's jacket out and put it on instead of the one I had worn to school this morning. Jazz and Em, along with a few of the other guys in the locker room that were also on the baseball team, just looked at the jacket in complete awe.

"Dude, that is the _hottest_ Captain's jacket I've ever seen...it even trumps the Olympic Bears from last year," Emmett said as he circled me to take in all angles of the jacket.

"Come on guys, lets blow this joint... I've got shit to do tonight," Jasper said as he started to walk towards the exit.

"Oh yeah... what are you actually planni..."Emmett started, but Jasper cut him off.

"And _you_," Jasper said sternly as he pointed at Em's face, "have to hit the road if you want to make it to Seattle by midnight, _bro_," Jasper said in a calm voice, but he spat the word bro. I shook my head at them as I followed them out to my car.

_What is this..a pissing contest between these two on who can act the weirdest today?..._

_

* * *

_

**AN: I just want to say..that in NO way shape or form am I living vicariously through Bella's potential to be dating the captain of the baseball team as my stupid friend has been accusing me of. LOL actually, that person (baseball captain) when I was in high school I probably would have run over with my car if ever given the chance...it still makes me warm and fuzzy to think about doing that..he really was an ass, and according to local word of mouth the last time I was out there, still is. Not surprising in the least. Okay enough of my useless rambling... R&R PLS & TY!**

**P.S.- Anyone starting to have ideas of what's going on with certain characters yet?? I'd love to hear them! But...unfortunately, I won't tell you if you're right, but I will give you a shout out in the reveal chapter....**


	30. CollegeInterrogations&BrotherlyBonding

**AN: Because I love you all so much, and I'm suffering from some typing crazed induced insomnia..I'm posting these chapters early for you. Originally this one was set to come out today, and the following one I was going to try and sneak in over the weekend at work to tide you all over, but I'm overly excited at how it came out..and I can't hold it in anymore. I might be in a cough syrup induced hallucination, but I'm in love with the next chapter..and I hope you all will be too! It's massive..over 10,000 words on it's own and written completely under the influence LOL...the ending line will prove it. If it sucks..tell me and I'll pull it and edit it when I'm no longer drinking cough syrup like hot cocoa. Enjoy this 2 part early update! Next one won't be til Monday..so make it last LOL.**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but a twitching eyelid that has driven me insane as I wrote these chapters! Damn bothersome eyelids. SM owns all Twilight related material**

* * *

College Interrogations and Brotherly Bonding

EPOV

I dropped both Emmett and Jasper off at their respective homes, before heading back to my own. I was ambushed, and I couldn't wait to just get some dinner in me and head off to bed. I pulled the car into my spot in the garage and headed towards the house after closing the garage door.

I made my way down the front hall, and noticed that it was eerily quiet in the house. I began to wonder if anyone was even at home.

"Mom?!" I called out, but there was no answer. I headed up the stairs, thinking maybe she was upstairs cleaning or something, but after checking every room I found that she wasn't there either.

_Hm..maybe she's out with Dad or Esme..._

I went back downstairs and headed to the kitchen. I pulled the refrigerator door open and pulled out some items to make a quick sandwich. I quickly put my sandwich together and grabbed a glass of water and headed to the kitchen island counter. I sat down and started to think as I ate slowly.

_What was up with Jazz and Em today? They were both acting so strange at the end of the day. I can't believe Jazz designed that jacket...I never knew he had it in him. _

_I wonder what Bella's doing right now...she's probably hanging out with Alice. Hah..that was priceless what she pulled off today. I never would have figured her as the pranking type. I'm so glad Bella actually talked to me today...maybe this road won't be so hazardous after all..._

"Edward, dear. You're going to spoil your appetite for dinner," my mother called as she snuck up behind me causing me to nearly jump out of my seat.

"Good Lord, Mom! You scared the bejesus out of me!' I cried out as my pulse pounded in my veins.

"Oh, I'm sorry dear. I didn't realize you hadn't heard me come in through the greenhouse door," she said as she giggled.

"It's alright, you just startled me is all," I said trying to hide my embarrassment at being caught so off-guard.

"So how was school today?" she asked curiously as she rested her arms on the counter across from me.

"It was amazing...Bella and I actually talked today, well not _talked _exactly, but we wrote notes back and forth and there were no fiery disasters," I said as I smiled thinking about our conversation.

"Then in gym, Alice apparently put hair dye in the shampoo of some of the girls that have been harassing Bella for years, turning their hair vibrant shades of green, blue, purple, orange, red, and hot pink...it was hilarious," I choked out through my boisterous laughter. My mom just raised her eyebrows in shock.

"Then during practice, Coach Clapp pulled me into his office and offered me the team Captain position for baseball this coming season...Mom, you don't understand how amazing that is. No junior or first year varsity player has _ever_ gotten the position...it's incredible. He even gave me a Captain's jacket..look," I said excitedly as I passed her the jacket.

She took it and looked it over, nodding as she admired the design.

"It's lovely, sweetheart. I'm proud of you," she said sincerely.

"You'll never guess who designed the jacket either..." I trailed off leaving her room to think.

"I'd have no idea, honey. Who designed it?" she asked curiously.

"Jasper," I said simply.

Her facial expressions ranged from awe, to shock, to pride in just a matter of seconds as she looked at the jacket once more.

"Wow...I never would have thought he would have designed it. Honestly I probably would have guessed Emmett before him, only because he's a sports fanatic," she said as she giggled.

"I know..me either. I was just as shocked when the coach told me," I replied.

"So did you and Bella manage to fix everything today?" she asked with concern.

"No," I said as I shook my head and my smile faltered just slightly, "but I did tell her the truth about how much I missed her and how hard it's been to stay away from her. She asked for time to sort through it all...she's a bit skeptic that my intentions are sincere, and I don't blame her, I'd probably feel the same way in her shoes. I promised her that I'd be there whenever and wherever she needed me when and if the time ever came," I said truthfully.

"Well, dear. It's a start, and a vast improvement from yesterday. We can only hope that, given time, she'll realize how very sincere you are. I truly do miss her, she was like a daughter to me," she replied wistfully.

"I know, Mom. I'm sure she'll come around eventually," I said confidently.

She nodded and seemed to be lost in thought, so I figured I'd just finish my sandwich in silence. A few minutes passed and she gasped and looked at me.

"Oh...I almost forgot to tell you. We're having a Garden Club gathering here tomorrow. I know how you like to avoid the old ladies that like to pinch your cheeks. Did you have any plans for tomorrow?" she asked as she giggled over my grimace at the mention of the cheek pinching old ladies.

Honestly...none of them were really old, but that damn cheek pinching belongs to old ladies with silver hair, not women in their mid 40s and 50s.

"No, but now I'll be sure to make some," I replied as I laughed.

My mom shook her head as she giggled and walked away. I cleaned up my mess and headed up the stairs to try and get some homework done before dinner. When I got to my room I decided to give a quick call to Jazz in an effort to stay away from this house tomorrow. He picked up on the third ring.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Hey Jazz, what are you up to tomorrow? My mom's having one of those damn garden meeting things and I really don't wanna be stuck here," I said quickly.

"Umm...nothing really until later on in the evening. What do you want to do?" he replied hesitantly at first, but then continued on like normal.

"Who cares...as long as it's away from here. Up for a Halo tourny?" I asked...I knew how much he loved playing Halo...it wasn't my favorite, but I was good at it and Jazz was good competition.

"Sounds good, bro. I'll see you tomorrow...I gotta go run some errands for my mom," he replied quickly.

"Alright, man. See ya tomorrow. Later bro," I said before I hung up.

I sat down at my desk and pulled out my calculus homework. I figured if I could at least get that done tonight, I'd be in good shape for enjoying the weekend. An hour later my mom called me down for dinner. I only had a few problems left and I was positive I could get it done before heading to bed.

I got downstairs and walked into the dining room to take a seat with my family. My dad was actually home for dinner for once. It was a rare occurance that he would get out of the office before dinner time, and it usually only happened when he didn't have to be in court that day. It was a pleasant surprise to see him at the table when I got there.

"Hey Dad. How was work today?" I asked politely.

"Same old same old, son. I hear you made team Captain today," he replied with a prideful grin peeking out from behind his newspaper.

"Yeah, pretty amazing huh?" I said as I smiled.

"Did I ever tell you that I was team Captain for baseball when I went to school there?" he asked as he folded his newspaper and tossed it aside.

"No, I knew you played, but I wasn't aware that you were team Captain," I replied, a little taken aback that I hadn't ever known that about him.

"Yessir. That's how I got into Dartmouth. My family never would have been able to afford that, and because of that position I received a full ride," he replied still grinning.

"Yeah, I've heard that the team Captains are always offered placement at Ivy League Universities, that's why I asked Coach Clapp to make sure that none of the seniors needed it before I took the position. He said that they all denied the position because they thought I was the right person for it," I replied proudly.

"Have you given any thought to what you want for your future? Career choices or school preferences?" he asked genuinely interested.

"A little," I started guardedly. I let out a breath of air before I finished hesitantly, "Dad, I know how much you want me to follow in your footsteps with Dartmouth and law school, but I'm not sure that's what I want for my future. I don't see myself as being a lawyer."

"Nonsense, Edward. Regardless of what I would like for you, the decision has to be yours. It's _your _life, son. No one, not even me, can decide what's best for your future in terms of careers. That has to be your choice, because frankly, you're the one that has to attend that job routinely. If you choose something that makes you unhappy, you'll never feel fulfilled. So...with that said, have you thought about what direction you _would_ like to go in?" he replied sternly, but with a kind and comforting undertone.

"Sort of. I'm really debating between two possible directions at the moment. Music being one, and med-school being the other. Carlisle allowed me to follow him around a few times over the summer at work, and it was fascinating," I said excitedly.

I was amazed that my father wasn't angry. I had really figured this would cause a rift between us. He had been pushing Dartmouth on me for as long as I can remember. There's even a picture of me wearing his Dartmouth sweatshirt when I was about 5 in the living room. It swallowed me whole, but the look of pride on my father's face in the picture always made me feel as though I wouldn't have a choice of where I attended college.

"Have you given any thought to schools?" he asked intriguingly.

"Well, I've thought of Julliard for music if I choose that route, and Carlisle suggested John's Hopkins for med-school, should I take that option. He says it's one of the best in the country," I replied pensively.

I really didn't like the fact that both schools were all the way across the country. An entire continent away from Bella. I wasn't too worried about being that far away from Jazz or Em, because our bond was so strong there was nothing a few thousand miles could do to us, but this situation with Bella was too fragile for that kind of distance.

_At least there's still two years left to fix that. Maybe if things are more favorable by then I can convince her to go to school out east as well...._

"Those are both very good schools. I'd be sorry to see you go so far, but I've had years of getting used to that idea with my hopes of Dartmouth, which is in the same part of the country. Take your time making your decision, son. It's one of the biggest you'll ever make in your life, and can only be out ranked by marriage and starting a family of your own," he replied as he chuckled.

"Dad, I'm far from making those two choices. I'd at least like to be done with school before I ever think of _that_," I said truthfully.

"You'd be surprised how that can change," he replied with a glimmer in his eye as he looked at my mother.

"What do you mean, Dad?" I asked as I eyed the both of them. My mom had a dreamy smile on her face, and my father was looking at her with love beaming from his eyes.

"Well, son. Your mother here caught me completely off guard. I was in my second year of law school when I met her. Within months, all I could think of was marrying her, settling down, and starting a family. If it wasn't for her refusing my proposals, and telling me that she would continue to say no until I finished school...I probably would have dropped out and become a bag boy at some local grocery store in a heart beat," he admitted abashedly.

"I never knew. I always thought you were both focused on your schooling before you decided to get married," I replied with an astonished tone.

"Oh, dear. It was quite the opposite," my mother chirped through her giggles, "your father was relentless. I'd have to say, it was at least once a week he would plan something romantic in attempts to woo me into changing my mind," she choked out through her laughter.

"It wasn't that often..." my father grumbled looking down at his now almost empty plate.

"Oh, Ed...it was too and you know it!" she cried out as she shook her fork in his direction.

I laughed at their exchange. It was heartwarming to see how much in love they still were after all these years. All the hardships behind them, and the rough roads paved smooth. It filled me with hope for my situation with Bella. I had never really thought about marriage, but now that it was mentioned...there's really only one person I can say I'd ever want to see in a white dress walking towards me as I stood at an altar. And it was Bella.

_Wow...I'm really a goner aren't I...._

I shook my head at myself, wondering how I had never seen exactly how far gone I had actually become. Dinner ended soon after, and I headed back up to my room to finish up my calculus homework.

As soon as I was finished with it, I quickly changed into my sleep bottoms only and climbed into bed in attempts to get some much needed sleep. I wanted to be up bright and early so I could flee from this house before any of those cheek pinching women showed up. Thankfully, sleep found me quickly, and before I knew it, I was out cold.

My alarm clock went off at quarter to 8 in the morning. I hopped out of bed and took a quick shower and got changed. I threw on a Seattle Mariners baseball cap to cover up my unruly hair, and headed down to the kitchen to grab a quick breakfast.

My mother was down there already, making eggs and bacon. I grabbed a glass of orange juice and took a seat at the counter.

"Smells great, Mom," I said pleasantly.

"Thank you, dear. I hope your hung....Edward, take that hat off while you sit at the table," she scolded me as she turned around to face me.

"I'm not at the table though, Mom, and my hair is being positively obstinate today," I said as I begrudgingly removed my hat and placed it in my lap.

"Edward," she started through her laughter, "your hair is just fine, it's no messier than usual. You know it's improper to wear a hat while you're eating a meal at a table...or counter whichever you prefer. There are very few exceptions to the rule, and you know this," she replied, attempting to be stern but it was marred by her laughter.

"Yeah, like ball games where the food consists of hot dogs and nachos right?" I joked.

"Absolutely, dear. Thank you for taking the hat off," she said sincerely.

"No prob, Mom," I said simply.

"Speaking of games...Edward would you like to go to a Seahawks game tomorrow?" my dad asked as he walked into the kitchen, "Some of the guys at the office got tickets, and someone wasn't able to make so I have an extra one, if you would like to go."

"That'd be great, dad," I replied excitedly.

"Great, we're going to have to get up early to get there on time, the game starts at noon," he informed me as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"I don't have a problem with that. I'll probably bring the rest of my homework to Jazz's today so I can get it done. I won't have time to finish it tomorrow since we'll be gone all day," I said with a smile as I stepped off my chair to bring my plate to the sink.

"Good idea. I'm not sure what time we'll be getting in tomorrow night. And don't even think for a second that this trip gets you out of school on Monday, mister," he finished with a crooked grin similar to my own.

"Trust me, I wouldn't dream of it. I don't think you could force me to stay home from school at this point!" I called out as I jogged down the hallway to head up the stairs to pack my bag. I faintly heard him ask my mother what had gotten into me, and I can almost be sure she'd tell him about the whole Bella situation. I'm sure we'd have lots to talk about on the drive up to Seattle tomorrow about that. I know he misses her as much as my mother does, it's just harder to judge it because he's home so infrequently.

It was a little after 9am when I was finally ready to head out the door. I hoped Jazz was up already, as it was uncomfortable sometimes to sit with his father. His mother was always warm and gracious, but his father put me on edge occasionally with his stern demeanor. He reminded me a lot of Bella's father, Charlie. It must be the whole "authoritative" role that they live by daily that makes them seem so frigid.

I know under their outwardly demeanor they really aren't that way, as I've witnessed both without their facades, but it's infrequent that you see it. They're nothing like Emmett's father or my own, or even Carlisle for that matter. Sometimes I wonder how Bella adjusted to that change, or if she even notices it at all, as I'm sure her father couldn't have been as intimidating in her eyes as he was in ours growing up.

The again...sometimes I think we just feared him because he was the Chief of Police, and he would know if any of us ever got in trouble. The same probably goes for Jasper's father. We were all scared of him growing up because he was an Army General, strict to the max. He's leveled out some since he retired, but the man still intimidates me from time to time.

I pulled up to Jasper's house, walked up to the door, and knocked gently. I didn't want to wake anyone if they were still sleeping. Jasper's mother opened the door.

"Hello, Edward dear. Jasper said he was expecting you, he's up in the shower...come on in, honey," she said graciously.

"Thank you, Mrs. Whitlock. How have you been?" I asked politely as I walked through the door.

"Wonderful, dear. How about yourself?" she asked warmly.

"I've been good. Thanks," I replied as I placed my bag on the last step of the stairs.

"Are you hungry, sugar? You're more than welcome to anything in the kitchen," she said, her southern accent more prominant than usual. It made me smile. Sometimes I forget that she's the reason Jasper has a slightly southern twang when he speaks.

"No thank you, Mrs. Whitlock. I ate before I left my house," I replied politely.

"Sweetheart, you must stop calling me Mrs. Whitlock...it makes me feel _old_...please call me Catherine or even Cathy...anything but Mrs. Whitlock.. it reminds me of John's mother," she said as she laughed.

"My apologies, Catherine," I replied as I chuckled...I had almost thought to call her ma'am, but decided against it.

"And don't ever think of calling me ma'am either! That's even worse! Forget old...that makes me feel _ancient_," she chortled and I laughed as she continued, "I don't know what it is about southern men thinking that ma'am is a respectful term for someone under the age of 50, but respectful it is _not_," she grumbled with a reflective expression.

"Well," I started as I chuckled, "I'm glad I decided against calling you ma'am a second ago. I had deliberated it for a moment," I replied mirthfully.

"Oh, you just go right along ahead and try it, and see what happens," she replied with mock severity. Her playful glare and smirk completely giving her away. I laughed boisterously.

I held my hands up in mock surrender, "No worries here...I'll keep that warning in mind," I chuckled and winked in her direction. She turned to head into the kitchen shaking her head and snickering.

"Quit flirting with my mother or I'll be forced to acquaint your face with the floor," Jazz choked out his factitious threat through his hearty laughter.

"Hey, I can't help it...she flirted with me first," I jested back at him.

"Yeah...you _wish_," he replied with a smug grin.

"Actually...." I trailed off with a smirk on my face. He spun and glared at me. I guffawed.

"I'm just fuckin' with you man. You're mom's nice and all, but I prefer both brunettes and women my own age," I said honestly through my remaining chuckles.

"Hell, you better! Cause that's just funk-nasty! There's no _way_ I'm ever callin' you Pops," he chortled as we climbed the stairs. I bust out in a fit of laughter again, almost falling over the last step.

"Bro, that's just _wrong_ on so many levels it isn't even funny," I replied seriously as I cringed at the idea.

"So did you make it out of the house unassailed?" he asked with a wicked grin that could only mean he was hoping I had gotten cornered on my way out. Too bad I get to disappoint him...NOT!

"Completely unscathed...I'm a stealthy bugger...remember that, bro," I joked.

"Damn...I was _so _hoping at least one of them would have gotten to you," he jested.

"Thanks, bro. It's nice to know you'd feed me to the wolves if given the chance," I said sarcastically.

"You bet your ass I would....if it saved my life," he chortled. I laughed and looked at him incredulously.

"You're such a _pal_. It's a good thing I run faster than you," I retorted.

"Only if I don't trip you first," he choked out through his laughter. I laughed hysterically as I plopped on his bed and fell back, holding my sides that were starting to cramp.

Jazz went to hook up the controllers and set up the game. He threw a controller in my direction, but I told him to start without me. I told him that I was going to Seattle for a game tomorrow and that I needed to finish my homework real quick. He just shrugged and plopped down on a bean bag and started his game.

I finished all of my assignments in a little over an hour and joined Jazz on the floor. We teamed up and played for a few hours until his mother called us down for lunch. We returned to our tournament afterwards and continued playing, continuously trying to mess each other up, and ragging on each other left and right.

It felt good to be free of any stress for a while. Being around Jazz often had that affect on me. He was normally a calming person to be around, and he was easy to joke around with. It took a lot to rile him up, unlike Emmett.

Emmett can only take so much when it comes to egging each other on. At some point he always gets pissed as his competitive nature reaches its peak, and God forbid he loses...he'll pout for a solid week over it.

Of course, it never helps that we rub it in his face any chance that we can get...but hey..what are friends for right?

Around 4 Jazz called it quits. I figured it was safe to head back to the house by this point. Their "meetings" didn't usually last past about 2, so I figured I was in the clear. I packed up my bag, and Jasper followed me down to the door.

"Alright, bro. Have a good time tomorrow...it's been a while since you've had any real time with your pops," he said sincerely as he held up his fist.

"Will do. See ya Monday morning," I replied as I bumped his fist with my own. "Tell your parents I said goodbye, I didn't see them on the way out," I called out as I made my way down his driveway.

"Sure thing," he called back before he shut the door.

I drove quickly back to my house, and was a bit dismayed to still see a few cars in the driveway. I was however glad to see that Esme's car was still here. Hopefully I'd get the chance to ask her how Bella was doing after everyone else left. I didn't want to be rude and interrupt their meeting just to ask her, even though it was completely rude of me not to say hello to my mother's guests...but it was survival instinct at this point.

I made my way through the house, on guard as I walked stealthily, making sure I didn't cross paths with anyone. I didn't see anyone around, so I figured they were all in the greenhouse. That was fine by me.

I put my stuff in my room and headed back downstairs to the front room. I wanted to spend just a few minutes behind the piano, and I knew that as long as they were in the greenhouse, no one would hear me.I sat down, and started playing my melody, attempting to see if I could get any further with it.

I had only been playing for a few minutes, when something in me felt like it shifted. Something in my chest felt warm and it spread throughout my body like wildfire. I disregarded it, thinking it had something to do with the melody I was playing...that was until I literally _felt_ like someone was staring at me. I slowed my fingers on the keys in preparation to open my eyes and snap my head to catch whoever it was that was staring at me off-guard. The feeling was starting to irk the living daylights out of me...

_Who the hell is staring at me from the entry-way?!...._

_

* * *

_

**AN: Awww..see how sweet I am when I'm sick? No one got left with a cliffie over the weekend. Hey who loves startled Edward as much as I do?! I love being able to do that to him in human form...it's just no fun trying to sneak up on vampires that can smell you and hear you a mile away...totally ruins it. R&R PLS & TY!**


	31. Radio Dedications & a Haunting Melody

**AN: I just want to point out that I just recently realized that I am apparently retarded. They say you can teach an old dog new tricks..but apparently I can't teach myself how to spell embarrassment, separate, or stupefied correctly, as spell-check catches it every time I write it. LOL...sorry. My sense of humor is severely altered at the moment. Enjoy this chapter...just don't strain your eyes too badly attempting to do so...it's mighty long, and I have a feeling it's to blame for my current eyelid issue. Without further nonsense from the author that needs to be carted away to a room with padded walls apparently...ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight...but I do own a pretty sweet imaginary view off of a patio!**

* * *

Radio Dedications and a Haunting Melody

BPOV

For the first time, in what feels like forever, I woke up this morning feeling slightly refreshed. I hadn't slept the whole way through the night, but I only woke up twice. For the most part, my dreams were pleasant. It was only a brief flash of something horrific at the end that would startle me awake.

The only down side to last night...when I woke up, I found it harder to fall back asleep again. Each time I woke up I felt overcome with grief. Grief that was caused by dreaming of my parents.

It's never been uncommon for me to dream of them, but the dreams I've had in the past have never been comprised of the happier moments I shared with them, as they were last night. I've come to find, that over the years it has been easier for me to remember their last moments, and the brief few weeks that led up to them, rather than the moments from earlier days. Days when we were happy. Days when there was no fighting, no violence, and no fleeing to desert wastelands.

Ever since I told Alice about my past, something has been tugging at the corners of my mind. Too many things about that time don't add up in my head, and it took me telling the whole story to realize that. However, at this point in time...I don't think I want to know. Simply because, if it was big enough to make my parents act the way they did...I don't think I can handle finding the missing pieces to the puzzle.

During one of the hours last night that I was unable to fall back asleep, I began writing my experience from that dark time in my life. I want to be able to share it with Esme and Carlisle, but I really can't handle going through the whole thing at once again. It's just too much to bear. I figure, if I write just a little bit each day, or at least whenever I feel up to it, at some point it will be complete and I can present it to each of them as a way of opening my heart and soul up to them completely. It terrifies me to put myself in such a vulnerable position, but I trust them. It may have taken me years to be able to do so, but I do nonetheless.

I'm not quite sure of exactly how much they already know about my situation. It's occured to me that they must have had some prior knowledge of at least the most minute details of my condition and what led me to be the way that I am, as I'm sure it would have been an impossible feat for any person without some type of knowledge of the situation to exhibit the level of understanding and compassion that they have. I can only hope that their feelings for me won't change when they realize that it was my inability to remain silent that led to the catastrophic events of that day.

I finally got out of bed at 8 am, and just in time too. Alice came prancing through the door just as I was stretching my stiff muscles. She smiled at me in a devious way, and I quirked an eyebrow at her in question.

'Bella...can I choose your outfit for today? I promise you will look _fabulous_ in it.' she signed excitedly. We were only going to be around a bunch of grown and hopefully mature women, so I just shrugged at her and waved her towards my closet as I took off to take a shower.

I quickly showered, brushed my teeth, applied some oil free lotion to my face, and wrapped my hair in a towel before heading back into my room in just a robe, that Alice had bought for me behind my back and ripped the tags off of so she couldn't return it, and my undergarments. There was no sense in doing anything with my hair when she would just re-do it anyhow.

I walked back into my room and chanced a look at the outfit that she had chosen. All in all, it wasn't too bad. She pulled out the blue satin shirt with the silver belt, and a pair of strategically faded dark blue jeans. I could live with that.

I made my way over to the bed and picked up the pants. I pulled them on under my robe and went to reach for the shirt, but Alice grabbed a hold of my hand before I could get to it. I looked at her as she rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet.

'Bella, do you trust me?' she signed with an expectant look.

'Hypothetically...yes. But I am afraid of you at the moment.' I signed back, half sarcastically and half honest.

She picked up a bag that was sitting on the bed, and pulled out a camisole that was light grey with shiny silver threads running all through it. I looked at her confusedly.

_What does she want me to do with that? There's no way I'm only wearing _that_ today...even if it weren't for the scars, it's too damn _cold_ for just a tank top!_

'Oh, Bella. Don't look at me like that! It's for under the blue shirt. Will you wear them together like you wore the plaid shirt yesterday? I'll do your make-up again so you don't have to worry about anything.' she signed hurriedly.

I thought about it for a minute, and concluded that if I was brave enough to wear something like that to school yesterday around a bunch of immature imbiciles, I could _certainly_ wear it today around a bunch of middle-aged, mature women.

'Sure Alice. What the hell...it's just brunch with a bunch of old ladies.' I signed jokingly.

"Ohhhh...I'm tellin' Esme you called her old!" Alice whisper yelled through her giggles.

'Don't you dare! I was only joking!' I signed back, only half fearful that she would actually do so. Esme was by no means _old_. She wasn't even 40 yet.

"I'm only messing with you, Bella. I'd never do that...even if you were serious," she said incredulously as she rolled her eyes.

Alice pulled my desk chair over to my dresser once again and got to work. She did my make-up first, and then tended to my hair. When she was finished, she gestured towards the mirror. Once again, I was pleasantly surprised.

You couldn't see the scar, and she kept my make-up light with just some eye-liner, mascara, and a shimmering eye-shadow that was just barely visibly light blue. She curled my hair so that it fell in loose ringlets over my shoulders, and parted the front to the side. She finished my hair with a satiny thin headband that was the same shade of blue as my shirt, and had a tiny bow cute little bow on it placed strategically over the part in my hair. I loved it. Every single bit of it. I actually felt pretty today, and not like some creature that just crawled out of a dungeon somewhere.

By the time we made it downstairs it was already 9am, and Esme wanted to be at Liz's house by 9:30 to help her set up and prepare for the other ladies' arrival. Alice and I quickly ate breakfast and headed out the door with Esme. I was slightly curious as to why Alice's Porsche was in our driveway, as I had figured she would have just rode along with us.

"Bella? Do you want to ride with me? I'm only taking my car because I have to be home by four, and I didn't want to rush Esme out of there before she was ready to go," Alice chirped as she hopped over to her car. I turned towards Esme. I really didn't want her to be offended if I chose to ride with Alice.

Esme smiled at me warmly, "Go ahead dear, at least if we get separated you know where to point for her to go," she said encouragingly before kissing my cheek and making her way to her own car.

I smiled and half skipped towards Alice and her Porsche. I felt kind of silly as I felt my curls boucing with my step, but it was a light and carefree feeling, and I reveled in it.

I climbed into the car, and quickly buckled my seat belt. Alice pulled out of the driveway slowly, I think she didn't want to be reprimanded by Esme for her typical driving style, and waited for Esme to pull in front of her and lead the way.

We followed behind Esme's new, black, Mercedes GL450 for a few minutes before a song came on the radio. It immediately reminded me of Alice and all that she's done for me. I turned up the radio as the beginning piano notes of Evanescence's 'Bring Me to Life' came on.

She looked at me out of the corner of eye and I quickly pointed to the radio, then my chest, then to my temple, and finally at her. I hoped she understood that I meant to say that this song makes me think of her. She listened to the song for a few minutes before her facial expression changed. I gathered she had never heard the song before, or at least had never paid attention to the lyrics.

She quickly pulled over to the side of the road, and I caught just a glimpse of a tear that had just fallen from her eye as she shot across the console and enveloped me in a hug. She pulled back after just a minute and looked at me.

'Bella. Thank you. I'm amazed that a song like that makes you think of me.' she signed to me.

'Alice...if it wasn't for you, I'd still be living in the dark. I'd still be lost within myself. I'd still be dead inside, but I'm not anymore. I feel more alive than I have in years, and it's all because of you. It's not you who should be thanking me for a song that someone else wrote. It's _me_ who should be thanking you for bringing me back to life. Thank you, Alice.' I replied hurriedly and with a sincere and heartfelt expression.

She hugged me once again and spoke as she held onto me.

"Bella, it wasn't me who did that. It was _you_. _You_ opened yourself up to me. It wasn't me who brought you back to life, it was _you._ The only part I had in it was being there to witness it, and if that's all it took, I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. You're my best friend, Bella. I'd do anything for you. _Anything_," she spoke candidly, her voice warm and unquavering.

She pulled back then, and we both wiped the few stray tears from our eyes. She turned to look forward and she let out a slight giggle.

"Crap, we lost Esme," she said as she giggled.

I waved off the situation and pointed straight ahead. She started driving again, a little slower than normal so she could catch my silent directions. I put my hand between us and moved it up and down to tell her to slow down, then held up two fingers and then pointed to the right, telling her to make a right on the second street.

She did so and we made our way down the long and windy road. The trees that enclosed the road on either side were beautiful. There were vibrant shades of red, yellow, and orange, just beginning to emerge from the deciduous trees. The pine, and spruce trees that mingled in between remained in all their lively green glory. It was a spectacular view, and was only made more beautiful by the fact that the sun was shining bright over head.

I knew the road to their neighborhood, ad subsequently my old neighborhood, would be coming up at some point on the right, but it had been so long since I had been there that I wasn't quite sure exactly where it was. I tapped Alice's arm gently, and when she looked at me I waved a finger in front of my eyes and then pointed to the right, telling her to keep her eyes open for the street on the right.

She found it just a few short minutes later, and turned onto it. I pointed in the directions that she needed to head in, and carefully avoided my gaze from the direction in which my old home sat. I didn't want to see it, or even see my old cul-de-sac for that matter.

This cluster of neighborhoods that seemed to be in the middle of nowhere in Forks had homes that varied from small two bedroom ranch and bi-level style homes like we used to live in, all the way up to the mansion style homes like the one Edward's family lived in. The further into the development you got, the bigger the houses got it seemed. Edward's cul-de-sac consisted of 3 incredibly long driveways that branched up to their secluded homes that sat perched in the hills.

It was a beautiful sight, and somewhat reminded me of the view from the back of my home now. The only difference being the lack of hills, and a more open landscape. Edward's house was practically surrounded by trees with only a medium sized open area for a front yard, and an extremely large wood and stone patio in the back that was built right into the side of the rolling hill.

About seven years ago, Liz had a greenhouse built off to the side of the patio. Edward and I used to spend spring afternoons with her in there, helping her pot and plant flower bulbs. Well, I guess we weren't really helping as much as we were just making an incredible mess, but she always seemed to enjoy watching us.

Alice's mouth fell open as the house came into view. I'm pretty sure I had the same expression the first time I had ever been here, although mine was probably a bit more timid and shy. Alice's family was well off, as you can tell by her owning a Porsche. Homes like this weren't a strange and overwhelming experience for her to see, as it was for me the first time I had seen it.

I remember how hesitant I was the first time I followed Edward here on my bike. It took him forever to get me to go inside with him. My family didn't have much money, but we were happy and never felt the want for anything more. It was extremely intimidating to come face to face with something that was so far beyond what we were accustomed to.

Alice parked her car off to the side in an effort to not get blocked in by the guests that would be arriving in just over an hour. We got out of the car quickly, and made our way over to Esme who was still unloading cookie containers and a few other items. I took a few of the containers from her arms, and Alice took the rest, leaving only a box that looked to be filled with papers for Esme.

"Thank you, girls. Your help is much appreciated," Esme spoke sincerely as she shut the door, we smiled and nodded at her. Esme turned and headed towards the front door and, we followed closely behind her.

The house was just as beautiful as I remembered. The floors were a dark tinted wood, and it was incredibly shiny. The walls were bright white, and there were still bold, dark tapestries adorning the rooms. They elegantly off-set the crispness of the white walls. It briefly made me wonder if Esme had, at some point, had a hand in the design.

It was the complete opposite of our own home, but the collective feel of it reminded me of how Esme decorated my room. All the details were pulled together beautifully with nothing seeming visually awkward or out of place. It all fit together, from the colors, to the unique pieces of furniture adorning the rooms, straight down to the strategic placement of sculptures and pieces of art. The precision and fine detail of the whole scene instantly made me think of Esme.

Liz approached us moments later, breaking me of my admiring gazes.

"Esme, girls! I'm so glad you could make it!," she sang in greeting as she neared us.

"You know very well I wouldn't miss it for the world!," Esme responded cheerfully as she gave Liz a one armed hug, her other arm still cradling the box full of papers.

They pulled away from each other and Liz smiled warmly at Alice and I.

"I brought two very special young ladies with me for a visit," Esme cooed as she smiled in our direction.

"Oh, Bella," Liz crooned, "It's _so _good to see you, sweetheart. You look positively _stunning_, dear," she continued as she wrapped her arms around me and swayed us gently.

I felt the tears begin to prick my eyes at the emotions behind her voice and within her embrace.

"I've missed you _so,_ over these last few years," her voice strained and trembling. I tightened my hold on her slightly, relishing in the emotions of love and adoration that she was blanketing me in.

Liz pulled back after a few moments, and wiped the slight moisture from her eyes, as did I. She gently raised her palm to cup my cheek as her other hand rested over her heart on her chest.

"Your parents would be amazed at the sight of you, sweetheart. You were always a beautiful child, but you have become utterly exquisite, dear," she said admiringly.

I felt the heat slowly creep up my neck and flood into my cheeks at her combined words and awed expression. Liz turned toward Alice then, leaving me standing in all my stunned and blushing glory.

"Hello, dear. I'm glad you could accompany Esme and Bella here today. I've heard only wonderful things about you, sweetheart," Liz cooed to Alice.

"Thank you, Mrs. Masen. You have a beautiful home...it's _amazing_," Alice replied with awe as her eyes darted in every direction that she could find.

"Oh, Thank you, dear. This was all Esme's creation, I'm afraid. I couldn't decorate a shoe box with both eyes wide open," Liz replied through her giggles. "And, please. Call me Liz. Mrs. Masen is much too formal," she finished sincerely.

Alice nodded her acceptance of Liz's request. Alice looked around once again, taking in all the decorative details surrounding her.

"This is nothing like your home, Esme. I never would have guessed it was your design," she said in complete awe, as we made our way towards the kitchen area.

"I've always preferred the more neutral, and earthy tones, whereas Liz here has always preferred the more visually bold, and dark tones. Our tastes for visual impact is probably the only thing that we are at complete opposite ends of the spectrum in," Esme chortled.

"I prefer garden style pastels, myself. They're calming and soothing, and undoubtedly necessary when one is as hyper as I can be," Alice responded through her giggles. Esme, Liz, and I chuckled along with her. She really could be a handful at times.

"You are quite the bundle of energy dear," Esme snickered, and Alice shrugged and giggled in acceptance of her claim. I shook my head and walked towards the back door to peer out over the patio. The vibrant colors of the trees were an incredible sight as they rolled over the hills.

"Bella, dear. Why don't you take Alice on a tour of the house while we prepare for our guests," Liz called out from behind me. I nodded and took Alice's hand to lead her through the house. I didn't feel the need to show her the kitchen, since we had been standing in it for a few minutes already, so I led her across to the dining room.

'It's so beautiful. I love the way Esme incorporated the dark tapestries with the neutral wall and floor tones. And this furniture is incredible.' Alice signed to me as her gaze wandered around the room.

'Yeah, the only thing that's changed are the walls. They used to be white. Maybe Esme is rubbing off on Liz.' I laughed silently as I signed my response to her.

I led her quickly through the rest of the rooms downstairs. I showed her where the bathrooms were in case she needed to use one. She stopped and looked at me quizzically when we came to the front room and she spotted the pristine, shiny, black baby grand piano in the room. It surprised me that the room no longer held the rest of the furniture that had been in it years ago. The only things that remained was the piano and a long hutch against the wall, art work adorning the walls, and some plants and such.

It was rather sad to see. It seemed so _desolate_ now. This room used to be amazing around the holidays, with the piano tucked in the far corner, a giant tree standing in the middle of the large picturesque window beautifully decorated, the couches and coffee table set in the corner of the room opposite of the piano as an area for people to congregate during the holiday parties that were held here so often. It just seemed so empty now, and it made me wonder what had caused the change.

Alice bumped me to pull me from my wistful daydreaming, and quickly signed to me.

'Who's the musician in the family? That's a gorgeous piano.'

I looked back at her with a sad expression, really this room just didn't feel as welcoming as it used to.

'Edward. He's been playing the piano for as long as I've known him. He's probably as close to a musical prodigy as someone can get.' I replied, attempting to mask my sadness at the thought of him playing in this cold room.

Alice nodded and looked around thoughtfully. When she turned back to me, I led her up the stairs. I showed her Liz and Ed's room, the guest rooms, the bathrooms, but I stopped when we got to Edward's door. I wasn't sure if he would want someone walking around in his room. It felt like an invasion of personal space.

Alice caught on to my hesitancy as I stopped in front of the door. Part of me wanted to at least look in and see how much it had changed, but most of me just wanted to leave the door closed and leave his privacy intact.

Alice apparently didn't agree with me, as she pretended to trip and open the door. She didn't fool me for a second though.

_Sneaky little pixie! How would you feel if someone poked around your room without your knowledge?_

Alice walked in and took a quick look around. She didn't rifle through anything...Thank God! She shrugged and turned back to me with a bored expression and made her way back towards the door. Her eyes apparently caught something of extreme interest to her as she gasped and lilted to the right of the doorway.

I wanted to know what it was, but I didn't want to cross the threshold of the doorway. It felt like the ultimate betrayal.

Alice came out a minute later with a smug grin on her face. I quickly signed to her asking what she saw that made her gasp.

'Just pictures, Bella. It wasn't like a bomb or anything.' she signed as she rolled her eyes.

'What's with the grin then?' I asked curiously.

'The pictures were interesting...that's all.' she replied, still grinning.

'What was so interesting about them?' I asked, my curiosity now eating me alive.

'I'm not sure if I should tell you.' she replied..still smugly grinning.

'Alice, please tell me.' I responded with a pout and sad puppy dog eyes.

'Oh, alright. They're interesting.... because they're all of _you_.' she smiled widely as she pointed at me.

My mouth dropped almost to the floor in shock. I swayed on the spot, filled with indecision and incredulity at the fact that I wanted to bolt in there and see what she had seen. Alice made the decision for me as she pushed me through the doorway. I quickly turned around to bolt back out, feeling horribly guilty, but I caught what made her gasp out of the corner of my eye.

I slowly approached that corner of the room, and rested my hands on the back of his chair as I inspected the giant frame on the wall in front of his desk. It was a beautiful frame, filled with pictures of not only me, but the two of us as well. Pictures marking so many different points in our lives.

There was one of us dressed up as Raggedy Ann and Andy for Halloween when we were like four or five, one of me looking lost in thought as I sat with my legs threaded through hole in the center of the tire swing when I was about nine, us making goofy faces at the camera from the back seat of his parents car on our way to our camping trip that last summer. Tons of pictures flooded the frame, each placed carefully to form a beautiful and eye appealing view from afar.

I felt a deep rooted pain spread in my chest as I took in each photograph's detail carefully. One by one I relived the memories represented in each photo. It wasn't until I got to the last two photos that I felt ready to burst at the seams.

The first photo was of the two of us standing in front of the snowman, his one arm around me from steadying me, and his hand against the side of my face as he tucked that stray lock of hair away as I was lost in his gaze. It was an incredible photo, and I never even knew it existed. It could have only been taken from on spot...my front porch.

_How does he have this photograph and I never knew it even existed? Why would either of my parents have even taken it?_

The second one troubled me the most, as it was a _recent_ photo. If memory serves correctly, it was from the end of last school year. I was waiting for Esme to pick me up from school, and she had sent me a text telling me she would be just a little bit late. I had walked up to the trees at the front of the school's property and sat down against one. My legs were pulled up to my chest, my arms folded over my knees, and my head resting on my arms. My head was tilted slightly to the right as I gazed off into the distance.

_I never even saw anyone around me. He couldn't have been far off to get this picture. How had I not seen him?_

The strangest part of that photograph was that it had been taken on one of my better days. I didn't appear worried, or stressed in any way in the photo...just wistful, or pensive. The only way to describe it would be lost in thought.

_Why does he even _have_ this?_

I backed away from the photos and exited the room, making sure to close the door behind me. I climbed down the stairs in a stupefied state, and it was a miracle that I didn't fall. Alice stopped me at the bottom of the stairs.

'Bella, are you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost.' she signed with a concerned expression.

'Alice, I _feel_like I've seen a ghost.' I replied, still stupefied.

'What do you mean?' she asked curiously.

'Those photos...all of them... it's like a constant reminder to him of what no longer exists. It's symbolic of a _ghost_.' I replied crazily.

'Bella, calm down. It's just his way of keeping you close to him. He misses you, and he's had to find ways to make do without you. If you were still friends, would you still think the same thing about those photos?' she signed sincerely.

'But we're _not_, Alice.' I retorted.

'Don't you have a photo of him on your desk as well? Is that your symbolic ghost?' she replied smugly.

'That's different. That's a group photo.' I replied defensively.

'Are you still friends with _any _of the people in that photo with you?' she retorted.

'No. You _know _that, Alice.' I replied exhaustively.

'Then it's the same difference. You have one picture of _multiple_ ghosts, and he has multiple pictures of _one_ ghost.' she replied as she rolled her eyes at me.

'I guess you're right.' I conceded as I realized the truth behind her words.

'How about we go find the others, and get bored to death listening to them carry on?' she asked with mock disgust.

I laughed silently and nodded. We made our way out to the greenhouse, and joined everyone out there. After cordial greetings, in which Alice translated for me, conversations flew in all directions around us. Alice and Esme took turns translating for me as people asked typical questions, like how have I been, how is school going, and the normal ice breaker questions for people who really didn't know each other.

The afternoon seemed to fly by, and before I knew it, it was 3:30pm. There were still a number of women, lingering around talking to one another when Alice approached me. She said she had to leave, and asked if I wanted a ride home. I didn't really feel like sitting home alone, so I told her I'd head home with Esme. I asked her if she could find her way home, and she assured me that she would be fine. After she said goodbye to everyone, I walked her to her car and hugged her goodbye. She promised to come over the next day before she left.

I didn't want to go back in to the greenhouse just yet, so I wandered out onto the porch. I walked up to the rail and stared out at the rolling tops of the trees below. It looked like a sea of vibrant colors, complete with waves.

The sunset must make it look like fire when it's clear out. I could only imagine the beauty it would withhold on those very rare days that the sunset could be clearly visible here. It's no wonder Liz had this patio built this way. She could have easily attached it to the basement, and the tops of the trees would line the patio.

I'm not quite sure how long I had been standing out on the patio, but I thought I faintly heard piano notes floating amidst the noises of nature that I had been listening to. I turned to head back into the house, figuring Liz had led the ladies to the front room, and was gracing them with a performance.

Liz used to play for us all the time as kids, and we'd all sit around the piano making up ridiculous versions of common songs. It was hilarious to all of us at the time. I think Emmett was the best at it by far. I however...stunk. I can't even lie about that one. I'd get so tongue tied that nothing would come out. I'd even forget the _real_ words to the damn song.

I slowly made my way down the hallway, listening to the melody. It amazed me to put it simply. It was soft and gentle at first, then the emotion changed behind it, it became stronger...but it was still soft, as if the emotion was growing. After a while it turned confused and random, and at times angry. It continued to move back and forth in its complex undertones until it finally just turned desperate and longing...almost melancholic. It was a sad and tormented sound, and it broke my heart. I wanted to ask Liz who composed it, but when I turned the corner, I was stunned to see it was Edward that was playing.

His eyes were closed as his fingers glided effortlessly across the keys. I leaned against the wall to watch him, reminiscing in the times that I used to sit next to him on the bench as he played.

My heart broke to watch the range of emotions flicker across the side of his face as he restarted and replayed different sections of the melody over and over as if looking for something. It hurt to know that he was the one behind the haunted melody. I wasn't sure if it was his composure or not, but from the way he was taking it apart and attempting to re-work it, I gathered it was.

His playing began to slow, and I was just about to head back to the greenhouse, not wanting to disturb him, when his eyes shot open and his head shot in my direction. His expression changed in the blink of an eye from annoyed to shocked as he looked at me.

Neither of us moved, or looked away for a period of time. I was unsure of what I should do. I was unsure if he was uncomfortable with me being in his home after our not being friends for so long. A slow smile began to cross his lips and he sent me a small wave. I looked to the floor and meekly waved back. I was debating between bolting back to the greenhouse or straight out to Esme's car, as I rocked back and forth slightly on my feet.

I heard a patting sound and looked up to see Edward patting the seat next to him on the bench. I looked around me, completely conflicted as to what I should do.

_As if our situation isn't strained enough as it is at school, here I am standing in his house, completely clueless as to whether I should just go sit by him or run away like a startled deer for crying out loud..._

I looked back up and his gaze met mine, and he did something that knocked the breath right out of me.

He patted the seat next to him one more time, and turned to fully face me, and signed...that's right _signed_... 'I bite, I promise.'

My feet moved in accordance to their own volition towards him slowly. Confusion marred my features significantly.

_When the hell did he learn sign language..and badly I might add. Why would he learn that? He has absolutely no need for it what so ever..._

'When did you learn sign language?' I signed slowly at him when I made it next to the piano, still stupefied and confused at seeing him do that.

"What?" he laughed, "I should really stick with notes, cause I barely caught that," he continued through his chuckles as he shook his head. I pursed my lips to the side, and my eyebrows furrowed.

_Well...this isn't going to go far. I think this is what they call a stale mate or something..._

"Hold on, I'll be right back. Okay?" he said quickly as he stood from the bench and took off towards the staircase.

I was suddenly overcome with panic as I watched him ascend the staircase.

_Oh no...Is he gonna know I was in his room? Is he gonna know that I saw those pictures? _

He came back what felt like only moments later, and I quickly composed my expression. I didn't want him to ask what had me looked panicked....there's no way I could successfully lie to him. Never could, and I doubt that had changed.

He sat back down on the bench, only this time he straddled the far end of it and set a notebook down on the middle of it. He leaned across the bench and patted the opposite end of the bench once more. I looked around briefly and then hesitantly sat sideways on the opposite end of him.

It felt awkward to be sitting here like this with our current situation. It seemed like a breach of the impasse that we had reached just a day ago, and I felt slightly traitorous of myself.

He smiled briefly and then began writing a note, when he finished, he spun the notebook around in my direction.

_**Hi. Sorry, I tried to say 'I won't bite. I promise' but I'm not sure if I did it correctly.**_

A small smile tugged at the corner of my lips as I realized that he had in fact said 'I bite. I promise.' I suppressed my chuckles and growing grin and wrote back.

_**Hi back. Umm...No, you didn't. You said 'I bite. I promise.' **_

I quickly passed it back, and the second he saw it he laughed heartily and wrote another note.

_**Figures. Hey, at least we've found one thing I **_**can't **_**do as well as you!**_

I once again stifled the laughter that wanted to erupt from me. When we were kids, I was bound and determined to find just _one_ thing that I was better at than he was. Who knew it would be this? But that still didn't answer why he learned it in the first place. I wrote another note and passed it back.

_**Edward, why do you even know how to use sign language? And badly, I might add...**_

He chuckled once again and looked into my eyes. That smoldering look was in them again, and I was as clueless as ever as to what it meant. He looked back down to the notebook and started writing once again. When he was finished he flipped the book around again for me to read.

_**Please don't get angry or upset... Esme told my mom about how Alice had taught the three of you to speak using sign language, and how it helped all of you communicate with each other so much easier, and more freely. My mom was excited about the news and she shared it with me. I figured it would be a good thing to know, in hopes that one day you would talk to me again. So Emmett, Jasper, and I bought this computer program to teach us, but after almost four straight days of attempting to learn from it, we only learned that we utterly suck at using it. You're not angry with me are you?**_

I was taken aback by his admission. He attempted to learn an entirely new way of communicating in just _hopes_ of ever being able to use it to speak with me. Not only him either, but Jasper and Emmett as well, which confused the living daylights out of me. Neither of them had attempted to speak to me recently. Why would they bother learning something like that if they had no intention of using it? Was it just to help Edward learn how to use it? I figured it couldn't hurt to ask, so I did.

_**Why did Emmett and Jasper learn it with you? Were they just bored or something?**_

Edward read the note and chuckled before responding.

_**No...but I wouldn't ever put it past them to do something like that out of boredom. They learned it, well attempted to anyhow, with me so that they would also have a way to communicate with you. They miss you too, Bella.**_

He passed it back once again and I read it before responding.

_**But, they haven't tried talking to me or anything over the last two days at school...**_

I passed it back to him and he seemed to think for a minute before responding.

_**Bella...I'm going to be **_**completely**_** honest, because..well for one I don't want to make excuses for them, but mostly because I don't want any secrets between us, so I'm going to propose a pact of sorts, if you will. No matter what, regardless of the situation between us, or what the circumstances are, that we always speak with complete honesty to each other. Before I continue...can you agree to that?**_

He spun the notebook around and I read it, and instantly put my guards up for what could possibly come out of this situation. I thought about it carefully. If I agreed to this pact, and he asked me about what happened in Phoenix, I wouldn't be able to lie to him. I didn't fully trust that this was not his ultimate intention, but at the same time, I couldn't really see him as being the type that would do that.

I looked back up at him, attempting to pull the answers I needed from his eyes. I only saw sincerity and wariness there. Somewhat reluctantly, I nodded my agreeance to his terms. He went to turn the notebook back around but I stopped him, and took it from him, and wrote a note down quickly.

_**Only on one condition... don't ask me questions that you **_**know**_** I will be reluctant to answer. Can **_**you **_**agree to that?**_

I spun it back around to him and he immediately nodded, which put me at ease slightly. He began writing once again. When he was finished, he passed it back to me.

_**They haven't approached you yet, because Alice told them not to. She didn't trust our intentions in the least. She knew that I hurt you the most, and when I approached her with the intention of asking her the best way to approach you...she told me so. She relentlessly questioned me about why I wanted to talk to you again, why it had taken me so long to attempt to approach you, why I left in the first place. I answered all of her questions honestly and to the best of my ability. She still seemed wary of me, but she eventually conceded and told me to just try to write you a note..which I did...and failed miserably. Jasper asked her what, if anything, he or Emmett could do to try talking to you again, and she told him that it solely rested on my success. That because I had been the one that hurt you the most, that I had to be the first to fix **_**my**_** mistakes, before they could even be taken seriously for attempting to fix their own. Please don't be angry with Alice. She impressed the hell out of me with the ferocity with which she tried to protect you from me. That's the whole reason they haven't tried to approach you yet.**_

He passed the notebook to me, and I read it carefully. Honestly, I was only slightly upset that she had kept the fact that she had spoken to them a secret, but I was more appreciative of her attempts to keep me from being hurt again. It even made more sense now that she hadn't pushed me towards him when I showed her the notes between us. She was still wary of his intentions, but for the most part she believed him. I was, however, going to have a word or two with her about keeping things like that from me. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's being kept in the dark. I wrote another note and passed it back towards him.

_**I'm not really angry. Upset a bit, yes. I don't like the fact that she hid the fact that she had spoken with both of you, about me nonetheless. It wasn't right, but I kind of understand why she did it. That doesn't let Emmett and Jasper off the hook though. If they want to talk to me, they're both going to have to approach me on their own. It isn't your responsibility to fix a mistake for all of you that all of you made. Please don't think I'm solely placing the blame on all of you...I'm not. Part of it, if not most, belongs to me as well. I hadn't realized how detached I had been until today. Please don't tell them what I said though. I want them to make the decision to approach me on their own. It's the only way I can reassure myself that their intentions are true, and I don't want to have to just take your word for it. Things between us are complicated enough without adding the possibility of me feeling betrayed by you for accepting your word that their intentions are only for the best if they aren't. Thank you for telling me the truth about all of it though.**_

I passed the note back to him, and watched his expressions carefully. I only seemed to find understanding as he read through the note. He smiled as he finished reading and began writing again.

_**As I said, Bella, I only want the truth between us whenever we speak. I don't want anything to ruin whatever chance we may have at fixing our friendship. The last thing I ever want to do is betray you by lying to you. And don't worry, I won't tell them. I agree with you that they need to fix their own mistakes as well. Honestly, I didn't like having it all rest on my shoulders. The only reason I went along with it in the first place was because I was only really concerned with fixing us... if that fixed the situation between the three of you later on at some point, than so be it, but it wasn't my priority. My first and only priority in this situation is fixing the damage between the two of us, not the four of us. I've missed you terribly, Bella, and if I had to give everything up just to have us back, I would in a heartbeat.**_

He passed the note back to me, and I read it slowly. It hurt to learn how much he was willing to lose just to have his friendship with me back.

_**Edward, I don't ever want to be the reason that something comes between the three of you. You three have been practically brothers for as long as I can remember. I'm not worth losing all that over. **_

I passed the note back in his direction, hoping he would see the truth in my words. I really wasn't worth coming between the bond that he shared with them.

_**Bella, you've never seen yourself clearly. If it came down to it, I would do so in the blink of an eye. These past five years have proven that to me. I've had them consistently over the last five years, but I haven't been happy. I've only ever been happy when I've been around you. When your family moved, I barely even spoke to them for weeks. I barely spoke to anyone. I felt empty after you had gone. Even after I started hanging out with them again, I always felt alone. It's never mattered how many people surrounded me, I always felt alone. It wasn't until you came back that I started to feel whole again, but it didn't last long, as our friendship fell apart. The only time I've felt even remotely close to not feeling alone in the last few years, is when I've been able to see you. In the halls, or the parking lot, always from afar, but they were the only moments I didn't feel that way. If having you as my only friend allowed me to not feel that way, I'd accept that, because it would be the only way I could be happy.**_

Once again he passed the note back to me, and once again my heart broke at his admission. How I could possibly affect him so deeply baffled me, but part of me understood it, simply because it was how I felt as well. Even with Alice as a best friend now, I still felt empty at times. Not as empty as I had before, but not as completely fulfilled as I knew I could be, as I remembered I could be.

_**I'm sorry, Edward. I never meant to hurt you that way. I never meant to be so distant...it just kind of happened. I don't even think I could explain it properly if I tried. I'm sorry that you've felt that way for so long. I would take that feeling from you in a second, if I could, just so you wouldn't have to feel it, because I know what it feels like to be that way. To be utterly alone. To be surrounded by people, but know in your heart that you're standing in complete solitude. I know that in your mind, fixing this situation will fix how you feel, but I can't just let go and jump off that cliff just yet. I really do need time to sort through all of my conflicting emotions. It's all sort of new to me. For years the only emotion I felt was guilt, day in and day out...guilt. It never left, and nothing else ever penetrated it. It's probably the reason I was so distant and detached...I couldn't feel anything else to tell me that something was going wrong with my surroundings. That people were pulling back from me because I couldn't see past my guilt to notice them, and for that I'm truly sorry. I never meant for it to be that way. I just couldn't see it happening...even if it was right in front of my face. Does that make any sense?**_

I passed it back to him, and he read it thoroughly. At parts his expression seemed pained, and at others reflective and thoughtful. It put me at ease to see that his expression never showed any disappointment at my words.

_**I understand that **_**now**_**. I only wish that I could have understood that **_**then**_**. It would have done us both a world of good. I honestly hadn't even ever considered it until Alice asked me if I had ever thought it was a possibility that while I just thought you were being distant because you didn't want to speak to me, that your distance was actually caused by the amount of pain you were in. I'm sorry I never saw that, it was incredibly ignorant of me to have not seen it. I had never experienced the amount of pain that you had...I didn't know what that kind of pain was capable of doing to someone. I wish I could take it all back. I wish that you hadn't had to walk that road alone. If I could go back, I'd walk every step of it with you regardless if you noticed me there or not. There are worse things in this world than silence, Bella, and I think we both have suffered from not realizing and understanding that.**_

He passed the note back once again. I was surprised at how easily we were handling this conversation. I had yet to get angry about anything, and he had yet to pull even once on his hair, or even pinch the bridge of his nose. It was quite eye-opening to realize how much aggravation could be avoided by simply being honest and not holding back what we really wanted to say. I wrote a note back and passed it his way again.

_**It's okay, Edward...I'm just glad to have made it this far down the road. Sometimes I look back at the darkest of the days and wonder how I found my way through them, but the point is I made it through them just the same. I must have built in GPS or something. It's taken me five years, but I do realize that silence isn't the worst thing in the world. I don't think I would have ever been able to deal with all of it if it hadn't been for the silence. Somehow, the silence allowed me to lock myself away, and protect myself until I was more capable of handling it. I only realize now that I've probably taken that protective measure to the extreme and inevitably used it against myself as a weapon.**_

I passed him back the note and he read slowly. He chuckled a bit, and I assumed it was at the GPS comment. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he finished. He looked up at me, his expression made him appear lost. He quickly wrote another note.

_**You lost me there. What do you mean you used it against yourself as a weapon? Do you mean to keep people away, or something else completely?**_

He passed me back the note, and I panicked as I read it. I wasn't ready to admit to him that I _could _speak if I could just get past the panic that seized me. I wasn't sure what he knew, or at least thought he knew, in regards to that. I suppose now, with him knowing about how Esme, Carlisle, Alice, and I speak using sign language, he probably thinks I can't speak at all. The panic was starting to rise quickly in me, and I only made it worse by becoming afraid of seizing up.

Edward must have realized something going horribly wrong with me as he quickly closed the distance between us and effortlessly lifted me into his lap. He cradled me with his arms locking around me like an iron cage, holding me together as my body attempted to shake itself into pieces.

He rocked us back and forth in a gentle motion, with my head cradled by the junction between his neck and shoulder. Edward rested his against mine as he repeatedly told me that it was alright, that I didn't have to answer that question, that he was sorry he asked it, and that he didn't mean for it to affect me this way.

Between his voice, his protective embrace, and his intoxicating smell, the panic began to ebb away slowly. When it had finally subsided enough that I felt I could take my own actions back over, I shot my hand up to his mouth to stop his incessant and frantic rambling. My fingers tingled as they rested upon his lips. The sensation was odd so I pulled my hand back.

He continued to rock me slowly and silently as I allowed the rest of the panic that had welled up inside of me to subside. After a few minutes he spoke again.

"Bella, are you alright?" he asked sincerely, his normally velvety tone fraught with worry. I nodded and began to pull myself away. He immediately released his hold on me, and I shifted back over to the edge of the bench, and picked up the notebook and pen.

_**Sorry about that. Sometimes I have panic attacks over the dumbest of things...sorry.**_

It wasn't the complete truth, but it wasn't a lie either. They were panic attacks, only more severe, and as far as anyone else would be concerned...the reason behind them would be dumb. I mean, who in their right mind seizes up as badly as I do over something as trivial as speaking? I passed him back the note and took in and let out a big breath to recompose myself. He passed it back again shortly after.

_**Bella, please don't apologize for what just happened. It wasn't your fault. I'm sorry I put you in that situation. I really didn't mean to.**_

I responded quickly.

_**It's alright, Edward. You didn't do anything wrong. You have nothing to apologize for. Sometimes my mind and body just act upon themselves. Can we just change the subject?**_

I passed it back in his direction, and he responded quickly as well.

_**Sure...what do you want to talk about?**_

_Okay...so this isn't as easy as it was with Alice.... what do you talk about with someone you haven't really spoken to for five years that doesn't revolve around your issues or the situation you're both in....while simultaneously attempting to avoid the awkwardness what just happened a minute ago..._

I thought for a minute, and inevitably ended up going with the lame way out.

_**What did you do today? **_

_Yep...lame..._

He chuckled and responded quickly.

_**Let's see.. I got up this morning and fled the house for dear life..in an attempt to save my face from being mauled by the cheek pinching ladies that were coming here today. I went to Jasper's house, finished my homework, then joined him in playing Halo for a few hours. When he decided to call it quits on the game, I figured it was safe to come back to the house, but was kind of disappointed when I saw how many cars were still here, so I snuck around the house like James Bond trying to avoid the evil cheek pinchers. I realized that everyone was in the greenhouse, and since you can't hear the piano back there, I took a risky chance at trying to play for a few minutes, but was interrupted by someone's gaze burning a hole in my head, and then I've sat here talking to you since.**_

He smirked a few times as he wrote, and I wondered what he was writing. I took the notebook from him and read. I chuckled silently at his comments about trying to protect his face from being mauled by his mom's friends, and the James Bond bit. I felt incredibly guilty for interrupting him however.

_**Sorry about that...I was a bit stunned to see you here. Liz had mentioned that you were out for the day, and that every time she has one of these "meetings", you and your father disappear in a flash. I didn't mean to interrupt you. I could go back to the greenhouse if you'd like me to. I know how much you enjoy playing, and I don't want to take you away from that.**_

I passed it back to him, and prepared myself to get up if he would have rather been alone. He wrote quickly with furrowed brows, but a smirk on his lips.

_Talk about sending mixed signals..geez!_

_**Bella, don't be ridiculous. It was a very pleasant surprise to see that it was you in the entry way and not someone that I'd have to fend off with an umbrella or whatever I could get my hands on first. And, although I do enjoy playing, I'd much rather spend this time sitting here talking with you. My piano is here every day...you're not. I think I'll take the risk of my piano not talking to me over you being subjected to their conversations, as I'm sure you've probably had your fill of them for the day.**_

He passed the note back to me, and I laughed silently but heartily at his joking nature. I wrote back once again and passed it to him.

_**I'm pretty sure your piano won't talk to you anyhow...it told me you were rather boring conversation...it likes me better. And hasn't anyone ever told you that it's rude to attack poor old women with umbrellas? I wonder what your mother would think of your evil scheming? And yes, I've had my fill of those conversations for the day...possibly for my life, as I'm still pleasantly surprised that my ears didn't fall off.**_

I laughed again as I passed it back to him. He read it and laughed boisterously, almost toppling off the bench. When his laughter turned to soft chuckles he wrote once again.

_**Damn traitorous piano, but I understand its opinion. I happen to share it. And yes, I have been told it's rude to attack old women with umbrellas, but they apparently didn't receive the memo that cheek pinching is to be refrained from at all costs until you've passed the ripe old age of 80 and your hair has turned silver. Then and ONLY then, do you reserve the right to pinch cheeks. Consider yourself informed, dearest Bella. I'm glad your ears survived... it'd be a tradgedy to lose such cute little ears.**_

I read the note quickly and laughed. I looked back up at him with an incredulous look and he smirked. I don't know what came over me, but I simply couldn't resist reaching out and pinching his cheeks. He shot me a look of mock horror, followed abruptly by a mock glare as he playfully growled. My entire body shook with my silent laughter, and his composure couldn't seem to retain itself.

His shoulders began to shake, and his lips quivered with their effort to remain set in a tight line. After only a few minutes he guffawed loudly and lost all traces of his carefully placed facade.

An awkward silence seemed to wrap its way around us as our chuckles died down. Not wanting things to get tense again, I wrote another note.

_**So...what were you playing when I interrupted you? **_

I passed it to him and he read it and responded quickly.

_**It's just something I've been working on for a while now. Would you like to hear it?**_

I read it and nodded. It would be a lot better than awkward silences.

He quickly spun around on the bench to face the piano. He scooted closer to me so he could be in the middle of the bench where he normally sat. At this point we were almost shoulder to shoulder, well my shoulder to his mid arm anyhow, facing opposite directions on the bench.

His fingers fluidly moved across the keys and I immediately recognized the sweet gentle nature of the notes from earlier. I closed my eyes as I listened, and let the emotions behind the notes carry me with them. I experienced joy, anticipation, and a light care free sensation before the melody changed abruptly. It turned into that same confused and angst-riddled current from earlier for a period of time, then slowed dramatically. I couldn't help the overwhelming sensation of desperation and longing that flowed through me during this part of the melody. It made pang resound in my heart and caused tears to form in my eyes with its helpless nature.

Before the tears could fall, the melody changed yet again. The notes pulled me slowly from helpless desperation back to joy once again. After a few moments it slowly started to change once again, becoming almost sickeningly sweet. It reminded me of the emotions I felt from the beginning of the composure, only more intense, infinitely more intense. I felt blanketed by a warm emotion that reminded me of....love?

My eyes shot open as I recognized the emotion that the notes evoked from from me.

_It couldn't possibly be... There's just no way... It follows the _exact_ procession though... No way.. Nah uh... I'd have to be insane to assume that this composure has anything to do with..._

The last note hung in the air for a few moments, the silence slowly returning to the room, pulling me from my thoughts. I could feel Edward looking at me, but I was terrified to face him. I was terrified to see what I would find in his eyes.

"Did you like it?" he asked quietly, almost sounding nervous...almost.

Without thinking I signed 'It was beautiful' to him. My thoughts were a million miles away, and it didn't even register that he probably didn't understand a bit of it.

He chuckled next to me softly, bringing me back to my senses. I went to reach for the notebook, finally realizing that although he attempted to learn sign language..he wasn't any good at it, but he stopped my hand with his own.

He held my hand gently in his own, rubbing soothing circles in my palm.

"I'm glad you think it's beautiful," he started as he looked downward, but then tilted his head and gazed straight into my eyes, with his own smoldering green ones as he continued to speak softly, sincerity oozing from his tone, "but it's nothing compared what inspired it."

_Wh...Hu...B...Jesus Christ Sweet Eden of Lost Half-Eaten Gobstoppers! He's serious!_

_

* * *

_

**AN: Soooo.... have I finally gone insane..or was it enjoyable? That last line might change after I put the cough syrup down..I don't know why but it made me giggle. I apologize for the half-cliffie thingy, but I couldn't find another appropriate spot to end it, so the rest got split off into the next chapter. MY APOLOGIES! hehe...maybe. Okay..I'm going to bed..hopefully, maybe..probably doubtfully, but I am going to try..at least for a little while... R&R PLS & TY! Make me a happy person come Sunday night with an inbox full of responses...I seriously love to hear from all of you...even the ones who don't identify with some part of my quirky retardation... GOOD NIGHT! Mr. Sandman says he's going to take my puter away if I don't post this and go to bed...**


	32. Talking to Yourself in the Dark

**AN: Sorry about that cliffie on Friday...here's the remainder of that chapter. It was just too much for one chapter to have it all together, and it seemed like a good spot to break it off. Bella's birthday is coming up in the following week of where we are in the story. It will be the last detailed chapter of her day before we skip ahead a few weeks. It would be incredibly tiresome to re-read (or write for that matter) the mundane happenings at school and home that aren't exactly thrilling, heartwarming, or necessary for the plot line. There will be a part of the chapter following that describes anything important that happened during that time, but nothing extremely long or drawn out. Hopefully you all agree with my decision to hurry parts of this story along in an effort to get to the main plot points. As always...ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Twilight...SM owns it all!**

* * *

Talking to Yourself in the Dark

Esme came into the front room very shortly after Edward's overwhelming confession. I was secretly thanking both her and my lucky stars silently. I was at a loss of how to respond, or even how to feel about what he claimed. There was just no way that I, simple and silent Bella Swan, could invoke that many emotions within him, and much less with that incredible amount of... _intensity. _There's only one flaw to that logic... his music has _never_ lied.

He's never been able to hide what he's really feeling while playing pieces of his own music. Melodious sounds created solely from his innermost feelings and desires, that seemed to just flow effortlessly and instinctually, straight into his fingers, only to ever so gently, caress their way across the ivory, making them recognizable to anyone with just the faintest ability to listen.

It drove me insane to think that he could possibly feel the intensity of love for me that slammed into me as I recognized the emotion that his melody was evoking from me in its last few moments. For lack of a better word, I was bewildered. I was undeniably perplexed at even the sheer possibility that he could...or ever would...feel any of those emotions, and to the unimaginable degree that his music depicted, in regard to me.

I stood up quickly when Esme entered the room to tell me that it was getting late, and that we needed to head home before Carlisle started to worry. I hadn't realized just how late it had gotten. We were lost in our own little world for over 5 hours. It was approaching 10pm as Esme and I exited the house.

Edward walked us out to her car. He caught my hand in his and slowed my pace to allow Esme to get a few steps ahead of us before speaking.

"Bella, are you alright? I didn't mean for that comment to offend you or push you away..." he started nervously, but I waved my hand in front of him to stop him. He hadn't really done anything wrong, and I didn't want him berating himself for hours or days over it.

I managed to smile timidly, and signed a 'thank you' to him. I figured, even if he is bad at signing... he'd have to remember that simple gesture from his lessons. As expected, he did, and he quickly signed a 'you're welcome' in return. It made me smile a bit wider knowing that the only reason he even knew that, was because of his wanting to be able to communicate with me. It gave me hope that he was truly sincere, and foolishly, that hope spread to the possibility that he really did feel the emotions that I felt from his soul baring melody.

Once we had made it to the car, I realized that we were still holding hands. I made to pull my hand away, but he squeezed it gently, and appeared to be genuinely nervous for a moment.

"Bella, would you mind terribly... if I gave you a hug goodbye?" he asked timidly. I laughed silently and wrapped my arms around him. It was the least I could do for everything we had been through today, and for how terribly uncomfortable I must have made him feel with my non-existent response to his admission.

He wrapped his arms tightly around me, and buried his face in my hair. He inhaled deeply before letting go, almost as if he was working up the strength to force himself to let me go. I smiled at him and stepped away.

In typical gentlemanly fashion, Edward opened my car door for me and waited for me to slide in before closing the door for me. He waved quickly at Esme and I, and I smiled and waved back before he turned to head back into the house.

Esme started the car, and turned around in the open space of the driveway before making her way down the long slope back out to the cul-de-sac. It dawned on me as we exited the long driveway, just how far they have to travel to get their mail. It briefly made me wonder if they ever left it in there out of pure laziness, not wanting to get into a car just to go get it.

I shook off the silly train of thought I was having when Esme began to speak.

"Did you have a good time, dear?" she asked softly. I nodded.

"That's good, sweetheart. I'm glad you weren't bored to death. I'm sorry we stayed so late. I hadn't realized just how late it had gotten, and when you didn't come back when Alice left, I thought you might have decided to leave with her," she spoke with a warm and gentle tone. I waved off the comment about being bored to death.

We finally made it back to the house, and I climbed exhaustively up the stairs to my room after bidding Carlisle and Esme good night. I changed quickly into my pajamas, turned on my candle, and slid under the covers.

I was surprised that sleep didn't find me quickly with the degree of exhaustion that my body felt. Instead, I lay in bed, watching the flickers of light from the electric candle dance across my ceiling. My mind felt like a high voltage live wire, showing not one even minuscule amount of the exhaustion that my body felt.

Bits and pieces of my conversation with Edward tonight mixed in among the various tones of his composition. The sheer volume of my current thoughts alerted me to just how silent it's been in my mind over the last two days. I squeezed my eyes shut and attempted to drown out everything that my mind was currently analyzing, and tried to look within myself to find my "voice". It scared me that I hadn't heard it in two days, and it worried me to think of what that could mean.

_It's been awfully quiet in here lately...._

I squeezed my eyes closed even tighter, using every bit of of my strength to find what I was looking for. In my mind's eye, I was basically standing in the darkness of my mind, thoroughly unable to see a thing. I wasn't even sure what I should be "looking" for.

_Hm..that's an interesting thought. I wonder if my inner "voice" actually has an appearance. If so..does it look like me? That'd be kind of freaky to look at myself while simultaneously literally talking to myself.._

_Where the hell did it go?... _

_**Bella, I'm right here.**_

It's kind of pathetic, I'm well aware of this, but it actually startled me. My body jerked violently in the bed as my pulse went straight through the roof.

_GAH!! HOLY CROW... YOU SCARED THE LIVING SHIZNITS OUT OF ME!_

_**Sorry... So what do you want?**_

_Nothing... So where have ya been? It's been awfully quiet around here lately..._

_**I didn't go anywhere. You told me to piss off remember? I've been sitting around here staring at...well nothing really.**_

_Yeah... sorry about that! _

_**It's alright...**_

_**Bella?...**_

_Yes?_

_**Why are you so hyper right now?**_

_I'm not...actually I'm utterly exhausted._

_**Bella...your body is vibrating with excitement, and your mind is blaring its thoughts at full volume...and at a rather dizzying speed I might add.**_

_Oh...it's nothing...I guess I'm just having a hard time settling down or something tonight..._

_**Uh huh...Bella you're vibrating again... Really...what has you so hyped up? Your thoughts, from the ones that I can catch however, are extremely hopeful...**_

_It's nothing, honest._

_**Bella...**_

_Okay..fine. I think I believe him._

_**Believe who, Bella? And believe what exactly?**_

_Edward...I think I believe that he actually wants to be my friend, and that he was just as hurt as I was about our friendship ending._

_**You **_**think**_** you believe him...or you **_**know**_** you believe him?**_

_Okay fine, so I _know_ I believe him._

_**What made you have a sudden change of heart? It's not like you to change your mind so quickly.**_

_Well...I guess it's the things he said tonight, or maybe it was a pictures in his room, or maybe it was the emotions that I felt when he played that melody that he said was inspired by me, or maybe even the emotions that I felt pour from him when he hugged me. Mostly though...I think it was the way he protected me and calmed me when I was about to have an episode. He didn't have to do that, and yet he seemed perfectly content to do so..._

_**MmmHmm... So...What are you going to do now?**_

_I don't know..._

_**Bella...don't let your thoughts turn so despondent. It's quite a dramatic change from the hopeful atmosphere earlier...and rather uncomfortable if you don't mind...**_

_Sorry...I seem to have no control over that today..._

_**It's alright...how about we figure out what you are going to do next. Maybe that will help you rein in the emotions flying around here...**_

_Okay... What do you think I should do?_

_**Well...answer this first. What would you like to ultimately happen?**_

_Umm...before I would have said I had no idea... but now?... I want our friendship back, but I'm afraid._

_**Afraid of what, Bella?**_

_I'm afraid that he'll leave again. I'm afraid that he'll realize how messed up I really am. I'm afraid to be hurt again._

_**How do you think you can get over those fears?**_

_I don't really know. The only thing I can come up with is to trust him..._

_**Good answer, Bella. So...do you trust him?**_

_Maybe.... Kind of.... _

_..._

_Stop making that incredulous sound...I'm telling the truth. _

_..._

_UGH! FINE! YES! Yes, I trust him, okay? Geez...it's like being interrogated by the truth Nazi.._

_**Yeah..I thought so. So, back to the original question. What are you going to do now?**_

_Just talk to him, I guess. I mean, even though I know I believe him, and I know I can trust him.. I still can't just act like nothing ever happened. It's going to take me time to put away the hurt that I feel, as well as the blame, both his and my own._

_**I'm glad you finally see that it wasn't only his actions that ruined your friendship. And I wouldn't worry about trying to take leaps and bounds in attempts to immediately fix the damage done. You both need time to heal, and you both need time to fully accept the trust that you are putting into each other. Just take it slow...it'll come together when it's meant to.**_

_Yeah...so can we take that one truth out of that closet and chuck it now? _

_**I'd love to, simply because that thing desperately needs to be emptied, but I can't allow you to do that just yet.**_

_Why not? I accept the truth that he was always there, and that he never wanted to end our friendship..._

_**Because, Bella. There's still a part of that piece of truth that you need to acknowledge and accept.**_

_And what part is that?_

_**In due time, Bella. One step at a time, remember?**_

_Ugh...fine!_

_..._

_Quit laughing at me..._

_**I'm not laughing **_**at**_** you, Bella. I'm just amused at how eager you are to pull **_**that**_** truth from the closet. Out of all the truths locked away in there, this is the one that you're pursuing with determination... it's amusing, that's all.**_

_What's so amusing about that? I had always valued our friendship, and it pained me greatly that it ended. What's so amusing about me not wanting the truth that it really hadn't ended in that damn closet?_

_**It's amusing because you are inherently led by your curiosity, and you are also extremely obstinate in regards to what you believe to be valid truth. These elemental aspects of who you are inaccurately influenced me to believe that you would have attempted to confront the others first.**_

_Oh... I guess that kind of makes sense... _

_**Bella, I told you once that you would have to find your strength before you will be able to accept those truths. Part of that strength can, and most likely will, come from your bond with Edward as it grows, but the rest has to come from you. You have to learn to trust in yourself, and those around you as you continue to heal. You've done really well recently, and I hope you pride yourself in the changes you've made, as those who love you are proud of you.**_

_I do...sometimes. But, thank you for reminding me that I should..._

_**Any time. You're tired. Sleep now, Bella. Don't worry about things still to come. Just trust in yourself and those you love, and everything will work out just fine.**_

_Okay. Goodnight._

_**Goodnight, Bella.**_

I rolled over in bed and made myself more comfortable. I let Edward's composition fill my head, and slowly lull me to sleep. I focused only on the parts of the melody that were joyful and relaxing, staying away from the sections that were fraught with angst and desperation. Slowly my thoughts faded away, leaving only the sweet sound of the piano floating through my mind. With one last thought, I finally succumbed to the first semi-tranquil slumber I'd had in years.

_Goodnight, Edward._

_

* * *

_

**AN: I apologize ahead of time for anyone now wanting to throw a brick at my head for interrupting them, but please understand that had they not been interrupted...their progress could have been severely thwarted without them each having time to fully take in all parts of their conversation and Edward's confession. And as I am a firm believer in Murphy's Law where anything that can go wrong, inevitably will...I didn't want to allow that chance so early into their attempt at reconciliation. As always, Edward's view of their encounter will be to follow this chapter, and hopefully it will redeem my parental intrusion. Much love to everyone ~Jersey~ R&R PLS & TY!**


	33. AFFP & SBRT

**AN: Part 2 of today's update. I just want to thank you all for your continued support this far into the story. You've all been seriously amazing! Edward's POV is the 2nd part of this chapter...ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of it.. SM owns it all! I can only claim the crazy plot line...**

* * *

A Fashion Friendly Pixie and Seattle Bound Road Trips

BPOV

I awoke this morning, after only having been jarred awake once during the night, to the sound of my phone chirping away, alerting me to a new message. It was from Alice, asking me what I planned on doing today. I quickly replied back that, at the moment I hadn't had anything planned yet. She responded back just moments later, telling me that she'd be over in about an hour. I responded, telling her that would be fine, and that I was going to take a shower.

Almost exactly an hour later, Alice waltzed in my front door, practically covered from head to toe in bags. I looked at her suspiciously, wondering what she was up to. She sent me a somewhat repentant and hesitant look.

"Bella, don't get upset with me, ok?.." she started hesitantly, "I went to the mall last night, and bought you some things...," she trailed off with a expectant cringe, bracing herself for my adamant refusal of her purchases. I was still too uplifted from the revelations of last night to be bothered with being even slightly upset with her.

'Alice, Thank you. You didn't have to do that. I appreciate your thoughtfulness, but please, in the future, don't do that. And I fully expect you to tell me how much you spent, so that I can return that money to you.' I replied, my attempt at being stern horribly marred by my silly grin.

"Oh thank God...I highly considered the possibility that I'd be sent marching back to the mall to return everything, and most of it is just too cute for me to bear the thought of that," she responded with relief as she smiled.

'You're lucky I'm in a good mood, or you probably would have.' I joked. She laughed heartily as she made her way for the stairs. I took a few of the bags from her, and proceeded to follow her lead.

"You really are in a good mood today, aren't you? To what do we owe the pleasure?" she asked curiously as she quirked an eyebrow in my direction. My silly grin once again made its way onto my face, but since my hands were full, I shot a pointed glance in the direction of my room, telling her that I'd explain once we were in there. She nodded and moved a bit quicker with her excitement. I just shook my head and chuckled silently to myself.

She immediately spun towards me as we dropped the bags down on the bed. I went to reach for one of the bags, curious to see what she had bought, but she stopped my hand.

"Nah, ah, ah, Ms. Swan....Spill first, gifts from a thoughtful and fashion friendly best friend after," she chided playfully as she waved a finger in front of me. I laughed silently, nodded, and pushed some of the bags away so that we'd have a place to sit on the bed.

'I realized a few things yesterday.' I started with a thoughtful expression.

'About what?' she signed curiously.

'About Edward, and some of the other friends that I'd had when I was younger.' I replied repentant expression. Alice's expression turned from excitement to understanding at my admission.

'What did you realize, Bella?' she asked sincerely.

'I realized that it wasn't only their fault that our friendships ended. It was mine too. I had never realized just how distant I had become, and that distance pushed them away.' I replied guiltily.

Alice sighed and thought for a few moments before responding.

'Bella, it wasn't your fault that you were distant. You were consumed with pain, and that's understandable. What made you realize all this though?' she replied with an empathetic expression that turned curious with her question.

'Well, it kind of dawned on me somewhere between seeing one of those pictures in his room, and the conversation that he and I had later on that evening.' I replied honestly.

'You saw Edward yesterday? When? He wasn't there when I was there..' she responded with a befuddled expression.

'He came home sometime after you left. I'm guessing it was while I was on the patio after I had walked you out to your car.' I responded, as I thought back to when he could have possibly returned home from Jasper's house.

Alice seemed to be lost in thought for a few moments, as I myself, continued to think of exactly how the events of the day before had unraveled. I suddenly remembered what Edward had told me about why Jasper and Emmett hadn't tried to talk to me yet. I lightly tapped on Alice's knee to get her attention.

'Alice, why didn't you tell me that you had spoken to them about me?' I asked seriously.

I wasn't really angry, or upset even anymore, but it did still bother me enough to want to know her reasoning. Alice's face immediately took on a guilty and repentant expression.

'Bella, I'm sorry, I was trying to protect you. I didn't want you to feel like I was pushing them to befriend you again, because I wasn't. Edward had approached me in French class, and asked me for advice on how he should approach you. I all but assaulted him with my questioning, wanting to know his reasons for wanting to talk to you now, after having not done so for so long. He explained everything to me, and after considering all that he had said...I hesitantly relented and told him to try writing you a note. I didn't tell you that I had spoken to him, simply because I didn't want you to feel as though he was only attempting to speak with you because of something I had said to him. I'm sorry, Bella.' she replied hurriedly.

'It's okay, Alice. I understand why you would feel that way, and honestly I probably _would_ have thought that about the situation. But why did you tell Jasper that he and Emmett not to try talking to me until Edward and I had at least started to fix our friendship?' I asked curiously.

Alice took in a deep breath, and seemed to be thinking about how to reply.

'I thought it would be too much for you to have all three of them approach you all at once. I know how much Edward meant to you years ago...it's written all over your face whenever you think of him. I didn't want to risk the chance of you feeling that he was only speaking to you because they were. I know that losing his friendship caused you the most pain out of all of them, and I thought it would be better if you and he were at least on stable ground before the others tried to approach you. I didn't want any chance that the two of you had to rekindle your friendship to be ruined from the start.' she replied sincerely.

'Alice, I appreciate that you were trying to protect me, but they need to make their attempts on their own. They don't need to be riding on Edward's efforts, so to speak.' I told her sternly.

'Alright, Bella. I'll tell them that.' she relented.

'No. Alice, I don't want you to say anything to them. They need to figure it out for themselves. I asked Edward not to say anything to them either. Their unexplained smiles, and nods, drove me nuts on Thursday and Friday, and I think it's only fair that they squirm for a bit now that I know what was behind it all.' I pressed, only half serious about making them squirm.

Alice giggled quietly and shrugged as she nodded.

'Alice, please don't ever hide anything from me again.' I signed seriously.

Alice looked incredibly riddled with guilt as she looked down towards the comforter as she nodded. I felt horrible that she felt so badly about it, so I leaned across the distance and hugged her, showing her that I wasn't angry and that everything was fine. When I pulled back, I smiled excitedly and signed once again.

'So what's in the bags?'

EPOV

My alarm clock blared as it turned 5am. I felt like I hadn't slept a wink throughout the night. For the majority of the night, I stared at my ceiling, tracing faint patterns in its textures lit only slightly by the subtle glow of the moonlight that filtered in through my window. I spent the majority of the night thinking of the time Bella and I had spent together in the front room.

When it first happened, I was a bit miffed that we had been interrupted by Esme, but the longer I thought about it, the more I actually silently thanked her for doing so. I realized that it must have been incredibly awkward for Bella, when I confessed that she was the inspiration behind my composition. If she recognized the emotions behind the different sections of it, I can only imagine how much more difficult it would have been for her to hear me admit that it was her that brought those emotions out of me.

The last part of the melody just seemed to flow straight from my heart and into my fingers as I watched her sit beside me with her eyes closed, listening intently to the melody. It wasn't until much later that I realized I was pouring all of my love for her into the sounds of the notes I was playing. In some ways, I can only hope that she recognized the emotion behind that section, but in others, I desperately hope she didn't. I only feel that way because I'm afraid that it would be too much too soon and it would cause her to distance herself from me again. I'm bound and determined not to cause or allow that to happen.

I rolled out of bed at about quarter after five and headed for the shower. We had to leave by 6am for the four hour drive to Seattle for the game. Had I known yesterday, that I would have been given the chance to remove the barriers between Bella and I, I probably would have declined the invitation to the game, and instead thought of some way to spend more time with Bella.

I did, however, realize that it had been quite a while since I had spent any real time with my father, so I tried not to focus on the other things that I _could _possibly be doing with my day. It wasn't often that I got the chance to spend time with him outside of the few moments in passing at home, and occasional weekends when he'd be home and we'd watch part of a game together. Those times were infrequent, and never lasted long, as either he or I would have other obligations to attend to.

I got out of the shower and dressed quickly, deciding to wear a pair of jeans, a Seahawks jersey, and a long sleeved plain white t-shirt underneath it. I wasn't sure how cold it supposed to be today, so I grabbed my captain's jacket and a Seahawks ball-cap on my way out of my room.

By the time I made it to the kitchen, my father was already there, drinking a cup of coffee, and reading yesterday's paper. His outfit was similar to my own, with the exception that he opted to go for his Seahawks sweatshirt instead of his jersey.

"Are you just about ready to hit the road?" he asked as he grinned at me.

"Yup, just about. I just want to grab something quick to eat before we head out," I replied as I made my way over to the cabinet to grab a bowl for my cereal.

"Take your time, son. The guys from the office decided to head up there last night so they could partake in the tailgating festivities. Sometimes I swear that's the only reason they even go to games. It'll probably be half-time before they even wander in to the stadium," he chortled as he made himself a fresh cup of coffee. I laughed and quickly started eating my breakfast.

"I'm glad you decided to come with me today. It's been quite a while since we've had any real quality time together, and I'm sorry for that. I often regret how much time my career robs me of when it comes to you and your mother," his tone and expression remorseful.

"It's alright, Dad. Mom and I know how hard you work, and we know that you only do it to provide for us, and for that we're grateful. I just wish mom could join us today, as I'm sure she would love to have some family time as well," I replied thoughtfully.

"Please, son. Your mother would probably rather be elbow deep in bleach and cleaning supplies than surrounded by drunken half naked idiots with their chests painted, dancing in their seats," he chuckled. " Besides, I have something planned just for her tomorrow," he spoke in a hushed tone as a devilish grin crossed his features.

"What's tomorrow? Won't you be at work?" I asked suspiciously.

"Tomorrow happens to be the 20th anniversary of the day I met your mother," he replied, exuding pride at his ability to remember such a date. "And no, son. I'm not working tomorrow. She doesn't know it yet, but I have an entire day planned out for her and I thought that some quality family time would be a nice ending to the day. Maybe you could invite Jasper and Emmett over tomorrow evening and we could have a little two on two football game... It's been a while since I've seen either of them, and you know your mother and I both think of them as children of our own," he replied as his eyes shone with excitement.

"Sure Pops, I'll ask them tomorrow at school," I chuckled as I rinsed out my bowl and placed it in the dishwasher.

"Alright, let's get a move on it. With any luck, there won't be much traffic considering it's a Sunday," he said as he made his way for the front door. I followed closely behind him, tossing my hat on my head and adjusting it so it sat comfortably. I grabbed my jacket from the banister at the bottom of the stairs and slid it on as we made our way through the doorway.

The air outside this morning was chilled and damp, but it didn't seem like rain was in the forecast, just the typical gloom and doom of Forks. Hopefully it would warm up just a bit as the day progressed. Soon enough, we were in the car and making our way towards the highway. My lack of sleep from the night prior just beginning to have its affect on me as the car's near constant purr, in combination with the comfortable silence that had enveloped us, began to lull me to sleep. I was almost out cold when my father began to speak again, causing me to return from the brink of slumber.

_Well..there goes any chance of a nap on this journey..._

"So your mother tells me that you've been trying to mend your friendship with Bella recently," he began, with a soft and inquisitive tone.

"Yeah," I chuckled, "I don't know what took me so long, but something finally lit the fire under my ass to get me moving, and I have to say, it was about damn time."

"You know, I was just about to say the same thing," he chortled. "I'll never understand what happened between you two those years ago. You two were inseperable before her family moved, and then when she came back it was like you had never been friends at all," he replied, his voice distant as if he was lost in thought, mulling over the events of the past and looking for the answers that evaded him for so long.

"A while ago, I would have said the same thing. However, Bella and I managed to figure out what happened. Neither one of us ever wanted to lose our friendship, but my lack of understanding of the degree of pain she was in, as well as her being completely consumed by that pain, caused both of us to feel as though the other no longer wanted the friendship. It was a mistake that both of us made, however it was mine that forced the ending of the friendship. It may have taken me years to understand it, and if it weren't for her friend Alice pointing it out, I may never have, but all the while that I thought she was pushing me away, she wasn't. She was simply trying to contain the overwhelming pain she was experiencing, and instead of seeing that, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I walked away," I said remorsefully.

"Son, listen to me. There was no way that it would have been possible for you to understand what she was going through. Even now, although you now know that she was suffering from an unimaginable degree of pain, it's impossible for you to truly understand what it was, or still is for that matter, like for her to live with it. This may sound harsh, and I truly don't intend for it to, but sometimes the only way we can protect those we care about, is to back away from them. Bella has always been fiercly protective of you, and I don't have a doubt in my mind that, whether she realized it or not, she was attempting to protect you from feeling even a miniscule amount of what she was experiencing. I'm not by any means saying it was the right thing to do, or even suggesting that she was aware of what she was doing, but subconsciously I believe that's what her intentions were...to protect you," he replied with an understanding and comforting tone.

I thought about what he said for a few minutes, carefully considering the possibility of his words. It didn't take me long to figure out that he was right. Bella may be a timid and shy person outwardly, but inwardly she was the strongest and fiercest protector that I had probably ever met. When it came to the people she cared about, there was nothing she wouldn't do to spare them from suffering, even if that meant hurting herself to ensure that they were safe.

"I wish she wouldn't have," I nearly whispered as the realization that his words were true nearly slapped me in the face.

"As do I. There's nothing that your mother and I wouldn't have done to help her. But as I said before, sometimes the only way people have of coping is to attempt their recovery alone. I only wish that it wouldn't have had such dire consequences for the both of you," he replied, remorse clearly tainting his spoken words.

"What do you mean...such dire consequences..." I muttered barely above an audible volume, as the complications of his statement caused my stomach to churn, making me wish I had foregone my breakfast.

"From what I have heard from Carlisle and Esme over the years, it seems as though her attempt to shield those she cared about from what she was experiencing, in turn only shielded herself as well. She never moved past the pain, or even attempted to deal with it until recently. Edward, Bella shut herself down after those traumatic events. She hasn't felt _anything_ but what I can only assume is grief since the day it happened," he spoke informatively at first, but his tone abruptly changed as it became pained.

"A few years ago, Carlisle asked me to help him research some psychological theories based on his observations of her. He was desperately looking for a way to help her work through her pain. I was stunned when he commented, shortly after she had been with them for just over a year, that he had never seen or heard her cry. He said that at first, he just assumed she did so in private, but as he began to keep a closer eye on her, he came to find that she _never _cried. Ever. That's not healthy, Edward. She's lived for five years without an outlet to rid herself of her grief."

_How is that possible? How can someone just shut themselves off that way? For someone that used to cry in regards to the most ridiculous things...it seems impossible to think that she's no longer _able_ to cry at all..._

"Did your mother ever mention Esme calling her excited about something, but refusing to tell her until they met for breakfast?" he asked me curiously, pulling me from my futile attempts at understanding the implications of what he had been saying.

"Yeah, I recall her saying something about that...It was shortly before school started, before I first attempted to mend things with Bella," I replied somewhat distantly.

"Her excitement stemmed from a myriad of recent events in their home. For the first time in five years, Bella had cried. At first it was only a single tear, but the next day apparently the floodgates broke. That however, wasn't the reason behind her excitement. Esme was ecstatic that Bella had disclosed her past to her friend Alice...all of it. As far as I know, her friend Alice is the _only _person that knows every detail of her pain and what caused it," he explained with an awed tone.

"Why did it take her so long to be able to open herself to them? She had been around them for years, surely she should have been comfortable enough with them. It doesn't make sense that she would choose Alice over Carlisle and Esme," I muttered through my confusion.

"From what your mother relayed to me based on their conversation, it appears that when Carlisle, Esme, and Bella had finally found a means of communication that closed the distant gap between them, it enabled Bella to finally open herself to them. I'm not saying she's healed by any standards, but the ability to be able to share her thoughts at least enabled her to take the first steps toward recovery. I'm not sure of why she chose Alice over Carlisle or Esme, but Esme seems to think it's irrelevant who she opened up to. To her, the fact that Bella was even able to entrust her experience to someone took precedence over who it was that she chose to confide in," he informed me as he recalled parts of my mother and Esme's conversation.

"I can see how Esme would feel that way. Personally, I'm amazed that she was able to do so as well. For years I've been forced to listen to the absurd rumors that have flowed through the halls of school in regards to what happened to her and her family. It's taken everything in me not to put those people in their place for making such crude and clearly unfounded remarks," I seethed as I thought about just how many damn rumors I've had to quell over the years. Making it even worse, was the thought of just how many of those rumors had been created with the sole purpose only being to taunt her.

"Edward, son. There's a saying that kids are cruel, and it's true. Many of those children that had started those rumors, will regret the comments they made later in life, and there will be nothing that they can do to ease that regret. You cannot allow them to anger you so greatly. You just need to realize that they are immature and cruel, and take comfort in the thought that one day they'll see the wrong in their actions," he said sternly, and I caught the underlying warning he was affording me, notifying me that he would greatly disappointed should there come a day that my anger towards the situation land me in my own vat of hot water with school officials.

"I know, Dad, and I'll try to remember that," I said sincerely.

"I hope you understand that although I admire your determination to protect her from anything that may cause her additional suffering, I still expect you to handle yourself in an adult and mature manner," he continued, and I chuckled as he voiced the warning that he had previously left as a vaguely implied notion.

"I do, Dad," I chuckled. "And should a day ever come where that understanding is breached, I will remember to be fully prepared for my sound lashing," I replied only half joking as I realized there might very well come a day when I would neglect his warnings over the matter.

"You better be," he chortled. I laughed as I realized that although neither of us wanted there to come a time when I would act so brazenly, we both knew that it was undeniably plausible that it could happen.

"If there's ever anything that your mother and I can do to help either you or Bella, please don't hesitate to come to us. We would love nothing more than to be able to assist you by any means possible," he stated sincerely.

"Thanks Pop...I'll keep that in mind," I replied gratefully as I rested my head against the back of the seat. The gentle hum of the car's engine once again starting to lull me towards slumber.

"You look beat, why don't you take a nap...we still have about two and a half hours left to go," he spoke quietly, and I nodded my acquiescence as I shifted to make myself more comfortable. It didn't take long for me to fully submit to the temptation of sleep.

_At least I'll have something to talk about with Bella tomorrow...maybe she'll even come over and spend some time with my mom while we play some football...I'm sure mom would love that..._

_

* * *

_

**AN: I hope you all have enjoyed today's update. I'm not going to write a detailed experience of the game since their heart to heart took place before ever even arriving. I'll save any worthy details for a possible conversation at a later date ^_^ As always.. R&R PLS & TY!**


	34. A Naked Newton and New Understandings

**AN: Here's your Tuesday update. I sincerely hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. It was quite amusing to me to re-live a few of my high school experiences. Okay, I've been up all night typing away, working on your Wednesday update, and I'm just too damn tired to keep this going...so ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: It's dangerous to listen to 9 in the afternoon by PATD on repeat! Oh...and I don't own Twilight or anything related to it!**

* * *

A Naked Newton and New Understandings

BPOV

Alice had spent the night last night, after she insisted on having the two of us put on a fashion show for Esme and Carlisle, each sporting outfits she had purchased the night before at the mall. I felt utterly ridiculous parading around the house as Alice playfully criticized my struts and turns, while Esme and Carlisle shook with their vain attempts at repressing their amusement. Honestly, the whole ordeal was nothing short of preposterous, but as the evening wore on, I embraced the hilarity of it and attempted my best renditions of a diva supermodel strutting her stuff on a runway. Needless to say, I found it extremely difficult to keep a straight face as I pictured what I must have actually looked like.

When Alice had mentioned that some of the items in the bags were hers, I was greatly relieved. However, that didn't last long when I realized that only _one_ out of the dozen or so bags she had carted in with her, had items that belonged to her. If I hadn't of been so thoroughly impressed with her ability to only choose clothing that I could now say I'd be comfortable in, my fiery glare would have lasted much longer than a mere second or two.

Before heading to bed, Alice promised me that she would use her undeniable talent when it came to the application of make-up to cover my scar so that I could be comfortable wearing one of the outfits she had purchased. She also promised that at some point she was going to continuously donate the exact number of clothes from my wardrobe that she would replace with new ones at random intervals. I glared at her, daring her to attempt it, but she just laughed so hard she slipped off the side of the bed, landing on the floor with an impressive thud for her small size. I guess my glare wasn't as menacing as I had intended it to be after all.

I tried to insist that she not do that. In fact, I even stooped as low as to beg her not to purchase clothes for me at all, but she informed me that all of her purchases had been with Esme's credit card, so there was no need to worry over her spending her own money. That wasn't exactly the point behind my refusal of her attempts, but it did ease me slightly that she hadn't spent her own money on me. I tried to point out to her that I was capable of purchasing my own clothing, and finally, after arguing for what felt like hours, she relented and promised that in the future she would at least ask me if I wished to go shopping with her, but she wouldn't promise that if I declined she wouldn't purchase something for me anyway.

_Sneaky under-handing pixie!_

We woke up this morning slightly earlier than what would be considered normal for a school day, so that Alice could properly choose what she and I would wear today. For herself, Alice chose to wear black leggings, with a pink gauze ruffled skirt, a black tank top, and a long sleeved t-shirt with some graffiti styled designer name splashed across the front, and the neck of the shirt skillfully cut away so that it drooped off her shoulder on one side. I had to stifle my laughter as it dawned on me that if she only had blond hair teased to a gravity defying height, and a sideways pony tail, she would look like a Cindy Lauper incarnate. That girl had pixie stamped all over her.

For me, Alice thankfully went more modest. She chose my typical low rise, dark denim jeans, a simple white fitted t-shirt with a scoop neck front, and a beige courderoy jacket that she matched with an old pair of Lugz slip on boots that she had found in my closet.

Alice quickly did her make-up while I got dressed, and then she tended to my own. With one quick glance in the mirror, we were ready to head down the stairs for some breakfast before school. Esme, as was customary for her, greeted us in the kitchen and asked us what we would like for breakfast. I wasn't very hungry this morning, so I opted for just some toast with jam and juice. Alice, however, was apparently starving. She somehow managed to stuff down a bagel with butter, sugar, and cinnamon, two eggs, bacon, and half a plate of homefries before flitting her way to the front door. How she didn't get weighed down by that amount of food was astonishing to both Esme and myself. I kissed Esme goodbye and followed Alice out to her car, only when I got outside, she was climbing into Esme's SUV.

I quickly made my way over to the passenger side and hurriedly signed to her, asking her what she was doing in Esme's car.

"Bella," she giggled, "Esme said I could use her car to bring us to school today since my mother is taking my car in to be serviced today. I asked her if she would bring us to school today last night, and she offered me the car, and said that should she need anything, Liz was just a phone call away," she replied through her laughter at my panicked expression.

I looked around briefly, contemplating if this was actually a good idea. Esme had no idea how Alice usually drove, and I _doubt _she'd allow her to drive her brand new SUV if she ever knew.

"Come on, Bell-uhhh!" Alice playfully drew out my name, "It's exciting...I finally get to drive an SUV!!! This is awesome!" she sang as she bounced up and down in the driver's seat.

I got in warily, and shot her a pointed glare. She went to start the car, but I stopped her. We needed to get something straight before departing for this, quite possibly disastrous, ten mile journey.

'Alice...you _must_be careful with Esme's car. Don't speed, and don't do anything reckless. _Please.' _I signed sternly.

"Bella, I wouldn't dream of it," she said with a wicked glint in her eyes.

_Oh Lord, what has Esme gotten herself into?!_

We made it to school and still had about twenty minutes to spare, and surprisingly, Alice drove like an 90 year old woman, maintaining a speed five miles per hour _under_the speed limit. I couldn't figure out if she had put that glint in her eye just to mess with me, or if she was being overly sardonic in her display of following my warnings...or quite possibly both.

She parked Esme's SUV at the far end of the lot, in a spot where there were rarely any cars ever parked, and we climbed out. Although it was fairly chilly and the sky was its typical grey overcast, it was completely devoid of any humidity, so we walked over and sat on a picnic table that was off to the side of the cafeteria, facing the parking lot.

We watched as the cars filled with our peers trickled into the lot, and one by one they each either went into their classes, or formed social groups with their friends, waiting for the first bell to ring. I watched as Edward's silver Volvo pulled smoothly into the lot and into his customary parking space. He, Jasper, and Emmett got out of his car and proceeded to lounge against the front of the car, constantly looking around the parking lot as if he was waiting for something.

His eyes latched onto Esme's SUV at the far end of the lot and he elbowed both Emmett and Jasper in their sides as he lounged in between them, and thrust his head in the direction of the SUV. A look of understanding crossed their features simultaneously, and it was at that moment that Alice bumped her shoulder against my leg as I sat on the table top, and she sat on the bench below me. I looked down to her and waited for her to either say or sign something.

'What are they looking for?' she signed curiously.

'I'm not sure, but I think they're looking for us. They seemed to have a look of understanding when Edward pointed out Esme's SUV at the other end of the lot.' I replied before turning to look back at the guys.

When my gaze came across them, I was instantly pulled into the depths of Edward's pools of emerald green eyes. I blushed slightly as he smiled, and tore my gaze away from his. I noticed that Jasper and Emmett were both looking at me, and I couldn't resist messing with them just a bit. After all, I owed them for all their smiles and nods that drove me crazy last week.

I shot them both a death glare, but unfortunately it fizzled out rather quickly as Edward's roar of laughter floated into my hearing and caused me to smile. He pulled himself up off of his car and started taking long strides towards his first class, still chuckling and shaking his head. He turned his head slightly in my direction, and with his heart stopping crooked smile, he winked at me, and I of course blushed furiously as I smiled back at him.

I nudged my leg toward Alice and made to get off the picnic table. We grabbed our bags and headed into first period English together. I was immensely dismayed to find that Mike Newton had changed his seat when we wandered in through the doorway. He was no longer two rows away with an empty desk in between us, oh no, he was now sitting in the empty seat that had previously provided me with a slightly comfortable distance from him. I looked to Alice with a pained expression and she laughed. I however...did _not _find this funny. Alice quickly turned to me and began signing.

'Don't worry about it, two can play at this game, Bella.' she signed with a quirked eyebrow. I was completely oblivious to whatever she was planning, and decided that I probably didn't want to know.

I went to make my way to my seat, but Alice grabbed the back of my jacket and aimed me at the row she had previously sat in. I looked at her in confusion, but she just pointed to her seat. I wandered down the aisle as Mike looked on curiously, and took her usual seat. Alice however, seductively sauntered her way down my usual aisle and slid into my customary seat. Mike looked confused as his eyes darted between her approach and my gaping trap as I watched her movements.

_There's no _freaking_ way she's trying to seduce Newton!!_

Alice turned toward me as she pulled out a piece of notebook paper, and winked at me before she started writing on it. When she was finished she handed the note to Mike, and slowly slid her hand away, almost as if she was relishing in touching his skin. She began to flirtatiously twirl one of her spikes around her finger as she waited for Mike to return her note.

_HOLY CROW! SHE'S FLIRTING WITH VILE NEWTON!!! WHAT IS SHE DOING?!?_

I chanced a look at Newton, and his mouth was agape, but there was a hint of a smug smile starting to ease into its place. He quickly wrote and passed the note back to her as he licked his lips and winked at her. I'm not sure if he noticed it or not, but a slight shudder ran through her, I only happened to notice because I was currently staring at her back and just happened to catch the brief quiver.

She slowly turned back towards the front of the class, as did Newton with his triumphant and smug smile making me want to heave, and she pulled out a fresh piece of notebook paper. She quickly scrawled a note across the paper, and checked to make sure Newton was looking in her direction as she stealthily slipped their note into the folds of the one intended for me. She tossed it on my desk just before Newton's head turned toward her. Once again she started twirling that damn spike, as the curiosity of what she was really up to began to eat me alive.

I spun in my seat so that he couldn't see what I was doing, and I read the notes quickly.

**Bella, I have a plan! Whatever happens...just go with it! Try your best not to cringe or gag if he looks at you, or he might get tipped off that something's up...not likely but whatever..don't chance it! Thankfully neither of us comes across him again until after my plan is complete. I just need to seek out a little assistance from Erika in math class, but all should go off without a hitch..I can see it already! I won't tell you what I'm planning cause it will only make you laugh when you look at him, but you'll know when it's taken place...I promise. **

**Love you, **

**Alice**

_Ummm..okay? What the hell is she up to? And why does she need help from Erika??_

I unfolded the note that she had passed back and forth with Newton and read it quickly, trying to get an idea of what she could have planned.

**Hey there, big man. I have a slight problem that I thought you might be able to help me with. Judging by the way you carry yourself, it would seem that you are highly knowledgable in how to please a woman. I have an itch that I can't seem to remedy on my own, and I was wondering if you would be willing to perhaps help me ease the tension that's been building inside me since we met? We could meet inside the janitor's closet next to the girls bathroom in the math and science's building third period...but I must insist that you be fully undressed and ready to please me by the time I get there. There's nothing hotter than a man that's ready willing and capable of fulfilling my needs immediately. What do you say handsome?**

**Lustfully Yours,**

**Alice**

**Rest assured, Beautiful. You've come to the right source to ease that tension for you. I'll be there ready and waiting for just for you, Gorgeous. And just for the record, I wouldn't be opposed if you wanted to bring some company with you...as long as that company happens to be the person sitting next to you.**

**Your Knight in Wanton Armor,**

**Mike**

I cringed severely as I read their sexual innuendo ridden exchange. It was horrifying, even if she was just doing it as part of a bigger plan. I racked my brain for answers as to what she could possibly be planning, but I couldn't come up with a damn thing that could warrant her needing to say that to him.

_Maybe Erika actually likes him? Is she trying to hook them up together so he'll leave us alone? I don't know anything about her, but honestly I hope she has better taste than Newton!_

I put the notes away and tried to pay attention in class, but my attempts proved futile as my mind constantly wandered back to trying to figure out what was up her sleeve. After an entire hour of trying in vain to figure it out, I still hadn't come up with a logical answer as the bell rang and officially ended our first class.

Alice and I darted to our next classes, hers being French and mine being Spanish. I took my seat quickly and tried not to focus on the events of last period. Thankfully, I think without having Alice there to stare at, I was able to concentrate on our lesson for the day. Class went quickly, and I met Alice in the hallway to make our way towards our math classes.

I took my seat quickly, and pulled out my text book and supplies, just wanting this class to speed up and end. I hated knowing that the side of my face would burn the entire class from the incessant glares pointed at me from the far corner of the room.

By the time class started, I quickly became aware that the far corner of the room was empty. It instantly explained the cool sensation that lingered on my face, untouched by the searing heat of their customary glares. I smiled at the revelation and turned my full attention towards .

Class had only been in session for approximately fifteen minutes when a blood curdling scream echoed its way through the corridor just outside of the classroom. Almost instantly students flew through the door and into the hallway, attempting to get a glimpse of what was happening.

I was shocked to see Mr. Anderson pulling a half nude Newton out of the janitor's closet as he stumbled to finish putting his clothing back on. Mrs. Doak was attempting to console a very distraught female student who just kept muttering "I wasn't paying attention, I thought it was the door to the girl's bathroom, Oh God, my eyes burn!" over and over again with slight variations each time. I had to stifle my laughter at the scene, I felt horrible for the girl, but it was _highly_amusing to see Mike being reamed out by Mr. Anderson as he forcefully dragged in what I can only assume would be the direction of the Principal's office.

I caught a glimpse of Alice smugly smiling at me as I wandered back towards my own classroom. Her smug smile turned into an excited wide grin as my gaze latched onto hers. It unnerved me that she could be so giddy over what happened to that poor girl just moments before, so I made my way over to her to figure out what had her so worked up.

'Alice, why are you so happy about what happened to that poor girl?' I signed sternly.

'Bella, that _poor _girl is Erika...it's all part of the plan, but I don't have time to explain it right now. I promise I will over lunch okay?' she signed back quickly as Mr. Anderson returned without a sign of Mike and began ushering his class back into their room.

'Okay, Alice. Lunch..no later!' I responded quickly as Mr. Varner began urging us back into our own room. She nodded and disappeared into her class, as did I into my own.

The rest of class went by quickly and I once again met up with Alice to make our way to Western Civ. The hallways were louder than usual with all the snickering going on as people recounted the events that transpired during the last hour. Alice and I were quite surprised when the news seemed to have already spread across campus, as we heard the same statements repeated consistently as we entered our next class. It seemed as if the whole entire school had witnessed the debacle of last period.

I shook my head in disbelief and Alice chuckled as we made our way to our seats. Jasper looked positively alight with joy at hearing the detailed account of Mr. Anderson's stern lecture as he dragged a panicked Newton away. I chuckled silently at the absurdity of it all.

_I can't believe he was in the closet naked. OH MY GOD! HE WAS IN THE CLOSET NAKED!! Just like Alice had told him to be! And the girl that found him was Erika! Holy Crow! She planned it that way the whole freaking time! Oooohhh that sneaky sneaky pixie!_

I quickly spun to face her and smacked her arm to get her attention. She looked at me with a mix of curiosity and confusion as to why I would hit her.

'Alice! You planned that whole thing didn't you?' I asked quickly as an awed and incredulous look crossed my face. She laughed and nodded her head exuberantly.

'Yeah, I did. I swear Erika knew what she was going to find when she opened the door. She promised me she wouldn't look because she was afraid she'd go blind. All that rambling she did to Mrs. Doak was just her acting the part.' she responded hurriedly.

'Oh my God, Alice. You are a certifiable _genius_!' I signed back as I laughed silently.

'All in a day's work, dear Bella. Hopefully he'll learn his lesson once he realizes he was set up.' she signed hurriedly as Mrs. Morelli began her lecture for the day.

I zoned out completely, replaying the whole ordeal over and over in my head, and having to try harder to suppress my laughter induced shaking each additional time.

_Oh man...remind me never to get on her bad side! She hasn't even been going to this school for a full week and she's already pranked six people! I think she may have Emmett beat for the reigning title of class prankster..._

The entire class lecture was lost amongst my joyful musings, and quickly Alice and I made our way to the gym. We quickly spotted a very sullen looking Newton pacing behind his very irate looking mother as we crossed the quad in front of the parking lot. Everyone in the surrounding area immediately burst into an uproar of laughter at witnessing his pathetic march towards what was sure to be a very severe punishment.

Gym class was a positively hilarious event as both Coach Clapp and Coach Jackson lectured the _entire_ period about how we were to refrain from acting so lewdly, and what punishments they would face should they ever feel the desire to follow in Newton's footsteps. They tried to keep their lecture as ambiguous as possible when it came to gender association, but their attempt failed. We could all tell that they were speaking only to the males in the class. Their efforts thoroughly thwarted by their inability to look at a single female as they conveyed both their opinions on the event and their warnings pertaining to consequences for committing such a heinous act.

Alice held onto me tightly as she shook with effort to keep her laughter at bay. She managed to succeed in that she only let a few minor snorts and whimpers escape barely noticed. When we were dismissed, we all but ran back into the locker room to get changed again, and burst into laughter as we entered the sacred confines that neither coach could trespass.

We dressed quickly and headed off towards the cafeteria, moving through the food line quickly to purchase our lunches, and wandering back to our table in the corner of the room. I sat next to Alice again, instead of across from the table as I usually would, and watched as student after student filed into the room, making their ways to their normal destinations.

Edward, Jasper, and Emmett wandered into the room, still attempting to stifle their amusement at what we had all experienced during the last hour. They got their food, and headed toward their usual table. Part of me was disheartened that Edward didn't even attempt to sit with us, and part of me was inexplicably relieved. I never thought I would feel so torn at such a simple gesture, but I silently thanked the stars that at least a potential awkward situation had been avoided.

Lunch passed by without much of an event, and only a few smiles and blushes exchanged between Edward and I. I dutifully ignored Emmett and Jasper, sticking to my resolve to make them squirm for at least a day, which only made Edward laugh boisterously at their confused expressions. It made me smile with pride on the inside, knowing that at least my plan was working to some degree.

When the bell rang, Alice and I picked up our bags, and tossed our trash in the nearest receptacle before heading off to our next class. Alice hugged me and wished me good luck before I entered my class room, and she took off towards her own. I sat at our lab table and took out my class materials, then proceeded to wait patiently for Edward's arrival. I was unsure of whether or not it would be awkward between us now that we weren't in the privacy of his own home, and there were witnesses to our written exchanges.

I only had to wait a few moments before he appeared in the doorway. Our gazes met instantly and he smiled at me as he crossed the room to our table. I smiled back, and pulled his seat out from under the table in a welcoming gesture. I hoped it would at least dim any possible awkwardness between us during this class period.

He made it to our table, took his seat, and immediately retrieved his materials for class from his bag before setting it on the floor next to him. I quickly jotted down a note for him, remembering the horrible way that I had responded to his legendary confession two nights prior, as he prepared for today's class. When I was finished, I quickly passed it in his direction with an apologetic smile. He smiled back at me, and seemed to be relieved that I started today's note volley between us.

_**Hi. Edward, I'm sorry about how I reacted the other night. It just caught me off guard, and I didn't know how to respond. I honestly never expected you to say something like that, and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings by the way I acted.**_

It made me feel horrible to think that I might have damaged any progress we had made by my inability to respond to his statement that night. He smiled faintly as he read the note, and quickly jotted down his reply.

_**Bella, you didn't hurt my feelings at all, so don't worry. That was my fault. I wasn't even aware that I was going to say it before it slipped out. I was honestly worried that you wouldn't want to talk to me after that. It just seems that sometimes when I'm around you, my brain loses it's filtering abilities, and I speak my thoughts without thinking of the repercussions of them. I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable at all. It dawned on me much later that night that the sheer forwardness of that statement could have made you impossibly uncomfortable around me, and I'm greatly pleased to see that it hasn't.**_

I read the note and realized sadly that although I had intended to ease his fears when I hugged him that night, it hadn't worked at all. It seemed he had still spent the remainder of the weekend berating himself over it. I quickly wrote back and passed it to him.

_**Edward, it's not your fault. We made an honesty pact, and you were only being honest...at least I hope you were...not that you would find me beautiful or anything...just that...nevermind. Forget I said anything cause none of it is coming out right. I'm just glad that it hasn't had any affect on our attempts to mend our friendship, as I would have hated for it to end in failure over something so innocent. So...what did you do yesterday?**_

He read the note and smiled as he started writing his reply. A few minutes later the note was returned to me, and he opened his text book to find the chapter from which Mr. Banner was lecturing.

_**Bella, that statement was the complete and utter truth. There wasn't even a speck the size of a dust particle worth of deception behind it. And for the record...I do find you beautiful...I always have, and I always will. It's not just how you appear on the outside, it's who you are inside that allows me to see you that way. I'm glad that our attempts haven't been affected as well, as I truly would be disheartened to have to be back at square one again, and trust me when I say that I would do so in a heartbeat if the need to arose. Yesterday, I went to a football game with my dad. It was great because we haven't had the opportunity to spend much time together recently. It was fun and we got the chance to talk on the way up to Seattle, which was nice. What did you do?**_

I quickly read the note, and smiled as I read about him spending time with his father. I was glad that they had the chance to spend some time together, as I knew just how infrequent those times could be. I wrote my reply down and sent it back over once again.

_**Well, Alice came over yesterday morning looking like a bag lady...seriously she was covered head to toe in shopping bags full of merchandise. You seriously would have thought it was Christmas at our house. Then she ended up spending the night and convincing me to do a fashion show with her for Esme and Carlisle, which they found insanely amusing. I don't blame them either...by the time I pulled the stick out of my butt and embraced the ridiculousness of it all, I found myself to be quite entertaining as I struck my best poses in the outfits Alice had thoughtfully purchased for me. So who played and who won? Was it an exciting game?**_

He chuckled as he read my note, and shook his head as he began to write his reply. Within minutes it was in front of me once again.

_**A fashion show huh? I would have paid to see that! Come on..give me just one of your best poses...please? The game was pretty entertaining...although I think the amusement I just got by reading about your night quickly surpassed the drunk guy that was standing next to us, with no shirt, and his chest painted navy blue and green, who repeatedly boomed his victorious chants minutes...MINUTES...after they were appropriately due. He was living proof that alcohol dramatically slows your thought processes. My dad and I laughed hysterically each time it happened. That guy never knew what we were laughing at, and he continuously looked at us as if we were insane...which only made us laugh harder. The Seahawks played the San Franscisco 49er's and we won 34-13. It was a great game, and I even got one of those ridiculous foam hands that's making the #1 sign as a souvegnier.**_

I quickly read his note, and a snort escaped me as I read about the drunk guy at the game. Mr. Banner looked quickly in my direction, and I mouthed a quick "Sorry" in his direction. He nodded and turned back toward the blackboard and Edward and I both let out a shaky gust of breath. I quickly wrote back and passed it in his direction.

_**Whew...that was close....and nice try buddy, but FAT CHANCE! There's no way you're getting me to do that in here, regardless of Newton's absence! I can only imagine how crazy our peers would think I was then! That's hilarious about that drunk guy though...what an imbicile! I think I would have paid to see that! I'll make sure to remind Alice to collect your contributions for her next planned performance for us, but I make no promises in regards to opening the door prior to our dance down the catwalk. Just kidding. I honestly would have been horrified had anyone else seen that spectacle!...Hey you know I just realized that today is the 20th anniversary of the day your parents met? How weird is it that **_**that**_** random thought just popped in my head?**_

I sat quietly as I contemplated how in the world I had ever even recalled that date to begin with. It wasn't like it was their wedding anniversary, or one of their birthdays, or even something that they celebrated every year. They had only celebrated it once, as far as I knew anyway, and it was on the tenth aniversary of the date. His father had made a big deal out of it, and his mother was completely shocked that he would remember the date, much less treat it as if it were their wedding anniversary. He had bought her flowers, taken her to a spa, and made a private picnic lunch for the two of them. It was all she could talk about for months afterwards. It made me smile now to think of it.

Apparently I had zoned out as I thought about their "anniversary", and missed the note that Edward had passed back to me. He nudged my arm, and for the briefest of moments, I felt that same electric tingle course through me at his touch. I shook my head to clear it and began reading the note.

_**Yeah...please don't ever do any of that runway stuff in front of Newton...it might give him the wrong idea, and he's unbarable as it is already. I don't even want to think about how many times I've wanted to pummel him for the vile things he's said about you and some other members of your gender. He truly is grotesque. I hope his parents realize that now, and at least attempt to have him neutered or something. Hey can you believe that he actually got caught with his pants down, alone, and in the janitor's closet? What the hell possessed him to do that? Bella, how did you know about my parent's anniversary of the day they met? They're my parents and I couldn't have even told you that before yesterday when my father mentioned his plans for today! And I agree with you, that is quite a random thought to have popped into that mysterious brain of yours!**_

I laughed silently as I read his note and quickly responded.

_**What has he said about me?? ....Ugh..Nevermind...I don't want to know! Just the thought of the possibilities is enough to make me want to scrub myself with sulphuric acid to burn any traces of his vileness off of my name! And yeah I actually can believe it! It was all Alice that planned it out! She had one of her classmates open the door on him and scream bloody murder as she acted as if she had accidentally opened that door instead of the door to the girl's bathroom! She really is a sneaky pixie! I honestly don't know how I remembered it, but I only know the date because on their 10th anniversary of the date, your father made a big deal out of it, and planned a whole day for them. It was all she could talk about for months...MONTHS! That's probably how it got drilled into my head. I have no clue what made the thought pop into my head though... I was only 5 for crying out loud the first time they celebrated it...well at least I think that's the first time anyway. Does he only do that every decade or something?**_

He chuckled as he read my note and responded once again.

_**Yeah, please don't ask...I'd likely have to cut my hand off after writing out his comments to rid myself of his lewdness! I can't believe she pulled that off! How in the hell did she convince him to do that?! Bella, that's amazing that you remember that...I didn't recall any of it until you mentioned it. Are you sure they're not your parents and not mine? Speaking of his plans, he wants to have some family time after his day with my mom, and he wanted me to invite Jasper and Emmett over to play some football, and I was wondering if you'd like to come and watch and keep my mom company. They'd both love to see you, and I'd be thrilled to be able to spend some more time with you...no awkward confessions..I promise!**_

I laughed as I read his note, and thought seriously about his offer. I loved his parents like my own, but I wasn't sure that I was ready to take our situation further at the moment. I carefully weighed my wants and needs, and when I finally came to a decision I wrote back.

_**She convinced him that she wanted to get down and dirty with him in there...Read the notes..You'll understand the whole thing. **_

_**I'd love to, Edward, but I just don't think I'm ready for that just yet. I hadn't expected to see you on Saturday, and while I don't regret running into you at all, I do think that we need to take this slow. It's been so long since I've had friends, and I'm unsure of every step I take when it comes to our situation. I think it would be better for us to hold off on social interactions outside of school until I'm more sure of myself. Please don't think that I'm distancing myself from you or anything like that. It's just that everything has been so sudden recently that it makes my head feel like its spinning when I think about it. Please tell them happy anniversary for me though...seeing as how I can't exactly call and say it myself...**_

I passed the note back to him, along with Alice's notes from English class, as I began to get frustrated with my own situation. It wasn't like dealing with my past wasn't enough, no I had to remain silent for so long that now when I _want_ to be able to speak, I can't because it causes me to panic.

_Great, Bella. This is just freaking awesome... Way to keep up your pride at how well you've been doing by focusing on what you can't do!_

Edward read my note and quickly read Alice's as well. He cringed and shuttered as he read them, and I didn't blame him one bit...they were quite appalling. He quickly jotted down his reply and passed it gently back in my direction and watched me carefully as I read it. What he was searching for, I hadn't a clue.

_**Okay...that's just horrifying that she would even dare to speak that way to him of all people, even if it did set him up beautifully and get him suspended for a week! **_

_**It's okay, Bella. I just thought I'd ask. I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you to spend time with me, as that's not the case. I want you to feel comfortable when you're around me, and I realize that's just going to take time, and I'm more than willing to provide that happily. I don't ever want you to force yourself to do something just because you think it will make me, or anyone else for that matter, happy. Please focus on making yourself happy, making yourself comfortable, and making sure that you only take steps when you are ready to. I'd much rather us build our friendship at a slow and steady pace and ensure that it's strong in its structure, than to rush it and run the risk of it collapsing again, if that makes any sense at all. I promised that I would be here when you were ready, and I will be. When and if you ever change your mind, I'll be right here. Take your time Bella....we have plenty of it to look forward to.**_

I felt the tears begin to flood into my eyes at his understanding of what I said. I had sincerely thought that he would have been disappointed in my refusal, but instead, he showered me with comforting words, assuring me that he was perfectly fine with my needing to take slow and steady steps. I quickly wrote back and passed it along to him.

_**Thank you, Edward. It means a lot that you understand where I'm coming from, and that you accept my need to move slowly. I really appreciate it. So school friends for now?**_

He read my note quickly and smiled as he wrote his reply.

_**Definitely. So does that mean I can sit with you and Alice at lunch now then?**_

I read his reply and laughed silently as I jotted down my response.

_**Sure! Then maybe Alice can improve your signing skills...or current lack there of! **_

He chuckled as he read my reply, but instead of writing down yet another note, he turned to look at me. Our gazes locked immediately and he chuckled again as he nodded. The bell rang just moments later and we both rose from our seats. He waited for me to gather my belongings, and once I had my bag secured to my back, I turned toward him.

He once again had that hesitant look in his eyes, and I laughed silently as I recognized it. I took the two steps forward in his direction, and wrapped my arms around his waist. He let out a shuddering breath as his arms tightened around me, and once again he buried his face into my hair.

It only lasted a few moments, but when he pulled back his eyes were alight with joy and he smiled his signature grin. He wrapped his arm loosely around my shoulders, and together we strolled our way out of the classroom. Alice met us in the hallway, and as soon as she saw us together a giant grin crossed her face. The enormity of it frightened me that it might split her face in half should it manage to widen by even a hair further. Edward chuckled at her, kissed the top of my head as he released my shoulders, and gave her a hug, whispering something in her ear before he strode off to his final class of the day.

I quirked an eyebrow at her as she linked her arm with mine and together we strode off to art class. When we finally got into art class and took our seats, I couldn't handle my curiosity any longer. I spun in my seat towards Alice and quickly started signing to her.

'Alice, what did he say to you?'

'Nothing major, Bella. He was just praising me for the Newton prank, and he also warned me that my patience would be tested when I apparently taught him how to sign properly.' She laughed and quirked an eyebrow at me while she signed.

'Sorry about volunteering you, but it's difficult for me to teach it when I can't vocally correct him or tell him what something means.' I replied remorsefully.

'It's alright, Bella. I have a feeling this will be funnier than attempting to teach Carlisle.' She signed excitedly. I laughed silently as I realized she was probably right.

_I wonder if he would get the Italian joke??_

_

* * *

_

**AN: Hit? Miss? R&R PLS & TY! I'll post the 2nd half of this update when I wake up later today. I'm fighting my eyelids too much at the moment to do anything else tonight...er this morning...whatever.**


	35. School Friends & Alice Strikes Again

**AN****: I just wanted to give a huge shoutout to iwishedwardcullenwasalive for correcting my faulty French in this chapter...YOU ROCK! She provided me with the correct translations and she's awesome for doing that. This chapter is now dedicated to her! Thank You!**

* * *

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Twilight or anything related to it...SM owns it all!**

* * *

School Friends and Alice Strikes Again

EPOV

I woke up early for school this morning, excited to once again get to see Bella. I showered and dressed quickly, then made my way down the stairs. My father was making waffles in the kitchen when I got there, and I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Your mother loves waffles, and I'm making her breakfast in bed. I shut her alarm off this morning so that it wouldn't wake her, and I could surprise her," he said proudly.

"Mmhmm...did you by any chance happen to make any extra? They smell amazing and I'm starving," I said as I tried to snatch one of the waffles off a plate next to the stove. He quickly swatted my hand with his spatula as he chuckled before replying.

"Yes, I made extra, but keep your mitts off of those, they're the only ones that came out perfect, and they're for your mother," he chortled as he pointed to the plate that was stacked high with his imperfect attempts.

I laughed as I rifled through the stack, looking for the ones with the least amount of crispiness on them. I finally found two that seemed to be alright, a little dark, but not burnt like the others were. I laughed again as I took my plate to the counter and sat down.

"Hey, mind your laughter there youngin'. When the day comes that you're doing this for someone, I'll be sure to remember how you reacted to my attempts," my father turned and said with mock sternness, and I chuckled once more before digging in to my own salvaged set of waffles.

"No worries, Pop. These two right here only needed a bit of CPR in the form of butter and syrup, they managed to make a full recovery," I chuckled as he shot me an incredulous look and shook his head as he turned back towards mom's waffle iron.

'I swear you get your sarcasm from your mother, cause I don't ever remember being as smart lipped as you are," he chuckled as he pulled yet another perfect waffle from the iron.

"Hey, looks like you're getting the hang of that thing....maybe I should have waited a few more minutes before coming down," I jested, he laughed heartily.

"Nah, it doesn't matter. I still would have hid the good ones from you and your smart mouth," he laughed through his attempt at mock severity, marring it completely.

"Nice. Thanks Pops, I'll remember that when I choose your nursing home," I retorted. He only laughed harder.

"Edward, I'm a lawyer, son. Should that day ever come, all arrangements have been made and finalized already. I'm not dumb enough to leave that choice to someone else, even if that person is you my dear boy," he replied sincerely as his chuckles subsided.

"Really?" I asked in a shocked tone. It's never been mentioned before, there's never been a need for it to have been mentioned.

"Yes, really, son. You have nothing to worry about. You'll never be left wondering what our wishes would have been, Edward. Everything you ever need to know about our insurance policies, medical choices, and everything in between straight down to what we wish for when we part this world, is all in a file in my office. There's also a copy of everything in our safe in the bedroom closet," he spoke honestly and comfortingly, but there was a hint of sadness in his voice that I couldn't find the source of.

"Dad, when did you set all of that up?" I asked curiously. His face contorted into a pained expression, and he looked straight at me as he began to answer.

"I set it up five years ago, after Bella's parents died. There was a big to-do about what her parents would have wanted. Apparently if they had any type of legalized last wishes or anything along the lines, none could be found. Thank God her grandmother was still alive at that point, or all of their final arrangements would have had to have been decided by Bella herself as she would have been the last remaining next of kin," he replied sadly. It was then that I understood where the sad tone in his voice had come from. He was forced to realize the necessity for those legalized documents in the event that something should happen to both he and my mother.

"Thank you for thinking to ensure that I would never have to make those decisions for you. I wouldn't even know where to start," I stated distantly, as I thought about how lost I would be if I were ever in Bella's position.

"It's just a precaution, Edward. We certainly hope you never have to use them before they are acceptable to be used," he replied as he placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"As do I, Dad," I said honestly as I stared off into the distance, completely lost in my thoughts.

"Try not to think about it too much, son. Your mother and I are both in perfect health, and plan on being here for quite some time to come," he said softly as he ran his hand down the back of my head before walking back around the counter to finish making my mother's breakfast tray.

"I'll try, Dad. You and mom have a good day, I'm heading out to pick up the guys before school. I'll see you both later on today," I said as I slid off my chair and made my way towards the front door.

"Have a good day, Edward. And don't forget to ask the guys about this evening!" he called out as I made it to the door.

"I will!" I called back as I left. I quickly made it out to my car and sat inside it for a few moments, just trying to collect myself before taking off towards Jasper's. It dawned on me that I could barely handle a simple conversation dealing with the possibility of losing my parents, and somehow Bella managed to live through actually losing hers. Her strength will never cease to amaze me. How she could ever say that I was her rock, when out of the two of us she was the one with the strength, will forever remain an enigma to me.

I made it to Jasper's house a few minutes later, and he was already waiting for me outside. He slid into the front seat lithely and once he shut the door, I took off towards Emmett's house.

"Sup, man? How was the game?" he asked simply.

"It was great, bro. Dad and I had a blast, I'm really glad I went," I responded honestly.

"What's up with you, bro? You seem out of it this morning," he asked with a concerned tone.

"It's nothing really. Pops and I were joking around this morning over breakfast, and somehow our joking led us into a conversation about his and my mom's last wishes and such. The conversation just took a toll on me is all," I said sincerely, hoping he didn't pick up on the additional discomfort in my tone caused by thinking of what Bella had been through.

"Yeah, my parents had that conversation with me a while ago...it messed me up for days afterwards," he said distantly as he gazed out of the window.

_I wonder if his parents did that in response to what happened to Bella's parents as well..._

"How long ago? I don't remember you ever mentioning it," I inquired curiously.

"Umm...shortly after Bella came back, why?" he replied confusedly.

"Because my parents legalized all their wishes shortly after what happened with Bella. My dad said they didn't want me to ever have to worry over what their wishes would be, and I'm now wondering if Emmett's parents did the same," I said, my interest in knowing now clearly piqued.

"I'm pretty sure they have at some point. She was close to all of us, and all of our parents took the news extremely hard. I wouldn't doubt that they all made the arrangements to ensure none of us would ever be put in that situation together," he replied with a compassionate tone as we pulled up to Emmett's house. I nodded towards Jasper as I watched Emmett approach the car. He slid quickly into the back, and I turned to look at him.

"What?" Emmett asked nervously as his eyes darted between Jasper and I. "What the hell are you guys looking at? Is there something on my face or some shit?" he asked self-consciously as he wiped his face with his bear paw of a hand and looked to see if anything was on it.

"Hey Em, have your parents ever mentioned anything to you about their last wishes or anything?" I asked cautiously, not wanting to piss him off or anything this early in the morning.

"That's why you're both staring at me like I've grown a fetus from the side of my face or something?!" he cried out. Jazz and I just looked at each other incredulously at Emmett's irrational outburst before looking back to Emmett.

"Em, just answer the question, moron," Jasper chided as he shook his head at Emmett.

"Umm yeah they did. Nothing really specific or anything. Hell pops said he didn't care if I put his ashes in a shoe box and buried it in the back yard, as long as I remembered where I put him so I could put my mom in with him when her time finally came," he laughed as he recalled his father's exact words to him.

_Only in the McCarty family...it must be in the genes..._

"So they didn't say anything about legal papers that depicted what they wanted in the end stages of their lives?" I reiterated, trying to get him to understand the difference between what his family jokes about, and what they want him to seriously remember.

"Yeah, mom mentioned the papers were in a safety deposit box at the bank for safe keeping. She said that if I ever needed them, all I'd need is my ID to get into it, and that the bank has a spare key in case I ever misplace the one they gave me. She knows me too well," he replied as he chuckled the last part. He's right, she did know him well enough to plan ahead.

I looked back at Jasper, both of us now realizing that had it not been for Bella's misfortune, it could have been any of us in that situation some day.

"Why the hell are you two talking all gloom and doom this morning? What the hell did you two get into over the weekend?" Emmett voiced with concern.

"Nothing happened, Em. I just had a conversation with my dad this morning about it, and it worked me up a bit. Jazz asked me what was wrong and he told me that his parents had that conversation with him shortly after Bella returned, and we were curious to see if your parents had done the same. That's all," I replied as I turned forward and put the car in drive once again.

"Yeah, if you think about it... Bella kind of saved us all from having to face what she has. She's a strong spirit that kid is. If it wasn't for our parents witnessing what she went through, we might have had to come face to face with it ourselves," Emmett voiced distantly as he gazed off unseeingly into the distance out of the side window.

_And once again McCarty amazes me with his ability to see straight through an issue at hand..._

"Hey, my dad wanted me to ask you guys if you were interested in playing a little two on two football this afternoon after school. He took the day off for some family time and regrets not having seen you guys for a while. You guys up for it?" I asked, genuinely excited for the idea.

"Sounds good, man," Jasper replied quickly. Emmett had a smirk on his face and I worried for a moment about what would flop out of his mouth unfiltered as always.

"Are we talkin' pansy ass touch football or full on no holds barred tackle football?" he questioned with a glint in his eye.

"Most probably touch football, bro. My dad's gettin' old, cut him some slack. His knees aren't what they were in high school Em, and I doubt they could survive one of your power blitzes," I replied seriously.

"Damn...spoil all my fun why don't ya?...Yeah I'm in..I promise not to hurt your old man...too badly," he replied with a smug smile.

_Idiot..._

I shook my head and continued to drive towards the school. We got there a few minutes later, and I didn't see the yellow Porsche yet, so as was customary for us, we climbed out and lounged against the front of the car. I let my gaze wander through the parking lot, until it landed on an SUV at the far end of the lot. I took a better look, and sure enough, it was Esme's. I nudged the guys and gave a pointed look in the direction of the SUV.

"It's Esme's. Alice must have used it today instead of her Porsche," I said as I took another quick look around lot and surrounding areas looking for any sign of Bella and Alice. I finally spotted them sitting at a picnic table in the quad by the cafeteria. They were signing to each other, and it took my breath away to watch Bella converse so effortlessly. They made it look so damn easy!

I nudged Jazz and Em once more, and kept my gaze in Bella's direction. They turned their gazes to her as well and smiled in her direction as she looked up. Her eyes locked with mine and she blushed and smiled only slightly before turning her gaze and straight up glaring at Jasper and Emmett.

I laughed at an almost deafening volume and pulled myself away from the car, leaving Jasper and Emmett with very stunned and confused expressions. I tilted my head to look at her as I crossed the lot, and when her gaze met mine I smiled and winked at her, knowing she was only doing it to spite them. She blushed brilliantly and smiled before gathering her things and getting up with Alice to make their way to their first class. I chuckled all the way into my music class.

Class went by quickly. Mr. Levine asked me once again if I had made any progress with my composition, and I shared the newest addition to it with him. He said it was brilliant, and very telling of my emotions. I accepted the compliments graciously and made my way to French class.

Alice was already in the class room when I got there, and she had the most mischievous of expressions planted on her face, and it made me wonder what she was up to. She just shook her head at me when I quirked an eyebrow at her. I chuckled and took my seat. Mr. Dubois had everyone partner up to work on a conversational assignment, and Alice readily agreed to be my partner. We turned our desks towards one another, and I placed our assignment sheet between us, making it so we could both read the English dialogue that we were supposed to translate mentally and speak vocally to one another, but immediately she strayed from the assignment.

''J'ai entendu dire que toi et Bella avez discuté hier soir. '' she stated with a smug smile. It took me a second to translate that after I quickly realized it wasn't the opening line on the paper. _I heard that you and Bella had a conversation on Saturday evening._

''Oui Alice, nous avons parlé, pourquoi cette question ?'' I replied smoothly. _Yes we did. Why Alice?_

"Je suis heureuse qu'elle te fasse confiance de nouveau, je te conseille de ne pas faire une autre erreur, ce sera plus difficile de regagner sa confiance après," she replied fluently. _I'm glad. She trusts you now. I advise you not to make another mistake like last time. It will be more difficult to gain her trust back._

"Je ne compte pas refaire cette erreur Alice," I replied sincerely to reassure her that Bella was safe from the idea of me ever walking away from her again. _It is not my intention to make that mistake again, Alice._

"I believe you, Edward. I don't think she would trust you if she had seen any reason not to," she said suddenly in English and I quirked an eyebrow at her.

"I just wanted to see how well you could follow along," she giggled as she spoke and I laughed.

" I didn't test your patience too badly, did I?" I replied sarcastically as I rolled my eyes.

"No, I've conversed with much much worse," she chortled. I laughed once again before we started the actual class assignment.

Class went by quickly after that, and soon enough it was time to head off towards my calc class. Jasper was waiting for me as I entered the room, looking like he was ready to ambush me with questions.

"Yo, bro. What the hell was up with the evil glare Emmett and I got this morning?" he asked quickly as I took my seat next to him.

"How would I know? Maybe you two pissed her off somehow..." I trailed off suggestively as I maintained a facade of innocence.

"Dude, we haven't done anything!" he cried out as he raised his hands up in exasperation.

"I have no idea, man. Maybe it's because you _haven't _done anything..." I trailed off again, hoping that he'd catch onto the clue because I was forbidden by our pact of honesty to straight out tell him why she did it, even though she was only joking.

"How can someone be mad at you for not doing anything, Edward? Seriously...that doesn't even make sense dick-wad," he replied angrily.

"I don't know what to tell ya then, bro. I have no answers for you, sorry," I replied sincerely.

Honestly, I have no idea how that guy can be so damn smart in some ways, and so completely dense in others. He and Emmett are truly polar opposites of each other.

_Oh shit...where do I fit in with that equation?? If they say that you are defined by your friends, then please dear God let them be defining me by Bella...or even Alice! Just not these two dumb shits! _

Class had barely gotten started when a feminine scream ripped through our corridor of the building, startling the hell out of me as I thought it might have been Bella. I took off towards the doorway, with Jasper hot on my tail. I don't even think shock can correctly describe what I witnessed when I made it into the hallway.

Newton was standing, stark naked in all his pasty white glory, in the janitor's closet as some poor girl was cowered next to the girl's bathroom door, her hands clamped firmly over her eyes.

"Oh my GOD, oh my God, I wasn't paying attention...I thought I was opening the door to the girl's bathroom...Oh GOD! My eyes are burning!" she muttered over and over again.

If it wasn't such a sad sight to see her like that I would have been on the floor laughing hysterically.

"Newton you ass! Put some fucking clothes on for Christ's sake! Who the hell stands naked in a fucking closet?!" I yelled as he started to pull his clothes on. He tried to say something but I held my hand up in his direction as I kept my eyes on the girl, waiting for her to stop freaking out. I didn't want to approach her and freak her out even more.

"Newton, I don't even want to fucking hear it. There's absolutely no justifiable reason for you to be alone and naked in a closet filled with cleaning supplies and such," I replied with a disgusted tone.

He tried once again to say something, but Mr. Anderson finally made his way over and yanked him out of the closet, yelling at him as he pulled him roughly towards the Principal's office. Mrs. Doak was now tending to that poor girl, so I turned back towards the classroom. Jasper shook his head and followed me.

"Can you believe that douche bag? What was he planning on hopping out and flashing some poor innocent bystander?" Jasper said incredulously as we took our seats once again.

"I seriously wouldn't put it past him, Jazz. I'm just glad it wasn't Bella or Alice that happened upon him right then," I muttered as I tried to return my focus to our calculus assignment.

"Oh God, I didn't even think about that, and they're both in this building this period," he said remorsefully.

"Like I said, just be glad it wasn't either of them," I replied absent-mindedly as I worked my way through my next equation.

"Yeah, thank God for small miracles," he replied as he turned forward in his chair. I just nodded and continued with what I was doing.

The rest of class went by without incident, and I made my way to English for my next period. It was pretty much the same as last week. Notes flying onto my desk, and me swatting them away with an annoyed expression. Once again, my swats were met with aggravated looks of their own.

_Well shit...quit throwin them if you don't want them swatted away!_

When the bell rang, I all but ran to the gymnasium. I was just about to start getting undressed to change into my football practice uniform when Coach Jackson came barging into the locker room.

"EVERYBODY OUT! THERE WILL BE NO CLASS OR PRACTICE TODAY! EVERYONE IS TO BE SEATED ON THE BLEACHERS WITHIN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES!" he bellowed, his angry voice echoing painfully off of the tiled walls.

_Oh shit...Who pissed in his cornflakes this morning?!_

Jazz, Em, and I made our way out to the gym and took our seats on the bleachers. I was fully expecting it to only be the guys sitting there, but was surprised to find _everyone _that had gym this period sitting randomly among the bleachers.

_Oh crap...I hope this isn't about the hyena pack...Alice and Bella will get suspended if they find out who did it..._

I shot a panicked glance at both Jasper and Emmett, and their faces seemed to portray my thoughts exactly. We sat quietly as I looked around to find Bella and Alice. When I finally did, I smiled as I saw that neither of them were panicking over what was going on.

_Maybe this has nothing to do with that after all..._

"Alright ladies and gentlemen, you're sitting here today because it's become apparent that some of you need to be more aware of what _is_ and is _not _appropriate behavior to be exhibiting _anywhere_. As many of you may have heard, there was an incident this afternoon involving a student who decided to indecently expose themselves," Coach Jackson started with a very severe tone, and an expression that was the epitome of disappointment.

"It is beyond logical reason why any of you would feel it necessary or even _**amusing **_to display such a behavior. It is lewd, indecent, and disrespectful to _any _person that happens upon you, _**not **_just members of the opposite sex," Coach Clapp joined in, his tone just as severe and his expression leaning more towards anger than disappointment.

Jazz, Em, and I had to clench our fists and bite our lips just to keep from snickering let alone letting out the rip-roaring laughter that so desperately wanted to consume us all. It didn't happen to slip by my observation that neither coach could even look at a single female in the room as they spoke. It was clear that their scolding was only aimed at those of us that were members of the male gender, and it made me want to laugh even harder.

"For any of you sitting in this room today, that are having even the slightest ideas forming in your pea-brained sized minds that you wish to follow in this person's footsteps, I suggest you listen up closely. Should you _**ever **_be caught in such a position, we assure you, you will _not _get the chance to explain. You will _**not **_get the chance to apologize. There will be _**no **_detention, _**no **_suspension either in-school or out of school. You _**will**__, _however, be expelled..._**immediately**_!" Coach Jackson warned us severely.

"We don't care if you're an honor student, the class president, a varsity player, the class clown, on the yearbook committee, or even Harvard's future Valedictorian. You _**will **_be expelled, no ifs, ands, or buts, about it. For those of you that think we are just talking to talk, I encourage you to attempt it. In fact, I dare you to try it. You'll be escorted of the premises quicker than you can pull your goddamn pants up!" Coach Clapp bellowed. I chanced a look around the room, and found that most of the females were snickering, whereas most of the males had paled at the coaches threats of intended punishment for such acts of indecency.

I saw Bella and Alice holding onto each other tightly, and poor Alice looked as though she was ready to explode with the laughter she was trying so desperately hard to hold in. I knew Bella wouldn't have a problem with the staying silent part, but she looked to be in about as bad of shape as Alice with trying to maintain her serious expression. Alice apparently had breached that ability as her face was clearly amused, but she still kept her laughter stifled. Just the sight of them almost broke me, I didn't dare have the two numbnuts look at them...we'd all be in deep shit if I did that.

"From this moment on, _**any **_lewd, obscene, vulgar, abusive, or disrespectful comments aimed at one of your peers that is overheard by _**any **_school official...right down to the janitors, cafeteria ladies, and office employees... will be dealt with _**immediately**_. You all will learn to conduct your behavior in an appropriate and mature manner. It's time you all learn to have some respect for yourselves and your classmates, as well as the officials of this institution. Is that understood?" Coach Jackson looked around at everyone as we all nodded our confirmation of understanding at him, albeit some of us with pained faces from holding in our amusement for so long.

"Class dismissed, ladies please return to the locker room to get changed for your next classes. We apologize for the inconvenience of not being able to catch some of you before you entered the locker room to change for class. Gentlemen, remain in your seats please," Coach Jackson started with an apologetic tone, but it turned stern as he told us to stay where we were.

_Shit! This can't keep going! I'm gonna freaking explode over here! _

I looked to Emmett and Jasper, my face tortuously pained, their faces a mixture of reds and purples from having exerted so much energy in their attempts to stifle their amusement.

"Bro, I can't take much more of this, and it's only going to get worse in a minute and you know it," Jasper muttered painfully as he forced his way past his chuckles. I looked to Emmett, but he didn't dare utter a word, he just furrowed his brows together and bit his lip even harder as he inhaled deeply through his nose. I briefly wondered if his color was due to lack of oxygen as he held his breath.

_Emmett..don't give yourself brain damage from oxygen deficiency...you can't afford to lose any more brain cells...It's bad enough Jazz and I panic every time you take a hit on the field..._

"We asked you to remain in your seats, because we did not wish to expose the ladies to the actual events that took place this afternoon. As young men, it is _**never **_acceptable to expose yourselves to members of the opposite sex in such an obscene and obnoxious manner," Coach Jackson began our personal scolding.

"The poor girl that just happened to come upon Mike Newton this afternoon, as he hid in a janitor's closet, stark naked, was practically traumatized by the experience. She thought she was pulling the door to the ladies' room open, and accidentally happened upon his nude form. It took an hour just to calm her down enough to send her back to class. If any of you ever even _**think **_about committing such a distasteful offense, and we catch wind of that thought, you will be tossed out on your asses faster than you can blink. There is nothing even remotely amusing about this situation. Newton has been suspended for two weeks. We understand that it is unfair that should any of you commit the same offence in the future you will be suspended, but unfortunately prior to today there has never been an instance even remotely like it to warrant a need for such a punishment. We have witnessed some questionable behavior in the past, but have overlooked it, trusting that none of you would ever take it to a reprehensible level, but that ends today. _**Any **_and _**all **_questionable behavior ends now. Is that understood gentlemen?" Coach Clapp finished his tirade and sent us each a pointed glance as we each, one by one, nodded in affirmation of our understanding.

"Very well, gentlemen. You are dismissed," Coach Jackson released us as Coach Clapp walked away, furiously rubbing his face in an aggravated state. I actually felt sorry for the them that the school used them to relay their messages, but I understood why they did. If the guys of this school looked up to anyone, it was them, so it made sense to have them be the ones to lecture us.

Emmett bolted for the doors as soon as Coach Jackson finished saying the word dismissed. He didn't even bother to take his jacket or bag with him in his rush to get away from them. Jasper chuckled as he grabbed Emmett's jacket, I grabbed his bag, and we quickly followed after him.

By the time we made it through the doors, Emmett was sitting on the curb of the parking lot, holding his sides as his laughter erupted violently from him. Just the sight of him made Jazz and I lose our control over our own laughter, as we stumbled forward to join him on the curb.

It took a good five minutes or so for us to calm down enough to make the hike to the cafeteria. We were still chuckling as we entered it and made our way into the food line.

"I still can't believe he had the fuckin' nerve to pull that off!" Emmett boomed, still shocked over the complete absurdity of the entire situation.

"Believe it, bro. I unfortunately witnessed it first hand, and trust me...it wasn't a sight I ever want to remember. If I could pour bleach in my head, I'd do it in a nanosecond...possible brain damage or not," I replied disgustedly as a brief flash of what I had seen crossed in front of my vision and made me shudder violently.

"Yeah, dude, you should have seen it! Edward had to yell at him to put some damn clothes on, and he averted his attention at all costs after that. He wouldn't even let Newton say a damn word...it was hilarious!" Jazz chimed in amusedly.

"It's not hilarious when your brain has been burned with _that _image for all eternity...Ugh! I need to gouge my eyes out for crying out loud! And that poor girl probably got an even more horrific view than I was exposed to!" I shot back at him.

"You're probably right, damn I hope she's not scarred for life!" he replied only half amused.

"I'm sure she is, if it's Newton that she got her first glimpse at, I'm sure she's either a virgin for life or a lesbian by now," Emmett said seriously. I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"How would you know, Em?" I asked suspiciously.

"Cause that goddamn douchebag walked out of the showers one day last year butt naked...didn't even have the decency to cover his baby appendage, and unfortunately I happened to be sitting on a fuckin' bench putting my shoes on and practically came face to face with the damn thing as he strolled by like he was takin' a fuckin' walk in the park or some shit! I had nightmares about it for months!" he cried out. Jazz and I laughed hysterically as we paid for our lunches and made our way towards our table.

I wanted to try to sit with Bella, but I was worried about what had happened on Saturday night. I wasn't sure if she would want me to be near her today, so I figured it would just be best to wait and see how it went in Bio this afternoon.

The rest of lunch passed by quickly, the entire cafeteria snickering about the events of this afternoon continuously. When the bell rang, I got up and headed to my locker to exchange my books for the remainder of the day.

I made it to class with just about a minute to spare, and was greeted by a smiling Bella who pulled my seat out for me.

_At least she doesn't seem upset or angry..._

We spent the remainder of the class passing notes back and forth, as we both tried in vain to at least pretend that we were paying attention to Mr. Banner's lecture. I somehow managed to get most of the notes he was writing on the board, and I figured in History class I could make another copy of them to give to Bella, since it didn't seem that she had written many of them down. Mr. Banner was a stickler on exams, and he generally pulled questions from his lectures rather than from the text book material. I could at least do this much to help her, even though I'm quite sure she'd never fail anyhow.

I was shocked when she told me that Alice had been the mastermind behind the whole Nude Newton scandal. I was thoroughly amused at her abilities, that was until I read what she had written to him in order to get him into that closet. Just reading their note made me shudder. I highly doubted that he would realize he had been set up, and it made me afraid of how it would affect his advances towards her when he returned to school. I was also filled with rage when I read the part of his note where he suggested she bring Bella. I knew he was referring to her because it was only logical that she would be sitting next to Alice in every class that they shared together.

I know she expected me to be upset when she declined my invitation to tonight's family night, but I honestly wasn't. I had expected her to decline, and was glad that she was thinking about her own needs and not pushing herself to make me happy. Her happiness and comfort is the only thing that can bring me that happiness, and if she's forcing herself into situations where she's not comfortable, then it would be impossible for me to enjoy it. In all reality, I was ecstatic that we were now classified as school friends and not in some vague attempt stage any longer.

Class ended sooner than I would have liked it to. I was perfectly content sitting in Bio passing notes back and forth with her. I waited for her to gather her things after the bell rang, and when she turned toward me I couldn't suppress the desire within me to hug her again, but I hesitated.

She can apparently read me better than I can read myself sometimes, as she laughed and wrapped her soft arms around my torso tightly. I immediately pulled her to me and wrapped my arms back around her, and buried my face in her hair for a moment. It always smelled so damn good...like strawberries and her skin smelled of something sweet and floral...like freesia.

I pulled myself back after a few moments, not wanting her to become uncomfortable with me holding her for too long. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder gently and led us from the room. Alice grinned widely at us as we met her in the hallway. She looked so damn excited that I had to chuckle at her. I kissed Bella's head and removed my arm from her. I hugged Alice quickly and whispered to her.

"Alice, you're a genius for that Newton stunt, but please be careful when he comes back to school. Oh, and by the way..if I didn't test your patience in French class this morning, I'm sure I will test them to the limits now that you've been delegated to teach me how to sign properly," I chuckled as I pulled away from her and hurried off to my last class.

Emmett was already in his seat by the time I made it to class. I plopped down unceremoniously into my seat and turned to him, my eyes bright with amusement.

"Why do you look like the frog that got the fly?" he asked seriously. I shook my head and chuckled at his complete annihilation of the common phrase.

"It's the cat that ate the canary, Em," I said incredulously.

"What?....What are you talking about?" he asked in a confused tone.

"The expression Emmett, it's 'You look like the cat that ate the canary', not the frog that got the fly," I responded exhaustively.

"Whatever..same difference. So why do you look like _the cat that ate the canary_, Ed-_ward_?" he asked sarcastically.

"You'll never believe what I just found out last period about that whole Nude Newton scandal," I replied with an amused tone.

"What?" he questioned as he quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Alice was the damn mastermind behind it. I saw the set-up note that she gave him...and it was disturbing to say the least, but that girl that "just so happened upon him" was actually part of the set-up! She didn't see a damned thing! She knew he was in there, and naked, the whole time! That whole inconsolable shit was all a freakin' act!" I whisper yelled so that the teacher wouldn't catch wind of what had actually happened. It helped that we sat at the back of the room, and there weren't any students sitting near us that could possibly rat her out to any of the school's officials.

"No freakin' way! I can't believe that shit! I've been outdone by a damn pixie..twice! In one freakin' week!" he whisper yelled back with a mask of mock horror. Well knowing Emmett, it could have been real horror in that he realized he had some serious competition to contend with.

_Once again, to any deity that can hear me, please do not ever allow them to join forces!!!_


	36. Early Morning Dismay & Evening Comforts

**AN: GOOD MORNING READERS! Or shall I be saying good night to some of you seeing as how it's almost 2 am?!? So I just finished the 2nd chapter in this update..and it's massive. I do hope you all enjoy your over 20,000 word update. Hopefully it will keep you guys busy as I work on the next few chapters. I love that you guys tear through them as quickly as I can get them out...it makes me feel like I'm doing a good job. ^_^. ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Twilight...I only own this slowly evolving chaotic plot line!**

* * *

Early Morning Dismay and Evening Comforts

BPOV

Tuesday and yesterday passed by in a blur, much to my dismay. It only made today come that much quicker..my damn birthday. Edward came to sit with Alice and I at lunch on Tuesday, and Jasper and Emmett followed soon after, both sporting pouting puppy dog faces until Alice and I laughed and motioned for them to sit. I let go of my attempts at making them squirm, and we quickly found an easy going groove between the five of us.

Alice started teaching them how to sign properly right away, and she forbade them from speaking out loud at the table. She insisted it would only help them in the long run, and I agreed whole heartedly, as I've seen her work her magic before with Esme, Carlisle, and myself.

Emmett looked about ready to burst with frustration by the time the bell rang. Jasper was as calm and collected as ever, and Edward just laughed his way through the whole ordeal. I don't think much was actually achieved during the brief encounter, but at least it was amusing..well to most of us anyhow.

Edward and I continued to pass notes back and forth in Bio, and he even slipped a few that he had written in other classes into my locker throughout the day yesterday. The one that he had put in there after his fourth period English class had me holding my sides with laughter as he described his game of batting away the love notes that were thrown at him daily. I wrote him a response to that one claiming that if he didn't read them, then how did he know that they weren't just trying to tell him that his fly was down? He laughed heartily as he approached me in the cafeteria with my note in his hand.

Things seemed to be going really well, and although I was still a bit nervous around Emmett and Jasper, Edward made me feel secure as he averted my attention when he started to notice the discomfort that showed in my eyes from time to time. I couldn't possibly thank him enough for that, as I couldn't even explain why I was feeling that way. Something just felt off about the two of them, and I couldn't put my finger on it. There was just something fundamentally different about the way they approached me during our encounters, and it made the alarms in my head screech out. I've been hoping that it's just a fluke, that they're just being set off by the sudden existence of our little social circle where just days before there was nothing there.

The herd of hags still hadn't returned to school, and I was beginning to wonder if they ever would. I was still worried over what they would do to us in terms of retaliation when and if they returned. I told Edward about this during one of our note sessions, and he told me not to worry about it. That he'd protect me every moment that he could, and that when he couldn't, Alice would be there...like in the locker room. That was actually the area that I feared the most when it came to thinking of the possibilities of their acts of retribution.

Overall though, these last few days have been nothing short of spectacular. It was a very welcomed change from the way my days used to pass. That however, didn't change the fact that today was my birthday, and I was sincerely dreading it.

I woke up this morning with an overwhelming sense of foreboding. I really hope it's just proved to be useless anxiety by the end of the day, but I'm skeptical of that hope.

I rolled out of bed at 6 and headed into the shower. Alice would be over at 6:30 to fix me up for the day. I really needed to get her to teach me how to cover these damn scars as well as she does. I tried yesterday, but it didn't look near as flawless as it does when she applies it. It wasn't noticeable by any means, but it just wasn't the same as when she does it. I can almost forget it's there by the time she's finished with it.

I picked out a quick outfit, not wanting to waste time being indecisive. It was a simple pair of medium blue jeans, an olive green camisole, and a white short sleeved button up shirt with little silver buckles on the ends of the sleeves holding the sleeves together as they wrapped around my arms, all courtesy of Alice's impromptu Saturday night shopping excursion.

Alice came right at 6:30 as promised, and had me fixed up and ready in a jiffy. We made it down the stairs quickly and greeted Esme as she was making my favorite chocolate chip pancakes for my birthday breakfast. I sincerely hoped she hadn't bought me anything, as the necklace she had given me just days ago was plenty enough for me.

We finished breakfast quickly, and still had about twenty minutes left until it was time to leave. Carlisle entered the kitchen as Esme, Alice, and I sat quietly signing to each other. Esme had been asking us about how school had been going so far this year, and we told her about the good parts, making sure to leave out the herd of hags, and Alice's implication in the Newton scandal...we did however mention the scandal itself though. Esme was shocked and appalled to say the least.

As Carlisle rounded the counter to stand by Esme, they smiled at me, and I noticed that he was holding a folder in his hands. I pointed at it curiously, and their smiles grew impossibly wider. Alice was bouncing on her seat next to me, making me even more suspicious of what could be in the damn thing.

'What's in the folder, Dad?' I signed quickly.

'Bella, Esme and I..'

'Mom,' I quickly corrected him and he smiled widely, his eyes shining.

'Very well. Bella, your mother and I would like to ask you something very important. If you agree, this will not only be your birthday gift, but a gift to us as well," he signed as he smiled and his eyes remained bright with excitement.

'Okay, what do you want to ask?' I signed nervously.

'Bella, we would like to ask you to allow us to formally adopt you. We would like to make it official and legal that you are our daughter. Would you give us the honor of officially being your parents?' Esme signed, apparently growing tired of waiting for Carlisle to get it out.

I was shocked. I had wanted this for so long, and here they were asking me, and I couldn't move for a moment.

'Are you sure? You really want to adopt me? You really want to be my parents indefinitely?' I signed hurriedly as my nerves sparked with both excitement that they wanted to be my parents officially and pure fright that they weren't sure of their decision.

"Bella! We would love nothing more! We've only waited this long because we were unsure of whether or not you would want us to!" Esme cried out as she rounded the corner to pull me into a hug.

"She's right, Bella. We honestly would love nothing more than to make the three of us an official family. The paperwork is all here, all you have to do is allow us to sign it, and it's official," Carlisle stated comfortingly.

The tears flowed from my eyes at an alarming rate. They were mixed tears. Tears of pure joy, tears of grief over losing my real family, tears of gratitude that I had managed to find two people that loved me as they would a child of their own, and tears of hope for the family that I would be gaining. I pulled back from Esme just enough so that I could sign to them and they could see it.

'Please do, right here, right now. I've never wanted anything more than I want this. I've wanted this for so long. This is the best birthday gift ever. Thank you Mom and Dad. This is incredible.' I signed excitedly to them.

They both laughed, with tears of joy in their eyes as they each signed the papers that lay in front of them, making the adoption official. I was officially now their daughter, and I couldn't be happier about it.

"Bella, before we sign this last page, I want to be sure that you want this. You're last name will change with this, and I don't want you to regret the decision. We tried to get them to allow you to keep your last name, but there was nothing we could do about the procedure," Carlisle stated hesitantly, and a look of worry shot across his face. I laughed and signed quickly to him.

'Dad, it's alright. I have the names that my family _chose_ for me, the one part that wasn't chosen isn't as important. And regardless of any legal document, in my heart I will always be Isabella Marie Swan Cullen from this point out. Just think of how long it will be if I ever get married!' I joked trying to ease their fears.

They both laughed and quickly signed the last page. I quickly hopped off of my seat and rounded the counter, attacking them both into a fierce hug at the same time. They held onto me just as fiercely and from in between their arms I caught a quick glimpse of a very wet faced Alice. I threw one of my hands up and waved to her to come join her rightful spot in our little family embrace. She quickly got up and came over to us, snuggling in between Esme and myself.

By the time we released each other, we were all a sloppy wet mess. Alice rushed us up the stairs to quickly fix our make-up before we had to bolt out the door in an effort to not be late to class. Alice drove like the speed demon she is, but we still arrived five minutes late to first period.

Mrs. Guy glared at us as we entered the room. Alice apologized for both of us as we took our seats. The day just seemed to fly by from that point. Angela wished me a happy birthday in math Trig. class, and I mouthed a thank you and smiled at her. She really was an amazingly nice person.

Edward gave me a card at lunch, it was home made and the inside was hilarious to me. He wrote me my own birthday poem.

_**I know the last thing you would want is a gift**_

_**If memory recalls correctly...**_

_**The notion leaves you quite miffed.**_

_**I thought this would be more worth while,**_

_**And if at all possible...**_

_**Even make you smile.**_

_**If I got this wrong, please tell me now.**_

_**I'll run to the store, buy anything...**_

_**I promise to make it up somehow.**_

_**If I managed to do this right..**_

_**Please do me the honor,**_

_**Of joining our group for a movie tomorrow night.**_

_**Please have a happy day,**_

_**For anyone who dares to interfere..**_

_**By way of me will be sure to dearly pay.**_

_**I'll be here for you Bella, always and forever.**_

_**For anyone who dares to play skeptic to my claim...**_

_**To them I'll simply say...doubt me never.**_

_**Happy Birthday Bella**_

I hugged him with a strength worthy of Emmett's muscles when I finished reading the inside. I felt like I was on top of the world, and nothing at this point could knock me off. I felt invincible.

Edward and I passed notes once again in Biology class. He even had a knack for managing to get all of Mr. Banner's notes written down in between our note passing. He's left a copy of the notes tucked under Alice's windshield wiper every day since Monday, only Monday it was under Esme's wiper blade. The thoughtfulness of that guy astounded me.

It wasn't until Alice and I walked into the parking lot after school, that my day began to go to shit, because there, right down the aisle from where we stood, was Alice's Porsche, completely covered in balloons, teddy bears, streamers, confetti, and shoe polish writing all over the windows, declaring it to be my birthday. Just one look at the damn thing told me exactly who to point my finger at. Emmett freaking McCarty. Alice gasped and almost looked close to tears. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and led us toward her car.

People all across the lot started yelling out "Happy Birthday Bella!" one right after the other. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and hide for the rest of my damn life. Alice and I freed all the balloons that were attached to her car, and peeled off all of the damn bears and streamers. She went to the trunk and pulled out some glass cleaner wipes and handed me a few before she pulled a few out for herself. It took us the better part of a half an hour just to get most of the shit off the windows. Poor Alice looked about ready to murder someone. We put our stuff in her car, and she put away the glass cleaner wipes. I stopped her as she was about to walk over to the driver's side of the car, keys in hand, ready to leave this damnn parking lot.

'Alice? How about a little revenge?' I asked with a mischievous grin.

'Revenge on who, Bella? I don't even know who did this!' she signed with a confused and exasperated expression.

'Not yet you don't...but I do.' I replied cryptically.

"Who, Bella? Spill it, NOW!" she chimed excitedly.

"E.M.M.E.T.T.' I signed slowly. Her eyes narrowed and her face became determined.

"Bella? Don't the guys have football practice after school today?" she asked with an overly innocent tone. I knew that tone, she was concocting a plan. I nodded excitedly.

Alice quickly re-opened the trunk of her car, and started digging through it, looking for something. After a few minutes, she pulled out a plain white plastic jar that had no writing on it. I looked at her suspiciously for a second until she answered.

"It's a sports cream, Bella. I used to use it all the time after my gymnastics practices and events. It doesn't smell nasty like that icy-hot stuff, but dear God if you put it on a sensitive area it burns like holy hell!" she explained hurriedly. I looked at her confusedly.

_What the hell is she going to do with that?_

"Bella, I'm gonna need you to keep a lookout for me, okay? I just need you to stand in the gym by the doors to the field, and bang on the locker room door if you hear anyone coming. That's _all_ you have to do, alright? If someone starts approaching, Just hit the door twice and run before they see you in the gym," she spoke hurriedly as we walked towards the gym.

It was eerily silent inside as we made our way across the gym floor. The only sounds I could hear were our footsteps and my heartbeat. I was almost betting Alice could hear my heartbeat as well as it pounded away in my ears.

Alice slipped silently into the guy's locker room, and I dutifully listened at the doors for anyone approaching. It was completely silent the entire time. A few minutes later, I was startled by someone whispering in my ear.

"What are you listening so intently for?"

I slowly turned, only to find Alice covering her mouth and shaking with silent laughter. She snorted loudly when my shocked face met her gaze.

"Come on, Bella...Let's get the hell out of here!" she sang as she pulled me towards the opposite side of the gym. If my heartbeat was loud before, it was positively deafening now.

We practically ran all the way out to the car, and once we got there I stopped her.

'Alice, what did you do?' I asked curiously.

"I found Emmett's locker, thankfully they use those wire sports lockers so it made it easy to find his simply by looking for the clothes he was wearing earlier today. I picked the lock easily, really people need to learn how to use combination locks, and put a healthy dose of that cream into his body wash and shook it to mix it. Then, simply out of spite, I watered a bit of the cream down, and doused the crotch of his underoos in it. I would have just applied the cream directly to them, but I'll be damned if I'm touching his dirty knickers!" she said in a rush as she ushered me towards the passenger side of the car.

"I just hope that they dry by the time he gets out of the shower..." she trailed off as she shut the door behind me and ran around to the other side of the car. I turned to her once she got into her seat and quickly signed to her.

'Alice! That's so mean! I hope it doesn't cause any real damage.' I signed with an expression that was half amused and half horrified at what she had done.

"Bella, he trashed my baby, violated my property, and put you in the center spotlight in front of everyone. A little burning sensation in his britches won't kill him. If he's smart he'll change his soap quickly," she said with exasperation.

'That's just it, Alice. He's NOT smart!' I signed quickly.

"Then maybe he'll learn not to mess with the best," she said with a smug smile. I just shook my head as she proceeded to pull out of the school's parking lot at full speed.

Only ten minutes later, we were heading down our street. Only a few more moments and I would be in the warm and comforting confines of my home. Unfortunately, as Alice turned onto my driveway, that welcomed feeling vanished. I almost had a panic attack at the sight of what lay in my driveway as we pulled in.

It was my father's pick-up truck. It looked completely restored, but I was almost certain that it was _his _exact truck. It took Alice ten minutes to get me out of the car. I know it seems irrational to be terrified of an inanimate object, but this was like an omen from my past catching up to me, and it terrified me.

Alice finally got me out of the car and I warily approached the truck. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes, but that damn dream catcher that Billy's wife had made for Charlie one Christmas was _still _hanging from the rear-view mirror. I damn near passed out on the spot. Carlisle came rushing out of the house when he spotted us, and ushered us inside. I was practically frozen to the spot as I stared at the dream catcher.

Carlisle sat me down on the couch and ran off to get me a glass of water as I tried to calm myself down. I heard a vaguely familiar voice from behind me, but it was slightly different from how I remembered it, but then again it had been about five years since I had heard it at all.

"Bella?" he questioned cautiously.

I spun around to look behind me, and was shocked at the sight of Billy, my dad's best friend, in a wheelchair approaching me. A moment later, a very tall, but familiar looking young man walked into the room and stood behind Billy. The young man smiled at me, but I couldn't even force a smile through my shock. I just stared at them warily.

"Bella, it's okay honey. Do you remember me?" Billy asked. I nodded nervously as I stared at him.

"Do you remember Jacob? My son?" he asked as he pointed to the tall young man.

My eyes must have been as wide as saucers by this point. There was no _way_ that kid behind him could be Jake. He was too damn big to be him. Jake would only be 15 right now and this kid looked closer to 18! I nodded dumbly once again, and the kid that was supposed to be my friend Jake smiled at me. It wasn't until he smiled that I recognized him, and I flew off the back of the couch, crashing into him, and clinging to him for dear life.

He was the only person that I had communicated with via letters back and forth for the first year after I came back. We wrote regularly until his mother died about a year after I had come to live with Esme and Carlisle. Somehow amidst all the confusion that surrounded the both of us at the time, we lost contact with each other. I wanted to write so many times, but I wasn't even sure if he even still lived in his old house.

Jake laughed as he hugged me tightly, causing my feet to come off the floor. Billy laughed from beside us as I refused to let go of the one friend that I hadn't resented as a result of our loss of communication. I understood where he was when he lost his mother, and with his father always away from home, he was surrounded with the chaos of trying to be the man of the household at an incredibly young age.

I finally pried myself off of him, and smiled up at him. He was damn near as tall as Edward, and I wouldn't be surprised if he matched Emmett's towering height within the next few years. He held my hand and escorted me back to the front of the couch and sat down next to me. Billy wheeled himself up in front of us and I smiled at him, thankful now that he had shown up here today. That truck no longer seemed like a bad omen for what was to come. I was actually glad that he had kept it for so long.

Alice entered the living room a few minutes later, one step ahead of me as always, toting the dry erase board with her that she had hidden what felt like eons ago. She handed it to me and took the empty seat next to me. I quickly wrote on the board and held it up for Jake and Billy to read.

_**Hi! I'm surprised to see you both! This is my friend Alice on my right. **_

Billy and Jake looked at me funny as they read the board.

"Bella? Is it true? You really haven't spoken in five years?" Billy asked as a pained expression crossed his face. I nodded sullenly.

"Why?" Jake asked innocently. I quickly wrote a note and showed it to both of them.

_**It's hard to explain correctly, but trying to speak causes me to have a severe panic attack. It locks my body up so it's like frozen and I get stuck within the darkness of myself. Carlisle could explain it better to you if you'd like...**_

They both nodded, but Billy quickly commented.

"We'll get to that later, Bella. I'm in no rush, and I'd like to get to spend some time with you if that's alright?" he asked cautiously. I nodded happily.

"So I hear the Cullen's finally adopted you this morning," Billy said, his husky voice warm and soothing. I nodded happily once again.

"That's great, kiddo. You're parents would be pleased to see you so happy," he said warmly once again. I frowned for a moment as I thought about them, but recovered quickly.

We ditched the dry erase board after that. I never thought I'd say it after I had first used it, but I hated the damn thing now. I'd much rather just use sign language, and Alice happily agreed to translate for me.

We bantered back and forth for about an hour and a half, catching up with each other, and everything that had happened to us over the last few years. I was surprised when I found out that his sister Rachel had just married a surfer and lived in Hawaii now, and his other sister Rebecca was away at college. I couldn't believe that enough time had passed that they were now old enough to be married and in college. I was also surprised to hear that Jake had been dating Leah, a girl I had met only a few times on the reservation, for almost a year now. He seemed really happy, and I was grateful for that. At least he didn't have as rough as a road to travel as I had been traveling on for five years now.

Alice had to excuse herself at 5 to go home for dinner, which left Jake, Billy and I needing to use the damn board once again. I went to write something on the board, but Billy began to speak.

"Bella, how would you feel about taking over ownership of your father's truck? When he left it with me, he told me that if anything ever happened, he wanted you to have it when you were old enough to drive it," he spoke softly and cautiously, unsure as to how I would react to his offer.

I thought about it for a few minutes. I wasn't quite sure how I really felt about it. I knew I would be getting my permit soon, but I wasn't sure if I would be able to drive around in a constant reminder of my parents. As I contemplated it, I came upon one undeniable fact. That truck was one of the last remains of a life that I had shared with my parents during happier times. Aside from that, all I had were a few photos, and my quilt. I had nothing else of theirs. It was with this realization that I made my decision.

_**I'd love to...are you sure Billy? Don't you need it?**_

"No, Bella. I don't need it. In fact, Jacob here has spent the last five years restoring it to near mint condition for your birthday," he said with a bright smile. I smiled at Jake and he blushed.

"Yeah, It's been a real pain in the rear. I haven't been able to figure out what's wrong with it that only enables it to go about 55 miles an hour maximum, but it runs smooth, and both the exterior and interior have been completely restored for you. I reattached your father's dream catcher to the rear-view mirror before we drove it up here today. I figured you might want to keep it with the truck. I promise I'll eventually figure out what's up with the speed thing," Jake replied half sincerely and half excitedly. It was nice to see him so passionate about something, and from the looks of the truck now as compared to the last time I had seen it, he was damn good at restoring cars.

_**Thank you. I don't know how I'll ever repay you for this, but thank you.**_

I shed a few tears as I wrote my message, but managed a smile as I looked up at them.

"We're going to have to get going in a bit, sweetheart. Sue will be here shortly to pick us up. I had a feeling you would want to keep the truck," Billy smiled as he spoke.

"If it's alright with you, Bella, could I have a quick chat with you outside before we go?" Billy asked cautiously. I nodded at him, and hugged Jake once before I got up to follow Billy out the front door.

He rolled his wheelchair up next to the swing on the front porch, and I sat down next to him, curious as to what he would need to talk to me in private about. He began almost immediately after I sat down.

"Bella, do you know what I used to do for a living?" he asked warily. I shook my head and gave him a confused expression. I didn't see what his old career had anything to do with anything really.

"I was a cop, Bella. Just like your dad. In fact, we were part of the same department. It was how we met nearly 30 years ago. The only differences between your father and I were that he was my boss during the later years, and I was an undercover cop. I never even received a paycheck from the department. All of my pay was re-routed through government agencies as a protection for both myself and my family, and it showed up monthly appearing to anyone who cared enough to look for it as a disability check. It's why I was away from my family for such long periods of time. It was the only way to keep them safe," he spoke softly as he stared off into the woods across the street from our home. My face was an accurate mix of shock and disbelief at his claims. My father never told me that he was a cop. He paused for a moment of time before speaking again.

"I'm not going to force any unwanted information on you, honey, but I just wanted you to know that if you ever wanted answers as to what happened five years ago, you can always come to me. There are very few people left that know every detail of it, and I'm one of the few. If you ever want or need to know about it, please come to me. I see now just how hard you've had it these past few years, and it kills me to know that I've failed to protect you. Anything I can do to help you move past the pain you feel, anything at all, just say the word and I'll do my best to help you with it, okay?" he spoke with nothing but sincerity.

I was practically frozen as I tried to comprehend all that he had said. The most I was able to manage at the moment was a dumb mute nod in his direction.

"My biggest fear for you right now is that you blame yourself for what transpired in Phoenix, and Bella that is the last thing you should do. It was in no way, shape, or form your fault, honey. I can promise you that much, okay?" he spoke and I nodded stupidly once again.

_**Goddammit, Bella! Here are your answers and your damn near frozen solid! The truth is right in front of you and you're avoiding it like the damn plague!**_

_I can't! I just can't! He's in a fucking wheelchair now! What if that's because of what happened to my family?! I can't bear to know that someone else was hurt! It's too much!_

_**How will you ever know if you don't ask?! You have means to communicate now...use them!**_

_GODDAMMIT I CAN'T! I'M TERRIFIED!_

_**Ugh! What am I going to do with you? We're going to be trapped like this for the rest of our god forsaken lives!**_

_NO WE WON'T! I JUST NEED SOME TIME! Just some time...everything's happening too fast..._

"Bella? Are you alright?" Billy asked, worry lacing his husky tone. I shook my head.

I wasn't alright. This was too much...all of it. It felt like there were walls closing in on me.

"What's wrong kiddo? Use your board, talk to me," he said calmly.

I grabbed my board and started to write furiously.

_**Billy, are you in that wheelchair because of what happened in Phoenix?**_

"Yes, but it wasn't until two years later when I finally figured out the missing link that I had been searching for since the event with your parents. I was injured in the line of duty when we took down one of the people responsible for what happened to you and your parents," he said, careful not to disclose more than I wa asking for.

_**I'm sorry Billy. I'm sorry that you were hurt along with us. I'm sorry that even with as much as we suffered, you still weren't protected.**_

"Bella, please don't ever think that way. It was my job to figure out what had happened and how, and your father was my best friend. I would have gone to the end of the Earth to find the answers I was looking for," he said candidly.

_**Was it worth it? Do you ever regret it?**_

"It was worth every minute of this, Bella. No I never regret it. I would do it again if I had to, because it was the only way..." he trailed off and didn't finish. I was curious, but too terrified to know how he would have ended that comment. I just nodded, attempting to accept that he didn't regret how he ended up.

Sue showed up just moments later, and Jake came out of the house to help his father down the stairs. I hugged Billy quickly, and walked over to Jake. I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his chest. He rubbed my back soothingly as he murmured 'It'll be alright' over and over into my hair. I pulled back after a few moments, and he wiped a stray tear from my cheek.

"If you ever need me, come and find me. We still live in the same house down in La Push, alright Bells?" he asked sincerely. I nodded and hugged him quickly once more.

Jake managed to get Billy down the steps single handedly as I watched. Billy looked up at me as his helpless body was jarred with each thump down the stairs. For a moment, I felt like I was watching myself being dragged down the stairs in that god forsaken wooden chair five years ago.

"Remember, Bella. Any time you want or need them...come find me. I'll give you all I can, honey," Billy said as they finally made it to the walkway. I nodded and continued to watch until they were all loaded into the car with Sue. They waved, and I returned the gesture as they drove off.

I stood on the porch for a while, staring blankly at the shiny red vintage Chevy truck in my driveway. At some point, my feet began to move on their own accord towards it. When I made it to the passenger side door, I opened it carefully. It didn't make that loud squeak anymore, in fact it barely made a noise at all. I climbed into the passenger seat, and closed the door behind me. Instantly, the scent of my father's cigars from his fishing trips hit me like a ton of bricks, and the floodgates in my eyes opened instantly. Allowing torrents of tears to flow endlessly from them.

It was close to 7pm by the time I climbed out of the truck and made my way slowly back into the house. Esme was making dinner, but I couldn't even find a slight urge to want to eat a thing. I only wanted one thing, and I was desperately hoping that my parents would allow it.

I approached Esme and Carlisle warily. They both looked up at me, and Carlisle jumped out of his seat and rushed to my side. Esme looked like she had just been drowned in panic as she quickly approached me.

"Sweetheart what is it?" Carlisle asked as he cupped my face tenderly and gently ran his thumbs over the red swells underneath my eyes. I gently pulled his hands away from my face so he could see what I was about to ask.

'Mom, Dad, could one of you bring me to Edward's? I need him right now.' I signed hesitantly, afraid that they would say no.

"Of course, dear. Let me just grab my keys and we'll go right away," Esme said frantically as she darted off to find her keys. Carlisle kissed my forehead before speaking.

"Thank you, honey," he said simply.

'For what?' I signed quickly in confusion.

"For telling us what you needed to help you right now, instead of trying to deal with it on your own," he replied sincerely. I hugged him tightly to me as I realized that neither of them would be hurt by my need for someone other than them. They only cared that I sought out whatever I needed to help myself in whatever healthy way I could manage. And right now, I needed someone that knew me before all of this had happened. Someone who knew the real me that was buried somewhere deep within me. Someone that could help me by knowing exactly how to comfort me.

I needed Edward.

Esme came back quickly and wrapped her arms around me as she ushered me out the front door after I let go of Carlisle. He told me he loved me and I signed the same in return as I left with Esme. We got into the car, and she drove quickly to their house. She walked me to the front door and waited with me until Liz opened the door.

"Oh, dear. Bella...are you alright sweetheart?" she asked in a panic as her hands flitted tentatively around my face and hair.

"Liz, would Edward happen to be home? Bella's had a rough afternoon and she could really use a friend right now," Esme spoke kindly, but I heard the worry that overwhelmed her voice.

"Of course, come in, come in. Bella, honey, Edward is up in his room, you go ahead and make your way up there. If you need anything, just let me know alright?" Liz said in a worried frenzy. I nodded and made my best attempt at a smile as I headed up the stairs to his room.

"Bella, I'll be in the kitchen with Liz whenever you're ready, sweetheart. Take all the time you need, okay?" Esme voiced as I ascended the staircase. I nodded once again in their direction and continued my ascent.

I approached his door slowly, but I didn't hear anything coming from inside the room. I shifted my footing a few times as I listened and I almost turned back around, but the door opened and Edward's face quickly turned from curiosity in regards to who was lurking outside his door to sheer panic as his gaze landed on my face.

"Oh God, Bella! What happened?!" he nearly shouted in his panicked state as he crushed me to his chest. The salty torrents once again began to flow from my eyes, and my body was racked with violent and silent sobs.

He effortlessly lifted me and cradled me in his arms as he shut his door and made his way over to his bed. He held me tightly as he propped himself up against the pillows and headboard of his bed. Edward rocked me side to side gently as he cradled my head between his neck and shoulder, his cheek resting against mine.

It wasn't until a few minutes later that I began to recognize the tune he was humming quietly. It was his melody, the one that he said was inspired by me. He continued to rock me, allowing me to cry and expel whatever emotions had been pent up for so long, never asking me questions, or continuously asking me if I was alright. He knew I wasn't, and he knew the only thing I would want him to do at this moment was exactly what he was doing, comfort me and hold me together as the emotions threaten to rip me to pieces.

My sobs and tears finally began to subside after what felt like an eternity. He lifted my chin when they had been completely missing for a period of time.

"Are you alright now?" he asked softly, his once panic ridden eyes now faded to a slightly overwhelming level of worry. I nodded and awkwardly wrapped my arms around his torso from where I sat sideways in his lap.

"Hold on, Bella. That can't be comfortable for you," he said softly as he began to shift underneath me. He stretched his legs out in front of him, and scooted down a tiny bit, then finally rested against the pillows behind him.

He patted his chest when he was finally settled, and held his arms out to me. "Come on..I bite, I promise, remember?" he said as he forced a smile. I forced one of my own and laid down on his chest, my left leg sliding off to the side of him as my right leg wrapped around his legs, my right arm draped across his chest and holding onto the side of his shirt, clinging to him for dear life.

He began humming quietly again as his right arm held me tightly to him, and he used his left hand to run his fingers through my hair and caress the tension lines off my face. We stayed like that for an impossible amount of time, until he fished his cell phone out of his pocket and hit a speed dial number and raised the phone to his ear. I almost chuckled when I heard the house phone ring.

"Hey mom, can you bring me up a cold damp washcloth for Bella, please? And maybe a glass of water? Thanks mom," he spoke quietly and quickly shut the phone and tossed it onto the nightstand beside him. His room was only dimly lit by the lamp on his nightstand now. At some point it had become completely dark out.

Liz came up only minutes later, washcloth and cup of water in hand. She set the glass down on the nightstand, and handed Edward the washcloth. She pushed the hair away from the side of my face and kissed my temple before walking back out of the room.

Edward placed the cool cloth gently against my face, and I placed my hand over his, unsure as to whether or not I should try to pull him away.

"Shh, Bella it's alright. It's just to ease the puffiness," he said quietly before he kissed the top of my head and resumed his quiet humming once again. The coolness of the cloth felt incomprehensibly soothing against my raw and burning skin. I was almost about to drift to sleep when he spoke again.

"Do you want to talk about it at all? You don't have to, I just want to make sure that I'm not stopping you from doing so if you would like to," he said quietly, his velvety smooth voice soothing me even further. I hesitated for a moment and then nodded. I did need to talk about this.

Edward shifted to get up, but I panicked all of a sudden and clung to him. He chuckled softly.

"Bella, I'm just getting a pen and paper. I'll be back in under 30 seconds, I promise," he said half amused. I released my grip and he slid out from under me and off the bed effortlessly.

He grabbed the pen and a notebook that was sitting on his desk and slid back onto the bed beside me, handing me both. I quickly started writing.

_**Edward, I came home from school today with Alice, and my father's truck was in the driveway. Do you remember that old beat up thing that he loved like it was another child of his?**_

_**Yes, I remember it very well. I was always surprised that it even ran at all...What was it doing in your driveway?**_

_**Billy, my father's best friend, gave it to me for my birthday. His son, Jacob, completely restored it...it doesn't even look the same anymore.**_

_**Are you upset that he changed the truck?**_

_**No. It actually made it easier for me to accept it. It's my father's truck, but it's not the same so it's not as vivid of a reminder, but yet it's still a reminder...if that makes any sense at all.**_

_**It makes perfect sense, Bella. But if that's not what has you so upset than what does?**_

_**Edward, it's a lot of things... Billy is in a wheelchair now, he was injured in the line of duty trying to solve my parent's murders. He'll never walk again, and it's all because of my family. Because he felt obligated to find out who did that to us. I never knew he was a cop until today when he told me. **_

_**Bella, it was probably his job to investigate what happened. You can't blame yourself or your family for what happened to him.**_

_**Edward, he said if I ever wanted answers as to what happened that I could ask him. He said that few people remain that know all of the details of it. How many people died because of it? How many people's families are suffering now because of what happened to my family when we moved? Why did their lives get caught up in the web of ours? I can't bear to think of how many people are now suffering the loss of their loved ones because of it. Wasn't it enough that my family suffered what we did? Why did others have to get trapped in our situation with us? **_

_**Bella, I don't know how many families are suffering now because of what happened, and I don't know why or how they got caught up in the situation, but if you want answers, it seems that Billy would be the one to ask don't you think?**_

_**That's just it though...I think about the questions, but I can't bear to hear the answers to them! I've never felt so weak and helpless before, and it terrified me. When Billy and Jake left, I stupidly climbed into my father's truck, and as soon as I shut the door behind me, I got hit with the scent of his weekend fishing cigars like a damn sack of bricks. That's what threw me over the edge tonight. It broke me wide open and I couldn't find a way to shut off the onslaught of the emotions that reared up in me. I'm sorry that I came here so selfishly and interrupted you from whatever you were doing, but I didn't know where else to go. I needed someone who knew me. All of me. The old me and the new me. I needed someone from my past and my present. I needed you. Thank you for being there, Edward.**_

_**Bella, I promised you that I would be here whenever you needed me. You weren't being selfish at all coming here. There's nothing that I wouldn't drop at a moment's notice to be there for you when you need it. I'm happy that you came to me tonight. I'm happy that you allowed me to be there for you. It's all I could ask for in this situation. It's okay to feel helpless and weak sometimes Bella. That's what the people we care for and that care about us are for. They're there to help us stand when we don't think we can. It's also okay to not be ready for the answers to the questions you think about. Billy said whenever you wanted them to ask him. You have time, Bella. You don't have to run in a direction that you aren't ready for. And finally, it wasn't anywhere near stupid for you to climb into your father's truck. It was a way for you to feel close to your parents for a moment in time. A chance for you to reflect upon the happier times that you shared. In time, that truck will provide you with happiness instead of grief...it just takes time Bella.**_

_**Thank you, Edward. For everything.**_

_**Bella, love. Don't thank me. Just promise me that whenever you need me you'll come and find me. I don't care what I'm doing, or what time it is...just come and find me, okay?**_

_**Okay.**_

Edward tossed the notebook and pen across the bed and leaned back against the pillows again. He smiled at me and patted his chest once more, and I carefully crawled over to him, and snuggled up against his side. I didn't feel like I was about to be ripped apart any more by my emotions. That sensation had subsided to a dull throb in my chest, so I didn't feel the need to cling to him for my life any longer, but I still held onto him comfortably. Edward continued his humming once again, and returned to running his fingers through my hair. Before I knew it, I was sleeping peacefully for the first time in years. Edward's humming fading into the distant background. It paused momentarily, only to be replaced by his velvety smooth voice as it spoke, before starting up again.

"Sweet dreams, Bella."

* * *

**AN: Hit? Miss? Tell me, tell me, tell me! R&R PLS & TY!**


	37. The Fire Down Under & Sleeping Beauty

**AN: I soooohope you guys love me for this chapter! I laughed and cried my whole way through writing it. And for once I didn't leave you with an annoying cliffie! I pushed the whole thing through making this chapter just short of 12,000 words. I hope you all enjoy it while I work diligently on the chapters for tomorrow's update. I hope you all get as big a kick out of the result of Alice's locker room adventure as I did while I wrote it. ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Twilight...**

* * *

The Fire Down Under and Sleeping Beauty

EPOV

This week so far has been nothing short of amazing. On Monday, Bella and I declared ourselves "school friends", which for me was a drastic improvement over our previous "might some day be friends" title. We were also graced with yet another prank masterminded by our very own dear little Alice. Although it was hilarious, I think everyone else enjoyed it more than I did, but then again _they_ didn't actually have to witness the event first hand.

Jasper and Emmett came with me to my house after school on Monday, and after a quick snack, we headed outside with my dad to play some football. When we paired off, it ended up being my father and me vs Em and Jazz. Emmett whined incessantly about having to play such a pansy version of football, and that he wanted to "get into the game" and be able to tackle us with his brute force. We all just laughed at him every time he started up again.

I was kind of taken by surprise about an hour later when my father finally gave in to Emmett's pleas. He warned Emmett to go easy on everyone, and especially himself, claiming he was an "old man with rickety old bones". Jasper and I found their banter highly amusing. The game continued in normal male bonding form, each of us taunting each other, and shooting each other derogatory remarks left and right.

I never would have thought that Emmett would actually have tackled my father to the ground, but unfortunately I was wrong. In typical Emmett style, as my dad positioned himself to throw me a pass, Emmett in all of his mack truck glory, blitzed the hell out of him, tossing both of them clear through the air until they both crashed down to the ground. I was horrified that he had done that.

Jasper and I ran over to my dad, making sure that he was alright. He surprised me by laughing and telling Emmett that he packs one hell of a hit, as he lay on the ground in front of me. I asked him repeatedly if he was alright, but he just waved me off telling me he was fine, and whispering that paybacks were a bitch.

I didn't understand what he meant by that until about a half hour later. This time, Emmett was positioning himself to pass the ball to Jasper, and out of nowhere, my father blitzed him. Hard. My father hit him with so much force, that it was only Emmett that went flying backwards. Jasper and I were laughing hysterically as my father walked up and stood over him, asking him how it felt to be outdone by an old man. Emmett looked shocked for a minute, but then recovered and his laughter boomed across the opening in the trees that we were playing in. When he finally stood up he held his hand out to my dad to shake it, and in an awed tone he boomed," Man, Mr. Masen...if they call me the "Mack Truck", I swear they'd have to call you the "Freight Train"! I've _never _been hit that hard in my life!"

We all had a good laugh at that, and afterwards decided it was time to head inside to get some dinner. The rest of the night went by quickly as we all bantered back and forth playfully. My parents asked both of them what their plans were for after high school, since both of them would be graduating this year, Jasper told them he was planning on enlisting in the Army, and Emmett said he was unsure what he wanted to go to school for, but that he planned on attending Seattle University so he could be with Rosie.

It was approaching 9pm when I finally left to bring the guys home. I still had homework left to do, and I knew that if I was lucky, I'd be able to make it to bed by midnight.

Tuesday was a great day. The hyena pack still hadn't returned, and Newton was suspended the day before for two whole weeks. I felt like I was in some strange paradise. I sat with Bella and Alice at lunch, while Jazz and Em shot me pitiful looks. I just shrugged at them, hoping they'd get the message that if they wanted to join, they had to get off their asses and approach Bella. It took them a while, but they finally did, and in a very cowardly manner as well. Instead of saying something to her, those two idiots just waltzed up and gave her puppy dog faces, complete with sad, begging eyes.

_Wussies!_

Alice started teaching us sign language almost immediately during lunch. I found it hilarious, and I laughed the whole time. Emmett's damn bear paws kept getting in the way of each other as he attempted to sign, thoroughly pissing him off as he had to try repeatedly just to get out what he was trying to say. Alice forbid us from talking at the table, which in turn, only got Emmett more frustrated. Jasper just seemed to roll with the flow of the whole thing. He seemed to be more interested in watching Alice, than in actually learning how to sign, however. I understood why though, he likes her, and it's probably driving him mad to force himself to wait to actually ask her out. I wished I could just tell him to go for it, but I was afraid that it would make Bella take two steps back.

Througout the lunch period, she would occasionally get these hints of panic that would flash in her eyes. I did my best to avert her attention away from the table in an effort to calm her nerves. I knew how sudden everything was for her, and I wanted her to be as comfortable as possible as she eased herself into our new social circle.

Bella and I seemed to fall into a routine when it came to Biology class. We passed each other notes, back and forth, describing things that had happened in our earlier classes, or things that were happening at home. She told me that she was dreading her birthday coming up, and I already knew why. She hated the attention, and also hated when people bought her things. I decided right there and then that I wouldn't buy her anything, but rather instead just make her a card. I even had some lines thought out for her own little birthday ode.

Wednesday passed in much the same fashion. We passed notes back and forth to each other, occasionally dropping some off in the eachothers locker, or handing them off to each other in the hallways. She cracked me up with her response to my whining about the love letter situation I have to deal with in English. It actually made me look down to check and see if my fly was indeed actually open, but it wasn't.

Lunch was again another amusing event. It thrilled me to see Bella laughing and enjoying herself so freely. She still got those brief signs of panic, and I continued to avert her attention away from the table. It seemed as if there was something about Emmett and Jasper that was making her wary. I knew that they had both been acting strange over the last week, but I didn't know how that would pertain to her, or how she would have even seen it, as their oddity was usually only around me. They actually seemed quite normal as they sat at the table and interacted with her.

Ever since Monday, I've been making copies of the notes I take in Biology, and leaving them under Alice's windshield wiper for Bella. She's been so distracted with our note passing that I don't think she's caught a single minute of the class since the day school started. I only hoped that my notes would stop her from falling behind. I didn't want her grades to suffer just because of our friendship.

It's now Thursday, Bella's birthday. I woke up early this morning, hoping to get to spend some time with Bella before class started. I wanted to make sure that she wasn't stressing too much about it being her birthday. I showered and dressed quickly, and called both Emmett and Jasper, telling them to be ready early because I wanted to be there before she got there, Jasper said that was fine, and Emmett said he was running late, so he'd just drive himself to school. There was something off about his tone, but I couldn't place it, so I just shrugged it off and told him I'd see him later at school.

I ran down the stairs and headed into the kitchen to get some breakfast. My mother was still in her pajamas, sitting at the counter drinking a cup of coffee. She was positively glowing with happiness.

"Morning, Mom. Did you enjoy your "anniversary"?" I asked politely.

"Good morning, honey. And yes I did, very much so! I'm glad you had the boys come over yesterday afternoon. Your father gave me quite an amusing summary of your game last night after you went to bed," she replied warmly as she chuckled. I laughed. It was an amusing game all around.

"What are you doing up so early, Mom?" I asked curiously. Normally she would just be coming down the stairs at this time, and I would be about twenty minutes behind her.

"I'm waiting for Esme to call, dear. She and Carlisle are celebrating Bella's birthday this morning, and she said that hopefully she would have some exciting news, but as always she wouldn't tell me what before hand. She almost sounded wary about it, as if she thought mentioning it would jinx whatever it was," she said, her voice growing softer as she drifted off into thought about her conversation with Esme.

"Hm. I wonder what it could possibly be... I hope it was nothing too expensive, you know how much she hates receiving gifts," I replied sincerely.

"Oh don't I know it! I remember the fit she had on her 8th birthday when we baked her a cake and tried to give her that new bike that she had wanted! She wouldn't touch the blasted thing for weeks!," she cried out through her laughter.

"I almost forgot about that!," I sputtered through my own laughter.

"She always was a precious shy little girl...until you tried to do something for her. I swear just the attempt brought out the ferocious beast within her," she said fondly. I nodded as I ate my cereal.

"So how are things going with you and Bella these days? Any new changes?" she asked curiously. I smiled and finished chewing my spoonful of cereal before speaking.

"Things are going great. We pass notes constantly throughout the day, we sit together at lunch with Alice, Emmett, and Jasper. Alice is teaching us all to use sign language correctly. She laughed when we told her how hard we tried to learn from that stupid computer program. Bella and I are taking it slow though. I want to make sure that she's not forcing herself into situations too quickly, and that she's comfortable as she eases herself back into not only our friendship, but her friendships with Jasper and Emmett as well," I replied sincerely.

"That's wonderful, honey. I'm sure things will come together beautifully soon enough," she said warmly. I, however, didn't miss the almost expectant tone that was just barely audible as she spoke her last statement. I tried to analyze it for a minute, but ended up shrugging it off and finishing my cereal.

"Alright, Mom. I'm going to hit the road," I said as I closed the door to the dishwasher.

"Okay, dear. Have a good day, and wish Bella a happy birthday for me, will you?" she requested with a loving tone.

"Will do, Mom. Love you," I called to her as I walked down the hallway towards the front door.

"Love you too, honey!" she called back.

I made it to Jasper's quickly, and moments after I had pulled up to the curb he came out of the front door, a pastry hanging from his mouth as he held onto his bag with one hand, and attempted to shimmy his jacket onto his other arm. After a few steps, he rolled his eyes and finally stopped to drop the bag. He pulled his jacket on, picked the bag back up and started walking again as he pulled the pastry out of his mouth and took a bite of it. Moments later he slid into the front seat.

"Sup, bro?" he asked with a mouthful of his breakfast to-go.

"Not much, man," I chuckled.

"Hey, is after-school practice today or tomorrow? I can't remember," he asked curiously.

"Today. Why?" I asked curiously. There was something suspicious and misleading about his tone.

"No reason really," he replied vaguely. I stopped the car. Something had been off about him and Emmett these last few days, and I wasn't going any further until I figured it out.

"What's with the cryptic answers, _bro_? And why have you and Emmett been acting so odd these last few days?" I asked with a severe tone as my eyes narrowed in his direction. His calm facade immediately cracked and he looked as if he were about to panic.

"Dude, it's nothing. Em and Rose are having some issues, and he's thinking about going back up to Seattle this weekend. I only asked about practice because I figured if he didn't go up there, we could all catch a movie Friday night. That's all," he replied, his voice nervous as he stumbled his way through his speech. I narrowed my eyes even further at him. Something was still up. Either he was leaving something out of his explanation, or he was flat out lying to me, and I couldn't tell which just by looking at him.

Jasper composed himself quickly, and shot me an exasperated glance.

"Fine, asshole. Rose might be pregnant, and Emmett didn't want anyone to know until they found out for sure, which won't be for a few more weeks. If you fuckin' tell him that I told you, we're going to have some serious shit between us," he seethed. I looked at him for another few seconds, and then faced forward and continued our drive to school.

_He's fuckin' lying about something. He gave it away when he panicked...he never stumbles when he speaks. He made it even worse with his threat...there's never been secrets between any of us, and if Rosalie was really possibly pregnant..Emmett would have slipped by now..._

I composed myself as we got closer to the school. Whatever my douchebag friends were up to, I didn't want Bella to have to worry about how it was affecting me. Jasper remained quiet the rest of the way to the school, but every so often a flash of guilt would cross his features, and I would catch it before he could quickly recompose himself.

_Good fucker...let that guilt of lying to me eat your sorry ass alive... _

I pulled into the school parking lot, and quickly maneuvered into my spot. I didn't even wait for Jasper to say or do anything as I got out of the car and made my way to the front of it. Jasper followed shortly after, dragging with him his cloud of distress. I moved over slightly away from him, trying to avoid feeling the remorse that was just radiating from him in waves. He looked at me with a repentant expression and I rolled my eyes at him.

_Seriously...looking like you're sorry isn't going to fix this shit bro..._

It was silent for a few minutes as we watched the cars pull into the lot with greater frequency as time moved on. I had to keep shifting further away from him as it felt like the longer we stood here, the more distress he was under, and the further out those damn radiating waves of remorse reached.

I was starting to get nervous as it approached the time when the first bell would ring, and I still hadn't seen any sign of Bella or Alice. I couldn't shake the feeling that whatever Carlisle and Esme had planned for this morning, had gone drastically wrong. Between Jasper's damn radiating cloud of distress, and my beginning stages of panic, I was about ready to rip my hair out.

"Edward... Look, I'm sorry, man. It's not Emmett that's having issues...it's me," Jasper muttered at a barely audible level. Had it not been so quiet in the lot today, I never would have heard it. I turned toward him, my face clearly reading the incredulous thought "So now you want to tell me the truth?". He sighed loudly and turned towards me.

"I'm having a hard time dealing with this whole stay away from Alice thing. I know I promised you time, and I'm going to give it to you, but it's just hard for me. Emmett's been acting strange because I told him about it, and I asked him not to say anything to you about it. I didn't want you to get pissed at me for not being able to handle a little bit of time when you've managed to handle years of it. Please don't be angry with Em, he was only trying to do what I asked of him," his voice was steady, and he didn't stumble at all. There was still a slight oddity about his tone, but the only thing I could attribute it to was his remorse for lying to me.

"Jazz, if that's all it was, you didn't have to lie to me. I wouldn't have been angry about that. We all have our weaknesses, and the fact that you're even trying to distance yourself instead of telling me to fuck off, leaves me no room to be angry with you for finding it difficult. I _know _it's difficult, no one has to tell me that much. Out of everything, I'm only angry that you actually fuckin' lied to me, man. We're supposed to be thicker than blood. There's never been any bullshit like that between us," I said with a disheartened tone.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I got defensive when you saw right through me and said the first probable thing that came to mind, and I know you saw right through that bullshit as well...regardless of how conceivable that situation could really be," he said sincerely. That damn undercurrent of a tone still lingering almost inaudibly in his voice.

"If that's all it was...then we're good, bro," I replied sternly.

"It is," he replied quickly. I eyed him for a moment, and then decided to just drop it. Whatever issues he was having he could either come clean with them or deal with them himself. I wasn't going to push him.

The first bell rang just after our exchange, and I walked to my first class, constantly glancing around the lot just waiting to see even just a sign of the Alice's Porsche, but it never showed. I walked into my class and slumped into my seat with a wary sigh. I spent the entire morning praying that everything was alright with Bella. She didn't normally miss school unless she was either sick or under extreme distress, and I know there hadn't even been a single sign the day before that she was getting sick, not that that observation meant anything.

I finally caught a glimpse of her as she strolled through the door into gym. She looked happy and it relieved me greatly. I was finally able to put the worry aside and smile for the first time since I had left my house.

Practice went by quickly and I practically raced through my shower at lightning speed just so I could get to lunch quicker and be with Bella. This morning had taken a toll on me, and I needed to be near her and assure myself that she was happy and alright before I could finally relax completely.

I grabbed some random items for lunch as I made my way through the food line, and paid quickly. By the time I made it to the table, Bella was already half way through eating her lunch. She smiled at me as I sat down next to her, and I smiled back. Jasper and Emmett came in a few minutes later and sat down across from us after getting their lunch.

I waited until she was done eating to give her the card I made for her. I know it looked cheesy as hell, but I knew better than almost anyone how much she hated getting gifts, and I hoped that she wouldn't have a fit over it.

She smiled happily as she took the card from me, and it caused me to grin widely. So far, I was in the clear. She read through the inside and laughed silently, but heartily, causing tears to form in her eyes. When she was done, she turned toward me and hugged me with such strength that I almost found it hard to breath. It delighted me that I was able to make her so happy with such a small gesture.

The rest of the day went by in a blur. It's become more apparent recently that no matter how much time I get to spend with Bella, it's never enough. I'm always left feeling empty as we part ways after Biology. As I've done since Monday, I quickly copied Mr. Banner's notes and asked my history teacher if I could be excused to go to the bathroom. I swear he probably thinks I have an incontinence issue by now since I've asked this every day since Monday during his class.

I quickly made my way to Alice's Porsche and deposited the notes under the windshield wiper. I realized that I needed to come up with a better plan to do this soon. I had lucked out so far that it hadn't been rainy the past few days, but inevitably it would be at some point.

I walked back into class, and noticed that Emmett had a pained expression on his face. I quirked an eyebrow at him as I took my seat and he leaned towards me.

"Dude, I think I ate something rancid at lunch... there's a storm-a-brewin' in my gut," he said quietly. A moment later he raised his hand and asked the teacher for permission to go use the restroom. He flew out of the room quickly, slamming the door behind him on his way out. I chuckled.

_Poor bastard..that's gonna make this afternoon's practice unbearable for him..._

Emmett didn't return to the classroom until after the class had ended. I was just picking up his bag and jacket, preparing to bring it with me to the gym when he strolled into the room with a smile on his face.

"Ahhh...much better. Storm passed," he said as he chuckled. I laughed loudly.

"Glad to see you're feeling better," I said through my laughter. He grabbed his bag and we rushed off toward the gym. We were already five minutes late, and I figured the girls were already gone, so I didn't even bother to look for Bella on my way.

We changed quickly and made it out to the field just as the guys were starting our warm-up exercises. Coach Jackson made us do 30 push-ups, 3 for each minute that we were late. We ran some plays during practice, in preparation for Monday's game against La Push High, and Coach Jackson switched a few of the player's positions to where they would be more effective with their abilities. Practice ended shortly after 5 and we headed off to the locker rooms to shower and head home.

I took my time in the shower, letting the heat of the water relax my muscles. Emmett was already dressed as I approached my locker. He was sitting on the bench, shifting uncomfortably as he put his sneakers on. I looked at him curiously for a moment, then shrugged and started pulling my clothes out of my locker. Jasper was just putting his shirt on when he looked over at Emmett and a curious expression crossed his face as well.

I turned back toward Emmett, and he was furiously rubbing his jeans against his crotch, his face pained and starting to turn red with his apparent discomfort.

"Em, dude, you got jock itch or some shit?" Jasper asked, his tone clearly amused.

"No, Fucker! My crotch is on fuckin' fire! What the fuck!" he cried out as he looked down towards his groin.

"Emmett, what did you do differently in your shower?" I asked seriously. He hadn't been like this during practice, or at any other point during the day.

"Nothing, bro. Fuck! It feels like my junk is melting off!" he boomed. Guys passing by just gave him odd looks.

"Emmett, really. Didn't you ever hear of using a condom?" Jazz chided.

"Shut the fuck up asshole! I don't have a goddamn STD or some shit!" Emmett angrily shot back as he looked torn between tackling Jasper and stripping his clothes clear off of himself.

"Jazz, really. If it was an STD there would have been signs of it before this...quit fuckin' around...it's not helping," I said severely. Jasper held up his hands in surrender and backed off to finish getting dressed.

I looked into Emmett's locker and noticed that he had a new body wash in his locker.

"Em, when was the first time you used that body wash?" I asked him concernedly. He could be having an allergic reaction to the soap.

"Today," he whined as he bent over and cupped himself.

"Emmett, strip down and go take another shower with cool water. I think you're allergic to the soap and the cool water will help with the irritation," I had barely finished saying it when Emmett took off towards the showers, stripping as he ran. Jasper and I chuckled at the sight.

We sat patiently and waited for him to return, all the while listening to his groans and curses emanating from the shower stalls. The rest of the guys, and even the coaches had left by the time Emmett re-emerged from the shower area.

"Any better?" I asked sincerely. He nodded and started to get dressed once again. He seemed perfectly fine now so we all just chucked it up to him having an allergic reaction to the soap. With a disgruntled face on our way out of the locker room, Emmett chucked the full bottle of soap into the trash can.

We had just made it to the edge of the parking lot when Emmett stopped dead in his tracks. I spun to look at him, only to find that pained expression back on his face.

"Em?" I said curiously. He just looked at me, pure horror dominating his features.

"It's not the fuckin' soap," he muttered quietly.

"What? Of course it was...the shower wouldn't have helped if it wasn't," I replied incredulously.

"Bro, it ain't the fuckin' soap! There's no goddamn soap in my damn shorts!" he boomed as he spun and ran his way back into the gym. Jasper and I looked at each other curiously, both of us lost as to what the hell he was talking about. We took off after him and once again waited on our bench for him to emerge yet again from the shower stalls.

Jasper decided to take it upon himself to inspect Emmett's clothing. He didn't find anything abnormal about them, so he chucked them aside and focused on his locker. A few minutes later he turned to me with a confused expression.

"What?" I asked.

"What the hell is this shit?" he asked as he held up a plastic white jar.

"What's what?" Emmett asked distractedly as he approached us yet again, sheathed in only a towel.

"This," Jasper said as he looked at the unmarked container curiously and waved it in front of Emmett.

"How the fuck would I know?" Emmett responded with exasperation.

"Well it was in _your _locker, I could only assume that _you _of all people would know," Jasper said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.

"What?" Emmett asked as he eyed the container suspiciously.

"Jazz found it in your locker, he was looking for whatever could have gotten on your clothes," I replied as I watched him take the container from Jasper.

Emmett looked at the container in his hand suspiciously for a minute, then unscrewed the cap. He smelled it quickly, and eyed it with confusion for a second.

"I don't know what it is...I've never seen it before in my locker, and it doesn't really smell like anything familiar. It just smells slightly sweet and minty," his voice distant with his apparent befuddled state, as he passed me the container.

I took the container from him, and took a quick whiff of its contents. I instantly recognized the smell, as my mother had applied the ointment to my shoulder on numerous occasions after games over the past few years. She always told me that my father used it when he was in college, and that it worked better than the other creams that you could buy in most stores, and that it didn't smell as bad either.

"Emmett, it's sports cream...kind of like Icy-Hot only it doesn't smell as harsh, and it works a lot better. It's not a common ointment to find in stores...how'd it get in your locker?" I asked curiously.

He stood there, unmoving for a period of time as he tried to piece everything together. Jasper and I just looked at each other with bewildered expressions and shrugged at each other. Emmett quickly strode over to his pile of clothes with an expression that was slightly amused as it appeared that he had pieced everything together.

He pulled his boxer briefs out of the pile and eyed them suspiciously for a second. He took the container back from me and held it in his other hand, his eyes darting between his shorts and the container before comprehension flashed across his eyes.

He let out a booming laugh that echoed throughout the locker room before looking back at us, his face alight with amusement.

"That dauntless little pixie is a goddamn genius mastermind!" he bellowed.

Jasper and I looked at each other stupefied, and then looked back at Emmett.

"What does Alice have anything to do with anything, Em?" Jasper asked defensively. I quirked an eyebrow at him, and he just rolled his eyes at me.

"She put this cream shit in my soap... but she did one even fuckin' better! She doused my damn shorts in the shit!" Emmett cried out with an awed expression.

"No way. How in the hell would she get in your locker?" I asked incredulously.

"How did she get into the lockers of Lauren and her cronies to pull off the hair dye stunt?" Em retorted. He was right. If she was able to get into their lockers, than she would surely be able to get into his...especially when no one was around.

"Holy shit! I can't believe she had the balls to even attempt it!" I choked out through my laughter.

"I can," Jasper said smugly.

"Man...I gotta get her on my side, just think of all the damage we could do together!" Emmett boomed.

Jasper and I immediately sobered up, shot a quick horrified glance at each other.

"NO!" we both shouted at the same time. Emmett just looked at us with a smug expression.

"It'll happen, bros. It'll happen... us pranksters flock together..it's inevitable at some point," he said with confidence as he got dressed once again, now knowing not to put the shorts back on. Jasper and I hung our heads as we realized that at some point it probably was inevitable.

We finally made it out to the parking lot, thankfully with a fireless crotched Emmett, and parted ways as he climbed into his massive Jeep. Jasper and I laughed the whole way to his house. We both agreed that neither of us ever wanted to be on Alice's bad side. I could only imagine how badly that cream would burn in those sensitive areas, as there were times I could barely take the heat on my shoulder depending on how much of it my mother applied.

I headed home quickly after dropping Jasper off. I was exhausted and starving as I walked in through the door. I dropped my bag by the stairs, and hung my jacket on the banister before making my way into the kitchen. It was shortly after 6 by the time I had made it home, and from the smells wafting from the kitchen, dinner was almost ready.

"Hi, sweetie. How was your day?" my mom asked as I wandered into the kitchen.

"Interesting to say the least," I replied as I sat down at the island counter.

"Oh? What happened?" she asked curiously.

"Emmett was actually on the receiving end of a prank today...a damn good one too!" I answered through my chuckles.

"Edward, sweetheart, watch your language please. What happened to him?" she asked after she mildly scolded me.

"Sorry, Mom. Someone put that sports cream that you use on my shoulder in his body wash, and also doused his boxers in it. He had to take three showers after practice before he finally pieced it together," I replied with amusement.

"Oh that poor boy. That must have burned horribly. You aren't supposed to apply that to sensitive skin," she replied with a horrified tone.

"He's alright, Mom. He actually found it highly amusing when he figured it out," I said seriously.

"He's always been a good sport being on the receiving end of a prank...and he should with as many pranks as he pulls!" she exclaimed. I laughed and nodded.

My mother and I ate dinner at the counter since my father was working late at the office. I quickly ate, and excused myself to head upstairs and do my homework before heading off to bed. I had been in my room for almost an hour when I thought I heard something outside of my door. I listened intently for a minute, and realized that it sounded like someone was standing outside of my door, shifting their footing back and forth as if unsure of whether or not they should knock. I couldn't imagine who would be outside my door, so I got up and swung the door open, slightly aggravated.

My aggravation immediately disappeared when I realized that it was Bella. One look at her face and I was overcome with worry and panic. She looked horrific. Her face was red and swollen from crying, and her hair was a wreck. She looked positively haggard. I cried out to her as I pulled her into my arms, but she didn't answer, she just started silently bawling.

I swooped her up into my arms, and walked us over to my bed and sat down. I rocked her gently in my arms, reminding myself over and over not to ask her questions, just to comfort her, as I hummed her melody quietly. I continued this for over two hours until she had grown silent for a period of time. I thought she may have fallen asleep, but when I lifted her chin, her eyes were open. I asked her quietly if she was alright now, she nodded and wrapped her arms tightly around my torso. She was sitting at such an awkward angle, I knew it couldn't have been comfortable for her.

I adjusted myself and rested back against the pillows on my bed. She looked at me hesitantly as I opened my arms for her, so to ease her discomfort, I made a quick joke that was related to my first attempt at signing to her. She forced a smile and curled up on top of me. I felt unbelievably whole as I held her this close to me, but I tried to push the feeling away. It wasn't right of me to feel that way when she was so distressed.

We stayed that way quietly until just after 10pm. Her poor face looked so raw and tender from her tears, and I knew she had to be dehydrated after that emotional torrent, so I called my own house from my cell phone to ask my mother to bring me a cool wet cloth and a glass of water.

She came up just a few short minutes later and kissed Bella's temple and walked back out of my room, her expression filled with worry. I pressed the cloth to Bella's face gently, and she placed her hand upon mine. It trembled as if she was unsure of her next move. I tried to calm her by explaining what it was for, and she relaxed immediately. I let it soothe her skin for a while before asking her if she wanted to talk about what had made her so distraught. She nodded that she wanted to, and I made to get off the bed and get something for us to write notes with. She clamped herself down on me, and I had to chuckle. She looked terrified that I wouldn't return.

I gently told her that I'd be gone no longer than 30 seconds, and she finally released me. I got the notebook and pen and slid back in beside her. She started writing immediately. I was shocked to find out that her father's best friend had given her his truck, and that his son had restored it for her. I was distressed over her conversation with this Billy person though. He seemed to know things about what happened to her, that even she didn't know about. It made me worry that she believes something about what happened that isn't true, and it made me wonder just how much about it that she _didn't_ know about it.

She was so young when it happened. There's no way she could have understood what was going on. We all knew something was happening, but none of us knew what it was. Her parents had been fighting what seemed like non-stop for over a year before they left. She had come to me quite often when they would fight, just to find comfort and refuge away from it. It was strange, cause whenever we would see them together, they looked perfectly happy with each other. Even Bella said that they acted normally in front of her, and she didn't think that they knew she could hear them when they fought. She would always say that it seemed like they were trying to keep their fighting a secret.

I had asked her once if she ever heard what they fought about, but she told me she didn't. She only heard the muffled shouts, and that quite frequently she would cover her ears to drown out anything she could overhear. Even back then, I could understand why she did that. Bella hated violence, she hated when people fought or argued. She even hated when people would just be mad at each other. Regardless of what the problem was, she always fought to push people back together and reconcile their differences. It wasn't until now that I realized it was probably a side-effect of not being able to stop her parents from arguing with each other.

The more I thought about everything from so many years ago, the more it became apparent that they probably weren't arguing about their marriage. They were arguing about something else. Something that led up to what happened in Phoenix. There was something going on outside of Bella's young world back then that she had no clue about, and it appeared she still didn't have a clue about it.

The fact that Billy was injured in the line of duty, and that he was an undercover cop, only solidified this theory in my head. Whatever happened in Phoenix, Charlie knew it was a possibility, and he purposely moved them there to avoid it, but it happened just the same anyway. If I could only figure out what the hell it was that had happened that caused such a disastrous chain of events in her life.

We finished writing to each other shortly after 11, and she seemed exhausted, but finally peaceful. I really didn't want to disturb her, so I wished her sweet dreams as she appeared to be falling asleep.

I lay in bed, humming her melody continuously as I stroked her hair, and stared aimlessly at the ceiling. The thoughts in my head were moving so fast that it was almost making me dizzy. I wanted to be able to help her, but I didn't know how. She came to me, me of all the people in her life right now, for comfort. I did my best, but as I lay here staring at the ceiling, I have to wonder if it's enough. If there isn't something more that I can be doing for her.

I looked at the clock and realized it was now just a few minutes past midnight. Carlisle and Esme must be panicked beyond belief by now, and I hadn't even thought to call them until now. I grabbed my cell phone off of the nightstand and called my house once more. I felt horrible for waking my parents, but I didn't want to move and disturb her until I absolutely had to.

My mother answered the phone, but she didn't sound like she had been sleeping, and I thought I heard someone else in the background.

"Edward?" she asked with a worried tone.

"Hey, Mom. Could you call Esme or Carlisle for me? I'm sure they're frantic by now," I spoke quietly, watching Bella's face for any sign that I was disturbing her.

"Esme's here, honey. She's been here the whole time since she brought Bella here," she said softly.

"Mom, could you send her up here please? Bella fell asleep, and I don't want to disturb her just yet," I said quietly.

"Sure, sweetheart. She's on her way up. Do you need anything?" she asked with concern.

"No, Mom. I'm fine, thank you," I replied before I shut the phone.

Esme quietly opened my door a few moments later, and hesitantly crossed the room.

"Is she alright, Edward?" she whispered.

"Yes. She cried for a long time, and then wrote to me about what happened today," I whispered back.

"She looks so peaceful, I don't want to disturb her. She never looks like that when she sleeps. Her face always has signs of distress on it. I've watched her many of nights over the years," she whispered as she sat on the edge of the bed next to me.

"I don't want to either, but I'm afraid of how uncomfortable she would be waking up in my bed alone, and I don't want her to panic," I whispered as I moved a stray lock of her hair away from the side of her face.

"I have an idea. Carlisle, Alice, and I have living room camp-outs with her when she has panic attacks. We do it so she doesn't wake up alone. I highly doubt either of you will be in any condition to attend school tomorrow, so what do you say to joining the camp-out?" she whispered with a smile as she gazed at me.

"I'm not sure my parents would be comfortable with that, Esme. It sounds great, and it would ease my worries to be able to watch over her tonight, but I'm not sure they will allow it," I whispered regretfully.

"Don't you worry about that. I'm positive they will allow it," she whispered comfortingly.

"Sure, Esme. That would be great, thank you," I replied.

"It's my pleasure, Edward. I appreciate your efforts tonight in comforting her. You did amazingly," she whispered with an awed and grateful expression.

"I'm just glad that she trusted me enough to come to me. I told her I'd always be here when and if she needed me, and I meant it," I whispered back as I gazed upon her beautiful peaceful face.

"Alright, honey. Just tell me what you need and where to get it, and I'll pack a bag for you. Do you think you can manage carrying her or should I call Carlisle?" she whispered as she slid off the side of my bed.

"I'm sure I can manage, Esme. She's even lighter than she appears," I chuckled quietly as I whispered. She smiled at me and then looked around curiously.

I spent a few minutes laying with Bella, as Esme packed a bag for me. I whispered and pointed to where everything was that I would need. I didn't pack much, just some clean clothes, pajamas, a toothbrush, deodorant, and my cell phone charger. It wasn't like I was traveling out into the wilderness or anything.

Esme excused herself from my room after telling me that she was going to go talk to my parents about me spending the night at their house. I was still wary of their opinions on the matter, as this wasn't the most prudent of situations, but I hoped that they would allow it being that both Carlisle and Esme would be there with us.

I gently moved Bella so that she was cradled against my chest before I swung my legs over the edge of the bed. She was light as a feather, and it didn't take much effort for me to hold her with one arm as I perched on the side of my bed to grab my cell phone and shut the lamp off before standing. I held her tightly to me as I left my room and descended the staircase.

When I got to the bottom, Esme was waiting with my bag slung across one of her shoulders, and both of our jackets in her hands. My mother and father smiled fondly at the sight of me holding Bella, and I smiled gratefully at them, now realizing that they were allowing me to go.

Esme looked hesitant as to how she should get both of our jackets on us, and I chuckled quietly.

"Esme, just cover her with my jacket, it's bigger. I'll be fine without it," I whispered. She smiled and draped my jacket around Bella, and I shifted so that I could hold it in place against her so she wouldn't get cold.

My mother kissed my cheek and whispered to me to call her in the morning, and that she'd call the school and alert them to my absence. My father patted my shoulder gently before bidding Esme goodnight and heading up the staircase. I whispered my thanks and love to my mother before Esme and I headed out the front door towards her car. She already had it started and warmed up for us.

Esme opened the passenger door, and lowered the seat back so I could place Bella into it. I carefully went to place her in the seat, but as her body lowered onto it, she gripped my shirt tightly and her face contorted into a displeased grimace. Esme giggled from the driver's seat and I looked at her in confusion. I had no idea what to do now.

"I think you might have to sit with her in the back seat, Edward. She doesn't seem to be inclined to let you go," she whispered through her giggles.

Esme climbed back out of the SUV and opened the back passenger door on her side. I closed the front passenger door with my hip and walked around to the other side of the car. I slid in gently, with Bella on my lap. I looked down to her face once more, and the grimace was gone, her face only peacefully serene now. I smiled at the sight as Esme shut the door behind us.

The ride to their home didn't take long at all, and Bella never seemed to be disturbed throughout any part of the ride, not even when we crossed the railroad tracks in the middle of town. The ride made me think back to when we were kids. When it was so easy to just ride my bike over to her house that was just a few blocks away. The hardest part of the trip was going back home and making it up that damn hill we call a driveway. It was also the best part though, being able to speed down it and feel like you were flying. If only it could have felt that way in both directions.

We pulled into their driveway, and I caught a glimpse of the shiny red classic truck that used to belong to Charlie. It sent a pang through my heart to see it, and it made me extremely aware of how it must have affected Bella seeing it for the first time.

Even though it was dark out, it looked like that kid Jake did an amazing job in restoring it. It made me wonder how old he is, and how well he knew Bella when they were kids for him to want to do that for her. Maybe one day I'd find out, but for tonight, it was the last thing I needed to concentrate on.

Carlisle met us in the driveway as Esme shut the ignition off. He opened both mine and Esme's doors for us.

"Hello, Edward. Thank you for all you've done tonight. Are you sure you can manage her?" he asked quietly and with concern.

"I'm sure, Carlisle. And it was no problem at all. I'm grateful that she allowed me to help her," I replied quietly and sincerely. He nodded and led the way into the house for all of us after taking my bag and Bella's jacket from Esme.

I was stunned when I caught sight of the living room. Esme wasn't kidding when she called it a living-room camp-out. The floor was covered with air mattresses, blankets and pillows. Carlisle set my bag down on the couch after he put Bella's jacket in the entry hall closet. Esme ushered me towards the air mattresses to place Bella down on them.

"Edward, go ahead and put her down on one of the mattresses, I'm going to head up and get her something more comfortable to sleep in. I'll be right back," She said quietly. I nodded and watched her retreat.

"Make yourself comforable, son. I'm going to go get changed. When Esme gets back go ahead and get changed, alright?" Carlisle's voice was soft and compassionate as he spoke. I nodded and he turned towards the staircase.

I was unsure of what to do next. I felt stupid just standing there holding her. I lowered myself carefully down onto my knees and made to place Bella on one of the mattresses, but once again she clutched my shirt and that displeased grimace appeared. I chuckled softly, and moved my arms so that I could gently pry her hands off my shirt. When my hands wrapped around hers on my shirt, she whimpered. _Whimpered._

I was so stunned that I immediately removed my hands and watched her face carefully. She didn't make another sound, and I was starting to think that I had been hearing things. As far as I knew, Bella couldn't use her voice. At all.

Esme came back down moments later, and approached me quickly with a panicked expression as she took in my stunned form.

"Edward, what is it?" she asked quickly and quietly.

"Esme...does Bella just not use her voice, or does she not have one at all?" I asked in hushed confusion, still stunned.

"Oh, Edward, dear. She has a voice, but when she tries to use it she has a severe panic attack that puts her in a catatonic state for several hours. We've tried numerous things to ease the attacks, but they don't seem to ever get any better when she tries to use her voice, honey," she spoke quietly and sadly.

"Esme...she whimpered," I said quietly as I looked back down at her fingers clutching my shirt and her displeased grimace.

"What?" she asked with a disbelieving expression.

"She whimpered when I tried to pry her fingers from my shirt," I said quietly.

"Edward, are you sure? Did anything about her change after it happened?" she asked quickly as her expression became more worried by the second.

"Yes, I'm sure. And no, nothing changed about her afterwards," I replied, confused as to why she would ask that.

"Can you try to gently pull her hands away again? If you feel anything change in her, please stop immediately," she spoke the end urgently, and I understood the warning. She didn't want Bella to have a panic attack. I nodded, and placed my hands over Bella's again. I didn't tighten my grip at all on her hands, and unfortunately nothing happened. I turned to look at Esme, and she appeared utterly dejected.

I felt horrible, and once again that feeling that maybe I had heard things that weren't really there returned. I let out a sigh, and tightened my grip on Bella's hands to remove them, so that Esme could help her change, and I could change myself.

It was faint, and barely audible, but it was there. As soon as my hands tightened their grasp she whimpered once more. Esme gasped from beside me and my gaze shot in her direction. Her eyes were already filled with tears that were ready to spill over. I released my grasp on her once again, but left my hands over hers, as I watched Esme.

"Did you feel anything different?" she muttered, her soft voice breaking at various points as she spoke. I shook my head. Nothing about her changed.

"Edward, that's only the second time I've ever heard the briefest of noises from her, and the first time it happened it was an accidental slip as she was laughing, and it froze her solid for an entire night," Esme sputtered as she started crying in earnest.

Carlisle came down the stairs then, and took in the scene in front of him. His eyes flashed between confusion and panic repeatedly as he quickly made his way over to us.

"Esme, dear. What's wrong, sweetheart?" he asked worriedly as he gently cupped her face while kneeling in front of her.

"Bella whimpered, Carlisle. She whimpered and she isn't seized up," she sputtered through her tears. Carlisle's gaze darted to Bella, and then to me. The question of whether or not it was true was clear as day in his eyes. I nodded at him in silent confirmation.

"How?" he asked me with an awed tone.

"It happens when I try to pull her hands off my shirt," I responded, my expression growing more worried as it dawns on me that I can't sit like this all night, and at some point I'm going to have to pry her hands away.

"Carlisle, I need to pull her hands away. I can't sit like this all night, but I'm terrified of what will happen when I do it," I said to him, panic evident in my tone and clearly visible in my expression.

"Edward, just do it as gently as you can, and we'll cross the next bridge when we come to it, okay? Esme and I have been through the attacks many times before, it will be alright. I'm not even sure that she'll have one," he replied calmly and sympathetically as he gazed between both Bella and I.

I nodded and braced myself for what could possibly happen once I actually managed to release her grasp. I took in a deep breath and watched her face closely as I gently slid my thumbs into her fists and eased her fingers apart. She whimpered once more as the fabric of my shirt tumbled from her grasp and her displeased expression deepened. Nothing else happened though, she seemed to be alright at the moment.

"That's amazing, Edward," Carlisle said, his astonishment clear in his tone. I smiled at Bella and started working my thumbs out of her fists.

"Come on, Edward. I'll show you to the restroom so you can get cleaned up and changed while Esme tends to Bella," Carlisle said quietly as he placed a hand on my shoulder. I nodded at him and lifted myself off the floor. I grabbed my bag from the couch, and followed behind Carlisle.

I quickly undressed and used a washcloth that Carlisle had set out for me to clean up. My chest had been covered with the sticky residue from Bella's tears earlier in the evening. I changed into my pajama pants and a fresh t-shirt before exiting the bathroom.

Carlisle was waiting for me in the hallway, and he ushered me around the back side of the house away from the living room, and led us into the rear entrance to the kitchen.

"Would you like anything to eat or drink?" he asked graciously.

"A glass of water would be great, thank you," I replied politely.

Carlisle grabbed two glasses of water and led me over to the kitchen island counter. We both took a seat on the stools in front of the counter. It amazed me how closely their kitchen resembled our own. The only difference being the color scheme. Esme seemed to be extremely fond of neutral and earthy tones, unlike my mother.

"Edward, I'm not sure if you realize how incredible what just happened really is," Carlisle started as he gazed off into the distance, not really appearing to see anything.

"She's been with us for five years, and we've only heard her voice once before. It was the day that she met Alice. Alice was teaching us sign language over dinner, and we were all laughing at our fumbled attempts to copy what she was doing. At some point over dinner, it dawned on me that we were all sitting around, eating Italian food, and talking with our hands. I made a joke about us looking like an Italian mob family, and Bella laughed so hysterically that the smallest of squeaks escaped her and she seized up instantly. It's not a gradual event when it happens. She was laughing one second, and then her body jerked as it ceased all movement, and she was gone...just like that. It's how it happens every time. She's fluid and moving one second, and frozen the next. That's why what you just witnessed is so incredible. The fact that her voice escaped her and she isn't frozen, is nothing short of a miracle," he spoke distantly at first as he recalled the events of the first night he ever heard her voice, but his tone changed to amazement when he turned to look at me as he spoke of the events of tonight.

"So what do we do now? How do we help her use her voice?" I asked eagerly. If anyone knew how I could help her, Carlisle would.

"I don't know, son. We've tried everything we can think of. I'm beginning to believe that it's just going to take time and repeated attempts from her until she can control the panic that rises in her. Do you mind if I ask you something?" he spoke with despair, but curiosity was the dominant tone as he sought out my approval.

"Sure, you can ask me anything," I replied encouragingly.

"Esme's told me many times how close you and Bella were as children. She's heard many fond memories of your mother's, and she's shared them with me. What caused you two to grow apart? You don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable. I'm just curious as to how two young people with such a strong bond with each other, can drift apart so quickly. I've tried to logically rationalize it time and time again, but have never been able to," his voice was soft and comforting, nowhere near demanding, and I found myself unable to even think of denying him an answer that I had searched for myself for so long.

"It's hard to explain, but I will try," I started, and he nodded. "When Bella and her parents moved so suddenly, I was heartbroken. It took me weeks just to be able to force myself to get up and join the living world outside of my pain again. When she came back, I was overcome with joy, thinking that everything would go back to the way it used to be. The only problem was that Bella was different. I didn't realize back then how much pain she was in, and how traumatized she was over what happened to her. I only knew that her parents had passed on. I knew nothing of how or why, as I still don't. I thought her distance was because she no longer wanted to be my friend any more. It took a while for me to back away, but I realize now that she never even noticed my attempts because she was so overcome with her emotions. She didn't see anything that went on around her, and I never saw it that way until recently. When I backed off, I thought I was doing what she wanted me to. I never realized that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. And now I'm trying to do everything in my power to rectify that mistake," I spoke honestly, trying to relay to him just how much I regretted the mistake I had made.

"Son, we all make mistakes. No one could expect you to understand something like that at such a young age. It's amazing that you understand it now. I'm glad I can finally understand it now, thank you. I'm sorry that both of you had to go through so much pain to get to where you are now," he said comfortingly.

"Me too, Carlisle. I only wish I had realized it sooner rather than later," I said remorsefully.

"We all feel that way when things become clear, Edward. Even as adults we focus on how long we spent trying to find the answers and not on the fact that we eventually found the answer," he said with a warm and comforting tone.

"Edward, dear. Are you ready for bed?" Esme asked with a soft voice as she entered the kitchen behind us. I nodded and slid off the stool I was sitting on.

"We'll join you in a few minutes, Edward," Carlisle said as he too got off of his stool. I nodded at him as I stood up straight and stretched the muscles in my back.

"Goodnight Esme, Carlisle. And thank you for allowing me to stay the night," I said politely.

"Sweet dreams, sweetheart," Esme said as she kissed my cheek.

"Goodnight, Edward," Carlisle said as he wrapped an arm around Esme. I nodded at them both and ventured my way back out toward the living room.

I looked around at the mattress covered floor, wondering where I was supposed to sleep for the night. I didn't want to upset either Carlisle or Esme by sleeping too close to Bella, but I didn't want to be too far from her either. I looked down at her still sleeping form, and noticed that her expression still hadn't changed. It was still marked by displeasure.

I carefully maneuvered my way around her, trying not to jostle her awake, and took a spot just within arm's reach of her. I pulled a pillow under my head and shifted myself to get comfortable. It bothered me that there hadn't been enough room on her other side for me to lay down, and now I couldn't see her face. Instead, I could only see the sea of mahogany hair that flowed out from under the blanket she was covered in. I shifted once more to lay on my back and gaze at the ceiling.

I listened carefully to the steady rhythm of Bella's breathing, and hoped that it would lull me to sleep, but it wasn't. As the minutes passed on, her breathing started to increase, and at times stop completely. It started to worry me greatly. I began to shift closer to her as her breathing started up once again and began to increase in frequency. I was almost next to her when Esme turned the corner and looked at Bella, her face instantly becoming filled with panic.

"Esme, what's wrong with Bella?" I asked worriedly.

"She's having a nightmare, dear. They wake her up frequently during the night," she said as she lowered herself to the floor in front of Bella. She began running her fingers through Bella's hair gently, attempting to soothe her, but it wasn't working. Her breaths were coming in short quick pants, and she began to start thrashing about on the mattress. It broke my heart to see her this way, and without thinking, I pulled her to my chest and started humming her melody next to her ear. She almost instantly relaxed. Her thrashing stopped immediately, and her breathing slowly evened out.

"Edward, how did you do that?" Esme asked. I looked up at her, and her face was lit up with pure astonishment.

"I don't know, I just reacted. I couldn't stand the thought of her having such a vivid nightmare," I replied worried that Esme would be upset with my gesture.

"What were you humming to her?" she asked quietly as she gazed lovingly at Bella.

"Her melody," I answered simply.

"Hers?" she asked curiously as she looked back up at me.

"Yeah, five years ago I started composing this song that just seemed to flow from me whenever I thought of her, so in almost all respects it's hers," I replied thoughtfully.

"She looks so serene right now. I wish she could always sleep so peacefully," she said with despair.

I made to pull myself back from Bella, now that she was sleeping soundly once again. I scooted over just a bit, hoping that Esme would allow the small distance between us without thinking me to be taking advantage of the situation, and rolled onto my back once more. Bella shifted backwards slightly and then rolled over. Her arm came out of the blanket and slowly traced the mattress beneath her as if she were looking for something. Her expression once again showing her displeasure.

I watched her carefully, as did Esme who was now positioned on a mattress behind me. Her hand finally came close enough to feel the fabric of my shirt and her brow furrowed as she fiddled with it in her fingers. Her eyes flitted behind their lids, and I couldn't tell whether or not she was still sleeping. I reached my hand down and gently grasped her hand in my own. Her brow smoothed out, and all traces of discomfort left her face immediately.

I continued to watch her carefully as her eyes still flitted behind their lids. Slowly, her eyes began to open. She blinked a few times before her gaze met mine, and recognition immediately flashed in her eyes. She closed her eyes once more and she scooted herself into my side. She rested her head on my chest, just over my heart and let out a deep breath as her arm came across my torso, once again clinging to me for dear life. Her expression remained peaceful, and her breathing instantly evened out.

I looked quickly to Esme, worried that she would be upset. I was surprised to see the exact opposite. Her gaze held nothing but love, astonishment, and understanding.

"It's okay, Edward. I'm not upset, and Carlisle will not be either. We know you wouldn't take advantage of her. I can see it in your eyes when you look at her, honey. And I saw it in her's as well just moments ago when she looked at you. I see it in her eyes every time she thinks of you," she said warmly as she lay down on the mattress next to the one Bella and I were now on.

"See what, Esme?" I asked her in confusion.

"Love, dear. It shines from the two of you like the brightest of stars ever born," she said with a smile.

"Love? You can see that when I look at her?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes, sweetheart. Love. I've seen it in both of your eyes in pictures from when you were children, and it's just as recognizable now when I see it in your eyes when you look at her. She gets that same brilliance in her eyes when she thinks of you. I was only able to connect the two once I saw pictures of you together as children," she said sincerely.

"Esme, even though I can admit that I love her, I love her with all my heart, but there's no way she can love me after all the pain I caused her. Not after I foolishly walked away from her," I said regretfully.

"She may not realize it yet, but she will. Just give her time, Edward. She was too young to know what it was when you were children, but she'll recognize it soon enough," she replied kindly.

I turned my head to gaze at the ceiling as I contemplated her words. Love. Was it really possible that Bella loved me? I didn't understand how it could be, but Esme's words filled me with hope that it could be true. That one day Bella could love me as I love her. I've known for quite some time that I love her, and somewhere along the line realized that I always have. Maybe it would be the same for her. I could only hope that it could be true, and that it could happen.

"Edward, dear. You look exhausted. Do try to get some sleep. Goodnight, honey," Esme said softly as she rolled over and got comfortable.

"Goodnight, Esme. I'll try," I replied quietly, my mind still miles away shuffling through my thoughts.

I closed my eyes and concentrated on Bella's breathing, trying to force myself to sleep, but it wouldn't come. I kept pulling myself back from the brink of sleep every time a big dumb grin spread across my face as I thought of the possibility that one day she could love me. It was maddening.

I ran my fingers gently through Bella's hair, relishing in it's softness, as I watched memories of us as children play against the back of my eyelids. Some time later, I felt the pull of sleep finally wanting to claim me. I lifted my head and kissed the top of Bella's head lightly, and whispered one last thing to her before I finally succumbed to my exhaustion.

"Sleep well, my love."

* * *

**AN: So? Come on... I'm bouncin' like Alice on No-Doze! Gimme Gimme Feedback ^_^ R&R PLS & TY!! **


	38. Multiple Awakenings & Apple Orchards

**AN: Happy Thursday! I don't know how this chapter managed to get finished as I was repeatedly plagued by brain flatulence. It felt like it took forever, but alas, it's finished. I won't be doing this as a 2 part update in 2 different POVs. It's not a typical day where completely different things are happening to our two favorite characters. They're experiencing everything the same way today. I battled with the idea of whose POV it should be in..and ultimately went with Edward, simply because he had memories of his own that he wanted to tell. He wouldn't leave me alone about it so I finally gave in to his pestering. I only wish he would have helped a bit more when I sat there staring at the screen not knowing what to write for what felt like hours! Little handsome bugger! Okay enough of my nonsense. ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Twilight...but I do own various memories in this chapter! YAY!!**

* * *

Multiple Awakenings and Apple Orchards

EPOV

I was startled awake early this morning as the alarm on my cell phone shrilled through the air, and vibrated against my leg in the pocket where I hadn't even realized I had left it. I quickly reached into the pocket of my pajamas, thankful that it wasn't on the side that Bella was cuddled up against, and tried to silence it quickly so that it wouldn't disturb her. She shifted just a bit, but after I was finally able to shut it off, she seemed to not be affected by it at all.

I looked at the time on the phone, and realized that it was already 6am, and I hadn't yet told Jazz or Em that I wouldn't be picking them up this morning. I quickly sent them both a text, telling them that I wouldn't be in school today, and that I'd explain later, and then put the phone on silent so that it wouldn't be able to disturb Bella again. I relaxed once again, and drifted back to sleep.

It felt like only minutes later that I was being awoken by a little finger poking me in the forehead. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to ignore the sensation, but it wouldn't stop. In fact, it just increased in speed and force. Irritated to the brink of insanity, I opened my eyes to see who the hell was poking me in the head.

I was greeted by the sight of a slightly confused and overly amused Alice. She smiled at me and quirked one of her perfectly arched little black eyebrows.

"Edward, what are you doing here with Bella in the living room?" she asked quietly as she looked between Bella and I.

"Alice, can I explain it later? I'm exhausted...it was an extremely long night," I said hoarsely, sleep still thick in my voice.

"Sure," she said with a dejected expression before it turned to worry. "Is she alright though?" she asked worriedly.

"Yes, Alice. She's fine. I'm sure she'll fill you in on everything after you get home from school," I said as I ran my fingers gently through her hair, and let my eyes drift close once more.

"Okay, I'll make sure to get both of your assignments before I leave. Thank you for taking care of her. Sleep well, Edward," she said quietly as she lifted herself up off of the floor.

"I'm happy I was able to, Alice. Thank you for getting our assignments for us," I said, not quite sure how well she understood my slurred speech.

"Anytime, Edward. See you both after school," she said as she headed towards the front door to leave, probably heading back home until it was time for her to go to school. I quickly drifted back into a pleasant sleep.

I woke a few hours later, feeling like something was missing. I wasn't quite as warm as I had been earlier in the morning. It only took me a few moments to realize that Bella was no longer cuddled up against my side.

I sat up straight on the mattress, and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. When I pulled my hands away, Bella was standing next to the mattresses, holding a plate of food and a glass of orange juice. Her smile was beautiful and brilliant, and I was overjoyed to see that there was no awkwardness or discomfort in her approach as she carefully walked atop the mattresses until she was at my side once again.

She lowered herself down to the mattress, and sat beside me, placing the plate of food in my lap, and handing me a fork to eat with. She offered me the glass of orange juice, and I took it, taking a deep pull of the cool liquid. I was going to hold the glass while I ate, but Bella took it back from me and held it for me. She sat next to me the entire time, with a gentle smile on her face, as I devoured the plate of eggs, bacon, home fries, and toast with strawberry jam. How she remembered that I only liked strawberry jam was beyond me.

I finished eating just a few minutes later, and Bella handed me the remainder of my juice as she took the plate from me and got up to place it on the coffee table a few feet behind me. She came and sat back down next to me. I smiled at her, and she blushed before taking my hand in her tiny ones. I looked at her with a smile tugging at the sides of my mouth, surprised by her comfort with the contact. She smiled back at me and started delicately tracing something on the inside of my palm with one of her fingers. I watched closely as she traced letters, one after another, until she finally formed the words 'thank you', and gently squeezed my hand.

I looked at her confused as to why she would be thanking me, when I had really thought that she would would have felt comfortable around me this morning, if you could still call it morning anyway.

"For what, Bella?" I asked confusedly.

She smiled slightly before mouthing 'For staying'.

I was in awe that she was happy that I had stayed with her. I could only hope that she wouldn't regret it later.

"It was Esme's idea. I felt uncomfortable with the idea of not being able to assure myself that you were okay, and she suggested the living room camp-out that you all have used in the past," I said sincerely, hoping that she would know that I wasn't trying to take advantage of the fact that she had come to me for comfort the night before.

Bella held up her hand, telling me to wait a minute, as she lifted herself off the mattress. She took my dirty dishes with her as she left the room, and came back just a few minutes later holding a dry erase board and marker. She sat down next to me quickly and began writing.

_**I don't care who's idea it was. Thank you for staying. Last night was the first night that I don't remember having a single nightmare, or even waking up for that matter. I actually slept peacefully. How did you sleep? I didn't kick you or anything did I?**_

I smiled as I read her note. I didn't want to bring up the fact that she had indeed had a nightmare. If she didn't remember it, I wasn't going to bring it up.

_Speaking of other things she might not remember...I'm gonna have to talk to Carlisle and Esme at some point this morning about what happened last night..._

_**You're quite welcome, it was my pleasure. I'm glad that it wasn't awkward for you this morning. I was truly worried about that. You did wake up just once, but only for a few seconds. It was after I had laid you down and moved over to give you some room. It seemed that you sensed something was different and your eyes opened. When you found me you scooted into my side and fell right back to sleep. And no, you didn't kick me or anything..but you did drool on my shirt a bit...**_

She read my note and blushed before she shook with silent laughter. I was ecstatic that she seemed in such high spirits this morning.

_**Sorry about that. I hope you weren't too uncomfortable. I actually don't remember that at all. The last thing I remember is being in your bed and listening to you hum your melody. And sorry about your shirt...if it grosses you out too badly I'll buy you a new one!**_

I laughed hysterically as I read the end of her note, and quickly wrote back.

_**Silly Bella. I wasn't uncomfortable at all. I was quite comfortable actually. I didn't think you would remember waking, it was incredibly brief. And I like my shirt just fine...drool and all Thank You!**_

She smiled and laughed as she read her way through my message to her, and once again erased the message and wrote a new one.

_**Very well then drool boy! I'm going to take a shower and get dressed and then help Esme clean up the living room. I'm sorry that you had to miss school today on account of me. I'll make it up to you by taking notes for you for once in Mr. Banner's class next week!**_

I laughed as I wrote a reply for her. It was nice to know that out of everything she had lost over the years, her sense of humor wasn't one of them. It was one of my favorite things about her. She could keep up with the best of them as long as she felt comfortable around them...and that realization made the hope in my chest from Esme's words the night before swell even greater.

_**Shouldn't I be the one calling you drool girl? After all...it was in fact YOU who drooled and not I. Don't worry about me missing school, I rarely ever miss a day and it's only the beginning of the year. Besides, it's not like I had a test today or anything. And don't worry about Mr. Banner's notes. I would much rather pass notes with you than have you ignore me to write his lecture. I am, however, curious as to how Emmett's fire-crotch is working out for him....**_

I gave her a smug smile as her smile disappeared and she looked at me with horror after she read my last line. I laughed and after a moment she joined in as well.

_**Sorry! It was Alice's idea! I swear! We were both a little miffed at what he did to her car...so I made the mistake of asking her if she wanted a little revenge and she went a bit overboard. What happened with that anyway?**_

I read her note, and my brow furrowed as I read the part about him doing something to Alice's car. When did he even have a chance to do something to it? I had been out there during last period and there was nothing wrong with it. I racked my brain for the answer as I wrote her back.

_**It was hilarious. He had to take 3 showers before he figured it out. He probably never would have figured it out if Jasper hadn't found the container with the sports cream in his locker. We really thought he was having an allergic reaction to his new soap. Jazz and I have now nicknamed him Fire Crotch...he just doesn't know about it yet. Bella...what did he do to Alice's car? I was out there last period and there was nothing wrong with it...**_

I passed her the board and she read it, erased it, and quickly started writing again as she laughed.

_**I warned Alice that he wasn't smart, and that it was a cruel prank. I'm glad he figured it out though...it would have been horrible to know that it had gone on longer than it actually did. I can only imagine how many times he would have used that soap if you hadn't suggested that he was allergic to it! He covered her car in balloons, streamers, confetti, and teddy bears. He even wrote Happy Birthday Bella all over the windows. It took us forever to clean it off! The damn teddy bears gave him away. Do you remember that dumb bear he had when we were kids that he wouldn't seperate from? It was a grizzly or something. Everyone made fun of him because he was 13 and still slept with it! What the heck was the name of that thing? I can't remember for the life of me!**_

I laughed boisterously as I read her note. I had completely forgotten about that bear of his. I was also pissed beyond belief that he would do something like that to both Bella and Alice. He _knew _she hated being the center of attention, and I can only imagine how much attention that sight caused. I was half way through writing my reply when the answer dawned on me.

_That damn douche didn't have the shits! He used it as an excuse! He wasn't freaking running late yesterday morning either..he knew I would put a cease to his attempts when I saw the supplies for it! Oh he SO deserved to have his crotch on fire for that!_

_**I'm sorry he did that to you. Alice's revenge was well deserved! I would have stopped him, but I had no idea about it. He had me completely fooled when he told me he ate something bad at lunch and ran out of class to supposedly head to the bathroom. I'm sorry I didn't catch him to stop him. You know I had completely forgotten about that damn bear he had! He STILL has it! Ugh..what is that thing's name?! This is going to drive me crazy until I remember it... BIG BAD BOOG!! That was it's name! I honestly don't know where the hell he got it from. I really thought he would have gone with something like Grizzly Adams or something...**_

She laughed in silent hysterics as she read the end of the note. She even toppled over sideways and clutched her sides. Once she composed herself she wrote once again.

_**Oh, man! I sooo forgot about that lame name! Didn't you and Jasper use to call it Booger? He used to get soo mad at you guys and then he'd talk to the stupid thing trying to comfort it for you guys hurting its feelings. I think we should have known there was something wrong with Emmett then...but no, we didn't. Okay..I really have to go take a shower. You're more than welcome to one as well, as I'm sure you'd like to wash my drool off of you. There's a guest bathroom upstairs, and there are towels and washcloths in the cabinet above the toilet. I'm pretty sure there's soap and such in there as well. **_

I read her note and laughed. She remembered so much of those years that had completely escaped me.

"Thanks, Bella. Go take your shower. I'm just going to get my stuff ready and then I'm going to take one as well...your drool really is quite uncomfortable," I joked. She laughed silently and lifted herself off the mattress and headed up the stairs. I waited for her to make it up the steps, and then I headed off to find Esme and Carlisle. I gave my mom a quick call to let her know that everything was alright as I searched through the downstairs for any sign of Esme or Carlisle. I found them in the dining room just after I ended my call.

"Good morning, Edward. Did you sleep well?" Carlisle asked with a smug expectant grin. I chuckled.

"Yes, Sir. Very well, thank you," I replied politely with a goofy grin.

"Carlisle, Esme, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a moment about what happened last night," I said with a respectful tone as I took a seat at the table across from Esme and next to Carlisle.

"Sure, son. What's on your mind?" Carlisle asked encouragingly as he set his paper down to give me his full attention. Esme sat across from me, smiling warmly, holding a cup of coffee in her hands as her elbows rested atop the table.

"Well, I was wondering how, if at all, you planned on breaking the news to Bella about what happened last night," I said hesitantly.

"I'm glad you brought that up, Edward. Esme and I had conversed about just that specific subject earlier, while you both were still sleeping," Carlisle started as he ran a hand through his hair as if he, too, was unsure of how to approach the situation.

"Dear, Carlisle and I came to the agreement that we weren't going to bring it up at all, well just yet anyhow. With everything that has been happening in her life recently, we thought it best that we don't add any additional distress to her already stressful situation. We firmly believe that Bella needs to decide when she's ready to take steps towards speaking again on her own. She has such little control over so many things in her life, and we don't wish to take away the one thing she has complete control over. We also feel that it would only be detrimental to her progress if we were to attempt to push her. I do hope you can understand our decision, dear. We pushed for so long, and it only seemed to cause her to hold back with even greater strength, and we'd much rather her take the necessary steps for her recovery when she feels she's ready," Esme spoke thoughtfully and sincerely. I completely understood their decision, and I was in no hurry to push her towards something that could cause her great amounts of distress.

"I understand completely, Esme. I was actually thinking the same thing. I just didn't know if you both had felt differently on the matter," I replied respectfully.

"I'm relieved to hear you feel the same. I was worried that you would feel quite differently. It's comforting to know that she has a friend aside from Alice that seems to understand her needs," Carlisle said, the relief clear in his tone.

"Were you ready to head home, dear?" Esme asked softly, her tone giving away her wish for me to not feel the need to rush off. I smiled warmly at her.

"Not at all. I'd like to stay a while longer if that would be alright with both of you," I replied sincerely.

"Of course, dear. We would like nothing more. You're more than welcome to stay as long as you'd like," she replied encouragingly with a smile. I chuckled as the thought of just how much I'd like to stay here forever breezed through my mind. I'm fairly sure her open invitation would be retracted should I have been unable to filter that thought as it crossed my mind.

"I'm going to head up to take a quick shower. Bella already told me where to find anything I would need," I said, excusing myself as I stood from the table. Esme and Carlisle both nodded in my direction before returning to their previous activities, Carlisle reading, and Esme working her way through the daily crossword puzzle.

I grabbed my bag from the couch and headed up the stairs. I smiled widely as I heard Jimmy Eat World's 'The Middle' blaring from what I could only assume was Bella's room. It made me wonder if she still applied songs to how she felt like she did when she was younger. If so, I hoped that she was playing it because she really felt that everything was going to be alright, just as the lyrics were chanting.

It took me a few tries, but I finally found the guest bathroom upstairs. I knew it wasn't the first bathroom that I had come across, since it was still slightly warm and smelled like Bella's strawberry shampoo from her shower. I didn't want to invade her privacy in there, so I closed the door and opened a few more doors before finding the one I was looking for.

I quickly showered, brushed my teeth, put on my deodorant, and dressed. I threw my sleep clothes in my bag and threw the towel and washrag in the hamper before exiting the bathroom. I walked back down the stairs and into the living room in an attempt to help them finish cleaning up the living room, but everything was picked up by the time I got there. Bella and Esme descended the staircase just as I was placing my bag on the seat of a reclining chair in the living room. Bella approached me, as Esme headed off towards the kitchen, holding her dry erase board and marker, passing it to me once she was within arm's reach.

_**Since we're playing hookie...what would you like to do today?**_

I laughed as I read the note and quickly wrote one back.

_**I'm not sure...I've never really played hookie from school before. Do you have any suggestions?**_

I passed her back the board and she looked deep in thought for a minute before a bright smile crossed her face. She waved to me to follow her, and I did. I followed Bella into the kitchen where she started signing with Esme. Esme smiled brightly and nodded to her, and Bella jumped up and down before putting the board down on the counter and writing something on it for me.

_**The Autumn Harvest Festival is this weekend at Salt Creek Farm. It's today through Sunday. We used to go apple and pumpkin picking there as kids. They didn't have the festival there then though. Wanna go? We can pick some apples and make a pie later!**_

I laughed as she bounced around while I read her note. Alice's energy has really been rubbing off on her. I remembered the farm fondly. We used to go there at least once a season. In the spring it was for strawberries and blackberries. In the summer it was peaches and occasionally pears. Fall was always apples and pumpkins. I swear our parents were driven insane during the fall when we'd beg every weekend to go back and get more apples and pumpkins. And then in winter all of our parents would make a group trip with us to pick out our trees. We always made it a competition to see who could find the best tree the fastest. Bella was a sneaky little thing then. She would sit on top of her father's shoulders and look out over all of them and then direct him to the best one. She won every damn year. I smiled at the memories and wrote back quickly.

_**I'd love to, Bella. That sounds great. I bet I can find the most perfect apple faster than you!**_

She laughed as she read the note and quickly wrote back.

_**You're just mad that I used my brains when it came to the trees and not my speed...well cause not only did I not have any speed, but I'd probably have impaled myself with a branch if I had tried to run through the trees like you all did!**_

I cracked up when I read her jab at her own clumsiness. She was probably right, and thinking of it that way, I'm glad she was clever enough to outsmart us every single time.

Esme departed the kitchen to get ready to leave, and Bella headed towards the front door. I had no idea what she was doing at first, but I figured it out when she opened the front door, stepped to the edge of the porch, and looked up towards the sky. The sunlight caught in her hair and made the red undertones in her hair shine beautifully. She looked like an angel at that moment, the sunlight almost casting a glowing halo around her head.

She turned and walked back inside a moment later and held up a hand to me, telling me to wait a minute, before she spun and headed for the stairs. She came back down only moments later, carrying a light zippered sweat jacket, and a light knit cap. The breeze that came in the door did seem quite chilly and I briefly wondered if I should ask Esme to stop by my house so I could grab a sweatshirt and hat before we headed to the festival.

I followed Bella into the kitchen, where she put her things down on the counter, and then continued through the kitchen and exited into the back hallway. She walked into the laundry room and pulled the door to the dryer open and pulled all of its contents out, placing them into a laundry basket. She rifled through it for a moment looking for something, and then pulled out a navy blue sweatshirt. I looked at her curiously for a moment as she turned it right side out. It was much too big for her, and I wondered what she was doing with it. My only guess was that she was getting it for Carlisle. That was until I saw the back of the sweatshirt. In big white letters it read 'FORKS P.D.' It was Charlie's sweatshirt, but that still didn't answer why she was digging it out now.

Bella looked at me and smiled as she passed me the sweatshirt. I took it from her with an awed expression. I couldn't believe she was giving me her father's sweatshirt to wear. I followed her back into the kitchen and she took a seat at the counter and started writing on the board again. After a minute she passed it to me.

_**Sorry. It's cold out, and that's the only sweatshirt I have that's big enough for you. I don't think Carlisle even owns a single sweatshirt as I've never seen him in one...well I've only ever seen him in one and it was his college sweatshirt, but it's old and gross and holey. He uses it when he shovels snow or does yard work in the fall. I wouldn't torture you by having you wear that thing out in public...**_

I smiled at her thoughtfulness, and quickly wrote back.

_**Bella, are you sure? It was your father's and I know how much it has to mean to you. I can just as easily grab something from home on the way there...**_

I passed it back to her and she wrote quickly as she silently chuckled.

_**Edward, it's fine. Just don't muss it up with your funky stench!**_

I laughed and made a joke of attempting to sniff myself before I wrote back.

_**I stink?! Thanks for telling me that now! How long have you known about this and not told me? For the love of all that's holy...you could have at least warned me that I'm rancid!**_

She took the board back from me and laughed before she wrote once more.

_**I'm just kidding, Edward. You don't stink...you actually smell quite good...like flowers. Is that rose or petunia that you bathe in?**_

I laughed heartily as I read her reply.

_**Thanks! Now I smell feminine? I don't know which is worse! Next thing you'll tell me that if you could you'd turn my scent into an air freshener called 'Spring Garden' or something...**_

She laughed as she wrote back. She paused a few times and looked to be concentrating really hard on something.

_**Actually, if I could, I would turn your scent into a cologne...but I'd never sell it. You do smell quite nice... it's kind of a soothing smell like... Hmm, you know, I can't associate it with anything that I can think of. It's very woodsy and nature like though, and sweet. If I had to name it, I'd probably call it 'Addiction'...cause...well...it's addicting. **_

She blushed brilliantly as she passed the board back in my direction, and I smiled widely as I read her note.

_**Bella, don't be embarrassed. I find the way you smell addicting as well. It's a mix of strawberries and freesia. Sweet and slightly fruity...just like you. Don't take that personally either...I love your quirks. They make you unique, they always have. I'm glad you wouldn't sell my scent...I'd hate to think of you sniffing random guys because they were wearing my scent!**_

I passed her back the board and she laughed as she wrote back.

_**As if people don't think I'm strange enough. Could you imagine the looks I would get if I just walked up to someone and sniffed them? God that would be so embarrassing! **_

I chuckled as I replied.

_**I guess it's a good thing you don't have to...you can sniff me all you want... I'll never look at you strangely for it.**_

She laughed and shot me an incredulous look. I laughed and stalked my way towards her as I came around the side of the counter pulling on the front of my shirt.

"Come on, Bella. Just one whiff. You know you want to. It's like heroine," I laughed as she hopped off her stool and started backing away from me with a brilliant smile as she laughed silently.

I started taking longer strides toward her, advancing quicker, and she spun and ran towards the living room. I gave chase to her and caught her just as she tried to dart in between the coffee table and the couch. I spun her around as she laughed in silent hysterics and laughed hysterically myself as I held her head to my chest with one hand, and steadied her with my other arm around her waist.

"Smell good, Bella? I just showered so it should be nice and fresh," I sputtered out through my laughter.

Bella laughed and grabbed a hold of my shirt, making a complete mockery of acting like she was sniffing it. She even went as far as to dramatically cross her eyes and roll them back as if she was experiencing euphoric pleasure. It was hilarious to me and I fell sideways onto the couch gripping my sides as I laughed so hard that tears were flowing from my eyes. She laughed silently and plopped down on the couch next to me. It took us a few minutes to let our laughter settle down, and Esme entered the room just as we sobered up.

"Are you both ready to go?" she asked warmly as she smiled at us. Bella and I nodded at the same time, and lifted ourselves off of the couch. Carlisle was waiting by the door, and Esme went to join him as Bella and I went into the kitchen to grab our sweatshirts, her hat, and the dry erase board and marker.

I slipped Charlie's sweatshirt on, and Bella smiled fondly at the sight of me in it. She slipped her sweat jacket and hat on, tucking her underneath it so it wouldn't fly into her face. As we entered the hallway, Esme handed us our jackets and then turned to look for something in the closet. A few moments later, she handed me a navy blue light knit cap. I guessed it was Carlisle's as he was wearing a similar one that was black with a thin gray stripe just above the lower edge of it. Esme decided to forgo the hat, and chose just a cream colored headband that covered her ears.

We filed out of the front door after we all put our jackets on, and headed towards Esme's SUV. We piled into the car, and just as Carlisle was about to start reversing out of the driveway, Esme gasped. Carlisle stopped and we all looked at her.

"Oh, dear. I almost forgot to get the blanket out of the garage for the back. I don't want the interior to get dirty," she said as she unfastened her seat belt. Carlisle put the gear back in park and waited as Esme darted into the garage, and re-emerged moments later carrying a plain dark blue quilt. She walked around the back of the truck and tossed it into the cargo space before sliding back into her seat.

"Are we forgetting anything else, dear?" Carlisle asked with a sarcastic grin.

"Carlisle, it will be a very long afternoon if you start patronizing me this early, dear husband of mine. I suggest if you don't wish to board with the pigs at the fair you keep your jokes to yourself," Esme chided, her tone mocking and any sternness attempted marred horribly by her wide grin.

"But sweetheart, if you force me in with the pigs how shall I ever get back in your precious vehicle to come home, if I'm covered in mud?" he replied sarcastically as he reversed down the driveway.

"You won't. We'll be forced to strap you to the roof," she chuckled.

"I do hope you will mind low lying branches along the way," he laughed.

"Absolutely not. Each one will teach you a valuable lesson, dear," she chortled in return.

"Do you two hear this back there? Bella, your mother wishes to strike me with tree branches!" Carlisle cried out through his laughter. I froze, my expression suddenly turned to panic as I turned to look at Bella. I was surprised to see her in silent hysterics next to me, rather than in shock at his referring to Esme as her mother. Bella caught sight of my expression and grabbed the board and marker.

_**It's okay, Edward. I call them Mom and Dad. They may not be my real parents, but they are my parents in every way possible. Speaking of which, I never got a chance to tell you, they adopted me for my birthday! That's why I was late to school yesterday. They officially really are my parents now. We're a real family now..isn't that great?!**_

I read her note and let out the breath I had been holding in. A wide grin spread across my face as I realized how happy she was about being adopted by them. I was happy for her that she had managed to be lucky enough to have come across a couple like Esme and Carlisle. They truly were amazing people, and I couldn't think of any two people better suited to be her parents than them in the absence of her own parents.

_**Bella that's incredible news! I'm so happy for you! I was worried that when Carlisle referred to Esme as your mother it would upset you. I'm glad it didn't. It thrills me to see you so happy with them.**_

I passed her back the board, and she smiled as she wrote a return note.

_**I love being with them. They're such warm and understanding people, and they never make me feel like I don't belong with them. They treat me as if I was their real daughter, and I couldn't ask for more from them. It was hard for a long time when we didn't have a means to communicate efficiently, but all that changed when Alice came, and our bond has grown incredibly strong since then. I never felt as though they loved me any less before or anything, it was just difficult for the three of us to really connect. I was ecstatic when they asked me for my permission for them to adopt me. I had wanted it for years, but I was so unsure of whether or not they wanted that responsibility. It turned out that they waited so long simply because they weren't sure if it was something that I would want, but they finally decided to take the chance and ask me after we had finally been able to connect and they could see how much I truly did care for them.**_

A pang shot through my heart as I read her words. Even with Esme and Carlisle, two of the most understanding and compassionate people ever created, she had had difficulties breaking through her shell to connect with them. It made the guilt within me swell as I acknowledged how hard they fought to stand by her for so many years whereas I gave up and stood in the background simply wiating for her to make a move that she never would have, simply because she thought the same as I had. That I didn't want to be her friend.

Bella took the board back from me before I could write a reply, and she erased her message and wrote a new one.

_**Edward, stop. It wasn't all your fault. It was mine too. We were young, and unaware of the mistakes we were making. Neither of us could have comprehended how hard we would have had to struggle to make it work. Esme and Carlisle were adults when they were presented with this situation. They knew the difficulties that faced them when they took me in. They knew it wouldn't be easy, but the point is that they knew. Neither of us did. Please stop berating yourself over the past. You asked me once to allow you the chance to make your mistake up. I won't. I will however allow US the chance to recover from the mistakes WE made, but we can't do that if we both constantly find fault within ourselves for what we did. We just have to promise ourselves to be more aware of what our actions are in the future. If we live in the history of the past, we are bound to repeat it. Please, let it go and give us the chance to heal. There's nothing to fix, there's nothing to mend. We both just need to heal and learn to trust in ourselves and each other.**_

She passed me back the board, and I read each word carefully. Everything she said was true. We were young and unaware, and it was up to us now to not make the same mistakes again. I looked over at her and she rested her hand palm up on the seat between us and smiled at me. I covered her had with my own and she gently squeezed as she laced her fingers through my own. I gave a gentle squeeze back as she released her grip, completing our silent pact to let the past go and concentrate on the present and future. We held hands the rest of the way, occasionally smiling goofily at each other and chuckling.

"Esme, dear. What in the world is _that_thing?" Carlisle asked, as we drove across a grass field that had been roped off as a parking lot. I looked in the direction that he was pointing in and spotted a giant neon colored structure that looked somewhat like a canon.

"Oh, that's right. You weren't able to come with Bella and I last year. It's a Jack-O-Lobber, dear," Esme replied as she chuckled.

"A Jack-O-Whatta?" he asked in confusion. Bella laughed silently next to me as I chuckled, just as confused as Carlisle.

"A Jack-O-Lobber," she reiterated slowly,"It's a hydraulic pumpkin canon. It's really neat, it shoots small pumpkins across the field using water pressure."

"Uh huh...that's interesting. I've never seen anything like it before," he said with an awed tone, his face resembling that of a child in a giant toy store.

"Well, I think I know where you'll will be while we're in the orchards," Esme chuckled. Carlisle smiled at her and shook his head.

We all exited the truck and made our way toward the front gates. Carlisle paid our entrance fee, and immediately grabbed a hold of Esme's hand and darted off towards the giant pumkin canon. Bella laughed as she watched them jog off, Esme yelling at Carlisle to slow down as she tried to stop her scarf from flying away.

"Shall we join them?" I asked as I held out my arm to her. She hooked her arm through mine and together we strode off in the direction they had headed in. Bella's smile was beautiful, and I was thrilled to see her having such a good time.

We watched the farmhands launch pumpkins that their little volunteers chose out of a pile of small to medium sized pumpkins, for a half hour or so. Carlisle didn't seem to ever tire of watching it, but thankfully Esme managed to pry him off of the haystack he was sitting on, and led him away from the pumpkin canon. I had no doubt that he'd be stopping here once again before we left. As we exited the Jack-O-Lobber area, Esme spotted a giant pumpkin display and ushered us all towards it.

"Bella, Edward, climb up there in those pumpkins so I can take a picture of you two," Esme said with an excited voice as she pulled a camera out of her pocket. Bella smiled at me and then took off like a rocket towards the pumpkins. I followed closely behind, worried that she might trip or hurt herself climbing up onto the display. We took our seats on a hay bale set in between two straw stuffed scarecrow farmers in the middle of the display. I hugged Bella to me and she laughed as Esme started yelling out corny things like 'Say Cheese!' and 'Macaroni and...' and my ever favorite 'What do mice eat?!' It was hilarious, and I couldn't wait to see how the pictures came out.

Bella and I took a few pictures of Esme and Carlisle pretending to lift a giant pumpkin that was actually suspended in the air by way of giant posts that were hidden by bales of hay. They made the most ridiculous faces as they pretended to strain under the weight. Bella laughed so hard she had to keep re-shooting the picture because it kept coming out blurry with her shaking hands. I finally took the camera from her and got three good shots before Esme made Bella and I have our turn with the giant pumpkin. Bella cracked me up as she took a lone shot where she pretended to be holding it up with one finger as she sat on the bale of hay, looking at her nails as if it was no big deal. We had our share of ridiculous strained poses with it as well.

From there, Bella spotted the corn maze, and she grabbed my head and bolted us off in that direction. We laughed as Carlisle and Esme tried to keep up with us through the maze, Esme trying to shoot picture after picture as we ran. I couldn't imagine how many she actually managed to capture that weren't blurred. Bella and I got turned around in it at one point, and ended up hitting repeated dead ends. We had also lost Esme and Carlisle somewhere along the way as well. We laughed and started walking, trying to retrace our steps to find the way out. It took us a while, but we finally managed to find the exit only to find Esme and Carlisle laughing hysterically at us.

"We thought you might have been swallowed whole in there it took you so long to find the exit!" Esme cried out through her laughter. We laughed with her as we strode up to them. Bella started signing something to Esme, and Esme and Carlisle nodded at her.

"Edward, dear. Are you hungry at all? Bella wants to get something to eat and drink over at the Cornstalk Cafe," she said as she pointed over to the 'cafe' that was really just a counter decorated with corn stalks next to a picnic table area. I nodded and we headed over towards the counter. We all got an order of succotash and a bottle of water. Bella and Esme also got a cup of hot cocoa, and we headed over to a picnic table to eat.

"What would you like to do next, Bella?" I asked as we sat down. She looked around for a moment and then turned to Esme and signed something to her. I was really beginning to wish that I had made better progress with the whole signing thing as I was only able to catch a few of the gestures.

"She says she wants to go watch the hog races that are starting in 15 minutes," Esme translated for me. I looked around and spotted what she was talking about and laughed when I saw the miniature derby style racing pen.

"That looks like it should be entertaining," I said truthfully with amusement.

We ate quickly and headed over to the hog races, taking a seat on another bale of hay in the front center aisle. The place was flooded with parents and young children within minutes after we arrived. A few minutes later, a guy in denim overalls, a straw hat, and flannel shirt came out of the holding pen and introduced the first four baby hogs as 'Christina Hog-ulera', 'Brittany Spare-ribs', 'Enrique Pig-lesias', and 'Jon Bon Porky'. We all laughed so hard we almost fell off the hay bale. I never heard anything like it, it was priceless. As the announcer started the race, he had everyone yell the pig call 'SUEY' at top volume. I didn't yell it because I felt bad about Bella not being able to. She laughed and elbowed me making a stern face telling me I better yell it the next time. I laughed and put my hands up in surrender. At the end of the race, 'Jon Bon Porky' was declared the winner.

The announcer loaded up the starting pens again, introducing each baby hog as he put them into their pen. The names this time were 'Shaquille O'Squeal', 'Hog Hogan', 'The Great Hambino', and 'Peyton Hamming'. We laughed hysterically after each name was announced. I think hearing the names was more amusing than the actual race itself. This time I yelled the 'SUEY' with everyone else and Bella laughed as she fell into my side. I put my arm around her and laughed with her. 'Hog Hogan' won the second race.

My sides were hurting so badly by the time the announcer loaded the pens for the third race. The names just kept getting better. 'Kevin Bacon', 'Calista Hoghart', 'Drew Piggymore', and 'Jason Piggs', raced the third race, and 'Calista Hoghart' came out the winner. I once again yelled the 'SUEY' so that Bella wouldn't elbow me again, even though I felt retarded doing it. It made her happy and that was all that mattered to me.

The announcer declared the fourth race the final one for this showing, and once again called off the names of the hogs as he led them into their starting pens. I was laughing too hard after this last set of names to even have enough air to yell the 'SUEY'. This time, it was 'Suey Griffin', 'Spongebob Squealpants', 'Pork E. Pigg', and 'Yosemite Hamm'. 'Spongebob Squealpants' won the race and the announcer thanked everyone for joining them for the race after having everyone call out one last 'SUEY' as all the champions took a victory lap around the pen.

The four of us were wiping tears away from our eyes as we made our way out of the arena area. Once we got to the top of the hill, Esme asked Bella what she would like to do next, and Bella pointed excitedly in the direction of the Underground Mine Shaft Slide. We all took off in that direction and waited in line behind a bunch of 3-5 year olds with their parents. We must have looked like quite the site to them, two parents and two teenagers running around, enjoying the same activities as they were when we should have been in school.

When it was finally our turn, Esme and Carlisle decided they were going to head to the little shop next to the mine shaft slide and get some kettle corn and wait for us there. We nodded to them as we prepared to go down the 70ft slide together. Bella laughed and held onto my hands tightly as we slid quickly down the shaft. When we came out at the other end, we realized that we had to climb up a rope net and cross over a swinging bridge to get back out. Bella looked at me nervously after seeing the rope net.

"It's alright, Bella. I won't let you fall," I said to her encouragingly. She still looked nervous about it so I decided to ease her fears. I turned around so that my back was facing her, and knelt down to the ground on one knee.

"Hop on, I'll carry you up and across to the exit," I said softly, trying to ease her tension about the height of the net and bridge. She didn't make a move towards me as she appeared to be debating between climbing it or hitching a ride. I laughed and tried again.

"Just hold on tight, Bella. I promise you won't fall. I'd never let you get hurt," I smiled as I took her hand and gently pulled her closer to my back. She reluctantly wrapped her arms around my neck, careful not to choke me, and wrapped her legs around my waist tightly as I stood up. I bounced just once to raise her up just a little higher so that her legs wouldn't hinder my climbing ability, and turned my head towards hers as she hid her face between her arm and the back of my neck.

"Just keep your eyes closed, okay? We'll be out in a jiffy. Are you ready?" I asked softly. She reluctantly nodded and I started to lift us off the ground, climbing quickly and carefully up the net. Her grip on me tightened as we left the ground, it was tight, but thankfully not choking me. It didn't take long at all to reach the platform at the top, and I quickly moved away from the ledge and made my way towards the bridge. I crossed it, trying to create as little of a swaying motion as I could, and once we were across I rubbed her arms comfortingly. She pulled her head away from the back of my neck and looked around her. She smiled brilliantly at me as she realized that we were once again standing on solid ground just a few yards away from where we had originally gone down the slide.

"Would you like to get down, or would you rather stay up there?" I asked sincerely. She smiled at me once more and tightened her grip, telling me that she'd rather stay where she was. I laughed and strode off towards the store that Esme and Carlisle had gone into.

"Would either of you like some kettle corn?" Esme asked sweetly as we approached her and Carlisle.

"No thank you, Esme," I replied politely as I looked to see Bella nodding her head and holding her hand out towards Esme. I chuckled at the sight of her. She looked like an excited toddler about to get a handful of candy.

"Are we ready to head to the orchards yet? The last wagon heads out there in just under an hour," Esme said as she held the bag of kettle corn out towards Bella's outstretched hand. Bella and I both nodded towards her and she and Carlisle led the way to the wagon loading area. We stood in line with just a few other people, waiting for the wagon to return with its most recent haul of people returning from the orchards. The wait only lasted a few minutes and I spent the time twisting from side to side, with Bella still on my back, laughing away as she tucked her head in between my neck and shoulder. A lady standing in front of us smiled as she watched us together.

The wagon finally arrived, and after all of its previous passengers had been unloaded, it was our turn to climb up. I turned around and backed up to the wagon platform, and Bella released her grip with her legs, and proceeded to slide down my back, landing with a slightly audible thump on the floor of the wagon. I chuckled and climbed up onto the platform myself, taking the seat right next to her. Carlisle and Esme sat next to us, and the lady that was standing in line ahead of us earlier sat across from us with her adorable little daughter.

As I was making goofy faces at the little girl, who was giggling up a storm as she tried to hide in the side of her mother's jacket, I felt Bella press herself against my side. I turned to look at her just as her teeth began to chatter with her shivers. I smiled at her and wrapped my arm around her, pulling her closer to me, and hoping that I was at least giving off some degree of body heat for her.

"Any better?" I asked sincerely. Bella nodded and gave me a grateful smile, her chattering teeth slowing to just a cute quiver.

"You two make a lovely couple. It's rare to see so much tenderness between people as young as yourselves," a female voice said kindly. I looked up to the woman sitting across from us who was looking between Bella and I with admiration shining in her eyes.

"Thank you," I replied, not wanting to be rude and correct the woman. Bella looked up at me in astonishment, and I bent my head down to her ear.

"I didn't want to be rude and correct her on her assumption. I'm sorry if it upset you, that was not my intention," I whispered softly before pulling my head back to look at her face once more. Bella's eyes softened and a sweet smile played upon her lips as she shook her head at me.

I broke my gaze from hers and looked around wanting to see how far we were from the orchards still, and caught sight of Esme and Carlisle smiling fondly at us. I felt the heat creep slowly into my face as Esme winked at me with a smug smile. I had to chuckle as she turned forward and acted as if she hadn't done a thing. Bella elbowed me and I looked down at her confused face. She quirked an eyebrow at me, questioning what I was chuckling at.

"Just a silly memory. That's all," I said, hoping she wouldn't push and force me to fib about which memory specifically. I certainly wasn't going to spill the beans about Esme's words from the night before. She nodded and looked off into the distance with a smile playing softly upon her lips.

The wagon came to a stop, and the tractor driver came around to unlock the exit gate. I bent my head down to Bella and whispered to her once more.

"Are you ready to finally lose your reigning orchard master title, Bella? I bet I find that perfect apple before you, I'm feeling lucky today," I said challengingly. Bella smiled smugly and nodded her head stiffly, accepting the challenge.

"Welcome to Salt Water Creek Orchards. We invite you to taste any apple from any tree within this side of the orchard. We only ask that you do not eat the apples off of the ground, as we would not like for you to become ill, and please refrain from climbing the trees as it damages the branches. With that said, please enjoy yourselves. Rows 1-3 contain Honeycrisp apples, 4-6 Golden Delicious, 7-9 Braeburn, 10-12 Granny Smith, and 13-15 Gala. The other side of the orchard contains different types of apples that are not quite ready to be harvested. We invite you to return in just a few short weeks to sample those as well. There will be a return wagon at this very spot once every 15 minutes or so, until we are sure that we haven't left anyone behind. Enjoy your harvesting folks!" he said animatedly as he pointed in various directions. After his speech, he climbed back up onto his tractor and rode off once again. I quickly looked to Bella and smiled.

"Are you ready?" I asked as I chuckled and mock glared at her. She gave me a return mock glare from the side and nodded just once. She took off running and I quickly passed her, bound and determined to find a perfect apple. About ten minutes later, I swore I had the champion apple in hand as I made my way back through the orchard. My apple fell to the floor as I saw Bella perched on top of Carlisle's shoulders, holding the most perfectly shaped and perfectly red apple I've ever seen. My mouth dropped to the floor as I stared at her in disbelief. She quickly started signing something to Esme who in turn laughed as she interpreted it for me.

"They only said you couldn't climb the tree to get the apples, not that you couldn't use your father to reach higher," Esme chortled. I could't help it, I laughed thunderously, the sound of my laughter bouncing back off of the trees surrounding us.

"How long did it take you to devise your plan after you took off running?" I asked curiously. I had seen her run off, and I wondered at what point she turned around. She signed something quickly to Esme, and once again Esme chuckled as she translated for her.

"I only ran until you passed me, then doubled back. I'm not dumb enough to run through an orchard with a ground covered in perilous apples just waiting for the opportunity to cause me to break my neck. I just needed you to take off ahead of me so that you wouldn't see what I was really planning," Esme stammered as she fought to control her laughter while translating.

I looked at Bella incredulously. I couldn't freaking believe she pulled one over on me yet again...and in the same exact way!

"I can't believe you, Bella! I can't believe you'd cheat that way...even years later!" I said reprovingly, any hint of disapproval tainted by my amused tone ad chuckles. She just laughed as Carlisle lowered himself towards the ground to help Bella get down. Once she was on her own two feet, she tapped her temple and winked at me as she approached me to hug me. I know her gesture was only meant to be one of comfort for losing once again, but I relished in it.

We spent the next hour walking through the orchards, randomly picking apples. She was adorable when she'd try to jump to reach an apple that was just out of her reach. Instead of grabbing it myself, I'd walk up behind her and lift her higher up so she could pick it herself. I didn't want her getting irritated and calling me a 'show-off' like she used to when we were kids. This was her day, and I was happy to be able to do anything that helped her enjoy it thoroughly.

After about the fourth time of lifting her up, she caught on to what I was doing and spun around after I lowered her to the ground. She mock glared at me and mouthed 'show-off' at me and then laughed in silent hysterics. I laughed along with her.

"You got me...Nothing gets by your keen observation does it?" I said, holding my hands up in feigned surrender. She laughed once again and we continued on down the path.

We met up with Esme and Carlisle by the wagon loading zone, each toting a bag of apples with us. It was starting to get cooler as the sun sank lower in the sky, and Bella looked to be getting cold again. I stood behind her and wrapped my arms around her, trying to keep her warm as we waited. She smiled up at me and mouthed 'thank you', and I smiled at her. The tractor and wagon arrived just minutes later and we climbed on one at a time. I took my seat next to Bella again, and Carlisle and Esme took the seat across from us. We were the only four on this trip back towards the general store where we originally departed from.

"What do you two say to a round of Chicken Plop Bingo before we leave?" Esme asked with an excited smile. Carlisle laughed from his seat next to her.

"We don't actually have to play with chicken plop do we?" he asked her incredulously.

"Oh Lord no! They use corn kernels for markers and the bingo balls are shaped like eggs," Esme replied as she chuckled. I looked to Bella, and she was nodding vigorously. I smiled and replied.

"Sure, sounds like fun, Esme," I said with a smile.

The wagon pulled up to the general store, and Esme picked up a few jars of homemade caramel and apple butter before Carlisle paid for all of our apples. Once we made it out of the general store, we headed over towards the activity center for a round of Chicken Plop Bingo. Just the name of it made me chuckle.

Bella hit bingo once, and both Esme and I yelled out 'Chicken Plop!' for her. One of the activities personnel handed her a stuffed pig that was dressed like a farmer, complete with a straw hat and holding a bunch of Indian corn. It was really cute.

"What are you going to name him, Bella? I hope it's something better than Big Bad Boog!" I said as I chuckled. She laughed and looked deep in thought for a minute, and then signed each letter of the name. I laughed as I pieced it together, 'Boss Hogg'. It reminded me of how many times we watched 'The Dukes of Hazzard' as kids. I think she only watched it with me because I loved it.

"Bella, are you naming him that because of how many times I forced you to watch 'The Dukes of Hazzard' with me?" I asked jokingly as I smiled. We continued walking towards the exit, and of course Carlisle couldn't stop himself from watching the Jack-O-Lobber just once more. At least he didn't sit down this time, as it would have probably taken us until nightfall to get him away from it. I looked back at Bella, waiting for her to answer, and saw that she was blushing. She looked back up at me from under her eyelashes, and with a timid smile she nodded ever so slightly.

"Well, at least it's a lot better than Big Bad Boog!" I chortled, and she laughed as we made our way to Esme's SUV.

Esme spread out the quilt in the back and we set our bags of apples down on it, along with some bunches of Indian corn that Esme had picked up on the way out. We all climbed into the truck and buckled ourselves in. Bella took hold of her board and started writing right away. We were barely out of the parking area when she passed it back to me.

_**I named him Boss Hogg because I wanted to always remember sharing this day with you. I had a lot of fun, and parts of it reminded me of when we were kids. I wanted a happy memory to apply to today, and that dumb show popped in my head. It was probably from all the name play on the pig's names during the races that caused it to pop into my head...but I think it fits perfectly.**_

I smiled as I read her note and wrote one back.

_**I'm glad you had fun today. I had a lot of fun too. Who knew Carlisle and Esme were such big kids at heart? Those names were hilarious! And that show was FAR from dumb, Missy! I still have my model of the 'General Lee'.**_

She laughed as she read the note, and then put it down and rested her head back. She looked exhausted, and I felt very close to it.

"Edward, would you like to join us for dinner and a movie tonight?" Esme asked politely from the front seat.

"That sounds great, Esme. Would you mind dropping me off at home first though so I can get my car? I wouldn't want to have to burden either of you to drive me back home later, and we'll be passing it on the way," I responded courteously.

"That's a good idea, honey. I'm not sure either of us will be up for the drive later. We old folks tire easily," she replied through her chuckles.

"Esme, dear. We are far from old," Carlisle retorted.

"Let me hear you say that the next time you finish shoveling the driveway on your own, and not paying the neighborhood children to do it for you," she responded with a smug expression.

"One time, Esme. One time I paid them to shovel the damn thing, and I've never lived it down since," he choked out through his laughter. Bella and I laughed along with them.

"Like you don't hold anything over my head, dear husband. And please mind your mouth," she mock chided.

"Please enlighten me as to what I have ever held over your head, dear wife," he responded sarcastically.

"Oh, I don't know, how about that blasted turkey I burnt our first Thanksgiving?" she replied as she quirked an eyebrow at him and smiled smugly. By the looks of it, she knew she had him pinned. He laughed heartily and then shot her an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, dear. That was a very entertaining holiday though," he responded comfortingly. She chuckled at him and faced forward once more as we were pulling up my driveway. They pulled up to the front of the garage, and I unbuckled my seat belt and looked at Bella.

"I'll only be a few minutes behind you, okay?" I said as I pushed my door open. She nodded and smiled at me and I hopped out of the car after thanking both Esme and started to pull away just as I was walking in through the front door.

"Edward? Honey is that you?" my mother called from the kitchen.

"Yeah, Mom. I'm home, but I only came to get my car. Esme and Carlisle invited me over for dinner and a movie, is that alright with you?" I asked respectfully as she walked toward me.

"Of course, dear. Your father and I have to attend a dinner for his office tonight. We will be home quite late. I'm glad you have alternate plans, dear. How did everything go today?" she spoke encouragingly until her tone turned to worry as she asked about today.

"Everything went great, Mom. Bella was fine today, actually she was better than fine. We all went down to the Salt Creek Farm for the Autumn Harvest Festival. I never knew how young at heart they were until today," I chuckled. She smiled relievedly at me.

"I'm relieved to hear you all had such a great day. I was worried all night for all of you. I've never seen her in that shape before, and it scared the life out of me," she replied sadly. I hugged her to comfort her as I spoke to her.

"She'll be alright, Mom. She's just now starting to deal with everything that happened to her years ago. It's going to be a long and difficult road for her, but she'll make it. She's strong, Mom, you and I both know that," I said softly to her.

"I know, dear. It's just frightening to see her that way after not seeing her often for so long," she replied sincerely as she gently pulled out of my embrace.

"I understand that, Mom. I'm going to head back over there. Enjoy your night, love you," I said as I kissed her cheek.

"I love you too, dear. Have a good time, and tell Esme to call me sometime this weekend," she said as I grabbed my keys from the table by the door.

"Will do, Mom. I'll see you tomorrow," I said as I walked out of the front door. I made it quickly to my car and slid in the seat. I started it up and waited just a minute for it to warm up before heading off to Bella's.

I called Jasper as I drove, and told him what happened last night, and why I wasn't in school today. He seemed genuinely upset about what Bella had gone through, and said he was glad that she came to me when she needed someone. I asked him if Emmett had gone to Seattle after school, and when he told me that he had, I decided I would just wait to explain it to him on Monday when I picked him up for school. Jasper agreed with my decision, making a joke about what I could possibly be interrupting. Just the thought made me shudder. I hung up with Jazz just as I was approaching Bella's driveway. I pulled in, jumped out, and headed up to the door.

Bella answered the door just moments after I rang the bell, and ushered me in. Alice was in the living room when we walked in, and she looked genuinely happy. I figured Bella had already explained everything to her about last night when she winked at me. We all settled down on the couch and watched some t.v. while Esme and Carlisle made dinner. Alice and I helped Bella when Esme asked her to set the table, and we all sat down to eat shortly after.

Dinner conversation was humorous as we told Alice all the events of today. She laughed hysterically at the pig names and Chicken Plop Bingo. Bella showed her the stuffed pig she won, and told her his name. Alice thought it was priceless.

When dinner was finished, Alice and I helped Bella do the dishes and clean up the kitchen. We settled in the living room afterwards with Carlisle and Esme to watch 'Indian Summer'. Bella chose the movie, and I couldn't help thinking that she chose it for a reason. All the characters in the movie had been friends at one point, but had drifted apart over the years. Two of the characters at one point had had a fallout over the death of his best friend who was also her husband. The entire movie was about reconnecting with friends and loved ones.

Towards the end of the movie, I looked over at Bella who was snuggled up against my side, fast asleep. I smiled at her peaceful expression.

"I've never seen her face so peaceful when she sleeps," Alice said softly as she looked at Bella from her spot next to her on the couch we were all sitting on.

"Esme said the same thing last night," I responded quietly as I gazed at her serene features.

"It's because of you," she replied simply with a wistful smile.

"What?" I asked shocked as my eyes darted up to Alice's face.

"It's because of you that she's sleeping so peacefully. She's never like that. I've spent almost every night here since we became friends, and her face has _never_ been that serene. There's always some sign of distress as she sleeps," she replied with a purely informative tone.

"How can it be because of me? That doesn't make sense," I replied incredulously.

"Because she's comfortable with you, and she loves you," she replied simply.

There it was again. Someone telling me that she loves me, and me desperately wishing it were true.

"Alice, how do you know that she loves me, if she even does in fact love me at all," I asked disbelievingly.

"It's in her eyes, Edward. It's in the look that she has when she looks at a group photo that she has of all of you from your last camping trip together. It's noticable because when she looks at the picture, she only looks at you. It's as if no one else is even in that picture but the two of you," she responded as her eyes burned into mine, willing me to believe her words.

"Alice, I want to believe you, I truly do, but I can't. Not after all the pain I've caused her," I said remorsefully.

"Give it time, Edward. When she's ready she'll tell you herself, and then you won't have to believe anything anyone else tells you, because you'll believe her," she replied softly as she turned to look back at the movie just as the credits were beginning to roll.

I sat there for a moment, thinking about her words. I knew that the only way I would ever believe that she loved me would be if she told me that herself, and I desperately hoped that one day she would. That one day I would be graced with those words that I longed to hear, read, or watch, come from her. I didn't care how she did it, as long as when she did, it was because of her feelings for me.

"Alice, are you staying here tonight?" I asked worriedly. I didn't want Bella to be alone tonight. I was terrified that her nightmares would return.

"No, I was actually just about to head home for the night, but I'll be back first thing in the morning," she said quietly as she rose from the couch and stretched her muscles. She looked to Carlisle and Esme and bid them goodnight before turning back to Bella and myself.

"Goodnight, Edward. Thank you for taking care of her last night," she said gratefully.

"I was happy to do so, Alice," I replied sincerely. She smiled once more in our direction before heading for the door. I turned toward Esme and Carlisle a few moments later. Carlisle's head was bobbing as he fought to stay awake, and Esme looked to be quickly approaching his level of exhaustion.

"Esme, I'm going to take Bella up to bed, and then I'm going to head home. Thank you so much for everything today," I said quietly. She nodded in my direction and wished me a goodnight.

I carefully stood up and pulled Bella into my arms. I cradled her against my chest as I departed from the living room and ascended the staircase. I remembered which door I had heard the music coming from this morning, and headed in that direction. Thankfully it wasn't shut all the way, and I was able to nudge it open gently with my foot. As I approached the bed, I shifted Bella in my arms so that I could pull the blankets down. I laid her down gently and pulled the covers up around her. She whimpered just once, but her features softened as I ran my fingers through her hair.

I was worried about leaving her here alone. I didn't want her to wake up from a nightmare and have no one around, regardless of how many times she had done so before. I wasn't comfortable with the thought of it. I looked around her room, looking for something to leave her a note with. I finally spotted a notebook on her desk and got up to retrieve it. I found a pen, and just as I was standing, I caught sight of the picture Alice had been talking about earlier. It made me smile when I saw it. It was such a fond memory of mine. I took a moment to look at all of the other photos in frames on the shelves above her desk. She had a multitude of them, mostly of her parents and family, and a few of her and Alice as well as her and Carlisle and Esme. There was only the one with the two of us, and it was a group photo. It saddened me to see that, and made me doubt Esme and Alice's words even more.

I opened the notebook and wrote a quick note to Bella. I had an idea come to mind to help her if she were to awake during the night, and I just hoped she would use it.

_**Bella, **_

**_Should you wake during the night, please call me. I don't like the idea of you being alone and frightened after having a nightmare. I programed my cell number into your phone for you. If I don't answer at first, please call again, I will answer, I promise. I left your laptop booted up next to you in bed, all you have to do is add my screen name to your messenger and we'll be able to talk on there. It's Maestro_E_Masen..it's lame I know. Emmett and Jasper deleted my old one and created this one as a joke...I still don't find it funny. Please don't worry about waking me. I'd much rather you not feel alone than sleep through your discomfort. _**

**_Wishing you a peaceful rest,_**

**_ Edward_**

I left the note on her nightstand and placed the electric candle that I had found on her dresser on the top corner of it. I turned the candle on so that at least she wouldn't awake frightened to a pitch black room. I only hoped that it would comfort her somehow. I smoothed the hair away from her face, kissed her temple tenderly just once, and whispered to her before leaving her room and heading home for the night.

"Sleep well, my angel."

* * *

**AN: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I had fun reliving some very fond memories while writing it. I confess..the 'DOH' fanatic was me..I really do still own a die-cast model of the 'General Lee'...I'm a nerd I can't help it. R&R PLS & TY!!**


	39. Internet Rendezvous & Driver's Permits

**AN: Here's Friday's update..sorry it came so late. I usually try to have them posted first thing in the morning..but it didn't work out that way this time. My apologies. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Monday's update will be jumping us forward a few weeks during Bella's POV of that chapter. I can only come up with so many experiences for this group, and if I keep going at a snail's pace..I'll run out of things for them to do...which would be incredibly boring for all of you! Anyhow, until Monday..ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: SM owns it all!**

* * *

Internet Rendezvous and Driver's Permits

EPOV

I got home shortly before 11pm, and headed straight up to my room. I changed my clothes, made sure my cell was on its charger on the nightstand beside my bed, and slid under the covers. I swear it had only been minutes since I had drifted off to sleep, when my cell phone went off. I looked at the screen, and didn't recognize the number, so I figured it had to be Bella. I opened the phone and answered.

"Bella, I'm up..give me a minute and I'll be online, okay? Just hit a button once for yes and twice for no," I said calmly as I got up to turn my laptop on. She hit a button once.

"Did you have a nightmare?" I asked concernedly. She hit a button once.

"Are you okay?" I asked as I plugged the laptop into the outlet behind my nightstand, so I could stay in bed and talk to her instead of sitting in the desk chair. She didn't hit a button at all.

"Are you not sure?" I asked encouragingly. She hit a button once.

"Did you add my name to your messenger?" I asked as the screen to my laptop lit up. She hit a button once. This was actually seeming easier than I had thought it would be when I planned it.

"My computer should be up in just a minute, okay?" I said comfortingly. She hit a button once again, and I thought I heard her let out a deep breath.

"Alright, my messenger is up, send me a message so I know you can see me on there," I urged gently. Only a moment later, a message box popped up on my screen.

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_Hi..._

I frowned at her screen name. This was definitely something I wanted to help her change, now that I knew that she controlled that silence. Well I guess at one point she controlled it, however, now it controls her.

"Bella, I'm gonna hang up now so we can talk on messenger, okay? I'll be with you here as long as you need me to be," I said trying to comfort her. She hit a button just once and then the line silenced.

**Maestro_E_Masen: **_Hey, is this alright? It was the best idea I could come up with at the time._

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_It's great, really. I never would have even thought of it. Thank you for thinking of me. I'm sorry I woke you._

**Maestro_E_Masen: **_I care about you Bella. You don't have to thank me for doing something that comes naturally when you care for someone. And, you didn't wake me._

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_Yes I did, Edward. Mind that honesty pact! lol ...hmm that doesn't really work for me does it? lis? _

**Maestro_E_Masen: **_Alright, alright. I was sleeping, but I'm glad you woke me. Thank you for at least trying this...it eases my worry just slightly. What is lis?_

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_Lis is 'laughing in silence'... my new version of lol. Please don't worry, Edward. I've been dealing with this for a long time..._

**Maestro_E_Masen:** _I'm sorry, I can't help it...I do it constantly. It's second nature to me by now. LIS fits you perfectly too :-) Do you want to talk about your dream?_

**Honor_Thy_Silence:** _Not yet... I'm still trying to get it to stop replaying in my head... It's just so weird..I don't remember dreaming at all last night, and now, tonight I have one of the most vivid ones I've had in years...I just don't get it._

I frowned as I read her response. I felt horrible that her dreams came back so vividly tonight. I felt even worse with Alice's words running through my mind that she thinks Bella slept peacefully because of my presence. If that was the case, there was nothing I could do about that at the moment. Even outside of this moment, it was near impossible to remedy that problem on a constant basis.

**Maestro_E_Masen:** _I'm sorry, Bella. I wish there was something more I could do for you. I wish there was a way that I could stop those nightmares from occurring._

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_It's okay, Edward. It's not your fault, and I think it's just going to take time for them to go away... So what are you doing right now?_

**Maestro_E_Masen: **_lol I'm talking to you, why? What are you doing right now?_

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_lis.. I'm talking to you and listening to my iPod....I'm multitasking!_

**Maestro_E_Masen: **_lol, what are you listening to?_

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_The Fray 'Syndicate'...it's a good song._

**Maestro_E_Masen: **_I've never heard it before. I might have to check it out some day. Hey I have a question for you. Do you still sometimes apply songs to how you feel? I heard you playing Jimmy Eat World this morning and it made me think of when you were younger. You used to listen to certain kinds of songs, depending on how you felt or what you were thinking...Do you still do that?_

I had to ask her. If she said yes, I was going to look that song up that she was listening to immediately. It would be the easiest way to tell what she was thinking at the moment.

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_Umm...sometimes. Why?_

**Maestro_E_Masen: **_I was just curious. Was that why you were listening to 'The Middle' this morning?_

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_Yeah...I have a tendency to listen to that song when I'm having a good day...among others._

**Maestro_E_Masen: **_What other songs do you listen to on good days? By the way..that's a great song by Jimmy Eat World._

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_Hmm.. on good days I tend to listen to that song, 'One Step at a Time' by Jordan Sparks, 'Poem' by Taproot, 'The Remedy' by Jason Mraz, 'Upside Down' by Jack Johnson, 'Handlebars' by Flobots, 'It's Not Over' by Secondhand Serenade...those are just a few._

**Maestro_E_Masen: **_What about bad days? Do you have any specific ones that you listen to for those?_

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_Hmm.. not really. I tend to listen to a lot of Our Lady Peace, Paramore, Trapt, Staind, Counting Crows, Guns n Roses...it all depends on what kind of bad day it is really. Do you have anything specific that you listen to depending on your mood?_

**Maestro_E_Masen: **_Hm..not really. Usually if I need to sort something out that I'm feeling or thinking I sit in front of the piano. Are you starting to feel a little better?_

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_A little, thanks. Did you want to go to sleep? I don't want to keep you if you're tired._

**Maestro_E_Masen: **_I'm fine, Bella. Don't worry about me, just let me know when you're ready to go back to sleep okay?_

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_Okay..if you insist. I feel bad keeping you up though. It usually takes me a long time to fall back asleep..._

**Maestro_E_Masen: **_It's alright, Bella. It's Saturday, I can sleep all day if I need to. What are you listening to now? My iPod could use some new music on it...any suggestions?_

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_Hm. Right now I'm listening to 'Black Horse and the Cherry Tree' by KT Tunstall. I don't really know what kind of music you like to give you any suggestions..._

**Maestro_E_Masen: **_lol I like a lot of stuff. My taste is pretty eclectic..like yours apparently from your lists lol._

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_ Let's see.. try looking up some songs by Secondhand Serenade, it's a guy and a piano..I think you'll enjoy that. My favorite bands right now are Our Lady Peace, Sick Puppies, Evanescence, Linkin Park, Incubus, Copperview, The Fray... Try looking some songs up by them..maybe you'll like them. Oh and ha.. ha.. ha, Edward. Make fun of my music all you want to...it wasn't me who was the fan of New Kids on the Block in the second grade...remember that, Buster! What was that line you used to sing all the time? "Ohh Oh Oohhhh, Oh O-reo. What's in the middle? The white stuff...?_

**Maestro_E_Masen: **_I'll have to look those up sometime soon... LMAO, Bella...that's Weird Al Yankovic... not New Kids! _

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_Sure, sure. I like his version better anyway..._

**Maestro_E_Masen: **_I'm sure you do... How are you feeling?_

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_About the same...could I call you? Maybe hearing your voice would help..._

**Maestro_E_Masen: **_Sure, Bella. How about if I talk to you and you type your answers so I can read them?_

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_That sounds great..._

Only moments later my phone rang. I opened it immediately and answered.

"Hey, Bella. Is this any better?" I asked trying to keep the worry out of my tone. We had already been talking online for almost two hours and she wasn't any closer to sleeping than she had been almost right after we started.

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_It might be...I'm not sure yet. It was just weird talking to you on here, cause I know you're there, but it's not the same as seeing or hearing you..if that makes any sense..._

"It makes perfect sense, Bella. Is there anything I can do to help you fall back asleep?" I asked encouragingly.

**Honor_Thy_Silence:**_ I don't know...I've never really been able to find anything that worked. Alice used to stay up with me, but even that didn't help. I think it just needs to fade away on its own..._

"Did you want to try talking about the dream? Maybe that would help it go away," I said carefully. I didn't want to push her, but I thought maybe talking about it would help.

**Honor_Thy_Silence:**_ ...it was about what happened in Phoenix. I haven't had a dream like that in a long while. Normally it's just bits and pieces, but this felt like I was there again. Like I was experiencing it again..._

"I'm sorry, Bella. I really wish there was something more I could do for you," I said sympathetically.

I had no clue what happened in Phoenix, but I knew it had to be horrible with her parents dying and now knowing that she had scars. I really wanted to ask her what happened, but I thought it best to let her decide if and when she would ever tell me.

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_Edward, I'm grateful for what you're doing right now. You didn't have to do this much. Thank you. _

"Bella, I'd do anything for you. If you think of anything that would help soothe you at all, just let me know, okay?" I said sincerely.

I felt so helpless at the moment. I really thought this would help, but it didn't seem to be working all that well. I couldn't do anything but lay here and rack my brain for ideas on how to make it work better. It was quiet for a few minutes, and I was wondering what she was doing on the other end of the phone. Every once in a while she would let out a frustrated breath of air, and I couldn't help wonder what she was frustrated about aside from not being able to fall back asleep.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_Edward...do... do you think you can hum me your melody? I think it might help._

"Sure. Why don't you lay down and try to relax and I'll hum it to you, okay?" I said with relief. I could do this easily. I had done it for so long the night before, and I was hoping it would work.

**Honor_Thy_Silence: **_Thank you, Edward._

"Bella, this is the least I can do for you. Now relax and try to fall back asleep," I said before I started to hum her melody.

I pushed my laptop across the bed and lay on my back, staring at the ceiling as I hummed her melody over and over. It took a while, but eventually her breathing started to even out. It wasn't long after that, that her breathing took on a perfect rhythmic pattern. I decided to test it out, and hopefully I wouldn't wake her.

"Bella?" I asked quietly. Nothing, no response at all.

"Bella, are you asleep?" I asked again. Once again, nothing. Her breathing remained the same.

"Sweet dreams, love," I said quietly before I closed my phone.

She was finally asleep and it gave me an idea of how to help her better. I rolled over and pulled my laptop closer to me, and left her a message before shutting my laptop down.

**Maestro_E_Masen: **_If you wake up again, call me. I think I have an idea of how to help you better. Sweet dreams, Bella._

I unplugged the computer, but left it on the other side of the bed just in case I needed it again. I was really hoping that she would sleep through the rest of the night. I couldn't imagine how long she's suffered on such a minimal amount of sleep if her dreams kept her up that long every night. I lay awake for a while longer, planning out what I needed to do when I woke up in the morning. If her melody worked that quickly, then I wanted her to have it so that she could listen to it whenever she needed it. It would take me a few hours to get it together today, but hopefully I could get it to her before she went to sleep. With my plans set, I finally fell asleep.

* * *

BPOV

When I first woke up in a fright, and found the note, it took me a good half hour to finally give in and call him. I had pulled up his number over and over, holding my finger over the call button for a few moments, and then snapping the phone shut again. I hated to bother him so late at night. I hated that he would be losing sleep over me. I hated that I couldn't just be normal and sleep normally. Worst of all, I hated dragging him into it.

He had been so thoughtful and kind the night before, and I can only imagine how much sleep he lost that night. I woke up feeling more energetic than I had in years, and he slept another almost three hours after that, and woke up looking like he had just gone to sleep. I hated doing that to him again.

When I first woke up, and realized that I was snuggled up against someone, I was almost startled. If I hadn't recognized the scent of his shirt, I probably would panicked up a storm. I didn't know how I had gotten home, how I had gotten changed, or why he was in my house. When I first started to shift to get up, his arm tightened its grip on me instinctually. I thought that he might have been awake, but when I looked up, he was fast asleep. I laid my head down for a few more minutes, and his arm relaxed. I peeled it off of me carefully, trying not to wake him. I knew he needed his sleep. When I was finally free, I went to find Esme. She told me everything that had happened. How I had fallen asleep in Edward's arms the night before, and how he was worried about me waking up alone. She told me she offered for him to sleep over, having one of our living-room camp-outs so that he wouldn't have to worry about me the rest of the night. I was truly grateful to all of them.

When I awoke this morning, I was amazed that after having fallen asleep to Edward humming his melody, my dreams were nothing but pleasant memories. It was such a striking contrast to the dream I had earlier in the evening. I realized this morning, just how much I had to be thankful for at the moment. It reminded me of the project I had been working on for Esme and Carlisle. I didn't have much further to go, and I decided that I would finish it before getting out of bed this morning. I had been working on it a little bit every day, with the exception of my birthday and the day after. I really wanted to be able to share it with them today.

I pulled my laptop to me from where I had left it on the bed last night, well I guess early this morning is more accurate, and touched the mouse pad to pull it out of sleep mode. I smiled when I saw Edward's last message, and tried not to focus on the time that it was sent. He had hummed that melody for an hour before he sent that message. I wasn't even sure how long it took me to fall asleep, but I was almost positive it was a lot faster than an hour, and that made me feel horrible. I left him an offline message, thanking him for what he did, and assuring him that I slept well the rest of the night, before closing out my messenger program.

I opened the document I had been working on, and when I figured out where I was in the time-line of it all, I continued. It only took me about another hour to completely finish it. I picked up my laptop and brought it over to my desk and connected the printer cable to it. I printed up three copies of it. One for Esme, one for Carlisle, and one for Edward. I just wasn't sure when I would give it to him. I wasn't sure just how much of my story he could handle. I wasn't even sure if he even wanted to know about it. I figured I would just hold onto it until I was sure.

I shut down, and closed my laptop, and gathered some clothes so I could take a shower. I showered and dressed quickly, brushed my teeth and hair, and headed back into my room to grab the papers I had printed up. It was only a little after 9am and I figured Esme would probably be in the kitchen. I wasn't sure or not if Carlisle was working today. If so, I would just have to settle on giving this to him later.

I nervously gripped the papers in my hand and headed down the stairs. As expected, Esme was in the kitchen. Carlisle was sitting at the island counter, reading today's paper, as Esme stood on the other side, leaning on the counter and working on another crossword. I could never figure out why she loved those things so much. I tried a few on occasion and could never get more than one or two words in the stupid thing.

I approached them cautiously, and when they heard my footsteps, they both looked up in my direction. I smiled warily at them, and gripped the papers tighter.

_You can do this. They deserve to know why it's been so hard for the three of us all these years. You can do this..._

_**Bella, just breathe deep and relax. They won't look at you any differently, I promise. They already know part of your past. You're just filling in the blanks for them. It will be okay. Deep breaths.**_

_Okay...we can do this._

I took in a deep breath and walked closer to where they were standing. I froze for a second as I went to raise my hand with the papers in it. I closed my eyes and repeated my chant in my head, letting out my breath. I opened my eyes again, and came face to face with two very worried and very near panicked faces.

'Mom, Dad. I have something I want to share with you both.' I signed to both of them. At the same time, they both responded.

'What is it, Bella? Are you alright?'

I smiled slightly and took another deep breath before I continued.

'I'm fine. I wanted to share my past with you both. I don't want there to be any more secrets. I want you to be able to understand why things have been so hard between us until recently. Why I was so distant. Why I am the way I am. I didn't think I could go through telling it all over again, so I wrote it a little bit at a time. It helped with keeping it from becoming overwhelming for me again.' I signed quickly, afraid I would lose the nerve if I went any slower.

"Bella, dear. Are you sure? I know how hard this must be for you. If you're not ready, it's okay," Esme said comfortingly.

'I'm ready, Mom. I've been ready for a little while now, I just couldn't do it all at once so it took me a while to finish it.' I signed to her, feeling about as confident as I ever would when it came to dealing with something that was associated with my past.

They looked at me with nothing but love and patience as I stood there trying to work up the nerve to just pass them the papers that were now sitting on the counter where I had placed them so I could sign to them. Neither of them made a move for them, which I was grateful for. They were allowing me to choose when my story would be known to them, and it gave me the assurance that I needed that they wouldn't look at me differently afterwards.

'Mom, you might want to sit down before you read through this.' I signed warily to her. I was really worried how it would affect her. More so than Carlisle. He was a physician, he has seen and dealt with injuries worse than my own, with patients in worse condition than I could possibly imagine.

She walked around the counter and took a seat next to Carlisle. He wrapped his arm around her in a comforting gesture, then again, it could have been a protective measure. The look in his eyes hinted that he might already know just how difficult this was going to be for her to read, that he had a general idea of just how much trauma I had experienced. I passed them the papers face down, and they looked at me for a moment before I nodded and watched as they looked at each other before turning the papers over. Carlisle squeezed her shoulder gently as he watched her turn hers over before he tended to his own.

I couldn't do anything but stand there and watch them silently. Watch as their features contorted into expressions of pain, desperation, horror, despair. Esme began to tear almost immediately, and it only got worse the longer she continued to read. At one point she had to put the paper down and hold onto Carlisle for support before she could continue reading. I felt horrible putting them through this, but I needed it, and they did too. I had heard Esme and Carlisle speak in hushed tones so many times about how if they had just known the details of what happened, maybe they could be of better help. That if they could just understand the degree of trauma that I had experienced, that it would help them to better connect to me.

At the end of my story, I described to them everything that I felt about it. I described how I felt that it was my fault that we were found because of my calling out for my father and alerting those people to our presence in the house. I even told them how after my Grammy Marie had passed, I thought that it was my voice that had killed her. That somehow it had caused not only the death of my parents, and nearly my own death, but hers as well. I wanted them to understand how my silence, over time, manifested the panic that rose in me whenever I tried to use my voice. That it was never flashbacks of the trauma or memories from it that caused those states. They had always been caused by trying to use my voice.

I also described to them how I had shut myself down after everything happened. How the only emotion I ever allowed myself to feel was guilt. That I shrouded myself in it. I hid behind it. I used it as a shield, and that's what kept me from connecting with them for so long. That it kept me from connecting to anyone for so long.

Finally, I told them how I didn't want to hurt either of them, or unnecessarily expose them to the pain of my past, but I needed them to understand that this was my way of letting them in. That my vulnerability to their knowledge left me completely open to them. That by me entrusting this part of myself with them, any gap that possibly remained would be officially bridged. After this, there was nothing separating me from them, nothing closing me off, nothing keeping me distant. This was part of not only my closure, but theirs as well.

Carlisle finished reading, and after wiping his eyes, and making sure that Esme was steady on her stool, he approached me on the other side of the island. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and spoke as he held me.

"Bella, thank you. Thank you for opening up to us. For allowing us in your heart. If it's alright with you, we're going to need to talk about some of this when your mother is ready," he spoke with a comforting tone as he held me. I nodded, as I had expected as much. I knew some of my fears were irrational, and now that he knew them, we would undoubtedly have to discuss them.

Carlisle released me, but took my hand and led me around the counter with him. He wrapped his arms around Esme, attempting to console her as best he could. I knew this would be a horrific experience for her. I approached her slowly, and just as I came within an arms reach of her, she pulled me to her as she wept inconsolably. I wrapped my arms around her and swayed us from side to side as I shushed her, trying to calm her. Carlisle spoke to her constantly in a comforting and soothing tone as he rubbed her shoulders. He repeatedly told her that everything would be alright, that they would ensure nothing like this happened again to me, that now that they knew we could all move forward and heal together. His words comforted me as well, and I was grateful to him for speaking them. Esme and I both needed to hear them. We both needed to be assured that it was the past and this was a step towards our future as a family.

Esme eventually calmed down and took in a few shuddering breaths trying to compose herself. Once she felt steady enough, we all moved into the living room to be more comfortable. Esme and I sat on the couch, holding onto each other for comfort. Carlisle sat on the coffee table in front of us.

"Dear Lord, Bella. Honey, I never thought it would have been that horrible to hear. How did poor Alice manage it?" Esme asked, still horrified from what she had read.

'I don't know. I think she was able to detach herself from it the way I did when I told her.' I signed to her honestly. I really didn't know how Alice managed to make it through the details of my past.

"Bella, some things that you wrote in there worry me greatly. You do realize that there is no possible way that your voice hurt your grandmother in any way, right?" Carlisle asked softly, the worry clearly evident in his eyes.

'I do now, but I'm afraid that the damage has already been done by that irrational fear. That fear is what transformed into the panic that I now experience when I try to use my voice.' I signed to him.

"That's at least a starting point. I was terrified that we would have to convince you of that fact," he said with relief.

"Bella, why do you feel that what happened in Phoenix is your fault? Why are you so overcome with guilt over what happened?" he inquired with a worried expression.

'Because it was my inability to remain silent that allowed those men to find us. If I hadn't made any noise, we wouldn't have been found.' I replied honestly, the guilt swelling within me as I answered.

"Honey, I'm not sure that they wouldn't have found you even if you hadn't made any noise. I'm not even sure that it would have been possible for them to hear you as they were ransacking the house. Even if they had, you cannot blame yourself for that. You were terrified, honey. It's a natural reaction when you're terrified. You are not to blame for that," he said sternly but with a comforting tone. I knew he wasn't reprimanding me. He was trying to make me understand something that was impossible for me to accept. Had I not made a noise, there was no way they would have even known that the room we were in even existed. I never knew it existed prior to that day, and I lived there.

"Sweetheart, I'm a grown woman, and I can honestly say that had I been in that situation, there's no way I would have been able to stay silent while being so terrified. That really was in no way your fault. You shouldn't feel guilty about something that someone else did to you and your family. We're going to have to try to change that. That guilt will inhibit you from healing," Esme said sympathetically.

I thought about what they said for a few minutes. Deep down I knew they were right. There was no way for me to heal and let the past go if I continued to feel responsible for what happened. I just didn't know how to let it go when every time I thought about how everything happened, I only saw myself to blame. If I had just stayed silent, things would be much different right now, and I didn't know how to let go of the regret and guilt I felt over that.

"Bella, I'd like to suggest therapy to help you get past the guilt and regret you feel over this," Carlisle said encouragingly. I immediately shook my head vigorously and started signing.

'No. Please, Dad. It's hard enough for me to open up to both of you. I could never bring myself to do this with a complete stranger. I don't know how, but I will find a way to get past it.' I signed to him in desperation.

"Bella, I won't force you into therapy, because frankly it didn't do much good the last time. If you aren't able to communicate with them, it will be pointless. We learned that the first time we tried therapy. I will, however, ask you to keep it in mind for the future. I want you to know that if you ever feel that you wish to try it, we will gladly provide it for you. I'm just worried that this is too much for you to take on by yourself. It's been so long since it happened, and I fear that the prolonged exposure to it has only made everything worse," he said in a soothing tone as he held my hands in a comforting gesture. I nodded to him, assuring him that I would keep it in mind for the future.

"The last thing I wanted to discuss with you is about your attempts at using your voice. Have you and Alice worked on that any more recently?" he asked curiously. I shook my head and signed to him.

'No. We haven't tried recently. With school, and everything else that had been going on, Alice has been afraid to try, as have I. We aren't sure how the additional stress that I've been under lately would affect me.' I signed truthfully.

"I'm not sure that additional stress would have any effect. If the panic stems only from attempting to use your voice, it seems that any excess stress would be independent of that, and very possibly not have any affect at all on the panic. I can't be sure of that though, as there really is no way to test that theory. Is there anything your mother or I can do to help you in your efforts?" he asked sincerely.

'I don't know. Alice and I didn't have much success, if any at all really. Alice feels that it will just take repeated attempts at doing so before I can overcome the panic. I'm not sure though. With as many attempts as I've made over the years, and especially in the last month, it's never gotten any better. It makes me feel as though we're missing some vital part of understanding it. Like there's something missing from me to overcome it.' I signed back feeling almost completely defeated by all of our failed attempts.

"Have there been any differences at all between when you would try on your own, and when you tried with Alice?" he asked with a contemplative tone. I almost chuckled as I looked at him. You could almost see the wheels turning behind his eyes as he tried to piece it together.

'The only difference was being able to get a squeak or slight sound out before freezing. When I would try on my own, I would freeze up before I could even attempt it. Just the thought of doing so caused the panic to overcome me.' I replied honestly. He sat quietly for a few minutes as he mulled that information over in his head. He finally shook his head, and I couldn't help but feel saddened by the look of defeat on his face. He hadn't come up with an answer either.

"I can't think of anything significant that would cause that effect, aside from not being alone," he said with a disheartened tone. Esme rubbed my arm in a comforting gesture as she tried to conceal the loss of hope that was apparent in her features.

"We'll figure this out, Bella. We just have to give it time, and hopefully we'll come to the answer," she said as she tried to coax as much confidence into her voice as she could muster. I smiled sadly at her and then rested my head against her shoulder. I didn't want to focus on what I didn't have at the moment. I didn't want to focus on what I had lost, I just wanted to focus on what I did have. I had two loving parents, who even after learning of my past, were trying to help me in any way that they could. They weren't looking at me differently, they weren't judging me. They were encouraging me, and in doing so, they were showing me that they loved me, regardless of how broken I may be.

'Thank you. For everything. For accepting me the way I am. For trying to help me even through the times when I didn't want the help. But, most of all, thank you for loving me.' I signed sincerely to them.

"Oh, Bella. Honey, we will always love you. No matter what. Trying to help is just something you do naturally when you love someone, sweetheart," she said lovingly as she wrapped her arms around me. It immediately reminded me of Edward saying the exact same thing last night...well almost the exact same thing.

"Bella, we will always be here for you, for whatever you may need. You can always come and talk to us if you need to. Nothing will ever make us think of you any differently. We love you unconditionally, and nothing you could ever say or do can change that," Carlisle said, the emotion in his husky tone was almost overwhelming. I mouthed a 'thank you' to him as I continued to hug Esme.

Esme pulled back after a few moments, and smiled at me. Together we sat quietly, just the three of us, smiling like idiots at each other for a few minutes before Esme gasped and spoke again.

"Bella, there was something we wanted to discuss with you before any of this happened today," she started with an excited tone. I smiled at her and waited for her to continue, but Carlisle took the lead instead.

"We wanted to ask you how comfortable you were with the idea of driving your father's truck. We worry about how the memories it provides you with will affect your emotions while you're driving it," he said hesitantly.

'Honestly, at the moment, I'm not comfortable with it at all. Just being inside of it the other day is what sent me so far over the edge with my emotions. It terrifies me to think that something like that could happen while driving it.' I responded truthfully with a remorseful expression.

"Would you be interested in a car of your own until you feel comfortable with your father's truck?" Esme asked with an encouraging smile.

'I don't expect either of you to buy me a vehicle. I'm perfectly fine with driving to school with Alice, and I really don't go anywhere else besides that without her or one of you.' I responded with a slight grimace. Just the thought of them purchasing something that expensive made me uneasy.

"We know you don't expect it, dear. But it would make us happy to be able to do so. You deserve to have the freedom that comes with it. You won't have to feel as though you have to rely on anyone to go places you want or need to go. Are you sure there's nothing we can say to change your mind?" she pleaded.

I thought about it for a few minutes. Honestly, the thought of being able to go anywhere I wanted when I wanted was quite appealing. So was the thought of not having to be constantly subjected to Alice's death trap with her speed demon driving. And I hated always having to bug Esme any time I wanted to go to the library. With all of these thoughts in mind, I finally relented.

'Okay. I agree that it would be nice to have a car of my own, but only on one condition. Please don't spend too much on it. I don't need a BMW or a Mercedes or a Porsche or anything like that. Please promise me you two won't go overboard.' I signed desperately. Esme's smile widened and a sparkle began to shine in her eye. Carlisle just looked relieved.

"Oh, Bella! Don't worry! We didn't spend too much, I promise!" she squealed in delight.

"Esme!" Carlisle chided before a smile broke out across his face.

"Oops.."she said as she covered her mouth and looked at me with a mixture of shock and regret.

'What do you mean didn't?' I signed warily.

"Oh, bugger. It was supposed to be a surprise for after you got your permit...which I was going to take you today to obtain," she said with an apologetic smile.

'Today?' I asked as a bit of excitement came over me. I hadn't thought they would take me so soon after my birthday.

"Yes, Bella. Esme was going to take you today, and I was supposed to pick up the car and have it parked in the driveway with a big old bow on it, according to your mother, by the time the two of you returned," Carlisle chuckled as he made an incredulous face at Esme.

'But why did you two buy me a car already if I'm only getting my permit? I won't be able to drive it for another year.' I signed as confusion became my dominant expression.

"Actually, once you pass the test, and have driven a total of fifty hours, ten of which have to be at night, with either your mother or I, you can get your license in six months. If you pass the written test today, you can have your license by mid March," he said encouragingly.

"There will be rules, however. Under no circumstances are you to drive with anyone other than your father or myself until you get your license. That means that even if Alice or Edward, or anyone else say it's okay to drive their car with them, the answer is no. Is that understood?" Esme said sternly, although her tone remained warm. I nodded at her to assure her that I understood.

"So, would you like to go get your permit while I go retrieve your spoiled surprise?" Carlisle asked as he made a goofy face at Esme. She playfully slapped his arm and rolled her eyes. I nodded excitedly.

"Let's go then, sweetheart. If you pass I'll even let you drive home," Esme said with a brilliant smile. I smiled in return and hugged both of them fiercely before running up the stairs to get ready to go. I probably should have thought that through a bit, as I tripped on the last step and went sprawling across the hallway floor upstairs. I got up and laughed silently at myself as I made my way to my room.

I got ready quickly, and sprinted back down the stairs, thankfully without deciding to dust the floor with my clean clothing. Esme met me by the front door, holding out my jacket to me. I grabbed it and ran through the door and down the porch steps without putting it on. I finally had it on and halfway zipped up when Esme made it over to the car.

"If I had't of known better, I would have thought the house was on fire!" she chortled. I laughed and bounced in place as I waited for her to unlock the doors. She finally did, and once we were both buckled in, we were finally on our way.

We made it to the DMV just a few minutes later, and one of the employees showed me the way to the testing area. When the test started up, I was glad Carlisle had given me that manual in the beginning of the summer. I had studied it when I had nothing better to do before I had met Alice, and was extremely thankful that I had as I now read the questions. I would have definitely failed if he hadn't given me that book so many months ago.

I was done with the test in about a half an hour, and I went back out into the waiting area to sit with Esme. I was so nervous I couldn't sit still. Esme had to keep telling me to stop fidgeting. About twenty minutes later, a woman called my name. I didn't acknowledge it first because I wasn't used to hearing it. Esme finally had to point it out to me, and I heard it the third time the woman called out for an Isabella Cullen. The first two times I heard the name, I kept looking around wondering who was related to Esme or Carlisle. I felt utterly retarded as Esme chuckled when I finally got up.

The woman at the counter handed me my permit, and congradulated me. If I could have used my voice without turning to stone, I would have probably squealed better than Alice at that moment. Esme paid the employee and I all but ran out of the building with her keys in my hand. Esme chased after me while laughing and telling me that I better calm myself before starting her car or I'd likely run us right into the building. I laughed and slid into the driver's seat.

I calmed myself just a bit as I adjusted all of her mirrors, and her seat, so that I could see everything perfectly. Esme chuckled beside me and reminded me to go easy on the brake and the accelerator. It almost reminded me of driving an over-sized go-cart.

I drove slowly as we left the parking lot, and kept stealing glances at Esme. I was worried that her nerves would be shot by the time we got home, but so far she seemed at ease. I made it through town at a leisurely pace. Really, with a speed limit of twenty-five there wasn't much of a better word for it. As we made it across the railroad tracks, the speed limit picked up to 40 and I accelerated a little too hard. Esme chuckled beside me, and that relaxed me a bit. I really thought she would have scolded me severely for that. All in all, I didn't think I was doing too badly.

We finally made it back onto our street, and I was shocked by what was sitting in our driveway. It was Edward's shiny silver Volvo.

_I wonder what he's doing here..._

_

* * *

_

**AN: Sorry about the cliffie... When I was editing this chapter, I realized that while I wrote this chapter during a bout of insomnia, I prattled on and on about useless crap, and decided to spare you all the snoozefest. If only I had read what I was writing that night..I probably wouldn't have been suffering from insomnia! It was THAT bad! The next chapter for Monday's update is almost raring and ready to go...so you all can look forward to that in your update notices first thing Monday morning. As always.. R&R PLS & TY!**


	40. New Tactics & Time Warps

**AN: Happy Monday people! This weekend was hell on its hottest day at work..so I'm glad to be home and able to just relax and write some chapters for all of you! YAY! I just want to take a second to thank all of you for your continued support. Some of you have inspired me to try and have this story posted on ... as soon as I stop being retarded and figure out how to navigate my way around their story submission page I am going to try and have it accepted on there. Wish me luck...and send me some brains to figure out how to do it..cause it's after 2 am and I've been up since some time Friday and my brain is shot! teehee. Enjoy today's update!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Twilight..SM owns all characters..except a few teachers and one student...**

* * *

New Tactics and Time Warps

EPOV

I awoke this morning around 10, and quickly rolled over to check my phone. I hadn't missed any calls from Bella, and I wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or not. I booted up my computer real quick, wanting to check and see if she was online. She wasn't, but she did leave me a message thanking me and assuring me that she slept through the rest of the night. I was happy about that.

I quickly showered and dressed, grabbed my laptop from off the bed, and headed downstairs to the front room. Realizing how much her melody soothed her last night, I had the idea to record it for her so that she could listen to it whenever she needed to. I was hoping that it would have the same effect as my humming it did.

It took me a few hours to finish recording it, as I wanted it to be perfect. When I was satisfied with the results, I quickly started burning it onto a CD for her. I wanted to add it to her iPod as well, but I wouldn't be able to do that until later.

I headed into the kitchen to grab a quick bite to eat before I headed over to Bella's house, and noticed that the house had been completely silent for the past few hours aside from my playing the piano. I wasn't sure where my parents were, but I left them a note telling them where I was and that I'd be home later.

When I got to Bella's, it didn't seem as if anyone was home. I figured someone would be home at some point, so I decided to wait. Since it wasn't nearly as chilly as it was yesterday, I decided to sit on the swing on their front porch. I had only been there about ten minutes before Esme's SUV pulled into the driveway. I smiled when I saw Bella behind the wheel. That explained where they were. Esme had taken Bella to get her driver's permit this morning.

Bella looked at me with a half shocked and half shy expression as she made her way towards the front porch. I smiled at her and gave her a small wave. She blushed and looked up at me through her lashes as she gave me a timid wave in return.

When she finally made it onto the porch, I opened my arms for her, and she walked forward into my embrace. I hugged her tightly and chuckled.

"Congratulations, Bella. I see you passed your permit test," I said happily as I smiled. She looked up at me with a brilliant smile and mouthed 'thank you'. I released her from my arms, and she took my hand and led me inside behind Esme.

Bella wandered off once we were inside, and I gathered she was going to get something to write with. Esme ushered me towards the kitchen with her to wait for Bella to return.

"It's good to see you again, Edward. What brings you by today?" she asked with a welcoming tone.

"I made something for Bella, and I wanted her to have it in hopes that it would help her sleep better," I replied sincerely.

"Oh? What did you make, dear?" she asked curiously.

"I made a CD recording of her melody. It seemed to work well when I hummed it to her the other night, and again last night when she woke up from a nightmare and called me. I figured it might help her sleep better if she was able to listen to it whenever she needed or wanted to," I said honestly.

"That's incredibly sweet, Edward. Thank you for trying to help her," she replied with a loving tone.

"I care about her, Esme. I don't like knowing that she suffers so much, and anything I can do to ease that, I'll do," I said as I looked down at the counter in front of me. Esme placed her hand over mine in a comforting gesture as she spoke again.

"I know you do, dear, and I'm grateful for it. She's a very lucky girl to have someone like yourself that cares so deeply for her," she said, her voice full of adoration and gratitude.

"Thank you, Esme. It's good to know you think so highly of me. I had initially worried over how you and Carlisle would perceive my relationship with Bella. It's relieving to know that you don't think any less of me for the way I feel about her," I said sincerely as I looked at her. Esme smiled at me and patted my hand.

"We could never think any less of you, dear. You are a wonderful young man, and you always have been," she said with an affectionate tone.

"Not always, Esme. Not always," I muttered, barely above a whisper.

"Now, Edward. We all make mistakes. It seems that you and Bella have this in common. Always blaming yourselves for things that were out of your hands. I'll tell you the same thing I told her this morning, if you continue to blame yourself and allow the guilt to control you, you will hinder your ability to move forward," she said reproachfully.

"I know, Esme. It's just hard to let it go when I think of how long it took me to understand what happened and attempt to change it," I said regretfully.

"Dear, we all have our moments of unclarity. It's what we choose to do once we understand that matters most," she said in a comforting tone.

"I suppose that's true," I said as I thought about the meaning of what she said.

"It is, dear. We all experience it at one time or another. The point is to learn from it when it happens so that you can avoid making the same mistakes in the future," she said as she placed a glass of iced tea in front of me.

"Thank you, Esme," I said gratefully. "For both the advice and the drink," I chuckled.

"Any time, dear," she replied with a smile.

Bella came into the kitchen shortly after our exchange, and took a seat next to me at the counter. She quickly wrote something on the board and passed it to me.

_**Sorry. I couldn't remember where I put this dumb thing when I came home yesterday.**_

I smiled and wrote back.

_**It's okay, Bella. Esme kept me entertained. Was it in the first or last place you looked?**_

She smiled and chuckled briefly as she replied.

_**Ha ha, Edward. Of course it was in the last place I looked! It would have been silly of me to keep looking once I had already found it! So, what are you doing here? Not that I'm not glad to see you or anything...I'm just surprised.**_

I chuckled slightly and responded.

_**I made something for you today. Last night gave me an idea, and I thought it would be worth a try.**_

I passed her the board, along with the CD recording of her melody. She looked at the CD with confusion as she wrote her reply.

_**What is this, Edward?**_

I smiled at her and wrote back.

_**It's a recording of the melody that I hummed to you last night. It seemed to work quite well in relaxing you, so I thought it would be good for you to have in case you needed it. I'm not sure if it will work, but I thought we could at least give it a try.**_

I watched her expression carefully as she read. At first she smiled only slightly, but the she frowned as she looked to be thinking of something as she replied.

_**I'm sorry I kept you up so late last night. I hope you were at least able to sleep in today.**_

I read her reply and once again wrote one of my own.

_**Bella, don't be sorry. I'm glad I was able to help. And don't worry, I slept in pretty late today. Do you have your iPod on you? I was going to load the track onto it so that it would be within reach of you at night.**_

She smiled and held up her finger to me, telling me to wait. She got off of her seat and headed for the stairs.

"Bring your laptop with you when you come back down," I called after her. She nodded and smiled before turning the corner out of the kitchen.

She returned just a few minutes later, toting her laptop and power cord, as well as her iPod and USB adapter. I stood and took the laptop and power cord from her and set it up on the counter top. She watched me intently as I ripped a copy of the track onto her computer and then loaded it onto her iPod. She smiled when I handed her back her iPod, and she immediately put her ear buds in and played the track. She listened with her eyes closed for a moment and then smiled softly at me as she looked at me, mouthing a silent 'thank you'. I smiled back and nodded to her.

"Would you mind terribly if I asked to hear your composition, Edward?" Esme asked sweetly. I smiled at her as I responded.

"Not at all, Esme. I'd be happy to play it for you," I responded politely as I opened Bella's media player and set the track to play. Esme listened intently, with a soft smile playing on her lips, and her eyes closed. Towards the end of the track, her eyes opened and she looked at me with pride.

"It's absolutely beautiful, Edward," she said softly.

"Thank you, Esme," I replied politely as I smiled at her. I took a moment to write Bella a message on her board. She seemed thoroughly content at the moment, listening to the track on her iPod on repeat.

_**Do you think it will help you at all at night?**_

I tapped her gently on the shoulder, and when her eyes opened and looked to me, I gestured toward the board. She read it quickly and replied.

_**I'm not positive, but I think it will. It's very soothing to listen to, and I'm hoping it works as well when I wake up as it is right now.**_

I smiled and felt hopeful as I read her reply. I quickly jotted down another message and passed it back to her.

_**Bella, promise me that you'll call if it doesn't work? I don't mind humming it to you until you fall back asleep if this doesn't help. Promise me, please?**_

She read it and smiled and nodded at me, and I was instantly relieved.

"Okay, Bella. I'm gonna head back home. Alice left me with quite a handful of homework yesterday that needs to be tended to. If you need anything, send me a message on messenger, alright? I'll leave it up and running while I work on my assignments," I said, regret lacing the tone of my voice because I truly didn't want to have to leave so soon. She frowned slightly, nodded, and stood to walk me out. I said goodbye to Esme before departing the kitchen with Bella.

Carlisle entered the front door just as we were approaching it. His expression was excited and full of delight as he looked at Bella. I turned to look at her, and noticed that she looked slightly wary at his exuberance.

"Esme! Get the camera!" he called out excitedly towards the kitchen. Bella cringed slightly, and I couldn't help wondering what was going on.

"Bella...what's wrong?" I asked her worriedly. She looked at me, and rolled her eyes. She made just one simple gesture that I understood.

'Surprise.'

I smiled at her and she narrowed her eyes at me, daring me to take joy in what was going on. I couldn't help it, she looked so damn cute when she glared that way, like a ferocious little kitten, it made me smile even wider and she playfully smacked me on the arm.

Esme came darting out of the kitchen with the camera in hand, and shot right through the door, Carlisle hot on her heels yelling back at us to give them just a minute before we walked out. I laughed and Bella smacked me once more as she glared at the door from which they just disappeared behind.

After just a minute, I turned to her, and attempted to put on my best sympathetic grin.

"Are you ready?" I asked. She rolled her eyes at me and sarcastically mouthed an exaggerated 'no'. I tried my best not to chuckle as I opened the door for her.

I watched her carefully as she walked out the doorway. I couldn't tell if she was keeping her eyes closed as part of the surprise, or because she really didn't want to see what the surprise was. I kept a hold of her waist so that she wouldn't walk to far and fall down the stairs, and once we made it to the edge, I whispered to her.

"Bella, you're going to have to open your eyes, unless you want me to carry you over there," I said, followed by a ghostly chuckle. She opened her eyes and attempted to glare at me, but her eyes caught sight of something on their path to my face that caused her jaw to drop. She mouthed a silent 'Oh My God' as she slowly walked in a trance-like state towards the driveway. I finally turned my head to see what caused her gape that way, and found myself gawking at what now sat in the driveway.

It was a shiny midnight blue Acura RSX Type-S, and it was beautiful. I could immediately see her driving that car, it was perfectly her. I was desperately hoping she wouldn't throw a huge fit as I followed after her towards the car with the giant white bow on the sunroof. She still seemed to be more shocked than anything at the moment, and for that I was relieved. Hopefully it would last long enough to bypass her anger stage.

Carlisle and Esme smiled grandly as Esme took picture after picture. Bella's shock finally wore off, and I was completely relieved to see the brilliant smile I loved so much grace her features. She jumped up and down and hugged both Esme and Carlisle as they laughed at her exuberance. I found myself laughing as well as I approached them. Bella spun around and hugged me tightly as we laughed.

"It's beautiful, Bella. It suits you perfectly," I said honestly. She pulled back and blushed as she smiled at me and then mouthed another silent 'thank you'.

I left shortly after and headed home to start my assignments. I began to get nervous as it approached 10pm, and couldn't stop wondering if the melody was helping her sleep peacefully. I finally headed to bed around midnight, still without a single call from Bella. I hoped desperately as I fell asleep that the lack of a call meant that she was finally resting soundly.

BPOV

I had wished Edward didn't have to leave so quickly when he came over that Saturday afternoon, but I understood why he had to. I had my own assignments that I needed to complete, which kept me from getting online to at least say hello to him.

I went to bed that night around 11, and decided to try falling asleep listening to the melody track on my iPod. I fell asleep before it the track ended, so I didn't need to put it on repeat. The only problem was, I had woken up about two hours later from a nightmare. I had debated calling Edward for a few minutes, and then decided that I didn't want to wake him up yet again. He had had such a random sleep pattern over the past few nights, and he really needed his rest. Instead, I tried listening to the track again. It soothed me within minutes, and once again I felt like I could go back to sleep. I was worried that I would have another nightmare, so I decided to try and sleep with the melody playing softly in my ears on repeat. It worked like a charm. I didn't remember if I had dreamt or not the second time around when I had woken up on Sunday morning. I've stuck to that method every night since, and so far it's been quite successful.

That Sunday, Esme and I spent the majority of the day teaching me how to drive my new car. I loved it. It was smaller than the SUV and that made me feel a lot more comfortable. Alice had stopped by that afternoon, and she flipped over the car. I think she might have been more excited than I was, and I was pretty damn excited over it.

As was custom, Alice came over that following Monday morning and did my make-up. I was worried that the herd of hags would return to school that week and exact their revenge on us. By the end of that first day, my nerves were shot from looking over my shoulder every other second. They never made a move however. The only difference from any other time before the whole hair dye incident, was that their glares were infinitely more deadly. It was highly disturbing.

This continued on for weeks, and by the third week in a row of them just glaring menacingly at me, and making no attempt at revenge, I finally gave up looking over my shoulder every other second.

Alice hasn't been around as much as she used to be. I think she's been keeping Emmett and Jasper entertained, attempting to give Edward and I time to heal our friendship. I miss her and her wacky ways greatly when she's not around, but I appreciate the gesture behind her actions. She still comes over every morning to play Bella Barbie as she so affectionately termed my make-up application sessions. She's been thoroughly pleased with my recent ability to choose my own outfits recently, and it makes me laugh when she applauds my selections.

Things with Edward and I have been going fabulously since the night of my birthday. It's beginning to feel as though we had never been separated, like the last five years had never occured. For the last few weeks, he's been coming over every day after he drops Jasper and Emmett off, and together we finish our homework before hanging out and just doing random things. Sometimes we write back and forth about music, movies, books, or just silly things. Other times I help him with his signing abilities. He's become quite good at it, and it's been fairly easy lately to converse with him that way, but sometimes we enjoy conversing the only way we could in the beginning. It gives me fond memories of the conversations we've shared. He even insisted that we start our own scrapbook out of the notes that he and I had both saved over the last few weeks, and we even tried to duplicate some that we had written using the dry erase board.

Our friendship has finally evolved to the point that we no longer feel it necessary to pass notes back and forth during Biology, and I can now focus on our lessons. We still pass occasional ones back and forth with jokes about things that are happening in the class just for fun. Speaking of fun, we've also started having group nights every Friday, starting right after school. It's helped me a great deal in becoming more comfortable around Jasper and Emmett. I'm still not as comfortable around them as I am around Edward or Alice, but we're getting there. I just can't shake the feeling that something is off about them, and although I've never witnessed anything to cause me to feel that way, the feeling remains just the same. I think the group nights are helping with that greatly.

Emmett's girlfriend Rosalie has been invited to quite a few of them, and I'm dying to meet her, but she's been too busy with college, and we've all tried to be supportive of that. She sounds like an amazing person from what I've heard from the guys, and I was shocked to find out that she had gone to school with us, and that Emmett had started dating her when he was a sophmore and she was a junior. It was kind of a slap in the face to me, making me realize just how much I had been oblivious to all those years.

I tried apologizing repeatedly to Emmett for having never noticed that he was dating someone, and tried to have him apologize to Rosalie for me for having never even acknowledged her presence in school, but he waved me off and laughed. He told me that he knew I never did it intentionally, and Rosalie knew that as well. It relieved me slightly, but I was still overcome with guilt over it.

I still have that paper that I printed for Edward all those weeks ago. I go back and forth almost daily with the decision to give it to him, but ultimately, I always chicken out. I'm so afraid that he'll look at me differently, or treat me differently than he has been, and that's been nothing short of wonderful. I've been realizing more and more recently about just how fond of him I really am, and have always been. I talked to Esme about it a few days ago, because the rush of emotions that I felt whenever I saw him or chatted with him on messenger confused me greatly. She told me that that rush of feelings was because I loved him, and in true Bella form, I shot her an incredulous look. The only problem was, I think she was right. I just don't want to admit it to myself, simply because there's no way he would or could ever see me that way. He's utterly perfect, and I'm utterly broken...the two just don't combine rationally. He deserves to have someone who's whole and not shattered. Someone that can love him with their whole heart, and not just bits of broken pieces.

It's now the third Sunday in October. Time has flown by recently, and it's been nothing short of amazing. I don't think I've ever felt this good about life in general. Alice is currently sitting across from me as we attempt, yet again, to use my voice. Over the last few weeks, we've attempted different methods, trying to maintain a schedule of attempting at least three times a week. She usually comes over at night, just before we're ready to go to bed. We don't do the living-room camp-out on week nights, simply because we have school the next morning, and we don't wish to leave the mess for Esme to clean up all by herself. We only do the camp-outs on Friday and Saturday nights after everyone else has gone home. We haven't made much progress, just a few more squeaks and a couple grunts, nothing major. It's been a maddening process, but Carlisle, Esme, and Alice all keep encouraging me, and telling me to keep my head up, that I'm doing wonderfully.

Edward has witnessed it just once. I invited him to stay on a Saturday night after he bugged me relentlessly to allow him to try and help me in my attempts. I felt horrible the next morning when I saw that he hadn't slept a wink the entire night. He just sat there staring at me all night, panicked beyond belief. I personally forbade him from ever attempting to help me with that again. I could only imagine what repeated attempts would do to his nerves...and his poor hair.

So that brings us back to the present. I'm currently laying down in my bed, my head resting in Alice's lap as she gently runs her fingers through my hair in a soothing manner. Esme is holding my hand, gently massaging it to relax me, and Edward's melody is filling my room by way of my stereo on my dresser. So far tonight, I've been able to get three slight sounds out, nothing clearly audible out of it, but I haven't frozen just yet. The panic has come to the brink of causing me to seize up, but I stopped my attempts immediately and allowed it to subdue itself as I lost myself in the music floating through the air in my room.

"Are you almost ready to try once more, Bella?" Alice asked gently. I nodded and took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. I tried to concentrate on just pushing all my strength forward into my voice, in an attempt to ignore the panic that was already starting to rise at just the thought of trying once again. It was starting to feel like I was in a race against it. A race to see who could be the fastest, me pushing out a sound, or the panic seizing me. It almost made me chuckle at the ridiculousness of it all.

Tonight I was going to try to say Alice since she was the one speaking to me tonight. She and Esme often took turns with their positions, and whoever's lap my head was in, was the name I tried to say. I decided quickly to make my move, and rushed air out of me, focusing on making just one sound. I steeled myself to my resolve to succeed tonight, and almost found myself giddy as I heard the sound make its way out of my throat. Unfortunately, the panic decided it had been jerked around enough tonight. I was only able to get out a simple 'aa' sound before I felt my body lock itself up.

_Well shit... that went well..._

_**Bella, calm down. Don't get so frustrated. It will happen, you just have to learn to control it.**_

_But I don't know how! And nothing's freaking working!.._

_**Just give it time...all good things come with time, Bella. It's been five years. This isn't something you can overcome in just one night.**_

_It hasn't been just one night though! It's been two months! _

_**Yes, Bella. It's been two months. Haven't you noticed any of the changes though?**_

_No, what changes?_

_**You've recently been able to back the panic back down a few times before it eventually takes over, and it's only with your most serious attempts that it succeeds. That's a drastic improvement from years, and even just months, ago when the mere thought of doing so, and not even attempting it mind you, caused you to freeze up. The length of these states has also decreased quite dramatically.**_

_Really? How much have they shortened? I have no concept of time when I'm like this..._

_**Well in the beginning, it wasn't uncommon for you to be frozen this way for up to 10 hours...even more on occasion. Recently it's decreased to just a few hours, about 5-6 tops, but you continue to sleep instead of waking in a fright, which probably leads you to believe that they're longer than they truly are.**_

_I think that's because I know everyone will be okay when I wake up..._

_**That's exactly the reason.**_

_You're starting to sound distant... I think the silence is coming..._

_**Good night, Bella. We'll talk again soon...**_

_Okay...Good night..._

_

* * *

_

**AN: I love reviews! They're better than new cars, surprise CDs, and almost successful attempts at speaking! R&R PLS & TY!**


	41. Monday Afternoon Disasters

**AN: Happy Monday again! I'm feeling rather productive today, and because of that, I'm giving you all an early update! YAY! This was supposed to be tomorrow's chapter...ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I still don't own aything related to Twilight..SM still owns it all...lucky lady!**

* * *

Monday Afternoon Disasters

BPOV

I woke up this morning to the sensation of my bed shaking violently. Irritated by the motion, I quickly rolled over and squinted my eyes, trying to see what the hell was shaking my bed that way. What I found completely erased my irritation, and made a smile grace my face as I shook my head at the ridiculous sight. Alice was hopping around all over on my bed with a giant smile on her pixie-ish little face. I had no idea what she was so excited about this morning, but her excitement was slowly transferring into me. I laughed when she plopped down next to me and started squealing.

"Bell-uh!!" she sang, "Do you realize Halloween is only a week away? I'm sooo excited!" she sang as she bounced in place. I laughed at her exuberance and pulled myself into a sitting position.

'Alice, I'm well aware that Halloween is next week. Esme had us decorate the house last weekend, remember?' I signed to her as I rolled my eyes.

"Of course I remember that...and it looks _spectacular_," she chirped. "We need to go buy our costumes after school today!" she sang as she clapped her hands together. Where she ever got this amount of energy first thing in the morning will baffle me for all eternity.

'Ali, I don't need a costume. I don't trick-or-treat anymore, I haven't since I was like nine.' I signed to her exasperatedly.

"Who said anything about trick-or-treating? Erika is having a costume party next Saturday. She lives around the corner, please come with me," she said as she rolled her eyes and then put on her best puppy pout.

'Alice, please. I don't want to be around all those people. I'll be so uncomfortable. Please stop pouting at me,' I signed sincerely to her.

"Bella, I won't force you to go or anything, but can you at least consider it?" she asked pleadingly.

'Fine, Ali. I'll keep it in mind as an option in case I grow some nerves of steel over the next few days.' I signed sarcastically.

"Will you at least help me choose my costume after school today? We rarely hang out like we used to, and I miss my best friend," she said as she frowned. I smiled at her, this much I could do.

'Sure, Alice. I'd be happy to.' I replied honestly. She started jumping up and down again chanting her excited thank yous before flinging herself off of the bed and heading for the shower. I shook my head as I watched her departure, and then relaxed back against my comfy pillow.

_Another damn Monday...another damn day of having my face burned off by the evil glares of the herd of hags...Ugh!_

I rolled myself out of bed when Alice returned from the shower, and headed off to take one of my own. I went through all the motions quickly, and returned to my room fully dressed. It was raining and gross out this morning, so I chose a thick brown turtle neck sweater and a pair of jeans. I wasn't about to chance putting make-up on my scars in this torential downpour.

Alice dried and curled my hair, and pulled it into a pony tail, allowing the curls to flow freely from it. She put some light make-up on my face, and we headed down to the kitchen for some breakfast. As per the usual, Esme was waiting for us.

"Good morning, girls. The weather is nasty out this morning, please be careful on your way to school," she said with concern. I nodded and gave her a comforting hug before heading to the fridge to get the milk for my cereal.

"No worries, Esme. I'll drive real slow," Alice replied and I shot her an incredulous look. She smiled and pointed out the kitchen window before rolling her eyes. I knew what she was saying in her head...'Duh, Bella...it's raining herds of cattle out there!'. I still, however, didn't believe she would actually drive slow, it just wasn't in her abilities unless she was being sarcastic like that time she drove Esme's SUV.

"Bella, I'm going to be gone most of the day. I have a meeting with some of the CEO's of the hospital. They're wanting to host a charity gala for New Year's and they requested my assistance. There is some lasagna in the fridge for dinner in case I don't make it home on time, alright?" Esme said, worry lacing her tone. She hated leaving me alone after school when she wasn't sure how my day went first. I smiled at her and tried to comfort her.

'I'll be fine, Mom. Don't worry about me. I'm going with Alice after school to pick out her Halloween costume. We probably won't be home until around the same time as you.' I signed to her.

"Okay, dear. Text me if you need anything or if you will be out later than usual, alright?" she asked as she cupped my face gently, placing a kiss on my cheek after she was done speaking.

'Okay, Mom. I love you.' I signed to her as she pulled away.

'I love you too, sweetheart.' she signed in return before heading off to finish getting ready for her meeting.

Alice finished her bagel, and I finished my cereal, put our dishes in the dish washer, and together we headed for the front door. I scowled at the weather as we passed through the front door. It was cold and wet and utterly disgusting outside. Perfect for my Monday blues. The only thing I had to be excited about was seeing Edward in just a few more minutes.

I was surprised when Alice left the driveway. She actually was driving cautiously. I shot her a sarcastic surprised look, and she laughed.

"Really, Bella. A ditch is the last place in which I want my beautiful car," she said as she rolled her eyes. I laughed silently and went back to looking out my window.

We pulled into the parking lot, just a few minutes later than we normally would have. Once she was parked, we made a dash to the dry confines of the cafeteria. When we got inside, we met up with the guys, just like we had every other rainy morning, to wait for the first bell to ring. We've been coming to school early to just hang out with each other for a few minutes before class started for about three weeks now.

"Morning, Bella. How did last night go?" Edward asked as he gave me my morning hug. I was silently cursing Alice for telling him of our impending attempt on Saturday when I spotted the bags under his eyes. I pulled back so I could sign to him.

'It went about the same as usual. We waited until just before we were ready to go to bed to try again. I had another attack, and Esme put my iPod buds in my ears, and played the melody track on repeat for me in case I woke up. I slept perfectly fine, unlike you.' I signed to him, and glared at Alice for a second before giving Edward a disapproving glance.

'I'm sorry, Bella. Really, I am. I can't help but worry when I know what happens to you when you try, but I am glad that you're trying.' he signed back with an apologetic expression.

'It's okay. I know you can't help it. I just wish she hadn't told you, is all.' I signed back with an exasperated grimace.

'I want to know though. I wish you would let me be there when you attempt it. I'm sorry for how I reacted the first time, Bella. I had never witnessed anything like that, and it scared the hell out of me, but I promise not to react that way again. I know what to expect now, it won't be quite as difficult.' he signed back pleadingly.

'Edward, how can you be so sure that you won't react that way again?' I signed back unsure of his ability to actually control his reaction.

'Mind over matter.' he signed simply as he smiled smugly. I rolled my eyes at him and gave him an incredulous look.

'I'll think about it, Edward. But, I make no promises.' I replied sternly.

'That's all I can ask for, Bella.' he signed back gratefully. I smiled and nodded and turned my attention towards everyone else.

'Morning, Jasper. Morning Emmett.' I signed to them. They both signed back to me at the same time as they smiled.

'Morning, Bella.' they signed together. I had to hand it to Alice...she had the patience of a saint. She hadn't even given up on Emmett, and it was finally paying off. He was doing much better with it recently.

We all sat around signing to each other for a while, Alice still standing firm on her rule of no "talking" at the table. I have to say that out of all of them, it was probably most beneficial to Emmett. He finally realized after a week or two that if he wanted to join in our conversations, he had to actually learn the language. He's been much happier since, and I for one, am ecstatic to see grumpy butt Emmett on vacation.

The first bell rang just a short time later, and we all went our separate ways. The school day was flying by, as was the norm lately. We had all even begun talking to Mike Newton a while after he came back from his detention. He wasn't even remotely as vile as he was just a few short weeks ago. Edward is even starting to warm up to him....well a little. I don't know what went on with them while I was in my distant phase, but good Lord Edward really had issues with him.

In the beginning, it almost seemed that it took herculean strength for him to even be in the remote vicinity of Mike, and he would constantly stand in between Mike and I, blocking any view that Mike could possibly have of me. It made me laugh at first, especially since I wasn't sure that Mike had really changed. However, when everyone started to notice the differences in him, it became annoying. He was being way too overprotective. I knew Mike was a horrid specimen of the male species at one point, but whatever his parents did to him while he was suspended seemed to have cured him of his vileness. He was actually quite sweet now. I think Edward is finally starting to see the changes in him, and he's backed off his protective stances a bit over the last week.

Before I knew it, it was time for gym class. It had stopped raining sometime in the last hour, so Alice and I took our time walking across the quad towards the gymnasium. I was still trying to get rid of the glare induced burning sensation on the side of my face from third period as we walked through the gym doors. I really wasn't looking forward to another hour jam packed with them. I let out a deep breath as we entered the locker room and headed towards our lockers.

I pulled my freshly washed gym uniform out of my bag and tossed the bag in the locker. I walked into my usual bathroom/dressing room and shut the door behind me. I was just about to remove my shirt when I heard someone approach the other side of the door. I panicked for a second before Alice's voice emanated from the other side.

"Bella, I left my damn gym shoes in the car this morning. I'll be right back, okay?" she said slightly irritated at having to go all the way back out to her car. I opened the door and gave her an okay sign before shutting it again. I switched my pants, and took my shirt off. I was just about to put my gym shirt on when the bathroom door was flung open. I immediately slunk back against the tiles at the back of the stall and started to slide down them as I was filled with horror and panic.

Tanya had a video camera in her hand, and Lauren approached me menacingly. I was silently begging Alice to return quickly when Lauren grabbed a hold of my arms and tossed me out of the stall. They both laughed maniacally as Lauren tossed me into a set of lockers.

"Look at how disgusting that looks!" Lauren screeched as she poked at the scars on my stomach.

"No wonder not a single male in this school will look at her, that's gross!" Tanya said in a disgusted tone as she moved the video camera closer to me. I slid down the lockers and tried my best to cover myself, but I had nothing to cover myself with. I felt myself pulling further within my own body, and their words quickly became muffled. I was terrified and on the verge of blacking out. They continuously poked and prodded at me as they made their disgusted comments. I couldn't make out a word of what they were saying, and I could almost barely feel their touching me anymore. I knew it was only moments before I would freeze up and black out.

As if nothing had ever happened at all, every sensation in me stopped. The only weird part was that I wasn't shrouded in blackness. I could still see a blurred version of the locker room in front of me. Very quickly something stepped into my line of sight, completely blocking out the distorted view I had had previously of the locker I was staring at. Whatever it was, it wasn't touching me in a taunting or violent manner. It was caressing my arms as it hovered in front of me. After a moment it was cupping my face tenderly, gently moving it to the side until my distorted gaze landed on a sea of green. I couldn't make out any sounds, or features, but I knew that green.

_Edward..._

I lost myself in that sea of green, and used it to try and pull myself from within me. After a few moments, I could start to hear the panicked muffled sounds coming from his mouth. Slowly they started to become more clear. My vision slowly started to clear, and I could almost make out the flecks of the darker greens in his eyes.

"Bella...Bella, stay with me. Just keep looking into my eyes and stay with me..." he said in a panic. It was the first sound I could make out clearly, and I blinked just once for him to let him know I was here with him.

_He's here... he's really here..._

I felt the first tear fall as I realized he was here...protecting me...just like he promised.

EPOV

"Hey, bro. Did Alice tell you that one of her classmates is having a costume party next Saturday?" Jasper asked as we made our way across the quad to the gym.

"She mentioned something about it in passing a few days ago. Why?" I asked curiously.

"She wants to try and have the whole group go. Rosalie is even planning on coming down for it. Bella's reluctant to go though," he replied hesitantly.

"Jazz, you know how uncomfortable she gets around a lot of people. Please don't push her. She's been doing so well lately with becoming comfortable around you and Em, and that's with you two. That's nothing compared to what she feels when she's around a bunch of people she doesn't know," I replied pleadingly.

"I know, man. I was just bringing it up in case either you or her or both wanted to go," he replied sincerely.

"I'll think about it. Just don't try to push her to go. If she says no to Alice or myself, then leave it be, alright?" I said sternly. He has a habit of trying to ease people into doing things that they normally wouldn't do, and I didn't want him pulling that emotional manipulation crap on Bella.

"Alright, got it man. Geez, you act like I'd hog-tie her and drag her with us or something," he said sarcastically.

"I wouldn't put it past you or Emmett...mostly Emmett because he seriously lacks patience," I replied only half joking as we walked through the gym doors. I really wouldn't put it past Emmett to try to kidnap her for something as stupid as a costume party.

"What the hell is going on in here?" He asked with a confused tone. I looked up from the floor I had been staring at as I walked, and noticed a bunch of people standing around the gym with expressions ranging from shock to pity to complete and utter horror. I felt a chill run down my back as I heard Jessica's nasally voice utter a comment that made my blood boil instantly.

"God, Bella...How do you even look at yourself in the mirror? You look like something that crawled out of Nightmare on Elm Street. I seriously hope you don't ever think someone else could stand to look at you with anything other then disgust.." her voice echoed across the gym, and I instantly zeroed in on the speakers at the other side of the gym. There was a live video feed playing on a projector screen across the gym, and the sight of what was playing on it almost brought me to my knees.

Lauren was poking at Bella as she was cowered in front of lockers, looking completely frozen in fear, wearing only her gym sweatpants and a bra.

"Holy shit.." I heard Jasper mutter before I dropped my belongings and bolted for the girls locker room door. I didn't hear the rest of his comment over my pulse pounding in my ears as I ran. I burst through the doors and growled at the people crowding the scene.

"MOVE! NOW!" I bellowed. I pushed my way through the few people girls that were standing around with shocked expressions as they watched the scene before them unfold. Lauren turned and paled as soon as she saw my murderous face. Tanya looked at her with a confused expression as she lowered the camera, her face paling as well as soon as she caught sight of me.

"Get. the. fuck. out." I growled at them both. Tanya dropped the camera and they both took off running. I stepped in front of Bella, and shielded her from view with my body as I hovered in front of her. I rubbed her arms, trying to get her to look at me.

"Bella..Bella, love. Look at me please," I pleaded, my tone pure panic. "Bella, just stay with me. I know you're terrified, but please just stay with me," I pleaded as I moved my hands to gently cup her face. I heard a gasp from behind me, and my head shot to the side to see who the hell was behind me. As soon as I saw Alice, I relaxed just minimally and spoke to her, using the least amount of rage in my voice that I could muster at the moment.

"Alice, grab my jacket from the gym floor and bring it in here," I said. I had barely finished before she turned and fought her way through the group of onlookers that were still frozen in place. I turned my attention back to Bella. I gently guided her face so that I could look in her eyes. What I saw scared me more than anything before ever had. Her eyes were so lifeless, as if she wasn't even there.

"Bella. Please, stay with me, please. I won't let anyone hurt you. I'm here. You're safe. Come back to me, please," I muttered through my panic. I grazed her face with my thumbs gently and kept talking to her.

"It's just you and me, Bella. Just you and me. Come back to me. Come back and stay with me, please," I pleaded again. Slowly it appeared that the life was coming back into her eyes. There was a tiny spark in them, it was almost unnoticeable, but it was there.

"Bella, just keep looking at me. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Come back to me," I said encouragingly as the spark started to grow. I watched it grow for just a moment before speaking again, hoping that she would be able to hear me soon.

"Bella...Bella, stay with me. Just keep looking into my eyes and stay with me," I said, trying to keep the panic out of my voice, but failing miserably. The spark in her eyes practically burst into a raging fire, and I knew she had finally heard me. A moment later, she slowly blinked just once, letting me know that she had heard me.

"That's it, Bella. Just keep looking at me, baby. Just keep looking at me, don't worry about anything else," I said confidently, and she did. Her eyes never wavered from mine.

Alice came running back in just a second later, and held my jacket out to me. I saw it from the corner of my eye, and reached out for it without breaking my gaze. She needed to stay with me, and I wasn't going to break the connection I had with her for anything. It wouldn't matter if the world was coming to an end around us, I wasn't going to look away and risk losing her again.

"Bella, I'm going to cover you with my jacket, and then we're going to get out of here, okay?" I asked as I gazed into her eyes. She nodded just slightly. I pulled her to me gently, and wrapped my jacket around her before resting her against the locker once more. I didn't bother putting her arms through the sleeves before zippering the jacket up in front of her.

"Okay, Bella. It's just you and me. No one can see you. Just focus on you and me. Are you ready?" I asked her pushing forth as much confidence as I could to encourage her. She nodded at me.

"Close your eyes, baby. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere without you. Just close your eyes and stay with me," I said gently. She nodded and took in a shuddering breath as she slowly closed her eyes. I picked her up gently and cradled her to my chest before turning around. I looked at Alice and spoke to her softly.

"Alice, grab her stuff, and my bag and meet me in the music room. It's empty right now," I said as I started to walk towards the exit. I picked up my pace as I headed for the locker room door, and managed a tight smile in Angela's direction as she held the door open for me. I had only made it three steps out of the locker room before Coach Clapp's voice boomed in my direction.

"MASEN! If you EVER pull a stunt like that again.... What in the HELL were you thinking going into the girls locker room like that?!" he bellowed. I turned to face him, my face apologetic, but unwavering in my resolve to protect Bella.

"I'm sorry, Sir. But, Bella is my first and only priority at the moment. Excuse me," I said, trying to be polite as I backed away from him and turned to make my way towards the music room. As soon as I got outside, I looked around. Noticing that no one was around, I spoke to Bella once more.

"It's okay, love. You can open your eyes now," I said gently. Her eyes slowly opened and looked up to mine. I held her gaze with my own as I made my way towards the arts building. As I approached the door that led into the building, I turned so I could depress the bar with my back and open the door. We were inside in a flash, and her gaze never wandered from my own.

"It's okay, Bella. You'll be okay. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. You're not alone," I said gently as I made my way into the music room. The lights were off, and I left them that way. The room was lit just enough by the light of the gray overcast skies that was streaming in through the windows. I walked over to Mr. Levine's desk, and sat down in his chair and placed Bella on my lap. I rocked the chair back and forth and started humming her melody to her as I held her tightly to me. She stayed quiet for a few minutes, just gazing at me before the tears started to fall. She pushed her arms through the arms of the jacket and wrapped them tightly around my neck, clinging to me with everything she had in her. I continued to hum her melody to her as the sobs began to rack her tiny frame.

Alice came in hesitantly a short while later, and placed our belongings down on the floor by the door to the classroom. Her face was soaking wet from her tears, and my heart broke for the expression on her face that clearly indicated how guilty she felt over what had happened. I would have said something to her to comfort her, but I didn't want to stop humming for Bella. I grabbed a pen off the desk and wrote something on Mr. Levine's calendar and waved for her to come over. She approached us slowly and looked down at the calender to read my message.

_**Alice, it's not your fault. Don't blame yourself.**_

She took the pen from me, and with a shaky hand, wrote a note of her own.

**It is, though. If I hadn't forgotten my shoes in the car and had to run out to get them, they wouldn't have had the opportunity to do that to her.**

I shook my head and wrote to her again.

_**Alice, they've been waiting for the opportunity to arise. It didn't matter how long it took them, they would have done it eventually. You can't protect her 24/7...neither can I. We can only do what we can, and after that we can only help her through whatever happens. Don't blame yourself...she wouldn't blame you, and she wouldn't want you to blame yourself either.**_

Alice took in a shuddering breath and nodded slightly before writing another note.

**Thank you for protecting her. I spoke with Coach Clapp after you left. You were in some serious hot water when you walked away from him. I explained everything to him, and he seemed to be taken aback by what I said to him. He said he'd speak to you about it at another time. I'm sorry. I don't know how much trouble you're still in. I tried to help, but I don't know how much good it did.**

I read her note and frowned slightly. I was probably kicked off the athletic teams for sure at bare minimum. I nodded and wrote back.

_**It's okay, Alice. Thank you for doing what you could. It doesn't matter though. I'll take whatever punishment they give me and then tell them that if I had to do it again..I would. She's my only priority, Alice. Everything else in my life comes second to her.**_

She looked at me and smiled ever so slightly after she read my response.

"Thank you. I don't know how I would have ever helped her through that," she said with a hopeless expression. I nodded to her and was about to write something to her when the door to the room opened. Jasper and Emmett walked in quietly and took in the scene before them. They watched for a moment as I rocked Bella and I on the chair and continued humming. Her sobs were still going strong, but there was nothing I could do at the moment other than what I was already doing. I grabbed the pen again and wrote a note to all of them.

_**Alice, I need you to call Esme or Carlisle and let them know that I'll be bringing Bella home when she settles down. Let them know what happened so they are better prepared.**_

_**Jazz, Em...I'm going to need you two to find another way home. I'm sorry. I'm leaving as soon as she calms down, and I don't know when that will be.**_

They all read the notes and nodded to me as I continued humming to Bella and rocking her. Alice turned to them and spoke.

"I'll bring you both home after school," she said to them before turning to me.

"I'm gonna go call Esme right now and fill her in on everything. Carlisle's working so I'm going to leave it up to Esme to decide whether or not to ask him to come home," she said quietly. I nodded and watched as the three of them gave us one last sympathetic look before retreating from the room.

I continued in the same fashion endlessly. Every now and then I'd kiss her cheek or run my fingers gently through her hair as I continued to rock us both and hum her melody over and over. It gave me a chance to replay everything over and over in my mind, something I probably shouldn't have been doing. I had never seen her scars before, save the one on her left arm. What I saw in that locker room nearly destroyed me. She was only 10 when they were in Phoenix, and she returned only shortly after her 11th birthday. How could someone that young survive through whatever put those marks on her? They were _everywhere_. It wasn't just one or two faint scars. They were vibrant and angry looking scars that trailed across her abdomen, mixing in with a few small faint ones in between.

I couldn't come up with a rational explanation to how she would receive such scars, and it was driving me insane. I wanted to know what happened to her. I wanted to assure her that I would protect her at any cost, but I had no idea what I was supposed to be protecting her from anymore. Was I supposed to protect her only from the heinous acts of our classmates, or was there something out there infinitely more dangerous that I needed to protect her from. The possibility of the second thought caused a chill to run through me. Whatever left those marks on her, wasn't by accident. Only one thought repeatedly popped in my head as the images of her scars crossed the backs of my eyelids. _Torture_.

I clutched Bella tighter to me as the image of the scar on her neck crossed my vision. That scar wasn't meant for torture...it was meant to end it. To end her precious young life. To end her. I was filled with so many conflicting emotions as we rocked back and forth. I felt rage. Rage toward whoever tortured her, and towards any and every person that ever caused her pain...myself included. Gratitude to whatever force kept her alive and made it possible for her to be in my arms at the moment. Despair when my thoughts centered on how to protect her, and finally love, the most prominent one of all. My love for her and everything she is.

I was doing my best to keep my humming steady as I battled with my own whirlwind of emotions, but I'm unsure of whether or not I was actually being successful in that attempt. I tried to focus all of my strength on the love I felt for her, and the gratitude for her still being alive. It wouldn't do either of us any good if neither of us were consolable at this point. I tried to push all of my pain, despair, and rage away, knowing that I could focus on that and sort through it when she didn't need me. When she was calm, content, and most of all safe. I know she doesn't like the way things that pertain to her affect me, and I was resolved in my plan of attempting to not allow her to see it this time. I willed myself to be strong for her. To put my emotions and thoughts aside until I was in a place that I could deal with them on my own.

It took me some time, but I was eventually able to focus just on Bella and what I felt for her. It felt like I had been sitting here for an eternity, but I knew it hadn't even been a full hour yet as the final bell for lunch hadn't yet rung. I was guessing it would ring soon as it had been a good while since the bells ending gym and beginning the next period had shrilled through the air.

Her sobs were just starting to ease as the bell ending lunch rang through the air. I figured by the end of our normal Biology hour, she'd be calmed enough that we could leave. I had no intentions of letting her out of my sight for the rest of the day...and possibly the night if I could get away with it.

Eventually her tears subdued themselves, and her breathing returned to normal. I gave her a few more minutes, to make sure that she was truly calmed down. She remained calm and silent the whole time I waited while still rocking us and humming to her. Finally, I decided that if there was ever a time to leave, it would be now. I didn't want to risk her having another breakdown while still here in this room. I gently led her gaze to my own as I stopped humming.

"Are you ready to go home?" I asked quietly as I took in her poor red and raw eyes. She looked exhausted, both emotionally and physically. She nodded just slightly and I kissed her forehead tenderly.

I dug my keys out of my pocket, and lifted us out of the chair. I cradled her tightly to my chest once again as I walked briskly from the room. I was silently thanking Jasper and Emmett for taking our bags with them when they left with Alice, because I didn't know how I was going to carry both of them and Bella at the same time. I was hoping they had left our belongings with Alice so that I wouldn't have to leave Bella to retrieve them.

I made my way to my car quickly, unlocking it as I approached it, and gently slid Bella into the passenger seat. She looked so hopeless, as if she believed everything those wretched hyenas said to her. I gently caressed the length of her cheek with the back of my fingers after I had her buckled in. After shutting her door, I walked briskly around the car and slid into the driver's seat. As soon as I sat down, Bella leaned against me and rested her head against my arm. I started the car, and lowered my hand down with my palm up. She looked down at my hand for a second, then closed her eyes as she slide her arm around mine and placed her hand in mine. I wove my fingers through hers, and used my other arm to stretch across and put the car in gear.

The drive back to her house was quick, and as soon as I pulled in the driveway, Esme came flying out of the front door, and proceeded to run full speed towards the car with tears flowing down her panicked face. She flung the passenger door open and knelt down next to Bella. I undid her buckle and gently passed it to Esme so it wouldn't fling back and possibly hit Bella as it retracted. Esme took it and eased it back into its place, and turned her attention back to Bella.

"Honey, are you okay? Alice called me and she told me what happened today. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm so sorry. Please tell me you're alright," she choked out softly through her tears. Bella turned slowly to look at her and she nodded just slightly to her. Her gesture didn't ease either of our worries. That one small gesture told us both that she really wasn't alright, and that she was just trying to be strong for us. I climbed out of the car as Esme embraced Bella, softly cooing to her that everything would be alright. I walked around to the other side of the car, and Esme took a step back so that I could lift Bella out of the car. She didn't appear to be inclined to move on her own. I knelt down next to her and gazed into her eyes as I ran my fingers tenderly across the length of her cheek.

"Do you want to go inside?" I asked her gently. She hesitated for a moment before nodding slightly once more. I nodded to her and kissed her forehead before lifting her out of the car. Esme shut the car door for me and led the way into the house. We walked into the living room, and I went to place her gently down on the couch, but once again she clutched herself to me. I chuckled softly and turned around so I could sit on the couch with her on my lap. I looked up to Esme as I sat, and she smiled slightly and nodded to me. Her expression returned to the worried look, that was undoubtedly inescapable for either of us at the moment, as she took the seat next to us. Bella unwrapped one of her arms from around my neck and held her hand out towards Esme. Esme took it gently in her own hand and traced comforting patterns on her hand as she held it.

That's where we remained...huddled close together in silence, finding comfort in each other as time continued on, completely unhindered and unaffected by the events of today.

* * *

**AN: Please don't lynch me!!! I promise it'll get better! Reviews are WAY better hag induced crying jags! R&R PLS & TY!**


	42. First Beach & Second Chances

**AN: Wow...this chapter update officially puts this story over 200,000 words. Holy crow! I hope you all REALLY enjoy this update. Happy reading folks!****Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Twilight...SM owns it all!**

* * *

First Beach & Second Chances

BPOV

_They're right.. I am disgusting. Why would anyone ever look at me as someone worthy of love or affection? I can barely stand the sight of myself..how could I ever expect anyone else to be able to accept it... _

_**Bella...stop. What they did was cruel and inexcusable. They had no right to say or do any of that to you. There wasn't an ounce of truth in anything they said. You are wor...**_

_IT WAS ALL TRUE! How can you deny it? The sight of my scars is disturbing! How could anyone EVER see past them? They can't! I'd be a fool to think that anyone ever could... that the one person I would wish could... it doesn't matter cause it's impossible. _

_**You do realize that he saw them in the locker room, don't you?**_

_What? No he didn't. He wouldn't be here right now if he had..._

_**Bella, he saw them. He couldn't have not seen them, and he's still here. What does that tell you?**_

_That he's blind and needs glasses!_

_**Don't joke right now, Bella. Now is not the time to cover up your pain with bad attempts at humor.**_

_I'm not! I'm serious!_

_**Bella...he has perfect eyesight and you know that. There's nothing wrong with his eyes. Is there something wrong with Alice's vision as well?**_

_Possibly..._

_**You're impossible do you know that?**_

_Ummm no...I don't think you've reminded me of that quite enough just yet for me to know that..._

_**He loves you, Bella. He always has...**_

_Don't tell me that... I can't afford to hope for that and end up being crushed by the reality that he doesn't, never has, and never will. There's no reason for him to have ever loved me and much less of a reason to love me now..._

_**You'll figure it out for yourself soon enough. You'll be the blind one that needs glasses if you don't... it's **_**that**_** apparent.**_

_He doesn't love me like that. He loves me like a friend. I can understand that much..._

_**Bella, he's always loved you as more than a friend...even when he was too young to understand what those feelings meant.**_

_It doesn't matter what he felt then...there's no way he could NOW. I can't even look at myself without wanting to cringe away from myself! How would he ever be able to see that and not want to go running in the other direction?!_

_**Did he run today? Or is he still here?**_

_No, he's still here. He probably pities me...damn._

_**Oh for the love of God...he doesn't pity you. Stop being an ass! The only person he's pitying right now is himself...**_

_Why would he pity himself? There's nothing wrong with him..._

_**Because he's just realizing the severity of what you experienced years ago. He's pitying himself for not being able to protect you from it, and he's terrified of not being able to protect you in the future.**_

_Why would he need to protect me in the future?! If it's possible that this can happen again he needs to get away from me! I won't let this happen to him! I can leave..I'll go away and he'll be safe... I'll do whatever I have to..._

_**Bella, calm down. There's nothing for him to protect you from. I'm just telling you what he's feeling right now.**_

_How do you know? How can you be so sure? How do you even know what he's feeling? _

_**Because I know, and you don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out what he's feeling... Just look at him. It's written all over his face even though he's trying to mask it...**_

I tilted my head up to look at his face, and sure enough, it was clear to see. I frowned at him and he sighed as he kissed my forehead and pulled me tighter to him. I let out a hasty breath of displeasure as I settled back against him. Esme was staring off into the distance as she held my hand, and I watched her for a few moments as I thought of how to stop Edward from feeling as he did. I couldn't come up with a damn thing.

_How do I stop him from feeling that way?_

_**You can't Bella. He needs to work through it himself...just as you have things you need to work through. Maybe it's time to tell him what happened to you. It might help him to work through what he feels to understand what actually happened. He's driving himself insane trying to figure out what exactly happened in Phoenix. I think it's time to tell him, Bella.**_

_What if he can't handle it? Look at what it did to Esme and Carlisle...and they already knew little bits and pieces of it from what the lady at the group home was able to tell them! What if it's the final straw and he realizes that he's not capable of dealing with the mess that comes along with being my friend?_

_**Bella, it's not going to be easy for him, but he WILL deal with it. He won't walk away. He already knows it's worse than anything he could have ever imagined...he's expecting that much. Just do us both a favor...don't allow him to mask what he feels. It'll make it that much harder for him to deal with the emotions that are going to bombard him with the knowledge of the horrific events that took place in Phoenix. Don't allow him to close himself off as you did. He's going to try with everything in him to keep you from knowing what he's feeling. Don't allow him to. Be there for him, allow him to work through it. You'll both find strength in doing so.**_

_I'll try..._

_**Don't try, Bella. Do it. Whatever it takes..do it. Do what he was unable to do for you years ago. Save him from himself.**_

_You make it sound so easy...he's as damn stubborn as I am when he wants to be!_

_**That's exactly why you're the only one that will be able to stop him, Bella.**_

_Ugh... I'm going to need you help..._

_**I'll be here, Bella. I'm always here.**_

I squeezed Esme's hand, trying to get her attention for a minute. If I was going to do this...if I was going to share this with him...I needed to do it alone. She looked at me, and I quickly signed to her, asking her if I could speak with her alone for a minute. She nodded to me with a slight smile and lifted herself off of the couch. I made a gesture to Edward, asking him to give me a minute to which he smiled sadly and nodded. I followed Esme towards the kitchen, attempting to steel my resolve to follow through with what I was about to do as I walked. Esme turned toward me when we were out of sight of Edward.

'Are you alright, dear?' she signed to me with a worried expression.

'Yes, I think I'll be alright. Thank you for being here for me. I know you had an important meeting today, I'm sorry you were interrupted.' I replied sincerely.

'Bella, you are much more important to me than some charity event. Don't ever feel sorry for interrupting anything I'm doing when you need me.' she responded with a serious face.

'I love you, Mom. Thank you.' I replied before I hugged her. She hugged me back tightly and whispered in my ear, telling me that whenever I needed her, she would always be there for me. She also told me that Carlisle would be home as soon as someone could come in to relieve him of his shift at work. I frowned at that. He didn't need to come home from work for this. Esme pulled back after a few moments and I started signing to her once again.

'Would it be alright if Edward and I left for a little bit? I want to share my past with him, and I need us to be somewhere that's filled with happy memories for us both. I don't know how he will react, and I think being someplace that's familiar and comfortable for both of us will help.' I signed quickly, worried that she wouldn't be all that thrilled with my request.

'I think that would be a good idea, Bella. I know how hard it will be for him to deal with that knowledge, and anything that can ease the difficulties of hearing your accounts of that time, will be beneficial to you both. Just promise to call us if you need us, alright?' she replied with a kind smile and I was relieved immensely. I hugged her tightly before heading off to retrieve his copy of my recollection of my past.

I fished it out of my desk drawer, folded it, and put it in my back pocket. I took his jacket off and realized for the first time that it was his Captain's jacket. I almost didn't want to give it back to him as I realized that I had just been wearing his last name across my back, but I pushed those tried my best to subdue those feelings, they wouldn't get me anywhere but hurt in the long run. I knew he only used it to cover me, and there was no other significance to it for him...even if deep down I wished there was.

I put on a heavy sweater and reluctantly carried his jacket on my arm as I walked out of my room. I was surprised that it had warmed up slightly after the rain ended, but it was still chilly outside, and I didn't want him to get cold just because I liked how wearing his jacket made me feel. I walked back down the stairs and grabbed one of Esme's coats out of the closet since mine had apparently been left at the school somewhere. I hoped Alice had taken my stuff and it wasn't just sitting in the locker room somewhere.

I walked back into the living room and handed Edward his jacket. He looked at me with a confused expression, but I just waved to him in a gesture that said 'follow me', and he did. I was trying my best not to pout over the loss of that damn jacket with his name on it. When we got into his car, he turned to me, worry filling his eyes and confusion dominating his features. I smiled timidly and signed to him.

'Can we go to First Beach? I need to get out of here and be somewhere that's filled with good memories for a while.' He smiled and nodded as he started the car. I leaned against him as he drove, allowing his scent and our closeness to calm my nerves. They were so fired up I felt like I was about to jump out of my own skin.

He pulled up to the front of the trail that led down to the beach, and we both climbed out. He walked up to the head of the trail and held his hand out to me. His smile was forced, and I immediately knew that he was already masking anything that he was currently feeling, and that it would only get worse. As I approached him and took his hand, I desperately hoped that he would listen to me, and follow through with my request when I gave him the paper in my pocket.

Edward led us down to the beach, and I stared at the ground the whole way, watching my footing carefully. I didn't want to get tangled up in one of the menacing tree roots that protruded perilously from the ground on which I was walking. It wouldn't be very helpful to either of us to have disaster strike before we even began this uncertain journey.

We finally made it to the beach, and thankfully, I only stumbled once on a root that was hidden by leaves that had fallen to the ground. I led Edward over to the massive salt bleached tree that we had used to make forts with our towels so many times when we were children. He helped me climb up on top of it, and I sat with one leg dangled over the side, the other bent in front of me. He sat in a similar position in front of me and looked at me curiously with one eyebrow quirked. The worry in his eyes had faded just slightly, and it helped my ease my nerves just slightly.

I didn't know how to approach him about what I wanted to share with him, so I decided to ease my way into it, hoping that it would make this easier for both of us.

'Do you remember the forts we used to make here with our towels and picnic blankets when we were younger?' I asked with a timid smile. He chuckled quietly and his eyes seemed slightly distant as I'm sure he was recalling all of our childhood adventures at this beach.

'Yes. The memories from here are some of my favorites. I still remember Emmett being upset that he didn't fit in the fort when he was going through his "husky" phase.' he signed in return, chuckling as he remembered Emmett's temper tantrums. I chuckled silently myself. It was rather amusing to watch his stomping and pouting as he crossed his arms and accused us of building it small on purpose. In some ways, it was the truth. Edward and I had always built them only big enough to fit the two of us in it. It was only Emmett that ever took offense to it. No one else was bothered by our closeness, not Jessica, Angela, Jasper, or even Mike. Then again, Emmett was always more sensitive than the rest of them, and it made me wonder if he still was.

'Do you remember when you fell in that giant tide pool over by the rocks, and you panicked when you saw the crab that was scurrying toward you?' he signed with a playful smile. I glared at him playfully.

'Yes. I also remember you laughing hysterically as I begged Mr. Crab to keep his pinchers to himself.' I signed in return, laughing silently. I still don't remember how I actually managed to fall in that damn thing.

'How did I even manage to fall in that one?' I asked him with a befuddled expression. I really couldn't remember what I was even doing close enough to the edge to fall in there in the first place.

'I was holding onto you by the belt loop on your shorts as you dangled yourself over the edge of it. You were trying to reach a starfish that was clinging to a rock in it, and Emmett thought it would be funny to try and push me into the pool, but when he pushed me, I lost my grip on your shorts and you fell in as I fell forward. He ran away right after that. I think he was afraid of your father's wrath for causing you to fall into that particular tide pool.' he replied as he recalled that exact memory.

'Why would my father have been mad? It was fairly common for me to trip and fall into them when we were on the rocks.' I signed with a confused expression.

'Your father always warned us to keep you away from that one because of how big it is. It wasn't uncommon for eels and jelly fish to be in the bigger ones and he was afraid you would get hurt by them.' he responded with an expression of shame that confused me even more.

'Why do you look so ashamed right now?' I asked him curiously.

'Because it was my fault that you were by that tide pool to start with. I saw the starfish and pointed it out to you. I didn't think you'd actually try to get it, and when you said you wanted to, I figured as long as I held onto you, you wouldn't fall in. I wasn't counting on Emmett acting like a jerk.' he replied with an apologetic smile. I laughed silently.

'It wasn't your fault. I probably would have fallen in it anyhow.' I signed as I laughed. He laughed boisterously as he replied.

'You're probably right.'

We fell silent for a few minutes, both of us remembering all the good times our families had shared at this place. After a while, Edward tapped my leg to get my attention. I had been staring off in the direction of a little cafe that we had frequented numerous times on our trips here. I was in the middle of remembering a fight that my parents had in that cafe during one of the trips where it was only my parents, Edward, and myself.

Edward and I had left the cafe and walked down the beach when they started arguing in the car about something related to my father's job. It wasn't uncommon for them to argue about his career. My mother wasn't very fond of his being a police officer. She thought it was dangerous and they had arguements often over it. Edward saw that I was uncomfortable with them fighting so he led me away, and I followed him down to the tree we were currently sitting on.

I looked to Edward to see what he wanted when he tapped me, and I grew curious when I saw that he appeared to be hesitating to ask me something. He started and stopped a few times, but then finally signed it out to me.

'Bella, what were you just thinking about?' he signed nervously.

'I was thinking about that fight that my parents had in their car years ago. You led me down here and we sat on this tree. I don't remember much after that though.' I replied regretfully.

'Yeah, I remember that. It took me a while to calm you down, but you eventually did. We sat here until the sun set and then your parents finally found us. They had been worried sick when they finally realized that we were no longer outside of the car.' he replied sadly.

'Edward, can you do something for me?' I signed hesitantly. I didn't want him to feel self-conscious over what I wished to ask of him.

'Anything, Bella.' he replied simply.

'Can you stop signing to me? I miss hearing your voice. It's weird, because normally when people talk to me it makes me feel different, not normal. But with you, when you're signing, all I can do is think of how it would sound when you speak. I'd much rather hear your voice if that's alright with you.' I signed nervously and quickly. I was worried that he would be offended that he was the one person I felt most uncomfortable signing with. I really wasn't uncomfortable signing with him though, it was just the emptyness that I felt when his words weren't accompanied with his soft velvety tone that made me uncomfortable.

"Are you sure this doesn't make you uncomfortable, Bella?" he asked worriedly. I smiled and signed to him.

'No..that's much better. Thank you, Edward.' I replied with relief. His voice soothing me immediately.

"Anything for you, Bella. Always anything for you. I told you that in this very spot that day your parents had that fight," he spoke softly as he gazed into my eyes. Edward quickly looked down at the tree we were sitting on, and started picking away at its salt encrusted bark as he continued... "When we got to this tree, you told me how alone you felt when they fought that way. I didn't want you to feel that way, and I wanted you to know that I would always be there for you. I told you that I loved you and that I would always be there for you. It wasn't until after I said that that you were able to calm down. I still feel that way, Bella."

It felt like I had been hit full force by a freight train when that damn memory of the sunset on this beach that had been evading me for over a month finally hit me. Everything about it was crystal clear and vivid as it played in my mind. It was that day...the day my parents fought. We were sitting on this tree watching the sunset after being here all day. When they started fighting we had made our way back to this tree and he sat behind me, wrapping his arms around me as he tried to calm my nerves. We watched together as the sun cast its fiery brilliance across the surface of the choppy water, making it appear as though it was ablaze. He spoke in my ear with constant reassurance that I was never alone, that whenever I needed someone he would always be there, that he loved me....that he loved me.

_That he loved me?? _

_**Yes, Bella...and still does.**_

_But....how?_

_**Does it matter?**_

_Oh God...he said loved... as in past tense..._

_**Bella...he still loves you, he's just afraid to tell you. He's afraid that if he tells you, he'll lose your friendship. He doesn't think you could ever love him after the pain he caused you.**_

_That's ridiculous! You've got that ass backwards! _

_**You really don't see how very much alike the two of you are, do you? That **_**neither**_** of you finds yourselves as individuals worthy of love...**_

_No..I'm the one unworthy of love. There's absolutely nothing wrong with him..he deserves all the love in the world, and a person that can give him that._

_**And what's wrong with the love that you can give him? The love that you have for him that you've been denying?**_

_It's broken... He deserves more. I can't possibly be enough for him..._

_**Bella...you may be broken, but your love for him is not. There is nothing broken, or damaged, or even flawed about what you feel for him. It's pure... untouched, and untainted by anything. Your love is the kind that he deserves, Bella. It's pure, true, and eternal.**_

"Bella?" he questioned quietly as he cupped my face gingerly with one hand and stroked his thumb across my cheek. I looked at him and felt horrible for zoning out when I saw the worry so strikingly apparent in his eyes.

'Sorry. I spaced out for a minute.' I signed apologetically. He smiled and retracted his hand.

"It's okay. What were you thinking about so hard?" he asked curiously.

'What you said that day.' I replied simply and honestly.

"I meant it then, and I mean it now, Bella. I'll always love you and I'll always be here for you. Whether it's to comfort you, protect you, joke with you, or just simply be there silently with you, I'll be there when you need me," he replied with that confusing smoldering look in his eyes. It stunned me for a moment before I could collect myself and respond.

'Thank you, Edward. For loving me as a friend and doing so much for me.' I signed to him as I was filled with gratitude for his friendship. He looked down toward the tree we were sitting on and once again started picking away at the bark. He looked so torn at the moment, like he wanted to say something but was unsure if he should or not.

"I love you as more than a friend, Bella. I always have," he voiced just above a whisper. If the wind hadn't stopped blowing at that precise moment, I never would have heard it.

_He just said he loves me as more than a friend! _

_**I told you, Bella.**_

_How is that possible?!_

_**As I said before...does it matter how? It only matters that he does...**_

_He has to be mistaken..._

_**I assure you he's not, Bella...trust him. Trust yourself to trust in him...**_

He looked up at my shocked face and the desperation in his eyes nearly knocked the breath right out of me. I don't know what came over me, but I threw myself at him and crashed my lips to his. He didn't respond at first, and I was flooded with an overwhelming degree of dejection and embarrassment at having misinterpreted what he was implying. I started to pull myself back, trying to decide whether or not to run away and hide. I didn't want him to know how badly I was hurting at the moment. I didn't want to see the blatant repulsion in his expression in response to my sudden action. I couldn't handle seeing that...knowing that having someone like me kiss him disgusted him. The tears were already welling in my eyes, yet another thing I didn't wish him to see.

Our lips had barely disconnected when his hands flew up to my face and drew me back to his lips.

"Don't you dare pull away from me, Bella," he whispered against my lips before pressing his own against mine firmly. His lips parted slightly, and I felt the warmth and moisture of his tongue as it traced my bottom lip. I let out a breath of relief that I hadn't misunderstood his words as I parted my own lips, granting him access. He groaned into my mouth as our tongues met. The mere sound of it excited me and spurred me into action.

My arms wrapped tightly around his neck, and I weaved my fingers into his soft hair, pulling him closer to me. He dropped one of his hands from my face and wrapped his arm around my waist. He pulled me to him, and the action caused us to topple off of the tree. Edward landed on his back in the sand, and I landed on top of him. His chuckle was deep and throaty as we continued to kiss, unaffected by the short distanced fall. I smiled momentarily as our tongues relayed everything we wished to say to one another. Comforting the pain we each felt, healing the damage we had caused ourselves by denying both ourselves and each other the love we felt for one another. Every hum, moan, and groan he released made me burn with more passion than I had ever thought possible, to the point where it felt as though I was being scorched alive by it.

Our fervent kissing eventually faded into light chaste pecks. I pulled back and gazed deeply into his eyes, now realizing what that smoldering in his eyes represented... his love for me. His eyes were alight with happiness, and the smoldering quality had increased dramatically. It was enough to cause my breath to hitch as I gazed into those beautiful pools of emerald green. The look on his face was a mixture of relief, awe, and absolute adoration as he gently ran the back of his hand slowly from my temple to my chin.

"You don't know how long I've waited to be able to kiss you like that," he said softly as he watched his thumb trace my bottom lip. I smiled brightly at him, it was the only thing I could do in my position. He gazed into my eyes and I was lost once again in their beauty. I had never seen anything more beautiful.

"I love you, Bella. With every fiber of my being, I love you." His voice was smooth and sincere and saturated with the love he felt for me. I kissed him chastely a few times in response and then pulled back to look into his eyes. I was overwhelmed with the emotions of love coursing through me. I wanted so badly to be able to say it in return to him. I decided right then and there, while there was not a trace of panic to be found within me, that I would try.

Unfortunately, the only sound I was able to get out before the panic shot through me was a brief "eh" before I had to cut myself off in an attempt to not seize up completely. I continued to stare into Edward's eyes, allowing our closeness to calm the panic that had risen in me. His eyes immediately became alarmed as he realized what I had tried to do.

"Bella, don't. I don't need to hear the words to know the truth behind them," he chided with a tone meant to comfort me. I released a frustrated breath and relaxed, knowing that it didn't matter how badly I wanted to, I just wasn't capable of it at the moment, and he was okay with that. I looked back into his eyes, and did the only thing I was capable of doing... I mouthed 'I love you too'. His smile in response to my admission was dazzling.

Edward ran his hands down my back, and it instantly alerted me to what was still sitting in my back pocket, untouched and unread. I battled with the decision of whether or not to taint our current blissful state by revealing that part of me to him today. I really did not want to ruin how content we were at the moment, but I knew that at some point, whether it was now or some other time in the future, it would eventually come to light. I wanted him to know I trusted him enough to know my past. How could he possibly believe that I love him if I held such a large part of me a secret?

"Bella, what's wrong, love?" he asked quietly as I continued to war with myself over what I should do. I moved off of him and sat up facing in his direction. He sat up immediately and looked panicked as he looked at me. I realized how confusing my sudden shift in mood would be for him, so I tried to calm him quickly.

'Edward, I brought you here today to share something with you. I'm just not sure that now is the right time for me to do so anymore. I never expected anything like this to happen, and I don't want to destroy everything we are feeling right now.' I signed to him honestly with a torn expression.

"Bella, you can share whatever you wanted to with me. Nothing can change what I'm feeling right now," he replied with an encouraging smile. I grimaced.

'Don't say that, Edward. What I wanted to share with you most definitely can and probably will change what you're feeling. I'm terrified that you will look at me differently, or it will change how you feel about me.' I replied anxiously.

"Love, nothing can change how I feel about you...ever. What did you want to share with me?" he spoke with conviction and I couldn't find even a hint of doubt in his tone.

'What happened in Phoenix. Everything. I want you to know. I want you to know that I trust you enough to share even the darkest parts of me with you. I want you to know me. All of me. However, I'm worried about what that knowledge will do to you.' I signed hurriedly to him with a serious expression. I looked down to the ground as he digested what I had just relayed to him.

"Bella, look at me," he said softly as he guided my gaze up to his own. The smoldering quality was still vivid in his eyes as he held my hands and spoke again.

"I know it's not going to be easy for me to deal with that knowledge, but I also know how difficult it is for you to share it with me. Nothing that happened back then will change how I feel about you. Nothing. I love you, Bella. I want to know all of you, even the darkest parts. I'll be right here, Bella. I'll always be right here."

'I love you, too. Promise me that you won't hide your feelings from me. Promise me that you won't shut yourself down the way I did. I don't ever want that distance between us again.' I replied sternly.

"I promise, Bella. I can't predict how I will react, but I promise not to try hiding it from you," he replied sincerely as he squeezed my hands. I took in a deep breath and reached into my back pocket for the paper. I clutched it fiercly in my hand as I stared into Edward's eyes. My breath came out shakily as I handed the paper to him. He looked deeply into my eyes as he closed his fingers around the paper, and with his other hand he motioned with a finger for me to come closer. I leaned forward toward him, and he kissed my lips firmly as he cupped the right side of my face. He traced my cheek with his thumb and looked into my eyes as he pulled away.

He unfolded the paper and his hand found mine, lacing our fingers together, before he began reading. He squeezed it gently just once and I squeezed it in return. I watched closely as he read. Every now and then he would grip my hand tightly as he took in the words on the page. He stopped about mid-way through and wiped his eyes with his free hand that had just released the paper into his lap. He pinched the bridge of his nose as the tears continued to flow from his eyes, unaffected by his attempts to clear them. I started to get worried that he was shutting himself down until he tugged on my arm. He picked up the paper and pulled me into his lap, resting his head against my chest as he braced himself to continue reading. I wiped his tears away as his arm encircled me, holding me tightly to him. For once it was him clutching me for dear life instead of the other way around.

I wrapped an arm around his neck and ran my fingers through his hair hoping that it would soothe him even just slightly, if at all. He sighed just once before pulling the paper back in front of him. I continuously ran my fingers through his hair, rubbed his back, and kissed the top of his head as he read. It seemed to be helping him get through it...at least I hoped it was. He paused a few more times as he read, and an occasional sob would tear through his body. I held him tighter and rocked him slightly each time this happened until he calmed himself enough to continue reading. They were the only thing that proved to me that he wasn't shutting down...for if he had, there would have been no reaction, no pauses, and no sobs.

When he finished reading, he dropped the paper. The breeze carried it away from us, tumbling it along the shore that was mixed with sand and pebbles. I envied the breeze for the ease of which it carried it...if only it could be so effortless for those I loved and myself to bear the weight of what that damn piece of paper held.

I wrapped my other arm around him and swayed us gently as he cried into my chest. Violent sobs ripping through him intermittently, and with each one I would make gentle shushing sounds as I continuously rocked him. It was an eye-opening experience to say the least. It made me realize the strength he held within him as I thought about the numerous times he had done this very thing for me, rocking me and humming to me as I was inconsolable.

"Jesus Christ, Bella. I knew it would be horrific when I saw the scars today, but _shit_....there isn't even a word for _that_! How in the hell have you kept that in for so damn long? How in the hell did you survive it?" he spluttered as he tried to calm himself. I didn't know what to do or even how to answer so I just shrugged. I wasn't even sure I could explain it if I was able to speak. He gripped me tighter to him, almost to the point of depriving me of oxygen. It was slightly uncomfortable, but he needed it so I pushed my discomfort aside.

"I don't care what I ever have to do...no one..._no one_ will _ever_ touch you that way again. I won't let them. I love you, Bella...and I'll be _damned _if I ever allow someone to hurt you that way again," he spoke fervently, his tone drenched with desperation. I pulled back to look into his eyes. I knew he would blame himself for what happened. He always blamed himself whenever I got hurt as a child, why would I expect any different now. I stared into his eyes, willing him to realize that it wasn't his fault, that there was no way he could have stopped what happened.

'It's not your fault.' I signed to him when I pulled away enough for him to see what I was doing. He just looked at me incredulously.

'It's not your fault, Edward.' I signed again, desperate for him to accept the truth in what I was telling him. He cast his eyes downward and I briefly started to panic.

_He doesn't believe me... he's not going to let this go. Goddamnit! That guilt is going to eat him alive!_

_**You have to stop him, Bella. He's going to walk the same path as you if he allows the guilt to control him they way you do...**_

_My guilt is because I'm responsible..at least partly..for what happened! He had nothing to do with this! Nothing!_

_**Make him realize that, Bella. Maybe then you'll realize that you had nothing to do with what happened either...**_

_You're not helping right now... you're only aggravating me but denying the fact that it was my inability to remain silent that disclosed our hiding place.._

_**That's irrelevent at the moment, Bella. The longer you allow him to let that guilt soak in, the more control it gains over him. Do something and do it now for Christ's sake!**_

I quickly moved and placed my hands on his face. I tried to gently lift his gaze, but he faught against it. He was shutting down, and I'll be goddamned if I was going to allow him to. I pulled his head up roughly, and he looked at me with a shocked and somewhat hurt expression that I would be so aggressive towards him. I looked sternly at him as I signed to him.

'Look at me! It was NOT your fault! I will NOT allow you to shut down! You promised me. You promised you wouldn't shut down. That guilt will destroy you the way it destroyed me. Don't allow it. It was NOT your fault!' I signed to him hurriedly, my expression a mix between anger at myself for putting him in this position, and disappointment in him for allowing unjust guilt to seep into him.

"Bella, I didn't fight to keep you here with me. I didn't do anything when your parents took you away. I should have done something. I should have stopped them. It wouldn't have happened if you had stayed," he replied, remorse filling his voice and clouding his usually bright eyes.

'It's NOT your fault, Edward. There was nothing you could have done to stop them from moving. You were twelve for crying out loud! What were you going to do? Run away with me? With what money? Where would we have gone? There was nothing you could have done. It wasn't your fault. Please see that. Please.' I signed desperately.

"I don't know what we would have done, and I don't know where we would have gone...but Bella..I didn't do _anything_," he replied in a frustrated tone.

'Edward, there wasn't anything you could have done to change what happened. We were children. I didn't have a choice but to go with my parents, and you didn't have a choice but to watch me go. Please stop blaming yourself for something neither of us had control over.' I replied with a heartbroken expression.

I watched him closely as the light in his eyes slowly started to return. He was fighting to stop himself from closing himself off. The dim lifelessness that had been clouding his eyes was fading away slowly, leaving only the clear and bright hues of greens behind. He nodded just slightly to me and I let out a deep gust of breath in relief. He smiled apologetically at me and I crawled back into his lap. I kissed his lips tenderly as I cupped his face and ran my thumbs back and forth across his cheeks. I pulled back and signed to him once more before crawling back into the warmth of his embrace. He nodded and kissed my forehead as he enclosed me in his arms, letting me know he accepted my demand.

'From here on out, we walk this road together. No more shutting down, no more distance. We deal with this together.'

* * *

**AN: Reviews are better than falling off trees mid-kiss! Well..not really but I do enjoy them immensely ^_^ R&R PLS & TY!!**

* * *


	43. Learning to Deal & Star Crossed Lovers

**AN: I really have nothing to say this morning..I'm too tired to think straight! ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: Yeah we all know by now that I don't own anything related to Twilight...the wonderful and talented SM owns it all.**

* * *

Learning to Deal & Star-crossed Lovers

EPOV

Bella and I sat on the beach for a long while, just locked in each others embrace and occasionally kissing. Kissing Bella was...indescribable. The way she gripped my hair to pull me toward her, the way her breath would hitch every time our tongues met, even the simple way she would caress my face would drive me to the very edge of passion induced insanity. It had been an extremely long and emotionally exhausting day for both of us, and every kiss and gentle touch was like a soothing balm being applied to our wounds.

I'll be the first to admit that when she first kissed me, I was caught so off-guard that I froze. I had never expected her to do something like that, and at the time I hadn't even thought she had heard what I said as I was muttering under my breath. I only became aware of the fact that she had heard me when I looked up and saw her shocked expression. I entirely expected her to run away, never once thinking that she might actually feel the same way...and act on it.

I also never expected her to want to share her past with me. I knew that at some point, whenever she felt comfortable enough to do so, she would, but I never expected it to be so soon. It amazed me that she trusted me enough to want me to know those parts of her, those very hidden and secretive parts. What astonished me even more, was that she trusted me enough to do so even before she knew how I felt about her. She had brought me out to First Beach specifically to share her past with me.

If I could go back in time, I would do anything I could think of to stop her from leaving. I wouldn't have cared what it did to me in the process, how much trouble I got into, or how angry anyone would be with me. I would do anything, beg, plead, cry, flatten tires repeatedly so her father couldn't drive them off, run away with her until they agreed to stay...anything.

After seeing her scars as she was cowered in front of the lockers, I knew her story would be traumatic. I tried my best to prepare myself for what I was reading, but no amount of preparation or expectation could have saved me from what that piece of paper held. I was filled with so much rage toward those people and her parents for bringing her to the place where those events occurred. It broke me to read everything that she had gone through, everything that she had survived, everything that had caused her to be as distant as she was when she came back.

I had almost regretted reading it when I was finished...almost. The pain that coursed through me as I realized just how close to losing her I had come was agonizing. It was almost too much to handle, and it infuriated me that I could be so weak when I wasn't even the one that had experienced it. She had lived through it and survived, and there I was... ready to give up because I couldn't handle the pain that just thinking about it brought me. It was pathetic..._I _was pathetic.

I was the one that was supposed to protect her, comfort her, soothe her... not the other way around. I was supposed to be the strong one, her strength, her solid rock, but I wasn't. I was the one being coddled and rocked for once. I was the one being comforted and soothed, and I was infuriated with myself as I attempted to rid myself of the anguish I was feeling through my tears.

It was just starting to get dark out when we finally left First Beach. Bella had started shivering and I quickly stood and picked her up and carried her to the car. She laughed as I walked through the trail and signed a quick 'You make this look so easy' to me as I carried her. I laughed as I realized she was talking about me walking without tripping and not the fact that I was carrying her.

We made it back to her house around 6:30pm and Bella was quickly engulfed by a flash of hot pink and black. I laughed as I turned to see Alice clinging to Bella's front with her legs wrapped around Bella's waist as Bella staggered backwards laughing silently. It was immensely relieving to see her laughing so easily, appearing to be unscathed by everything that had happened today.

Esme approached me as Bella and Alice stayed locked in their embrace.

"Edward, can I speak with you for a moment, dear?" she asked gently. I nodded and turned to Bella. She waved me off with a smile before trying to pry the little clinging pixie off of her. I followed quickly after Esme and joined her in the kitchen, which smelled incredible.

"Edward, the school called shortly after you left. They informed me that after witnessing the video that Lauren, Tanya, and Jessica made, they have expelled them from the school. They've excused Bella for the rest of the week, and Alice brought home all of her assignments that her teachers provided. I thought maybe it would be best if you spoke with her, since she seems to be the most calm when she's with you. Please try and convince her that it's a good idea to take a break. Carlisle and I are extremely worried about how this will affect her, and we would like to be able to keep a close eye on her for a few days," she said with a concerned tone.

"I'll speak with her, Esme, I can't make any promises though. Bella's extremely stubborn at times, and I'm not quite sure how she'll feel about staying home. She hates feeling different, and I'm afraid that she will either take this as a punishment for what happened today, or she'll feel like she's being cast aside from the rest of her peers out of pity," I responded worriedly.

"Carlisle and I thought the same exact thing. We want to try and make this as easy as possible on her. She's been through so much already, and it's horrible that girls like that have to make it so much harder on her. I don't understand how they can be so cruel when Bella's never done anything to them to make them that way," she replied with aggravated confusion.

"That's just who they are, Esme. They've been that way for a long time, and it isn't just against Bella. They've been that way toward other girls in school as well. I just don't understand why Jessica would be so vicious towards her. They used to be friends when we were children, but somehow all of that changed when Bella left. She's been insufferable ever since, and it's made me think she was never actually friends with Bella to start with. I just don't understand why she would pretend to be her friend for so long if that is indeed what she was doing," I said as I took a seat at the kitchen counter. Esme returned her focus to her cooking as we spoke. I heard footsteps going up the stairs and figured Bella and Alice were heading up to her room for a bit. I tried not to worry too much as I sat at the counter conversing with Esme.

"I don't think there is a way to be sure of what her intentions were as a child, but she made her intentions very clear today. She is _not_a friend of Bella's, and based on her reactions, I'm quite sure it's safe to say that she never was. I can't imagine ever being able to do something like that to someone I once regarded as a friend, even if the friendship had ended on horrible terms, which I'm assuming theirs hadn't?" she inquired curiously. I shook my head.

"No, Esme. They never fought, well aside from Bella chasing her off whenever she'd start acting flirtatious around Emmett, Jasper, or myself. Bella knew how much we disliked when she acted that way, and she took it as her personal mission to swat her away when she'd start up," I said with amusement coloring my tone. Esme chuckled and shook her head.

"There's your answer right there, Edward. That's why she was friends with Bella. She thought she could get closer to the three of you by being her friend, and when it didn't work, she resented Bella for her failed attempts," she replied seriously. I stared at Esme incredulously for a few moments as what she said sunk in. My expression fell and I cringed when I admitted to myself that Esme was probably right. Jessica had used her to get closer to us, and in turn it hurt her later on because not one of us responded to her advances.

_Great...just one more way that we hurt her_. I thought to myself.

"So where did you two head off to today?" she asked curiously.

"First Beach. We used to go there as kids with our families," I responded hesitantly. I wasn't sure if she knew the real reason Bella had brought me there.

"That's nice, dear. Did you two have a good time?" she asked quietly, her tone seemed almost avoidant and it made me wonder yet again if she knew the reason behind Bella's wanting to go there.

"Esme... has Bella ever told you anything about her past?" I asked nervously.

"As a matter of fact, she shared all of it with Carlisle and I on the Saturday following her birthday," she responded hesitantly as if she was afraid of what I would say next.

"How did you take it?" I asked as the shame I felt for my reaction welled up within me.

"Oh, Edward, dear. I was a wreck. It took practically hours for me to calm down, and I had a bit of previous knowledge of the events prior to her sharing it with me. Did she tell you today?" she responded sympathetically, not a trace of the nervous hesitancy from before, almost making me think I had imagined it.

"Yes... Esme, I handled it horribly. I always thought I would be strong enough to handle knowing about it, but reading her words destroyed any strength I thought I had," I replied as the shame of my actions consumed me.

"Sweetheart, that's understandable. Her past isn't for the faint of heart, and the fact that she shared it with you is nothing short of amazing. Please don't be too hard on yourself. Carlisle didn't handle it very well at first either. He cried continuously as he read her account of the events, and I've only ever seen that man cry that way once before in the many years we've been together," she responded comfortingly. It only soothed me minimally however.

"That's just it, Esme. I didn't just cry. There's no other word for what I was aside from inconsolable. I felt so _weak_ when it took her rocking me and making soothing gestures just to calm me," I said regretfully, a bit of the anger I felt toward myself leaking into my tone.

"Edward, we all need our chance to grieve when we are faced with difficult situations. It's how we cope with pain. There's nothing about how you reacted that you should feel ashamed about," she said with a soothing tone, but paused and looked behind me and smiled.

"Hello, Liz. Thank you so much for stopping by," she said kindly with a warm smile. I spun around immediately and came almost face to face with my mother who was smiling sadly at me. She wrapped her arms around me and rubbed my back as she held me. Her presence as well as her gesture confused the hell out of me.

It occurred to me suddenly as she held me that Esme may have warned her about what Bella had intended to do with me today. She pulled back after a minute or two and eyed my face cautiously. I knew she was looking for signs of distress, but wasn't sure if she was finding any or not. I had so many emotions raging through me I couldn't even pick one of them out from among the line up, and I highly doubted she could either. She sighed after a moment and kissed my forehead before joining Esme on the other side of the counter.

"Honey, I brought you a bag of clothes and essentials for you to spend the night here. I agree with Esme that neither of you should be alone tonight, so we're all going to have a camp-out in the living room after dinner. I'm only agreeing to this on a school night because of everything that happened today, and there will be absolutely no reluctance from you in the morning when it comes time for you to go to school, is that understood?" she responded with a serious tone as she shook her finger in my direction. I smiled brightly and made my way around the counter quickly to hug her tightly.

"Thank you, Mom. I'll be up bright and early for school in the morning, I promise," I said happily. I looked to Esme and mouthed a quick 'thank you' to her to which she winked at me and smiled in response.

"You better, because Coach Clapp called this afternoon. You're in for quite a bit of heat when you get to school in the morning. Coach Clapp and Coach Jackson both wish to speak to you before class. From his tone, I highly suggest you make it to school before they do and prepare yourself for whatever they have in store for you. He did _not _sound pleased," she said with a reprimanding tone. I instantly felt remorse for having disappointed my mother, but I couldn't find it anywhere in me to regret my actions, and I knew that if I had to repeat today...I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.

"I'm probably kicked off the athletic teams... Are you and Dad very angry with me?" I asked, remorse saturating my voice. She smiled gently at me and placed her hand on my cheek.

"I was very disappointed in you when I got the call from Coach Clapp. I didn't understand what could have made you do something like that, and I instantly thought it was some prank that your team mates put you up to. It wasn't until I got the call from Esme that I understood why you would act so brazenly. Your father and I are proud of what you did for Bella today, dear. We're hoping that once your coaches hear your reasoning, they'll be lenient with you," she replied sincerely. I smiled at her and hugged her once more. She laughed as she hugged me back.

"Did you really think I would allow you to spend the night here if we were angry with you? Really, Edward. I would have towed you home by your ear if we were angry with you," she said sarcastically as she laughed. I laughed with her as I released her from my embrace.

Bella and Alice came into the kitchen as my mother, Esme and I were laughing. They looked at us curiously as they approached the counter and sat down.

'What's going on?' Bella signed towards Esme and I.

"We're having a living room camp-out tonight," I replied happily. She smiled brightly instantly and looked quickly to Alice. Alice nodded happily at her which in turn made Bella glare mockingly at her.

'You didn't tell me that.' she signed to her as she glared playfully at her.

'Sorry. I didn't want to ruin the surprise for you.' Alice signed in return with an apologetic smile. Bella mouthed a silent 'thank you' to her and hugged her excitedly. I smiled at the sight of them. It comforted me that Bella had a friend as close to her as Alice was.

"Bella? Esme, you, and I are having a girl's day out tomorrow. Is that okay with you?" Alice asked her with excitement in her tone. Esme and I froze nervously. I hadn't talked to Bella yet about her staying home for the rest of the week. Bella looked at her with a confused expression.

'Alice, we have school tomorrow. What are you talking about?' she signed to her.

"Bella? The school called Esme and they excused you for the rest of the week," I said softly as I approached her.

'Why?' she signed to me, her expression a mix of confusion and worry.

"Love, they found the video camera that Lauren and Tanya used. They witnessed everything that happened when they watched it, and they thought you deserved a chance to recouperate from it. They aren't punishing you by any means. You are in no trouble at all. They just want to make sure that you are given enough time to be comfortable with returning to school," I said softly as I took her hands and sat across from her in the seat that Alice had vacated for me. She pulled her hands away to sign to me.

'But I want to go to school. I don't want to be treated differently from anyone else. If they aren't punishing me then why do I have to stay home? I want to be in school with you and Alice.' she signed in response. Her expression mingling between anxiety and frustration.

"Sweetheart, Alice will be with you here tomorrow. I'd stay too, but I have to go to school at least long enough to talk to my coaches as it appears I'm in a bit of hot water at the moment. They aren't trying to treat you differently, Bella. They just want to make sure that you're okay before you go back to school. Think of it as a vacation, okay? Alice and I will come here for lunch every day and I'll come here every day after school. Please do this for me. I'll be worried all day long if you go back to school tomorrow. I'm afraid of how it will affect you if you return so quickly," I replied with a comforting tone, hoping that she would agree.

She looked at me apologetically for a moment and the nodded just slightly. I know she wasn't thrilled about having to stay home, and she was only doing it because I asked her to. I hated asking her to do it for me, but it really was the only way I knew she would agree to it, and I really would worry every second of the day if she returned to school in the morning.

'I'm sorry you're in trouble. I wish I could take that away for you.' she signed to me with an apologetic expression.

"Don't be sorry, love. I'd do it again in a heartbeat, regardless of what trouble I'm in tomorrow," I replied sincerely and smiled at her to let her know I wasn't upset in the least about it. Athletic teams and Captain's positions be damned, her happiness and safety meant more to me than any of that.

'Are they going to be there when I get back?' she asked me nervously as she bit her lip.

"No, love. They were expelled today after the Principal viewed the tape," I responded gently, unsure of how she would react to that bit of news. She looked to the floor for a moment and then looked back to me with a slight smile.

'I guess this means my face is now safe from permanent damage caused by their searing glares.' she signed as she chuckled silently. Alice and I laughed heartily.

"That it is, love. And I'm grateful for that because your face is far too beautiful to suffer damage from their heated glares," I chuckled as I traced her cheek with my fingers lovingly. She blushed brilliantly and tucked her head down. My heart almost stopped beating when she looked up at me from under her lashes.

Alice startled the hell out of me and I almost slipped off of my stool when she squealed loudly, almost covering up the whispers between Esme and my mother about how cute we were together. I played it off as if I hadn't heard them whispering to each other. Bella laughed in silent hysterics as I adjusted myself on my stool so that I was no longer about to slip off the side of it.

Alice quickly engulfed Bella in a hug and started whispering something in her ear. I couldn't hear what she was saying, but Bella blushed again as she shrugged her shoulders and nodded. I smiled at her and she smiled brightly back at me.

After dinner, Alice, Bella, and I set up the living room for our camp-out. We had to add an extra air-mattress since there would be six of us sleeping in the living room tonight. After we had it all set up, we sat down to do our homework. Well I did anyway, since neither of them were going to school in the morning they didn't feel the need to complete it tonight. Alice had even been thoughtful enough to get the assignments from the classes I had missed as well as Bella's.

I laughed and had to push Bella away when she kept trying to do my Biology homework for me as repayment for any trouble she caused me. It didn't stop her from trying though, and I almost gave into her antics thinking it would make her feel better...almost. She lost that battle when she kept laughing silently each time she tried to take my assignment from me. She would have won if she stuck with the sad puppy face, but I wasn't about to tell her that.

After I finished my homework, the three of us got ready for bed and settled down on the mattresses to watch a movie before bed. I set the alarm on my phone and laid it on the floor next to the edge of the mattress that Bella and I were on. Bella snuggled herself into me just as the new-age re-make of Romeo & Juliet started. I rolled my eyes when I thought that neither of them could see me, but Bella caught me.

'What's wrong with Romeo & Juliet?' she asked with an astonished expression.

"It's a horribly tragic tale that only portrays the incredible ignorance shared by two socially prominent families, Bella. Two young people that are in love, but their love is forbidden because of who they are. They destroy themselves in their attempts to conquer both their love for each other as well as their roles in society. It's a situation that could have been easily resolved, but neither they nor their supposed loved ones were able to acknowledge that. It's a sad ending for two people that could have found happiness within each other," I replied sincerely.

It was just one of the reasons I really disliked their particular story. I really didn't want to get into his fickle nature at having been in love with Rosaline just hours before he laid his eyes upon Juliet. In that way he kind of reminded me of Newton...which was why I was currently veering away from that conversation. We had been at odds for a week now over him, and I certainly didn't want to discuss him before going to bed.

'They're star-crossed lovers, Edward. It wouldn't have mattered what they had done, it still would have ended in tragedy. If our lives are truly ruled by the position of the stars at our births, and everything we experience in life is fated by those positions, then it's inevitable that they would have fallen in love and then died tragically. That's why it's called star-crossed.' she replied with a smug grin. I smiled at her before responding.

"And what if our fates aren't ruled by the stars? What if they were just two idiots that feared their places in society so much that they found refuge in their impulsive lust for one another? What if they were never truly in love at all? Maybe it was their way of making their own stand in the world, in an attempt to separate themselves from the pedestals that the world as well as their families held themselves upon. If that's the case, then it's just their inability to logically rationalize what they were doing and it ended tragically for both of them. Maybe if they had thought about what they were truly seeking in life, they would have realized that they truly didn't belong together," I responded quickly as I quirked an eyebrow at her. She mock glared at me as she thought through her response.

'Are you insinuating that their families, as well as society today, are correct in their assumptions that some people just don't belong together?' she signed quickly, her expression slowly becoming less playful and taking on a more nervous appearance. It made me wonder what she was thinking that was making her apprehensive as we spoke of their ill fated affair.

"I'm not saying that society is always right, but maybe the feud between their families should have been enough to cause them to act with just a little bit of caution in their relationship. If they hadn't acted so impulsively it wouldn't have come to such a tragic ending for either of them," I replied carefully, now becoming worried about what she was thinking as her expression became obviously worried.

'But if society is right, even if it's just sometimes, then why are you with me? We go against everything society deems normal.' she responded as a tear slipped from her eye. I wiped her tear away and looked at her sadly. She had been comparing our relationship to that of the pair of star-crossed lovers on screen, and I had basically just told her that the distance that society had placed between them should have been enough to keep them apart.

"Bella, I love you. I've loved you for as long as I can remember. There's nothing impulsive about the way I feel for you, as I'm sure there's nothing impulsive about how you feel either," I responded gently as I caressed her face and placed gentle kisses around on her forehead, temple, and cheek in between my words.

'Edward, nowhere in normal society do you see a Varsity Captain with the school outcast. It doesn't make sense. Our relationship doesn't make any sense in the social hierarchy.' she replied as yet another tear trailed down her temple and disappeared into her hair as she lay on her back.

"Bella, it doesn't matter if it makes sense to anyone else. I could give a damn less what anyone thinks of us. I only care what you think about us. Do you love me?" I asked her seriously.

'Yes. I love you more than I ever thought I would be capable of loving anyone.' she replied sincerely.

"Do you want to be with me?" I asked as I peppered her face with more kisses, smiling as I thought about her answer. I pulled back to see her answer once more.

'Of course I do. More than anything.' she responded quickly.

"Then if you love me and want to be with me, and I love you and definitely want to be with you and only you, then does it matter what anyone else thinks about us?" I asked smugly. She mock glared at me knowing that I had won our little debate. She mouthed a sarcastic 'no' as she rolled her eyes and the smiled. I smiled brightly and kissed her passionately. She smiled into our kiss and I moaned lightly as our tongues collided.

When I pulled back, I shot a nervous glance toward where Alice had been laying and was relieved to see her fast asleep. I hadn't thought about how rude my actions had just been, with her being right there next to us, until that moment. Bella covered her mouth and laughed silently as she looked over at Alice. I chuckled quietly as I lay my head down next to Bella.

She rolled over to face me, her smile still bright as she gazed into my eyes. I traced the back of my fingers gently across the right side of her beautiful face as I gazed into her eyes. I mouthed a quick 'I love you' silently to her and she returned it.

Her eyes started to droop sleepily a little while later, and I reached up and gently ran my fingers over her eyes, causing her to close them. I watched her for a few minutes and hummed to her until her breathing evened out. I kept my arm wrapped around her, holding her tightly to me as I closed my own eyes and waited for sleep to find me.

I was just about to fall asleep when I heard whispering coming from the mattresses beside us. Each whisper containing basically the same remarks on how peaceful Bella looked as she slept, and how cute we looked cuddled together. The only thing that threw me was that there were three distinct different whispers. I almost opened my eyes to see who the third person was, but stopped myself and almost chuckled as I realized who the third person was.

_That sneaky little pixie was playing possum!!_

_

* * *

_

**AN: Reviews are better than the crazy and hilarious Irish music I've been listening to all night! R&R PLS & TY!! **


	44. Early Meetings & Interesting Theories

**AN: I managed to get a bit ahead today...so I'm posting tomorrow's update early. ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: SM owns everything related to Twilight..including part of a quote from Twilight located in this chapter.**

* * *

Early Meetings & Interesting Theories

EPOV

I woke up at 5:30 the next morning, taking my mother's advice to try and make it to school before both Coach Clapp and Coach Jackson. I sent a text message to both Jasper and Emmett, letting them know that, once again, I wouldn't be picking them up for school. They both replied telling me they had already figured as much.

I was incredibly reluctant to pull away from Bella as I gazed down upon her peaceful and angelic sleeping features. She looked absolutely stunning in the soft glowing light emanating from the kitchen and dining room across the hall. I gingerly brushed a stray lock of hair away from her face and placed gentle kisses on her forehead, temple, cheek, and nose, before pulling the blanket off of myself. I knelt down next to her and made sure that she was tucked in tightly before I braced myself to stand.

"I'm amazed that you were able to stay away from her so long with how much you love her, Edward." I heard the whisper and my gaze immediately shot to the spot behind Bella's sleeping form. Alice was wide awake and staring at me with the brightest of smiles.

_Did she ever even go to sleep?!_... I thought to myself as I looked at her with a shocked face.

"I was only able to force myself to do it, because I thought it was what she wanted, Alice. I don't think I'd ever be able to pull myself away from her again...even if she flat out told me to leave," I responded quietly as I returned my gaze to my sleeping beauty.

_My Bella..._ I thought as I smiled softly at her still peaceful features.

"I'm happy for you two. You both deserve the happiness that you'll find in each other. I don't think I've ever known of a love as powerful as what I saw when you two were gazing into each others eyes last night," she whispered, her face reflecting the sheer degree of awe that she was feeling at the present moment.

"Thank you, Alice. I don't know what I ever did to deserve her, but I'm thankful for her just the same. I've never been able to picture my life without her in it, and I'm happy to say that now I don't even have to try," I replied quietly as I gently ran the back of my hand from her temple to her chin. She didn't even stir the slightest, and that relieved me. Hopefully she'd be able to sleep peacefully for a few more hours while I was at school.

"She's never been able to let you go either, Edward. I don't think she's aware that I know about it, but she keeps a photo album that's filled with just pictures of you and her together. I found it when I was trying to hide that damn dry erase board from her about a month ago," she said quietly.

"Thank you for telling me that, Alice. I've worried for so long that she never even thought of me during those years. She never even showed a single sign that she missed me, and it about destroyed me. It was the driving force behind my ability to stay away from her," I replied sadly. Alice frowned at me before replying.

"It's because she couldn't, Edward. She thought of you every day. I can assure you that much. She was just unable to show any type of emotion. In some ways, I think that's what makes her panic rise when she tries to speak. I think that she detached every part of herself so well during those years, that in order for her to overcome the panic, she's going to have to reconnect ever part of herself again. Her memories, her emotions, her dreams...everything has to be reconnected in order for her to succeed in what she wants most," she replied with a thoughtful expression.

I had never thought of that, and I was extremely interested in speaking to Carlisle about it. In some ways it made sense. It makes more sense that her feeling incomplete and broken would create that panic more than just simply attempting to speak. I was really curious about what Carlisle's opinion on the matter would be.

"I never thought about it that way, Alice. I think I'm going to talk to Carlisle about it later on today. Maybe I can catch him in between rounds at the hospital before I come here," I replied just above a whisper. Alice nodded and rearranged herself on the mattress to make herself more comfortable.

"I'm going back to sleep, Edward. I hope everything goes alright with you and the coaches at school today," she mumbled into her pillow. I chuckled as I stood up straight.

"Good night, Alice....or should I say good morning," I replied through my chuckle. She scoffed and waved me off before pulling her blanket over her head.

I grabbed the bag my mom had brought with her last night and jogged up the stairs to take a quick shower. When I was finished, I headed into Bella's bedroom to look for something to write on. I felt bad having to leave before she awoke, and I wanted her to know how much I'd miss her. I took a piece of paper from her printer and quickly wrote my note to her on it.

_**Bella love,**_

_**I'll miss you every second of the day that we're apart until I return from school. Please try and enjoy your day with Alice and Esme. I want to hear all about it when I see you this afternoon. I have practice...well I might have practice depending on whether or not I'm still on the athletic teams... after school. I'm not sure what time I'll get out, but I promise to be here as soon as I can.**_

_**Take care of my heart, I've left it with you,**_

_**Edward**_

I took the note with me as I jogged back down the stairs and headed toward the living room. Alice was snoring softly and it took everything in me to keep my laughter down to a quiet chuckle. I almost wished I had a tape recorder at the moment so I could get a little payback for forcing me to witness a naked Newton.

I folded the piece of paper and placed it next to her on the pillow we had shared throughout the night. I kissed her once more and forced myself to pull back and head into the kitchen. There had been quiet whispering floating from the area before I passed through the entry way. The moment I was spotted the room became eerily silent. It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end as I looked at the two women who were standing just across the kitchen island from where I was.

"Good morning, dear. Are you hungry?" my mother asked with a brilliant smile. I narrowed my eyes at her and quirked an eyebrow in her direction. These two were up to no good this morning.

"Starving," I replied simply, still looking at the two of them suspiciously. They both giggled to each other before Esme turned toward the stove. My mother walked up to a cabinet and removed a plate from it. I took my seat and continued to eye the two of them.

"Did you sleep well, Edward?" Esme asked politely with a smile.

"Extremely," I replied as I maintained my suspicious glare. Both her and my own traiterous mother started giggling once again.

"I see you're both up to your no good conspiratorial ways this morning," I muttered under my breath as my mother handed me a plate filled with eggs, bacon, and hash browns.

"Now what ever makes you think something like that?" she asked innocently.

"Hm...I don't know...the giggles, the all too innocent expressions and tones of your voices, the whispering that ceased immediately as I entered the room...take your pick," I replied with a smug grin. She and Esme looked at each other and giggled once again. They were beginning to drive me insane. I quickly started devouring my food so I could get away from them as fast as humanly possible. I had no idea what they were up to, but the thought of it almost terrified me.

"Edward, dear. Slow down or you'll choke!" Esme chided as she shook a finger in my direction. I shoved the last few forkfuls of food in my mouth and smiled grotesquely at them as I pushed my plate in their direction.

"Edward! That's foul!" my mother screeched. I quickly furrowed my brows at her and brought my finger up to my lips before pointing towards the living room where Bella and Alice were still sleeping. She flinched and mouthed a quick "sorry" as I quickly chewed and swallowed the food that was in my mouth.

I made my way around the counter and hugged and kissed both my mother and Esme quickly before I departed the room. They both wished me luck on my quickly approaching meeting with my coaches. I quickly stole one last glance at Bella as I walked toward the front door, and was happy to see that she was still sleeping peacefully. At least I wouldn't have to worry too much about her while I was being grilled.

I quickly got into my car and headed towards the school. As I pulled into the parking lot, I looked around for either of the coaches cars, but neither was there yet. I parked my car in my usual spot and tried to calm my nerves as I waited for them to arrive. I had no idea what they had planned for punishment, but I was almost certain it wouldn't be lenient by any means.

Only a few minutes later, Coach Jackson's F-350 pickup pulled into the parking lot. He had barely finished parking when Coach Clapp's Ford Excursion came roaring into the lot and parked just a few spots down from where I was currently parked.

I got out of my car quickly as the two of them made their way towards the gymnasium. Coach Jackson smirked at me and Coach Clapp just shook his head and pointed towards the gym. It took everything in me not to roll my eyes at his inherent ability to play bad cop. Coach Jackson could never pull that ability off, and Coach Clapp seemed to be a natural for it. The part that made me want to roll my eyes, was the fact that out of the two of them, Coach Jackson was by far the most unforgiving out of the two. Their abilities to play good cop, bad cop, were completely ass backwards from their actual personalities. It was enough to make me want to chuckle, but I stifled it immediately as I followed closely behind Coach Jackson, Coach Clapp hot on my tail as we walked briskly through the gym.

When we got to Coach Clapp's office, he pointed towards a chair in front of his desk and I immediately sat. My nerves were really starting to get to me as I met his glare with a repentant facial expression. Coach Jackson took a seat on the corner of Coach Clapp's desk off to the side of me.

"Boy, your actions yesterday really put us through the ringer. We expected a lot more out of you, son," Coach Clapp started with a mixed tone comprised of anger and disappointment.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I wish I could have explained myself yesterday, but under the circumstances at the time, it was an impossibility," I stated politely, my tone sincerely apologetic.

"We debated back and forth in regard to allowing you to remain on both the football and baseball teams. Unfortunately, we were unable to come to an agreement on the matter. The only thing we were able to agree upon was your status as Captain," Coach Jackson continued, his voice only disclosing the degree of disappointment he had in me. My heart sank as he spoke, and it wasn't because of losing my position as Captain. It was solely in response to the tone of his voice.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I understand your decision to remove me from my position. I regret having disappointed you, but I'm sorry to say that I don't regret my actions in the least. Bella is one of the most significant, if not the single most significant, things in my life. Her safety and happiness is of my utmost priority," I replied sincerely as I maintained eye contact with Coach Jackson. He smirked as I answered and it confused the hell out of me. I couldn't understand how my answer would cause that reaction in him.

"Edward, do you see that pile of jerseys in the corner?" Coach Clapp asked me as he pointed to the corner of his office. I turned and looked at the heaping pile of mixed jerseys that was probably about waist high. I turned back towards him and nodded, having no clue where he was going with this.

"Your team mates, as well as members of damn near every other sport we provide here at this institution, stormed into our offices yesterday afternoon after word got out of our decision to suspend you for the remainder of the football season as well as revoke your Captain's position. Each and every person that tossed their jersey into that damn pile over there has refused to practice, play, and compete in their sport of choice unless we agree to not only keep you on the team without suspension, but to also allow you to maintain your position as Captain," Coach Clapp stated with an expression of admiration.

"I don't understand," I replied dumbly, my expression one of pure confusion.

"It means that your team mates took a stand in your defense and allowed us absolutely no choice in the matter unless we cancel all sports for the remainder of the year. As of this moment, we have not a single member on _any _of our sports teams. Not even in the girl's division. They all handed in their jersey's as well. The only jersey missing from that pile...is yours," Coach Jackson replied with a smirk.

"Why would they do that on account of what I did? That doesn't make any sense. I knew I would face punishment of some kind with my actions," I replied as I stared at the pile of jersey's in astonishment.

"We couldn't understand it either...until Emmett stormed in the office. His jersey was the last added to the pile yesterday. He handed it in along with a video camera. His parting words as he left my office stunned me to say the least. He, along with every other Captain, handed in both his jersey as well as his jacket...all of them saying the same basic thing," Coach Clapp stated calmly as he crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. I stared at him in awe for a few moments while I tried to regain my ability to speak.

"What did he say?" I asked curiously.

"He said that if putting someone else before yourself didn't prove you to be worthy as a team Captain, than nothing would. He said that your actions yesterday proved you to be a greater man than any Captain before you, including himself, and that if we disagreed with his claim after viewing the video...then he, as well as the other Captains, didn't deserve their positions either," he replied seriously. I was stunned. I couldn't believe Emmett would forfeit his rank as football Captain over this...over anything really.

"Edward, we didn't understand any of their actions prior to viewing that tape. Witnessing each of them storming in here and tossing their jerseys as if they were being burned by them was... surreal. It baffled us even more when the girls started coming in and rallying behind your cause. We thought for sure they would be forming angry mobs if we allowed you to remain on the teams. That was until we viewed the tape. Neither Coach Clapp, nor myself, were present for that horrific display of cruelty. Had we been, I assure you it would have ended prior to your needing to take action yourself. We're proud of what you did. Not only did you put someone else ahead of yourself, but you also protected them with a ferocity that astounded both of us. We apologize for having viewed your actions so harshly before understanding the motivation behind them," Coach Jackson spoke, his voice and expression saturated with pride.

"So I'm not kicked off the teams?" I asked, bewildered by the rapid change in direction that this meeting had taken. Coach Clapp grinned widely before he spoke once again.

"No, son. While others simply stood around and watched the events unfold, you took action. An action that greatly needed to be taken. Your ability to recognize what needs to be done and have the ability to follow through with it, and at any cost mind you, is just one of the reasons we made you a Captain. We can only hope that your actions taught others how they should treat each other. This world would be a far better place if people treated each other with the degree of respect and compassion that you bestowed upon Bella."

"If I'm not kicked off the teams, and I'm not being removed from my Captain's position...what punishment am I facing?" I asked curiously as my awed gaze shifted between the two of them.

"Your punishment is to single handedly pass those damn jerseys back out to their rightful owners," Coach Jackson sputtered as he laughed and pointed to the offending pile in the corner. Coach Clapp smiled smugly at me from his chair. I had to laugh as I looked over at the pile of jerseys. I hadn't noticed it at first, but I became immediately aware that there wasn't a single Captain's jacket mixed in the pile. I looked back at Coach Clapp with a confused expression.

"Where are the Captain's jackets?" I asked as I furrowed my brow.

"Hanging in the trophy case. We received their new ones yesterday, but never got the chance to hand them out with all the chaos that erupted prior to practice," he answered as he got up from his chair and tossed a box in my direction.

"It's your responsibility to hand them out now, along with the rest of that damn pile," he muttered as he sank back down into his chair. I grinned widely at them as I spoke.

"Consider it done," I replied with an amused tone.

"Good. Now get the hell out of my office. I don't want to hear another word about yesterday from anyone. It's bad enough that we're once again going to have to lecture our way through yet another day in response to that debacle. Consider yourself exempt from that hour," Coach Clapp muttered gruffly. I rose from my seat and thanked both of them. Coach Jackson snickered as he helped me carry the box of new jackets as well as the pile of jerseys from Coach Clapp's office.

"Good luck with this...I don't know how you're ever going to finish passing them out before class starts," he chuckled. I laughed before I replied.

"I'm pretty sure they'll all come and get them themselves," I chuckled as we walked through the gym doors and came face to face with what looked to be damn near every member of every sports team at this school. Emmett and Jasper standing front and center with smug grins on their faces. It didn't take me long to figure out that they had orchestrated the entire stand off.

One by one, each member stepped forward and collected their jersey, each expressing their opinions on what had taken place. I thanked each one of them until it was just Emmett, Jasper, and I standing there.

"Em, Jazz...I don't even know how to thank you right now for what you both did. You saved my ass royally," I said sincerely as I handed them their jerseys.

"Bro, there's nothing to thank us for. You would have done the same thing if it had been one of us in that situation," Emmett replied as he held his fist out. I bumped it with my own before pulling him into a one armed half hug.

"I can't believe you were going to walk away from your Captain's position," I said with awe in my tone.

"Please...I knew once they saw that tape they'd have come to the same decision anyhow. It just felt good to be a dick to them for once instead of the other way around," he chuckled. Jasper and I looked at him incredulously for a moment before we broke into laughter of our own.

"Jazz, bro. Thank you," I said sincerely as I tossed an arm around his shoulders and clapped him on the back.

"It's what brothers do, man," he replied simply as he held his fist out. Once again I bumped it with my own.

"How's Bella doing?" Emmett asked with a worried expression.

"She's fine, man. The school gave her the rest of the week off, so she won't be here til Monday, but she's doing alright so far," I replied sincerely. He nodded and seemed relieved with the news.

"Dude, I _so_ don't want to be here today," Jasper muttered as he looked toward the building where his first class was.

"Me either," I replied as the tempting thought of returning to Bella seeped into my mind. Emmett nodded as well. Apparently none of us were inclined to attend class today.

The bell for first period rang through the air, and we each reluctantly parted ways. The day flew by from there, and with each hour that passed, I became more anxious for fifth period to start so I could rush to the hospital and try to catch Carlisle before heading to see Bella during the lunch hour.

Finally the bell for fifth period rang through the air, and I all but ran out to my car and peeled out of the parking lot. I made it to the hospital in record time and once I got inside, I politely asked the receptionist to page Dr. Cullen. She did so, and within minutes he greeted me in the main lobby.

"Edward, is everything alright?" he asked worriedly.

"Yes, everything's fine Carlisle. I was wondering if I could speak to you for a few minutes, if you have the time of course," I responded politely.

"Absolutely. Follow me to my office," he responded quickly. I followed him through the halls, attempting to gather my thoughts on the matter that I wished to speak with him about.

"Is this about Bella?" he asked curiously.

"Yes, Sir." I replied politely.

"Please, call me Carlisle. Sir is much too formal and it makes me feel older than dust, and I'm pretty sure I'm only approaching the age of dirt," he chuckled. I laughed as we entered his office. He shut the door behind us, and motioned toward a chair in front of his desk. He took his seat behind it and leaned forward with his elbows on the desk, a curious expression on his face.

"So, what is it you would like to discuss with me, Edward?" he asked curiously.

"Alice mentioned something this morning about why she felt Bella is unable to use her voice, and it made me curious to hear your opinion on the matter," I replied sincerely.

"What did she say?" he inquired, curiosity shining brightly in his eyes.

"She thinks that Bella detached herself from every part of her inner self so well, that it's the feeling of being incomplete that causes her to panic, not actually using her voice. She believes that the only way Bella will be able to overcome her panic is to reconnect the pieces of herself that remain detached," I replied, attempting to convey Alice's theory correctly.

"That's an interesting theory. Especially considering the length of time that we witnessed her inability to show emotion. Did she happen to mention either what pieces of her remain detached or how to help her reconnect them?" he asked anxiously.

"She only mentioned that she thinks Bella has to piece it all back together, her memories, emotions, dreams, everything that once made her whole. She didn't mention anything in regards to how though," I replied quickly as I recalled my conversation with Alice.

"Her dreams and memories?" he asked with confusion in his tone.

"That's what she said. I haven't been able to make anything of it yet. The only thing I've noticed is that some of Bella's memories seem to be incomplete. When we were at the beach yesterday, she couldn't recall some parts of her memories from there. It didn't strike me as odd at the time, because there are plenty of memories that I'm sure I don't recall as well, but now it's making me wonder if she didn't purposely force herself to forget them when she detached her emotions from them," I replied distantly as I tried to understand how she would be able to do that and if it would in fact work that way.

When she spoke of her memories they all seemed to cut off right before there was any real emotional involvement. The only real emotion that she portrayed in each memory was guilt. Guilt for her parents fighting, guilt for leaving Emmett out of our forts, guilt for falling into the tide pool...guilt.

"Carlisle....it's the guilt," I muttered quickly as it all pieced together.

"What? What do you mean?" he questioned quickly with a worried expression, that no doubt matched my own.

"It's the guilt she feels. It keeps her detached in some way. All of her memories cut themselves off at a spot where all she recognizes from them is the guilt she felt at some point during the event that took place in her memory of it. It was even in that damn paper she gave to me. I never noticed it through everything I read because I was distracted by what I was realizing she had gone through. She blames herself for all of it, and the guilt is eating her alive. She even warned me not to allow it to take me over when I started to shut down after reading her account of what happened in Phoenix. I had started to detach myself from feeling anything but guilt for allowing that to happen to her, but she stopped me from allowing it to consume me," I replied hurriedly as the pieces all fit together in my head.

"You might be right, Edward," his voiced muffled as he ran his hands over his face.

"I think I am...but that doesn't explain everything," I trailed off as I thought of other things that I couldn't fit into that theory.

"What doesn't it explain?" he asked curiously.

"Her emotions still aren't completely intact. I've watched her closely for five years, and not once have I witnessed her truly react with anger. It's there, but only vaguely. The first day I approached her, I caught a bit of it quickly, but it vanished quickly as well when I fully expected it to be her dominant emotion at the time. It disappeared and was replaced yet again with guilt for thinking she had upset me, when in reality I was upset with myself at the time. Even with what happened yesterday, she didn't get angry at them. When I found her, her expression was a mix of guilt and I hate to say it, but acceptance in response to what they were saying to her," I replied sadly.

"So Alice's theory is at least partially correct, assuming that any of this is in fact an accurate depiction of what's happening inside of her," he replied thoughtfully.

"I think she is. I think the only way she can reconnect everything that's broken within her is for her to rid herself of the guilt and blame that she places upon herself. I just don't know how to help her with that. I don't understand why she feels so guilty to start with," I said regretfully.

"I'm sorry to say this, but I think this is something she has to overcome herself. We can't force her to believe anything that she doesn't feel is true. I had this conversation with her when she shared her past with Esme and I. We both told her that in order for her to recover, she'd have to let go of the guilt and be able to stop blaming herself for anything that happened. She agreed with what we said, but agreeing with it and being able to accomplish it are two very distinctly different things. I'm afraid that if all of this is correct, it's just going to take time for her to remove that overbearing emotion from herself. She understands that there are parts of what happened in Phoenix that she doesn't understand, and that fully understanding everything that happened will possibly help her, but she isn't ready to face it. She's gone through such a radical change in such a short period of time after being so detached for so long, it's overwhelming for her. I fear that adding to that so soon will only damage the progress she's made. I also fear that if we tried to push the information on her, she'll force herself not to believe it simply because she isn't ready to believe it," he responded with a helpless expression.

"Do you believe that the guilt stems from the actual events that she witnessed, or from something else?" I asked as I recalled parts of her writing.

"What else would she feel guilty for?" he asked curiously.

"She had been angry with her parents for not allowing her to have contact with any of her friends once they moved. She never reconciled that anger with them before those horrific events took them away from her. I'm wondering if that's where her inability to show true anger stems from, as well as the greater bulk of the guilt she feels," I said as I mulled the thought over in my head.

"It could very well be, Edward. Although I'm not quite sure that she is able to distinguish a difference between the two. If the guilt overrides everything else, then it's guilt just the same. It doesn't matter where it stems from, it has the same affect on her. Either way, she'll have to confront both origins at some point or another. We can't be certain of which one caused her to lose control over it until she confronts each source," he replied as he thought through my words.

"I wish there was something we could do for her. I hate knowing that she carries all of it on her shoulders every moment of the day," I said with a frustrated tone.

"We all do, son. But I'm afraid that she's the only one with the ability to navigate her way through what she feels and believes. I firmly believe that she will overcome it when she's ready, it's just a matter of her feeling capable of handling all of it. She's spent five years avoiding anything related to dealing with any part of her past, and it's going to take her time to feel sure enough of herself to face what she's been hiding from," he replied in a comforting tone, attempting to ease my frustration with the whole situation.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the time briefly. I realized that I needed to head out shortly if I wanted to spend my lunch hour with Bella. Carlisle and I both agreed that there were significant pieces missing from her understanding of the events that had taken place leading up to that fateful day. I had even mentioned to him about Billy's offer to fill in the missing pieces for her whenever she felt she needed or wanted him to. We both agreed that the decision to take him up on his offer remained solely with Bella.

Carlisle felt that Bella needed to come to terms with the knowledge that there were events that took place outside of her observations that inhibit her from understanding what really caused everything that happened in Phoenix. I had already had that assumption ever since the conversation I had with her the night of her birthday. There were so many pieces now that just didn't fit together, and I knew that the only person capable of piecing them together was Billy. It was just a matter of when Bella would allow him to piece her broken pieces of understanding together for her. There really was nothing left for us to do but support her and encourage her to keep moving in the direction of her recovery. The rest was up to Bella herself.

I thanked him for speaking with me and made my way back out to my car. I drove quickly over to Bella's and darted up to the front door. I rang the bell and only moments later, Bella opened the door, smiling brightly at me.

"Hello, Beautiful," I said as I wrapped her in my arms. She smiled brilliantly at me and I ducked my head down, bringing my lips to hers.

"I've missed you terribly," I whispered against her lips. She nodded briefly before pulling me toward her. Our lips met and I sighed as the touch of her lips eased every last bit of tension and anxiety that had riddled me throughout the day. Her nimble fingers wound their way into my hair as she pulled me even closer to her. I almost came apart at the seams when she sucked my bottom lip into her mouth and nipped it gently. I groaned throatily at an embarrassing volume and briefly hoped no one was around to have heard it aside from Bella. It was only a flash of a thought before I lost myself in our kiss as she ran her tongue across my lip requesting entrance that I readily granted.

The feeling of her tongue caressing my own caused me to lose control as I spun us around and pinned her in between the door and my own body. The overwhelming emotions that she brought out of me was staggering to say the least. I realized that our current actions were highly improper should someone happen upon us, and it caused me to force myself to slow our fervent kiss quickly. I hated having to do it, for there was nothing I'd rather be doing at the moment, but having the life beaten out of me by Esme really wasn't very appealing. I kissed her chastely a few more times before I rested my forehead against hers and gazed into her beautiful doe like eyes as I tried to control my ragged breathing.

"You have no idea what kissing you does to me, love," I muttered through my gasps. She blushed furiously and took in a shuddering breath as her eyes closed, attempting to calm her own erratic breathing.

We were able to compose ourselves after a few moments, and Bella took my hand and led me into the kitchen. Esme and Alice were sitting at the island counter talking animatedly about the spa they had all been to this morning. I looked to Bella and she rolled her eyes which caused me to chuckle. Esme and Alice spun around to face us and they both smiled widely as they noticed our linked hands.

"Are you hungry, dear?" Esme asked with a warm motherly tone.

"I'm not sure there are very many moments in my day when I'm not hungry," I chuckled. Esme laughed and shook her head at me.

"I'll make you some lunch, dear. Here, take my seat. I've been sitting all too much today," she chuckled as she rose from her stool and made her way toward the refridgerator.

"Thank you, Esme," I replied gratefully as I sat down in her previous spot. Bella went to sit on the stool next to me but I shook my head at her and patted a hand on my leg. I helped her climb up and positioned her in a way that was comfortable for both of us.

"I want to soak up as much time with you as I can before I have to head back to school," I whispered to her before kissing her cheek tenderly. She blushed and rested her head against my chest. Alice snickered from beside us and I playfully jabbed her with my elbow, only causing her to screech out my name and laugh harder.

Moments later, Esme handed me a plate containing a sandwich and chips, and a soda. I dug in quickly, trying to keep any crumbs or anything from falling on Bella. She tried to pull herself off of my lap to let me eat, but I gripped her to me tighter and grunted in disapproval with a mouthful of food. Esme chuckled and smiled fondly at us, causing Bella to blush once again.

Unfortunately, by the time I was done eating, it was time for me to head back to school. Bella walked me to the door, and I bent down to give her a tender yet innocent kiss, only innocent because Esme and Alice had joined her to walk me out. It briefly made me wonder if they had either witnessed us or heard me earlier. I tried not to think about it too much as I soaked up my last few moments with her.

"I have practice after school, so I won't get here until around five at the earliest," I said gently as I caressed her perfect cheeks. She pouted slightly and I chuckled as I placed a kiss on her forehead.

"It's okay, love. The time will pass quickly, I promise," I said comfortingly as I hugged her one last time. She nodded into my chest, and I gave her one last chaste kiss before making my way out to my car. She watched me as I walked, and as odd as it sounds, I could feel her gaze on me. It caused a strange pulling sensation in my chest that made me want to turn right back around and go back to her. I smiled and waved to her as I opened my car door, and she waved back before disappearing into the house and shutting the door behind her.

I made it back to school just in time to make it to our Biology class. I hated how empty the table felt without her there, and couldn't stop myself from glancing at her empty seat repeatedly. When the bell rang out, I quickly made my way to History, glad that it was the last class I had to endure before practice. Emmett looked positively miserable when I walked into the room. I took my seat next to him and quickly turned toward him.

"What's up with you, bro?" I asked curiously.

"Dude, I _totally _flunked that damn quiz today, and Coach Jackson caught wind of it. He lectured me for a half hour about my needing to pull my Algebra grades up if I wanted to stay on the team...and this was after listening to him and Coach Clapp lecture everyone about yesterday for the entire hour of class," he muttered with frustration.

"Em, why are you doing so poorly in math? You've never had a problem with it before," I asked gently.

"It's just been hard adjusting to Rosie not being here with me anymore. I'm so damn distracted all the time from missing her being near me damn near every moment of my day. I never thought I'd have this hard of a time adjusting to her being so far away. We talk every day on the phone, but it isn't enough for me, bro. I miss the shit out of her," he replied with a depressed tone.

"I'm sorry, bro. I don't know how I'd fare if I were in your shoes. Now that Bella's part of my life in that way, I don't think I could ever handle that kind of distance between us," I replied sincerely. Emmett's expression quickly turned to shock and I looked at him curiously. I had no idea what it was about what I said that shocked him.

"What do you mean now that Bella's part of your life that way? What way?" he asked hurriedly.

"Oh shit! Bro, I haven't had the chance to tell you. Bella and I went to First Beach yesterday after she calmed down, and somewhere in our conversation I muttered under my breath about how I loved her as more than a friend. I didn't think she could hear me, but she did. Turns out she feels the same way...shocked the shit out of me when she kissed me, bro," I replied animatedly.

"Holy shit! Dude, that's F-ing awesome! Congrats, bro!" he bellowed out as he pumped his fist in the air. I laughed at his excited antics.

"Guess that means I have to stop making prude jokes at your expense now, huh?" he asked with disappointment.

"Please do... they are incredibly annoying, Em," I replied seriously.

"That's okay...I can still play the 'V' card. You didn't manage to get that far on your little outing did you?" he asked as he quirked an eyebrow at me.

"EMMETT!" I whisper yelled with an angry expression.

"Sorry, bro. It's just hilarious that you've been so damn repressed when it comes to girls. Hell, even Jazz managed to cross the home plate before you...and he's the shy one out of the three of us!" he chuckled. I looked at him curiously. I didn't remember Jasper ever being with anyone aside from some girl that he dated for all of two weeks last year.

"Who in the hell did he slide home with?" I asked him seriously. Emmett tensed almost unnoticeably and looked at me wide eyed for a moment. I quirked an eyebrow at him waiting for his answer.

"He never told you?" he asked me incredulously. I looked at him in confusion and shook my head.

"No he never mentioned anything about it, ever," I replied suspiciously. Emmett shook his head and chuckled.

"I can't remember her name, it was some girl he dated last year," he replied, but he didn't look at me as he spoke, he looked past me. I narrowed my eyes at him briefly and he held his hands up in surrender.

"Take that shit up with him, bro. I don't know why he never mentioned it to you," he replied quickly. I shook my head and turned forward. Whoever it was and why Jasper didn't say anything to me wasn't even worth soiling my current euphoric mood.

Class passed quickly after we finished our test, and our teacher let us out a few minutes early after giving us our homework assignment. Emmett and I made our way over to the gym to start getting ready for practice. Jasper met up with us about ten minutes later and Emmett oh so graciously blurted out my new relationship status to him as he approached us.

"JAZZ! Eddie-boy finally has a girlfriend!" he bellowed out, his voice echoing off the tiles and lockers in the confined space. Jasper halted his steps immediately and stared at me incredulously for a minute before his face broke into a wide grin.

"Congrats, bro. I'm happy for you. Who's the lucky girl?" he asked with amusement.

"Bella, who the hell did you think?" I replied sarcastically.

"No shit?" he asked with disbelief.

"Seriously," I replied with a wide grin.

"That's freaking awesome, bro. Wow. I never thought I'd see the day that you actually manned up and told her," he said with an awed expression.

"It was kind of an accident. I hadn't meant for her to hear me, but she did anyhow," I replied honestly.

"What'd she do?" he asked curiously.

"She kissed me, bro. She caught me so off-guard that I completely froze and almost ruined it...almost," I replied with a grin as I thought about our second kiss.

"Wow...I don't know what to say. I'm happy for you both. I always knew that you two would end up together eventually," he said sincerely as he pulled his uniform out of his locker.

"How would you know that? Are you telling me you can see the future now?" I retorted sarcastically.

"Please, Edward. You could almost feel the love radiating from the two of you when we were kids, it's just none of us really acknowledged it for what it was," he replied seriously.

"I knew what I felt...well at some point I realized what I felt, but I never imagined she felt the same way all these years," I said, still awed by the fact that she had.

"It was only a matter of time before neither of you could deny that the other felt that way," he said, his tone portraying his confidence in his opinion.

"Have you asked Alice out yet?" I questioned curiously. He stopped what he was doing and looked at me with an expression that bordered between regret and general discontent. I couldn't really pin it down to just one.

"Alice says she wants to wait until she's sure that Bella will be okay with it. She's worried because Bella still seems hesitant around Emmett and I," he replied sadly.

_Well that explains the facial expression..._ I thought to myself.

"Sorry, bro. I'm sure she'll ease up soon. She's been doing a lot better lately. I just can't figure out what's holding her back," I replied remorsefully.

"It's alright, man. Things will work themselves out eventually," he replied somberly.

We finished getting ready and headed out to the field. The whole time we were out there I just kept wishing repeatedly that time would just move quicker. It felt like it was dragging at an incredibly slow pace. All I wanted to do was return to Bella and wrap her tightly in my arms.

Finally, When I thought I couldn't stand another second being on that damn field, Coach Jackson pulled us in. He gave us our pep talk for the game we had coming up on Thursday against Olympia High and then finally said the blessed words of 'hit the showers' to dismiss us that I had been waiting for all afternoon.

I showered quickly, and barely dried myself off before throwing my clothes back on. I didn't care if they stuck to me or got damp...I wanted the hell out of there as quickly as possible. Jasper and Emmett laughed hysterically and I shot them the finger as I jogged out of the locker room with a wide grin plastered on my face.

I made my way back to Bella's quickly, and was once again greeted by her beautiful smiling face as she opened the door. She ushered me in towards the dining room where they had been eating dinner. She pointed to the chair next to hers and then she wandered off into the kitchen. I turned towards the table and smiled at Esme and Carlisle timidly.

"Sorry to intrude on your dinner," I apologized sincerely.

"Edward, dear, you are more than welcome to join us any time," Esme replied graciously.

"Please, Edward. Have a seat and join us. You are always more than welcome at our table...no invitation necessary, son," Carlisle said as he smiled and gestured toward the seat that Bella had pointed to. I sat down quickly and only moments later, Bella returned with a plate, silverware, and a soda for me.

"Thanks, love," I said softly as I wrapped an arm around her while she placed the items on the table in front of me. She smiled affectionately at me as she took her seat next to me. I couldn't seem to stop touching her as we all ate. I'd twirl a lock of her hair between my fingers, or rest my hand on her leg, at one point I even wrapped an arm around her waist and scooted her closer to me so I could hold onto her. With each touch I kept waiting for Carlisle to slap the shit out of me, but every time I glanced nervously at him expecting to find a frustrated expression on his face he would just smile and chuckle, which rattled my nerves even more. Still, it didn't seem to be able to deter me from achieving any minimal amount of contact that I could with her.

Bella sat with me after dinner as I did my homework. I held her hand and played with her fingers, smiling at her occasionally and every once in a while leaning toward her to steal a quick kiss as I worked my way through my assignments. She seemed to be completely content just watching me work, and I enjoyed the peaceful and comfortable silence that enveloped us. It made me feel like we were the only two people in the world at the moment.

It was only a little after seven when I finished my homework, giving us almost three hours until I really had to head home. My parents wouldn't be thrilled with my coming in after curfew on a school night, and I didn't want to disappoint them any further than I had the day before.

Bella led me into the living room and we cuddled on the couch together as she flipped through the channels on the television, looking for something for us to watch. After a few minutes she stopped on a music channel as she recognized a song that she apparently liked. I didn't recognize it at all. I looked to her and saw that her expression had become saddened.

"Love, are you alright?" I asked her worriedly. She muted the television and turned to me.

'Did you ever look up any of the songs by Secondhand Serenade when I suggested it to you?' she signed to me with a curious expression.

"No, I never got the chance to. Why?" I asked her curiously.

'I want you to listen to one. Will you?' she signed nervously.

"Of course," I replied simply with a smile. She gestured to me to wait for a minute and I nodded to her. She lifted herself from the couch and headed up the stairs. She came back down a minute later and sat back down between my legs, draping her legs over the one of mine that was on the outer edge. She passed me an ear bud and I put it in my ear and waited as she looked for the song she wanted. A few moments later she turned slightly toward me and signed to me again.

'I used to listen to this song all the time whenever I thought of you.' she signed with a sad expression. I nodded to her and she pressed play as she laid herself against me and stretched her legs out in front of her. Immediately the chords of a guitar chimed in, followed closely by a guy singing about him crying and trying to figure out who was to blame about their relationship being over. The words of the song were incredibly powerful and it caused a sharp pang to shoot through my chest as I listened to all of the words carefully.

It accurately depicted exactly how both of us felt the entire time we were separated. The strange part about the song was that through the entire first three quarters of the song it filled me with the despair that I had felt for years, but the last quarter of the song filled me with hope. The hope that I had felt when I finally decided that I was going to try and mend our friendship, and the hope that I now had for us to remain happy together. When the song ended, I looked down to her face and gently wiped away the tear that had fallen from her eye.

"Bella, it was never over, and it never will be, love," I said softly to her as I cupped her cheek with my palm. She leaned her face into my palm and nodded.

"Can you choose another song to remind you of me though, please?" I asked as I chuckled. She chuckled silently, sat up and turned toward me once again.

'I already have. Wanna hear it?' she signed excitedly. I grinned widely at her.

"Absolutely," I replied happily, relieved that she didn't listen to this song any more when she thought of me. She flipped through her playlist and pressed play when she found the song she wanted. I immediately recognized the sound as being from the same band as the other song, only this one was incredibly sweet. Honestly, if I had to choose a song to think of her to, it would most definitely be this one. When it finished I couldn't resist asking her what the name of it was. I wanted to load it on my iPod as soon as I got home.

"Bella, what's the name of that song?" I asked with a smile as I played with her tiny fingers. She pulled her fingers away so she could sign to me and I watched her.

'It's 'Awake' by Secondhand Serenade. Do you like it?' she replied with a smile.

"I love it, Bella. It reminds me of you perfectly. I'm going to load it on my iPod as soon as I get home," I said sincerely. She smiled and leaned in to kiss me. I pulled her on top of me and wrapped my arms around her as our lips met. I don't think I'd ever tire of her kisses and I really hoped that I never would. They felt too damn good. Her hands winding their way into my hair emboldened me and I parted my lips just slightly to deepen our kiss. She immediately responded and within seconds I was finding it hard to control myself. My hands traveled down her back and my thumbs slid themselves under the hem of her shirt. I slowly caressed the skin of her back working my way up her back, relishing in the silky smoothness of her warm flesh. The second my hands crossed over a rough line of skin she inhaled sharply and jerked backwards, flinging herself almost clear across the couch with a panicked expression on her face.

"I'm sorry. Bella, I'm so sorry," I uttered with panic as I shot up straight. She looked so panicked at the moment I thought I was about to have a heart attack. I hadn't meant to make her so uncomfortable. I reached out for her hesitantly, worried that she was going to seize up right in front of me.

"Bella, just take deep breaths and try to relax," I said in a comforting and encouraging tone. She nodded and complied as she closed her eyes. I gave her a few minutes to calm herself and forced myself to maintain my distance from her until she regained control over her panic. She finally opened her eyes and mouthed a silent 'sorry' to me.

"Love, you have nothing to be sorry for. That was my fault. I shouldn't have acted so carelessly. I'm sorry, please don't blame yourself for that. That was entirely my fault," I replied sincerely. She shook her head and slowly crossed the couch toward me. She sat on her legs in front of me and looked at me apologetically and it frustrated the shit out of me that she was blaming herself for what just happened. She hadn't done a damn thing but react to my careless actions. I couldn't let her know how frustrated I was at the moment though. It would only make the situation worse.

"Can you tell me what I did that made you panic that way?" I asked gently, not allowing a trace of my frustration seep into my tone. She ran her fingers up and down her temple as she contemplated how to respond.

'It wasn't your fault. It's just that your hand ran over one of my scars and it freaked me out. I panicked because I thought you would be disgusted by it and leave me.' she replied with a fearful expression.

"Bella, love, please don't ever think that way. There isn't a single thing about you that I find disgusting. Nothing. You are absolutely perfect in my eyes," I spoke in a disheartened tone as her fears struck a painful chord within me. Her eyes immediately welled up and spilled over, breaking my heart even further.

"Come here, baby," I said softly as I pulled her to my chest. I wrapped my arms tightly around her as she clung to me while she cried. It damn near killed me to realize just how badly she viewed herself.

"It'll be okay, love. We'll work our way through this together. I'm not in a rush to advance anything between us. Just let me know what makes you uncomfortable, okay? I promise I won't cross any boundaries that we aren't ready for together," I said softly, hoping to soothe her fears. I could only imagine what irrational fears were plaguing her at the moment. The ones that I could think of only made me want to retch. The biggest one being that she would fear that I was only with her for sexual reasons which was the farthest thing from the truth. I'd wait forever for that if I had to.

She eventually calmed her sobs and relaxed her grip on me. I pulled her legs out from underneath her and shifted her so she was sitting sideways in my lap. I wiped the moisture away from her face and gently kissed her forehead.

"Are you okay now?" I asked worriedly. She sniffled and nodded slightly.

"Will you tell me what you're thinking?" I asked gently. She nodded slightly once more and moved just slightly to make it easier for me to see her.

'I'm trying to figure out why you aren't repulsed by the scars. You saw them yesterday, and felt one today. I don't understand how it doesn't affect you. It doesn't affect Alice either, and I don't understand either of you in that respect.' she signed with a slightly confused and slightly frustrated expression.

"Bella, when I look at you, I don't see your scars. I see _you_. I see who you are inside. When I touch your skin, I don't feel your scars. I feel _you_. I feel the warmth and tenderness of who you are. Your scars don't define you, love. I'm sure Alice thinks the same way, although I'd really not think about anyone else touching you but me honestly," I replied truthfully. It eased my nerves slightly when she chuckled silently at my last words...even though I was being completely honest and really wasn't trying to crack a joke. Just the thought of someone other than me touching her in the way that I just had was enough to blind me with jealousy.

She looked at me nervously for a moment before she started signing to me once again.

'Edward, what did you honestly think when you first saw them yesterday?' she asked hesitantly.

"Honestly...the first thought that crossed my mind was finding the person that dared to touch you in that manner, so I could tear them limb from limb," I said truthfully. I watched her carefully as she took in my words. Her face fell only slightly before she continued.

'What was the second thought?' she signed as she eyed me nervously.

"My second thought only revolved around my being horrified by the amount of pain you had to have experienced in receiving them, and wishing that there was any way that I could have traded places with you and had that pain inflicted upon myself rather than ever having you have to experience it," I answered sincerely. She frowned and furrowed her brows at me.

'It never, even for just a moment, made you uncomfortable to look at them?' she asked with an incredulous look.

"Bella, the only part of it that made me uncomfortable was realizing how badly you had been hurt without me ever even knowing about it. I only fairly recently found out that you had any scars in the first place. Before then, I didn't have a clue as to what you had experienced," I replied with a soothing tone as I gently caressed her face. She leaned into my hand gently as she gazed into my eyes looking for and finding the truth she was searching for.

'When did you find out if it wasn't yesterday?' she asked me with a curious expression.

"The day Lauren cornered you in that clothing store at the mall when you were shopping with Alice," I said truthfully.

'You were there?' she signed with a shocked expression.

"Yeah. Emmett, Jasper, and I used to get pizza there every Sunday. We were walking through the mall when we heard Alice screaming at someone...only we didn't know Alice at the time. We just went to see what the screaming was about and you bolted out of the store right past us. Alice took off after you and left all of your belongings in the store, along with one of her shoes, when she chased after you. The sales girl tried to catch up with her but she was long gone by the time she made it to the front of the store. She told us what happened and mentioned what Lauren said about your scars. That's when we found out that you had any at all. She asked us if we knew either of you, and we said yes. She asked us if we could return your things to the two of you and we told her we would. Jasper gave everything to Alice in the parking lot, and being the doofus he is, made some comment that pissed her off. She took off leaving us in a cloud of smoke after that," I said, chuckling at the end as I remembered thinking of her as a tiger warrior for how she protected Bella that day. Bella chuckled silently in front of me as she responded.

'Well that explains her mood shift when she got back in the car that day.'

"Yeah, Jazz can be a real tool sometimes," I chuckled. She laughed silently and rested herself against me once more. I leaned back against the arm of the couch and allowed her to get comfortable against me. She laid with her back against me, her head resting in the middle of my chest. I gently stroked her face and ran my fingers through her hair. She closed her eyes and a few minutes later her brow furrowed and she appeared to be thinking hard about something.

"What are you thinking about now, love?" I asked quietly. She shrugged and then responded. It took me a minute to figure it out as I was watching her upside down.

'I'm trying to figure out why it feels so different when someone else touches one of them than when I touch one of them.' she signed as she tilted her head back to look at me.

"Who else has touched them besides me?" I asked worriedly.

'Alice touched the one on my arm once, Lauren yesterday, and some doctors a long time ago...but it didn't feel weird when they touched them...it just mostly hurt because they were still healing.' she responded slowly.

"Was there any difference between how it felt when Alice, Lauren, or I touched them?" I asked curiously. I only had the courage to ask because she seemed so calm at the moment.

'Well... when Lauren touched it, it felt like she was poking a fresh wound. When Alice touched the one on my arm, it burned slightly, only vaguely reminding me of how it felt when I received it. When you touched it, it just tingled. It was kind of a foreign feeling. It didn't hurt or burn, but it felt strange.' she replied with a furrowed brow as she thought through her answer.

"I don't really know what to make of that, love. What does it feel like when you touch them?" I asked gently.

'It doesn't feel like anything. I can feel the texture of it on my fingers, but I feel nothing in the scar...it's like I'm touching someone else. They have no feeling at all until someone else touches them. That's what confuses me the most. It's like phantom skin or something, it doesn't exist until someone else touches it.' she responded with a confused expression. I had no idea how to respond to that. It was probably the most bizarre thing I had ever heard. I thought about it for a while before I responded.

"It could just be that you aren't used to anyone but yourself touching them, and what you feel when someone does touch them directly correlates to how they are touching them. If you think about it, the worst pain came from Lauren's taunting probes, the slight burning came from Alice's touch which I'm sure was gentle and not meant to hurt you, and the tingling came from my touch, which I assure you was only an action of affection. It would make sense that the way someone touches them affects how you perceive the sensation of that contact."

She seemed to think it through for a moment before responding.

'That's a far better explanation than I had come up with.' she signed as she shrugged.

"What did you come up with?" I asked curiously.

'That I'm just a freak of nature.' she replied as she chuckled silently. I rolled my eyes at her and she chuckled once more.

"As long as you're my freak of nature," I retorted as I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head. She laughed silently, her small frame shaking within my embrace. I smiled down at her and she mouthed a silent 'I love you' to me. I smiled even wider.

"I love you too, my Bella."

* * *

**AN: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I had a bit of a Varsity Blues moment in there..sorry. It was playing while I was writing this and it imprinted itself in there. LOL. Reviews are better than proud coaches! R&R PLS & TY!!!**


	45. Explorations & Set Backs

**AN: And here we go...the chapter that soooo many of you have been waiting for...well one of them anyhow. Finally the explanation to Em/J's odd behavior. ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Twilight. SM owns it all.**

* * *

Explorations & Set Backs

BPOV

It's been four days since I had that almost panic attack with Edward on Tuesday night. I don't know why it triggered my panic, as I hadn't panicked when Alice had touched one, or even when Lauren had poked and prodded at them. When Lauren had done what she did, it wasn't really panic that was overwhelming me...it was fear. Had it really been my panic rising in me at that moment, I would have been long gone by the time Edward got there.

I laid in bed all Tuesday night, just trying to figure out why I had panicked so badly when he touched that scar. I knew he wasn't trying to hurt me, I knew his actions were purely instinctual, and I knew his touch was purely affectionate...my body's reaction just didn't make sense to me.

When I first pulled away, I was terrified that he was going to leave. That he'd realize just how disturbing the sight and feel of my damaged skin really was. He didn't though, and that simply amazed me. I felt so guilty for making him so panicked over my reaction though, and that guilt has stayed with me since then.

I feel guilty every time we kiss, or hug, or show any type of affection towards one another. I feel guilty because of the level of control that he has to maintain over himself to stop himself from doing anything that might cause me to react so harshly. I hate knowing that he's holding himself back and not thoroughly enjoying our moments of affection. He's tried to reassure me over and over that it doesn't bother him, and that he's willing to wait until I'm comfortable enough for him to touch them, whether it be by accident or on purpose. It doesn't make me feel any better though. I'm still left with that overbearing sensation of guilt every time we touch. It just isn't right, and it isn't fair to him.

I had a conversation with Alice about it on Thursday when Edward had a football game after school. I had wanted to go to the game and watch him play, but I just couldn't force myself to be around that many people. I realized then that it had been a good idea for me to have stayed home the remainder of the week. I can only imagine how I would have reacted if I had gone back to school the day after the locker room incident.

Alice just thinks that because I had spent so long isolating myself from any type of interaction, that it's just going to take time for me to be comfortable with experiencing any type of intimate contact. I had already gathered as much, and frankly, the thought of it only depressed me even more. She thinks that because of the nature of the last true contact that I had with anyone, that my body is still reacting to what those people did rather than what Edward was doing. On some level it made sense, but I didn't like it one bit. It only added to the guilt and shame that I already felt for having allowed them to do that to me, for not having fought harder against it, for having given up and given them complete control.

It's now Saturday, and Edward and I are laying in my bed listening to songs on my iPod. I don't know what he finds so fascinating about my opinions on songs and what they mean to me, but every song he hears is immediately followed by questions. Is it a good day song or a bad day song? What or who does this one remind you of? What memories does this one make you think about? Relentless questions.

We're currently listening to Linkin Park's 'My December'. It's just about to end and I can already see the stream of questions waiting to pour from him in his eyes. It's enough to make me want to chuckle.

"What's your opinion on this one? What do you think it's about?" he asked eagerly. I chuckled silently for a moment before I responded.

'He's describing how he feels inside as it being like December. December is the main focus of winter, and out of all of the seasons, winter is the most desolate month of all. Everything about it screams dreary and depressing. It's like the world has been frozen in time. All reminders of life have disappeared, the colors, the sounds of birds and such, leaving only the sensation of solidarity behind. It reminded me of how I felt every day. How alone I felt, and how desperate I was to have just one person in my life that could understand me.' I responded quickly and honestly. He frowned for a second and then nodded and hit play once more. I chuckled and rolled on my back to listen to the next song.

I almost wanted to run away as the next song started to play. It was 'My World' by Sick Puppies. I _really _didn't want to explain this one to him. I shot him a nervous glance and figured he already knew the meaning behind it when I saw him frowning.

"Bella...this song reminded you of all of us didn't it?" he asked with a sad tone. My expression turned apologetic as I looked at him and nodded just slightly. He took in a deep breath and scrolled through my playlist again. I let out a breath of relief when he didn't grill me over what I felt when I listened to it, and waited for the next song to start.

I smiled when Our Lady Peace's 'A Story About a Girl' came on. I listened to it and waited for it to end, and of course for his inevitable questions. Not a moment after it ended he started, and I chuckled silently.

"Okay, Bella, explain this one to me," he said with a curious expression.

'It used to only remind me of how I used to wake up after one of my attacks, but it has more meaning to me now. It reminds me of your promise to always be here. I used to wake up and panic, thinking that I was all alone, that something had happened to either Esme or Carlisle while I was out of it. This song used to remind me that I had to be strong when I woke up, and that I had to fight against the panic that would shoot right through me the second my eyes would open. It's not like that anymore though. Now I just sleep through the waking part of it, and when I wake up it only feels as though I had been asleep the whole time. The part where he's singing about it tearing you limb from limb...that's how the panic used to make me feel. It made me feel like one day it was going to rip me apart when it overcame me.' I responded quickly. He nodded his head and seemed to think about my answer for a few moments.

"Does the panic still make you feel that way when it rises in you?" he asked with a nervous tone.

'Not really. I can still feel it rise, and it's uncomfortable because of how quickly it does so, but it doesn't rip through me as fast as it used to. The sensation of it has faded just a bit.' I replied honestly.

"You'll overcome it someday soon, love. You're strong, and stubborn, and I know that you're capable of doing it," he said encouragingly. I smiled and kissed him just once on his lips. I wanted so badly to kiss him passionately, but I wouldn't be able to continue explaining these songs once I was weighed down by the guilt I felt for him restraining himself. I reluctantly pulled myself away and rested against my pillows once more. I waited a few moments for a new song to play, but none did. I looked over at him curiously and felt even worse when I saw his hurt expression.

"Bella?" he asked hesitantly. I nodded for him to continue.

"Why haven't you really kissed me these past few days? You pull away when I try to prolong them or deepen them, and you aren't as passionate when you do kiss me. Please tell me what's wrong, love," he said, the hurt in his tone clearly evident. If guilt was capable of tearing you to pieces and burning you, I would have been a pile of hot ash at the moment.

'Because I feel guilty that you're holding yourself back, that you have to maintain so much control over not even just yourself but me as well. It makes me feel bad because you aren't able to fully enjoy it the way you did before my stupid reaction.' I answered truthfully. I knew my answer would frustrate the living hell out of him because of how many times he's tried to reassure me, and once again that only added to the guilt that I felt.

"Love, please, I'm begging you. Stop feeling that way. I fully enjoy _any _affection that we show each other. And I'm not holding back, I'm just making sure that I don't lose control and do something that we'll both regret," he said sincerely with a pleading look.

'Yes you are, Edward. I felt the difference in our kisses after it happened. You were hesitant and no matter how hard I tried to heat our kiss up, you cooled it down just as quickly.' I retorted quickly.

"Bella, I've only been trying to be careful to not make you uncomfortable. I'm sorry, love," he replied with a repentant expression.

'But I don't want to be uncomfortable. I want both of us to be able to enjoy each other. I'm not saying that I'm ready for anything extremely intimate or anything, but we should be able to just touch each other without me having such a dramatic reaction to it. It makes me feel horrible that I'm the one that's causing all of this.' I replied desperately.

"Love, will you do something for me?" he asked. I nodded.

"Go put a tank top on and come back in here," he said with a gentle tone. I eyed him curiously for a moment.

"I think you're focused too much on thinking that I find your scars to be disturbing somehow, and I want to try and ease your fears about that. They don't bother me at all and if you'll allow me, I want to prove it to you," he said cautiously.

I stared at the comforter on my bed for a few moments, contemplating whether or not this was a good idea. I wanted us to be able to be affectionate with each other without having a panic episode, but I was terrified of what he was thinking of doing. I finally came to the conclusion that if it didn't work, I knew he wouldn't push it. I nodded at him and got off the bed and made my way to my closet. I pulled out a simple camisole and went to the bathroom to change. I was extremely thankful at the moment that neither Esme or Carlisle were home today, and neither were supposed to be back until some time tonight. I'd hate to see their reaction if they saw something that they thought was more than it actually was, and I wasn't quite sure how we would even explain it to them if they did. I changed quickly and made my way back into my room.

I couldn't stop the nervousness that I was currently feeling, and how self conscious I felt at the moment. I held my hand tightly across my throat, attempting to hide that one, and held a hand over the one on my arm as well as I walked into the room. He looked at me sadly and patted the bed next to him. I kicked the bedroom door closed and made my way over to the bed with hesitant steps. I took in a deep breath as I sat down on the bed, trying to calm my nerves.

"Come here, love," he said gently. I turned slightly to look at him, still covering what I could of the visible marks and looked at him nervously.

"It's okay. Just lay down and relax. If you start to feel the panic build up, just stop me, okay?" he said in a soothing voice. I nodded hesitantly and relaxed against the mattress.

Edward kissed me chastely and gazed into my eyes for a moment. He didn't speak or move for a few moments. Slowly, he traced his fingers up my left arm. I tried to focus on the gentle and soothing sensation of his caress as he worked his way up toward the spot I was currently covering.

"Relax, baby. I won't hurt you," he said soothingly as he gently started to remove my hand from covering the scar. I relaxed that arm and rested it beside me once he had it fully removed from over the mark. He gently covered it with his own hand, and as expected, the strong tingling sensation immediately shot through the flesh. I could feel every jagged edge of it, every part that wasn't smooth, every flaw. I took in a deep breath and tried to push the panic down that was just starting to rise in me. He watched me carefully, and didn't move at all as I tried to gain control over it. It took a few moments, but I was able to push it down to a tolerable level. I looked back into his eyes and nodded slightly to let him know I was okay so far. He smiled and moved his hand.

Ever so gently, he traced one finger around all of the edges of it. There wasn't a millimeter of it that he left untouched. I smiled victoriously and chuckled silently when the panic disappeared and the only sensation that was left was the normal tingle that I felt whenever he touched a normal area of my skin.

"How does it feel now?" he asked as he continued to trace his finger over the mark. I raised the arm that had been resting against my side and shot him an 'okay' sign. He smiled triumphantly and then shocked the hell out of me when he placed a moist open mouthed kiss on the scar. I looked at him with a shocked expression and he winked at me as he kissed it once more.

I started to feel the panic rise up again as he shifted himself and traced his hand gently down my my left arm, towards the hand that was covering my neck. He moved just as slowly and gently as he removed my hand from my neck, and just like before, I tried to concentrate on the gentleness of his touch in attempts to control the panic. He approached the scar on my neck in the same way, covering it with his own hand until I was able to gain control over my reaction to the contact.

It took quite a bit longer for me to calm myself, and I tried not to get frustrated with myself. I knew this would take time, and I tried to keep myself calm. It wouldn't help us if I allowed my frustration to get to me, as it would only allow the panic to regain control.

When I had finally gotten the panic down to a point where I felt I had control of it, I nodded to him once again. He traced his fingers slowly and gently across it the same way he had on the one on my arm. I couldn't dismiss the frown that appeared on his face at that moment, and almost immediately the panic shot through me.

_He finds it disgusting!_

_**No he doesn't, Bella.**_

_Look at his face! Yes he does!_

_**Damnit, Bella. No he doesn't. It's just that **_**that**_** scar is going to be the hardest for him to come to terms with...**_

_Yeah..come to terms with it because it's gross!_

_**Jesus, Bella. I swear if I actually consisted of anything other than just a voice I'd smack the living hell out of you. He needs to come to terms with it because of the purpose behind it you ass. He doesn't find anything grotesque or disgusting about it at all.**_

The panic had risen so high that I was starting to fear that I was going to seize up. I grabbed his hand to stop him, and lifted it so it was hovering over the mark instead of touching it. I shot him an apologetic glance before I closed my eyes and tried to take back my control over it before it could freeze me up. It took me a few minutes, but I finally opened my eyes and looked at him. His expression was relaxed, understanding, and patient, and he was no longer frowning. I let go of his hand so I could sign to him.

'Why were you frowning? It grosses you out doesn't it?' I asked worriedly.

"No, love. It doesn't gross me out. It just hurts to know how close I came to losing you, and that I would have never had the chance to hold you, or kiss you, or tell you that I love you," he said soothingly as he peppered my face with light kisses in between his words. I let out a shuddering breath of relief and leaned in to kiss his lips. I had only meant to give him a chaste kiss, but the feeling of his lips on mine broke my resolve. I twirled my fingers into his hair and pulled him closer to me. He immediately responded and let out a guttural moan as our tongues crashed into each other with desperation. We had both been holding back so much over the last few days that everything we had pent up was being released into our kiss. It was desperate, and fervent, and the emotions it caused to run through me were like torching flames that licked their way through every square inch of my body.

I pulled back just slightly when my chest started burning painfully from the lack of oxygen it was receiving. My breathing was erratic and my heart was pounding so hard I was beginning to wonder if it would shoot right through my chest. Edward started trailing kisses down my jaw and slowly down my neck. I didn't even think about the scar as I was relishing in the sensation of his warm, moist kisses descending down my skin. When he got to the scar I took in a sharp breath of shock when he growled against my skin and trailed his tongue across the entire length of it. I immediately thought that I was going to panic, but as I held my breath I realized I couldn't feel any of it. The only thing I felt was the amazing sensation of it. Edward smiled against my skin as I relaxed the grip I had on his hair. When he lifted his head and looked into my eyes, his eyes were shining brilliantly with excitement. I grinned widely at him and let out the breath I had been holding in. He smiled victoriously and kissed me passionately.

We spent the entire afternoon in my bed, kissing, cuddling, and caressing each other. He touched every single one of my scars that could be accessed with his gentle caress. Each time moving slowly as I maintained my control over my panic, and each time when the sensation would fade to the normal tingle of his touch, he would kiss every part of the scar. With every conquered mark we would kiss each other passionately and fully enjoy the sensations we were experiencing. I didn't feel guilty at all after that first mark, not even when it took longer for me to subdue the panic I was feeling with some of the marks more than others. He never pushed, and he never showed any signs that he was losing patience with me. He was absolutely perfect and supportive as we worked our way through my panic together.

By the time he had worked his way through every mark he could find, I couldn't find even a hint of the panic that I had felt earlier in our explorations. The only thing I felt was the amazing sensation of his gentle touch, and I reveled in it. I don't think there could possibly be anything else in the world that could feel as soothing and exhilarating at the same time.

My mood was positively euphoric as we lay together just holding onto each other and relaxing after our successful afternoon. Edward was practically beaming, and it thrilled me to see him so happy as I gazed into his eyes.

"Would you like to listen to some more music?" he asked quietly as he caressed gentle circles on the skin of my back under my tank top. I looked toward the giant glass wall in my room and noticed that it was just starting to get dark. It had to be around six in the evening, and it made me think of the party that Alice had been bugging me to attend with her. I know Jasper and Emmett had been bugging Edward to go as well, and it made me realize just how much time they hadn't been spending with each other lately as Edward had spent the majority of his time with me. I pulled back slightly so I could sign to him.

'Don't you want to go to that party with Jasper and Emmett?' I asked curiously.

"I'd rather stay right here with you. I'm thoroughly enjoying myself at the moment," he replied with a smile.

'Edward, you haven't spent any time with them recently.' I signed with a disapproving expression.

"It's okay, love. They understand. Emmett was the same way when he started dating Rosalie," he said comfortingly. It didn't comfort me one bit though.

'Edward, please go to the party with them tonight. I feel bad that I've been taking up so much of your time recently. They're your best friends. You should spend some time with them.' I replied pleadingly.

"Bella, you're my best friend, and I really have no interest in going to a costume party. I don't even have a costume," he chuckled. I put on my best pout and tried yet again.

'Please? For me?' I signed as I pouted and sniffled dramatically. He chuckled and quirked an eyebrow at me.

"You really want to get rid of me that badly that you're willing to subject me to a houseful of possibly drunk and obnoxious imbeciles?" he replied with a pout of his own. It almost broke my resolve...almost.

'No I don't want to get rid of you, but I do want you to spend some time with your friends. Please? Even if it's only for a few hours before you come back here for our living room camp-out.' I pleaded with him. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair before looking back at me.

"Alright, love. But I'm not staying long, I'll be back by 9:30 at the latest, okay?" he relented. I grinned widely in triumph and nodded before kissing him. He chuckled and smiled against my lips.

"If I only ever knew that making you this happy simply took me being subjected to a roomful of people in ridiculous outfits," he chortled as he made to rise off my bed. I laughed silently as I removed myself from my comfortable spot to walk him down to the door.

He kissed me once more in the doorway and told me he loved me before he made his way out to his car. I replied in kind before he turned around, and I watched until his car disappeared down the street. I shut the door and made my way into the kitchen to make something to eat. Esme and Carlisle still hadn't come home yet, and I was suspecting that it would be fairly late before they actually did arrive home. I reheated some left over pot roast from the night before and sat at the counter to eat.

I thought about everything that had happened this past week. It was incredible how quickly things were changing, and it excited me to think of the possibilities for the future. It also made me wonder if things were going to keep improving at this pace. Granted I had had a few recent set backs, but overall I was still improving greatly.

I cleaned up my dishes and made my way into the living room with my copy of 'Pride and Predjudice', looking forward to relaxing and losing myself in a fictional world for a while as I waited for Edward to return. I sat on the couch with my Grammy Marie's quilt and snuggled myself into it. The memories associated with it only brought a smile to my face recently, and I was happy to be able to find comfort in it once again. I opened my book and started to read through the words on the page.

I couldn't focus on what I was reading for the life of me. It felt like I had too much energy in me to be sitting here reading. I had to keep re-reading sentences over and over, and I kept losing my place as my eyes darted around the page. I couldn't even sit still on the couch as I kept fidgeting all over the place. I finally gave up and tossed the book onto the coffee table. I looked at the clock on the dvd player under the television and was disappointed to see that it was only just after seven. I still had another two and a half hours to go until Edward came back.

I stretched my legs out across the couch and rested my head against one of the throw pillows, trying to let the silence in the room soothe me. I had no idea what was working me up. I started to feel overcome with despair as I thought about all the people that were filling Erika's house at the moment. All of them enjoying themselves and having a good time, as I lay here on my couch, alone, silent, and starting to pity myself. I had met Erika a few weeks back through Alice, and she really was a nice person. She's energetic like Alice, though not to the same degree, and she's funny and sincere.

_This is ridiculous..._

_**You're right..it is. You should be having a good time with them...**_

_I don't know if I can..._

_**You can, Bella. Edward will be there, and Alice. Jasper and Emmett will be there as well, and you can finally meet Rosalie since she'll be with Emmett. Go, Bella. Put yourself out there and enjoy yourself for once.**_

_I'll try it...but if I get uncomfortable I'm coming home immediately..._

_**That sounds like a good plan. Good luck, Bella...and relax and try to have fun!**_

_Yeah...I'll try to do that._

I picked myself up off the couch and headed up to my room to change. I didn't have a costume, and honestly didn't really care. I couldn't imagine ever wanting to put on some ridiculous outfit and parade around with a bunch of other people wearing ludicrous outfits of their own.

Since I didn't have Alice here to do my make-up, I chose a simple black turtle neck sweater to go with my jeans. I pulled my mussed up hair into a messy bun and headed back down the stairs. I left a note for Esme and Carlisle telling them where I was so they wouldn't worry if they came home and found that I wasn't here. Erika's house was only about two blocks away, and it was a five minute walk at most, ten if you walked real slow. I only knew that because I recognized her house when Alice pointed it out one day on our way home from school. Esme and I used to walk past there every night on our walks after supper when the weather permitted.

I grabbed my jacket out of the closet and locked up the door behind me. It was a quick walk to her house, and when I got there, the front door was wide open, only the glass door was keeping the chilly air out of the house. There was a sign on the door that simply said 'Come In', so I did. A few people turned to look and see who had just come in the door, but thankfully no one stared. They went right back to doing whatever they had been doing before I walked in. That eased my nerves tremendously.

I didn't even know where to start looking for either Alice or Edward so I just wandered around looking for them. I was surprised that no one was looking at me oddly, and even more surprised when a few of them smiled at me warmly before they returned to their previous activities. It was reminding me of that Twilight Zone feeling that I had when Edward, Jasper, and Emmett would smile or nod at me those first few days of school.

I turned a corner and seemed to be heading toward a kitchen. There was a tall, statuesque, blonde standing in the kitchen talking to some other people that I couldn't see as they were in front of her, and her back was turned to me. I didn't recognize her at all, and wondered if that could be Rosalie. I knew she was tall and had long blonde hair. I was hoping that it would be her, and that maybe Alice or someone I knew was around her, so I started walking toward her.

Everything happened in a blur as I approached her. The tall blond flicked her hair over her shoulder and saw me out of the corner of her eye. Her head turned and she smiled welcomingly at me, but I was caught too off-guard by what her movement revealed behind her to even react to her gesture. Alice and Jasper had their arms locked around each other and they were kissing each other passionately.

The back door suddenly opened and Edward walked in with a frustrated expression. He looked up and his gaze immediately met mine. He smiled instantly and my brow furrowed as my eyes narrowed at him. I shifted my gaze from him back to Alice and Jasper, and noticed out of the corner of my eye that his gaze turned to them as well. I didn't happen to see his expression though. The tall blond that I was now almost positive was Rosalie cleared her throat just as Emmett stormed in the door trying to get Edward's attention. Alice and Jasper broke apart and looked toward the girl I was assuming was Rosalie, and their expressions immediately turned to pure panic as I glared at them.

"Bella..." Alice started in a shocked voice. I shook my head at all of them and darted back out the front door. I ran all the way back to my house and collapsed against the front door on the floor after I locked it behind me.

_They had been lying to me.... all of them. They all knew. Every time Alice said she had to go home or had something to do...she was with Jasper. _

_**Bella...calm down. You don't know that...**_

_Yes I do! It's so damn obvious now! Her hesitancy to answer me whenever I asked her what she was planning on doing, and her poor excuses when I asked her if she wanted me to go with her.. she was goddamn hiding it all from me! _

_**Even if she had done that... can you really say that you would have been comfortable with them dating in the beginning?**_

_No.. I can't say that...but I specifically asked her not to hide anything from me. I would have come to terms with it at some point..she didn't have to hide it from me. She didn't have to lie! _

_**Bella..sometimes people make the wrong choices when they're trying to protect those they care about..**_

_Oh God...Edward knew too. He hid their relationship from me for them! No wonder he's spent so much time with me over the last month! He was distracting me from noticing the time they spent together! _

_**You're being ridiculous now...**_

_I'm being ridiculous?! I TRUSTED them! They both KNEW how hard it is for me to trust anyone...and yet they both LIED! Right to my damn face... How could I be so goddamn gullible to fall for all of it?_

_**Stop...just stop. You're blowing this way out of proportion. You don't even know what's really going on...**_

_No. I won't stop. I don't need people in my life that feel that it's okay to do that to me. I don't need people in my life that hide things from me because they think I'm too goddamn weak to deal with it. _

_**Bella.. don't do this. You've come so far. Don't throw it away...**_

_**....**_

_**Bella?**_

_**...**_

_**Bella!**_

_**...**_

_**Crap...**_

I picked myself up off the floor and stomped up the stairs to my room. I had barely just shut my door when the doorbell resounded through the silence of the house. I ignored it and flung myself into my bed. Whoever it was wouldn't stop ringing the damn thing so I slipped my iPod ear buds in my ears and blasted the first song that loaded, attempting to drown out the noise. I really didn't feel like listening to the song that started, but I wasn't about to shuffle through the list to look for something else and subject myself to listening to that damn bell. Why wouldn't they just go the hell away? Did they really think I'd be willing to talk to them, whoever it was?

I tried to focus only on the instruments of the Paramore song that was playing, trying to ignore the words that were striking too close to how I felt at the moment for me to handle. It wasn't working though. The lyrics of 'Conspiracy' were leaking through my attempts of ignorance.

I finally gave up and decided to change it to something that had absolutely nothing to do with anything relevant. I quickly shuffled through my list, ignoring both the ringing bell as well as the incessant pounding on the door from downstairs, and pressed play quickly as I found my playlist that consisted of ridiculous Irish songs with lyrics that half the time didn't make a lick of sense to me. I blared the volume and relaxed back against my pillows, allowing the meaningless music to soothe me.

I'm not quite sure how long I laid there, but at some point someone had entered my room. As I prepared to open my eyes to see who was tapping me on the leg, I prayed that it would be either Esme or Carlisle. Unfortunately for me, it wasn't. It was none other than the deceiving pixie herself. Alice.

I glared at her and she flinched back from me. She opened her mouth and closed it a few times, obviously at a loss for what she should say. I decided to give her a hand. I opened the drawer to my nightstand and took out the dry erase board and marker and quickly wrote her a note.

_**Go. Away.**_

I flipped the board around to show it to her, and her face fell slightly. Apparently my message didn't deter her as she opened her mouth to speak.

"Bella..." she started but I held up my hand and pointed to my words on the board.

"No, Bella. I won't go away. We need to talk about this," she said sternly. I flipped the board around and wrote another note.

_**Yes you will go away. I have nothing to say or write or sign to you....at all.**_

I flipped the board around towards her and she narrowed her eyes at my words. Her expression became determined, and I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes as I continued to glare at her.

"Bella..you're really going to throw _everything _away. All of it. All of the friendships you've made, and all of the progress you've made, because you saw me kiss Jasper?" she asked me with an incredulous tone. I flipped the board around and wrote quickly.

_**How long, Alice? How long have you two been together? How long have you been hiding it from me after I asked you NOT to hide anything from me? How long? And DON'T lie to me!**_

I flipped it back around and showed it to her. She flinched as she read it, and then hesitated before answering.

"Our first date was a trip to the mall, the night of the Garden Club meeting," she replied with an ashamed expression and tone. I stared at her wide-eyed as she shifted her footing repeatedly.

_Jesus Christ! This has been going on since the beginning of the school year!_

I flipped the board back around and wrote another note furiously before turning it back around to her.

_**Thank you, Alice. Thank you for reminding me why I should never have trusted anyone. Thank you for reminding me of the reasons behind why I had isolated myself for so long. Please leave now...and tell your deceptive minions to stay away from me while you're at it...all of them.**_

"Bella, I'm not leaving until we work this out. I care about you too much to walk away," she said determinedly. I flew off my bed toward her and she jumped back.

'You care about me? Since when do you lie to people you care about? Since when do you treat people that you care about like they're so damn fragile that the truth will break them? You know how hard it is for me to trust anyone, and yet you lied to me anyway.' I signed to her aggressively. With every retreating step she took, I advanced one toward her.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't know how you would take it. I was afraid to tell you because I was afraid that it would make you feel like Edward was only spending time with you so that Jasper and I could spend time together. We were going to tell you, we just couldn't find the right time to do so," she said apologetically.

'Isn't that what he was doing? Distracting me? Averting my attention so that I wouldn't notice what was going on right in front of my damn face the whole time?' I signed with a furious expression, but the fact was, I wasn't angry... I was hurt.

I was hurt, and I felt betrayed. Betrayed not only by them but by myself as well. It was my fault that I didn't notice what was going on. It was my fault that I believed their lies. It was my fault that I trusted any of them to start with. It was my fault for being so weak that none of them felt that I could handle the truth.

I was filled with guilt and despair, but I couldn't let it show. I couldn't let her know how weak and vulnerable I really was, so I maintained the furious facade, but inside I felt like I was dying. Every last bit of hope that was in me shattering into billions of pieces, leaving me feeling empty and destroyed once again.

"Bella, please. I'm sorry. It's my fault...all of it. Jasper and I have been hiding it from everyone at my request. Emmett found out early on and Jasper begged him not to say anything. It's all my fault, please don't be mad at them for what I caused," she pleaded and I shook my head at her.

'It doesn't matter. They have minds of their own. They could have chosen to tell me at any time, and no one did. They're just as much at fault as you are. They chose to keep up the lie. They chose to agree to deceive me, and it's not okay. I'm not okay with that. The trust is broken, and I can't find it in me to even want to trust any of you again, so please leave.' I replied in exasperation.

"I'll give you some time, but Bella, I'm not giving up, and neither will they," she replied with a sad face. I rolled my eyes and pointed to my door. She took in a deep breath and nodded slightly as she turned to walk out of my room.

"I'll see you later, Bella," she muttered just above a whisper. I watched as a tear slipped from her eye and it damn near broke my resolve in pushing her away from me. She turned to walk toward the stairs and I shut the door lightly, lacking the energy to even desire slamming the damn thing.

I walked back over to my bed and collapsed on it and allowed the tears to flow silently from my eyes. I rolled over and shut my lamp off, not even bothering to turn on the candle on my dresser. I just didn't care about anything at the moment. I just wanted to disappear into the darkness of my room and never emerge again.

I felt so damn foolish for believing any of them. For believing that they actually cared, for believing that they would never betray my trust simply because they knew how hard it was for me to let someone in to start with. Worst of all...I was beyond foolish for ever thinking that Edward could have ever loved me at all. I knew from the beginning that it was too good to be true, that someone like him could ever love someone like me.

It made me think back to our discussion about Romeo & Juliet, when he argued that the feud between their families should have made them realize that they weren't supposed to be together. Was it possible that he was actually insinuating that our differences were great enough that we weren't supposed to be together? Did he only try to smooth over my fears because of how I reacted when I thought about how we didn't make any sense as a couple by societal standards?

I couldn't figure out what could possibly be truthful and what could possibly be deceitful about anything he had ever said. I tried to pick apart every one of our encounters one at a time, until they all just jumbled together in one giant mess in my head. I couldn't figure any of it out, and it made me feel even more vulnerable and despaired than I ever had before. I finally gave up and tried to just focus on not thinking at all. It wasn't helping me control any part of my emotions that were currently in a state of tumultuous frenzy.

As I lay on my back, staring at the nothingness of my ceiling, I tried to fight off the feeling of shutting down. I felt it creeping through me, sealing off my wounds, and subduing emotions one at a time, leaving nothing but it's blankness behind. I tried desperately to push it down, to control it and stop it, but it slowly worked its way through me against my will. It didn't cease until the final tear fell and I fell asleep feeling nothing but the expanse of the dark and silent void within me.

* * *

**AN: Okay..congrats to SaraEMC2, Athena-Apollo, and Vickitori303 for figuring it out a number of chapters ago...you're my master ninja detectives for your stealthy observations! Next chapter will be EPOV..probably tomorrow...if I'm able to come out of hiding! Reviews are better than undercover lovers! R&R PLS & TY!**


	46. Backstabbing Blood & a Broken Bella

**AN: Since I've been receiving quite a number of PMs containing Edward hating comments, I'm releasing this chapter a day early. I've received over twice as many PMs over the last chapter than actual reviews..which I find hilarious. Welcome to EPOV...ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I never have and never will own anything related to Twilight...except the published copies I purchased of SM's work..but technically I only own the paper...not the words on them!**

* * *

Backstabbing Blood & a Broken Bella

EPOV

I was incredibly reluctant to get out of the bed that I had been laying in with Bella all afternoon. I was thrilled with the success of my plan to ease her fears of my touching her scars. By the end of the afternoon, it didn't seem to bother her one bit when my hands would trail over one of them, or even when I would kiss one. I knew I caught her off-guard when I trailed my tongue across the one on her neck, and my reasoning for doing would probably have led her to believe I was insane. I couldn't help it, that damn scar was the only one that truly bothered me, and it was only because it was the one that was meant to drain the life from her. Somehow in my mind, my licking it was a way of marking it, marking her, and daring anyone to ever touch that spot on her ever again. Yeah, it's sick...I know.

I really wasn't looking forward to attending this damn costume party that Bella was urging me to go to. I know I haven't spent much time with Emmett and Jasper lately, but I knew they understood why. It wasn't like I was purposely avoiding them, and Emmett had been the same way for the first few months that he dated Rosalie. Granted Bella and I had only been together for almost a week, but I had been spending an immense amount of time with her in the weeks prior trying to strengthen our friendship. They understood that as well.

I pulled into a spot along the curb, about four houses down from where I was assuming the party was considering the lit up house, and people milling about around it, and got out of my car. I dragged my feet along the sidewalk, forcing myself to keep walking toward the house when what I really wanted to do was get back in my car and go back to Bella's for the rest of the night. I hated leaving her alone, and it worried me to no end that something bad would happen. I knew it was an irrational thought, but it plagued me just the same as I trudged my way down the street.

"Edward! You showed, man!" Emmett bellowed from the front lawn. I looked up to him and almost fell to the ground laughing. He was dressed as a damn gorilla wearing a yellow bikini and multiple leis around his neck.

"What the hell made you decide to wear that?!" I choked out in between my laughs. He boomed with laughter as he approached me.

"Dude, I saw it in the store last weekend when I went up to see Rosie, and I just _had_ to get it," he chuckled. I shook my head at him and laughed once more as I started to head toward the door.

"Come out back....there's a bunch of us from the team hangin' around the fire-pit roastin' some wieners," he said as he grabbed my arm and pulled me with him.

"Alright, man. Geez! No need to rip my arm off King Kong!" I half shouted. I thought he was about to dislocate my damn shoulder with the force he used. He really needs to consider his brute strength sometimes.

"Sorry, bro. I think this costume brings out the animalistic side of me...which I'm dyin' to explore later with my Rosie," he said as he wiggled his eyebrows at me.

"Em...really. I don't want to hear about it. You'll burn the image in my brain for a month and I'll never get any sleep through the nightmares of it," I retorted quickly as we walked through the gate leading into the backyard.

"YO! Perez! Get the hell out of my chair dickwad!" Emmett boomed as we approached a bunch of the guys from the football team that were all sitting around a fire-pit, holding long metal skewers with hot dogs on them.

"Hey jagoff! You lose your meat, you lose your seat!" he quipped. "Hey Edward. How's it goin' man?" he asked as he looked in my direction.

"Not too bad, man. You guys keeping this big lug in line out here?" I chuckled as we shook hands and bumped shoulders, clapping each other on the back. He was a cool dude, kinda short though. When I first met him I couldn't figure out how he made the Varsity team, but once we ran some plays I figured it out quickly. That little shit moved quick as lightening.

"Tryin to, man. It ain't easy though!" he chuckled as he sat back down in what I'm assuming was once Emmett's spot. I took the empty seat next to him and loaded up a hot dog of my own. I was starving, and realizing that neither Bella nor I had eaten all afternoon, I was hoping she was eating something now. The thought had never crossed my mind before this minute.

I sat out there for a little over an hour before I was just too damn cold to sit out there any longer. I got out of my seat and told all the guys I'd catch up with them later on. Emmett caught me as I was climbing the steps of the deck to get to the back door.

"Where ya goin', bro?" he asked as he halted my movement with a hand on my shoulder.

"It's cold as hell out here. I'm going inside for a bit," I said honestly.

"Oh come on! It's totally lame in there!" he cried out.

"Em, dude. I'm freaking freezing. Not all of us are wearing furry gorilla suits!" I shot back at him as I pulled away from him and continued to climb the stairs.

"Why don't we all run some plays back here for the game this week. It'll warm ya up and we could strategize to ensure our win," he called back desperately.

_What the hell is up with him. It's F-ing freezing out here!_

"Emmett, we can do that during practice at school. I'm going inside. You can stay out here and toss the damn ball around if you want to, but I'm heading in," I said with a frustrated tone as I pulled the back door open. I walked through the door shaking my head, sincerely frustrated with his antics tonight. It didn't help that I really didn't want to be here in the first place.

I looked up to see where I was and who was around, and my gaze instantly locked onto my favorite pair of chocolate brown eyes ever created. I smiled instantly at her, relieved that she decided to show up and join me here. Her brow furrowed and she narrowed her eyes at me. I was instantly filled with confusion in response to her reaction to my smile. Her gaze shifted to the left side of where I was standing, and I followed it instinctively.

If my jaw had dropped any further any faster, I probably would have broken it on the floor when I caught sight of Jasper and Alice in the midst of a hot and heavy make-out session. I faintly heard Rosalie clear her throat just as Emmett came barreling through the door behind me, almost knocking me over.

"Edward, man. The guys wanna...." he trailed off as he took in the scene in front of him. Alice and Jasper broke apart and I glared fiercely at him. They both wore shocked expressions on their faces and Alice tried to say something to Bella, but Bella shot her hand out and ran from the house.

"Bella!" I shouted after her retreating form, but she didn't even look back as she shot through the front door.

"JASPER!" I growled as I stalked toward him.

"Edward, wait. I can explain," he muttered in a panicked voice as he retreated from my advancing strides. He darted around the side of the kitchen table and used it to keep a safe distance between the two of us. He knew I was ready to explode.

"I can't fuckin' believe you!" I roared at him as we danced back and forth on opposite sides of the table, his movements mirroring my own.

"Edward, relax. You can't blame us, we didn't know she was going to show up," he said in a tone meant to calm me. It wasn't working, in fact it was infuriating me even more.

"How long has this been going on, _Jazz_?" I growled at him. He shot a panicked glance towards Alice, clearly asking her what he should tell me. I looked at her and I exploded as I saw her apologetic and nervous stance.

"You son of a bitch! I asked you to give me time. What did you give me? A day? A week? How fucking long have you been lying to me?!" I roared as I launched myself over the table towards him. I wasn't in the mood to play this cat and mouse dance with him any more. He took off running as I stumbled off the opposite side of the table. I took off after him, Emmett following closely behind me screaming at me to let him go.

I finally caught up with him as he tore through the front door and I tackled him, tossing both of us over the front steps and landing on the front lawn. I trapped him beneath me and fisted his shirt.

"How fucking long, _brother_?" I spat at him.

"S..since the day of your mother's g..garden thing," he stuttered. I was stunned, so stunned that I couldn't even get a word out toward him.

_The whole goddamn time. He's been lying the WHOLE GODDAMN TIME! _

I scrambled off of him and buried my head between my knees.

"Edward," Jasper started.

"_Don't..._just fucking don't," I fumed as I glared at him.

"Edward... shit just got out of hand... we'll deal with it. Whatever it takes, we'll deal with it," Emmett said calmly as he approached me. I stood quickly and eyed him curiously. He had that same damn repentant look that the rest of them had.

"You covered for his sorry ass didn't you?!" I thundered. He looked down toward the ground. I glared repeatedly between him and Jasper who still sat on the ground in front of me.

"All these goddamn years we've been thicker than blood, and not just one, but _both _of you have the balls to lie to me straight to my goddamn face every fucking day for the last month and a half. Every goddamn day. I hope you're both satisfied with yourselves...because from this point forward we're not brothers, we're not friends, we're not even fucking aquaintances. I won't even give you the satisfaction of being your enemy...from this point on we're _nothing_," I seethed as I backed away from them.

I looked up to see Alice hesitantly approaching Jasper, her eyes locked on mine immediately.

"How could you, Alice? She _trusted _you. How could you deceive her like that? I don't even care what this does to me...what's it going to do to _her_?" I muttered desperately. Her remorseful features only deepened as she looked at me. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. I shook my head as I backed away even further.

I turned as I reached the sidewalk, and bolted toward my car, peeling out of my spot and speeding back toward Bella's, praying desperately that she would at least just talk to me.

I pulled up to the house and immediately noticed that the only light that was on in the front of the house was the porch light. It wasn't a very comforting sight. I jogged up to the front door and rang the bell and waited. I rang it again, and waited some more. I knew she had to be home because I couldn't think of a single other place that she would go to, especially since she couldn't drive on her own yet. I started banging on the door as I rang the bell, pleading with her to just open the door and let me speak with her. I was desperate to just see her face, I needed to know just how bad what had happened in that house affected her.

I finally lost all hope after a half hour. I turned around and slid down the front of the door, and tucked my head into my arms that were folded on my knees. I was resolved in my plan to sit there the entire damn night if I had to, freezing temperatures and all.

I wasn't sure how long I had been sitting there, but I was instantly on alert when I heard footsteps coming up the porch stairs. I lifted my head to see who it was, and let out an annoyed breath when I spotted Alice, still in her Tinkerbelle costume, standing nervously in front of me.

"What do you want, Alice?" I asked her, the exhaustion and hopelessness that I was currently feeling weighing heavy in my tone.

"I came to apologize to Bella, but since you're here..I owe you one too," she said softly as she lowered herself to the porch floor in front of me.

"Alice, I'm _really _not in the mood right now," I said with a warning tone.

"I already gathered that much, but Edward, please just listen to what I have to say," she pleaded. I was too pissed off, tired, feeling helpless, worried, anxious, filled with despair, and too many other things to even bother arguing with her, so I just nodded and put my head back down.

"Don't blame Jasper or Emmett. It was my fault. They both wanted to tell you from the start, but I wouldn't let them. I didn't want you to have any secrets from Bella, and I knew that you would be reluctant to tell her right away. I didn't tell Bella because I was afraid of how she would react. Everything had been happening so quickly in her life at that point, with you starting to talk to her, and Emmett and Jasper wanting to be friends with her again. It was too much all at the same time, and I didn't want her to think that the only reason you were talking to her was because I was dating Jasper. I also didn't want to make her feel even worse about herself than she already was simply because of how easily Jasper and I connected. I never meant to hurt her, and I never meant to betray her this way. I only wanted to protect her from her own self-preserving nature. I didn't want her to pull herself back because she felt she couldn't trust anyone around her," she spoke quickly with desperation in her tone, attempting to will me into understanding her actions. It didn't work though.

"Alice...what do you think she's going to do now? She won't answer the door, she won't answer any of the text messages that I've sent her, she hasn't even left her room...if that's where she even is at all. I haven't heard a single noise from inside since I got here. She's not going to trust you, she's not going to trust Emmett or Jasper, and worst of all...she's not going to trust me. If you had all just been honest with her from the start, she would have worked through it. It would have taken longer, but she would have at least known that you had been honest with her and not hidden anything from her. She doesn't have that now. She doesn't have that ability to convince herself that it's okay because at least you all were honest with her. There isn't even a way that I'll be able to convince her that I didn't know anything about it, because she isn't going to trust a damn word I say, and the pitiful part of all of this is that I _didn't _know anything about it," I replied, unable to put the force of anger that I had wished to behind my words. The weight of realizing that I had just lost her, without even having done a damn thing this time, was draining the life straight out of me.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I never thought it would ruin things between you two. It never dawned on me that our actions could impact anyone other than ourselves. I don't care what it takes, we'll fix this. Just be there for her when the time comes, and Jasper, Emmett and I will take care of the rest. Just be there, okay?" she replied determinedly.

"Alice, I have nowhere else to be but waiting for her. She's all I want right now, she's all I've ever wanted, and she's all I ever will want. I need her Alice, she's the only thing in my life capable of making me feel whole," I replied, the desperation in my voice clearly audible even to my own ears. I couldn't even find it in me to feel ashamed for feeling so helpless without her. The truth was I did need her, almost more than the air I needed to breathe to stay alive.

"Edward, go home tonight. She isn't going to come down, I already know that much. Come back tomorrow and try talking to her. Maybe she'll have calmed down by then and it will be easier for you," she said encouragingly. I realized right then that I really didn't have a choice. It was either go home tonight and come back in the morning, or possibly freeze to death sitting out here all night. I nodded and lifted myself up off the floor and made my way to my car.

I didn't feel like going home right away so I drove around for a while. I just didn't want to go through the hundred and one questions that my mother would have when she saw how distraught I looked. I knew I looked like a wreck, and I had to force myself to stay away from my house until I knew it would be safe enough to sneak up to my room.

I thought about everything that had happened since the beginning of school, and the more I thought about it, the more enraged I became. I just couldn't believe that they would lie to me like that. Emmett's frequent trips to Seattle were all of a sudden making perfect sense. Yeah he missed Rosalie, but he was avoiding me because he knew it was a good possibility that he would slip up and spill Jasper's secret. He knew it wasn't safe to be around me without Jasper there as a constant reminder to keep his mouth shut.

It didn't only piss me off, it hurt the hell out of me as well. All these years, since we were practically toddlers, we had been thicker than thieves. All these years of having a brotherly bond where there wasn't a single secret kept between us...until now. Just the thought of how badly they had deceived me made my stomach churn.

I had even hung out with Jasper the day he and Alice first went out. Not once did he even appear to be feeling guilty for deceiving me.

_Running errands for his mother..my ass! Straight faced lie...right in front of me. _

I didn't even know where to begin thinking about Bella. It ripped my heart to shreds knowing how much pain she had to be in right then. How betrayed she must have felt by the people she trusted. Worst of all, how betrayed she must have felt by me...even though I had nothing to do with any of it. Just the thoughts of what could possibly be running through her head when she thought of me was enough to cause pain, that was so searing hot I thought I would be burned alive by it, to course through my entire body. I didn't care if I was hurt because of this. I didn't care that I lost two of the best friends that I thought I'd ever have because of it. I only cared about what it did to her, how it affected her, and how it hurt her. If I had to live every day of the rest of my life, completely and utterly alone, I would...if only it would save her from being affected by any of this.

My biggest fear at the moment, was that this would cause her to pull back into herself. That she would return to that zombie state that had terrified me for so long. I had no idea what I would do if, come Monday, I saw that look in her eyes again when I saw her in school. I didn't have very many hopes that she would actually see me in the morning, in fact, at the moment, I would be willing to bet my life that she wouldn't.

I looked down to the dash to check the clock, and noticing that it was approaching eleven, I decided that it was safe to return home. I hadn't been counting on finding what I did when I turned into my cul-de-sac. Emmett and Jasper were sitting on the bottom of my driveway, blocking my ability to drive up it. For the briefest of moments, I actually got so angry that I sincerely contemplated running their sorry asses over, but I didn't. I stopped in the middle of the cul-de-sac and patiently waited for them to move out of the way. They didn't. They only stood up, but continued to block my driveway. This was the weirdest standoff I think I had ever witnessed. I refused to park and get out of my car, and they refused to move. It was like a modern day western stare down before the ultimate shootout.

_Stupid fuckers..._

I was completely resolved to sitting in my car, with it running, and in gear, until they moved. There was no goddamn way I was going to back down first. This was their mess...not mine. I fiddled with the radio for a few minutes, looking for something decent to listen to, adjusted the climate controls, and relaxed back in my seat as I resumed my stance in our ridiculous stare down. Really...this was accomplishing nothing.

_At least I'm not freezing my ass off in here..._

I had to switch which foot I was using on the brake pedal for the second time as we approached the hour mark of this bizarre encounter. Honestly...they looked like lunatics standing at the bottom of my driveway, one dressed as a bikini clad gorilla, and the other as Peter freaking Pan.

_Nice tights Whitlock..._

I was secretly praying that one of my neighbors would witness this ludicrous event and possibly call the cops. I wasn't cruel enough to do it myself, but I would laugh hysterically if someone else did. After all, it's not every day you see a hairy gorilla and a fictional character being led away in handcuffs.

By the second hour mark, I was really losing my patience. I was exhausted, and my damn traitorous foot kept slipping off the brake pedal..inching me closer to those jackasses each time it slipped. Just after 1:30 in the morning, my cell phone rang. I knew it was Jasper simply because he was holding a phone to his ear.

_At least he half-way broke first..._

I hit the button to accept the call, but said nothing. He was going to take every damn step in this retarded game of his, because I wasn't giving in an inch.

"You gonna' talk to us?" he asked simply.

"Nope...got nothing to say," I replied with a dead voice.

"Edward...this is ridiculous. We've been freezing our nuts off out here for over four and a half hours," he shivered as he spoke.

"How's it feel to be left in the chill of the dark?" I asked with an amused tone.

"Don't be a dick, Edward," he retorted heatedly.

"Do you remember that empty threat you gave me about us having shit between us if I spilled what you said to me about Emmett and Rose to him?" I asked with an indifferent tone.

"Uhh..yeah.." he trailed off pathetically.

"Yeah...well, _eat it,_ Whitlock!" I growled as I slammed my phone shut. I was tired as hell and all I wanted to do was go to sleep, or at least try to. I revved my engine as I kept my foot on the brake, causing the rear wheels to spin, and the car to jerk forward slightly. I saw the panic in their eyes clear as day, but the idiots still didn't move.

_Jesus Christ! They're really going to force me to run their asses over!_

I sank back in my seat as I tried to figure out if there was _anywhere _else I could go but home at the moment. Unfortunately, there wasn't. The only two other options that I had ever had were the two idiots that currently stood in front of my driveway. Once again my damn phone started ringing. This time, it was Emmett.

"Quit acting like a douche and just talk to us, bro," he muttered angrily.

"_Don't _call me _bro_, McCarty," I spat back into the phone.

"Edward, look. We're sorry. There's nothing else we can say besides that. We were both wrong, and we both realize that. We're thicker than this... don't walk away just because we acted like tools," he replied with a hopeless voice.

"You idiots just don't get it do you? Your goddamn actions hurt Bella. You betrayed her and hurt her, and she thinks that I'm part of that. She thinks that I lied to her and betrayed her trust. I swear to God, McCarty, if I can't convince her otherwise, there's nothing for the three of us to fix. Until then, stay the hell away from me...and stay the hell away from her. If I catch you or Jasper anywhere near her, so help me God. I swear I will return you to your parents in a body bag personally. Have you got that, McCarty?" my voice was strong and menacing as I sat, just stewing in my rage.

"Yeah, I got it," he said in a defeated tone.

"Good..pass the memo on to Peter Fuckin' Pan standing next to you, and get the hell out of the front of my driveway," I spat before shutting my phone and tossing it on the seat next to me. They finally moved out of the way and I slammed on the gas, tearing right by them as they walked back to Emmett's Jeep.

_Idiots... They really don't think about anyone but themselves...ever._

I finally pulled up to the front of my house just as it was approaching 2:15 in the morning. I practically crawled through the front door and up the steps to my room. I didn't even bother changing before I slid into the bed. I set my alarm for 9am, figuring I could be at Bella's by 10 or so, and praying to God that she would just hear me out. I was so exhausted that I don't even think my head had hit the pillow before I was out cold.

**-----------------------------------------------------**

My alarm went off right at 9am, and I flew out of the bed and into the shower. I didn't even bother greeting anyone or eating anything as I ran down the staircase and out of the front door. I pulled up to Bella's house just after 10am, and took a deep calming breath as I approached the front door. I rang the bell and waited anxiously for someone to answer it, hoping that it would be Bella. Unfortunately...it was Carlisle, and the look on his face told me everything I needed to know at that moment.

"Edward...now is really not a good time," he said with an apologetic expression.

"I know, but if I could just talk to her for a minute. She needs to know that I had nothing to do with what happened. I didn't even know about it, they had been lying to me as well," I spoke desperately.

"Edward... She doesn't want to talk to anyone. It's been difficult this morning just trying to get her to talk to us. Please, son. Just give her some time to sort through everything she's feeling," he said sadly.

I went to say something to him in return, but I caught sight of Bella as she descended the staircase. Carlisle took a step backwards, and I watched her for a moment as she came closer to the bottom of the stairs one slow step at a time. The sight of her broke my heart. She had bags under her eyes, appearing as though she hadn't slept a wink all night. She was paler than usual, and her expression was just empty.

Her eyes slowly drifted upward and I almost fell to the ground when I saw the deadness in them. She froze on the last step as she looked at me, not a single expression on her face. It was utterly blank.

"Bella," I choked out just above a whisper. I saw a flash of life in her eyes just a fraction of a moment before she flew toward the front door. For a moment I thought she was going to launch herself into my arms for comfort, but instead...she slammed the door in my face. Had I moved just an inch toward her, she would have hit me with it.

I stood there stunned for a moment, not really knowing what to think or do. My feet moved of their own will toward the steps, and the second my feet hit the first step, my knees gave out from under me, leaving me in a sitting heap on her front step as the first tear rolled its way down my face.

_She's gone..._

_

* * *

_

**AN: I hope this clears up a lot of confusion for all of you. I knew I should have done a double update with these chapters, but I figured the assumption that he had no clue was a given, seeing as how he had been eyeing the two of them curiously for how they had been acting for quite some time. Sorry for the confusion! **

**Reviews are hella better than having a door slammed in your face! R&R PLS & TY!**


	47. Return2Solitude&Learning2StandOnYourOwn

**AN: Before anyone starts attacking me for the way things are going in this story, I just want to mention that everything that happens has a purpose. This isn't a story about just one person growing and learning from their experiences. Every character in this fic has something to learn from every part of each of their experiences. I'll explain in more detail in the ending author's note in the second part of today's update. I would have only posted this chapter today, but so many of you enjoy having both perspectives, and I wouldn't want to force you to wait an entire weekend for the second half..so I'm posting both POVs today. ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight or anything related to it...**

* * *

Return to Solitude & Learning to Stand on Your Own

BPOV

That first night was horrible. I woke with a start, shortly after I had fallen asleep, and the pitch black darkness in my room terrified me. It didn't help that the nightmare that had jolted me awake was a vivid recollection of waking in that damn closet. I was terrified to move an inch, fearing that I was once again in that damn closet with that cord wrapped around my throat. I had no choice but to sit there, motionless, as uncomfortable as I was, with the panic in me teetering recklessly on the brink of pulling me under.

Esme had come into my room at some point during the night to check on me, and when she flicked the light on and saw me she immediately started screaming for Carlisle. I'm pretty sure the sight of me terrified her. They left the light on the remainder of the night, and both tried to soothe me enough to fall back asleep, but I couldn't. I felt horrible when Esme tried to put my iPod buds in my ears so she could play Edward's melody for me, knowing it would soothe me immensely, and I smacked her hands away. I didn't mean to hurt her, either physically or emotionally, but that was the last thing I wanted to be subjected to at the moment.

They knew something was terribly wrong, but I couldn't bring myself to explain any of it to them. I didn't feel like communicating, and I really just wanted to be left alone. I couldn't hurt them that way though, so I allowed them to stay the night with me without pushing them away as well. They hadn't done anything, and deep down I knew that. I just couldn't bring myself to trust them at the moment with what everyone else had done, and again it only added to the collection of guilt that I had been harboring for years now.

By the time the view outside my window had started to lighten, I still hadn't slept a wink, but thankfully Esme and Carlisle had finally fallen asleep. I only knew that daylight was approaching because of the way the sheer fabric in between the heavy curtains had begun to brighten. I couldn't even remember when I had pulled the curtains closed the night before.

The worst part of that morning, was the void that I felt within me. I felt hollow, as if there was absolutely nothing but blank space within me. It was such a drastic change from how I had felt even just hours before. Before my world came crashing down around me. I knew I was in trouble when I couldn't find a single emotion within me besides fear and guilt. I knew I had shut down once again, and I was petrified that I wouldn't be able to find my way back out of it this time.

Esme and Carlisle had woken up just a few hours later, and they gently tried to coax answers out of me as to what had happened the night before. It took hours for me to be able to force myself to tell them, but I finally managed to. It was only slightly releving to find that I hadn't completely withdrawn into myself as I had years ago, but it was still unnerving to know how far I had retreated.

I finally decided to join them downstairs a little after 10am. I wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of sitting in my room all day, allowing myself to be swallowed whole by my guilt while wallowing in my own self-pity. I was shocked to see Edward at the door, and for the briefest of moments, a flash of burning rage coursed through me as I bolted toward the door and slammed it in his face. It disappeared as quickly as it had come though, and within moments, all I was able to feel was the fear and guilt once again.

The rest of that day was just simply stressful, and not only for me, but for Esme and Carlisle as well. I knew it had to be torturing them to see me that way. To know how closely I resembled the broken Bella they had known just months earlier. I spent the entire day trying to pull myself out of it, but no matter what I tried...I just couldn't. It was just too powerful for me to get a hold of and control.

Returning to school the day after that was a disaster. Esme dropped me off when I refused to get in Alice's car. I was so damn exhausted by that second day that I was terrified I would fall asleep in one of my classes and have a nightmare right in front of everyone. Alice and Edward pestered me all freaking day long, passing me notes that I would flick off of my desk, trying to talk to me in the hallways, but I would rapidly change direction. I was late to almost every damn class that first day. To make everything worse, I couldn't even get into my damn locker because Alice would try to corner me at it after every class. My teacher's weren't thrilled with me that day when I showed up in class without any materials.

In gym class that afternoon, I actually managed to doze off while still standing. We were playing volleyball once again, and I got slammed in the head three freaking times with the stupid ball when I either wasn't paying attention or I had dozed off. The only good part about it, was that it woke me up. I felt even worse when the people that had hit the ball that pummeled my face tried relentlessly to apologize to me. It wasn't their damn fault. I was the one that wasn't paying attention.

When I got to lunch that first day, I immediately lost my appetite when I saw Alice, Jasper, and Emmett sitting at our previous lunch table. In just the few minutes that I had been in the room, standing in line to get my lunch, they had gone from smiles, to depressed appearances, and back a few more times. I don't even know why I paid for the food when I only chucked it in the trash can on my way out of the cafeteria as I walked off the food line. I hid in the library for the remainder of the period, and decided right then that I would go there every day, and start packing my own lunch while I was at it. At least it was the one part of my day where I could find some type of refuge from my distress.

That pattern continued in the same fashion for weeks on end. I stopped using my locker all together after I stayed late one day and pulled all of my books from it. I started carrying all of them around with me constantly, and believe me, my back was suffering from it.

After the first few days, Edward backed off just a little. Not completely though. He would still pass me a single note every day during Biology as I sat at the furthest edge of our lab table. There had been so many times that I just wanted to open it to see what it said, but I couldn't. It didn't help that he looked about as distraught as I imagine I did. Some days he looked so broken that I just wanted to reach over and run my fingers through his wild hair, or smooth the stress lines away from his face, but each time I had to pull myself back and remind myself why I wasn't associating with any of them any more. Besides, it wasn't like he ever loved me to begin with. It had all been a charade only meant to divert my attention away from what was really going on.

The past two months have been incredibly stressful in my house. I keep trying to break through myself, and it isn't working well at all. I haven't made any progress at all, and have actually begun worrying that I'm getting worse. It's become increasingly difficult for me to even communicate with Esme and Carlisle. I get so frustrated with all of it sometimes, and about a week and a half after all of this started, I actually got so stressed that all I wanted to do was scream and let it out.

Like an idiot, I actually tried to do it, as I was walking up the stairs to my room, and froze myself mid-step, causing myself to fall down half a flight of stairs like a retard. I was lucky that the only thing I managed to break was a finger. Esme and Carlisle lectured me for half of the next day about how I should go about trying to use my voice if that was what I was trying to do. I promised them that in the future I would make sure I was in a spot where I wouldn't get hurt.

My frozen states have become an almost daily routine since then. In the beginning, Esme and Carlisle would find me and bring me downstairs to the living room for a family camp-out. After we hadn't returned to our rooms for two whole weeks I finally wrote to them asking them to stop doing the camp-outs. Esme has stayed with me almost every night since, which makes me feel incredibly guilty. I tried to tell her not to worry about it, that I wouldn't wake up in a panic as I used to do, but she wouldn't give in to my pleas. Every now and then I wake up with both of them in my bed with me.

It's now the end of December. Christmas break officially starts at the end of this school day. It's 6:30am and I just finished getting dressed after my shower. I'm absolutely dreading going to school today. The loneliness and emptiness that has been building in me lately is eating me alive, and being in a building filled with people, watching them be excited over the approaching holidays, only makes it worse for me. I've realized lately, that as hard as it is for me to trust people, I can't remain isolated forever. At some point, I'm going to have to trust someone, never to the extent that I had trusted them, but at least trust them enough to associate with them. My only problem... I have no idea who that should be.

I ate my breakfast, and sat around with Esme until it was time to go to school. Once again, Alice pulled into the driveway and begged me to go with her. I couldn't even look at her as I climbed into Esme's SUV. Esme dropped me off, and promised me that we could go driving after school today. I still had 20 hours left to complete so I could get my license in march, 10 of which still had to be at night. She said that we could complete that over Christmas break. I readily agreed and got out of the car, heading toward my English class.

I had to change my seat a few weeks after this whole situation started, simply because Alice was distracting me too much with her whispers and note tossing. I couldn't concentrate on our lessons for anything with her sitting next to me, so I moved across the room. I didn't do it to spite her, or make her feel bad, but I really would have failed if I hadn't moved.

When I was walking to my second period Spanish class, I noticed that Alice was now sharing a locker with Jasper. I decided right then and there that I'd leave my books in my locker today at the end of school.

My classes were flying by today, which pleased me greatly as all I wanted to do was go back home. It was already almost the end of third period Trig. Mr. Varner was wishing us all a happy holiday vacation and telling us our lack of assignments was his gift for us. That thrilled me. I bent down to try and shove my book back into my overstuffed bag when I noticed that Angela had turned around in her seat toward me. I sat back up and looked at her. She smiled at me and handed me a piece of paper. I looked at her with a confused expression before unfolding it and reading it.

**Merry Christmas, Bella. I hope you enjoy your vacation.**

**Angela**

I smiled at her and she turned to get up. I hesitated for a moment, but then shot my hand out to stop her. I realized that she had always been a genuine and sincere person, and she had never done anything to me that could make me think otherwise. She turned toward me once more, and I gestured to her to give me a minute. She nodded and I quickly started writing on the note.

_**Merry Christmas to you too Ange. I'm sorry I've ignored you for so long. Send me a text over break..maybe we can get together?**_

_**Bella**_

I added my cell number to the note at the bottom and handed it back to her. She smiled brightly at me and nodded. I stood from my seat as she did, and she turned to hug me.

"I've missed you, Bella. I'll send you a text over break, I promise," she whispered to me before she let me go. I smiled brightly at her and waved to her as she walked out of the room. She smiled and waved back.

I made my way to my Western Civ. class, now in higher spirits than I had been, and sat in my seat quickly. Alice and Jasper looked at me strangely and I furrowed my brow at them in confusion before turning my attention to Mrs. Morelli.

The bell rang an hour later, and I quickly made my way to the gym. Ever since I came back to school, I've tried to be finished changing by the time most of the people even made it into the locker room. I changed my clothes quickly and went out into the gym to wait for class to start.

Edward walked out of the locker room alone, and as soon as our gazes met he smiled, but it was pained and forced. It wasn't his usual dazzling smile, and come to think of it, I hadn't seen that smile since the day of that Halloween party when he walked in the back door. I frowned at him as I came to that realization, and he stopped walking. He looked like he was debating between bolting out of the back gym doors toward the football field, or walking over to say something to me.

The locker room doors opened again, and Jasper and Emmett walked out together. Edward's expression changed instantly to frustration, and he turned and plowed his way through the back doors angrily. Emmett and Jasper looked at each other with pained expressions as I stared at the whole scene in confusion. It made me wonder what they had done in the locker room to aggravate him so much.

When they left through the doors, I looked around for Angela. I knew she had gym this period, but I always wondered why I never saw her in gym class. I realized why when she walked out of the locker room wearing a cheer-leading uniform. I had almost forgot that most of the students that were involved with sports and such, used gym class as practice time. She smiled and waved at me as she made her way out of the gym doors. It made me wonder where the heck they practiced when it was this cold outside as I smiled and waved back at her.

The rest of class went by quickly, even with Alice trying to talk to me the whole time. We had been running track this week, and it was like a game of cat and mouse. I'd take off running when she'd start talking, and she'd catch up a few minutes later and try again. I knew she could have caught me quicker than what she did time and time again, and I figured she was just trying to re-strategize before catching back up with me once again.

I changed quickly and went to head off to the library, my little sanctuary during my school day. I was almost to the doors on the outside of the building when I heard someone yell my name. I spun around and saw Angela jogging toward me with a smile on her face. I waited for her as she approached me.

"Hey, Bella. Where are you going? The cafeteria is that way," she said as she panted and pointed toward the cafeteria building. I looked around nervously. I didn't know how to tell her where I was going, so I did the only thing I could think of. I pointed toward the library sign on the building just by the door.

"Oh...do you mind if I join you?" she asked nervously. I smiled and nodded to her. It would be nice to have some company in there.

"Will you come with me while I grab something to eat for lunch?" she asked happily. I hesitated for just a moment, and then agreed. We walked to the cafeteria together and I followed behind her as she made her way through the food line. I tried not to look toward my old table, but I had a hard time not doing so. Once again, it was only Alice, Jasper, and Emmett. Edward still wasn't there, and it made me curious. I looked around the cafeteria, but I didn't see him anywhere in there. I wondered if he was just late, or if he was still angry with Emmett and Jasper from whatever they did in the locker room and decided to eat somewhere else.

Alice, Jasper, and Emmett all looked at me with surprised faces as Angela and I made our way back out of the cafeteria. I almost wanted to smile smugly in that moment to let them know that they may have knocked me down, but I got back up on my own.

I looked through the parking lot as Angela and I made our way back toward the library, and was surprised to see Edward's elbow resting against the rear driver's side window in his car. His seat was reclined, and I guessed he was taking a nap during lunch, or just avoiding his friends cause he was still upset with them.

Angela and I walked into the library, and I led us to the table I had become accustomed to sitting at. The only other person in the library this period was the librarian, Mrs. Jennings. I smiled and waved at her as we passed her, and she responded in kind.

I pulled out a notebook and pen as soon as we sat, trying to make it easier for us to communicate. Angela smiled at me as I wrote a note to her.

_**Thanks for sitting with me today. You didn't have to do that.**_

She smiled and shook her head as she wrote back.

**I'm happy you let me join you. It's been a long time since we've actually talked or anything.**

I frowned as I read her note, and quickly responded.

_**Ange, I'm really sorry about that. I never meant to be that way...it was kind of out of my control. I know that doesn't make any sense, but it's the only way I can explain it.**_

She shook her head once again, and smiled sadly as she wrote a note back.

**It's okay, Bella. I understand. You were going through a hard time, and it was easy to see that. I'm not angry or hurt or anything by it. I knew you'd come around one day, and I'm happy that you did. I've missed our friendship a lot over the years. You were one of my best friends, and you understood me better than anyone else. I'm just glad that we're talking again.**

Her words comforted me greatly and I smiled as I read them. I wrote back once more.

_**Thanks, Ange. You've always been incredibly understanding. I'm happy that we're talking again as well. How are the twins and your parents? Gosh...they have to be what...8 now?**_

She laughed as she responded.

**Yeah they're a handful. They just turned 8 a month ago. They drive me nuts, but I love them. My parents are doing great, thanks for asking. They're planning a trip to Disney World for all of us for spring break. The twins are bouncing off the walls over it, and I told them they should have waited to tell them until the morning we left! How are things with the Cullens? They're great people. I really hope you're happy with them.**

I laughed silently as I read her note and wrote back quickly.

_**Yeah that was probably a mistake to tell them so early on. I can only imagine how hyper they get when they think about it. Things are going okay with Esme and Carlisle. We finally managed to connect with each other at the end of the summer, and things were going great until recently. It's been kind of stressful lately, but I'm trying really hard to pull myself out of this funk and get us back to where we were. How do you know them?**_

I continued to eat my lunch as she wrote her reply. I hadn't ever imagined it would be this easy to reconnect with her, but really I wasn't surprised by it. She had always been the easiest person in the world to talk to, well besides Edward and Alice. She passed the note back shortly after.

**Yeah, I noticed the change in you when you came back to school after that horrible incident in the locker room. I'm sorry about that, Bella. I don't know how they could have ever been so cruel toward you when you had never done anything to them. They were just incredibly mean people, and honestly, I was happy to see them go. They used to attack me and a few of the other cheerleaders freshman and sophmore years. I hope that things get better for you soon. I miss seeing you the way you were at the beginning of the year. I was amazed at the change in you over the summer. You looked happy and healthy and I was happy seeing you that way. I met Carlisle and Esme two years ago when Johnathan broke his ankle and we had to take him to the ER. He and Joseph had been trying to ride bean bags down the stairs and he took a nasty spill. I swear the two of them are adrenaline junkies!**

I wasn't quite sure if I should tell her the real reason behind my dramatic change when I came back to school. It really had nothing to do with the locker room incident, but I didn't know if I should tell her the real reason or not. I contemplated it for a while as I finished eating my lunch, and finally decided that I should. If anyone would understand, it would be Angela.

_**Ange...my change didn't have anything to do with what Lauren, Tanya, and Jessica did. I had made friends with someone, and reconnected with old friends in the beginning of the year, and the weekend before I came back to school I found out that they had been lying to me for months. I have a hard time trusting people, and when they broke the trust that I had carelessly given to them, it kind of made me shut down. It probably seems ridiculous that something like that could have that kind of an affect on someone, but it did nonetheless. **_

I hesitantly passed the notebook back to her, and she frowned when she read it. She wrote back quickly and passed it to me.

**Bella, I'm sorry that happened to you. People can be careless sometimes with their actions, and even though they don't mean to hurt anyone, they do. The only thing I can tell you, is what my mother always tells me...Time heals all wounds. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but eventually it does. The other thing I can say is, in the words of my father, "It's a much wiser decision to forgive those who act against you and let go than to have your heart weighed down by unnecessary remorse. Forgiving them in your heart allows them to carry the full weight of regret for their actions." I know it doesn't sound like much, but it's helped me many times over the years. I hope it helps you as well.**

I read her note slowly, soaking in the words that she had written. I wasn't ready to forgive them, well at least not let them know that I had forgiven them, but it gave me hope that if I at least forgave them in my heart, it wouldn't bother me as much. If I just let it go, maybe it would help me heal. Maybe forgiving them would help me realize that if I forgave everyone else that had ever acted against me, including myself, that I could fully heal.

I didn't know if it would work, but it was the first bit of hope I'd had in quite a while. My biggest challenge, however, I knew would be forgiving myself. The majority of the guilt that I carried around with me was only mine to be had. It didn't belong to anyone other than me. Forgiving myself was definitely going to be my biggest obstacle if this was truly what I needed to do to heal. I had no illusions of this being a miraculous cure that would work immediately or anything insane like that. I knew that it would take time, and I hoped that eventually over time, the guilt that I felt, and the blame that I placed on myself, would eventually fade away.

I wrote back quickly and passed it to her, realizing that the bell was about to ring.

_**Thank you, Ange. I'm not sure if it will help just yet, but I'm hoping that it will. Thank your parents for the advice for me...it's the first bit of hope that I've had in a long time. The bell is about to ring though. I hope you have a great Christmas, and I hope we get the chance to get together over the break.**_

I passed it back to her just as the bell started to ring. She read it quickly and smiled at me.

"I'm happy their advice helped you even just a little bit, and we'll definitely get together over the break," she said as she smiled and passed the notebook back to me. I didn't feel like shoving it back in my bag just to take it right back out again when I got to class, so I just carried it with me as Angela and I left the library. She hugged me once more as we parted ways, and I walked quickly to Biology.

Edward was already in his seat, writing his daily note. I moved my chair over to the far edge of the table, as usual, and sat down. I pulled my text book out and waited for the note to come in my direction. I thought about Angela's words from just minutes before, and when the note came in my direction, for the first time in two months, I didn't flick it away rudely. I didn't read it either, however, but I did place it in my notebook. I figured I could decide what to do with it later. I wasn't sure if reading it would help me forgive him in my heart or not, but I wasn't about to read it in front of him when I tried to figure that out.

Edward let out the breath he had been holding in as he anticipated my daily flick of the paper, and seemed to relax just slightly after I had tucked the note away. I wasn't sure what he was thinking at the moment, but I didn't have much of a chance to ponder it either, as Mr. Banner started lecturing.

Class passed quickly after that, and as was now custom, Edward stayed in his seat and watched as I left the room. I didn't look back, as I already knew how his expression would look. The first few days I had looked back at him as I left the room, and it was always the same expression. It was a mix of hurt, frustration, and despair. It tortured me to see it, so I stopped looking back as I walked. I hated knowing that it was my weakness that caused all of this and put that expression on his face.

I made my way to art class, and took my seat next to Alice. As usual, she started up right away with her attempts to communicate with me.

"Bella, will you please just talk to me? It's been months for crying out loud," she said desperately. I shook my head and took out this weeks project. We were making clay sculptures and mine was a horrible rendition of a molting tree. I really wasn't any good at this crap, and I had to keep reattaching what very few leaves it was supposed to have back onto it. I think it stinks, but Old Hag Olga seemed to think my sculpture displayed a range of significant emotions... the only one I could come up with was loneliness.

A moment later a piece of paper came in my direction. I picked it up and folded it, and put it in my bag. I was sincerely trying this whole forgiving in my heart and letting go thing. So far, I wasn't sure how well this was going to work out, as the look on her face only made me feel more guilty for having not read the damn thing. Apparently not flicking it on the floor wasn't that great of an improvement in my behavior.

She finally let it go after that, and I fidgeted for the rest of the hour trying to will time to move faster so I could toss my books in my newly evacuated locker and go home.

Finally the bell rang, and I all but sprinted out of the class. I quickly made my way to my locker, and had to try multiple times to remember the damn combination to it since I hadn't used it in two months. I finally managed to remember it, and I pulled the lock off.

The second I opened the locker, a river of folded up pieces of paper flowed out of it and covered my feet and the floor surrounding me. There had to have been a half of a locker full of the damn things. Maybe that's why Alice moved her stuff out of it...she was tired of picking them all up every day.

I emptied my books out of my bag, thankful that I didn't have a single assignment for over the vacation, and picked up all of the pieces of paper, shoving them roughly in my bag. The sheer number of notes was ridiculous. There had to be half of the Amazon rain forest sitting in my locker. Apparently conserving paper wasn't part of Edward's conservation of the world's finite resources ideology.

I zipped up my bag and fastened the lock on my locker before making my way out to the parking lot. Esme was waiting for me patiently as she sat in the passenger side of my car. I was thrilled that she brought it instead of her SUV. She smiled brightly at me when she spotted me and I smiled and waved back as I started to skip toward my car. I saw her shoulders shake with her chuckles, and it made me feel good to see the relief cross her features.

I got into the car and she turned to me immediately as I chucked my bag in the back seat.

"How was your day, sweetheart?" she asked warmly.

I turned toward her and smiled.

'It was great. I started talking with Angela today at the end of math class. She sat with me in the library for lunch. We're going to try and get together over break.' I signed to her excitedly. She immediately broke into a wide, excited grin.

"That's wonderful, dear! I'm so happy for you," she said happily as she held her hands over her heart.

'Do you think maybe we could take a trip to the Seattle for New Year's to see the fireworks, and maybe bring Angela?' I asked nervously.

"Oh, Bella. I think that's a wonderful idea. I'll talk to your father tonight about it, and we'll see what we can arrange, alright?" she replied excitedly. I didn't miss the overwhelming relief in her voice as she spoke, and it made me happy that for once she wasn't overwhelmed with worry. I smiled widely as I started the car and adjusted all of my mirrors before driving off.

_Maybe things won't be so bad from now on after all..._

_

* * *

_

**AN: Reviews are better than fireworks and acting like a tourist! R&R PLS & TY!!**


	48. Endless Days & Relentless Frustration

**AN: Welcome to part 2...EPOV! ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight so don't sue me...**

* * *

Endless Days & Relentless Frustration

EPOV

It took me nearly two hours to pull myself off of Bella's front steps that horrible day. I was filled with so much anxiety and worry over what I had seen in her eyes that it literally felt like I was going to implode because of it. It pulled so roughly on my heart that it felt like my heart was trying to suck every inch of my body into it.

When I finally got home that day, my parents cornered me as I walked in the door. They asked the hundred and one questions that I had been avoiding the night before, and I answered every one of them with a drained and monotone voice as best as I could. My mother was furious with what they had done, and for the first time in my life, I was actually worried that she would strike one of them. It took both me and my father to hold her back from dashing out of the house with her keys in an attempt to find them. I had _never_ seen her that way before, but it made sense when you took into consideration that she had always thought of Bella as a daughter to her. It was in that moment, that I wished those idiots could have seen just how many people outside of themselves that their actions had affected.

Once we finally had her calmed down, I retreated to my room and booted up my computer. I sat in front of that stupid thing all day, just waiting for her to come online so that I could try to talk to her. She never did though, and I finally gave up waiting around 10pm. I figured she had to have gone to bed by that point, and the worry that consumed me at the thought of how she would fare during the night, kept me awake all night long. Every time I'd doze off, I'd awake with a start and check my phone for any missed calls from her in a panic, then I'd log back on and check to see if she had left me any offline messages. My searches were fruitless each and every time. By the fifth or sixth time I had done that, I gave up and just left my messenger online with the volume on the computer at max so I'd hear if I got any messages, and held my phone in my hand the rest of the night..well morning by that point.

By the time it reached 6:30am, I was so damn exhausted that it took every last bit of energy that I had just to drag myself into the shower. I was desperately hoping that there would have been at least some type of minimal change in her appearance since I had seen her the day before. When I made it downstairs and into the kitchen, I was saddened to see that it appeared as though my mother hadn't gotten any rest either. I wrapped my arms around her, and as soon as she was enclosed in my arms, she broke into tears. I wished at that point that I was able to do the same, but I just didn't have the energy left in me to do so. I held her until she calmed her sobs. She apologized to me and I told her that she had nothing to apologize for, and that if I had any energy left in me, I'd have done the same. She offered to let me stay home from school that day, but I vehemently objected. I needed to see her. I needed to know how she was doing. My mother relented and told me that if I needed to come home at any point, that I could. I nodded before kissing her cheek and left the house, not even realizing that I hadn't eaten breakfast.

I drove straight to the school, not even bothering to let the two jackasses know that I wouldn't be picking them up, because really they should expect it. When I got there, I waited patiently as I sat on one of the picnic tables by the cafeteria, wondering if she would climb out of the traitorous pixie's Porsche, or if Esme would drop her off.

Not ten minutes later, Esme's SUV pulled into the lot. I was both relieved and dismayed to see it. Relieved that I could see how she was doing, and dismayed that Alice had made no progress over the remainder of the weekend either, not that I had expected her to.

Bella hopped out of the SUV after a moment, and I waited for her to turn so I could see her beautiful face. When she turned to face Esme, I just about fell off of the table. The bags that had been under her eyes just yesterday were now purple, assuring me that she hadn't slept well, if at all, since Friday night. Her eyes still remained drained of any sign of life, and it was at that point that I made my way into the arts building. I didn't need to see any more at the moment.

I walked toward my classroom and the wave of pain in my chest hit me so hard that I had to veer off and enter the men's restroom. I hid in one of the stalls as I let the silent tears flow down my face, just trying to release some little portion of the pain that I was feeling. There was not a damn thing I could do to fix this. The only thing I could do was wait for her, and I was resolved to do that regardless of what it took out of me to do so.

The bell rang while I was still in the stall, and I ended up being fifteen minutes late to class. Mr. Levine excused me immediately without question when he saw me. He knew something was incredibly wrong at the moment, and he didn't push for answers, which I was immensely thankful for. He allowed me to just sit at the piano and try to work out parts of what I was feeling in peace.

I dropped a few notes in Bella's locker throughout the day, in hopes that she would read them at some point, and tried to keep a close eye on her as she walked through the halls and between buildings during class exchanges. She didn't improve at all as the day went on, and the more Alice pestered her as she walked, the more I wanted to punt her down the hallway. She was getting on _my _nerves, and I wasn't even the one she was talking to. I tried to keep my own nuisance to Bella down to the minimum of attempting to pass her notes. It killed me when she would let them fall to the floor, and I really wanted to smack my head against the table in Biology when she flicked the damn thing off of the table.

Jasper and Emmett tried approaching me at the end of the day as we were getting changed for practice. We had made it to the regionals and Coach Jackson insisted that we start practicing at least twice a week after school in preparation for state championships. It took everything I had in me not to pummel the hell out of either of them after I was forced to watch Bella's deteriorated state throughout the day. Instead, I did the only thing I had the energy to do. I ignored the hell out of them, and I think it got to them worse than if I had actually hit one of them. I meant what I had said to them, as long as Bella remained hurt, I wanted nothing to do with any of them. The only reason I was even allowing Alice near her was because I was hoping that she might be able to break through to her, as she had been the only one able to do so in the first place.

I barely made it through practice that first day, and my passes were horribly off-aim, and consistently fell short of where I had intended them to land. Coach Jackson pulled me aside after practice and expressed his concern in not only my performance, but in my appearance in general. He chided me on what partying all weekend can do to you, and I had to abruptly correct him. He tried his best to give me a encouraging pep-talk after I explained everything to him, and assured me that if I needed some time to myself, that he would understand. I wasn't about to risk state championships for them though. I knew that if he had to replace me with Eric Yorkie, who wasn't even varsity level, they'd never make it to state. I declined his offer and promised to improve my performance after explaining that I had just been exhausted today to start with. He nodded but told me that if I changed my mind at any time the offer still stood. I thanked him and left his office to hit the showers and head home.

Things haven't gotten any better since then. Alice attempts to talk to her constantly throughout the day, trying both my patience as well as Bella's, and Emmett and Jasper constantly try to work things out with me to no avail. I don't know how many ways I can express to them that I'm done. I haven't returned to the cafeteria since that first day during lunch. That first day I sat at my old table, until I watched Bella leave after throwing her just purchased lunch in the trash. I followed a distance behind her, and watched as she made her way into the library alone. From that point on, I've watched her walk in there with her packed lunch in her hand from my car. We were definitely a hopeless pair.

Once a week, every Monday actually, I force myself to speak with Alice in French class. My only intention in speaking with her is to find out of she's had any progress over the weekend, and every Monday it's the same answer, a defeated shake of her head. Aside from my family, and a few of the guys on the team during practice, and my Monday morning one lined question to Alice, I haven't had any real contact with anyone since that first Sunday. It's greatly opened my eyes to what Bella went through every day of those five years, and it fills me with more despair than I ever thought was humanly possible for one person to feel. I can't imagine how she managed five long years of it, and I'm barely making it across the two month marker.

Christmas break starts at the end of today, and I'm dreading it. The time away from school is going to leave me a worried mess as I'll have to go two whole weeks without being able to see how Bella is faring, and if there is any change in her at all.

I waited in my car this morning, as I did now every morning since it had gotten so frigidly cold outside, for a quick glimpse of Bella before I would make my inevitable treck into music class. She arrived only minutes later, and I was thrust further into the horrible sea of despair that I was already drowning in just at the sight of her. It had been two months, and there hadn't been any change at all. I rubbed my hands furiously over my face before getting out of the car and walking to my first class. My thoughts were consumed by only her as first period dragged on endlessly.

Finally the bell rang, ending that first horrible hour, and bringing me one hour closer to the only point in my day where I could remain in some type of close proximity to Bella without having her practically run in the opposite direction. Alice, thankfully, left me in peace in second period French class. Unfortunately, Jasper apparently didn't have the same ability to restrain himself in Calculus the following period.

"Edward, can we talk for a minute?" he asked warily.

"There's nothing to talk about, Whitlock," I responded indifferently.

"That's bull and you know it," he replied incredulously.

"Really...I was under the impression that it was my sole purpose to not know anything," I replied in a sarcastic tone.

"Edward, this is insane. How can you throw away all these years of friendship without a second thought about it?," he asked in a disbelieving tone. I shot him a heated glare.

"It is insane, Whitlock. It's insane that any of you thought this would end well. It's insane that none of you can understand why I don't wish to associate with you. It's insane that you think I'm the one that threw our friendship away as I wasn't the one that lied to your face daily. It's insane that none of you are able to come to terms with your actions and stop pleading for forgiveness. If it's forgiveness you seek, you're barking up the wrong tree. I have none to give you until when, and if at all, the day comes that Bella is able to stop hurting the way she is and start living again happily, with or without me. Until then, it's insane that any of you would even assume that forgiveness is even a remote possibility," I responded heatedly.

"I'm not blaming you for what we did, Edward. I just think it's ridiculous that you're holding a grudge for so damn long," he replied defensively.

"For someone who tosses false threats of troubled brotherly waters around like yesterday's comics, I think it's incredibly ridiculous for that very same person to expect me to react differently than I have," I retorted quickly.

"Jesus Christ, Edward. We made a mistake. I admit I made more than the others while trying to cover my own self-created bullshit, but they were mistakes. You act as if we murdered someone for Christ's sake!" he cried out, finally reaching his breaking point.

"Have you seen the look in her eyes? Have you taken just one goddamn good look over the last two months? You may as well have. She's not living anymore. The life in her eyes is gone, just like it was when she came back from Phoenix. She's vanished within herself, asshole, and it's all because of what you all did. When will any of you realize that what you did was more than a simple mistake?" I roared, not even caring about all the heads that had turned in class to stare at me.

I was so damn furious that I couldn't bare to sit through the duration of that class. I apologized to Mrs. Doak as I fled from the room, eager to be anywhere other than in an audible distance from him. Their attempts to mend our friendship were really wearing me thin on patience lately. I couldn't figure out why they just couldn't understand why I was acting the way I was. I truly did not want to associate with them. How could I be friends with them when I had to look into those empty brown eyes every day, knowing that it was their actions that caused her eyes to lose their vibrancy, to lose their spark. They just didn't get it...any of it.

I made my way into the library, and spent the remainder of the class period writing Bella a note. I let out everything that I was feeling and thinking in that note, with the hopes that one day she would read it and know exactly where I was at that moment in time while we were apart. Every note that I had written recently was marked with a date and time. Some of them were simple pleas just for her to give me just a few minutes to explain everything to her. Others were a pouring out of my heart and soul, the only emotional release I was capable of without being able to tell her in person. Regardless of their nature, I dated and timed each one, so that if she ever did read them, she could sequence them and see that there wasn't a moment in my days where she wasn't the only thing on my mind.

I dropped the note for her off in her locker on my way to English class. I spotted her momentarily as she crossed the lawn between buildings, and I noticed that there was a very slight difference, but I couldn't pinpoint what it was. I had only caught the briefest of glimpses, and it wasn't enough for me to accurately distinguish the change. I finished walking to class praying that it was a good change, and that nothing was distressing her more than usual. If something was causing her additional stress at the moment, I wouldn't even know where to look for the source of it since Newton was now on his best behavior continuously, and the hyena pack had been expelled.

I sat in my seat in English class, relieved that the note tossing had finally ceased. It only took two months and a radical change in my demeanor to cause them to give it up. The hour crept by at an infuriatingly sluggish pace, and I swear the clock was taunting me as I watched the second hand move at a speed so slow you would have thought it was trying to go in reverse. I thought I had about died and gone to purgatory when the bell finally rang. Two months ago, I would have said heaven, but with the way my days had been passing...purgatory was about the biggest step up from hell that I could take.

I made my way to the locker room and changed quickly, just trying to get away from the two numbnuts that stood on either side of me. When I made my way out of the locker room, I saw her as she waited for her gym period to begin. I forced a smile, but stopped as she frowned. I was debating trying to talk to her as she didn't turn and walk in the other direction when she saw me. Unfortunately the idiots walked out of the locker room just then, and just being near them aggravated me to no end. I barreled my way through the doors and out to the field. I jogged out there, attempting to warm my muscles since it was ungodly cold outside, but we had nowhere else to practice for state championships that were all scheduled for during the winter break. I was hoping we would win, and we actually had an awesome shot at it this year as we hadn't lost a game yet.

I let some of my frustration out on the field during practice, and took my time in the shower trying to heat myself back up. When I was done, I headed straight out to my car to watch Bella head into the library. I was surprised when Angela called out after her and she responded with a slight smile. It warmed me all over now realizing that the slight change in her was a positive one, and even more that she was finally talking to someone again. I watched as the two of them headed off in the direction of the cafeteria, and then with slightly lifted spirits, and an eased sense of worry, I reclined my seat back and hoped and prayed for the rest of the hour that things would start getting better while I waited for the bell to ring.

I sat in my seat quickly once I got Biology class today, and as was my usual routine, I pulled out a piece of paper and started writing her my daily class note, fully expecting her to flick it on the floor once again. Just because she was now talking to Angela, didn't mean that she was going to be any different with me, and I knew that. As I waited for her to show up, I thought about all the school days that had passed since that damn party, and specifically all the Biology classes that had passed since then.

Every day she would flick the note to the floor, and proceed to ignore me the rest of the class. When class would end, I would watch her leave, and then I'd walk around our lab table and pick the note up off of the floor and deposit it in her locker on my way to History. Alice had started sharing a locker with Jasper weeks ago when she started getting pissed that all the notes would fall out of the locker whenever she would open it. I wore a smug smile every time I popped one through the slits at the top, each time thinking the same thing...

_Good...cause it's not your locker anyhow..._

I swear it had to be getting full by this point, and I could only imagine the look on Bella's face when she finally opened the door to the damn thing and they all spilled out. I'm not sure if I'm the only one putting them in there, but each time one drops, it seems that it lands quicker. I don't even think I could estimate how many are actually in there at this point. I tried to figure it out once, just to take my mind off of everything, but that was a month ago and my estimate was somewhere around 120 then. At that point, I was only dropping about 4 or 5 notes tops in there a day. Lately it's been more like 8 or 9, not including the one from Biology that I put in there every day. I can only hope that at some point, she reads them.

Bella walked into the room just as I was finishing my note for class, and as usual, she scooted her seat to the far edge of the table and sat down. I held my breath as I passed the note in her direction, in attempts to hold back the hurt that rocks through me as I witness her flick the damn thing on the floor. Only today she didn't flick it. She didn't read it either, but instead she tucked it into her notebook. My heart was over-joyed to say the least. If I wouldn't have been looked at strangely, I probably would have thrown a victory punch in the air and howled. It was at least a step in some direction.

I watched her leave class once again today, only this time, it didn't damn near kill me when she didn't look back. The two small improvements that I had witnessed today provided me the amount of hope I needed to push that pain away. I smiled at her retreating form as I made my way out of the class room.

As was the usual routine, Emmett started in almost immediately after I sat down in History class.

"Edward, it's been two months. Are you ever going to let this go?" he asked with despair.

"I let it go two months ago, McCarty. You and twinkle-toes Whitlock are the ones that won't let it go," I replied automatically.

"If you let it go, then why won't you talk to us?" he asked, his frustration clearly evident in his tone.

"Because I have nothing to say to either of you. I told you that two months ago. I specifically told you that as long as I had to witness that lifeless look in her eyes, I wanted nothing to do with either of you. Why can't either of you respect my wishes? You couldn't respect me enough to tell me the truth to start with, and now you can't respect me enough to follow through with what I requested of the both of you. Why can't either of you accept the consequences of your own actions, realize how they affected more people than just yourselves, and respect the wishes of those innocent people as they try to fix what you all did?" I spoke, my own frustration with the situation, and their inability to realize the severity of what had occurred in response to their deception, dominating my tone.

"Edward, we've apologized...numerous times. We don't know what else to do besides that," he muttered desperately.

"How about you respect the wishes of the people you hurt? That sounds like a perfect place to start to me," I replied dryly as I pulled my textbook out of my bag.

"That would require us giving up, and none of us are willing to do that, just as you're not giving up on Bella, we're not giving up on either you or her," he responded determinedly.

"Good luck with that, McCarty. Let me know how that works out for all of you," I replied sarcastically.

"I don't know why you're making this so damn hard..."he started but I looked at him with an incredulous glare and he stopped immediately.

"Why _I'm _making this so hard? _Really_? Last time I checked, it wasn't _me_ who caused this whole shit-storm. Why don't you all think about that for a while instead of blaming those of us who had nothing to do with it for your frustration with failing in your attempts to remedy the situation?" I replied aggressively as his accusation made my blood boil instantly. He flinched and held his hands up in front of him as if surrendering.

I shook my head and turned back around in my chair. I wanted the hell out of this class immediately. I couldn't believe the ignorance they each shared in regards to everything that happened. As if a simple apology takes all of it away without them even realizing the degree of damage they had caused. Did they not see her everyday? Did they not see how quickly she deteriorated in response to their actions? It was clear as day, how could they not see it?

For someone who, in the past, had frequently demonstrated an innate ability to understand difficult problems and be able to clearly see the solutions to them, he was sure as shit missing the mark on this one.

Amazingly, he let it go for the rest of the class period, and as soon as the bell rang I fled to my car. I waited in my car until Esme showed up driving Bella's Acura. I watched as she skipped toward her car, seeming genuinely excited for once, and it brought a smile to my face. Just the sight of seeing her smile eased away all the frustration Emmett had instilled in me during that last encounter. I waited for her to drive off, and then with a smile on my face, I drove home with a little less worry weighing me down as I faced the reality of not seeing her again for another two weeks.

* * *

**AN: Okay..now for the explanation. This entire event was planned for a purpose. Alice needed to learn that even though it's an admirable trait to be fiercly protective of the ones you care about, it's easily possible to over-step your bounds and end up hurting them rather than protecting them...J/Em also need to learn that lesson. J/Em also need to learn that their actions had a far greater impact on people other than themselves...something they don't quite understand at this moment. I know many of you are feeling horrible for Edward right now, as he had nothing to do with what happened...and he's suffering for it...but he needs to grow and learn from this as well. Although he somewhat understands what Bella has been through and experienced as a result of her traumatic past...he's incapable of understanding it fully. What he experiences in their separation will show him exactly what she went through..for the most part anyway. The understanding that he will obtain from all of this will give him the strength he's going to need to remain vigilant in his resolve to be there for her as he promised. And then we have Bella... Bella has quite a number of lessons to learn yet at this point. In the last chapter she finally realized at least one of them...she can't remain isolated forever. Just because people hurt you, it doesn't mean that you should shut down and shut everyone that tries to be there for you out. She also needed to take steps towards her recovery on her own, rather than allowing those around her to take the initiative for her...such as Alice with the communication, and Alice with breaking her out of her shell, and Alice with making her comfortable showing her scars, oh and lookie here...Alice and helping her face her fears of shopping in public. See a pattern here? Bella repeatedly allows those around her to take the initiative to help her heal when it should be only her taking the initiative and simply allowing the others to assist her. She relies too heavily upon the courage that others instill in her, and not enough on the courage she possesses within herself. She needed to learn that by allowing others to do the majority of the work for her, she was destined for failure if those people were no longer there, simply because she failed to learn the appropriate lessons from her progress. I hope this clears everything up, and also gives you some perspective into why things went down this way, and why it's imperitive that they all learn from this event. Thanks so much for reading!**

**Reviews are way better than life's little lessons! R&R PLS & TY!!**


	49. New Friendships & Unexpected Encounters

**AN: YAY!! It's Monday again!! That means time for me to write again...as well as updates for all of you! So...I had a moment of complete Bellaness the night I wrote this chapter...Friday night... and I figured I'd share it with all of you. I was doing loads of laundry while I wrote this chapter, and I was in such a rush to get back to typing away because I was having a massive brain storm at the moment...and my retarded butt went running into my bathroom with the laundry basket in hand, only to step on a used dryer sheet and go flying across the bathroom. The entire contents of the basket went flying EVERYWHERE as I fell straight on my arse. It hurt like hell, and I had planned on taking an x-ray of my bum when I got to work the next morning, but thankfully it wasn't as painful the next day. So I guess I didn't literally bust my ass...only metaphorically LOL. I know this was probably TMI for all of you..but I really couldn't resist sharing..my bad! Anyways...welcome to Monday's update! ENJOY!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or anything related to it. SM owns it all.**

* * *

New Friendships & Unexpected Encounters

BPOV

Christmas break felt like it flew by in the blink of an eye for me. Angela did end up coming with us to Seattle for New Year's Eve. We all had a great time watching the fireworks. Esme and Carlisle even took us to a museum and an art gallery while we were there. We spent four whole days in Seattle, and being away from Forks helped me greatly.

I had been feeling like I was suffocating with everything that was going on, and the little getaway helped me feel like I could breathe a little easier. Ange and I had a blast the whole time, running around like tourists, taking pictures, taking in all the sights and attractions that the area had to offer.

I've been working really hard on that whole forgiving people in my heart idea since then. It hasn't been easy at all. Every time I think I get somewhere with it, Alice drives me batty with her relentless pleas for reconciliation and I lose whatever progress I've made with it. I have had success in other areas since then though.

My shield of guilt cracked itself open once again. I'm not sure how it did, as I had been trying to crack it for two months straight with no success. The weekend before we returned to school after Christmas break, I was sitting on the couch with Esme and out of nowhere, I spontaneously combusted into tears. She looked at me like I was insane for a moment, trying to figure out how a Purina dog food commercial caused me to bawl hysterically, but then she realized what was actually happening. She cried with me for hours as she rocked me and spoke soothing reassurances continuously to me. If I hadn't known what that release felt like from prior experience, I would have thought I had finally lost it completely.

When Carlisle came home and saw the two of us in the middle of our crying jag, he smiled brightly and wrapped his arms around us, joining in with Esme on the continual reassurances that what was happening was a good thing. I swear if anyone had seen my family at that moment, we would probably have all been committed. Two people crying over a dog food commercial, and one person smiling at the sight of it...yeah that's insanity if I've ever witnessed it.

Angela and I have become incredibly close over the last few months since Christmas break, and I enjoy spending as much time as I can with her, and even sometimes the twins. She wasn't kidding when she said they were a handful. We took them to an arcade once on a weekend, and we actually lost them for about two hours. We looked _everywhere_ for them, and it wasn't until we walked outside to call her parents that we found them in the pizza place next door.

Angela reamed them out for a half an hour before yelling at them to get in the car. I tried my best not to snicker as I watched them scurry off toward the car, fearing for their lives. She laughed hysterically when they were out of hearing range, as did I... only silently. When we got back, she told her parents and they told the twins that they were canceling the Disney trip and sent them to their room...they really didn't cancel it though.

I started writing to Jake in the middle of January. I felt bad that I hadn't had any contact with him since my birthday with everything that had been going on. He wrote back and told me he understood, and that he hadn't expected to hear from me for a while afterwards. We hung out together for the first time in February. Leah didn't seem to happy about it at first, but after a while she warmed up to me. I think she was just being overprotective of Jake. It warmed my heart to see the two of them together, and it made me miss Edward terribly at the same time.

Jake, Leah, Angela, and I get together about once a week now, usually on a weekend. Jake is restoring a Volkswagen Rabbit now for himself. He's making slow progress with it, and he's hoping it will be done by the time he gets his license. I'm hoping for the same. He even lets Ange and I help him work on it. Leah has no interest in it, but she laughs at our pitiful attempts and keeps us company. Esme is now referring to us as the Ferocious Foursome, because we usually come barreling in the house covered in oil and grease looking for food.

My relationship with Esme and Carlisle has returned to the happy and enjoyable nature that we had shared before my temporary relapse in October. It's one less thing that I have to feel guilty about now. I've been trying to work on that as well for a while now. I've only made a slight progress with that. I let go of the guilt for my Grammie Marie completely, but it's all the other sources that I'm having trouble with....especially my parents. I still feel incredibly guilty about having given up our hiding place, as well as being angry with them just prior to that moment. Esme constantly reassures me that it will just take time.

I haven't been able to approach Billy about his offer yet either. In fact, most of the time that I spend down in La Push, I do my best to avoid him. What he might have to say honestly terrifies me. Jake never tries to push the issue, and I'm grateful for that.

I haven't told Angela about my past, and she hasn't asked. I'm not sure I ever will either. The thought of yet another person knowing any of that about me scares the living daylights out of me. I think it will be quite a while before I ever venture down that path again....if ever. She's never even seemed curious about it, so I let it go, and focused on not thinking about it.

I still try to use my voice constantly, and I consistently end up waking with either Esme or Esme and Carlisle in my bed. It's frustrating and embarrassing at the same time. I feel like a toddler that slept with their parents because of a nightmare that scared them during the night, or because of the bogeyman under the bed. I made a joke once to Esme about getting me little footed zip up pajamas for the nights when they slept in the bed with me. She chuckled and slapped my arm playfully.

My nightmares haven't gotten any better, and it's been a constant thing for me to wake frequently during the night because of them. Most days I'm so exhausted that I can barely focus. I don't know how I ever managed to put up with them for five years, as some days I feel like I'm on the brink of insanity from the lack of sleep I suffer from.

Esme suggested a few times that I try listening to Edward's melody again. I tried once, and spent the entire night crying, not even getting the two hour time span of sleep that I lived off of nightly. I didn't try that again after that.

Things at school have been much the same. Alice follows me around relentlessly, and I swear one of these days I'm going to trip her just so I can run away. If she would just give me some time to work through what I feel, I might find a way through it, but her determination is keeping me from even being able to begin to forgive her.

Edward still writes me notes constantly, dropping them off in my locker throughout the day, and passing me the single one during Biology. I've been keeping all of them in a bag in my closet. I can't bring myself to read them, but I can't bring myself to throw them away either. I keep telling myself that one day I'll read through all of them, that day just hasn't come yet.

I've been noticing a lot more of the things that happen around school lately. I never see Edward with Emmett or Jasper any more, and that observation has been plaguing my mind. I'm hoping it's not because of what happened months ago, as I really don't need yet another thing to feel guilty over, but I can't shake the feeling that it is.

I still haven't seen him smile that beautiful dazzling smile of his, and that breaks my heart. He doesn't seem to be as distraught as he was months ago, but he isn't the same as he used to be either. Not even remotely close. For once, I think I might be doing better than he is...which confuses me incredibly. I can't figure out what's keeping him from being happy aside from our not talking anymore, but I don't see how that would cause him to be the way he is now.

He actually cornered Angela in the hallway one day, shortly after our return from winter break. I'm not sure what he asked her, but her response basically consisted of telling him that she didn't know the answer to his question, and even if she had known the answer, she wasn't at liberty to tell him because it would betray my confidence. I admired her greatly for that, especially since she wasn't even aware that I had overheard it.

I've actually forgiven him mostly in my heart, and it's made it a lot easier to be in the same vicinity as him during Biology. I stopped pushing my seat so far away, and I couldn't help noticing the hopeful expression that it brought to his face. It did, however, increase the amount of guilt that I felt towards myself as I realized that his distraught appearance was probably in direct relation with my actions over the past few months. It makes it extremely hard most days to not read his notes and respond to him.

He's been leaving so many notes in my locker recently that I now have to clean it out daily at the end of the day. I really don't want another river of paper to flow out of that thing. In some ways, I wish he would stop, but in others, I'm glad he hasn't. It helps me believe that everything he ever said to me wasn't completely insincere. It's about the only hope I've been able to hang onto all of these months.

Angela has even learned sign language, Jake and Leah have tried repeatedly, but their progress has been incredibly slow since I'm not around them as often as I am around Ange. Her progress was a bit slow in the beginning, but that was at the fault of Esme, Carlisle, and myself. We're incredibly horrible teachers...that's one less career path I can fret over. The more time she spent with us, the easier it became for her, and we've completely stopped needing either paper or the dry erase board to communicate within the last month. Whenever she gets confused, Esme or Carlisle is usually around to help her out, and when they're not I just write down whatever part of my gestures she didn't understand. We haven't needed to do any of that for a couple of weeks so far.

I got my license at the end of March, just as Carlisle had predicted. I passed with flying colors, and wasn't surprised by that after Carlisle started making me drive his own version of the test every single weekend for two months straight. I laughed every time he dangled the keys in front of me and led me out to my car.

Both Esme and Carlisle have tried repeatedly to convince me to at least try talking to all of them, if for nothing more than to simply explain to them how everything they did made me feel. It's about the only thing that causes a regular friction between us, but I try not to let it bother me for too long, and I try not to take it out on them. I know they're only trying to help me, but it honestly doesn't make it any easier on me.

It's now the second Saturday in April and it's surprisingly warm outside for being this early in spring. Esme asked me this morning if I'd like to go with her to buy some bulbs for flowers in the landscaping, and I agreed. I figured it would feel good to be out in the warm sunshine for once. I was just coming down the stairs to ask Esme if she was ready to leave when the doorbell rang. I couldn't imagine who would show up here before 9am on a Saturday.

"Bella, dear? Can you get the door for me, honey? My hands are covered in dough," Esme called out from the kitchen. I nodded even though she couldn't see me.

_Well that answers my question about whether or not she was ready to leave yet..._

I made my way to the front door and opened it. Whoever I could have ever been expecting, was _not_ the person that stood in front of me.

"Bella?" she asked. I nodded dumbly in my stunned state.

"I know you don't know me, but I was wondering if I could have a word with you for a moment," she inquired politely with a warm smile. Again I nodded dumbly as I stared at her.

"Would you mind sitting with me out here?" she asked as she gestured toward the swing on the front porch.

I looked at it and then looked back at her and nodded just slightly before shutting the door behind me and following her. It never even occurred to me to grab something to write with or anything, as I was currently still bewildered by her sudden appearance on my doorstep. I waited for her to sit and then I sat down on the opposite side of the swing. She turned toward me, warm smile still intact.

"Bella, my name is Rosalie Hale. I'm Emmett's girlfriend," she started and she looked a bit nervous for a moment. I nodded, having already known that after assuming her identity at that party back in October.

"I wanted to talk to you about Edward, that is if you're okay with that," she spoke hesitantly.

I furrowed my brow in confusion, but then nodded for her to continue. I wasn't sure what she could want to talk to me about him for, and my curiosity was getting the better of me. Had this been a few months ago, I probably would have slammed the door in her face before she even got my name out. Rude, I know, but I wouldn't have been able to control the reaction.

"I know that you think that Edward had something to do with what happened at that party, and I want to assure you that he hadn't. He didn't know anything about it, Bella. The most he ever knew was that Jasper liked Alice, he never knew that they were dating each other, or even seeing each other outside of whatever time you all spent together in school. They lied to him as well, Bella," she said sincerely, and I couldn't find even a hint of deception in her tone or in her almost violet eyes as she looked straight at me while she spoke.

"He's been a wreck for months. He hasn't really spoken to Emmett, Jasper, or Alice, since that night, and I really don't blame him. Emmett and Jasper were supposed to be like brothers to him, and they deceived him the same way they deceived you. It's been six months since he's had any real contact with anyone outside of his parents, and I'm worried about him, Bella," she said with a worried expression and concern in her tone. My face fell as I heard what she was saying. He really hadn't been talking to them at all any more, and it was because of me.

"I realize that it's hard for you to believe this, but he loves you, Bella. More than any of us could ever understand, and it's killing him to be apart from you. He lives _for _you, Bella. You can be angry at the rest of them for as long as you feel you need to be, because frankly, they deserve it. But please. Please, don't be angry with Edward. He's just as innocent in all of this as you are. I'm sure you'll see that if you read the notes he's left you over the last six months. He's tried everything, and he's at his wit's end as to how to continue trying to reach you," she said in a sad and heartbroken voice.

I immediately felt the tears well up in my eyes. Everything she was saying was quickly breaking my resolve to stay away from him. If what she was saying was true, then he had been in just as much pain as I had been these past months, if not more.

"I didn't come here today because anyone asked me to. I was in town visiting on my spring break from college, and I stopped in to see Edward. I had been worried about him for months with everything Emmett had told me that had happened after that night. Edward asked me to stay away from you, because he was afraid that I would say something to hurt you, and that was the last thing he wanted for you. He doesn't want you to hurt because of him or anyone else. He asked me to stay away because he's noticed that you've been happier lately, and he didn't want me to ruin that for you."

"I couldn't just not come though, Bella. I'm sorry if anything I've said has hurt you in any way, but you both deserve the chance to be happy. I know how happy you made him, and I can only imagine how happy he made you. You both deserve that happiness, Bella. That's why I had to come here today. I know it's none of my business, but I couldn't stand to know that two people were hurting so much, and so unnecessarily at that," she said sincerely. I was a sobbing mess by this point as she held my hands and spoke to me.

"Please promise me that you'll at least just hear him out. Let him explain. It doesn't have to be today or tomorrow, but some time soon, just allow him to say what he's been trying to for six long months. Can you do that for me? Can you promise me at least that much?" she asked desperately.

I thought about it as I stared off into the distance and tried to wipe my tears away from my face. I knew I looked like a disaster at the moment. I thought about everything she had said since we sat down on this swing. Everything about the notes, and his isolation from his friends, his desperation, and even his still wanting to protect me from having someone hurt me.

Nothing she said hurt me, aside from making me realize that I had made an enormous mistake that night six months ago. Enormous doesn't even cover it if it's true that he didn't know anything about it. I don't even think catastrophic could cover the gravity of that mistake if it was a mistake at all.

She wasn't asking me to make the decision immediately, and I knew I would have to think it through thoroughly before I even attempted to hear him out, but everything she said made me _want_ to hear him out. To hear it from him that he hadn't had a part in the deception. To hear him assure me that he had never lied to me. That everything he had ever said was sincere and truthful.

I looked back toward her and nodded just slightly. I was nervous about my decision to hear him out at some point, and some time soon at that, but I needed to hear it from him. I needed to see it in his eyes. I needed that hope that I hadn't been a fool to trust all of them.

She smiled widely and shocked the hell out of me when she hugged me tightly.

"Thank you, Bella. You don't know how much it means to me for you to even just hear him out even if it doesn't change anything. It's all anyone can ask for after what you've both been through all these months. I'm terribly sorry for what they did to both of you, and I truly hope you can both find your way through it together," she said gratefully as she hugged me. I nodded cause there was nothing else I could do at the moment.

When she pulled back I made the gesture 'thank you' to her, knowing she probably wouldn't understand it. My eyes were wide as saucers when she made the gesture for 'You're welcome' in return. She laughed melodically at my expression.

"I don't know much sign language, but I know some basic ones like, please, thank you, you're welcome, beautiful, apple oddly enough, and mother and father," she laughed as she signed the words she knew. I laughed as well when she got to apple. It really was kind of an odd one to know out of the line up.

She stood from the swing and I followed her lead. She walked me back to the front door and turned to me once more.

"Bella, thank you so much for hearing me out today. I only wish that I had been able to get to know you years ago. Edward has always spoken incredibly highly of you. I've always been curious to meet you, and I'm sorry that we never got the chance before now," she said sincerely. I gestured a quick 'you're welcome' to her and she smiled.

"I hope to see you around sometime soon. I'd love to get the chance to get to know you better, and don't worry...I'll leave Emmett at home," she chuckled. I laughed silently and nodded to her.

"See you around, Bella," she said with a smile as she backed away and turned to walk down the steps. She turned and waved as she went to climb into her candy apple red BMW and I waved back.

I stood out on the porch for a few minutes, just trying to collect my thoughts on everything that she had just said, and even more on the fact that she had ever even showed up on my doorstep. When I finally felt the shock wear off, I walked back inside. I made my way into the kitchen, looking for Esme. I really needed her advice on this one as my thoughts were spinning dizzily in my head. She looked up at me as I entered the kitchen and smiled.

"Who was at the door, dear?" she asked curiously.

'Rosalie Hale.' I replied quickly. She looked confused for just a moment before she responded.

"Isn't she Emmett's girlfriend?" she asked, only appearing slightly confused. I nodded to her and she smiled.

"I didn't know you knew her. She's a lovely young lady, and incredibly beautiful as well. I've often wondered how she ended up with a joker like Emmett," she chuckled. I furrowed my brow as I tried to think of the answer to that as well. I gave up after a minute and continued on.

'I don't know her, Mom. That was the first time I've actually met her.' I signed to her quickly.

"Oh? Did she come here with Emmett?" she asked curiously. I shook my head at her.

'No. She came alone to talk to me about Edward.' I replied. She looked somewhat shocked by my answer for a moment, and then she pulled some paper and a pen out of a drawer in the kitchen and handed it to me.

"I have a feeling this is going to take a lot of confused signing. Why don't we talk this way?" she asked encouragingly as she slid the paper and pen in front of me.

I smiled with relief because I truly didn't know how I would attempt to get all of my thoughts across to her while signing. I took the paper and started writing quickly. I had to pause a few times as I thought about what I was trying to say, but as soon as I was done, I passed it back to her eagerly. I really wanted her thoughts on the whole matter.

_**She came to ask me to hear Edward out. She said that he's been trying to explain what happened to me for months in all of those notes that he left me, but I haven't read them. I haven't been able to bring myself to read them. Mom, he hasn't talked to Emmett or Jasper since that night. Rosalie says that he didn't have anything to do with any of it, and that they lied to him as well and that's why he hasn't spoken to them. She also said that he hasn't really associated with anyone else since then either. **_

_**I don't know what I'm supposed to believe. I don't know who's telling the truth and who's lying anymore. How am I supposed to figure that out? How do I know if he's telling the truth? What if he's not and I believe him, and this happens all over again? And if he is telling the truth, how do I make myself trust him again when I've spent this long thinking that he had broken it? How do I repair that if it was a mistake?**_

She read what I wrote and nodded as she wrote her own reply. I waited patiently and took the paper eagerly when she passed it back.

**Bella, he's telling the truth, sweetheart. Liz was a mess when she found out what had happened, and it took him and his father to hold her back from attempting to pummel all of them. It's been her and Edward all these months just trying to hold themselves together. He's a wreck, honey. He has been since that night. I'm fairly certain that once you hear it from him, you'll believe him and the trust will repair itself, dear. I don't think you have to worry about that much. **

**Liz has tried to convince him recently to forgive Emmett and Jasper, but he's adamantly refused repeatedly. Your father and I have tried the same thing with you, and you're just as stubborn as he is. We probably should have tried to push you harder, but we were afraid that it would only make it worse, seeing as how the attempts that we did make only seemed to make it harder for you. **

**I agree with Rosalie, honey. If you at least hear him out, maybe you'll find the answers you're looking for. Now I don't agree with what the others did in the slightest, but sweetheart, maybe it's time you heard them out as well. I'm not saying that you have to be friends with them, and I'm not saying that you have to forgive them for what they did. Lord knows they need to learn from their mistakes, and if they haven't learned a thing from it by now I'd probably be tempted to beat it into them, but maybe listening to their reasoning will at least help you to forgive them in your heart even if you don't wish to continue your friendships with them.**

**You don't have to make a decision immediately. Give yourself some time to think about it. Edward will wait, and so will the others. You need to be comfortable with your own decision before it will do any of you any good. Why don't you try reading a few of his notes. Perhaps that will help you make a decision that you are comfortable with.**

I read through her response slowly, and I was overcome with guilt that they had tried repeatedly to tell me what Rosalie just had. I had spent months ignoring their attempts simply because I was being stubborn and refusing to admit to myself that just because someone makes a mistake, regardless of how severe that mistake really is, that their intentions aren't always in the wrong place.

I had spent months not only ignoring both Esme and Carlisle as they tried to get me to understand that, but also Alice as she tried more times than I could count to explain herself. Not to mention I had ignored Edward completely, not even giving him the chance to try to explain his side of it at all.

I looked back up at her after I thought about what I would do next. I looked at her sadly and signed to her quickly.

'I'm sorry, Mom. Sometimes I'm too stubborn for my own good. Is it okay if I pass on the shopping trip? I need some time to think about everything.'

"It's alright, sweetheart. Sometimes it takes great effort for us to be able to see through our pain clearly. There's nothing to be ashamed for when it comes to that. We all go through it, and it's never too late to change anything that happens because of it," she said in a comforting tone. I took in a calming breath and let it out as I tried to let her words sink in and soothe me.

"Would you like a snack to take up with you? You haven't eaten yet today, and I'm still worried about the weight you lost those first few months, honey," she said with worry filled eyes.

'Yeah. A snack would be great.' I replied quickly, hoping to ease her worries.

She came back a few minutes later, handing me a plate holding a some cut up fruit and a small bowl of yogurt. I smiled gratefully as I took the plate for her and rested it in front of me for a moment.

"Have you gained any of the weight you lost back yet?" she asked as she leaned on the counter across from me. I looked at her sadly and shook my head.

'Not really. Maybe a pound or two.' I signed nervously. A worried frown tugged on the corners of her lips as she looked me over in concern.

'I'm fine. It's just a little weight. Dad says I'm still healthy.' I signed to her quickly, hoping to rid her of her concern.

"I'm sorry, honey. I just worry so much when I see how greatly all of this has affected you," she said sadly.

_Geez... can't I make anything easy around here for once?!_

'I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry that you worry so much. I wish things were different so that it wouldn't be this way for you and Dad.' I replied truthfully.

"Bella, honey. It wouldn't matter if things were different, dear. As parents, we worry about our children constantly, regardless if they're in the best of health or not. It's impossible to escape. When you're a parent some day, you'll see that you worry just as much when your children are perfectly fine, as you will when they aren't. The only thing that ever changes is what you are worrying about at the moment, never the fact that you are indeed worrying. It's the reason we all grow gray hair, some faster than others depending on how easily we work ourselves into a worried frenzy and how often we do so," she chuckled. I laughed silently, thankful that the tension from moments before had been relieved, and responded.

'You must be cool as a cucumber than...Dad's another story though.' I joked. She laughed as she responded.

"He would appear to be the more worrisome one out of the pair of us, and it's a good thing his blond hair hides it well. I'm not sure how he would take to having his roots done every few weeks as I do."

I laughed silently at her remark. I never even knew she died her roots, I never even knew she had any gray hairs.

'So who is actually the worry-wart in this family?' I signed through my laughter. I laughed even harder when she raised her hand admitting that it was her. I had already figured as much, but the expression on her face was priceless.

"That would most certainly be me. I swear if I didn't die my hair I'd have a full head of gray hairs, and if I didn't give up biting my nails when I was younger, I'd have stubs for fingers with how badly I'd attack them," she chortled. I was laughing so hard my face was probably purple by that point.

"Don't you laugh at me young lady! I'll remember this moment when you freak out at the first one that appears and go running to the salon as I did!" she chided playfully. I almost couldn't breathe through my laughter.

"You should have seen Liz the day she found her first one. When she called me I swore something horrible had happened to Edward and I sped all the way across town! I could have killed her when she came running out of the house holding that damn single gray hair on her head," he choked out as she laughed. It only threw me into a bigger fit of laughter and caused me to fall off of my stool. I held my sides as I laid on the floor, writhing in pain from laughing so hard.

"Bella! Are you okay?!" she screeched as she ran around the counter.

I tried my best to calm myself as I nodded at her and continued to laugh. She sat on the floor next to me, and after a few minutes I was able to calm myself down. I sat up and hugged her. She had no idea how good it felt to laugh that way after so long. When I pulled back, I wiped the tears from my eyes and quickly signed to her.

'I love you, Mom. Gray hairs and all.' I laughed again as I signed to her.

"I love you too, sweetheart," she chuckled.

We got up off of the floor after that, and I took my snack and headed up to my room. She headed out to the store to get her bulbs for her spring planting. When I got up to my room, I quickly ate my snack as I tried to decide what I should do about this whole situation. I stared at my closet door the entire time I ate, knowing what sat in a bag behind the door. Edward's notes. A whole giant bag full of them.

When I finished eating, I finally decided to try and read through some of them. There was no way I'd ever make it through all of them, as there had to be about a thousand of them. It was insane the amount of letters he wrote, but what was worse was that the sheer amount of them never even led me to believe that he was desperately trying to tell me something. I had only figured each one was a plea for me to forgive him, and never thought otherwise about them.

I dragged the bag out of my closet and lifted it onto my bed. I sat down next to it, and aimlessly reached into the bag and pulled out the first one that my fingers latched onto. I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes as I opened it. I let out my breath and forced myself to open my eyes and read the note.

**Friday, December 21st, 2007 9:15am**

**Bella,**

**It's been exactly 55 days since we last had any real contact. I think about you every moment of every day. I miss you tremendously. I miss your beautiful smile. I miss seeing the vibrant spark of life in your eyes. I miss your witty remarks. I miss our peaceful silences. I miss everything about you, about us. It's been pure torture not being able to hold you, or kiss you, or tell you that I love you. I love you, Bella. With every last particle of my being, I love you**_**.**_

**I'm dreading the Christmas break that will commence in just over six and a half hours from now, as it will forbid me from even being able to just see you for two whole weeks. I know how much pain you're in right now, and I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do to fix that for you... for us. I know that even if you ever read this, you probably won't believe my words, but I swear I didn't know anything about Jasper and Alice's relationship. I knew that they talked in school, as we all did. I had no idea that they had ever gotten together outside of school, with the only exception being the day she drove both he and Emmett home from school when I brought you home after gym.**

**I wish that somehow you would give me the opportunity to tell you this in person, but I understand why you haven't. I'm so sorry that your trust was broken after how hard it was for you to extend it to all of us. If I had known what they were up to, for even a second, I would have forced them to tell you the truth, because you deserve nothing less than that. **

**If you are by some chance reading this, I'm fairly certain by now that you've noticed my lack of association with both Emmett and Jasper. Please don't think for one second that it's your fault. It was my decision to sever ties with them. If they can treat someone I love the way they treated you, then they aren't worth having as friends as I would never have treated someone they loved that way. None of this is your fault, Bella. Please don't for one second ever blame yourself for any of it. It was their decisions and their actions that caused this. You, didn't do anything wrong to cause even a moment of any of this.**

**I love you, Bella, and I hope that some day soon you'll be able to heal from all of this. Even if you decide to never associate with me again, I hope and pray that you find happiness because you deserve it. You deserve all the happiness in the world, love, and I can only hope that one day I can share in that happiness with you once again.**

**I love you. Always and Forever,**

**Edward**

I traced my finger over the indentations of his words when I finished reading it. The tears in my eyes had spilled over almost immediately as I began reading his note. He had written that note the day I started talking to Angela, the day I saw him in the gym. I realized right then that the frustration he appeared to have felt when he barreled through those gym doors, was in response to both Emmett and Jasper's approaching forms. It made me feel horrible to know that he had been unable to forgive them just as much as I had.

I was so frustrated with myself by the time I finished reading the note. If I had just read even one of the damn things he had tried to give me over the last six months, maybe I would have seen what he was trying to tell me. Maybe then Alice's pleas would have made some sense to me when she said that they were hiding it from everyone, and not just me. I was never able to understand what she meant by that, but now I did.

He hadn't known...at all. They had lied to him for just as long as they had to me. That one note crumbled my resolve immediately, but I continued to sift through the bag, reading note after note. Some were just simple pleas for me to give him a chance to speak to me, but it was the ones in which he poured out all of his frustrations towards them, and emotions towards me that struck the deepest chords within me. They were heartbreaking and hopeful at the same time. Each filled with both despair and hope for what we were both going through. I picked out another letter and started to read it.

**Wednesday, April 19th, 2008 11:15am**

**My Dearest Bella,**

**You look absolutely breathtaking today. Seeing your smile this morning filled me with the hope that I needed to continue waiting for you to one day speak with me again. The change in you recently has been nothing short of amazing. I'm so relieved to see that spark of life in your eyes once again. The light that shines from them is brighter than any star in the heavens could ever hope to be. I miss being able to gaze into them and watch that light as it dances happily around in them. I miss you, love.**

**It has been an incredibly long six months. Jasper and Emmett won't leave me alone, just as Alice won't give you a moment of peace. I've contemplated time and time again just walking up to her as she pesters you in the hallways and punting her away from you. I'm not sure which of the three of them is the worst at the moment. I'm infuriated by their inability to realize what their actions did to people other than themselves. The people that they didn't think about for even just one moment when they repeated their deceptive actions daily.**

**I've been thinking a lot lately about how difficult it's been for you all these years. I don't think I would have ever been able to fully understand just how alone and empty you felt all that time if I hadn't experienced it myself these last six months. You're a stronger person than I can ever hope to be, Bella. You never gave up trying to make it through your days, and I have repeatedly curled up and allowed my misery to consume me. There have been many days where the only thing that was able to push me forward were my thoughts of you. Just thinking of you made it possible for me to keep going. Thinking of you gives me hope and strength to keep moving forward. You bring more to my life than you will ever know, love, and I thank you for that.**

**My mother has been having a rough time lately. She misses you terribly, and it's getting harder every day to soothe her worries. You mean so much to so many people, and I hope that one day you are able to see that. You're an amazing person, and any person that gets the opportunity to see that in you has been granted a precious gift, for it's so very few that you allow yourself to shine for. I'm immensely grateful that, even for just a period of time, you granted me that gift. I cherish the memories of the times we've shared together more than any other possession I have.**

**I love you, Bella. I always have and always will. You are all I've ever wanted and all I'll ever want in the future. I pray every day for the moment that we can be together again, even if it's just as friends, but until then I'm still right here. I'll always be right here, waiting for that opportunity.**

**I love you and miss you tremendously,**

**Edward**

I spent the entire rest of the morning reading note after note. I had even begun to organize them by date and time. I quickly noticed that there was a direct correlation between the kind of day he was having and the number, and tone, of his notes. On hopeful days, there was three or maybe four notes, and each was filled with words of love and encouragement. On the days where he was filled with despair, there were upwards of eight or nine of them, each progressing one more desperate than the one before. It broke my heart to see how many of those days he'd had throughout these last six months. There were very few days where the number of notes didn't exceed at least five.

There was one day in particular that really unsettled me. In one day he had left a total of fifteen notes, and each was filled with more despair than I could ever imagine. The pain that coursed through me as I read each note that was filled with a sense of hopelessness, anguish, longing, and desperation, was enough to make me wish for death. The last note of that day troubled me the worst.

**Monday, December 10th, 2007 7pm**

**It's been over a month since I first saw that empty look in your eyes. Bella, I'm terrified. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get through to you. I don't know how to protect you, and it kills me that I failed in protecting you from the people you trusted...the people I trusted.**

**I don't know how to hold on anymore, love. I have to search for reasons every day just to get out of the bed. Seeing that dead look in your eyes daily haunts my every thought. I miss that fire and brilliance that your eyes had when you were happy. When you were living. I'd give anything to see it in your eyes again. I'd give anything to see you living and happy again. Even if I had to force myself to stay away from you for eternity, if it brought you back to life I'd do it. Seeing you this way is ripping me apart piece by piece.**

**Practice ended over an hour ago, and I've been sitting on the locker room floor since then. I feel so hopeless, so empty without you, and I don't know how to force myself to keep going. I need you, Bella. I don't think I can survive without you any more. The pain is too much to handle most days and it overwhelms me to the point that I can't feel anything else outside of it.**

**Please come back to me, love. I'm begging you. I can't make it through this life without you by my side. Please, just come back to me. I'll do anything I can to get us through this.**

**I love you always,**

**Edward**

As I read his last words, I dropped the note as if it had burned me. I couldn't take it any more. I couldn't handle knowing that he had been in just as much pain as I had been the whole time. Whatever doubts I had ever had about his sincerity in anything he had ever said completely vanished from me. Any thoughts in regards to him having ever deceived me disappeared immediately as I flew off of my bed and bolted for my bedroom door.

I ran down the staircase as fast as I could, thankful that I had been holding onto the rail when I stumbled and lost my footing in my haste, as it was enough to keep me from tumbling down the entire staircase. I ran through the lower level of the house in search of Esme, but she hadn't yet returned. I quickly wrote her a note telling her that I was going to find Edward so that she wouldn't worry too much when she came home.

Within moments I was in my car, and driving a lot faster than I had ever thought I would be comfortable with. I was desperate to get to him as fast as I could. I was desperate to fix the incredible mistake I had made, and I was hoping above anything that he would be able to forgive me for my stubborn ignorance and the way I treated him. Never, not once, had he ever treated me the way I had done to him in all the years that I've known him, and the thought of that made my stomach churn.

_How could I have been so stupid? How could I have been so goddamn blind all this time?!_

_**Well hello there stranger!**_

_Not now! _

_**Don't you growl at me...I tried to warn you months ago, but you didn't want to listen. You didn't want to see what was blatantly staring you in the face, Bella. Don't take that out on me.**_

_I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. _

_**You don't have to apologize. I'm just glad you see it now...**_

_Yeah if it's not too late to be able to fix it..._

_**It's not too late, Bella. It would never be too late for him...**_

_How do you know that?! What if he gave up? What if he realized that I wasn't worth the wait or the fight?_

_**Bella...has he stopped leaving you notes at any point over the last six months?**_

_No.._

_**Did he leave you notes in your locker yesterday?**_

_Yes.._

_**Did he give up?**_

_Ugh...fine.. NO he didn't give up!_

_**I'm glad you're able to admit that. It doesn't matter how long it took you to realize the truth. It only matters that you did, in fact, realize it. He would have waited forever for this moment...**_

_I wish he hadn't had to wait this long..._

_**So do I, Bella, but you can't change that, and there's no sense in feeling guilty about it. All that matters now is what you choose to do with that truth and where you allow that truth to take both of you. So what's it going to be, Bella? Where are you going to allow that truth to take you?**_

_...to Forever... He's all I'll ever want and need..._

_**Well hallelujah! She finally sees the whole damn truth for once!**_

_Oh blow it out your bum and quit laughing at me..._

_**Good luck, Bella. I'll be waiting...**_

_Thanks..._

* * *

**AN: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I noticed this weekend that this story now has 161 favs...but only about 15 of you regularly review...and I love you all for it! I'd love to hear from the rest of you .^_^. I love hearing everything you guys think of this story...the best parts...worst parts..all of it. It helps me know what to add more of..and even what to leave out more. So come on people! Let's see if we can get these reviews goin! How about a goal of 80 for this chapter? That'd seriously be sweet!**

**Reviews are extremely better than busting your bum! R&R PLS & TY!!! ~Jersey~**


	50. Reconciliations & Revealing Flashbacks

**AN: Okay so I encountered a bit of a crisis with this chapter today. I was trying to rearrange chapters to prepare them for the sequence of their updates and I somehow managed to overwrite this chapter with the one following it, and lost it completely. I panicked majorly and spent three straight hours of my evening desperately trying to reproduce it from memory for tomorrow's update. The result? A chapter that's almost twice as long as the originally intended chapter, and laced with my retarded humor. The original chapter had not a bit of humor in it, and that depressed me. It was one of the reasons I was trying to shift it with a different chapter, trying to give myself a bit of time to work on it. So if I wasn't a firm believer in the theory that everything in life happens for a reason...my belief is solidified now as I'm happier with the second outcome of this chapter than I was with the first. I hope you all enjoy it as well. Lesson learned? If you don't like something...put your effort into taking your time to work on it, not into reworking it somewhere else! Enjoy the early update! I don't trust myself to hold onto this one as it tried to escape me once already! Slippery lil bugger!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Twilight...just quite a few frayed nerves at the moment!**

* * *

Reconciliations & Revealing Flashbacks

BPOV

I raced as fast as I could to Edward's house. I raced up his driveway, and my tires chirped with the force of my immediate halt. The car had barely stopped moving as I threw it into park, and simultaneously threw my door open. I didn't even bother to turn the car off as I tried to dart out of the vehicle, only to get tossed back into the seat violently as the seat belt I was still wearing restrained me.

_Yeah...perfect timing to do your job! Stupid seat belt!_

I wrestled with the buckle frantically until it finally broke free and snapped back from my hand, and into its resting place, almost missing its opportunity to whack me in the face.

_Stupid vindictive piece of cloth and metal!..._I thought to myself as I rubbed my cheek and tossed myself from the car.

I left the car door open as I bolted toward the front door. I rang the bell and proceeded to pace back and forth, still rubbing my cheek, as I waited for someone to answer the door, praying that he would be home.

I heard someone call out from inside the house, and once again as they approached the door.

_Liz!_

I stopped pacing and faced the door as I heard the latch give way. Her expression immediately became panicked as she took in the sight of me.

"Bella! My God! Are you alright?!" she screeched as she flung herself forward and wrapped her arms around me. I pulled myself back to her and mouthed just one simple word to her...'Edward'. She looked at me sadly as she spoke.

"Oh, dear. Edward's not here. He went down to First Beach. He goes down there frequently to get out of the house and clear his head. He's only been gone an hour or two. I'm sure if you leave now you'll be able to catch him there," she said encouragingly. I hugged her and kissed her cheek and bolted back toward my car.

"Bella! Don't rush! Please drive carefully!" she called out to my retreating form. I raised an arm up and waved to her as I slid into the seat. I tried my best to collect myself and slow down as I left her driveway. I didn't want her to frantically worry about me in my haste, but I'm unsure of how successful my attempt was. I was desperate to get to him, and that desperation was taking over my actions.

_**Bella...she's right. You need to slow down.**_

_I can't! I have to get to him! I don't care what it takes!_

_**It isn't going to do either of you any good if you get into an accident, Bella...**_

_I'll crawl to him even if I'm a bloody filthy mess! Besides...I'm being careful! _

_**Speeding isn't being careful...**_

_I'm carefully speeding..._

_**Bella...you really need to slow down...**_

_There! Is that better Ms. Safety Patrol?!_

_**Oh yeah.. a whole two miles an hour is a real improvement!**_

_One and a half actually...and yes it is!_

_**What would your father say if he saw you now?**_

_I couldn't possibly disappoint him any more than I did the day I gave away our hiding spot, not that it matters... BECAUSE HE'S GONE!!_

_**Bella, that wasn't your fault, and he wasn't disappointed in you that day. He may have been a lot of things at that moment...but disappointed or angry with you wasn't one of them. Now slow down and drive safely!**_

_You know...you're chiding me about speeding, but how safe is it to be talking to yourself while speeding?!_

_**Touche. Just be careful...**_

_I am being careful!_

I sped all the way down to La Push and skidded to a halt in the parking area in front of the trail that led down to the beach. Dust clouds from my sudden halt on the gravel billowed past my windows. I took a few deep calming breaths before I got out of my car and locked it. I made my way toward the trail head and stopped as I tried to calm my over-active nerves. I focused on my breathing, preparing myself to walk down to the beach.

I had come here routinely whenever I visited Jake and Leah, just to stare at the entrance to the trail. I had so many memories of walking or running...tripping more accurately...down that trail. I focused on the serenity of the way the sunlight cut through the canopy of trees above the worn down path that cut through the forest that surrounded La Push. I took in a deep breath and prepared myself to take my first step into the trail.

"Hey, Bella! What are you doing down here?" a voice boomed from behind me and startled me. I spun around to see Jake jogging toward me. I quickly signed to him.

'Not now, Jake.'

He stopped his approach only a few feet away from me and looked at me in confusion. I didn't have the time to explain all of it to him, so I quickly pointed toward Edward's car and gave him a sad and repentant grin, hoping that he would understand.

He and I, as well as Leah, had discussed the debacle that took place months ago at length from time to time. Neither of them were strangers by any means to my thoughts, fears, and feelings about it. Even he had tried to convince me a few times to try and talk to at least one of them. Both he and Leah fought on Edward's behalf each time, and even that never broke through to me. It only confused me as to why they would think of him any differently than the rest of them.

Even more confusing to me was how they spoke of the others, never once trying to push me toward even considering hearing them out. In fact, they veered away from discussing the others at all, and now I knew why. It all made sense why they would stand up for him and no one else. They readily saw what I was completely unwilling and unable to for so long. They saw his innocence in it. I wasn't sure how they did, but I wasn't about to question him at the moment about it.

He smiled sadly and nodded to me.

"It's about time, Bells. Good luck. I'll keep the pack of imbeciles away from the beach for you," he said encouragingly. I smiled gratefully at him and chuckled slightly, his referring to his friends as a pack reminding me of the night we all spent in his basement, crowded around each other as they each told parts of Quileute folk tales.

According to Quileute legend, their people were descended from wolves. They all found this hilarious and routinely referred to themselves as a 'pack'. The Quileute legends that they spoke of were interesting, if not a little strange. They were filled with tales of shapeshifters and vampires...at least I think that's what they were referring to when they spoke of the "Cold Ones". A shiver ran through me as I thought of that tale.

_Ugh...could you imagine walking amongst real live...well I guess not really alive but whatever... blood drinking vampires?_

_**Bella...put your imagination down and focus please...**_

_Right...sorry..._

_**It's okay...you tend to do that from time to time...**_

_Quit laughing at me...I'm already aware that I'm slightly crazy..._

_**You're not crazy you ass! It's just funny that something as stupid as that can sidetrack you from why you're here in the first place! You go from desperately racing across town to trying to contemplate a life of walking amongst the blood drinking walking dead!**_

_Ohhh shut up! Poke fun all you want to...the idea of that possibility terrifies me!_

_**Rightly so...will it help you get down that trail any faster if I tell you there's a vampire standing behind you that "vants to suck your blood"?**_

_And you call me the ass! Nice try though..._

_**BELLA! BEHIND YOU!!**_

I jumped and spun around as my heart tried to jump its way out of my chest. When I saw nothing, I stomped my foot and crossed my arms as I spun back around to face the trail.

_Thank you for that....stupid imbecilic voice!_

_**Hey...I'm not the idiot that actually got scared and turned around!**_

_You're unbelievable you know that? Quit laughing at me! It's not my fault that the idea of it scares the shiznits out of me! I'm gonna have nightmares tonight because of you!_

_**Sorry...and you'll probably have nightmares anyway...but maybe if they're about vampires instead of your memories you'll sleep a bit more soundly...**_

_Thanks for the vote of confidence there jerkie!_

_**Oh come on...it's been months since you've slept more than what? Three and a half hours tops in a given night? You're going to tell me that having a dream about a vampire that lures you in with its abilities is any more horrifying than what you usually dream about?**_

_No...but still..._

_**Bella, really. Let it go. I'm sorry, okay? Now let's go! It'll be dark out by the time you emerge from the other side of this trail at the snail's pace that you're currently moving..although I do think snails move slightly quicker than you are at the moment...**_

_Very funny. You're just an every day average comedian aren't you? I might move a bit quicker if you'd stop talking to me...I'd stop talking to me...whatever!_

_**Confusing isn't it?**_

_Uh..yeah?! _

_**Okay...I'll hush...NOW MOVE!!**_

_Pushy pushy!_

_**Bella, move or I swear I'll scream..and it'll hurt I promise!**_

_Okay, okay! Don't get your panties all in a bunch!_

I took a few more calming breaths as I shook my head and looked into the trail. Finally, I took my first step into it and out of the brightly shining sun. I walked carefully, and tried to mind each step that I took. I didn't need disaster to strike before I even made it to the beach.

I was surprised to see that the trees surrounding me were already starting to come back to life, sprouting their fluorescent green baby leaves, and colorful buds that hadn't yet opened. The pines and spruces that were mixed in with the awakening trees, were just as green as they had been throughout the winter. The entire scene was immensely serene, and I allowed it to help me calm my nerves.

The sunlight that filtered through the canopy above me created golden rays that cut through the darkness of the trail, and flickered across the floor of the trail as the branches of the trees around me swayed in the breeze. The little spotlights that danced across the forest floor, lit up the damp leaves on the ground that had fallen the previous autumn, making them sparkle as though they had been encrusted in diamonds. It was incredibly beautiful and helped soothe me further as I continued down the trail.

I finally made it onto the beach and stepped out into the brilliant sunlight that was no longer being filtered by the canopy that had been above me. I took a deep breath and squinted my eyes as I looked down the beach, searching for only him, and spotted him right where I knew I would.

Edward was sitting atop our tree, gazing out at the Pacific Ocean that was crashing violently against the shore only yards in front of him. He was completely still as he sat gazing out in front of him, and it made me wonder if he was even seeing anything that was before him.

I approached him hesitantly, not wanting to startle him out of his pensive gaze. The closer I got to him, the more I became aware of his distressed state. I wanted to reach out to him, but the mere sight of him froze me completely. Even in his distressed state, he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and even far more beautiful than anything my mind could ever imagine.

I took a few more steps toward him, slowly closing the distance. I took in everything about his appearance. His slumped shoulders, his defeated and hurt posture, the stress markings on the side of his face that were only increasing as time continued to tick by. I even noted the sheer obliviousness that he was displaying as the world around him continued on without even the slightest glitch or pause in acknowledgement of how his world was so apparently frozen and unmoving.

He took in a deep breath and looked down toward the tree he was sitting on, and started picking away at the bark. He always did that when he was thinking deeply about something. I was amazed that the tree had any bark left after all these years of him picking away at it.

I stopped my approach once again and watched him silently. He looked so torn and it broke my heart even further. I was almost positive that I was too late, that he had been hurt too badly by my actions for me to ever be able to fix the mistake I had made. To fix us. He looked so hopeless and I wanted nothing more than to just hold him in my arms and tell him that it would be okay. That everything would work out and that he didn't have to hurt anymore.

Edward shook his head and returned his gaze to the waters in front of him. I couldn't tear my gaze away from him, as I was afraid that someone as amazing as he is, would disappear if I looked away for even the briefest of moments. I took a tentative step forward, and my fingers twisted relentlessly around each other in an attempt to combat the nerves that were quickly overwhelming me as I watched him.

He shook his head once more and as his head tilted to look down the shore, his gaze immediately locked onto my own, immediately causing me to cease my movements. I quickly looked down to the ground beneath me, embarrassed that I had just been caught ogling him without him even being aware that I had been standing there. I looked back up to see his shocked face.

Something flashed in his eyes for just a second before he jumped off of the tree and crashed into me. The force of his impact knocked the wind straight out of me, and caused us to stumble backwards a few feet. I eventually lost my footing and caused us to fall to our knees in the pebble laced sand beneath us.

His arms encircled me quickly as our bodies collided, and he clung himself to me tightly. I wrapped my arms around him and held him closely to me as the most violent of sobs that I had ever witnessed tore through him, jolting him with such great force that I swore he should have been torn in two.

"Bella," he muttered as he gripped me tighter. I tried to pull him in even tighter, trying to hold him together in one piece as another violent sob jolted his frame.

"Oh God..I...I thought....I thought I lost you..forever," he croaked brokenly as a series of less forceful sobs racked his body. I shook my head into his shoulder to tell him that he hadn't.

In all honesty, it was impossible for him to have ever lost me forever. I always knew deep down that at some point I would have come back to him. He was the light in my dark life, he was everything to me, and I knew that I couldn't live the rest of my life without him somewhere in my life. I just hadn't been sure of when that moment would come when I could no longer live without him.

"I didn't know how....how to keep going with...without you," he sobbed again into the crook of my neck. I used all the strength I had in me to hold him to me. I didn't care if his hold on me was causing me pain or making it hard for me to breath. He needed this to comfort himself and I would go through any amount of pain to make this better for him. To make this better for us.

I continued to hold him tightly, ignoring the pain that was now shooting through both my arms as well as my chest from our desperate embrace.

"I love you, Bella. You're everything to me. My life is empty and meaningless without you in it. I didn't know what I was going to do if you never came back to me," he muttered in a broken tone as his sobs started to subdue themselves. I ran my hands up and down his back to comfort him and soothe him, as well as momentarily relieve the ache that was now throbbing in my exhausted muscles. When the pain subsided, I closed my eyes as I gripped him to me with every ounce of strength I had in me. The second they closed, I froze as a terrifying and painful flashback slammed into me.

It was unnerving as I found myself standing in the scenery of the living room of our home in Phoenix. I could see everything around me as if I had been a witness in that room that day. I saw my mother huddled in the corner with her wrists and ankles taped together. I saw my father strapped to that chair. I even saw myself strapped to the broken wooden chair that had jabbed me repeatedly in the back.

I watched as all the events unfolded around me. It was terrifying as I felt every punch, stab, and burn that had been inflicted on my body. I felt it as though I was experiencing it at that very moment, and I couldn't do anything but watch myself as the men inflicted wound after wound on me as well as on both of my parents. The only sensations that I felt in my present body throughout the ordeal, were those that my body in the flashback was experiencing. I couldn't feel Edward's arms around me anymore, even though I subconsciously knew that I wasn't actually standing in that living room. I knew that I was on the beach, in La Push, and in Edward's arms. The fact that I couldn't feel any of that terrified me.

What unnerved me the most as I watched everything in front of my very eyes, was the odd expression on my face throughout the majority of the event. I watched as my gaze shifted in and out of awareness, only ever coming back into focus when the pain became too much to handle, and my face would contort as though I was trying to scream, but the only sound that would come out was a wheezing gurgle.

When the pain would pass, my gaze would drift back out, and an eerily serene expression would float across my face. I couldn't for the life of me remember what I had been thinking of that caused me to do that. I couldn't even figure out if I was thinking anything at all at that moment.

I watched until the very end, unable to do anything to stop the events from happening, or even to pull myself from the flashback itself, as I had been trying to do. I heard the man that had been standing next to my father say those dreaded words to the men standing near me, telling them to finish the job. I screamed as I stood there helplessly frozen, and watched them drag the knife across my neck.

I felt it as if I wasn't standing there watching it happen. I felt it as though it was happening to _me_ and not the illusion of my body in front of me still hanging from the ropes that kept me upright against that wall. I felt the warmth of the blood as it flowed over my skin, heating every bit of flesh it touched. I watched helplessly as the drops of blood pooled on the floor under my body. I screamed at the retreating figures of the men that had been in the house that day as I made my way toward my small child-like figure. I screamed at myself, telling myself to hold on, that help was coming, and telling myself not to let go.

I kept screaming at myself until I heard something that made me stop instantly. It was faint, and I'm not sure how I heard it over my own screaming, but the whisper echoed with a haunting resonance through my head. I took a tentative step toward my body and listened intently.

"_edward."_ the whisper echoed again through my head, causing me to take yet another hesitant step toward my seemingly lifeless younger body.

"_Edward_." it echoed again, louder this time. It was my voice inside the mind of my body. It was chanting his name over and over again.

"Edward." It got louder each second as the overwhelming exhaustion, that both of my bodies felt, increased exponentially. It was so loud that it was starting to hurt my ears as I sank to the floor in front of my eleven year old and horrifyingly injured body.

The last chant before my younger, exhausted body blacked out wasn't anywhere near a whisper, it wasn't even close to a shout. It was a blood curdling scream...**"EDWARD!!"**

My eyes opened as the fading sound of that scream reverberated through my head. I wasn't sure what had happened between the time I had started having that flashback and the time that my eyes opened, but Edward was frozen and staring at me in shock.

I couldn't even focus on his expression as I came to the realization that it was him that had saved me that day. For years I had wondered how I had ever been able to survive through any of it, and now I knew that it was my love for him that kept me fighting to survive. It was my love for him that forced me to stay alive, knowing that once I healed I would be able to return to him. It was my love for him that gave me the strength to force my way through everything.

I gazed into his eyes as I realized it was our love for each other that enabled us to transcend any pain or damage or hardships that we had faced over the years. It was our love that saved us from not only others, but ourselves as well. It was that love that kept us together even when we were separated by just a few feet, and even more so when the distance between us was over a thousand miles. Our love for each other kept us together, and kept us fighting for the moment that we would return to one another.

I wasn't sure if we were fated to share this love, or if it was granted to us by some miraculous coincidence, but I realized that it didn't matter. It was ours, and I would fight to my dying breath to keep it safely between us. It was ours to have, and I'd be damned if I'd let anyone or anything try to take it away from us.

It didn't matter anymore if our love didn't make sense. It didn't matter what anyone thought of it. It only mattered that we loved each other. The only thing that meant anything anymore was that we were both alive, and together. The scars, the separation, the distance, the pain, the mistakes...none of it mattered. It during that moment of immaculate understanding that my body acted upon its own will and did the one thing that I thought I would never again be able to do.

It was faint, and barely audible to even my own ears over the sound of the breeze whirling around us, but we both heard it just the same. The flicker of panic that flitted behind his eyes told me that he had heard it just as clearly as I had. It may have only been a stuttering whisper, but it carried with it the impact of a sonic boom between us.

"_eh..edward."_

_

* * *

_

**AN: Uh ohhhh.. Dun dun dun!!! What's gonna happen next? 100+ reviews gets your answer earlier than Wednesday morning! WOOT! Reviews are better than whispered breakthroughs! R&R PLS & TY!**

**I also have to give a shout-out to AutomaticEyes...I don't know how you read my damn mind with her first word 10 chapters ago..but you did it! LOL. You have no idea how fast my jaw fell as I read your review right after I had written this chapter! It was like you had read my mind just seconds before I opened your review, and I soooo wanted to comment on it in my reply but it would have given it away! **

**If any of you ever have questions about anything that happens or would like to request an ETA on future updates, just hit me up on yahoo messenger. My tag is SparklingTwilight620 and it's on whenever I'm writing chapters for this story. **


	51. Concerned Visits & Beach Mirages

**AN****: So last chapter didn't make it to 100..it actually only made it half way. I'm too antsy to wait and I have absolutely no will power to hold out any longer, and since Wednesday is technically only three and a half hours away..I'm saying what the hay. I'm so lame LOL. Enjoy yet another early update! **

**I had a couple of questions in the reviews for last chapter. To the anonymous person that inquired as to whether or not Bella was screaming in her head or out loud and if she actually spoke his name... read this chapter to find out ^_^. I'll explain the whole screaming bit for you in the end author's note in more detail. And as for the other question... was it actually Edward that saved her in Phoenix? No...he was 12 and still in Forks when it happened...he didn't even know anything about what had happened aside from her parents dying until Bella gave him the copy of her past that he read on the beach the day of the locker room incident. It was her thoughts of leaving him behind and her love for him that kept her alive until help arrived. Hope that answers all of your questions.**

**Also, I just wanted to let you all know that there is now a topic thread in the All Human forum at for this story in prep for my attempt to have this story accepted on that site as well. Come join me on the threads! I'd love to hear from all of you! At least stop by to check out the banner for it...**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Twilight..SM owns it all!**

* * *

Concerned Visits & Beach Mirages

EPOV

It's been an incredibly exhausting six months since Bella and I have been together. It's gotten relatively easier these past few months, but I think it's just because I'm emotionally drained. It's often made me wonder if it was the isolation that kept Bella so incapable of showing emotion, as the only emotion that I've felt for quite some time now is simple despair...at least when it comes to it lasting for any prolonged length of time rather than just a fleeting moment. I've contemplated this theory relentlessly, and discussed it numerous times with Carlisle recently.

I've grown to respect that man immensely as he's become almost a secondary father figure to me in the past six months. There have been so many things about Bella that my own father doesn't understand, and being able to confide in Carlisle about them has substantially improved my ability to understand what she had gone through in the past, and what she was currently going through.

Watching her from a distance has become significantly less agonizing for me since the return from Christmas break. When she returned, the light of the life within her was back in her eyes, relieving me tremendously. It hasn't been as hard to see her on a daily basis since then, and it lifted at least part of the despair I felt during the months prior. It hasn't left completely though, as I'm still riddled with the feeling of hopelessness in regards to us ever being together again, even if it's just as friends. At this point in time, I'd take damn near anything over the complete absence of everything.

She's never returned to flicking my notes on the floor during Biology, and she never scooted her seat away from me again after that last day before winter break. I had hoped that maybe it meant she would open up to me soon, but it's been a whole four months since then, and nothing else has changed.

She's become great friends with Angela, and for that I'm incredibly thankful. I couldn't ask for a better friend for Bella, and I knew that once they started talking again, they'd pick right back up from where they left off when we were kids. Angela had always been a sincere and caring person, and I didn't have a doubt in my mind that she would never hurt Bella.

At some point during these months I actually approached Angela in the hallway between classes. I had asked her how Bella was doing, and if she thought she was happy, and Angela told me that she was doing well and she seemed happy most of the time. I asked her if she knew what Bella thought about when she didn't seem to be in high spirits, and in no uncertain terms she told me that she didn't know, but even if she had she wouldn't betray Bella's trust by telling me. Even with the lack of knowledge that her answer provided me, I couldn't have been happier when she said that to me. It gave me all the confidence I needed that Bella was safe with her.

We won the state championships over Christmas break, but I couldn't find it in me to want to celebrate with the team. I simply got in my car and went home. I spent the remainder of that night downloading songs from bands that Bella had listened to with me and suggested for me to look into. I found that I enjoyed quite a number of them, and it helped me to feel closer to her when I listened to them.

Baseball season is in full swing currently, and we're well on our way towards state championships for that as well. We've been having an incredible season so far, and I've even caught sight of Bella at a few of our games. I know she was only there to support Angela, but I played extra hard during those games just in case she was watching me as well.

Jasper and Emmett have gotten on my nerves quite a few times during practice over the last few months. On one day while they were being particularly relentless, I lost control of my anger and pegged Jasper in the head with a ball. He got a concussion and had to sit out of the practices and games for two weeks. I snickered every time he glared at me from the bench. Emmett took a lesson from him and left me alone any time we were on the field, though I'm suspecting it was only because of the lethal weapons that surrounded us.

They actually had the audacity to show up at my house a few weekends ago. I laughed hysterically when my mother answered the door and gave them a sound verbal lashing. I've never seen those two idiots look more remorseful in my life. I was positive that had they had tails at the moment, they would have been between their legs as they retreated from the front door. They haven't bothered me as much after that day.

I go to First Beach every weekend, just to sit on our tree and attempt to clear my head. It helps me refocus and gives me the strength I need to make it through another week at school. I still write her letters every day, multiple times a day in fact. I've stopped pleading for her to let me speak to her, and instead I just pour my heart out onto every sheet of paper. I try to tell her how beautiful she looks every day, and how happy it makes me feel to see her that way, even though I feel lost without her. I'm still not sure if she's even read a single one of them, but I still hope that one day she will.

The feelings of loneliness and solidarity that course through me on a daily basis, serve as a constant reminder to me as to what she went through for five long years. Some days, it feels as though I'm actually walking in her shoes during a moment of time in those years. It breaks my heart even further to think about it, to know that I backed away when she felt this way. That I left her to walk that path utterly alone, and didn't even attempt to make her realize that she had never, in fact, been alone the entire time, as I had always been there patiently waiting for her.

That's the source of the problem, however, as I should have never been waiting as I am now. I should have fought harder for her. I should have found the strength in me to pull her from her despair...the despair that I now feel constantly. It's actually somewhat humorous how the tables have turned in that regard. At one point in time it was her waiting for me to pull her from the darkness of the isolation that she was experiencing, and now it's me waiting for her to save me from the same exact thing. It makes me wonder if all of this happened for a reason, and if that reason could simply be for me to understand fully what it was like for her.

Alice and I got into a fight last week over Bella. I asked her to give Bella some space, simply because I saw the dramatic effect it had on her throughout the day. She had arrived that morning looking content and full of life, and with every encounter she had with Alice, the life was slowly being drained from her. By the near end of the day, she appeared as if she had almost pulled herself back in completely, and I needed to protect her from ever feeling the need to do so again.

Alice, however, didn't agree with my opinion on the matter. In fact, she was quite miffed that I would ask her to back off. She accused me of doing exactly what I had promised her that I wouldn't do, namely walking away again. Her accusation enraged me and I exploded. I told her, with no uncertainty, that I hadn't walked away, and that I never would. I was there to stay, and I would wait for the day that she came around, but I saw no purpose in her attacking Bella every single time she saw her in the hallways.

It wasn't doing her any good, and in reality she was making the whole situation infinitely worse. She argued back that she was doing what a good friend would do, that she was sticking by her. I countered her argument by telling her that a good friend would never have done what she did, and a good friend would allow the person they wronged time to sort through what they felt and thought about it, not follow them around incessantly, and begging them for forgiveness. A good friend would allow that person to heal and decide for themselves whether or not they wished to forgive them.

She even tried to throw a low blow in regards to my leaving Bella notes throughout the day, attempting to remind me that in some way, I was doing the exact same thing as she was. I laughed as I pointed it out to her that I'm not forcing Bella to read the notes, and that my method gives her the choice as to whether or not she actually reads it, unlike her relentless vocal pleas that Bella is forced to listen to.

Her face fell as I drove that point home to her, and reluctantly she nodded as she walked away. The remainder of this week has been rather peaceful for both Bella and I. I only hope that my actions helped her in some way to begin to be able to heal from all of this.

When I woke up this morning and saw the sun shining brightly outside my window, I decided that I would make my trip to First Beach this afternoon rather than tomorrow. I had routinely gone there on Sundays, during the time frame that I would have normally gone to the mall with Emmett and Jasper. It's helped me over the last few months to not feel so resentful as those hours passed.

I left the house shortly after 1pm, after telling my mother where I was going. She nodded sadly and watched me leave. Things haven't gotten much easier for her either. I drove down to the parking area just in front of the head of the trail and got out of my car. I sat on the hood of my car for a few minutes, just allowing my memories of our childhood to flow through my mind.

I smiled sadly as I pictured the two of us around the age of seven running from her father's truck and down the trail. The childish peals of laughter bouncing off of the lush green forest that the trail cut through, almost sounding as if they were happening that very moment. It was just getting to the part of that memory where Bella tripped and fell over a tree root when someone startled me out of my reverie.

"You're Edward Masen, aren't you?" a husky voice sounded from just behind me. I turned to see a tall copper skinned guy about my age, maybe a little younger, with long jet black hair tied at the nape of his neck. I didn't recognize him at all, and his knowing my name confused me.

"Yeah...who are you?" I asked with a confused tone as I hopped off the hood of my car.

"Jacob Black," he said as he held his hand out in my direction. I shook it and smiled as I recalled who he was.

"You're Billy Black's kid. Man, I haven't seen you in years. I'm sorry I didn't recognize you," I replied as I recalled the memory of the short, lanky little kid from my childhood.

"Yeah, it has. I think I was about 7 the last time I saw you," he chuckled. I nodded as I tried to remember how old I actually was the last time I had seen him.

"What brings you down to La Push?" he asked me curiously.

"I come down here every weekend just to think and clear my head," I replied quickly.

"Yeah, I've seen you from time to time sitting on that tree down by the shore. I would have approached you earlier, but you always seem so lost in thought. Wouldn't happen to be thinking about a little silent brunette firecracker, would ya?" he responded in a joking tone.

"That obvious is it?" I chuckled. He nodded and laughed a moment before he responded.

"It's easy to figure out. You two were incredibly close back then, and she gets that same look on her face from time to time when she looks toward that trail," he said with a thoughtful expression as he gazed in the direction of the trail head.

"She comes down here?" I asked confusedly.

"Yeah...she and her friend Angela come down here almost every weekend, and help me work on my project car," he replied with a fond smile.

"Oh..." was my only response. I was overcome with dread that they were possibly seeing each other, and it might be the reason she had been so happy lately.

"She's a firecracker, that one. The first time she came down here to hang out with me and my girlfriend Leah, the two of them had a stare down that I swear lasted over an hour. No matter what I did to try and ease the tension between the two, they just kept at it with the glaring. It wasn't until about an hour later that they both broke into laughter, and they've been fine ever since. It was the strangest thing I'd ever seen in my life," he laughed as he spoke and I found myself joining him.

_Well thank God for small miracles..._ I thought to myself.

"I'm pretty sure I can beat that one," I replied smugly.

"Oh yeah? Lay it on me big man," he retorted challengingly.

"About six months ago there was a huge blowout in our group of friends. I came home to find my two idiot ex-best friends blocking my drive way. One dressed up as a gorilla in a yellow bikini, and the other one dressed as Peter Pan. We had a stare down as I sat in my car that lasted for almost three hours. They finally broke, and I swear it was like hostage negotiations between cell phones in the middle of my cul-de-sac," I choked out through my peals of laughter. He looked at me with a shocked face, his mouth hanging wide open.

"Are you flippin' serious?" he asked incredulously. I nodded as I laughed and his expression broke as his own laughter tore its way out of him.

"I've.....never heard....anything...like that!" he panted.

"I know man...it was insane," I replied as my laughter died down to mere chuckles. A moment of silence passed between us as we both stared at the entrance to the trail. After a few minutes, he spoke again.

"Alright man, it was good seein' ya around here, but I gotta get goin' before ol' man river runs me over with his wheelchair. I was supposed to be home two hours ago," he said in a friendly and humorous tone as he held his hand out to me. I shook it and replied.

"Alright. Maybe I'll see ya around some other time."

"Sure, sure. And hey, don't give up on her, Edward. She's worth every bit of the wait, and she hasn't given up on you," he said in an encouraging tone as he backed away from me.

"I hadn't planned on it," I replied sincerely. He nodded and turned, then proceeded to jog in the direction of his house.

I made my way down the trail and onto the beach, heading straight in the direction of our tree. I climbed up on top of it, and watched the waves as they rhythmically crashed against the shore. It was peaceful here and the sounds were soothing. I closed my eyes as I allowed the serenity of all of it to wash over me. A few moments later, I opened my eyes and gazed out over the water, allowing all of my fond memories of this place to flow through my mind uninhibited.

It was all so surreal watching my memories in front of my eyes. All of us running around on the beach, the bonfires at night, and trying to push each other in the frigid water. It was almost as if I could hear everything, and smell the familiar scents as I watched the memories play out before me. I could smell the distinct fragrance of Bella's sunblock, the smell of smoke and flaming marshmallows from the bonfires, and every now and then I'd catch a faint hint of the smell of fried food that every so often traveled down the beach from the cafe just up the trail. My most favorite part of the sensations I was currently experiencing, was the sound of Bella's chiming laughter. It was by far the most amazing sound in the world, and one that could never be mimicked or recreated.

I took in a deep breath, savoring the emotions that it caused to course through me, and looked down to the tree that I sat on. I thought about our current situation as I plucked away at the bark that I had repeatedly been shedding away from that tree for years. Everything about our situation seemed hopeless. It felt like no matter how long I would ever wait for her, she would never return to me.

As I sat there, my conversation with Rosalie just the night before ran through my head. I was shocked when she had shown up at my house, and for a moment, I was aggravated that Emmett could have possibly been with her. He wasn't though. She surprised me when she told me that Emmett had never mentioned anything about what was going on to her, aside from telling her that Bella and I were friends again, and that eventually we had started dating. I was worried that she was going to try and push me to be friends with him again, and that he had sent her there for just that purpose.

When I voiced my concerns about that to her, she assured me that that was not the case. She said that she had been worried about me for months with everything Emmett had been telling her. She even made me chuckle when she went on a wild tangent about how they were all getting exactly what they deserved for their actions, and that if she were me, she would have reacted the same way. We spoke in depth about everything that had happened between Bella and I in the months leading up to the night of that party.

At some point, she offered to help me try to break through to Bella. I pleaded with her not to, as I was afraid of what it would do to her. I was afraid that it would push her away even further. It took me a while to convince her, but she finally relented. I thanked her for her concern, and for standing up for me to both Emmett and Jasper. Apparently she had gone off on them as well to give me some space, seeing as how their relentless pestering was only making everything worse. She left just shortly after that, promising me that she'd stop in before she returned to Seattle. I told her she was always more than welcome, as long as she left the imbecile at home. She laughed and nodded as she walked out.

She was the first real contact I'd had with anyone outside of my own family and Carlisle in six long months. It was amazing how relieving it was just to be able to talk to someone who wasn't really affected by any of it, seeing as how she didn't really know Bella, and she hadn't been around for anything leading up to the blowout.

It made me sad to think that for so many years she had wanted to meet her and get to know her, but Bella was stuck in the situation that I was currently in. If I had just reached out to her sooner, they could have been great friends. Rosalie can be cold and stand-offish quite often, but something about Bella always warmed her. I think Rosalie secretly identified with Bella's traumatic past, as she had once been through a traumatic experience of her own. In that respect, they really were like kindred spirits. Out of any of us, Rosalie was probably the only one who understood where she was and what she felt, while the rest of us were simply ignorant to it.

I shook my head and looked back toward the water. I couldn't fathom how I had been so blind to the enormity of it all for so long. I watched her every day for five long years, and never once even had the slightest bit of understanding for what she went through. Not once did I see how much pain she was truly in. I only saw her as broken and distant.

I shook my head once more as I tried to clear it of the despair that was washing over me. I knew I had to head out of here soon. I couldn't even tell how long I had been sitting here. I tilted my head to look down the stretch of shore next to me and froze instantly when my eyes locked on the beautiful chocolate brown eyes that haunted my every though, only they weren't lifeless and empty as they had been for so long. They were alive and bright, and I swore I had gone insane. I couldn't tell if she was really there, or if I was hallucinating. She ducked her head and a moment later she looked up at me through her lashes, and in that moment, I didn't care. I didn't care if it was a mirage, I didn't care if I was delusional, I needed her.

I flew off the tree and crashed into her, relieved immensely that I wasn't insane when my body collided with hers. She stumbled back a bit, bringing me with her as she latched her arms tightly around my waist. The awkward movement caused us both to sink to our knees in the sand, and the moment I hit the ground, my chest felt like it had been ripped in half by the force of the sob that broke free from me. I clung myself to her as the strawberry scent of her shampoo, and freesia fragrance of her skin washed over me. I had never smelled anything more delectable in my life.

I know I sounded pathetic as I croaked out all of my fears and hopeless thoughts to her through my sobs. I didn't care at that moment if someone saw or heard me. I only cared that she heard me. That she realized how very much I loved her and needed her in my life. How lost I had been without her. With every sob and broken thought that poured from me, she pulled me in even tighter to her. Her fierce embrace was exactly what I needed to soothe away the pain that had been eating me alive for the last six months of our lives.

I was finally able to start calming myself down, and it wasn't until then that I had noticed how very stiff she had become in my arms. Terrified of what had happened, I pulled back to look at her. Her eyes were closed and it scared the hell out of me. I started to panic as I cupped her face in my hands, terrified that she had gone into one of her catatonic states.

"Bella! Bella, love. Open your eyes. Please open your eyes and look at me, honey," I pleaded with her as I stroked her cheeks with my thumb. There was no response other than her face contorting in sheer agony. I didn't know what was going on, and it made me panic even more. I was about to pick her up and rush her to Carlisle when her lips parted and I swore I heard her say my name in the breath that came out of her.

I watched her face carefully as it continued to show signs of her intense distress. I didn't think she was even aware of what was happening as the second breath came out with more force, and in the breeze of it came the distinct whisper of "_ehddard_". My face froze as I stared at her, willing her to open her eyes. A moment later they fluttered open. She gazed straight into my eyes, and in them I saw the incredible amount of pure love that she felt for me. Not a moment later came the most beautiful sound I could have ever heard in the world. It was faint, and only just above the audible sound of the breeze flowing around us, but it was clear as day as she stuttered it out.

"_Eh...Edward."_

I panicked for a moment, wondering when she would freeze up in my arms, but the moment didn't come. The shock in her eyes told me she was expecting the exact same thing, but not for one moment in the several that had passed did I see the panic appear in her eyes. Her breath hitched in her throat as a tear rolled its way out of her eye, and my face broke into the widest of grins it had ever before experienced. Just a fraction of a moment later, I crashed my lips to hers.

As if on instinct her hands flew into my hair, pulling me closer to her as she traced her tongue over my bottom lip. I chuckled as my mouth parted and our tongues met, my entire being ready to explode from the passion that raced its way through me. Our tongues danced and swirled around each other as we poured out our desperation for one another right there on the beach. My chest was burning from its lack of oxygen, and I could only imagine how hers felt at that moment. I slowed our kiss quickly and moved my way down her jaw, panting and placing wet open mouthed kisses everywhere my lips landed, telling her how much I loved her and needed her in between each movement.

I was slightly nervous as I approached her neck, but she tilted her head to give me better access to it as she continued to try and steady her breathing. I smiled against her skin as I pulled the buttons on the front of her shirt apart so I could reach where I wanted to go. The second the collar exposed the soft and creamy skin of her entire neck, I placed gentle kisses all the way across her scar. She gripped my hair even harder and pushed me toward her neck. I smiled once again against her skin before dragging my tongue across the length of it, once again marking that area as mine. Her breath hitched in her throat once again, and the sound of it caused me to moan loudly as I made my way across it.

With my breathing slowed, I trailed my tongue up the side of her neck, occasionally stopping enclose my lips around different parts of her flesh. Her breathing was still extremely erratic by the time I returned to her mouth. It didn't deter her however, as she forcefully shoved her mouth against my own, quickly returning our kissing to the fervent and desperate pace that it had started at.

I was filled with so much need for her, that I don't think it could have ever been sated. A million years of kissing her wouldn't put a dent in how badly I desired her. My chest was starting to burn again, and I was beginning to worry that she would faint soon if she didn't get some much needed oxygen in her. I pulled back and rested my forehead against her as I gazed into her eyes. Just watching the excitement and love swirl in them increased my desire for her. As my breathing began to slow, I once again worked my way down her jaw and the side of her graceful and delicate neck as she continued to try and catch her breath.

"Say it, Bella. I wanna hear you say it. Say my name," I practically growled as I attacked her neck once more with my lips and tongue.

"_Edward." _It still came out as a whisper, but it was stronger than it had been. I smiled against the skin of her neck.

"God you don't know how the sound of you saying my name affects me," I groaned as I descended my lips upon hers. She smiled and let out a breathy chuckle as she quickly tilted her head and deepened our kiss. I sighed with the pleasure of how our tongues felt against each other, and a moment later I heard the most beautiful and erotic sound in the world...a breathless squeaky moan. I started to moan as I heard it, but abruptly stopped when her tongue stilled and her hands gripped my shoulders tightly. I pulled back instantly and looked straight into her panicked eyes.

"Bella, just look into my eyes. Let the panic subside. It's alright, love. It's okay," I spoke calmly, but at a frantic pace. I kept my tone cool and encouraging. She nodded just slightly and and took in some deep calming breaths, never breaking her eye contact with me.

"It's alright, love. It'll go away. I'm right here," I said soothingly. She shook her head and I started to panic a bit, realizing that it wasn't working. She raised a trembling hand to my lips and tapped them gently. I was confused for a brief moment before I understood what she needed.

I immediately started to hum her lullaby to her, and watched as the panic slowly started to drain from her eyes. The less I saw of it in her eyes, the more relaxed her body became, until she was completely relaxed in my arms once again. I continued to hum to her until she nodded, letting me know she was alright.

"Is that better?" I asked sincerely, with a decent amount of worry leaking into my tone. She let out a breath of relief and nodded to me. I wrapped my arms tightly around her and held her close to my chest as I allowed my own panic to subside.

"I think we should learn to crawl before we try to run," I chuckled a few minutes later with an amused tone. I pulled back to look at her and she laughed silently as she nodded her head. I kissed her lips chastely once before speaking once again.

"Come on, my love. Let's go home."

* * *

**AN: For those of you that understood the whole screaming bit...disregard this author's note. Reviews are better than having Edward growl and lick your neck...yeah right! LOL Kindly R&R please & thank you! I'm still hoping for one of these chapters to hit 100+ reviews ^_^**

**Okay..the whispering/screaming bit. When she was having that flashback the whispering/screaming of Edward's name was coming from the mind of her 11 year old body. In the same way that she was physically experiencing the pain and exhaustion that her 11 year old body was feeling in that flashback, she also heard that chant in her own head as though she was in her 11 year old body..but she wasn't in the body if that makes sense. I don't really know how to better explain it than that aside from saying, take Edward's and Jasper's "talents" from Twilight and put them in the 16 year old version of Bella in the flashback so that she could both feel and hear everything that her 11 year old body was experiencing during the flashback...only she was feeling pain and not emotions. Hope that helps! **


	52. Jake to the Rescue & My Other Mother

**AN: Happy reading folks! Come join me on the Twilighted forum thread if you get bored at any point tonight! I'll be there most of the night as I work my way through future chapters and listen to cheesy 90's music LOL ^_^ I'm currently listening to Biz Markie's Just a Friend LMAO**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Twilight...SM owns it all!**

* * *

Jake to the Rescue & My Other Mother

BPOV

Edward stood quickly, and picked me up in his arms. It felt like I had returned home, and there was no other place in the world I could have rather been. He walked us back up the trail toward our cars, giving me a sweet kiss with every few steps. His eyes were shining brilliantly with his happiness, and every time one of the filtered rays of sunshine cast down upon him, he looked as if he was glowing.

Just the sight of him as happy as he was made me feel like my heart would explode from the love I had for him. There was no better sight in the world than the dazzling smile that had yet to leave his beautiful face.

"Bella?" he asked as he put me down next to my car. I lifted my head so I could look into his eyes, and nodded for him to continue. His expression became saddened and I immediately raised a gentle hand to his cheek. He leaned his face into my palm, and covered my hand with one of his own.

"I'm so sorry, love. I'm sorry for everything you've been through over the last few years. I'm sorry for what you went through yet again before winter break. I don't think I would have ever completely understood what those years felt like to you if I hadn't experienced it myself over the last few months. I'm so sorry that I never saw what it was actually like for you, and even more so that I didn't try to pull you from it," he said with a regretful tone. I moved my fingers over his mouth to stop him and shook my head at him.

'Don't. It wasn't your fault, any of it, and I wish you never had to go through any of it. I'm sorry that I never gave you the chance to explain your side of it to me. I made that mistake twice, but you learned from what we went through in the past. You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry Edward. I'm sorry that I watched you deteriorate right before my eyes, and I didn't do anything to stop it. I hadn't learned a thing from those five years, and I'm sorry that it affected you so greatly....' I wanted to keep signing to him, because he needed to know.

He needed to know how grave of a mistake I had made, and only made because I had failed to learn from our previous experience. I wanted to keep going, but he stopped me by taking a hold of my hands.

"Bella, love. Please stop blaming yourself for this mess. It wasn't your fault that you were hurt so much by their actions. All I'm trying to say is that I see how difficult it was for you now, and why you were unable to reach out for me when you needed me. I don't want you to feel sorry for what has happened. The only thing that matters to me is that we're here right now..together. Nothing that I've been through matters to me now that I have you back in my arms where you belong. Where you'll always belong, because there's no one else that will ever fit here as perfectly as you do. As you always have," he said sincerely as he gazed into my eyes.

I felt my eyes start to tear as he spoke, and I found myself pulling him closer to me. I was finding any minimal distance between us completely unbearable at the moment, and realizing that very soon we would have to part ways to drive home was ripping me apart. When he was finished speaking, he nuzzled into my neck and placed sweet gentle kisses trailing down from the spot behind my ear.

"I love you so much, Bella. More than any words could ever possibly convey to you," he said sweetly as he pulled me in tighter and rested his head on my shoulder. I squeezed him back to show him I felt the same. I wasn't ready to let him go in order to sign it to him, as letting him go would bring us one step closer to having to get into our separate cars to drive home.

All too soon for my liking, Edward pulled away. I pouted, causing him to chuckle as he peppered my face with kisses.

"You know...a bird is liable to poop on that beautiful lip of yours if you keep sticking it out that way," he whispered against my lips as he gazed into my eyes.

It made my lips twitch as I tried to suppress a silent chuckle. I felt his wide grin against my lips a moment before his lips finally pressed down onto my own. The kiss was sweet and loving, and ended much too quickly as we were both startled by an uproar of wolf whistles and howls. I pulled away and glared at the pack of imbeciles as Edward's frame shook in my arms from his laughter.

"Way to go Bells!" Quil cheered from the line up. I blushed an impressive shade of blood red as I tried to hide my face in Edward's chest.

"Love, please don't hide that blush from me. It's one of my favorite things about you," Edward murmured as he tried to tug my chin upward. After fighting against it for only a moment, I finally relented and let him guide my face into his view. The smoldering look in his eyes only served to make me blush even more, and his quick chuckle alerted me to the fact that he noticed it as well.

Our gazes were locked on each other for a series of moments before the sound of someone clearing their throat forced us to look away.

"I realize that you two probably need a healthy dose of private time together, but I'm not sure either of you really want an audience that consists of a bunch of immature dogs," Jake chuckled as he shook a thumb in the direction of his friends. I chuckled silently and shook my head at him.

"Gimme your keys, Bells. Ride home with Edward, I can see how much neither of you wants to separate yourselves right now. Leah can drive your car back to your house and Sam can follow us to bring us back home," he offered gently and sincerely. I quickly pulled my keys out of my pocket and practically thrust them in his direction. Both he and Edward laughed heartily at my immediate acceptance.

Jake took the keys and bid us both farewell before attempting to chase off the audience that we had acquired. His attempts were fruitless however, as they just kept darting out of his reach and yelling at him that they wanted to stay and watch. I shook my head at them as Edward led me over to his car.

He opened the door and guided me in as he held my hand, smiling at me the whole time. Once I was in and he had shut the door, he jogged around the car and slid into his own seat where he turned to me once again.

"Not willing to let me out of your sight for even a few minutes huh?" he asked with an amused tone. I quickly signed to him as I smiled like an idiot.

'Never.'

"I'm glad you feel that way, because honestly, I was getting ready to leave my car here so that I could go with you. I wasn't about to let you out of my sight either, love," he said sincerely as he slowly leaned toward me. He brought his hand up, and with one finger he motioned for me to come closer.

"Come here," he whispered as I leaned toward him. He placed his palm against my cheek and whispered as he caressed it with his thumb while gazing into my eyes.

"I love you, Bella. There isn't a single force on this Earth that has enough strength to ever keep me from you." I mouthed a silent 'I love you, too' to him before closing the distance between us.

Our kiss wasn't desperate and needy, or rushed and fervent. It was slow and sweet. It was the kiss that two people could share once they realized that neither of them were going anywhere any time soon. When they knew that they could just enjoy the moment, and each other, without having to worry about when the other would change their mind and leave, or about something that could drive them apart. It was the kind of kiss that two people shared when they realized and accepted the fact that they were the other persons's forever.

I traced his face gently with my fingers, and slowly ran my fingers through his hair as our tongues gently caressed each other. I could have gone on kissing him that way for all eternity if it were possible, especially when he would sigh or moan, alerting me to the awareness that he felt the same way.

We eventually pulled apart from one another, and he kissed me chastely one last time before starting the car. I don't think I had ever been as completely at ease or worry free as I was at that moment. I leaned against him as he pulled out of his parking spot, and rested my head against his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head as he put the car in gear and laced his fingers through my own as he drove away from the parking area in front of the trail head.

We both waved at Jake and Leah as they made their way toward my car, and they smiled happily as they waved back. I was extremely grateful to Jake at the moment for making it possible for us to ride home together. I didn't want to spend a second more away from Edward than was absolutely necessary.

As Edward drove, I became aware that he wasn't driving toward my house anymore. I looked up at him with a confused expression and he chuckled and raised our hands to caress my face with the back of his hand.

"Is it alright if we stop by my house for a bit?" he asked gently. I smiled and nodded to him as he brought our hands to his lips and kissed my fingers.

I relished in the feeling of it and rested my head back against his shoulder for the remainder of the ride. He kept our hands by his lips and alternated between kissing my fingers and playfully nipping at them. Each time he nipped he earned a silent chuckle out of me. I hadn't seen him this playful in a long time, and it warmed my heart to watch him be so naturally care free.

We pulled up into his driveway and he got out. Not a moment later, Liz came running out of the house.

"Edward! Bella stopped by here..." she called out rapidly as she hurried her way toward the car, but she stopped and halted her movement immediately as her sight finally landed on me in the car.

I smiled happily and sent her a cheeky wave. She laughed as she started walking toward the car. Edward opened my door and held his hand out for me as he chuckled. I took it and got out of the car, immediately making my way toward his mother. Liz wrapped me in her arms and sighed as she swayed us back and forth.

"I'm so happy to see you two back together, honey. We've missed you terribly," she whispered to me as she swayed us. I hugged her tighter to me in response.

She pulled back after a few moments and smiled at me with nothing but adoration in her eyes. I smiled back at her as she led the way into the house with her arm around me. I looked back to Edward and smiled as I saw him smiling appreciatively at the sight of his mother and I. He winked at me and I blushed as we made our way through his front door. Liz led us into the kitchen and then started moving around the kitchen at a frantic pace. I furrowed my brow as I looked to Edward, wondering what she was doing or looking for.

"I believe she's looking for paper and a pen," he chuckled as he went straight for a drawer on the far side of the kitchen. He pulled out a small note pad and a pen and handed it to her. She seemed relieved as she smiled at him and patted his cheek. Liz turned and put the pad down on the counter and started writing on it. When she was finished she passed it over to me and I smiled at her as I took it.

**Honey, I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am that you're here. I don't even think I can begin to explain how very hard it was around here without you. I felt like I had lost one of my own children. I'm so sorry for how they deceived you. If Edward and his father hadn't been able to hold me back that day I probably would have beaten them all senseless for hurting you the way they had. I have no idea what they were thinking when they did that, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't make it right, and it doesn't take away what happened because of it. I'm just happy to see you doing well. I've worried tremendously over you these last six months, and it's unbelievably relieving to see you smiling right now. **

I frowned as I read her note. She was telling me in her own words what Esme had tried relaying to me repeatedly over the last few months, and only managed to get through to me this morning after I spoke with Rosalie. I had never stopped to think of how all of this would have affected Liz. I had always known she thought of me as a daughter, and it never occurred to me how much it would devastate her to know what I was going through, and to know that there was nothing she could do about it. I wrote her back quickly and passed it to her.

_**I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Liz. I never meant to hurt either you or Edward...it was just hard for me to see beyond what I was going through, both over the last six months as well as the all of the years prior to that. If I could take it back, I would in a second. **_

_**I'm sorry that what they did had such a huge impact on you as well, and I only hope that they are aware of that. It just seems so unfair that the only ones hurt by all of this are the ones that had nothing to do with it. I don't understand how any of them ever thought that what they were doing was the best way to handle the situation. Regardless of their intentions...it was the worst thing they could have ever done in that situation. **_

_**I admit that in the beginning, I was tremendously hurt by their deceiving me, but I'm not hurt by that anymore. I kind of understand why they may have felt it was necessary. What hurts the most now is knowing that they didn't have any faith or trust in me to be able to handle it.**_

_**This whole situation has however, made me realize that even though I may find myself in difficult and painful situations from time to time, it's not okay for me to shut down and block everyone out. I think I failed to learn that from the first time, and it's greatly affected all of us. Your family, as well as my own, has suffered tremendously because of my inability to learn that lesson the first time around, and for that I'm incredibly sorry. **_

She read the note quickly, as did Edward while I was writing it. She wrote her response and passed it back to me as she smiled sadly in my direction.

**Bella...with everything you have been through over the years, it's understandable. None of us, not Esme, Carlisle, Ed, Edward, or I have ever blamed you for any part of this. **

**Everything happened so very quickly over those first few months, and it would have been impossible for you to comprehend all of it at the speed in which it took place. It is unfair that all of us have been hurt, and I truly do agree with you in that they need to realize how many people their actions affected, but please don't hold onto the anger or hurt that you feel. **

**Let it go, sweetheart. It isn't yours to hold on to, it's theirs. Let them carry the burden of their actions, as it's the only way they will ever learn. Can I ask you something though?**

I read through her note quickly and responded eagerly.

_**Thank you for your understanding. I truly don't deserve it after how I've acted all this time. I've been trying to let go of the hurt I feel, but Alice has made that somewhat difficult for me over the last six months. It's only been recently that she's backed down some and attempted to give me some time to get over it. Her relentless determination was suffocating me and inhibiting me from moving past any of it, and I can't help but think that it only caused me to push myself away even further. **_

_**You can ask me anything, Liz. I'm not sure I'll have an answer, but I will try to answer anyhow.**_

Both she and Edward smiled as I pushed my note back across to her. She read it, and Edward leaned in to whisper in my ear.

"Bella, understanding is just part of loving someone unconditionally. We both love you, and nothing you can ever say or do will ever change that. I also agree with you about Alice. I saw what her pleading was doing to you and we had a fight over it this past week. I only hope that she took what I said to her into consideration, and attempts to give you the space you need to forgive her in your heart," he whispered before kissing me on the cheek.

I smiled sadly at him and kissed him chastely. He wrapped his arm around me just as Liz was passing the note pad back toward me. She smiled happily at the sight of us.

**Edward's right...I heard him from here. I was going to write the same thing, but he said it for me. Thank you Edward..I know you're reading this as well. **

**I wanted to ask you what made you come here in such a frantic state this afternoon. I don't think I've ever seen you that worked up before, aside from your birthday...but that was completely different. **

I grimaced as I was flooded with embarrassment over my earlier actions as I wrote back to her.

_**Rosalie**_

"Rosalie? What does Rosalie have anything to do with anything?" Edward asked as soon as I wrote her name. I looked at him quickly and signed to him.

'You'll find out when you allow me to finish writing.' I signed as I laughed silently.

_Of all the times to be impatient..._

_**Rosalie showed up at my house this morning. She told me what Edward has been going through, and how he's isolated himself from everyone over the last six months. At first, I thought that she was only there because either Edward or someone else sent her, but when she told me that Edward asked her to stay away from me because he was afraid that she would say something to hurt me, it made me realize that she was only there because she was doing what she thought was right, and not what someone else wanted her to do. **_

_**And Edward don't you dare be mad at her! I understand that she disobeyed your request, but she did it because she cares about you. **_

_**When she left, I had a conversation with Esme about all of it, and she suggested that I read some of the notes that Edward had been leaving me every day for the last six months...thank you by the way for the river of paper that flowed out of my locker when Alice moved out of it! **_

_**By the way, Liz.. I think your reaction to your first gray hair was absolutely hilarious! I can totally see you doing something like that! **_

_**Anyway, I started reading through his notes, and even arranged them by date and time...well some of them...there were way too many to get through all of them. It made me realize that the pain I had felt during those months was nothing compared to what Edward and you had both been going through. My pain was nothing compared to that, simply because I had shut that part of myself down. Where you both felt horrendous pain every day, I just felt empty. It made me desperate to fix the mistake I had made. I'm sorry if I startled you earlier, I was just frantic and needed to get to him as fast as I could. **_

I watched her closely as she read the letter. Edward had elbowed me playfully when I wrote the part about the river of paper that flowed out of my locker.

I chuckled silently and leaned against him when he shook his head at me. Liz chuckled through most of it while she was reading until she gasped out loud.

"She didn't!" she cried out in shock. I started laughing silently as I nodded, knowing that she had just realized that Esme had told me about her first gray hair. She narrowed her eyes at me playfully and smiled in amusement.

"I'm so going to get her for that one!" she vowed as she chuckled and went back to reading. She nodded sadly as she finished reading and she started writing once more. Edward wrapped his arms around me tightly and nuzzled his head into the crook of my neck. I rubbed his arm comfortingly as I waited for Liz to finish writing. She passed it to me, and I picked it up so I could read it without having to move away from Edward.

_**I do hope that you don't shut yourself down that way again, honey. It terrifies the living daylights out of all of us. I don't think you realize how dramatic the difference is in you when you're like that. It's agonizing to see that change and not be able to do anything about it. We all hope that from now on, you'll allow us to help you through any hard times instead of allowing yourself to feel that emptiness. **_

_**We all have moments when we feel that way, and I believe it's caused by the degree of helplessness that we feel in certain situations. I think it's our way of trying to find our ways through the mess without having to subject ourselves to the pain of actually dealing with the things that happen. The only difference is your ability to prolong that defense mechanism. We are all here for you, Bella. Any time that you need us, we're all here. I hope you realize that. **_

_**I'm so going to get Esme back for telling you about that! I don't think she'll find it as humorous when I tell you about the day she found her first wrinkle! If she thinks that my reaction was amusing...she's got another thing coming because her reaction to that barely there wrinkle was absolutely hilarious! **_

_**I'm just glad that you made it back here safely. I was worried about you with the way you tore in and out of here. Seeing you sitting here safe and sound is the greatest thing I could ever ask for, so there's no need for you to apologize for it. I had a feeling that was what was pushing you earlier. Just please don't rush so much in the future...I don't think there's enough hair dye in the world to cover the gray hairs that will readily sprout from my head!**_

Edward and I laughed as we read the end of her note, and Edward chimed in immediately.

"We have to hear the story about Esme's wrinkle!" he crowed as he laughed. I nodded excitedly from my resting spot against him as Liz laughed.

"Alright, alright. About a year ago, Esme came tearing up the driveway after dropping Bella off at school. She barrelled in through the door and I came downstairs to see what was going on. I really thought that you had forgotten something important for school, and were rummaging around looking for it. I was surprised to see Esme clutching my phone book and frantically flipping the pages, ripping some of them as she tore her way through it," she chuckled. Edward and I laughed as we waited for her to continue.

"I laughed and asked her what she was looking for. When she looked up at me I really thought something horrible had happened. She was panicked and looked a horrible mess as she thrust her finger toward the side of her eye. I had no idea what she was pointing at and I made the mistake of admitting so,"she chortled as she shook her head.

"She started screeching that she found a wrinkle by her eye that morning. She threw the phone book at me and pleaded with me to make her an appointment immediately with whoever I needed to in order to get rid of it. She paced around the kitchen alternating between sobbing and muttering that she was getting old. I laughed as I sat at the counter watching her, which I admit was probably the last thing I should have done after my gray hair incident," she mused. Edward and I were in tears from our laughter. If it wasn't for him holding onto me so tightly I probably would have been on the floor again.

"Anyway, so I laughed and Esme darted right in front of me, frantically pointing at her eye and screeching at me asking me if I saw it. I honestly couldn't see the stupid thing, and that infuriated her even more. When she finally calmed down and started laughing about the whole situation, I finally saw it. It was only the beginning of a crow's foot and for the love of God it was tiny. I tried to tell her that it was just a laugh line, but she adamantly insisted that it was a wrinkle,"she chuckled as she shook her head.

"I made a few jokes about her getting Botox injections and losing any kind of expression in her face what so ever for hours, and that finally calmed her down. It was that day that we both realized that no matter what we did, we were going to age. There was no way around it, and since then we've both embraced it...well aside from letting the gray hairs show," she chuckled. I couldn't believe how two very refined women could act so insanely over something as mundane and inevitable as aging. It was hilarious to me, and apparently to Edward as well.

"I just don't understand how you men age so gracefully. Your father's salt and peppered hair and faint wrinkles make him look more distinguished and handsome to me, whereas my aging features just make me look like a withered old _hag_," she muttered with an incredulous look on her face. Edward laughed heartily as I laughed silently and tried to write. I hoped she could read my writing as my hand shook with my laughter.

"Mom, you look nothing like a withered old _hag_. You get more beautiful every day. Dad says so all the time, and I agree completely," Edward said sincerely when he stopped laughing. Liz smiled at him gratefully.

"I don't know what I did that taught you how to lie so impressively, but thank you," she chuckled.

"MOM!" Edward chided, only serving to make my already shaking hand shake even more with my laughter. My normally atrocious handwriting was now barely even legible to myself anymore. I quickly finished writing and passed it to Liz.

_**Liz, really. Neither you or Esme looks a day over 30. You are both amazingly beautiful, stunning even, and there's no reason either of you should feel that you look old or any less beautiful than you really are. I could only wish to have the ageless beauty that you both possess. Whatever features your aging have given you, only makes both of you appear warmer and impossibly more beautiful than before. A withered old hag is the last thing that could ever come to someone's mind when they look at either of you.**_

A tear slipped from her eye as she read my note. I wasn't sure if it was because of what I said, or because it was causing her pain to try and read my handwriting. She looked up at me and stretched her arm across the counter. I reached out and took a hold of her hand as she started to speak.

"Thank you, Bella," she said sincerely. "But Esme and I could only ever dream of having the beauty that you possess, dear. From the inside out you are by far the most astonishingly beautiful creature that either of us has ever seen, and we've frequently commented to each other about it," she said with a loving tone and a warm smile.

"There was a point in time about two years ago when she worried incessantly about how boys were going to affect you in your fragile state. She was terrified every day when she dropped you off at school, and almost every morning we would sit at this counter drinking coffee as she poured out all of her worries and I tried to reassure her that Edward wouldn't allow anyone to make you uncomfortable," she said with a comforting tone. I looked at her in shock and disbelief and grabbed the note pad.

_**Liz... I think you and Esme might need to see an optometrist! There's no contest between the three of us, as you and Esme take the cake in the beauty department. I'm plain and ordinary at best. **_

_**No one besides Edward and Mike Newton...when he was being vile and repulsive... ever showed that kind of interest in me, and I don't blame them. I can't even see what Edward sees in me. He's perfection personified, and somehow he loves me. I can't even bring myself to question it, because I'd never find the answer, and honestly..I don't want it. If I'm lucky enough to have him love me, I'm not going to search for an answer as to why he shouldn't, as I'm sure the answers are more than abundant in quantity. **_

"Bella, love. You don't see yourself clearly at all. It is I who is the lucky one that you somehow love me, not the other way around. For years I could only hope that one day you would, by some miracle, feel for me the way I feel for you. If anyone in this room is perfection personified, as you put it, it's you. The beauty that you possess inside and out is incredible, and frankly unobtainable for anyone who ever tried to somehow acquire it. There's just no way to recreate perfection, love," he said sincerely with smoldering eyes as he tilted my chin up to gaze into my eyes.

'I love you.' I mouthed silently to him. He smiled and kissed me chastely.

"I love you, too, Bella. More than should ever be feasibly possible," he whispered against my lips. I kissed him once more and turned back toward Liz. Her smile was impossibly large as she watched our little interaction. She quickly wrote something on the paper and passed it back to me.

**Bella, you've always been incredibly beautiful, and you just get impossibly more so as you continue to grow into yourself. Seeing you two together warms my heart. I've always known that one day you two would come together. Your parents knew it as well. **

**Your mother would be beside herself to see the two of you now, and I'm sure that your father has his hands full right now as they watch over you. They loved you so very much, sweetheart, and they would be positively over-joyed to see you as happy as you are with Edward. You were made for each other. That much has been obvious since you were tiny children. With as many cheesy romance novels as Esme and I read, I don't think a single one could ever tell the tale of a love as great as the one you two will share. It's untouchable, dear. **

Tears immediately began to flow from my eyes as I read her words. Thinking of how my parent's would never see me happy was weighing heavily on my heart. The guilt that I felt for taking that opportunity away from them felt like it wanted to rip me to shreds, and the only thought capable of keeping me in one piece at the moment was the possibility of them being able to watch over me from wherever they were now. I quickly wrote back and passed it to her.

_**Liz, do you really think that they can see me now? That they know that I'm happy? Do you think that they miss me as badly as I miss them?**_

I watched her closely as she read my note, and she teared up as she replied. It took her a while to respond as she fought against her flow of tears, but eventually she passed the note pad back to me. Edward had been holding me tightly and whispering his reassurances to me as we waited.

_**Oh, dear. I'm sure that they are watching over you. I don't think there's anything in this world that can keep them from doing that. Their love for you transcends the distance between you, and could never allow them to be apart from you. **_

_**I'm sure that they know that you are happy, and I guarantee you that they miss you just as much as you do them. I'm so sorry that you've had to experience that kind of loss, especially at such a young and delicate age. **_

_**I'll never know how you made it out of that situation alive, but I'll never stop being immensely grateful for whatever made that possible either. I don't know what any of us would have done if we had lost you as well. Sometimes I wonder if it wasn't them in some supernatural miracle that saved you from their fate. They'll always be with you, Bella. As long as you hold them in your heart, they will be with you, and no person or event can ever take them from you.**_

Her words comforted me minimally as the tears flowed continuously. Edward started humming his melody to me in an effort to soothe me, and it was helping more than anything else ever could as I wrote back to her.

_**I'm not sure it was them that saved me, Liz. When we were at the beach today I had a flashback of that day, and I realized that it was my thoughts of Edward that kept me hanging on until someone found us. **_

_**I'll never know how or when someone finally did, but it was the sound of my voice screaming his name in my head that made me realize it was him that saved me that day. It was unnerving while I watched everything happen as if it was happening right before my eyes. **_

_**I could see everything as if I was an extra person in the room, but everything my body felt, and mind thought, I was able to feel and hear. That's how I came to the conclusion that it was Edward that saved me that day. I hadn't remembered any part of that before then. I only remembered the events before today, not really what I was thinking or feeling aside from the pain. I know it probably sounds impossible, but that was the only conclusion I could come after having it.**_

I passed the note back to Liz, and looked up to Edward who had abruptly stopped humming as I wrote. His face was frozen in a mask of shock and disbelief. I waved my hand in front of his face, attempting to pull him from his frozen state. He blinked a few times and looked down into my eyes.

"Bella...that's what happened when you froze in my arms at the beach?" he asked with a painful and confused expression. I nodded nervously. I wasn't sure what had happened while I was experiencing that flashback.

"That explains why you were whispering my name. I had no idea how or why you were doing so at the time, but it makes sense now. Your face was contorted as if you were trying to scream, but it only came out as a whisper. I was so panicked by it that I didn't know what to do. The mere sound of it froze me solid, but just as I was about to rush you to Carlisle you opened your eyes and whispered my name again. Why did you whisper it that time? I'm assuming you hadn't realized you had done it twice before that," he spoke quickly as he pieced together everything that had happened. I pulled away from him and turned so he could see me.

'I don't know how I did it without freezing, but I think it was my way of accepting that it was the love I felt for you that kept me here, that kept me safe. I think it just slipped out of me as I had that epiphany. I waited for the panic to seize me up after, but it didn't come, and that confuses me. I'm not sure how I was able to get it out that second time either. It doesn't make any sense to me how I was fine one minute and then I started to panic and freeze up the next after having it not affect me the first few times.' I signed to him hastily as I tried to understand all of it.

"I'm not sure either, Bella. But we'll figure it out, I promise," he vowed before he kissed my forehead.

I nodded and turned back toward Liz who was looking at us with an admiring expression. I blushed slightly as I realized how easy it was to forget that anyone else was around when I was with Edward. It was all too easy to escape into our own little world, and I wondered if the same thing happened to him as frequently as it had to me for as long as we've known each other. Edward leaned toward me and whispered softly in my ear, earning yet another round of blushing from me.

"The whole world disappears frequently when I'm with you as well, love." He pulled back and I shot him an incredulous look as I tried to figure out how he could have possibly known what I was thinking. He chuckled and stroked my face with the back of his hand as he replied.

"It was written all over your face when you blushed as you realized my mom was still standing across the counter from us," he chuckled and Liz giggled.

"Don't worry, Bella. It happens to me all the time around his father as well," she said comfortingly.

I chuckled silently to myself in an effort to overcome my embarrassment and a moment later their phone began to ring. Liz answered it and immediately I knew that it was Esme. It made me abruptly realize that I had left my cell phone in my car and I gasped. Edward guided my face toward him and quickly started questioning me with a worried tone.

"Bella, what is it? What's wrong?" he pleaded with me.

'I left my phone in my car. Esme has probably been trying to get a hold of me for hours. She's probably worried sick.' I signed quickly.

"Mom?" he called out immediately. Liz turned toward him and raised her brow in question.

"Could you please tell Esme that Bella left her phone in her car, and that she's sorry for worrying her?" he asked her politely. Liz nodded and instantly relayed the message to Esme.

"She said it's fine, sweetheart. Jake and Leah already told her that you had left with Edward," she replied back a moment later. I let out a breath of relief and silently thanked Jake and Leah for easing Esme's worries.

Liz hung up the phone a few minutes later and joined us once again. I knew Edward would have to be bringing me home soon, and he would have to head back home in a few hours. I tried to keep telling myself that I could see him again first thing in the morning, but it wasn't comforting me very well.

I looked up to Liz and was instantly curious as I saw her expression. She was smiling, but it was almost conspiratorial in nature. I quirked an eyebrow at her and nudged Edward who had been nuzzling his head in the crook of my neck again.

"Hmm, love?" He murmured as he lifted his head. I quickly pointed toward his mother and he readily quirked an eyebrow at her as well.

"What are you two up to now?" he asked her suspiciously.

"Nothing...what makes you think we're up to anything at all, dear?" she asked innocently...too innocently.

"Here we go again..." he sighed dramatically and then proceeded to groan as he put his head back down on my shoulder. I chuckled silently as Liz smirked at him.

"Oh don't be so over dramatic, Edward. Get off your rump and go pack a bag. We're spending the night at Esme's, and dinner is going to be done in a half hour so hurry up," she retorted with a smug tone. His head shot up and I stopped chuckling immediately as I stared at her in shock.

"Are you serious?" he asked her incredulously. She chuckled and nodded.

"Yes, now go!" she chirped. I laughed as he kissed my cheek and flew off his seat toward the stairs. I turned back to Liz and mouthed a silent 'thank you' to her.

"Bella, it's been a very long six months, and neither he nor I am ready to let this day end just yet. Esme and Carlisle are setting up the living room as we speak, and we're going to have a family night. Is that alright with you?" she said sincerely. I nodded excitedly and approached her to hug her.

She pulled away after a few moments and excused herself so that she could go pack a bag of her own, as well as call Edward's dad to let him know where to find all of us when he left the office. She asked me if I would be okay with him joining us and I readily agreed. It had been such a long time since we had all done anything together as two families, and I was excited by the idea of it. Edward came back down only minutes after she disappeared up the stairs, and his face was lit up like the fireworks of the fourth of July with his excitement. I laughed silently as he approached me.

He dropped his bag on the floor and pulled me into his arms and swung me around in a circle, causing me to laugh silently even harder.

"I can't wait to fall asleep with you in my arms again. It's the best feeling in the world to hold you while we sleep," he murmured as he put me back down and hugged me close to him. Something about what he had just said made him stiffen and pull back from me. I looked at him in confusion for a moment until he started to speak.

"Bella? Have you slept soundly at all these past months?" he asked with a worried tone. I nervously looked down to the floor as I shook my head. He curled a finger under my chin and guided my gaze up to meet his own.

"I'm sorry, love. I knew you weren't sleeping well frequently, but I couldn't stop hoping that maybe at least once in a while you were getting a decent night's sleep," he responded sadly. I shook my head at him and backed away just a bit.

'It isn't your fault. I tried to listen to your piano melody, but all it did was make me cry the whole night. I didn't try again after that. Please don't blame yourself for that, it wasn't your fault. I'm sure it will be alright now.' I signed to him quickly, hoping that he wouldn't drive himself insane with worry.

"Bella, I know that it isn't my fault, but that doesn't stop me from worrying about the affect that it has on you. Sleep deprivation isn't good for your health, and your prolonged exposure to it worries me endlessly. Promise me that tonight you'll sleep until you feel rested if you sleep peacefully. I don't want you waking up in the morning and staying up if you still feel tired, so if you do, please go back to sleep. I promise I won't leave you until you feel well rested," he said with a serious tone as he gazed into my eyes. I nodded, readily agreeing to his request of me. It was the least I could do if it would ease his worries.

"Thank you, love," he replied with a smile as he kissed my forehead.

"Mom's tapping her foot at the door impatiently," he chuckled and I turned to look. I laughed as I saw her standing in front of the door tapping her foot and flailing her arms around as if saying "Let's go already!".

"Let's go, love. I'm anxious to get you into bed," he chuckled. I laughed silently as I thought of the suggestive undertones one could gather from that statement, even though I knew his statement had absolutely nothing to do with the first thoughts that popped into my head. I looked up to him and he smirked, causing me to laugh once again.

_Or maybe it did...._

_

* * *

_

**AN: Reviews are better than copper toned saviors! R&R PLS & TY!! ~Jersey~**


	53. Pleasant Dinner Discomforts & BUSTED

**AN: Happy Thursday folks! Just a little good news for the day... this story was accepted on this afternoon..I'm so psyched! WOOT! Enjoy!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Twilight...SM owns it all!**

* * *

Pleasant Dinner Discomforts & BUSTED!!

EPOV

Bella, my mother, and I arrived at Esme and Carlisle's house shortly before seven. Bella and I were still chuckling quietly to ourselves over my parting comment as we left the house. Her face was priceless as I smirked at her.

I knew she was thinking that I didn't mean anything sexual by my comment, and I mostly didn't, but I can't deny the part of me that was in fact anxious for that moment that we would share together. I know that we're not ready for it just yet, but hopefully we will be in the near future. I only say that because if I keep experiencing the amount of desire for her that I do while we kiss, I'm bound to explode at some point.

She really has no idea how she affects me. Everything about her draws me into her. The way her hips sway when she walks, the way her hair cascades over her shoulders when she wears it down, the way her eyes express everything that she's feeling at the moment, the way she smiles, the way her plump pink lips push themselves out when she pouts, the silky smooth texture of her skin....

_GAH!!! STOP YOU MORON! Are you nuts?! Both of your parents are sitting in the room! _I chastised myself as I let my thoughts run away while sitting at the table.

Bella tapped me on the arm and I turned toward her.

'Are you okay?' she signed quickly with a worried expression. I laughed on the inside as I responded.

"I'm fine, love," I replied with a smile.

'Aren't you going to eat? Your plate has been sitting there for ten minutes.' she replied with a confused look. I looked down to my plate and tried to hide my embarrassment...she caught it though. She tapped me on the leg and I looked back at her, pleading her with my expression to not do anything to call me on it.

'What were you thinking about?' she signed with a smirk. I shook my head in disbelief. She was calling me on it.

"You, love. Always you," I replied innocently. She smirked again and I briefly contemplated how successful my attempt would be if I ran from the table at that very moment.

'Me? What ever could you be thinking about that has to do with me?' she signed with an innocent face...too innocent for the topic she was skirting around.

I looked around us, and noticed that our parents were involved in a conversation, and none of them were paying any attention to us. I leaned over to her and whispered in her ear.

"Bella, please not at the dinner table. It's embarrassing enough that you caught me fantasizing, please don't call their attention to it as well," I pleaded with her before sitting back upright in my seat. I chanced a glimpse at her as I raised my fork and saw that she was blushing. She looked around us, and noticing that our parents were still oblivious to us, she signed to me.

'It's okay, Edward. I've thought about it numerous times as well.' she signed quickly. My jaw dropped as she signed it out and she blushed even darker and tried to hide behind a veil of her hair.

"Have you really?" I asked her incredulously. She blushed even darker still as she nodded her head. I smirked and leaned across to her once more.

"Love, I swear you'll be the death of me some day. Do you have any idea what knowing that you think about that does to me?" I whispered to her, my whisper suddenly slightly huskier than usual.

She chuckled silently and shook her head as I sat back upright in my seat and picked up my fork once again. I looked around the table, comforted to see that our exchanges had still gone unnoticed.

I was just about to bring the fork to my mouth to take my first bite when she slid her hand up my thigh and quickly grazed my....nether regions to be polite. The fork fell from my hand as my eyes closed from the pleasure of it.

I briefly wondered if she felt the jolt that her brief touch caused before the sound of the fork hitting the plate made my eyes shoot back open and dart around the table. Everyone was looking at me with a confused expression, but Bella was laughing silently behind her hair, her shaking shoulders giving her away.

"Sorry...muscle spasm," I muttered quickly as I blushed furiously. They all quirked an eyebrow at me before they went back to their conversation. As soon as I was clear, my head shot in Bella's direction. She snorted quietly and mouthed a silent 'sorry' to me. I gave her an incredulous look, and she quickly looked around before signing to me.

'Sorry...I was just checking.' she signed as she blushed. I leaned across to her and whispered in her ear.

"Checking for what exactly, Bella?" I asked with a smirk on my face. I pulled back quickly and looked at her. She looked around once more before signing to me.

'Checking for the affect of that knowledge on you.' she signed quickly as she blushed. I leaned back over and whispered to her once again.

"Did you find what you were looking for, love?" I asked smugly as I realized that her blush gave away that she did indeed feel the affect that she had on me. She blushed again as she covered her mouth and giggled silently.

I leaned back and picked my fork up once more, ready to finally eat the meal that had been sitting in front of me for the better part of a half hour now. I chanced a quick look at Bella, trying to judge if she was going to pull another fast one on me so I could better brace myself for it, but she was still giggling away as she held her hand over her mouth.

I finally managed to get the first forkful of food in my mouth and I watched her as I chewed it. She had managed to calm herself and she was just picking her fork back up. I watched intently as she drew the fork closer to her mouth, unable to tear my gaze away.

I just about lost all of my control to not tackle her right there, as her lips enclosed around the fork. Either I was somehow watching this in slow motion, or she was purposely exaggerating the motion of pulling that damn fork away from those beautifully pink and luscious lips of hers.

_Shit...I'm definitely going to explode...and possibly burn in hell for thinking of her this way at the dinner table.._

She smirked as she loaded another bite of mashed potatoes onto her fork. Ever so slowly she flipped the fork and brought it to her mouth, and proceeded to make a show of once again pulling the fork from her mouth.

I almost fell out of my chair at the sight of it. For someone as innocent as she was, she sure as hell knew how to bring me to my knees. She smiled smugly at me as she put her fork down and I smirked at her.

She looked at me with a confused expression. I quickly reached across the distance between us and grabbed her hand. She looked at me with a shocked expression when I placed it right on top of the now completely engorged product of her silent and sinfully teasing illustrations. I smiled smugly at her and picked my fork back up as I chuckled.

She slowly pulled her hand back and I had to force down the groan that was attempting to escape me in response to the sensation of it. I looked back at her as my eyes opened and she smiled smugly at me once more.

_Just you wait, love. We'll see who's smiling smugly when we no longer have a possible audience... _I thought to myself as I quirked an eyebrow at her and smirked. She laughed silently and held her hands up in mock surrender. I shook my head and leaned toward her once more.

"It's too late for surrender, love. That last move did you in," I said quietly, my voice deepened suddenly by my overwhelming desire for her.

I leaned back in my chair and smiled smugly at her. She blushed and looked down to her plate as she snorted, her hand quickly flying up to cover her mouth. I chuckled as I turned toward my plate and thrust a forkful of food in my mouth. I tilted my head slightly toward her and saw that she was watching me through the curtain of her hair so I winked at her and smiled smugly once more as I took another forkful of food.

"Are we going to have to separate you two tonight?" my mother chuckled. My eyes shot straight toward her as my fork stopped right in front of my gaping mouth. They all broke out into laughter as my mouth suddenly went bone dry and closed itself. I looked around the table and saw that everyone, including Bella, was laughing hysterically at my shocked expression.

"Really, Edward. Please try and be at least a little discreet at the table, son," my father choked out through his laughter. My face felt like it was on fire as I looked toward Esme and Carlisle expecting them to be furious with me, but they were laughing just as hard as everyone else.

As I stared at them incredulously, I saw Bella start to tip over as she held her stomach with one arm and continued to cover her mouth as she laughed. My hand shot out and grabbed Bella's arm, pulling her back onto her seat as she almost toppled off of it with her laughter. She looked at my still shocked face and mouthed a silent 'sorry' to me right before she snorted once more and went into another fit of laughter.

_They're all insane! Did they just all witness that whole event and now they're laughing about it? How is it possible that Carlisle isn't waving a shotgun in my face and warning me to keep my wandering hands and thoughts to myself?!_

"Edward, son. It's alright. We've all been through it at one point or another. There's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of, but please...do try to tone it down a bit when there are people around. We all realize that at some point the two of you will be comfortable enough with each other to share that experience, but isn't it a bit early yet in your relationship for that?" Carlisle spoke with a comforting tone but he wore a serious expression. My mouth fell open and I found myself impossibly unable to respond to his question.

Bella's flailing arms and suddenly horrified face suddenly caught my attention and I tore my stupefied gaze away from Carlisle to look at her. She was signing so quickly I almost couldn't catch most of it. It took me a minute but I finally pieced it together.

'NO, NO, NO! Please! We don't need to have this conversation! We aren't doing anything like that, and we honestly aren't ready for it yet. Please don't start "the talk". Please.' she signed desperately with a pleading face.

Carlisle looked at her carefully, as did Esme. She shot her nervous glance to me and I smiled smugly at her.

"You started it, love," I chuckled and her mouth fell open as she stared at me in shock. She quickly turned back to Carlisle who was covering his mouth as he leaned back in his chair and chuckled. My poor parents just watching everything, more confused than ever at the moment.

"She was pleading with Carlisle to not give us "the talk"," I said to them with amusement in my tone.

They chuckled quietly and looked over to Carlisle. Esme snorted and covered her mouth quickly as she waved her hand in front of her, as if telling us to just dismiss her and her laughter. I laughed at the sight of everyone before me, as well as at the situation that Bella and I now found ourselves in.

"Bella, I really do think it's time to have that talk, honey," Carlisle said with a semi-serious tone. Her head flopped down and shook from side to side as she awaited the now inevitable beginning of our birds and bees talk.

_Who would have ever thought that a family dinner would ever lead to this?!_

I tried to control my laughter, and was able to stifle it down to just quiet chuckles as I waited for Carlisle to continue. My father wrapped his arm around my mother and grinned as he leaned back to watch the event progress in front of him.

Poor Esme was still beside herself with her laughter, my own mother right along side of her gripping her hand tightly as she too tried to control herself. Carlisle started to speak, and I immediately turned my attention to him. The least I could do was listen quietly and intently while he spoke as an attempt to redeem myself for what had taken place at his table.

"Now, I know that both of you..." he started but he had to stop as he chuckled. His head dropped down as he covered his face with one of his hands. A moment later he had composed himself and he tried to start again.

"Sorry... Now, I know that both of you are aware of where babies come from, and..." he stopped again as he tried to stifle another chuckle but failed horribly. I had to stifle my own as Bella covered her mortified face and shook her head. I tried my best to keep my chuckling down to a minimum, but the longer I fought, the harder it got.

I looked toward my mother and Esme, who both had tears streaming down their bright red faces, and my father was leaning forward, shielding his forehead with his hand as his elbow rested on the table surface. The sight of all of them broke me and I guffawed loudly, the sound of my laughter echoing off of the walls in the room. Carlisle shook his head as he looked to the ceiling and continued to chuckle.

"Good Lord, I'm a doctor! I should be able to get through this without laughing!" he cried out toward the heavens above. It only served to make all of us laugh even harder. Even Bella had started to find the humor in it and was chuckling as she continued to hide her face in her hands.

When we had all sobered up some, Carlisle braced himself to start again. The look on his face told me he was going to try and speed his way through it, because he was unsure he would be able to finish without laughing yet again. He shook his head and started speaking once again.

"Okay, I'm just going to hit the high points, because I can't seem to be able to control myself enough to make it through the speech. Please wait until you are both ready. Please protect yourselves and each other, as I'm sure neither of you is ready to start a family at any time soon. And please, please, don't ever let any of us catch you in the act. For both of your mother's sakes... we are aware that it's unlikely, but please wait until you get married to consummate your relationship," he said quickly and managed to only allow just a minimal amount of amusement to leak through his serious tone. The moment it was out we all burst into another round of laughter.

"Carlisle!....That was pathetic!" Esme chirped through her laughter. He shot her an incredulous glance as he responded.

"I'd like to see you try and do better, dearest Esme," he retorted with a sarcastic tone.

"I....I couldn't!" she wheezed out as she laughed. She picked up her napkin and started waving it in front of her flaming red face as she gasped for air.

"Oh my!... I hadn't.... ever expected this... discussion to go this way," she croaked in between sniffles and chuckles.

We had all started to settle down, and I was sure that the neighbors were thankful for that at that point. This dinner table could probably have been heard all the way in Port Angeles for Christ's sake!

"Carlisle, I don't think we could have done any better. Thank you for taking the reins on this one," my father said with a grateful tone after he took a few deep breaths and composed himself. Carlisle chuckled as he nodded to him.

_Holy Hell!! They planned this all along! Family night my ass! This was a setup!_

My gaze shifted between every person sitting around the table, and it was written all over every one of their faces...with the exception of Bella. I couldn't believe it! They had lured us in hook, line and sinker!

Bella turned and looked at me in confusion. I was beginning to wonder if she caught the admission in my father's statement as well. I looked to her and quickly mimicked my mother's conspiratorial smile and she gasped, her hand flying over her mouth as she looked at me in shock. I nodded to her as I rolled my eyes and she shook her head as she leaned back against her chair.

I stifled a chuckle as I thought of how gullible we had been all night long. They had been luring us in to feeling falsely secure in our interactions while they had been watching closely the entire time, just waiting for their moment to strike. I had to hand it to them...they were good....real good.

"Not the most eloquent version of that speech that I've ever given, but please heed the advice in it just the same," Carlisle pleaded with us after a period of silence had fallen over the table.

"Points taken, Carlisle, but I assure you that Bella was telling you the truth. We aren't ready for that step yet," I said sincerely.

"We're aware of that, dear, but we are also aware that when you love someone the way the two of you do, it can be difficult to control your desires for one another. We aren't condemning either of you for anything, as none of us would really have any room to judge," Esme said as she chuckled, "We just need to make sure that both of you aware of the possible consequences of your decisions in the future," she finished with a comforting and sincere tone.

"I assure you, Esme, when and if we ever come to that bridge, we will do so with the utmost of caution," I replied sincerely. She smiled and nodded at me. I quickly looked to my parents.

"Do either of you have anything to add to this? You might as well join in the humiliation party that's concentrated on our corner," I chuckled.

"Edward, son. I trust both of you to make the right decisions when that time comes, but I do agree with Carlisle. Protect yourselves and for the love of all that's holy in this world don't ever let us catch you. It's not the easiest situation to walk away from unscathed...just ask your mother," he chortled. She gasped and smacked his arm as she looked at him in shock.

"Ed! I can't believe you!" she screeched. He laughed even harder.

"Oh my! Liz, I forgot all about that!" Esme chirped from beside her.

Bella, Carlisle and I all looked at them with confused faces as they laughed away. Finally my father shot an apologetic grimace toward my mother and turned toward the three of us.

"When we were in college, we had gone to her parent's house for Christmas break. I thought her parents were sleeping soundly so I slipped into her room. It just so happened that her mother wanted to ask her something and when she walked into her room she caught us in a very compromising situation. It took me two years to win back her acceptance of me after that, and holiday visits after that moment were strictly supervised," he said as he shook his head. Bella and I looked at them incredulously.

"Every holiday that we went there during that first year after that, her parents had me sleep over at the neighbor's house. So while they were guarding your mother's door all night long, I was sleeping in a room that reeked of moth balls in Old Lady Parson's house. She was a nice lady, but good lord was she ever chatty. Every night she told me the same exact story of how she grew up on a farm and married a dashing young lad that lived down the road from her," he chuckled as he recalled her nightly tale of her youth.

Bella and I burst into laughter at his confession as well as the mortified look on my mother's face. Esme was laughing hysterically and snorting beside my mother as she slapped her hand against the table. Carlisle was stomping his foot under the table as he laughed heartily.

"Esme, dear. You and Carlisle have nothing to be laughing about," my mother chided. Bella's laughter quickly ceased as she stared at Esme in shock. Esme quickly sobered and shot my mother a pleading look to which my mother smirked.

"Liz, don't! Please," she begged.

"Oh boy, here we go..." Carlisle said as he leaned back in his seat.

"Do all of you have a closet full of skeletons hidden somewhere that neither of us have ever noticed?" I asked incredulously as I glanced between all of them.

"Sweetheart, we all grew up in the seventies...things were _much_ different back then," Esme said uncomfortably. I shook my head as I chuckled and leaned back in my chair. I looked to my mother, waiting for her to continue. She looked to Esme, who once again shot her a panicked look.

"Liz, please...I'm begging you, don't do this..." she pleaded with my mother.

I looked to Bella and gave her a confused expression. I couldn't figure out what could be so bad that she didn't want it to be brought up. Carlisle just seemed amused by the whole thing. Bella looked back at me and shrugged her shoulders, her expression just as confused as mine.

"Oh, Esme, dear. Really...it isn't that bad," Carlisle said to her as he reached out for her hand. She pulled her hand away from him and shot him an incredulous look.

"Carlisle...how can you say that? Lizzie and Ed's encounter was a walk in the park compared to what we went through!" she cried out. Bella quickly looked at me and raised her eyebrows. I chuckled and turned my attention back toward the two of them, now seriously intrigued by what they could have done.

"Esme, sweetheart. They're never going to let it go now that the cat's out of the bag. Just tell them, hopefully they won't repeat our mistakes," Carlisle said in an encouraging tone.

She sighed and looked at us, pleading with her expression for us to leave it alone. I looked to Bella who was bouncing in her seat. She looked at me and smiled widely before signing to them.

'Spill it.' she signed as she bounced in her seat.

"Carlisle...I can't. You're going to have to do it. It was your fault anyway, it's time to harvest those seeds you sowed so very long ago, dear," she said as she shook her head and rested her elbows on the table and covered her face with one of her hands.

"It wasn't only my fault, Esme dear. I didn't get into that predicament on my own, sweetheart," he replied sarcastically. She shot him a furious glance and he held up his hands in surrender immediately. I chuckled quietly in response.

"Alright, alright. I'm going," he said as he waved his hands in front of himself. He shook his head and turned toward us, and both Bella and I gave him our undivided attention.

"Esme and I dated my senior year of high school, and the following year I went away to college. I came home after being away for almost eight months. I didn't get a chance to come home for Christmas break that year because I had to work extra to pay for my tuition, and by the time I finally got the chance to come home, Esme and I found ourselves in a very awkward situation. Because I hadn't been home in so long, everyone was crowded around us constantly, and we quickly found ourselves unable to get even just a minute alone together," he started out with a sincere tone.

"So one night, I drove over to her house and insisted on bringing her out on a date. I drove us up into the mountains in Alaska where we lived at the time, and we parked at a spot that was a relatively common place for couples to frequent for some...personal time," he grimaced as Esme shot him a look and forced him to choose his words wisely. She went back to hiding her face and he continued.

"We ended up getting caught in the act by a patrol officer, who arrested us both for indecent exposure. Our parents had to bail us out of jail, and they were absolutely furious with us. We were let off the hook with a slap on the wrist and a fine, but we spent the rest of my school vacation being lectured over our actions from that night. They gave us hell for three years after that night, straight up to the very night that I proposed to her. That was what finally broke them. I guess it was then that they realized that it didn't matter how unhappy they were with us, we were happy with each other, and nothing they could ever do would keep us apart," he said as he smiled lovingly at Esme. She gazed back at him with complete adoration in her eyes and a warm smile on her lips.

"Bella, Edward. Everyone makes mistakes...as you've heard tonight. The point we're trying to make to you is that sometimes it's difficult to see the consequences of your decisions until after they're staring you in the face, and it's too late to change your actions. Please don't be as foolish with your actions as we all were," Esme said pleadingly.

Bella and I nodded to her, both of us still stunned by their story. Honestly, I never would have pinned them as the type to have ever found themselves in that situation to start with, my parents either for that matter. They were all always so prim and proper all the time. I had always assumed that they had waited til they were married before having sex.

That was something Bella and I definitely needed to discuss at length in the very near future. I had, for quite some time now, always felt that I wanted to wait until I was married before sharing that experience with someone, as I wanted to make sure that I loved that person enough to be with them in that way. The only problem with that theory now...Bella is the only person I can even picture myself experiencing that with.

The rest of dinner went by with extremely mundane conversation. I think we were all trying to veer away from anything having to do with sex talks or embarrassing stories. I helped Bella clean up after dinner as our parents settled into the living room to watch a movie marathon tonight. My curiosity was eating me alive and I decided that there was no opportunity better than the present to discuss our opinions on the matter at hand.

"Bella?" I asked quietly. She turned and smiled at me, waiting for me to continue.

"Do you want to wait until we're married before we cross that line in our relationship?" I asked her sincerely. She looked at me with wide eyes, and I waited patiently for her to compose herself. When she didn't after a series of minutes I furrowed my brow in confusion.

"Bella, love. Are you alright?" I asked with concern. Her expression became nervous and confused as she stared at me.

'You think about us getting married?' she signed nervously as she bit her lip.

"Honestly, yes. I've thought of it from time to time, and I know that one day I will ask you to marry me, as you're the only person I could ever imagine wanting to marry," I replied sincerely. She looked at me with a stunned expression and it brought a smile to my face. She composed herself quickly and signed to me once again.

'I'm not sure if I want to wait or not. I used to think so, but I'm not so sure any more.' she signed with a thoughtful expression.

"What makes you unsure?" I asked curiously.

'I used to think that it was the only way to be sure that I loved the person enough, and that I wasn't making a mistake in being with them that way. I'm not sure anymore because I know that I love you, and I know that you love me. I don't think it could ever be a mistake between us, so it makes me unsure as to whether I want to wait or not.' she replied quickly. I didn't miss the slight blush that rose to her cheeks as she thought through her response either.

"I feel the same way, love. I'm sure we'll figure it out together and come to a decision that's right for both of us," I said comfortingly.

She let out a breath of relief and I bent down to give her a chaste kiss. She smiled at me and we finished cleaning up the kitchen before heading into the living room to join our parents.

"Bella, Edward? Why don't you two get ready for bed before we start the movies. We don't want to have to wake either of you if you fall asleep during them," Esme said warmly.

Bella nodded and padded her way up the stairs. I grabbed my bag from the bottom step and headed toward the downstairs bathroom. I wasn't about to give them a single reason to question my actions after tonight.

I returned only minutes later, and settled onto one of the mattresses on the floor and waited for Bella to come join me. It wasn't long after that I heard her approaching footsteps as they descended the staircase. She crawled over me and slid under the blanket that I held back for her. She immediately turned toward me and smiled. I kissed her beautiful lips and gazed into her sleepy eyes. She yawned almost immediately and I smiled.

"Go to sleep, Bella. I love you," I whispered to her as I gently pushed the hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear.

She smiled and nodded as she snuggled up against me. I shifted onto my back and she tossed her arm across my chest and wrapped her leg around me as she rested her head on my chest. Within moments her breathing evened out and I chuckled at how quickly she was out cold.

"I'll never get over how well she sleeps around you, Edward," Esme said quietly from behind me on the couch.

"Me either, Esme," I replied sincerely as Bella started to snore lightly. I heard a round of hushed snickers from behind me and I tried not to jostle her with my own silent chuckle as I ran my fingers through her hair gently.

"Sweet dreams, love," I whispered to her before I kissed the top of her head.

I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep myself. I hadn't slept very well over the last six months either, and I was eager to get a peaceful night's sleep. I was just about to succumb to slumber when a round of highly amused "Goodnight Edward's" resounded from behind me.

I tried to reply in kind, but I'm fairly certain it was incredibly slurred. I passed my fingers gently through Bella's hair once more before I rested my arm across her back, keeping her close to me.

_Sleep well my sweet angel..._

_

* * *

_

**AN: Alright people..leave me some love! Please? Pretty please? LOL Reviews are better than being busted by your parents at the dinner table for being frisky! R&R PLS & TY! **

**I received a question in a review, but I couldn't respond to it because the person wasn't logged in for the review. The question was in regards to Liz's knowledge of Bella's past. She doesn't know much aside from the fact that her parents died tragically and Bella was hurt in the same event but somehow managed to survive it. Hope that answers your question^_^ If any of you ever have questions..feel free to hop on over to the forum thread and post it there. I'll answer it as soon as I can. Thanks for reading!**


	54. A Sneaky Boyfriend&Accidental Collisions

**AN: It's a double-update Friday...YAY!! Okay..I realize that a lot of you are curious about the whole A/J/Em situation...we're getting there and the end of this chapter is the beginning of that journey. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: As always, I own nothing related to Twilight..SM owns it all.**

* * *

A Sneaky Boyfriend & Accidental Collisions

BPOV

I woke up the following morning around nine. I hadn't slept that long in ages, and I couldn't remember having a single dream when I opened my eyes. As promised, Edward was still in bed with me, even though the others had apparently been long gone, and had even cleaned up their mattresses. I stretched all of my stiff muscles and curled back into Edward. Apparently he found something quite amusing about my actions that morning.

"Good morning, love," he chuckled. I looked up at him and smiled as I gave him a one fingered wave.

"Come here, love," he said as he tried to pull me up on top of him. I realized immediately what he was going for and I shook my head and covered my mouth with a horrified expression. He laughed and then quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Bella, I don't care about morning breath. It's been twelve hours since I've kissed those lips. Please?" he pleaded with a pout. I shook my head again and tried to climb over him to dart off to the bathroom and brush my teeth.

"Belllllaaaa," he whined as he pulled me back toward him. I started squirming and shaking my head with everything in me as I laughed silently, still trying to get away.

"Come on, just one peck and I'll let you run up to the bathroom to brush your teeth if it bothers you so much," he pleaded with me. I let out a gust of breath into the floor as I gave in to his pleas and started shifting around so that I could give him a quick kiss and then bolt.

He smirked at me as I lowered my head down to his. A moment later he tangled his fingers in my rat's nest of hair and pulled me to his lips. I made to pull away, but he held me there and ran his tongue over my lower lip. My eyes shot open as I realized that his breath was minty fresh...unlike mine.

_NO FAIR!!! Damn cheater!_

I held my lips together tightly and he grunted which caused me to smirk and chuckle silently.

"Think you're funny huh?" he whispered against my lips. I felt one of his hands trace its way down my back and I tensed.

_He wouldn't dare!!!_

_**Bella...haha move! He's going for it!**_

A moment later he smiled against my lips as he started tickling my side. My mouth shot open as I started to laugh in silent hysterics and he took the opportunity to swoop in to steal what he wanted so desperately. The moment his tongue entered my mouth, I couldn't fight him anymore. It felt too damn good.

We both chuckled into our kiss which caused a really funny sound to emit from the seal of our mouths as the air pushed its way through, causing us to chuckle even more. We gave up after a minute and laughed as we broke apart. I mock glared at him as I lifted myself off of the mattress. He smiled smugly at me and I shook my head at him.

"Sorry, love. I couldn't help myself. You're too damn kissable for your own good," he chuckled as he winked at me. I blushed and smiled as I made my way to the stairs.

I quickly showered, brushed my teeth and hair, dressed and made my way back down the stairs. I checked for Edward in the living room, but he wasn't there, and neither was our mattress. I figured he might have ventured into the kitchen, but when I got there I could only find Esme.

"Good morning, dear. Did you sleep well?" she asked with a warm smile. I smiled and nodded to her as I sat down at the kitchen island counter.

"Would you like some breakfast, honey?" she said as she rose from her seat. I nodded to her before I looked behind me to see if Edward had returned yet. He hadn't.

"What would you like to eat?" she asked me as she stood across the island from me. I looked toward the ceiling as I thought and once I decided I signed to her.

'I'll just have cereal, but can we talk about something for a minute?' I signed to her nervously.

"We can talk about anything, sweetheart. What's on your mind?" she asked encouragingly. I twisted my fingers together for a moment as I worked up my nerve.

'Mom, I think I want to go on birth control.' I signed to her quickly. She chuckled quietly at my overly nervous state for a moment before responding.

"Are you sure you two are ready for this step? It's awfully soon after everything that has happened, honey," she replied cautiously.

'No we're not ready yet, but I want to be prepared for whenever that time comes.' I responded with relief that she wasn't angry or upset over the topic.

"I can see your point there. Okay, I'll make an appointment for you with a gynecologist sometime this week so you can discuss your options with them." I smiled gratefully and nodded to her.

"Now, what kind of cereal would you like for breakfast?"

'Cocoa Puffs.' I spelled out for her. She nodded and turned into the kitchen. She placed it in front of me only a minute later and sat back down aat the counter with me.

"You know, Bella. I'm glad you came to me today about your decision instead of feeling like you couldn't talk to me about it. I'm happy to see that you're making good decisions for yourself and your relationship with Edward," she said sincerely. I put my spoon down and turned to her.

'After everything that happened last night, I couldn't doubt that I could talk to you about this. Plus I really want you to know that we're being responsible. I know how much you worry about me, and I wanted to make this one less worry for you if at all possible.' I replied honestly.

"Honey, I'll worry regardless. It's just in my nature to do so. Please don't worry yourself over that. Just always remember that nothing you can ever do will ever make your father or I love you any less, and that all we want for you is for you to be happy. As long as you're making decisions that make you happy, we're okay with that. And seeing how you're making decisions that are right for you, it relieves me greatly when it comes to my worrying, but don't think for a minute that I'll ever stop worrying. I am utterly incapable of doing so, just ask your father," she chuckled and I laughed. I gave her a quick hug before finishing up my cereal.

Edward still hadn't returned by the time I had finished eating, and I was starting to worry that he had left. I turned to Esme who was working on her Sunday edition of the daily crossword puzzle, yet again, and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Yes, Bella?" she asked with a smile as she turned toward me.

'Where's Edward?' I asked with a worried expression.

"Oh... he cleaned up the living room and then went to take a shower right before you came down. He should be back down any minute seeing as how he's been up there for a while now," she said with a slightly confused expression.

'How long has he been gone?' I asked getting worried as I had already been downstairs for over a half an hour.

"I suppose about forty five minutes or so...does he usually take that long in the shower?" she asked curiously. I shrugged because I really didn't know. I decided to go and see if he was alright upstairs. I was hoping that he hadn't gotten suddenly ill or something. I told Esme I was going to go and check on him and she nodded before going back to her crossword puzzle.

I hurried up the stairs and checked all the rooms, but they were all empty. I started to feel a slight panic start to rise in me that something had happened and he had to leave in a hurry. I walked back down the stairs and decided to check and see if his car was still parked in the driveway. I was just about to reach for the door handle when it flew open and hit me right in the face. I stumbled backwards and my hand flew to my face.

"Oh shit! Bella, love.. are you okay?! I'm so sorry, love. I didn't know you were behind the door," Edward said in a panic as his hands flitted around my face in a frenzy. My eyes were stinging and tearing as a sharp pain shot through my nose and a throbbing sensation began in my lips.

_Fan-freaking-tastic!!_

I stomped my foot on the floor as the pain only increased, and my tears flowed down my face.

"Oh God... Love, you're bleeding," he said with a panicked tone. He swooped me up in his arms and walked quickly toward the kitchen.

"Esme, can you get me a towel and some ice for Bella? I accidentally hit her with the door when I came in," he said in a rush as he placed me on top of the counter.

Esme shot out of her seat and ran for the drawer in the kitchen that was filled with bar mops and hand towels. She tossed a few to Edward and turned around with another one toward the freezer.

"Love, let me see," he said gently. I shook my head.

"Bella, please let me see it. You're bleeding pretty badly and I'm worried that I may have broken your nose," he said pleadingly. I let out a gusted breath and slowly removed my hand, keeping my eyes trained on his. He flinched and grimaced immediately and my hand flew back up to my face.

"Sweetheart, I'm _so _sorry. I had no idea you would be on the other side of the door. Move your hand love, let me clean you up," he said gently. Esme came back and stood next to Edward and gasped as she finally took a look at the damage. Their reactions terrified me to no end.

I flinched as Edward passed the warm rag over my face. The pain in my nose was subsiding, but my lips hurt like hell. He finished wiping off the blood that had covered my face, and he even washed the blood off of my hand.

It amazed me that he was able to do this without feeling even nauseous or dizzy. When I was a kid, I would feel faint at the sight or smell of blood, but that all changed after Phoenix. I think it's impossible to experience something like that and still be affected by the simple sight of a bloody nose.

"Dear, are you alright?" Esme asked worriedly. I nodded slightly as Edward tried to stop the blood from pouring out of my nose.

"Tilt your head back just a little bit, love. Your nose doesn't seem to want to stop bleeding. Esme can you call Carlisle. I'm not sure what to do if it doesn't stop soon," he said with a worried tone.

She nodded and ran off to get the phone. I faintly heard her in the living room speaking to someone moments later.

"Jesus, Bella. I can't believe I hit you that hard with the door. I should have known better than to push it open with so much force," he said with an extremely apologetic and regretful expression. I waved my hands in front of me dismissing it. It was an accident after all, but I was curious about something.

'Edward? What were you doing outside anyway?' I signed curiously as he applied gentle pressure to my nose.

"Rosalie blew my phone up when I was about to get in the shower. I got dressed and stepped outside to call her back real quick...only it didn't turn out to be a very short conversation. She stopped by my house this morning and my mom told her where I was. She was ecstatic to say the least. She told me to thank you for her. She said she's proud of you for taking the risk of believing her when she knew you didn't have to," he responded sincerely. I nodded slightly, not wanting to cause myself pain with him holding my nose.

"Edward, Carlisle says that if it doesn't stop within the next ten minutes to bring her down to the hospital. They may have to cauterize the vessels in her nose to make it stop," Esme said gently as she rounded the corner to stand next to Edward again. Edward nodded to her.

"Is it still bleeding?" she asked with a worried expression. Edward tilted my head back just slightly and removed his fingers from holding pressure on my nose. He wiped away any of the blood that was there and they both watched and waited for a few moments.

"It seems to have stopped. Does it hurt much when I press on it?" he asked with a worried tone as he gazed into my eyes. I shook my head slightly as it didn't really hurt very much anymore.

"Okay. I'm going to call your father back and let him know you're alright, and then I'm going to run to the grocery store. Do you want anything specific while I'm there, honey?" Esme asked kindly.

I couldn't think of anything so I shook my head. She kissed my cheek and patted Edward's shoulder before leaving the kitchen. Edward turned back toward me and his eyes traveled down toward my lips to inspect the damage and he hissed as his expression became pained.

"Oooh, Bella. I busted your lip up pretty good, it's even more swollen now than it was a few minutes ago. Does it hurt badly?" he asked as he ran his finger under the edge of it. I shook my hand as if to say 'so-so' and he frowned.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I never meant for this to happen to you. Emmett and Alice just ticked me off and I wasn't thinking about anything but getting back to you when I barrelled through the door," he said with a pained tone as he cupped my face and caressed my cheeks. I shot him a confused expression and mouthed 'Emmett and Alice?' to him.

"Yeah, while I was speaking to Rosalie, Emmett stole the phone from her and basically tried to tell me that if I wasn't speaking to him than I shouldn't be speaking to his girlfriend either," he replied with a slightly angry tone. My eyes were as wide as saucers in surprise of his extremely forward comment.

"Rosalie smacked the hell out of him, I actually heard the slap through the phone, and she told him that if he thinks he has any right to call the shots on who she talks to, then he could forget about her talking to him either as she stole the phone back from him," he chuckled and I found myself chuckling silently with him.

_Go Rosalie!!_

'Alice?' I mouthed to him with a raised eyebrow.

"She's a real piece of work...," he trailed off as he shook his head. His expression clearly angry.

"I was just about to come inside after getting off the phone with Rosalie when I saw her crossing the front lawn, approaching the front of the house. I turned to face her and she glared at me and asked me what I was doing here. I didn't really feel justified to give her an answer to that question with the way she was eyeing me, so I asked her the same question in return and she basically told me that what she does outside of school is none of my business," he said with an frustrated expression. I placed my palm against the side of his face and he leaned into it and kissed my wrist before continuing.

"I told her that when it comes to you, it is most definitely my business. I then asked her why she was coming here after I explained to her that you needed some time to sort through everything. She got angry and told me that I had no room to talk as it appeared that I was stalking you as well. I laughed and she got even more infuriated with me. She asked me what my problem was, and I told her that my problem was that none of them ever stopped to think about anyone but themselves. That none of them ever bothered to realize how badly you, or any of the other people that they didn't even realize had been affected by it, were hurt by everything that happened," he shook his head in disbelief as he spoke.

"Anyway, she scoffed at me and by that point I'd had enough. I turned to come back in the house and she grabbed my arm and asked me where I was going. I spun around and told her that I was going back inside to spend the rest of the day with my girlfriend," he chuckled at the last part and I smiled slightly.

"Love, you should have seen the look on her face when I said that...it was priceless. I couldn't tell if she was more angry or shocked by it. Either way, she finally gave in and told me that her parents sent her over here to invite you all to a bar-b-que at their house today. I told her I'd relay the message and she reluctantly thanked me and stomped away scowling," he said, his voice laced with amusement.

It was only a few moments before the guilt of losing my friendship with her crept up on me.

"Bella, what's wrong, love? Why do you look so sad?" he asked me with concern as he ran the backs of his hands down the sides of my face.

'It's just hard sometimes. I really miss her friendship, but I can't forgive her when she doesn't even realize why what happened hurt me so much. Yes, she apologizes constantly, but it just doesn't seem like she really knows what she's apologizing for, which doesn't make it any better. Emmett and Jasper haven't even tried to apologize, and that bothers me too. What bothers me the most about them though, is how they treat you. The two of them treat you the same way Alice does me. They apologize, but they really don't understand why what they did was so wrong in the first place.' I replied honestly.

"Angel, I'm sorry that they haven't tried to apologize. I told them to stay away from you the night of that party. I was enraged with them, and the thought of them saying something stupid that would hurt you even more terrified me. Their not apologizing to you is my fault, although I don't see how much good it would have done when I agree with you that they have no idea why they're even apologizing. They don't realize that it's more than just having deceived us," he said soothingly. I smiled just slightly and mouthed a silent 'thank you' to him.

"For what, love?" he asked in confusion.

'I would have gone insane if there had been three of them chasing after me instead of just Alice...she was bad enough as it was.' I replied sincerely.

"Bella, your happiness, and in this case sanity, is the foremost thought in my mind every second of every day. No matter what happened between us, I wasn't about to let them make it harder for you if I could stop it," he replied with a comforting tone.

I leaned forward and tried to kiss his lips gently, but the throbbing that ensued as I puckered my lips made me grimace and pull back quickly.

"I guess I deserve the punishment I'm getting right now," he chuckled as I fingered my lip tenderly.

'What punishment?' I signed to him with a confused expression.

"Not being able to kiss those perfect lips of yours the way I want to right now," he said with a smile. I rolled my eyes and swatted at him playfully.

"Rosalie asked me to ask you if it was alright if she stopped by this afternoon. She's heading back to Seattle tonight and she wanted to get to spend some time with us before she left. Is that alright with you, love?" he asked sincerely. I smiled and nodded to him.

"How about we go settle down in the living room and relax for a bit while we ice down your poor face that I brutally attacked?" he chuckled. I laughed and swatted him again before I raised my arms for him to help me down from the counter.

He lifted me up and placed me down on the floor. I hugged him tightly to me for a moment before picking up the toweled bag of ice and heading for the living room. He followed closely behind me and helped me settle down into the couch when we got there. He gave me the remote to the tv, put the quilt from the back of the couch over me, and even arranged the pillows comfortably for me. I looked at him in confusion, wondering where he was going to sit if he wasn't going to be laying behind me like he used to do.

"I'm going to call Rosalie in just a second and then I'm going to take a quick shower since I haven't been able to do so yet. I'll be back in fifteen minutes tops, okay?" he asked with a gentle tone. I nodded and made to place the bag of ice on my throbbing lip as he bent down and kissed my forehead.

"I love you, Bella," he said, his voice full of emotion as he spoke. I moved the bag and mouthed a silent 'I love you too' to him. He smiled and gently pressed his lips to mine and I pouted slightly as he pulled away.

_Dumb stupid throbbing lip!_

He chuckled as he caressed my cheek.

"I'm sorry, love. The pain will go away soon, I promise," he said soothingly. I nodded and he got up off the couch and made his way toward the stairs. He pulled out his phone and dialed a number as he walked. I watched and listened as he spoke with Rosalie while he ascended the stairs until I couldn't see him anymore. I turned toward the tv after that and turned it on.

I tried desperately to focus on whatever was showing on the channel that it had last been on, but I found myself unable to do so. Too many thoughts were swirling around my head concerning Alice, Jasper, and Emmett. It was enough to drive me insane.

_What is their problem?! Why can't they understand what made us all so upset? Even Rosalie understands it, and she doesn't know me from a hole in the wall!_

_**Bella...sometimes when people only think of the pain that they're in or the guilt that they feel they don't acknowledge how others are feeling. I shouldn't have to tell you this...**_

_My situation was different! _

_**How so?**_

_I didn't lie to anyone to cause myself to feel guilty and then ignore their feelings. I didn't fail to put my faith in anyone when they gave me their trust. I didn't try and baby them or sugar coat everything in anyone's life in an attempt to make them feel falsely secure in their surroundings._

_**Okay, I see your point, but for one minute just try and see mine. For years you were lost within your own despair and unable to even notice how anyone else around you felt. Don't you think that maybe they are feeling at least slightly the same way? I'm not saying to the same degree but at least just a fraction of it...**_

_I suppose so, but that doesn't make the way they're acting right. Emmett was down right vicious to Edward today...he had no right to be that way. Alice had no right to act that way to him either. He didn't do anything! Where do they get off treating him that way?_

_**Bella, you of all people should know that sometimes people act out irrationally when they're upset over something. Do you happen to recall all the times you lashed out at Esme and Carlisle in the beginning over absolutely nothing that they did? How many times you hurt their feelings because of how helpless you felt? Think about it, Bella. They're probably tearing themselves apart now that they've had time to think about how they acted today.**_

_I never meant to hurt Esme or Carlisle's feelings. I just didn't know how to express myself and when it built up to a point where I couldn't tolerate it anymore...I lashed out. _

_**They probably didn't mean to lash out at Edward either, Bella. People do irrational things when they're distressed.**_

_Ugh...this is a mess..._

_**Yes it is...and I'm sorry to say, but it isn't going to get better if you keep running from it.**_

_What am I supposed to do? Just act like nothing ever happened?!_

_**I didn't say that. What if you and Edward wrote them letters explaining to them how they hurt everyone..including Esme, Carlisle, Liz, and Ed Sr. Maybe that will help them to understand why what they did was so wrong. I think they're under the misapprehension that you both are only angry because they deceived you. Maybe explaining to them that the deception isn't really the issue will help them to understand it.**_

_Maybe...but that doesn't mean that I'm ready to be friends with them again. Edward can if he wants to...whenever he wants to. I hate knowing that their friendship is in ruins after so many years of being as close as they were._

_**Leave that decision to Edward, Bella. He needs to come to terms with his anger towards them before he can decide whether or not to forgive them. I know you miss Alice terribly. Maybe writing that letter will help you find the forgiveness for both of your actions that you've been looking for.**_

_I'll talk to Edward about it. If I'm going to write one to Alice than I want him to write one to Emmett and Jasper. I can't do this alone..._

_**I understand that, and it will be good for him to do so as well. They need to understand where he's coming from instead of just believing that he's only angry over how they deceived him. Hopefully, if he writes the letters, it will help him put down what he feels towards them as well so that they can return to being friends.**_

_We'll see what he says....Hey I have a question for you.._

_**Shoot...**_

_Was that you that pushed your way through and whispered his name yesterday or was that me saying it?_

_**That was all you, Bella. If it had been me it would have been louder than a whisper, chickadee.**_

_But then why did I panic when we were kissing?_

_**Uhhh...yeah that was me...sorry about that. You kind of overwhelmed me with all those emotions and thoughts that were flying around here...my bad.**_

_It's okay..I was just wondering. You wouldn't happen to know how I managed to do it without panicking would you?_

_**That I would not, unfortunately. I have a theory though...**_

_Spill it!_

_**I think you were so overwhelmed with emotions that the panic didn't have a way to rise which allowed you to let the whisper slip. It's just a theory and I'm not quite sure how accurate it may be, but it's definitely something to think about.**_

_Well....that kind of sucks, really. How messed up would it be if the only time I could speak was when I was overwhelmed?_

_**I've thought about that a lot as well. With all of the emotions that have flown around here recently...have you happened to notice a few that are missing?**_

_Umm..no why?_

_**It's occurred to me recently that I have yet to see more than a flash of anger fly through here, and even as a flash it's only happened once or twice to my recollection. Why don't you ever get angry?**_

_I'm not sure.... I don't really recall having been angry at all in years..that is strange... Doesn't frustration count as anger though?_

_**Not really..it's a completely different sensation. When you're frustrated it's usually because you're feeling hopeless or defeated about something or even just exhausted with trying to push your way through something. It's completely different from you being angry at something. When you were a kid you would get angry and I swear it would glow red in here when something would enrage you...it's been nothing but black in here until recently...sometimes it's kind of bluish.**_

_There's colors in there?!_

_**Not really...it's like the lightbulb analogy. When something finally clicks it's like a lightbulb flicking on in your brain? Ever hear of it?**_

_Uh yeah...I'm still not getting it though..._

_**Well it's something like that for me in here. When your emotions shift the environment in here shifts along with your emotions and thoughts. Depending on what they are, it's almost as if a lightbulb is casting a dim glow of a color associated with it to me. It's what makes me so dizzy when your thoughts and emotions are flying all over the place. It's like being tortured with a color changing strobe light.**_

_Weird....I really am a freak..._

_**Bella...some people describe it as an aura that surrounds you. Some people even claim to be able to see them around people and they change depending on how the person feels. It's really not all that strange...**_

_Whatever...you tell me I have a multi-colored strobe light that acts as a rotating disco ball in my head and you're trying to tell me it isn't strange?_

_**Ugh...forget I said anything about colors...ever. So are you going to write that letter?**_

_Yeah...maybe I'll write it in multi-colored crayon..._

_**Smartass...**_

_Wasn't aware that asses could be smart..._

_**You're on a roll today you know that?**_

_What can I say? I'm in a good mood for the most part...casting aside being hit in the face with a door and Alice and Emmett attacking Edward...this day's been pretty perfect so far._

_**Sorry..I don't mean to laugh..but that was pretty hilarious. Only you could be a magnet for something like that to happen. It was probably karma exacting its revenge for you making it down the stairs in one piece...**_

_Oh, ha....ha....ha! Who's the smartass now?_

_**Oh come on...admit it. Even you think it's funny now. I hear you stifling those snickers..**_

_Okay fine! It was pretty damn funny after the pain subsided some..._

_**He feels horrible you know...he only made a joke about it because he wants you to think he's not beating himself up over it, but he is.**_

_I figured as much... he's always been so damn hard on himself whenever I've gotten hurt._

_**That's because he feels like he failed to protect you, and it's even worse now because he knows that it was him that hurt you this time.**_

_It wasn't his fault though..it was an accident._

_**I know that...and he knows that too, but it doesn't stop him from feeling the way he does.**_

_And people say I'm the stubborn one!_

_**You're quite the pair aren't you? Both stubborn jackasses!**_

_Ugh...thanks...I've always enjoyed that term for a mule!_

_**Anytime...Edward's coming back down..talk to him Bella...about the letters as well as the accident.**_

_Uh huh..._

_**Bella...really...**_

_Okay, okay!_

_**Thank you.**_

_Yep yep._

**AN: Reviews are better than getting hit in the face with a door! R&R PLS & TY! ~Jersey~**

* * *


	55. First Steps & Busted Again

**AN: I just want to thank you all for your continued support. ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Twilight...SM owns it all!**

* * *

First Steps Toward Reconciliation & Busted Again

EPOV

After speaking briefly with Rosalie, I darted into the bathroom and hurried through my shower. She was excited to come over and she said she'd be by around two, which gave Bella and I about two hours to relax until she arrived.

I still couldn't believe I actually hit her with that damn door, not to mention how hard I actually hit her with it either. I know it was an accident, but Jesus... I could have broken her nose...or worse!

I rushed back down the stairs, eager to check on her and see how she was feeling. If it would have made her feel any better, I would have gladly allowed her to take a whack at my own face for hurting her that badly.

I rounded the bottom of the staircase and headed straight into the living room. Bella smiled at me as I approached her, and she sat up and scooted forward to make room for me. I smiled sadly back at her as I saw how her lip was now bruising a hideous shade of purple.

"Scoot forward a little bit more, love," I said to her as I tried to shimmy in behind her on the couch. She nodded and moved so I could get in. I slid one of my legs into the space between her and the back of the couch and leaned back against the pillows.

"Come here, baby," I said softly as I opened my arms for her. She turned around to face me and eyed my face cautiously. I motioned with my arms for her to come lay with me, but her expression became determined.

'Stop, Edward.' she signed with a serious look.

"Stop what, love?" I asked curiously as I lowered my arms. I wasn't aware that I had done anything since I had come back down the stairs.

'Stop beating yourself up over what happened. It was an accident. I know you would never do something like that on purpose.' she signed to me with a troubled expression.

"Bella, I know it was an accident. It doesn't stop me from feeling bad for causing it to happen though," I replied quickly and sincerely. Her expression became even more troubled as she listened to my reply.

'Please let it go. It was just a bloody nose and a fat lip. It's not like I haven't gotten injuries like that on my own without the help of a door or your strength behind it.' she responded sadly, but smirked at the end. I chuckled quietly for a moment before responding.

"I'm well aware of the injuries you've sustained by tripping over thin air, but it wasn't your clumsiness that did it this time. It was my carelessness that caused your injuries," I said sadly.

'Edward. Let. it. go.' she replied with a determined and severe expression.

"Alright, love. I'll try. I can't promise that it will go away immediately, but I will try. Will you please come here now?" I pleaded with her.

She held up her finger telling me to wait a minute and I nodded. She got up off the couch and padded her way up the stairs. A minute later she came back down with the dry erase board and marker in her hand.

"What do you need that for?" I asked her curiously. She didn't answer before she climbed onto the couch and rested her back against my chest. Once she had the quilt pulled up around her, and she was comfortable, she started to write.

_**I wanted to talk to you about something, and I figured it would be easier and more comfortable for you to read what I write rather than interpreting my signing.**_

"I can see your point. Reading your signing upside down isn't the easiest thing in the world," I chuckled.

"What did you want to talk about, love?" I asked curiously. She started writing immediately and I read while she wrote.

_**While you were in the shower, I was thinking about this whole situation with Alice, Jasper, and Emmett. I think we should write them letters and explain to them why what they did was such a big deal, and also how other people were hurt by the result of it. I think they can't understand it because they only think that we're angry over them decieving us, but that's not it. I think if we explain why we're so upset over it, it will help them understand it, and it will also help us move past what we feel in regards to it.**_

"Bella... I'm not... What if...," I couldn't even get a whole thought to piece itself together in response to her suggestion.

Would it even make a difference if we wrote to them? Would it help them understand it at all, or would they think that just because we wrote to them that everything was just fine and dandy and we could all move on?

"Bella, do you think this is really a good idea?" I asked her cautiously. She paused for a moment and then nodded slightly. Not the most comforting of responses in terms of reassurance.

"What if this leads them to believe that we've gotten over it, and that all is right with our friendships again?" I asked her seriously.

_**We explain to them in the letters that it's not all alright, and that trying to help them understand where we're coming from is our way of helping ourselves move past what we feel. If we explain to them that if they just put themselves in our positions for one minute, and try to understand what we felt, then maybe they'd be able to move past what they feel as well. We're not the only ones that need to heal from this, Edward. They need to as well. I know it doesn't seem like they're hurting or distressed, but I'm pretty sure they are.**_

"They sure as hell don't act like it, Bella. Between their relentless pleading, accusatory remarks, enraged reactions, and heated glares, they don't appear hurt at all. They only seem desperate and angry with how we're handling the situation," I replied sincerely.

_**That's just it, Edward. They are desperate and angry. They're desperate because it's been six months and we haven't forgiven them. They're angry because they don't understand why we're making such a big deal out of the whole thing. They're desperate and angry because they don't understand. They don't understand how everyone around us was affected by it. They don't understand why something as stupid as hiding their relationship caused such a big disruption in our friendships. **_

_**I've never been angry at them for hiding it, and truth be told, I kind of see why they chose that path, but it doesn't make it right. They, especially Alice, should have had at least a little faith in me to be able to handle the situation at hand. She knew how fragile my ability to trust people was..and still is. That knowledge should have given her reason enough to believe that if I was strong enough to trust her with things that I hadn't shared with anyone else, then I was strong enough to accept her relationship with Jasper. **_

_**That's what hurt me the worst, not the betrayal, but the way she treated me as if I was too weak to handle it. I don't want to be treated that way. I've lived and suffered through too much to have someone attempt to pull a veil over my eyes and make me feel falsely secure. If I'm going to face everything that fate brings to me head on, I can't have someone shielding my sight from what they don't want me to see. I need to be able to see what's coming in order to brace myself and deal with it instead of running from it.**_

_**As for Jasper...he really shouldn't have hid his relationship from you. You were too close to each other for him to be able to justify that. I just don't understand why he would feel that he needed to hide it from you in the first place.**_

I sighed as I read the last of her words. I had been mulling that thought over repeatedly for a few weeks now, and could only ever come to one conclusion.

"I do," I sighed regretfully. Bella looked up at me in confusion and I took in a deep breath, preparing myself to explain it to her.

"Jasper told me that he liked Alice. Things were so fragile between you and I at that point, and I was afraid that they're dating each other would destroy any progress that we had made, and inhibit us from making any further progress. I asked him to give me time, and he reluctantly agreed. I'm assuming he hid it from me because he knew how angry I would get over him going back on his word," I said with a regretful tone.

Bella narrowed her eyes at me and I braced myself for what was to come. It never occurred to me before that moment that my request of him that day treated her in much the same way as Alice's actions had, and I should have known better.

_**Edward, you really shouldn't have asked him not to. It's not our place to make those decisions for them, it's theirs. That's why I've never been angry at Alice for their relationship...just hurt by the way she handled it. Edward... asking him to do something like that would be like him asking you to distance yourself from me. I'm not even going to go into how I feel about you taking it upon yourself to attempt to protect me from their choices, as I'm sure you're quite aware of how I feel about that with what I just said about Alice's actions.**_

_**Edward, don't ever think of me as being too fragile to handle whatever happens in life. It's one thing if strangers see me that way, but it's entirely different if you do. Please have faith in me that I'm strong enough and capable of handling anything that comes my way.**_

"Bella, I do have faith in you. You're the strongest person I know, and I'm sorry that my actions that day spoke otherwise," I said remorsefully.

Bella stopped writing and looked up at me with a hurt expression. The pain that she felt because of my actions that day was clearly visible in her eyes. I was worried that she would pull away from me the way she had from Alice and just the thought of it sent me into a panic.

"Bella, love. Please, I know what I did was wrong. I should have had more faith in you, more faith in us. Things had just been so hard for so long and I didn't want anything else to step in between us," I said frantically. She shook her head and turned back around to continue writing.

_**Edward..there are always going to be people, or situations that arise that could possibly make things difficult between us, but it's only the faith that we have in each other that will enable us to overcome those difficulties. Without that faith we are doomed to failure any time life throws anything difficult at us. You can't continue to make decisions based only upon how you think I will react. You have to trust in me that I will be able to handle my share of the hardships we face and base your decisions on what will enable us to make it through the situation together and not just with you trying to shield me from whatever it is that's ahead of us. I refuse to sit back and allow you to try and control everything so that I never have to deal with anything. Either I'm your equal, and you allow me to stand beside you instead of behind you, or you continue on this way and we fall apart. I love you with all of my heart, but I'm really not willing to hide from living my life just because you're insanely overprotective. I've spent too long not living to endure another day of being that way.**_

"Bella, you are my equal...in every way possible. I'm sorry I'm so protective over you, but I've always been that way. I can't promise not to try and protect you from things that we face in our lives, but I can promise not to shield you entirely from any of it. I can promise that whatever we have to face in the future, I won't try to deal with it myself, we'll face it together, okay?" I pleaded as I gazed into her hurt filled eyes. She nodded just slightly and took in a deep breath as she relaxed against me once again.

We were quiet for a period of time, and I thought a lot about everything she had said as I twirled a lock of her hair between my fingers with one hand and caressed one of her hands with my other. No matter how I tried to think of all of the events leading up to the last six months, I could only come to the same conclusion over and over. I'd been just as at fault for causing this as Jasper had. True he should have manned up and told me the truth, but I shouldn't have ever asked something like that of him in the first place. That didn't help me with Emmett though.

"Bella?" I asked quietly. She tilted her head up to look at me and I took a moment to gather my thoughts.

"I understand where Jasper's frustration is coming from now, but why do you think Emmett is so angry with me?" I asked sincerely as I had yet to come up with an answer for that myself. She furrowed her brows and after a moment she let out a gust of breath before writing.

_**Yeah...I don't really know what to say about Emmett. I think Emmett is just really hurt over the whole situation. Even when we were kids he was always strong on the outside but on the inside he was the biggest softy ever created. I can't even begin to understand why he would go along with it in the first place, and I can only imagine what it did to him on the inside to keep going along with it. Maybe if you wrote to him and he understood where you were coming from, he'd write back and explain his reasonings for what he did. I'm sorry for the way he lashed out at you today, but I think it was only because he's hurting and instead of letting you know that, he tried to mask it by acting angry.**_

"Do you think Rosalie would know?" I asked curiously. Bella gave me a pointed and incredulous glare before she started writing.

_**Edward...don't you think we've learned enough about not facing the source of our problems already? **_

"Point taken, love. So when are we writing these letters?" I asked sincerely.

_**I was thinking maybe tonight after Rosalie leaves, that way we can give them to them tomorrow at school.**_

"That sounds good. At least it will give me a little bit of time to think of what to say to them. Are you planning on writing to all of them or just to Alice?" I asked curiously. She thought about it for a minute before responding.

_**I think I'm just going to write to Alice. I don't really know what to say to either Jasper or Emmett aside from telling them that I'm disappointed in how they handled the situation. I think that it's more important for the three of you to resolve your issues than for me to try and add to that. Besides, I haven't really thought anything of what they did aside from how it affected you. If it hadn't hurt you I wouldn't have really been bothered by it much seeing as how I hadn't gotten all that close to them again after all that time. Are you planning on writing to Alice?**_

"I'm not sure. I should probably apologize for not being more supportive of the possibility of their relationship in the beginning, but I'm fairly certain that Jasper will share his note with her, and she'll be able to gather that much from there," I replied undecided. She nodded and set the board aside.

I looked over toward the tv and noted that Rosalie would arrive within the next half hour. Bella started shifting around uncomfortably, but a minute later she resettled now laying on top of me with our chests pressed together and her head resting against my shoulder. I smiled and kissed her forehead as I wrapped my arms around her.

"I love you, Bella," I said to her softly as I traced my fingers up and down her arm. She tilted her head to look at me and she mouthed a silent 'I love you too' to me before reaching up and pressing her lips to mine.

I worried for a moment that it would cause her pain, but she didn't seem to be affected by it as she continued to move her lips against mine. I decided to take a chance on deepening the kiss, and parted my lips. She readily responded as her warm tongue crossed her lips in search of my own.

I moaned quietly as our tongues met and her fingers ran their way through my hair. I pulled her higher up on my chest to ease the strain on our necks, and she straddled my waist to better stable herself. My hand traveled down her side and slid under her shirt. I held onto her waist and caressed her silky skin lightly with my thumb, trying desperately to control my urge to push her hips down to increase the pressure on my groin.

I realized very quickly that my control was wearing dangerously thin, so I started to slow our kissing down. I kissed her chastely a few times before resting my head back against the pillows and gazing into her eyes. I almost broke and started kissing her passionately again as she pouted at me.

"Love, we're on the couch and Esme could walk in at any moment," I said to her, trying to distract her from my real issue at the moment. She quirked an eyebrow at me and leaned back.

_Not a good move!! _

My eyes closed upon their own will as my breath hitched. I took a moment to push down the desire that coursed through me so rapidly before opening my eyes. I let my eyes drift back down to Bella and I smirked when I saw her surprised expression. I watched as the blush rose quickly into her cheeks, her expression becoming worried rapidly.

'Did I hurt you?' she signed quickly with concern. I chuckled and shook my head.

"No, love. It wasn't painful at all," I replied sincerely.

'Then why did you stop breathing?' she asked with a curious expression.

I quirked an eyebrow at her and watched closely as her eyes widened and she mouthed a silent 'Ohh' as she began to understand what it was that I had felt. The blush in her cheeks darkened quickly and I chuckled as she tried to hide behind a veil of her hair.

"Love, it's alright. It just took me a moment to compose myself. I know you didn't mean for that to happen," I said soothingly. She moved the hair away from her face and signed to me quickly.

'I'm sorry. I just can't believe that our kissing has that affect on you.'

"Bella, everything about you has that affect on me," I replied honestly. She looked at me incredulously for a moment before she signed again.

'Everything? Like what?'

"Everything, love. The tantalizing sway of your hips when you walk," I said as I caressed the skin of her hips that were exposed above the top of her jeans.

"The delicate sensation of your touch," I said as I took her hands into my own and kissed her fingers.

"The love that I see reflected in your eyes when you look at me," I continued as I brushed her hair away from her face.

"The sight of your perfectly plump and pink lips," I said as my gaze followed my thumb that was tracing the line of her lower lip.

I looked back into her eyes and was momentarily stunned by the overwhelming desire that I saw swirling within them.

"Absolutely everything, love. There isn't a single thing about you that doesn't have that affect on me," I said sincerely.

'I love you.' she signed and mouthed silently at the same time. I grinned widely and motioned with a finger for her to come closer. She smiled and lowered herself back down to me.

"I love you too, Bella," I whispered against her lips before closing the minuscule distance between us.

She kissed me passionately as she caressed my face tenderly. Once again that insatiable desire for her coursed through my entire body. Her breathing quickly became erratic, as did my own, and all too soon it caused us to break apart.

As I trailed kisses across her jaw and down her neck, Bella's hands found their way under my shirt. Her touch was delicate as she traced the lines of my abdomen, working her way up to my chest. I never thought something so simple as her just touching my skin could increase the desire that I felt for her, but it did, and to an incredible degree.

I groaned into her neck as she lightly grazed my skin with her nails. She had absolutely no idea how insane with need that one action drove me. I gazed into her eyes as my hands found their way to her hips and gripped them tightly. It was taking every ounce of effort that I had within me not to push them down and create the friction that I so desperately desired.

Her hands trailed down to my sides and a moment later she gripped them tightly and proceeded to grind against me.

"Christ, Bella..." I groaned as my head fell back, eyes closed, and breathing became labored simultaneously.

I lifted my head back up and looked at her. She was smiling and biting the tip of her forefinger, her expression the epitome of innocence. I smirked at her before shifting us so that she was underneath me.

"Do you find my reaction to your sensual teasing amusing, Bella?" I asked with a husky tone next to her ear.

She shivered underneath me and I smiled smugly in response as I pulled back to gaze into her eyes. She smirked at me, earning a chuckle out of me.

"How would you like it if I teased you that way, love?" I asked as I gave her a wicked grin.

Her eyes flew open as wide as saucers as I lowered my head down. Her breath hitched and she shivered once again as I took the lobe of her ear in my mouth and swirled my tongue around it before dragging my teeth gently over it as I pulled away.

Bella let out a shuddering gust of air as I descended my way down her neck, placing wet kisses as I eased my way down. I rested my weight against one of my arms so I wouldn't crush her beneath me as my other arm traveled up her shirt.

I grazed my thumb gently across the skin just below the edge of her bra as I continued kissing my way down and across her neck. Her breathing was labored as I reached the dip between her collarbones. I darted my tongue out and swirled it in the dip before closing my lips over it, causing her to arch into me and fist my hair roughly as her breath hitched in her throat once again.

I smiled smugly against her skin, knowing that she was feeling the same amount of desire for me that I was for her.

"OH SHIT! I'M SORRY! Oh God! I'm so sorry!" a female voice screeched.

My head shot up as Bella froze beneath me only to see Rosalie spinning around quickly to face the other way. My heart felt like it was about to shoot straight out of my throat and onto the floor. I took in a deep breath and looked back down to Bella's panicked face.

"It's alright, love. It's Rosalie," I said, trying to sound as calm as I could.

She let out a breath of relief and started pushing against my chest. I sat up quickly, as did she, and we both quickly composed ourselves.

"It's alright, Rose. You can turn around now," I chuckled as I saw her shaking her head with her hands over her eyes.

Rosalie turned around and shot us both extremely apologetic glances. Bella chuckled silently beside me before signing to her.

'Sorry. We got kind of carried away.' she gestured as she blushed vibrantly. Rosalie looked at her with a bit of confusion and Bella smacked her forehead.

"Love, please don't hit yourself...you've been hit once already today," I chuckled before turning my sight to Rosalie.

"She said she's sorry, we kind of got carried away. Sorry about that. How did you get in anyway?" I asked curiously as she hesitantly walked toward us.

"Esme pulled in just as I was walking up to the door and she told me to just walk in. I'm sorry, I knew I should have used the doorbell anyway," she said remorsefully.

Bella waved her hands in front of her dismissing her need for an apology. Rosalie looked at her and smiled briefly before hissing.

"Bella! My God! What happened to your lip?" she screeched as she quickly took a seat next to her and cupped Bella's face in her hands.

She grimaced as she took a closer look at the damage my hitting her with the door had caused, and shook her head as she released Bella's face.

"How did that happen?" she asked with concern in her tone. Bella laughed and shook her thumb in my direction. Rosalie glared heatedly at me as she waited for me to explain.

"I was aggravated with Emmett after getting off of the phone with you, and ended up having a confrontation with Alice directly after. I never thought she would be behind the door when I thrust it open, but she was, and I caught her smack in the face with the corner of it," I replied, the guilt and remorse that I felt over it clearly audible in my tone.

Bella turned toward me and signed quickly with an exhausted expression.

'Edward..it was an accident. Please stop feeling so bad about it.'

"What'd she just say to you? I hope she was telling you that she was going to ask me to kick your ass, cause I'll readily do it!" Rosalie sneered.

I rolled my eyes and sank back against the couch just as Esme walked through the door struggling with bags of groceries. I hopped off of the couch quickly to help her, and get away from Rose in hopes that Bella would call her off me.

"Thank you, Edward," Esme said gratefully as I took the majority of the bags from her.

"Anytime, Esme. Before I forget, yet again, Alice stopped by earlier. Her parents invited you all over for a bar-b-que this afternoon," I said as I made my way into the kitchen.

"Oh, thank you, sweetheart. I'll call them right away and excuse our absence. Would you be a dear and ask Rosalie if she would like to stay for dinner with us?" she asked graciously. I quickly shot her a feigned look of shock before I responded.

"Why does she gets an invite and not me? Are you forbidding me from enjoying your culinary skills, Esme?"

She chuckled as she playfully swat at my arm.

"Edward, please. You know you are always more than welcome at our table, and I had already assumed you would be staying which was why I didn't even bother to ask," she said lightly. I laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, I don't think you could forcefully push me out of the front door before my curfew tonight," I chuckled. She spun around toward me and shook a loaf of French bread at me with a playful smirk and a quirked eyebrow.

"Are you trying to test me, Edward?"

"No Ma'am!" I chortled as I raised my hands in the air in mock surrender.

She snickered and shook her head as she turned back into the kitchen.

"I'll go ask her now, Esme."

"Thank you, Edward," she called out as I exited the kitchen area.

I walked back into the living room and smiled as I saw Bella and Rosalie passing the dry erase board back and forth between them.

"Rose, Esme would like to know if you would like to join us for dinner," I said as I leaned against the entry way wall. She looked up at me and smiled as she nodded before turning her attention back to Bella and the board.

I walked back into the kitchen to see if Esme wanted any help in putting the groceries away, figuring that they could use a bit of time to themselves to get to know each other a bit.

"Rosalie said she'd love to. Can I help at all?" I asked as I started shuffling through the bags on the counter.

"Did they toss you out?" she snickered from beside me as she put the phone back on the charger. I chuckled and shook my head.

"No, but I figured they could use a little time to get to know one another, and I figured the least I could do was see if you wanted any assistance," I replied sincerely. She patted my cheek and smiled lovingly at me.

"Such a sweet boy, but no. You can have a seat and keep me company for a while though," she offered as she gestured to one of the stools at the island counter.

"Are you sure? I don't mind helping," I countered, not wanting to seem as though I really didn't want to help.

"Edward, sit." she said with mock sternness. I chuckled and obeyed.

"So what did you and Bella do this afternoon?" she asked casually as she flitted around the kitchen, putting various items in their designated spots.

"We talked for a while about this whole friendship situation," I replied truthfully, avoiding anything related to what Rosalie had walked in on.

"Oh? How did that go?" she asked curiously.

"Somewhat unexpectedly actually, Esme. I realized a few things this afternoon that I really hadn't ever given much thought to," I responded sincerely. She stopped what she was doing and walked over to stand across from me.

"Like what, dear?" she asked simply.

"I've spent months being angry at Jasper and Emmett for their actions, but I never stopped to consider how my actions may have forced them into theirs...well Jasper's at least," I said regretfully.

"Your actions?" she asked with a confused expression.

"Yeah...When Jasper told me that he liked Alice and was thinking of asking her out, I asked him to hold off and give me time to sort things out with Bella first. I was afraid of how she would react to that situation and I wanted to prevent it from creating yet another obstacle for us," I said as I ran my hand through my hair.

"Ohhh. Edward, dear. You really shouldn't have done that," she said as she shook her head slightly.

"I realize that now, Esme. Truly, I do. It not only forced him to feel that he had to lie to me, but it also showed my lack of faith in Bella to handle the situation herself," I replied remorsefully.

"Yes it did. How did she take it when you told her?" she asked worriedly.

"Like a champ. She told me exactly how it made her feel, and that if I didn't have faith in her to be capable enough to handle what life handled her, then we wouldn't make it anywhere together. She told me that she refuses to allow someone to pull a veil over her eyes and make her feel falsely secure instead of them allowing her to stand on her own and work her way through the situation. She also said that she refuses to stand behind me and allow me to try and protect her from everything in life because she's gone too long not living, and my attempts to shield her from everything keep her from experiencing life as it was meant to be experienced. I'm probably mixing messages, but that's the general idea of what she said," I responded honestly.

"She's right you know, dear. We are meant to learn and grow from everything we experience in life, if you try and shield her from everything, you are, in fact, preventing her from living life and experiencing it for herself," she said with a comforting tone.

"I know she's right, Esme. It's just hard after doing it daily for so many years." I shook my head and pinched the bridge of my nose as I tried to think of how I was going to break myself from the habit I had been so accustomed to for so long.

"What do you mean, Edward? Doing what daily for years?"

My eyes shot open and I slowly lifted my head to look at her confused expression. I sighed, realizing what I had just admitted and knowing I had no way to backtrack out of it.

"Jasper, Emmett, and I have spent the last five years protecting her from the students in our school. Sometimes we would catch wind of their plans to taunt her or we would hear the rumors they spread about her, and we would put a stop to it...all of it...before it could affect her," I said remorsefully.

"Oh, Edward...Hasn't anyone ever told you that there's a thin line between helping someone and holding them back?" she asked concernedly.

"No. Even if they had I don't think I would have ever seen what we were doing as holding her back until she explained to me why what Alice did hurt her so badly. I had always assumed she was just hurt because she felt betrayed by her, but that isn't even what hurt her. It may have in the beginning, but what hurts her now is the lack of faith and trust that Alice put in her, and not what she invested in Alice."

I stared at the counter as I mulled everything over. I wasn't any better than Alice in my attempts to protect her. None of us were. We all fought continuously to do something that she never wanted us to do in the first place, and we all failed to see that. Jasper, Emmett, and I even more so than Alice simply because we had known her for years, and we had all been very aware of just how independent she had always been.

"So...what are you planning to do now?" she asked curiously. I looked back up at her for a moment before I responded.

"Bella suggested that we write them letters, explaining to them our reasoning for how we reacted and how we felt, along with how we currently feel," I replied as I absent mindedly traced the granite markings on the counter.

"I think that would be a good start. Hopefully they'll write you a reply and explain it from their point of view as well. I can only assume that with understanding each other, you will all be able to move past all of this and re-establish your friendships," she said encouragingly.

"Do you really think it's possible for all of us to get over all of this and be friends again, Esme?" I asked hopefully. In truth I had missed the hell out of them when they weren't driving me up a wall with their pleading.

"Of course, dear. Look at how easily you and Bella mended your relationship once you both understood each other's actions," she said confidently.

"I suppose you're right, Esme. I just worry about Bella. She was incredibly close with Alice, and I worry that they won't be able to get back to where they used to be. It's not like Jasper, Emmet, and I. We've been through so much over the years that with a little bit of time this will probably all just be water under the bridge," I said honestly.

"I'm happy to hear you say that about them, Edward. It shows that you're ready to take the first steps toward mending your friendships. I wouldn't worry about Bella too much, dear. She's weathered storms in her life that make this seem like just overcast skies. She'll move past it when she's ready, and I think she's already starting to as well," she said soothingly. I nodded to her and the turned to look back in the direction of the living room.

"Why don't you go join them, Edward? Try not to stress too much over the situation, things will come together one way or another when they are meant to, dear," she said encouragingly. I smiled and nodded to her as I got off of my seat.

"Thank you, Esme...for everything," I said sincerely. She smiled warmly as she responded.

"That's what we're all here for, dear. Any time you need to talk we're all here."

I left the kitchen after that and wandered my way back into the living room. Bella looked up at me and smiled brightly. Rosalie chuckled as she saw the happy expression on her face and turned toward me.

"You're incredibly lucky to have her, Edward. I hope you realize that and stop acting like such a schmuck," she chided playfully. I laughed and walked over to join them.

"What in the world have you been telling her, love?" I asked as I sat down beside her and smoothed the hair away from the side of her face. She quickly wrote on the board and turned it toward me.

_**I've been talking to her about all the things I've been thinking about lately in regards to our situation. She agrees with me that you're completely over protective, in fact, she said you were down right obsessive about it.**_

I chuckled as Bella and Rosalie laughed after I read her note.

"Did you tell her your suggestion of what we should do?" I asked her curiously. She nodded and smiled as she turned toward Rosalie.

"Yes, she did. I think it's a good idea. I've tried to stay out of it as much as possible, but I have to say that Bella's had some pretty damn good insight into the ordeal as of late, and I think it would do you all a world of good to understand each other," Rose said encouragingly.

"Why didn't you ever call me out on my actions the way you did them?" I asked her curiously.

"Edward, you were so distraught over Bella's condition for so long that I didn't think it would even do any good to mention it. I knew that one day one of the two of you would see things clearly, and I have to say that I'm a little disappointed in you that she had to point it out to you. As far as I'm concerned, the only person in this whole situation that even had reason to be hurt by what happened is Bella," she said as she looked sympathetically at Bella.

"None of you realize what it's like to be the victim. To always assume that people look at you as though you're weak and fragile and unable to stand on your own. It's horrible to face that every day. It's even worse when people that you trust and care for treat you that way. A thousand people can look at you that way in a single day and it won't have the same affect as it does when just one person you care about looks at you that way. After everything that we all went through three years ago with my situation, I highly expected all of you to have learned from that, but not one of you did," she said, her voice dripping with disdain as she looked at me with angry eyes.

"I'm sorry Rosalie. I don't think any of us would have been able to understand that without knowing what it feels like to be seen that way. We never did it purposely to either you or Bella. We only acted in the way that we knew best... to protect those that we care about. None of us ever meant for it to hurt either of you any worse than you were already hurting," I said remorsefully as I looked between both Bella and Rosalie.

"It's good that you understand it now. Maybe you can explain it to the other two imbeciles that still don't get it," she replied in a huff as she flopped back against the armrest of the couch. Bella chuckled and wrote something on the board and then showed it to Rosalie, who in turn laughed and then sighed.

"You're probably right, Bella," she said as she shook her head.

"Probably right about what?" I asked curiously. The both turned to look at me with quirked eyebrows.

"She said that even if you all do understand it, it probably won't stop the three of you from acting like some sort guardian warrior tribe who's sole purpose in life is to protect us," she scoffed. Bella shot me a smug smile and I chuckled.

"Hey, as long as I don't have to wear a loin cloth or something ridiculous like that..." I retorted.

Rosalie burst out laughing and Bella's mouth fell agape in shock from my response. I laughed at her expression and she mock glared at me as she reached her hand out for the board that Rosalie was holding.

_**Keep that up Masen and you'll be wearing the outfit from the movie 300! Nuthuggers, cape and all!**_

My mouth fell open as I read her response, and Rosalie was in hysterics as she read it while Bella was writing it.

"Hey!...I .....would..n't...mind seeing..Emmettinthat!" she choked out between her laughter.

Bella's laughter immediately ceased as she slammed her hands over her eyes and shook her head back and forth. I laughed hysterically as I realized she had just pictured Emmett in that outfit.

"Bella, love. You did it to yourself, sweetheart," I chuckled as I tried to soothe her as she rubbed her eyes furiously.

"Oh, Bella...you really should learn to control the images that your mind creates. I'd have the same reaction if I tried to picture Edward or Jasper wearing that outfit...it just doesn't have the same effect," Rose cooed to her as she rubbed her back. I tried desperately to stifle my chuckles, but was finding it incredibly hard to do so.

"Rose...please don't ever fantasize about me...that's down right incestuous!" I chided playfully. She grimaced and wrinkled her nose at me.

"As if I'd ever do it on purpose! It's a damn good thing I don't have an over-active imagination like poor Bella here does," she chuckled. Bella finally stopped rubbing her eyes and she shot us both a sardonic smile, only causing us to chuckle even more.

"It's alright, love. It won't be burned into your brain forever," I said sympathetically. She shot me an incredulous look and I chuckled once more.

"I had to see a naked Newton, remember?" I asked seriously. She burst into silent laughter and Rosalie looked at me in shock.

"What?!" she screeched as Bella toppled over into me.

"Alice pulled a prank on Newton in the beginning of the year, leading him to believe that she was going to meet him in the janitor's closet for a quickie, but she actually had another female student pretend to mistake the janitor's closet door for the girl's bathroom door. She screamed bloody murder and Jasper and I ran out of our classroom thinking it might have somehow been Bella, and I came face to face with a very nude Newton," I replied with amusement.

Rosalie continued to stare at me in shock for a few moments before the corner of her mouth began to twitch and she guffawed loudly.

"Oh my God! I feel so bad for you!" she squealed. I laughed and nodded to her as I pulled Bella closer to me.

"Bella, Edward, Rosalie! Carlisle is going to be late. Dinner is done, come and eat!" Esme called from the kitchen.

We all got up off the couch and started meandering our way toward the kitchen. Rosalie stopped me and Bella turned to look at us curiously.

"It's okay, love. We'll be right behind you," I said as I smiled to her. She nodded and made her way into the kitchen as I turned toward Rose.

"What's up?" I asked her curiously.

"Edward...she's been through so much...way more than I had ever been through. I can see that much when I look at her. She lost everything important to her in the blink of an eye. I still had my family, friends, and everyone else that supported me throughout the whole ordeal. You can see how vulnerable she feels in her eyes, and it's worse than I've ever felt. You need to make sure that they all understand that. She needs to find strength in her ability to stand on her own so that she doesn't have to feel so weak. I never felt that weak, I just hated when people looked at me as if I was. If you all become friends again, you all need to help her find that strength by allowing her to stand on her own and face what she needs to. You can't all crowd around her and protect her from everything. She'll never heal if you all continue to do that," she said with a hushed, heartbroken tone as she looked toward the kitchen area.

"I know, Rose. Esme and I had a conversation about it earlier. I never knew that we were holding her back by trying to protect her, and I assure you that I will do everything in my power to help her stand on her own, even if that means that I have to let her face things on her own until she asks for help. I understand that now, Rose. Trust me, I do, and there's nothing I want more than for her to be able to heal from everything she's been through," I replied with a sincere tone.

"Okay, Edward. If you ever need help, or if Bella ever needs to talk to someone that would understand where she is, let me know," she said encouragingly.

"Did you tell her about what happened to you?" I asked with concern. I knew how much it took out of her whenever it was brought up.

"No, I didn't tell her the whole thing. I just told her that I had once been a victim too, and that I understood how she felt. I didn't want to share the whole thing and have her feel that she needed to share hers in response...because that's what she would force herself to do. It's a guilt thing, and I understand it only because I felt it for so long after the incident...still do sometimes. It can cause us to make decisions that we wouldn't normally make for the sake of attempting to ease some of the guilt that we feel, and I didn't want to put her in that position," she replied sadly.

"Thank you, Rosalie. I think out of any of us, you're the only one capable of making the right decisions in terms of protecting her," I said honestly.

"That's only because I've been there, Edward. I've been through every step that she's walked over the years and continues to walk now. The only difference is that I had people that were capable of holding me above the water whereas she sank to the bottom and has to work her way back up. It was so much worse for her than it ever was for me, but she's doing remarkably well right now," she said after a few moments of consideration.

"I'm sorry for everything that you went through Rose, and I'm sorry for making it even harder on you without ever realizing it," I said sincerely as I hugged her.

She hugged me back and told me it was alright as long as I learned from it and did my best not to repeat my mistakes when it came to Bella. I promised her that I would do my best not to as we walked toward the kitchen.

Bella turned and smiled at me as I sat next to her at the counter and Rosalie took the seat next to me. Esme stood across from us smiling fondly at the three of us. I leaned over and kissed Bella's cheek and whispered I love you in her ear. She smiled and replied in kind silently before I turned toward my plate.

"So that was some pretty interesting stuff I walked in on earlier. Honestly, Edward..I never knew you had it in you," Rosalie chuckled.

Bella and I quickly looked at her with eyes as wide as saucers before looking back to Esme who was staring at Rosalie in confusion. Rosalie turned and looked at us all with a puzzled expression before speaking.

"What?"

_Are you flippin' serious?!?_

_

* * *

_

**AN: Uh oh...hahhahaha. Gotta love that lack of a brain/mouth filter! R&R PLS & TY! ~Jersey~ **


	56. First Steps Toward Understanding

**AN: YES!!! FINALLY! ENJOY! cause I can't wait to post!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Twilight..SM owns it all and I make absolutely 0 $ off of this!**

* * *

First Steps Toward Understanding

BPOV

Edward and I just about had a heart attack when Rosalie made that comment about what she had walked in on earlier in the afternoon. She looked so confused it was almost comical when Edward and I stared at her wide-eyed. I about died when Esme asked her what she was talking about.

I don't know how she did it, as I would never have been able to compose myself and come up with something believable that quickly, but she smiled and turned toward Esme and told her that when she walked in, Edward had been chasing me around the couch and that she never knew he had it in him to be so playful and care-free.

Esme chuckled when she said that and commented on how Edward was always so serious, but once in a great while she'd see his playful side sneak out from his normal composure. I forced myself to laugh to calm my frayed nerves, and it appeared that Edward did the same thing. I'm not sure how believable my expression was as I laughed, but Edward's audible laugh was obviously strained. Esme looked at him curiously for a moment and then shrugged as she continued fixing Carlisle's dinner plate.

I shot Rosalie an expression that clearly said "What the hell?" and she grimaced before mouthing a silent sorry in our direction. The rest of dinner went by petty uneventfully, and soon after she had to leave to head back to Seattle.

She hugged me goodbye and gave me her cell phone number as well as her messenger name so that I could get a hold of her if I ever needed to. Edward and I thanked her and watched as she made her way to her car.

"I can't believe she did that. Sometimes I have to wonder if Emmett's inability to filter his thoughts is contagious...if so, she definitely caught a healthy dose of it," Edward chuckled as we walked up the stairs toward my room. I shook my head as I wandered down the hall to my door.

'Thank God Esme didn't think anything of it. I think we went through enough last night.' I signed to him before I opened my door.

"I swear it's a conspiracy theory around here when it comes to that part of our relationship," he chuckled as we approached my bed.

I wandered over to my desk and picked up two notebooks and two pens so we could start writing our notes, and made my way over to my bed. Edward was already sprawled out across my mattress looking comfortable as could be. I chuckled and pushed on his side so he'd roll over and give me some room to sit down.

"Do we really have to do this tonight? I'm exhausted...come lay with me," he said with a smirk.

I shook my head and eyed him dubiously as I signed to him.

'No way, Edward. We've already been busted once yesterday, and almost twice today.'

"Awww..come on, love. Please? Just lay with me. I promise I'll behave," he said with a mischievous grin. I laughed and shook my head again before signing to him.

'I'm not falling for that. Come on. Let's just get this over with so we can enjoy what time we have left before you have to go home.'

"Alright...give me the notebook and pen," he said with a disgruntled tone as he held his hand out.

I passed it to him and watched as he scrawled something across the page. Not even a minute later he handed it back to me.

"Okay, I'm done...hurry up and write yours," he chuckled as I looked down at the paper.

_**Emmett and Jasper,**_

_**We all suck at being good friends. I'm sorry..you're sorry..we're all sorry. C ya in class.**_

_**Edward**_

I laughed in silent hysterics and shot him an incredulous look when I managed to compose myself.

'Edward, be serious, please.' I signed to him with a pleading expression.

He rolled his eyes at me playfully and held his hand back out for the notebook and pen. I handed it back to him and scooted back so I could lean against the pillows and headboard as I wrote my letter. He assumed his own comfortable writing position and we both sat for a series of moments, trying to think of what to write.

I watched him as he started writing, and I noticed that he chose to write to Jasper first. He caught me eyeing his paper and he turned it away from me and smirked at me.

"No copying Swan-Cullen," he said with an amused tone. I laughed and looked back down at my blank page.

I felt completely retarded as I sat there minute after never-ending minute, completely unable to form the complete thoughts that I wanted to convey to her. By the fifteen minute mark, I was completely frustrated.

_Why can't I figure out what the hell to say to her? I had no problem conveying it to Edward earlier..._

_**Because you're nervous, Bella. Just relax and let your thoughts flow onto the paper. You can always refine it and re-write it before giving it to her.**_

_But what am I supposed to say? How I felt in the beginning, or how I feel now? _

_**Why don't you go with both? I'm sure she's had a range of motions as well. Surely she can identify with how they've changed over time...**_

_I guess...Well it's as good of a start as any..._

"Having trouble starting, love?" Edward asked gently from beside me. I frowned and nodded to him.

'How did you start?' I asked him curiously. He sighed and looked down at his note to Jasper before responding.

"I started out by apologizing for my own actions, and explaining that I didn't realize I was wrong for them until recently. I don't think that will really help you though, as I'm not sure that there's anything you feel you should apologize to her for," he said sincerely. I nodded to him and then signed to him with a regretful expression.

'Yes. There is. I shouldn't have blatantly ignored her for so long. I should have been able to at least tell her how I felt instead of constantly pushing her away.'

"You can always start there. I'm finding it easier to speak my mind knowing that I've apologized for my own actions first. Maybe it will help you as well," he said encouragingly.

I nodded and shifted, finally ready to start writing. He leaned over and kissed my cheek before returning to his letter. I took a deep breath and put the pen to the paper and began writing.

_**Alice,**_

_**First off, I just want to say that I'm sorry for having ignored you for so long. I know my actions seemed harsh, but I really needed time to get a hold of my thoughts and emotions before I could even begin to express them to you. I apologize if my actions hurt you.**_

_**I struggled for a while when I sat down to write this letter, as I wasn't sure if I wanted to express to you how I originally felt over how this situation happened, or if I just wanted you to understand how I feel now. I eventually decided that it would probably be better to explain both to you so that you can fully understand where I was coming from. Please bare with me, as I'm not sure how confusing my thoughts are going to be as I work my way through this.**_

_**In the very beginning, I was hurt simply because I trusted you with everything about me. You knew more about me than anyone else until the day that I told Esme and Carlisle. It hurt me to know that I put that much trust in you, and in one instant, it was broken. You should have told me, Alice. I know that I'm not very emotionally stable at times, and I know that it caused you to feel justified in hiding your relationship from me, but you should have told me. You should have given me the chance to work my way through it instead of being blindsided by it. **_

_**I know it seems irrational that I would feel that way about something as simple as you're dating someone, but it wasn't just that. Alice, you lied to me every time I asked what you were doing that day. You gave me excuse after excuse as to why I didn't need to go with you. That on its own hurt. I never told you though, because I just thought that you were trying to give Edward and I time to mend our friendship, and I didn't want you to feel bad for making me feel as though you didn't want to spend time with me. I never thought for one minute that there was another reason why you wouldn't want me to go with you aside from either you just wanting me to spend time with Edward, or just not wanting to be held down by me.**_

_**That's a big part of why I hurt so bad in the beginning. I always felt as though I was a burden to you. I always had to push myself to step outside of my comfort zone so that I wouldn't feel as though I was stopping you from having a good time. I felt guilty for that every single day, knowing that you didn't have to be friends with someone like me when you could have had normal friends, that acted normally, and did normal things every day. When I found out that you had lied to me on all those occasions, that's one of the first things that I thought. You were lying to me so that you wouldn't have to feel burdened by being my only friend anymore. That you had lied to me so you could get away from me and spend time with normal people. **_

_**I shut down that first night because I couldn't handle the way my emotions were going haywire and the way I couldn't focus on a single thought that flew through my head. I shut down because I figured it just wasn't worth feeling life if I could never be normal enough for someone to not be burdened by being my friend. I admit now that it was the worst thing I could have done, but I did it anyway, and I was doomed to do it from the start in a way.**_

_**Alice, you babied me too much. Trying to sugar-coat everything in my life so that I wouldn't have to feel so bad about it, did nothing to help me work my way through it. The only thing it did was allow me to ignore it for periods of time, and that didn't do anything but stop me from moving forward. In a way, it kept me in a frozen state of limbo somewhere between hitting rock bottom and recovering. When everything got thrown into chaos, and the sugar-coated veil that you had created was pulled off of my eyes, I fell straight back down to rock bottom. **_

_**It wasn't just me that was hurt by this situation either, Alice. Esme and Carlisle suffered greatly during those first few months. Everything went right back to the way it had been prior to us becoming friends in the first place. I couldn't bring myself to communicate with them, because I felt guilty for being such a burden to everyone around me. I withdrew completely from everyone and everything. The nightmares came back and were worse than ever. Esme frequently sat up at night with me during them, and I felt horrible about that as we sat there silently. Any time that she tried to reach out to me I pushed her away and hurt her even more. It was the same with Carlisle. I got so frustrated with everything, that one day I was walking up the stairs and I decided to scream. I froze and fell down the stairs, and the only thing it accomplished was driving Esme and Carlisle practically insane with worry and panic over me every minute of every day. I probably took a decent decade off of their lifespan in those few short months. I doubt either of them got any more sleep than I did between the end of October and January.**_

_**Edward's parents suffered as well, Alice. It wasn't just our group that was affected by all of this. It stretched out further than any of us could have ever realized, and that's one of the points I'm trying to make to you. They worried relentlessly over both Edward and me. They had to watch their only child deteriorate right before their eyes while knowing the cause, and being able to do absolutely nothing about it. Liz also had to hear about my state of distress from Esme, which only caused her to become frantic with worry every moment of every day for six straight months. She was just as affected by it as Esme was. This isn't only about me. There were so many people affected by it, and I'm not sure if you or Jasper or Emmett ever stopped to think about that. I understand that it was my actions that caused the majority of their suffering, but it wouldn't have been that way if I had learned from anything that had happened prior to the night of that party.**_

_**I failed to learn anything from your efforts because you took all the steps for me and I just followed your lead. I need to take my own steps, Alice. I need to learn to stand on my own and fight my own battles, not stand behind someone that's fighting them for me and paving the road for me so that I never stumble and learn how to get back up. I need to be able to live in the environment that's actually around me and not in an illusional world where someone allows me to feel falsely secure in my surroundings because they prevent me from having to deal with anything difficult in life on my own.**_

_**I said the same thing to Edward when I found out that he asked Jasper to give him time. It wasn't his decision to make, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that he put that kind of pressure on Jasper. I've never disapproved of your relationship with him, I just wish that you would have allowed me the chance to come to terms with it on my own instead of trying to protect me fom myself. Alice, if I can't trust myself to make it through anything, how am I ever supposed to live my life instead of hiding from it? I can't learn to trust myself if no one ever allows me to find my way through a situation. I can't learn how to live if no one allows me to do so.**_

_**With that said...I'm going to tell you how I feel now. I'm not hurt that you lied, and I'm not hurt that you hid your relationship from me. I am, however, hurt that you had no trust or faith in me to be able to handle the situation. It hurts to know that I put all of my faith and trust into you, and you gave me none in return. I spend every day feeling weak as it is. I don't need those I care about to think of me as weak or fragile as well. **_

_**I need the people I care about to remind me that I'm strong, and capable of handling whatever comes my way. I need the people I care about to stand beside me instead of in front of me. I don't need a shield, Alice. I need allies. I don't need protection. I need reassurance and encouragement, and occasionally help, but only when I ask for it. I need to be able to navigate my way through my recovery by taking my own steps and at my own speed, not by having someone pull me at a speed in which they feel I should be moving. The only thing I'll ever accomplish by allowing someone to do that is falling down repeatedly and eventually giving up.**_

_**I'm sorry, Alice, but if we're ever going to be friends again, you need to understand this and respect it. I can't be friends with you if you don't have the faith and trust in me that I have in you, and also the ability to allow me to stand on my own, and get back up on my own when I fall. I'm not sure at this point if we'll ever be able to be friends again, but I do hope that one day we will. I needed to write this to you so that you could start to understand why it affected me and those around me so drastically.**_

_**I'm sorry for any pain that I've caused you, but I hope that this at least offers you some insight as to why I've acted the way I have.**_

_**Bella**_

I took a moment to read through everything that I had written before turning toward Edward. He was still writing so I relaxed against my pillows and watched him. He tilted his head and smiled at me as he spoke.

"Finished, love?" I nodded to him and smiled.

"I'm almost done. Give me about five minutes, okay?" he asked gently.

I nodded and continued to watch him. I tried repeatedly to figure out what he was thinking about as he wrote. His eyebrows would pull together in concentration for a few moments and then they would relax again. Occasionally he would smirk just a bit, and it would drive my curiosity insane. After a few minutes he finally put the notebook down and laid down next to me. He smiled as he gazed into my eyes, and I couldn't help but notice the relief in them. It was almost as if you could see the weight that had been weighing down on him for so long, suddenly lifted, leaving his eyes more clear and sparkling with delight than they had been in ages.

"How did you make out?" he asked sincerely. I shrugged before signing to him.

'Okay I guess. I couldn't think of anything else to add, so I guess that's a good sign.' I replied honestly.

"Can I read it?" he asked curiously. I narrowed my eyes at him and pursed my lips as I signed to him.

'Only if I can read yours.' He chuckled and handed me his notebook and I reached behind me to grab mine to hand to him. I rolled over onto my stomach to read, and Edward rolled onto his back as he began to read mine.

_Good luck with that chicken scratch Edward! At least yours isn't painful to read!_

_**Jasper,**_

_**Before I start this, I need to apologize to you, and seeing as I'm not sure as to whether or not you would continue to the end to get to it, I'd rather know that at least you received this portion of this letter. I'm sorry for having ever requested you to give me time before becoming involved with Alice. It was wrong of me to do so, and incredibly callous of me as a friend and a brother. I shouldn't have been so inconsiderate of your feelings and your desires, as you have never disrespected mine or stood in the way of what I wanted in life. I understand now how my request could have led you to believe it to be necessary to lie to me, but I assure you it wasn't necessary in the least. I have come to realize that I have just as much blame for this situation as any other person involved in it. For that, I do apologize sincerely.**_

_**Now for the more difficult part of this letter. I can't help feeling that both you and Emmett are under some misapprehension that I'm simply angry with you for deceiving me. Yes, that's part of it, but it's not all of it. We were closer than that, Jazz. I understand that I was wrong to ask it of you, but you should have declined my request instead of accepting it while knowing that you weren't going to follow through. It may have been difficult for both of us, but we would have worked through it, the same way we have worked through any other issue we've ever had in the past. We could have resolved that issue between us without having things get so out of control so quickly.**_

_**Although I can't be sure, I can't help but assume that both you and Emmett feel that Bella's reaction was inevitable. That regardless if she had been told up front that you and Alice were dating, she would have shut herself down. There was a point in time where I almost definitely would have agreed with you, but that time is long gone. She would have eventually come to terms with how she felt about it instead of shutting down the way she did. She would have forced her way through it, because that's who she is Jazz. That's who she's always been. She has never, not for one moment of one day, ever attempted to stand in the way of what people she cared about wanted.**_

_**Think about it, man. Think about how many times she has done things that have made her uncomfortable, or have gotten her in trouble, or even worse still, gotten her hurt, and only because she thought that pushing herself to do so would make someone she cared about happy. She would have done that for both of you, Jasper. She would have pushed herself to overcome her possible fears and anxiety so that both of you would be happy, and she wouldn't have to feel guilty for doing anything that would have kept you both from being happy. Instead of being able to do that, she had to shut herself down because of the pain that it caused her to think that she wasn't worth having faith in. That she wasn't worth having true friends because even those that she thought were the closest to her, lied to her.**_

_**That's what pissed me off the most after that first night. Jasper, we looked into those lifeless eyes for five long years man. Five years. She was doing so well for so long before that night. Not one of you ever stopped to consider what finding out that she had been deceived for weeks would do to her. Not one of you even acted like you cared after you saw it for yourself when she came back to school. I saw you three in the hallways of school, laughing, smiling, and enjoying yourselves. Not once did you even look upset over how she appeared.**_

_**Of all the times that the two of you followed me around attempting to apologize, not once did you ever mention that you were sorry for how it affected her. Not once did you ever apologize for how it destroyed the relationship that we had just started to build. The only thing you ever apologized for was lying. That wasn't it man. That was just the tip of the ice-berg.**_

_**While you all went on with your lives, I stayed. I stayed and watched her deteriorate day after day. I watched as she lost weight, as she became drained of any energy, as the bags under her eyes darkened to terrifying shades of puple from night after night of having terrifying nightmares. I watched every moment of that, and not one of you paid the slightest bit of attention to any of it. That alone only served as fuel for my anger toward you.**_

_**When I wasn't watching Bella at school, I was spending the majority of my time trying to hold my mother together. You both have always known how hard it had been on her to know that Bella was suffering the way she was during those years. You both know how much she loves and cares for her. You both know how insane with worry she had been for years. She was happier than ever when Bella was coming around and looking healthier and more alive than she had seen in years. She was finally able to put down that worry, but she was tossed right back into that frantic state in just the flash of a moment. My father and I had to force her to eat, had to plead with her to sleep. All she could do was worry endlessly every moment of every day.**_

_**Carlisle and Esme suffered greatly in response to all of it as well. During the last six months I've had numerous conversations with Carlisle over how things were faring in both of our houses. He told me how Esme was in the same constant state as my mother. How their relationship with Bella had gone back to the withdrawn and almost non-existant status that it had been for years prior to her breaking through the communication barrier. He told me how neither he nor Esme had slept though an entire night for over two months after it happened, either because she was having nightmares, or because she would freeze herself up by trying to speak. He even told me that she had once tried to scream as she walked up the stairs and it froze her mid-step, causing her to fall down the stairs and they had to rush her to the hospital to make sure that she didn't hurt herself badly. I don't think that any of you stopped to think about what this did to her family as well as her.**_

_**That's what's caused me to be so damn angry with both of you for so long. It isn't just that you lied to me, Jazz. It's the effect that it's had on all of the people that I care about. While you all went on with your lives and enjoyed each other's company, I had to hold the people that I love together, and I had to wait patiently for the person that I loved and wanted to be with to come back to me. You didn't have to wait for Alice. She had always been readily available for you. Bella wasn't. I had to wait five years just to get my friendship back with her, granted that was mostly my fault, but I still had to wait. And then I had to wait yet again for her after none of us trusted her enough to handle the situation. I say none of us because by my requesting you refrain from dating Alice, even for a period of time, I was basically doing the same thing. I wasn't trusting her or having enough faith in her to be able to handle it, but I know better now. She's stronger than any of us, she always has been, and we've all failed to acknowledge that in her.**_

_**I'm not sure when or if we can all ever be friends again. I need to be able to put down my anger and resentment toward both of you, and you both need to acknowlege the people other than just me or Bella that were hurt, as well as acknowledge the fact that this whole ordeal isn't just over a simple lie. I'll try not to act like such an ass around you both, but really, I need some space to be able to get over my anger. I can't do that if you are both chasing after me every chance you get. Just please, think about the things that I've said, and try, for even just a moment, to put yourself in my position. I had to put myself in yours to understand where I went wrong.**_

_**Edward**_

I had tears pouring out of my eyes as I finished reading his letter to Jasper. It was so difficult reading about what it was like for him, his family, and my family as well, while I was in that closed off state. I had always known that it wasn't an easy thing to deal with, but having it explained that way broke my heart for what I had done to the people I cared about during those times.

"Bella, love. Are you okay?" Edward asked softly as he heard me sniffle. I nodded to him and wiped my eyes.

"Love, what is it?" he asked with a concerned tone as he pulled me toward him. I shook my head as the tears continued to fall from my eyes.

"Don't tell me nothing, Bella. What has you so upset?" he asked as he wiped the moisture off of my face.

'I just....it just got to me. Reading about how everyone suffered because of my reaction. Because of my actions. Because of me.' I signed as I continued to cry.

"Love, it isn't your fault. We all should have known better. If we had all allowed you to confront the situation on your own, and deal with it in your own way instead of us trying to make those decisions for you, it wouldn't have been that way. Please don't blame yourself. You're the last person to blame in all of this," he said soothingly as he gently brushed the hair away from my face.

'It is my fault though. If I wasn't like this, none of this would have happened.' I replied in despair.

"Bella, listen to me. It isn't your fault. You've been through more in your short life than most go through in a lifetime. It's inevitable that it would have an affect on you. That isn't your fault. Rosalie went through the same thing, love, and you'll heal just as she did. Please stop blaming yourself for any of it," he pleaded with me.

I didn't have the energy to argue with him, so I just gave up and rested my head against his chest. He ran his fingers through my hair and hummed his melody to soothe me, and eventually my tears began to subdue themselves. When I was finished crying, I reached out for the notebook, ready to read his letter to Emmett.

"Bella, you don't have to read the one to Emmett," he said with a concerned tone. I turned to him and signed quickly.

'I want to.' I signed to him.

"Bella, it's basically the same letter that I wrote to Jasper," he said with a pleading tone. I knew he was worried about a repeat of my crying jag, but I really did want to read it.

'Edward. It's okay. I'll be fine.' I signed to him determinedly.

"Okay, love," he sighed as he rested his head back against my pillow.

He continued to run his fingers through my hair as I read. I only made it half way through before I gave up, realizing that it was basically the same exact letter that he had written to Jasper. The only differences were that in the beginning he apologized for being so arrogant towards him, and he asked him why he felt he needed to cover for Jasper. He told him how he should have made his own decision as to what his actions should have been when he found out, and that just because you're friends with someone, it doesn't mean that you have to do what they request of you.

He went on to explain to Emmett where he had made his mistake with Jasper and how Jasper had made the same mistake that Emmett had by not choosing to decline his request. Aside from that, it was the same exact letter, and I couldn't bring myself to read the rest of it again.

"How do you think they will react?" Edward asked quietly as I snuggled up to him.

I shrugged as I wrapped my arm around his chest and pulled him closer to me. I really didn't have any clue as to how they would react, but I was hoping that they would each write something back to us so that we could better understand their actions as well.

"Do you miss your friendship with Alice, love?" he asked sincerely. I sat up and gave him a puzzled look.

'Of course I do. Don't you miss Emmett and Jasper?' I signed.

"Yeah, but some days my frustration with them made it difficult to even admit it to myself," he replied sadly.

'I can understand that.' I replied sincerely.

"Do you think this mess will ever resolve itself?" he asked with a hopeful tone.

'I don't think it ever would have if none of us ever attempted to understand the each other. I think it would have just gotten worse. I hope that by us taking this step, that eventually it will get better. It's sad that it all had to come to this point.' I responded after I thought about it for a few minutes.

A comfortable silence fell over us for a few minutes as Edward ran his fingers thorough my hair and fiddled with the fingers on one of my hands. I looked at the clock on my nightstand and was saddened to see that he'd have to leave in just a few minutes to make it home before his curfew.

"Love, I need to get going," he said as he shifted me so that I was laying next to him. I pouted at him and he chuckled.

"I know, love. I don't wish to leave either, but getting in trouble wouldn't provide us any additional time together," he said as he brushed the hair away from my face.

I nodded as he placed gentle kisses on my forehead, cheek, and nose before pressing his lips to my own. It was a sweet kiss, and it didn't last long before he pulled away and gazed into my eyes.

"I love you, Bella." I smiled and mouthed it silently in return to him.

"Can I pick you up for school tomorrow?" he asked hopefully.

I smiled and nodded to him happily. He kissed me once more before making his way off the bed. He came around to my side of the bed and turned on the electric candle on the dresser as he passed it. I looked at him curiously as he approached my nightstand and picked up my iPod. He shuffled through it's contents for a minute before putting it back down on the dresser and turning toward me.

'What were you looking for?' I asked him curiously.

"Just making sure that your lullaby was still on there. I didn't want to leave without knowing whether or not you had it to comfort you during the night," he replied as he leaned down toward me. He pressed his lips gently to mine just once more before standing back up.

"I love you. Sleep well, angel," he said adoringly as he ran the back of his hand from my temple to my chin with the softest of caresses.

'I love you too. See you in the morning.' I replied. He nodded and smiled as he turned to walk out of my room.

I folded up Alice's letter and put it in an envelope before bidding Esme and Carlisle a good night. I got changed quickly and slid under the covers with my iPod in hand and my lullaby on repeat. It wasn't long before I started to drift off to sleep, leaving my worries for the following day behind me.

* * *

**AN: Hope you all enjoyed it! Please leave me a review...it takes just a minute and I spend hours writing these chapters to share with all of you..::pout:: LOL Reviews are better than being saved by a quick thinking Rosalie! R&R PLS & TY!**


	57. Understanding & The Road to Forgiveness

**AN: Before some of you jump down my throat for this chapter...please realize that it is IMPOSSIBLE to please everyone at the same time. I tried numerous times to write this chapter into a different direction and it just didn't flow from me...at all. I'm afraid that if I tried to force it from me, it would suck majorly, and where's the sense in that? The next chapter will explain why things happened this way. So again..please don't try to virtually smack me or anything like that LOL, and ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: As always..I own nothing related to Twilight..SM owns it all!**

* * *

Understanding & The Road to Forgiveness

BPOV

I woke up the following morning, and instantly felt as though I was sitting on pins and needles. I could practically hear my nerves sizzling with the anxiety that I felt over giving our letters to Alice, Jasper, and Emmett that day. If it wasn't such an important gesture, I would have said to hell with it, and just avoided doing it at all. I couldn't though, and I couldn't allow Edward to either, that is if he was anywhere as nervous about it as I was.

Edward arrived shortly after 6:30am, I looked at him curiously as I sat at the counter, eating my breakfast with my shower towel still wrapped around my hair, wondering what in the world he had shown up so early for. He chuckled and kissed my cheek as he sat down next to me.

"Sorry, love. I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep, and I missed you, so I came here instead of sitting around the house," he said as he toyed with my fingers. I smiled brightly at him and leaned in for a chaste kiss.

'Good morning to you too.' I chuckled as I signed to him. He laughed next to me, and it was a beautiful sight that eased my nerves instantly.

"Edward, dear. Have you eaten yet? Would you like some breakfast?" Esme asked with a concerned tone.

"I had an early breakfast, but thank you for offering," he replied politely.

"Alright. Well help yourself to anything if you change your mind," she replied before going back to her daily crossword puzzle. Honestly...I'll never understand her infatuation with those damn things.

I finished eating my bowl of cereal and eventually headed back up the stairs to finish getting ready for school. Edward tried to follow me, but I laughed as I pushed him back down in his seat. I'd never have been able to finish getting ready with him distracting me.

I quickly brushed my hair and teeth and changed my shirt for school. I stopped in front of the mirror to make sure that I at least looked presentable and froze. I hadn't realized how low of a collar the shirt I had chosen had. I fussed with it for a few minutes, trying to get it to sit right so that it would hide the scar on my neck, but I wasn't making any progress.

I looked at the clock on my nightstand and realized I really didn't have time to start searching for something else to wear. I was torn between being a few minutes late and just saying the hell with it when there was a knock at my door. I quickly walked over to it and opened the door to see Edward smiling at me as he leaned against the door jam.

"Are you ready, love? We really have to get going or we're going to be late," he said through his smile as his eyes slowly traveled from my face down and then back up.

'No. This shirt doesn't hide my scar.' I signed to him quickly as I turned around and started frantically tossing shirts left and right out of my closet.

Edward wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me back against him.

"Love, you look perfect. What are you so worried about your shirt for?" He spoke soothingly in my ear, causing me to shiver before I turned around toward him.

'I don't want people to see this.' I signed and then pointed toward my neck.

He pulled me back against him and kissed his way across it causing my breath to catch in my throat.

"Love, does me seeing it bother you?" he asked in between kisses. I shook my head.

"Did Alice seeing it bother you?" he asked as he traveled his way up my neck. I shook my head again.

"What about Carlisle and Esme?" he asked as he nipped at my ear, successfully earning another shiver out of me. I blew out a shuddering breath and shook my head once more.

"Then why does it matter what anyone else thinks about this?" he asked as he gazed into my eyes and gently ran his fingers across the mark.

I rolled my eyes and held up my hands in defeat as I backed away to grab a sweat jacket for the day. He chuckled and wrapped his arms around me once more.

"Love, if anyone makes you uncomfortable, just tell me and I'll help ease your worries, alright?" he said encouragingly as he swayed us from side to side.

I nodded and turned to give him a kiss before grabbing Alice's letter, and making our way down the stairs. Edward picked up both of our bags as I gave Esme a hug and kiss goodbye, and just moments later we were in his car.

My nerves started to get the better of me once again as we pulled into the school parking lot. I almost wanted to melt into the floor of the car when he passed Alice's Porsche and the three of them were standing outside of it. They looked at the two of us in Edward's car with shocked expressions, and continued to stare until we had gotten out of his car.

They weren't the only ones either. As soon as we got out of the car I noticed that half of the student population that had been walking through the lot, were all staring at us. I was completely tempted to jump back into his car and hide there for the rest of the day, but Edward came around the side of the car and wrapped his arm around my waist as he chuckled. I looked up at him with eyes as wide as saucers, only causing him to chuckle even more.

"Love, relax. Remember what we've said on more than one occasion. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks about us but us, right?" he said with a comforting tone as he gazed into my eyes and trapped me against the side of his car.

I nodded to him and released the breath I had been holding. He leaned in and kissed me chastely a few times before pulling away to get our bags. He helped put mine on, and then wrapped his arm around my shoulders as he led me toward my first class. I almost had to chuckle when we passed Mike. His jaw was practically on the pavement as he stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of us.

"Newton, quit ogling my girlfriend and get your own," Edward chuckled and pulled me closer to him as we passed him. I elbowed him lightly as I tried to stifle my walked me all the way to my class and kissed my head before letting me go.

"I'll see you before next period, love," he called out as he walked away, grinning like a madman.

I chuckled as I entered my classroom and took my seat. There were only a few students in the room, and class wasn't going to be starting for another few minutes. I hesitated for only a moment before reaching into my bag and fishing Alice's letter out. I quickly moved across the room and placed it on her desk before returning to my seat.

She walked in just a minute later and looked at the envelope on her desk curiously as she sat down. I watched as she trailed her finger over the indents where I had written her name on the envelope. I couldn't help but notice how sad she looked as she toyed with the seal, debating whether or not to open it.

Alice finally took in a breath and shook her head as she ripped the seal open and pulled the letter out. I looked away as she read it, not wanting to feel like an intruder while she read. Mrs. Guy came in shortly after that and assigned us to read 'Loss and Gain' by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and write an essay interpreting it into our own words.

_Ugh...I hate these assignments! She always picks the most ridiculous poems to decode..._

_**Quit gumbling and just do the assignment will you?**_

_Yeah yeah... HA! Remember that one about a funeral in a brain or something by Emily Dickenson? What the hell was that all about? I didn't get it at all!_

_**Oh Lord..Bella, are you really that oblivious?**_

_Apparently..._

_**It was about the death of a false belief when your reasoning for that belief fails you and all your left with is knowledge that contradicts your original belief.**_

_Ohhh...huh... it kind of makes sense now..._

_**Ya think?!**_

_Eh...maybe..._

_**Ugh...Bella do your assignment already!**_

_Sure, sure... What are you grumbling about?_

_**Nothing...do your assignment.**_

_No really... what did you say?_

_**I said maybe you should take some advice from that poem.**_

_What advice? She was only talking about losing one of her beliefs..._

_**Bella..she was talking about losing a belief because she found the TRUTH. How many beliefs do you have that are illogical?**_

_Like what?_

_**How about the belief that Phoenix was your fault?**_

_Ugh...not this again...okay I'm going to do my assignment..._

_**Bella...**_

_Shh..I'm working..._

_**Don't you shush me....Don't you think it's time that you took Billy up on his offer?**_

_Nope...now quiet! I need to concentrate..._

_**Concentrate my ass..you aren't even looking at the paper ya ditz!**_

_I'm thinking...well trying to but you keep interrupting me!_

_**Fine...I'll let it go...for now.**_

_Thank God..._

I tried to focus on my assignment, but I was finding it difficult for more than one reason. The poem that we had to interpret was hitting too close to home with the current situation that I was in with Alice. I chanced a few glances at Alice throughout the class, and it seemed as though she was having the same issue I was. It seemed that although we both knew what the poem meant, neither of us could force ourselves to write it down.

It's kind of comical really, how long people spend feeling justified over something, to in the end only realize that had they put down their pride for just a moment, they could have avoided losing something that meant something to them. It's even funnier still that I managed to have the pride to hide behind to start with, as I haven't been proud of a damn thing in my life in over five years.

I hadn't realized that I had been staring off in Alice's direction as I pondered the meanings within the piece of literature, until she looked my way. She sent me a faint and sad smile and tilted her head toward the paper on her desk that contained that damn poem. I shrugged at her and nodded at the same time, acknowledging to her that I was thinking the same thing.

Mrs. Guy called the class's attention at that point, notifying us that we had only fifteen minutes left before handing in the assignment. I shot forward in my desk and started writing quickly across the paper. I chanced one more look at Alice, who was likewise hurriedly scrawling across her page. She looked up at me and chuckled as she shook her head and then turned back to her paper. I chuckled silently and looked back at my paper.

_Maybe there's some hope in all of this after all..._

I finished writing just as Mrs. Guy asked us to turn in our papers, and only a minute later the bell rang. Alice turned and smiled at me as she walked toward the door, and I returned the gesture. Edward was waiting for me outside of the classroom as I exited, still grinning like a fool, it made my smile that much more meaningful.

"How was class, love? Did anyone make you uncomfortable?" he asked as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and led the way toward our next classes.

'It was okay. No, not that I noticed anyhow.' I replied quickly.

"Did you give Alice her note?" he asked curiously. I nodded as I responded.

'Yeah. I'm a chicken. I left it on her desk.' I signed as I shrugged.

"Did she read it yet?" he asked as we made it to the front of my class. I turned and faced him all the way before responding.

"Yeah. I'll tell you about it at lunch though, okay?" I signed quickly. He nodded and gave me a quick kiss before we parted ways to enter our classes.

The rest of the day went by pretty quickly, and before I knew it Edward and I were sitting at his old table in the cafeteria with Angela. We spent the entire period talking to her, well he talked to her while I signed, about everything that had happened over the weekend. She was thrilled for us to say the least.

After lunch, Edward and I stopped by my locker so that I could grab my Bio book before class. As soon as I opened the door, a piece of folded paper flopped out onto the floor. I picked it up, and immediately recognized Alice's handwriting.

"She wrote you back?" he asked hopefully. I smiled and nodded to him as I grabbed my text book and slammed the locker door shut.

We made our way into our class and as soon as we sat down I opened up the paper and started to read. Edward tried reading it from next to me, but I moved the paper and quirked an eyebrow at him. He chuckled and bent down to get his book out of his bag as I continued to read.

**Bella,**

**Thank you. Thank you for explaining how you feel to me. I thought that you were upset with me only because I lied and hid my relationship with Jasper from you. I spent months trying to figure out how that could keep you angry with me for so long. I never knew that you felt as though you were a burden to me, and I'm sorry that my making excuses for you not to come with me only led you to feel that even more. I never thought of it that way because you were never a burden to me, Bella. Never.**

**I know I handled the situation in the worst way possible, and I'm sorry for that. I knew how hard it was for you to trust me to start with, and I shouldn't have taken that knowledge so lightly. I never meant to hurt you. I was just trying to protect you...which I realize now was the last thing I should have done.**

**You're right. I should have allowed you to take your own steps at your own pace instead of pushing you towards things that you may not have been ready for. Sometimes when we care about people, our need to feel as though we're doing the right thing for them overshadows what they really need, and what's really the right thing for them. Even if we have the best of intentions, I see now how it can appear as though we didn't. **

**Everything I've ever done, I only did because I thought I was helping. I didn't realize that I was actually doing the opposite. It's hard to know how much someone's been through already and not want to make something in their life easier for them for once. I thought that if I made the steps easier for you somehow, then you would recover quicker. It was a stupid thing to assume, I realize that now, as the only thing that it did in the long run was cause you to have to start all over again. I wish I would have known how important it was for you to do all of it on your own. **

**I'm sorry to hear how badly it affected all of you. I wasn't aware of how hard of a time you, Esme, and Carlisle were having at home. I can only imagine the toll it took on all three of you during those months. I wish I would have known all of this so much sooner. I feel like we've all wasted so much time focusing on the wrong things, and it didn't get any of us anywhere. I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for having caused all of this. **

**I only hid my relationship with Jasper because I thought that if I waited until you were comfortable around him and Emmett, that it would be easier for you to accept it. I never stopped to realize that whatever feelings you may have had about it in the beginning, you still would have tried to be supportive. I should have seen that, Bella. I should have known that you cared enough for me to not allow your insecurities to stand in between him and I. I should have been more aware of that, simply because that's how I felt for you. Regardless of what I ever thought of Edward, I cared about you enough to not try and stand between you. I should have realized that you would have done the same for me. **

**I'm sorry that it appears that I didn't have the faith and trust in you that you had in me. I never stopped to see how my actions could lead you to believe that I thought you were incapable of handling or even understanding the situation. I do have faith in you, and I trust you with everything I have in me. I just wish that I had been strong enough to rely on that instead of finding justification for my actions based on my worries. **

**You are incredibly strong, Bella. I have all of the faith in the world that you will completely recover from everything that has happened to you in your life. I understand now that you need to find your own strength to make it down that road, and how by taking your own steps and finding your own way provides you with that strength and courage to take the next step. **

**I promise, should we ever return to being friends, that I will do my best to step aside and let you take the reigns in your healing process. It isn't my journey to lead, and I should have realized that from the beginning. Whatever directions you choose, and the steps that you take, are your decision and yours only. **

**If you'll allow me to, I'd happily take my place beside you, along with Edward, Esme, Carlisle and everyone else who cares about you, and do what I should have done from the beginning... provide support and encouragement. I know it will take time for me to earn that spot, but I do hope that one day you'll allow me to be there. **

**Thank you also for speaking up for Jasper to Edward. Jasper's tried time and time again to speak with him and has tried explaining that to him, and each attempt proved to be more futile than the previous one. I think we're all guilty of that in varying degrees, as I'm sure we have each ignored what others have tried to drill into our heads repeatedly over the past six months. **

**Rosalie tried explaining to me, on several occasions no less, how you were feeling, and what you were going through. Unfortunately I didn't pay much mind to what she was saying, simply because she didn't know you and my dumb pride allowed me to insist to myself that I knew you better than she did, and that I would know it if that was how you felt. I don't think I would have ever believed her if you hadn't told me how you felt yourself. It's humiliating now to know how right she had been, and to know how easily I scoffed at her claims. **

**I've missed our friendship, Bella. You're my best friend, but you're more than that. I think of you as a sister, and the distance between us has been unbearable. If I could go back and do everything all over again, I would, but I can't. The only thing I can do is promise to be the kind of friend that you need. The kind of friend that supports your decisions, and provides comfort and encouragement when you need it, and lends a helping hand when you request it. I can do that, Bella. It may not be easy for me to restrain myself, but I can and will do it because it's what's best for you. **

**I don't want you to ever feel as though you can't tell me that something I do either bothers or hurts you. I need to know when it does so that I know where I'm overstepping my boundaries. I need to know so that, even if I think I'm doing what's right, I see that it's not. I can't fix my mistakes if they aren't pointed out to me. I want you to be able to find strength in knowing that I have faith and trust in you, because I do.**

**I'll be here, Bella. Whenever, and if ever, you feel we can be friends again, I'll be here. I'm sorry for everything that's happened, and I hope beyond anything that we can find our ways through this mess together.**

**Love you like a sister always and forever,**

**Alice**

I finished reading her letter and couldn't help the smile that crossed my lips as I tucked the letter into the back of my textbook. I turned back toward Edward and chuckled as I saw his expectant expression.

"So? What'd she say?" he asked curiously.

'She said that she understands what I explained to her and that she hopes we can some day go back to being friends.' I signed to him quickly as Mr. Banner walked into the classroom.

"That's an awful lot of paper for that simple statement," he chuckled. I swatted his arm and quirked an eyebrow at him, earning yet another chuckle from him.

'Have you heard back from Jasper and Emmett?' I asked curiously. He shook his head and looked at me sadly.

"No. I gave Jasper his third period, and haven't gotten a response back yet. He didn't even try to say anything to me in the locker room. I put Emmett's in his locker this morning because I wouldn't see him until fifth period. The only response I got from him was a nod when he walked into the locker room. I think there's been a bit more damage on my end than yours, love," he said glumly.

I frowned and rubbed his back in an attempt to comfort him. He smiled sadly at me and I smiled sympathetically to him in return.

'Maybe they just need time to think of what to say.' I signed to him, hoping that the thought would comfort him at least a little.

"Maybe. I'm not going to hold my breath on that hope though," he grumbled as Mr. Banner started his lecture for the day.

'Don't worry. They'll come around.' I replied, hoping that I wasn't giving him false encouragement.

"I hope so, love. I really do," he voiced just above a whisper as he took my hand under the table and gave it a gentle squeeze.

The rest of the hour went by too quickly for both of us, and Edward walked me to my last class of the day. Alice looked up at us as we stopped in front of the doorway, and Edward sent her an apologetic smile and waved to her to come over to us. She looked nervous as she rose from her seat and hurriedly made her way over.

"What's up?" she asked hesitantly. Edward wrapped his arms around her and spoke softly.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I'm sorry for how things have been between us for so long. You're perfect for Jasper, and if I had just taken a single second to realize that, to realize how happy you would make him, this whole situation could have been avoided."

She sniffled in his embrace and shook her head as she pulled back. A tear fell from her eye as she chuckled humorlessly and looked at him.

"Edward... we all made mistakes, but thank you. I'm sorry too," she responded sincerely as she wiped the tear from her eye. I smiled happily at the two of them as I watched the tension between them dissolve.

"That we did. Hopefully we can all get past this soon, cause we miss the three of you." Edward smiled as he put an arm around me and pulled me into his side.

"We've missed you both as well, and I'm truly sorry if it hasn't appeared that way at times. I read what you said to Jasper in his letter, Edward, but it wasn't like that...at all. We coped the only way we knew how, finding comfort in small things that allowed us to make it through yet another day. There was never a moment that we didn't care, or we weren't affected by what was going on, both with our estranged friendships as well as with Bella. We watched her too, and it broke all of our hearts, but there was nothing that we could have done to stop it. She needed to pull herself from it, and she did, and I'm incredibly proud of her for that," she said as she turned to me and smiled. I smiled back at her and mouthed a silent 'Thank you' to her, to which she nodded and turned her attention back to him.

"I don't even know what to say. I never thought of it that way, only because there was nothing on my end that was capable of providing any type of comfort. I can't blame any of you for doing whatever you could to make it easier to deal with, as I, or anyone else for that matter, would have done the same if they were in the position to be able to do so," he replied after a few moments of consideration.

"You don't have to say anything. It'll be alright. I'm certain that we'll all find our ways out of this, and we'll all be better for it at the end. I don't think there is a single one of us that hasn't learned something from each of our own actions, as well as everyone else's," she said comfortingly. Edward nodded as Alice looked back into the classroom for a brief second before turning back to us.

"Bella, Olga's giving us the evil eye...I think we need to get into class," she said as she grimaced. I chuckled silently and looked up to Edward.

"I'll see you after class, love," he said as he bent down to give me a chaste kiss. I smiled and nodded to him as I took a step toward Alice and our classroom.

"I'll see you later, Alice," he called out as he started to walk away.

"See ya, Edward," she chirped as we made our way into Old Hag Olga's class.

We took our seats and listened to Mrs. Fredrickson drone on about what we would be doing for the next week. Apparently we were supposed to help make signs for the upcoming junior/senior prom that was only a little over a month away. Alice giggled as she saw me grimace in response to Old Hag Olga's assignment.

'Really, Bella. It's just a dance. Aren't you and Edward planning on going to it?' she signed curiously. I shrugged and turned toward her.

'We haven't discussed it. We've only been back together for two days, and prom hasn't exactly been the most important topic of discussion since then.' I replied sincerely, amazed at how easy it was to communicate with her now that we had each laid our cards out on the table, so to speak.

'Not important?' she huffed as she signed, causing me to chuckle silently.

'Bella, it's only a month away. If you're planning on going you still need to find a dress, if all the good ones haven't been bought already, and shoes, and accessories, and you need to decide on how to do your hair and make-up. There is a million things to do if you plan on attending.' she signed frantically. I couldn't help it, I laughed silently at her panicked expression.

'Calm down. I really have no interest in going. I can't dance, you of all people know that. How many people will be injured if I even attempt such a feat? That's not even considering my wearing some type of heeled shoe that I have no doubt you will try to shove me into.' I replied as I rolled my eyes jokingly.

She looked at me, stunned by my comment, and I smiled at her.

'What's wrong?' I signed with my smile still intact.

"You said will... _will_, as in I'm going to help you pick out shoes for your dress. Does that mean that we're going to be okay?" she asked with a hopeful expression. I chuckled silently and nodded my head.

'Yes, Alice, we'll be okay.'

She squealed loudly and threw herself into my lap as she hugged me, almost knocking both of us off of my seat in the process. I laughed silently as I hugged her back.

She pulled away a few moments later, after Old Hag Olga yelled at us for disrupting her class and threatened to give us detention. I laughed and shook my head as I watched her bounce happily in her seat as we worked on our prom banner.

We worked in silence for a few minutes before she turned slightly toward me.

"Bella? Have you had any progress on using your voice?" she whispered.

I almost started to shake my head before I remembered Saturday afternoon at First Beach. I quickly pulled out a sheet of paper and started writing on it before passing it to her.

_**I hadn't before Saturday. When Edward and I were at the beach, I was able to whisper his name a few times with no panic, but then I started to freeze up a few minutes later. I don't know how it happened or why I didn't panic the first few times. We haven't gotten the chance really to try again since then, and I'm not sure of what we should do differently to be able to do it again.**_

She bounced excitedly in her seat as she read. She quickly responded and passed it back to me.

**That's amazing! I know it doesn't seem that way because it didn't last, but you did it! Maybe it's a comfort thing...you were completely comfortable at the time, and it allowed you to have a breakthrough. What if you tried to recreate that comfort when you tried again?**

I cringed as I read her letter and quickly wrote back.

_**NO! Alice, I wasn't comfortable when it first came out. Actually, when it first came out, I wasn't even aware of it because I was having a flashback of Phoenix. I think once I came out of it, the only reason I was able to say it again was because I was filled with so much love for him that the panic had no way to rise.**_

She read my note and thought for a minute before writing her reply.

**Maybe he's the key, Bella. Maybe he's the one that should be sitting in Esme's and my spot providing you the comfort you need to suppress the panic? I'm not really sure, but it's worth a try. Do you think maybe I could come over after school today, and we can all give it a quick try? If it doesn't work we'll stop right away, because I don't want you to freeze up. I'd really like to be there for you and help you work through this, and I'd really like to get to spend some time with you. I miss my best friend.**

I smiled as I read and quickly wrote back once again.

_**Sure, but I have to do my homework first just in case. I can't really say 'Sorry..I couldn't do my assignment because I was frozen' to my teachers tomorrow. I've missed you too. Thank you for wanting to help...it means more to me than you could ever imagine. Esme will be happy to see you as well. I had a conversation with her last night about everything before I went to bed, and she seemed very relieved when I told her about my plan to give you a letter. I even let her read it, and I think it helped her understand the situation better as well. She misses you too. She's always thought of you as a daughter to her. She'll be ecstatic to see that we're working our way through this finally. I hope that Edward, Jasper, and Emmett make some progress soon.**_

She laughed as she read my letter, and I looked at her curiously as she chuckled and wrote her reply.

**I wouldn't worry about the three of them. Emmett was bouncing off the walls when he got his letter. Jasper had a bit of a harder time when it came to his, but he was relieved immensely to have gotten one in the first place. They'll be fine Bella, better than fine actually. They'll be back to normal in no time flat. You don't have to thank me for wanting to be there. I've always wanted to be there, I'm just happy that now I can be. **

I read her response and frowned as confusion set in. I quickly wrote back to her and passed it along.

_**If they're so relieved about it, why haven't they written him back? I have to worry about it, because this whole thing is pretty much my fault. If I wasn't the way I am, none of this would have happened in the first place.**_

Alice read the note and didn't even bother writing her response. She quickly turned toward me and spoke as sternly as she could muster.

"Isabella Marie, this is not all _your _fault. We _all _made mistakes, and we've _all _payed dearly for them. You didn't _choose_ to be the way you are. It was someone else's actions that caused you to be that way. Don't you dare blame yourself for that for one single second. Do you understand me?"

I looked at her with a shocked expression as I nodded dumbly. I couldn't believe she had it in her to be that fierce with anyone. Her expression softened as she continued to speak to me.

"Bella, they haven't written back because they couldn't figure out what to say. Well Jasper couldn't figure out what to say. Emmett thought paper was boring...don't ask me what he has planned because I have no idea. Jasper and I have been trying to get it out of him all day to no avail. Jasper is having a hard time trying to figure out what to say because he never thought Edward would ever realize how his request made him feel. He's a bit dumbfounded by the fact that he has realized it recently. He's also upset over how he just realized what Liz has been through, as well as Carlisle and Esme. He's just struggling trying to figure out how to process all of it. He'll get there though, so don't worry."

I let out a breath of relief and nodded to her. We went back to working on our banner, and soon enough, the final bell of the day rang. Alice and I stood together and walked out toward the front of the building to wait for Edward.

He finally emerged from his building and walked briskly in our direction. I was saddened to see that it didn't appear as though he had gotten anywhere with Emmett during their last class. He smiled sadly at us and said hello to Alice before leaning in to give me a quick kiss.

'Still nothing?' I asked with an apologetic expression as he pulled back. His face fell and became saddened once again as he responded.

"Not a word, and Emmett didn't even show for last class."

"Uh...Edward?" Alice said with a distant voice as her gaze traveled across the parking lot.

"Yeah?" he responded quickly.

"Um...I think Emmett chose to respond in his own way," she giggled as she pointed toward the parking lot.

Edward and I turned and looked in the direction she was pointing in and I burst into silent hysterics as I took in the sight. He had tagged Edward's car...badly.

"Are you serious? He couldn't just write a damn letter?" he asked incredulously as we made our way toward his car.

He shook his head as he walked all around the car, reading what Emmett had written on each of the windows. Alice and I chuckled as we read the windshield where they had written 'You were an ass, but so was I. Guess that makes us brothers after all.'

I walked around to the other side of the car, still reading some of the messages on the windows as I made my way toward Edward. He was smiling and shaking his head as he took in the sight of it all. I wrapped my arms around his waist as I laughed and read the passenger side windows.

'I did it because I thought I was protecting my little sister. Bells, you've always been my little sis, and you always will be. I'm really sorry Belly Bear. Forgive me?'

A tear slipped out of my eye as I read his nickname for me. It had been years since he'd called me that. I looked up to Edward and saw that he was searching the parking lot for something.

He stopped when his eyes focused on Emmett's Jeep where both Emmett and Jasper were standing with their arms crossed and each sporting smug smiles as they looked back at us. Alice and I chuckled as he laughed and boomed across the lot.

"GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE AND HELP ME CLEAN THIS SHIT OFF MY CAR!!"

Alice and I laughed even harder when they bumped fists with each other and laughed as they jogged over to us.

"Aww..whatsa matter Eddie? Don't you like my artwork?" Emmett chortled as they engaged in some awkward mix of a handshake and hug. Edward laughed as he responded.

"It's priceless, but really, couldn't you have just stuck with the pen and paper method?"

"Never..it's too boring, you should know that by now. If I wasn't feeling lazy today I would have painted it across the scoreboard," he retorted as he stepped to the side.

"Bells?" He asked as he looked at me nervously. I chuckled and wrapped my arms around his waist. He let out a breath of relief as he wrapped his arms securely around me and bent his head down.

"I'm sorry, Belly Bear. I never meant for you to get hurt, kiddo. I was prepared for Edward's wrath over it, but I never stopped to think of what it would do to you, and it damn near killed me to see it afterwards. Promise me that, in the future, you'll do anything besides shut down. Get angry, hit us, hell..stick Rosie on us, but please don't ever shut down again," he pleaded as he lifted me off the ground and swung me from side to side.

I sniffled into his shirt and nodded as he put my feet back down on the ground. Emmett smiled down at me and I returned a smile to him as he stepped to the side and kept an arm around my shoulders as we faced Edward and Jasper. Alice came over and wrapped an arm around my waist and rested her head against my shoulder as we watched the two of them.

There was an awkward silence between Edward and Jasper. Both of them stood in front of each other, shifting their weight repeatedly as they struggled to find something to say to each other.

"Oh for the love of God...will you two just say what you need to say and get it over with already? This shit's gone on long enough!" Emmett cried out from next to me. Alice and I laughed as we watched the smiles tug at each of their lips. Finally the silence was broken between the two of them.

"I'm sorry," they both blurted out and then laughed.

"Brothers?" Edward asked him as he held his fist out. Jasper nodded, but smacked his fist away and pulled him into a hug.

"Brothers." He said with finality.

"It's about Goddamn time!" Emmett cheered, causing us all to laugh.

_I couldn't have said it better myself Emmett..._

_

* * *

_

**AN: Good? Bad? Eh? LOL Reviews are way better than decoding cryptic literature! God I hated that in high school! Much love to all of you who read and review! ~Jersey~**


	58. New Beginnings & Breakthroughs

**AN: Okay so there was a bit of an upheaval over the last chapter. I just want to point out that everything that has happened in this story to date, has happened for a reason, as did their becoming friends again. I also want to point out that even though things may look honky dory on the outside...things are not always as they seem, please keep that in mind as we progress through the remainder of this story. I really thought that by now the majority of readers would have already come to that assumption based on how everything has revealed itself in its own time in this story so far. Anyway...onto some bad news... this will probably be the last date until Monday as I've been offered overtime at my job for the remainder of the week. Sad yes, but money talks and it's calling my name...well screaming it really LOL. I will try to post more if I get the chance to, but I make no promises. With that said...ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Twilight..SM owns it all.**

* * *

New Beginnings & Breakthroughs

BPOV

After we all helped clean off the windows of Edward's car, Alice and I decided to hold off on our attempt to work on using my voice. I really wanted Edward to be able to spend some time with Emmett and Jasper, and I really wanted to get to spend some much needed time with Alice. It was difficult to convince Edward to go without us, but we finally managed to get through to him...Emmett and Jasper helped greatly by dragging him away with them after wrestling his keys away from him so that I could drive his car back to my house.

He didn't seem to be too thrilled with that idea, but Emmett told him it was either I drove the Volvo, or I drove his monster Jeep...which just the idea of doing scared the life out of me. I think he realized that, and it helped him to let go of his keys.

I drove home behind Alice, not wanting to slow her down as I drove extra carefully, avoiding anything in the road that could even put a hint of a scratch on his precious car.

_Stupid shiny over-priced Volvo! It's just a car!_

Alice was waiting on the porch swing for me when I finally pulled into the driveway. She laughed as I got out of the car and checked all around the stupid thing, looking for anything that he'd have a hissy fit over. I didn't find anything so I shrugged and made my way to the front door.

"Bella...I'm pretty sure he loves you more than that car of his," she chuckled as we walked into the house.

I snorted and shot her an incredulous look, causing her to burst into a fit of giggles.

"Oh, Bella. You could probably wreck that car and he'd only ever be frantically worried about you, even if you didn't have a scratch on you," she chortled. I laughed silently as we made our way into the kitchen.

'That's what you think, Alice.' I signed to her after we sat down. I looked around curiously for a moment, having just realized that it didn't seem that Esme was home, and I hadn't even noticed if her car was in the driveway or not.

'Alice, was Esme's car in the driveway?' I asked her as I turned back to her.

"No, it wasn't...why?" she asked curiously.

'No reason. I'm just wondering where she is.' I replied honestly.

"Maybe she's out with Liz?" she offered as she shrugged her shoulders.

'Maybe. Are you hungry?' I asked her as my stomach began to grumble slightly.

She giggled and looked at me in disbelief.

"Bella, am I ever _not_ hungry?" she chuckled. I laughed silently as I got off of my seat and headed toward the refrigerator.

There really wasn't much to choose from in there that was ready to eat. I huffed as I shut the door and turned around. I spotted the cabinet where Esme kept the sweets and made my way over to it. Alice bounced happily in her seat, probably knowing where I was headed.

"Oooh...Esme's cookies!" she chirped as I pulled the container out of the cabinet. I put it in front of her and returned a minute later with two glasses of milk for us.

"So...how did you and Edward come back together?" she asked curiously.

'Rosalie came here Saturday morning and explained some stuff to me, and it made me realize that I had been completely wrong the whole time. I read some of his letters and then went to find him. How have things been with you and Jasper?' I signed eagerly. I really wanted to hear about their relationship, and how happy she was.

"Bella...I don't even know what to say about him. He's perfect. It amazes me how in tune with my emotions he is. He always knows when to cheer me up or calm me down, and it always seems so effortless for him to do so. He understands me in a way that no one else ever has, and I like to think that it's the same way for him when he thinks of me. I love him, Bella. Almost from the moment I saw him...if he hadn't of pissed me off that day it probably would have been love at first sight," she chuckled. I laughed as I remembered Edward telling me about that day at the mall.

'I'm happy for you, Alice. For both of you. I'm glad that this mess didn't ruin anything for both of you.' I replied sincerely.

"Me too...I don't know what I would do without him. Did Edward ever tell you that Jasper's thinking of joining the military this fall after he graduates?" she asked me with a sad expression.

'No...it's never been brought up. Have you talked to him about it?' I signed to her then held her hand as a comforting gesture.

"Yeah, we've had a few arguments over it actually. He's so dead set on going, and I can't shake him of it. I don't know what I'm going to do when I can't see him every day," she replied sadly.

'It'll be okay, Alice. You can write to him all the time, and he'll come home to visit as often as he can. It stinks that he'll be away so often, but if it's what he really wants, do you really want to try to take it away from him?' I responded encouragingly.

"No, I don't want to take it away from him if it's what will make him happy, but I'll be miserable without him," she responded with a defeated expression.

"We'll all help you get through it, Alice. If he does decide to go, we'll all be here for you.' I replied sincerely.

"Thanks, Bella. I'm going to need you guys if he does go. Can we stop talking about this for now though? I hate thinking about it. How are things going with you and Edward? You two seem closer now than you were before, if that's even possible," she chuckled.

I laughed silently and nodded to her before responding.

'We are. It's kind of hard to explain, but at some point during that flashback I had on the beach, I realized that it was my love for him that saved me that day. It allowed me to put down all of my insecurities about us, and it strengthened our bond.'

"That's great...well not that you had a flashback or anything, but that it helped you realize that. You two were meant for each other. It's as if fate created both of you as two pieces that only fit with each other and no one else. I feel like that a lot when it comes to Jasper," she said with a thoughtful expression.

Alice and I spent the rest of the afternoon just conversing about everything that we had been doing during the last six months. She told me about some of Jasper and Emmett's fights while they had been together. Some of them were funny, but others just made me feel horrible for having been the cause of such tension between everyone. I was really hoping that the three of them were settling their issues with each other and moving past it the way Alice and I were trying to do.

I told her about all of the trips to La Push that Angela and I had gone on, as well as our friendships with Jake and Leah. She was excited by the idea of getting to know them at some point in the future. I tried to warn her about Leah's possible first reaction to her, but she just waved me off and told me not to worry about it.

We spent a good amount of time discussing how things needed to change between all of us. I was adamant in my request to have all of them stop trying to protect me from everything all the time. Her only request of me was for me to stop holding things in when they bothered me, simply because if they weren't aware that whatever it was that they were doing wasn't helping, then they wouldn't know to stop doing it.

Esme came home around five thirty, just as Alice was finishing painting my toe nails. I couldn't persuade her not to, and after a half hour of trying, I finally gave in. Esme smiled happily at the sight of us in the living room, and warned us with feigned severity not to get any of the paint on her carpet. Alice and I laughed as she came to sit with us.

It was almost like old times sitting around, just the three of us, and the familiarity of it helped soothe away most of the remaining hard feelings that I had in regards to our situation. I think it helped Alice as well, as I noticed that she became more relaxed and comfortable as time passed by.

Esme got up at six thirty to start dinner, and just as she was passing through the entry way, the doorbell rang. She laughed when she opened the door and Alice and I turned our heads to see who was there. It was Edward, Jasper, and Emmett.

They walked in carrying three pizza boxes, and I tried not to laugh when I saw the look of relief cross Edward's face as he walked toward Alice and I. He quickly sat down next to me and nuzzled his head into my shoulder.

"I didn't think they'd ever bring me back to you," he muttered before kissing my neck, causing me to shiver.

I turned toward him as Jasper sat next to Alice and Emmett sat on the coffee table in front of us.

'Edward, it was only a few hours. It couldn't have been that bad.' I replied as a chuckle slipped from me. He shot me an incredulous look which only served to make me laugh silently.

"Bells, remind us never to take him anywhere without you ever again," Jasper chuckled from beside Alice. I turned to look at him in confusion.

'Why?' He laughed as Emmett started to speak.

"I'm not sure who that four hours was longer for, him or us. He was a worried blubbering mess the entire time," he chortled.

I turned to look at Edward and I quirked an eyebrow at him.

'Worried about me or your car?' I signed to him as I glared mockingly at him. He chuckled as he responded.

"You, love. I would never worry about my car more than you."

"HA! TOLD YOU!" Alice cheered from next to me. I laughed silently as I placed a hand gently on Edward's cheek for a moment before signing to him.

'Why on Earth were you worried about me?' I asked sincerely.

"I was worried because you've never driven the Volvo before, and I wasn't there with you for your first time driving it. I tried sending you text after text to see if you made it home okay, but you never answered. Alice never answered Jasper either," he responded, and I listened intently as the worry increased in his tone toward the end.

'I'm sorry. I didn't hear my phone...it's in my book bag.' I signed hurriedly with an apologetic expression.

"It's alright, love. They tried to assure me that everything was fine with both of you, but I finally annoyed them enough that they brought me back. I'm just relieved to see that you're okay," he responded as he tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear.

I vaguely heard Alice behind me apologizing to Jasper as well.

"Good God, Bells. You should have seen it! He even had Jasper freaking out for a while! It was embarrassing walking around with the two of these worry-warts!" Emmett crowed.

"Emmett, shut up! We've had to go through it with you a time or a hundred as well," Jasper retorted. Alice and I chuckled as we looked at Emmett's dumbfounded expression.

"When?!" he shouted defensively.

"Geez, Em. Don't you remember calling Rosalie every what, five minutes or so, when she first left for college? It took you damn near a month to put the stupid thing down. You even held it while it was on the charger!" Edward exclaimed from beside me.

"Oh shit...I forgot about that," Emmett chortled.

"WATCH YOUR MOUTH EMMETT MCCARTY!!" Esme screeched from the kitchen.

"BUSTED!" They all chimed out at him as I laughed silently and pointed.

"SORRY ESME!" Emmett boomed back to her.

"DON'T MAKE ME PUT SOAP IN YOUR MOUTH!" she hollered back.

"MOM USES DIAL! I PREFER DOVE!" he shot back. We all looked at him stunned as he laughed.

Esme came out from the kitchen brandishing a spatula and waving it at him as she tried to stifle her chuckles and scowl at him.

"Emmett McCarty...don't make me whack you!," she chided playfully.

"Sorry, Esme. My brain filter was broken at birth when the doc smacked my behind," he chortled. Esme laughed and dropped her arm down to her side as she shook her head.

"Emmett, what am I going to do with you?" she chuckled. He laughed as he took in all of us on the couch, laughing hysterically.

"I don't know, Esme. My mom says the same thing all the time, and I don't have an answer for her either," he said as he grinned at her. She shook her head and snickered as she walked back into the kitchen.

"Emmett, you're one of a kind, man," Jasper choked out through his laughter.

"Eh..what can I say? My parents broke God's mold when they made me," he said as he chuckled and shrugged his shoulders.

We all chuckled at his response and fell into a moment of silence. I looked at everyone surrounding me, each of them sporting a pensive expression. I shifted uncomfortably as the silence continued on, and my movement caused them all to look at me. Stunned by the sudden focus on me, I signed the first thing that came to mind.

'Who died?'

I thought at least it would get them to chuckle if not laugh, but not even a whisper broke free from a single one of them.

"Was anyone else thinking about how much time we've wasted these past months?" Alice asked quietly as she took in each of our expressions. Everyone nodded except me, and once again I felt like the freak in the room.

"What were you thinking about, love?" Edward asked as he rested his head on my shoulder.

'I wasn't thinking much of anything besides how good it felt to have everyone back together again.' I responded sincerely.

"Amen to that! Can we eat some pizza now? I'm frickin' starving!" Emmett boomed. I laughed silently as he started to get up.

"Hang on, Em," Edward said as he held an arm out to stop him from getting up.

I turned slightly to see him as he spoke and waited for him to say something. He looked at each of us for a moment before he began.

"We should all be thinking more like Bella. It won't do any of us any good to keep focusing on what any one person did, or how much time we wasted to get here. From this moment on, we should let go of everything that led up to this point. We need to focus only on the here and now and the future."

I looked back to everyone else and smiled as I saw each of them nod as they let his words sink in. He was right, we all needed to put the past where it belonged and embrace what we could have at the moment.

Without warning, Emmett ran off toward the kitchen and came back only a moment later, grinning and carrying a pizza box with him.

"God, Emmett...can't you stop thinking about food for even just a moment?" Jasper asked him with an incredulous tone.

"Oh shut up and take a slice of pizza...I have a plan," he retorted.

We all just looked at him curiously as we each took a slice out of the box. I chuckled when I noticed that not one of us had yet to take a bite out of our slice as we waited for Emmett to tell us his "plan".

"Alright people...hold up your slices and repeat after me...To the here and now," he said in a tone that was about as serious and straight forward as Emmett could ever get without being angry.

We all looked at each other and chuckled as we held up our slices of pizza. A round of "To the here and nows" sounded off from around me, and I laughed silently as I tried to figure out how to join in my own way...to no avail. I finally gave up and signed it as best I could while still holding my slice of pizza.

We finished eating and Emmett took control of the tv remote, much to Jasper's dismay. They fought over it for a while, until Edward threatened to take it from both of them and put it on the classical music channel. They both turned and looked at Edward with horrified expressions, causing Alice and I to burst into laughter...mine as silent as ever of course. Edward's straight face made us laugh even harder as he quirked an eyebrow at them, effectively daring them to try him. They finally agreed on a station when they found a channel airing the movie 'The Sandlot'.

Just when the scene came on where they head into the carnival, Emmett turned around toward us with an wicked grin.

"Hey guys, the spring carnival is next weekend. You guys want to go?" he asked excitedly.

I shook my head at him with eyes as wide as saucers as I gripped Edward to me with all the strength I could muster.

"Aw come on Belly Bear...don't you want to ride on the Rock-O-Plane with me?" Emmett pleaded with an innocent expression.

'No. Last time you locked that stupid cage upside down and I nearly passed out by the time we got off.' I signed quickly.

"Locked what cage upside down?" Alice asked curiously from beside me.

"When she was about 9 we all went to the carnival, and they had this ferris wheel with cages that you could spin and lock in various positions. Well, Emmett here decided to lock it upside down and she screamed bloody murder for the whole ride. Her face was purple by the time she got off of it," Edward chimed in as he glared at Emmett. Jasper and Alice cracked up as I shook my head in embarrassment.

"What? I thought it was fun!" Emmett boomed.

"Come on, Bella. If we promise to keep Emmett in line will you go?" Alice asked with a pout.

I turned and looked to Edward and he smiled at me.

"I promise not to lock it upside down if you want to go on it, love. And I promise not to let Emmett torture you on any of the other rides as well," he said as he pulled me closer to him.

'I'll hold you to that.' I signed to him before I looked back to Alice.

She squealed and clapped her hands excitedly, Jasper smiled and put a hand on her shoulder and I swear my mouth hit the floor when she calmed almost instantly as she looked back at him.

'How did you do that?' I signed to him in awe.

"Do what, Bella?" he asked with a confused expression.

'Calm her down that quickly?' I signed hurriedly as I stared at her.

"Umm...I'm not sure. I've never really paid much attention to it really," he replied nonchalantly.

Alice giggled as she leaned against him and turned her head toward me.

"It's freaky isn't it?" she chortled. I nodded dumbly as I tried to process the instant affect it had on her.

"It's been fun and all, but I need to get home before mama-dukes rips me a new one again," Emmett said as he got up off the floor and tossed the remote to Edward.

"Hey Em...can you give me a ride home? I don't want to rush Edward out of here before he actually needs to leave," Jasper asked as Emmett stretched in front of us.

"I can bring you home, Jazzy," Alice said as we all got up off the couch. Jasper turned toward her and wrapped his long arms around her tiny frame.

"It's alright, Ali. I'm sure you still have homework to do, and you can still spend a little more time with Bella and Edward before you have to go home as well. I'll see you in the morning okay?" he said softly as he gazed into her eyes and smiled lazily at her.

"Okay," she said as she pouted at him. He bent down and kissed her pouting lip.

"I love you, Alice. I'll call you tonight before I go to bed." She smiled and he bent down to kiss her one more time. I smiled as I watched the two of them together. They really were perfect for each other.

"Come here Belly Bear," Emmett called out to me as he held his arms open.

'You better not kiss me Emmett.' I signed to him as I narrowed my eyes playfully at him.

"Everyone gets love but the big ol' bear...I see how it is," he said as he pouted. I snorted and stepped into his arms. He lifted me effortlessly and crushed me to his chest. I started to laugh breathlessly as he started stomping off toward the door, and I held out my arm to Edward as I tried squirming out of Emmett's grasp.

"Emmett!" Edward called out as he laughed and followed us.

"What? It's only for one night. You can have her back in the morning," Emmett chuckled.

"Don't make me sic Esme on you!" he chided playfully.

"Weak, bro! You pulled the parent card on me! Can you believe him?" he asked as he looked at me incredulously. I chuckled silently and nodded to him.

"Don't you want to have a camp-out with me and Big Bad Boog, Belly Bear?" he asked with a sad puppy face and a full pout.

I pouted back at him and sniffled as I shook my head. Edward chuckled and held his arms out for me.

"Alright, alright. You win...your pout is a lot more effective than mine," he chuckled as he passed me off to Edward.

"I'll see you both tomorrow," he said as he smiled. "JAZZ, LET'S GO MAN!" he boomed as he walked to the porch steps.

Jasper came shuffling out to the entry way, toting a pouting Alice behind him. He held out one arm toward me and I smiled as I wrapped my arms around him.

"I'll see ya in the mornin', okay?" he voiced just above a whisper. I pulled back to look at him when I heard the sadness in his voice. He smiled sadly at me as he stepped back and I immediately realized why he sounded that way.

'To the here and now, Jasper. Let it go. We can't all move forward if you stay behind.' I signed to him with a pleading expression.

He looked straight into my eyes for a series of moments before finally giving in and nodding. I slumped against Edward as he turned back toward Alice, and eyed him carefully. He wasn't going to let it go. I could see that much in his expression.

"It'll be okay, Bella. He's just worried. He'll let it all go soon enough," Edward whispered into my ear. I turned and looked at him in confusion. 'Worried about what?' I mouthed to him silently. He bent down and whispered in my ear once again.

"I'll explain it to you later, love."

I nodded to him as he pulled back, and then turned back to face them. Alice let go of him as Emmett honked the horn, and Edward chuckled as I jumped slightly in his arms. I smacked his arm playfully as I chuckled.

"See ya'll in the mornin'" Jasper drawled as he grinned lazily and walked out the door.

"See ya, bro," Edward said as he bumped his fist with him. Alice and I chuckled silently at the exchange.

After they left we made our way back into the living room. Esme brought us out some snacks as we sat down to do our homework. Thankfully it seemed that none of us had much to do as it only took a half hour to finish.

"Bella? Where's Carlisle?" Edward asked from beside me.

'Probably working a double. Why?' I asked curiously.

"I wanted to talk to him about what happened at the beach on Saturday. I'm curious to see if he gets any ideas on how to help you from it," he replied sincerely.

"I think the key to her being able to use her voice is you, Edward," Alice chimed in.

"What do you mean, Alice?" he asked as he tilted his head to look at her.

"I think she's comforted by you so well that it helps her to overcome the panic. We talked about it earlier and were thinking of giving it a try with you doing what Esme and I used to do," she responded as she shifted into a more comfortable position on the couch.

"Do you want to try it, Bella?" he asked as he pushed my hair over my shoulder. I thought about it for a few moments and then nodded.

'Let me go tell Esme, and then I'm going to get changed into my pajamas in case I freeze up accidentally.' I signed to them before getting up off the couch.

I found Esme reading in bed, and I sat on the edge of the mattress as she put the book down on her nightstand.

"Is everything alright, Bella?" she asked with concern. I nodded and smiled as I signed to her.

'Everything is fine. I just wanted to tell you that Alice, Edward, and I are going to make an attempt at using my voice. I wanted to say good night in case I can't later.'

"Do you want me to join you all?" she asked sincerely. I smiled and shook my head.

'It's okay, Mom. I think you could use a break from this for once.'

"Okay, dear. I'll check on you after they leave," she replied comfortingly. I nodded and bent to give her a hug good night.

"I'm proud of you, honey. You stepped outside of your own troubles and reached out to others to help them understand not only you, but each other as well. That isn't an easy thing to do, and I'm proud of you for taking those steps on your own. I'm glad that you were all able to work through your differences. I am surprised at how quickly you were all able to work through it though," she said as she smoothed my hair down over my back. I pulled back and looked at her curiously.

'Quickly? Mom, we've all been stewing in our issues for six months. I think it was long enough for each of us to want to get away from it as quickly as possible.' I signed to her with a quirked eyebrow.

"I suppose you're right, dear. I didn't think of it that way. I just assumed that it would take a while for each of you to find forgiveness within yourselves for each other before you could move forward with your friendships. I'm not saying it's a bad thing by any means, it's just that I'm surprised," she replied thoughtfully.

'I thought so too at first, but I quickly realized that the forgiveness I needed to find in me for everyone had always been there. It was just the lack of understanding between us that kept me from feeling it. I missed them, Mom. Edward did too. It didn't make sense for any of us to prolong the situation any further when it would only cause us to feel guilty over the distance between us. Whatever healing we have left to do, and trust left to mend, we can do together and hopefully it will only bring us closer together.' I signed sincerely.

"That, Bella. That right there is why I'm so proud of you. Months ago you were hiding from the entire situation. Now, instead of taking small steps toward what you wished to change, you took long strides toward it, and you accomplished it," she gushed.

'It wasn't that big of a deal, Mom. I only did what I should have done in the beginning...six months ago. It shouldn't have taken me, or any of us, this long to get to this point. It's down right embarrassing that it has actually taken us this long.' I replied with a grimace.

"Bella, this is a huge deal. How many years have you avoided taking any type of step in a direction that wasn't leading you into hiding from anything that you should have been facing?" she asked, and I contemplated for a moment as to whether or not she was asking a rhetorical question. She quirked her eyebrow at me expectantly and I begrudgingly answered.

'Five and a half years, Mom.'

"Do you understand now why it's such a big deal to me? Five and a half years you've gone without taking any effective steps toward anything but hiding until recently. Within the last four months alone you've taken more steps than you have in the previous five years combined, but it's this most recent one that takes the cake. Do you know why?" she asked, and once again I questioned whether or not she expected an answer. She again quirked her eyebrow at me, and I chuckled silently as I shook my head.

'No...I don't know why.' I responded honestly.

"It's because this time, you didn't hesitate. You figured out how you wanted to handle the situation, and you did so immediately. Even when your original expectations for how you would proceed after your initial step changed, you allowed yourself to take the next step toward what you wanted instead of hesitating. That took courage, dear. That took faith. Faith in not only them but yourself as well. You trusted yourself to make a decision based on what you felt was right for not only you, but for them as well, instead of backing away until you felt completely secure in your decision to trust them again. That was an amazing thing for you to be able to do after spending so much time avoiding taking any steps in any direction at all," she said with an impassioned tone.

A tear slipped from my eye as I listened to her speak. Never before had I ever heard her speak with such emotion or high praise in regards to anything I had ever done. There wasn't a single word or phrase that I could gesture that would convey to her how her words made me feel. I leaned forward and hugged her tightly, hoping that it would somehow convey how I felt.

When I pulled back, I mouthed a silent 'thank you' to her and smiled as I wiped a stray tear from my cheek.

"Is everything okay?" Alice asked from the doorway and I turned and smiled to her as I nodded.

'I'll be out in a minute, Alice.' I signed to her quickly.

"Okay, Edward and I will be in your room whenever you're ready," she said softly. I nodded to her and smiled before turning back toward Esme.

'I love you, Mom. I'm going to go get ready for bed before it gets to late and they have to leave.'

I leaned forward and hugged her once more before getting up off of the bed.

"I love you too, honey. Good night."

I smiled to her as I shut her door and made my way into my room. Edward and Alice were sitting on my bed as I walked in and she handed me a pair of pajamas. I walked off to the bathroom to change quickly and get ready for bed.

As soon as I walked back in the room, Edward nudged Alice over and leaned himself up against the pillows and headboard. He smiled at me and opened his arms for me. I quickly climbed into the bed and gave him a quick kiss before turning around and laying between his legs with my back resting against his chest.

"Are you ready, love?" Edward murmured from behind me. I nodded, took a deep breath, and let it out slowly.

Alice took a hold of my hand and rubbed it gently as Edward started trailing his fingers up and down my arms.

"Okay, Bella. Remember, if the panic starts to rise too much then stop, okay?" Alice said quietly. I looked at her and nodded before I closed my eyes and tried to focus only on feeling their comforting caresses.

When I felt completely relaxed, I decided to make my first attempt for the night. I took in a breath and started to push it forward, trying to carry with it what I wished to say.

"_eh." _

I felt the panic start to rise, so I stopped and let it settle back down.

"It's okay, love. Just try again whenever you're ready," Edward said encouragingly. I nodded and took a few relaxing breaths.

When I was ready, I tried again. Once again, I started to push the air forward and tried to allow my word to accompany it.

_"edward."_

My eyes shot open and I gripped Alice's hand as my body tensed. I couldn't believe that I had successfully gotten the whisper out. Alice's eyes were as wide as saucers as she stared at me, her gentle caresses on my hand suddenly ceased as she appeared to be frozen in shock. It wasn't helping with the panic I was feeling.

I raised a shaky hand and gently tapped Edward's lips as I had done the first day and he immediately started humming my lullaby as he gently massaged my shoulders. Almost instantly I was able to feel the panic slowly subsiding. I released my grip on Alice's hand and looked at her as I took deep calming breaths. When she was positive that I wasn't going to freeze, she let out the most excitedly loud squeal as she toppled over on top of me.

"Bella! That was incredible!"

Edward chuckled through his humming, but didn't stop the flow of the melody for even a second. I wrapped my arms around her and laughed silently as I felt the last of the panic fade away. She sat up and smiled brilliantly at me as a tear slid down her face. I wiped it away for her and smiled at her.

"Do you want to try again?" she asked with an encouraging tone. I nodded and relaxed back against Edward once again.

He stopped humming and kissed the top of my head before returning to gently running his fingers up and down my arms. I stopped one of his hands and laced our fingers together, needing the strength of our love to help me with what I wished to say next. I gave his hand a gentle squeeze as I braced myself to try again. He returned the gesture and murmured a quick "I love you" to me which instantly made me smile.

Once again I took in a breath and started to push it forward, praying that the whisper would come out and I wouldn't freeze up.

"_...love you..." _

Again, on instinct, I gripped Alice's hand tightly, and squeezed Edward's hand as well. He squeezed back as he immediately started humming my lullaby. Alice didn't freeze up in shock the second time, and her gentle caresses helped me to push the panic down sooner than I had been able to after my previous success.

I looked up to Edward and he grinned widely at me before leaning down to kiss me. When he pulled away he gazed straight into my eyes as he spoke softly to me.

"I love you so much, Bella. Hearing those words from you was the most beautiful sound in the world to my ears."

I tilted my head up and kissed him once more before relaxing against him once again. I looked to Alice who was bouncing happily next to me and I chuckled silently as she held her hands over her heart and made an 'aww' sound to us.

I felt like I was on could nine, simply because so far it was working. The panic was still rising, but it wasn't taking me over, and I felt confident that, with Edward's help of course, I could push it back down again if I tried to do more than just whisper.

"Bella, love. We have time for one more try if you want to," Edward murmured from behind me as he nuzzled his face into my hair. I nodded and closed my eyes once again.

"Ooh, ooh...try saying my name..please, please, please?" Alice pleaded excitedly and I chuckled as I opened my eyes to look at her. I nodded to her and chuckled once more as she started to bounce up and down, and once again I closed my eyes. I concentrated on the soothing sensations they were providing me, and steeled myself to my resolve to do something more than just whisper. I took in a breath, and pushed it out forcefully. I felt my vocal cords vibrate as the sound began to resonate from them, and fought with everything in me against the panic that was starting to shoot through me.

"Ali..." was all I got out before I seized up.

_DAMMIT! I WAS SO CLOSE!!!_

_**Relax, Bella. That was farther than you've ever gotten before. Take pride in that success and stop focusing on what you didn't achieve.**_

_I know, I know...but for the love of God, can't this one thing just go smoothly for me?_

_**Umm...no. You allowed the panic to take control years ago, and now it's going to be an up hill battle to take it back, Bella. You'll get there though...in due time.**_

_This is frustrating beyond belief!_

_**You're preaching to the choir, chickadee. I'm well aware of exactly how frustrating it is.**_

_Sorry..._

_**No need to apologize. So when do you plan to try again?**_

_I'm not sure, really. Maybe they can both sleep over Friday night and we can try then. I really shouldn't be doing this on a school night...what if I didn't snap out of it before school?_

_**You're probably right. I don't think Esme or Carlisle would be very pleased with you missing school frequently because of this. You should probably focus your attempts to Friday and Saturday nights until you have more control over it.**_

_Yeah..that sounds like a good idea...Do you hear that?_

_**Hear what?**_

_THAT! What is that?_

_**I don't know..I can't really make it out. It's too muffled...**_

_Whatever it is..it's driving me crazy because I can't figure out what the hell it is!_

_**Just ignore it...hey, have you noticed that we've been talking for a while now?**_

_Yeah...and?_

_**Bella...the beginning never lasts this long...it's usually silent by now.**_

_Huh...I hadn't thought about it...that is strange. What do you think it means?_

_**I think something is changing with the way you have these episodes.**_

_No crap Sherlock! Why do you think that is?_

_**I have no idea...but I'm sure we'll figure it out soon enough.**_

_That noise stopped... I wonder what it was..._

_**I don't have a clue...try asking them about it in the morning.**_

_You don't think it's anything dangerous do you?_

_**Like what? A vampire? A ghost? OooooOOOo.**_

_Shut up! Of all the things to say at a time like this...you choose that!_

_**Really, Bella....get a grip. You're in your room, Esme's down the hall, Edward and Alice might not have even left yet, and you're going to start freaking out over vampires again? I thought they had to be invited into your home in order for them to cross the threshold anyway.**_

_What if that's just a myth?_

_**Umm...Bella? Vampires in general are mythical creatures you dolt!**_

_That doesn't mean they can't exist!_

_**Are you going to start believing that Jake is a werewolf now?**_

_Shape-shifter...they don't like the term werewolf! And...you never know..maybe he is!_

_**Oh Lord...Bella, he's just a freaking normal teenage boy!**_

_Yeah...a HUGE possibly not normal teenage boy! Seriously the kid is like the Jolly Green Giant!_

_**This is ridiculous...At any rate...I think it would be kind of cool to be immortal and all.**_

_You would think that!_

_**And you wouldn't?!**_

_Who the hell would want to live forever and watch everyone that they ever care about die over and over and over..._

_**Alright, alright...I get it! You kind of have a point there...but what if you had an immortal family and immortal friends?**_

_I think I'd probably end up suicidal if I had to spend centuries upon centuries with the same group of people day in and day out. Wouldn't you ever run out of things to say to each other? Really...one lifetime is enough, I don't need multiple lifetimes to endure that boredom for eternity._

_**What if Edward was immortal?**_

_You sneaky bugger! Touche...well played. You're starting to get muffled though. I think the silence is finally making its appearance._

_**So it seems. Good night, Bella.**_

_Night..._

_

* * *

_

**AN: I'm surprised no one has mentioned this to me yet, as I've been waiting for it... Has anyone realized that no one's been signing back to Bella, or passing notes and such for a few chapters? I'd love to hear your theories on why it is that it doesn't seem to bother her anymore LOL...I've been waiting for them for a few chapters now. **

**Reviews are better than having Emmett lock you upside down in a caged ferris wheel! Remember...if you read it...please review it! Thanks! ~Jersey~**


	59. NavigatingUnstableGround&MallStandOffs

**AN: Okay...so I have to share this with all of you, simply because I'm retarded. I was editing this chapter early this morning in bed and a freaking giant spider ran across my arm. I almost thought I broke my laptop when it went flying as I totally freaked out over it. I'm petrified of spiders..like horrifically petrified of spiders...and I live in the damn woods..not smart. Anyway..special thanks to my ever so loyal dog for killing the stupid thing for me. He's such a good protector LMAO. Sad that he has such a wuss as a master LOL. I'm sorry I couldn't do a double update Friday, I never got the chance to edit another chapter on top of this one, and I barely made it through this one as it was. This chapter finally has some answers for everyone concerning the whole communication thing as well as Jasper. Anyways...ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Twilight, SM owns it all.**

* * *

Navigating Unstable Ground & Mall Stand Offs

BPOV

I woke up the following morning to a tickling sensation on my nose. My alarm hadn't even gone off yet and the fact that it was an annoying sensation that woke me only served to irritate me even further. I swatted my hand in front of me, trying to smack away whatever it was that was tickling my nose, but only managed to smack my still somewhat sore nose.

I grimaced as I rolled over and rubbed my nose gently as I tried to get comfortable enough to fall back asleep. The sounds of my lullaby coming from my iPod helped me greatly and I felt myself begin to succumb to slumber once more.

It could have been seconds, or it could have been hours, but my alarm still hadn't gone off and that damn tickling sensation on my nose was once again irritating the living daylights out of me. I gently raised my hand to my nose and soothed the bothersome tickle before huffing and burying my face into my pillow.

I was just about to fall back asleep again when I felt that same damn sensation on my ear.

_WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!_

I swatted at my ear and huffed as I rolled over and shot my eyes open to see what the hell was causing that irritating sensation. I almost snorted when I saw Alice holding a hand over her face, attempting to quiet her snickers that I couldn't hear anyway, as she waved a peacock feather in front of my face. I rolled my eyes and pulled my ear buds out as I yawned and stretched my legs out. I turned toward her and quirked an eyebrow at her after I looked at the time on the clock. It wasn't even 6am yet!

'Alice, what are you doing here so early?' I signed to her sleepily as I closed my eyes once again.

"Come on, Bella. Get up. Edward called Jazzy this morning. They all want to go to breakfast before school. You have to get up if we're going to make it there with enough time to actually eat," she said with a pleading tone as she shook me.

'Don't any of you people ever sleep?' I signed with a huff.

"Of course we do, silly. We just apparently don't need as much as you, Sleeping Beauty!" she chirped as she started to pull me from the bed.

I chuckled silently as I swatted at her and tried pulling myself back under the covers.

"Belllllaaaaaaa," she whined as she stomped her foot on the floor.

I pulled the blanket down and peeked at her as I hid my smile. She looked like a toddler about to throw a temper tantrum. My smile immediately faded as she got a glint in her eye and she smiled smugly at me. I already knew what was going to come from her mouth.

"Don't you want to see Edward?" she asked with an all knowing tone. I chuckled and nodded as I started to make my way out of the bed.

"Thank God...I thought I was going to have to call Edward to pry you out of that bed!" she chuckled as she flopped down on my bed to wait for me to get ready.

I quickly took a shower and got dressed before walking back into my room. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun and pulled one of my short sleeved button ups out of the closet to put over my camisole. I buttoned it up half way and spritzed some freesia body spray on before turning back to Alice.

"Do you want me to do your make-up like I used to?" she asked hesitantly. I started to shake my head but then stopped.

'Maybe just my eyes? I like the way you used to make them look.' I signed to her quickly.

She nodded and pulled her make-up bag out of her school bag and pulled my desk chair toward the dresser. I sat down in it and waited for her to start.

"Okay, Bella. Close your eyes," she said as she pulled out her eyeliner.

It only took a minute or two and she was finished. I stood and looked in the mirror and smiled before looking down at the scar on my neck.

"Do you want me to cover it the way we used to?" she asked softly from beside me as she watched me in the mirror with a concerned expression etched on her face.

I fingered the mark tentatively for a moment before turning to her.

'No. It's part of me, and if it bothers anyone then that's their problem, not mine.' I signed to her as I shook my head.

She smiled and let out the breath that she had been holding.

"I'm proud of you, Bella. I'm happy that you're trying not to let it bother you anymore," she said encouragingly.

'Ready?' I signed to her simply.

She smiled and nodded before packing up her make-up bag and tossing it in her book bag. She tossed it over her shoulder and followed me out of my room and down the stairs. I wandered off toward the kitchen to look for Esme so I could say good-bye before we left.

"Good morning, sweetheart. Did you sleep well?" Esme asked as she spotted me walking into the kitchen. I nodded to her and approached her.

'Yes. Until someone decided to wake me at an ungodly hour.' I chuckled silently as I signed to her and bobbed my head toward Alice.

"It was quite a surprise to see Alice here so early this morning. I was hesitant to let her wake you, but she told me of Edward's breakfast plans. Was it okay that I let her wake you?" she asked worriedly.

I chuckled silently and nodded to her.

'Yes, Mom. It's fine.' I signed to her before turning to Alice.

'Alice, can I have just a minute with my mom before we go?' I signed to her hesitantly, not wishing to offend her. She smiled and nodded.

"Thank you for letting me in to wake Bella, Esme. I'll wait for you in the car," she responded kindly.

"Have a good day at school, dear," Esme called out to her.

"Will do! Thank you, see you after school!" she called back as she headed toward the door.

'Mom, can I talk to you about something real quick?' I asked her nervously as I sat down in front of her.

"You can talk to me about anything, dear. You know I'm always here for you," she responded comfortingly.

'I'm worried. I know you're proud that I took those quick steps to mend our friendships, but I'm worried that I'm wrong for not fully opening myself up to them just yet.' I signed quickly with a troubled expression.

"Opened up to who, Bella? You seem perfectly open with Edward, and you don't seem closed off to Alice. Is it Jasper and Emmett?" she asked curiously. I shook my head.

'No. I'm fine with Edward, and oddly enough I'm fine with Emmett now. It didn't dawn on me until today in the shower, but I feel kind of closed off to both Alice and Jasper, and I'm not sure I can explain why.' I signed to her, trying to be as clear as I could with my muddled thoughts.

"Well, why don't you try and explain it to me as best you can, and maybe I can help you make sense of it," she replied encouragingly. I nodded and took a moment to gather my thoughts before starting.

'Something is bothering Jasper, and not allowing him to let go of what happened. It makes me feel like I need to be cautious around him for some unknown reason. Edward told me that he's struggling with something, and that he'd explain it to me at a later time, as Jasper was there when I picked up on it.' I looked at her and waited for her to respond as I put my hands down and rested them on my knees.

"Hm.. I don't have much to go on there. I think we might have to get back to that after you're able to speak with either Edward or Jasper over the matter. It might be nothing, and it might be something you need to be cautious about. I'm not quite sure, dear," she responded and I let out a gust of breath as I nodded and accepted that neither of us really had anything to go on in regards to him.

"What about Alice, sweetheart? You didn't seem closed off to her yesterday," she said with a worried expression.

'I'm trying not to show it, but I feel guarded around her. I know she said that she can accept that I need to handle my life on my own, but I'm worried that she can't. I'm worried that if I turn my back for a moment, she'll start trying to do everything for me again, and I won't be able to stop her. I want to trust her the way I used to, but I can't find it in me to do so. I thought that when I forgave her, this feeling would go away. I feel guilty for being this way after I asked her to put her trust in me if we were to become friends again. I'm worried that if anything ever happened again to where she felt she needed to protect me, that she would do so without thinking about it, and some part of this situation would repeat itself.' I relayed to her, trying to keep my thoughts from jumbling together and making no sense at all.

"Sweetheart, I really think that you need to talk to her about this. You both are going to have to work together to fix that problem. She needs to know that even though you let her back in, your trust in her isn't where it needs to be. I understand why you feel that way, truly I do, but this isn't something that will fix itself if you don't make it known to her. If you stand by and question her ability to allow you to handle your life continuously, you're going to remain guarded and unable to trust her fully. She made that very same mistake with you, dear," she said and I nodded to her.

'Thanks, Mom. I'll talk to her today.' I signed to her as I stood from my seat. I hugged her and kissed her cheek as I pulled back.

"I love you, Bella. Everything will work out eventually, okay?" she said sympathetically. I smiled sadly and nodded to her.

'I love you too, Mom. I'll see you after school.' I signed to her before I picked up my bag and headed for the door.

I walked outside and climbed into Alice's car, and prepared myself to start our much needed conversation.

"Is everything alright, Bella?" she asked concernedly. I turned toward her and smiled nervously.

"What is it, Bella?" she asked as she turned fully toward me in her seat.

'Can we talk for a minute before we go?' I signed to her hesitantly. She nodded and waited for me to continue.

'Alice, I want to be able to trust you more than anything, the way I used to, but I'm finding it hard to do so. My guard is up around you because I feel like I'm waiting for you to start trying to protect me and doing everything for me again. I worry that if I put my guard down, I won't be able to tell you when you need to step back and let me do something on my own for fear of hurting your feelings. I feel like a hypocrite for asking you to trust me fully when I don't trust you completely either.' I signed to her with an apologetic expression.

_She sat quietly for a minute as she thought through all that I had tried to convey to her, and I waited patiently for her to respond. _

"Bella, I can't promise not to make a mistake...that's just impossible because I'm only human. I don't want you to ever think that telling me that I'm overstepping my boundaries will hurt my feelings, as I'm trusting in you to point it out to me if I do. I need you to tell me if I overstep them. I also don't expect you to trust in me completely right away. I don't trust in myself completely either. I'm afraid that I'll make a mistake and you won't point it out to me, and then I'll make it repeatedly because I'll think I'm doing the right thing."

She paused as her voice started to crack and a tear trailed down her face. She wiped it away and tried to compose herself to continue, but it seemed as though she was having a hard time doing so.

"As crazy as this sounds, Bella, I need your help, because I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. Everything I thought I was doing right was wrong, and I'm so unsure of every step I take because I can't figure out if it's a step in the right direction or the wrong one. I've never been so unsure of myself in my life, and I worry that any step I take will be the wrong one and you'll get hurt by it and be unable to forgive me for it. I'm so incredibly sorry for every wrong step I've ever taken that has failed you," she said with a broken voice as she frantically tried to wipe away at the tears that continued to stream from her eyes.

I reached across our seats and hugged her for a few moments before pulling back.

'We are quite the confused pair aren't we?' I chuckled silently and humorlessly as I signed to her. She nodded and chuckled as she reached into the console for a tissue.

"So where do we go from here? Cause I honestly have no idea how to fix this," she admitted as she fiddled with the tissue in her hands.

'How about if I promise to tell you if you mistake regardless of how small or insignificant it may seem, without judging you for it, and you promise to just ask me if you are really unsure of what step you should take before you take it. That way you can trust yourself and stop worrying that everything you do is wrong, and I can regain the faith in you that you trust me to handle anything for myself.' I offered after thinking it over for a few moments.

"I can do that. I'm not sure of anything else at the moment, but I'm certain I can promise that much," she said assuredly.

Alice and I both quickly cleaned ourselves up and headed off to the diner to meet everyone for breakfast. Edward, Emmett, and Jasper were all waiting for us outside as we pulled into the parking lot. Alice and I got out of the car quickly and made our way toward them. Edward held his arms out for me, and I smiled as I stepped into his embrace.

"Everything alright, love? I was beginning to worry that something had happened," he murmured as he wrapped his arms tightly around me.

I smiled up to him and nodded as I reached up to give him a kiss. He sighed as our lips met and his hand came up to cup my cheek gently. I pulled back after a few moments and stepped back.

'Sorry. Alice and I had to work through a few things this morning. I'll explain it all to you later.' I signed to him with an apologetic expression.

"It's alright, love. We still have time for breakfast before school," he said as he smiled and linked our hands together.

We made our way into the diner and sat at a circular table. We ordered our food when the waitress came by, and soon enough, our table was lively with conversations and silent gestures. I couldn't help but notice how reserved Jasper was being toward me, and it only made me more wary of him. Edward quickly noticed my pensive silence as I tried to figure out what was holding him back.

"Bella, please don't worry. He'll come around," he whispered in my ear. I reluctantly nodded to him and tried to relax and enjoy the rest of our time together.

When it was time to head off to school, Jasper asked if it would be alright if he rode in with Alice. I smiled and nodded to him and headed off toward Edward's car after taking my bag out of her car. I tried to give Emmett the front seat because I felt bad having him be squished in the back. I was after all a lot smaller than he was. He just laughed and pushed me toward the passenger door that Edward had been holding open for me.

As soon as we were all in the car, Edward and Emmett turned their attention to me.

"Love, we don't want you to worry about Jasper. He's struggling with something at the moment, and it's making it hard for him to let everything go," Edward said softly as he held my hands and caressed my knuckles gently. I pulled my hands back to sign to them.

'What is he struggling with? Why is he acting so distant toward me? I didn't do anything to him for him to be that way.' I responded, feeling hurt by his distant behavior.

"Bells, it isn't anything that you did. He's having a hard time coming to terms with how he feels he failed you. He's afraid that anything he does around you will hurt you somehow and it's causing him to guard his every action. It's not your fault in any way, he just needs to work through all of his conflicting emotions," Emmett said as he tried to comfort my worries.

'Why does he feel this way now? He never appeared to be distant before.' I signed to him with a doubtful look. I looked to Edward and he sighed as he turned to look at Emmett. I followed his gaze and waited for Emmett to say something.

"He's been struggling with it ever since that first night, Bella. It's just more visible outwardly now because he's around you. He blames himself completely for what you went through right after that night, and he's terrified that anything he does will cause you to shut down again. Alice and I have spent months trying to convince him that he isn't the only one to blame for everything that happened. Edward even tried to get that through to him yesterday, but none of us can get him to understand it. He has to come to terms with that guilt on his own, because none of us can take it away from him when he's holding onto it with so much force. He's not being distant to hurt you, Bells. He's trying to protect you from himself because he doesn't think he's worth your friendship or trust," he said sadly.

I stared at him for a few moments, waiting for something to flicker across his eyes to tell me that he was being insincere, but nothing ever did. I narrowed my eyes at him slightly as a flicker of anger rushed through me. I let out a breath of air as it disappeared and clenched my jaw as I averted my gaze.

I wanted to be angry with Jasper for trying to protect me instead of doing what he should have done in the beginning...be my friend. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the anger I wished to feel to appear. I looked back to Emmett and mustered up the most frustrated expression I could manage.

'That's just stupid. We're all at fault for everything that happened. His guilt is going to destroy him, and trying to protect me is only going to make it worse. He needs to let it go and just be my friend...be the big brother that he used to be to me. He needs to realize that if he makes a mistake, then so be it, someone will point it out to him and then he can fix it. I know what it feels like to not feel worthy enough to be someone's friend, and he doesn't need to feel that way. There's no reason for him to feel that way. If I didn't think he was worthy of being my friend, then I wouldn't have ever bothered being his friend in the first place.' I signed to them quickly.

"That's just it, love. He blames himself so much because he was supposed to be your big brother. He felt it was his job to protect you and he failed you with his own actions, not someone else's. Emmett had the same struggle with his guilt, but he was able to see that he wasn't the only one at fault. Jasper's stuck because he can't accept that. He won't allow any of us to take the blame that's rightfully ours away from him. Emmett's blame is his because he asked Emmett to cover for him. Alice's blame is his because he agreed with her to keep their relationship a secret. My blame is his because if he hadn't of admitted his feelings for Alice, I wouldn't have asked him to give us time. Your blame is his because he thinks that everything that caused you to shut down was his fault. It's what he feels toward himself that makes him think he's unworthy of you and your trust," Edward said exasperatedly.

'So what do we do?' I signed to them sadly.

"The only thing we can do is be there and try to show him that we don't blame him for our own mistakes. He'll make it through, don't worry. He's strong, and a force to be reckoned with emotionally, but his ability to logically rationalize any situation at hand will pull him out of it eventually," Emmett said as he leaned back in his seat.

I let out a frustrated breath and nodded to him before turning in my seat. Edward took a hold of my hand and squeezed it gently. I looked at him and smiled sadly.

"Please don't worry, love. He'll come around, okay?" he said, trying once again to comfort me. I nodded slightly to him and he leaned forward to give me a kiss before starting the car.

By the time we made it to the school, we all had to bolt out of the car and practically run to our classes to avoid being late. I slid into my old seat in English class, next to Alice, and she smiled timidly to me.

"They told you about Jasper, didn't they?" she asked hesitantly. I frowned slightly and nodded to her.

"I figured as much. I'm sorry, Bella. I've tried getting through to him over and over, but he won't budge," she said with a defeated tone. I reached out and squeezed her hand gently.

'It's okay, Alice. Edward and Emmett are sure that he'll figure it out for himself eventually.' I signed to her encouragingly. She sighed and nodded as she turned forward in her seat.

The rest of the day went by in a blur. Angela asked me if I wanted to go to Port Angeles with her the following day after school, saying she wanted to get something for her mother for Mother's Day. I readily agreed having already wanted to go there to buy something for Esme.

At lunch, Angela joined us once again, and she and Alice got along amazingly well. She didn't miss a beat falling back into an old routine with the guys either. Seeing everyone together brought a smile to my face, and made me remember how close we used to be in the years prior to my moving away.

I spent most of my time trying to focus my attention on Jasper, hoping that he would see that I didn't think he was unworthy of being my friend just because he had made a mistake. I had made plenty of them in my life, and no one was treating me as though I was unworthy of their friendship. It was obvious how cautious he was being whenever he interacted with me, and if I wasn't able to understand what guilt could do to you, I would have been frustrated to no end with his hesitant behavior.

In art class, Alice and I worked on our banner for prom again. The decided theme for the event was Written in the Stars. I snorted when I heard the announcement and Alice chuckled as she looked at me curiously.

"What was that reaction about, Bella?" she chuckled and I turned toward her.

'It's so _Romeo & Juliet_. I thought prom was supposed to mark the end, or near end, of our journey through young adulthood. Couldn't they come up with something more fitting to that?' I signed to her with an incredulous look.

"I think it's romantic. What theme would you have chosen?" she asked curiously. I thought about it for a few minutes and then turned back toward her.

'What about A Journey to Remember? At least that's fitting for everyone and not just star-crossed lovers in the room, which I sincerely hope there aren't any because love should be eternal and not doomed from the start.' I signed to her as I took a break from filling in her perfect little stars with glitter.

"That's a good one, Bella. You should suggest it for senior prom next year," she said encouragingly with a smile.

'Yeah right, Alice. If I get roped into going to this one, I will _not_ be going to the next one as well.' I replied with a quirked eyebrow. She laughed and shook her head at me.

"Bella, you act like going to a dance is Chinese water torture or something," she chortled. I laughed silently as I tried to contemplate which would actually be more torturous.

'They're just about one in the same, Alice.' I signed to her jokingly. She looked at me stunned for a second before guffawing and flopping back in her seat. I snickered silently as I continued filling in her stars with silver glitter.

"Rosalie is supposed to be coming down to go to prom with Emmett. If you decide not to go, maybe we could all try to get together that weekend and do something fun," she said hesitantly. I turned toward her, feeling awful that she was even afraid to bring up a group gathering for fear of pushing me.

'Alice, it's okay to ask me if I want to do something or join something. I think it would be great if we all got together that weekend, regardless if I end up going to prom or not.' I replied to her with an encouraging smile. She let out a breath that I wasn't sure she was aware she had been holding, and relaxed her stiff posture.

"Sorry. I wasn't sure if I would be crossing the line or not by bringing it up. I didn't want you to think I was trying to pressure you to go to prom by mentioning Rosal..." she rambled but I stopped her by waving my hands around.

'Alice, it's okay. Really. So have you found your dress yet?' I asked her, trying to distract her from her nervous fidgeting.

A brilliant smile crossed her face as excitement gleamed in her eyes, and there I sat for the remainder of the hour, listening to the little pixie tell me every detail about her dress, accessories, shoes, hair style ideas...the whole nine. It took everything in me to stifle my chuckles as she spoke at a superhuman speed and practically bounced right off of her chair with her excitement.

When the final bell rang, Alice and I rose from our seats and gathered our belongings. I frowned and Alice groaned as we walked out of the doors leading outside. We both stopped under the awing and scowled at the hideously dark gray sky that was releasing the torrential downpour of rain.

I was just about to step out into the rain with Alice, when Edward, Emmett, and Jasper came running up to the doorway. Edward smiled his dazzling crooked smile at me, and held his jacket above his head with one arm as he motioned with one finger for me to join him. I smiled gratefully and wrapped my arms around his waist and waited for Alice and Jasper.

"Ali, honey. You're too short. You're still going to get wet. Climb on my back and hold the jacket over us," he said to her as he bent down in front of her. She giggled as she climbed onto his back, and let hollered "Yee-haw" as he stood. I laughed silently when I caught the awkward stares of some of our peers as we made our way into the parking lot.

"Since practice is canceled today, what do you guys want to do?" Emmett asked as he walked backwards in front of us. I looked up to Edward and he shrugged as he looked back down at me.

"I have a project that I really need to finish, so I need to go home. Let me know if you guys plan to do anything. Maybe I can meet up with you later on," Alice said as we arrived at her car. I pouted at her and she chuckled.

"I'm sorry," she pouted back. "I really do have to finish it though, and I'm not nearly as far along as I'd like to be," she said with a resigned tone. I shrugged and nodded to her.

'Send me a text if you need to take a break from it.' I signed to her with a smile.

"I will, I promise," she replied simply as she started to get down off of Jasper.

Edward, Emmett and I walked away from them to give them some privacy as they said goodbye to one another, and made our way toward Edward's car. Emmett quickly slid into the back seat, and Edward continued to shield me from the rain as I got into the passenger seat. Within moments he slid into his own seat and started the car up, letting it warm as we waited for Jasper.

"So what do you guys want to do?" Edward asked from beside me. I shrugged as I thought about it.

'Can we go to Port Angeles? Mother's Day is coming and I wanted to get something for Esme. Angela asked if I wanted to go tomorrow though...' I trailed off with my signing as I tried to think of something else we could all do.

"Why don't you text her and invite her to come along? I still have to buy something for my mom as well. Emmett what do you say?" Edward asked as he looked back behind us.

"I'm up for whatever. I probably should buy mama-dukes something before I forget to like last year," he said as he grimaced.

I chuckled as I sent a text to Angela, inviting her to come with us, and almost instantly she responded, telling us that she'd meet up with us there around 4:30 because she had to pick the twins up from school first. I showed the text to Edward, as Emmett started grumbling for Jasper to hurry up.

"Finally," Emmett cried out, and moments later Jasper slid into the back seat and looked at the three of us expectantly.

"So what's the plan?" he asked curiously.

"Glad you could join us...I thought I'd have gray hair by the time you showed up," Emmett replied sarcastically.

"Sorry...Alice wanted to run a few things by me about her project. So did you guys come up with anything?" he asked once again.

"We're going to head to Port Angeles and meet up with Angela around 4:30. We all have to buy Mother's Day gifts. Are you in?" Edward asked as he looked at him in the rear-view mirror.

"Ali already took care of that for me, but I'll go along for the ride," he responded with a lazy grin.

"She spoils your ass rotten, bro," Emmett said as he shook his head. Edward and I chuckled as he started to drive off the school lot.

"I can't help it. She's a shop-a-holic! Nothing I picked out was good enough, so I gave up and let her pick the gift out," Jasper retorted defensively.

I chuckled and shook my head as I twined my fingers with Edward's and rested against his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head and brought our hands to rest in his lap as he drove. I was so comfortable I could have fallen asleep...if it weren't for Emmett belting out lyrics to songs on the radio at volume that was impressive for even him.

It was only misting by the time we got to Port Angeles, but it had gotten significantly cooler. The second Edward felt my shiver as we walked toward the front of the shopping mall, he stopped and took his jacket off and wrapped it around me. I felt like a little giddy school girl as I realized that I was once again wearing his name across my back.

"I like the way my name looks across your back, love," he murmured to me as we walked. I looked up at him in shock as I contemplated whether or not he could have read my mind at that moment. He smiled his crooked grin to me and I smiled back as I signed to him.

'I like the way your name feels across my back.' I blushed as I signed it to him and he chuckled as he bent down to give me what started out to be a chaste kiss, but I took the opportunity to deepen it.

"Come on, love birds! We'll be here all day if you keep stopping to make out!" Emmett bellowed. Edward turned and glared at him as I chuckled and pulled him along with me as I started walking again.

"I think we should have left him at home, love. I was thoroughly enjoying that before he interrupted," he grumbled as we made our way toward Emmett and Jasper. I patted his chest sympathetically and smiled to him as we walked.

I already knew what I had wanted to get for Esme, so I led the way toward the nearest jewelry store. Edward looked at me suspiciously as we entered and I chuckled as I turned toward him.

'I want to get her one of those heart pendants that says Mom.' I signed to him quickly.

He smiled and nodded to me as he wrapped an arm around my waist. I browsed through all of the displays that we passed until I came to the one I wanted. I spotted one that was absolutely perfect for her. Half of the heart was made of channel set rubies, and the other half was channel set diamonds. The word Mom crossed the heart diagonally in an elegant script.

We left the store after purchasing the pendant, and headed off to search for something for Liz and Emmett's mom. Edward bought Liz a musical jewelry box that we found in a little antique shop, and Emmett finally decided on purchasing a day pass to a spa for his mom after he went through practically every store in the shopping mall.

Angela met up with us shortly before five and we all headed off to the food court to grab something to eat. Angela and I told Edward what we wanted, and the guys took off to go order everyone's food. Ange and I found a table big enough for all of us and sat down to wait for them to return.

"I never thought we would all be together again like this...I hoped for it, but I never thought it would happen," she said with an awed tone. I chuckled and shook my head.

'Me either.' I signed simply.

"Bella? I've noticed that no one has been signing to you lately...myself included. Does it bother you? Please let me know if it does, I truly don't mind signing instead of talking," she said with a concerned tone. I smiled and shook my head at her.

'No, really. It's okay. It doesn't make me feel so different anymore. As long as the people that I care about can accept me the way I am, then I should be able to accept myself as I am as well.' I signed to her, hoping to ease her worries.

"I'm glad you feel that way, Bella. You're not the only one that struggles to accept who you are, you know. I think we all struggle at points in our lives to accept things that we don't like about ourselves," she said comfortingly.

'I'm realizing that more every day. It's kind of strange because I was shut down and lost in my own world for so long that when I finally came out of it, I swore I was the only damaged person walking in a sea full of normal people. It was so hard to see past my own flaws at first, that I never noticed how many people are damaged and struggling in their own ways, but now I do, and it helps me to realize that I'm not the only one out there like this. Not that I would ever wish this on someone, but it's comforting to know that I'm not alone, and I'm not as different as I once thought I was.' I replied to her after I contemplated what she had said for a moment.

"With how many people exist in this world, I think it's impossible to ever be truly alo..." she spoke but was cut off by a loud and very familiar screech that sent chills down my spine.

"YOU BITCH! YOU RUINED MY GODDAMN LIFE!"

Angela and I spun toward the direction of the voice only to see Lauren headed straight for us, looking positively ready to explode. I shrank into my seat as I noticed all the people staring in our direction as she strode right up in front of me. She glared down at me as she continued to speak in a menacing tone.

"I have a goddamn criminal record now because of you!" she snarled in my face. Angela stood from her seat and approached Lauren as I shrank even further away from her.

"Leave her alone, Lauren. She didn't do anything wrong. Maybe you should have thought about your actions before you attacked her!" she spat at her as she pushed her away from me. I reached out to grab a hold of Angela to pull her back. I didn't want her getting in trouble over me.

"You just had to go and press charges didn't you? It wasn't enough that you got us expelled, Oh no! Little Miss Hideous Freak had to go and file charges for assault and battery on top of it!" Lauren spat as she pushed against Angela to get closer to me. I looked at her in confusion as I tried to make sense of what she was saying.

"Lauren, I'm warning you right now. You have two seconds to back away from Bella before I call the authorities myself," Edward growled at her as he stepped in between her and Angela.

Emmett and Jasper quickly took a spot on either side of him as Angela backed up and came to my side. I quickly turned toward her with a confused and frightened expression. I couldn't make out any of their conversation behind me as I focused only on Angela.

'Ange, what is she talking about? I didn't press any charges against them.' I signed to her hurriedly.

"I don't know, Bella. Maybe the school pressed charges when they found the tape. I really don't know, but either way they deserved it for what they did," she said with a soothing tone as she rubbed my back.

'What is it with my luck and this damn mall? Every time I come here something happens.' I signed to her exasperatedly. She chuckled humorlessly as she shook her head.

"It's not the mall, Bells. It's her. She's certifiably insane, and her reasoning for targeting you is beyond pathetic," she said with a disgusted tone. I furrowed my brows at her as I looked to her.

'What's her reason?' I asked curiously.

"She's jealous, Bella. Her, Tanya, and Jessica have all been targeting you for years because they're jealous that not matter what they've ever done, they've never been able to get Edward's attention away from you. It's pathetic. You would think after all these years they would just give up and move on, but they haven't," she said incredulously.

I looked at her with wide eyes as I tried to comprehend what she had said. I almost wanted to smile smugly when it finally clicked...almost. I smirked at Ange and stood from my seat. I walked up to Edward and wrapped my arms around him from behind. He quickly turned and pulled me to his side, burying his nose in my hair.

"Are you alright, love?" he muttered into my hair.

I looked up at him and smiled as I reached up to kiss him. I heard Lauren scoff from in front of us and I smiled into our kiss, causing a ghostly chuckle to emit from Edward. When I pulled back I looked at her and smiled brightly. She huffed and rolled her eyes at me before scowling once again.

"Restraining order or not, watch your back Swan," she spat at me. I laughed silently as I turned and walked back toward Angela, pointing to my back, well aware that the name across my back wasn't Swan, but Masen. When I sat I looked back at her and smirked, causing Edward, Emmett, and Jasper to roar with laughter as she glared at me and stormed off.

"That was _priceless_, Bells!" Emmett roared as he picked me up and swung me around.

He crushed me to his chest as he spun me and I laughed as he whispered to me.

"You know that's gonna be your last name one day...might as well get used to it now Belly Bear."

He put me down and I smiled at Jasper as he nodded to me with his very full and very proud grin. I made my way over to Edward, who's gaze was smoldering as he watched every step I took with a glorious crooked smile on his face...my smile.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and he held me tightly to him by the waist as my feet came off the ground.

'I love you.' I mouthed to him silently. His eyes darkened slightly as he bent his head toward mine.

"I love you too, Bella. More than life itself," he whispered against my lips before closing the fractional remaining distance and pressing his lips down upon mine.

I playfully nipped at his bottom lip and he groaned as his mouth parted and his tongue came out in search of mine. I eagerly responded and lost myself in our kiss, with Emmett's whisper floating through my mind. _One day..._ it echoed, and the excitement that raced through me at just the thought of it being true was almost too much to handle...almost.

Edward and I were so lost in each other, that not even Emmett's attempt of humor at our expense could pull us from our own little world.

"Think they'll get stuck that way?"

* * *

**AN: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter...leave me some love, I'm gonna need it to get me through the weekend LOL. Reviews are better than flaunting your future last name in front of a jealous hyena hag! R&R PLS & TY! ~Jersey~**


	60. Hope for the Future & Breaking Jasper

**AN: It's been a while since we've had a chapter in EPOV...and I thought it was about time for one. Thank you so much to all of you who continue to read this story and anxiously await the updates for it...I have much love for you! ^_^ ENJOY!!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the related characters. SM owns them all.**

* * *

Hope for the Future & Breaking Jasper

EPOV

I had never wanted to smack a member of the opposite sex as badly as I had wanted to smack Lauren, and it wasn't the first time I felt that way toward her either. She has a natural ability to push me over the edge of reason when it comes to her interactions with Bella. It'd been that way for years.

I was so worried about how her accusations toward Bella would affect her. She looked so frightened when we stepped in between them, and it only fueled my desire to smack the living hell out of Lauren. When Angela retreated to tend to Bella, Emmett, Jasper and I had some choice hushed words with her. I was thrilled to find out that someone had pressed charges against them, but I hid my elation with my anger. It made me sick to hear her blame Bella for the consequences of her own actions, and we told her so. She had no one to blame but herself and her heinous friends.

I was really beginning to lose whatever shred of my control I had left when Bella wrapped her arms around me, calming me instantly. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to feel her close to me, and know that she was safe. To see her smile at me when I asked her if she was alright, was all the confirmation I needed that she would be perfectly fine, but she even went as far as to kiss me, effectively erasing any remaining worry that I might have had. I had to stifle my laughter when she turned and smiled happily at Lauren.

The second that Lauren threatened her after pointing out that there had been a restraining order placed on her, I tensed. The anxiety that Bella had rid me of, came rushing right back. I quickly looked to Emmett and Jasper and noticed that they too had stiffened upon hearing her threat. I was about to ask one of them to call the cops, but I stopped as Bella started laughing silently and turned away from me.

I was beyond shocked when Bella pointed to my last name on the jacket as she walked away from her with a beautifully smug smile on her face. The fact that she had walked up and kissed me in front of Lauren in the first place already had me beside myself, but that move...I don't even think I could begin to explain what that move did to me. To know that she was using it as a reference to her own name filled me with so much hope that one day she would happily take my name and marry me. I was so caught up in the emotions that coursed their way through me, that I wasn't even aware that Lauren had taken off.

I'm not sure what Emmett said to her as he spun her around, but whatever it was it filled her with the same amount of passion that her pointing to my name had induced in me. I couldn't even begin to say how long we stood in the middle of the food court kissing each other. Not even Emmett's immature taunts were enough to force us apart. It wasn't until I got hit in the head with a mozzarella stick that we finally broke apart, and it was only so I could glare at Emmett as he laughed hysterically in between Jasper and Angela, who were both attempting to hide their snickering.

We all parted ways and left after walking the mall for a while together. Angela and Bella went off in their own direction to look for something for Angela's mom, and the three of us headed off toward the arcade. It had been months since I had been in there with them, and I was eager for a little competition with them in our usual games. When they were finished shopping and spending time together, they came and found us. Angela said her good-byes to everyone and departed, with us following shortly there after.

Alice called Jasper as we were making our way back home, asking him to stop by because she needed help with something related to her project. We dropped Em off at home, and Jazz off at Alice's before Bella and I headed into her house. Esme and Carlisle were waiting for us when we got there, and we sat and had dinner with them.

Bella and I discussed what happened with her speaking, both the previous Saturday at the beach, as well as the night before, with them. They were excited to hear of the progress, and Carlisle told me he would let us know if he thought of anything that might help with our attempts.

Bella asked them if they knew anything about the charges that were placed against the girls from school for the locker room incident. Esme apologized profusely for having taken that step without Bella's knowledge or consent, but explained that she felt it was right to have done so. Surprisingly, Bella wasn't upset, she was actually quite the opposite. She thanked Esme for standing up for her and doing what needed to be done, and even admitted that she didn't think she would have been able to have done so back then.

Both Esme and Carlisle were furious to hear about what Lauren had done at the mall, and they were both adamant about telling the authorities, but Bella pleaded with them to let it go. She insisted that she felt there wouldn't be any more incidents involving them, but promised that if there were to be any more in the future, then she would take the initiative to handle it on her own. Out of the three of us at the table, besides Bella of course, I'm not quite sure who was the most proud of her in that moment.

Alice sent her a text at some point during dinner, apologizing for not having had the time to join them, and expressing her concern over what Lauren did at the mall. Bella sent her back one telling her it was fine, and that she hoped her project was coming along well, and not to worry about the hag. I laughed hysterically at that and when Bella looked at me curiously, I explained how I had been calling her a hideous hyena ever since the dressing room incident. Bella laughed in silent hysterics at that, and sent it off to Alice. I almost could have sworn I heard Alice's laughter from where I was sitting, but I was sure it was just my imagination, as their houses really weren't all that close together.

After dinner, Bella and I finished our homework in her room, and then spent the remainder of the night relaxing, listening to and discussing music, and just enjoying being close to one another. Bella explained to me what her and Alice had worked through that morning, and I was happy to hear that she opened herself up to her about it, instead of keeping it to herself. I was also happy to hear that Alice really was going to try and fulfill Bella's request of her. I had worried briefly off and on as to whether or not she would actually be capable of doing so after having become so accustomed to doing everything for her. I knew all too well how difficult it was to force yourself to stand back and allow her to stand on her own. All too soon after that, it was time for me to leave, and with one last kiss I headed home for the night.

Everything has been going tremendously well since that night. Bella seems to be standing taller, and appears to be more confident in herself in the wake of her stand-off with Lauren. Alice has been doing incredibly well with her attempts to be supportive rather than protective. She was a nervous and hesitant wreck the first few days, but she seems to be adjusting amazingly well. Emmett and Bella seem to have rekindled their relationship from years before. One look at them, and you'd never suspect anything had ever driven them apart in the first place. That leaves Jasper. I wish I could say the same for him. Everyone else has been taking every step they need to in order to mend our relationships, and find our rightful spots within those relationships, but he just seems like he's glued to the pavement when it comes to Bella.

He's only eased up slightly, and we've all been patiently waiting for him to reach his breaking point. He wants so badly to reconnect with her and have the relationship that they used to share, but he's still terrified of hurting her again, and still thinks he's unworthy of her time. I've tried numerous times to push him to at least talk openly with her, and explain to her how he's feeling because she'd help him through it, but he's as stubborn as a mule. He keeps telling me he will when he's ready, but frankly he's testing all of our abilities to be patient with him. All of us with the exception of Bella. She's got the patience of a Saint when it comes to him.

Alice got frustrated one day and asked Bella how she deals with his reluctant behavior toward her constantly, and Bella explained to her what guilt is capable of doing to you when you aren't able to let it go, and that she's able to be patient because she understands what he's feeling. Her explanation had helped us all to retain some form of patience toward him once we were able to at least vaguely understand what he was going through.

Alice and I spent the night at Bella's that first Friday night. Esme and Carlisle joined us as Bella worked on using her voice again. She got a little over-confident after being able to whisper everyone's name one at a time, and once again tried to use her actual voice and froze herself. I chuckled and shook my head as I tucked her in between Alice and I in the bed and once we were settled for the night, I began humming to her, hoping it soothed her in that state. Alice picked it up after a while and joined in with me until we both fell asleep.

Bella woke up the following morning with a confused expression and asked Alice and I if we had heard anything strange during the night. We both looked at each other curiously for a moment before shaking our heads. I hadn't heard anything at all throughout the night. She shrugged and snuggled back up to me.

Alice got out of the bed and opened the curtains to look outside, and I almost laughed when her nose wrinkled up with her displeasure. It was raining, causing us to cancel our plans to go to the fair that weekend. Emmett and Jasper came over that day and we all lounged around watching TV, playing cards, talking about stupid stuff, and trying to push Jasper to talk to Bella whenever Bella wasn't in the room with us. It was pathetic that we had to go that far. He finally got fed up with us and stormed off with Alice chasing after him.

Alice came back a little over an hour later looking more concerned than ever before when it came to Jasper, and quietly told Emmett and I that she thought he was reaching his breaking point. I hoped it wouldn't be long before he broke down and stopped fighting with himself.

Alice and I spent the night again, and once again Carlisle and Esme joined us for Bella's efforts to break through her silence. I warned her sternly not to get carried away again, and she chuckled and agreed. I hummed to her after every word, and she was even able to get quite a few short sentences out, all in whispers.

I got I love you Edward, Esme and Carlisle got a thank you, Mom, Dad, and love you, and Alice got her name and friends forever. Carlisle and I tried our best not to laugh as the three of them cried hysterically with their joy. She wasn't using her full voice, but it was a hell of a lot more than it had been in five and a half years, and that was enough for us.

The three of us laid in bed that night, laughing over memories from each of our childhoods, and conversing about things yet to come in our futures. Bella laughed as Alice and I hummed her lullaby to her, and after a while she finally begged Alice to stop because it was keeping her up. Alice tried to look hurt, but her shaking frame from trying to stifle her amusement gave her away and within seconds she almost burst at the seams with the laugh that ripped through her.

Once Alice had calmed down, I gave Bella a quick kiss and said good night to Alice before starting to hum her lullaby. Apparently it worked just as well with Alice when she wasn't trying to join in, and as soon as they were both sleeping soundly, I allowed myself to drift off.

Emmett came over the next morning, and whined relentlessly about not being invited over for the second sleepover. Bella laughed and signed to him that there wasn't enough room for him on the bed as well as the three of us. He laughed and agreed, and soon after, Bella suggested that we all start having group living-room camp outs on the weekends. I thought it was an awesome idea, and I was really hoping that Jasper would come around soon enough to enjoy them with us before he joined the Army in the fall.

When Alice and Emmett went off to get a pizza for us, I asked Bella if she would accompany me to the prom. It took a little convincing and pleading to get her over her fears of dancing, but she finally gave in, and I couldn't have been happier, with the exception of my worries over Jasper anyhow. After a while, she even seemed to be excited by the idea.

After Alice and Emmett returned, we spent yet another rainy day just trying to find any way to ease our boredom. We baked cookies with Esme and Bella for Esme and my mother's garden club, watched more TV, played some board games, and finally just ended up reliving one of our childhood memories.

When Emmett, Jasper, Bella, and I were younger and it would rain, we would make a sheet tent in one of our living rooms and sit under it with flashlights telling ghost stories. It was hilarious to see all of us, sans Jasper, under a sheet tent with a flashlight in our young adult forms. Unfortunately, our abilities to tell scary stories hadn't improved much over the years, and we all ended up just laughing at each of our attempts. Esme thought it was hilarious, and she used it as an opportunity to shoot picture after picture of us. By the end of the night, Jasper hadn't showed at all, and hadn't even called Alice either.

The following week was stressful for all of us. Angela even started to worry incessantly over him as he became more distant by the day. Jasper pulled further into himself, and the only one he really allowed anywhere near him was Alice, but even then you could see his reluctance. Bella started to worry frantically over him, and explained to me that if he didn't break soon he would shut himself down completely the way she had. Just the thought of it scared the living hell out of me. He was the last person I would have ever thought would allow the guilt to eat him alive that way, and it scared me even more that I had almost allowed it to do the same thing to me the day Bella shared her past with me. If only we had been able to pull him out of it before it got a hold of him the way Bella had pulled me from it.

By the time Friday came along, he was practically an empty shell as he sat with us at lunch. Alice pleaded with him the entire hour to join us at the fair the following day, and even though I thought it would never happen, he finally relented and agreed.

At the end of the day, I met up with Bella and Alice before they left to go home. I told them that I was going to try and talk to him on the ride up to our game that afternoon, and they both asked for me to tell them how it went afterward. I promised them I would, and I promised Bella I'd be at her house after the game. I had wanted them to come to the game, but Alice told me that she had a surprise for Bella, but she wouldn't tell me what it was. Bella didn't seem to be too thrilled over the idea, and that didn't surprise me one bit. I told her to leave me a text when she figured out what it was so that I wouldn't die of suspense trying to figure it out for myself. She laughed at that and it seemed to lighten her spirits over the mysterious surprise slightly before she left with Alice.

I watched as they drove off and then headed into the locker room to grab my uniform and gear...and Jasper. As I walked I tried to figure out what to say to him to break him out of his shell. I found Emmett first, and asked him to ride up to the game with one of the other players because I wanted to talk to Jasper on the way up. He readily agreed and took off with Ben Cheney. I walked back to my locker, and found Jasper slumped on the bench in front of his locker, looking like he was drowning in despair.

I put my hand on his shoulder as I took a seat next to him and he looked up at me. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked tired as hell.

"Come on, bro. Grab your gear and we'll get goin'. Two more games and it's to the championship," I said, trying to at least get a little life into him. He let out a breath and nodded as he stood and grabbed his stuff out of his locker.

We made our way out to my car, and once we were inside, I turned to him.

"Jazz, you have to talk to me man. I don't know how to help you if you don't open up and let me in," I pleaded with him. He looked at me warily for a minute before slumping into his seat and giving up.

"I don't know what to do, Edward. I try and try to stop feeling this way, but it won't go away. It just keeps getting worse. I try to look at her when she's laughing and being all happy and shit, and the first thing I think of is that if I say something to her, or interact with her in any way, she'll shut down again. I failed to protect her from it the first time. I _caused _her to be that way the second time. She deserves so much more than anything I could ever offer her as a friend," he said with a distant tone as he stared straight ahead not really seeing anything.

" That's bullshit and you know it, Jazz. There was nothing any of us could have done to stop it the first time. She was like that when she came back. It happened before any of us _could _do anything about it," I said severely. He shot an incredulous look at me and narrowed his eyes slightly, his anger starting to rise.

_Good...let it out, bro..._

"That doesn't fucking change that I _caused _it the second time," he spat at me. I knew this was my move, and I'd gladly take a hit if that's what it came to, but he needed to explode to break his way out of this mess he was putting himself in.

"_You _fucking caused it?! Really, Jazz. You hadn't associated with her in five years. Even when we became friends with her again you kept your distance from her. What makes you fucking think that you were able to single handedly have that fucking drastic of an affect on her? It didn't take one person to cause that reaction from her. It took _all _of us. Don't you fucking get it? We _all_ played a part in what happened....even Bella had a part in it," I boomed back at him. He was seething by the time I finished, and I was just waiting for the explosion that I knew was coming.

"Don't you fucking _dare_ blame _any _of this shit on her! She didn't do a goddamn thing to any of us! She didn't do a single mother-fucking thing to deserve any of what's happened to her! We were careless with her! She _trusted_ us and we broke it without a second fucking thought!" he roared as he pushed me against the driver's side door. I suppressed my smirk and masked it with a furious expression as I pushed him back off of me.

"That's right, Jazz. _We _broke it. _All_ of us. She didn't deserve it, and she doesn't deserve what you're doing to her now. Don't you see? She blames herself for what you're going through. She knows that it's because of _her _that you're pulling away from everyone. You need to stop, bro. You need to pull yourself from this, because it isn't only _your _fault. We are all to blame for what happened between us. _All_ of us, not just you. You were like her _brother_. She deserves to have that again. She deserves to have what she's been denied for years." My voice had gone from enraged to pleading as I watched his walls crumble and his rage subside.

"I don't know how, man. I don't know how to stop. I want her back...more than anything, but I don't know how to be around her without being afraid of hurting her," he muttered just above a whisper as he held his head in his hands.

"Talk to her, Jasper. She understands what you're feeling. She's been drowning in guilt for years. She knows where you are, and she's terrified for you. If you don't do it for you, do it for her. Take this part of her guilt away from her. She doesn't need it. She feels enough of it over everything else that's happened to her," I said with a tone that was as comforting and encouraging as I could manage.

"I don't even know what to say. How do I tell her what a huge fuck-up I am?" he muttered as he started to shake with sobs.

_Thank God...he's breaking..._

"Just say what you feel, Jazz. We've all had to do it. We've all opened up to her and told her everything. Please, just talk to her...for all of us," I pleaded with him as I watched the remainder of his walls crumble around him. I don't think I had ever seen him as vulnerable as he was at that moment.

"Jesus Christ...I thought we were supposed to protect her and help her... when the hell did the tables turn?" he muttered incredulously. I chuckled humorlessly and shook my head.

"I don't think it's ever worked that way, man. I think it's always been her protecting us...from the very beginning," I replied sincerely.

"What do you mean? We've always played the role of her protectors," he responded as he looked at me in confusion.

"Do you remember when we were kids, and she would chase off Jessica and Lauren when they started acting all flirtatious and annoying?" I chuckled. He nodded to me.

"How about when she would get hurt, but she would play it off like she was fine because she didn't want us to fight over who got her hurt in the first place," I pointed out, and the confusion etched on his face eased just slightly. He nodded so I continued.

"Then there's how she never reached out for us when she came back from Phoenix. That wasn't just because she couldn't, Jasper. She did it to protect us. She didn't want any of us to suffer because of what she was going through, so she pulled away. She did it to protect us, even when it hurt her to do so," I said, trying to get him to see just how far she would go to spare us what she was going through.

"Are you shitting me? How long have you known about this?" he asked me incredulously. I chuckled humorlessly.

"Not until fairly recently, man. It all slammed into me while I was talking to Carlisle one day while we were all separated. Every little thing she had ever done to protect us just slapped me in the face, and then I understood. I was finally able to understand why she pulled so far away from us, and why it took us stepping forward to finally break the barrier that she had created," I replied as I started to pull out of the lot.

"I can't believe she would put herself through all of that for us," he muttered distantly.

"It wasn't all for us, part of it she couldn't help. In the beginning, it was more of her protecting herself because she couldn't handle everything that had happened, but somewhere along the line the protection shifted to only us. She didn't care what it did to her, as long as it didn't affect us. I'll never forgive myself for allowing her to do so while I stood back and watched, but I can't change it. I have to work through that guilt just as you need to work through whatever guilt you have. If you let it control you the way you have been, it'll destroy you the way it destroyed her for so long. She stopped me from allowing it to control me the day she opened up to me about Phoenix. We've all been trying to stop it from controlling you, but you've been completely resistant to our efforts until now. You need to stop drowning yourself in it and start working your way through it," I stressed to him as I got onto the highway and started speeding to catch up to the rest of the team.

"And you think talking to her about it will help me work through it?" he asked sincerely. I nodded as I plugged in my radar detector, realizing that I had some serious time to make up.

"If anyone has a right to point a finger and blame anyone, it's her, but she won't. She doesn't judge you, Jazz. She realizes that whatever happened was a mistake, and she knows that everyone's intentions were in the right place...we just all responded to the situation in the wrong way. Talk to her, man. You'll see what I'm talking about," I responded honestly.

"Thanks, Edward," he said sincerely.

"For what?" I asked curiously.

"For even bothering to try and break through to me. You're the last person, besides Bella, with any reason to even attempt to do so," he replied remorsefully.

"Jasper, we've been through some shit throughout the years, and I have no doubt that we'll go through more shit in years to come. What happened between us is just as much my fault as it is yours. That doesn't mean that I ever stopped caring about you or thinking of you as a brother, regardless of what I ever said to you. I have just as much reason to break through to you now as I would have had before any of this happened," I said as I kept my voice sincere and comforting.

"Thank you just the same. I don't think I could have broken through it on my own. I've tried and failed repeatedly. I'm sorry for blowing up on you back there. I had no right to react that way," he responded, his voice still heavily weighed down with remorse.

"Jazz, I was fully prepared for an explosion much worse than that, and it would have been worth it too if it would have gotten you to this point. It doesn't matter to any of us what it takes to pull you from this. We're going to get you through it, even if we have to drag you kicking and screaming behind us," I chuckled, and for the first time in what felt like an eternity he chuckled along with me.

"I don't know what I ever did to deserve you guys, but I'm thankful just the same," he said, and I almost didn't recognize his voice with the amount of relief that it contained.

"We all feel the same way about you, Jasper,"I replied with complete sincerity.

"Do you think she'll ever be able to forgive me?" he asked warily. I barked out a short laugh before shaking my head and responding as we pulled into the parking lot of the field and parked next to Ben and Emmett.

"No worries, bro...she already has."

* * *

**AN: If you read it, please review it...thank you! Much love to all my faithful reviewers..you guys rock my world! ~Jersey~**


	61. Amazing Surprises&Heavenly Lemon Slices

**AN: Okay so I have to give a huge thanks to evenstar710 for looking over the end of this chapter for me...cause I'm a retarded blushing fool who feels like a giant perv writing things of that nature LOL. With that said...it might be a few days before the next update as RL is kickin up a storm as of late. I also need to write a prom chapter..seeing as how many of you are wanting one LOL...and in logical sequence it would come after the next posted chapter. Sorry for the delay, but since so many of you have asked for it, I'm going to write it for you and do some rearranging in other previously written chapters. Thanks so much for all of your continued support...you guys rock my socks! ENJOY!!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own it...SM does.**

* * *

Amazing Surprises & Heavenly Lemon Slices

BPOV

After Alice and I left Edward in the school parking lot, she drove quickly to her house. I was curious as to what she wanted to surprise me with, but my thoughts were mostly consumed by worries over Jasper. He had retreated so far into himself over the last two weeks that there was just barely a hint of him left to be recognized in his eyes. If that's what they all saw in my eyes for all those years...hell I couldn't even think about it without starting to sob. I really hoped Edward would have some luck and be able to break through to him on their way up to the game.

Alice pulled into her driveway and looked at me with an excited expression. She looked positively giddy and I had to chuckle at her as she bounced up in down in her seat.

"Are you ready?" she chirped with excitement shining in her eyes. I huffed as I rolled my eyes and signed to her.

'Yeah, yeah. Let's get this over with. Honestly...I don't know what has you so excited over this.'

"Just promise me that you won't get angry with me. I didn't do this because I wanted to protect you. I did this because I wanted to, and because you deserve it," she said nervously as she led me up to her room.

'I promise not to get mad at you, Ali....as long as you didn't spend an incredibly large amount of money.' I signed to her warily as she motioned for me to sit on her bed.

"It didn't cost me much...I promise. Now close your eyes," she said as she started to bounce on the balls of her feet. I chuckled silently and closed my eyes.

I heard her open her closet door and ruffle through the clothing inside, and I desperately started praying that she hadn't gone clothes shopping for me once again. I didn't think I'd be able to keep my promise not to get mad at her if she did that. I heard her shut the closet door once more, and was delighted that I hadn't heard anything that sounded like the rustling of a plastic or paper shopping bag. I waited patiently for her to tell me to open my eyes, and a few moments later, her voice floated through the air.

"Okay Bella. Open your eyes," she sang in her melodic voice.

I slowly opened my eyes and gasped as they focused on what she held in front of her. It was a gown... a beautiful, dark blue, elegantly flowing gown. It had one capped sleeve that would cover the scar on my arm perfectly while leaving the other arm completely bare.

I slowly stood from the bed and took slow steps toward Alice, taking in every detail of the dress. It had rhinestones that were strategically placed to look like the stars in the sky at night across the bust and trailing sparsely down the fitted waist. The bottom flowed elegantly in varied layers of fabric, reminding me of the serenity of rippling water. It was perfection....complete and utter perfection...and it must have cost a fortune.

'Alice. How much did you spend on this?' I asked her sternly.

"Bella, it wasn't much...I swear. The fabric didn't cost much, and the rhinestones only cost a few dollars at most," she replied with a pleading tone.

_Fabric? Rhinestones? What is she talking about?_

'What do you mean fabric and rhinestones? Didn't you buy the dress?' I signed to her with a confused expression.

"No, Bella. I didn't buy the dress. I made it...for you," she replied nervously. I stared at her in shock as her statement sank in.

'Are you serious?' I signed to her incredulously. She smiled sheepishly as she nodded to me. I looked back at the gown and smiled as a tear rolled down my cheek.

'Alice...it's beyond beautiful. How? When did you have the time to do this?' I asked her in awe.

"I've been working on it ever since you and Edward first started mending your friendship. I knew you both would eventually be together, and I wanted you to have the perfect gown for a special occasion. I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to give it to you, but I continued to work on it just in case. I'll understand if you don't, but will you wear it to prom?"she asked hesitantly. My gaze shot up to her eyes and I smiled as yet another tear slipped from my eye.

'Alice, I'd be honored to. It's perfect.' I signed to her before I crushed her in a hug.

"The dress! The dress!" she squealed and I laughed silently as I pulled away.

Alice spent the remainder of the afternoon cinching and pinning areas of the gown that needed to be altered to "fit me flawlessly", as she said. I was so taken aback by her thoughtfulness and generosity that I didn't even make a big stink when she accidentally poked me with a pin...or a hundred. By the time I was able to take the gown off, I swore I was a walking pin cushion, but I laughed and waved it off every time she grimaced and apologized for sticking me.

I tried to send Edward a text to tell him what the surprise was, but Alice insisted on keeping it a surprise from him. She wanted him to be speechless when he saw me. I highly doubted that was possible, but I went along with it...just in case.

I laughed when I sent him a text telling him that the surprise was amazing, but I couldn't tell him what it was. He replied back only moments later telling me he'd get it out of me one way or another. Alice laughed and shook her finger at me as she told me that I better not let him dazzle it out of me. I tried to laugh it off, but I was sincerely afraid that he would succeed in his attempts.

I walked home when she started to get ready to meet up with Jasper for the night. Before leaving, I told her to have a good time, and to try not to worry too much while she spent time with him, and instead just to enjoy being with him. I was pretty sure he wasn't so withdrawn when it was just the two of them. She nodded and said she'd try and that she'd see me in the morning.

Edward arrived just as Esme, Carlisle and I were sitting down for dinner. I wanted so desperately to tell them all about Alice's gorgeous creation, and at one point, I actually had to sit on my hands to avoid doing so.

After dinner, I decided I wanted to work on using my voice. We told Esme and Carlisle that we'd be up in my room, and what we were planning on doing. They told us to go ahead and start without them, and they'd be up in a little while.

Edward and I made our way up to my room, and I went off to the bathroom to change for the night... just in case. When I came back into my room, Edward was laying on his side on my bed. He sent me a sexy smirk and patted the spot beside him. I chuckled silently and signed to him as I approached him.

'You're going to get us in trouble.'

"Will not... I just want to hold you and be with you for a few minutes. I missed you this afternoon," he said with a pout.

'I missed you too.' I signed to him before climbing in the bed and snuggling up to him.

Edward wrapped his arms around me and sighed as he pulled me closer to him. He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck and inhaled deeply before groaning and placing a wet open mouthed kiss on my neck.

"I love the way you smell. It's highly intoxicating, but nowhere near as addictive as the way you taste or feel to me," he murmured as he pulled his head back to gaze into my eyes.

I of course blushed like a fool at his words. He smiled faintly and traced his fingertips over my heated flesh.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" he asked me with smoldering eyes.

I leaned up and kissed him chastely before nodding to him and mouthing 'I love you too'. Edward's hand traveled up the back of my shirt and started caressing lazy patterns on my skin. His hand moved lower, still gently caressing my skin, and I froze as it traveled over the back of my hip.

"Bella? What is that?" he asked as he leaned forward to try and see what it was that his hand had traveled over. I pulled back and chuckled silently.

'It's a birth control patch.' I signed to him as I blushed out of embarrassment.

"When did you start that?" he asked curiously with a smirk as his hand lingered over the patch on my skin.

'I went for the exam last week and started it on Sunday.' I replied, feeling extremely self conscious. He groaned and pulled me back into his embrace.

"Love, could you possibly make it any harder for me to resist you?"he asked incredulously. I chuckled silently and nodded my head.

"Oh really? I think I'd like to see that," he chuckled with a mischievous grin. I laughed silently and shook my head at him as I pointed toward the lower level of the house.

"Yeah, I guess you're right....so what was Alice's surprise?" he asked as he looked at me expectantly.

I chuckled silently as I pulled away from him and wiggled a finger at him before signing to him.

'Edward, don't. I promised I wouldn't tell.'

"But Bella...it's not nice to keep secrets from me," he said with a pout. I shot him a pleading look as I signed to him.

'Edward, please. It's not a secret, it's a surprise.'

His pout disappeared and was replaced with a smug little smirk as he slowly started to move toward me.

"That's okay, love. I'll just have to tickle it out of you," he chuckled and I held out my hand trying to stop him as I moved back.

Edward quirked an eyebrow at me just before he lunged forward, and I was so startled by his sudden movement that I jerked backwards. Realizing that I was going to fall off the bed, I let out a yelp and instantly froze, only this time...it was completely different.

EPOV

It was a completely stupid move to have lunged for her that way. I knew how close she was to the edge of the bed, but I never thought for a moment that she would yelp and freeze herself up. I was able to wrap my arm around her waist quickly before she actually tumbled off of the bed, and I curled her up on my lap as I started humming to her.

"Love, I'm so sorry. This was my fault," I mumbled to her quickly before resuming my humming. I was really hoping that it was providing her some type of comfort.

Esme and Carlisle came up about fifteen minutes after she froze, and frowned as they saw me rocking her and humming to her. Esme climbed up on the bed next to us, and Carlisle took a seat at the bottom edge of the bed.

"Did she get carried away again?" he asked with a slight smirk. I gave him an apologetic look and shook my head as I continued to hum to her.

"What happened?" he asked curiously. I sighed as I stopped humming to answer him.

"I was joking around with her about getting her to tell me what Alice's surprise was, and when I lunged for her to tickle her she yelped as she started to topple off the side of the bed," I relied remorsefully before humming to her once again.

"Don't be too hard on yourself, son. These things can happen," he responded comfortingly. I smiled sadly and nodded to him.

They sat with me for about a half hour after that, and then bid Bella and I good night. I smirked as they shut the bedroom door on their way out, their silent way of saying they don't want to know what happens behind closed doors. I was entirely thankful that should that day ever come, Bella's room was at the complete opposite side of the second floor from theirs.

It was still fairly early in the evening, so I relaxed against the pillows and continued humming to her as I ran my fingers through her hair. I watched her face intently as the minutes dragged on. I had always thought that she was beautiful, but as the years have passed on, she'd become positively exquisite. Sometimes it hurt me to look at her because she was that beautiful to me, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what she would ever see in me that would enable her to love me so passionately.

"I love you, Bella. We're going to get through this. We'll find a way, love," I said softly as I brushed some hair away from her face.

I continued to hum to her as I let my thoughts drift off aimlessly. I wanted almost nothing more than for her to be able to speak freely again...almost nothing more. The only thing in life that I wanted more than that, was to marry her one day, and know that we would be together forever. However, just the thought of being able to hear her say "I do" on that day was enough to make me do anything, and I do mean anything, to make that possible.

I thought about Alice's surprise for a fleeting moment, just long enough to steel myself to my resolve to not push Bella for an answer on that matter ever again. I never wanted to be the cause of her freezing up ever again...especially over something so trivial.

My thoughts had just turned toward graduation and where we would end up attending college when I felt her shift slightly in my arms. I looked to the clock and furrowed my brow as I realized that it had only been a little over an hour since she had frozen. Her frozen states had never been that short.

"Bella, love. Open your eyes for me if you can hear me," I said to her quietly. I watched her carefully as her eyes started to dart behind her eyelids and her eyebrows furrowed minimally. I smiled widely realizing that she was indeed coming out of her frozen state. I continued to hum to her as I traced my fingers over her angelic facial features, and minutes later her eyes fluttered open.

"Good morning, sunshine," I chuckled as her gaze met mine. She smiled sheepishly and blushed as she let her gaze drift around the room for a moment before looking back to me.

'How long was I out?' she signed slowly.

"Just over an hour, love," I voiced just above a whisper before kissing her forehead. Her brow furrowed slightly as she looked up at me.

"What is it, love?" I asked her curiously.

'I heard you humming. I think it kept me from going under completely. Have you done that before?' she signed with a contemplative expression.

"I always do. Is that the first time you heard me?" I asked as I caressed her side with my thumb.

'Kind of. I've heard something before, but it was too muffled to make it out. I'm assuming that sound was you as well.' she replied instantly. I nodded to her as I tried to sort through what that could mean. Was it possible to keep her from freezing up for long periods of time just by humming to her?

'Can we try something?' she signed to me with an anxious expression.

"Anything, love," I replied simply with a smile.

'I want to try to speak, but I want you to keep humming. Regardless of what happens, just keep humming, okay?' she responded with a determined look.

"Okay, Bella. Just please...don't push yourself," I pleaded with her with a serious expression. She smiled and placed her hand on my cheek as she nodded to me.

I sighed as I kissed her briefly and leaned back as I started humming to her and caressing her arm. She stayed silent for a few minutes, I'm assuming to relax completely, and I had just closed my eyes when I heard her quickly voice her first word.

"Edward."

My eyes shot open and I stared at her as I waited for her to freeze. She let out a gusted breath and looked at me with a shocked expression that was quickly broken by her radiant smile.

"Bella! You did it!" I cried out as I stopped humming and peppered her face with kisses. She laughed silently as she wrapped her arms around my waist.

"Did you feel the panic at all?" I asked her curiously. She nodded and chewed on her lip as she responded.

'I felt it, but I was able to keep it down enough to not take me over. Can we try again?'

"Absolutely, love. I could listen to your voice all day and never tire of it," I replied sincerely.

She smiled lovingly at me and hugged me tighter to her. I started humming to her once again and she relaxed against me. Within moments, she looked up to me and spoke again.

"Edward, I love you," she said as she gazed into my eyes.

Her body stiffened slightly within my arms and I took it as a sign to keep humming to her, never breaking her gaze. When she relaxed once again I stopped humming.

"I love you too, Bella," I whispered against her lips.

Her hands wrapped their way around my neck and slid into my hair as she pulled me closer to her. The emotions that coursed through me from the combination of hearing her speak and the passion behind her kiss drove me wild with desire.

I rolled us so that we were both on our sides and I pulled her closer to me. She smiled into our kiss as she hitched a leg over my hip and pulled me even closer to her. I moaned in response to her action as I pulled her bottom lip between my teeth and swirled my tongue over it. Her breath hitched a moment before her tongue darted out and ran across my lip in search of my own.

I eagerly released her lip and groaned as our tongues collided. She gave a gentle tug on my hair and I rolled us so that she was on her back and I nestled myself comfortably between her legs. Her hands made their way from my hair, down my sides, and up the back of my shirt. They felt so warm on my skin and I sighed from the pleasure of it.

Bella once again hitched her leg around me and drew me closer to her. Her breathing was erratic and labored as I pulled away from her lips and descended my kissing down her neck, swirling my tongue in circles against her skin. Her leg tightened against me as her breathing hitched in her throat and I moaned somewhat loudly as I ground my hips into hers, the sound breaking me from my desire induced haze.

"Bella, love...We need...to stop," I grunted breathlessly. I grinned crookedly at her as she pouted and nodded while still trying to catch her breath. I cupped her face in my hands and peppered it with kisses as I too tried to calm my breathing.

"You'll be the death of me someday, love. I swear you will," I chuckled as I rolled off to her side and twined my fingers with hers.

She rolled over and rested her head on my chest and tangled our legs together. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly to me as I kissed the top of her head. Just holding her that closely to me put me at ease, and without realizing it, I started humming her lullaby to her.

"Are you gonna change for bed?" she whispered to me and I smiled widely as I noticed that she hadn't tensed at all.

"I'll change in a minute. I'm too comfortable to move just yet," I said as I tightened my arms around her. She smiled and reached up to kiss me chastely before resting her head on my chest once more.

"Bella?" I voiced quietly. She looked up at me and raised her eyebrows as she waited for me to continue.

"Did you feel much panic when you just whispered?" I asked her curiously. She seemed to be deliberating something for a moment before responding.

"No.." she started but I noticed that she tensed just slightly. I rubbed her back and quietly hummed her lullaby to her, and the tension immediately disappeared.

"No...I barely felt it at all while you were humming," she responded in a whisper before smiling up at me.

"Love, do you have any idea how happy I am that you're whispering and completely relaxed while doing so?" I asked her sincerely as I gazed into her eyes. She smiled and nodded to me before tapping her fingertips gently against my lips. I took the hint and chuckled as I started humming to her once again.

"Me too. I hope it gets easier from here," she whispered to me with a hopeful expression.

"I have no doubt that it will, love," I responded encouragingly.

She smiled up at me and I ran my fingers gently through her hair. We laid that way in silence for a little while until she yawned. I chuckled as I patted her side.

"Hop up, love. I'm gonna get changed so we can go to sleep," I said as I started to shift out from under her. She nodded and rolled over, pulling the comforter and sheet down to get comfortable underneath while I was gone.

I all but ran to the bathroom to change and get ready for bed. When I came back into her room, she smiled at me as she patted the spot next to her where she had drawn the bedding back for me. I slid in fluidly and pulled her close to me as she pulled the blanket and sheet up around us, creating our own little cocoon.

She smiled and tapped against my lips once again and I smiled as I started humming to her once again.

"I don't want to sleep yet," she whispered with a pleading expression. I chuckled and stopped humming so I could respond.

"What do you want to do?" I asked curiously before resuming my humming.

"Talk. I like being able to do this without freezing up, even if I am just whispering," she replied, and wrinkled her nose as she brought up the whispering part.

"Love, it's far more than you've been able to do for years. I love hearing you speak, even if it is just whispering. I could listen to you every second of every day," I replied sincerely, automatically resuming my humming as I finished.

It was an easy thing to do, and I would have gladly hummed my way through every waking moment if it would allow me to hear her speak the way she was. Every time I finished speaking, I'd immediately return to humming as I would wait for her response.

"You know I love you, right?" she asked in a whisper as she looked at me with nervous eyes.

"Bella, of course I know you love me. Why would I ever think otherwise?" I asked her worriedly.

"Sometimes I think that you don't know how much I love you because I can't say it all the time like you do. It's not the same when I sign it or say it silently," she whispered, her body tensing slightly towards the end.

"Love, please pace yourself with your responses. I can feel when the panic is starting to get a hold of you," I pleaded with her after humming to her until she relaxed in my arms. She looked up at me and smiled apologetically before mouthing a silent 'sorry' to me. I smiled and kissed her forehead before continuing.

"Bella, as much as I love hearing you say that you love me, I don't need to hear it to know that you feel it. I feel how much you love me in everything you do. I can feel it when you smile at me, when you kiss me or hug me, even when you're just with me without either of us doing or saying anything. Please don't ever think that I'm unaware of how you feel for me or that I doubt your feelings in any way," I replied soothingly as I cupped her face gently and rubbed her cheeks with my thumbs.

She sighed and nodded as she leaned up to kiss me. When I pulled back, she smiled at me and tapped against my lips again. I smiled and hummed for her.

"How did your talk with Jasper go?" she whispered to me with a worried expression.

I smiled as I caressed the side of her face tenderly.

"It took me pushing some of his buttons, but he finally exploded on me. I'm hoping he's finally ready to let it go," I replied sincerely.

"What did he say?" she whispered, and I once again stopped humming to respond to her question.

"He went off on me, telling me how you didn't deserve any part of anything that has happened to you... including what we all did to cause what happened back in October. When I went right back at him, his walls finally started to break down, and he admitted that he didn't know what to do anymore. He said he's tried repeatedly to break himself of it, but he's failed to do so," I responded as I rubbed her back, trying to ease her from worrying too much.

"What did you tell him after that?" she whispered to me, and I once again stopped humming to respond to her.

"I told him that he should tell you how he feels. That you would understand and help him work through it," I said as I gazed into her eyes.

How someone, that had been through as much as she had, could possibly possess the amount of understanding that she did was completely beyond me. She was absolutely the most amazing person I had ever known, and as I gazed into those chocolate orbs that I loved so much, I highly doubted there was anyone alive who could ever even compare to her in my eyes.

"I'll be there to listen when he's ready," she whispered as she nodded to me. I smiled as I stopped humming and nuzzled my face into the crook of her neck.

"I know you will, love," I whispered to her before placing a tender kiss on the side of her neck.

I inhaled deeply and lost myself in her heavenly feminine scent. Bella's arm slipped under the back of my shirt and she pulled me closer to her as she wrapped her leg around my hip. I was briefly self-conscious for a moment as she pulled me closer to her and I realized how much more evident my arousal was without the restraining barrier of my thick denim jeans.

All thoughts of self-consciousness evaded me as she leaned her head forward and kissed her way up the side of my neck, playfully nipping at my ear as she passed it on her way to my jaw. My hand slid up the back of her shirt, and I reveled in the softness and warmth of her skin as I ran my hand up and down her spine. As soon as her kisses touched the corner of my mouth, I turned and met her mouth hungrily with my own.

I groaned and ran my hand up her side, barely grazing her breast, as our tongues crashed together with profound passion and need. Her hands drifted across my side and traced every line of my muscles as she made her way up my chest.

I quickly rolled us so she was under me, and once again nestled myself in between her legs. She instinctively wrapped her legs around the back of my thighs, planting the bottoms of her feet on the mattress beneath us, causing our hips to crash together. I moaned breathlessly into our kiss as I felt the heat from her body radiate against my groin.

I pulled away from her mouth to catch my breath, and Bella took that as an opportunity to quickly pull my shirt over my head. I smirked at her as she tossed it on the bed beside us. She was flushed all over, and it made her look even more exquisite than before. Her gaze traveled down to my chest, and she watched intently as her delicate little fingertips traced every single line she could find. The look of desire in her eyes was enough to drive me mad. To know that she had that look simply because she was looking at me, and caressing me, filled me with pure bliss and insatiable desire for her.

"Do you have any idea of the affect you have on me, love?" I half grunted, half moaned as I tried to refrain from grinding against her, with the throbbing sensation in my groin becoming almost unbearable.

She smirked at me and shook her head slightly, and that was all it took to break my control. I ground my hips against hers, creating the most unbearably pleasurable friction between our most intimate of areas. Her back arched and her eyes rolled back as her breath hitched, and I groaned as I placed a kiss right between her breasts as she practically thrust them in my face.

Her hands wound their way into my hair and she pulled my head up to gaze into my eyes as she settled back against the mattress. My hands, still underneath her shirt, came to her sides, and I caressed the sides of her breasts with my thumbs as I slid down just slightly.

"Stop me if I go to far. I'm afraid I won't have the control to," I whispered against the skin of her stomach where her camisole had ridden up. She caressed the side of my face and I leaned into her palm as she nodded to me.

I turned my head and trailed kisses across her belly, slowly working my way up and alternating between swirling my tongue, and lightly dragging my teeth across her skin. Her hands moved from my hair to my shoulders and caressed their way down to my forearms. I watched her expression carefully as I moved my hands to fully encompass her breasts. Her head tilted back as she arched slightly into my hands and I marveled at how perfect they felt in my hands.

I continued kissing and sucking on her skin as I advanced my way upward, slowly working her shirt up with me. When I had the shirt just beneath the level of her breasts I stopped and looked up at her, afraid that I might have been taking this too far. I almost chuckled when she looked at me with an aggravated expression.

"Bella, do you want me to stop? Just nod if you do, and I'll stop immediately," I voiced just above a whisper.

She shook her head vehemently at me and I chuckled as I returned to kissing her as I slid her shirt up and over her perfect mounds. My breath hitched in my throat as I took in every inch of her glorious chest.

"Love...you are absurdly beautiful," I muttered through my awed entrancement.

I finally broke my gaze with her breasts and looked up at her face. She was blushing and looking incredibly bashful. I suppressed my chuckle and moved up higher above her, resting on both of my elbows on either side of her.

"Don't be shy, love. There are no words to describe how utterly perfect you are in my eyes," I whispered against her lips.

She let out a breath and brought her hands to the side of my face, pulling me to her lips. I lowered myself onto her, careful not to put all of my weight down on her as I braced my weight with just one arm. I let my other hand travel up and down her side as we kissed, before bringing it back up to caress her breast.

Her breathing quickly became labored, and I broke away, quickly kissing down her neck. I kissed my way down to the breast that I wasn't fondling, and swirled my tongue around her hardened nipple before drawing it into my mouth. Her breath hitched as she arched her back once again, and I pushed my hips against hers, desperately needing the friction at the moment.

"Edward," she whispered, and I damn near came apart at the seams. I tensed briefly, waiting for her body to show some sign of panic, but it never came, and that only spurred me on even further.

I swirled my tongue and kissed my way across her chest as I took her breast in my other hand, and continued my licking assault on the other.

I quickly rolled us over so that she was above me, and slid her camisole up and over her head. She raised her arms, but then tried to cover herself with them as she brought them back down.

"Love, there's no reason to be shy. You're absolutely beautiful," I said soothingly as I gently pulled her arms away.

She still looked uncomfortable, and it was ripping me to shreds to see her that way, and know that regardless of how I saw her, she saw herself completely differently.

"Come here, baby," I whispered to her as I pulled her gently toward me.

She lowered herself and rested against my chest, and I mentally chastised myself for completely enjoying the way her bare form felt pressed against me. I rubbed up and down her back and sides to soothe her and ease her self-consciousness.

I was just about to ask her if she wanted to stop when she turned her head and started kissing my chest. My eyes rolled back and I groaned as she trailed her tongue across the defined line underneath my pec. She nipped at my nipple playfully and then sat up straight, smiling smugly at how it hardened in reaction to her.

My hands went directly to her hips and I pushed her down, sporting a smug grin of my own as her head flopped back and the faintest trace of a moan escaped her. I tensed, waiting for her to freeze as she almost had the first time that happened, but once again, it didn't happen.

I wanted so badly to hear that noise come from her again, to know that I caused that sound to emanate from her. I brought one hand up to gently massage her breast as I slowly moved my other hand to the apex between her thighs outside her shorts. I gently applied pressure with my thumb against her and paused as I heard her breath hitch. I locked my gaze with hers, asking her with my expression if she wanted me to stop. She answered by rocking her hips against my hand.

I started making slow circular patterns with my thumb, increasing the pressure just slightly as she continued to rock her hips against me. Just the sight of her so highly aroused was enough to make me climax, and I almost lost it when her hand started rubbing against me over the thin fabric of my sleep pants.

"Shit...Bella.. you have no idea how good that feels," I moaned as my head dropped back.

I quickened the pace of my ministrations with my thumb as my breathing became labored in response to her actions.

"Edward," she whispered breathlessly before plunging her hand below the waistband of both my pants and boxers and wrapped her warm hand around me. I almost cried out at the insane amount of pleasure that it brought me.

I rolled her nipple between my fingertips as she increased the tightness of her grip and started to move her hand slowly up and down. The speed of her hand was blissful torture. I grabbed her hip, scooting her just a bit forward, and slid my hand under her shorts. I slid my thumb under the edge of her panties and just about came apart when I felt how wet she was.

"Faster, love," I grunted as I slid my thumb between her folds.

She immediately quickened her pace and I moaned as I covered her bundle of nerves, quickly returning to my previous pace of circular patterns. Her head tipped back, my name a mantra of whispers coming from her lips as I watched her beautiful breasts bounce as she rocked against my hand. I forced myself to stay silent so I could listen to her beautiful whispers. I was so close to the edge, so close, but there was no way I was about to allow myself to climax without her having done so first.

She moaned faintly once more before she stiffened slightly, her grip tightening on me and causing me to lose control and fall off the edge as she started shuddering and toppling over on top of me in a breathless heap.

I wrapped my arms tightly around her, panting heavily as I kissed her shoulder repeatedly.

"I love you...so much," I muttered breathlessly. She picked her head up and smiled brightly at me.

"I love you too," she whispered before pressing her lips against mine in a searing kiss.

_Christ...If I died tonight...I'd die a **very** happy man..._

_

* * *

_

**AN: If you read it..please review it..Thank You! ~Jersey~ P.S. I posted a link on my profile to a picture that would closely resemble the dress..not exact but close enough. Use your imaginations LOL.**


	62. The Tootsie Roll & Carnival Confessions

**AN: Alrighty folks...sorry for the delay! I'm having a bugger of a time writing that prom chapter that so many people are requesting LOL. I knew I skipped over it when I wrote the following chapters for a reason haha. Anyway, I'm going to try and get that chapter finished up sometime tomorrow so that I can post it either over the weekend if I get a chance or first thing Monday. If any of you have any song ideas for the prom, lemme know. I think that's my biggest obstacle at the moment, well that and the fact that my prom sucked, so I really have no experience to base my writing off of in regards to it LOL. Okay..enough of my rambling..ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Twilight. SM owns it all.**

* * *

The Tootsie Roll & Carnival Confessions

BPOV

I awoke the following morning almost completely engulfed by Edward. I blushed furiously as I thought about our activities the previous night, and apparently my blushing didn't go unnoticed.

"Good morning, my sexy little minx," Edward chuckled as he kissed the tip of my nose. I laughed silently and buried my face in his shirt as I swatted his arm playfully.

_Great...if I was red before...I'm positively pomegranate now!_

Edward laughed as he tightened his arms around me, and kissed the top of my head. I in turn, pulled him even closer to me. I wished we could stay in that spot all day...hell eternity would be even better. Unfortunately, Edward burst my little comfortable bubble of cuddly happiness.

"Alice has been blowing up your phone with text messages all morning, love. I think she's excited to get to the fair since it's not raining today...yet," he chuckled.

I looked up at him and frowned before kissing his smiling lips. I chuckled silently as I took in the sight of his bed-head hair...it was a marvelous mess! I ran my fingers through it with a determined expression, trying to tame it at least slightly, but then giggled silently and just messed it up even more when it wouldn't cooperate with me. Edward laughed heartily at my rapid change in expression.

"Love, your hair isn't much better. It looks like a haystack...but I like it," he chuckled and I once again swatted at his arm before trying to tame my own hair. I rolled my eyes as I realized it was completely useless. We were quite the pair when it came to unmanageable hair!

I tapped his lips gently and he smiled before he started humming for me. I smiled my thanks before whispering to him.

"What time are we supposed to be ready?"

Edward stopped humming and reached behind him and picked up my cell phone. I looked at him curiously, wondering how it got from my nightstand to behind him.

"Sorry...I didn't mean to pry, but every time it chirped you would stir. I grabbed it and put it on silence so it wouldn't bother you," he muttered apologetically with a slight cringe. I chuckled silently and kissed him to show him it was alright with me. After all, I had nothing to hide from him.

Edward went to hand me the phone but I just nodded my head once to him as I kept one arm around him, and one hand in his hair, running my fingers through his glorious mess of soft bronze. He smiled and kissed me once before flipping the phone open and scrolling through the texts. He even read each one out loud as I laughed silently.

"Bella...it's 6am...wake up....please?"

"Bella...it's 615 why haven't you answered me?...pout"

"Quit makin' smoochies with Edward... ew ew I just gave myself a vision!"

"Bellllaaaaa.... please send me a text so Emmett will stop calling me every five minutes!"

He stopped after that one and laughed hysterically. I laughed with him...Emmett really was a big kid trapped in Andre the Giant's body!

"I wonder why he hasn't called my phone..." Edward wondered aloud as he rolled over to grab his own phone. He laughed heartily once more as he rolled back over and snuggled back up to me.

"Dead battery...guess that explains it," he chuckled.

I motioned with my hand for him to keep reading before throwing my arm back around him and pulling him closer. He smiled lovingly at me and I gazed into his eyes as I watched them smolder with intense emotion.

"I love when you do that," he said, his voice thick with emotion. I pulled him tighter and tilted my head up to kiss him and he sighed as our lips met.

_God how I love him and the sounds he makes!!!_

When we broke apart I chuckled silently and pointed back to the phone.

"Right...where was I," he mused as he looked back at the phone.

"Bella...seriously...save me! I'm going to be BALD from ripping my hair out by the time you two wake up! PLEASE send me back a message...please?" he said in a high pitched voice, attempting to imitate Alice.

I laughed so hard I almost wet myself.

_Totally not smart to laugh before you've had a human moment in the morning!_

I hurriedly scurried from the bed and ran to the bathroom still chuckling as I heard Edward's guffaws echoing from behind me. Once in the bathroom, I decided I might as well freshen up a bit before heading back into my room. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and tried to fix my hair quickly before departing back to my room.

I don't know what came over me...but I was feeling extraordinarily bold after everything from the night before as I walked back into the room.

"So what time are we..." I started to whisper until my step faltered and I felt the panic start to shoot through my system. It was dangerously close to taking me over, and I wanted to kick myself for being that impulsive, but I was too afraid to move.

Edward's face shot through with panic and he sprung from the bed, pulling me into his arms as he started humming my lullaby. Only problem...he voice was so panicked that it was only making my own panic worse. I raised a _very_ shaky hand to his lips and tapped as gently as I could, begging him with my eyes to stop. He looked at me confusedly, but stopped immediately.

I wrapped my arms around him and nuzzled my face into his shirt, greedily breathing in his scent as I tried to fight the panic down on my own. It took longer than usual, but I finally managed to overcome it.

I let out a shuddering breath and looked up to him and nodded. He let out a gusted breath of relief, and I felt his body relax from his stiff posture.

"Jesus, Bella. You scared the hell out of me. Please don't ever do that again," he muttered in between kisses all over my face.

I reached my hands up and cupped his face gently before tapping his lips gently. He looked pained as he shook his head. I narrowed my eyes at him and made my expression determined as I tapped his lips once more.

"Bella," he sighed. "I'm afraid, love," he admitted sincerely. I shook my head at him and tapped his lips once more. He stared into my eyes for a series of moments and then huffed as he gave in.

"Alright, but if you start to panic, stop," he said with a pleading tone. I nodded to him and he relaxed just slightly as he started to hum.

"If I never try..." I paused as I started to feel the panic, but I kept my gaze locked with his. When it subsided, I finished.

"I'll never know," I whispered. He stopped humming and pinched the bridge of his nose as he thought through what I said. Moments later he looked back at me, pleading with his eyes for me to agree to what he would say.

"Okay, but please. _Please..._at least be sitting, or laying down, or anything but standing or walking when you try. You could have gotten seriously hurt, love," he plead with a worried tone.

I looked at him blankly for a minute before erupting into silent laughter. He huffed and I tried to calm my laughter as I looked at his incredulous expression.

"I'm worried and you laugh at me," he grumbled as he looked away from me. I cupped his face gently and guided him to look at me as I reigned in the last of my laughter.

'You act like I've never fallen on the floor before. I admit...it wasn't smart, but it wouldn't have been the end of the world as we know it. I promise not to make that impulsive of an attempt again, okay?' I signed to him, not wanting to push it with my abilities this morning.

"That's all I'm asking for, love," he whispered with relief as he bent down to press his lips to mine. I weaved my fingers in his hair and deepened the kiss. I smiled into the kiss as he groaned and pulled me tighter to him.

Edward and I broke apart as my phone chirped once again from where it was resting, buried somewhere in the blankets after Edward had catapulted himself from the bed. We chuckled as we tried to find its location in the heap of fabric. I grinned triumphantly when I found it, and waved it in front of Edward's face. He chuckled and plopped sideways, relaxing against the mattress as I flipped the phone open to read the most recent message.

**Hey Bells...It's been a few weeks since we've heard from ya. Feel like doin' something this weekend?**

I frowned as I read the message and Edward was instantly alerted to my change in disposition.

"What is it, love?" he asked worriedly as he shifted to move closer to me.

'It's Jake. I feel like a horrible friend. I haven't seen him or even sent him a message since that day at First Beach.' I signed to him with an ashamed expression.

"Love...there's been a lot going on, you're not a horrible friend. I'm sure he understands. Why don't you invite him to come to the fair with all of us?" he offered comfortingly.

I smiled sadly at him and leaned forward to give him a kiss before sending my apology for not having contacted him in the last two weeks, as well the invitation to him. Moments later, my phone chirped again with his reply.

**It's all good, Bells. Leah and I figured it would take you guys a little time to work things out. The fair sounds great...we'll see ya there. Hugz!.. J&L. Cotton candy sweet to go! Lemme see that tootsie roll!....Yeah...that was totally Leah...sorry!**

I laughed as I read his reply..and Leah's as well. Edward quirked an eyebrow at me and I flipped the phone so he could read it. He shook his head and chuckled as he laid back down.

"What was that about?" he asked curiously. I laughed silently as I tucked my legs underneath me.

'A few weekends ago we were hanging out in his garage, Jake, Leah, Ange, and I, and this song came on the radio that we thought was hilarious. By the second run through the chorus we found ourselves trying to do the dance. We were horrible!' I signed to him as I laughed. Edward laughed but still looked kind of confused.

"I wish I could have been there to see it, or at least know what song you're talking about. I can't even picture it," he chuckled.

I laughed and reached over my nightstand to grab my iPod. He looked at me curiously as I shuffled through the playlist, looking for that song by the 69 Boyz. Just the name of the group made me blush, which Edward noticed immediately. I found the song, and passed him the iPod. He chuckled as he realized what made me blush. When he had the ear buds in his ears, he hit play and listened.

After only a minute, Edward hopped off the bed and quickly placed the iPod in my iHome and turned the volume up as he pressed play. He grinned widely as he pulled me up off the bed, and I laughed as together we tried to follow along to the steps of the dance.

Twice when they came to the "slide baby slide" part, Edward and I crashed into each other, laughing hysterically as we slid across the floor in our socks.

"You two have been letting me suffer Emmett all morning so you can do the Tootsie Roll?!" Alice screeched from the doorway to my room, startling me so bad that I slipped as I tried to slide and fell right on my behind.

I composed myself quickly as Edward laughed and tried to help me up.

"Are you alright, love?" he chuckled. I mock glared at him and mouthed 'show off' to him as he pulled me to my feet. Alice laughed from the doorway before shooting me an incredulous look.

"Really, Bella. It isn't his fault that you have a natural floor magnet somewhere in you," she chuckled playfully. I did the most mature thing I could think of at the moment...I stuck my tongue out at her. They both laughed, and I found myself unable to resist joining in.

I was about to sign something to her when her phone started ringing and she huffed and rolled her eyes as she pulled it out of her pocket, flipping it open violently.

"Emmett!..I swear to God! If you don't stop, I'm gonna have Rosalie take your Jeep apart and I'm gonna scatter the pieces all across the country! The fair will NOT disappear just because you didn't get there at the ass-crack of dawn!" she hollered into her phone.

I covered my mouth to hide my silent snickers as I clung to Edward's shaking side. Alice slammed her phone shut and huffed angrily as she glared at it. I buried myself even further into Edward's side as he held onto me tighter, both of us attempting to stifle our amusement.

Alice stomped her way over to my bed and flopped herself face down on it, muttering something into the mattress. Finally she rolled over and sat up, shaking her head as she rubbed her temples. I moved from Edward's side and sat next to her, biting my bottom lip as I wrapped an arm around her.

"Bella...I swear...if I didn't have to worry about breaking Rosalie's heart, I would have strangled him two hours ago," she muttered with a level of frustration that was heartbreaking.

I instantly knew exactly how to cheer her up and I smiled up to Edward, waving for him to come over to us. He sat next to me, and I gently tapped his lips. He chuckled quietly and started humming softly. Alice was still rubbing her temples and squeezing her eyes shut as I rested my chin on her shoulder.

"Alice...it'll be alright. I promise," I whispered to her, and she froze instantly. Slowly...ever so slowly...she turned to look at me with eyes as wide as saucers.

"Bella?"she uttered with complete shock. I smiled and nodded to her. As expected, she squealed with an ear shattering volume as she launched herself at me, causing us to topple backwards onto the mattress. Edward laughed and shook his head as he looked at the two of us.

"How? When?" she asked in awe as we both sat back up. I looked to Edward, and he immediately started humming with a smile.

"We figured it out last night..." I paused and held up a finger to her as I tried to push the panic back down a little bit. It wasn't going down as fast as it had been though. I turned and looked at Edward with a worried expression, wondering if my almost episode from earlier had set me back a few steps.

"Come here, love," he said as he turned and leaned back against the headboard, motioning for me to relax against him. I smiled sadly at him, and crawled into his embrace, leaning against him with my back.

"Just relax, baby. Let it come naturally and don't push it," he said encouragingly as he started to caress my arms. Moments later he started humming my lullaby softly, and Alice crawled a little closer to me, and waited patiently.

"I can whisper, but only..." I paused and waited for the feeling to subside before continuing. "But only when he hums to me."

"Bella..that's amazing!" she exclaimed from beside me, and I grimaced slightly.

"What's wrong?" she asked with concern.

"It's not my full voice," I whispered glumly. She shook her head, and put her hand on my arm.

"Bella, it's just going to take time. This is a _huge_ improvement. You can do it, just give it some time," she said encouragingly. I let out a breath and shrugged as I nodded to her.

Edward kept rubbing my arms and humming to me, occasionally kissing the top of my head.

"Have you tried using your full voice yet?" she asked curiously. I nodded to her and smiled slightly.

"Yeah. I got a few words out," I replied in a whisper. She squealed again and clapped her hands as she bounced in place.

"This is soooo exciting! I'm so happy it's finally starting to work!" she exclaimed and Edward and I chuckled at her enthusiasm.

It was extremely short lived as her phone started ringing once again. She growled as she flipped the phone open again.

"Emmett...I've seriously had enough..here talk to Bella," she laughed as she tossed me the phone. I chuckled silently as I heard Emmett's booming voice emanate from the phone.

"Alice! That's not even funny! It's not a damn video phone!"

I smirked at her as I raised the phone to my ear, causing her to start laughing hysterically, and Edward to falter in his humming as he tried to stifle his own laughter.

"Alice!" he boomed again through the phone, and I almost had to pull it away from my ear.

"Hi, Brother Bear," I whispered into the phone, and I immediately heard his sharp intake of breath. I knew he would have to know it was me, because I didn't think Alice would know that I called him that when we were kids.

"Belly Bear?" he asked, his voice small and quivering. I nodded before realizing he couldn't see me. I snorted and chuckled silently for a moment.

"Yeah, Brother Bear..it's me," I replied in a strong whisper. The line went silent for a series of moments and my brow furrowed as I started to think that the call might have gotten disconnected.

"Emmett?" I whispered.

"HOLY SHIT! Stay right where you are! I'm coming over!" he boomed, and I chuckled as I heard his heavy footsteps quickly pounding down the stairs before he hung up on me. I snorted and shook my head as I closed the phone and handed it back to Alice.

"What happened?" she asked with confusion.

"Em's coming over," I half chuckled, half whispered.

"Patience never was his strong point," Edward chuckled from behind me.

I started to climb off the bed, realizing that I needed to take a shower and get dressed if he was heading over to the house.

"Where are you going, love?" Edward asked as his brow furrowed and he looked at me confusedly.

'To take a shower and get dressed before Emmett gets here.' I signed to him quickly.

"I probably should too," he mused as he made his way off the bed.

"You guys better hurry up...he's probably breaking every speed limit in town!" Alice chuckled.

Edward quickly grabbed his bag and gave me a kiss before darting off to the spare bathroom. I quickly picked out some clean clothes and headed off to my own bathroom. I quickly showered, dressed, and ran a brush through my hair, and returned to my bedroom. Alice was waiting for me, looking ready to ambush me as I walked back through the door.

'What?' I signed to her with a curious look.

"You didn't tell him about the surprise, did you?" she asked warily. I laughed silently and shook my head.

'No, and I don't think he'll be trying to dig it out of me either.' I signed in reply.

"Why? What happened? Jazz said he seemed hells bent on getting it out of you last night," she responded worriedly.

'He tried. He was going to tickle it out of me, but I yelped when I almost fell off the bed. I froze up, but it was different last night. I came to after an hour or so, and he hasn't brought it up since.' I replied in return.

"How was it different? Aside from the short amount of time," she asked curiously. I went and sat next to her and turned to face her.

'I didn't go completely under. Edward's humming my lullaby somehow kept me somewhat aware. I was still frozen, but I could hear him, and feel him slightly.' I responded honestly, still trying to make sense of it myself.

"That's incredible..." she whispered distantly, appearing as though she was lost in her thoughts. She finally snapped out of it and looked to me quickly.

"Is that what you heard that other time? Remember you asked us if we heard something during the night last weekend?" she asked curiously.

'I think it was, only it was so muffled the last time that I couldn't make it out.' I signed in reply.

"Hm...I don't know what to make of it, but if it keeps you from being locked up for an entire night, I'm thankful for it," she responded sincerely. I smiled and nodded to her.

'Me too.' I replied simply.

Alice looked up and covered her mouth as she started giggling, and I quirked an eyebrow at her before following her gaze. Emmett was standing silently behind me in the doorway with the oddest expression on his face.

"Bells?" he voiced just above a whisper as he took a hesitant step toward me.

I smiled to him and got off the bed. I walked up to him and stood just in front of him, contemplating whether or not I could get a quick whisper out to him without Edward humming to me.

"Don't even think about it, Bella," Edward said sternly, and I turned my head toward his voice, only to see him looking at me with one of his eyebrows quirked as he leaned against the door jam.

I stepped to the side and signed to him with a determined expression.

'I want to try this on my own. Nothing long, I promise.'

He ducked his head, pinching the bridge of his nose, and sighed as he shook his head.

"Edward, let her do it. She'll be fine, have a little faith in her will you?" Emmett chided, never taking his gaze off of me.

"Alright, love," he relented, and I smiled to him, hoping it would calm him just slightly, before turning my attention back to Emmett.

Emmett waited patiently, with an expectant expression, and I couldn't help but notice the slight tugging at the corners of his mouth as he tried to fight off a smile.

"Hi Em," I whispered quickly, releasing the rest of my breath upon realizing that I wasn't going to freeze. The panic was there, but it was manageable.

Emmett's grin broke free and he quickly picked me up and spun me around as he crushed me to his chest.

"God damn it's good to hear ya, Belly Bear," he murmured, the degree of emotion in his voice causing my eyes to get misty. I tightened my embrace around him as he swayed us from side to side, my feet still about a foot off the floor.

"You don't know how much I've missed hearing you speak, Bells," he said as he pulled his head back and looked at me smiling. I smiled back to him and nodded as he lowered me back down to the floor.

'I know. Trust me, I know.' I signed to him after taking a step back.

I heard a sniffle come from behind him, and I peered around him to see who it came from, hoping that it wasn't from Edward. I was stunned for a moment before I grinned widely.

"Rose," I whispered, as I approached her and wrapped my arms around her.

"Hi Bells," she said with a quivering voice as she wrapped her arms around me.

"Don't cry," I whispered to her as I rubbed her back. She chuckled lightly and sighed.

"Sorry. I'm just so happy for you," she replied as she pulled back.

Emmett wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head as Edward wrapped his arms around me from behind. I mouthed a silent 'thank you' to Rosalie, and it wasn't just for her being happy for me at the moment. It was because none of it would have been happening at that time if it wasn't for her. It was because of her that I was standing in a room full of friends that accepted me for who I was, and in the arms of someone that loved me for who I was. She nodded to me in reply, and I immediately knew that she was aware of everything I was thanking her for.

"Can we go to the damn fair now? I've been waiting all day!" Emmett cried out. Edward, Rosalie, and I chuckled at his pleading expression.

"Christ Emmett! It's only ten in the morning! It hasn't been anywhere near _all day_!" Alice screeched.

"Pipe it pixie!" he retorted quickly. I looked to Rosalie and she rolled her eyes at the two of them.

"It's been like this _all _morning. Em woke me up at 5:30 in the morning trying to get me to get up and get dressed to go to the fair. We haven't been able to drill it into him yet that the damn thing doesn't even open until _noon_," she muttered, seeming half annoyed and half amused by his antics.

Emmett just grinned excitedly at her and she rolled her eyes at him as she leaned further into his side.

"Damn oaf!"she chuckled as she elbowed him lightly.

"I'm gonna go pick up Jazz. Do you guys want to go out to breakfast before we head to the fair?" Alice questioned as she made her way to the door.

"Sounds great, Alice. At least maybe the food will distract him for a while," Rosalie chuckled.

"Same diner as last time, Alice?" Edward asked. She smiled and nodded to him. "Alright, we'll meet you there," he called out after her.

"See you guys there!" she called back as she made her way down the stairs.

Edward and I finished getting ready, and we all headed down the stairs. We spent a few minutes talking to Esme and Carlisle, and Edward filled them in on our progress...well not _all _of our progress. I blushed like a fool when that thought popped in my head, causing Edward to chuckle lightly. Thank God no one else paid any attention to it. I could only imagine what would have popped out of Emmett or Rosalie's mouths!

After telling them our plans for the day, we all piled into Emmett's Jeep, and Edward quickly pulled me to his side, keeping me close for the entire ride. We all laughed as Emmett bounced around in his seat as he drove, seriously looking like a massively over-sized Alice with his excitement.

Breakfast, well brunch really, was a somewhat awkward experience. Poor Jasper looked torn from the moment he walked in the door. There were moments when I couldn't tell if he was bracing himself to speak to me, or bolt out of the door. I tried my best to encourage him to loosen up and just enjoy being with all of us, and occasionally he would break through his hesitancy and actually join in some of the conversations at the table for a few moments before pulling back again.

By the end of our meal, it was pretty apparent that all of us wanted to rip our hair out in frustration, but we tried our best not to let it show. It wouldn't help him feel comfortable enough to let go, and we all knew that.

I sent Jake a text message when we were on our way to the fair, and he replied saying that they'd meet us up there a bit later. We spent the first couple of hours roaming through the arts and crafts tents, playing the booth games, and listening to Emmett whine about wanting to go on the rides. Rosalie finally whacked him and told him that the rides are more fun at night, but if he wanted to go ride with the children that were running about, he was more than welcome to. He grimaced at the idea and finally relaxed enough to start enjoying himself.

Jasper seemed to start loosening up after a while. I kept a close eye on him, and was pleased when he started bantering back and forth with Rosalie and Emmett, and occasionally Edward. Every once in a while, I would catch him looking at me with an expression that led me to believe that he was warring with himself as to whether or not to approach me. Each time, I gave him an encouraging smile, but he would pull back. I wanted to storm up to him and scream in his face to let it go already as it started to get dark out.

I got so frustrated that I had to drag Edward off toward Emmett's Jeep, just to get away for a few minutes. We gave everyone the excuse that we were going to put our prizes from the booth games into the truck, and we took theirs along with us...not an easy feat. Emmett had won Rosalie a giant teddy bear, and Edward had it's arms wrapped around his neck, making it look like he was giving the bear a piggy back ride, and he was also carrying numerous other stuffed animals and such. Every few steps, one of us would drop something, and we would laugh as we tried to pick it up without dumping everything else that we were holding.

When we had everything loaded into the truck, Edward turned toward me and gave me a sympathetic smile.

"I'm sorry, love. I really thought he would have approached you by now," he said softly as he wrapped his arms around me. I nodded into his chest and squeezed him tighter to me, relishing in the comfort that only he could provide me.

"Do you want to go home? I can ask Alice if she can give Emmett and Rosalie a ride back," he offered. I shook my head and looked up at him as I stepped out of his embrace.

'No. That won't help this situation. He needs to see that I'm not going to give up on him, and leaving will show him otherwise.' I signed to him in reply. He sighed and nodded to me, linking our hands together as we started to walk back toward the entrance to the fair.

It was fully dark out by that point, and seeing all of the bright lights from the rides and stands filled me with excitement. The smells wafting through the air also made me incredibly hungry. I stopped walking and tugged gently on Edward's arm.

"What's up, love?" he asked curiously as he turned toward me.

'Can we get some funnel cake and cotton candy?' I signed to him with a sad puppy face and a pout. He chuckled and tapped my protruding lip playfully.

"Anything you want, love," he whispered against my lip before kissing it. I smiled widely and pulled him down for another kiss.

Edward and I sat on a bench, eating our funnel cake and cotton candy, watching all of the people wander aimlessly through the fair grounds. We had only been sitting there for a few minutes when I heard someone bellow my name. Edward and I quickly spun around, and I smiled as I saw Jake and Leah weaving their way through the crowd to join us.

"Hey, Bells. How come you didn't answer my messages?" he asked as he finally made it to us.

I furrowed my brow and licked my fingertips before pulling my phone out of my pocket. I had 7 missed text messages from him. I grimaced and looked at him apologetically.

'Sorry. I didn't hear it go off over all the noise.' I signed to him before standing and giving each of them a hug. Jake laughed as Leah smacked his arm playfully.

"Told you she wouldn't hear it over all this noise! I can barely hear myself think, let alone hear a phone ringing!" she practically shouted. It wasn't until then that I noticed it had gotten remarkably louder since the sun had disappeared.

We all sat on the bench, finishing off our treats, before wandering off toward the rides. Edward and Jake wanted to ride the 'Wolverine' roller coaster, but neither Leah nor I had any inclination what so ever to get on that ride. We laughed as we both admitted our fears of roller coasters that go upside down. Jake and Edward went on it together, and we waved to them from the crowd as their cart started up the slow incline. I laughed hysterically as I heard them shouting and throwing their arms in the air as it came off the top of the slope and sped down toward the loops.

We met up with Rosalie and Emmett right after that as they were waiting on line to ride the 'Twister'. We all managed to get on at the same time, and I wanted to smack Edward when he told the guy at the operator's stand to make it spin like crazy. I was sure I was going to be ill by the time we got off the ride. Rose and Emmett took the other half of the 2 bucket spoke we were sitting in, and I laughed hysterically as we spun in constant circles as we wove through the air, every few moments catching a glimpse of Rosalie pummeling Emmett as she screamed. When the ride ended, Edward had to help me walk to the exit because I was so dizzy. He gave up after the third time that I stumbled and he picked me up and swung me on his back.

"Emmett! Don't you _ever_ talk me into going on that damn ride again!" Rosalie screeched as she stormed past us to the exit. Emmett laughed and chased after her as he called her name repeatedly. Edward chuckled and I smacked his chest lightly.

"Don't laugh," I whispered quickly in his ear.

"Sorry, love. I was laughing because Emmett knows she doesn't like rides that spin, she prefers roller coasters and such, but he always convinces her to go on at least one with him," he responded sincerely.

"Oh," was my lame response whisper.

"How the hell did you guys spin so much? Ours barely spun at all!" Jake whined as he and Leah caught up with us.

"I asked the guy to spin it like crazy," Edward replied smugly.

"Damn..I'm gonna have to ride that again sometime tonight," Jake replied as he looked back toward the ride.

"What's next?" Edward asked as he turned his head toward me. I kissed him lightly and pointed toward the ferris wheel.

"We're heading over to the ferris wheel. You guys in?" he asked as he spun toward Jake and Leah.

"Nah...we're gonna go check out that bungee sling thing," Leah replied as they started to take off in the opposite direction.

"We'll catch up with you guys in a bit," Jake called out as Leah pulled him behind her. Edward and I laughed and nodded to them before heading off toward the ferris wheel.

There wasn't that long of a line when we got there, and Edward put me back down on my feet as we waited for our turn. I was caught off guard when I heard someone say my name from beside me.

"Bella?" I heard him say and I turned toward him smiling.

"Would you like to join me on the ferris wheel?" he asked nervously. I smiled at him and looked up to Edward with an apologetic expression.

"It's alright, love, I'll ride with Alice. We can ride it together later," he replied before kissing me once and stepping back to stand by her.

Moments later, Jasper and I got into our seat, and the attendant closed the gate. There was a tense silence between us as the ferris wheel started to move. It wasn't until it stopped and we were about half way up that he turned toward me.

"Bella, I... I don't even know what to say. There's nothing that I can say that could ever make _anything_ that I've done better," he said, his voice dripping with remorse.

'Jasper...You only did what you thought was right. I'm not angry with you, and I don't resent you for it. Everything that happened is just as much my fault as it is anyone else's.' I signed to him in reply with a sympathetic expression.

"Please don't blame yourself for any of it. It wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault. You were in pain, and we should have acknowledged that. You trusted us, and we shouldn't have broken that," he responded with a pleading tone.

'It was my fault, Jasper. It was my fault that I pulled away both times. It was my fault that I didn't seek any of you out when I needed you. That is my fault. You can't take the responsibility for my actions, and you can't take the responsibility of anyone else's for that matter.' I replied determinedly.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked hesitantly. I nodded to him and waited for him to continue.

"Why didn't you let us help you? Why didn't you let us know that you needed us? I don't blame you at all for it, Bella, but I just don't understand what would make you not be able to come to us," he responded sadly.

I quirked an eyebrow at him, because really, right now he was the pot calling the kettle black.

'Why didn't you?' I retorted quickly.

"I... I don't know. I just didn't think that anyone would understand how I felt...except you, but I couldn't talk to you because I was afraid to hurt you. I'm still afraid to hurt you, Bells," he responded with a pained voice.

'Jasper, you don't have to be afraid to hurt me. I was my own worst enemy, not you, and not anyone else either. They may not have understood what you felt, but they would have been there for you, just like you would have been there for them if they needed you.' I signed to him with a sympathetic expression.

"Was it the same for you? Were you afraid that we wouldn't understand?" he asked curiously.

I thought about how to respond to him in a way that would help him understand what I was thinking and feeling. I hadn't really ever been afraid that they wouldn't understand me. Actually, I don't even think I had ever gotten far enough to even consider the possibility that they wouldn't understand what I was going through. I couldn't think of anything that would make it sound even rational at best, so I finally decided to just go with the truth.

'At first, I just couldn't. It was all so much that I just shut down. I didn't feel anything, and I didn't think about anything at all. After a while, I thought that you all didn't want to be my friends because of how messed up I was. I didn't blame any of you for it, because I knew that if we were friends, I would only hurt you by having you around me while I was so broken. I felt so guilty about everything else that had happened, that I didn't want to feel guilty for hurting any of you as well. At that point, I decided to stay away to keep all of you from feeling anything that I was feeling. I loved you all too much to allow you to suffer the way I was. I'm sorry. I know now that I shouldn't have done that, but that doesn't change that I did.' I signed to him with an apologetic expression.

"How did you get past it? The guilt,"he asked quietly as he picked at an invisible string on the hem of his shirt before looking at me.

'I haven't. I just learned that I can't get through it alone, and I can't let it rule my life. I'm just beginning to work through it, Jasper. That's why I've been so worried about you. It took me five years to be able to just start working through what I feel. I didn't want to watch you go through the same thing.' I replied honestly.

"I don't even know how to start working my way through it," he muttered under his breath. I took a hold of his hand and squeezed it gently and he tilted his head to look at me.

'I'm still learning how to work through it, but I can at least tell you where to start.' I replied with a slight smile. He looked at me silently, and for the first time, I saw hope flash in his eyes.

'Put the blame that doesn't belong to you down, Jasper. If it isn't yours to take responsibility for, then let it go. It will make it a lot easier to work through after you stop blaming yourself for what other people did. Whatever fault in this situation that I, Alice, Edward, or Emmett have, is ours...not yours. Let it go, please.' I signed to him.

I watched him carefully as he battled with himself over what I relayed to him, and finally, after what felt like an eternity, I watched him let it go. The glimmer of life returned to his eyes as his reasoning finally kicked in and allowed him to put down what hadn't ever belonged to him to begin with.

He turned toward me and smiled, the first true smile that I had witnessed it weeks, as he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm sorry, Bella...for everything. I've missed you, little sis," he said softly. I nodded into his shoulder and smiled.

"I missed you too," I whispered and hugged him tighter as I fought down the panic that had risen in me. Jasper froze in my embrace momentarily before pulling back and looking at me with a bewildered expression.

"Bella?" he asked with an awed tone. I chuckled silently and nodded to him, watching him as a glorious grin spread across his face. He chuckled and shook his head before looking back at me. I quirked an eyebrow at him and waited to see what he thought was so funny.

"I can't believe Alice didn't tell me," he chuckled. I laughed silently and shook my head.

'She probably wanted to surprise you. You know how she loves surprises.' I signed to him as I rolled my eyes.

"That she definitely does. I'm happy for you, Bells. I knew it was only a matter of time before you started to get a hold of the panic. You've never been one to back down from anything," he said sincerely.

'That is so not true, and you know it.' I signed to him as I laughed. He looked at me incredulously and scoffed as he shook his head.

"Name one damn thing that you've ever backed down from, Bells. Just one thing...and nothing stupid like upside down roller coasters, because I know that's what you're going to say," he replied challengingly.

My mouth fell open slightly and I narrowed my eyes at him, because that was exactly what I was going to say. I didn't really have to think about the serious things that I've ever backed down from, simply because they were blatantly obvious for all of us to see. I had backed down from dealing with any of my problems for years. Instead of facing them, I ran in the opposite direction.

'My life.' I replied sincerely.

"Bella," he sighed as he shook his head and pulled me toward him, just as the tears began to prick at my eyes.

"You didn't back down from your life. You just dealt with it the only way you were capable of, the only way you knew how, but you're changing that now. You're facing it head on, and I have no doubt that you'll keep pushing until you get passed everything that's happened to you. We're all here for you, Bella...remember that," he said encouragingly.

I nodded into his shoulder and pulled back, smiling faintly.

'We're here for you too, Jasper.' I reminded him. He smiled gratefully and nodded to me.

"I know, Bells..." he trailed off as he started looking around as the ride stopped once again to let someone on. I quirked an eyebrow at him when he looked back at me.

"Do you think that guy forgot about us on this ride?" he asked in a mix of seriousness and amusement.

I laughed and looked down toward the ground just in time to see Edward and Alice laughing and waving at us. I waved back before pointing to the guy operating the ride and holding my hands out palm up. Edward shook with laughter as he nodded and walked up to speak to the ride operator.

'Edward's telling the guy to let us off.' I signed to Jasper when I turned back toward him.

"I have a feeling one of them requested him to leave us on here. Care to make a bet on which one it was?" he asked as he quirked his eyebrow at me.

'What are we betting?' I asked curiously.

"Hm... how about winner's choice? Winner gets to choose the loser's repayment anytime, anywhere," he responded with a mischievous grin.

'Deal.' I replied as I narrowed my eyes at him playfully.

Jasper took a coin out of his pocket and looked to me to call it. We did this hundreds of times as kids, and it was amazing how easy it was to fall right back into the routine.

'Heads.' I signed to him simply with a smug grin. He rolled his eyes and flipped the coin. I was practically shaking in my seat as I waited for him to reveal it.

"Damn...how do you _always_ pick it?" he asked me incredulously. I laughed silently and shrugged.

'Edward.' I signed to him and he shook his head at me.

"You're sooo gonna lose!" he hollered as he laughed.

We finally made our way back to the bottom after numerous stops, and walked off to meet up with Alice and Edward. Emmett, Rosalie, Jake, and Leah had all arrived by then as well.

"So which one of you trapped us on that ride?" Jasper called out as we neared them.

Alice and Edward laughed as Alice pointed to Edward, and everyone else just looked confused at what was going on. I started jumping up and down and sticking my tongue out at Jasper before running up to Edward and wrapping my arms around him.

I turned to the side after giving him a quick kiss, and smiled smugly at Jasper as he shook his head and wrapped his arms around Alice.

"How the hell did you know it was Edward? I thought for sure it was Alice..it had her name written all over it!" he cried out incredulously.

"How did you know it was me, love?" Edward asked as he guided my face toward his. I smiled and took a step back from his embrace.

'Because you knew how badly I wanted us to be friends again.' I replied sincerely.

"I figured you guys could use some time to yourselves to work things through," he said as he pulled me back against his chest. I looked up at him and smiled, mouthing him a silent 'thank you' before kissing him chastely.

"You're quite welcome, love," he murmured as he rested his forehead against mine.

"So what'd ya bet the little monster, Jazz?" Emmett boomed. Edward and I chuckled as we looked toward Jasper who was shaking his head in defeat.

"Winner's choice, man," he replied glumly.

"Damn, bro! Didn't you learn your lesson the last time?!" Emmett bellowed as he laughed.

Alice, Rosalie, Jake, and Leah all looked at the four of us in confusion as we all laughed hysterically and Jasper just hung his head.

"Bella...please. Have some mercy this time will you?" Jasper pleaded, only causing me to laugh even more.

'It wasn't that bad.' I signed to him.

"Bella! You made me sing 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' for a talent show at school! How was that not bad?!" he cried out in response.

The looks of confusion around us quickly disappeared as they all started cracking up, spluttering things like "Are you serious?", and "You've gotta be shittin' me".

'I'll take it easy on you, Jasper. I promise.' I signed to him as my laughter subsided to small chuckles.

"Just whatever it is, please don't make it at school...that's all I ask," he pleaded with me. I chuckled and nodded my head to him. I could grant him that much at least.

We rode a couple more rides, and I eventually did get on the Rock-O-Plane...only not with Emmett. Rosalie and I went on it together after she told me that she didn't trust him not to lock it up on her either. We had a blast rocking the cage, and we actually managed to flip it a few times. Edward got stuck riding with Emmett, and it was actually pretty entertaining to see them squashed into that cage together.

Of course, Emmett didn't disappoint. The minute the door was shut he started rocking the cage and locked it practically upside down. It was a good thing that Edward seemed to have a blast right along with him. Jake locked their cage up as well, and when they got off, Leah pummeled the crap out of him as he laughed and tried to stay out of her reach.

By the time we left the fair, it was already after nine, and since none of us had eaten anything besides junk since brunch, we headed back to the diner. It was amazing how different the atmosphere was around the table compared to how it was that very morning. There was no more tension in the air, no more awkwardness. In fact, I think we came pretty close to being escorted out for being too rowdy... well they were..I wasn't.

Before leaving the diner, it was decided that Rosalie, Alice, and I were going to have a girls night, and the guys were all going to crash at Emmett's since they all wanted to play video games. Rose and Alice rolled their eyes when the guys got all excited about it. I just laughed because I was just happy that they finally going to be able to spend time together without any animosity or tension between them. Jake and Leah declined both offers, saying that they both had things they needed to do in the morning, but promised to join in another time.

Emmett stopped by his house on the way home so Rosalie could grab whatever she'd need for the night before heading off to my house. Once we got there, Jasper walked over to Alice's with her so she wouldn't have to walk through the shallow woods between our houses by herself in the dark, and Edward and I went to sit on the porch swing to wait for their return. Rosalie and Emmett stayed in the Jeep, and honestly, I didn't want to know what they were up to in there.

"Did you have a good time tonight, love?" Edward asked as he rocked us on the swing with me in his lap. I smiled and nodded to him as I continued to play with the hair on the nape of his neck.

"That feels so good. I'm going to miss you tonight," he voiced just above a whisper as he rested his cheek against the top of my head. I gently squeezed his hand that I'd been holding and tilted my head up to look at him.

"I'll miss you too," I whispered to him, squeezing his hand gently until the slight panic subsided. Edward watched me intently until he felt me relax completely.

"I love you, my Bella," he whispered against my lips, sending a thrill through me that gave me goose flesh.

"I love you too," I whispered back before pressing my lips against his firmly.

I once again lost myself into our own little world as we kissed, and my mind was only able to form one coherent thought.

_Tomorrow can't come fast enough..._

_

* * *

_

**AN: Much love to all of you reading this! Please review...Thank you! ~Jersey~**


	63. Pranks Proms & Bonfires

**AN: Alright so I just want to apologize for there not having been an update since Friday, but my dog has been missing since Saturday morning and I'm completely tore up over it. I haven't been able to work on any new chapters, or even edit ones I already have. I'm not sure when the next update will be, as I have to fix the chapter that was originally supposed to be in this spot. I hadn't planned on writing out an entire prom chapter, so I have some serious re-working to do in the following chapter. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I'm sorry if there are some overly cheesy parts to this...but my depressive funk over the last few days is making me overly sentimental. I cut out an entire chunk of the end of this chapter because I realized during editing it that it was entirely too cheesy. I might post it as a one-shot if any of you want it, just let me know. I posted links on my profile to both Alice and Rosalie's dresses, all of their hair styles, and the prom photo backdrop. ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight...and now I don't even own a dog ::sniffle::**

* * *

Pranks, Proms, and Bonfires

BPOV

The past month has gone by in the blink of an eye. The night of the fair was a turning point for all of us, but mostly for Jasper. He's been so much better ever since that night. There have only been a few instances where he acted even slightly hesitant around me, but each time, I've reminded him that he had no reason to be afraid, and that we were all there for him. It helped ease his worries and enabled him to relax enough to enjoy the time he spent with us.

Our girls night from the night of the fair was a blast. Alice, Rosalie, and I spent the entire night eating junk food, dancing to songs off of my iPod, painting each other's nails, and inevitably ended the night immersed in "girl talk".

I don't think I've ever blushed as much as I did that night listening to everything they talked about. They tried repeatedly to get me to spill about anything between Edward and I, but I didn't. I happen to believe that whatever Edward and I share together is for us and us only. I only hoped that he wouldn't divulge anything to Emmett or Jasper while they spent time together.

Weekends for the last month have been amazing. Every Friday night we have a date night, and we all go somewhere together. I feel bad for Emmett when Rosalie can't make it down for those nights, but he and Angela have formed an alliance for those nights. I think it helps both of them not feel like a fifth..or sixth wheel.

Last Friday we found out that Angela has a secret crush on Ben Cheney, and the guys erupted into laughter. I felt a brief flash of anger course through me when they started laughing at her, but I wasn't able to maintain it...which disturbed me. When the guys finally realized that we were all glaring at them, they stopped laughing immediately and explained hurriedly that they were laughing because Ben had just admitted having a crush on Angela just the day before during their baseball practice. We've spent the last week trying to get at least one of them to gather enough courage to, at the very least, speak to one another. I'm hoping that the guys are having more success with Ben than we are with Ange.

Saturday nights we have a group camp out at my house. I'm really beginning to think that Alice and Emmett need to be separated on those nights. Edward told me that he and Jasper had been afraid of the two of them joining forces when it came to their pranking...and now I understood why.

That first Saturday night camp out, we all, sans the dynamic duo themselves, woke up with marker, make-up, and shaving cream on our faces. Poor Jasper looked like Santa Clause with all the shaving cream they had on him. Someone even put blush on his cheeks and nose to make him look rosy. The guys and Rosalie were furious, but I laughed in silent hysterics...until I saw my own face. Those two twits had painted me up to look like a hideous clown, and I had to scrub my face raw just to get it off.

The following Saturday, one of them saran wrapped the toilet at some point during the night, and I, being the unlucky one, had stumbled into the bathroom not even bothering to turn the light on as there was a night light plugged into the wall. I was none too pleased when awareness of what was happening finally sank in. After cleaning up and changing my clothes, I made my way back down the stairs, determined to get my revenge on them.

I woke up early the next morning and helped Esme make breakfast for everyone. As soon as we were done cooking, Esme and Carlisle left to go have breakfast with Ed Sr. and Liz. Once everyone was seated at the table, I started bringing them their cups of juice. When I took Alice and Emmett's cups out to them, I sneakily slipped some instant diarrhea in their juice, and waited patiently. It didn't take long before they were squirming in their seats, and shortly after, they took off toward the downstairs bathrooms. I smiled smugly and ate my breakfast as I listened to the echoing sounds of their angered wails.

_At least I only peed on the saran wrap...Take that!_

Edward, Jasper, and Rosalie looked at me curiously as I happily ate my breakfast, snickering silently to myself. I guess Rosalie had enough of my smug silence and she quickly moved to sit next to me. She took my fork from me and told me to spill, and I did. They laughed hysterically when I signed to them how I took their own prank and upped the ante for them. They finally understood why I told the three of them to only use the upstairs bathrooms that morning.

Alice and Emmett wouldn't talk to anyone for the rest of the day when not one of us would tell them who did it. Thankfully, they let it go sometime before school the following day, and everything was back to normal once again.

At some point during the week, I think they figured out who flipped the tables on them, because that third Sunday it seemed as if all the pranks were aimed right at me. I was wary when I woke up in the morning and nothing had happened to any of us during the night. I gave Edward a quick kiss, and disentangled myself from his sleeping form and made my way up the stairs to take a shower.

As soon as I took my first step forward at the top of the stairs, my foot snagged on something and I went crashing down to the floor. After assessing myself for damages, and listening to make sure that I hadn't woken anyone up, I realized that I had tripped over fishing wire. I chuckled it off and picked myself up off the floor after taking down the wire. As soon as I pushed my bedroom door open, a damn bucket of cold water fell on me, and I almost shrieked at the frigid temperature, not to mention the surprise of being hit in the head with said bucket.

I huffed as I cleaned up the mess and then I grabbed some clothes and headed off to the bathroom. By that point, I was _very_ wary of what could be waiting for me in there. I opened to door slowly, making sure that nothing would fall on me, and it didn't. I even went as far as to check my shampoo, conditioner, and soap to make sure it hadn't been tampered with, and it appeared it hadn't.

I hurried through my shower, toweled off, and got dressed. I was finally able to relax, figuring there wasn't anything left to worry about. I picked up my toothbrush and, without even looking, I turned the water on in the sink. I swear for a flash of a second I saw red as the faucet shot water all over me and my clean dry clothes. I quickly shut the water off, and huffed as I angrily shoved my toothbrush in my mouth, and pried off their little ingenious contraption from the faucet.

After I finished brushing my teeth and hair, I stomped back into my room to change my clothes once again. By the time I made it back downstairs, everyone was up and wandering around. I glared at Alice and Emmett, and they just smiled smugly at me. I never did figure out how they found out it was me that had turned the tables on them, but their smiles told me that they knew.

Some things have changed over the last few weeks, but mostly in a good way. It's been becoming increasingly easier to whisper, but I'm still having difficulty using my full voice. I don't know why the panic shoots up so fast when I try to do anything above a whisper, but it does nonetheless...and it's incredibly frustrating. Edward and I have found that if it's just the two of us, it's slightly easier for me, but neither of us can figure out why. We've tried approaching using my real voice in the same way around Esme and Carlisle and even Alice, as we do when we're alone, but it doesn't seem to help when other people are involved.

On the good side though, I can almost make it through an entire conversation in whispers if Edward is humming to me. When he's not, it just takes longer for me to get all the way through what I wish to say as I fight to reign the panic back in when it becomes too much. It's still progress though, and I'm trying to stay positive about that...regardless of how little progress I'm making in using my full voice.

I've had a few stumbles over the last few weeks resulting in my freezing myself up. Each time it's caused by my pushing myself too hard, and Edward, Esme, and Carlisle are quick to remind me that pushing too hard only causes me to take a step backward. I understand their point, but the way I see it, if I don't push then I won't ever make it any further than I've already come.

With all that said, it brings us to today. It's Saturday, but most notably, it's the day of the prom. Rosalie came down from Seattle yesterday, and after school she and Alice dragged me off to a salon for an afternoon filled with facials, manicures, and pedicures. It felt like torture, and I'm fairly certain my expression showed it throughout the entire experience.

The only amusement I found in the entire situation was watching Edward, Emmett, and Jasper trudge in through the door, each wearing scowls as they glared at Alice and Rosalie. Apparently, it wasn't only us women that needed to suffer through this treatment. Alice and Rosalie somehow managed to rope the guys into getting facials and manicures, well dude-icures according to Emmett. How they managed to get them to agree to that was way beyond my comprehension.

Speaking of Rosalie and Alice, they're currently flitting all around me, primping, plucking, tugging, you name it, they're doing it...and it isn't helping my frazzled nerves one bit.

"Bella, relax...please," Alice chided for about the hundredth time this hour.

"I can't...I'm sorry," I whispered to her.

"Bells...it's just a dance. You're going to look beautiful, Edward's going to look handsome, and you're both going to have a great time tonight. Stop worrying," Rosalie huffed as she released another perfect curl from her curling iron in my hair.

"What if I trip?" I asked in a whisper with a worried expression as I looked at them.

"Simple...Edward will catch you," Alice responded with a smug grin. I rolled my eyes and huffed as I raised my hands to sign to her. Tonight was not the night to push my luck with the whispering.

'What if I step on his foot and break his toe while dancing? You know he's not going to let me just sit at the table all night.'

Alice and Rosalie started laughing and looking at me incredulously.

"I'm sure his toes can handle a little stomping on. I doubt you'd break them, Bells. Now stop worrying already," Rosalie admonished as she popped me in the head with my hairbrush.

"Ugh...fine," I whispered as I slumped in my chair and tried to reign in my nerves. Ever since I woke up this morning I've felt like I've been ready to jump out of my skin at a moment's notice.

"Bella, close your eyes for me so I can finish your make-up," Alice ordered gently, and I complied.

Not ten minutes later, Alice had finished with my make-up, and Rosalie had finished my hair. Alice kept my make-up light, only giving me smoky eyes and lip gloss. Rosalie had side parted my hair, and pulled it back, allowing the perfect ringlets of curls to cascade down my back. She even attached some rhinestone clips in my hair that sparkled like stars.

I smiled happily and hugged them both before going to sit on my bed in my robe, and listen to my iPod, while waiting for them to finish primping themselves so we could get dressed. I was trying to distract myself by thinking of something I could have Jasper do to fulfill his end of our bet from the day at the fair, when a sudden tap on my knee almost shot me through the ceiling.

I clutched my hand to my chest as I tried to calm my racing heartbeat as I stared into the loving eyes of Esme. I pulled my ear buds out and let out a shuddering breath.

"Sorry, you startled me," I whispered to her. She smiled apologetically at me and squeezed my hands gently.

"I'm sorry, dear. I didn't realize you were so lost in thought," she replied sincerely.

"It's okay, Mom," I whispered with a smile.

"I wanted to give you something to wear tonight. They've been in my family for generations, and I think they'll go beautifully with your gown," she said with a warm voice.

"What is it?" I asked curiously.

She smiled at me and handed me a velvet jewelry box. I smiled back at her as I gently opened the box, revealing a pair of stunning white gold and diamond chandelier earrings. I grimaced slightly and placed the box in my lap so I could sign to her.

'Mom, I can't wear these. I'd feel horrible if I lost one.'

"Oh, dear. I'm sure you won't lose them. Please wear them. I have worn them for every special occasion I've attended, and now it's time for me to pass them on to you," she replied encouragingly.

I reached across and hugged her tightly. She never ceased to amaze me with her motherly gestures. I pulled back after a few moments and smiled brightly at her.

'Will you help me put them on?' I signed to her.

"Of course, dear," she replied happily, her face aglow with joy.

I handed her the box and she removed the beautiful earrings, gently fastening them to my ears.

'How do they look?' I signed nervously. They felt heavy and I was worried that they were pulling my ears down too far.

"Absolutely beautiful, Bella. Just like you," she replied, her voice thick with emotion.

I reached across and hugged her once again as a tear slipped from her eye.

"I love you, Mom," I whispered to her as I hugged her tight.

"I love you too, sweetheart," she replied as she tightened her embrace.

We pulled apart and smiled at each other as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Well, I'll let you girls finish getting ready. I have to go dig out my camera to get pictures of all of you before you leave. I'm not missing this photo opportunity for anything," she chuckled as she lifted herself off the bed. I laughed silently and waved to her as she walked out of the room after telling Rosalie and Alice how beautiful they were going to look.

"Are you ready to get dressed, Bella?" Alice asked excitedly. I smiled and nodded to her as she handed me my gown.

I slid into it easily, and she zipped me up, adjusting it so that it adhered to me perfectly. I turned and faced her and Rose, Alice was grinning widely, and Rosalie appeared to be in awe.

"Bella, you look amazing. Where did you find that dress?" Rose asked as her eyes took in every detail of the dress.

'Alice made it for me. It's perfect isn't it?' I signed to her with a grateful smile toward Alice.

"Are you _serious_? Alice you _made_ this?" she asked incredulously as she pointed at the gown, and subsequently me.

Alice just nodded to her timidly as she wrung her fingers together.

"Ali...you really need to go into fashion design. That dress is impeccable," she said with awe, as her gaze shifted between the dress and Alice.

"That's actually my plan for after high school, but that dress isn't the only thing I made for tonight," she replied mysteriously.

"What else did you make?" Rose asked curiously. I nodded vehemently, I also really wanted to know what else she had made, because she hadn't said a word of it to me.

"You'll find out when the guys get here," she replied cryptically.

"Alice!" I whisper yelled, and clutched my hands into fists as I closed my eyes, trying to settle the panic that had shot through me by doing that.

"Bella! Are you alright?!" Alice screeched as she gripped my shoulders, and Rosalie looked on in concern. I took in a few calming breaths through my nose and nodded to her as I opened my eyes.

"I'm fine...sorry," I replied in a soft whisper with an apologetic expression.

"It's alright, but please don't do anything that would make you miss out on tonight," she pleaded worriedly.

"I won't. I'm alright," I replied sincerely.

"So pixie...are you gonna let us in on the secret? Or is poor Bella gonna have to freeze herself up to get it out of you?" Rosalie said with a quirked eyebrow as she stared Alice down.

Alice rolled her eyes and smirked at her before turning to me.

"You're not gonna go that far to get it out of me are you?" she asked incredulously. I chuckled silently and shook my head.

'As badly as I want to know what it is, I'm not willing to spend a night in frozen silence to figure it out.' I signed to her sincerely.

"Well, if Bella can wait..so can you," she replied to Rose with a smug grin. Rosalie scrunched her nose at me and narrowed her eyes playfully.

"You're supposed to be on my side, Bells. We unsuspecting folk need to stick together when it comes to the prank and surprise addicted pixie that we oh so lovingly refer to as Alice," she chuckled as she plopped down onto the edge of the bed.

I laughed silently as Alice glared at her with her arms crossed. I went to sit on the bed next to Rose, but Alice broke out of her stare down and screeched as her arms waived in front of her.

"Bella, no! It'll wrinkle!"

'Alice. I'm going to have to sit at some point tonight...I'm not walking to the prom you know.' I signed to her with an incredulous look.

" I know _that_. I just don't want it to be wrinkled before Edward sees you," she replied dryly.

'Come on, Alice. That's not for another half hour or so.' I responded with a pleading look.

"Fine, fine. But sit carefully...please," she responded with a grimace. I rolled my eyes and sat down gently, making sure the fabric wasn't bunched up underneath me.

'Hey at least it'll be easier to put my shoes on now.' I signed to her as I chuckled, trying to get her to smile. Her eyes lit up and I almost wanted to take off running as Rosalie started laughing.

'What did you do, Alice?' I signed to her worriedly.

"Bella...you love me right?" she asked with an innocent tone and expression. I nodded warily and looked between her and Rosalie. Alice picked up a bag from the floor and pulled out a pair of rhinestone studded and strappy dress shoes, and I immediately realized I should have run while I had the chance to.

'Alice..no. That's a guaranteed trip to the hospital before we even make it to the prom.' I signed to her warily after pointing to the open toed death traps.

"A little help here, Rose," Alice said as she turned toward Rosalie with an exasperated expression.

"Bells...they're perfect for that dress. They aren't even that high of a heel. Just try them on at least," she pleaded.

'Alice. I asked you to be conservative when choosing footwear. Remember?' I signed to her with a pleading expression.

" Yep. I remember, and this _is _conservative compared to what I would have liked to have bought you," she replied with a smug smile.

'Those are practically stilettos!' I replied as I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Oh, Bella... these are nowhere near stilettos!" she retorted as she reached down into the bag again.

"_These _are stilettos!" she chirped as she held a second pair of shoes in front of me. They closely resembled the ones that she was trying to get me to wear, only instead of just a broken ankle for me, they quickly made me think of mass destruction and injuries to everyone around me.

'Who are those for?' I asked curiously.

"These were what I _wanted _to buy for you, but I ended up getting them for myself instead because I knew hell over high water, you'd go barefoot to prom over wearing them," she chuckled and I paled as I looked at them and grabbed the lower heeled ones from her. I was afraid that if I didn't make my move on the smaller ones, she'd try to force me into the weapons of mass destruction.

Rosalie laughed hysterically as I hurriedly tried to attach the shoes to my feet so that Alice couldn't take them back.

"Calm down, Bella. I'm not going to push the stilettos on you. If I did, I'd have nothing to wear with my dress," Alice chuckled as she bent down to help me with the straps.

"Okay, try walking in them," she said as she finished and stood. I rose off the bed and took a lap around the room, smiling proudly when I managed to not break anything or even lose my balance. They really weren't anywhere near as bad as I thought they'd be, and it eased my nerves slightly.

Alice and Rosalie quickly got dressed, and I looked enviously at them. Alice was wearing a shimmering plum colored, strapless asymmetrical tiered dress that looked _fabulous_ on her. The stilettos made her legs look impossibly long for her height. Her hair was pinned up and had spikes sticking out of the back, and she wore a choker that matched her dress perfectly.

Rosalie was wearing a wine colored satin gown that flowed over her curves flawlessly. It was simple, but elegant. Two straps crossed her lower back, the rest of it was bare, and there was a small train at the back. It looked impeccable on her. She had her hair pieced out and weaved loosely through the back, pinned with pearl clips. She pulled it all together at the nape of her neck, and it flowed down in waves to just between her shoulder blades.

'You both look...incredible.' I signed to them as I struggled to find a word that could adequately describe the appearances, but found myself unable to find such a word.

I could only wish to look as beautiful as they both did. Compared to them, I was the ugly duckling. I was pretty sure that I was going to stand out like a sore thumb among the six of us at the prom. It reminded me of one of those photos where you have to find the item that doesn't belong in the picture...and that item was me. I wanted so badly just to crawl in a dark hole and remain there for the remainder of the night, but unfortunately for me, the doorbell rang and alerted me to the fact that our dates had just arrived.

"Are you ready, Bells?" Rosalie asked me with excitement sparkling in her eyes. I grimaced and shook my head as my nerves finally got the best of me. She wrapped her arms around me and spoke softly.

"Bella, you look amazing tonight. Edward's going to come apart at the seams just from the sight of you. Just relax and allow yourself to enjoy tonight. We're all here with you, okay?" she said encouragingly.

I took a few deep breaths and nodded to her. She smiled brightly at me and then went to give herself a once over in the mirror. Once she was satisfied, we picked up our clutches and made our way out of my room. As soon as we were outside the door, Alice turned toward me.

"Okay, Rosalie is gonna go down first, then me, and then you, okay?" she said hurriedly.

'Why do I have to go last?' I signed to her frantically.

"Because, Bella. You always save the best for last," she replied with a smug grin.

'You're full of it. You just all want to be witnesses to my demise as I fall down the stairs.' I signed to her as I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Bella, get a grip. You're not going to fall down the stairs. Just hold onto the railing," Rosalie said reprovingly.

"So it's Rose, me, then you. Got it?" Alice asked again.

'I'm not deaf, Alice. Just practically mute and nervous.' I signed to her as I huffed and rolled my eyes.

"Hey, I'll take feisty and willing over reserved and clinging to your bed frame for dear life any day," she replied sarcastically. I crossed my arms and scowled at her, earning a chuckle from Rose as she looked back at us while making her way down the staircase.

'Very funny, Alice.' I signed as I rolled my eyes once more.

"Oh come on, you know you want to laugh. Lighten up, Bells. We're gonna have a blast tonight," she replied encouragingly.

I let out a small chuckle and pushed her toward the stairs seeing that it was her turn to make her grand entrance. She turned her head and smiled at me as she made her way down, and even gave me a thumbs up, which I returned with a sardonic smile. She chuckled and shook her head as she continued on down the stairs.

I tried to remain calm as I waited for her to disappear from view, but my nerves were making my legs feel like lead. She finally disappeared from view, but I still couldn't get my legs to move. What if Edward was disappointed? What if I did manage to fall down the stairs? What if tonight turned out to be a complete disaster?

"BELLA! SHAKE A LEG! WE'RE WAITING FOR YOU!" Emmett bellowed up the stairs.

I chuckled silently as I heard the thwack resound from Rosalie smacking him in the head. They argued for a few moments as I tried to work up enough courage to start walking down the steps. I took two quick breaths and finally managed to move my feet forward, taking each step carefully. When I got to the bottom of the staircase, I turned and looked up as I heard the sharp intakes of breaths.

Edward walked up to me in a trance-like state, and I nervously looked down, wondering if there was something wrong with how I looked. He gently hooked a finger under my chin and lifted my gaze, and I blushed as I met his smoldering gaze. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times before shaking his head slightly, and I chuckled silently as I realized that he was at a loss for words.

"Love...there are no words to describe how absurdly stunning you look tonight," he said, his tone huskier than the usual velvet smoothness.

"Thank you," I whispered to him before lightly pecking his lips. When I pulled back, I finally took in the sight of him in his tux. He looked incredibly handsome in his black jacket and pants, crisp white shirt, and satin navy tie and vest.

'You look amazing yourself.' I signed to him with a smile.

"Bella, I won't even be noticed while standing next to you. I highly doubt anyone will be able to pry their eyes from your beauty tonight," he chuckled and I swatted his arm lightly as he guided me toward the rest of our party.

It was then that I realized what Alice's other surprise was. All of the guys had vests and ties that perfectly matched our dresses. I smiled at Alice as I pointed at the guys and then gave her a thumbs up. She giggled and turned back towards Jasper who was holding out a corsage made of lavender roses, baby ferns, and white baby's breath. Emmett was placing one on Rosalie's wrist that was made of red roses, one large sprig of fern, and white baby's breath.

I turned my gaze back to Edward, and he was smiling lovingly at me as he held out my corsage for me. I automatically expected one with roses that had been dyed blue, but there were no roses. I looked up at him confusedly and he chuckled.

"Blue roses mean unattainable love. I didn't find it very suiting," he chuckled and I joined him and nodded.

"Would you like to know why I chose this corsage?" he asked as he slipped it on my wrist. I nodded slightly to him as I met his smoldering gaze.

"I chose the blue freesia because it's symbolic of trust. The ivy is my promise of eternal fidelity, and the single cream colored tulip means I will love you forever," he said softly as he gazed into my eyes and caressed my face from temple to chin with the back of his hand.

"I love you," I whispered to him as I leaned up to kiss him.

"Forever," he whispered back against my lips. It was so easy to lose myself in our own little world when he kissed me so passionately. His hand wound into my hair at the base of my neck as he pulled me impossibly closer to him as we kissed.

" Edward! Don't you _dare_ mess her hair up!" Rosalie screeched, causing both of us to jump back and glare at her.

Emmett was grinning widely with his arm wrapped around Rosalie's waist, and Alice and Jasper were quietly snickering to each other. I flushed bright red and tried to bury my face in Edward's shoulder.

"Come on, Bella. Let's go fix your lip gloss so Esme can take her pictures before we go," I nodded to her and begrudgingly pried myself away from Edward. I blushed furiously as he licked his lips and smirked at me.

Alice quickly re-applied my lip gloss and we headed back out to join the rest of our party. Esme cooed constantly as she snapped photo after photo. She took multiple photos of us individually, as couples, all the guys, all the girls, then group photos of all of us together. She even took numerous pictures of our corsages. It took Carlisle finally gently prying the camera from her hands to get her to stop. They told us once again how beautiful and handsome we all looked, and wished for us to have a good time as we filed out of the front door.

Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett all piled into Emmett's Jeep, and I went to follow them, but Edward wrapped his arm around my waist and steered me off towards his car. I looked at him curiously before I looked back toward the Jeep, only to see the four of them grinning widely at us as we approached the Volvo. I turned my attention back toward Edward and put my hand on his chest.

"Edward," I whispered, and he stopped walking. He looked down at me and met my confused gaze with a smoldering one.

"Yes, love?" he asked with a smirk.

"What's going on?" I whispered curiously.

"They're going to their houses so their families can get pictures, but we're going somewhere else. We'll meet up with them at the dance," he said mysteriously.

"Where are we going?" I whispered to him.

"It's a surprise," he said cryptically, and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I don't like surprises," I whispered and then proceeded to bite my bottom lip.

"You'll like this one...at least I'm hoping you will," he replied with a slightly nervous tone. It made me uneasy to see him feeling nervous about whatever he had planned, so I leaned up and kissed him chastely.

'If it's from you, I'm sure I'll love it.' I signed to him, hoping to ease his worries. He smiled my smile and kissed me briefly before starting to walk once again.

Once we were in the car, I leaned against him as I usually did, but instead of holding my left hand as usual, he pulled my right hand into his lap. He caressed my fingers as he drove, but ever once in a while he would unconsciously focus on my ring finger. I didn't pay much mind to it, as he usually did that to my left hand as he drove as well, and the subconscious gesture warmed my heart immensely each time he did it.

Not even ten minutes into the drive, I realized that we were headed to La Push. What we were going there for I couldn't figure out, regardless of how hard I tried to. I wanted to know what we were going to do there so badly, but I knew he wouldn't tell me, and secretly...I didn't want him to either.

He pulled up to the parking area just in front of the trail that led down to the beach, and he raised my hand, kissed each of my fingers and smiled at me before getting out of the car. He quickly walked around to my side of the car and opened my door, offering me his hand to help me out of the car. As soon as he shut the door, he bent down and effortlessly lifted me into his arms. I laughed silently and looked at him with a quirked eyebrow.

"What are you doing?" I whispered to him. He grinned widely.

"Alice would murder me if I allowed you to dirty your gown or shoes. And I can't imagine sand in your toes would be very comfortable for the rest of the evening," he chuckled as he walked down the trail.

"She would too," I whispered as I chuckled and wrapped my arms around his neck.

The sun was setting on the horizon of the water just as we made it through the end of the trail. The sky was vibrant with its splashes of oranges, purples, and pinks in the clouds mixed in with the fading blues of the sky. The water shimmered and the orange that was reflected off the setting sun made the water appear to be ablaze. It was identical to the day that Edward and I had come down to our tree while my parents were fighting.

He strode right up to our tree, and I noted that there was a blanket laying atop the tree trunk. He gently placed me down upon it and smirked at me.

"Like I said...Alice would kill me," he chuckled. I laughed silently and nodded in agreement.

In just a moment, Edward's humor disappeared and his expression became serious as he gazed into my eyes. I worried for a moment as to what caused the drastic change, but waited patiently on pins and needles for him to say something...anything really.

His hand made it's way into his pocket, and he seemed to be fiddling with something as if he was trying to work up the courage to say what he needed to say. I placed my palm on his cheek and he immediately leaned into it, closing his eyes. He covered my hand with his own and kissed both my wrist and palm before clasping it in his own hand, caressing my knuckles with his thumb.

He took a deep breath and pulled whatever he had been fiddling with out of his pocket, holding it gingerly in his fingers. It was a small, black, velvet box, and I stopped breathing immediately upon seeing it.

_He couldn't possibly be... There's no way... We're minors!_

He fluidly flipped the top of the box open, and nestled inside was a ring. It had two entwined hearts, and a stone in the middle of each, one was alexandrite, Edward's birthstone, and the other was a sapphire, my birthstone. I let out my breath, relieved that it wasn't an engagement ring...at least I didn't think it was.

_Oh my God...what if it is?!_

"Bella, I brought you here today because I couldn't imagine a better place to share this with you. We've shared so many memories here together, our childhoods, our first kiss, our first declarations of love, your past, our reunion. So many incredibly meaningful moments, and I wanted this to be just as perfect as each of those memories," he said, his velvet tone smooth and filled with love.

I stared at him wide eyed as he removed the ring from the box, and slid the empty box back into his pocket. He grasped my right hand again, and I was once again relieved that it wasn't an engagement ring...unless he took the wrong hand by mistake.

_No way...nah uh...he'd know better than that...right?_

"Bella, relax. It isn't an engagement ring...yet," he chuckled. I laughed nervously and started breathing again.

_Are my thoughts that transparent?_

"It's a promise ring, love. I wanted to offer this to you as my promise to love you forever, to be there for you always, and to one day marry you so that we can be together for eternity. I love you, Bella. You and only you with everything that I am and everything that I have in me. Will you accept my promise?" he asked with a slightly nervous undertone.

I fisted his jacket and pulled him to me desperately until my lips were just barely touching his.

"Yes. I love you. Forever," I whispered against his lips.

He let out a breath and grinned widely as he pushed his lips down on mine, kissing me soundly and leaving both of us breathless. When we pulled apart, his eyes were shining with an unfathomable degree of happiness and love as he slid the ring onto my right ring finger. He kissed it once it was in place and lifted his gaze to meet mine once again.

"Forever," he said simply and kissed me thoroughly once more, ending it with three playful pecks. He lifted me back off the tree trunk and started walking back towards the car, gloriously goofy smile still intact. I couldn't have wiped the goofy grin off my own face if I tried, and I really didn't even want to bother trying.

Throughout the drive toward the banquet hall where the prom was being held, Edward would glance at me and the goofy smile would appear again on both of our faces. When we finally got to our destination, everyone was there waiting for us, each of them wearing an all knowing smile. I chuckled silently and shook my head as Edward parked the car.

I knew we would be approaching the spanish inquisition momentarily, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I was too happy with my perfect boyfriend, in his perfect tux, my perfect gown, my perfect promise ring, and his perfect ability to make me feel incredibly loved and wanted. As suspected, as soon as we started approaching them, the questioning started.

"Did he do it?" Alice chirped excitedly. I laughed silently and nodded as she and Rosalie quickly made their way over to me.

"I wanna see it! He wouldn't let me!" Rosalie said with excitement as she playfully glared at Edward. I held out my hand for them to see the ring, and immediately they both grabbed my hand and started inspecting it.

"Edward, why did you choose alexandrite over pearl? Not many people even know that June has two different birthstones," Alice asked him curiously.

"I chose it because Bella deserves something as rare and beautiful as she is. Pearls are too common and frankly uninteresting, and Bella is anything but either of those. It will never compare to her own beauty, but I don't think there is anything that ever could," he responded with smoldering gaze and loving smile in my direction as he approached Emmett and Jasper.

I felt my eyes mist up once more with his words, and I looked up toward the sky to fight the tears away. Forget the dress, Alice would kill me if I ruined her make-up.

"Waterproof mascara and eyeliner, Bells. You're safe," she said quietly as she smiled smugly at me. I chuckled silently and looked down at my ring along with her and Rosalie.

"It's beautiful, Bella. I'm happy that he finally gave that to you," Rosalie remarked with a warm smile.

'What do you mean finally?' I signed to her in question.

"He bought that back in October, just a day or two before that Halloween party. He carried it with him at all times while you two were separated, but he would never let me see it, and he swore me to secrecy about it. He finally told all of us what he had planned the night of the fair," she replied with a wistful tone.

A tear slipped from my eye as I looked at him and thought about how heavy that box must have felt in his pocket during all those months that we were separated.

_Forever... I reminded myself as I looked back at Rosalie and Alice. _

"Sadness is not allowed tonight. Tonight is a happy occasion, and we're going to celebrate," Alice remarked with a shaky voice as she dabbed the tears from her eyes. I nodded to her and stepped forward to wrap my arms around both of them.

"I love you guys," I whispered to them.

"We love you too," they both replied as they tightened their arms around me.

We pulled apart and linked our arms together as we strode off toward our inhumanly handsome men. Whatever conversation they were having halted immediately as they caught sight of us and watched us intently as we approached them.

"Speechless...told ya," Alice said through her teeth as she smiled at Jasper. Rosalie and I chuckled silently, and we broke apart to join our significant others.

"That look in your eyes as you strode up to me was probably the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life," Edward growled before attacking my lips, his hands flying into my hair, pulling me even closer to him as he tilted my head and deepened the kiss. My entire body felt as if it were on fire when I pulled back, almost on the verge of hyperventilating as I tried to pull in as much oxygen as I could.

He wrapped an arm around my waist, and I shakily fell into step as he followed after the rest of our group, still trying to catch my breath. I didn't miss his attempt at adjusting himself discreetly either and I chuckled. He flushed slightly and grinned apologetically at me.

"Sorry...can't help it," he muttered looking thoroughly embarrassed. I pulled him tighter to me and slowed my pace until he stopped and looked at me curiously. I leaned up and kissed him.

'Don't be sorry. I like knowing that you're as affected by me as I am by you.' I signed to him with a smirk. He chuckled and looked down past my face.

"I like seeing the affect that I have on you as well," he chuckled and I looked down, blushing furiously as I realized that you could easily notice my peaked nipples. I crossed my arms across my chest immediately and looked around as Edward chuckled and wrapped his arms around me.

"Emmett and Jasper said it's pretty dark in there, no one will see anything, I promise," he said soothingly as he rubbed my back.

I finally worked up the nerve to walk through the front doors with Edward, and I was blown away upon stepping foot into the lobby. You could see the entrance to the ballroom where our prom was being held, and there was dark blue sheer fabric with twinkling lights lining it.

We walked through the doorway and I took in every detail. I always thought proms were supposed to be filled with paper streamers and tacky decorations, but it was just the opposite. It was amazing. The same sheer fabrics were lined on the ceiling, with random twinkling lights above them, making them appear more distant. There were even shooting stars hanging sporadically from the fabric.

There was a disco ball that almost looked like it was situated to be the moon in the sky, twirling as it threw its reflected light beams onto the walls and floor, making the spots appear to dance upon the floor. The walkways had white and silver stars lining them, leading us toward the photographer. The backdrop for the photos was two shimmering shooting star structures.

We finally caught up with the rest of our group as we stood in line, and Jasper turned and smirked at me.

"If you two need some private time, this place is also a hotel," he chuckled, looking thoroughly amused. I narrowed my eyes at him and vowed right then and there that he would fulfill his bet tonight.

" How very Emmett of you to say, Jazz. Should we need some private time it most definitely will not be in one of the grimy hotel rooms this place has to offer," Edward muttered with a disgusted expression as he tightened his hold on me. He lowered his head down to my shoulder and nuzzled his face into my neck.

"When we're ready for that step, I want it to be special and romantic... not spur of the moment and in some dirty dive of a hotel," he murmured into my ear as he swayed us side to side and placed sweet kisses on my neck. I turned my head to look at him and smiled before pecking his lips. I took hold of his chin gently and moved his head, tapping his lips before I pulled my hand away, so I could whisper in his ear. He started humming, and although I couldn't really hear it over the noise in the room, I could feel his chest vibrating from it, and it soothed me just the same.

"However it happens, it will be special because I'll be with you."

He turned his head and gazed in my eyes, silently mouthing 'I love you' to me. I smiled and responded by silently mouthing 'Forever' back to him.

We had our picture taken, and then headed off to find a table for all of us. Thankfully the tables seated eight, so we could invite Angela and Ben to sit with us. We were hoping that tonight would be the night that they would finally break and admit their feelings to one another.

"Oh my God...someone finally grew a pair!" Emmett bellowed as he pointed toward the entrance.

Edward and I spun quickly and looked in the direction he was pointing in, and I smiled widely as I watched Angela and Ben walk in arm in arm. She looked absolutely beautiful in her pale pink gown. She looked up and blushed as she spotted all of us smiling at them, and she waved shyly. I waved back happily and then pointed to our table. She nodded and smiled before turning to Ben and saying something in his ear. He looked over toward us and smiled as he nodded.

"About damn time...I thought we were going to have to hog tie him," Jasper chuckled, and I laughed silently as Edward shook with laughter.

"I wonder who made the first move," Edward mused as he looked over at the newest couple.

"Anyone up for a bet?" Emmett challenged with a quirked eyebrow.

'What are we betting?' I signed in question.

"I'm not doing one of your ridiculous stunts. Twenty bucks gets you in," he replied as he chuckled and shook his head.

'I'm in.' I signed confidently.

"What's your bet, Bells?" he asked curiously. I shook my head.

'Everyone else first.' I replied quickly.

"Okay, I'm betting Ben," Emmett said self assuredly.

"Ben," Jasper said simply. I looked to Edward who seemed lost in thought.

"Come back to me," he chuckled. I laughed silently and nodded as I looked toward Rosalie and Alice who had yet to sit down.

"Ben...Angela's too quiet," Rosalie said confidently.

"Angela...it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for," Alice chuckled as she looked at me. I laughed silently and turned back toward Edward.

" I want to say Ben so bad..so bad, but I think it was Angela," he said as he still seemed to be debating.

"So which is it gonna be, bro?" Emmett inquired with a quirked brow.

"Angela," he said quickly as his leg started bouncing in anticipation.

"So what's it gonna be, Belly Bear?" Emmett asked as he leaned forward on the table.

'Angela.' I signed with a confident smile.

Not ten minutes later, said couple approached the table, and Emmett couldn't seem to even wait for them to be seated before blurting out his question.

"So who asked who?" he inquired quickly.

Angela and Ben laughed as they took their seat, and Ben looked down shyly.

"I asked him. Bella convinced me to ask him if he hadn't asked me by the end of school yesterday," Angela responded as she smiled gratefully at me.

"YOU CHEATER!" Emmett and Jasper bellowed as they shot out of their seats. I laughed silently and leaned on Edward.

'I didn't know she was going to do it. I just told her she should, just like you all told Ben that he should.' I signed in reply.

"That's bull. When did you get so sneaky?" Emmett chuckled as he sat back down.

"She's always been sneaky, Em. Don't you remember how she used to win the Christmas tree race every year?" Edward chuckled from beside me. Emmett just shook his head incredulously as he leaned back in his chair.

'Pay up, Brother Bear.' I signed with a smug smile.

"Yeah yeah," he replied as he pulled a twenty out of his wallet and tossed it to me. Jasper handed Edward his twenty, and Rosalie handed hers to Alice.

"I can't believe you all were betting on us!" Ben cried out as he covered his face with his hands and sank into his chair.

" Ben, they bet on everything. When we were kids they would find turtles and race them as bets for crying out loud," Angela chortled.

"Who did?" he asked incredulously, and Angela called out Emmett, Jasper, Edward, and myself.

"You guys have issues," he laughed as he righted himself in his seat. We all looked at each other and shrugged before we started laughing. We really did make bets over some really stupid things over the years.

We all sat around the table for a while, joking around and just enjoying all being together. After we had eaten, everyone started to take off toward the dance floor. I knew at some point I'd have to get up and dance, but I really wasn't looking forward to the catastrophe that would inevitably ensue.

Just as I heard the beginning chords to Lifehouse's 'You and me', Edward held his hand out to me. I placed my hand in his and let him lead me to the dance floor. I was completely tense and rigid. Edward chuckled and lifted me, placing my feet on top of his. I looked up at him with wide eyes and he leaned down to brush his lips gently against my own. When he pulled back, he gazed right into my eyes and started singing to me as he moved us effortlessly.

"_...and it's you and me and all of the people  
and I don't know why  
I can't keep my eyes off of you_

there's something about you now  
I can't quite figure out  
everything she does is beautiful  
everything she does is right

you and me and all of the people  
with nothing to do  
nothing to lose  
and it's you and me and all of the people  
and I don't know why  
I can't keep my eyes off of you"

The look in his eyes as he sang to me told me everything that he could ever need to say. I pressed my lips to his and caressed the side of his face. We continued to dance until the end of the song, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Alice approach the DJ, and I wanted to run off the dance floor with Edward in tow.

"Ladies and Gentleman...we have a request. For any of you that know how to do this dance, please join Miss Alice and her friends on the floor," the his voice boomed through the speakers and I shuddered. Not a few seconds later, I heard the Tootsie Roll start to play. Edward laughed hysterically and dragged me back as I tried to run away.

Only a few people joined us on the floor, the rest just laughed and watched as we fumbled our way through the dance steps. Finally after the second round we managed to find a groove, and thankfully no one was injured.

"Alright...let's get this party started. I want all the girls out on the dance floor, front and center. This one's for you, compliments of Rosalie and her friends," his voice boomed through the speakers once more before Motley Crue's 'Girls Girls Girls' started playing.

I tried to run away, but I was quickly caught by both Rosalie and Alice. After about a minute, I finally gave up trying to escape and just let loose with them. I had to admit, once I let go it was much easier to enjoy being out on the crowded dance floor...even if every pair of male eyes in the place were staring at all of us.

We stayed out on the floor, and the guys joined us for the next few upbeat songs. I knew that Edward could slow dance, but _never _did I think he could dance to songs like Timbaland's 'The Way I Are', Ne-Yo's 'Closer', or Rhianna's 'Please Don't Stop the Music'. It was safe to say that by the time the next slow song came on...I was incredibly flustered by his sinful movements.

My feet were killing me from the shoes, and I really needed to execute my plan for Jasper to pay up for his bet a month ago. I took Edward's hand and gently led him off the floor.

"Are you thirsty, love?" he asked as we made it back to the table.

I nodded to him and he smiled before heading off to get us something to drink. As soon as he left, Alice and Jasper came back to the table. I quirked an eyebrow at him and smiled mischievously. His guard immediately went up.

"What?" he asked nervously.

'I think it's time you pay up, Jasper.' I signed to him with my grin still in place.

"Bella...we agreed, not at school," he replied with a worried expression.

'We're not at school.' I signed simply in reply, still grinning wickedly.

"Oh no...please, please, I'm begging you...not here," he pleaded with me.

'This is payback for that hotel comment earlier, dearest brother.' I replied wickedly.

His head flopped forward and I swear I heard him mutter something about remembering to keep his mouth shut in the future. After a few moments, he finally raised his head and looked at me.

"What am I doing, Bells?" he asked with a defeated tone. I watched as he slumped back in his chair and Alice tried to stifle her giggles next to him.

'You're going to request Kylie Minogue's 'Love at First Sight' and you're gonna sing it to Alice...in front of everyone.' I signed to him, trying not to chuckle as his face became a mask of sheer horror.

"What's with you and the chick songs?! I'm a dude!" he wailed as he flopped his head down onto the table. Alice finally lost it and started laughing hysterically, muttering her apologies to him over and over.

"You're really gonna make me do this, aren't you?" he asked incredulously. I nodded and signed to him once more.

'You know the rules, Jasper. If you back out, you have to pay up twice...and our deal about school grounds will cease to exist.' I replied with a smug smile.

"Christ...you're evil. Plain evil," he muttered as he got up from the table and made his way to the DJ. Alice cracked up as she watched him trudge off, and Edward looked at me curiously as he came back to the table.

"What's going on?" he asked curiously.

'I'm making Jasper pay up as revenge for his private time comment earlier.' I signed to him as I chuckled.

"Love, you are positively wicked...and I love you all the more for it," he chuckled as he bent down to kiss me.

"What are you gonna make him do?" he asked curiously.

'Just watch.' I replied with a wicked grin.

"Ladies and gentleman, if you would please clear the dance floor. Jasper here would like to dedicate and sing a song to a very special young lady in his life," the DJ's voice floated across the hall. Jasper chuckled lightly and flopped his head forward, shaking it as he took the microphone from him.

"Alice, would you please join me?" he requested, the sound of his voice echoing throughout the room over the silence.

Alice looked at me with a horrified expression before Rosalie pushed her out of the chair and towards the dance floor. Jasper led her to a seat, right in the middle of the floor, and once again his shoulders shook with his chuckles as he helped her into her seat. He shook his head as he looked toward the ceiling and then motioned to the DJ to start the song. I never expected him to dance or anything, but he gave it his all throughout the entire song. It didn't even bother him that everyone was laughing hysterically, including Alice and the DJ as he spun all around her chair dancing and singing his merry little heart out.

"Oh my God...I'm never letting him live this down. I'm _so _putting this on You Tube!" Emmett crowed as he recorded the whole thing on his cell phone.

"Love, how did you get him to agree to do that?" Edward chuckled as he pulled me against his chest and continued to watch the hilarity in front of us. I pulled away and turned toward him.

'I told him he'd have to pay up twice if he didn't do it, and that the deal about school would be off.' I signed to him with a smug grin.

"Remind me never to bet against you," he chuckled and kissed my cheek before spinning me back around and pulling me back against his chest.

The song finally ended, and Alice and Jasper all but launched the microphone and ran off the floor together as everyone erupted into applause and sarcastic encore shouts.

"I think I'm going to gambler's anonymous after tonight," Jasper muttered as he plopped down in his seat.

"Bro, you should have learned your lesson last time. Hell, _I _even learned not to bet winner's choice against her after what you had to do!" Emmett boomed through his laughter.

Edward made to lure me back out to the dance floor with him, but I paused and walked up to Jasper. I wrapped my arms around him from behind.

"Love you big brother," I whispered in his ear.

"Love you too, lil' sis," he chuckled and patted my arm.

Edward guided me back out to the floor and we slow danced to Lonestar's 'Amazed', and once again Edward sang to me as he gazed into my eyes lovingly. This time though, I didn't hitch a ride on his feet, I managed to hold my own as he guided me gently around the dance floor. Just as the song came to an end, Emmett tapped on Edward's shoulder.

"Mind if I cut in?" he asked Edward as he smiled at me. Edward chuckled and released me to the big bear.

'Careful with my toes big guy.' I signed to him as I chuckled and stepped toward him.

"I promise, I won't damage your little piggies," he chuckled as he took my hand and wrapped his arm around my back as a new song started.

"I requested this song just for you, Bells," he said quietly just as the words to Christina Aguilara's rendition of 'I turn to you' floated through the speakers. My eyes misted up as I looked up to him.

"You've always been there for me, Belly Bear. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I promise from this point on to _always _be there when you need me. For anything and for any reason I'll be there for you," he said with a shaky voice.

His eyes were glassy, and I realized that he was extremely close to tears at the moment. I pulled him tighter to me after silently thanking him, and rubbed his back comfortingly.

"Hey," he muttered, and I looked up at him. "If Edward ever gets out of hand, you let me know and I'll take care of him for you," he said with a cheesy grin in true to Emmett form. He never could remain serious for more than a few moments consecutively.

I chuckled and tapped my temple telling him that I'd remember, and he grinned goofily.

"Hey, what are big brothers for right? And I definitely am big," he chuckled and I laughed silently as I shook my head. Just as the song was about to end, he turned serious once more.

"I mean it, Bells. Anything, anytime, and I'll be there." he said sincerely as he hugged me. I hugged him back and nodded into his chest before he pulled away.

Edward quickly swooped me back into his arms and I chuckled as I looked at his glorious grin.

"Rosalie's cool and all, and she's like a sister to me, but I'd rather dance with you," he chuckled. We danced to Aerosmith's 'Don't Wanna Miss a Thing'. I loved that he sang every song to me while we danced. I could listen to him singing for eternity and never tire of it, especially not when he gazed at me with such love and adoration in his eyes.

My feet were so sore by the time we finished dancing to that song that I pulled Edward off the floor with me as I headed back to the table. I plopped in my chair and reached down to undo the clasps on the straps of my shoes, but Edward beat me to it. He lifted my foot and smiled softly at me as he gently undid the clasps and slid the shoes off, massaging my feet as he held them in his lap. I could have died and went to heaven right there on the spot.

"Feel good?" he asked as he applied a little more pressure. I almost moaned as I nodded to him, my eyes rolling back at the sensation of his touch. A few faster paced songs played in the background, but I was too enthralled with watching Edward work his magic on my feet to even bother looking at the dance floor.

"Bella! Come on! They're gonna do the 'Cha Cha Slide'!" Alice chirped excitedly as she tried to pull me from my seat. I laughed as Edward chuckled and pulled him behind me as Alice dragged me back onto the floor.

We stood along with her and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie, and Angela and Ben, looking like complete fools as we tried to get the dance steps right. It was a disaster! Half of us turned the wrong way and bumped into each other. If it wasn't for Edward, I probably would have been on my rear for more than half of the song.

I was completely ready to run back to the table when the song ended, but Jasper grabbed a hold of my hand.

"Would you do me the honor of dancing with me?" he asked with his signature lazy grin. I smiled and nodded to him, allowing him to lead me back toward the middle of the floor. I looked around for Edward, and when I spotted him, he smiled at me as he led Alice to a spot just a few feet away from us.

The second the song started, I knew Jasper had requested it. My eyes shot up to his and I frowned slightly as the lyrics for Sarah McLachlan's 'Fallen' started. I knew that song all too well.

"Didn't take ya long to figure it out," he drawled as he pulled me closer to him. I smiled sadly at him and shook my head.

"I know I've made mistakes, plenty of them in fact, but I didn't request this song to drive that point home, Bells. I want to thank you. I never meant to hurt you...ever. They say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and I believe that more now than ever. I wanted to thank you for showing me what it really is to be a friend, but more importantly, what it is to be family. You had every right to shut me out if you chose to, but you didn't. That's more than friendship, Bells...that's family. You always have, and always will be family to me," he said with an overwhelming degree of sincerity.

I mouthed a silent 'thank you' to him before pulling him into a tight embrace. I wiped the tears from my eyes as I pulled back, and he led me off the dance floor, back to our table where everyone was seated.

"Ya'll ready to head out?" he drawled as we got to the table. Everyone looked at me and grinned widely, quickly lifting themselves out of their seats. I looked at them curiously, wondering what I was missing.

"Bella, remember when I said that we were celebrating tonight?" Alice asked with a bright smile. I nodded hesitantly to her.

"Well that's where we're headed now...to celebrate," she replied excitedly.

'Where are we going?' I asked curiously.

"There's two people missing from this party, love. We're going to join them, because they want to celebrate too," Edward chuckled as he led me away from the table. I was _so _confused. Who was missing from our prom? All of our friends that went to school with us were here.

_School friends...not all friends...JAKE! LEAH!_

'We're going to La Push?' I signed excitedly toward them. They all smiled and nodded to me, and it took everything in me to not run right out of the building. I hadn't seen them in over three weeks, and I missed them terribly.

"Bella, wait here. The guys are going to get our bags so we can change. There's no way we're going to a bonfire in these dresses and tuxedos!" Alice grumbled. I was bouncing on my feet waiting for them to come back, and as soon as Edward walked in with my bag, I took it and bolted into the bathroom.

"Think she's excited much?" I heard him chuckle as I made my hasty departure.

I was so excited that I didn't even care how they wound up with a bag full of clothes for me. Whoever packed my bag even thought far ahead enough to pack me a heavy hooded sweatshirt so I wouldn't freeze. Moments later, Rosalie, Alice, and Angela came into the bathroom and started changing into their own clothes. I took my corsage off so it wouldn't get ruined and held onto it as I waited for them to emerge from their stalls. Alice came out first, smiling happily at me.

"So did you have fun tonight?" she asked with genuine interest. I nodded to her and smiled.

Angela came out next and I waved her over to me.

'So how did your night go with Ben?' I signed to her quickly.

"It's been amazing. I'm so glad you convinced me to ask him to the prom. He asked me to be his girlfriend while we were dancing to Aerosmith," she replied ecstatically.

'One more thing to celebrate tonight.' I replied happily.

"Oh my gosh! I almost forgot! Lemme see the ring!" she chirped. I laughed and held it out for her to see.

"Aw, Bella. It's beautiful. I'm so happy for you both," she croaked as she wiped the moisture from her eyes and hugged me tightly with her other arm.

"Thanks, Ange," I whispered to her.

"Anytime, Bells," she replied simply as she pulled back.

"Ugh..let's get out of here. My head can't take much more loud music tonight," Rosalie muttered as she threw her stall door open. I nodded in agreement and we followed her out of the bathroom.

Angela and Ben followed behind Edward and I, and we were behind Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper. Edward asked if I'd had a good time so far, and I nodded to him, smiling happily as he kissed my fingers. The rest of the drive was spent in a comfortable silence between us. As soon as we pulled up to the parking area in front of the trail, I saw the glow from the bonfire on the beach filtering through the trail. We all climbed out, and Emmett jogged around to the back of his Jeep, and pulled out a stack of blankets. He handed one to each of the guys and we started our trek down the trail.

As soon as we broke through the other side, Jake and Leah spotted us and waved to us before lifting themselves off of their blanket. They jogged over to us, and Jake crushed me to his chest as he lifted me off the ground.

"Can't...breathe," I whispered hoarsely. He chuckled and lowered me down to the ground.

"It's good to see ya, Bells, but it's even better to hear that whisper you've been texting me about," he chuckled as he ruffled my hair and stepped to the side.

"Hey, Bells. How was your prom?" Leah asked as she hugged me.

"It was great," I whispered to her and smiled when she pulled back.

"Have you had any more progress with your real voice since we last chatted online?" she asked curiously. I scrunched up my face and shook my head at her.

"You'll get there, Bells. You'll be screamin' and stompin' your feet just like when you were a kid in no time," she chuckled. I rolled my eyes at her and chuckled silently as we walked toward the fire ring.

Jake and Leah came prepared with everything to make smores, and even brought a case of soda down with him. Edward spread out our blanket, and everyone else followed suit. Edward sat down on the blanket and pulled me down to him, settling me between his legs, and holding me tightly against his chest. Everyone around us was chatting away, talking about the prom, school in general, Emmett and Jasper's plans for after graduation that was just a few short weeks away. That thought alone saddened me.

We had lost so much time over the years, and after the few short months of summer, Emmett would be going off to college, and Jasper would be joining the Army. Who knew how often we would even get to see them after that.

"Are you alright, love? You seem sad," Edward murmured as he rested his chin on my shoulder. I took in a breath and nodded slightly, attempting to smile to ease his worries...it didn't work. He quickly lifted me and sat me sideways in his lap.

"What is it, Bella? Talk to me," he whispered in my ear. I let out a breath and tilted my head to whisper back in his ear as he hummed softly to me.

"I'm just saddened by how many moments we've missed out on like this one," I whispered to him sadly.

"Love, there are plenty more moments to be shared in the future. So we missed out on a few. Who's to say that we wouldn't have missed opportunities like this even if we hadn't been separated the way we were. The point is, we're here now. Let's enjoy it and look forward to what we can have in the future and not what we lost in the past, alright?" he replied with a comforting tone.

"Okay," I whispered as I nodded and smiled slightly to him. He pecked my lips a few times and turned me back in his lap, rocking us slightly from side to side.

"Hey Belly Bear! I made you a smore! And I didn't even burn the mallow!" Emmett boomed and then grinned with pride.

I laughed silently and held my hand out for the smore which he happily handed to me. I mouthed a silent 'thank you' to him as I took it from him and settled back against Edward as Emmett nodded to me. I smirked as Edward eyed my smore and licked his lips. I licked up the side of the smore and grinned wickedly at him.

"Mine," I whispered.

He quirked an eyebrow at me and tangled his fingers in my hair, gently tilting my head toward him. He grinned right back at me before lowering his face down to mine.

"Mine," he growled before nipping my bottom lip and planting a searing kiss on my lips. A thrill shot through me in response and my breath hitched in my throat. He pulled back and grinned smugly at me as he ran his finger down the side of my smore, and wiped the mixture of melted chocolate and marshmallow on my lips before licking it off and kissing me soundly. My head was spinning by the time he pulled away.

"Em, you make a mean smore," he chuckled with a wicked glint in his lust filled eyes.

_Dear Lord! He's gonna be the death of me...._

* * *

**AN: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Thanks so much for reading. If you favorite it, or alert it, please review it. Thanks. ~Jersey~**


	64. Final Exam Preps and Miraculous Next Ste

**AN: First off..I'm soooooo sorry for the entire week without an update. This past week and a half has been absolutely horrible. I'm hoping to get the next chapter out by tomorrow. Thank you all so much for your continued support... you guys rock my socks seriously. Okay..that's enough...ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything related to it. SM owns it all!**

* * *

Final Exam Preps and Miraculous Next Steps

EPOV

The night of the prom will always remain one of my fondest memories. The entire night was nothing short of perfection. The songs that Emmett and Jasper had chosen to dance with Bella to were perfect. I knew that they had chosen them for their own personal reasons, and I knew that they had at the very least explained their reasons for choosing those songs as they danced with her.

To be honest, I was jealous as hell as I watched them dance with my love. I enjoyed dancing with both Rosalie and Alice, but it just wasn't the same as holding Bella in my arms. I wanted to hear what they were saying to her so badly, but at the same time, I wanted it to be for her and her ears only. Rosalie spent the entire song trying to keep my curiosity at bay, and I thanked her for that because it was eating me alive. For someone that can be cold as ice, and I've witnessed that side of her first hand, Rosalie has one of the kindest and warmest hearts that I've ever known. Emmett truly is lucky to have her.

Alice and I pretty much just talked about Bella's progress as we danced. I was kind of taken aback when she asked me if I thought there was anything "off" about Bella's recollection of her past. I quickly admitted that I had thought the same thing, both when I read her account of the experience, as well as the night of her birthday when she told me about Billy's offer. I wished there was a way I could get her to take him up on his offer, but I knew that pushing her towards it wouldn't do a damn thing to help her. She'd just push back against my efforts with everything she had in her, because she was _that_ stubborn.

We quickly went back to the table as Bella and Jasper continued to dance to their song, and I pulled Rosalie off to the side. I asked her what she thought I could do to help Bella in regards to facing some parts of her past that she might not be aware of. She looked at me curiously for a moment and then sighed as she tried to think it through. I wanted to tell her what I knew, but it wasn't my place...even if it would help me to help her in the long run. That wasn't my story to tell, and I'd be damned if I was going to betray her confidence that way.

I wasn't thrilled when Rosalie shrugged and basically told me that she didn't really have much to go on, but from what she saw when she looked at Bella, she knew that even Bella was starting to see that the pieces didn't fit together as well as they once appeared to have. When I asked her what the hell I was supposed to do with that information, she smirked and told me that I'd just have to wait for Bella to either need or want the pieces to fit back together once again...but this time the right way. I groaned and put my head down on the table when she said that. I hated not being able to do a damn thing to help her.

Rosalie realized my despair and told me that I should encourage Bella to seek out the therapy that Carlisle and Esme had been offering repeatedly over the years. I looked at her in confusion when she said that, because I hadn't been aware that they had offered it to her again after the day she shared her past with them. She rolled her eyes at me and told me that both Esme and Carlisle had offered it to her a multitude of times, and even forced her into it once, but that plan backfired, and Bella has refused their offer ever since. When I asked her how she knew all of that, she simply told me that Bella had told her a few nights prior when they were chatting online.

I almost allowed myself to feel hurt that she would turn to Rosalie instead of me if she needed someone to talk to, but I squashed that feeling down quickly. If it helped her, then she could talk to whoever she needed to whenever she needed to. I was not about to do or say anything that would discourage her from seeking out whatever she felt she needed at the time.

Did she want to try seeking out professional help? Is that why she mentioned that to Rosalie, or was it something else completely that caused her to turn to Rosalie. Granted, out of everyone we knew, Rosalie would understand her the best, having been through her own traumatic experience just a few years earlier.

It had taken us almost a year afterwards to get her into therapy. She repeatedly fought against us, telling us that she could handle it herself. She told us the same thing over and over again until the day she finally broke down and admitted that she couldn't do it anymore. From what I knew, Rosalie still continued to go to her group therapy meetings once a month even though she was no longer seeing a therapist exclusively.

I had asked Rosalie if Bella had mentioned possibly wanting to go to therapy, and she replied by telling me that she hadn't specifically said that she wanted to go, but she thought that it was a possibility. She said that although she never came out and said that she was thinking about trying it, she was asking questions about whether or not it helped her, and what to expect out of it. Her answer gave me all the information I needed. I didn't know when it would happen, but she was definitely working herself up to take her parents up on their offer, and I honestly couldn't wait for it to happen. I was hoping that maybe if she took that step, she'd take Billy up on his offer as well.

The bonfire after the prom was the perfect way to end the night. All of our classmates were going to be attending various after prom parties, but not a single one of us had any desire to join in what was sure to be their drunken celebrations. With everything we had all been through during the year up until that point, a quiet ending to the night with just us was exactly what we needed.

We finally made it back to Bella's house around 2am. Esme and Carlisle were waiting up for us, and they quickly pounced as soon as we made it through the door. Bella and I laughed as we recounted the entire evening for them as they shot out questions at a rapid-fire pace. We didn't even make it up to her room until a little after 3, and we practically collapsed into a dead sleep as soon as we hit the mattress. I only remained coherent long enough to pull her soft body up against my chest and listen to her hum and say my name just once before I passed out right along side of her.

I haven't told her about her sleep talking yet. It's not very often that she does it, but regardless, I don't want it to harm any progress that she's made while she's conscious. I have, however, noticed a pattern to it over the last month. It usually only happens after we've been fooling around before going to sleep, which unfortunately hasn't been that often considering our group sleeping arrangements on Saturday nights. Friday nights tend to be "our" nights, and I enjoy them immensely. Every time she touches me, I swear I'm about to burst into flames, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, simply because every scorching caress and searing kiss she gives me shows me how much she truly loves me.

I woke up the following morning, and immediately felt the loss of Bella's presence next to me. I quickly climbed out of bed and padded my way down the stairs. I followed the voices of Esme and Carlisle and wandered my way into the kitchen. I stood back for a minute or two, just watching their exchange.

Esme noticed me almost immediately, and I held a finger up to my lips. She smiled slightly and turned her attention back to Bella. I continued to watch with a smile on my face as Bella signed to Carlisle and he answered her questions in encouraging tones.

"Bella, you don't have to tell them anything at first. You can simply tell them about things that are bothering you, or that you're having difficulties with, and work your way from there. You can even talk to them about things as simple as school until you feel comfortable opening up to them," he said to her

with a reassuring tone. She signed something to him, but I couldn't figure out what it was since her back was turned to me.

"I'm sure we can work something out if you think it would make it easier for you. You don't have to do this alone, honey. We're all here for you, and I'm positive that he wouldn't mind joining you in your therapy, should you decide to go," he responded to her with a warm smile as his gaze drifted quickly to me then back to her, so as not to alert her to my presence yet. She signed something to him once more and he chuckled quietly as he responded.

"Well, here's your chance. Ask him, and let us know what you decide."

She quickly turned and smiled as she narrowed her eyes at me. I chuckled as I made my way towards her.

"What did you want to ask me, love?" I asked as I stood in front of her.

'How long were you standing there?' she signed to me with a suspicious expression.

"Not long," I replied vaguely. She narrowed her eyes at me a little more as Carlisle and Esme snickered quietly.

'How much did you hear or see?' she signed to me as she bit her bottom lip. I reached out and pried her lip from her teeth as I smiled at her.

"Not much, love. What did you want to ask me?" I asked again. She chuckled silently and shook her head briefly before twisting her fingers together and eyeing me nervously.

'Would you mind coming to therapy with me? I'm nervous about it, and I don't think I can do it alone.' she signed to me with a pleading expression. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her temple.

"If you think my being there will help you, then I'll be there with you. I promised you months ago, whenever and wherever you needed me, I'd be there. We'll walk this road together, alright?" I replied with a soothing tone as I rubbed circles on her back. She let out a breath of relief and wrapped her arms tightly around me as she nodded into my chest.

"So when are we going to couples therapy?" I chuckled. She looked at me incredulously and I chuckled once more as I kissed her chastely.

'We don't need couples therapy. I'm the only one in this relationship that's messed up and needs professional help.' she signed with a heartbreaking look. I gently guided her gaze up to mine and stared directly into her eyes.

"Bella, you are not messed up, and there is nothing wrong with reaching out for help from someone who knows how to help you. I'm ecstatic that you want to take this step. It helped Rosalie and Emmett immensely when they went together, and I'm hoping it helps us as well," I said sincerely as I cupped her beautiful face and gazed into her eyes.

"Emmett went?" she whispered with a confused expression.

"Yeah. Rosalie didn't want to go alone either. He went with her to every appointment for the first six months, and after that he only went with her to the group sessions," I responded honestly. I was hoping that she would see that she shouldn't feel ashamed for wishing to seek professional help and being nervous about going through with it.

'You really don't mind going with me?' she signed to me hesitantly. I smiled at her and rubbed my hands up and down her arms to comfort her.

"Not in the least, love," I assured her.

"Thank you," she whispered as she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me closer to her.

"Anytime. You know I'd do anything for you, Bella. So when are we going?" I asked her curiously. She turned toward Carlisle and he immediately looked up from his paper, giving her his full attention.

"Have you two come to a decision?" he asked, even though he already knew since he had only been sitting a few feet away. Bella nodded to him and signed to him, asking when he was going to make our first appointment.

"I'll give Dr. Sheehan a call today and see what I can schedule with her, alright?" he replied with a wide grin. Bella fidgeted nervously as she nodded to him. I wished I could take away her fears, hell I wished I could take away everything that ever caused her any type of distress, but the most I could do was just be there for her.

I sat down next to her at the counter, and reached across my lap, taking her left hand in my own, and held onto it as we ate our breakfasts. Every once in a while her gaze would drift off, and worry lines would etch themselves upon her face. In response, I would lightly squeeze her hand and rub my thumb on her palm under our entwined fingers. Her gaze would come back from its distant focus and she would smile sadly at me before returning to eating her breakfast.

We spent the rest of the day finishing homework, and studying for our approaching final exams of the year. Carlisle came into her room, just as I was quizzing her for Biology, and told us that our first appointment was scheduled for after school on Tuesday. He told Bella that he was proud of her for taking such a big step toward her recovery, and reminded her that it was okay to go at her own pace during the sessions. She didn't feel like studying much after that, so we spent our last few hours together just holding each other while I tried to calm her nerves.

Two days later, after school, we found ourselves sitting in my car which was parked in front of the medical offices building just adjacent to the hospital. She was trembling with how nervous she was over our impending appointment. It broke my heart to see her so shaken up.

"Love, it'll be alright. I promise," I said softly as I took her hand in mine and kissed her knuckles. She shot me a frantic glance, and I moved my hand to cup her cheek gently.

"Bella, I know you're nervous. It's alright to be nervous, love. If it goes horribly, I promise we don't have to come back, but we have to at least try it before we can walk away from it, alright?" I said to her with a sympathetic and encouraging tone as I caressed her cheek with my thumb.

She let out a shuddering breath and nodded slightly. I kissed her lips chastely and got out of the car, quickly making my way around to the other side to open her door for her. As soon as she was standing, she wrapped her arms tightly around me, and buried her face into my chest. I rubbed her back gently, and waited for her to compose herself.

"Are you ready, love?" I asked when she felt like she had relaxed a bit in my embrace.

"Honestly, no...I'm not, but if I don't do it now, I never will," she whispered to me as she looked up to my face.

"I'll be there every step of the way, love. We'll get through this hour together, and then we'll decide what to do from there, okay?" I replied encouragingly. She nodded and leaned up to kiss me quickly before lacing our fingers together tightly.

As we walked into the building, every time she would squeeze my hand, I would squeeze hers back, reminding her that I was right there with her, and that I wasn't going anywhere. We found our way to Dr. Sheehan's office, and I gave the receptionist our names before leading Bella over to the waiting area.

She sat in the chair next to me and proceeded to fidget relentlessly, huffing out breaths every few moments or so. Her eyes darted all around the room, briefly looking at the paintings and pictures, as well as the plants and various magazines laying around. I finally couldn't take it any more when her legs started bouncing, and she started looking like she was about to bolt for the door at any given moment.

"Come here, love," I said as I pulled her into my lap. She relaxed immediately and buried herself into my embrace, resting her head in the crook of my neck. I hummed to her lightly, thankful that no one in the waiting room was paying us any mind.

"I love you, Edward. Thank you," she whispered to me. I smiled as I kissed her forehead.

"I love you too, Bella," I replied before resuming my humming.

I had no idea why it soothed her so much, but I was thankful that at least it was something that I could do for her effortlessly. We stayed that way for the better part of a half an hour before a door on the opposite end of the waiting room opened, and the receptionist called out our names.

"Come on, love. It's time," I said quietly as I patted her leg. She got up and automatically took my hand, lacing our fingers together as we made our way across the waiting room.

She jumped as she heard the door close behind us, and I pressed my thumb to the inside of her wrist. Her pulse was so quick that I couldn't even keep up with trying to count them. I switched hands and laced our fingers together once more as I wrapped an arm around her, pulling her closer to me as we started walking behind the receptionist.

"Bella, you need to relax, love. Take some deep breaths. It's only an hour. We'll get through this," I whispered to her quickly. She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly as she nodded to me.

"Please make yourselves comfortable. Dr. Sheehan will be in with you in just a few moments," the receptionist said with a kind smile as she held the door open for us.

I led Bella into the room and quickly sat down on a very comfortable looking tan micro-suede couch. Bella sat down next to me and curled into my side as I wrapped my arm around her and held onto her hand.

"Are you okay?" I asked her quietly. She took a calming breath as she looked around the room and nodded to me.

I had to admit, this office wasn't anything that I had expected. I thought it would be bland, like a regular doctor's office, with uncomfortable chairs, and that god awful taupe color painted on the walls. I'll never understand why so many health care settings choose that damn color for their offices and hallways. Is it supposed to be soothing or something?

"Bella?" I said quietly as I looked around at the earthy tones filling the room, along with the nature inspired artwork adorning the walls.

"Yeah?" she whispered as she turned to look at me.

"Why are doctor's offices always painted taupe?" I asked curiously. She looked at me in confusion for a moment before she started chuckling silently.

"Where did that come from?" she whispered to me with a puzzled look.

"It just dawned on me that this office isn't taupe, and almost every doctor's office I've ever been in was that god awful color," I chuckled.

"I like this color. It reminds me of Esme...it's soothing," she whispered in reply as she looked around the room.

"Do you think that's why they always choose taupe for doctor's offices? Do they think it's soothing?" I asked her, honestly curious as to what she thought.

"I don't know," she chuckled, "maybe they use it because it's a neutral color. It goes with any type of decor," she replied thoughtfully.

"So does white, love. At least white looks clean," I chuckled in response. If my ridiculous pondering eased her nerves enough to chuckle, I'd gladly continue.

"White is too sterile. It's not very comforting, and it hurts your eyes after a while too," she whispered in reply.

"Hey most of the walls in my house are white. Are you saying my house is sterile and cold?" I chuckled as I poked her in her side. She squirmed and laughed silently.

"No..no," she whispered breathlessly, and I stopped poking her.

"The white in your house is subdued by all of the bold colors in the decor...it's completely different," she replied slowly, no doubt trying to keep her panic subdued.

I went to say something in reply, but the office door opened and a blond haired woman stepped into the office. Bella tensed suddenly, and I rubbed my hand up and down her arm, trying to calm her down. The woman turned and smiled at us kindly as she approached us.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Sheehan, but you can call me Mary. You must be the Bella that Carlisle speaks so highly of around here," she said warmly as she extended her hand out towards Bella. Bella nodded as she blushed and shook her hand briefly as we stood from the couch.

Dr. Sheehan then turned her sparkling blue eyes on me, and smiled warmly at me as well as she held her hand out to me.

"And you must be Edward. I've heard quite a bit about you lately," she said with a friendly voice as I shook her hand.

"All good I hope," I chuckled.

"Undeniably," she laughed in return. "Please, have a seat and make yourselves comfortable," she said as she gestured toward the couch that we had previously been sitting on. She took a seat on a chair in front of us, with a clipboard in her lap.

"I understand that you've been a bit nervous to come here today. Is that right, Bella?" she asked with a sympathetic tone. Bella looked to me and then nodded to her.

"I assure you there's nothing to be nervous about. My job is to listen to anything that you have to say, and hopefully be able to help you work through anything you may be feeling. From time to time, I may give you suggestions or things to work on between sessions, but it will always remain your choice as to whether or not to act upon them, okay?" she replied soothingly. Bella nodded to her hesitantly.

"Carlisle tells me that you communicate most efficiently using sign language. Would you rather I used it as well to converse with you?" she asked sincerely.

'No. I'm fine with you speaking. Thank you though.' Bella signed quickly and Mary smiled.

"Very well. Do either of you have any questions or concerns before we start this session?" she asked as she looked between Bella and I. Bella tensed once again and stiffly shook her head. I knew the session wasn't going to go well in that moment, so I took it upon myself to break the ice.

"I have a question," I blurted out. Dr. Sheehan smiled at me as she waited for me to continue, and Bella looked at me curiously and I smirked at her.

"Why are the walls in health care offices always taupe?" I asked in the most sincerely curious tone I could muster without laughing. Bella rolled her eyes and smacked me lightly in the chest as she chuckled silently.

"Um...," Dr. Sheehan started as she looked at me in confusion.

'Sorry. We had this conversation before you came into the office.' Bella signed to her and she laughed.

"Well, Edward, the correlation between office color schemes and patient comfort has actually been tested numerous times, and the results suggest that using neutral or earthy tones in health care settings soothes the patients. Most places choose taupe because it doesn't interfere with decor choices. I chose mint because I find it soothing and it gives off a more homelike vibe rather than just a stuffy office," she replied through her chuckles.

"Look at that, love. You were right about the decor thing," I chuckled as I squeezed her shoulder. She shook her head incredulously and chuckled silently.

"Are you sure you don't have any questions for me, Bella?" Dr. Sheehan asked gently. Bella thought about it for a minute as she looked at me. I nodded to her slightly, encouraging her to go ahead, this was what we were here for to begin with. She let out a breath and looked over to Dr. Sheehan.

'What should I expect out of these sessions?' she signed nervously.

"That's a very good question, Bella. For our first few sessions, I'm going to encourage you to just tell me anything you would like to. Feel free to tell me any of your fears, hopes, dreams, anything at all. You can expect me to ask questions relating to what you share with me, and you will see me taking some notes during our conversations. If you decide to continue with therapy, and begin to open up, I will encourage you to share more with me, and we will discuss why things make you feel the way you do, and how you can work through those thoughts and feelings more efficiently," she replied before her expression became less friendly, and more professional.

"I will not lie to you, Bella, as our sessions progress, I may ask uncomfortable questions from time to time. These questions are not meant to discourage you from sharing anything with me. They are simply a means for me to understand you better so that I can help you to the best of my ability. There may be times when you come to feel overwhelmed by your thoughts or emotions, but I want you to remember that it's okay to share that here. Anything that is said in this office, stays in this office permanently. I am bound by oath as well as law to protect your privacy, and keep anything that is said within these walls completely confidential. Are you okay with everything I've said so far?" she asked sincerely. Bella nodded slightly as she looked down at her lap.

'How much do you know about me already?' she signed warily without looking back up to Dr. Sheehan.

"Bella, look at me, please," she responded, and Bella looked up hesitantly.

"Carlisle asked me if I needed any type of background information on you, and I declined. I want you to be able to share your story with me when you feel you can. What I do know about you, comes from conversations that I've had with both Carlisle and Esme over the years. I know that you are extremely bright, and that they both love you as though you are their own. I know that you have friends, and a boyfriend that absolutely adore you. I know that you were eleven when you came to stay with them, and I know that you have had a traumatic past, and have had a hard time coping with those events."

"I do not know any details about what happened. That is your story, and I encourage you to share it with me when you are ready to. I will not look to any other source for details pertaining to that time in your life. Simply knowing about it, will not help me to help you, Bella. In order for me to help you, you have to trust me enough to let me in, and I will wait until you are ready to do so, alright?" she responded firmly. Bella let out a breath of relief and nodded to her.

"Dr. Sheehan," I started, but she cut me off politely.

"Mary, please, Edward," she said kindly. I smiled at her briefly before continuing.

"Mary, is there anything I can do aside from what I've been doing to help Bella?" I asked sincerely.

"From what I've heard from Carlisle, you're doing a phenomenal job already, Edward. There isn't really much you can do aside from being supportive and openly communicating with each other as you have been doing. I understand you have had some breakthroughs recently in regards to your speaking. Is that right, Bella?" she asked with an encouraging tone. Bella nodded to her with a slight smile.

"Would you like to tell me about it?" Mary urged gently. Bella looked to me and I smiled and nodded to her encouragingly.

'We've had some small successes. I can whisper pretty well now, really well when it's just Edward and I. Using my full voice seems to be harder as it causes the panic that I feel to rush through me quickly. I can't get very far when other people are around, but when it's just the two of us, I can manage a few words quietly.' she signed to her hesitantly.

"Tell me about this panic that you feel, Bella. When did you first feel it?" Mary asked her gently. Bella started fidgeting, so I rubbed her arm to soothe her a bit.

'A little over five years ago. Right after my grandmother passed away.' she signed in reply after taking a deep breath.

"Does this topic bother you to talk about?" Mary asked her sincerely.

'A little.' Bella signed simply in reply.

"How about we start out with something easier for our first session?" Mary asked as she relaxed back in her chair and smiled warmly at Bella. She let out a breath and nodded to her as she relaxed into my side.

"I'm very interested in your relationship. How did you two meet?" she asked curiously as she looked between Bella and I admiringly. Bella looked at me and smiled then pointed to me. I chuckled and nodded to her before looking over at Mary.

"We met when we were just small children. I don't really remember all of it first hand, but we've heard the story so many times that it sometimes feels like I remember it as clear as day. My parents had brought two of my friends and I to First Beach on one of the first warm days of the year, and Bella and her mother were there as well while her father was fishing with one of his friends that lived in La Push."

"My friends and I took off toward the water and started trying to push each other in. I think I was about six at the time. Anyway, the one part that I do remember clearly was noticing that Bella and another little girl were building a sand castle over by this gigantic tree that had toppled over. Bella was yelling at her mother to come and look at their castle when this kid that I knew from my kindergarten class walked up and stomped on it. Bella and her friend burst into tears and ran back up to Renee, Bella's mom," I replied. I looked at Bella and smiled sadly at her as I squeezed her hand gently.

"What happened after that?" Mary asked curiously. I chuckled and rubbed my chin as I looked back at her.

"I stormed down the beach with my two friends and knocked the kid down while yelling at him for being so mean to those poor little girls. I was so angry at him for ruining all of their hard work, and for making them cry. When I walked back up to her, I asked her if my friends and I could help them rebuild their sand castle. She smiled, and I was a goner right there. We spent the rest of the day building a sand castle that was at least three times the size of their original one, and from that day on we were practically inseparable," I said as I smiled lovingly at Bella.

"Have you always been protective over Bella?" Mary asked gently. I nodded as Bella snorted and rolled her eyes.

"Always," I replied simply.

'Overprotective is more like it.' Bella signed as she rolled her eyes. Mary chuckled lightly as she looked between us.

"Was it just the two of you that formed that unique bond, or was it all of you?" Mary asked curiously.

"It was all of us to a certain degree, but Bella and I always had the strongest bond out of all of us. Jasper and Emmett, my two friends from the beach that day, took to her and her friend Angela like big brothers, just as I did with Angela, but I never felt like a brother to Bella. It was always something more, even though I didn't know what it was at the time," I replied honestly.

"Was it the same for you, Bella?" she inquired. Bella smiled and nodded.

"When did you realize what it was that you were feeling towards Bella?" she asked me with a curious gaze.

"I think I was about eleven, and we were sledding. We hit a bump on the hill and flew off of the sled, and when we landed I was almost on top of her. When I looked at her face, the only thing I wanted to do was kiss her. That's when I knew that I loved her. It wasn't until I was about fourteen when I realized that I didn't just love her, but I was completely in love with her, and most likely always had been," I responded as I smiled at my beautiful Bella.

'That was right before the snowman.' she signed to me as her brow furrowed.

"Yeah. It was my realization that I loved you that compelled me to build it for you," I admitted through my chuckles.

"What about you, Bella? When did you realize that you loved Edward?" Mary asked with a bright smile. Bella looked as though she was trying to figure out the exact moment that it occurred to her. I almost wanted to chuckle as her expression became increasingly frustrated the longer she thought about it.

'I honestly don't know the exact moment. I think I somehow always knew that I loved him, but I didn't think that he could ever feel the same way for me, so I ignored the feeling and accepted my place as his friend. I do know the exact moment that I realized how strong our love is though. It was a little over a month ago when I went to First Beach to find him after six months of being separated for the wrong reasons.' she signed to Mary as she smiled sadly at me.

"Was that the longest that you two had been separated?" she inquired. Bella snorted and I chuckled.

"No...not even close. We had been separated for five years prior to last September," I replied.

"What caused the first separation?" she asked with genuine interest. I went to answer her, but Bella stopped me. She smiled timidly at me and turned her attention back to Mary.

'It was my fault.' she started to sign before I grabbed her hands.

"Bella, it wasn't your fault. Don't say that, love," I pleaded with her.

She swatted my hands away and quirked a brow at me as she pointed at me, daring me to stop her again. I relaxed against the back of the couch and propped my head against my hand as I watched her sign to Mary.

'It was my fault. When I came back from Phoenix, I was... detached to say the least. I thought everyone was avoiding me because of what happened, but in reality it was me who was oblivious to them. After a while, I decided that it was best that we weren't friends anymore, because being around me the way I was would only hurt them, so I vowed to stay away to spare them from having to suffer along with me.' she signed to Mary with a guilty expression.

"Bella, it wasn't your fault. We should have tried harder to show you that we were there for you," I said sternly.

"Bella, why do you feel that they would have suffered by just being friends with you?" Mary asked gently as she leaned forward slightly in her chair.

'Because I wasn't who they remembered. I couldn't speak, and I didn't know how I would ever communicate with them. I didn't want them to know how badly I had been hurt, because it would have destroyed them to know what I went through. I didn't ever want them to know the kinds of things that happen to people for no reason.' she signed as a tear slipped out of her eye.

I quickly wiped it away and pulled her closer to me as she rested her head against my shoulder. I rested my head on top of hers, and stared off distantly. I couldn't believe how much she had opened up already, simply by being led into it by talking about how we met. I had to hand it to her, Mary was good at breaking down walls...and fast. She knew exactly what to ask and when to ask it to get Bella going.

"Have you told anyone what you experienced?" she asked, using a gentle voice once again. Bella nodded.

"Who have you shared it with?" she asked curiously.

'My friend Alice, Carlisle, Esme, and Edward.' she signed quickly.

"How did they react?" she asked simply.

'Emotionally. Esme cried hysterically, while Carlisle tried to be strong enough for the both of them. Alice and I cried together. She was the first one that I opened up to. Edward's reaction scared me though.' she signed as she looked at me apologetically. I kissed her temple and whispered to her in her ear.

"What did you just whisper to her, Edward?" Mary asked with genuine interest.

"Uh...I told her that it was alright, and that I'm sorry for how badly I reacted to it at first," I responded honestly.

"What compelled you to say that to her right now?" she inquired. I looked at her confusedly for a moment before responding.

"She was feeling guilty for hurting me by sharing her past with me. I don't want her to feel that way. Knowing about what she went through makes me feel closer to her somehow, and it makes me feel even more thankful that I'm still able to have her in my life. I came so close to losing her permanently during that time, and knowing what she endured so that she could come back to me... it makes me want to be as strong for her now as she was for me then," I replied with a strained voice as I fought back the tears that so desperately wished to escape me.

"What was it about his reaction that scared you, Bella?" she asked, and I was grateful that she took the attention away from me as I tried to compose myself without letting Bella know how distraught I was once again at the thought of losing her.

'He tried to blame himself for what happened. I saw it in his eyes, and I knew that if he tried to take on that much guilt, he'd shut down like I did. It would have been my fault if that had happened to him.' she signed with a pained expression.

"What would have happened to him if he would have shut down, Bella?" she asked with interest.

'He would have withdrawn into himself, and the guilt he felt would have overridden any other emotion to where it would have been all he would have ever felt. I couldn't live with myself if I allowed him to feel that way. I felt that way for years, completely dead and empty inside, only being able to feel that single horrible emotion every moment of every day. It would have been my fault for causing him to turn into the zombie that I had been for years.' she signed in reply as a single tear trailed down her cheek.

I once again was in awe of this doctor. She was somehow pulling information from her just by simply asking questions about how I or anyone else had reacted to her, and in doing so, Bella was spilling more information about herself than she was about anyone else really. I didn't even think she was aware that she was doing it, as all of her answers seemed to be revolving around blaming herself. First for our second separation, then our first, then for who she became after the incident, and finally for our reactions to her sharing our past with us. She was aiming all of it at herself, and it was crumbling her once guarded walls.

"Did you try to blame yourself, Edward?" she asked with concern. I sighed and nodded to her as Bella covered my hand with one of her own and squeezed gently. I gave her fingers a gentle squeeze back.

"What caused you to feel that any of what happened was your fault?" she asked gently.

"I didn't do anything to stop her family from moving away. I just let her walk away without putting up really any kind of fight for her. She could have stayed with my family. She could have stayed with her grandmother. She could have stayed with any of our families, but I never even tried to get her parents to see that. Instead I watched her walk away and then I almost lost her," I admitted brokenly as my traitorous tears finally forced their way through my eyes and my carefully constructed composure crumbled. Bella wrapped her arms around my waist and held me tightly as I worked to compose myself once again.

"You do understand that it wasn't your fault, don't you Edward?" Mary asked with the gentlest of voices. I nodded dumbly to her.

"I know, but it doesn't change the fact that I didn't do a damn thing to stop it from happening," I muttered under my breath.

"Edward, not everything that happens in our lives is within our ability to control. You didn't have much of a choice at that moment but to watch her leave, just as Bella didn't have much of a choice to do anything but leave with her parents. There is nothing within that situation that you should feel any type of guilt over," she said softly in response, her eyes holding nothing but genuine sincerity.

"I know. I'm still trying to work through that," I admitted as I dropped my gaze to the floor.

"Edward, I just want you to know that while we are all in this office together, you are just as free to talk about anything that is bothering you as Bella is. I'm here to help you as well if you need it," she replied encouragingly. I smiled gratefully and nodded to her. She nodded slightly back with a smile and turned her attention back to Bella.

"I'm curious, Bella. You said that if he would have shut down, the guilt would have overridden any other emotion. Would he have just never felt any other emotion, or would he have felt other emotions, but then felt guilty again for feeling them afterwards?" she asked with a slightly confused expression. I looked to Bella and watched as she contemplated how to answer.

'I'm not really sure which way it would have worked with him. I only know that in the beginning, I didn't feel anything but the guilt and shame. Later on, any brief emotion that passed through me caused me to feel even guiltier than I had before and months would pass before another flash of a different emotion would pass through me and the cycle would repeat itself. That's why I fought so hard with him to pull him back from it. I couldn't bare to watch him suffer through that endless cycle.' she signed to her with a heartbroken expression.

"How did you pull him back, Bella? What did you do to stop him from shutting down?" Mary asked her curiously.

'I told him that it wasn't his fault. I signed it to him over and over again, and even told him the reasons why it wasn't his fault. Before I had shared my past with him, I made him promise me that he wouldn't hide his feelings from me, and he wouldn't shut down. When he started to withdraw into himself I reminded him of that promise, hoping that it would be enough to stop him as I pleaded with him to believe me that it wasn't his fault.' she signed quickly. I didn't miss the fact that she had the guiltiest expression etched across her face, and I briefly wondered if Mary had caught it as well.

"Do you blame yourself for moving, Bella?" she asked quickly as she eyed Bella cautiously.

Bella took a sharp intake of breath and quickly darted her eyes back and forth between Mary and myself. I tried to keep the most encouraging expression on my face that I could as I gently rubbed the back of her neck, hoping that she would find the courage within herself to answer the question honestly. Up until that moment, most of the questions directed at her had been associated with someone other than herself, even if her answers told more about her than the person or event Mary had been asking about.

I watched her carefully as her eyes continued to dart back and forth, silently questioning whether or not she should allow herself to be that open. Finally her gaze fell to the floor and as she let out a shaky breath, she nodded slightly. Mary rose from her chair and lowered herself in front of Bella, taking both of her hands within her own.

"We're going to work on this, Bella. It wasn't your fault either. I want you to try something with me. Can you do that?" she asked gently. Bella looked up at her and nodded minutely.

"You told me before that you can whisper. I want you to whisper something for me," she said softly. Bella nodded just slightly once more.

"Repeat this after me. It wasn't my fault," she said as she stared intently into Bella's eyes.

"It...wasn't my fau...fault," she stuttered as she whispered. It was so faint I could barely hear it.

"Again. It wasn't my fault," Mary said again with a little more force.

"It wasn't my...fault," Bella whispered once more as she maintained eye contact.

"I know you can whisper louder than that, Bella. Again. It wasn't my fault," she said sternly. I had to stifle a chuckle as I watched Bella's jaw set, and a fierce look of determination etched across her face.

"It wasn't my fault," she whispered forcefully as she narrowed her eyes at Mary.

"Are you getting frustrated with me, Bella?" she asked as she quirked an eyebrow at her. Bella nodded just once.

"Good. Again. It wasn't my fault," she stated once again as she gently squeezed Bella's hands and I swear I heard Bella grind her teeth before she repeated it again.

This continued over and over again, and I watched in complete awe as the words finally started to sink in. Mary smiled as she asked Bella to repeat it one last time, and Bella sobbed as she spluttered it out for the last time, tears rolling down her face in torrents. It damn near killed me to see her so broken, but I knew that it was for the best in the long run.

"You did well, Bella. Really well. This is going to be a hard road to walk, but you can do it. I have faith in you, and so does everyone who loves you. Every day I want you to say this at least once. Every day I want you to look in the mirror, and tell yourself that it wasn't your fault. Can you do that?" she said encouragingly as she handed Bella a box of tissues.

"I'll try," Bella whispered in reply as she curled herself back into my side.

I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head as I caressed her shoulder with my thumb. Mary nodded before lifting herself off the floor and returning to her seat.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" she asked concernedly after giving her a few minutes to compose herself.

'Confused. I'm anxious, nervous, scared, emotionally drained, and slightly relieved all at once.' she signed after taking a calming breath.

"What's making you feel afraid right now?" she asked gently.

'Failing. Being this way for the rest of my life. What it means if none of this really was my fault. Disappointing the people that care about me. Mostly though, I'm afraid of taking down my protective walls.' she signed after thinking it through.

I watched as Mary's eyes widened just slightly as Bella pretty much unknowingly admitted to feeling that everything in her past was her fault, and I silently prayed that she wouldn't call her on it immediately. It was hard enough to crack Bella's belief that moving was her fault. There was no way Mary would be able to crack the belief that everything else had been her fault as well on the first day.

" Being what way, Bella?" she asked curiously.I let out a breath of relief and turned my attention to Bella.

'Broken. Well, not really. I don't feel broken anymore. I guess damaged would be a better description now.' she signed with a thoughtful expression.

"In what ways do you feel damaged?" she asked as she looked at Bella expectantly.

'I feel like parts of me are missing. Parts of who I used to be, who I should be. And then there's the physical damage that I'll have for the rest of my life. I'll never be the person that I was six years ago, and that terrifies me. Sometimes it makes me feel like I don't know who I am anymore, or who I'm supposed to be.' she signed as her eyes welled up with tears once again.

"Bella, what do you think or feel when you look at the physical evidence of your past?" she asked as she jotted something down on her clipboard before looking up at Bella.

'I feel pain and I think it's hideous.' she signed as she looked at the floor. I pinched the bridge of my nose as I fought back the tears that filled my eyes at her response.

"Edward? What do you think or feel when you see the physical evidence of her past?" she asked as she shifted her gaze in my direction.

"Love," I replied simply.

"Can you explain that?" she asked with a slight smile. I nodded and looked at Bella as I answered.

"When I see your scars, they only remind me of how your love for me gave you the strength to survive what you went through. There's nothing hideous about them, love," I said as I gently wiped the tear that had fallen away from her cheek.

"Bella? How did your love for Edward enable you to survive?" she asked curiously. Bella smiled slightly as she tilted her head to look at Mary.

'It was my thoughts of him that kept me holding on until help arrived.' she signed as she leaned further into my side. Mary took a quick peek at the clock on the wall before looking back at Bella and I

"Well, our time is almost up, but I want to take a moment to say a few things," she said as she smiled fondly at us.

"You both did amazingly well today, and I want to thank you for being so open and forthcoming. I was slightly apprehensive at first over how well these sessions would go with you being together. I was worried that you would hold back because of having Edward here with you. I'm happy to see that that's not the case. Edward, I'm glad that you're joining Bella in these sessions. You have an incredibly strong bond between you, and I think that bond will help you rather than hinder you in your healing processes. I know that your intention in coming here with Bella was simply to help her and support her, but I'm hoping that by being a part of this journey, you will be able to heal as well. If you are both willing to make a go of this, I have a homework assignment for you for our next session," she said encouragingly.

I looked to Bella, wanting to know if she had decided whether or not to pursue this option fully. I wasn't quite sure if she was going to ever want to come back after spending the last hour on what seemed to be an emotional roller coaster, at least that's how it felt to me. She gazed into my eyes for a few moments, and then nodded slightly before turning back to Mary.

'What's the assignment?' Bella signed to her warily.

"I would like for the both of you to make a list of what you wish to gain out of our time together. I would also like you both to start a journal. You are free to write about anything in them, whether it pertains to your current lives, past experiences, and even future hopes and dreams, it's all up to you. Writing can provide an excellent outlet for you to expel any thoughts or feelings that may either confuse you or make you feel overwhelmed. Do you both think that you can handle that?" she asked as she shifted her gaze between Bella and I.

I waited for Bella to answer, and when she nodded to Mary, I followed and did the same.

"Great. Do either of you have any questions or concerns before we end this session?" she asked curiously.

"None that I can think of," I responded automatically.

'How often are these sessions going to be.' Bella signed to her hesitantly.

"I'm going to suggest meeting once a week until we can establish a completely open communication line. I want for you to be able to freely express any thoughts, feelings, or experiences that you either have had in the past, or are currently having, while in this office. I would also like to suggest that you attend a group support meeting. We have one specifically for survivors of traumatic experiences, and I think it would help both of you to see that neither of you are alone in what you're going through. Many of the victim's loved ones join them in these meetings, and share what they've experienced while supporting their loved ones during their time of need. We meet once a month on a Friday night, and our next one happens to be this week. You're not obligated to participate by any means, but I feel that simply attending the meeting, and listening to the others share their experiences, will encourage you both to do the same during our private sessions. Would you be interested in attending?" she replied in an encouraging tone.

"What do you think, love?" I asked.

'I'm not sure. Can I think about it over the next few days?' she signed to Mary.

"Of course, Bella. It's not appointment based, and you can come and go at any time. Just in case you decide to join us, we meet downstairs in conference room three from five to eight pm. Our meetings are always held on the last Friday of the month, so you know when they are. Please feel free to join them at any time," she responded with a smile as she stood from her seat. Bella and I followed suit and stood as well.

"So, was it as bad as you expected it to be, Bella?" she chuckled. Bella laughed silently and shook her head.

'No...it was difficult, but it was nothing like what I had expected it to be.' she signed to her with a faint smile.

"Good, I'm glad. It will get easier over time, I promise. I look forward to seeing you both next Tuesday, if not this Friday," she said with a friendly smile.

Bella and I thanked her and made our way out of her office and back to my car. I walked Bella around to the passenger side of the car and wrapped my arms around her.

"How do you feel, love?" I asked worriedly.

"Tired," she chuckled as she whispered and locked her arms around me.

"Are you glad we came?" I asked her curiously. She nodded into my chest before looking up to meet my gaze.

"Yes. I expected it to be a lot worse," she whispered and I smiled at her.

"I didn't really know what to expect, but I never expected to break down myself," I chuckled.

"I'm sorry," she whispered instantly.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, love. I'm glad I came with you. This will help me just as much as it will help you," I said sincerely as I gazed into her eyes.

"Really?" she asked as she quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Absolutely. Are you ready to go home?" I asked as I peppered her face with kisses. She nodded and I opened her door for her, closing it behind her once she was in the car.

The ride back to her house was quick, and we were both surprised to see Emmett's Jeep parked against the curb in front of her house. Bella and I looked at each other curiously as I pulled into the driveway. We made our way up to the doorway and hesitantly opened the front door. Thank God I was standing behind Bella as we entered the house, because Alice almost knocked her over with the force behind her as she launched herself at Bella.

"Bella! I'm so proud of you! How did it go?!" she squealed as she clung to the front of her. Bella laughed and took a few steps forward with the pixie still clinging to the front of her. I looked past them and saw Emmett and Jasper smiling toward the two of them.

"How'd it go, bro?" Emmett asked as I bumped his fist.

"Better than I thought it would. I half figured we'd sit there in a tense silence throughout the first session, but that doctor got Bella to open up almost immediately. What's up, Jazz?" I asked I held out my fist to him.

"Not much, man. Been waitin' on pins and needles for the last two hours for you both to come home," he chuckled as he bumped my fist.

"That bad, huh?" I asked as took in his worried glances at Bella.

"Alice has been all over the place since we left school. She bounced between being worried, excited, terrified, happy...all over the place, man. It wore me the hell out," he muttered quietly.

I looked over at Bella who was laughing silently as she shook her head at whatever Alice was saying to her.

"Jazz, I think you may need to get a crowbar to pry your girlfriend off of mine," I chuckled as I shook my head.

"Ali, honey. Let Bella breathe for a minute," he called out as he laughed.

"Where's Esme and Carlisle?" I asked curiously.

"Carlisle's still at work, and Esme is out in the garden in the back. I think she couldn't handle Alice's emotions anymore," Emmett snickered.

"I'll be right back," I said before taking off to find Esme. I found her in the garden, just as Emmett had said.

"Hey, Esme," I called out as I walked down the steps off the back deck. She turned and smiled at me, pulling off her gardening gloves as she walked toward me.

"Hello, Edward. How did it go, dear?" she asked as she embraced me.

"It was fine, Esme. It went better than I had expected it to. Dr. Sheehan seems nice, and she was great at easing Bella into opening up," I replied honestly.

"She's one of the best there, that's why we chose her. Were there any problems with you joining Bella?" she asked with concern.

"None at all. Dr. Sheehan said that she was apprehensive about it at first, but after meeting with us, she said she thinks that it will help both of us to be together during our sessions. Apparently I need therapy as well," I chuckled.

"Hey, if it helps you deal with that ridiculous guilt that you carry around with you, then I see nothing wrong with you benefiting from the sessions as well," she retorted sternly. I looked at her stunned.

"Do I have a damn sign sticking on me somewhere? Is it that noticeable?" I asked as my shock turned into disbelief.

"Watch your mouth, dear, and yes it is that noticeable...you might as well have it tattooed across your forehead," she chuckled as she tapped my forehead.

"Unbelievable...and here I thought I was hiding it well all this time," I muttered as I shook my head.

"Edward, you may be able to hide what you feel from your friends and strangers, but don't ever think for a minute that you can hide it from your mother or me...or Bella," she said firmly, but trailed off as she mentioned Bella.

"Are you serious, Esme? How long has she known that I've been carrying it around?" I asked worriedly.

"Since the beginning, Edward. She's very observant when she wants to be, dear," she said as she placed a hand on my arm.

"It's a wonder she hasn't called me on it yet," I muttered distantly.

"She understands that it's hard to let go of, dear. She carries her own weight in guilt daily. Hopefully you will both find your ways out from under the weight of it. Are you ready to go back in?" she asked as she gestured toward the house.

"Yeah, I'm sure Bella could use a hand prying Alice off of her by now," I chuckled as I started to climb the steps back onto the deck.

"I love Alice like a daughter, but good Lord she put me through the ringer this afternoon. I've never known anyone to be able to fluctuate their emotions that rapidly," she chortled as she shook her head.

"Jazz is usually really good at calming her down, but I think his own nervousness was adding fuel to hers," I responded sympathetically.

"Let's just hope that she's calmed down so I don't feel the need to ask Carlisle to bring home a sedative for her," she chuckled. I looked at her in shock that she would say something like that and she laughed at my expression.

"You wouldn't do that, Esme," I muttered quickly.

"I almost did. Two actually, one for her and one for myself as I watched her practically pace a hole in my entryway floor. Emmett was the only calm one out of the four of us," she said as she shook her head.

"That's because Emmett's been through this whole situation already. He went to therapy with Rosalie two years ago," I confided as we made our way into the kitchen.

"I wasn't aware of that. I can imagine it helped him as well. I remember your mother telling me how distraught he was after what happened to her. I'll never understand how some people can be such vicious monsters. How can they sleep at night knowing what they've done to someone else? How are they not eaten alive by the guilt that they should feel?" she asked, her voice thick with emotion.

"I don't know, Esme. I really don't think that there's an explanation for it either," I said as I leaned on the kitchen counter. Esme shook her head and took a deep breath before looking back at me.

"Enough of that subject. My nerves can't take much more today. So you said Bella opened up during the session today?" she asked with a hopeful tone.

"Yeah. Dr. Sheehan started out with just asking us if we had any questions, and Bella was practically on lock down with how nervous she was. I broke the ice by asking why health care offices always painted their walls taupe," I chuckled and Esme laughed.

"It was pretty much a roller coaster ride from there. Dr. Sheehan started out talking to Bella about her panic, but as soon as she noticed Bella getting even more uncomfortable, she backtracked immediately. She started out with simple conversation about how we met, and after a while she started easing both Bella and I into more difficult questions. I broke down once... well almost a few times, but only fully once when I explained why I felt guilty over Bella's past. When Bella admitted to blaming herself for leaving years ago, Dr. Sheehan did this repeat after me exercise with her, and she broke down horribly. It about killed me to witness it, but I think it finally broke her belief that at least that part of her past was her fault," I said as I thought over the session.

"Oh, dear. Is she planning on going back, or was today too much for her?" she asked worriedly.

"She wants to go back, Esme. She said that even though it was hard on her, it wasn't as bad as she thought it would have been," I replied with a smile.

"Oh, that's wonderful. Excuse me, Edward. I'm going to go check on Bella," she said with a warm smile as she pulled away from the counter.

I smiled back at her and followed behind her into the living room where everyone had gathered. Esme sat right next to her and after a long embrace, she and Bella had a short conversation before Esme headed back to the kitchen to make dinner.

Alice, Jasper, and Emmett departed shortly after Carlisle arrived home, and Bella and I set the table for dinner as Esme and Carlisle asked various questions about our session. Carlisle was immensely relieved to find that Bella wished to continue going to therapy. Bella told them about our assignments for our next session the following week, and even told them about her emotional break down, and what Dr. Sheehan asked her to do daily after having the breakthrough. When she seemed confused as to why she would ask her to do that, Carlisle explained to her that the reason for having her repeat it routinely is so that she doesn't immediately fall back into blaming herself for it. I hoped understanding the purpose behind it would entice her to follow through with it.

I mentioned the support group as we ate, and we all discussed the possible benefits of Bella and I attending it. She still seemed a little wary over the idea of it though. Both Carlisle and Esme offered to join us if we decided to go. She promised to think it over and let them know when she finally decided whether or not she wished to attend the session. I was really hoping that she would, as it had helped Rosalie immensely when she and Emmett had attended them.

I left a little while after helping Bella clean up after dinner, and headed home to spend some time with my parents. I knew they would be curious to hear how our first session went. After talking with them for a while, I went up to my room to finish my homework and I even started working on that list of what I wished to get out of the therapy sessions with Dr. Sheehan.

That wasn't a very easy task, as I had not had any previous expectations or even thoughts on what I could achieve out of attending the sessions with Bella. I went in solely as a supportive figure, never once assuming that I would be receiving treatment as well. I contemplated what I could possibly want to gain out of therapy for close to an hour, and only managed to come up with finding a way to let go of the guilt I felt over not only having not stopped her from moving in the first place, but also for having not tried harder to be there for her when she returned.

Before heading to bed, I hopped online quickly to see if Bella was on, and I smiled when I saw that she was. We chatted for a little while about anything that didn't have anything remotely to do with therapy. I think we had both had enough of talking about that subject for one day. By ten I was exhausted and ready to pass out on the spot.

Bella replied that she felt the same way, and I quickly typed a message to her, telling her that I love her and I'd see her first thing in the morning at school. She replied in kind and wished me sweet dreams. I smiled like a goon as I typed my reply, telling her that my dreams were always sweet because they always included her. We bantered back and forth for a few more minutes before typing our final love yous and good nights. I didn't even bother to shut the computer down as I pushed it across the bed and almost immediately fell asleep.

* * *

**AN: Reviews are better than Bella finally getting her ass in therapy! WOOT! LOL R&R PLS & TY!! **


	65. ExhaustedDefiance&InformativeAtomicBomb

**AN: Well looky here.. more than one update in a week. I'm on a roll! LOL. ENJOY!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything related to it. SM owns it all!**

* * *

Exhausted Defiance & Informative Atomic Bombs

BPOV

I tried so hard to fall asleep after shutting down my computer Tuesday night, but sleep just wouldn't come. I laid in bed staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours, just replaying that hour of therapy over and over again in my head. Never had I thought I would have expressed as many thoughts as I had during that hour. Never had I thought that I would have even been in that office upon my own free will. Mostly though, I had never thought that Edward would have stood, well sat really, right next to me throughout the entire experience.

I don't think I would have ever been able to make it through that hour without him. My heart rate was running at the speed of light, my nerves were beyond fried, and I was dreading the thought that I was wasting an incredible amount of Carlisle and Esme's money. I honestly wasn't sure if therapy would help or not, but after chatting with Rosalie, I decided to give it a chance. She told me that she didn't think it would help her either, and that it took her almost a year to finally break down and at least try it. She even told me how she was reluctant to talk to her therapist for the first few sessions, and how that made her almost positive that it wouldn't help. It wasn't until she finally opened up that she realized how much she needed the therapy, and how much it really did help after everything was out in the open.

I asked her if she was still in therapy, and she told me that she hadn't been for about a year, but she still occasionally went to group support meetings. She said that every once in a while she went to one here in Forks, but mostly nowadays she was attending a few out in Seattle. She said that even though she's healed from it, attending the meetings allows her to feel as though she's helping others by sharing her experience as well as how she was able to heal from it. I wasn't exactly sure I could believe that or not, seeing as how the only thing I felt when I had shared my experience was guilt for hurting those that I shared it with. I had caused the people I care about to cry, feel helpless, and almost shut down. I couldn't see how sharing something like that with strangers would help either them or myself... which was why I was reluctant to attend that gathering on Friday night.

Esme and Carlisle both offered to join Edward and I if we decided to go. It warmed my heart that they wanted to be there with me to show me support. I couldn't ask for better parents than that. They never judged me, and they showed me every day that they were there for me and always would be there no matter what I needed.

As far as the whole decision to go into therapy thing goes... I had been contemplating it for months. Ever since Carlisle had offered it to me yet again the day that I shared my past with them, it had been a nagging thought that plagued my mind relentlessly. Both he and Esme had offered it numerous times since then, and each time it increased that nagging sensation that told me I was ready for it, and that I needed to give it a try. I no longer had a reason not to. I was sufficient in using sign language to communicate, I could write my thoughts if need be, and I no longer needed people to respond to me in the same way that I reached out to them. I had absolutely no reason not to at least give it a try aside from my being nervous about it.

Just the thought of letting a stranger in, and having them know that much about me was terrifying to say the least. Would they judge me? Would something I expressed to them cause them to lock me up in some nut house? Would they try to tear me away from everyone and everything I cared about? These are the thoughts that have plagued my mind ever since my parents started offering therapy to me once again.

That was one of the biggest reasons I wanted Edward to go with me. I knew that if they tried to haul me away, he wouldn't let it happen. He'd keep me safe and with him and everyone else that I loved. I also needed him with me, because I really didn't think I could handle having someone try to root around in my brain without having him to hold on to for support. He really is my strength...my rock.

I was beyond surprised when Edward admitted to how guilty he felt over what happened to me. It wasn't that he still felt guilty that surprised me, because I could see it in his eyes from time to time when he would look at me, but it was that he so free willingly admitted it to a stranger. I wished so badly that I could be so open and trusting, but I couldn't. The fact that I had expressed any of my thoughts or feelings at all during that hour was a miracle if I had ever seen one.

I have to say though, I truly do like Dr. Sheehan. She's gentle, kind, and seems sincere. She readily recognized when topics were becoming too much for me to handle, and she immediately backtracked to an easier subject. I greatly admired her for that intuitive ability. I'm hoping that as our sessions progress, I'll be able to open up enough for her to actually be able to help me. I've come to realize that I can't do this on my own, regardless of how much I would like for that to be possible. It's just too much, and I have no idea how to fix what's been broken for so long. I don't even know where to start. It was that realization that pushed me to finally seek out the treatment that had been offered to me so very many times before.

Coming home to find everyone there waiting for us was completely unexpected. I didn't think I'd ever be able to pry Alice off of me. I felt horrible that she had been so nervous and frightened over how I would fare through that first session. She told me repeatedly how proud she was that I had taken that step, and how happy she was that I was still willing to continue treatment after my first session. At first, I thought I would have been upset that she had been so worried over me, that I would think it was because she didn't think that I could handle it, but as I thought about how god awfully nervous I had been throughout the time between when we had left the school and left Dr. Sheehan's office, I couldn't fault her one bit for her worries. Had Edward not been there, I'm pretty sure her worries would have become reality.

Emmett and Jasper both commended me on being brave enough to seek out treatment. Emmett seemed to be glowing with pride that I had taken that step on my own, without having been pushed into it, yet again, as they had been forced to do with Rosalie. I couldn't believe that someone as strong as she is would need to be forced into it, but Emmett told me that it was her pride that kept her from seeking it out. She didn't want to admit that she couldn't do it on her own, and I readily identified with that feeling. For years I didn't want to admit that I couldn't do it alone either.

As I laid in bed that night, I tried to think of some of the things that I wanted to get out of therapy. My biggest desire was being able to speak again. Aside from that, I wanted to learn how to manage my emotions better, as well as figure out why I couldn't find the ability to be angry...ever. That evasive emotion has plagued me more than anything for quite some time now. Every time I feel a flash of it, it's quickly replaced by guilt or despair, and I can't figure out why. It drives me insane.

By two am I still hadn't been able to fall asleep, so I pulled out the journal that Carlisle had given me months prior, and started to write. I started off with making my list of what I wished to achieve through therapy, but quickly found myself just writing out all of my thoughts. Everything that I was thinking was being quickly scrawled across the page below my hand.

My worries, my fears, and even some of the reasons I felt guilty. The only thing that didn't come anywhere near being written on that page was anything that was related to Phoenix or my real parents. Everything that I had written about consisted of only things that had happened since the beginning of the school year. I tried not to think about how I was avoiding that time in my life, even though I realized that at some point, I was going to have to open up about it to Dr. Sheehan. It was inevitable, but I just wasn't ready to take that jump yet.

Finally around four am I was able to fall asleep, only to be woken up two hours later by my alarm clock. I was disgruntled to say the least as I heaved myself from my comfy confines and sluggishly trudged my way into the bathroom. By the time Alice had arrived, I was practically falling asleep in my cereal bowl at the kitchen counter. Esme had to keep trying to wake me up, and the worried expression etched on her face each time I opened my eyes and looked at her made me feel absolutely horrid.

"Bella, honey. Why don't you stay home from school today? I don't feel right allowing you to go in when you're so dead on your feet," she said, her voice trembling with her concern.

'It's okay, Mom. I just didn't sleep well. I'll be fine.' I signed to her brokenly as I kept dozing off mid-gesture.

"Bella, that's enough. You're going back upstairs and back to bed. At least try to take a nap, and if you feel rested enough when you wake up, you can go into school late," she said with a stern voice.

'Mom. I'm fine. I promise. I'll be more energized once I start moving.' I signed to her as I fought to keep my eyes open so she would believe me.

"Bella," she sighed. I shook my head at her and lifted myself off the stool.

'Mom, I'm going. I'll see you after school. I love you.' I signed to her before heading out of the kitchen to retrieve my school bag from my room. Alice was standing behind me, and I hugged her briefly before taking a step back.

'Are you ready?' I signed to her. She nodded but then paused.

"Crap..I forgot my Geometry book. Bella I'll be right back," she said as she spun and headed back toward the door. I sat down on the front porch steps and waited for her to return.

I'm not sure when I dozed off, but I was awoken abruptly by the sound of a roaring engine coming down the street. It slammed to a stop in front of the curb, and I almost groaned when I saw Edward stalking his way toward me, looking positively frantic.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked breathlessly as he dropped to one knee down in front of me. I smiled faintly and shook my head to him.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm just a little tired," I whispered to him as I reached out to wrap my arms around him.

It never even crossed my mind that he really had no reason to even be at my house, as he should have been at the school where we always met up in the morning. The way he came barreling down my street never even crossed my mind with how exhausted I was.

"Didn't you sleep at all, love? I thought you fell asleep right after you signed off," he said worriedly as he pressed his lips to different places on my face repeatedly.

"No, I couldn't fall asleep until about four," I whispered to him as I slumped further into his embrace.

"Four?!" he bellowed and startled me awake again as I jerked back from him. He looked into my eyes with one of the most pained expressions I had ever seen upon his face.

"Love, there is _no_ way you're going to school like this today. Come on, you're going back to bed," he muttered as he lifted me up off the steps and into his arms.

"No... I need to go to school," I whispered as I tried to squirm out of his arms, but it was useless. I didn't even have the strength to put up an ounce of a fight against him.

"Bella, please, for me. You can't even keep your eyes open for thirty seconds. What good is it going to do you to be asleep in your classes, love?" he asked as he started to climb the staircase.

"I'll be around you," I whispered in reply, though I'm not quite sure how clear it was to his ears. He chuckled faintly and kissed my forehead as he placed me down on my bed.

"Sleep, Bella. I love you, and I'll be here as soon as school lets out. Text me when you wake up," he said before pressing his lips against mine gently.

"I love you too," I whispered, and I was almost positive that statement was slurred beyond recognition. His ghostly chuckle as he departed the room pretty much convinced me that I had been right.

"Yeah. Tell Jazz I'll be a few minutes behind you. I'm just going to help Esme get Bella into something more comfortable and then I'll be on my way," I heard Alice say from somewhere in my room.

"Bella, honey. Sit up," Esme said softly as she tugged on my arm.

I used every last bit of my strength to push myself up, and tried my best to help them as they helped me change into a t-shirt and shorts. Under other circumstances, I might have been embarrassed, but at that moment I was too damn tired to even care. I tried to listen to Alice and Esme's conversation as they left my room, but my drowsiness made it too muffled to understand. Within moments I was out cold.

_**Bella**_

_Sleeping... bugger off..._

_**Well aware of that...**_

_Am I dreaming?_

_**Sure...whatever you want to believe, but I need you to listen to me and remember this when you wake up later.**_

_What the hell for?!_

_**Don't get pissy with me just because your cranky and tired. That stunt you pulled this morning was utterly ridiculous, Bella.**_

_What stunt?_

_**Trying to go to school when you couldn't even keep your damn eyes open. Why can't you ever just listen to the people that care about you?**_

_I do listen to them!_

_**Bullshit! You scared Esme, Alice, and Edward practically to death this morning!**_

_What's the big deal with me being a little tired? Everyone is tired sometimes!_

_**Yeah..they are...and most of the time when they are they go to SLEEP jackass!**_

_If you're waking me up, or disrupting whatever peaceful dream I was having to lecture me, then I'm going back to sleep! Bugger off!_

_**That's not actually why I woke you...but it needed to be said.**_

_Then why did you?_

_**Because we need to talk about yesterday.**_

_What about it?_

_**You should really go to that group session on Friday, Bella. I think you'll be surprised to see how many people suffer just as you do.**_

_What you mean in silence?_

_**No... at least not to the same degree as you have. It's not uncommon for people to stop speaking when they're under extreme stress, but it is somewhat uncommon for them to panic when trying to speak. I was actually talking more about how they suffer emotionally and mentally. I know you realize that you're not alone in what you're going through, but I think being able to see that clearly will help you in your sessions. Everyone in the room on Friday night has, at some point, put down their guard and allowed someone to help them. I think you need to see that.**_

_Okay..._

_**Okay you'll go or okay you understand what I said?**_

_First...second..both...whichever...who cares...I'm tired._

_**Bella...**_

_What?!_

_**God you're a pain in the ass! Just agree to go and I'll leave you alone.**_

_Okay...I'll go._

_**You're lying. You have to mean it if you want me to leave you alone.**_

_How would you know I'm lying?_

_**Does exhaustion really drop your IQ that low? I'm not a separate entity you ass! I'm YOU so of course I know you're lying!**_

_Know-it-all!_

_**Just agree to go, will you? It really is for the best.**_

_Why do I have to go to this one? There's one every month! I just started this whole damn thing yesterday...why do I have to jump into the deep end without even really being able to get used to the water?!_

_**Because sometimes in life you need to just go for it, and this is one of those times.**_

_You sound like a Nike commercial..._

_**That's just do it, moron.**_

_Whatever. I don't speak swoosh and laces._

_**I think Emmett's rubbing off on you.**_

_Bite your tongue...I love my Brother Bear._

_**He loves you too ya know. Which is another reason why I think you should go. Everyone wants to help you, Bella. I think you'd be surprised to find out how far they're all willing to go to support you.**_

_What do you mean?_

_**I'm not going to tell you that. You have to go to the meeting to find out.**_

_Jerkface! How can you dangle something like that in front of my face and then pull it away?_

_**Because I know how much it gets under your skin...that's how. You need to go to that meeting.**_

_Come on...I just want to sleep!_

_**No...not until you agree to go!**_

_Fine...I'll just ignore you until I'm ready to wake up._

_**You asked for it...I'm Henry the 8th I am, Henry the 8th I am, I am. I got married to the widow next door...**_

_Oh God...please...please no...anything but that song!_

_**Say you'll go...and mean it!**_

_Never..._

_**She's been married seven times before...and every one was a Henry, HENRY! Henry the 8th I am, I am. Henry the 8th I am. I'm Henry the 8th I am, Henry the 8th I am, I am. I got married to the widow next door...she's been married seven times before... and every one was a Henry, HENRY!**_

_Dear Lord...alright alright...I'll go..Just please, PLEASE stop!_

_**Was that so hard?**_

_Laugh it up chuckles... Oh how I wish you weren't a part of me right now!_

_**Eh... too damn bad. You'll learn to deal with it... or get locked up for smacking yourself around. Sweet dreams, Bella.**_

_Ugh..._

"Bella, love... are you awake?" I heard my favorite velvety voice float into my awareness.

I felt the sides of my lips turn up slightly as I shook my head and buried myself back down into my pillow...only it didn't feel like a pillow. I furrowed my brow as I tried to figure out when my dreams had become so vividly real. His voice sounded so real, and I swear it felt as though I was snuggling into him. Hell I could even _smell_ him.

"Bella, are you trying to dig your way to China through me?" his voice chuckled, and once again my brow furrowed.

_What the hell is with these crazy dreams?_

I huffed and rolled over as I roughly grabbed my pillow and snatched the blanket up over my head.

_Damn crazy dreams making me feel like I'm insane..._

Once again I heard my favorite sound in the world...well one of them anyway. Edward's chuckle.

"What was that about crazy dreams?" his voice chuckled.

_What. The. Hell._

I couldn't fight it anymore. Something very strange was happening, and either I had finally fallen off the deep end, or it was possible that I wasn't dreaming at all. I was really hoping it was the second option as I finally cracked my eyes open and let the light filter in. I slowly started to roll back over, desperately hoping that he really was in the bed with me, and that I hadn't gone completely insane at some point during the last few hours while I slept.

"Why do you look like you're terrified of something being behind you, love?" he muttered as he tried to stifle his amusement upon seeing my expression.

Relief flowed through me quickly and I let out the breath I had been holding as his chuckles started to shake the bed. I smiled brightly and snuggled myself into his chest as his arms wrapped around me.

"I thought I was dreaming," I whispered as I tangled our legs together under the blanket.

"Yeah I caught that," he chuckled as he brushed my hair away from my face.

"Caught what?" I whispered to him as my brow furrowed in confusion.

"That you thought you were dreaming. You muttered something about crazy dreams when you snatched the pillow from under my head and rolled over," he choked out as he laughed.

My brow furrowed even further as I slowly lifted my head to look at him.

"Muttered?" I whispered to him in confusion.

"Yeah...the end of whatever you said was a bunch of slurred whispers, but you started with a soft, albeit angry, voice when you said damn crazy dreams," he chuckled as he smoothed the line between my eyebrows with his thumb.

"I said that out loud?" I asked in a whisper, not realizing that I had spoken at all prior to rolling over again.

"You don't remember saying it?" he asked as his eyebrows pulled together. I shook my head.

"No, I thought I only said it in my head," I whispered in reply.

"You must still be really tired," he said with a thoughtful expression.

"Why do you say that?" I asked curiously. He smiled as he traced a finger from my temple to my cheek.

"Because you only mutter in your sleep when you're exhausted," he chuckled.

"I don't freeze up when I do that?" I whispered in a stunned state. He shook his head and smiled.

"Weird," I whispered as I put my head back down and thought over what that could mean. I couldn't come up with anything, and curiosity started to eat me alive at what I could have possibly said in the past. I hoped to God it was nothing embarrassing.

"What have I said before?" I whispered as I avoided looking up at him, just in case it was something really embarrassing.

"Just my name, and it's only been a few times," he responded sincerely. I nodded and closed my eyes as I allowed myself to fully relax against him.

"Are you hungry at all? You've been sleeping all day, love," he said quietly as he ran his fingers through my hair.

"Kind of," I whispered in reply.

"Come on, love. Lets get you up and get you something to eat," he said as he patted my arm.

I made my way into the bathroom and brushed my teeth and hair before joining him to head downstairs. Esme was already in the kitchen working on dinner when we walked in.

"What time is it?" I whispered as I looked around the kitchen.

"It's just after four, love," Edward said, causing Esme to turn around abruptly. I couldn't believe I had slept the entire day away.

"Did you sleep well, honey?" she asked worriedly as she approached me and wrapped her arms around me. I nodded into her shoulder before pulling away.

"Alice dropped off your missed assignments after school. They're in the dining room whenever you feel up to doing them, alright?" she said and I nodded to her.

"I'm sorry, Mom," I whispered to her with an apologetic expression.

"It's alright, sweetheart, but please, next time you feel that exhausted just stay home. You rarely miss school anymore, and an occasional day won't hurt you in any way," she cooed as she held my face gently. I smiled sadly and nodded to her before she returned to cooking dinner. My stomach growled loudly in response to the delicious smells in the kitchen.

"Come sit, love. I got you some fruit and yogurt," Edward chuckled as he patted the stool next to him.

I took the seat next to him and whispered a quick "thank you" to him before kissing him chastely. Edward kept his arm around me as I ate, shifting occasionally between rubbing my shoulder and caressing lazy circles on my back.

"What happened last night, love?" he asked as I popped a strawberry in my mouth. I turned to face him so I could sign to him.

'I just couldn't sleep. I was exhausted, but my brain was wired.'

"I hope you're able to sleep tonight after having slept all day," he said with a concerned expression.

'I should be able to. I'm still tired even though I have no reason to be.' I signed to him, trying to ease his worries.

"What were you thinking about that kept you awake?" he asked curiously as he stole a piece of watermelon from my bowl. I glared at him playfully as I shook my spoon at him and he chuckled.

'I was thinking about everything that happened in therapy yesterday, the assignments she wants us to do for the next session, lots of things.' I signed to him as I recalled at least some of the thoughts that had kept me from being able to sleep the night before.

"Do you want to talk about any of it?" he asked encouragingly. I shook my head at him.

'No. I need a break from thinking about all of that stuff. So what did I miss in school today?' I signed to him, hoping that he would let it go. He eyed me cautiously for a moment and then nodded before responding.

"You missed a pop quiz in Bio., but when I told Mr. Banner that you weren't feeling well, he said it wouldn't be a problem for you to make it up when you come back. Alice told me to remind you that your final term paper in English is due on Friday, and you have a test in Western Civ. Friday as well. Angela said you missed absolutely nothing in Trig, she said that Mr. Varner gave the class a free study period to prepare for the final exam in two weeks. Emmett choked on a peanut M&M at lunch, but aside from that, you didn't miss anything really," he chuckled. I laughed silently and pushed my bowl away.

'How did he choke on an M&M?' I signed to him as I laughed silently and shook my head.

"He and Alice made a game of him trying to catch them in his mouth as she threw them from all the way across the table, and apparently one of them just got lodged when he caught it," he chuckled.

'He's okay, right?' I signed with an expression that was half amused and half concerned.

"He's fine, love. I smacked him on the back real hard and it flew out of his mouth and hit Newton right in the forehead," he chuckled.

'Ew...that's gross.' I signed as I scrunched up my face.

"Oh, hey. Rosalie is coming down Friday. She wanted me to ask you if you wanted to join up with them and go to a movie Friday night," he said suddenly.

'What time? I was kind of thinking of going to that meeting Friday night.' I signed to him hesitantly.

"She said it would have to be a late show because she and Emmett have plans earlier in the evening. We can go to the meeting and meet up with them afterwards if you'd like to," he said encouragingly.

'It's not that I really want to go, but I think I should go, at least to see what it's like.' I signed to him as I shrugged.

"They're really not that bad, love. I went once with Emmett and Rosalie," he replied with a comforting tone.

'What's it like?' I signed curiously.

"It's basically just a bunch of people sitting around, drinking coffee or some other kind of provided beverage, and talking to one another. Some people share their experiences, others share things that they're currently having difficulties with, and then other people chime in and offer either advice or words of comfort. Emmett liked to tell funny stories occasionally to lighten the mood in the room," he chuckled.

'I can picture him doing that. They didn't mind?' I asked curiously.

"Not at all. Everyone there seemed to be happy to have him there. The one time that I went, someone actually asked him to tell a funny story after they got done sharing their experience. I think being able to laugh afterwards helped them to not dwell on their feelings for too long," he said sincerely. I nodded to him as I tried to picture what it would be like to sit in that room full of people.

"Bella, honey. Can you set the table for me please?" Esme asked. I nodded to her and took my bowl to the sink before pulling out the plates and silverware to set the table with.

Edward helped me set the table before I picked up my assignments and we made our way into the living room. As soon as Esme was done cooking, she came out and sat with us as we waited for Carlisle to come home. I was glad that I had already finished my term paper after seeing the assignments that I had missed during class as well as the homework that Alice and Edward had brought home for me. After finishing the assignment that I had missed in English, I decided to take a break until after dinner.

"All finished?" Esme asked with a smile. I shook my head and chuckled silently.

'No. I still have a question packet for Biology that's to be used as a study guide for the final, chapter questions and a short essay for Western Civilization, and two worksheets and translations for Spanish.' I signed to her.

"They really pile it on don't they?" she snickered.

'It wouldn't be so bad if it was just the homework, but it's the classwork as well.' I signed to her in reply as I chuckled silently.

"You can copy some of my answers for Bio, love. Mr. Banner had us working with our partners today on those during class," Edward said as he passed me his packet.

'That's not fair, Edward. I have to do some of it too.' I signed to him with a disapproving look.

"It's fine, Bella. I haven't finished it yet. How about if I let you answer the questions I left unanswered and then I'll copy those from you?" he offered with a smirk.

'Nice, Masen. Leave me with all the hard ones why don't you.' I signed in reply after breezing through his packet.

"Hey, it's a fair trade. I did two thirds of the packet," he chuckled and I threw a pillow at him.

"Sneaky bugger," I whispered as I glared at him playfully. He and Esme chuckled as I tucked both of our packets into my Biology book.

The front door opened, and moments later Carlisle stepped into the entryway of the living room. The light and carefree atmosphere disappeared in an instant as we took in his worried expression.

"Esme, dear. Can I have a word with you for a minute?" he asked as he smiled apologetically to Edward and I.

'Is everything okay?' I signed to him worriedly.

"Everything's fine, Bella. Don't worry. I just need to speak with your mother for a minute," he said in a soothing tone that seemed incredibly forced.

Esme joined him and they headed up the stairs together. I knew right then that something was wrong. There was no reason they would need to have a private conversation unless something was terribly wrong.

'Edward... something is wrong.' I signed to him as I started to panic a bit.

"Love, don't worry. I'm sure they'll tell you what's going on when they come back downstairs," he said as he lifted himself from the floor and sat next to me on the couch.

'Do you think it's about me? Do you think Dr. Sheehan said something to him at work today? I knew I shouldn't have gone there.' I signed to him hurriedly.

"Bella, Dr. Sheehan told you yesterday that anything that's said in her office is private and confidential. There's no reason for her to have said anything to Carlisle. I'm sure it has nothing to do with your therapy," he said confidently.

'But he's my guardian. I'm still a minor, Edward. The privacy laws don't forbid her from saying anything to either Carlisle or Esme.' I signed worriedly.

"Love, I'm positive it has nothing to do with our session yesterday. Nothing was said or happened that would warrant her needing to say anything about your treatment to Carlisle," he replied assuringly.

'What is it then? They haven't had one of these kinds of conversations in years. They've always involved me in family discussions, minus a few times in the very beginning.' I signed to him frantically.

"I don't know, love. We're just going to have to wait until they come back down to find out. It'll be alright," he responded soothingly as he pulled me closer to him.

I nodded to him and tried to reign in my nerves as we waited in silence for them to return. Finally after what felt like an eternity they came back down the stairs. If I thought I was panicked or nervous before, I was positively frantic as I took in Esme's distraught expression and reddened eyes as they approached us and sat on the coffee table right in front of Edward and I.

"Bella, we have something we need to discuss with you," Carlisle said as he took my hand in the one of his that wasn't holding Esme's.

"Would you like me to leave? I don't want to intrude on a family discussion," Edward said with a worried expression.

"No, son. We'd like you to stay. This isn't going to be an easy discussion for any of us," Carlisle said with a strained tone. Edward nodded slightly and held onto me a little tighter.

"Bella, have you been thinking about speaking with Billy lately?" he asked as he looked at me intently. I shook my head.

'No. I'm not ready to hear what he has to say. Why?' I signed to him with a worried expression.

"There are some things that you need to know about your past. I know you feel you aren't ready to hear them, but I don't feel right keeping you in the dark with what your mother and I are going to be doing over the next week or so," he replied with an apologetic expression.

'What's going on? Are you planning to leave me? Am I going back to that group home?' I signed frantically.

"NO, no, Bella. You aren't going anywhere. We're not leaving you... permanently anyway. Bella, your mother and I have to go to Phoenix for about a week with Billy. This isn't the first time we've had to do this, but we didn't want to go without you knowing why. The last time this happened, I went alone because you were too young to understand what was going on, and we couldn't bear to leave you with anyone you didn't know or didn't feel comfortable with," he said as he gripped my hands and squeezed them reassuringly.

'Why are you going to Phoenix with Billy?' I signed with a confused expression.

"Honey, some of the men that did those things to your family are going before a parole board within the next week. We need to go up there to give a form of anonymous testimony that will be used in determining whether or not they are approved for parole. We won't have to see them face to face or anything like that, so don't work yourself up with worry. We just can't afford to not go, because we can't not do everything in our power to make sure that those men stay in prison where they belong," he replied as both he and Esme looked at me worriedly.

'I want to go with you.' I signed to them determinedly.

"Bella, you can't," he said apologetically.

'Why not? I'm living proof of what they did to us. I can show them what they did to us.' I signed frustratedly.

"Bella, you're not going anywhere near those men. We can't risk anyone possibly recognizing you," he said sternly.

'Dad, it's been years. Who would recognize me, and what does it matter if they do recognize me? If they're in prison they can't do anything to me anyhow.' I signed defiantly.

"Shit," he muttered angrily and then looked at me apologetically when Esme smacked his arm."Sorry... Bella, please. Can you just let us handle this?" he pleaded.

'No. This is my past. My life. It's my place to make sure they stay in prison.' I signed with determination.

"Love, please listen to them. They're only trying to protect you," Edward pleaded. I shook my head and looked back at Carlisle.

'I'm going with you.' I signed again.

"Bella, you're not going and that's final," he said sternly with a determined look.

'Why not? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't go.' I signed as I glared at him. He shook his head and stood as he looked up to the ceiling as he grunted. I'd never seen Carlisle reach his breaking point before, but I was pretty sure I was fairly close to pushing him over the edge at that moment, if I hadn't pushed him past it already.

"Because they think you're dead, Bella! What do you think will happen if they find out otherwise? You are _not_ going. I will _not _risk losing my daughter if someone happens to recognize you there!" he bellowed exasperatedly as he ran his hands through his hair.

"What?" I muttered softly through my shock and instantly they all looked at me with panicked expressions.

They eyed me cautiously for a moment, no doubt waiting for me to freeze up, but with all the turmoil of the emotions that I had currently flying through me, _that_ panic was nowhere to be found. After a moment, Carlisle sat down and put his head in his hands.

"They think you died the same night as your parents, Bella. They have no reason to assume otherwise," he muttered into his hands before looking at me with a heartbroken expression.

'How is that possible? There's medical records from the hospital I was in. There were witnesses that I hadn't died.' I signed to him confusedly.

"Bella, honey, we don't have all the answers for that. We only have a few if you really want them," Esme said hesitantly. I nodded to her slightly and braced myself for what would come as she looked to Carlisle. He sighed and nodded to her before looking at me.

"Bella we didn't just happen to find you in that group home. Billy tracked us down at your parents' request should something ever happen to them. You were never supposed to be in that group home. Billy had a hard time finding us, as we were living in Alaska at the time, and the name that you mother had given him was Esme Anne Platt, which is her maiden name. It made it even harder for him to track us down.." he spoke with an expression that was borderline begging me to not lash out, but I couldn't take anymore. I waived my arms around to stop him.

'Stop. Just stop.' I signed to him as I looked between him and Esme.

"Bella..." Esme said cautiously. I held my hand up to stop her.

'You both lied to me. For years this has all been a lie. My entire life has been a lie. Why didn't you ever tell me before now?' I signed as the first tear slipped from my eye.

"Bella, you were so terrified when we brought you home. We didn't want to make it worse by trying to tell you that we were friends of your parents when you had never met us. I hadn't spoken to Renee in years. The last time we had spoken to each other was shortly after your parents' wedding right after high school. We lost touch when I moved away for college. How do you explain to a terrified child that her parents entrusted her with someone who they hadn't spoken to in years without frightening them even more?" Esme replied tearfully.

'I don't know, but you should have tried at some point over the years. Five and a half years I've been with you thinking I was just lucky for having been found by the both of you and not some other couple. Did you just assume that if you never told me I'd never find out?' I signed as I looked at them incredulously as my tears continued to fall slowly.

"No, we never assumed that, Bella. We wanted to tell you so many times, but with how difficult of a time you were already having in dealing with everything, the timing just never seemed appropriate. Then with all the progress you've made recently, we didn't want to destroy that," Carlisle replied with an apologetic expression.

'Thank you for this. Really. Thank you for waiting until I finally feel like I can trust the people around me and start to heal from everything I've been through before ripping the floor out from under me. I can't even begin to express how thankful I am to you both. Excuse me.' I signed as I narrowed my eyes at them before lifting myself off the couch and heading to my room.

"Bella, wait," Edward called after me, but I couldn't stop. I needed to be away from them.

I stumbled up the steps and walked quickly into my room, slamming the door behind me. I grabbed my quilt from behind my bed and wrapped myself in it as I curled up on my bed and allowed myself to finally break down.

_All these years... all these fucking years they lied..._

_**Wow...didn't see that one coming...**_

_No shit Sherlock..._

_**I'm sure they had good reasons, Bella. They're good people and they've always had your best interest at heart.**_

_Right... Why would my mother choose Esme anyway? If she hadn't spoken to her in years, why would she trust her with me? Did my parents just not care who I ended up with?_

_**Well that's a ridiculous thought. If they didn't care they wouldn't have asked Billy to track Esme down if something happened to them.**_

_None of this makes sense. None of it. How can those people possibly still think I'm dead if I've been living in my hometown where all this started? _

_**I don't know, Bella. Maybe it's time you spoke with Billy so you can get all the answers you need.**_

_Sure... so he can tell me that my real parents weren't my actual parents or something ludicrous like that? I can't handle any more of the deception. Why does every goddamn person feel that they have to lie to me?!_

_**Not every person has lied to you, Bella.**_

_Edward...Oh God! I left him down there!_

_**It's okay, Bella. Don't worry about Edward. He's not upset with you or anything, he's just giving you a few minutes to yourself.**_

_Do you think Liz knew and didn't tell me as well?_

_**I don't know, Bella. It's highly likely though, but really, until recently when would she have had a chance to tell you? Even recently, you haven't been there much, and even if she does know and wanted to tell you, she probably thought it wasn't her place to say anything. This really was Carlisle and Esme's responsibility to tell you, Bella.**_

_Yeah... it was. I just wish they would have told me sooner. Even if I wasn't able to believe it, or understand it even, at least they would have told me._

_**If they would have told you in the beginning, would you have even heard them?**_

_I don't know, and I'll never be sure either way because they never told me._

_**You really should have let Carlisle finish telling you everything.**_

_Please...I think finding out that them being my parents wasn't a coincidence was enough. I don't think anything else he could have said would have topped that bomb._

_**You're not curious about anything else that might not be a coincidence either?**_

_Shit no... like what?_

_**Like.... Phoenix?**_

_Don't even start!_

_**Bella... you need to face it sooner or later. You can't deny how unlikely a coincidence it would be to move suddenly and randomly have people storm into your home and torture your family that way.**_

_Shit like that happens every day to people. People are fucked up, they don't care what they do to others. _

_**Bella... you have to stop ignoring the fact that things just don't add up when you look at the big picture.**_

_Even if I don't ignore it... what difference would it make to figure it out? It wouldn't bring my parents back, and it wouldn't fix my life. If anything it would make it worse. Why can't you just let me be blissfully unaware? Why do you have to push constantly?_

_**Because you're a stubborn ass... that's why! No, it won't bring them back. No, it won't magically fix your life, but at least it would give you some goddamn closure so you could stop blaming yourself all the goddamn time!**_

_I blame myself because it was my fuckin' fault! What part of that don't you get? It's pretty goddamn simple if you ask me! If I would have kept my mouth shut, we could have been safe until they left and then we could have moved away!_

_**And what if they found you again?**_

_How would they know where to look smart ass?_

_**How did they know where to look the first time genius?**_

_It was random you twit! It would have happened to anyone who lived in that house at the time!_

_**Wow...you are positively delusional. What's it like to live in never-never land?**_

_Blow it out your ass! I'm not delusional!_

_**The hell you aren't! Next thing you know you'll be trying to tell me that the Easter Bunny lives at the North Pole with the elves and Santa Clause pops eggs out of his ass instead of making toys!**_

_This is completely asinine... maybe I really am going crazy..._

_**If you really think that Phoenix was just some random coincidence then I'd have to say that you surpassed crazy and went straight to certifiably fucking insane!**_

_I've had enough of this. I can't even get peace and quiet in my own damn head anymore._

_**We're not done talking about this...**_

_Oh yes we are!_

_**Bella...**_

_This is the song that doesn't end. Yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that doesn't end. Yes it goes on and on MY FRIEND! Some people..._

_**Jesus Christ! You're worse than I am! Cut it out!**_

_STARTED SINGING IT, NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS, AND THEY'LL CONTINUE SINGING IT FOREVER JUST BECAUSE THIS IS THE SONG THAT DOESN'T END. YES IT GOES ON AND ON MY FRIEND!!_

_**Alright, alright...you win. Just please stop screaming that damn song!**_

_Fine._

It wasn't until I stopped screaming in my head that I realized I hadn't been the only one shouting in the house. I tried to listen for a moment, wondering who had been bellowing that way. I couldn't imagine Edward ever yelling like that at either Carlisle or Esme, and likewise I couldn't imagine them doing so either at Edward.

I started to panic that maybe someone else was in the house before the yelling ceased, only to be followed by very heavy and quick footsteps coming up the stairs. I shot straight up in bed, panicking as the footsteps quickly came down the hall toward my door. I started scrambling to the opposite side of the bed, and looking around frantically for something to use to defend myself if I needed to. I had nothing but my laptop that had been on the bed, so I snatched it up as I stood in the far side of my room beside my bed.

My bedroom door swung open quickly, banging into the wall behind it, and I nearly screamed as I flinched and jumped back, clutching my laptop even harder in my hands as my eyes squeezed shut. I quickly realized that I couldn't very well defend myself with my eyes shut so I opened them quickly and nearly dropped my computer as I watched Edward's face turn from positively livid to panicked in a fraction of a second as he took in my terrified form.

"Shit, Bella...I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. It's just me, love," he said frantically as he quickly crossed the room.

He pried the laptop from my fingers and quickly wrapped his arms around my trembling body. I wrapped my arms around his waist and locked my hands around my forearms as I pulled him to me as tightly as I could.

"Shhh, it's alright, love. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking when I stormed up here. Shhh, it's okay," he cooed as I sobbed violently in his arms.

"Edward. We have to talk about this, son," Carlisle's voice said from the other side of my room.

"No, we don't Carlisle. You and Esme can go to Phoenix, Bella's coming with me. There's nothing to talk about," Edward said, barely containing his anger as he held my head against his chest, his other arm wrapped securely around my shoulders.

"That's not what I'm talking about, Edward. She was going to be staying with you and your parents while we were away to start with, but when we come home she needs to as well," he said as he tried to maintain his composure.

"I mean you no disrespect, but she'll come back whenever she sees fit, Carlisle. Don't force her if she isn't ready. She'll be perfectly safe with my parents and myself," Edward replied, his tone slightly more controlled than it had been.

"Edward, she's a minor and she's our responsibility, not your parents'," Carlisle responded calmly.

"I'm not arguing against you're being her legal guardian, but I can't exactly consider you responsible for her at the moment. If you had been responsible you would have told her something that was _that _important to start with. I'm not saying that she'll never come back, I'm just asking you to give her time to sort through it without smothering her for crying out loud," he retorted angrily once again.

I couldn't take any more. I needed this all to stop... immediately.

"Stop. Both of you," I whispered hoarsely as I pulled back from Edward and faced both of them.

'You're both scaring the hell out of me. Enough is enough. I'm tired of people deciding for themselves what's best for me. I may be a minor, but I am far from being an incompetent child.' I signed to them exasperatedly.

"Bella, no one is insinuating that you're incompetent by any means," Carlisle said remorsefully.

'Yes you are. By the things you are both saying while you argue, you are both insinuating that I'm incapable of handling this situation on my own. You're both going above and beyond just trying to protect me, and it's entirely ridiculous.' I signed as I shifted my gaze between them.

'Edward, I don't need you to fight battles for me. I don't need you to barge in and pull me from a situation that you feel I shouldn't be in. I would have been fine just cooling off in my room for a while.' I signed to him, trying not to show just how frustrated I really was.

"I know you don't need me to fight your battles, love. And I know you're capable of handling it. I wasn't trying to suggest otherwise," he said apologetically. I nodded to him before turning my attention to Carlisle.

'When you and Esme come home, so will I. I have no intentions of purposely avoiding both of you for any extended length of time. Yes, I need to cool off. Yes, I need time to sort through this, but I don't need to be hidden away somewhere in order to do that. I understand now why I can't go with you and Esme, but I am going to ask you to come to a compromise.' I signed to Carlisle and waited for his reply.

"What's your compromise, Bella?" he asked warily as he sat on the edge of my bed.

'I want you and Esme to take pictures of my scars to bring with you so they can see what those men did without me having to be there. That's all. I won't fight against not going with you if you agree to that.' I signed to him with a determined expression.

"I can agree to that, but please promise me that you won't get any crazy ideas to follow us there. I really don't want you anywhere near there," he replied pleadingly. I nodded to him.

'I promise.' I signed sincerely.

"I'll go get the camera while you pack your bags," he said as he rose off my bed and made his way across my room.

"Are you sure about this, Bella?" Edward asked worriedly. I nodded to him as I wrapped my arms around him. He held me against him tightly as we waited for Carlisle and Esme to return.

"Bella, I'm terrified. What if they're paroled?" he asked with a shaky voice. I looked up at his face and kissed him lightly as I cupped his face in my hands.

"It'll be alright," I whispered to him.

"What if it's not?" he asked. The absolute terror in his expression cut through me like a knife.

"It will be. They think I'm dead anyway," I whispered to him and he closed his eyes as he leaned into my left palm.

"Bella, please don't remind me of that. They very well could have been right," he said with a strained voice.

"But they're not. It'll be okay, I promise," I whispered to him before pressing my lips against his.

Edward cupped my face gently and slowly moved his lips against mine for just a moment before pressing our lips together more firmly. I felt everything he was feeling as our kiss rapidly heated. I felt his fear for my safety, his desperation to keep me safe, and even the despair he would feel should something take me away from him. As our tongues fought for domination, I pushed forward my love for him, my assurance that it would be okay, and my promise to never leave him.

He slowed the kiss and pulled back as we heard footsteps coming back up the staircase. I smiled sadly at him as I brushed a tear away from his cheek and leaned up to kiss him chastely once more.

Esme and Carlisle stepped into the room, and I walked over to my dresser to take out a sports bra and a pair of hip-huggers. I grabbed my robe and headed off to the bathroom to change quickly and headed back into my room.

"Alright, gentleman. Out you go," Esme said softly. Edward kissed the top of my head before stepping out into the hall with Carlisle and shutting the door behind them.

"Bella, I'm sorry. We never meant to hurt you by keeping that from you," she said as fresh tears started to roll down her face.

'It's okay, Esme. At least now I have something to talk about in therapy next week.' I signed as I smirked.

"Isabella Marie, that isn't funny in the slightest," she chastised with an incredulous look.

'I never said it was.' I signed in reply. She put her face in her hands and shook her head.

"Are you ever going to be able to forgive me?" she asked sincerely as she looked at me after a few moments.

'There's nothing to forgive. I understand why you did it. I may not agree with why you did it, but I understand why you did. I just need to work through the repercussions of it.' I signed with a sincere expression.

"We are truly sorry, Bella. We should have never hidden anything from you, and I'll regret ever doing so for the rest of my life," she spluttered as fresh tears fell once again.

'Esme, really. It's okay. I'll be fine. I just need some time to sort through it all.' I signed to her, hoping she would stop beating herself up over it.

In comparison to everything they've done _for_ me over the years, and how much they've endured while caring for me, it really wasn't that big of a deal. Everyone has secrets. I had mine until I shared them with her and Carlisle, and now they shared theirs with me. It may have been well overdue, but they did nonetheless, and at the very least I didn't have to find out about it through someone else.

"Take all the time you need, Bella. I promise we'll give you space until you're ready," she said sadly.

'Esme, don't. I don't want you to avoid me because a mistake was made. That just makes it worse. Please, just be you. Be who you've been since I met you. I already lost my real family, I'm not willing to lose the closest thing I have to family over this.' I signed with a disapproving look.

"You'll never lose us as family, honey. We love you and nothing will ever change how we feel about you," she said sincerely. I smiled and nodded.

'I know. I love you too. Now let's get this over with so they stay where they belong.'

"If I had my way, they'd belong six feet under and encased in cement," she muttered angrily as I slipped out of my robe.

'Me too, but steel bars and concrete floors is as close as we're gonna get, Mom.'

* * *

**AN: So yeah... the next therapy session should be quite interesting. Much love to all of you...leave a review! Thanks! ~Jersey~**


	66. Sleepovers & Early Morning Nightmares

**AN: Okay, I totally give up on the daily updates thing. I've come to find that as the web of deception is being unraveled, I have to be VERY careful as one small whoopsie can cause my house of cards to come crashing down. From here on out until the end of the story, I will probably only be updating once, maybe twice a week. My apologies ahead of time, but I really want the end of this story to work out as smoothly as possible, and have it be enjoyable for all of you. I'll quit rambling now so you all can get this chapter update!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight...pity really LOL. SM owns it all, cause she's a goddess!**

* * *

Sleepovers and Early Morning Nightmares

BPOV

Edward came back into my room as Esme left to start packing for their trip to Phoenix. He helped me pack whatever I would need for the time that I was staying at his house. None of us really knew how long they would be gone, and I figured if I needed anything extra, Edward and I could always make a quick trip back to the house. With my bags finally packed, Edward took them out to the car before we all sat down and tried to eat dinner. The key word there was tried.

Dinner was a completely sullen event. I think Edward was still too upset to eat, and I was just simply a mess. I had so many emotions and thoughts flurrying around in me that it made me nauseated. Esme and Carlisle picked at their food as well, both of them seeming to just be overwhelmingly worried. Whether it was over our slightly strained relationship at the moment, or what they were about to face in Phoenix I was completely unsure. I tried my best to reassure them that I wasn't going to shut down or pull away from them, but I don't know how effective I was in my attempts.

Since they were catching a red-eye flight at five am from Seattle, it was decided that I would leave with Edward that night, and to be honest I was relieved. Not because I wanted to be away from them, or because I was upset, but just because I really didn't want to wake up to an empty house, knowing that they had left some time during the night. It would just bring the reality of my past, and the fact that my adoptive parents were currently dealing with the aftermath of it too close to my awareness, and it would be impossible for me to avoid the fear that was already beginning to rear its ugly head in me.

Edward and I helped clean up dinner, and then we said our goodbyes. Esme and Carlisle were going to try to get a little rest before they had to leave. In order to get to the airport on time, they had to leave the house by eleven pm. That gave them just a little over three hours to rest before they had to leave.

As I said goodbye to them, I made them promise to send me a text message or e-mail daily. I needed to know that they were okay, and that they weren't in any danger. As far as family is concerned, they were all I had in this world, and I'd be lost without them. They seemed a little relieved at my demand, and promised to send multiple texts and e-mails throughout each day, and told me how much they loved me and would miss me while they were gone. I whispered the same back to them as I held them tightly.

I had already made the mistake of not saying things I should have said before it was too late to be able to say them more than once, and I'd be damned if I would allow myself to do it again. I had enough to feel guilty over, and I wasn't about to allow myself to have yet one more thing to add to that guilt. Not that it would matter in the long run if something should happen to them while dealing with my past, as the guilt from that possible situation would destroy me, completely and thoroughly.

I walked out of the house with Edward after he, Esme, and Carlisle exchanged apologies and embraces, and tried to hold back the tears that wished to escape me as I looked back at the home I had grown to love over the last few years. Edward sighed from next to me as he slid into the car and took in my expression as I gazed at the house, as well as my parents holding onto each other in the doorway. The only light emanating from the house was coming from the kitchen behind them, and the front porch light, and it made the whole scene unbearably desolate and ominous. Edward started the car and took my hand, squeezing it gently to break me out of my pensive gaze.

"I'm here, Bella. If you need to talk, I'm here," he said as he kissed my fingers before starting to back out of the driveway.

I squeezed his hand to let him know I heard him, but didn't break my gaze upon my parents who were still watching us from the doorway. I pressed my hand against the glass as the first of what I was sure to be many tears, escaped me. Esme and Carlisle both waved to me, with worry and concern filling their expressions.

I wished in that moment that they would just smile, even if it was entirely false. I wanted to remember their smiling faces, not the way they looked at the moment. I kept my eyes on them until we passed the trees and I couldn't see them any longer. The last thing that flashed into my vision before the trees became too dense to see through was my father's vintage red pickup, still sitting in a part of the driveway next to the house.

I finally took my hand off the glass and turned forward in my seat, fighting back the torrential downpour of tears that I knew would be making an appearance at some point during the night. The fear that had been creeping upon me steadily throughout dinner, was full blown as we pulled into Edward's driveway. He pulled into the garage and shut off the engine before turning to me. He squeezed my hand gently again and I turned to look at him.

"Are you alright?" he asked worriedly. I shook my head at him slightly.

"No...I'm not," I whispered honestly.

"It'll be alright, love. They'll be back soon," he said reassuringly, and another tear made its way down my cheek.

"What if they don't come back?" I whispered as I confessed my biggest fear.

"That won't happen. They love you, and Carlisle said they wouldn't be in any danger. He's done this before, remember?" he asked with a soothing tone. I nodded as I tried to collect myself. I didn't want Liz to worry too much about me when we finally made it into the house.

Edward and I sat in the car for a few more minutes as I tried to compose myself enough to at least make it past Liz long enough to make it to bed before I broke down completely. I nodded to Edward when I was ready, and we climbed out of the car. He grabbed my bags for me, leaving me to carry only my book bag as we made our way into the house.

"Mom?" Edward called out as he tossed his keys into a bowl by the door.

"In the living room, honey," she called back and we made our way towards her. I continuously chanted in my head, telling myself to just be strong and hold it together for a little while longer as I walked behind Edward. He dropped my bags off by the steps as we passed them, and took my book bag from me, placing it with the others before taking my hand and leading me towards the living room.

"Hi, honey. Did you both eat before you left?" she asked Edward as she hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.

"Yeah, we ate already, Mom," he replied as he hugged her with one arm.

"How are you doing, Bella?" she asked worriedly as she embraced me.

"I'm okay, Liz," I whispered as I hugged her back.

"I call bullshit," she muttered while still holding me tightly. I froze, stunned that she had just cursed and I had never before heard her curse... well okay, I had once before, but it was a very long time ago. She sighed as she pulled back and cupped my face gently.

"I'm here if you want to talk, okay? Please don't feel that you need to bottle everything up while you're around me. You don't have to be strong for me, or anyone else, Bella," she said slightly disapprovingly.

She could see right through me, and I knew it in that moment. That was all it took for my walls to crumble and the river of emotions to bleed out of me in the form of relentless tears. My body quickly grew weak with the force of my sobs, and Edward effortlessly picked me up and brought me over to the couch. He sat me down and Liz gathered me in her arms, rocking me and cooing soothingly in my ear. Edward ran to get a box of tissues and a glass of water before settling in next to me.

"I got her, Mom," he said gently as he pulled me into his lap and locked his arms around me. He started humming my melody to me as he rocked me. Liz dabbed at the moisture on my face and handed me the tissue. I knew it was pointless to keep wiping them away, so I just clutched it in my hand.

"Is she going to be alright, Edward?" she asked quietly. I felt him nod to her in reply as he continued to hum to me.

I'm not sure how long it took for me to calm down, but eventually my hysterical crying turned into just hiccups and slow tears. Liz handed me the water with a sad smile, and I drank it greedily before handing her back the glass.

"I'm sorry," I whispered self consciously.

"Oh, dear. You have nothing to be sorry for. You needed to get it out, honey," Liz said soothingly as she lightly brushed my hair away from my face. Edward stopped humming and kissed my forehead.

"Do you want to talk about anything?" he asked gently and I shrugged. I really didn't even know where to start with everything that I was feeling.

"Mom, can you grab a pen and a notebook out of my book bag?" he asked and she nodded before quickly lifting herself from the couch. I looked at him curiously and he kissed the tip of my nose before replying to my curious glance.

"She doesn't understand sign language, love, and it would be difficult for me to understand all of your gestures from this position," he said and I nodded to him. Liz came back in moments later and handed me the notebook and pen and I smiled slightly to her in thanks.

I held on to the items for a few minutes, completely unsure of what to write. With everything that I was thinking and feeling, I wasn't sure that any of it would come out in a way that it could be understood. Edward seemed to understand my hesitancy, and he took the pen from me as he scribbled something down on the paper.

_**Just write what you feel. We'll make sense of it together.**_

I nodded to him and started to write.

_**Fear. Overwhelming fear. Disappointment. Confusion. Worry. Weakness and shame.**_

Edward and Liz both read what I wrote and quickly looked at each other with a question burning in their eyes. Out of everything I wrote, I knew what they were both questioning immediately.

"Bella, why do you feel weak and ashamed?" Liz asked first with concern etched on her face. I lowered the pen to the paper and started to write.

_**I feel weak because this is something that I should be dealing with...not Carlisle and Esme. And also because they didn't think I could handle knowing that they hadn't just found me in that group home, that my parents had chosen them to care for me. **_

_**I feel ashamed for being weak enough that they would feel that way, and also for breaking down so badly before. I'm also ashamed and disappointed in myself for lashing out at them the way I did when they told me.**_

"Bella, you're not weak," Edward said sternly and I looked at him incredulously.

"You're not, Bella. You're the farthest thing from weak that I can think of, and you had every right to lash out at them. Anyone else would have done a lot worse than what you did. There's no reason for you to be ashamed or disappointed in your actions. It was a normal reaction to something like that," he said adamantly. I shook my head at him and he sighed.

"Mom, tell Bella about the time I lashed out at you and Dad over that shirt you threw away," he said

exasperatedly.

"Oh, dear," she chuckled and shook her head.

"He went off the hinges when he found out I had thrown out his favorite shirt. It didn't fit him anymore, and it was so tattered that I didn't think anything of it when I chucked it. He went on a frenzied search for the shirt one day, and I almost told him I threw it away before he muttered something about it being his favorite shirt because you gave it to him. I felt horrible about throwing it away after that, and I thought it would be better if he just thought it was lost until he forgot about it."

"A few weeks later, Ed was doing laundry and Edward asked him if he'd seen the shirt. Without thinking about it, Ed asked him if it was the same shirt that I had thrown away. I've never seen him as livid as he was that day, and for about two weeks afterwards. He wouldn't talk to me for anything in the world, and he locked himself up in his room every moment that he was home. When he wasn't locked in his room silently brooding he'd be yelling at either Ed or I over anything he could think of," she said as she grimaced slightly at the memory of it.

"You see, love? You're reaction to what they told you was nothing compared to that. I freaked out over her lying about a shirt. A _shirt_, and not even one that I was able to wear anymore at that!" he exclaimed as he laughed humorlessly.

"You didn't," I whispered disbelievingly.

"I did. I felt bad about it after a while, but it didn't change the fact that I blew up that way, and it wasn't the first _or_ last time I did that either," he admitted as he shook his head.

"Bella, the point Edward is trying to make is that even though you may lash out from time to time, it doesn't change the fact that we love our children, and deep down we know that our children love us as well. Regardless of what transpired between you, Esme and Carlisle, they love you and they know you love them as well. Sometimes we say things out of anger or hurt that we don't really mean, and I assure you that they understand that that's the case in regards to your reaction," Liz said with a comforting tone. I shrugged minimally and nodded to her, trying to accept her words as being sincere and truthful.

"So what are you afraid of?" she asked with genuine concern. I brought my hand down to the paper once more and started to write again.

_**I'm afraid that something will happen to them. That somehow they will get tangled up in this whole situation and they'll get hurt. I don't like that they're going that close to the people that hurt my family, and it terrifies me that they'll do something to them. I'm also terrified now that I know that they think I'm dead...but I'm not. What happens if they find out? How did they even keep it a secret for this long? Someone, somewhere had to have figured it out at some point, or will eventually. **_

"Bella, what do you mean they think you're _dead_," Liz asked as she barely choked out the last word, her eyes brimming with tears and an horrified expression upon her face.

_**Carlisle just told me that the people who hurt my family think I'm dead. He didn't get much farther in explaining anything before I lashed out. **_

"Oh, Bella... that's _horrible_. I can't imagine what finding that out did to you," she said sadly.

_**It's okay, Liz. It's not that they think I'm dead that bothers me. It's only what will happen when they find out the truth that scares me.**_

"Sweetheart, nothing will happen to you. Esme and Carlisle will make sure of that," she said with a reassuring tone.

_**How would they know though? They wouldn't ever see it coming. There's just no way that they would be able to stop it before it happened.**_

"I don't know how they would know, honey, but I trust them to do everything in their power to ensure your safety. Have faith in them, Bella. They'll do whatever it takes to keep all of you out of harm's way," she said confidently.

I just nodded dumbly to her. I didn't know how she could be so sure of their ability to keep the three of us safe, but I couldn't find a trace of doubt within her gaze to contradict her words. So much of my life was a carefully constructed web of lies and deception. I didn't know who to trust anymore, or what to think of anything that had happened in the past, or was currently happening at the moment. There were just too many unknowns and questions left unanswered for me to even begin to understand what had happened or what could possibly happen in the future.

The only thing I was starting to be sure of, was that I needed answers from Billy... and soon. As scared as I was of what he would tell me, I knew that I couldn't run from it forever. If getting answers was the difference between protecting my family or allowing this to happen again, I was going to push myself for the answers. I would _not_ allow this to happen again to _anyone_ that I cared about... _ever_.

"Are you alright, love?" Edward murmured as he gently caressed my face.

I hadn't realized that I had spaced out until he touched me. I tilted my head to look at him and nodded slightly, careful to mask the terror that was racing through me.

"What were you thinking about?" he asked as he gazed into my eyes. I stared back for a series of moments without blinking before turning my attention to the notebook.

_**I was just thinking how confusing all of this is. I don't want to live in fear, constantly looking over my shoulder or waiting for something bad to happen, but I don't know how to fix that. What if there's no end to this?**_

"Bella..." he sighed and shook his head before looking at me intently.

"I really think it's time you went to Billy. You need answers, and frankly at this point, so do I. We need to know what we're facing. We can't just ignore it and pretend that it's not happening. There has to be an end to it somewhere, everything ends at some point," he said with a serious expression.

"I know...soon. I promise," I whispered to him as I cupped his cheek gently. He looked into my eyes, searching for any sign of insincerity, but finding none and nodding just enough that I could make out the movement.

"It's getting late and you both have school in the morning. Bella, there's a bathroom attached to the guest room, and I put everything you'd need in there for you. If you need anything else just let me know, okay honey?" Liz said with a warm smile. I smiled slightly and nodded to her.

"Thank you, Liz. Goodnight," I whispered as I hugged her. I wasn't sure how much sleep I would actually get considering everything that had happened that day as well as trying to sleep in an unfamiliar room, but I didn't want her to worry.

"What time is Dad supposed to be home?" Edward asked as he hugged Liz.

"Not until about midnight, dear. I'm going to finish doing some laundry while I wait for him to come home," she replied before kissing his cheek.

Edward said goodnight to his mother and together we made our way up the stairs. I was nervous about sleeping alone in an unfamiliar bed that night. I wasn't sure how it would affect my nightmares, and I was fairly certain they would be unavoidable that night.

Edward helped me unpack everything and get myself situated in the room before he left to get ready for bed. I quickly washed up and changed into a tank top and shorts before grabbing my iPod and climbing into bed. He came back shortly after and climbed into the bed on top of the comforter next to me.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked as he propped his head against his hand and used his other hand to tuck my hair behind my ears. I smiled and nodded to him as I tried to snuggle up closer to him.

"I love you, Bella," he voiced just above a whisper.

"I love you too," I whispered and tilted my head up to kiss him.

Edward's fingers tangled into my hair at the back of my head and he pulled me closer to him as his tongue ran across my bottom lip. I eagerly welcomed his advance and tilted my head to deepen our kiss. I ran my hands over his back, and slid one into his soft hair.

"Bella..." he moaned into my mouth, and instantly my entire body felt aflame as I kissed him with renewed vigor.

Edward rolled completely on top of me, and nestled himself between my legs above the blanket. Even through the thick comforter I could feel his arousal pressing against me. I could feel every twitch and pulse against my heated core as he gently rocked his hips against me.

My breathing was so erratic from the overwhelming sensations coursing through me that I had to pull away from our kiss. Edward didn't waste a single second as he quickly started kissing across my jaw and trailing his tongue down the side of my neck.

"I love you.... so much," he groaned in between kisses as he ground himself against me harder. The friction was amazing, but nowhere near enough and it caused me to whimper as I tried to pull him against me even further.

Edward quickly lifted himself up and pulled the blanket back, climbing underneath it before pulling it back over us. I placed my hands on the sides of his face and pulled him back to me. It seemed I couldn't possibly get him close enough to me. Any amount of distance between us was just unacceptable. I wrapped my legs around his waist and pressed him into me as tightly as I could. His eyes rolled back as he rocked his hips into me roughly. He let out a guttural moan as he crashed his lips against mine. The muscles in my abdomen started to tense, searching for a release that only he could provide as he continued to rock against me.

"Please... I... Oh God," I whispered helplessly as his erection pressed right against my bundle of nerves through our thin clothing. I was so lost in the sensation of it that I was completely unaware of Edward quickly trailing kisses down my chest and stomach as he disappeared under the blanket.

He slid my shorts off effortlessly and I gasped as I felt him leaving wet kisses on the inside of my thighs as he settled himself between my legs. My hands flew to his hair and I gripped it tightly, earning a smothered grunt from him as he sucked on the skin there. His hand came up and started rubbing gently against my heated core over my panties. I removed my hands from his hair and gripped the sheets roughly as I rocked my hips against his hand.

"Please...please," I whispered again as I writhed underneath his touch. Edward quickly slid my panties off and ran his fingers up and down my wet folds.

"Damn, Bella. You're soaked," he groaned throatily, the warmth of his breath on my already overheated core very nearly pushed me right over the edge as he slowly slipped a finger inside me.

I wanted to cry out but I couldn't. I gripped the sheets even tighter in my hands and gasped as his warm tongue traveled up from where his finger was moving gently in and out of me, straight up to my bundle of nerves. If I had ever thought that his hands were magical as they explored me, they had nothing on his tongue as it swirled around my nub and pressed against it.

"Oh my _God_," I whispered hoarsely as he nipped and sucked on that overly sensitive bud, the sensation of it causing my back to arch off the bed. I was so close to tumbling over that edge that I couldn't stand it. It was the most unbelievably sweet torture I had ever experienced in my life.

Edward withdrew his finger and added a second one as he entered me again. My breath was coming out in short, quick pants as he curled his fingers and hit the spot he knew I would react to. Instinctively my hips began to rock against both his hand and his mouth, instantly doubling the friction he was creating. His fingertips increased their speed of curling and relaxing within me as he moaned into me. The vibrations caused by his voice shot me straight over the edge and I writhed and bucked into him as my walls clenched and spasmed around his fingers.

When my orgasm finally subsided, he withdrew his fingers from me and continued to lap up every last drop of my release. After he finished, he placed a quick kiss on my core before sliding my panties and shorts back on me and kissing his way back up to me. I weaved my fingers through his hair and pulled his face up to mine and kissed him roughly. Tasting myself on him surprisingly only aroused me even more.

I pushed him back against the mattress and straddled his lap, quickly kissing and sucking my way down his neck and onto his chest. He gripped my hips and pushed down as he thrust himself upwards and grunted. I continued licking and kissing my way across the lines of his muscular chest and down to his chiseled abs. There wasn't an inch of him that I didn't want to kiss or taste as I slid myself further down his body. I had just reached the point right above his belly button when his hands gently cupped my face and guided my gaze to his.

"Bella, you don't have to," he started but I shook my head.

"I want to," I whispered to him as I looked up at him through my eye lashes and placed a kiss just above his belly button.

"I don't think I can be quiet enough for you to do that," he muttered breathlessly. I grinned at him as I slid down even further, hooking two fingers in the waistband of his pants.

"Bite a pillow," I whispered before pulling the blanket over me. He chuckled and I heard the plop of the pillow as he dropped it over his head.

I kissed my way across his stomach, just above the waist band of his pants that had been slung low on his hips before inching them down. He lifted himself up slightly to help me and as soon as they were out of the way, I settled myself between his legs. I had seen Edward's massive erection on a few occasions since we had been together, but I had never tried to do this before. I was honestly worried about whether or not I would even be able to fit him in my mouth, much less anywhere else, as I wrapped my hand around his shaft.

His hips bucked up the second I enclosed my fingers around him, followed shortly after by a muffled "sorry" that caused me to chuckle lightly. I was completely unsure of what I was doing, or even if I would do it right as I swirled my tongue around his head and then kissed it. I figured I was doing something right at least as I heard a muffled gasp followed by a moan.

I slowly took him into my mouth and enclosed my lips around him before pulling my head back up. I was barely able to get more than half of it in my mouth. I continued bobbing my head up and down, sucking and licking each time I came back up.

Edward was panting heavily and muttering something unintelligible into the pillow and I smiled briefly as I picked up my pace. I used some of the moisture from my mouth to lubricate my hand as I used it to work the part of his length that I couldn't fit into my mouth. I mimicked the movements of my head with my hand, causing him to emit a very loud but muffled groan as his fingers weaved into my hair, guiding my pace gently.

"Bella...Bella... love, pull back," he muttered breathlessly as he tried to lift my head with one hand. I shook my head gently and lowered my head once more. Moments after, his body tensed and his erection twitched in my mouth, erupting his orgasmic fluid into the back of my mouth.

It was hot, thick, slightly salty, and slightly sweet, and I had no idea what to do with it. I realized then why he was trying to pull my head away. I stilled for just a moment as I tried to figure out my next move. It didn't exactly taste bad, although the thickness wasn't all that appealing, so I just swallowed it. I would have felt like an ass jumping up and running to the bathroom to spit it out, and somewhere I reasoned with myself that he had swallowed part of me as well.

I made sure that I cleaned him off and helped him back into his sleep pants before climbing back up to him. The wide lazy grin on his face was a marvelous sight as I made my way from under the blanket. He quickly wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest as he chuckled.

"What's so funny?" I whispered to him with a grin of my own.

"I can't believe you swallowed my spunk," he chuckled as he shook his head. I wrinkled my nose at him and shook my head.

"Did you have to call it that?" I whispered to him with a disgusted expression.

"What do you want me to call it? Jizz? Baby batter? Man pudding?" he chortled and I grimaced even more.

"Okay, okay...spunk it is," I whispered as he continued to chuckle silently.

"Sorry...I'm sorry. I think Emmett wore off on me with the names of it. Those were the least vulgar of his collection," he muttered apologetically.

"I don't even want to know," I whispered as I shook my head and settled myself next to him.

"Trust me, half of it I wouldn't even dare mention. I don't know how Rosalie puts up with it honestly," he said thoughtfully.

"She's just as bad," I whispered as I chuckled.

"What?" he asked as he turned and looked at me curiously.

"She's just as bad with stuff like that," I whispered to him as I wrinkled my nose.

"When did you find that out?" he asked with a shocked expression.

"That girls night we had.... after the fair," I whispered honestly.

"What did you guys talk about all night?" he asked with sincere curiosity.

"All of you," I chuckled as I whispered.

"Like what?" he asked incredulously.

"Everything," I whispered and laughed silently at his expression.

"You didn't mention anything about us... did you?" he asked seeming truly worried. I shook my head to him.

"No. They tried, but I wouldn't," I replied honestly. I almost laughed as I watched the relief wash across his features.

"Good, because I didn't mention anything that night either. Jazz and Em pestered me all night but I didn't tell them a thing," he said sincerely and I smiled brightly at him.

"Thank you," I whispered sincerely as I tilted my head up to kiss him.

"Same to you," he chuckled before pressing his lips against mine.

"So she's really just as bad as Emmett huh?" he chuckled as he pulled away. I snorted and nodded to him.

"Alice, too," I chuckled.

"Are you _serious_?" he asked as his eyebrows shot up. I laughed silently and nodded as I pulled away from him.

'Between the two of them I'm surprised my face ever returned to its pale complexion. I heard way more than I ever wanted to about the four of them.' I signed to him as I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"That's just wrong. What you and I do together is amazing and beautiful and completely _private_. I could _never _share any of it with anyone. I have to constantly drown Emmett out when he starts going on his rants about his romps with Rosalie. I have absolutely no desire to picture either of them in that way," he grumbled and I laughed silently.

'I feel the same way. I had no desire to know that Emmett has a birthmark that looks like Smokey the Bear's head on his butt, but now it's seared into my brain.' I signed as I laughed.

"Oh God, she didn't! I can't believe she told you that!" he cried out in a mix of disbelief and amusement.

'You knew?' I signed to him with a curious expression.

"Unfortunately, yes. A few years ago Emmett went through a mooning stage and he constantly pulled his pants down to moon anyone he could. I saw it more times than I care to admit, and he even pointed out what he thought the birthmark looked like," he chortled as I clutched my sides with my silent laughter.

"EDWARD ANTHONY! IT'S ELEVEN THIRTY! GET YOUR REAR-END IN BED AND LET BELLA SLEEP!" Liz hollered up the stairs and we stopped laughing immediately.

"I'M GOING!" he hollered back and then grinned at me.

"Shhh," he chuckled as he pulled the blanket over us.

"Edward," I chuckled as I whispered.

"What?" he whispered back.

"Go to bed," I whispered.

"I'm in bed," he huffed as he pulled me up against him.

"Your own bed, before we get in trouble," I whispered to him as I tried to push him away.

"I don't wanna," he groaned and snuggled up to me again.

"Edward," I whispered as I looked at him disapprovingly. I felt horrible because I really didn't want him to leave, but he had to. I'd hate for Liz to get angry at us.

"Alright, alright. Are you sure you're going to be alright here by yourself?" he asked worriedly. I smiled and nodded to him reassuringly. He gave me one last kiss before climbing out of the bed and handing me my iPod.

"I love you. I'm right across the hall if you need anything," he said sincerely as he bent down to kiss me.

"I love you too. Goodnight," I whispered to him as he pulled back.

"GOODNIGHT MOM!" he hollered down the steps as he shut my door and I laughed silently as I shut off the lamp on the nightstand.

The second I was shrouded in darkness, I tensed and immediately realized that I had forgotten to pack my electric candle. As my eyes acclimated to the darkness, I calmed myself by the moonlight floating in through the window in the room. The room was darker than I was used to, but it wasn't completely pitch black. I figured it was enough to at least get me through the night, and I would stop by my house the next day after school to grab my candle.

I loaded my melody on my iPod and put it on repeat as I put the head phones in my ears, and I fell asleep somewhere during the second repeat of the song. I swear I started to dream as soon as I drifted off, and it wasn't pretty, not that I had expected it to be.

It started out the same as all the rest of my nightmares. In Phoenix, in that cramped hidden room, and quickly moved to when I woke up in the closet. It raced through my being dragged down the stairs, but that's when it changed. I was no longer in Phoenix, I was in Forks... at my house, and it wasn't my parents in the living room. It was Carlisle and Esme.

I woke with a start as my eyes burst open and I shot straight up in the bed. It was pitch black, and before I could stop myself, or even become aware of what was happening, I let out a blood curdling scream... shrouding myself in a completely different kind of darkness.

EPOV

After yelling goodnight to my mother, I quickly crossed the hall and slid into my own bed. I laid there for a while just hoping that Bella would be able to sleep comfortably throughout the night. A half hour passed, and my eyes drifted closed after seeing that it was midnight on the clock next to me. She hadn't come into my room, so I figured she had already fallen asleep.

Within moments I was out cold, only to be startled out of a dead sleep by a scream that chilled me to the bone. I shot straight out of my bed, cursing under my breath as I stumbled toward my bedroom door and launched myself into the hallway, colliding immediately with my father. I quickly maneuvered around him and hurried into the guest room, petrified of what I would find.

As soon as I opened the door, I wanted to kick myself for not remembering her candle. It was pitch black, and had I not known my way around the room, I wouldn't have been able to find the lamp next to the bed. I clicked the lamp on quickly and braced myself for what I was sure I would see.

"Oh, Bella," I croaked.

My heart sank as I took in her sweat matted hair, and petrified expression. A single tear still making its way down her flushed cheek, but her gaze was frozen straight ahead. I carefully ran my fingertips over her eyes, closing her eyelids and lifted her into my arms as I sat down on the bed. I looked up toward the doorway to see my parents stunned into silence as they took in the scene in front of them.

"It's alright. She'll be fine. This isn't the first time this has happened," I tried to assure them, but my voice came out broken.

"I thought Esme was exaggerating," my mother sobbed as my father stood stone still with an unwavering gaze. I shook my head to her.

"No... she wasn't," I admitted sadly as I tried to make Bella as comfortable as possible.

"Is there anything I can do?" she asked as she came and sat on the bed in front of us. I looked at her sadly and shook my head.

"No, she'll be fine when she wakes up from it. Mom, I'm not leaving her alone in here anymore. It's a strange room to her, and with everything that's going on right now, I'm not surprised that her nightmares are coming back full force. Either she stays in my room with me, or I stay in here with her. She can't be alone in here. I can't let this happen to her every single night while Carlisle and Esme are away," I said to her as I pleaded with my eyes for her to agree to this. She hesitated for a moment as she looked at Bella and then nodded.

"Okay... okay. I can't stand to see her like this. If that will keep her from being like this, then we'll allow it," she sputtered as tears fell from her eyes.

"Dad?" I asked, wanting to make sure he was alright with this as well. He finally broke his gaze from Bella and looked at me with a pained expression as he nodded slightly.

"Are you sure she's going to be alright? We don't need to bring her to a hospital or anything? How often does this happen to her?" he rambled as he slowly crossed the room.

"She'll be fine whenever she wakes up, but I'm not sure when that will be. We found a way to keep her from completely freezing up, but it wouldn't have stopped this from happening right now. I would have had to have been in the room and awake to have stopped it. Esme once told me that in the beginning she could be this way for up to ten hours or so. I'm not sure how long this will last as she hasn't had a full attack in weeks. Carlisle said that during the time when we were apart between October and April was when she would end up this way the most frequently. He said it was almost nightly for a while," I responded sincerely.

"What do they do when it happens?" he asked worriedly.

"Either Esme or Carlisle, or both, would sleep in the bed with her, so that she wouldn't wake up alone. They had a few incidents where she woke up and panicked because she thought she was alone and she froze up again. I don't think that will happen again, but with her not being familiar with being here I can't be sure," I replied quickly.

"Should we call them and let them know?" my mother asked. I nodded to her before I spoke.

"I'll call them in the morning," I replied as I shifted slightly in the bed.

"Are you both going to be alright to go to school, or should I call the school in the morning?" she asked worriedly.

"I don't know. As long as she wakes up from this early enough, we should be able to make it to school," I assured her.

"What about you though? Edward, it's nearly four am," my father said concernedly.

"I'll be fine. I've gone to school on less sleep than I've already gotten tonight. Mom, can you get me a washcloth? She's covered in sweat," I asked as I pushed some of her soaked hair away from her face. She nodded and got up off the bed. She came back moments later and handed me a warm wet cloth and I gently passed it over her face, neck, and arms.

"Do you need anything else?" she asked as I passed her back the rag.

"No, we'll be fine. Can you just wake me up at six though? There's no alarm clock in here," I asked as I laid Bella back against the pillows next to me.

"Are you sure? You only missed one day of school this year. It's not a big deal if you stay home today," she said sincerely. I smiled slightly at her.

"Are you trying to convince me to play hookie?" I joked. She chuckled and shot me a look.

"Don't be ridiculous. You know I would never condone that behavior under different circumstances," she said as she quirked an eyebrow at me. I chuckled quietly.

"I know you wouldn't. Just wake me up at six and we'll figure it out from there. You guys should try to get some sleep," I said sincerely as I looked between her and my father.

"Don't worry about us, Edward. I don't have to be at the office until eleven, and your mother can take a nap at any point during the day if she needs to. Try and get a little more rest tonight, alright?" my father replied softly.

"Goodnight, dear," my mother said as she kissed my forehead. She leaned over me and ran her fingers through Bella's hair just once, moving it away from her forehead before kissing her forehead as well.

"Get some rest, Edward," my father said as my mother joined him.

"See ya in a few hours," I chuckled as turned the light off and laid down next to Bella, pulling the blanket up over us.

I pulled her against my chest and held her tightly to me as I hummed to her. It didn't matter if she couldn't hear me, it somehow soothed me just knowing that I was doing it for her. I laid there for a period of time, just thinking about everything that had happened over the past few days. It killed me to know how hard of a time she'd been having over the past few days.

Ever since that therapy session, it's been nothing but a roller coaster of emotions for her. Between her breakdown during that session, Esme and Carlisle's confession, finding out about the parole hearing, and her nightmare tonight, I wasn't sure how much more she could take. That's not even taking what Billy might have to say into consideration. Before I finally fell asleep, I could only come up with one certainty in everything. There was going to be some really rough roads ahead of us in the very near future.

* * *

**AN: Okay so there's over 500 people that have alerted this story and I get about 12 reviews a chapter on average. Come on people... we can do better than that. Help me out a little here. It only takes a minute and I'll love you forever for it ^_^ R&R Please and Thank you! Much love to you all! ~Jersey~**


	67. Playing Hookie & Breaking and Entering

**AN: I just want to say thank you all so much for being so supportive of my decision to cut back the posting frequency of this story. I'm trying to work my way through the end of this story so that once it's completed and I'm happy with all of it, I can post the chapters in rapid-fire sequence. I'm desperately hoping to have this done before the 2nd week of April as I'm being taken hostage by my family for a 2 week vacation...where I'll unfortunately have no internet. I know...they suck, but apparently they've had enough of me moping around in the absence of my little man Kane. (My dog). For those of you who are wondering..he's still missing. Anyways.. onward with this weeks update. ENJOY!**

**PS. HOLY DOODIE! THIS CHAPTER PUTS THIS STORY OVER 400,000 WORDS! CRIKEY!!!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I still don't own it.. SM reigns Queen Supreme of the Twilight world!**

* * *

Playing Hookie & Breaking and Entering

EPOV

"Edward..." someone whispered while shaking my shoulder.

"Hm?" I hummed lightly as I pulled Bella closer to me.

"Edward, wake up honey," the whisper came again, and I realized a few moments later that it was my mother.

"Is it really six already?" I mumbled as I turned slightly and cracked my eyes open.

"It's six thirty. I've been trying to wake you for a half hour," he said quietly as she brushed my hair away from my eyes.

"Crap," I muttered as I turned back to Bella and shook her shoulder. "Bella.... Bella, wake up." Nothing.

"Bella," I said a bit louder as I continued to gently shake her. "Love, wake up." Again... nothing. I turned back toward my mother and shook my head.

"It doesn't look like we're going today," I said as I rested my head against the pillows and yawned.

"Okay, I'll call the school in a little bit for both of you. Do you want me to call Esme for you?" she asked quietly as she shifted on the bed.

"No, it's alright. I'll call them in a few hours. Their flight hasn't even landed in Phoenix yet," I replied as I rubbed my eyes furiously.

"Alright. Go back to sleep. You need it," she said as she kissed my forehead and raised from the bed.

I nodded to her and moved to lift myself from the bed to fetch my phone from my room. Once I had it in hand, I quickly scrolled through my contacts list and called Emmett. He answered on the third ring.

"This better be good, bro. My alarm wasn't set to go off for another fifteen minutes," he grumbled into the phone. I stifled a chuckle quickly as I sat on my bed.

"Sorry, man. Bella and I aren't going to be in school today. She had a panic attack in the middle of the night," I said, trying to make my voice as calm as possible.

"_Shit_ . Is she alright? Did Alice call you or something?" he asked quickly as I heard him shuffle in his bed, probably sitting up.

"She'll be fine, and no, Alice didn't call. Bella's staying with us for a little while. Carlisle and Esme had to make a sudden trip to Phoenix," I replied honestly.

"What the hell for? Edward... is everything alright? Why would they need to go to _Phoenix_?" he asked worriedly. I sighed and tried to think of a way to explain everything to him without causing him to freak out.

"Edward... what the hell is going on?" he asked again. I hadn't realized how long I had gone without answering him.

"Em, dude. Sit down. You're gonna pace a hole in your floor. Everything will be fine. Carlisle and Esme had to go there because some of the men that did that shit to Bella and her family are facing a parole hearing..." I didn't get much further before he snapped.

I knew I should have kept my mouth shut. I _knew _it, but I also knew that it would have come up at one point or another over the next however many days or weeks that they were away. One of us would have had to tell Alice what was going on, being that she lived right next door and all. Of course Alice would then tell Jasper who, no doubt, would tell Emmett and then both of them would confront me about not having said anything to them. This whole thing was a mess.

I spent the better part of a half hour explaining everything to him as best I could, trying to alleviate his frantic worrying, and dreading both Alice and Jasper's reactions. If Emmett was freaking out that badly, I could only imagine how the other two would react to the news.

I asked him to relay what was happening to both Jasper and Alice, and asked him if he would mind picking up our school assignments from the administration office at the end of the day. He said it wouldn't be a problem, and that they'd all see us after school. I thanked him and hung up, dreading the call with Alice shrieking on the other end that was sure to come within the next half hour or so. I made a quick trip to the bathroom and brushed my teeth before heading down to the kitchen.

My head was pounding and I knew it was only going to get worse very soon. The house was so quiet that I almost catapulted myself through the ceiling as I was digging through the cabinet looking for some type of pain reliever when my father called my name from behind me.

"_Jesus_ , you scared the hell out of me," I muttered breathlessly as I tried to calm my erratic heartbeat.

"Sorry," he chuckled. "What are you looking for?" he asked curiously.

"Asprin, Motrin, anything that will take away my headache really. What are you doing up so early?" I asked as I continued my search, the sound of my pounding pulse fading from my hearing.

"I couldn't sleep so I came down to call the office and let them know I won't be in today. There's some Ibuprofin on the second shelf behind the cough syrup," he said as he poured himself a cup of coffee. I found the bottle and took two out before putting it back in the cabinet and grabbing a glass from the dishwasher.

"Drinking coffee won't help you there, Pops," I chuckled as I filled the glass with water.

"I don't think anything will help with that right now," he mumbled and I turned to face him.

"What's on your mind?" I asked as my brow furrowed.

" Bella. It's just that even with all the research that I helped Carlisle with that time, I never expected it to be like _that_," he said as he pointed aimlessly at the ceiling.

"Yeah, I know. I didn't know what to think of it the first time I saw it either. She'll be alright though, Dad. You'll see," I said reassuringly.

"I'm aware of that, son, seeing as how this has happened before to her and she's still up and walking around. It still doesn't make it any easier to witness. I'm proud of you, Edward. It isn't easy for someone your age to deal with situations like this. Hell, it isn't easy for someone of any age to deal with situations like this," he said sadly.

"Thanks, Pop. It'll all work out eventually. She's in therapy now, and I think that's going to help her a lot. I'm just really worried about what it's going to do to her when she finds out the truth about what happened those years ago," I replied sincerely.

"You know, a few years ago I tried to figure that out. I just found it so _odd_ that there hadn't been a funeral or really any type of news coverage about it here in Forks. Charlie was the Chief of Police for Christ's sake. The whole town respected and admired him. It just didn't make any sense that nothing was ever aired about it, so I tried to look into it," he said with a frustrated expression.

"Did you ever find anything?" I asked curiously as I sat down next to him.

"Damn near nothing. There was a short article in a Phoenix newspaper that was dated a few weeks after they had moved, but I'm still unsure if it was about them or not. All it really said was that a family had fallen victim to a botched robbery attempt, but it didn't mention any names or anything. I kept searching for any type of follow up article that would provide more information, but I never found one. I even went through all of the news articles from here around that time, and there was nothing. Not a single article or mentioning about the death of Charlie or Renee," he said with a pensive look. He sat and thought quietly for a minute before turning his gaze back to me.

"Whatever happened, someone did a _damn_ good clean up job, because stuff like thatdoesn't just slip by the media," he said as he looked at me intently.

"Dad, you... you don't think Charlie was involved in anything illegal do you?" I asked hesitantly.

"Straight edge Charlie? Hell no. I don't think he ever so much as broke a speed limit," he chuckled.

"I just wish I knew what the hell really happened. There's so many things that just don't add up at all," I muttered.

"We all wish we had the answers, Edward. Try not to focus so much on the missing pieces, son. You'll drive yourself insane. She's alive, and in good physical health, and we have to be thankful for being granted that much," he said sincerely.

"I'll try. It won't be easy, but I'll try not to focus so much on what's missing," I said as I nodded to him.

"When does school let out for summer?" he asked with a curious expression. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at him in confusion.

"Two weeks, why?" I asked simply.

"Your mother and I were thinking of going on a vacation for a few weeks. We've all been under an incredible amount of stress recently, and we thought it would be good for all of us to be able to unwind. What do you think?" he asked sincerely. I thought about it for a minute and then shrugged.

"I think it'd be great to be able to get away for a bit, but there's no way I can go without Bella. I'd be more stressed out on vacation away from her than if I just stayed here with her. Not to mention that she just started therapy, and there's no way I can let myself be the reason for her not going to her appointments," I replied honestly and he chuckled as he shook his head.

"That's not what I meant, son. I was talking about one of those group vacations that we used to take, but I see your point about the therapy. It would probably be best to put it off for a while. Maybe we can plan something towards the end of summer," he said and I nodded.

"I hope everyone can go. It'd be great to be able to have a group vacation before Emmett goes off to college and Jasper joins the military," I said as I started to get excited over the idea of it.

"Edward, if this actually happens there are going to be rules. Your mother and I cannot handle the six of you running around buck wild," he said sternly and I laughed.

"I'd expect nothing less," I laughed.

"I'm not too worried about you or Bella, or really even Jasper for that matter, but Emmett and Rosalie are a whole different story. Those two can get into trouble quicker than I can blink my eyes. I'm not sure about Alice though. I don't really know her all that well aside from what your mother has said," he said as he shook his head.

"How are you going to be able to get away from the office for more than a week? And Carlisle from the hospital for that matter?" I asked curiously.

"Don't worry about that, son. I have a tremendous amount of vacation time saved up, and I'm sure Carlisle can pull some strings to make it possible for himself and Esme. Sometimes it pays to be the Chief," he chuckled and I nodded.

"Anyway, I really need to call the office, and then I'm going to try and get some more sleep," he said as he stood.

"Okay. I'm gonna head back upstairs," I said as I stood as well. He nodded to me and turned to get the phone as I made my trek back up the stairs and into my room.

It was only a little after seven thirty, and I still had about another two hours before I could call Esme. I set the alarm on my phone and set it on the nightstand before slipping back into the bed with Bella. She hadn't moved an inch since I left the room. I pulled her back up against my chest and shut my eyes, hoping to get a little more sleep.

Three hours later, I awoke to the alarm on my phone. I quickly silenced it and checked on Bella. She was still out cold, and I didn't want to disturb her so I lifted myself from the bed and went into my room to call Esme. She picked up on the first ring sounding worried.

"Edward? What happened?" she said frantically. It sounded like they were still in the airport with all of the voices and noises that I could hear in the background.

"Esme, everything is alright. Bella had a nightmare and woke up screaming. She froze up, but I think she's just sleeping now. She doesn't feel as stiff as she was before," I said calmly.

"Oh, dear. I knew I should have stayed," she said with a trembling voice.

"Esme, it's alright really. I just wanted to let you know that we're staying home from school today," I said reassuringly.

"Are you sure you don't need me to come home? What if this happens again? I knew this was going to affect her this way," she rambled quickly as I heard Carlisle in the background trying to figure out what was going on.

"No, Esme. It's fine, I promise. We forgot to pack her candle, and I think waking up in the dark pushed her over the edge. I'm going to run to the house today to grab it," I replied quickly.

"You're sure?" she asked warily.

"Yes, Esme. I'm positive," I chuckled and listened as she filled Carlisle in on what was going on.

"Okay, Edward. Tell Bella we love her and miss her, and please ask her to send me a text as soon as she wakes up. Carlisle's giving me the stink eye because some old lady just hit him with her handbag at the luggage carousel," she laughed and I joined in.

"I will, Esme. Tell Carlisle I said to stop harassing the little old ladies in the airport. Their handbags can be lethal," I chuckled.

"Good gracious, _you're _just as bad as he is!" she chortled and I laughed.

"Alright, I have to go help Carlisle get this lady's bags off the carousel so she'll stop hitting him," she said quickly.

"Will do. I'll talk to you later, Esme," I said quickly. She said goodbye and I ended the call.

I quickly made my way back into the guest room and slid back into the bed. I wasn't really all that tired anymore, so I just relaxed and ran my fingers through Bella's hair as I laid next to her. Some time around noon she began to stir and I waited patiently for her to awake.

"Good afternoon, Sunshine," I said quietly as her eyes fluttered open. She looked around quickly and pouted before turning her eyes back to me.

"I'm sorry," she whispered remorsefully.

"It's alright, love. How are you feeling?" I asked concernedly.

"Achy," she whispered softly as she curled further into me. I rubbed her arms and back and kissed the top of her head.

"I called Esme earlier. She said to tell you that they love you and miss you, and she wants you to send her a message as soon as you wake up," I said quietly.

"Thank you," she whispered before she yawned and I passed her cell phone to her. She immediately sent a text message and then closed it. She placed it on the bed next to me and wrapped her arm around me.

"You should have gone to school," she whispered as she tightened her hold on me.

"Bella, I wasn't about to leave you here alone after last night. We're all playing hookie today," I chuckled and she looked up at me in confusion.

"My dad stayed home from work too," I said with a slight smile.

"Oh," she whispered as her eyes drifted down toward the blanket.

"Don't feel guilty. It's not your fault that happened last night," I said sincerely and she shot me a look before rolling her eyes.

"It's not, Bella. You didn't know it was going to happen, and neither did any of us. Look on the bright side, you have an extra day to finish all those assignments that you didn't get the chance to yesterday," I said soothingly.

She shrugged and nodded and put her head back down, reaching for her phone as it chirped next to me. I continued to run my fingers through her hair for a while as she and Esme sent messages back and forth to each other. Bella's stomach growled and she stiffened as I chuckled and patted her side.

"Why don't you go take a shower and I'll make us something to eat," I offered quickly. She nodded and gave me a quick kiss before heading off into the bathroom. I quickly lifted myself from the bed and made my way downstairs.

"Hey, mom. Where are you heading off to?" I asked curiously as I spotted her fully dressed and heading out of the kitchen with her purse in hand.

"Your father and I are going grocery shopping. Do you need anything while we're out?" she asked.

"I'm almost out of toothpaste, and body wash. Other than that I'm good," I replied quickly.

"Soap and toothpaste, got it. Is there anything special that Bella likes to eat?" she asked curiously.

"Yeah, can you pick up some chocolate chips? She loves chocolate chip pancakes," I said quickly with a smile as I put a plan together to make her breakfast in bed on Saturday morning.

"Okay. We'll be back soon," she said as she kissed my cheek and headed for the door.

"We'll be here," I said as I made my way into the kitchen.

"Oh!" she called out and I spun around to face her with a questioning look.

"I made turkey and swiss paninis for lunch. Just put them on the panini grill for a few minutes after it warms up if you want them," she said with a smile. I nodded and thanked her and continued on my way into the kitchen.

I toasted the sandwiches and plated them with some chips. Bella was just coming down the stairs as I sat down at the island counter, and I smiled at her as I patted the seat next to me.

"We have milk, water, soda, and juice. What do you want to drink?" I asked as I stood from my seat. She twisted her lips to the side for a second as she thought.

"Coke if you have it," she whispered as she took her seat. I got her drink and kissed her temple as I set it in front of her before taking my seat.

I rinsed our dishes and put them in the dishwasher when we were finished eating and returned to my seat next to her.

"What do you want to do until everyone gets out of school?" I asked as I played with her fingers. She grinned widely and I chuckled as I waited for her to answer.

"Will you play for me?" she whispered hopefully. I chuckled and nodded and led the way toward the front room.

I took my seat at the bench and pulled her down in between my legs. She rested her head against my shoulder and I started to play. It felt so good just having her so close to me, and I let that feeling flow into my fingers so she could hear it, and hopefully feel it as well. I closed my eyes and let the music flow from me freely as I relished in our closeness.

For once, there were no undertones of sadness, frustration, or despair. The melody was delicate and moving, and filled with my love for her. It was incredibly sweet, just like my beautiful Bella. I continued to let my fingers caress the keys on the piano until I felt her shift slightly. I opened my eyes and looked to her.

"I love you," she whispered as she brushed a single tear away.

"I love you too, my Bella," I said softly before kissing her. She chuckled silently as I pulled away and I grinned at her.

"What's so funny?" I asked curiously.

"I love when you say my Bella," she whispered with a smile and my grin widened even further. I kissed her chastely a few times and pulled away.

"I should really take a shower. It's almost two thirty. Em, Jazz, and Alice will be here soon," I said quickly as I noted the time on the grandfather clock in the corner of the room. She smiled slightly and nodded as she stood from the bench.

"How about if I grab your book bag and you start on what was left of your other assignments while I shower?" I offered quickly. She nodded and headed into the living room while I ran up the stairs to get her bag. As soon as she was settled I headed back up to take a quick shower and change.

I pulled on a white t-shirt and black cargo shorts and headed back down the stairs with my own book bag. She was working on the biology packet as I sat down next to her and she looked up at me.

"When is this due?" she asked in a whisper as she held up her packet.

"Tomorrow, but we get it back as a study guide on Monday with corrections for anything we get wrong on it," I replied quickly and she nodded as she started working on it once again. I had just pulled out my French homework that I hadn't gotten the chance to do when the doorbell rang. I knew it was the gang, so I didn't even bother getting up. I just hollered for them to come in, and they did.

"Honeys, we're home!" Emmett bellowed as he walked into the entryway. Bella and I chuckled silently as we looked in his direction.

"In the living room dear!" I hollered back in a horrible impression of a woman's voice, sending Bella into silent hysterics, and causing a roar of laughter to float in from the hallway.

"What's with the doorbell, bro? You haven't used that since you were like ten," I chuckled and Emmett just shrugged.

"Didn't want to walk in on anything," he chuckled as he waggled his eyebrows and Bella gasped as she blushed.

"Oh for shit's sake, Emmett. They wouldn't have been in the living room in the middle of the day if they were up to anything anyhow," Alice said quickly as she pushed her way passed the oaf and headed straight for Bella. She plopped down right next to her and looked at her carefully.

"Are you okay?" she asked worriedly. Bella smiled and nodded to her.

"What happened?" Alice asked hurriedly.

"Nightmare," Bella whispered quickly in reply and Alice nodded.

"We brought home all of your school work for you both. Angela and Ben say hi and they hope you're okay. She wants to get together for pizza after school tomorrow if you're up for it," Alice said quickly and Bella nodded.

'We can do that before Edward and I go to that group meeting thing.' she signed quickly.

"You're going?!" Alice chirped excitedly and Bella grimaced slightly as she nodded.

"It'll be okay, Bella. We can all go with you if you want us to," she offered encouragingly.

'No. Maybe after I get more used to the idea of it you can all come along.' Bella signed in reply with an apologetic expression.

"Okay. Rosalie wanted to go out to a movie tomorrow night. Maybe we can do that afterwards?" Alice asked as she looked between Bella and I.

"Sounds good," Bella whispered quickly and they all nodded.

"Alright, bro. So here's the deal, you have a packet of Calculus homework that's not due until next Wednesday, nothing from biology except that study guide packet thing, Mr. Levine said you didn't miss much of anything, you have a test tomorrow in history, your final term paper in English is due next Friday, and there's a few pages of something in your French workbook that the teacher wrote down. Coach Clapp said to remind you of the championship game next Saturday in Seattle, and we have practice every day next week. I told him that you wouldn't be able to make it on Tuesday because you had a doctor's appointment. I didn't tell him anything else," Emmett said as he put my books and assignments down in front of me and sat on the floor on the other side of the coffee table.

"Thanks, man. I appreciate it," I said sincerely.

"No biggie. How are we doing this Seattle thing? Most of the guys are going up the night before with chaperons since our game starts at eleven. It's the final game, dude, you can't miss it," Em said seriously.

"I'll talk to my mom about it. Maybe we can all go up the night before and she'll stay with us. Was Coach Clapp mad that I won't be at the practice on Tuesday?" I asked nervously.

"Nah. He said it wasn't a big deal as long as you made it to the other ones," he said as he waved off my concern.

"Bella? Do you want to go up to Seattle with us if we spend the night up there or would you rather stay with Alice?" I asked, hoping that she would want to go to the game.

"Seattle, Alice can come too," she whispered excitedly. I chuckled and nodded as Alice squealed.

"I'm so happy you want to go! Jasper invited me to go up with them but I didn't want to say yes until I was sure you wanted to go too," she said excitedly and Bella laughed silently.

'So what did I get for homework?' Bella signed after they had calmed down.

"Um, Mrs. Guy sent home a few papers with some of those dumb decoding poetry assignments, you have a quiz tomorrow in Spanish, nothing new in math but Mr. Varner said you have a test on Monday, Mrs. Morelli said she hopes you feel better soon and to remind you to study for the final exam but she didn't start any new material, nothing new in biology, and old bag Olga has us sketching fruit for the remainder of the year," Alice replied as she chuckled and shook her head at the end.

"Thanks, Alice," Bella whispered as she smiled.

"No problem," Alice chirped as she took out her own homework and settled down at the edge of the table.

We all settled in to work on our school work, and about an hour later my parents walked through the front door. Emmett, Jasper, and I quickly got up to help them with the groceries as Alice and Bella continued working on their assignments.

"Thank you, boys," my mother said graciously as she put her purse down on the table by the door.

"Hey, when all the groceries are put up we want to talk to all of you," my father called out to us and I nodded as Emmett and Jasper looked between my father and I curiously.

"It's probably about the group vacation they want to plan," I said as I started putting some of the groceries away.

"Sweet," Jasper said with a wide grin. "Where to?" he asked quickly.

"I'm not sure. They wanted to go right after school ended, but with Bella just starting therapy we decided to put it off until maybe the end of summer," I said as I put the loaf of bread in the bread box.

"No friggin way!" Emmett bellowed. "We haven't been on one of those kinds of vacations in forever!"

"God, do you guys remember that first vacation our parents took us on after Bella came back?" Jasper asked as he shook his head and stared at the floor.

"Yeah... it lasted all of what? Two and a half days, before our parents dragged us all home," I replied as I thought back to those horrible days at our old camping grounds.

"Dude, that was totally your fault. You did nothing but fight with Newton every time he crossed your path!" Emmett boomed.

"That's because every time the stupid shit passed me, he'd say something about Bella," I retorted defensively.

"He only did that to get under your skin, Edward, and you fell for it every time," Jasper chuckled.

"What the hell ever, Jazz. You can't tell me that you didn't take a swing or about ten at him those two days either," I said as I quirked an eyebrow in his direction.

"Oh I did... but Emmett and I were smart enough to drag his ass off to the woods first," he chuckled.

"OYE! LANGUAGE IN THE KITCHEN!" my mother hollered and I cringed.

"SORRY!" we all called back instantly as we grimaced at each other.

We finished putting the groceries away and joined everyone else in the living room. My mother shook her finger at me and I held my hands up in front of me.

"Sorry...sorry," I said quickly as I sat down beside Bella who was trying to hide her amusement.

"Alright everyone. Liz and I are thinking of planning a vacation this summer for everyone," my father got out and Alice squealed loudly as she held onto Bella and bounced excitedly. My father laughed and waited for her to calm down before he continued.

"We need all of you to talk to your parents about this and possibly get some ideas on where to go. Bella, are you okay with this idea?" he asked gently and she nodded to him with a smile.

"Can we go to Hawaii? I wanna go to a luau!" Emmett bellowed and my mother chuckled.

"Are you going to wear a grass skirt and hula, Em?" she asked playfully.

"Heck yeah! I'll even wear a coconut bra!" he laughed and we all shook our heads as we snickered.

"Dear Lord, we're going to have our hands full," my mother chuckled.

"Okay, you all talk about places you might want to go. Don't forget to talk to your parents sometime soon so we can all possibly start planning this excursion," my father said as he stood from his seat and my mother followed.

As soon as they were out of the room, we all started throwing out suggestions for possible vacation spots. Emmett was hells bent on Hawaii. He was completely sold on the luau idea, as well as wanting to surf one of those tube waves. Alice wanted to go on a cruise so she could shop at every island they stopped at. We all groaned in response, and Bella just chuckled silently and shook her head. Jasper thought it would be cool to head to Virginia and see some of the Civil War reenactments. Emmett scoffed at that and said there was no way in hell he was spending his vacation learning about the history of anything... unless it had to do with surf boards and hula dancing.

Bella and I remained pretty quiet throughout the whole ordeal, well I was quiet, she was silent. I think it didn't matter to either of us where we went or what we did, as long as we were all together. Once we had completed our assignments, we all headed outside and Alice and Bella lounged in some chairs in the sun as Jasper, Emmett and I tossed a ball around for a while.

Alice, Jasper, and Emmett all headed home after helping us clean up the remains of our dinner, and Bella and I took a quick run to her house to grab her candle. I wasn't about to let it go another night, and risk having her wake up in the dark and having a repeat of the night before if it was avoidable. She ran in quickly and grabbed it while I waited for her in the driveway. As soon as she was buckled in I pulled back out of the driveway and started to head back home.

"Do you want to watch a movie when we get home?" I asked as I started to turn into the entrance to our development.

"Edward," she whispered and I looked at her quickly.

"Yes, love?" I asked as worry started to creep up on me as I took in her expression.

"I wanna see my old house," she whispered hesitantly and I stopped the car.

"Are you sure?" I asked warily and she hesitated before she nodded as she gazed off in the direction of her old home.

"Bella, you don't have to..." I started but stopped when her gaze shot to me.

"I know. I want to though," she whispered quickly. I sighed and nodded as I took her hand in mine.

When we got to the end of the entrance, I turned left instead of right and navigated the car through the roads that I had traveled along too many times to count during the past few years while we were separated. She gasped and squeezed my hand as her home came into sight and I slowed the car as I pulled up to the curb in front of it.

It still looked the same as it did years ago, only it was dark and empty. No one had ever moved into it after her family had left, and her closest neighbors took it upon themselves to maintain the property while the house remained vacant. Bella moved to exit the car, and I followed quickly. She took my hand once again as we stood on the grass in front of her old home.

"No one ever moved into it?" she whispered as she looked up at me and I shook my head.

"No, love. It's been empty since you all left," I said honestly and she frowned as she took a hesitant step forward.

My eyebrows furrowed as I followed behind her up onto the front porch, and I watched as she stood up on the tips of her toes and ran her fingers over the door frame. When she pulled her hand down my heart broke at the expression on her face as she held a copy of the key to the front door and stared at it.

"Bella?" I said quietly and she looked up at me with a pained expression.

"Who owns it?" she whispered as a tear slipped from her eye.

"I don't know. It's never been for sale as far as I know," I replied as I wiped the tear away. She turned and put the key in the door with a shaky hand.

"Bella..." I said as I put a hand on her shoulder. Her returning look told me quickly not to argue with her or try to stop her as she turned the key.

She looked back at the door and took a deep breath as she turned the knob and the door opened. She took a hesitant step inside, and I followed, watching her carefully. I wasn't sure how being in the house would affect her, and I was desperately praying it wouldn't have the same affect as being in her father's truck had on her. She traced her hand across the coat pegs by the front door and slowly made her way into the house.

Everything was exactly as I had remembered it, minus most of their personal belongings. The only things that remained were some pieces of furniture and a few odds and ends that seemed to have been tossed about randomly. It only took one glance to know that they had left in a hurry.

Bella bypassed the kitchen and living room with only a quick glance before she started to head up the stairs slowly. On the fifth step she paused and sobbed lightly as she placed her foot all the way to the left of the staircase. I wasn't sure what that was about until I stepped in the middle of it and it creaked loudly, causing her step to falter and another soft sob to emit from her.

"Sorry," I whispered sincerely. She squeezed my hand and started climbing the stairs slowly again.

As we got to the top of the stairs, she paused and ran her hand lightly across the closed door of her parents' bedroom before resting it on the doorknob. She took another breath and held it as she opened the door and cautiously peered inside. I followed her in and shook my head as I took in the sight. Papers, clothes, and various belonging were strewn everywhere about the room. The closet door was open and some items were still hanging from the clothing rack.

Bella crossed the room and sat on the edge of her parents' bed as she took in every inch of the space with soft tears running down her face. I cautiously sat beside her and wrapped my arms around her.

"I'm sorry, love. I'm so sorry," I whispered as I held her tighter. She cried for a while longer before she moved to stand up once more. I followed silently as I held onto her hand. She closed the door behind us and then crossed the hall to her old bedroom. Unlike her parents' room, hers was completely empty with the exception of her bed, dresser, and nightstand.

She walked in and lightly ran her hand across the dresser with a blank expression. I could only assume that she was remembering her room as it once was, filled with all of her childhood possessions. Her gaze traveled around the room slowly, taking in the faded areas on the walls where she had once had music posters and pennants of Charlie's favorite sports teams. I stood in the doorway and watched her carefully, waiting for the next torrent of tears to start.

Bella climbed up onto the bed and sat cross legged in the middle, tracing the patterns on her mattress, blank expression still in place. That expression was bothering me more than any amount of her tears ever would. At least when she was crying I knew she was letting it out. I wasn't exactly sure what she was doing at the moment, or even what could have possibly been going through her mind. I approached her bed carefully and sat down right across from her, mimicking her pose.

"What are you thinking?" I asked quietly. The house was so quiet that even her gentle whispers would sound like a shout within these empty walls. She looked up at me and I immediately noticed the built up tears in her eyes that hadn't yet fallen.

"It's so quiet," she whispered as the tears finally spilled over. I nodded dumbly and looked around quickly before looking back at her.

"It was never like this," she whispered as she looked toward the doorway. "There was always some type of noise.... the sports games on the TV.... dad yelling at the TV.... mom's classical music when she was painting.... us running in and out of the house," she whispered, taking breaks in between her thoughts when she had to suppress the panic she felt. Her gaze had drifted off somewhere in the distance, and only came back to me when she had finished speaking.

"I don't know what to say, love. There's nothing that I can say that will make this any easier for you. You have so many memories here, and I know it's hard for you to sit here now and have it seem so different from what you remember, but it's just a house, Bella. It's walls and floors and windows. It doesn't hold your family. You hold your family in your heart, not within this house," I said softly as I held her hands.

"I was so angry with them," she whispered as she sobbed and held my hands tighter.

"When did you start being angry at them?" I asked gently, hoping that getting it out would help her somehow. I already pretty much knew when she had started being angry with them, and why she had been as well.

"When they said we were moving," she whispered and then sniffled. She pulled her hands back from mine, and I knew that she was going to start signing to me. It was going to be too hard for her to keep whispering with the emotions that were coursing through her.

'My mom came in here with boxes, and I took everything out that she was putting in them. She wouldn't even get mad at me, and that made me even more furious with them.' she signed as she sobbed.

"Bella, it's okay. They understood how difficult it was for you to leave everything and everyone you knew and cared about," I said soothingly and she shook her head quickly as she sobbed harder.

'It's not okay. It never went away. I stayed angry with them until the day they died. I hardly talked to them. They tried to celebrate my birthday and I pushed the cake onto the floor and kicked one of my birthday presents across the room before running back up to my bedroom. I was horrible to them. I didn't even care that I could hear my mom crying at night.' she signed brokenly.

"Bella, you were just upset and confused with why everything was happening. What angered you the most?" I asked as I tried to wipe her tears away.

'They wouldn't let me call any of you. They wouldn't let me write to any of you. They wouldn't even let me call my grandmother. They cut everything out of my life that I wanted and needed. I hated them for that, and I hated them even more when they tried buying things for me repeatedly to make up for it. It only made it worse for me. I only wanted to feel like I wasn't so alone anymore. They died thinking I hated them.' she signed and then dropped her head in her hands as she sobbed violently. I quickly pulled her into my arms and held her tightly.

"You were never alone. We thought about you constantly, and we missed you every minute of every day that you were gone. Your parents didn't die thinking that you hated them. They knew you loved them more than anything, and they knew that you were only angry with them because you never wanted to leave in the first place. They didn't want to leave either, Bella. They had to. I don't know why, but I do know that they would never have done that to you if they would have had any other possible option," I said reassuringly.

She cried for a little while longer, and I just held her to me tightly, rocking us from side to side. Her tears ended a lot sooner than I had ever expected them to. It was still fairly light outside, which I was thankful for at that moment. If it had been later in the year, it would have been dark already and we would have had a hell of a time finding our way out of the house without possibly hurting ourselves.

"We should go. Your mom will start worrying," she whispered and I nodded.

"Are you okay?" I asked in concern.

"Yeah, lets go," she whispered and sniffled as she wiped the tears from her face.

I lifted myself up off the bed and held her hand as she followed behind me. We made our way down the stairs, and I kept my eyes focused on the fifth step from the bottom so that I could avoid making it creak again as I stepped on it. We walked down the hallway and I was just about to reach for the door when she stopped suddenly and my arm was jerked back slightly. I turned around quickly to face her, and she was looking into the living room with her eyebrows pulled together. I followed her gaze and spotted a single cardboard box sitting next to the dusty couch.

"What is it, love?" I asked as I looked back at her. She looked up at me in confusion and shook her head before looking back at the box.

"I don't know," she whispered and then slowly walked towards it.

I followed behind her and remained standing as she sank down to the floor and appeared to debate on whether or not to open the box. She shook her head and let out a shaky breath as she pulled the tape from the box and opened the flaps with shaking hands. She gasped as she opened the box fully and peered inside of it.

"Oh my God," she whispered as she started digging through the box.

"What is it?" I asked curiously as I knelt down beside her.

"Our home movies," she whispered softly as a hint of a smile started to tug at the corner of her lips.

"What?" I asked in disbelief as I peered into the box.

"It's all of our home movies," she whispered as she smiled slightly wider and pulled one from the box. It was labeled as First Beach, June 2000. Bella would have been eight years old in that video, and depending on when in June it was, I would have been either nine or ten.

"Can we take them?" she whispered as she looked at me with an unsure expression.

"I don't see why not. They belong to your family. How about if we take them for now, so that at least they don't get lost, and we'll ask my dad about it when we get back?" I replied quickly.

I was hoping that there wouldn't be a problem with her keeping something that rightfully belongs to her even if the house belongs to someone else. I wasn't exactly sure if we were breaking and entering at that moment, and it wouldn't really be very good to add burglary to that as well. She nodded and put the tape back into the box and I lifted it. She opened the door for me and looked around slowly once more as I waited for her on the porch. She locked up the door, and placed the key back from where she had retrieved it, and together we made our way back to my car.

As I slid into the car, I had to admit that I felt like a common criminal that had just stolen something. I was entirely thankful that her house had been built somewhat isolated from the rest of the homes on the street. I had always wondered if they had meant to turn the end of the street into a cul-de-sac like the rest of the development streets had, but for some reason they never did. The street simply ended at her house, and there had never been any additional houses built across from it or in between her home and her nearest neighbor.

Within just a few minutes we were pulling into my garage, and we quickly got out. I retrieved the box, and Bella carried her candle as we made our way into the house in search of my father. He and my mother had been watching TV in the living room when I placed the box down on the coffee table and they both looked at it curiously.

"Where did you two go? I thought you were only running to Bella's house," my mother said as she leaned forward and shifted her gaze between the box and Bella and I.

"Please don't get mad. We went to Bella's old house on the way back from picking up her candle," I said with a pleading expression.

"Why would we get mad about that, son? Are you alright, Bella?" my father asked her worriedly. She nodded and smiled just slightly to him.

"Um..we kind of went inside of it," I said hesitantly.

"Edward, please tell me you didn't break into that house," he said as he ran his fingers through his hair. Bella smirked quickly as she caught that action and then bit her lip and looked away.

"No...well not really. Bella found the spare key above the door. I'm guessing her parents had always kept one there," I admitted as I stared at the floor.

"Guys," he sighed before looking up at us. "I don't even know who owns that house. You could have gotten in serious trouble tonight. Please don't do that again. It's one thing to look at it from the outside, but it's quite another to start walking through it without the owner's knowledge," he said sternly and we nodded to him.

"No one ever moved into it. It's been the same for years. Is it possible that it still belongs to Bella's family... well Bella?" I asked hesitantly.

"It's possible, but I can't be certain of that right now. I'll look into it when I get a chance to, but until then stay out of that house. Is that understood?" he said severely as he looked between Bella and I. Bella cringed slightly and tried to hide behind me.

"Ed," my mother chided and he looked at her. "Don't be like that. They didn't break into the house if she used a key that's been there for years, and she knew it was there."

"Liz, someone could have called the cops and then we would be down at the police station right now trying to bail them out. They could have gotten into serious trouble," he said as he pointed at us, but kept looking at her.

"What's the likelihood of someone buying that house and then never moving into it? Really, chances are it technically belongs to Bella and you're going to feel like an ass for acting this way when you figure that out," she said as she shook her head at him disapprovingly.

"Then I'll feel like an ass, Liz. At least I won't be sitting in the police station trying to get them out of handcuffs," he huffed and then looked at us.

"I don't mean to be harsh, but I really need you both to stay out of that house until I can be sure that you aren't breaking the law by being in there," he said calmly and we nodded to him. As if I hadn't disappointed him enough already, I had to brace myself to push my next statement from my lips, all the while praying that it wouldn't push him over the edge.

"Dad, we kind of took something from the house," I said as I squeezed Bella's hand.

"This just keeps getting better and better," he muttered as he shook his head. "What did you take?"

"A box of family videos that we found in the living room," I said quickly as I pointed to the box.

"Are you sure they're of your family, Bella?" he asked gently after catching my mother's heated glare. She stepped out from behind me and nodded to him as she looked at the box on the table.

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair once more as he pinched the bridge of his nose. I felt Bella shake slightly and step back behind me, and even I had to bite my lip to stop myself from smirking at the familiarity of his actions. He sighed once more and looked back up at us as he released the bridge of his nose from his death grip.

"Alright. Just don't lose them or damage them until I figure all of this out. If there's a problem with you keeping them then we'll deal with it when we cross that bridge," he said and Bella and I smiled at each other as she peeked her head out from behind me.

"Thanks, Dad," I said sincerely.

"Bella, dear. Would you like to watch one?" my mother asked gently. Bella looked at me warily for a moment and then shook her head slightly.

'I don't think I can handle watching them tonight. I just didn't want to leave them there.' she signed to me as she frowned at the box.

"We don't have to watch them until you're ready. Being in the house was probably more than enough for one night," I said soothingly and she nodded.

"Anytime you want to watch them, Bella, I'll dig out our old VCR and hook it up for you, okay?" my mother said with a warm smile and Bella smiled gratefully in return as she nodded to her.

"We're gonna go watch some TV in my room for a while," I said as I picked up the box of videos. My parents bid us both goodnight and we climbed the steps to my room.

After changing, we climbed into the bed and Bella spent about a half hour sending text messages back and forth with Esme. Almost as soon as she put her phone on the nightstand and curled herself into my side she fell asleep. I knew being in her old home had been emotionally draining on her, and I couldn't imagine what was going through her mind with her just now finding her old family videos.

I shut the light off and muted the TV so that it wouldn't disturb her, and shifted so that I was in a more comfortable position. I was just about to drift off when I heard my bedroom door open. I opened my eyes and looked toward the door and was surprised to see my mother tip-toeing across the floor.

"What are you doing?" I whispered and her hand flew to her throat as she suppressed her gasp and walked towards me.

"Where are those movies?" she whispered.

"Why?" I asked suspiciously.

"I want to make copies of them onto DVDs for Bella. I don't care what your father says, if she has to give them back for some reason, I want her to have copies of them," she said quietly and I grinned widely at her.

"They're in the closet. Thank you, Mom," I said sincerely.

"You're quite welcome. I should have them back in your closet by the time you get home tomorrow. Good night," she whispered as she bent over to place a kiss on my forehead.

"Good night, Mom," I whispered back and curled myself up against Bella once more. I kissed the back of her head and sighed happily as I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**AN: The response to the last update was PHENOMENAL! I love you guys sooooo much! That was the closest I've ever come to breaking 100 reviews for one chapter.. I think the final total came in at 97...which was friggin sahweet! Can we aim for that again? Pretty pretty please? ^_^ LOL. Reviews are better than breaking and entering what might be your own home! Much love to all of you! ~Jersey~**


	68. Group Therapy & A Tale of Bears

**AN: Don't have much to say today aside from telling you all that you rock hard core. Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or anything related to it. SM owns it all!**

* * *

Group Therapy and a Tale of Bears

BPOV

Edward woke me up at six the following morning, and he had to practically drag me out of the bed to go get ready for school. I was much too comfortable snuggling up with him to want to leave the bed. He laughed as I clung to him and managed to slide down to the floor still clinging to him as he stepped away from the bed. I finally let go after his third step when I nearly caused him to topple over.

As soon as I was showered and dressed for school, Edward and I headed downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast, and I sent texts back and forth with Esme while I ate. She told me that they were scheduled to be at the courthouse to meet with the parole board officials before the actual hearing at nine am, and that she'd e-mail me as soon as they got back to the hotel. It felt good knowing that they were keeping me in the loop with what was happening. I would have hated it if they had tried to avoid telling me about any of it.

She asked me at least a dozen times if I was alright, and if I needed her to come home. I reassured her each time that I was fine, and there was no need for her to fly back right away. I even briefly mentioned that Edward and I had visited my old house and found a box of videos. I told her that I'd e-mail her all about it after school. It was just too much to be sending in text messages. Before I knew it, it was time to head to school.

Liz hugged and kissed us both goodbye, and told us to have a good day. I was really hoping that it would turn out that way since my nerves were getting the best of me whenever I thought about going to that group meeting. Edward picked up Jasper and Emmett, and shortly after we were at the school meeting up with Alice. I felt horrible that she had to drive in alone when she was used to at least me being with her.

As luck would have it, the one day that I wish would go by at a slower pace seemed to fly by in the blink of an eye. I felt like we had just arrived and yet we were already sitting at our table in the cafeteria for lunch, bringing me that many hours closer to having to go to that meeting. I had a hard time focusing on the conversations at the table, but thankfully everyone seemed to know what was troubling me. Every once in a while, one of them would assure me that it would be fine, and that I had nothing to worry about. I tried my best to convince myself of that, but I wasn't all that successful.

Once again, the time flew by after lunch and I was suddenly sitting in Edward's car with Emmett, heading to drop him off at his house so he could meet up with Rosalie. I wasn't sure what time she was supposed to be coming down, but Emmett insisted on being home when she got there.

As soon as we said our goodbyes to him, we were off to the local pizza place to meet up with Alice, Jasper, Angela, and Ben. By that point, I had absolutely no appetite whatsoever, and they had to plead with me to eat at least once slice of pizza. I ate a half of one before I became to nauseated to even look at it anymore. Edward kept his arm around me faithfully as the seconds and minutes ticked by at an alarming speed. The only thing holding me together was his constant soothing caresses, and occasional comforting whispers.

When it was time for us to head to the meeting, everyone wished me luck and Alice and Jasper said they'd catch up with us for the movie afterwards. I hugged Alice tightly and she once again assured me that it would be just fine. Jasper surprised me by attaching a charm bracelet to my left wrist before hugging me goodbye. I looked up at him curiously and he shot me his lazy grin.

"It's something we all came together and got for you so that you know that we're always with you," he said and I looked down to the bracelet.

Attached to it were eight charms, a red crystal heart in the middle, an American flag, a credit card, a stiletto shoe, a teddy bear, a wolf, a flower, and an angel. I hugged both Alice and Jasper, and kissed Edward as I thanked them for the gift, and then looked at it once more.

'Who are the flower and the angel from?' I signed curiously.

"The flower is from Leah, and the angel is from Angela," Alice replied with a smile.

I thanked them once again before Edward reminded me that we really had to get going. As soon as we were in the car, I sent Jake a text, thanking him and Leah for their charms, and he replied quickly with his signature "sure, sure", to which I laughed silently.

I don't know what it was about the bracelet, but it really made me feel like they were all there with me, supporting me and helping me face the things that I had run from for so long. Edward held my hand the whole way there, and I twisted the bracelet around again and again, looking at each charm as they passed. By the time we made it to the parking lot of the medical office building, I wasn't all that nervous anymore. I wasn't excited by any means either, but I no longer felt like I was about to burst out of my skin from my anxiety.

"Are you ready, love?" he asked as he turned the car off.

I smiled at him and nodded. He quickly got out of the car and came around to the other side to help me out. I never understood why he does that, but I knew it bothered him when I got out before he could get the door, so I resolved myself to letting him have his way. Heck, it's the least I could do for him with everything he does for me.

When we got inside, there were only three other people in the room, and I didn't recognize any of them. Edward led us to a pair of chairs and we sat down, waiting for the others and eventually Dr. Sheehan. The three other people in the room, one man and two women, smiled politely at us as we sat down and then returned to their conversation amongst themselves.

"You okay?" Edward whispered in my ear. I took in a deep breath and nodded. So far, I was alright and it didn't seem all that bad.

"It's still early yet, do you want to get something to drink?" he asked and I smiled and nodded. We made our way over to the refreshment table and got two cups of soda before sitting back down in our seats. One of the women that had been in the room smiled at us and then casually walked over to where we were sitting.

"Hi, I'm Melanie, and that's Jennie and Mark. What are your names?" she asked politely as she sat down next to me.

"I'm Edward, and this is Bella," he replied quickly and I shot him a grateful smile.

"It's nice to meet you both. I just wanted to welcome you to the group before everyone else showed up. It can get a little hectic with everyone talking at the same time sometimes," she chuckled and I smiled nervously.

"It's nice meeting you too," Edward replied politely and she smiled sadly at me.

"It's okay, honey. You don't have to say anything until you feel you want to," she said comfortingly and I finally decided to grow a pair instead of sitting there looking like a tart.

'I don't mean to be rude. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I can't.' I signed, making sure Edward could see what I was doing. She looked confused for a moment before looking at Edward.

"She says that she doesn't mean to be rude and that it isn't that she doesn't want to, it's that she can't," he said as he rubbed the back of my neck and smiled at me. Poor Melanie looked absolutely lost, so I looked at Edward and nodded my head in Melanie's direction.

"Bella has panic attacks when she tries to speak out loud, so she uses sign language to communicate with people," he told her as he continued to rub soothing patterns on the back of my neck.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I'm sorry if I have," she said quickly and I shook my head and waved my hands.

'No, no. It's fine. You didn't.' I signed quickly and she automatically looked to Edward.

"She said it's fine, you didn't," he interpreted instantly.

'How long have you been coming here?' I asked curiously and Edward interpreted for me as I signed.

"Hmm...I guess about three or four years now. It took me a while to be able to feel comfortable with attending one of these meetings," she said with a warm smile and I nodded.

"You too, huh? How long has it been since your experience?" she asked gently.

'Almost six years.' I signed and Edward once again interpreted.

"It took me about the same amount of time. It was just about five years afterwards that I finally broke down and started going to therapy, and then another year after that before I was able to attend one of these. Don't worry, you'll make it. If there's one thing I've learned from all of this, it's that there's always a light at the end of the darkened tunnel," she said with an encouraging smile.

'Does it ever get easier?' I asked and Edward smiled as he relayed my latest question to her.

"Oh God, yes. In the very beginning, I couldn't talk to anyone, now I can't seem to stop talking to anyone," she laughed and I joined in silently. It felt good to know that I wasn't the only one that was incapable of interacting with others in my darkest moments.

"The pain gets easier to deal with too. It doesn't go away instantly, but little by little it fades away. You're not alone, Bella. Everyone in this room is in different stages of the healing process, and you won't be the only one here that's just beginning it either. In the beginning, the most I could do was listen to the others as they told their stories. I know it sounds strange, but hearing what they went through somehow brought me comfort. Not in the fact that they had gone through such horrific ordeals, but in the fact that I could relate to how they said they felt. That's why we share our stories, to help others that are just starting to figure out how to find their way out of what they've been through," she said, and I quickly looked around the room noticing how many people had arrived.

"We're going to be getting started soon. If you ever need someone to talk to that understands where you are and what you're feeling, we're all here for you, just like we're here for everyone else in this room. Good luck, Bella," she said sincerely before she rose out of her seat.

'Thank you.' I signed simply and Edward relayed my gratitude. She smiled and nodded before heading back over to the people that she had been sitting with when we arrived.

"She seemed really nice," Edward said quietly as we watched her stroll back across the room and I smiled at him and nodded.

"Bella, Edward, I'm so glad you decided to come," Dr. Sheehan said pleasantly as she approached us.

'Hello, Dr. Sheehan.' I signed quickly, and Edward spoke the same.

"It's Mary, please," she chuckled as she sat down next to me and I nodded as I smiled back to her.

"So how have you been since I last saw you?" she asked politely.

'Okay. It's been a crazy week.' I signed in reply.

"Have you been using your journal to help vent your feelings?" she asked gently.

'A little. I haven't had the chance to over the last two days, but I plan to over the weekend.' I signed in reply with a slight grimace.

"A little is better than not at all. What about you Edward? Have you written anything in yours?" she asked with a polite smile and he dropped his head and chuckled silently before looking at her.

"Not really. I started working on that list thing, but that's about as far as I got. It really has been a hectic week," he admitted.

"That's a starting point. I hope you at least make one entry before our next session," she chuckled in return and he nodded.

"Have you both met anyone here tonight so far?" she asked curiously and we both nodded.

'Melanie.' I signed quickly and Mary smiled.

"She's come a long way in the years that I've known her. You remind me quite a bit of her when she first came to me," she said with a thoughtful expression.

'Really?' I signed inquisitively.

"Really. She's a completely different person now than she was back then. Hopefully we'll be able to see the same changes in you one day," she said with an encouraging smile.

'How did she change?' I signed curiously.

"Listen to her story tonight, and you'll see. Excuse me, I have to mingle for a minute before we start," she replied as she rose out of her seat. I nodded and smiled to her before she walked away.

I sat there for a few minutes, just thinking about what she said about Melanie changing. If I changed into a completely different person, would Edward still love me? What kind of person would I change into? Did I even want to change into someone else? These were all thoughts that bombarded me instantly and nearly made my head spin.

"What are you thinking about so hard, love?" Edward asked quietly from beside me and I looked up at him.

'If I became a different person, would you still love me?' I signed worriedly and he chuckled as he cupped the side of my face gingerly.

"Bella, I'll always love you no matter what," he replied reassuringly before placing a chaste kiss on my lips. I nodded to him and curled into his side as he brought his arm around my shoulders and rested his head on top of mine.

I was beginning to wonder when the meeting would ever start. The room was getting pretty full, and everyone was chattering away with each other. The noise within the room was almost starting to give me a headache when a voice that I immediately recognized resounded from beside me.

"Is this seat taken?"

I immediately spun sideways and looked up to see Rosalie and Emmett smiling down at me. I shook my head as I stared at them with wide eyes and followed their movements until she was sitting right next to me, with Emmett on her other side.

'What are you guys doing here?' I signed in shock as Edward chuckled silently beside me.

"I thought it would be easier for you to have someone you know in the room who understands what you're going through," she said as she took my hand and squeezed it. Tears pricked my eyes as I wrapped my arms around her.

"Thank you, Rose," I whispered in her ear sincerely.

"Anytime, Bells," she said softly in reply as I pulled back.

"We gotcha, Belly Bear, don't worry," Emmett said through as he grinned and winked at me. I chuckled silently and gave him a quick thank you gesture.

Moments later, Mary called the group to attention and asked if there was anyone who would like to start the session and Rosalie winked at me as she stood from her seat. She took my hand and held it before addressing the others in the room.

"Welcome back, Rosalie. It's good to see you here," Mary said with a bright smile.

"Thanks. It's good to be back," Rose said quickly before looking at the others.

"My name is Rosalie, and tonight I came here to support a very dear friend of mine," she said as she squeezed my hand. I squeezed it back gently as I wiped a stray tear from my eye.

"A little over three years ago I was attacked and raped on a side street in Port Angeles. I was only fifteen years old, and still a virgin, and in the matter of minutes, everything that I had ever known and loved about myself was ripped away from me. I never saw it coming, I never thought it would ever happen to me, and I never dreamed that a simple decision like leaving a restaurant to retrieve something out of my parents' car would ever change my life so drastically," she continued in a strong and unwavering voice.

"After it happened, I was angry. I was angry at the person that violated me. I was angry at everyone who had been in the area that didn't stop it from happening to me, but most of all, I was angry at myself for allowing it to happen. I spent an entire year avoiding going to therapy, because I just didn't think it would help me. I spent a year, drowning in guilt from believing that it was somehow my fault that I was attacked. I spent an entire year ignoring the attempts to help me made by the people that care about me, simply because I didn't feel as though I deserved their concern or love. I felt dirty, used, and worst of all, I felt damaged. I didn't think that anyone, not my parents, not my friends, not my boyfriend, could possibly feel anything towards me other than disgust."

"There were times during that year, that I wished for nothing more than death. I couldn't find it in me to want to live because I couldn't fathom ever being able to have a normal life. That man robbed me of part of my life. He took parts of my life that I can never get back... but he didn't take it all. It took my parents, and three of the best friends that any person could ever find to get me to see that, to get me to believe that I _could_ one day have a normal life."

"I spent a year and a half in therapy, and to this day I still attend monthly meetings like this. I still have days where I find it difficult to keep moving forward and not allow myself to focus on what I've lost rather than embracing what I have. I have family, I have the love of a man that helped save me from myself, I have friends, and I have support from fellow survivors such as yourselves."

"My friend has lived through five years of feeling things similar to what I have. She has spent five long years feeling alone, unloved, unwanted, and damaged. Her pain was so great that she wasn't even able to see those around her that desperately wanted to help her. That's not something that I can even begin to fathom. My purpose for being here tonight is to not only show her, but to show all of you as well, that you aren't alone, you are loved, you are wanted, and even if you are damaged, you can still find a way to shine. My wish for all of you is to one day be able to find the comfort, joy, and love in your lives that you deserve. Thank you for listening," she finished as she gently brushed away the tears that had fallen.

As I looked around the room while she spoke, I noticed that I wasn't the only one in tears. I cried for her, I cried for them, and I even cried for myself. Every time she squeezed my hand to give herself the strength to keep speaking, I squeezed it back just as hard. She was in that room for me, but I realized as she spoke that I was also part of a room full of people that were there for her as well.

As she sat down, she wrapped her arms around me tightly as people clapped and thanked her for sharing, and together we cried. In that moment, I knew that even though my past would always be a part of me, it didn't have to define me. It didn't have to take over my life and change me into a person that I wasn't meant to be, and it gave me hope that one day I could find the person within me that I had locked away and buried and set myself free.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered to her as we held each other. She nodded into my shoulder and sniffled.

"Me too, Bells. I didn't deserve what happened to me, and you didn't deserve what happened to you, but I promise you'll get through it just as I did," she said softly and I nodded to her.

"Is there anyone else who would like to share their story?" I heard Mary ask and Rosalie and I pulled away from each other. Emmett handed Rosalie a box of tissues and she took one then passed the box to me. I cleaned up my face as best I could as I looked around the room, waiting for the next person to stand.

"I will," Melanie said and then she stood from her seat.

Rosalie and I held hands as we listened to Melanie share her story. Her father had been abusive to both her and her mother. She told everyone how her father would tell her everyday that she was worthless and that she was the biggest mistake he had ever made in his life. I felt horrible for her that she would have to live through having someone that was supposed to love her unconditionally say things like that to her every day. She said that her father's abuse was all that she had ever known, and it was the only constant in her life from as early as she could remember.

My heart broke even further when she told everyone how he came home in a drunken rage one night and murdered her mother right in front of her. She was fourteen at the time. Melanie cried as she told us all that her father had come after her that night, threatening to do the same to her and how scared she had been that she was going to die when he finally got his hands on her. The only thing that saved her was her brother attacking him and fatally wounding him in the process. She cried even harder when she told us how her brother ended up in prison because of that night, and how unfair she felt it was for him to have been convicted of aggravated manslaughter when he was only trying to protect her.

It wasn't until she started telling us how it had all affected her that I understood how I reminded Mary of her. Melanie couldn't bring herself to speak a word to anyone for years. Granted she didn't panic if she tried to, but she never did try. She was isolated and alone, with no family, and no friends. The similarities didn't even end there. Melanie lost the ability to feel anything but guilt for years after that night. She thought it was all her fault because she had been born. She thought that if she hadn't of been born than her father wouldn't have abused or murdered her mother, and her brother wouldn't be in prison for trying to protect her.

It wasn't what happened to us that was similar between us, it was how we our situations affected us that was almost identical. Once again, in the shadow of all the despair in hearing someone else's story, I found a sliver of hope. If Melanie was able to make it through and be the person she was supposed to be, than maybe I could too.

We found out shortly after Melanie was done speaking that Mark was her husband. He spoke right after her and told his story of what it was like for him as he tried to support her and help her through her recovery. He told us about all the times Melanie would try to push him away because she couldn't believe that he truly loved her, and how he had to struggle through the pain that it caused him to watch her self destruct time and time again.

He told us everything that they had been through together, and I soon realized that within those walls, while we were all sitting in that circle, there were no secrets. There was nothing that was left to be said by the time people were done speaking. There was nothing for them to feel ashamed of, because at some point almost everyone else in the room had either felt the same way or reacted the same way...or at least in a similar manner.

With every story that was told that night, I helped carry part of the weight of their burden just by listening, and even though they were unaware of it, they all carried part of mine as well just by my being in the same room with them. With every ending of a story, I found a new sliver of hope to hold on to. It was one of the most profound experiences I had ever had in my life up until that point, and by the end of the night, I wouldn't have regretted being a part of it for anything. Well, at least that was until Emmett decided to speak. I could have killed Rosalie for asking him to tell a funny story to end the meeting on a lighter note.

"Okay, so my name is Emmett, and I'm going to tell you a funny story... well I hope you find it as funny as I do anyway," he chuckled as he stood from his seat. I shook my head as Rosalie and Edward laughed silently next to me.

"Once upon a time, I had this friend named.... Belly Bear. Wait, wait... the name's not the funny part," he laughed as he waved his hands in front of him, trying to stop the others from laughing, and I tried to disappear into my chair.

"Okay, so Belly Bear has an awesome super power called... clumsiness. I swear if she put her mind to it, Belly Bear could take out entire mobs of criminals just by walking by them and tripping over thin air. Well one day Belly Bear's super power seemed to have super strength, and it probably wasn't the best day for that to have happened. You see, Belly Bear woke up that morning and decided that she wanted to go swimming with her friends. She rode her bike all the way over to the house of her best friend and big brother, his name is Brother Bear, and met up with her friends Jazzy Bear, Angel Bear, and Grumpy Bear," he said and then laughed as I snorted and Edward just shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. Rosalie was in silent hysterics as she held onto me and wheezed.

"So this friendship band of bears all got in the pool, and Belly Bear's clumsiness only shined a few times in the beginning of the day. Once, when she fell and skinned her knee as she ran to jump into the pool, and then again when she got hit in the head with a beach ball, and then once more when she tripped down the deck stairs after getting a drink. But all that time, her super power was just gaining strength. Belly Bear had never jumped off of the diving board, and she was scared, so all of her bear friends cheered her on when she decided to jump for the first time. She walked carefully to the end of the board, but then she made a disastrous mistake. Belly Bear bounced lightly on the board and slipped and fell off of it instead of jumping off, but when she fell, her bathing suit bottom got caught on the diving board and she ended up mooning all of her bear friends before she finally fell in the water. It wasn't until that day that her bear friends claimed her clumsiness was a super power. The end," he said and then plopped back down in his chair laughing with everyone else in the room.

I swear my face was on fire, and I wanted nothing more than to beat the hell out of him for telling that story. Rosalie was laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes, and her face was borderline purple. Edward was trying his damnedest not to laugh, but was failing miserably, and I just wanted to die.

"Emmett, I've missed you at these group sessions," Mary laughed as wiped at her eyes.

"Aww, I've missed you all too," he chuckled in return.

Mary thanked everyone for coming after that, and I practically bolted out of my chair with Edward in tow. Emmett and Rosalie took a few minutes to say goodbye to everyone as Edward and I waited out in the hallway for them. Melanie came out and we hugged each other. Edward translated for me as I promised her that I would be at the next meeting, and thanked her for sharing her story. We hugged one more time and exchanged goodbyes. Rose and Emmett came out a minute after that and laughed hysterically when they saw that my face was still fire engine red.

'I can't believe you, Emmett.' I signed to him as I blushed even further.

"Oh come on...no one knows who Belly Bear is," he laughed and I shook my head.

'Em. You told a bunch of strangers about how all of my friends saw my naked rear end.' I signed as I glared at him.

"Bells, it was a funny story...come on, even you snorted at the Grumpy Bear name," he pleaded.

"Thanks for that, Em," Edward said sarcastically and I had to bite my lip from smiling like a goon. That part was actually funny.

"Edward... it's so true though!" Rosalie wailed through her laughter.

"Can we just get out of here?" he pleaded and we all nodded to him.

"So what movie are we going to? I have to call Jazzy Bear and let him and Pixie Bear know what time to meet us there," Emmett chuckled as we walked out the front doors.

"Why don't you just tell them to meet us there and we'll choose one once we get there," Rosalie said as we stood in the parking lot.

"Sounds good, we'll meet up with you there," Edward said as he led me over to the Volvo. I waved to Em and Rose and got into the car.

We ended up seeing a romantic comedy, but I couldn't remember the name of it. It wasn't even that funny, not that I noticed anyway. Alice and Rosalie complained the whole time as we were walking out of the theater. I didn't really mind that it was a cruddy movie because I was too wrapped up in Edward's lips on my neck and his whispering in my ear. We hugged everyone goodbye and made plans for a living room camp-out at Edward's house the following night before we left.

The minute we were both in the car, I attacked him. I practically pounced across the console and smashed our lips together. He chuckled faintly and then groaned as I ran my tongue over his lips. He tilted his head to the side and pushed his hand into my hair as he pulled me closer and our tongues finally met. It felt like it had been forever since we had kissed this way, even though it had only been a few hours at most. I couldn't get enough of him in that moment, but unfortunately someone tapped on the glass and we broke apart. We both quickly looked toward the window and came face to face with none other than Emmett's ass.

"EMMETT!" Edward hollered and Em's booming laughter filtered into the car as he hiked his pants up and turned around.

"Now we're even Belly Bear!" he laughed and ran away.

"Un-freaking-believable," Edward muttered and I bust out laughing in silent hysterics as the shock wore off.

"Love, don't laugh. If he sees you he'll do it every chance he gets," he pleaded with me and I chuckled once more as I kissed his pouting lips.

"Sorry, it was funnier than the movie though," I whispered.

"What movie?" Edward smirked and I laughed silently once more. I kissed his cheek and slid back into my seat.

We made it back to Edward's house just before eleven at night, and headed straight upstairs after bidding Liz goodnight. After cleaning up and changing, I slid into the bed and waited for Edward. When he came in he picked up his laptop and handed it to me, reminding me to check my e-mail and send one to Esme. I logged into my account and opened the one from Esme right away and we read it together.

_Bella,_

_The meeting this morning went fine. Billy was there with us and he had already spoken to the members of the parole board before we arrived, so they know all about the situation...even things we don't know. They asked us some questions about you and how you're coping after the incident. We told them that it's been difficult and explained to them about your panic attacks as well as your nightmares._

_Your father gave them your pictures, just as you asked, and we gave them a copy of your recollection of the entire event. They promised that nothing in the file will be seen by anyone other than themselves, and no information will be divulged. Billy made it very clear before we got there that this situation needs to be dealt with in complete anonymity. We have to meet with them again on Monday, and possibly once more on Wednesday. They said we should have a verdict by Friday, which is the day they actually meet with the men. _

_I was really hoping to have been back home by then. I miss you terribly already. How are you, honey? Is everything okay? How was school today? How was the group meeting? Did you sleep alright last night? I'm rambling...I'm aware, but I can't help it. _

_Your father wants me to tell you that he got assaulted at the airport yesterday morning. Oh, Bella...it was so funny. He tried helping the little old lady get her baggage off of the carousel after she dropped it and it got away from her, and she thought he was trying to steal it. She hit him repeatedly with her purse as he tried explaining that he was only trying to help her. You should have heard the profanities spilling out of that little lady's mouth. I was shocked!_

_Billy's planning on showing us around Phoenix this weekend. I never knew he actually knew the area that well. I'm not really interested in going, but your father insists that we'll go crazy sitting around here all weekend with nothing to do but worry. I keep arguing with him that I'm going to go crazy with worry regardless of where we are, and I'd rather it not be a public display of my insanity. _

_We miss you and love you more than anything. Please e-mail us back soon._

_Love,_

_Mom & Dad_

"So that's what happened at the airport," Edward laughed and I looked at him curiously.

"I was on the phone with Esme when it happened, but she didn't know what was going on," he chuckled.

"Why were you on the phone with Esme?" I whispered curiously.

"It was when I called her to tell her that we weren't going to school yesterday," he said as he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.

"Oh yeah," I whispered and nodded as I opened up a blank e-mail and started writing back to them.

I told them everything that had happened since they left, and assured them that I was fine and everything was okay. I told them about the bracelet that everyone had given me, and all about the group session... even about Emmett and his tale of bears. I made sure to tell them several times that I loved them and missed them as well throughout the e-mail, and after reading it over twice, I finally sent it.

"Okay, I'm done," I whispered and passed the laptop to Edward. He put it back on his desk and slid back into the bed with me.

"Do you have any homework to do this weekend?" he asked as he pulled me up against him. I wrapped my arm around his waist and hooked a leg over his as I shook my head.

"No, it's all studying for finals," I whispered and then yawned.

"Lucky you. I still have to write my final English term paper," he chuckled as he ran his fingers through my hair.

"What's it about?" I whispered curiously.

"I haven't decided yet. Each of us was assigned a different author, and we have to choose two of their works to compare. We have to find and discuss the similarities in the pieces we choose," he replied and then sighed. It didn't sound like a content sigh, so I turned my head to look at him.

"What's wrong?" I whispered with a concerned expression.

"Nothing, love. It's just that this paper has been assigned for almost three weeks, and I haven't even chosen which two pieces to compare, or read them for that matter," he responded with a grimace.

"What author did you get?" I whispered as I turned to face him more comfortably.

"Edgar Allan Poe," he replied quickly and I thought for just a moment before sitting up.

'You could compare stories like Eleanora, and The Oval Portrait. They're both about love and death, and it's been suggested that he was writing about the death of his own bride, Virginia.' I signed to him quickly.

"You've read Poe?" he asked with a surprised look and I nodded.

'Yes. I had a lot of time on my hands for a few years.' I signed with a sad smile.

"Did you have any favorites?" he asked curiously as he propped his head against his palm.

'The Cask of Amontillado. It's about greed and revenge.' I signed as I nodded.

"Didn't we read that in the beginning of last year?" he asked with a thoughtful expression. I nodded. I had almost forgotten that he had been in my English class the year before.

"Wasn't his wife his thirteen year old cousin or something like that?" he chuckled and I nodded.

"What made you start reading his stories? Every time I saw you, you were reading something like 'Pride and Prejudice, or 'Wuthering Heights'," he commented as he tucked another lock of hair behind my ear. I thought about it for a minute and then shrugged to him.

'I don't know. I thought that first story was interesting when we read it in class, so I went to the library and checked out a book of his short stories and read it. I guess I was curious to see what other kinds of things he wrote about.' I signed in reply.

"Were all the other stories as macabre as that one?" he asked curiously and I nodded.

'Pretty much. Most of them had something to do with death, murder, insanity, and the like.' I signed as various plots ran through my head.

"I think I'll stick with the two you suggested," he chuckled. I laughed silently and laid down next to him.

"Thank you for giving me something to write about. I would have driven myself insane over the next week trying to figure out which stories to choose," he said with a warm smile as he ran his fingers through my hair, pushing it away from my face.

"You're welcome," I whispered and kissed his chin lightly.

"What do you want to do tomorrow?" he asked after gazing into my eyes for a few moments. I shrugged. It honestly didn't really matter what we did, and at the moment, I was about ready to rip my hair out from trying to remember what Edgar Allan Poe's step sister's name was. I had no idea why I was trying to remember it, but the thought wouldn't leave me alone.

"What are you thinking about? I can see it in your eyes," he chuckled and I snorted as I rolled my eyes.

"Trying to remember Poe's step sister's name," I whispered and his eyebrows pulled together as he looked at me.

"Why?" he asked incredulously.

"I don't know," I whispered honestly. He laughed and shook his head.

"You're so weird, but I love you all the more for it," he chuckled as he placed kisses all over my face as I laughed silently. He pulled back after kissing my lips chastely and grinned at me.

"So Rosalie mentioned something about wanting to go to the beach tomorrow," he mentioned casually and I gasped.

"Rosalie!" I whisper yelled and then laughed silently.

"Yeah...Rosalie," he said with a confused and possibly concerned look on his face which only made me laugh harder.

"Her name was Rosalie," I whispered through my silent chuckles and shook my head.

"Who's name was Rosalie?" he asked with a befuddled expression and I slapped his arm playfully as I laughed silently once more.

"Edgar Allan Poe's step sister," I whispered and watched the proverbial light bulb above his head light up.

"Ohh," he said as he nodded.

"Shut up," I whispered and ducked my head in embarrassment. Edward only laughed and pressed me closer to him.

"I didn't say anything, love," he chuckled and then kissed the top of my head. I pulled back and quirked an eyebrow at him and he rolled his eyes at me.

"What? I think it's interesting how your mind works. I could study it for a million years and never understand it one bit," he chuckled and I mock glared at him.

"It isn't my fault my brain is defective," I whispered as I scrunched up my nose.

"Aww, love. You're brain isn't defective at all. It's mysterious and intriguing and beautiful, and I wouldn't wish for it to be any other way," he replied sincerely and kissed my forehead.

"You're such a cheese," I whispered as I chuckled and he laughed. I yawned once more and snuggled up closer to him.

"We should get some sleep. It's already after one," he said as he reached out behind him to shut off the lamp. I nodded into his chest and waited for him to turn back toward me.

"Sweet dreams, I love you," he said quietly and lowered his head down to kiss me. I tilted my head up and kissed him chastely a few times while smiling.

"Love you too. Night," I whispered and then curled myself up against him. He held me tightly as he hummed lightly and within moments I succumbed to a peaceful slumber.

* * *

**AN: I figured I'd wait til the end to drop a hideous bomb on you all. My family has decided to drag me, and I say drag because I'm not all that willing to go, on vacation for the next two weeks starting Monday. I'm going to try to update once more before I leave, seeing as how I won't be able to while I'm away. If I don't get around to it amidst all of the laundry, errands, and housework that I have to get done before I head to work for the weekend..I sincerely apologize. If there's no update by Friday night, expect one the week of the 27th when I return. Sorry...blame the fam not me LOL. **

**Reviews make me eager to post...leave me some! Much love to you all! ~Jersey~**

**P.S. HUGE thanks to Evenstar710 for putting up with my insane babbling night after night. She's awesome...you should head over and check out some of her stories and send her some love. Cya soon...hopefully!**


	69. BSB & SWASS

**AN: Wow...I really didn't think I was going to be able to pull this off...but alas I found a spare minute to update. Please read the end AN BEFORE reviewing. Thanks ^_^. Something incredibly significant in regards to Bella happens in this chapter. Let's see if you can find it...leave the answer in a review!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: As always..I don't own it...although I wish I did.**

* * *

Bathing Suit Battles & Sessions With a Sneaky Shrink

BPOV

The weekend went by all too quickly for my liking. Saturday, Edward woke me up with a surprise breakfast in bed. He made my favorite chocolate chip pancakes, and even though they weren't even close to Esme's, they were absolutely delicious. After breakfast, the gang ended up hanging out at Emmett's house since it was raining cats and dogs. Rosalie grumbled repeatedly, commenting on how the local weathermen were completely incompetent, and we all laughed each time as we reminded her that we lived in Forks, not the Sahara. Rain was inevitable ninety percent of the time.

It wasn't until Alice got fed up with playing Guitar Hero, and suggested that we all go to Port Angeles that Rosalie's spirits finally lifted. Since there were six of us, we all piled into Emmett's Jeep and headed off to spend the afternoon at the mall. I really didn't care to go, but I figured as long as we were all going, I might as well join them. At least I'd be with them, and Edward, and not alone.

Alice insisted on buying new clothes for our possible vacation at the end of the summer, and wouldn't settle on taking no for an answer... from any of us. By the end of the day, we each ended up with at least three new outfits, and one bathing suit a piece. If I learned anything that day, it's that bathing suit stores and I don't mix well at all.

Alice and Rosalie had sent the guys over to a different store to look for bathing suits as she pulled us toward our destination. I swear we had to be in that store alone for over two hours... and it was all because of me. Rose and Alice found their new suits, all five of them, within minutes, whereas I blatantly refused to even try on the ones that they had tried to hand me.

It was like heading off into a war that you knew, even before you stepped foot on the battle grounds, neither side would come out victoriously. It was inevitable. They wouldn't be pleased with what I could possibly bear to be seen in at a public location, and I wouldn't be pleased with what they wished I could be comfortable in. Finally after arguing with them in sign for over an hour, with the sales people watching on as if it was the best soap opera daytime television could provide, we all managed to come to a compromise. They'd stay away from the more revealing suits, and I'd stay away from the ones that they deemed only fit for elderly people.

It took almost another hour for me to find something even remotely suitable, but the point was I eventually did, and we were all happy as we exited the store. I ended up with a halter tankini top, and a cute little skort bottom. I was happy that it covered most of what I didn't wish to be seen, and they were happy that it was at least fashionable and age appropriate.

After visiting a few more shops, and stopping for some pizza, we headed back to Edward's house. Emmett dropped us off and then took everyone else back to their homes to pick up anything they'd need for the night as Edward and I set up the living room for all of us. Early on in the day, Liz had apparently pulled out the awning over the back patio and set up a little area for us to have a campfire that night. She had even gone to the store to buy us the supplies we needed to make s'mores over their gas fire bowl.

By the time everyone had made it back, it had already gotten dark out, and although it was still raining the awning had kept the patio nice and dry. We all headed outside, Liz and Ed Sr. as well, and crowded around the fire bowl as we roasted marshmallows and everyone, minus myself, took turns telling ghost stories. Emmett's ghost story about a pirate that would scare children during the night by shouting 'Argh shiver me timber' as they slept had me in silent hysterics and I almost choked on a bite of a s'more as he belted it out in his best pirate impersonation.

We spent the rest of the night watching The Pirates of the Caribbean movies, and laughing hysterically as Emmett would randomly channel his inner pirate and say things like "Aye matey, ya be a traitorous scallywag... walk the plank or I be forced to slice ye in two with me trusty sword", or "Avast ya yarvy scum", and then there was my absolute favorite of him belting out the lyrics to A Pirate's Life for Me. Liz almost fell off the couch as she laughed at his pirate rendition of the song and begged Ed to grab the video camera. Once again we were treated with hideously hilarious singing abilities as they taped his encore performance. Edward even joined in and played a little ditty for him on the piano as he sang.

Sunday we were greeted with rain once again. Since Jasper and Emmett both had finals the following week at school, we all helped them study for their exams. The following week while we would be taking our finals, they would be preparing for graduation. I couldn't wrap my head around that tradition. How on Earth did it possibly take an entire week full of entire school days to prepare to walk across a stage? I mean come on, we all know how to walk... okay so I know how to trip better than most, but I don't think it takes that much brain power to put one foot in front of the other once your name is called.

Jasper laughed hysterically as I ranted about that in sign, and calmly told me that it wasn't really the walking that they were preparing for. They had to be organized by class rank, get fitted for their caps and gowns, have graduation photos taken, as well as group photos for all the activities that they were involved in, and that the week was filled with basically spending time with your fellow classmates as you prepared to enter the "real world". I laughed and signed to him that I'd be taking a vacation that week next year, because aside from Alice, Edward, Angela and Ben, I didn't want to spend a week with any of the rest of my classmates. Edward scoffed at that and vowed that I would _not _be missing a right of passage as important as that.

Needless to say, that caused quite a debate between us. I'm sure if I somehow had the ability to get angry, it would have been much bigger than just a debate. It probably would have ended up being our first real fight, because I truly did _not_ want to spend that amount of time with the people that had basically made my life a living hell for years. His returning argument to me was that the people that treated me so horrifically weren't in school any longer, so I really had no reason not to join in. It was impossible to reason with him that although a lot of the others hadn't done anything to me, there were still a good number of our peers that had found enjoyment in not only spreading the horrendous rumors that they had heard through the years, but starting some as well. Why he couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to be around them baffled me to say the least.

All that conversation about leaving high school and heading off in different directions only made me worry about one thing, and it wasn't wherever those idiot classmates of ours were going. It was what was going to happen when Edward and Alice went off to college. There was no way I was in a position to go, at least not until I could at least speak like a normal person. I couldn't imagine college professors being as lenient with my inabilities as my high school teachers had been so far, and even if they could, I had no idea what possible kind of career I could ever strive for that I would actually enjoy if I was unable to ever fix that broken part of myself.

By the end of the day, I was riddled with worry and anxiety as we headed off to bed, and sleep that night was fitful at best. Every time I rolled or shifted, Edward would ask me what was wrong, and I'd whisper nothing as I tried to fall back asleep, only to shift or roll over once more. Around one am I was a mess of tangled sheets and blankets and Edward's hair was standing straight on end from his pulling on it. He finally sat straight up and turned the light on and pulled me up into a sitting position. I felt horrible that my restlessness had affected him so greatly, so when he pushed me for the answers as to what was bothering me, I relented and signed it to him.

I felt so weak that just the thought of him being somewhere far away from me was able to send me into such a state of anxiety. I wanted him to be able to go to college. I wanted him to succeed in his dreams. I wanted him to be happy, and to be able to go wherever he needed to so that he could achieve all of that, but I didn't want to be without him either. The pain from just thinking about that was enough for me to clutch my shirt in agony against my chest.

Typical Edward wrapped me up in his arms and promised me that no matter what happened, we'd still be together. If he had to choose a different school, just to be closer to where I chose to go, he said he would. That comment right there stopped my downward decent into anxiety fueled insanity. I did _not_ want him to do that. If I allowed him to do that, I would be taking away something that he absolutely deserved. He deserved to go where he felt he would get the best education, not where he could get a second rate one just to be closer to me.

I vowed right then and there that regardless of how hard it would be, I would encourage his choices and make the best of the situation for as long as we had to. I would be strong, for him and for myself, and not take away his opportunity to do something great with his life. I would _not _be the anchor that weighed him down and forced him to resent me years later, even though I doubt he ever would. It wasn't a chance worth risking, not even close.

With determined resolve, and the worry lifted from my shoulders, Edward and I finally managed to get a few hours of peaceful sleep. It seemed like we had just fallen asleep when the alarm clock shrieked out through the air, and Edward grumbled as he slapped his hand over it to stop it from emitting that horrible sound. We stumbled out of bed and into our own respective showers and met down in the kitchen. We ate a quick breakfast and Edward held out his Captain's jacket for me to wear, since the rain had made it slightly chilly outside, and we headed off to pick up Emmett and Jasper. I loved wearing his jacket, and since we had gotten together, I wore it any chance I got to. I think he liked seeing me wearing it just as much as I liked wearing it. Alice met us in the school parking lot, and we all ran into the cafeteria to find shelter from the rain that was still pouring, even after two full days.

The school day went by quickly, and somewhere around fourth period it finally stopped raining, but remained gloomy and overcast. During lunch, Alice and I decided that we'd stick around after school and watch the guys during their baseball practice, and after art class, we walked together out to the bleachers by the baseball field and waited for them. Their practice only lasted about two hours, and after the guys had showered, we all headed off to Edward's house.

When we got to his house, Edward asked Liz about all of us possibly going up to Seattle Friday night for their championship game on Saturday. She easily agreed and said that she'd book the hotel rooms that night. I laughed when the guys made disappointed faces when she said that Alice and I, and Rosalie if she chose to join us, would be staying in the room with her, and the three of them would have a room with Ed Sr. They didn't seem too happy about that, but Alice and I were excited to just be going in the first place. We spent the rest of the afternoon trying to get them to be excited as well.

Sleep found Edward and I easily and very early that night, as we were both exhausted from having only had a few hours of sleep the night before. At six am, his alarm clock went off and we once again shuffled sleepily into our bathrooms to get ready for the day. The week before on Tuesday, I had been nervous and anxious all day, this Tuesday however, I was actually looking forward to our appointment with Dr. Sheehan. I had taken a few moments over the weekend to write in the journal, and Edward had as well, though I'm not quite sure what he actually had to write about. Once again the school day flew by, and at the end of the day we said goodbye to Alice, Jasper, and Emmett as they headed off to their practice and we left for our appointment.

"You don't seem as nervous today as you were last week," Edward commented as he held my hand and drove off the school parking lot. I shook my head and smiled at him.

"Good," he said simply as he brought our entwined hands up to his lips and kissed my fingers.

"Did you pack your journal this morning?" he asked as we pulled into the lot of the medical offices building. I nodded and pointed to the backseat where our bags were.

We got out of the car once he parked and pulled our journals out of our bags before heading into the office. Edward gave the secretary our names and she smiled as she told us to have a seat. We sat in the same seats as the previous week, and waited patiently for our names to be called.

"What did you write about?" Edward whispered and I made a show of holding my journal away from him as I pursed my lips and glared at him playfully.

"I'm not telling you," I whispered and he chuckled as he held his away from me.

"Then I'm not telling you either," he laughed and my lips twitched as I fought off the laughter that wanted to consume me as I tried to pout at him. He chuckled and shook his head at me.

"Nice try, but your lips are twitching, love," he laughed and then leaned in to kiss my temple. I finally broke and started laughing silently.

"Edward and Bella?" the secretary called and we got up from our seats and followed behind her. She led us to the same office as the week before, and once again told us to make ourselves comfortable. We smiled and thanked her as we took our seats on the couch and waited for Dr. Sheehan.

"This office always makes me want Andes chocolates," Edward commented as he looked around and I chuckled and looked at him strangely.

"What?" he asked as he looked at me innocently.

"Andes chocolates?" I whispered incredulously.

"Yeah, the mint color of the walls and the brown of her chair makes me think of Andes chocolates, and then I start wanting them," he chuckled and I laughed silently.

"Well you both seem in higher spirits today than the last time you were here," Dr. Sheehan chuckled as she entered the room. I waved and Edward said hello as we stood up to shake her hand.

"So what were you two laughing about when I walked in?" she asked curiously.

'Edward was saying that this room makes him want Andes chocolates.' I signed to her as I laughed and Edward groaned as his head flopped back on the couch.

"It makes me think of the same thing... that's why I keep a stash of them in my desk," Mary laughed as she got up from her chair and walked over to her desk.

Edward's head shot up and he watched her as she opened a drawer and took out a container filled with them. He smiled brightly and thanked her as she offered him some. He took a handful and sat back down on the couch, sticking his tongue out at me and laughing as I held my hand out for one.

"Edward, sharing is caring," Mary chuckled and I stuck my tongue out at him. He pointed to his cheek and I laughed as I leaned in and kissed it, and he handed me a chocolate which I quickly opened and popped in my mouth as I turned back toward Mary who was smiling fondly at us.

"So what happened on Friday? You two bolted out of the room as if it were on fire," she chuckled and we laughed.

'Sorry. That was Emmett's fault.' I signed to her as I blushed in embarrassment.

"I take it you're Belly Bear?" she chuckled and I nodded as I blushed brighter.

"It was a cute story, Bella. No need to be embarrassed. We all have our moments," she said with a comforting tone. I smiled and nodded to her.

"Alright, well I see that you both brought your journals with you. Could I have a few minutes to read over them?" she asked politely and we nodded as we handed them to her. We sat patiently and watched as she read through them, and I payed close attention to her facial expressions, which unfortunately didn't tell me much of anything.

"Okay, so it seems we have a few things to discuss today," she said as she closed my journal and looked at us with an inviting smile.

"Edward, I'd like to start with you. Is that alright?" she asked gently. He nodded and settled further into the couch.

"You've written quite a bit about not knowing what to actually write about. I just want to say that that's perfectly normal. Sometimes it takes us a while to be able freely write what we're consciously thinking. I want you to try something called free association writing. Clear your mind and just allow your pen to float across the paper. Sometimes it will help you acknowledge what you wish to write about. Some have even claimed that listening to something soothing or even having soothing scents around them helps them as well. Give that a try for next week," she said as she handed him back his journal.

"You did have one entry that piqued my interest. I believe it was written yesterday, and it's definitely something that we should address. Going off to college is a big step for any young adult, and I want to make sure that you are both comfortable in taking that step. Your entry suggests that neither of you are at that point at this moment in time. Is it safe to say that you're both apprehensive about the idea of going to college at the very least?" she asked with a concerned expression.

"It's not going to college that's the problem at the moment. It's the idea of being separated that's causing the biggest issue," Edward said as he ran his hand through his hair. I let out a gust of breath and nodded to Mary.

"That's not uncommon for people involved in a relationship such as yourselves, but maybe I can help you with this. What are your dreams Edward? What is it that you wish to achieve in life?" she asked encouragingly.

"For a while I was debating between a career in music and a career in medicine. I think I'm leaning more towards medicine these days," he said with a slight smile.

"That's quite ambitious. I have no doubt that you'd make an excellent physician based on what I've heard of you from Carlisle. What is it that you wish for Bella?" she asked and he smiled as he looked at me.

"I wish for her to be happy and for her to follow and achieve any dreams that she may have," he said as he looked back at Mary. She smiled and nodded then looked at me.

"What about you, Bella? What is it that you wish to achieve in life?" she asked and I looked away as I signed to her.

'I don't really have any dreams at the moment. I can't picture myself enjoying a career like this. Being locked in silence as I am.' I signed to her and then forced myself to look back at her.

"Bella, you are an exceptionally bright young woman. You can do anything that you put your mind to. Just because you can't speak, and we _are_ going to work on that, it doesn't mean that you are incapable of having a successful and enjoyable career. There are people with handicaps all around the world that enjoy very successful and rewarding careers, and you are by no means handicapped. If they can do it, you can as well. There's no reason for you to feel otherwise. So what is it that you would like to do?" she asked again, and another sliver of hope came alive within me.

'I think I'd like to write. Maybe be a journalist or even an author eventually. Sometimes I can see myself teaching, but only if I manage to be able to speak again.' I signed to her and scrunched my nose up as I signed the last part.

"Have you ever thought of perhaps teaching deaf children? You have the ability to do so," she commented and I shook my head.

'No. I never thought of it, but it's something to think about.' I signed to her with a smile. She smiled back and nodded happily.

"What is it that you want for Edward?" she asked, still smiling.

'I want him to be successful and find enjoyment in whatever he chooses, and I want him to be able to go where he'll get the best education for what he wants to do. I don't want him to choose a college based on wherever I am. It wouldn't be fair to him.' I signed quickly.

"Do you both see where this is going?" she asked as she smiled and looked between the two of us. We looked at each other and shrugged before looking back at her and shaking our heads. She chuckled lightly and sank back in her chair as she shook her head.

"You both want what's best for each other. You both want each other to be happy, and to be able to decide on a school that will enable you each to achieve what you want out of life. Nowhere in your answers was there anything to suggest that either of you would be okay with the other making a sacrifice in your own dreams just so that you could be in close proximity to one another. You have a strong bond, and a very healthy and viable relationship. While distance could make other relationships fall apart, I really don't think that either of you has anything to worry about in that aspect. If you find yourselves in different places, all you have to do is remind yourselves that it's only temporary, and find comfort in the times that you are able to spend with each other," she said encouragingly.

Edward squeezed my hand, and I returned the gesture as we both nodded to her. I didn't care what it took, I'd find a way to make sure that he didn't sacrifice his future, and maybe somewhere in the process I'd find one for myself.

"As you get closer to the time when you start making your final decisions on locations, talk to each other frequently, and make your decisions together. Taking those steps with each other will alleviate some of the tension and apprehension you have in making those decisions, and it will help you both to feel that this is something that you are doing together, not separately," she commented again, and we once again nodded to her as we thanked her.

"Okay, Bella, I'd like to focus on some of your entries. I'm delighted to see how much you wrote in your journal," she said as she smiled appreciatively. I smiled back and nodded to her.

"Have you been reciting your phrase in the mirror daily?" she asked and I grimaced as I shook my head.

'I'm sorry. It was a really crazy week, and it slipped my mind.' I signed with an apologetic expression.

"That's alright. There are no punishments here, remember that. I didn't happen to notice anything in your entries about you feeling guilty for moving again. Has that thought crossed your mind at all in the past week?" she asked curiously. I shook my head.

'No. I still feel an overwhelming amount of guilt, but not about that in particular. Then again I haven't really thought about that day all week.' I signed to her as I thought over the past week.

"If you think about it now, do you feel guilty for having moved?" she asked and I took a moment to think.

'Yes, but not really about moving. I feel guilty for having not said goodbye to some of my friends.' I signed after I thought through it fully.

"You mentioned quite a bit in some of your entries about the guilt that you feel. Do you think it's possible that you might be blaming yourself for things that were out of your control, much like how you felt about moving?" she asked as she wrote something down on her clipboard. I let out a breath and nodded to her when she looked up at me.

'It's possible.' I signed as I struggled to resign myself to the truth that I did, in fact, blame myself for a lot of things that were outside of my ability to control, but I couldn't fathom how she would come to that conclusion based on my admission. Not saying goodbye to my friends was definitely my fault and no one else's.

'What does that have to do with feeling guilty about not saying goodbye to them though?' I signed to her with a confused look.

"Bella, guilt is a very complex emotion. Sometimes we can become overwhelmed with that emotion, even if there is nothing to warrant us feeling that way, whereas other times, we lack the ability to feel guilty over something that we should. The problem with guilt is that when you live with that feeling for so long, it causes you to find something in any situation for which you can justify blaming yourself."

"We need to work on this together. While it's okay to feel a little guilty for not having said goodbye to your friends, it's not healthy to feel it to the extent that you do, and for as long as you have. Your friendships are intact, and there is no reason for that guilt to be following you around daily. That situation was resolved, based on what you wrote in your entry, so there is no longer a reason to feel such a tremendous amount of guilt when you think of that day. It's going to take time, and we will need to get to the root of this issue before it can be resolved, but I promise you we will get there, okay?" she said encouragingly and I nodded to her.

"For now, I want you to try and recite those words to yourself daily. Don't associate it with only moving. Associate it with anything that you feel guilty about. If it helps, name the things that cause you to feel that way after you recite the words "it's not my fault"," she said and I nodded once again. I really was not looking forward to what that could bring out of me, and unfortunately, I think Mary knew that.

Mary got out of her seat and walked over to her desk and rifled through a drawer for a minute as Edward and I looked on curiously. When she pulled out a mirror I just about groaned and ran for the door, but Edward quickly laced his fingers through mine and squeezed tightly.

"Running won't help," he whispered and I let out a gust of breath as I looked at him, wondering how the hell he guessed that I was about to bolt out of the room.

"Your eyes flickered toward the door and you leaned toward it," he whispered smugly and I narrowed my eyes at him slightly. Damn perfect, all knowing, reads me like a book, boyfriend. I let out another breath and slumped back into the couch as Mary knelt down in front of me, handing me the mirror. I felt like a complete ass holding the stupid thing with both her and Edward looking at me.

"Bella, look in the mirror and say the words. Follow it with just one thing that you feel guilty about," Mary instructed and I avoided looking in the stupid thing. It was bad enough that I would have to force myself to do this in privacy, but it was worse with both of them watching.

"You're going to have to work with me if you want to get through this, Bella. There's nothing that I can do for you if you don't participate and help yourself," she chided lightly.

I took in a deep breath and resigned myself to looking like a complete fool for however long she deemed was necessary. I needed out of feeling this way. I needed out of feeling so consumed by everything that was wrong with me, and I needed out as soon as possible. I had lived this way for too long, and I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't stand knowing that there was still a part of me that felt dead inside, that I was still unable to fully enjoy things the way that I should because what I felt kept holding me back. It was those needs that pushed me to do what she was asking of me as I lifted the mirror and looked at myself in it.

I did just as she asked. I took my time so I wouldn't panic, and I whispered to myself, forcing myself not to focus on the fact that they were both watching me intently. I told myself that it wasn't my fault that we moved, it wasn't my fault that I didn't say goodbye, even though it was, and various other things that I felt guilty over. At some point, and I'm not quite sure when, I slipped and whispered the one thing I never meant to say.

"It's not my fault that my parents died," I whispered then dropped the mirror as I stared open mouthed at Mary and began to cry. Mary smiled at me and picked up the mirror, placing it face down on the cushion next to me.

"Very good, Bella," she said praisingly as she held my hands. "I know it feels overwhelming right now, but in order to work through what you feel, you must face it first."

I sniffled and nodded to her dumbly, hoping she would forget what I had just said. I still couldn't believe I had let that one slip. After all the effort I put into keeping any of that out of my journal entries, it took one second for me to blurt it out right in front of her. When did I become unable to keep my mouth shut? I had been silent for years, not telling a soul a damn thing, and now all of a sudden, I'm spilling out the very last thing I ever wanted to. Having her know that I felt that way, would only bring her that much closer to knowing the rest of what I didn't wish for her to just yet.

Mary lifted herself up off the floor and sat back down in her seat across from us as Edward squeezed my hand gently once more. I looked at him and nodded slightly as he smiled and kissed my fingers.

"I'd like to talk about one more thing before our time is up, if you feel up to it of course," Mary said and I hesitated slightly before nodding for her to continue.

"You wrote something in your list of what you wished to get out of therapy that confused me. You mentioned that you wanted to find out why you don't have the ability to be angry. What did you mean by that?" she asked curiously.

'I don't seem to be able to be angry about anything, and I've noticed it more and more recently. Things that would have at one point in time infuriated me, only cause brief flashes of anger that disappear almost immediately.' I signed quickly, hoping that maybe she'd have an answer for it. She nodded and wrote something down on her clipboard.

"What do you feel when it disappears?" she asked as she stopped writing and looked up at me.

'Guilt, confusion, and worry.' I signed honestly.

"In equal amounts or do you feel one more so than the others?" she asked as she wrote yet again on her clipboard.

'It's usually one at a time. Guilt first, then confusion, and then worry, but they each feel equally as strong when they come.' I signed in reply after thinking about it. She nodded once again as she wrote.

"Edward, have you witnessed this in Bella as well?" she asked as she looked up at him and he nodded.

"Yeah, when we first started talking I expected her to be furious with me, but it didn't last very long. There have been other times when I would have expected her to be angry, but it either never came, or it disappeared so quickly that I didn't catch it," he explained as she wrote yet again on that damn clipboard. I wanted to snatch it from her to see what she was writing so diligently so badly that my fingers were twitching.

"Bella, did you have any trouble expressing your anger prior to moving away?" she asked after she had finished writing. I shook my head and Edward snorted lightly. I shot him a look and he muttered a quick "sorry" as he looked at me apologetically.

"Edward, do you agree that Bella didn't have any trouble expressing her anger prior to that day as well?" she asked as she poised her pen to start writing again. My curiosity in regards to what she was writing was eating me alive as I sat there willing myself not to jump off that couch and grab the board from her.

"Whole heartedly," he chuckled and I shot him another look.

"What? It's true," he muttered as he looked at me defensively. I rolled my eyes and looked back at Mary.

"If you could describe her temperament from that time in one word what would it be?" she asked with an amused expression.

"Feisty," he chuckled and she wrote it down as I chewed on the side of my cheek.

"You seem to be fond of that trait. Do you miss it?" she asked and I tilted my head to look at him curiously.

"I am, and I miss it very much," he admitted as he smiled lovingly at me. I fought the urge to roll my eyes and mutter bullshit under my breath. There's no way he missed that about me. How could you miss a quality about someone that caused frequent arguments over practically nothing?

"Why do you miss it?" she asked and once again I looked at him, entirely too curious for his answer for my own good.

"I miss it because she was the only person I could argue with for hours on end without wanting to rip my hair out. I think sometimes I instigated arguments, or formed false opposing opinions just to watch her and listen to her rant and rave about why I was wrong. It was amusing," he chuckled and I looked at him in shock.

"What did you find so amusing about it?" she asked and I pursed my lips as I awaited his answer.

"It was like watching a ferocious tiger trapped inside the body of a baby kitten," he laughed and I narrowed my eyes at him as I attempted to stifle my own amusement at his analogy. Apparently I was doing better at that than Mary as she had to cough to cover up the chuckles that had slipped from her.

"So these arguments were never really fights?" she asked curiously after she and Edward had composed themselves.

"No. We never truly fought about anything really. Our arguments always revolved around meaningless things like TV shows, music, and stuff like that," he responded and I snorted as I shook my head.

"Do you disagree, Bella?" Mary asked and I nodded and stifled my amusement at his expression.

'We fought constantly about his overprotective nature. Whenever he would try to stop me from doing something we would end up fighting until he gave in and let me do what I wanted to.' I signed and he scoffed.

"That's because I knew you would get hurt, and you _always_ did," he muttered and I rolled my eyes.

'Not always.' I signed to him defensively.

"Name one time after we argued when you _didn't _get hurt," he challenged and I thought about it for a minute.

'I didn't get hurt that time Emmett pulled me behind his four wheeler on a snow tube.' I signed with a smug grin.

"Riiight," he drawled, "because ending up in the bushes when he took that turn to fast was so much better than getting hurt."

'But I didn't get hurt.' I retorted quickly in sign.

"But you could have...easily," he responded with a quirked brow.

'But the point is that I didn't.' I signed as I pursed my lips and narrowed my eyes.

"That doesn't change the fact that you could have been hurt," he replied indignantly and I narrowed my eyes further at him.

'You didn't ask if I could have been hurt. You asked me to name one time when I _didn't _get hurt.' I signed determinedly.

"Alright, alright. You win...for now," he chuckled and I grinned victoriously.

It wasn't until Mary cleared her throat that I remembered where we were. I blushed profusely as I turned to look back at her, unable to believe that we had just lost ourselves in our own little world in the middle of her office.

"Our time is just about up, but I wanted to hear both of your thoughts on Friday's meeting before you left. Did either of you find it helpful?" she asked and I noticed that we both nodded to her. When she focused her gaze on me, I readily responded.

'It may seem weird, but I found that listening to how people made it through their experiences gave me hope that I could make it through as well.' I signed sincerely. She smiled and nodded to me.

"That's not weird at all. That's the purpose of the group sessions. As you continue through your recovery, you'll find that the group sessions provide different things to help you make it through, depending on where you are in your recovery. Typically, people suggest that in the beginning they provide hope, in the middle they provide encouragement and strength to share your story and open yourself to others, and in the end they provide you with comfort and pride in the knowledge that you're able to help others make their way through their hardships. What did you think of Melanie's story?" she asked and I felt a sharp pain shoot through my chest.

'It was horrible. I cried the whole time, and cried even harder when she started describing how she felt. It was so similar to what I've felt.' I signed honestly.

"Do you understand now why I told you to listen to her story specifically?" she asked and I nodded.

"She made it through, Bella, and you will too. Just remember that I can't fully help you until you let me in. I know it's difficult, and it makes you uncomfortable, but at some point you have to let your walls down so we can work through this together," she said encouragingly and I nodded once again.

'I know. I'm trying. This is all just new to me, but I really am trying.' I signed and she smiled and nodded to me.

"What about you, Edward? How did you find it to be helpful?" she asked and I looked at him.

"I think listening to Melanie's husband helped me the most. I understood what he was feeling when he talked about Melanie pushing him away and self destructing in front of him. I knew before then that this wasn't going to be easy, but it helps knowing what he's been through. It kind of makes me feel... more prepared, I guess is the best way to put it, for what we might face together in the future," he responded and I gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

No matter how much I wished we wouldn't go through half of what they did, there was no way I could deny that it was a possibility. Especially not with how similar Melanie's reactions were to my own. In a perfect world, neither of us would have ever had to experience any of this, but unfortunately it isn't perfect. I only hoped that somehow Edward and I would make it through this without quite as many ups and downs as Melanie and Mark had been through. I don't think I'd be able to witness Edward on the verge of giving up as Mark had admitted he had been at one point in time. The thought of it alone was capable of destroying me.

"Are you both planning on attending the next one?" she asked curiously, thoroughly disrupting my downward spiral thought process. Edward looked to me and I smiled as I nodded to Mary.

"I'm happy to hear that. Well, our time is up. Try to continue writing in your journals, and Bella, please try to utilize the recital technique at least once a day. It will only help you in the long run," she said encouragingly.

'I'll try.' I signed sincerely and she nodded as she stood from her seat.

"I look forward to seeing you both next Tuesday," she said with a smile. We thanked her and made our way out of her office with our journals in hand. When we got into the car, I turned toward Edward and chuckled silently.

"Is it just me, or did today seem almost like a repeat of last week?" I whispered and he chuckled.

"No... you only feel that way because you had to do that Pete and Repeat thing again," he said and I scrunched up my face at him.

"God, how long am I gonna have to do that for?" I whispered as I sank back into my seat. He took my hand and gave it a good squeeze and I looked back at him.

"Until it sinks in, love. That's how long you're gonna have to do it for," he replied and I wanted to groan.

"Great. That means forever," I whispered dismally.

"Hey, look at me," he said seriously, and I did. "It's not going to be forever. It wasn't your fault, and as soon as you realize that, you'll be able to work through it." I sighed and nodded to him as I squeezed his hand.

"I love you, Bella. We will make it through this," he vowed.

"I love you too," I whispered and leaned over to kiss him.

He smiled and started the car as I leaned back in my seat, and we started the journey back home. He was silent through the trip, leaving me to my thoughts and hopes that somehow we could possibly make it through all of this and still be together and happy with each other in the end. As we pulled up to his house, and he pulled into the garage, I pulled my cell phone out and sent a quick text to Jake.

_Can you please tell your dad that I need to speak with him when he gets back?_

_Thanks -B._

_

* * *

_

**AN: ****Okay so I've hit a bit of a wall of indecision today regarding this story. Many of you are "dying" to hear what Billy has to say so I'm going to leave this up to all of you. Which would you prefer to come after this chapter? The championship game in Seattle or "The talk"? I leave it up to all of you. It will be posted the week I get back. Keep in mind that if you all want her to talk to Billy in the next update... I'll be skipping the entirety of the game and only providing a brief overview...basically consisting of who won. If you have a preference, leave it in your review. If you do not have an account on here... visit my profile and drop me an e-mail. Whatever the majority of responses wants is what I'm going to go with.**

**Much love to you all...I'll c ya in two weeks! Leave me some love while I'm gone... I'm gonna need it to recover from 14 days of being with my insane family :::sniffle::: I'll miss you guys.**


	70. Sleepless in Seattle

**AN: Well hello again my amazingly awesome readers. You guys did some serious damage on my inbox while I was gone LOL and I loved every second of it! So based on all of the reviews and PMs that I got, this chapter...as you can probably tell by the title... is of Seattle. Billy's up next so don't die on me out of suspense ^_^. With any luck I'll have the next chapter out by Friday. When I first wrote this chapter, I used up about 10000 words just on the car ride to Seattle, basing it off my 22 hour drive with my family. I chucked it, because really..who cares about the damn car ride. I only let one funny moment slip in this chapter...maybe two. To anyone who's wondering about my little family vacation..let me just put it this way... I'm burnt and peeling, annoyed that someone threw my notebook that had a few chapters written in it away, and about two seconds away from filing a restraining order on some of the members of my family. Aside from that... Florida and panning for fossilized shark's teeth was _awesome_...insert sarcasm here. BTW if you ever get a nasty sunburn..Noxema works wonders...who knew?!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or anything related to it...but I have recently aquired some stinky shark's teeth and pretty shells...they stink too right now ^_^**

* * *

Sleepless in Seattle

BPOV

After getting home from therapy on Tuesday, Edward and I had dinner with Liz before sitting at the table studying for finals the next week. My concentration on the study material was poor to say the least. My mind kept swirling with hundreds of different thoughts, but kept returning to a single one frequently. I had said that my parents' death wasn't my fault. As I stared at my Western Civ. book, not comprehending a single word on the page, I tried to concentrate on that one reoccurring thought. I hadn't even been thinking of my parents at the time. Truthfully, I hadn't been thinking much of anything at all aside from how uncomfortable I felt sitting there with that stupid mirror as they watched me. I chewed on my lip as I tried to think of what had led me to say that.

_**You're a dolt. You said it because it's true. It wasn't your fault.**_

_Ugh..here we go again…_

_**And we're going to keep going here until you get it through that thick skull of yours. Why is it so damn hard to believe that it wasn't your fault? You were a child. What could you have possibly done that would have changed the course of events that had taken place?**_

_Kept my mouth shut, like I've said a thousand times…_

_**It wouldn't have changed anything, and deep down you know it.**_

_What if it did? What if it would have changed everything and I screwed it all up?_

_**What if it didn't? You can ask the what ifs all day long, but that won't change a damn thing now. What if your dad hadn't been a cop? What if you all had moved somewhere other than Phoenix? What if you all had left a day earlier, or a day later, or hadn't been home that day. What if, what if, what if. Has that changed anything??**_

_No… of course it hasn't, but that doesn't mean that it wouldn't have. _

_**We'll never know if it would have or not, because it already happened. You need to let go, Bella. Thinking about the what ifs won't take you back to that moment to find out if something would have changed. Let it go and work through what happened. It's all you can do now.**_

_Easier said than done…_

_**Yeah…I'm aware of that, but you can do it.**_

"Bella?" Edward called, pulling me from my internal rambling. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I whispered as I nodded.

"You sure?" he had asked and I shrugged in response. "What's wrong?"

He pushed his books away from him and pulled his chair around so that he was sitting in front of me. I didn't even know what to tell him with how jumbled my thoughts were. He waited patiently as I tried to think of something that would at least make sense to him.

'I can't concentrate. I'm ready to explode with everything that's going through my head and everything I'm feeling because of what's going through my head.' I signed to him, conveying my overall dilemma at the moment.

"What's going through your head?" he asked curiously as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.

'Everything. School, finals, Carlisle and Esme, the parole hearing, Billy, what happened in therapy today, therapy in general, college, what ifs about my parents. I don't think there's much of anything that isn't going through my mind.' I signed quickly, thinking I probably looked insane after listing off so many things.

"What can I do to help?" he asked and I shrugged as I rubbed my temples.

"I don't know…. I just don't know anymore," I whispered in defeat as I had slumped down in my chair.

"Try writing it all out in your journal. Maybe it will help. At least you'll be able to get it all out, even if it doesn't make sense at the moment," he offered and I sighed as I nodded.

I went and grabbed my journal from the living room where we had left them when we came in, and sat back down at the table, pen in hand and completely unable to focus on what to write. I finally just put the pen to the paper and started scribbling. At first it seemed like a bunch of nonsense, just random words that had popped in my head, but as I continued to write they started coming together and making a little bit of sense. Well to me at least.

An hour and probably ten pages later, I shut the book and pushed it away from me. My mind wasn't clear, but it was a lot less chaotic than it had been. Edward looked up from his book and smiled slightly.

"Better?" he asked and I nodded as I smiled faintly in return. "A little," I whispered.

He pushed his book away again and stretched his arms above his head. "I think I'm done for the night."

I nodded in agreement and started putting my books back in my school bag. I was tired…physically, mentally, and emotionally. How sitting on a couch for an hour answering questions drained the life out of you was beyond me, but it did nonetheless. All I wanted to do was check my e-mail and go to sleep, and it had only been about eight o'clock.

Edward and I said goodnight to Liz, Ed Sr. hadn't returned home yet when we made the trek up to Edward's room for the night. I changed in the guest room, and picked up his laptop on my way over to his bed, anxious to see if I had gotten another e-mail from Esme and Carlisle yet. I was starting to count down the days until they returned home. They had only been gone almost a week, but it felt like so much longer. I missed them so much, and Sunday couldn't have come quick enough for me.

Edward and I read their e-mail of the day together, chuckling lightly as Esme ranted about being dragged around Phoenix by Carlisle and Billy. The only thing she had enjoyed out of the excursion had been the trip to the art museum. They seemed to be having just as hard a time being away from me as I was having with being away from them. It didn't help that the closer it got to Friday, the day we found out the final ruling in the parole hearing, the more anxious and worried we all got. The waiting was horrendous and it was taking its toll on everyone.

Esme and Carlisle reassured me constantly in each e-mail they sent that they were doing everything possible to ensure that their parole would be denied. They answered every question the parole board members asked, provided photographs, statements, my account of what had happened that day… everything they could think of, and now all we could do was wait to hear their final ruling. It baffled me that they could be up for parole so soon after the incident. How was a little over five years sufficient punishment for all they had done? It hurt so bad to know that while I had lost everything in my life, they had only lost a few years.

When we were finished reading the e-mail, I started to write back to them. I wrote to them about school that day, therapy, everything I could think of. I told them how much I missed them, and how badly I couldn't wait for them to come home. I tried to encourage Esme to at least attempt to enjoy some sightseeing while they were there, but I'm fairly sure my argument fell flat. I just wanted them to come home. Selfishly, I could have cared less what sights they saw while they were there. Given the choice, I'd never step foot in that place again in my life. With any luck, they'd never have to again either.

I finished typing up the e-mail, adding in how much I loved and missed them multiple times, and sent it to them. Edward checked his e-mail quickly, deleting a whole bunch of junk before shutting down the computer and putting it back on the desk. We spent an hour or two just cuddling, kissing, and whispering to each other that night before falling asleep.

The rest of this week passed in a chaotic whirl of busy school activities. The guys were stuck in practice until almost six every night as Alice and I sat on the bleachers watching them. Everyone seemed to be amped up for the trip to Seattle. Emmett, Jasper, and Edward talked about it non-stop, straight up until it was time for us to leave the school, pack up the vehicles, and leave for Seattle.

I made sure to send my e-mail to Esme and Carlisle right after we got home from the school, since I wouldn't be able to once we left. I promised to send a text message to them as soon as we arrived in Seattle, and begged them to call as soon as they heard from the parole board. I sent the e-mail and shut the laptop down, grabbed my phone from the desk and headed back downstairs to join everyone else.

Just as I hit the bottom step, my phone started ringing. I flipped it open quickly, fumbling as I brought it up to my ear.

"Hello?" I whispered as my heart pounded in my chest.

"Hi, sweetheart. It's over, honey. Billy just called, they've been denied parole," Carlisle said and I sobbed as I let out the breath I had been holding.

"It's okay, honey. We'll be home late tomorrow night and we'll see you as soon as you get home on Sunday," he soothed as I sank down onto the steps, crying in a mix of relief and longing for them to be here with me.

"I can't wait," I whispered hoarsely and let out a strange mix of a sob and a silent laugh. "Where's Mom?"

"She's right here, hold on," he said and a moment later I heard her sniffle as she took the phone.

"Hi, honey," she hiccupped and I smiled as I wiped my eyes.

"I miss you, Mom," I whispered brokenly.

"Oh, Bella, I miss you too. Two more days, honey," she replied and I nodded. "Are you all packed and ready to leave for Seattle?"

"Yeah," I whispered just as Liz turned the corner and saw me sitting on the stairs. She came and sat next to me, wrapping an arm around me as I cleared the fresh tears away from my face.

"Okay, wish the boys good luck for us. Is Liz or Ed around?" she asked and I nodded stupidly.

"Yeah, Liz is right here," I whispered quickly as I looked at her. "Do you want to talk to her?"

"Yes. Have fun in Seattle, honey. Call me or send me a message when you get there, okay? I love you," she responded.

"I will. I love you too, Mom," I replied and then handed the phone to Liz. She ran her hand down the back of my head as she took the phone and stood from the stairs.

"Esme? What did they say?" she asked as she walked off toward the kitchen. I stood from the steps and wandered out the front door, wiping the last of my tears away as I went in search of everyone.

Edward and Emmett were just finishing loading up the back of his Jeep with all of their equipment and our belongings, and Jasper and Alice still hadn't returned from her house yet. Edward caught sight of me wiping my face and his laughter ceased immediately as he hurriedly came in my direction.

"What is it?" he asked worriedly. I chuckled silently and sniffled as I wrapped my arms around him and shook my head.

"It's over," I whispered as he nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck. "Their parole was denied."

"Really?" he asked, his tone relieved as he pulled his head back and a smile began to spread across his lips. I nodded and smiled up at him. He crushed me to him, lifting my feet off the ground as he hugged me fiercely.

"I knew it would be. It had to be," he murmured as he placed my feet back down on the ground.

"Bro, it was denied," he said as he turned toward Emmett who was looking on anxiously. He thrust his fist up in the air victoriously and made his way over to us just as Alice and Jasper pulled up in the driveway.

"What's going on?" she asked as she hopped out of the car quickly, Jasper trailing right behind her.

"Phoenix is a done deal. Their parole was denied," Emmett informed them happily. Alice covered her mouth as she quickly moved toward me.

"Thank God," she sighed as she wrapped her arms around me. Jasper smiled and nodded to me as he clapped Edward on the back.

"Are you kids ready?" Ed Sr. called a few minutes later as he and Liz walked out of the front door. She came up to me and handed me back my cell phone as she kissed me on the forehead.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly as she smoothed the back of my hair down. I nodded and smiled up at her.

"I'm fine… I just miss them," I whispered and she smiled sadly as she nodded.

"They'll be home soon, honey," she said reassuringly and I nodded. "Did you all finish packing the Jeep?"

"Yeah Mom…Alice and Jasper just have to throw their bags in and we're ready to go," Edward said as he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me to his side.

"Okay, you all know which hotel we're going to right?" she asked as Ed put their bags in their car. Edward smiled and nodded to her.

"Yeah, Mom…we'll meet you up there. Emmett still has to get gas, and we wanted to grab a bite to eat before hitting the road," he replied.

"Sounds good. Be careful, don't speed, and no horsing around inside the Jeep," she said as she waved a finger at him. He laughed and nodded to her as he pulled me toward the Jeep.

"We'll see you guys later!" he called out to her as he waved. I smiled and waved at her as he ushered me into the back seat of the Jeep.

"You ready to hit the open road Belly Bear?" Emmett asked as he turned and grinned at me from the front seat. I nodded to him as I smiled and Alice bounced up and down next to me. Jasper took the front passenger seat, leaving Alice, Edward and I in the back.

"Is Rosalie staying with us or is she staying at her dorm?" Alice asked as Emmett started turning around in the driveway. He honked and we all waved as we began pulling away from Edward's parents.

"She's staying with us...we're picking her up when we get there," he said as he started messing around with the radio. She cheered excitedly and Edward and I laughed.

"What hotel are we staying at, bro?" Emmett asked as he pulled into the nearest gas station.

"The Mariott I think... I loaded it into your GPS," he responded as he pointed to the device on the dashboard.

"Damn...everyone else is staying at a Motel 6 or something like that," he chuckled in response.

"Bella...they have an indoor/outdoor pool there!" Alice squealed excitedly.

'That's great Ali. I'm not going skinny dipping.' I signed to her as I laughed.

"You don't need to. I packed your swimsuit in my bag. You left it in my shopping bag last weekend," she chuckled.

'What about everyone else?' I signed to her, hoping to be able to get out of having to wear that swimsuit in front of everyone.

"Emmett, did you pack swim trunks?" she asked him as she rolled down her window.

"No..but I have a pair at Rosalie's dorm. They have a sweet pool on campus," he replied as he turned toward her.

"Did you pack one, Edward?" she asked and he shook his head as he responded. "No...I didn't think I'd need one."

"Do you have anything in your bag that you can swim in?" she asked, frowning slightly.

"I can probably swim in my gym shorts...but then I'll have nothing to sleep in," he chuckled and I turned bright red thinking of him sleeping in nothing.

"You can wear my swim trunks, man. I'll use the pair of board shorts I was planning on wearing home on Sunday," Jasper said as he turned toward the back seat. Alice clapped happily as Edward nodded to him, and I slumped against him. I had only bought that swimsuit to appease the fashion divas...never had I thought I'd actually wear the damn thing.

"I hope we get there before the pool closes," Alice chirped.

_Please let there be traffic... Please let there be traffic..._I plead mentally as Emmett got back in the Jeep.

After a quick bite to eat at a local burger joint, we were on our way to Seattle. As soon as we hit the highway, Emmett and Jasper started playing punch buggy with each other as Alice climbed over me and weaseled her way in between the seats to change the radio station.

"Oohhh I love this song!" she squealed as she turned the volume up to the point that the seats were vibrating with the bass. She scrambled back into her seat and started belting out the words to Muse's 'Supermassive Black Hole'. I laughed as she danced around in her seat to the beat of the song.

"Oh man that's nasty!" Emmett bellowed as we flew down the highway.

"What?" Edward called to him over the blaring radio. Emmett turned his head slightly and jabbed a thumb in the Jasper's direction.

"Jasper just cut one!" he laughed and we all snickered...until we smelt it.

"IT WASN'T ME YOU ASS!" Jasper hollered.

"Then who was it?" Emmett asked as looked at him incredulously.

"Maybe it was you, ya pig! Whoever smelt it dealt it jackass!" Jasper retorted.

"Well I didn't let one fly...and they just caught whiff of it in the back seat judging by their faces...so that only leaves you!" Emmett argued and we all laughed.

"Um...guys? I don't think anyone cut one. Emmett you're behind a damn cattle trailer...," Edward pointed out.

"Told you it wasn't me!" Jasper cried out and Emmett laughed as he switched lanes and passed the stinky trailer. As soon as we were in the clear, everyone rolled down their windows to air out the truck.

"How long before we get there?" Alice asked me and I shrugged as I looked at the clock.

'Probably about three hours or so.' I signed to her as Edward got a hit in on both Jasper and Emmett for a red punch buggy on the opposite side of the highway. He laughed as they rubbed the spots he had pummeled. I'd never understand why they always played that damn game with each other on long car rides. Even when we were kids, as soon as we hit a highway they started it up, ignoring the warnings from the adults we were traveling with.

Alice pulled out her iPod and handed me one of her ear buds as the guys continued playing punch buggy. I scooted closer to her when one of Emmett's blind swings in Edward's direction almost caught me. I think I fell asleep on Alice's shoulder shortly after they started playing would you rather.

I awoke in the truck to someone shaking me, and I thought it was Alice, but when I opened my eyes I was sitting on Edward's lap. I looked around in confusion as he chuckled.

"Morning, beautiful," he whispered in my ear. Jasper was now in the back seat, where I had been sitting when I fell asleep and Rosalie was in the front passenger seat.

"How long was I asleep?" I whispered back to him as I snuggled into his chest.

"About three and a half hours. Did you sleep okay?" he asked and I yawned as I nodded. Emmett pulled the truck to a stop and killed the engine. We all got out and the guys started unloading the truck. I gave Rose a quick hug hello before we all made the trek up to the lobby, and I sent Esme a message assuring her of our safe arrival in Seattle as we walked. Ed Sr. and Liz were already there waiting for us as we walked in through the door.

"So there's been a little change in the rooms. We're all on the same floor, but they didn't have the suites we had requested, they were overbooked this weekend. Alice, Rosalie and Bella will be in 634, you boys will be in 639, and we will be in 627. The rooms only have two beds so either share one or someone take the couch," Ed said as he passed out keys.

"Liz and I will be doing room checks, so don't get any funny ideas," he warned as he looked at all of us.

"If you all get hungry, order room service. Ed and I are going to grab a quick bite to eat while you all get settled in," Liz said with a warm smile.

We all nodded and thanked them before heading off to the elevator. While we were all getting our things into our rooms, Alice ran to see what time the pool closed. I let out a breath of relief when she came back grumbling that it was just closing as we had arrived. We ordered room service and sat around in front of the TV as we ate. Liz came in a little after eleven and told the guys it was time for them to head to their own room. I kissed Edward goodnight and laughed as he bolted out of the door ahead of Emmett and Jasper, yelling that he got dibs on the bed and he wasn't sharing.

Alice, Rosalie and I ended up sharing just one of the queen sized beds, laughing as we tried to guess who was sleeping on the couch in the other room. A little after one am, Rosalie slipped out of the bed and waved a key in front of us. We looked at her curiously as her mischievous smirk grew.

"It's the key to their room. Let's go sneak in and see who's on the couch," she whispered conspiratorially. Alice quickly hopped off the bed as I shook my head.

"What if Liz or Ed catches us?" I whispered worriedly.

"Bella," Rose whined. "It's one am...they're asleep!" My gaze shifted between the two of them, waiting for one of them to come to their senses.

"Fine," I whispered as I caved. I slid out of the bed and we padded quietly down the hall. Rose and Alice snickered and shushed each other as they slid the magnetic key into the door, earning a slight click and a green light. They grinned at each other and Rosalie put her finger up to her lips as she looked at me. I rolled my eyes at her.

_As if I'm the one we all have to worry about here..._

She pushed the door in and stepped inside first, Alice and I holding onto each other as we crossed the darkened doorway. There was just enough light flowing in the window from the city lights to make out our way around the room. I tapped Rosalie on the arm and pointed to the empty couch. It had a blanket tossed on the end, but no one was in it. She and Alice snickered quietly as they started taking steps toward the bedroom.

I swear, if I was able to laugh out loud, we would have been caught as soon as we entered the bedroom. Jasper and Emmett were spooning on the bed closest to the door. Edward was sprawled out on the bed across the room, the blanket and sheets twisted around his legs. I frowned at his sleeping form, wondering what made him so restless. He never tossed and turned in bed. I looked back at Rosalie and Alice, prepared to start pulling them from the room as they held onto each other, shaking from the effort of stifling their laughter.

"Let's go," I whispered as I gave a little tug on Rosalie's arm. They nodded and we turned toward the bedroom door, trying to make a quiet escape. Their little snorts and whimpers weren't helping me to suppress my own amusement at the moment.

Then, just because I'm me, and I'm cursed like that...I banged my leg into the side of a table. We all froze in the room, the only thing I could hear was my pounding pulse in my ears. The silence around us was deafening for a series of moments before it was ruptured by a holler from the bedroom.

"WHAT THE HELL EMMETT! GET OFF ME!" Jasper roared. Alice, Rose an I latched onto each other as we tried to find someplace to hide. Unfortunately, there really wasn't anywhere for us to go as a loud thump came from the bedroom.

"Shit," Rosalie whisper yelled as she tried to pull us toward the door.

"What'd ya push me off the bed for?!" Emmett bellowed back.

"Oh my God...SHUT UP! I just fell asleep!" Edward wailed and it sounded like a pillow flew across the room. Rosalie pulled us out into the hallway and shut the door quietly before bursting into laughter.

I shook my head and started walking down the hall as they kept laughing. I had only gotten a few feet away before I heard one of them whisper something and their footsteps coming quick and heavy down the hallway. They each grabbed one of my arms and pulled me with them as they sprinted down the hall. Rose frantically opened our door and we all but fell into the room as Alice pushed us from behind. As soon as the door shut I looked at them questioningly.

"Someone was coming," Rose said breathlessly as she looked between me and the door. What seemed like moments later, someone knocked on our door, causing Rosalie and Alice to jump slightly. We stared at it, not knowing whether or not to open it.

"Bella? Are you up?" Edward's sleepy and annoyed voice floated through the door. I frowned at Rose and Alice as I took a step toward the door.

"We woke him up," I whispered sadly as I went to turn the knob. They grinned sheepishly and backed away, heading toward the bedroom. I opened the door and chanced a peek at him, hoping he wasn't angry with me for having woken him up. I didn't expect to see him wrapped up in his blanket and carrying his pillow.

"Can I sleep on your couch? Those idiots have been carrying on all night," he grumbled and I fought back the sigh of relief that we hadn't been caught. I nodded and opened the door for him.

"Won't your parents get mad?" I whispered as I shut the door behind him.

"I don't care. I need sleep," he muttered as he wrapped his blanketed arm around me.

"You can sleep in the other bed," I whispered as I led him down the hall. "We're all sharing one."

I kissed him quickly and pointed to the empty bed before sliding into the other one next to Alice. He mumbled a thanks as he slid into the other bed and pulled the blanket over his head. Rosalie and Alice were shaking the bed with their silent laughter, tears in both of their eyes as Edward started snoring lightly.

"Stop," I whispered to them, not wanting them to burst into obnoxiously loud laughter and wake him up. They took a few deep breaths as I shut the light out beside us, at least attempting to calm themselves. The bed continued to shake slightly as I laid on my side staring at the lump in the bed that was Edward, and found myself fighting off my own amusement. It didn't help that their quiet snickers and wheezes were fueling me on either.

"I wish we coulda seen it when Em and Jazz woke up," Alice whispered through her silent laughter. Rosalie let out a wheezing laugh and I turned just in time to see her pull the covers over her head.

"Shhh, we're gonna wake him up again," I whispered through my chuckles.

"Alright...alright... I'm good," Rosalie said quietly as she wiped away at her eyes.

We said goodnight to each other and only a few more bursts of silent laughter shook the bed periodically before the room went completely still and silent. I had just fallen asleep when Alice rolled over and smacked me in the face with her hand. My eyes opened and I gently moved her hand and arm away before closing them again. A short while later, she rolled again and kicked me in the leg. I grumbled and rolled onto my side, shoving the pillow under my head roughly. I closed my eyes again and fought to fall asleep.

I finally gave up after she almost pushed me out of the bed. I took my pillow and padded lightly over to Edward's bed, hoping to slip in without disturbing him. As soon as I hit the mattress, he rolled over and his eyes cracked open.

"What are you doing?" he asked sleepily as he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me to his chest.

"Alice keeps kicking me," I whispered as I wrapped my arms around him. He hummed and nodded, kissing my forehead before laying his head back down and closing his eyes.

"I love you," he mumbled and I smiled as I kissed his chin.

"I love you too," I whispered as I closed my eyes. Finally, _finally_, I was able to fall asleep.

The next morning was complete chaos. I awoke in an empty bed, with Rosalie and Alice running around the room getting dressed. I sat up in bed as Alice tossed me some clothes.

"Bella...we overslept. The game starts in an hour," she said quickly and I hurriedly slid out of the bed.

"Why didn't Liz wake us?" I whispered as Alice sat next to me, putting her shoes on.

"They overslept too. Edward was the first one up this morning," she said and I nodded as I started changing my clothes.

Twenty minutes later, Liz hurried through our door and placed a bag down on the table for us. We picked out our breakfast items quickly before following her out the door. My hair was an absolute mess, and I was still trying to pull it back into a messy bun as we waited for the elevator. The guys had already taken off together to get to the field, so we were riding with Liz and Ed.

We arrived just in time to see them finishing up their practice on the field. Edward seemed to be nervously checking the bleachers for us so I stood and waved, hoping to catch his attention. He grinned widely and waved back as he spotted me and I blew him a kiss.

After the national anthem had been sung, the players took to the field. Emmett jogged all the way out to the far left, and Jasper took his spot at second base. Edward was standing at the mound with someone I didn't recognize. An announcer came over the loudspeaker, stating that the first pitch was being thrown by the Mariner's starting pitcher, Erik Bedard. Edward shook his hand after it had been thrown to the catcher, and took his place on the mound.

Alice and Rosalie cheered, and I clapped each time he threw a strike. Watching him in game mode was completely different from anything I had seen while they were practicing. He was graceful, focused, and his movements were sinfully fluid. After four batters, with only one earning a hit off of one of Edward's pitches, the teams switched and Ben stepped up to the plate. Edward was off to the side of the dugout animatedly speaking to the team. I was so captivated by watching him, that when Ben hit the ball, the loud crack almost startled me out of my seat. Alice and Rosalie laughed as I righted myself and turned my focus to the field. Ben made it safely to first base and Jasper stepped up to the plate. Alice squealed loudly and clapped as he playfully swung the bat around. That had to take some serious talent. I'm certain that had I tried to do something like that, I would end up giving myself a concussion.

He had a look of intense concentration as he awaited the pitch to be thrown. He didn't even flinch as it whizzed by him, and the Ump called it a ball. He swung his bat around and stepped forward again, positioning himself for the second pitch. I noticed a slight grin grace his lips as he swung the bat forward, a loud crack echoing through the air as it sailed up and out toward the back end of center field. Ben raced to second, attempted to steal third but thought better of it as the player in the field got hold of the ball and threw it toward the second baseman. He slid safely back to second as another player stepped up to bat.

Once again, after three pitches, two balls and one strike, that loud crack echoed through the field. With Ben on third, Jasper on second, and their teammate on first, the bases were fully loaded as Emmett waltzed up to the plate. He pointed his bat toward the area between left and center fields and swung it around as he took his stance. Rosalie and Alice stood and screamed as the ball disappeared behind the wall, earning our team a home run, and bringing all three of our players on bases home with it. I wished so badly that I could scream and cheer for them the way that Alice, Rose, and Edward's parents were, but the most I could do was clap and grin widely.

The score was still 4-0 when the teams switched sides again. Edward's pitching was damn near flawless, and the few hits that were achieved off of them, hadn't even earned them bases as they were all called out before they made it to first base. Edward spoke animatedly to his teammates again as one of them took their stance in front of the catcher. He bunted it and slid safely into first base. The thought occurred to me as I watched the game, that had my father not been so into sports, baseball especially, I wouldn't have had the slightest clue what was going on. The thought both saddened me and forced me to smile, thinking how much he would have enjoyed watching this game.

"GO JAZZY!!!" Alice screamed, pulling me out of my reverie as Jasper made his way up to the plate. He waved and we all waved back, clapping and cheering him on. He got one strike before sending the ball flying over the wall, making the score 6-0. We hugged and jumped around as the guys jogged around the bases heading for home plate. By the time they switched sides again, the score was 7-0 with only Edward scoring another point as he stole bases during his teammates hits.

During the fourth inning, Edward was icing his shoulder as another teammate took the mound to pitch. The score was 8-3 as the first pitch was thrown. The batter swung and hit the ball, sending it toward Emmett who was running to catch it. We clapped and cheered as the Ump called the batter out and Emmett took his position again. The second batter managed to make it to second base, and was trying to steal third as the next batter took his stance at the plate. The loud crack echoed through the air, and both the center fielder and Emmett were running after it. Emmett caught it and launched it toward Jasper as he ran, Jasper quickly tossing it to the catcher just before the batter made it home. The ump called the outs on the double play and the teams switched sides as the stands erupted into a mix of cheers and boos.

Liz an Ed bought us some snacks and soda from a little vendor stand at some point during the sixth inning, and we watched as Edward paced the dugout. The last two innings hadn't gone so well for them, and the opposing team had scored a few times, bringing the current score to 9-7. He seemed to be arguing with Coach Clapp about something, as he swung his arm around in front of him. The bases were loaded with Jasper on third, Emmett on second, and one of their teammates on first. I watched as Edward shook his head at the coach and stormed out of the dugout, grabbing a bat on his way and stomping up to the plate.

"Should he be batting?" Alice asked concernedly as we watched him swing the bat around, preparing himself to take his stance.

"I don't know," I whispered as I shrugged and looked at her worriedly. She grabbed my hand and we watched as he swung at the ball, the Ump calling out a strike immediately. Edward pinched the bridge of his nose before stepping back up to the plate, readying himself for another swing. The pitch was thrown, and he swung again, the Ump calling out another strike. Edward kicked the dirt and huffed as I started mentally praying for him to hit the next one.

"He's working himself up," Rosalie said quietly and I nodded as I willed him to look up in our direction. He swung his bat around and at the last second before stepping up to the plate, he looked up. I smiled and blew a kiss to him, earning a wide grin from him as he winked at me. Even from where I sat, I could see the tension drain from him as he stepped up to the plate.

"You can do it," I whispered as I gripped Alice's hand and leaned forward. The pitcher threw the ball, and I swore the bat should have broken with the thunderous sound as it connected with the ball.

"WOOOOOOOO GO EDWARD!!!!!" Alice and Rosalie screamed as we all stood and started jumping around. The ball hit the scoreboard, and he threw a victory punch in the air as he tossed the bat aside and jogged his way around the bases.

It had started to get chilly as the afternoon progressed, and I found myself huddling with Alice and Rosalie to keep warm. It didn't help that the wind had picked up, making it feel that much colder.

"Bella, you're pocket's vibrating," Alice muttered through her chattering teeth. Ed and Liz had given us a small blanket, but it wasn't doing much when all three of us were trying to use it at once. I slipped my hand into my pocket and fished out my phone, smiling as my jaw chattered uncontrollably as I read the text message. It was from Edward telling me to get their jackets out of the Jeep. Even in the middle of a game he was looking out for me.

"Who was it?" Rose asked as she shivered and tugged the blanket up higher. I showed her the message and she jumped up instantly.

"Shit I'm freezing...I'll go get em," she said and quickly hurried off. I typed out a return message to him, thanking him from all of us before Alice and I wrapped ourselves up. Minutes later, Rosalie came back wearing Emmett's jacket and holding Edward's and Jasper's. It was hilarious seeing the three of us wearing them, especially Rosalie and Alice because they could almost disappear in them with how big they were. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I opened it to see the message.

**I think you should wear that jacket all the time ::wink:: I love you. -E**

I chuckled silently to myself as I typed a message back to him as he sat in the dugout watching me.

**I'm glad you think that way because you're not getting it back...ever. I love you too ::kiss:: -B**

Seconds later my phone vibrated again.

**Mmm...not the same. You should come down here and give me one. -E**

I laughed and blushed as I typed back once again.

"God you two are pathetic," Rosalie snickered and I chuckled silently as I shrugged and nodded.

**Save it for when you win. It will be your victory prize. -B**

I laughed as I looked up and saw him pouting as he typed back on his phone.

**Does that mean I don't get one if we lose? ::pout:: -E**

I quickly typed back as Alice and Rosalie laughed on either side of me. They can make fun of us all they want to, they're just as pathetic as we are sometimes.

**I can see you pouting from here. What did you say to me one time... a bird is liable to poop on your lip? Whether you win or lose your prize will be waiting. Suck that lip in Masen... I'm not kissing bird dookie! -B**

I looked up to see him laughing as he tossed his phone back in his bag. He looked up and nodded as he winked and I smiled a cheesy grin at him.

"Good Lord, Bella. You'd think you promised him a romp in the sack with how he's grinning. It hasn't left his face for the last five minutes!" Rosalie laughed as she pointed at him. I blushed as I bumped her shoulder with mine and watched as the players switched sides again. Edward took his spot back on the mound for the seventh inning, and it didn't take long before the opposing team struck out and had to switch sides yet again.

The guys were in their glory as we entered the bottom of the ninth inning. The score was 15-9, and it was a sure win for our team. The guys could have struck out easily, ending the game quickly, but they continued to play as if it wasn't the last inning. They had two outs left, with two players on bases, Edward on second, and Jasper on first, as Emmett stepped up to the plate.

The crack echoed through the air as Edward took off from second plate, rounding third just as Jasper got tagged out at second. The second baseman threw the ball toward the catcher as Edward barreled toward home plate, ignoring Emmett who was rounding first and approaching half way to second. Alice, Rosalie and I stood anxiously as Edward started sliding into home, as the catcher readied himself to catch the ball that was flying toward him and tap him out. I held my breath as the Umpire watched on diligently, clutching onto Alice and Rosalie as Edward slid over the plate in a cloud of dust.

"Safe!" the Ump called out and our section burst into cheers as I clapped and laughed, jumping in my spot with two of my best friends.

Edward's teammates all cheered and clapped him on the back as he made his way back into the dugout, Ben making his way to the plate with his bat in hand. On the third pitch, the ball sailed through the air and he took off toward first base as Emmett ran for third. The player in right field caught the fly ball and the game ended, the final score 16-9. Our team rushed the field, high-fiving each other and bumping fists and chests excitedly. Edward turned in my direction and motioned for me to come with his finger as he walked toward the bleachers. Alice and Rose pushed my back lightly as I got up and made my way down the steps to the railing.

"Where's my victory prize?" he grinned as he looked up at me. I placed my hands on his dirty face and lowered my lips down to his as I bent over the rail.

"Congratulations," I chuckled against his lips, still smiling. I pressed my lips gently against his, ignoring all the clapping and cat calls coming from the people behind us. I almost yelped as I pulled away and he grabbed me under my arms and pulled me over the railing, laughing as I clutched onto him for dear life. He tossed me over his shoulder and started walking back toward his team as I laughed silently, wiggling around in protest. I lifted my head just in time to see Alice and Rosalie running onto the field, squealing and cheering as they ran toward Jasper and Emmett. Edward finally put me down and placed a searing kiss upon my lips.

After the teams shook hands with each other, and the Spartans were presented with their trophy, we all headed out to celebrate over pizza. It was good to see everyone so upbeat and carefree for once. No parole hearings hanging over our heads, or sadness over lost friendships...or the guilt from said lost friendships. Despite how far I still had to go in my recovery, I found myself feeling almost complete and utterly happy as we crowded the tiny pizzeria. Cameras were flashing in all different directions, being held by proud parents, siblings, players themselves, and even some of the workers in the restaurant.

"I'd better be getting some of those photos, Liz," I heard over the loud ambiance of laughter and talking that had been floating through the air since we had all entered the small space. I spun around in my seat quickly, almost falling over in excitement as my eyes landed on Esme and Carlisle behind me.

"Mom, Dad," I croaked just above a whisper, surprising myself that I hadn't entered full on panic mode. It was there, bubbling beneath the surface, but it wasn't threatening to take me over at the moment. I flung myself out of my chair and hurdled myself toward them, wrapping my arms around both of them.

"I'm sorry we missed the game, honey. We tried to make it in before it started as a surprise, but our flight was delayed," Esme said as she kissed the top of my head. I shook my head and squeezed them tighter. I didn't care if they missed the game, they were here now and that's all that mattered.

"I missed you," I whispered to them as I pulled my head back to look at them.

"We missed you too, sweetheart," Carlisle said as he smiled down at me. "That's why we came home early."

Edward rounded up two extra chairs and smiled at us before taking his seat again. We took our seats at the table and I leaned against Esme, relishing in the comfort that having them here brought me. They asked about the game, and everyone filled them in, giving them a play by play rundown of the entire thing as I sat quietly, just smiling and nodding as I watched everyone speaking animatedly over one another. Carlisle and Esme laughed as they listened, and commented briefly whenever they could get a word in edgewise.

Over time, the place began to clear out, eventually leaving just our group sitting at our table. The conversation switched from the championship game to the parole hearing, and their time in Phoenix. I found myself clutching Esme's arm tighter as they spoke of the whole ordeal, and she wrapped her arm around me in response.

"It's over, honey. We're all safe, and there's nothing to worry about," she whispered to me reassuringly as Carlisle continued speaking. I nodded into her shoulder as she rubbed my arm soothingly.

When it was time to go, Edward and I decided to ride back to the hotel with Carlisle and Esme, as I wasn't ready to part with them yet. As soon as we got into the car, they turned in their seats to face us.

"Bella, Billy told us that Jake called him and told him that you wanted to meet with him. Are you sure you're ready for that?" Carlisle asked with a worried expression. I nodded and smiled slightly.

"Yeah, I am," I whispered reassuringly.

"It's just that with you having finals next week and all, we think it would be better for you to wait just a little bit. We're happy that you're ready to take this step, it's just that we worry that it will affect your concentration during your tests," he said cautiously and I chuckled lightly.

'It's okay, Dad. I can wait one more week. What's one week after almost six years?' I signed to him and almost laughed as I watched the relief was over his face. One week of waiting wouldn't kill me after running away from it for so long, but something else that had been bothering me might.

'Can I ask you something?' I signed to him as tears began to prick at my eyes.

"Anything, Bella," he replied as he smiled encouragingly.

'Why were they granted a parole hearing so soon after what happened? How was five years a long enough punishment for what they did?' I signed as my heart lurched at the thought of everything I had lost and gone through since that day.

"I wish I could explain all of it to you, but I'd end up just confusing all of us. Billy can answer that better than I or your mother can when you talk to him, but what I can say is this... There were nine people involved in the incident that day outside of you and your parents. Not all of them were initially convicted of the same thing. I'm not exactly sure who was convicted of what back then, but the ones we were dealing with this time were originally sentenced to ten years for their actions that day. As far as he knows, they weren't involved in the actual assault on your family. It doesn't make them any more deserving of being paroled before their full sentence is served, but there's nothing we can do to lengthen that original determined length of time," he replied, looking at me in a mix of pain and apology.

'Doesn't their just being there make them involved though?' I signed in confusion. I mean really, it's not like they were caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. They _chose_ to be there. Shouldn't they be grouped in with the rest of them whether they actually assaulted my family and me or not?

"We wish it worked that way, but unfortunately it didn't. Their convictions were a lot less severe than the others," Esme replied as she looked at me sadly.

'So if they don't get paroled between now and the end of their sentence, in about five years they'll be free to go on about living their lives again as if nothing had ever happened?' I signed as I felt the first true and lasting flash of anger course through me...well somewhat lasting anyway. It lasted longer than any previous momentary spark of it that I had felt in the last few years.

"Unfortunately, yes," Carlisle said as he frowned.

"That's bull," I muttered angrily, my breath hitching as I clutched the seat in response to the panic rising in me. Edward slid across the backseat and wrapped his arm around me, murmuring quietly in my ear. The panic subsided fairly quickly and I let out a breath of relief. I looked up to see Esme and Carlisle's stunned and worried expressions and I grimaced.

"Have you been trying to use your voice lately?" Carlisle asked as his shock wore off. Prior to today they had only heard me utter single words, and always while Edward was humming. I hadn't tried it without the soothing ability of hearing him hum my lullaby. I shook my head and looked down at my lap.

'No... I've been focusing on the whispering, thinking that if I become completely comfortable with that, it will be easier to speak.' I signed to them, feeling slightly ashamed that I hadn't been trying as hard to speak as I once had.

"Has it been getting easier to whisper?" Esme asked and I looked up to see her smiling. I nodded slightly, wondering how my lack of effort could make her smile that way.

"That's great, Bella," Carlisle said as a smile erupted on his face as well.

'How is it great? I still can't talk without panicking...as you just saw.' I signed as I rolled my eyes. He chuckled and shook his head.

"It's great because it seems to be working. You just spoke, without Edward humming to you, and you didn't freeze up instantly," he responded and my eyes widened slightly.

'You really think it's working?' I signed, trying not to let my hope for it to be true explode within me if it wasn't. They both nodded and a smile started to form across my lips.

"Maybe it's time you started trying to use your voice again," Edward said from beside me and I nodded to him as my smile grew.

Carlisle started up the car and we began our journey back to the hotel. During the trip, they asked us about everything we had done while they were gone, and Edward answered for both of us. A few times I signed to Esme as she turned to look at us. It was times like that when I wished I could just speak normally and join in the conversation, but I pushed those negative feelings aside and focused on the fact that I was slowly coming closer to being able to do just that.

When we got back to the hotel, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper were exiting the elevator wearing swimsuits and towels. Alice pointed at us and then to the elevator, and I nodded. I was in too good of a mood to be disgruntled about having to put on those clingy pieces of fabric. Esme and Carlisle hugged me and told me they were going to meet up with Liz and Ed while we went swimming, and after changing, Edward and I headed down to the pool together.

After a brief heavy make out session in the elevator, we stumbled out of it and found our way to the pool. The peals of laughter and squeals coming from our friends echoed off the walls in the indoor swimming area. Edward grinned wickedly at me, and before I could even protest, he flung us both into the water, bringing my towel with us. I laughed as my head emerged from under the water and swatted at him before throwing my soaked towel onto the floor.

As we horsed around, played chicken, Marco Polo, and every other childish game we could think of, I could only think one thing...life at the moment was damn near perfect. The only thing missing was my parents, but even that thought couldn't wipe the smile off my face, because deep down I knew that they were somehow still with me. As that thought passed through my head while I was sitting atop Edward's shoulders, trying to push Alice off of Jasper, a new voice floated through my mind.

It wasn't mine, and new wasn't anywhere close to being the right description as it was entirely too familiar, and I had been longing to hear it again for years. It was the voice of my mother, and it stunned me long enough for Alice to knock me off Edward's shoulders as it echoed faintly through my mind.

_Always..._

_

* * *

_

**AN: Reviews are infinitely more awesome than crappy family vacations...and sunburn...and getting stuck in a mangrove on a kayak in cold windy weather...and you get the point! Much love to you all! I missed you all more than I'll be missing most of my family for a while! ~Jersey~**


	71. Questions & Answers

**AN: OMG Here it is! The chapter you all have been waiting about 400,000 words for bwhahahahaha. Sorry about that. I'm a rambler. Anyways...the suspense is done after this chapter. This is the official beginning of the end for our troubled little Bella. BTW getting this chapter done for today damn near killed me. You all better leave me some love for my bald spot where I ripped my hair out trying to get all the details right without leaving crap out. ^_^ Love you guys!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters...and they're probably grateful for that! SM owns them all...and she's a much nicer owner than I am as a borrower!**

* * *

Questions and Answers

BPOV

Sunday morning, we all packed up and loaded up Emmett's Jeep as Carlisle, Esme, Liz, and Ed Sr. all watched on with stern faces. Edward and I had to repeatedly stifle our amusement at how deeply in trouble the rest of our group was with our parents. I had spent the night in Carlisle and Esme's room, so I hadn't been aware of anything until the following morning.

Apparently Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and Alice all got caught trying to swap rooming assignments by Liz. Edward hadn't been a part of it simply because he had insisted that I spend some quality time with Carlisle and Esme alone. I didn't fight him on his suggestion, it was well welcomed, and after how much trouble the others were in... I was glad neither of us had been a part of it. Swapping rooming assignments was just icing on the cake however. They had already been in a heap of trouble for entering the closed swimming pool area and getting caught by the staff while Edward and I were with our parents. As we packed up the Jeep, I think the adults were seriously reconsidering that whole summer vacation idea that they'd had.

Edward and I rode home with our friends, chuckling silently with each other the whole way at their somber and worried faces...minus Rosalie. We had dropped her off at her dorm before heading back to Forks. During the ride, I was sure that they weren't actually in as much trouble as they thought they were. Jasper was worried that they'd tell his father, Emmett was worried about the summer vacation, and Alice was worried about having her Porsche taken away. I was fairly certain none of them had anything to worry about...well maybe Emmett and missing out on the vacation.

Monday we all returned to school and began facing final exams and graduation preparation. The entire school was buzzing with the news of the Spartans winning the state championships. Being that it was rainy and chilly pretty much all week, I proudly donned Edward's Captain's jacket. Every time he saw me in it in the halls he grinned widely and I laughed. I was beginning to contemplate who liked my wearing it more...him or me. It was a close call.

Tuesday's therapy session was...interesting. Dr. Sheehan's begun encouraging me to whisper my answers when they aren't long, and she now sits a lot closer so she can hear me. Good ol' stealthy Mary emerged during our session again, and managed to pry more information out of me without me even realizing it until after I had said it. I gotta hand it to her...she's a sneaky bugger. I hadn't thought anything of her little word association game after she had asked me to tell her about the events that took place in Phoenix until after I had started piecing together some of my answers. She had me so riled up in my reluctance to tell her about Phoenix that when I whispered my answers, I didn't even think of what I was actually doing. There were some meaningless ones tossed about in between, but certain ones started to stick out in my brain. Like when she said desert I said death. When she said chair I said duct tape. To the word closet, my answer was choking and right after whispering it, I touched my neck instinctively.

Edward's answers only proved just how much I had divulged. His answers to desert, chair, and closet were cactus, desk, and hanger respectively. You'd think I would have caught on to the whole thing sooner, but when you go through ten nonsense words like flower, to which my response was pretty, the more informative answers seemed to blend in and become unnoticeable. As soon as I pieced it together, I gave up fighting and signed to her that I'd give her a copy of my memory of Phoenix during the next session. Her reply stunned me when she said she didn't want it and then proceeded to explain to me that she wasn't going to let me take the easy way out. If I wanted her to know about it in full detail, I'd have to tell her, and she was willing to wait as long as it took for me to tell her all of it. Even if it was only a little at a time.

After another _fabulous_ round of Pete and Repeat, and a quick discussion over our journals, she released us for the day. I all but stormed out of the office, severely disgruntled over having to emotionally relive the whole entire ordeal again for her. I just couldn't understand how reliving it was supposed to help me...at all. It wasn't until Carlisle sat me down and explained the entire process of how going through the event and sorting out my emotions and thoughts relative to the events was a crucial step in coming to terms with what happened and overcoming it, that I understood why I couldn't just hand her the stupid piece of paper, and then of course felt guilty for having walking out of her office the way I had.

Wednesday and Thursday went by in a blur of study groups and tests. Honestly, I wished all of our classes just had their final exam on the same day. With every final taken, it just left one more class where you had nothing to do for the rest of the week...except study for whatever finals you had yet to take. Had the weather been better, I probably would have skipped some of those pointless periods and gone outside, but the rain continued without any sign of _ever _stopping.

Thankfully, the rain granted us a perfectly timed reprieve for Friday's graduation ceremony. It was supposed to be a joyful day for Emmett and Jasper, and I would have hated to have it tainted by the usual Forks forecast. Alice, Rosalie, Edward, and I sat in the bleachers outside during the ceremony, along with all of our parents, and cheered our hearts out as they crossed the stage that had been erected for the event...well they cheered...I clapped.

Two hours later, after the Valedictorian, Saludatorian, and school official speeches, their hats were tossed in the air and we all cheered again for them. It was kind of bittersweet for us as we sat in the bleachers, knowing that, come the end of summer, they'd both be leaving our little group to make their ways in the world. Emmett was going to be attending Seattle University with Rosalie, and Jasper still had his heart set on enlisting in the army when we returned to school for our senior year.

Emmett's parents threw a huge graduation party for them both, and their house was filled with their teammates from various sports, and probably a good half of their graduating class. People milled about everywhere, talking in groups, swimming in the pool, eating... just enjoying themselves and spending what could be their last moments with the people that had surrounded them for four long years. It almost seemed as though the party was for the rest of the class rather than Emmett and Jasper, seeing as how throughout the event, they hadn't really deviated from our little group for more than just simple hellos or a quick conversation with someone they knew, and quite a few pictures.

By ten, the house had emptied with the exception of our little group and some of our parents. All of their classmates had either headed home or headed to other parties that would no doubt carry on until the wee hours of the morning. I had looked at them strangely when they started bringing sleeping bags up from Emmett's basement instead of heading out to party with the rest of their classmates. Emmett dropped his load of bags, and in the most serious and sincere expression I had probably ever seen cross his face, he told me that the only people they cared to celebrate with were still in the house, and he couldn't think of a better way of celebrating than having a living room camp out. I teared up as I hugged him, the weight of having lost so much precious time with him weighing heavily down upon my shoulders.

We spent the night watching silly movies, eating junk food, and reminiscing over the times that we had shared both recently with our entire group, as well as times from our childhoods. Emmett even graced Alice with his story of bears, to my great embarrassment. She laughed hysterically, though I'm not sure whether her laughter was in response to my mooning everyone, or Emmett's use of the bears to depict us.

Saturday had been the decided day that Edward and I would go and see Billy. When I woke up this morning and realized that today was the day, the day that I would get the answers I had been running away from for so long, my nerves were borderline debilitating. I was a shaking mess as a thousand and one questions flitted through my mind at dizzying speeds. Having been the first one awake, I slipped out of Edward's arms and hid myself away in the bathroom to try and calm myself down. I locked the door behind me and slid down the wall next to the shower and began taking slow deep breaths.

_Shit...I can't do this..._

_**You can do this...and you will.**_

_Why is it such a big deal that I know what happened? It won't bring them back..._

_**No, it won't bring them back, but it's the only way you'll ever get over all the guilt you feel over what happened. You need the answers, Bella. **_

_I can work through my guilt with Dr. Sheehan..._

_**That'll only get you so far. She'll only be able to tell you what everyone else has...that it wasn't your fault. It won't help you believe it, Bella. Everyone saying it so far hasn't helped you believe it. You need proof that it wasn't your fault...and Billy has that proof.**_

_Ugh...I can't live this way forever. I hate feeling this way._

_**I know you do...that's why you have to get the answers you need. It's the only way, Bella. I'm sorry, but it's true.**_

_I can do this... I have to do this. If there's no other way to stop feeling like this all the time, I have no choice. _

_**It'll be fine, Bella. Nothing he can say can be worse than what you've already experienced.**_

_True...okay. I can do this. It's just a little information...nothing to get worked up over..._

_**That a girl...Suck it up and get your buns in the shower. **_

_I have to go home to do that ya tart...Alice and I are wearing some of Rosalie's clothes because we didn't want to go all the way home to get new stuff._

_**Well then get going...no time like the present...even if it's been overdue for quite some time...**_

_Oh shut up...I'm going!_

I slipped out of the bathroom and gathered up my clothing from the night before. As I was exiting the bathroom for the second time this morning, Edward and the others were just starting to wake up. I was thankful that they had missed my mini meltdown, and I was able to act at least fairly normal. They all knew what today held for me, and I'm sure they expected me to be at least slightly nervous. No need to tell them that I had nearly had an anxiety induced aneurysm prior to their becoming conscious.

After having breakfast with everyone, Edward and I departed for my house to shower and change. Over the numerous weekends that he had spent at my house, he had left quite a bit of clothing, which I stored in my dresser for him. With a round of assuring Carlisle and Esme that I was ready to confront my past, and a promise to call if I needed them, Edward and I were on our way to La Push.

"Are you nervous?" he asked as he squeezed my hand gently. I grimaced slightly and nodded.

"Me too," he confided and I looked at him curiously.

"It's just that I have no idea what he's going to tell us, or what to be prepared for. I'd like to think that whatever he has to say can ensure us that nothing like that will ever happen again, but with the whole parole thing and knowing that the others are in prisons somewhere, I can't help worrying that it can," he responded to my look and I sighed as I nodded.

I had been thinking the same thing. Honestly, it was the biggest reason I had run from it for so long. I didn't want to know if it was possible for something like that to happen again, for them to find out that I wasn't dead and try to return to accomplish what they had set out to do to start with. Just the thought of going through that torture again, or worse yet, having the people I loved and cherished now go through it as well, was terrifying. Terrifying couldn't even justify the level of fear that it caused to surge within me.

He pulled up in front of Billy's house and switched off the ignition. We sat quietly for a series of moments, just staring at the modest barn red home in front of us. I took the time to attempt to calm myself once more, though I'm uncertain as to whether Edward was just giving me time to collect myself, or attempting to settle his own nerves as the silence between us lingered. It finally dawned on me that if I didn't get out of the damn car, I wasn't going to without being forced from it.

"Are you ready?" I whispered, steeling myself to my resolve to remove myself from the vehicle without being dragged from it unwillingly...even though I know he'd never do that to me.

"As long as you are," he replied as he caressed my face. I smiled tightly and nodded, not exactly reassuring, but it was the best I could manage at the moment.

We got out of the car, and slowly made our way up to the front door. I took in a breath and held it as I knocked and stepped back into Edward's side. Moments later, I heard Jake's voice boom through the small abode and the front door opened.

"Hey guys, he's in the living room," he said simply. I smiled slightly and gestured my thanks as he stepped aside to let us in.

"I'm gonna head down to Leah's for a while to give you guys some privacy. Send me a text later," he said and I nodded as I gave him a hug goodbye.

"Thanks, Jake," I whispered as I pulled back. He smiled and nodded before bumping fists with Edward on his way out.

Edward and I walked toward the living room, and Billy looked up from the TV as we stood in the entryway to the room. He quickly shut the TV off and turned his wheelchair toward us.

"It's good to see you, sweetie. How have you both been?" he asked as he gestured toward the sofa next to him. Edward and I sat down and angled ourselves toward him.

"We've been good. How about you?" I whispered and he grinned widely, the wrinkles in the corners of his eyes becoming more pronounced.

"Been great, kiddo," he said cheerily as my eyes landed on a manila packet on the coffee table.

"That all belongs to you. We'll get to that a bit later, but I do have something for you right now," he said, his voice gentle and deep as usual. I looked up and he held out a simple white business envelope with my name on it.

"What is it?" I whispered as I hesitantly took it from him. He scratched his temple for a moment before resting his arm on the arm rest of his chair.

"It's a letter...from your father. He gave it to me the day he gave me the keys to the truck. He made me promise to hold onto it until you were old enough to understand it. I figured it would be easier on you to give it to you when you felt you were ready for it, as it contains half of the answers that I have for you," he said as tears welled up and spilled from my eyes.

I stared at the envelope in my hands, tracing my fingers over the indentations that the pen had made. More importantly, the pen that my father had held as he wrote my name had made. Edward silently rubbed my back with one hand, as his other rested on my knee, giving me time to process the enormity of what I held in my hands.

"You don't have to read it, sweetheart. I can give you all the information that's in it, as well as things that aren't, but I figured it was time you had it," he said gently as he wheeled closer to us.

"I want to read it," I whispered as I sniffled, flipping the envelope over to break the seal that my father had pressed closed. I looked up at Billy with watery vision and was just barely able to make out his silent nod.

I opened the envelope carefully, not wanting to ruin it, and gently pulled out the sheets of folded paper that it held. Edward nuzzled his face into my hair as I unfolded the papers, blinking the tears away to clear my vision and cast my eyes upon the written words.

_**Isabella,**_

_**My beautiful little angel. You are everything we could have ever dreamed of when your mother and I decided to have a child, and more. You've owned every last bit of our hearts and souls since the day you graced us with your presence. We love you so very much princess.**_

_**I don't know how to begin even writing this, and I wish with everything I have that I didn't have to, that none of this was happening. Baby girl, I've failed you. If we somehow make it out of this, I swear I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make up for the pain you're about to endure. If I could take it all onto myself, I would in a heartbeat to spare you and your mother from having to experience any of it.**_

_**I wish I could explain everything to you right now, but you're so young...there's just no way you could ever understand it. There's nothing your mother or I can do to make any part of this situation any easier on you, and I'm deeply sorry for that. I know you're going to be angry, and I know you will feel hurt, but please, please know that everything your mother and I do or say from tonight on is because we love you. It's going to be so hard to take you away from everything you've known all of your life. I wish desperately that there was another way, but there isn't. I'm so incredibly sorry angel. If you are reading this, and neither your mother or I are with you any longer, there are a few things we want you to know. **_

_**None of this was by any means your fault. You haven't done anything to deserve what has happened. It was nothing that you did that forced us to move away. You're always so quick to blame yourself for everything...please don't blame yourself for this. This is all my fault, not yours. **_

_**We know you will be angry with us after tonight. It's okay. You once asked us if we no longer loved you when we were angry with you for something you had done, and we told you there was nothing you could ever do to make us stop loving you. It's the same for us, baby girl. We know that even when you're angry you still love us. **_

_**Everything we do after I come home from the station tonight is in an effort to keep you safe. I could never live with myself if something were to happen to you because of me. If I could go back and change where all of this went wrong, I would, believe me I would. I need you to understand how and why all of this happened, and I hope that once you do, you can forgive me. I never meant for things to turn out this way.**_

_**When you were almost four, I was promoted to Chief of Police here in Forks. When I was promoted, I inherited a number of unsolved cases from my predecessor. We had been working on those cases for years, but hadn't ever gotten anywhere with them. We only knew a few facts. The victims were mostly all teenagers ranging from fourteen to nineteen, there were drug related connections, and suspicions of gang related activities. That's how it started, and I never imagined taking on those cases would lead me to where I am now. **_

_**Three years ago, yet another teenage boy ended up in our case files. We worked endlessly trying to put a stop to what was happening. It was around this time that I brought Billy in to go undercover, and he was able to connect all of our unsolved cases together. We've spent the last three years collecting evidence, and building cases against the individuals responsible for all of those wasted young lives. Two weeks ago, I thought it had all paid off when we took down a group of drug dealers that had been linked to each of the deceased teens. It was during that raid that my mistake was made. **_

_**We thought that we were taking down the leaders of the gang based on the years of information that Billy was able to obtain. Unfortunately, they weren't. A man by the name of Jared Deceico was fatally wounded that night. It had been our understanding that he was the boss, but that information has proven to be false. There is someone, or even a group of people, higher up in the hierarchy than he was.**_

_**Over the past week, threats have been placed on the officers involved that night...one of them being myself. I didn't take the threats seriously when I should have. I should have acted sooner but I didn't. I didn't take it seriously until yesterday when I found an envelope in my office filled with pictures of you and your mother in it that had been taken at random times between that night and when it was delivered. **_

_**I'm so sorry, Bella, but I have to do everything I possibly can to keep you safe from harm. I'm not sure what these people are capable of, but I can't sit here and do nothing and give them the opportunity to act upon their threats. Please understand why I'm about to do what I am.**_

_**Tonight, when I get home, we're going to start packing. I have to get us away from here, it just isn't safe, and I can't take any chances. I'm so sorry for all the pain this is going to cause you. I know how much you love your friends, and it kills me that I have to take you away from them, but it's for their safety as well as yours. I promise that when this is all over I'll bring you back. If something should happen to your mother or I, Billy will do everything in his power to make right the things that I've done wrong.**_

_**Please, Bella. No matter what happens, know that we love you and always will love you. You're our hearts and souls. Without you, we're nothing. If we never get to say these words to you in person, we want you to know that we would have said them:**_

_**Happy Birthday angel, on every birthday morning that you awake. **_

_**Merry Christmas baby girl, on every Christmas morning as you tear through the wrapping paper on your presents.**_

_**Congratulations, we're so very proud of you, on your high school and college graduations.**_

_**To the man you marry one day, I want him to know that he better take damn good care of you, and love and cherish you every second of every day because you deserve no less. Your mother insists it will be Edward...she's been saying this since you were seven. If she's right, tell him he has our blessings. That boy is a fool for you, even I can see that. **_

_**We love you, Isabella, and we pray that you won't have to read these words instead of hearing them. We want for you to always be happy. Your smile has the ability to brighten even the dreariest of days around here, and your laugh is the most precious sound in the world. Regardless of what happens after tonight, your mother and I will always be with you...always.**_

_**Love you always,**_

_**Dad**_

The tears continued to flow as I read through his letter. I even caught Edward wiping away a few stray ones as he sat next to me, constantly soothing me with his gentle caresses. When I was done reading it, I folded it gently and slipped it back into the envelope before looking up at Billy.

"How did they find us?" I whispered hoarsely, clutching my wad of tissues in my hand.

"It took me about a year to figure that out. I had caught wind of their knowledge of your whereabouts through the affiliations I had made during my time undercover the day they raided your home in Phoenix. I called your father to warn him, but I'd been too late. Only four people knew of the location your father had chosen. Myself, an officer friend of mine in Arizona where Charlie and I had decided it would be best for you all to go, Officer Jensen, and Officer Lazzaro who stood in place of your father in his absence," he replied and I nodded, waiting for him to continue.

"I was certain that there was a leak within the department, but I couldn't figure out who it could be, and until I knew, I couldn't return to the department. Your father had kept my identity concealed from even the members of our department when he'd hired me on. There was no trace of me having ever worked for Forks P.D. The only thing I was able to do to try and get the answers I needed, was to remain affiliated with the people I had been investigating for three years, and after you were settled with Esme and Carlisle, that's exactly what I did."

"I worked my way up through their ranks, and one night while running an errand, I spotted Officer Harris in street clothes entering a bar just outside of Seattle where I had learned over the year that the head of the mob frequently conducted his meetings. I followed inconspicuously behind him, and sure enough, he was disappearing into one of the back rooms with the boss himself, Carlos Serrini."

"Finally having found the leak, I called in a favor to a friend that worked for the FBI, Jacqueline Hurley. She met with me a few days later and took what evidence I had and used it to confront Lazzaro. He immediately set up an investigation, but it took us months to tie up all the loose ends, and organize multiple raids. We needed to make sure that every last person involved with the Serrini mob was taken down."

"We raided Officer Harris's place of residence first, and found virtually every piece of information we could ever need. He was arrested during the raid, and after he had been secured behind bars, we focused our efforts on the Serrini mob. With help from the Seattle P.D., as well as the F.B.I., we managed to take down every member of the group that we could link to them. That was the night I was hurt in the line of duty. After being interrogated for hours, Officer Harris confessed that he had tracked your family down by placing an illegal tap on Officer Jenkens's phone, and provided the information to Carlos."

"Were any of the other officers that had been involved in the first raid ever tracked down like Bella's family was?" Edward asked suddenly and Billy shook his head.

"No, this is where things get a bit murky. What we were able to conclude after piecing together all of the evidence, in combination with a number of confessions, that Officer Harris was responsible for all of the threats that the original officers had received. Including Charlie. He had been under some misapprehension that should Charlie either step down or be removed from his position, he was next in line for Chief. He convinced Carlos that it had been Charlie's side arm that had fired the fatal shot received by his nephew Jared, when in fact it wasn't. Ballistics testing revealed that the bullet had come from one of Jared's own crew member's fire arms. Carlos went after your family because he thought Charlie was responsible for his nephew's death," he responded and my mind was sent reeling.

"Are they all still in prison?" Edward asked. How he could form another question was beyond me. I was still trying to process his last words.

"No. A few of the ones that had no knowledge of anything related to Phoenix have been released either on parole or have served their full sentences for crimes they could be linked to. Harris didn't last long in prison, it isn't the best place for a cop to end up. Carlos was sentenced to multiple life sentences, both for Phoenix as well as for a number of the deceased children that had started our investigation. After being attacked twice by enemies of his in prison, they had to put him in solitary confinement, but even that didn't save him in the long run," he replied grimly.

"What about the ones involved in Phoenix? Where are all of them?" Edward asked and I put my face in my hands. I no longer had the ability to process a single thing that was being said. I couldn't get over the fact that my family had been taken away from me because someone wanted his position within the department.

"Of the nine that had been involved, only four are still in prison. The other five you don't need to worry about any longer...let's leave it at that. I don't think she can take much more," Billy said hesitantly.

"Bella...do you need to take a break?" he asked worriedly and I nodded immediately as I lifted myself off the sofa and made my way outside quickly for some fresh air.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Yeah...I just need a minute," I whispered as he tucked his head into the crook of my neck. He nodded against my skin and placed a quick kiss there before lifting his head.

As we stood there locked in each other's arms, things started coming together in my head. The words that Billy had said started making sense, and I began to understand why my parents had acted so impulsively. There really wasn't anything I could have done to stop what had happened, and neither could they. They had done everything that could have possibly been done, and yet it didn't stop it from happening. It wouldn't have mattered if we had moved someplace else, or at a different time, or... or if I hadn't screamed. Something within me shifted in that moment as I looked up at Edward with watery eyes.

_**Say it, Bella...**_

_I can't...._

_**Yes you can... it's time... now say it.**_

"It wasn't my fault."

"What? I didn't hear you," Edward said as his brow furrowed down at me, and I realized that I had barely even whispered.

"It wasn't my fault," I repeated just above a whisper, and before I could stop it, a sob ripped through my chest. The panic that should have coursed through me rapidly and possibly overcome me, was just barely simmering beneath the surface.

"Oh God... it really wasn't my fault," I spluttered in whispers as his arms tightened around me.

"No, love. It wasn't," he confirmed as I collapsed into his embrace. He held me tightly until my sobs quieted.

"Are you ready to go back in? We don't have to. We can go home whenever you're ready," he said softly after I had calmed down. I shook my head and lifted my gaze to meet his.

"No...let's go back in," I whispered and he nodded.

"Whenever you want to leave, just let me know," he replied as we turned toward the door. I nodded as I opened it and stepped through the doorway.

We probably could have left being that we had already gotten our answers as to why my family was taken away from me, but there were still a few other things that I needed to know. Billy looked at me worriedly as I returned to my seat, Edward taking his seat right next to me once again.

"I'm okay," I whispered in reassurance. Billy wheeled himself closer to me and took my hand gently.

"You always were a strong one. You're just like your father in that way," he said and I smiled faintly as I nodded and tears began to well up in my eyes once again. His words reminded me of how many times my mother had pointed out how alike my father and I were, and it was slightly comforting to know that I carried pieces of both of them within me.

"Do you have a pen?" I whispered as I looked up at him. He nodded and looked to Edward.

"Would you mind grabbing a pen and some paper off that desk over there?" he asked as he pointed to the far corner of the room. Edward nodded and quickly crossed the room, coming back with a pen and paper in hand.

"Thanks," I whispered as I smiled at him and took the items from him. He nodded and kissed my temple before I turned my attention to the paper.

_**I need to know what the chances are of them finding me one day.**_

As soon as I was done writing, I handed the paper to Billy. He shook his head as he passed it back to me.

"None, honey. Carlos was the head of the whole organization. He called all the shots. He kept the knowledge of anything related to his plans to his closest affiliates...the ones he sent to Phoenix. Even with them, he gave no real details. They didn't know your real names. The only name they were ever given was the false one your father had you all living under while you were there. There's nothing available for them to trace you by, so there's no need for you to worry," he replied and I noticed that both Edward and I sighed in relief. I brought the pen down to the paper and began writing again, and handed it to him when I was finished.

_**How did anyone find us afterwards and when?**_

"When I couldn't get a hold of your father, I immediately called Jerry, my officer friend there, and told him that something was wrong. He knew the severity of what was happening, and knew that the situation needed to be dealt with carefully. He rounded up a few of his most trusted officers and showed up at the house. Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. If I had heard about it just a little sooner things might have been different," he replied shakily.

"Don't... you did everything you could," I whispered as I placed my hand over his. He smiled sadly at me and nodded as he wiped at his eyes quickly.

"How did they not know that Bella had survived though? Surely Carlos would have checked to make sure that his orders had been followed," Edward said as he leaned forward, his eyebrows pulling together in confusion.

"Jerry and one of his officers took Bella to the hospital themselves. At the hospital she had been registered as a trauma patient, where there's no identifying information available. They do that frequently when criminal activity is involved to ensure anonymity to the patient. Jerry and the other officer stayed there round the clock, alternating shifts until you were released. The officers he left at the house dealt with the media under his orders, providing statements claiming it to be a home burglary gone wrong, and having three deceased victims whose names were yet unknown," he responded as he took a folder out of the end table and handed it to Edward.

"This is the article my father was talking about when he said he had been looking for information on what happened there," Edward said as he looked through the folder's contents.

"He wouldn't have found much if he didn't know the name to look under. Charlie had them living under the name Sanders. If he looked that up he might have come across the articles that are in that file," he said and Edward nodded as he skimmed over the article clippings. I didn't really care to read them.

"Why didn't any of this ever surface here in Forks?" Edward asked curiously as he shut the folder and placed it on the table.

"This is a very small town. What questions did arise after you all left, Lazzaro answered by telling them our cover story...that he had been offered a higher paying position in Jacksonville, Florida. We had hoped that if they did decide to make a spectacle over it, that it would veer Carlos away from where you all were actually going, but our answers to their questions didn't interest them, so they stopped inquiring about it. When news of Serrini's clan being taken down surfaced, it was all linked to mainly drug trafficking and the murders of those teenagers. None of it was connected to what happened in Phoenix as far as the media knew. Once they were all in custody, the nine that were involved in what happened in Phoenix were quietly escorted back to Phoenix for their trials," he replied as I was writing down my next question for him. I passed it to him as soon as he was done speaking.

_**How did my return here never get back to him? And why did my parents choose Carlisle and Esme?**_

"Like I said..this is a really small town. When we first brought you back, no one really knew that you were here. You hadn't returned to school yet while you were staying with your grandmother, and I needed to be sure that you would be safe here. You stayed with your grandmother because I hadn't yet been able to track down Carlisle and Esme...well really just Esme at that point. I wasn't aware that she was married. Jacqueline and a few other agents maintained constant surveillance on both you and your grandmother. I was battling with the decision of whether or not to keep you here or have them take you away, but with all that you had lost already, I couldn't bear the thought of having you living with strangers somewhere you weren't familiar with."

"Your mother was the one who chose Esme. They had been close friends in high school prior to Esme moving away. She knew that whoever they entrusted your care with, should something happen to them, that they couldn't be linked to them. Esme was her best option, and honestly, she probably would have chosen her even if the circumstances had been different. Aside from Edward's parents, I don't think she would have trusted anyone else to care for you in her absence."

"When I finally tracked them down, and you came to live with them, Jacqueline and her team continued the surveillance straight up until we had the Serrini mob in custody. With the coverage of the home invasion in Phoenix reporting three deceased victims, Serrini never had a reason to look for you, but we still made sure that you were protected every minute of the day. Of her entire team, she's the only one you would recognize," he said and my brow furrowed as I looked at him.

"You'd know her by the name Ms. Swanson," he chuckled and my mouth dropped as my breath hitched.

"My case worker?" I whispered and he nodded.

"She kept an extremely close eye on you the entire time. I don't think children of royalty are guarded as closely and secretively as you were," he said, his voice lightly amused as I shook my head.

"I didn't even know," I whispered as I looked down and fiddled with the corner of the paper on my lap.

"She didn't want you to be afraid, and neither did I. Knowing that people were following you and watching over you every minute of the day would have terrified you," he said and I nodded.

"Hell I didn't even notice them," Edward said as he shook his head.

"That's pretty much everything I can offer you, except that packet right there," Billy said and my eyes traveled to the manila folder still sitting on the coffee table.

"What's in it?" I whispered as I looked back at him. A smile started to spread across his lips as he clasped his hands together in front of him.

"Go ahead and open it," he said and I looked between him and Edward once before reaching across to pick up the envelope. I looked at Edward once more, and he smiled encouragingly as he nodded once. Upon opening the packet, I pulled out a stack of papers and looked at Billy in confusion.

"Inside those papers are the deeds to both your parents' house as well as your grandmother's. I didn't feel right selling them and adding the money to your trust fund account, so I've had them maintained over the years," he said as my eyes began tearing once again.

"They're mine?" I whispered as I processed what he was saying. He smiled and nodded once more.

"You can do whatever you want to with the houses once you turn eighteen, and you don't have to worry about them until then. They're being taken care of with part of the money from your trust fund account," he replied as Edward rubbed soothing circles on my back.

"I didn't know...I had an account," I whispered as I shook my head, my tears spilling over and trailing down my face.

"The day you were born your father insisted on having a life insurance policy that would guarantee your mother the ability to raise you if something ever happened to him without having to worry. Your mother had one as well, though not for quite the amount that Charlie did. Between the two of them, your account holds a little over 650,000, and you'll be able to access it on your eighteenth birthday. Carlisle and Esme can access it at any point before then, and I've told them that numerous times, but they've never touched it as far as I'm aware of," he said and my mouth dropped in shock.

"Six...wh..what?" I muttered, unable to comprehend what he had just said.

"Yeah...it's quite a bit, but your father insisted upon it. He wanted to make sure you didn't have to worry about college tuition or anything you may have needed that Renee's salary wouldn't be able to cover," he explained, but I still couldn't get over the sheer amount that he had rattled off just moments prior.

"The keys to the houses are inside the packet, in case you wanted to visit them or fix them up...or anything like that," he said as his voice softened.

"Thank you," I whispered sincerely as I leaned across to hug him.

"It's the least I could have ever done, kiddo. He was my best friend. I owed it to him to make sure that you were safe and well taken care of," he said, his voice thick with emotion as he wound his arms around me.

"Anything you ever need, you let me know," he said and I nodded into his shoulder. I held onto him for a moment before pulling back and leaning against Edward.

"I don't know about you kids, but I'm starving. Are you going to stick around for dinner?" he asked and I looked to Edward.

"It's up to you, love," he said as he smiled gently. As much as I would have liked to stay, I really just wanted to go home and try to sort through everything. I wrote a quick note to Billy and passed it to him.

_**I'm sorry, but we really should go. Esme and Carlisle are probably starting to worry.**_

"There's nothing to be sorry for, but don't be a stranger around here, kiddo. You're both welcome here anytime," he said kindly.

I nodded and hugged him, thanking him once more for everything before standing. Edward shook his hand, thanking him as well. I damn near laughed out loud when Billy threatened to leave wheelchair marks on his ass if he didn't take care of me. In the most serious tone he could manage after that comment, Edward promised that he would. Billy escorted us to the front door and I hugged him one last time before we made our way out to Edward's Volvo.

"I think I have more respect for your father now than ever before," Edward said as he stared down the road distantly. He still hadn't started the car, and I turned toward him as I looked at him curiously, wondering where that had come from. He looked back at me and smiled slightly as he cupped my cheek.

"He always seemed so stern and unemotional when we were kids. Reading that letter was like seeing an entire side of him that I didn't even know existed," he said and I chuckled.

'He wasn't the emotion showing type. Not like my mother.' I signed to him and he chuckled as he nodded.

"Are you okay? That was a lot to take in," he said as he glanced at me with worry filled eyes. I sighed and nodded to him.

'It was a lot, but I'm actually glad I heard it. Things from back then are starting to make sense now where before they just confused me, and it's good to know that I don't have to worry about the same thing happening again.' I signed and he closed his eyes as he nodded when I was finished.

"I know. That was my worst fear in coming here today," he admitted as he took my hand in his.

"I don't think it's all hit me yet," I whispered as we continued to sit in silence, still absorbing everything Billy had said. I felt like I was waiting for an avalanche of emotions to roll over me at any second once it all hit me, and I had no clue what would happen when and if it did.

"Me either," he said as he rested his head back. We continued to sit in silence in front of Billy's house for a few minutes, just holding hands and sorting through our thoughts.

"I just can't believe one of your father's own set him up," he said suddenly.

And just like that the avalanche broke free, washing powerful bursts of grief and red hot anger in a mix of other emotions over me. My hands clenched, not realizing I was still holding onto Edward's hand as my emotions raged out of control. My chest burned as it tried to force a trapped sob from my throat, tears burning my eyes as I gripped his hand even tighter.

"Let it out, Bella," Edward said frantically as his other hand came up to cradle the right side of my neck.

"Just let it out, baby. I know it hurts. Don't hold it in," he rambled worriedly as the sob finally broke through and I was able to breathe once again.

"It's not fair," I choked as another sob ripped through me.

"I know it isn't, love. None of it was fair. None of this should have happened, but they all did everything they could to stop it," he said as he pulled me toward him and crushed me to his chest over the console.

So many things were running through my head. Why would someone set him up over a damn job? My dad would have given it to him if it would have kept us safe. He would have stepped down, or quit... anything to stop what eventually happened to us. Why did that group even have to bring their criminal activities to our town? What did a small town like Forks provide for them that big cities wouldn't? If they hadn't ever shown up my family would still be alive, well, and happy.

They took everything I wanted and needed away from me, leaving me with a lump sum of money and two houses that could never replace what they took. I'd trade all of it just to have my parents back. The fact that it could have been so easily avoided infuriated me and the rage that was coursing through my veins for the first time in years, scared the living hell out of me with its potency.

"It'll be alright," he murmured into my ear as I shook and sobbed in his arms.

He started humming my lullaby to me, attempting to soothe me as I tried to release all of my emotions through my tears. He would pause occasionally to murmur comforting words, or hand me a fresh tissue before holding me tightly again and humming again. How I was ever lucky enough to have someone as caring and understanding as him would never cease to amaze me, but I would always be grateful for having him. Eventually over time, my sobbing turned to hiccups and shuddering breaths. I was surprised Billy hadn't ventured outside to see why we were still sitting in a parked car in front of his house.

"Are you ready to go home?" he asked as he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.

"Yeah," I whispered as I nodded. He started the car and held my hand as I leaned against him and closed my eyes.

"It'll be okay, Bella," he said as he kissed my knuckles.

"I know," I sighed as I squeezed his hand gently.

We pulled up to the house and Edward cut the engine. Esme and Carlisle were sitting on the porch swing, and they got up as soon as they saw the car pull to a stop.

"Do you want me to stay or do you need some time alone with them?" he asked and I shook my head.

"No...stay," I whispered. He nodded and kissed my forehead tenderly before opening his door. I took in a few calming breaths as he walked around the car and opened my door. Esme and Carlisle had just made it to the car as I stepped out.

"How did it go?" Carlisle asked as Esme looked at my reddened and heated face worriedly.

"Rough," I whispered as I wrapped my arms around Esme.

"Come on, honey. I'll make you some calming tea," she said as she led me toward the house. We had only gotten a few feet away before I realized I hadn't taken the manila envelope and my father's letter out of the car with me and I stopped and turned around.

"I got them," Edward said as he held them up, walking beside Carlisle behind us. I nodded and continued walking with Esme into the house.

We spent the remainder of the night huddled around the couch together discussing everything that Billy had told us, and only getting up once to eat dinner. They were surprised to find out about the houses and Esme offered to help me fix them up if I ever chose to live in one later on. I really didn't know what I was going to do with them at the moment. Edward answered a lot of their questions regarding what happened both before and after Phoenix. I was grateful to him for that. I was exhausted from all the crying I had done as well as the emotional overdrive that I had gone through.

I let Esme read my father's letter, and as expected, it brought her to tears. Upon seeing his writing, I teared up again as well. When she was finished reading, she told me some of the things she remembered of my parents from their early high school years before she had moved away. Just before nine, Edward called his parents to make sure it was alright if he spent the night, which of course it was.

After saying goodnight to Carlisle and Esme, Edward and I headed up the stairs to get ready for bed. I snuggled up next to him in the bed as he surfed through channels on the TV and ran his fingers through my hair. Even with as tired as I was, I found myself unable to fall asleep with the way my emotions were fluctuating. I felt like I had gone crazy. One minute I was filled with grief, the next I was angry, the next I was slightly content, even borderline happy, and then I'd be back to grief. The only thing that wasn't battling within me was the guilt that I had become so accustomed to over the years. It wasn't there simply because now I knew.

It wasn't my fault.

* * *

**AN: Little side note here. If any of you reviewed the last chapter, and you attempt to review this one...the system is going to tell you that you've already reviewed it. That's my fault..my bad. While I was doing some re-editing of this story's earlier chapters, I combined two chapters knocking the # of chaps down to 70 and this chapter ended up being posted as #71..again. Whoops. Just for the record..this chapter is WAY important for me, and I really want to hear what you think of it...so if you don't mind, could you please either drop me a pm about it or jump back to a chapter that you haven't reviewed and drop it there? I know it's a pain, but if it was any other chapter I wouldn't bother asking. Thanks so much. ^_^**

**Special thanks to evenstar710 for listening to my ranting and bullcrap over the last few days while writing this chapter. She's seriously mint for putting up with my crap. She's also currently writing two stories : Crossing Destinies, and The Forces that Break and Bind...they're just beginning but they're freaking incredible! Check em out! **

**Special thanks to -XcarlieX- as well for wanting to nominate this story for the Cullen Awards. That's beyond freakishly amazing and I'm still bouncing in my seat over it. Because of both of these chickies I busted my rear to get this chappie out to you before next week. **

**I'm going to start posting a new story soon...not sure when but keep your eyes out for it. It's tropical, funny, lemony, and nothing like this story hahahaha. **

**Leave some love...it makes me write faster. ^_^ ~Jersey~**


	72. Pushed Beyond the Limit

**AN: You guys were seriously awesome with the reviews from last chapter. Grand total, combining the PMs sent, was 137. That's friggen awesome! Thanks so much. I'm thrilled that you all enjoyed that chapter so much. Hopefully you'll enjoy this one just as much. If you need a break from the angst of this story, I've started posting my new story Tides of Destiny. It starts off a little angsty, but there's humor mixed in and it picks up quickly. Hope you all enjoy it!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: We know it by now..I don't own these characters. SM does.**

* * *

Pushed Beyond the Limit

BPOV

A few weeks have gone by since Edward and I went to talk to Billy. That first night, I woke up in tears more times than I could count, each time finding Edward looking exhausted but too worried to actually sleep. The following day, Carlisle made a call to Dr. Sheehan and she prescribed a mild sedative for me to take at night to help me sleep without waking.

My moods during the day have been out of control. In a given hour I go from crying hysterically to becoming so enraged that I've thrown and broken things around my room, and back to crying again. At Dr. Sheehan's insistence, our therapy sessions have increased to three times a week. Edward and I go to therapy every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday together. I hate what this is doing to him. I hate what this is doing to everyone around me, but nothing I do seems to help me control my overwhelming emotions. When I'm around people, I try to ignore all of it. I try to bottle it all up and wait until I'm alone to let it all out, but I've slipped a few times, and when I lose control...it's even worse.

This past week has probably been the worst. The longer it continues, the more desperate I feel for it to end. Some days, I wish I could just disappear underneath my blankets and feel nothing again. Days like today. Edward spent the night last night, and he's been trying to get me up for the better part of an hour. The sad part is...it's two in the afternoon.

"Bella...love, please get up. We have to be at our appointment in an hour," he said softly in my ear. My eyes have been closed but tearing for what has probably been hours now.

Truth be told...I really don't want to go to therapy today. Dr. Sheehan now knows the whole story, both what I had thought had happened for so long, as well as what I now know happened, and it hasn't made a lick of difference in helping me get through what I feel. I even put all of my effort forth and made sure that none of the information came from Edward, thinking that doing it on my own would help...it didn't. Much like those stupid sedatives don't help me sleep...they just make me groggy and more irritable after not sleeping. I stopped taking them after about a week...not that I've admitted that to anyone.

The only decent day I've had since talking to Billy was Edward's birthday. I say decent, because even though I seemed alright at best on the outside, on the inside I was still a mess, but I wouldn't allow myself to ruin his day. Liz and Ed threw a bar-b-que for him and all of our friends came. Alice knew something was amiss with me throughout the day, Edward did as well, but I kept assuring them that I was fine and enjoying myself.

As if my tumultuous emotions weren't enough, the worried glances that everyone kept casting in my direction weren't helping me in the least. I wished throughout the day that I could just be normal. That my parents could be out on the deck with all of us, sitting around talking and laughing, and being happy to be sharing the day with all of us. Every time I think of all the things that they're missing out on, I find myself slipping further and further into a deep sea of depression. It makes it even harder to deal with the anger of knowing the real reason why they died.

I keep asking myself if it would have been this hard if it hadn't of been another cop that had caused all of this to happen. If it had just been at the hands of Serrini and his thugs. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find an answer for that. I know it still would have been hard, but I can't help feeling that the fact that my father was betrayed by one of his own, by someone that had sworn to uphold the law, makes it so much harder for me to come to terms with.

"Bella, come on. You've been in bed since we got home on Saturday. Will you please at least just get up so we can go to therapy?" he plead and I threw the blanket off of me and stumbled out of the bed. I stomped to the closet and threw the door open, trying my damnedest to hold in the anger that was suddenly racing through me.

"Please don't be angry at me. I'm only trying to help you," he muttered, sounding completely deflated and it broke me. I slid down to the floor sobbing and wrapping my arms around myself tightly. He quickly moved from the bed and pulled me into his arms as he sat on the floor.

"I can't take this," I whispered as I sobbed. "I'm sorry." He sighed and held me tighter as I clawed at the front his shirt.

"Bella, please believe me that it will get better. Remember what Dr. Sheehan said about what shutting down your emotions for so long did? It only held the pain off temporarily, and now it's coming out full force. It will get easier, I promise, but we have to keep trying. Laying in bed for days at a time won't help, love," he said quietly as I tried to fight off my sobbing by taking slow deep breaths.

I wish I could just tell him everything that I feel, but I can't. It's all so jumbled and chaotic that I can't even begin to describe it. I often find myself just wanting to scream and let it all out, but I'm too afraid to. I'm too afraid of what being lost within myself will do to me in this state.

"Sorry, Esme. We're getting off to a rough start today. We should still be able to get there on time," Edward said and I lifted my head. I hadn't even noticed that Esme had entered my room. She came and knelt on the floor next to us and I wiped my eyes as I looked up at her.

"Oh, honey. I wish there was something I could do for you," she said with a trembling voice.

"Do you want me to reschedule your appointment?" she asked and I shook my head.

"No...we're going," I whispered.

"Okay, if you're sure. I'll call them and let them know that you might be a few minutes late," she replied and I nodded.

Edward helped me up and I grabbed some clothes to change into. My emotions hadn't calmed, but at least I wasn't angry any longer. I took a quick shower, my tears mixing with the water running down my face, and changed. One look in the mirror as I brushed my teeth told me I looked every bit as hellish as I felt. My eyes were red and swollen from having cried so much, and I was starting to look sickly from having lost even more weight. With a renewed sense of hopelessness, I trudged out of the bathroom to gather my things for our therapy session.

As I walked into my bedroom, Edward was just finishing putting his shoes on. He sat up on the bed and motioned for me to come over. I dropped my dirty clothing and wet towel on the floor and shuffled my way over to him, curling myself into his lap as his arms wound around me.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered as fresh tears began to fall.

"You don't have to apologize, love. We knew this was going to be hard, but we'll get through it," he said softly as he rested his head on top of mine.

"I love you," I whispered, wishing those words could somehow make any part of what we were going through better for him.

"I know, baby. I love you too," he said as he pressed his lips against my hair.

"Are you ready?" he asked and I nodded.

We gathered our journals and made our way down the stairs. Esme handed both of us a sandwich to take with us and kissed each of our cheeks before walking us to the front door. Edward was practically done with his sandwich by the time we got to the car and he opened my door for me. I sat in my seat and picked at my sandwich as he made his way around to the other side of the car and got in. Within moments, we were on the road and heading toward Dr. Sheehan's office.

By the time we pulled into the parking lot, my sandwich was sitting in my lap, not even half eaten and wrapped in its paper towel. We got out of the car and I tossed it in the trash can in front of the building before we made our way inside. Edward gave our names to the receptionist and just as I was turning to have a seat in the waiting room, she told us to head right into the office. Hand in hand, Edward and I followed behind her and into our familiar room. Dr. Sheehan was already waiting for us as we walked through the door.

"Hello Bella, I'm glad to see you made it in today. How are you today?" she asked as she gestured toward our couch. Edward and I took a seat right in front of her and I looked up.

"A mess," I whispered and she nodded and looked at Edward.

"How are you today, Edward?" she asked and he shrugged.

"I've been better, but I'm doing alright," he replied and I started tearing once again as my eyes drifted away. I couldn't bear looking at them knowing it was because of me that he felt that way.

"How was your weekend?" she asked him.

"It was good for the most part. Saturday Bella and I went to a bar-b-que to celebrate the fourth of July with some of our friends. Sunday I spent a few hours with my dad and then spent the rest of the night at Bella's," he said and I saw her nod out of the corner of my eye, and I held my breath, feeling her gaze shift back to me.

"How was your weekend Bella? Did you enjoy the bar-b-que?" she asked and I nodded, still averting my gaze.

"Eye contact, Bella. Averting your eyes makes me think you're lying," she said sternly and I sighed, fighting back my sudden irritation at her tone as my eyes drifted to hers and I nodded once again.

"Have you been writing in your journal?" she asked and I nodded as I handed it to her. She took a few minutes to read through the most recent entries I had written and then closed it as she looked back up at me.

"I see you're still feeling hopeless about not being able to speak. Have you been trying to speak?" she asked and I shook my head.

"Why not?" she asked and I stopped clenching my hands to sign to her.

'I'm afraid..'

"Don't sign, Bella. Tell me," she said as she took my hands and placed them in my lap. My eyebrows furrowed as I looked at her, but her intense and challenging gaze never wavered.

"I can't," I whispered as I ground my teeth together. I'd freeze up if I tried to get it all out while whispering.

"Bella," she sighed and I looked back up from the floor to her. "You've spent years living in fear every day. I need to know if the panic you feel stemmed from that fear or if it's an entirely separate issue. I need you to speak to me," she said and I shook my head violently.

"We're never going to get anywhere if you don't try, Bella. I can't fix it for you. This is something that you're just going to have to trust me on," she said determinedly and I shook my head once again. There was no way in hell I was going to freeze up for hours in this office.

"Okay...maybe Wednesday. We'll talk about something else for right now," she said and I let out a breath of relief.

"So, you wrote a few entries about the anger you feel, but you didn't explain why you feel angry. Why do you feel this way?" she asked and I shrugged. I really didn't know what caused it.

"What kind of things trigger the anger?" she asked and I shrugged again as I chewed on the inside of my lip. I knew it was coming again, that damn tone. My expression and demeanor was screaming defiance and I knew it, but couldn't fight the anger down enough to stop it.

"Bella," she said sternly and I felt my anger escalate even higher. "This needs to be a two way discussion. I can't help if you don't participate."

"Love, this is what we're here for. Tell her," Edward said gently and I stood from my seat and started to pace back and forth across the office.

_**It's time, Bella.**_

_**Time for what?!**_

_**It's time to let it all go...and let me out.**_

_I can't! You know that!_

_**You can...and you need to. **_

_Why is she still asking questions?! _

_**Because she's trying to push you to your breaking point moron! Just answer her. Tell her why you're angry.**_

_I CAN'T! My God...will she ever shut up?!_

_**God damnit, Bella! How much longer do you want to be stuck like this?! When is it going to be long enough for you to get over everything?! When are you finally going to let everything go?! When is the hurt you and everyone else feels ever going to be enough?! LET ME THE FUCK OUT! NOW!!**_

"Bella, we're going to keep doing this until you reach out and help yourself. You can either answer me, or you can keep pacing, but I won't stop pushing you for the answers. Now, why are you angry?" Mary asked, her tone severe and borderline antagonistic. I kept pacing, ignoring both her and my own voice screaming in my head.

"I think you're angry because you think your parents and everyone else didn't try hard enough. I think you're angry because even though your friend's father was hurt, he lived when your father didn't. I think you're angry because you feel like the people you love failed you. Am I right, Bella? Is that why you're angry?" Mary asked and I spun around, seething and shaking from my rage at her comments as I stalked toward her.

"NO! I'M ANGRY BECAUSE IT ISN'T FAIR!" I screamed, my step faltering as I realized what I had just done.

In the blink of an eye, I noticed a few things happen. Mary smirked as she eyed me carefully, her pen poised and ready to begin writing. Edward took in a sharp breath as he hurdled forward from the couch to catch me, thinking I would freeze and hit the floor hard, and my hands came to my mouth as I continued to stumble forward. The only thing that didn't happen in that office...was me freezing up.

Edward's arm wound around me and steadying me as he shifted to stand in front of me. Everything that I was suddenly feeling was being mirrored in his eyes as I looked up at him. Worry, anxiety, desperation, and excitement.

"Anything?" he asked and I shook my head, still stunned. His lips were twitching as he looked down at me and the worry, anxiety, and desperation fading from his eyes, leaving them brilliant and sparkling with his overwhelming excitement.

"It's gone," I said in awe as a grin began to creep across my lips.

"Edward, it's _gone_," I said louder, more excitedly, the panic still nowhere to be found. His grin broke through and his eyes began to shine with the building moisture of his tears. For once they weren't sad tears, or angry tears, or even desperate tears. They were tears of happiness and joy. Tears of relief.

"Bella?" Mary called and I turned in his arms toward her.

"How are you feeling now?" she asked as she smiled at me.

"Like I want to burst...can I go home?" I asked, wanting nothing more than for Edward and I to be able to race home. I wanted to be with my family. I wanted to be with my friends. As much as I loved her at the moment for what she had done, even though the way she had gone about it had been uncharacteristically cruel, I didn't want to be sharing all of my first words with my therapist.

"Sure. I'll see you both on Wednesday," she laughed and I hugged her before racing out of the office dragging Edward behind me.

"BELLA!" Mary laughed as she yelled after me. "You forgot your journals!"

I turned around and ran back to her, taking them from her and hugging her once more as I laughed and bolted back toward Edward who was shaking his head and laughing at me. I probably looked like a taller version of Alice after she'd eaten too many skittles.

As soon as we made it out the front door of the building, he swooped me up in his arms and spun me around as I squealed into the air. His lips crashed down upon mine and I kissed him fervently, not caring who was baring witness to our public display.

"I love you. I love you so much," I said breathlessly as we broke apart, laughing and sobbing as he held me even tighter.

"Say it again," he sighed and I laughed as I repeated it to him, his lips crashing down upon mine again before I had even finished saying it. I hummed as our tongues collided. He groaned and pressed me against the side of the Volvo, obvious signs of his excitement pressing into my lower stomach.

"What are you doing?" I asked as we broke apart and he fished his phone from his pocket.

"I'm calling everyone and telling them to get their asses to your house. They're all going to want to witness this," he laughed and I held my hand up to stop him.

"I want to share this with Esme and Carlisle first," I said and he nodded as he focused on my lips as I spoke and caressed my cheek.

"That's probably a good idea. It would be pure pandemonium with everyone there at once," he said and I laughed as I nodded.

Edward opened my door and I slid in and buckled up as he ran around the other side of the car. I bounced excitedly the whole way home as he held my hand and chuckled every time he shot a glance in my direction. He had barely pulled the car to a stop when I threw my seatbelt off and opened my car door.

"Bella! Wait!" he laughed behind me as I started running for the front door and hurdling myself through it.

"MOM! DAD!" I yelled as I broke through the door. I heard chairs scraping and falling against the floor from the kitchen area so I turned and started running in that direction.

"Bella? Was that really you?" Esme choked as we collided into each other in the kitchen entry way. I nodded as we stumbled backward into a stunned Carlisle. She sobbed as her arms tightened around me.

"Oh, my baby," she spluttered through her tears. "Say something...I want to hear your voice." I pulled my head back and looked at her as I smiled and my own tears trailed down my face.

"I love you, Mom," I croaked and she sobbed again. Carlisle's stunned gaze shifted repeatedly between Esme, Edward, and myself and I laughed through my tears. I had never seen him appear so stupefied before. The sight of it was extremely amusing.

"Dad!" I sang as I waved a hand in front of his face. Even Esme was chuckling through her tears as she caught sight of his face.

"Carlisle, say something, anything for crying out loud! Our daughter just spoke and you're standing there catching flies with that wide open trap!" she chuckled and his mouth snapped shut.

"I...She...How...You didn't freeze," he muttered as his shifting gaze finally landed on me. I shook my head and smiled at him. Tears began to well up in his eyes and I saw his jaw muscles clench as his chin began to tremble. I detached myself from Esme and wrapped my arms around him as he looked down at me.

"It's gone, Dad. The panic is gone," I assured him as I looked up at him with blurry vision. His breath came out in a whoosh as his tears finally poured over.

"You don't know how happy I am to hear that," he said, his voice trembling. "I love you, honey. I couldn't love you any more if you were my very own."

"I love you too, Dad," I sighed as he kissed the top of my head.

We sat in the living room, with me on Edward's lap, Esme next to us, and Carlisle sitting on the coffee table in front of us, as I told them about our therapy session and how I had screamed at Dr. Sheehan. Carlisle assured me that Mary didn't actually believe the things she said, she was just pushing me to my limits to try and break me...which I already knew. Sneaky Mary was now my personal savior. I'm not sure I would have ever broken through it on my own with how timidly I had approached it all.

Esme called Liz and she sped her way over to the house, excited and teary eyed as she burst through the front door. It felt so good to be able to just sit there and talk with them, telling them everything I had wished I could just say out loud for so very long. All too soon, our family time was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell, notifying us that excited chaos was about to erupt within our home.

I got up off of Edward's lap as he went to let them in and stood in the living room waiting for them. Alice and Jasper came in first, followed quickly by Emmett and Rosalie. I was fighting my urge to grin excitedly as they all made their way into the living room.

"Bella? What's going on? They told me Edward said something happened in therapy," Alice said worriedly as she approached me. I held out a hand to stop her and smiled, showing her that I was okay. They all looked at me in a mix of worry and concern...except Rosalie. For some reason she was smirking as if she had figured it out. I stayed silent for a few moments, prolonging the suspense as someone snickered from behind me.

"Bells? Is everything okay?" Jasper asked worriedly and I nodded.

"I'm fine," I said and bit my lip as I watched their eyes all widen right in front of me as they gasped. Rosalie chuckled and covered her mouth, her lack of shock proving that she had, indeed, figured it out prior to showing up. I continued to watch them, waiting to see who would be the first to break through their stunned silence. My bet was on Alice as she started vibrating where she stood in front of Jasper.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" she squealed as she launched herself at me. "BELLAYOUSPOKE!"

"Move it, pixie," Emmett said a minute later as he pried her off of me and set her off to the side, causing everyone to start laughing. "I've been waiting to hear something for years," he said as he swooped me up in his arms bridal style and I squealed as he spun around.

"Edward, help!" I wailed as Emmett started to tickle my sides. I squealed again as Emmett laughed.

"Sorry, love. Your squeals were always one of his favorite sounds in the world," he laughed as I squealed and started laughing.

"Only second best to her and Rosie's laughter," Emmett chuckled as I laughed hysterically and tried to squirm out of his arms.

"Em...please...put...me...down," I choked out through my laughter. He finally stopped tickling me, allowing me to breathe again.

"Okay, but only if you promise me your voice won't go away again," he said seriously, his voice thick with emotion. Tears pricked at my eyes as I nodded to him and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I promise, Brother Bear," I replied as I hugged him as best I could in my position. He let go of my legs and hugged me back as he lowered me down to the ground. He nodded and sighed in relief as he let me go.

"How did you know?" I asked quietly as I hugged Rosalie. She chuckled as she pulled back and looked at me.

"I answered Em's phone when Edward called and I could hear the excitement in his voice. I knew it had to be something big and it hit me when I hung up the phone that the only thing that could have caused him to be excited after a therapy session was you talking," she responded.

"Thank you for not telling them," I said as I smiled gratefully at her.

"It was hard not to, but it would have ruined the surprise and seeing their shocked faces," she chuckled and I laughed.

After a round of hugs from everyone, and some more excited squealing from Alice, we settled into the living room as Esme, Carlisle, and Liz headed into the kitchen to start making dinner. As I looked around the faces of my closest friends, minus a few, I realized that I had a lot of things that needed to be said.

"I'm sorry," I said and their confused eyes all flickered to mine. "I'm sorry for how hard this has been on all of you for so long. I'm sorry that you all had to learn different ways to communicate with me, and I'm sorry for how I've acted in the past and how I've been acting recently. I wish I could say that it will be different now, but I can't. I don't mean to lash out at any of you, and I've only been distant lately because I'm afraid of how quickly my moods change," I said, feeling ashamed.

"Bella, it's not your mood swings that hurt, it's you pushing us away that does," Jasper said and my gaze shot to him.

"We went through this with Rosalie. We can handle the outbursts of anger, and the bouts of tears, but it's feeling like we can't even be there for you that hurts," he said and I saw Emmett nodding out of the corner of my eye.

"Belly Bear, look, you can scream at us, cry on our shoulders, hell hit us if you need to, but don't push us away. We're here for you. You know that," Emmett said and I nodded as I looked down at my hands in my lap.

"Saturday was the worst, watching you bottle it all up instead of letting it out. You've done that every time we've all been together. I've been where you are Bella, and it only makes it harder on yourself. Keeping it in makes you hold onto it longer. Trust me, there isn't anything you can say or do that will make them turn away from you. I've said and done it all during my frequent episodes, and they never backed away from me. They won't back away from you either, and neither will Alice or I. Face it Bells...you're stuck with us," Rose chuckled.

"Damn straight," Alice nodded. "Like white on rice." I laughed and shook my head at her.

"I love you guys," I chuckled as tears welled up in my eyes yet again.

"No more tears!" Alice cried out as she wiped at her own eyes. "We should be laughing and carrying on, not crying unless it's because we're laughing too hard!"

"Oh my God...wait. You have to hear this joke that my little cousin told me yesterday. You ready?" Emmett asked and I chuckled as I nodded, still wiping my tears away.

"Em...please tell me you're not telling the cheese joke," Rose scoffed and I snorted.

"Cheese joke?" I asked as everyone else chuckled and Emmett nodded.

"Yeah...it's incredibly _cheesy_," she said as she rolled her eyes and leaned back on her palms and looked at Emmett expectantly.

"Okay..so what kind of cheese doesn't belong to you, but you can still eat it?" he asked and I quirked a brow at him.

"Government cheese?" Jasper asked with a confused face and we all laughed.

"No...Nacho cheese! Get it?" Emmett guffawed and I cracked up.

"Em...that is incredibly _cheesy_," I snickered.

"Come on..he's five! I thought it was a killer joke!" he wailed and I laughed harder.

"Wait, wait... I have another one," he chuckled.

"Em...please don't," Rose pleaded and I looked to him, waiting for him to tell it anyway.

"What does a cat call mice on roller skates?" he asked and I snickered.

"I don't know," I said as I shrugged.

"Meals on wheels," he chuckled.

"Emmett...you've been spending too much time with Emory...hey what the hell is up with your family naming all their kids with names starting in Em?" Edward chuckled.

"They don't all start in Em...there's me, Emory, Emily, Emma, Ember..." he started counting off as we all started laughing at the determination on his face that was quickly diminishing.

"Wait! Evan! He's not an Em!" he cried out, causing us to laugh even harder.

"Emmett," Rosalie wheezed as she toppled over.

"What?" he asked with a confused look.

"His...name..is EMMETT!" she choked out through her laughter. "His middle name is Evan! You're both named after your grandfather!"

"Oh yeah...Shit!...we really are all Ems..." he chortled and began laughing. "What's up with that?!"

"EMMETT MCCARTY! WATCH YOUR MOUTH YOUNG MAN!" Esme and Liz both screeched from the kitchen.

"SORRY!" He grimaced as he yelled back.

"I DIDN'T FORGET THAT YOU PREFER DOVE OVER DIAL! WATCH YOURSELF!" Esme hollered.

"Oooohhhh....you're in trouble!" I sang to him through my laughter. He launched himself toward me and wrapped me in a head lock as his other hand attacked my sides.

"EM STOP! PLEASE!!" I cried through my laughter. "I'M GONNA PEE IF YOU DON'T!"

"Ew! I thought only old ladies had that problem when they laughed," he chuckled as he backed away and I tried to catch my breath.

"Why didn't you help me?" I chided playfully as I poked Edward in his side.

"Sorry...but I love hearing your laugh," he chuckled and pulled me against him, wrapping his arms around me so I couldn't poke him anymore.

"Emmett...seriously, man. Only you would have a preference for soap when it comes to having your mouth washed out," Jasper chuckled.

"What? It tastes better!" he wailed and we all laughed.

"Exactly how many soaps have you tasted? I lost track once we hit high school," Jasper said as he shook his head.

"Hm...Dove, Dial, Palmolive, Dawn, Zest...yeah nothing zestfully clean about that soap, Joy, Irish Spring, a complimentary hotel soap once, and a few others I forget the name of," he chuckled as we all shook our heads.

"How do you not have permanent diarrhea?" Alice asked incredulously and he just shrugged.

"Strong stomach...or a built up tolerance to it," he chuckled and I laughed.

"Dinner's done..come eat kids," Carlisle said as he poked his head into the living room.

"Coming, Dad," I said and smiled at him as I stood off the couch. He smiled back and in his eyes I saw the reassurance I desperately needed. His eyes told me that everything was going to be okay, and for the first time in weeks, I believed it. It may not be today, or tomorrow, or even a month from now, but someday everything will be okay.

As we sat down at the table, and chaos erupted all around me as everyone began digging into the taco meat and toppings, I looked back on how drastically different everything was from just a year before. A year ago, I was silent, unable to even sign my thoughts to the people I cared about, and unwilling to write to them because of how abnormal it made me feel. I had no friends...well I did, but I didn't know it...I was completely alone. Stranded in solitude like a deserted island in the middle of an ocean filled with people that just didn't get me...or even attempt to, and I was completely unable to reach out to the ones who possibly could.

It took a 4'10" pixie to break me out of my shell and see the world around me for the first time in years. She bridged the communication gap between myself and my parents, enabling me to have the relationship with them that I had longed for since I had come to live with them. She even managed to bridge the distant gap that had been placed between myself and what were once my closest friends. She gave me the gift of family and friendship, and even though we'd had our share of bumps along the way, I'd forever be grateful to her for all that she had done out of the goodness of her heart. Compared to just one short year before, I had a tremendous amount of blessings to be grateful for.

My real parents had provided me with the best set of parents known to mankind in lieu of themselves, knowing that I would be well cared for if they were no longer around. I couldn't imagine any other couple going as far as Carlisle and Esme had to help me over the years, or being as understanding and patient as they had been either. They loved me as though I were their own, and I loved them the same. I'd always have a place in my heart for my real parents, and I would always love them for as long as I lived, but I knew now that my heart wasn't so broken that it couldn't grow to make room for every person I loved and cared about.

I have friends that were better described as family. Two big brothers, and two sisters that have repeatedly shown me how strong they are by standing beside me through the darkest of my days...even when I didn't know they were standing there. Emmett and Jasper are my fierce protectors, standing strong and vigilant in the paths of anyone or anything who dared to hurt me...even myself. They are the best brothers I could have ever asked for. During my childhood years, Jasper had always been my source of serenity and Emmett had been my source of security. Regardless of how violent the emotional storms were churning within me, I now know that no matter what happens, they will always remain with me, providing me with everything I could ever need to make it through to the end of this trying journey.

Alice and Rosalie are the closest things to sisters that I had ever known, and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. Rosalie gave me the greatest gift she ever could have the day she gave me the truth about Edward. She gave me back my life, and I would forever be in her debt for taking the chance to speak to me without even knowing me. She's my strength and perseverance, for she's weathered the same storms that are currently hovering over me. She understands where I am, and what I feel, making me feel closer to her than I could have ever imagined I would. We may not ever see eye to eye when it comes to fashion, but when our eyes meet, there's an unbreakable bond of understanding that flows between us. We're survivors. The world around us may always be cruel and unjust, but when the storms pass, where others would have surrendered, we'll still be standing.

A year ago, I never would have imagined that Edward and I would ever have been friends again, much less come to be so very much more. He's my life...my heart and soul. His love is my guiding light...my Northern Star. Without him I'd be lost. He's everyone combined in a perfect package. He's my constant source of strength, serenity, comfort, security, understanding, and love. He's simply amazing, always has been and there isn't a doubt in my mind that I'll never be able to see him any other way. I can't wait for the day when all of this is put behind us, and I never have to see that frantic worry and desperation in his eyes again. Okay, so the worry may always be there, this is Edward I'm thinking about. He's prone to overreacting and worrying endlessly...much like a male version of Esme.

"What are you chuckling about?" Edward whispered in my ear and I tilted my head to look at him.

"Nothing," I said as I smiled, another chuckle climbing its way up my throat but I stifled it.

"Are you okay? You've been zoned out for a while," he said and the chuckle broke through.

"I'm perfect," I replied as I tried to subdue my amusement.

"That you are, my love. That you most definitely are," he said quietly as he leaned over and kissed my temple.

I blushed and looked up, realizing how incredibly quiet the room had become, only to find the faces of our friends and family all smiling fondly at Edward and I.

"Why don't you ever tell me I'm perfect?" Rose chided as she elbowed Emmett in his side.

"I do! Every time you..." he started, but we all cut him off as we hollered at him.

"EMMETT!"

"What?!" he cried out. "All I was going to say was I tell her she's perfect every time she..."

"EMMETT! STOP!" we all hollered again and he narrowed his eyes at us.

"Models...shoes," he muttered quickly and we all started cracking up.

"Oh God...Emmett that was _not_ what I was expecting," I laughed as I toppled over against Edward.

"Yeah well...I didn't get to say in the nude," he said and we all stopped laughing and looked at him in disbelief. The last sound heard before the table erupted into another bout of laughter, was the resounding _thwack_ of Rosalie's hand on the back of his head as she tried to hide her bright red face with her other hand.

_Oh Emmett, brother dearest, will you never learn to censor yourself??_

_

* * *

_

**AN: So there we have it. The silence is finally broken. There are only a few more chapters left to this story, sad as that is, and it's just to end with a little bit of fluff. So for all of you that have been chanting for lemons and happiness...it's cumming LOL. Much love to you all! Leave me some love! I'll probably die of happiness if this story ended with over 2,000 reviews. No worries though...I'll resurrect myself to finish TOD and start First Responders. ~Jersey~**


	73. Light at the End of the Tunnel

**AN: This is it lovies...the final countdown. This is the final real chapter, the last two still to come after this are short epilogues. For what it's worth...this has been a freaking amazing experience. You all have been profoundly and incredibly amazingly supportive, and I'm thrilled to see so many of you starting to hop over to read Tides of Fate. You guys seriously rock my socks...I know I don't say it often enough, but you really do. As of Friday, BTS will be complete. The final chapters are written and just waiting to be edited before they are posted for you. Thanks so much for reading. You guys are awesome!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, as sad as that is. They all belong to SM.**

* * *

Light at the End of the Tunnel

BPOV

Time has been flying by ever since my breakthrough in Mary's office. It's been almost a month since that day, even though it seems as though it were just yesterday, and things have been steadily getting better since then.

Quite a few things have changed since that afternoon, one of them being I no longer dread going to therapy. Actually, I find myself looking forward to speaking with Mary. Our therapy schedule has changed a bit recently as well. Edward no longer attends my Monday and Wednesday sessions, but he remains a part of the Friday ones. Fridays are all about him in Mary's office.

He's been through so much since he's learned what really happened to me that I couldn't deny his need for help of his own when I decided to started wanting to go to therapy on my own. It's easier for me to talk to Mary about things that happened back then without him sitting right next to me. I don't want him to have to keep hearing about the awful things that happened. Each time he hears about it, it's like opening a fresh wound, and I couldn't take it any longer. I hated seeing how it affected him. When I asked him to stop coming with me on Mondays and Wednesdays, I thought he would be hurt, but when he seemed relieved, although he tried to hide that relief, I knew I had made the right decision.

Another thing that has changed since that first day is I stopped pushing everyone away completely. I still have moments where I need to be alone, but I've stopped laying around in bed for days and ignoring them. True to their words, they haven't backed away from me...not even when I slugged Emmett in the heat of a temper tantrum. I never thought I would actually hit someone, much less him, but when he wouldn't stop pressuring me to tell him what was bothering me at the moment, I flipped out. I was mortified after I had done it, but he laughed his rear end off and told me that his eighty year old grandmother hits harder than I do. That comment broke my rage and after my laughter subsided we sat down and had a long talk about all the things that were bothering me at the time. Thankfully, I haven't hit anyone since. If they ask me what's wrong, I tell them, because bottling it up really does make it so much worse.

A week ago, we attended our second group therapy meeting. We had missed the meeting in June on account of my severe emotional instability. When Alice asked if they could come to that one, and I said sure, I only expected to see her and Jasper along with Emmett and Rosalie there. When Edward and I walked in the door I was stunned to see everyone. I mean _everyone_.

Taking up an entire section of chairs behind the circle was Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Angela, Ben, Jake, Leah, Edward's parents, my parents, and even Billy. It was like I had my own damn cheering section, which highly amused quite a few of the other people attending the meeting. When the meeting started, Emmett and Rosalie came and sat next to Edward and I in the circle with our support system sitting right behind us. It was the oddest thing ever, but with all of them there I found the courage to do what I thought would take me years to achieve. With Edward and Rosalie's hands grasped in mine, I told my story.

A few days after my breakthrough, I went to see Billy to thank him again for everything he had done. Had it not been for him giving me the truth I needed to stop feeling so damn guilty over everything that had happened, it would have been impossible for me to have ever even started healing from all of it. He teared up when he heard my voice for the first time since I was a child and told me how proud my parents would be for how well I was handling everything.

I visit him once a week now, and we usually end up sitting on the dock of a nearby lake, him fishing and me throwing pebbles in the water while he regals me with stories of my father and himself in the police academy, and stories of my parents from when I was too little to remember... and him laughing and telling me I'm scaring the fish away. I can't even begin to describe how close it makes me feel to my father when he says that, as my father had probably said it a million and one times to me as a child. It was hard at first to hear the stories, but the more he tells me, the easier it is for me to deal with their absence. Somehow knowing parts of their memories that I either wasn't around for, or couldn't remember myself, makes me feel closer to them, and for that I'm grateful.

I've even started occasionally driving my father's truck. Jake had to do a little bit of work on it to get it going again since it had been sitting idle and untouched for almost a year, but it's running great again. It still has that fifty mile an hour speed limit though which cracks me up every time Edward starts grumbling about it when he rides in it with me. I laughed so hard at the things he was saying once that I had to pull over to the side of the road because I couldn't see through my tears. I usually only drive it down to Billy's when I go to visit him now because Edward has recently started refusing to get into it and has started calling it The Death Trap. It wasn't the truck's fault that he tried to push it over the fifty mph speed limit and it started groaning and shaking until he eased up on the gas pedal.

The home movies that Edward and I had found on our impromptu voyage to my old house the first time have been getting a lot of use as of late. Ever since I stopped pushing everyone away, we've been having an inordinate number of living room camp outs and one of Emmett's favorite things to do is sift through the dvd copies of the home movies that Liz made. It was extremely hard watching them at first, even though it was just Edward and I the first few times, but now I find myself laughing just as much as everyone else every time I fall on screen or you can hear my mom yelling at my dad about one thing or another from behind the camera...usually in response to something that caused me to get hurt.

For instance, in one of the videos I was sitting on top of his shoulders and he was walking through the downstairs of the house. I wasn't paying attention when he told me to duck, and just as my mom started yelling at him, I turned my head and my face smacked right into that stupid six inch piece of wall at the top of the entry way to the kitchen. I almost fell completely off his shoulders, and would have if he didn't have such a good grip on my legs. Emmett and Jasper thought that was ungodly funny and they roared with laughter as Rose and Alice gasped and covered their mouths, Edward shook his head as he tried to contain his amusement, and I bit my lip as I tried to stifle my chuckles. I remembered that day like it had just happened. That's how I lost my first tooth.

Two weeks ago, Edward and I returned to my old house and started cleaning it out. My parents' room was the hardest for me by far as the chaos of what was happening during those last days was blatantly obvious in the room's disheveled appearance. We did manage to find a couple of things worth holding onto though. I found one of my father's badges which now sits atop my jewelry box on my dresser, a few of his old Forks P.D. t-shirts and a wind breaker, and a few pieces of my mother's jewelry.

We even took a trip over to my grandmother's old house a few days ago. We haven't started removing anything from that house yet, but we did do a thorough cleaning as it had become quite dusty over the years. While cleaning in her house I found probably the best thing I ever could have, and until seeing it I hadn't ever even thought of it. I found my parents' urn, still sitting atop my grandmother's mantle right above the fireplace in the den at the back of the house. I cried hysterically when I saw the cherry wooden box with the two delicate ceramic swans beak to beak forming a heart sitting atop it.

When I brought it home, Esme delicately cleaned it and it's now sitting atop our fireplace mantle surrounded by pictures of the three of us on either side of it. Over the last few days, I've often found myself sitting down there just to be near them and remembering the days that were captured in the photographs surrounding them.

My inner voice has disappeared completely since the day I started speaking again, which is rather sad. I find myself kind of missing the arguments I would have with myself, as crazy as that seems. Sometimes, when Billy and I are on the dock and the breeze blows by just right, I swear I hear my father's laugh as Billy tells yet another story of the two of them getting into trouble at the academy. It's comforting in a strange way. It makes me feel like they're still with me, and each time I hear it, whether it's delusional or not, it confirms their presence.

"Bella?" Esme's voice called out, and I looked up from the journal I had been writing in. I've been keeping two different ones. One for Mary's sessions, and one for myself where I write down everything that I can use to keep track of my progress.

"Yeah, Mom?" I asked as I looked up to her standing in the doorway of my bedroom.

"You remember your father and I have that benefit to go to tonight, right?" she asked as she crossed my room and sat down on the edge of my bed and I nodded.

"Are you sure you and Edward don't want to go?" she asked as she smiled down at me and smoothed my hair out.

"No, Mom. We really don't want to go. We have therapy today, and Alice should be here soon. She wanted to go to the mall to start clothes shopping for school," I said as I grimaced slightly. I'll never understand her need to buy an entire new wardrobe for something like returning to school.

"Edward's staying here tonight right?" she asked and I nodded.

"Yeah. We're supposed to be going out with everyone tonight after therapy. I think they wanted to go to a movie and get pizza...again," I said as I rolled my eyes and sat up from where I had been laying on my stomach.

"Okay, well try not to make it too late, and call me when you get home," she said with a slightly worried expression.

"Are you and Dad still planning on spending the night in a hotel?"

"Yeah," she said as she nodded. "It's too long of a drive to make that late at night, especially after we've had a few drinks. I'd say I'd be more comfortable with you staying at his house, but with Liz and Ed going with us, I'd much rather you both be here with Alice's parents right next door in case of an emergency," she said and I nodded.

"Bella! Alice is here, honey!" Carlisle yelled up the stairs.

"I'm coming!" I yelled back and then smiled at Esme.

"You have my credit card in case there's anything you want to buy, right?" she asked and I nodded as I got up off the bed.

"Okay. We'll probably be gone by the time you get back, so I'll say all of this now. There's dinner in the fridge in case you all don't go out for pizza, no group sleepovers tonight unless they're at someone else's house...I don't need you all tearing up my house while we're not here...and make sure you lock all the doors before you go to bed," she said as she waved her finger at me.

"I know, Mom. I'll call you if our plans change, and I'll call you when we get home if they don't," I said as I rolled my eyes and slid my foot into my flip flop. She got off the bed and wrapped her arms around me.

"Relax, Mom. It's just one night," I chuckled as I hugged her back.

"I know, it's just I hate knowing that you're going to be alone," she said as she kissed my cheek and stepped back.

"I'm not going to be alone. Edward will be here," I said as I smiled and she sighed and nodded.

"Okay, have fun at the mall. Don't be late for your appointment," she said and I nodded as we started to make our way out of my room and toward the stairs.

"Are you ready, Bells?" Alice asked and I nodded as I hugged Esme and Carlisle goodbye.

"Have fun at the benefit, and stop worrying! We'll be fine, and I'll call you as soon as we get home," I chuckled as Alice opened the front door. I waved to them as I climbed into Alice's Porsche and moments later, we were pulling out of the driveway and heading toward Emmett's to meet up with everyone.

"So Jasper went and talked to one of the recruitment officers yesterday," Alice said softly after a few minutes of silence. I turned the radio down and turned slightly in my seat toward her.

"And?" I asked gently.

"It's official. He leaves September first for boot camp," she said gloomily.

"I'm sorry, Ali," I said sadly as I rubbed her shoulder.

"Don't be. It's what he wants. If it makes him happy then I'm happy. It's just gonna suck not having him around or being able to talk to him whenever I want to," she said as she shook her head.

"Have you and Edward started talking about college?" she asked and I sighed.

"Yeah. He's leaning toward medical school, which will place him on the other side of the country. I'm not sure what I want to do yet, and trying to look at schools without having a clue of what I want to study is like trying to find Waldo in one of those stupid Where's Waldo pictures," I chuckled and she laughed.

"I think I'm going to apply to Seattle and Washington Universities. At least if I go to Seattle, Rose and Emmett will be there," she said and I nodded. That probably wouldn't be a bad idea for me to do either.

"Maybe I'll apply there too, that way we can all be together...well almost all of us," I said as I shrugged.

"Bella...that'd be awesome!" she squealed just as she pulled up in front of Emmett's house.

We got out of the car and a few short minutes later, we all climbed into Emmett's Jeep and headed toward Port Angeles. As expected, Alice dragged all of us through every store she could find, and it appeared as though the only ones actually enjoying the experience were her and Rosalie. The guys and I started trying to hide and run away from them after about the fourth store. We laughed hysterically each time we managed to evade them for even just a few minutes by ducking down hallways or running into a store that didn't sell clothing or shoes. It made the experience a little more enjoyable for those of us who weren't addicted to shopping, but at the end of the day, we all somehow managed to walk out of the mall carrying at least five bags filled with things that the two of them had picked out for us. After putting all of our bags into Edward's trunk when we returned to Emmett's house, he and I headed off to our appointment with Mary.

"So what do you think she's going to ask me about today?" Edward asked as he pulled away from the curb and I waved to everyone.

"Who knows," I chuckled. "Maybe she'll put you under hypnosis and try to pry your worst childhood fears out of you," I joked as I wiggled my eyebrows at him.

"Bella," he chortled, "that's absurd."

"I know...but it would be interesting to hear," I laughed and he shook his head.

"I only had one fear as a child...and it's completely ridiculous," he said and my curiosity went through the roof as I turned toward him in my seat.

"What was it?" I asked, trying to contain myself.

"I'm not telling...it's embarrassing," he said and I pouted at him. He tilted his head and sighed when he saw my face and I fought off the victorious grin that was tugging at my lips.

"I was petrified of Snuffleupagus from Sesame Street," he said and then pressed his lips together in a tight line as he stole another glance at me. My lips were mashed together and my cheeks were quivering with the tremendous effort I was putting forth not to laugh hysterically.

"I see you trying not to laugh, Bella...would you like to admit your childhood fear or shall I remind you?" he chuckled and I burst out laughing.

"But it's Snuffy! How could you have been afraid of Snuffy?!" I wailed as I continued to laugh and his lips pursed together.

"Because he was freaky...all giant and hairy and morose sounding when he said "Hey Bird"," he said, doing a perfect rendition of Snuffy's voice. It only served to make me laugh harder.

"Come on...it's not that funny," he chastised. "It's no worse than your still fully intact childhood fear of Barney for crying out loud!"

"I am not afraid of Barney anymore!" I wailed as I stopped laughing immediately.

"Bull! I saw you cringe yesterday when Emmett put it on for Emory!" he cried out through his laughter as he pointed at me.

"Alright, alright...so he still freaks me out. I can't help it! What the hell is a purple dinosaur doing singing to kids about love for?!" I retorted and he laughed even harder as we pulled into the parking lot.

"Yeah, you have a point there. That is pretty freaky," he chuckled as he turned the car off.

"Did you remember to bring your journal?" I asked as I reached for the door handle. He nodded and reached behind me, pulling it out of the pocket behind my seat.

"Yup...let's go," he said and I stepped out of the car. We made our way into the building, and after giving our names, we took our seats in the waiting area. Edward laughed as we sat down and pointed to the coffee table in the center of the room where there was a Barney book sitting atop a pile of magazines.

"Shut up," I grumbled as I poked him in the side. He grabbed a hold of my hand and wrapped his other arm around me. A few minutes later our names were called and we headed into our familiar room.

"How long do you think we'll have to keep coming here?" Edward asked as we made our way over to the couch and the receptionist shut the door.

"I'm not sure...I'll need to be here a lot longer than you will though," I sighed as I plopped down on the couch.

"Why am I coming here anymore again?" he asked and I chuckled humorlessly.

"Because my emotional fallout is beating the snot out of you," I replied only joking partially. I really had taken a lot out on him during the first month or so.

"Bella," he sighed as he entwined our fingers together and gave a gentle squeeze. "It doesn't bother me. We knew this was going to be hard, and I know you don't mean it when you lash out or ignore me. Besides, you haven't been anywhere near as emotional lately."

"That doesn't change the fact that it does affect you in some way, and being able to unleash it here won't do you any harm," I replied and he nodded just as Mary walked in the door.

"She's right, Edward. Just because you know it isn't intentional, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt you, and if you ignore it, it will only continue to build until you can't ignore it any longer and it becomes a problem. It's better to deal with it as it comes," she said and I nodded as he sighed and relaxed back against the couch.

"Hi, Mary," I said as I smiled up at her. She smiled warmly at me as she took her seat, no longer sitting right in front of us as she had to do when all I could do was whisper.

"Hello, Bella. How have you been since Wednesday?" she asked.

"Pretty good. I had a bit of an episode Wednesday night after coming home, but I've been okay since," I said and she nodded.

"Would you like to talk about it?" she asked and I shook my head.

"No...we can get into it on Monday. I wrote it all down in the journal so I wouldn't forget," I said and she nodded in understanding that it had something to do with Phoenix, and we don't bring that subject up on Fridays.

"Okay, if you need to talk before then, you know how to get a hold of me," she said and I nodded.

"So, Edward. How has your week been?" she asked and he shifted uncomfortably.

"It wasn't too bad," he answered vaguely and I nudged him with my elbow and gave him a pointed glance. He sighed and tilted his head back to look at Mary once again.

"Monday and Wednesday were difficult. Monday Bella cried through half the night and nothing I said or did helped. Wednesday she seemed fine when she got home, but then an hour later she was on a rampage over what seemed to be nothing. We got into a fight and said some things to each other that I _know_ neither of us meant, and then she locked me out of her room," he said and my face scrunched up slightly as I recalled those nights.

"How did the fight start?" Mary asked as she started writing. I had to fight off a chuckle as I recalled my first visit here and how badly I wanted to snatch that clipboard from her. I still find myself wanting to grab it and lock myself in a room long enough to read through it at times.

"I asked her if she wanted to go to Port Angeles with our friends for dinner," he chuckled and I bit my lip.

"What happened after that?" she asked as she continued to write. When she was done she looked up just as Edward was looking to me. I nodded to him and he sighed as he looked back at her.

"She said no and instead of accepting that, I turned around and started telling her that it had been a week since we had really gone anywhere with our friends aside from having them over at the house. She said that she just didn't feel up to going out that night and that if they wanted to, we could all go out for dinner or something the following night. Then I reminded her that we were going to be at Emmett's yesterday because his cousin was coming over, and that we wouldn't be able to, and that's when she flipped out," Edward said and I grimaced slightly.

"What happened then, Bella?" she asked as she continued to write.

_Damn that clipboard. Can't she use a tape recorder or something?_

"I cursed at him and told him if he wanted to go he should just go, and that if I said I didn't want to do something that I meant it. He turned around and told me that I've said I didn't want to do a lot of things, but did them anyway so how was he supposed to know because he wasn't a...insert curse here... mind reader," I said, stumbling momentarily so as not to curse in front of her.

"Did the fight end there?" she asked and we both shook our heads in shame.

"No. We continued to fight about it and I ended up slamming the door in his face after calling him an insensitive...." I trailed off, not wanting to say the last word.

"I see. Okay we're going to try something today. I want you to both turn and face each other on the couch," she said and we both complied.

"Now, what I want you to do is think of three things that you admire about each other and three things that you dislike about each other. Let me know when you've thought of them," she said and I pursed my lips as I thought. The admirable ones were easy, it was the things I dislike that was hard to come up with. When I finally came up with them I nodded to her, just a minute before Edward did the same.

"Okay, now Bella you go first. Tell Edward the three things that you dislike about him and why," she said and I nodded and looked to him.

"I don't like the way you push sometimes after I've said I don't want to do something, obviously because chances are that I just don't want to do whatever it is you've asked me to. I don't like it when I feel like I just need to cry and you continuously ask me if something's wrong because sometimes there really isn't anything wrong. I just need to cry. And I don't like that you feel that just because I don't want to go somewhere that you can't go without me because you can. It makes me feel like I'm holding you back from enjoying whatever it is that you wanted us to do together," I said and he nodded as he listened.

"Very good, Bella. Alright Edward, it's your turn. Tell Bella the three things you dislike and why," she said and he smiled sheepishly at me before speaking.

"I don't like the way sometimes you won't let me help you because it makes me feel like you don't want me there. If you just need to cry then just tell me that and I'll leave you be. I don't like the way you hold things in sometimes to the point that it bursts out of you and you lash out at anyone within audible distance of you because it makes me feel like I didn't try hard enough to help you before it got to that point. And I don't like when you call me an insensitive prick because afterwards I actually feel like one. I feel like one after every fight we have, but being called one makes it worse," he said and I grimaced and mouthed a silent "sorry" to him. He nodded and smiled slightly as he mouthed "it's okay" back to me.

"Good job, Edward. Now tell Bella the three things you admire about her and why," she said and he nodded as he looked back at me.

"I admire your strength. With everything you've gone through and continue to go through, the fact that you're still standing is amazing. I admire your ability to love even though your heart has been broken in the past. I'm amazed at the way you love Esme and Carlisle as much as you loved your own parents because I myself would find it impossible to do had I been in your shoes. And I admire your perseverance. From the outside looking in, it seems that no matter how difficult of a time you are having, you keep pushing through it and finding new things to be thankful for where most would just remain bitter over what their life is like," he said and I smiled as my eyes teared.

"Beautifully done. Bella, it's your turn," Mary said and I nodded as I wiped away at my eyes.

"I admire your devotion. Not many people would have stuck with me through all that you have without hating me for it. The fact that you continue to stand by me after everything I've said and done and the way I've acted at times is nothing short of miraculous. I admire your determination. Even when things were at their worst, you continued to have hope for things to change for the better, and you continued to do everything in your power to make the situation better. But most of all, I admire your ability to love unconditionally. You loved me even when I couldn't find anything about myself for you to love. You've shown me repeatedly that even though I may have been broken and still remain damaged in some ways, that I'm no less worthy of being loved than anyone else. Without that, I wouldn't have had the strength or perseverance to keep working through all of this," I said as my voice shook and tears fell from my eyes. He entwined our fingers together and kissed my temple quickly as we turned back toward Mary.

"That was perfect, Bella," Mary said as she smiled at me. I gave a slight smile in return and wiped the tears from my face as I waited for her to continue speaking.

"The purpose of telling each other the three things you admire about the other was to help soothe any pain that was caused by saying the things that you dislike. Instead of fighting next time, say what you need to, and if what you need to say can possibly hurt the other person's feelings, try to follow it with something that can make them feel good about themselves. It won't stop every fight that you will ever have, but it can lessen the wounds from them. I know it can be hard when you're angry, but really do try not to resort to name calling or saying things that you truly don't mean. Those harsh words have the ability to create seeds of doubt within your relationship if they're said frequently," Mary said and we both nodded as he squeezed my hand gently. I gave it a gentle squeeze back and smiled meekly at him as I tilted my head to the side slightly.

"Try to use what you've both admitted to not liking to help yourselves work through your difficult times. Instead of shutting him out, Bella, tell him what's wrong and what you need at the moment. It will help him feel as though he's actively helping you and not making things worse, and it will help you to not let your emotions get out of control. And Edward, instead of pushing her to do something, or reminding her of the reasons why she should want to do something, ask her if she's sure and if she doesn't mind you going alone. You are a couple, but that doesn't mean that you have to do absolutely everything together. Having time to yourselves occasionally is healthy for any couple. There are going to be times when you both need a little time to cool down, and if you try to force yourselves to hover over one another during those times, you're both going to burn out from the stress of that alone," she continued and we nodded as we listened intently.

"Is there anything else from this week that either of you would like to air out while we're here?" she asked and I looked to him but he shook his head.

"Bella? How about you?" she asked.

"Nope...I'm good until Monday," I said as I smiled slightly.

"Okay, did you bring your journal, Edward?" she asked and he nodded as he got up and handed it to her. She took a few minutes to read through it as we sat comfortably on the couch holding hands and waiting.

"It seems as though we've covered most of what you've written about already with the exception of your entry about college. What made you finally decide on medicine over music?" she asked as she smiled at him.

"Mostly watching Bella's progress over the past few months since we started therapy. I don't think I could ever sit here listening to someone's problems and help them work their way through them, but I like the idea of being able to help them somehow," he replied as he chuckled slightly.

"Have you thought about what kind of medicine you would like to practice in?" she asked and he shrugged.

"I apprenticed for Carlisle last year and a bit the year before. Emergency medicine seems really interesting. It'll definitely keep me on my toes," he said and she laughed.

"That it most certainly will. If you need a letter of recommendation when it comes time for you to apply to schools, let me know. I'd gladly write you one. I could only hope that more doctors out there had the level of compassion and dedication that I've seen from you since we've met," she replied kindly.

"I haven't even begun to research the application process," he sighed and she chuckled.

"You have a bit of time for that yet. You need to earn a baccalaureate degree prior to applying. Most applicants get their B.A.s in science or chemistry. Washington University has great programs for both," she said and he smiled as he nodded.

"I'll look into that," he replied and I smiled at him.

"Let me know what you decide. I can still write a letter of recommendation for you. You could also look into colleges that provide B.A.s specific to pre-med," she said as she stood. We stood from the couch and he took the journal as she held it out to him.

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind."

"Okay, remember to listen to one another, and I'll see you both next week," she said as she smiled.

We thanked her and left the office. As soon as we were out of the doors of the building, he swooped me into his arms and hugged me fiercely.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you. I should have listened when you said you didn't want to go out," he said frantically. I sighed and held him tighter.

"I'm sorry for the things I said and for pushing you away. I don't mean to be that way, but sometimes I just need time to think through what's going through my head without people asking me about it or worrying over me," I sniffled in return and he nodded into the crook of my neck.

"Bella? What did you have to say to her that you couldn't say today?" he asked as he pulled back.

"Things about the past. I don't like talking about them around you because it makes it harder on you to have to hear them. It's easier for me to talk about them just with her because she can't be hurt by it," I said and he nodded as he kissed my forehead.

"Do you really want to meet up with them tonight, or do you want to go home?" he asked and I chuckled.

"Let's go, Edward. I'm not having one of those I need to be alone moments."

"Are you sure?" he asked and I laughed as I walked up to the passenger door to the car.

"Get in the car, Edward. If you need some personal cool down time then drop me off on your way home," I chuckled and he laughed.

"Dream on...I'm not letting you have all the fun with our friends while I sit at home and stare at a wall," he chuckled as he walked around the side of the car and I laughed as I got in.

"Okay, so I have to admit it does feel better after having talked about our issues this week. Do you feel this way after your private sessions with her?" he asked as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"Some days I do. Others I just feel bogged down by all of it and confused over what I really feel. That's why I didn't want to go out Wednesday. My head was a mess and I didn't want to be around anyone until I had it sorted out," I replied and he nodded.

"I'm sorry. I promise not to push you next time," he said as he took my hand in his.

"Me too...I promise to tell you what I need and why next time instead of flipping out," I chuckled.

"We're gonna be alright," he said as he smiled and gripped my hand tighter. I smiled back at him and squeezed his hand.

"Yeah...we are," I replied, knowing deep down that it was true. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, we pulled into the shopping plaza parking lot and met up with our friends.

During dinner, Emmett and Jasper practically made themselves sick by shoveling down slices of pizza to see who could finish first...Emmett won of course. After leaving the pizzeria, with Emmett and Jasper stumbling and gripping their stomachs behind us as they groaned and carried on, we went to a movie and I have no idea what it was about because Edward kept getting frisky. When the movie ended, he and I parted ways from our friends to head home for the night. Even in the car on the way home he couldn't stop touching me, or kissing my fingers, or driving me completely insane. Having all of our issues aired out earlier in the afternoon lifted the veil of tension that had been hanging over us for days.

By the time we pulled into the driveway, I was damn near ready to attack him on the front lawn. Instead, I hurled myself across the console in his car and into his lap, attaching my lips to every inch of skin I could find. He lowered his seat back and fixed me in his lap so that I was straddling him before grasping my face and kissing me soundly. I moaned quietly as I felt his hips rock into me and broke my lips away from his.

"We should go inside," I panted and he nodded vigorously as he tried to steady his breathing and fumbled for the door handle. As soon as we were out of the car, he picked me up and carried me bridal style as he practically ran to the front door as I laughed.

Until very recently, our physical desire for one another had been sitting on the back burner as my fiery emotional disasters overshadowed everything in our lives. To say that I was happy to have this part of our relationship back was a severe understatement, and judging by his excitement, it was the same for him. In the last two weeks alone we had kissed and explored each other more than the previous two months combined. In practically no time flat, he had us upstairs and in my room with his lips firmly attached to mine as he lowered us down to the bed.

As he hovered over me, I could feel him everywhere, but it wasn't close enough. There was too much clothing between us. I tugged on the hem of his shirt and he raised himself up on his arms, tearing his lips away from mine so I could pull it off and toss it. He pulled mine off and threw it behind him before crashing his lips down on mine again.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and drew him closer to me, reveling in the fiery sensation of our skin contact as he fumbled with the hooks of my bra on my back. I chuckled as it finally came undone and helped him remove it without breaking our kiss.

When my chest began to start burning, I pulled my lips away and tried to pull in as much air as I possibly could as he kissed and licked his way down my neck and chest. When he reached my stomach, he undid the button and zipper of my shorts and slid them off, taking my panties with them. After tossing them aside, he nestled himself between my legs and kissed the inside of each thigh as I gripped the bedding.

"_Please_ ," I whimpered as his tongue twirled around the inside of my inner thigh.

"I want to hear you. I want to hear those beautiful moans," he said huskily as I felt his finger circle around my entrance. I moaned loudly in response as I writhed under his touch, wanting and needing for him to stop teasing me.

His mouth descended upon my core as his finger slid all the way in and my back arched off the bed. I moaned once again as his other hand traveled over my skin, caressing and kneading my flesh. With every swirl of his tongue, nip of his teeth, and thrust of his fingers, he brought me closer and closer to my climax as the sounds of my moans and whimpers echoed in the room. My hands wound into his hair and I gave a gentle tug.

"Edward...make love to me," I panted as I tugged gently again. I was ready, I didn't want to wait for marriage. I wanted to be with him more than anything in that moment, in every way possible. His movements stilled momentarily before he pulled away from me and slowly crawled up on top of me.

" Are you sure? I want to..._God_ how I want to, but if you're not ready I can wait," he said as he looked down upon me and I shook my head.

"I'm ready...I want to...I need you," whimpered as I undid the button of his shorts. I pushed them down with the heels of my feet, and stifled a chuckle as his erection sprung free and slapped the back of my thigh.

"Edward, please. I love you. I want to be with you," I said as I cupped his face gently in my hands. He nodded slightly and placed a chaste kiss upon my lips before sliding off of me and fumbling through his shorts for something. It was dark in the room, the only light coming from the moon through the glass wall so I didn't know what he was doing until I heard the crinkle of a foil wrapper.

"I love you," he whispered as he lowered himself back down on me and his hands came to the sides of my head as he brushed my hair away from my face and gazed into my eyes. "I promise I'll be gentle."

"I love you too," I whispered as I pulled his face down to mine and kissed him. I felt him line himself up with my entrance before he entwined our fingers together.

"Squeeze as hard as you need to," he said and I nodded as I braced myself and felt him start to push into me.

True to his word he was gentle, and unfortunately I found the rumor of your first time hurting to be true as well. It hurt like hell as he pushed his way all the way inside of me. Tears leaked out of my eyes as I squeezed the living hell out of his hands as he murmured I love you and I'm sorry over and over again in my ear. He stayed completely still within me until the pain subsided and I lessened my grip on his hands.

"Are you okay?" he asked as he wiped the tears away from my eyes.

"Yeah," I sighed as I nodded and then chuckled. "Shit that hurt like hell."

"Does it still hurt?" he asked worriedly.

"No...well I don't know. You haven't moved," I said uncertainly.

"Tell me to stop if it does," he said and I nodded as he started to move gently within me. It was a little uncomfortable as I could feel myself stretched completely around him, but it didn't hurt.

"I'm okay," I said as I wrapped my arms around him and he continued rocking back and forth. The discomfort was quickly being replaced with pleasure as I became accustomed to the feeling, and soon found myself whimpering and moaning with each of his gentle thrusts.

"Ungh...faster," I moaned into his shoulder as his mouth devoured the side of my neck. He groaned as he pushed himself up on his arms and picked up his pace. His thrusts were coming faster and harder as my hands explored every inch of his skin I could reach. I could feel my orgasm building as my stomach muscles began to coil, my moans becoming louder and drowning out the subtle sounds he was making.

"Shit..Love I'm not gonna last," he panted as I felt his hand come down upon my core. His thumb began working furiously against my nub as he continued to drive into me. I writhed under him, clutching the bedsheets as I felt myself start to spasm around him.

"Oh God...Edward...I'm...._Ungh,_" I whimpered and then moaned as my back arched off the bed. His thrusting stilled deep within me and I felt him twitch as he reached his own climax, the beautiful sound of my name tumbling from his lips reverberating throughout the room.

He collapsed on top of me in a breathless heap and I held him tightly as I tried to steady my own breathing with our sweaty bodies pressed together and still connected in the most intimate of ways. His lips pressed against the side of my neck as his warm breath caressed my skin in an open mouthed kiss.

"I love you so much," he murmured as he dragged his nose lightly against the skin there.

"I love you too. You're my everything," I replied breathlessly as I tightened my hold on him briefly. I didn't have the strength to keep my hold on him at the moment. He stayed there for a few minutes before sliding out of me.

"I'll be right back," he said and I nodded as he removed the condom and made his way off the bed.

He pulled his boxers on and headed off to the bathroom, returning a few minutes later with a warm moist washcloth which he used to gently clean me up. After tossing it in the hamper, he handed me his t-shirt and a pair of shorts and climbed back into the bed and under the covers with me as I dressed myself.

"You don't regret it do you?" he asked and I shook my head as I placed a kiss on his chest as I cuddled up against him.

"Not at all...do you?" I asked worriedly and he chuckled.

"Never...but I do wish I had at least done something special for you for our first time," he said and I leaned up to look at him.

"Edward, it was special for me. It will always be special because it's with you. I didn't need candles, or flower petals, or any other cheesy romantic thing you could think up to make it special for me. Just being with you is special enough," I said as I caressed his cheek with my thumb. He kissed the inside of my wrist and sighed as he nodded.

"I love you," he said quietly and I chuckled as I put my head back down on his shoulder.

"I know, I love you too."

A number of things came to me as we laid in bed together. In just one short year, we would possibly be parting for periods of time to achieve our dreams and goals, but no matter how far apart we would ever be physically, we would always be with each other in our hearts, much like how my parents were always with me in mine. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that although it would be difficult to be apart from one another, our love was strong enough to transcend any distance that was placed between us.

In the past year, we had emotionally endured more than most couples experience throughout an entire lifetime together, and it only served to bring us closer together than we ever could have imagined. There was nothing he or I couldn't say to one another, regardless of the nature of our statements. Over the last two months there had been days where we had screamed at each other, saying things that neither of us sincerely meant at the time only to end up crying on each other's shoulders as we attempted to apologize to one another. Even though we may have times where there is a shroud of tension placed between us, there is never a moment that passes where our love for one another isn't stronger than the difficulties we are facing. With each laugh, fight, tear, and emotional breakdown we experience, we grow stronger. There was nothing that life could throw at us that we couldn't manage to overcome together after everything we had already been through.

He is my forever, and I am his eternity, and I wouldn't have it any other way. From the day we met we were connected in a way that few people are ever able to experience. Connected at the soul, living and breathing soul mates, created perfectly for only one another. With all that life had taken from me, it had also given me that one precious gift that I would cherish until the day I died. It gave me Edward and together we would conquer anything else life had in store for us.

* * *

**AN: Reviews are the shizz...flood my inbox with love because I'm in tears that I've finally finished writing this story. Much love to you all! ~Jersey~**


	74. Epilogue 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. SM owns them all.**

* * *

Epilogue 1

EPOV

A year has passed since the night that Bella and I first made love, and an incredible year it has been. Senior year in high school was everything none of us could have ever expected. By the time school had started, Bella's mood swings were virtually nonexistent, and her progress in therapy was exceeding even Mary's expectations. She was coming to terms with the loss of her parents, as well as with everything that she had endured during the five long years afterwards. She was fully returning to the bright, cheery, laughing, sarcastic as fuck Bella that I knew as a kid...and I loved every goddamn minute of it.

We still continue to have our occasional fight, but we've never again resorted to saying harsh things just to hurt one another. After that session with Mary, I thought back to quite a number of things that I had said to her during our fights the two months prior to that session that weren't brought up...and it made me feel like an absolute dick. Bella repeatedly tried to ensure me that she didn't take any of it to heart, that she knew I didn't mean it just as much as she didn't mean any of the things that she had said during those fights, but knowing how much she had already been through and knowing that I was still able to say those things to her, made me feel pretty damn worthless. If it hadn't been for our Friday sessions with Mary, I'm honest to God petrified of what could have happened to our relationship.

The last week of August, before we started school, we had a bon voyage party for both Emmett and Jasper. I was sad to see both of them go, just as Bella and Alice were, but I knew in just one short year, we'd be doing the same. Speaking of which, I ended up choosing to attend the University of Washington at its Seattle campus after receiving a full scholarship. Bella applied for early acceptance to Seattle University and got her acceptance letter the same day Alice did. They were ecstatic to say the least, and I was happy knowing that even though we were going to be at separate schools, we were both going to be in Seattle together. She's planning on enrolling for Liberal Arts until she decides what she wants to do. I'm just happy that she's finally at a point where the future is looking bright and colorful to her and not shrouded in pain and suffering.

Our senior yearbook was a riot...I think Alice headed up the yearbook committee just so she could rule over the entire thing. Under cutest couple was a picture of Bella and I with her in my Captain's jacket, most likely to succeed was filled with, again pictures of Bella and I. She even added in an area that said craziest hair...again pictures of Bella and I. Bella had a cow over it when she saw it but I just laughed hysterically and wondered how in the hell Alice had gotten a hold of Bella's Curly Sue picture from that year's Halloween party that only Bella herself had a copy of.

I think my favorite page in the book overall though was the memories page that she had created. It was a collage motif and she somehow snuck in pictures of our little family of friends, from various moments during the year when we had all been able to get together, amongst only a few pictures of other groups of our peers. At the top of the page it said I'll Stand By You. To anyone else in school it wouldn't mean much, but to us it meant everything.

Bella's yearbook quote cracked me up. She simply put … When I asked her about it she said she thought it was funnier than saying something like "Go Mariners! Yankees suck!" and then stopped laughing and told me that if she wrote what she really wanted to, there wouldn't be enough room for anyone else to which I laughed because over time she had become quite chatty. Alice's quote confused the hell out of me when I read it. It said "To my wee little bumble bee...porch swings, scrapbooks, green eyes, and Italian dinners...I'll always love you." When I asked Bella about it, she cried and told me all about the first day she and Alice met. After that, it made perfect sense.

Some other rather humorous things happened during senior year. Carrying on in the tradition of our parents, we were caught in "the act" one night. Thankfully it wasn't by either of our parents, or the police, but I can't say being caught by Emmett wasn't possibly worse. For two months afterwards he would leave sporadic voicemails on my phone with crude but hilarious comments. I only ever shared one with Bella because it was the tamest that I had received up until that point. She turned straight purple and stuck Rosalie on him. He only left a few more after that.

Jasper shipped off the first of September, and it was a tear filled goodbye. Alice clung to him with everything she had in her until Emmett had to pry her off of him. He returned twelve weeks later for a few days before being shipped off to Texas. Every letter we got from him during his stay there was filled with his ranting about hating the deep south. He was stationed there for three months before he came back for a week, only to leave again but to California that time. He's been there since and has only been able to make it home once, just in time for our spring break from school. We didn't see him all that much, but we did all get together a few times during that week.

Bella and I skipped the senior prom. With Jasper being in California, and Alice not wanting to go stag, we all decided to do something else, and Bella came up with the perfect idea. As soon as school let out, we grabbed Alice and booked it to Emmett's house where he and Rosalie were waiting for us, much to her surprise. As if that wasn't a shock enough to her system that we had managed to surprise her to start with, she was beside herself when we finally told her where we were going once we had passed the state line into Oregon. She practically bounced through the roof when we told her we were going to California for a four day weekend. It was probably the happiest I had seen her since Jasper had been in town.

Out of everything that happened during our senior year of high school, I think the moment I remember most was the day we ran into Lauren, Tanya, and Jessica in Port Angeles. They made some cruel comments in Bella's direction, but when Alice and I stepped forward, Bella pushed us aside and strode forward and and smiled the smuggest grin I have ever seen cross her face and then told them to "eat shit". I don't think the janitor has been able to get the make up stains off the floor from where their jaws smacked into it to this very day. Alice and I were practically on the floor laughing hysterically at the sight of their faces.

Throughout the school year, Bella and Alice attended every football and baseball game that I had. It was during those games and practices that I missed Em and Jazz the most. I missed the horsing around in the locker room, the brotherly competition, but most of all, I missed sharing the victories with them. It just wasn't the same without them, but together, the three of us pushed through our final year of high school.

Both Bella and Alice became even closer with Angela. It was kind of sad knowing that she was headed off to New York in the fall for college. She was following Ben there. He received a scholarship to NYU, and his parents were helping to fund the part of her education there that wasn't being covered by her scholarship since they weren't using what they had saved up for him.

We all knew it was only a matter of time before he proposed to her, he even admitted it to me in the locker room before one of our games that he had started looking at rings. I congratulated him and laughed when he asked me when I was going to pop the question to Bella. I told him I wasn't in a rush and that I knew we'd get there one day. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, but I wasn't about to risk having anything getting back to her on the subject.

I had my last session with Mary the first week of May. Neither of us saw a need for me to continue going as I had completely run out of things to talk about aside from plans for the future, and you can only talk about that so many times. She wished me luck and told me to come see her if I ever needed anything. I laughed and told her I'd be back in four years for a letter of recommendation for med school.

Esme and Carlisle were the typical teary eyed, proud parents during our graduation ceremony. Angela ended up being our class Valedictorian, and her speech brought Alice and Bella to tears as she spoke of the importance of having determination and always keeping hope alive. It was a very sentimental speech for the three of us. Afterwards, Esme and Carlisle threw a huge party for the three of us. Emmett and Rosalie made it down for both the ceremony and the party, as did Jake, Billy, and Leah. Sadly, Jasper wasn't able to make it to the ceremony, which upset Alice greatly, but she understood that he didn't have any say in when he was allowed to take leave.

Billy surprised her by giving her a pair of her mother's diamond earrings that he had been told numerous times were going to be given to her on that day by them. She cried and disappeared for a while and when I finally found her, she was still crying but smiling as she read the end of her father's letter to her. I left her be until she was ready to come back out and join the rest of us, and told everyone to just give her a few minutes to herself. I knew she needed it in that moment. It's gotten tremendously easier over the last year to predict her needs without her having to tell me. All in all, I'd have to say that it's been a great year for both Bella and I.

"Edward? What the hell are you doing? We're gonna be late," Bella said frantically as she barreled into my room.

"Writing...what time is it?" I asked as I rolled over to look at the clock.

"It's two! Did you even finish packing yet?!" she cried out as she looked around my room.

"Shit...yeah my bag is on the chair by the desk. I just have to throw a few more things in it," I said as I tossed my journal aside and scrambled off the bed.

"What time is Emmett supposed to get here?" I asked as I started tossing random things into my bag. I couldn't believe I had zoned out for so long.

"In like fifteen minutes. He just called and said that you didn't answer your cell phone. What in God's name were you writing? A new edition of the Bible?" she chortled and I stopped what I was doing and laughed.

"No...I was writing about this past year," I said as I tossed a few more pairs of socks in the bag.

"It has been a good year, hasn't it?" she said as she smiled at me. I grinned back and walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her, swaying us slightly.

"No..it's been an amazing year," I replied and pressed a tender kiss on her lips. She hummed and tilted her head to the side and I chuckled as I placed one more chaste kiss against her lips and pulled away.

"We'll never get out of here if you start that," I chuckled and she bit her lip.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" I asked as I zipped up my bag and turned toward her. Of all the places we could go, I wasn't exactly sure she was ready to go back to this one just yet.

"For the thousandth time, Edward, I'm sure. I want to go," she replied as she rolled her eyes and I chuckled.

"Alright, I'll stop asking. Let's go," I said as I held my hand out to her. She linked her hand with mine and we made our way down the stairs.

"Mom?!" I called out as we hit the bottom of the stairs.

"In the kitchen!" she hollered back and we made our way down the hall after I dropped my bag by the door.

"What time are you and Dad heading up?" I asked and she looked at the clock on the oven.

"Probably around six, we should be there by seven or eight at the latest," she said and I nodded.

"Esme and Carlisle are riding up with you, right?" I asked and she nodded.

"Yep, and the Whitlock's and McCarty's are following behind us," she said and I grinned happily.

"Bella? Are you sure you're up to going back there?" my mom asked warily and I grimaced.

"Oh for the love of God not you too....I'm fine. I want to go. I may have a moment or two of weakness

while we're there, but I really do want to go," Bella responded quickly.

"I'm sorry, honey. It's just that you haven't been there since...well since you were there last with your parents right before you all left," my mother replied worriedly. And just to show how much she's changed over the last year, Bella walked forward and wrapped her arms around my mom instead of losing her temper.

"I know, but I'm really okay with it. I want to be able to enjoy a place where I have a ton of happy memories of them," she said softly and my mother nodded into her shoulder just as the doorbell rang and then the door flung open.

"JASPER! I swear to God man. If you punch me one more time I'm dropping your ass back off at the bus station where I found your retarded ass!" Emmett bellowed and Bella and I burst out laughing.

"OYE! LANGUAGE! You may be a grown man, but I'll still take a spatula to your rear!" my mom hollered and stalked down the hallway.

"Sorry, Ma," Emmett said as he bent down to kiss her cheek.

"It's good to see you, honey. How's Rosalie?" she asked and he grinned.

"She's fighting with the pixie over how many suitcases she can bring. I refuse to strap anything to my roof, and if she brings what was sitting in front of her house, my Jeep won't move an inch," he laughed and Bella snorted which only fueled my laughter.

"Geez...Jasper, is that really you?" she asked as she caught sight of him when Emmett stepped aside. He smiled and nodded as he stepped forward to hug her.

"Hey Ma, how are you?" he asked as he wrapped his long, and no longer wiry, arms around her.

"I'm great. How are you? I swear you're twice the size of the last time I saw you," she chuckled as she stepped back.

"I'm good. Glad to be back though. They got me workin' hard down there in Californ-i-a," he laughed.

"Where's my Belly Bear?!" Emmett bellowed down the hall and Bella laughed as she started to walk out of the kitchen.

"There's my lil sis," he said as he grinned widely and swooped her up into a bear hug.

"Can't...breath...Brother...Bear," she wheezed and he laughed as he set her back down.

"You ready for two weeks of fun, sun, and mud?" he laughed and she nodded.

"Well let's get this show on the road then," he said as he punched the air.

"What the hell, _bro_?" I scoffed. "Can't even say hello after not seein' your ugly mug for months?"

"Sup, bro?" he chuckled as he held his fist out. I bumped it and shook my head.

"I see how it is...all the love's for Bella," I laughed and he grinned.

"You know it...always has been," he chuckled as he tossed her over his shoulder and stalked out of the house with her shrieking and squealing.

"She looks great, Edward," Jasper said quietly as he watched their retreating figures.

"She's been doing really well lately. She hasn't cried when her parents have been mentioned in months, aside from the day of our graduation. Well she did once but it was because she was laughing too hard when Billy told her about how her father ripped his pants when he hopped a fence once," I chuckled and he laughed.

"So Emmett's planning on recreating that mud pit tug of war thing that Charlie used to do. You don't think that'll be too much for her do you?" he asked suddenly.

"No...I'm sure she'll be fine. She'll probably love it," I said as I smiled at the sight of Emmett twirling in the driveway with her squealing and laughing on his shoulder. She really was a totally different person from just a year ago.

"It's great to see her this way. It's almost easy to believe that nothing bad ever happened to her," he said as he watched them with a soft smile.

"You haven't seen anything yet, bro. Wait until that sarcastic little shit that we once knew comes out to play," I chuckled and he tipped his head back and laughed.

"I can't wait," he said as he shook his head.

I picked up my bag, and after hunting down my mother and giving her a hug, I walked out to toss my bag in the back of the Jeep. Jasper was just letting her go as I shut the back of the Jeep after making sure that her bag was in there. We all hopped in and headed off to pick up Alice and Rosalie from Alice's house. As soon as we got there, Bella disappeared next door to make sure Carlisle and Esme were ready and to tell them that we were leaving. I helped load Alice's two bags, her sour mood at having to reduce her amount of luggage disappearing instantly as she caught sight of Jasper and pounced on him.

We all climbed back into the Jeep, with Alice on Jasper's lap and Bella on mine, and Rosalie and Emmett up front, all of us were ready, excited, and thankful to be able to share one of our most favorite childhood summer activities. Some things may have changed since the last time we were all there together, but amazingly enough, some hadn't. Our friendships were intact and stronger than they had ever been before, and I still knew that Bella was and is the only woman I will ever love. The small box in the pocket of my duffel bag was tangible proof of that. As we sped down the highway, and toward the familiar old campgrounds, with Bella, Alice, and Rosalie all belting out words to songs on the radio, I could only think a single thought.

Life just doesn't get much better.

**2 Weeks Later**

BPOV

The first night after arriving at our old campgrounds was hard. It was harder than I could have ever imagined it would have been. Everywhere I looked I was reminded of my parents, but in a good way. The only reason it was hard was because I knew I would never again share that spot with them.

By the third day, any lingering sadness or regret had lifted, and I was able to fully enjoy myself while we all recreated some of our favorite childhood memories. Alice and Rosalie were hilarious the entire time, screaming at the sight of bugs, and covering themselves from head to toe in bug repellent. I swear that stuff attracts more bugs than it repels.

I got a little teary eyed the day they blindfolded me and led me down to where Emmett had recreated my father's old tug of war mud pit. We laughed hysterically as the six of us tried to pull four sets of our parents into the mud pit. Thankfully we had Emmett, Jasper, and Edward on our side. We pulled them into it four times before we finally gave in and allowed them to win one. To say that Alice and Rosalie weren't thrilled with our not having told them our plan was an understatement. They wouldn't talk to any of us for the rest of the night as they tried to wash the mud out of their hair.

Most of the two weeks was spent running around through the woods playing manhunt or childish things like that. We actually tried to build a tee-pee one night, but it collapsed on us. Thankfully we weren't under it at the time as we had been sitting around the campfire making s'mores. Esme and Liz had a cow when we tried to rebuild it. That was the end of our tee-pee construction dreams.

If I could say one thing about our end of summer trip, it would be that it passed by too quickly. It was already our last night here, and I wasn't ready to leave. I wasn't ready to stop picturing my parents doing random things that I had seen them do every summer that we had come here. I wasn't ready to let them go and move on to a place where there was no memory of them that I could be so close to. After finishing my dinner, I wandered off from the campsite and made my way down to the lake.

As I stood there leaning against a tree and looking out over the rippling water, I envisioned myself and my father sitting in his canoe in the middle of the lake, him fishing and me rocking the boat as he laughed and told me to quit it cause I was scaring the fish away. I always hated fishing, but I loved that it was something I could do with him...even though he rarely ever caught any fish when I was in the boat with him. I guess I really did scare the fish away.

In the soft breeze, I could hear his hearty laughter and his threats to tickle me until I couldn't breathe if I didn't stop rocking the boat. I could even hear my own childish peals of laughter as I envisioned the boat tilting too far to the side and him reaching out to grab me and losing his pole in the water. I let a little chuckle out and shook my head.

I had so many memories of my parents and these campgrounds, especially by the lake. There were afternoons where my mother and I would float on tubes in the water for hours on end, laughing and having paddle races as my father and Ed Sr. both yelled that we were scaring the fish away. I actually laughed out loud as I realized how often they yelled about us scaring those damn fish away.

As I closed my eyes, and the sun sank lower in the sky, I focused on the breeze and waited, praying that for just one second I could hear them again. To hear my dad holler about those stupid fish, or to hear my mother's laughter float through the very air that was gently caressing me. And then it happened. In all of its ghostly magnificence I heard it, their combined laughter, sounding more beautiful than anything I could have ever imagined. As I opened my eyes, and a tear trailed down my face, I smiled, because in that moment, I knew they were there with me. No matter how far they had gone, no matter what quantifiable distance separated the living from those that passed on, their love for me was able to transcend it, and for the first time since we had returned to Forks from this very spot, I felt completely at peace.

"Are you okay?" Edward murmured as his arms wrapped around me from behind. I tilted my head to look up at him and smiled as I nodded. He lowered his head slightly and placed a sweet tender kiss upon my lips and sighed happily as he lifted his head back up and gazed out upon the water.

"Have you enjoyed our time here?" he asked and I nodded as I returned to gazing out over the rippling surface of the water.

"Yeah, it was perfect," I said, still relishing in the inner peace I was feeling.

"Almost," he murmured and then moved to stand in front of me. My eyes widened and I gasped as he dropped down onto one knee in front of me and pulled a small black velvet box out of his pocket as he looked up at me. By the time he opened the box, tears were flowing freely down my face.

"Isabella Marie Swan Cullen, I've loved you from the very first moment I saw you. My heart has always been, and will forever be yours. Will you do me the honor of marrying me and being with me for the rest of our lives?" he asked and I sobbed as I nodded.

"Yes," I spluttered as I let out a mix between a laugh and a sob. "Yes, I will marry you."

He grinned and stood up quickly, crashing his lips down upon mine as we laughed and I sobbed into our kiss. When he pulled back, he removed the ring from the box and I was finally able to get a clear look at it after wiping my eyes and I gasped as the tears immediately returned to my eyes.

"Edward...is that? No.... Is that my mother's wedding ring?" I spluttered and he nodded.

"Carlisle gave it to me when I asked him for your hand in marriage. The diamond in the center of the engagement ring is the stone from your mother's engagement ring. I had it set in this so that it was part of her, but part of me as well. There's a matching wedding band being made for you to wear on the other side of this once we're married," he said and I launched myself at him, crying and laughing hysterically. When I finally released him, I stepped back and held my left hand out for him and he chuckled.

"Wait..there's one more thing. Look inside the rings," he said and I took it from him. On the inside of my mother's wedding band was the word 'Always' in an elegant script. On the center of the engagement ring right below it was a small 'and' in the same script. I looked up at him, my chin quivering and tears flowing down my face yet again as he smiled and slid the ring onto my finger.

"The wedding band says 'Forever'," he said and I sobbed as he lowered his head down to kiss me.

"I love you, Isabella," he murmured against my lips.

"I love you too...Always and forever," I said as I nodded slightly and then pressed my lips against his. As if they had witnessed the entire thing, in the delicate breeze, the laughter of my parents floated into my hearing one again.

We stood there until the sun was just barely peeking over the tops of the trees in each other's arms smiling like goons as we gazed out upon the water. Just as the sun sank behind the rows of ancient pines, Edward spoke.

"Are you ready to head back up, my future wife?" he asked and I chuckled as I nodded.

"Yeah...can I just have a moment alone?" I asked as I looked up at him. He smiled and nodded, placing a tender kiss upon my lips before starting to walk back up the hill. I waited until he was out of hearing range and then turned back toward the water. I smiled as I closed my eyes and the breeze pressed gently against my skin.

"You were right, Mom. Edward is the man I'm going to marry. I miss you and love you both," I said into the breeze. As I turned and started to head back up the hill toward my fiance, and my forever, I heard their response, clear as day somewhere between my mind and the breeze.

"_Always_ ."

* * *

**AN: Alright people..this is the first of 2 epilogues. The next one jumps ahead 4 years. Review like a mofo...I know you all have it in ya! ^_^ ~Jersey~**


	75. Epilogue 2

**AN: This is it people. I'm cryin like a baby cause it's freaking over! I just want to thank all of you who have sat in front of your computers, and quite a few cell phones from what I've heard, devotedly to keep up with this story. It's been one hell of a ride and you all have been amazing with the support of this story. When I first started this, I highly doubted I'd ever be able to see it through to the end, but you all have pushed me to keep going, and for that...I bow to your awesomeness. Thanks so much! Don't forget to check out Tides of Fate. It's already almost 50,000 words in and moving along nicely! **

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. SM owns them all.**

* * *

Epilogue 2

Hello...Let me just start out by saying that this has been an amazing journey. I'd like to give a personal thank you to any person who has purchased this book, and even had enough curiosity to listen to this enclosed message. There's a reason I chose to make an oral epilogue to this story, and that reason is simply proof. My voice on this CD, is living...well not living...but at least vocal proof that anyone, when they put their mind to something, can achieve their dreams. My dreams were simple...to be able to speak again, and to be normal. Simple enough right?

The original entry for this book, the prologue if you will, was actually a journal entry from when I was sixteen. It was written shortly after I began to use my voice again. It was when my life finally started coming together.

In that entry, I asked what you would be willing to sacrifice, or what you would be willing to lose, if in the end you found profound happiness. My answer then was everything. Since that entry, I have learned an incredible amount of life's lessons.

First, just because you cannot accept the truth, it doesn't mean that it's not, in fact, the truth. Second, even though people pass on, as long as you remember them, they stay with you forever. Third, sometimes people, although their intentions are good, make mistakes, but that doesn't mean that they don't care for us, it just means that they made a mistake. Fourth, when feeling tremendous guilt, it is often only ourselves that are pointing the finger of blame in our own direction. Finally, I've learned that sometimes when you want to achieve something, you must rely on those who love you to help you. Some roads are just not meant to walk alone, and when you attempt to do so, you often only end up hurting yourself.

It's been a little over four years since that entry. I'm currently in my senior year of college, and will graduate with a Bachelor's degree in English Literature in just two short months. Edward and I plan on heading back home to Forks for the summer, before he starts medical school, and before I start my Master's degree in Journalism. Edward's spent the last two years working as an ER technician while attending school, and using his charming personality to woo the doctors he works with into writing him recommendation letters. Unfortunately he hasn't seen a penny from any of his paychecks as they've all been going to his parents in repayment for the loan they gave him for my engagement and wedding rings.

His hard work, however, paid off when he got an early response acceptance letter from Johns Hopkins School of Medicine in Maryland. I'll be attending Maryland State University and we already have plans to buy a small starter home somewhere in between campuses with my inheritance. We're currently looking forward to seeing everyone back home and being able to spend the entire summer with them before moving away.

I'm going to give you an update on everyone from the story, as I'm sure you are all curious as to what's happened with them.

Jasper finished with his four year Army enlistment last September and was discharged in November. He decided against re-enlisting, as he couldn't bear to be away from Alice for such extended lengths of time. Alice transferred to California State University in Los Angeles sophomore year and will be graduating with a degree in fashion design in June. She plans on creating her own line of clothing, which I have no doubt will be a huge success. They just got engaged over Christmas. They're planning on getting married next summer during Jasper's summer break at WSU. He's going for a degree in graphic design.

Emmett received a scholarship to Seattle University, where Rosalie was attending at the time, and he graduated last May with a degree in general education specializing in athletics. He plans on being a high school athletics coach. I like to burn his buns by calling him a glorified gym teacher...he doesn't find it funny. Rosalie graduated from Seattle University two years ago with a Bachelor's degree in mechanical engineering. She works for BMW as some kind of performance design specialist or something. I couldn't tell you what she actually does because I know absolute squat about cars, but her job is pretty awesome. She gets to work from home and only has to make trips up to Seattle once a month for meetings or to pitch design ideas.

Rose and Emmett actually got married last April, on his spring break vacation in Cancun. I still swear those two are the most impulsive pair I've ever met. As a wedding gift, I gave them my grandmother's house as a starter home. Last month, Emmett was hired at our old alma mater, good old Forks High, as Coach Clapp's replacement when he retired. Rosalie is currently seven months pregnant. It's a girl, and they plan on naming her Jocelyn Isabella McCarty. I cried hysterically when they told me her middle name was based on the strongest person they know.

Jake graduated from high school a year after we did, and attended community college for a while as an automotive major. His hobby for restoring cars paid off for him quicker than college did and he now owns his own automotive restoration company just outside of Olympia. Rosalie has paired up with him on a few of his most recent restoration projects. He and Leah got married on the rez the summer after he graduated. They have a son named Harry, after Leah's father. He's adorable, and Edward likes to call him Chunk because he's a chubby little thing. Jake hates it but he laughs anyway.

Angela and Ben got engaged the first New Years Eve after graduation. They were in New York at Times Square watching the ball drop when Ben dropped down on one knee. They're both scheduled to graduate at the same time as Edward and I at the end of this May. She's already got a job lined up at Forks High as well as a math teacher...God bless her. I still hate math. Ben will be attending UW School of Law in Seattle come this fall. They're planning on getting married when he's done with school, much the same as Edward and I.

All of our parents are alive, happy, and healthy, and that's the most we could ever ask for. We all try to make it out to the camping grounds for a week each summer, and for two out of the last three years we have been successful. It was only the second year that Jasper couldn't make it.

Now that that's out of the way...back to the original point of this message.

As you may have noticed throughout this story, there have been quite a few songs that have been mentioned that depicted how I was feeling at certain times, or even ones that just reminded me of certain people. After careful deliberation...hold that thought...Edward's home.

E- "Hey, love. Mmm I missed you. What are you doing?"

B- "I missed you too, handsome. I'm making an oral epilogue for my book."

E- "What book? You've never mentioned a book before."

B- "Oops..it was supposed to be a surprise."

E- "Can I read it?"

B- (laughs) "No, not until it's published...if it ever gets published."

E- "Pretty please? With sugar and cherries and whip cream on top? Hm..I'm kind of liking the idea of whipped cream right now."

B- (laughing) "Edward! Stop! I have to finish this!....Edward! Gross...you smell like funky patients!"

E- (laughs) "I know love, I know...I'm heading to the shower now. Care to join me?"

B- "Mmmm...can I take a rain check? I really want to get all of my current thoughts out."

E- (chuckles) "Anytime, love. You name the date, and I'll be there...with whipped cream."

B- (laughing) "Doctor Masen! You, dear sir, have a filthy, filthy, mind."

E- (chuckles) "I love it when you call me that...I suddenly don't feel like taking a shower."

B- (laughing) "Edward, come on, you really do stink, honey. Go take a shower. Please? I want my delicious smelling fiance back."

E- "I smell delicious huh?"

B- (giggling) "Only when you're clean...I sincerely dislike that hospital funk you have marring your scent right now."

E- (chuckles) "Alright, alright, I'm going. I'll be back in under twenty. I love you more than anything life can offer, Bella."

B- "I love you too, Edward. More than what should be considered legally sane."

Damn! I thought I turned this thing off! Oh well...I'll just have to edit that part out somehow. Okay, where was I? Oh...right.

After careful deliberation, I've decided that I now have a personal anthem. The song I chose is called "Rise Above This" by Seether. Now, many people listening to this may think I'm crazy if they know the song. If you don't happen to know the song, I encourage you to listen to it. It's about reaching out to others in your time of need. If it hadn't of been for my friends, and my new family, I would have been lost. By calling on them and allowing them to help me in ways that I couldn't help myself, I was able to rise above this.

My name is Isabella Marie Swan Cullen...soon to be Masen. I'm twenty-one years old. I speak, and I am the epitome of normal. My answer to my original question of what I would sacrifice, or what I would be willing to lose, to be where I am today still remains...._everything_.

* * *

**AN: Much love to you all! I will seriously miss hearing from all of you that have steadily reviewed throughout this story. Some of the things you all have said in reviews or PMs have literally caused me to fall out of my chair laughing, and I've loved every minute of it. Sadly, this the last hurrah..and to that, and my dear fan yellowipod to you I do say...HUZZAH!!! LOL I'm out! C yas on the flipside! ~Jersey~**


End file.
